Opinion

A glut of information can paralyze voters

The phones we carry everywhere contain or have access to more information than the largest libraries in the world, many times more. It’s the same with our laptops, tablets, desktops or whatever digital device one prefers. All the collected knowledge of science, literature, mathematics and the arts that humans have amassed since the dawn of civilization is right there at our fingertips.

It’s both amazing and overwhelming. Information overload, however, leads to just as many problems as it solves. A story from last week’s Smoky Mountain News illustrates that point. It also — at least by my way of thinking — is a good plug for the reliability of the old-fashioned newspaper, whether consumed in print or online.

We wrote about people in their late teens and twenties taking part in elections — which translates to actively participating in the civic life of the community they call home — and found there were some pleasantly surprising, but also baffling, conclusions.

As it turns out, 18- to 25-year-old voter participation is on the rise. From the 2014 to 2018 election, voter turnout among this age group was up by double-digit percentages in nearly every county in our coverage area of Haywood, Jackson, Macon and Swain counties. For those four counties, the average turnout among this age group was 30 percent (which was close to the statewide average). That may not sound so good, but considering that turnout was in the 12 to 20 percent range in 2014, that means in some counties more than twice as many people in this age group went to the polls in 2018.

That simple fact tells us that efforts to engage this part of the electorate are having some success.

So, what’s stopping others from voting? Here’s what a 25-year-old working professional told our reporter: “I know I should vote but I don’t. I don’t even know who my options are to vote for and haven’t found that info to be easily accessible.” Another 27-year-old blamed a lack of information and misinformation for keeping him from confidently striding into a voting booth.

“Being unsure what sources are credible and not just selling a candidate, which leads to the vote feeling somewhat like a shot in the dark and it’s not just positive options. A random vote can help a negative power. The ‘it doesn’t take long’ argument rarely includes the research portion of the casting a vote.”

As I edited the stor,y I thought about how our high schools have become so focused on testing that they don’t likely spend enough time on civics and history, I thought about how even at our universities so many have become entirely focused on career preparation that they don’t learn about critical Editor Scott McLeod

thinking and have a difficult time analyzing all that information at their fingertips.

More importantly, though, it made me realize how the important role that local newspapers play in our civic life has been diminished. I don’t care if you live in New York City or Bryson City, the best — and most trusted — place to get factual stories about candidates running for office is almost always the local newspaper. Whether it’s simple questionnaire or a story about an important issue, nine times out of 10 you’ll find useful, factual information in the local newspaper. That’s just what we do.

And even if a reader may disagree with what shows up in the opinion or letters section of a newspaper, that doesn’t change the validity of the news stories. Despite the harping by some politicians who simply don’t like what’s reported, fake news is rarely found in newspapers.

The primary election in North Carolina is just a few weeks away. Search our website and you’ll find Republican and Democratic sample ballots for all our counties, and with that in hand you can research the candidates in each specific race. Find an hour to squirrel away somewhere and do your homework by searching reliable news sites. Our community, our state, and our country at least deserve the amount of time it will take to make an informed choice.

(Scott McLeod can be reached at info@smokymounrtainnews.com)

Senate loses power with impeachment To the Editor:

The President of the United States (no longer to be confused, or considered synonymous with, “Leader of the Free World”) confessed on an almost daily basis to having used foreign aid as a lure to coerce the head of a foreign government (an ally under attack by a common foe) to make a public announcement that it’s investigating his political opponent in the upcoming election. He’s even bragged about being untouchable because he’s sitting on the evidence while refusing to cooperate or allow certain officials to testify.

Trump was successfully impeached because Democrats in the U.S. House of Representatives did their job. But his trial in the Senate stalled when the Majority Leader — who had already demonstrated his contempt for procedure by arbitrarily strongarming the previous President out of a Supreme Court nomination — took a similarly bold approach to trivial details, such as hearing testimony from witnesses.

That Senate Republicans would buy into Alan Dershowitz’ cockamamie, inane rhetorical hogwash was extreme even for them. Dershowitz, in defending the President, asserted that since “every public official ... believes that his election is in the public interest,” therefore, “if a president does something that he believes will help him get elected is in the public interest, that cannot be the kind of quid promo that results in impeachment.” And to think, Harvard University actually pays this looney-toon to teach law.

