December Issue 1984

JEW \'Ii>,

THEREVIEW Picture-of-the-Montli

Calendar January 7 Classes resume 15 Drug & Alcohol Seminar School ends at 12:00 23 Meeting of Parents of Juniors re: College Admissions 26 CEEB/SAT Juniors

Brady Lum, Head Prefect, gives the Candlelight greeting

We're Sorry ...

by Emily Godbey "College stress" is a seemingly harmless group of 13 innocent letters of the alphabet; however, to many students, especially seniors, the word "college" (7 letters) is consistently accompanied by the word "stress" (6 letters, 7 + 6 = 13).

For those of you who are not familiar with this problem, let me describe a scene: A college-bound student in a rumpled uniform sits at his all too familar desk with his Barron's Guide to the Colleges (aka The Bible) in one hand and his latest scores from the ever-popular ETS service in the other. A worried look is on his face. Beads of sweat are optional for the beginner, but required for the avid worrier. This is a stressful scene. This is not the time or place, though one might be tempted, to scream "REJECTION" at the top of one's lungs, for dangerous things might take place.

Usually the symptoms of college stress begin at the start of the senior year, but the overachievers will find the beginning of the sophomore year to be sufficient. The best times for worry for all participants appear December 1984

to be mid-winter, when applications are due, and spring, when acceptances and (gasp) rejections are mailed. From casual worry about where one is going to spend the next four years of one's life, the disease quickly escalates and manifests itself in varied ways: driving 70 in a 30 mph zone, yelling at inanimate objects, and accusing friends of violating one's inalienable, Godgiven right to be the sole early applicant to very select Ivy institutions. (Ivy League applicants, especially the early applicants, seem to think that they corner the market on anxiety, although al1 seniors are given the equal opportunity to worry.)

Those that carry their self-imposed stress to an art form should realize that attenting UT instead of the Ivy of their choice will not make them into intel1etual and social outcasts, but a healthy amount of respect of the admissions process, or rather, a mortal fear of the deadlines, is necessary. Most importantly, the person who has been worrying since 8th grade or who hums his favorite alma mater in the shower should keep his sense of humor when he applies to college.

REJECTION! (just kidding)

The Review Editor in Chief John Reuter Asst. Editors David Conner Lindsay Martin Copy Editor Shannon Liss Sports Editor Kaffy Mize

Business Manager Susan Finley Advertising Manager Cara Smith Photography Editors Susie Georges Faculty Advisor Mrs. Maryanne Lyons Headmaster Mr. James Maggart

11. Thou Shalt Not wear Sweatshirts

The Review

3

One recent Saturday, I went to take the College Board Achievement test in English composition. I arrived at the test center, Bellaire High School, early because I had accidentally been registered to take the SAT instead of the Achievement tests. In fact, I arrived forty minutes early, prepared to cut through the mounds of red tape to correct the error. Much to my surprise and frustration, there were no test officials there.

Some time later, the administrators arrived and, some more time later, dealt with my problem. Eventually I found myself seated in a room of about fifty students and ready to take the test. I hadn't had any serious difficulty until the proctor began to go over the directions.

Three consecutive lines of the directions for the test with a writing sample read, "When (the twenty minute) time is called, you must go on; you may not continue with the essay section. The twenty minute announcement is only a reminder. It is your responsibility to spend the appropriate amount of time on each section of the test." These statements confused me, so I asked, "Excuse me, but these two statements seem contradictory to me.

Would you clarify the issue?"

"Are you a debate student?" the proctor replied.

"I used to be."

"Scwaack, bleeep, gruumph," she began to make noises that had absolutely no relevance to my question and, when intelligible, were wrong. Fifty students began

to correct her intelligible statements, and she began to glare at me. Obviously, in her eyes, it was my fault that she was clueless.

After a few moments, I realized that my admission to college might be affected by whether she burned or returned my answer sheet, and I announced, "Forget it. Ignore me. I'll just do what seems right at the time .••· "Good," was all she had to say.

