Issue 4

VOLUME XLV ISSUE 4

NEWS

2

Symphony Season Opens

By Robert E. Donnelly III ’15 Editor in Chief We h e r e a t P r i o r y demonstrate a high level of class, and thus participate in classy things. For those of you gentlemen out there with a more refined taste in music, there may be no classier group in St. Louis than the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra.

Led by Music Director David Robertson, The St. Louis Symphony Orchestra is one of the finest in the country, and its performances are the perfect opportunity for us classy gentlemen to enjoy an evening of great music. This season, the symphony boasts an impressive schedule that’s sure to impress, and I’m here to make sure you

don’t miss out on any of the season’s greatest moments.

Coming up on October 10th-12th the SLSO will perform one of Tchaikovsky’s greatest works, the 1812

Overture. This piece is always impressive, and is an early highlight in this impressive 135th season.

My next event that’s not to miss is a one night only performance of Mussorgsky’s Night on Bald Mountain. Also on this night, November 21, are four dance episodes from Aaron

Copland’s Rodeo. Expect a dramatic night with a fun finish f r o m C o p l a n d ’s c l a s s i c Americana.

My last selection is an absolute standard in classical music: Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons. Running from December 5-7, this show is a must. If you even remotely know classical music, you’ve heard this quintessential piece, and it always impresses.

This season also features a very special guest appearance from world renowned pianist, Lang Lang. This event, titled t h e R e d Ve l v e t B a l l , i s definitely on the pricey side, since the gala includes dinner, drinks, dessert, and dancing.

Lang Lang is one of the greatest

pianists of all time, and never puts on a show that is anything less than stunning. Did anyone see him perform with Metallica at the Grammy’s? This dude is insanely good, and not to be missed.

The St. Louis Symphony Orchestra is always a guaranteed night of great music and relaxation. Whether you’re earning brownie points with the ‘rents, having a gentlemen’s night on the town, or even spending some time with that special someone, never overlook the classical music gem of St. Louis. For updates from the Symphony, follow them on twitter, @SLSO. They even follow us, The Record, on twitter.

Swansea only two points ahead in the table it will be fiercely fought and Southampton, riding on their high horse after thumping West Ham 3-1 will be too relaxed and will give in easily. The sight of Wilfried Bony will overpower the defense and he will proceed to get his first hat trick of the season Southampton will not leave the game without a goal from Graziano Pelle. This will not be enough and in the end Swansea will pull away nicely stuffed with a win.

Look for Cesc Fabregas, former Arsenal and Barcelona man, to make key passes and be the source of all attacks for Chelsea. Stephan Jovetić, the forgotten man at the Etihad last season, made a scintillating start to the season, scoring a brace against Liverpool.

However, it remains to be seen whether he can break into the starting lineup ahead of Džeko and the world class striker that is Sergio Agüero.

World Soccer Update

By Logan Bealke ’15, Joseph Hanley ’15, Arthur Hidalgo ’15, Michael Ricci ’15 Liverpool is coming off a last minute win in a midweek Champions League draw which saw new signing Mario Balotelli net his first goal for the club. West Ham drew their last game 2-2 and had a fantastic goal from new signing and world cup star Enner Valencia. Liverpool has had trouble breaking down teams in recent weeks evidenced by 1-0 loss to Aston Villa in their last Premier League game. I see one of West Ham’s creative attacking players breaking through early and the defense standing tough but eventually c o n c e d i n g a n e q u a l i z e r.

Liverpool 1-1 West Ham Chelsea 3-2 Man City Everton 1-1 Palace Swansea 2-3 Southampton After Crystal Palace lost Tony Pulis, the reigning

manager of the year, they have had a poor start to the year with two loses and two draws against lackluster competition.

Everton, on the other hand, have had a solid start to the season with a draw against Arsenal and 2-0 win against relegation wary West Brom.