So, what are we left with? We seem to be cursed with an assemblage of elected officials to whom the Constitution of the United States means nothing, to whom taking an oath (in God’s name) means nothing, to whom representative government, checks and balances, democracy, and the rule of law, mean nothing. The United States Senate, by acquitting Donald Trump, has chosen to reject evidence of wrongdoing on the part of the president whose abuse of power the Founders specifically created the Senate to counteract.

Americans have no choice but to conclude that self-centered fear of intervention by Trump into their reelection campaigns has made Republican senators not just supporters of this incorrigible, unmanageable and unchangeable president, but eager accomplices in his aggressive and egregious misuse of executive privilege and (perhaps unwittingly) decisively weakening their own power. It’s almost as if these senators thought themselves unworthy (with the exception of Mitt Romney (Republican of Utah) of removing this unfit president from office despite their constitutional and moral responsibility to do so if the evidence warranted it and (despite new evidence having been barred from the trial by Sen. Mitch McConnell and Republican senators) from what we knew already, this president clearly met the criteria justifying impeachment and removal from office.

No one described the Senate trial better than Ross K. Baker, distinguished professor of LETTERS

political science at Rutgers University, when he said: “What we are witnessing is a Senate in the act of institutional suicide.”

It has been stated and written in one way or another by so many writers ... the Founders tried to lay what they perceived would be a permanent foundation for a new nation striving toward its ideals and future greatness. They clearly anticipated and feared someone like Donald Trump, and tried their level best to give us the remedies and protections we’d need to shield and preserve our people and our nation. Unfortunately, because senators chose to violate their oaths and to disregard the Constitution, the safeguards were unable to protect us from the president’s wrongful acts. Let us hope the Republic the framers envisioned doesn’t fail as well.

David L. Snell Franklin

The annual state of the lies To the Editor:

During his State of the Union address to Congress, President Donald Trump repeated more than 20 of his more common lies according to fact checking organizations. To be clear, these are not misstatements. They are flat-out lies that have been debunked.

In my opinion, the most egregious was his contention that he and the Republicans are protecting the coverage for preexisting conditions. While Trump was making that statement his administration was in court suing to eliminate such protections. Trump claimed that drug prices went down this year. However, there are reports that pharmaceutical companies had actually raised prices on a range of medications. Payments by third party payers did not show a decrease. Only if someone switched from a name brand medication to a generic would you expect a decrease in prices.

Then there is the Trump claim that this is the best economy ever – made more than 250 times before. But by a variety of measures this is false. The rate of growth is the same or maybe now a bit less than under Obama and lower than it was from 1997-1999 under Clinton. Unemployment was lower during Lyndon Johnson’s administration and was also lower in 1953. The gross domestic product rate of increase was more during the 1950s and 1960s than during Trump’s administration. Trump keeps claiming that his tax cuts were the biggest in history. Reagan’s tax cuts were larger. But to slow the deficits those cuts created, Reagan also raised taxes a number of times. In Trump’s case his tax cut has increased the national debt by trillions of dollars without doing much, if anything, for the economy. The vast majority of the cuts benefited the top 5 percent. This week we find out that to pay for those tax cuts Trump proposes to cut Social Security and Medicare.

Trump claimed that the net worth of the bottom half of wage earners increased 47 percent. According to economists this is total BS. Nothing supports the claim. Even if there was some indication of a percent increase, it is likely to be largely a statistical illusion. Many low-wage earners have no net worth — they live paycheck to paycheck.

F

The painful reality of car shopping

If I could go back now and talk to my 12- year-old self, I’d tell him a few things. First, most of these grown-ups that you think are awful are, in fact, pretty awful, so try to relax a little. Second, you know those kids in your school that you can’t stand, the really mean ones? It doesn’t turn out so well for most of them. It turns out that karma’s a thing. Most important of all, don’t be in such a rush to grow up. Yeah, there are some good things to look forward to, but there are also quite a few things you’ll hate about being an adult, things that just do not seem fair. For example, you know that thick blonde hair of yours that the beauticians rave about, the hair that is always getting tangled and driving you nuts? You’ll lose most of it before you hit 40.

