How To Maximize Independent Play For Your Child’s Well-Being And Your Sanity

Independent Play

Never have two words inspired so much hope and frustration.

If you are the parent of a child under six attempting to work through a global pandemic - you get it. In theory, it’s an elegant solution. If I just schedule my 3-year-old for an hour of independent play during my afternoon client call, my left eye would likely stop twitching.

All joking aside, independent play is incredibly beneficial to both children and parents. Free, creative play is crucial for our child’s development and well-being. It also gives parents the space needed to attend to other

parts of their lives, like going to the bathroom alone. While it isn’t a substitute for childcare, it deserves some space in your daily routine.

“ ...independent play is incredibly beneficial to both children and parents.”

Let’s break down what to expect and how to maximize your success!

Setting Expectations

Attention span is approximately double your child’s age, that’s just 6 minutes for a 3-year-old. While we’ve all heard of children spending an hour playing independently, that’s the exception rather than the norm and also highly dependent on your child’s unique temperament. See it as a work in progress.

The younger the child the higher their attachment needs. Our kids are wired to connect with us! Their top priority is to secure our attention and their behaviour will escalate until they get it.

Maximizing Independent Playtime

Start with 10 minutes of quality playtime, or whatever you can manage, then transition to independent play. The more your child is filled up, the longer they can go without checking in. Set up open-ended activities like blocks or building toys that don’t require help. I’ve had great success pairing a sensory activity like play-doh with an audiobook!

Consider staying close by and working on something boring like checking emails from your phone. Having you in sight may make it easier for your child to continue playing.

Maintain a calm, confident demeanour. Our kids co-regulate off of our emotions, when we are desperate to get a call or meeting they sense this. Our sense of urgency only stirs them up, causing them to cling to us more tightly until they are certain everything is okay.

As parents, all we can do is set the conditions for independent play, and when it happens - stay out of the way and soak it up - hopefully with a hot coffee in hand!

Heather Sande: Parenting & Sleep Support

I help anxious parents of kids 0-6 end the daily struggle and get personalized support that works. www.heathersande.com @heather.parent.coach

Learn More

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