This will be a good game for Crystal Palace to bring back the form they had last year and prove that they are a mid-table side. However, I think that Everton with their new and improved offense will be able to beat Crystal Palace’s in form defense. Final Score: Everton 2-1 Crystal Palace Chelsea 2-2 Man City Liverpool 2-1 West Ham Swansea 3-2 Southampton Swansea started out the season with three wins before losing to Chelsea 4-2. With that loss they will be hungry for a win. The only thing to feed that hunger is a nice tasty win against Southampton. With

Swansea 3-1 Southampton Chelsea 2-1 Man City Liverpool 2-1 West Ham Everton 1-1 Palace Chelsea vs Manchester City kicks off this weekend in what should be an enthralling encounter between two of the league's best sides. Chelsea's Spanish striker Diego Costa simply can't stop scoring at the moment, having scored 7 goals in 4 games so far this season.

The inner machinations of mind are an enigma.

Yaya Toure, easily City's player of the season last year, will hope to get back to form in the game against Chelsea this weekend. In a game with strong offenses and leaky defenses thus far, expect Chelsea to edge City with goals from Costa, Schürrle, and Hazard. Final score: 3-2 (Costa, Schürrle, Hazard; Aguero, Džeko) Swansea 2-2 Southampton Everton 2-0 Crystal Palace Liverpool 1-2 West Ham

ENTERTAINMENT How to be a Big-Daddy-Lady-Killer

By Eddie Griesedieck ’15 Staff Writer

act and girls will naturally flock.

Play hard to get, and I mean HARD

Around the school there is murmur: how can I get fine ladies to like me? For some of you rookies that aren’t naturally gifted when it comes to wooing ladies, I am here to give you some tips on how to do it. There are three key elements in getting any lady’s attention, sparking a conversation, and maybe even a connection.

Hygiene

Your personality can be fully torqued, but you still need to play the game. Vaporize the ladies with your personality but don’t be overeager. Us Priory gentlemen are jewels amongst the dung of MICDS and Burroughs students, but, we can’t forget that we have to play hard to get. After all, our time is valuable, and we need to make sure the ladies understand that. Be personable and nice; compliment the lady and open doors for her, but DO NOT go overboard!

Confidence Nothing in the world is more attractive to a lady than confidence. Confidence in a man is the male equivalent of leggings on a woman, it sparks immediate attraction. Girls can sense confidence from a mile away - the way you walk, and the way you carry yourself make a big difference.

Confidence starts with comfort, so be comfortable in what you’re wearing and how you

Throw away those old shirts and shorts with holes in them, and dress to impress. In order to know what’s on the inside of a person, you must first look presentable on the outside.

Who would you rather have a conversation with - a girl with baggy pajamas, slippers, and her hair in curlers; or a girl in high heels, a red dress, and her hair straightened? The answer is simple (for most, I hope).

You would probably choose the ten in the red dress any day of the week. It’s the same case with guys. It doesn’t matter if you have the personality of a brick or a hummingbird, because a complete stranger judges based on appearance.

That’s why, if you’re going out, make sure you dress to impress. Ask your mom if you aren’t sure, she will probably help out (no shame).

If you listen to my tips, your only problem will be narrowing down the number of potential women you can take to Homecoming. Get out there, socialize, and vaporize the ladies with your charm and good looks. One day you may become an official lady-killer just like me.

Ask Stew

By Stew McGhee ’95 Staff Writer

the worst without the customer complaining.

S t e w, w h y d o t h e workers at McDonalds always get my order wrong?

S t e w, I j o i n e d t h e juggling club and I am having second thoughts.

What do I do?

Many have tried to answer this question and failed, but being previously employed by McDonalds, I have an answer.

Working at McDonalds can be a very monotonous job, so the workers come up with games to play while on the job. One of the most popular games is one where the workers try to see who can mess up an order

I have a short term solution for you. All you have to do is forge a doctor’s note stating that you have sprained the ulnar collateral ligament in your thumb, known by the juggling community as “Jugglers Thumb.” This will only buy you 3-4 weeks while you plan your permanent escape. Good Luck.

Hey Stew, Mr. Bussen really scares me. Is he crazy?

What do I do?

Yes my friend, yes he is.

The only way to solve your problem is to out-crazy him. I suggest wearing a tie that is uglier and shorter than his. Or, if you are desperate, I would talk to Mr. Suarez, the master of all things Bussen.

Ask Stew is brought to you by The Record, the finest high school publication in St. Louis.

Send Stew questions anonymously at AskStewRecord@gmail.com

No this is Patrick.