You know that beautiful, smooth skin that you want so bad to sprout whiskers? One day, it will be hairy, dry, and flaky. You’ll discover the joy of skin tags, but you’ll still get blemishes like a teenager. Fun, right? You’ll wake up with aches and pains that seem to have no antecedent. You know how you wake up sore from lifting weights in physical education class or from running sprints in basketball practice? When you grow up, there will be days when you pull a hamstring reaching for the body wash in the shower. You’ll injure yourself sweeping or unloading groceries from the car. You’ll have a chiropractor on speed dial. You’ll learn to gobble ibuprofen like a box of orange Tic Tacs.

By the time I get around to explaining the joys of paying taxes and home ownership, my 12-year-old self is going to yawn, lie about having diarrhea, and scamper out of there like a squirrel in a thunderstorm. I didn’t even get around to telling him about the worst thing of all: car payments.

I don’t know about you, but I really hate car payments. I have a long, ugly history of t Columnist Chris Cox

making car payments. It seems to me that I have been making car payments about every 10 days for nearly 30 years, and that every time I make one of these payments, it leaves me with about $28 to get me through the following two weeks until pay day. It takes more imagination than I have to survive on lentils and green split peas every day for two weeks.

There have been times in my life when my car payment has been more expensive than my rent or mortgage payment. I’m no life coach, but I suspect if your car payment is more expensive than your mortgage payment, you may need to re-evaluate a few things. Or get a life coach. Or develop an unquenchable hunger for lentils.

Is there any satisfaction in life that can compare to making the very last payment on a car? By the time you make it, if your car is still running at all — and it probably won’t be unless it is a Toyota or a Honda — it will have developed an array of unsettling “quirks,” have more dings and dents than a potato, and smell vaguely of rancid milk, probably from an Arby’s mocha shake your son spilled in the backseat four years ago and “forgot” to tell you about.

But you say this: “Who cares? This car is paid off. This car is all mine, right down to the lug nuts. I will never, ever make another car payment. Goodbye, lentils!”

My spouse and I paid off our cars at about the same time. For two glorious years, we’ve been car payment free, which means we’ve been able to blow all of that money on fun extravagances such as braces for our children’s teeth and college tuition for our oldest.

Each of our cars has about the same amount of miles it would take to drive to the moon. Each is what you might call “weathered,” or “lived in,” if you are kindly disposed. I don’t care, since my car meets my two major requirements: 1) it runs; 2) it is paid for.

Unfortunately, my spouse is now in a profession that demands that she drive a presentable car, and not just a presentable car (whether either of our cars qualify is strictly in the eye of the beholder), but a car that is actually impressive, a car that might impress a client. So, we’re car shopping again. We’ll soon be making car payments again. Of course we will.

“Cool, a new car!” my 12-year-old self would no doubt say.

I don’t know why I even bother with this kid.

(Chris Cox is a writer and teacher who lives in Haywood County. jchriscox@live.com)

Anything bigger than zero will look like a big percentage increase.

Trump repeatedly claims that he is investing $2.2 trillion to “rebuild” the military. The reality is that Trump is adding up the budgets for three years. The truth is his annual budgets for the military were no bigger than Obama’s.

What about those 12,000 factories that Trump claimed America had gained? About 80 percent of those “factories” employ fewer than 6 people. If you run a bicycle shop that puts together custom bicycles, you are a “factory” under Trump’s definition. In reality the manufacturing sector of the economy is in a bit of a recession. Some companies may be starting new production, but others, like Harley Davidson have moved to other countries due to Trump’s trade war tariffs.

Just about anything Trump claims needs to be considered a lie unless proved otherwise, because the odds are that he is lying. Look at what he actually does, not what he says.

Norman Hoffman Waynesville

The Law Offices of Jeffrey W. Norris & Associates, PLLC 828-452-2221

Estate Planning Estate Administration Trustee Services If you have limited mobility, contact us about an in-home visit.