Several minutes after the twenty minute mark had come and gone, I informed this friendly proctor that it was time for her to announce the twenty minute mark.

Needless to say, she liked that a lot.

As I left the test, a girl who had been sitting a little way behind me and watching this series of events came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. "Are you John Curtin?" she asked.

"No," I responded after laughing like Dr. Raulston, "I'm John Curtin's friend George Hagle."

"But you go to St. John's, don't you?"

"Yea." "I knew only someone from St. John's would make such a big deal over something like that."

Can you guess where she goes to school?

A Visit From St. Jim

When what to my eyes should first appear then, But a minature sleigh and eight tiny chairmen;

He was glaring and mean; he said as if proud, "You know the rules, NO FUN is allowed!"

With a tall, young driver so preppy and trim, I knew in a moment it must be St. Jim.

A gleam from his eye and a twist of his head soon gave me to know I had much more to dread.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

He spoke many words, said, "Tomorrow we work!"

And the thought filled the people, the thought - "What a jerk!"

"Now, Lee M! Now, Chuckie! Now, Dougie and Mikie!

On, Sharpie! On, Nelson! On Barry and Dwightie!

And waving his finger at the eight waiting men, And giving a nod to all of the women,

.A

Words from the Left

Do You Go to St. John's?

by George Hagle

by John Curtin (with apologies to Clement C. Moore) Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the school Not a creature was studying, except all the fools.

The exams were all graded by the teachers with care, In fear that St. Jimbo soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While tidbits of knowledge danced in their heads.

When out in the quad there arose such a clatter, I rushed to my Saab to see what was the matter.

Away to the Quadrangle I drove like a flash, Honking the horn and beating the dash.

Dressed in good uniform, from his head to his toe: It's clear that the dress code was one he did know; A bundle of rules he had flung on our backs, With the flick of his whip, he made a loud "crack!"

He sprang to his sleigh and gave a command, "You will obey me, or soon you'll be canned!"

To the students he cried, since to him it seemed right, "Tomorrow you study, but do not have a good night."

December 1984

The Review

4

Another Epidemic

Sarcasm at SJS

by Jason Lindsey According to The World Book Dictionary "sarcasm" is "the act of making fun of a person to hurt his feelings; bitter irony." Since the word "sarcasm" has its etymology in the Greek word "sarkazein," which means - literally - to strip off flesh, one is forced to consider it a coarse instrument, which is to be used only to get one's point across in the most extreme instances ... right? Well, sarcasm has made its way into the St. John's campus, and it has set its hooks deeply in our backs. (That is where sarcasm would set hooks, isn't it in someone's back.)

THE SYMPTOMS I first knew I was in trouble this summer, when sarcasm became a regular thing in my conversation. Whether or not the disease spread from me or to me I cannot say, but the fact was that it had gotten out of control. I was becoming offensive, and rather than staying cool in an argument, I would become defensive and resort to cutting sarcasm in an attempt to get my point across.

This method wasn't working. I knew the epidemic had reached a peak when one wit was answered by another, and the two comments cancelled each other out. No longer could anything be accomplished in conversation. The dialogue went something like this: Friend (whose name is being withheld because of possible embarrassment): Golly, I almost locked my keys in the car.

December 1984

Me (in the sarcastic manner which had become status quo): Well, that would be good!

Friend (in the sarcastic, unthinking mode): No! It would be bad.

After several conversations like this, realized that something had to be done.

THE PRESENT I didn't do anything about it. Now, the disease has infected many of my friends, and it manifests itself at any gathering of more than five people. At the lunch table intelligent intercourse is no longer feasible.

Instead a constant barrage of caustic comments can be observed flying, like orange peels, from one end of the table to another.

The verbal orange peels, in an average sitting, usually will turn to the real kind.

Tempers become outraged, angry words fly, and trash heavier than orange peels is usually thrown. Luckily, this also has become an average happening, and the feelings hurt rarely stay injured for longer than an hour. To be sure, all of this is quite an exercise in wit, and it puts us on our mental toes, but what is the price we pay for such a daily occurrence?