3 The Record VOLUME XLV ISSUE 4 AUGUST 25, 2014 Editor in Chief Robert E. Donnelly III ’15 Layout Editor Thomas Rosebrough ’15 Content Editors Alexander Hill ’15 Stephen Millsap ’15 Patrick Lane ’15 Robert Erbs III ’15 Faculty Moderator Michael Ware Contact theprioryrecord@gmail.com 314-434-3690 ext. 221

The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by students/staff members.

Its purpose is to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni.The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyr ight infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editors are always appreciated.

Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

4 Periodical Science

PERIODICALS Saint Louis Somebodies

This week, the people down By Connor Wright ’16 at NASA discovered and Photojournalist observed what is currently the smallest known galaxy, "I ask people if they're hungry.

M60-UCD1. This galaxy is They almost always say yes. labeled under the new class And then I offer them a dog “Ultra-Compact Dwarf” (UCD), treat. They think I'm crazy, meaning it has around 200 but I'm just trying to make million stars (compared to them smile. But I may be a our own 300 billion) but is less than 200 light years tad crazy too." across. Most Dwarf Galaxies are known to be weak, and very quickly get absorbed "What has been the saddest moment of your into stronger and bigger life so far?" systems. But UCD1 has a "When my dad left my mom and I when I was little surprise at its center, a three." supermassive black hole, "What has been the happiest moment?" about the mass of 40 million "When my dad came back when I was ten, and stars (for those of you proposed to my mom. I just remember the without your calculator on smile on my mom's face. I swear she smiled hand, thats about 21 nonillion for months straight. My parents never got kg, which is roughly 15% of married at first when they had me. My dad had the weight of the entire to leave because him and my mom were galaxy in a single point). fighting over money struggles a lot, and I was Research is suggesting that the main money struggle. He wanted to see UC D1 was onc e a huge me, but my parents agreed it would be easier galaxy, but that some larger on me if I was only raised by one parent. But galaxy (which is literally all of my dad waited and saved up his money. He them) must have stripped it always tells me that it was the hardest seven of the dark matter that years of his life, but that I was worth the wait! exists on the edge of most Oh god, Im so happy remembering these things galaxies, and then it began that I'm starting to cry!” to shrink and become less circular. All this is very exciting for this tiny little "This will actually be our second wedding. powerhouse galax y, but We got married when we were about five astronomers predict that UCD1 will still eventually be years old. My brother was the minister swallowed up by its parent and her sister made her a dress out of galaxy, M60, which promises socks and dress shirts. I've loved her to be one of the most since before I can remember, and now I disappointing David and Goliath stories ever told. get to love her till I stop being able to

remember things."

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

ENTERTAINMENT

5

Sudokus - Easy, Medium, Hard

Crossword

ACROSS 1. Pond gunk 5. Quietens 10. Trail 14. Piece of glass 15. S-shaped moldings 16. Balm ingredient 17. Unable to read 19. The original matter (cosmology) 20. 56 in Roman numerals 21. Sporting venue 22. Gangsters 23. An informal term for money 25. Constructed 27. Half of a pair 28. Diaphanous

Word Jumble 31. Grownup 34. Throats (archaic) 35. French for "Summer" 36. A division of a hospital 37. Unexpired 38. A Freudian stage 39.Eastern newtv 40. A pinnacle of ice 41. A short simple song 42. Adhering 44.

Disencumber 45. Large long-necked wading bird 46. A young hare 50. Characteristic 52. Utilize again 54. Genus of macaws 55. Hearing organs 56. Belonging to the past 58. 17 in Roman numerals 59. Not outer 60. Distribute 61. Popular hot beverages 62. Excrete 63. Not amateurs DOWN 1. Overflow 2. Give birth

3. Dim 4. Japanese apricot 5. Compel 6. Concur 7. Low-fat 8. Relating to metabolism 9. South southeast 10. Bribe 11. Portion 12. Pigeon-___ 13. Skirt lines 18. Razz 22. Snake sound 24. Informed 26. Utilized 28. Internment camp 29. French for "State" 30. Depend 31. Amazes 32. Wacky 33. Hives 34. Earning 37. Blood vessel 38. Assistant 40. Three-handed card game 41. Frogman 43. An unstable situation 44. Vacation destination 46. Chordophones 47. Formula 1 driver 48. Muse of love poetry 49. Stories 50. Words 51. Rant 53. Feudal worker 56. Hasten 57. Evil spirit

Red letters go into the final jumble puzzle.