Norris Professional Building 177 North Main St., Waynesville www.norrisandassoc.com www.norriselderservices.com

828.926.0425 • Facebook.com/carversmvr Instagram- @carvers_mvr 2804 SOCO RD. • MAGGIE VALLEY OPEN DAILY 7 A.M. TO 8 P.M. S UNDAY 8 A.M. TO 8 P.M. C LOSED TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY Breakfast served all day!

watamisushinoodles.com · 828.246.6888 33 S. Main St. #101 · Waynesville OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK New Party Room Available Book Us for Your Next Event We Accept Reservations & Offer Online Ordering Join us Sundays 6-9PM LIVE MUSIC! Bluegrass: Sons of Ralph Gluten Free Options Available ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Taste the Mountains is an ever-evolving paid section of places to dine in Western North Carolina. If you would like to be included in the listing please contact our advertising department at 828.452.4251

BLUE ROOSTER SOUTHERN GRILL 207 Paragon Parkway, Clyde, Lakeside Plaza at the old Wal-Mart. 828.456.1997. Open Monday through Friday. Friendly and fun family atmosphere. Local, handmade Southern cuisine. Fresh-cut salads; slow-simmered soups; flame grilled burgers and steaks, and homemade signature desserts. Blue-plates and local fresh vegetables daily. Brown bagging is permitted. Private parties, catering, and take-out available. Call-ahead seating available.

BOOJUM BREWING COMPANY 50 N Main Street, Waynesville. 828.246.0350. Taproom Open Monday, Wednesday and Thursday 11:30 a.m. to 10 p.m., Friday & Saturday 11:30 a.m. to 12 p.m., Sunday 11:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. Gem Bar Open Tuesday through Sunday 5 p.m. to 12 a.m. Enjoy lunch, dinner or drinks at Boojum’s Downtown Waynesville restaurant & bar. Choose from 16 taps of our fresh, delicious & ever rotating Boojum Beer plus cider, wine & craft cocktails. The taproom features seasonal pub faire including tasty burgers, sandwiches, shareables and daily specials that pair perfectly with our beer.

CHEF’S TABLE 30 Church St., Waynesville. 828.452.6210. From 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday dinner starting at 5 p.m. “Best of” Award of Excellence from Wine Spectator Magazine. Set in a distinguished atmosphere with an exceptional menu. Extensive selection of wine and beer. Reservations honored.

CHURCH STREET DEPOT 34 Church Street, downtown Waynesville. 828.246.6505. 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. Monday through Saturday. Mouthwatering all beef burgers and dogs, hand-dipped, hand-spun real ice cream shakes and floats, fresh handcut fries. Locally sourced beef. Indoor and outdoor dining. facebook.com/ChurchStreetDepot, twitter.com/ChurchStDepot.

CITY LIGHTS CAFE Spring Street in downtown Sylva. 828.587.2233. Open Monday-Saturday 7:30 a.m. to 9 p.m., Sunday 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Tasty, healthy and quick. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, espresso, beer and wine. Come taste the savory and sweet crepes, grilled paninis, fresh, organic salads, soups and more. Outside patio seating. Free Wi-Fi, pet-friendly. Live music and lots of events. Check the web calendar at citylightscafe.com.

THE CLASSIC WINESELLER 20 Church Street, Waynesville. 828.452.6000. Underground retail wine and craft beer shop, restaurant, and intimate live music venue. Kitchen opens at 4 p.m. Wednesday through Saturday serving freshly prepared small plates, tapas, charcuterie, desserts. Enjoy live music every Friday and Saturday night at 7pm. www.classicwineseller.com. Also on facebook and twitter.

COUNTRY VITTLES: FAMILY STYLE RESTAURANT 3589 Soco Rd, Maggie Valley. 828.926.1820 6:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.; closed Tuesdays. Family Style at Country Vittles is not a buffet. Instead our waitresses will bring your food piping hot from the kitchen right to your table and as many refills as you want. So if you have a big appetite, but sure to ask your waitress about our family style service.

FERRARA PIZZA & PASTA 243 Paragon Parkway, Clyde. 828.476.5058. Open Monday-Saturday 11 a.m. to 9 p.m.; closed Sunday. Real New Yorkers. Real Italians. Real Pizza. A full service authentic Italian pizzeria and restaurant from New York to the Blue Ridge. Dine in, take out, and delivery. Check out our daily lunch specials plus customer appreciation nights on Monday and Tuesday 5 to 9 p.m. with large cheese pizzas for $9.95.

FIREFLY TAPS & GRILL 128 N. Main St., Waynesville 828.454.5400. Simple, delicious food. A must experience in WNC. Located in downtown Waynesville with an atmosphere that will warm your heart and your belly! Local and regional beers on tap. Full bar, vegetari

an options, kids menu, and more. Reservations accepted. Daily specials. Live music every Saturday from 7 to 10 p.m. Open Mon.-Sat. 11:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. Sunday 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Sunday brunch from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

HARMON’S DEN BISTRO 250 Pigeon St., Waynesville 828.456.6322. Harmon’s Den is located in the Fangmeyer Theater at HART. Open 5:30- 9 p.m. Wednesday through Saturday (Bistro closes at 7:30 p.m. on nights when there is a show in the Fangmeyer Theater) with Sunday brunch at 11 a.m. that includes breakfast and lunch items. Harmon’s Den offers a complete menu with cocktails, wine list, and area beers on tap. Enjoy casual dining with the guarantee of making it to the performance in time, then rub shoulders with the cast afterward with post-show food and beverage service. Reservations recommended. www.harmonsden.harttheatre.org

HAZELWOOD FARMACY & SODA FOUNTAIN 429 Hazelwood Avenue, Waynesville. 828.246.6996. Open six days a week, closed Wednesday. 7:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday; 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday and Sunday brunch 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Breakfast until noon, old-fashioned luncheonette and diner comfort food. Historic full service soda fountain.

JOEY'S PANCAKE HOUSE 4309 Soco Rd Maggie Valley. 828.926.0212. Open seven days a week! 7 a.m. to 12 p.m. Joey’s is a family-friendly restaurant that has been serving breakfast to locals and visitors of Western North Carolina for decades. Featuring a large variety of tempting pancakes, golden waffles, country style cured ham and seasonal specials spiked with flavor, Joey's is sure to please all appetites. Join us for what has become a tradition in these parts, breakfast at Joey’s.

JUKEBOX JUNCTION U.S. 276 and N.C. 110 intersection, Bethel. 828.648.4193. 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. Monday through Saturday; Sunday 8:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. Serving breakfast, lunch, nd dinner. The restaurant has a 1950s & 60s theme decorated with memorabilia from that era.

KANINI’S 1196 N. Main St., Waynesville. 828.452.5187. Lunch Monday-Saturday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., eat in or carry out. Closed Sunday. A made-from-scratch kitchen using fresh ingredients. Offering a variety of meals to go from frozen meals to be stored and cooked later to “Dinners to Go” that are made fresh and ready to enjoyed that day. We also specialize in catering any event from from corporate lunches to weddings. kaninis.com

MAD BATTER KITCHEN 617 W. Main St, Downtown Sylva. 828.586.3555. In collaboration with Lazy Hiker Brewing Co. Open 7 days a week; Saturday & Sunday Brunch until 2 p.m. Hand-tossed pizza, local grass-fed beef and rice bowls. Scratch-made and beer inspired menu with lots of vegetarian, vegan & gluten free options. Free live music and movies. Visit madbatterkitchen.net for this week’s events.

MAGGIE VALLEY CLUB 1819 Country Club Dr., Maggie Valley. 828.926.1616. maggievalleyclub.com/dine. Open seasonally for lunch and dinner. Fine and casual fireside dining in welcoming atmosphere. Full bar. Reservations accepted.

MAGGIE VALLEY RESTAURANT 2804 Soco Road, Maggie Valley. 828.926.0425. 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. daily. Daily specials including soups, sandwiches and southern dishes along with featured dishes such as fresh fried chicken, rainbow trout, country ham, pork chops and more. Breakfast all day including omelets, pancakes, biscuits & gravy. facebook.com/carversmvr; instagram @carvers_mvr.