FNTIAWGà __ __ __ __ __ __ __ PENSIS à __ __ __ __ __ __ POLGINS à __ __ __ __ __ __ __ NRTPIEO à __ __ __ __ __ __ __ FYTASSI à __ __ __ __ __ __ __

Clue: Danny was trying to write with a broken pencil, but he gave up after he realized...

________________________

Thanks to Danny Steurer, Sohaan Swaminathan for the Word Jumble

Now that we’re men, I changed my underwear.

6

ENTERTAINMENT

Grinds My Gears

By Patrick Lane ‘15 Content Editor You know what really grinds my gears? 9/11 conspiracy theorists. Like, really? Are you kidding? Thats the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!

Last fourth of July, me and the squad were hanging out at forest park, tossing the disc and what not, when these two bearded dudes caught my eye.

They were holding a big sign that said “9/11 was an inside job.” Are you freaking serious?

It is the Fourth of July and

these two donkeys are sucking the patriotism right out of the air. To put it lightly, their vibes and my vibes were clashing.

These losers were saying something about how in order for the towers to fall at free fall speed (which they claim they did), there would have had to have been bombs planted at the base of each tower. I, having the intellectual prowess that I have, decided to humor them. I responded by saying that, assuming they were correct, it was completely possible that terrorist cells in the USA could have planted the bombs.

The response to this was, “Cave men are not capable of such an elaborate plan.” This was right about the time that the new caliphate in the Middle East had been established, so naturally I brought that up, to which the nut-jobs responded, “what’s a caliphate?”

At this point, I walked away before I followed through with the urge to crash my fist into their faces. So yeah, 9/11 conspiracy theorists, thats what really grinds my gears!

involving magic. Harry is forced to scour the underworld, both mundane and magical, in an attempt to learn more about the killer. In addition, a woman hires him to find her husband who has gone missing. The story is told strictly from Harry’s perspective, and features cultural references to classic movies such as Star Wars.

Butcher also avoids a more common fantasy theme, that is, the ignorant main character.

Instead, Harry, while not omniscient, knows quite a bit about the magical world around him. Storm Front also

deals with older characters, none of whom have the eagerness of fantasy teens.

Harry comes with a dark background, and you quickly get the sense that relations between him and other wizards could loosely be described as “rocky”. Harry tries to do the best he can, but is far from a moral absolutist. The magic is not sharply defined, but Butcher minds his characters’ limits and makes sure that they exhibit an appropriate amount of power. This book is around 320 pages and is a very quick read. The Dresden Files currently consists of 15 books (and counting), all of which are in our school library.

the middle of the car. It has a claimed performance of 390 hp at 6300 rpm and 360 ft-lbs of torque. This propels the Ferrari from 0-60 mph in 5.2 seconds and onto a top speed of 180 mph. The Testarossa is one of the most iconic cars from the

late 80s to the mid 90s, only really rivaled by the Lamborghini Countach. The list of cars includes: 2015 Audi S3, 2 0 1 3 S u b a r u S Ti , 2 0 1 3 Mitsubishi Evo MR, 1970 Datsun 1600, and 2003 Chevrolet Corvette.

Book Review: Storm Front

By Andrew Swyers’15 Staff Writer Openly practicing wizard takes on murder mystery.

This was the under-ten-word summary that a classmate of mine gave about the first Dresden Files book: Storm Front. Storm Front is written

by Jim Butcher, and features Harry Dresden, the main character who is in the yellow pages under wizard. It is set in modern day Chicago, where Harry helps the Police Department solve special cases, also operating as a private investigator. He joins a excellent cast of characters, including an initially

stereotypical police lieutenant, a talking skull, and a ruthless mob boss that occasionally acts for selfless reasons. The books present a kind of dual world in which some people are aware of what magic is and some go throughout their lives without an idea. The world includes vampire, fairies, demons, sorcerers and much more, as the mythos is expanded in subsequent books.