RENDEZVOUS RESTAURANT AND BAR Maggie Valley Inn and Conference Center 70 Soco Road, Maggie Valley 828.926.0201 Home of the Maggie Valley Pizzeria. We deliver after 4 p.m. daily to all of Maggie Valley, J-Creek area, and Lake Junaluska. Monday through Wednesday: 11:30 a.m. to 9 p.m.; Thursday: 11:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. country buffet and salad bar from 5 to 9 p.m. $11.95 with Steve Whiddon on piano. Friday and Saturday: 11:30 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Sunday 11:30 to 8 p.m. 11:30 to 3 p.m. family style, fried chicken, ham, fried fish, salad bar, along with all the fixings, $11.95. Check out our events and menu at rendezvousmaggievalley.com

SOUTH PHILLY ITALIAN PASTA & SUBS 2768 Asheville Hwy., Canton. 828.593.3580. Monday through Saturday 11 a.m. to 8 p.m.; Sunday noon to 6 p.m. Pick-up or carryout only. Call in orders. Pasta and subs. Large portions!

SPEEDY’S PIZZA 285 Main Street, Sylva. 828.586.3800. Open seven days a week. Monday-Friday 11 a.m.-10 p.m., Saturday 3 p.m.-11 p.m., Sunday 4 p.m.-10 p.m. Family-owned for 30 years. Serving hand-tossed pizza made to order, pasta, subs, salads, and seafood.

TAP ROOM BAR & GRILL 176 Country Club Drive, Waynesville. 828.456.3551. Open seven days a week serving lunch and dinner. 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Tucked away inside Waynesville Inn, the Tap Room Bar & Grill has an approachable menu designed around locally sourced, sustainable, farm-to-table ingredients.

VITO’S PIZZA 607 Highlands Rd., Franklin. 828.369.9890. Established here in in 1998. Come to Franklin and enjoy our laid back place, a place you can sit back, relax and enjoy our 62” HDTV. Our Pizza dough, sauce, meatballs, and sausage are all made from scratch by Vito.

WATAMI SUSHI AND NOODLES RESTAURANT 33 S. Main Street, Waynesville. 828.231.3476. Open 7 days a week serving lunch and dinner. 11 a.m.-3 p.m., 4:30 p.m.-9 p.m. on Monday-Thursday; 11:30 a.m.-9:30 p.m. Friday-Saturday; 11:30 a.m.- 9 p.m. Sunday. Healthy, fresh, delicious and high-quality Asian food such as Sushi and Sashimi, Hibachi and Teriyaki, Pad Thai, Wok Lo Men and Thai Coconut Noodle Soup. Sushi, Hibachi and Teriyaki lunch specials every day. Gluten free options available. Full sushi bar and new chocolate wine bar. New party room available for weddings, birthdays or special occasions. Live bluegrass Sundays from 6-9 p.m. with Sons of Ralph. Reservations and online ordering available. www.watamisushinoodles.com

WAYNESVILLE PIZZA COMPANY 32 Felmet Street, Waynesville. 828.246.0927. Open Monday through Friday; 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Saturday, noon to 10 p.m.; Sunday noon to 9 p.m.; closed Tuesdays. Opened in May 2016, The Waynesville Pizza Company has earned a reputation for having the best hand-tossed pizza in the area. Featuring a custom bar with more than 20 beers and a rustic, family friendly dining room. Menu includes salads, burgers, wraps, hot and cold sandwiches, gourmet pizza, homemade desserts, and a loaded salad bar. The Cuban sandwich is considered by most to be the best in town.

Mon/Wed/Thurs 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Closed Tuesday

Friday/Saturday 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday 12-9 p.m.

32 Felmet Street (828) 246-0927 Sandwiches • Burgers • Wraps

ORDER CATERING ONLINE No Lines No Waiting! CityLightsCafe.com 828.587.2233 3 E JACKSON ST • SYLVA, NC

Nutrition Facts serving size : about 50 pages

Amount per Serving

Calories 0

Total Fat 0g Regional New s Outdoors Arts Entertainm ent Classifieds Opinion % Daily Value * 0% 100% 100% 100% 100% 100% 100%

* Percent Weekly values based on Hayw ood, Jackson, M acon, Sw ain and Buncom b e diets.

Award-winning BBQ, brisket, and ribs, all with sides made fresh daily. DINE-IN, TAKEOUT, OR CATERING!