As aforementioned, the plot of Storm Front involves Harry attempting to discover who is responsible for a string of particularly grisly murders

Book Reviews: Storm Front

Auto Club Update

By Joseph Fitz’15 Staff Writer This Thursday, the Priory Auto Club will be hosting a car show in the circle drive. Even though this is the club’s first event, we are expecting it to be

a pretty quality show. In particular, we are most excited about the 1994 Ferrari Testarossa and the 2011 Aston Martin DBS, that will be featured in Thursday’s show.

The Ferrari is powered by a 4.9L flat-12 engine mounted in

Liar, liar, plants for hire.

SPORTS

7

Priory Soccer Upsets DeSmet

By George Ahlering ’16 Staff Writer On Monday night, as the rain came down and the temperature dropped, the Rebels were preparing to face an annual powerhouse team, DeSmet. The kickoff was at 6pm and the Rebels came out strong, obviously controlling the game for the first 25 minutes. Ryan Mulqueeny, recently back from injury immediately showed he was healthy by netting a beautiful goal after dribbling around four players. This first goal put the Rebels up 1-0 and shocked DeSmet, who seemed to have brushed off Priory as a weak team. Later in the game DeSmet showed their resilience by skidding an unlucky cross, over the wet turf and into the net. The game was 1-1 and

becoming very physical and neither team with the clear physical advantage, the fight was just beginning.

The Rebels held off the Spartans by winning ball control, headers, and closing down quickly on defense.

Priory caught a break when there was a penalty called just outside the 18 yard box, Ryan Mulqueeny placed a beautiful shot into the bottom left corner. This put the Rebels back in the lead for 23 more minutes, with only 25 left in the game. Priory playing great, compact defense, DeSmet had no choice but to

use the “kick and run” technique. In the final 2 minutes of the game, with victory in sight, another unlucky cross skidded in for a goal for DeSmet, tying the game. The Rebels were down but not out as they played their hearts out the last minute trying to avoid extra time. At the end of 80 minutes, the score remained 2-2 and the game was headed for overtime.

After only two minutes of extra time, there was a dirty hit on John Klaesner by the DeSmet defense. John took and

elbow to the side of the face and was forced, reluctantly, off the field and into the care of the physical therapist for fear of concussion. But a few minutes later Priory caught DeSmet off guard with a counter attack stringing from a midfielder to Dan Kelly, who did a beautiful turn and slotted a pass right to Ryan Mulqueeny who did his magic once more, dribbling around a defender, then around the goalie and netting the winner with a left foot shot to the open goal. Final: Priory 3- DeSmet 2 The Rebels came out to play Monday and showed everyone that they aren’t a team to be overlooked. Come out and watch us take on Clayton at home on Saturday (tomorrow) at 10 am.

NFL Update

By Patrick Milburn ’15 Staff Writter

last year (from 32nd to 4th in total defense), he'll definitely make some sort of adjustment.

A Look at a few 0-2 Teams New Orleans Saints - A no doubt playoff team before the season, the Saints already have two road losses under their belt (Keyword: Road). Last year they were a perfect 8-0 at home, so Saints fans shouldn't be stressing too much; they can easily turn it around at the Superdome. Despite the fact that they've lost by a combined five points, there were some disturbing moments I thought wouldn't be a problem. Blown coverages and bad angles defensively were exposed, so I'll be looking to Rob Ryan to see how he handles it. With the amount of progress he made

Indianapolis Colts - Looking like another optimistic 0-2 team, they have a soft schedule up ahead and Andrew Luck is getting better every week. After grabbing a 14 point lead against the Eagles, they could've had the W if they didn't switch to a conservative defense, which let up on the blitz. Chip Kelly's offense thrives off that. Still a playoff team in my mind.

The Pros and Cons of Colin Kaepernick Pros - Creates big plays from nothing and can move the chains with his legs. On the

final drive of the game, the Bears were lined up with a double A gap and blitzed the slot corner, who made Frank Gore look like he was on roller skates. Kaepernick jukes the corner and escapes outside for a 15 yard run + first down.

These are the plays people love to see and are why the 49ers encourage him to use his legs.

Cons - Misses ordinary passes from the pocket. Also on the final drive of the game, Crabtree was on 15 yard dig route and Kaepernick got sacked by Willie Young. Rewatching the play, it was easy to tell that Crabtree was open, and if Kaepernick just used some anticipation, it would have been a first down, not a loss of yards. Two plays later,

h

e

scrambled from the pocket and tried to hit TE Derek Carrier downfield, but was screened and tossed an interception.

A QB like Peyton Manning wouldn't have converted that 15 yard rush, but we all know he would've hit Crabtree in stride. On the other hand, Kaepernick keeps teams honest with his double threat. It just comes down to what type of QB you like.

Roses are blue, violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom.

NEWS

8 JS MIXER

SEPT. 26 2014 JUNIOR SCHOOL MIXER BE THERE $8 in advance $10 at the door

MIXER THEME: ‘MURICA

Pro-Life Club Trip

By George Ahlering ’16 Staff Writer On Wednesday September 10th, Fr. Ralph, Fr. Cassian, and nine Priory students traveled to the Missouri State Capitol in anticipation of votes being cast regarding three pieces of legislation protecting the unborn. The vetoed bills were HB 1307, which extends the mandatory waiting period prior to receiving an abortion from 24 to 72 hours, and HB 1132, which extends tax credits to p r e g n a n c y resource centers, maternity homes, and food pantries.

The Priory group arrived in Jefferson City, and immediately assembled with the other 300-400 pro-life supporters in the capitol building rotunda for a rally. Nearly all of the major Missouri pro life groups were represented at the r a l l y, i n c l u d i n g t h e L i f e Runners, Show Me Life: Missouri, St. Louis Archdiocese, Missouri Right To Life, Coalition For Life: St. Louis, Respect Life Apostolate, and St. Louis Defenders. The opposition to the bills was Planned Parenthood and their supporters, who only amounted to 100-150 people. Planned Parenthood was so concerned about these bills that they flew in their president and other ranking executives to try and lobby with the lawmakers, because they know the bills (Especially HB 1307) will hurt their profits because of how many less mothers will chose abortion after 72 hours of

deliberation and reflection.

During the rally, multiple speakers spoke on their encounters with abortions. One was a mother whose daughter was raped and impregnated at age 14. She had decided it would be best to abort the baby, but was converted after talking with a pro life organization.

Her grandchild, now 3, was on the stage that day, happy as can be. Another was a woman

conceived in rape, whose mother was on the verge of aborting due to pressure from her family and friends. Luckily, she knew the right thing to do and ignored all of the pressure and decided to have the baby.

She began to cry when she mentioned her mother, and said she couldn’t help but thank and be inspired by her mother’s courage and resilience against pressure. The last was a former manager at a Planned Parenthood in Texas. She talked about the abortion industry, how it is all about convincing a mother to abort merely for profits. She said the Planned Parenthood she ran for 5 years had abortion quotas that they had to meet in order to remain open and turn and acceptable profit. She quit after 7 years, once she finally

couldn’t stand it anymore. After the rally, the Priory students delivered letters to their respective senators and representatives, urging them to vote ‘yes’ on both of the bills.

After speaking with a couple of senators and representatives, the group headed over to a brief final prayer service in the church. The the House of Representatives voted 117-44 in support of HB 1307, overriding the Governors veto. The Senate finalized the override late Wednesday night after a failed filibuster attempt by voting 23-7 s h o r t l y a f t e r.

Wednesday evening, the House of Representatives also voted to override HB 1132 with a count of 123-37 and it easily passed the Senate with a vote of 27-2. These new laws will go into affect in one month, and should help to continue the annual reduction of abortions in Missouri.

All in all, the Priory ProLife Club, specifically Father Ralph, Father Cassian, Chris White, Liam Sehnert, George Ahlering, Connor Wright, Thomas DiMarco, Winston Senor, Patrick Charles, Tommy Holmes, and George Hamilton, was very successful in rallying against abortion. If you or anyone you know may be interested in joining the Pro Life Club or attending the March For Life in Washington DC this winter, contact Fr. Ralph, Chris White, Liam Sehnert, or George Ahlering.

Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The End.