THE PRICE One obvious consideration is that the literary device "sarcasm" will, or has already, lost its potency in conversation. In always sharpening our tongues we have ground away the instrument with which we inflict our "wit." The question which must then be asked is are we alienating both

those close to us and those who are not quite so accustomed to the matter-of-fact way in which sarcasm is delivered. The alienation of the former could come from simply too much too often, and the estrangement of the latter could come from simply not understanding the brand of humor. We must be careful not to make lasting impressions by saying something which could be interpreted the wrong way.

THE RECOVERY In order to cure ourselves of this malady we must look at why it is so easy to fall prey to. An immature person often finds it hard to lose and will always try to get in the last word. Sarcasm could be, simply, a way of pushing a point to its utmost. When reasonable argument has passed, sarcasm can always be employed as a way of frustrating any opponent in a debate. The next question is: in a debate, is the idea to destroy and humiliate your opponent, or to prove your point in a civilized manner? I think that most would opt for the latter (except for, maybe, George). It is much easier to talk about something as being a problem than it is to solve it. Sarcasm itself, however, is not the problem. The problem is the imprudent use of it. So, the cure for this ought to be easy to discern: simply consider what you are saying and is sarcasm necessary to the meaning. The purpose of this article is not to condemn the usage of sarcasm, but it is to point out the fallacy of overusage of such a potent literary device.

Just a little sarcasm goes a long way, but too much will certainly spoil the effect.

The Review

5 The Review's Guide to...

How to Apply to College

by Emily Godbey and Jamie Stephens Name: Steven Walker Morris Address: 3671 Inwood, Houston, TX 77019 SAT: 640V 590M Intended Major: English Class rank: 37 out of 118 Senior Classes and Semester Grades: English IV Calculus (Adv) Economics Psychology Spanish IV High School Average To Date: 85.2

86 81 87 85 82

Activities: Ceramics Literary Club Wrestling Track Team Soccer Team REVIEW Staff Student Steering Committee Drum Corps Blood Donor Hygiene Squad, President Tenth Grade SAC Christmas Drive Elf Awards: Ceramic Excellence PERSONAL ESSAY Identify a person who has had significant influence on you and describe that influence.

I remember Joe. When we were little we would always take baths with our food.

You see, what we would do was take the mashed potatoes and smear them allover the bottom of the tub and slide around.

Sometimes Joe would take a can of Spam and cover the rim of the toilet and yell at the top of his lungs, "I've Spammed it."

Later, Joe would hide in the closet and watch the maid clean up the slippery mashed potatoes and the Spam while murmuring to himself, "Simply opsithagnathous ... " Then Joe's grandmother died. He really

changed. He switched to SwizzleCheze in the new "no mess" container. (It was cleaner this way.)

Then- we went to ComputerCamp together because I wanted to learn about computers, which will shape our tomorrow, the future of our world. I thought computers were very interesting, and I learned Basic, Pascal, Lisp, Fortran, Cobol, ALP, Laverock, Unix, and Prolog in my first summer at ComputerCamp. I also enjoyed riflery, fishing, canoeing, swimming and dance at ComputerCamp. But Joe would always miss these enlightening activities; Joe would take his SwizzleCheze (he brought a truck of Cheze to camp), and he would write on the soccer field in gothic letters. Sometimes he would write, "Less war, more Cheze" and "Paint the world small," and when his biorythms were off, he would write "Scotch tape and carpets win in the end."

Then it happened. Joe choked on a pickle and died. Joe and I were very, very close friends for all of his fourteen years. Joe had a message: Swizzle while you can because life is a simulacrum. Joe had a purpose, a meaning, away, and I feel that I have a purpose, too. Because Joe was the most caring person I have ever met, I want to major in English.

TEACHER RECOMMENDATION Dear Dean, As Steven's English teacher, I can say that he attends class often and makes interesting comments from time to time.

Since most of this class is devoted to writing, I have had a particularly good opportunity to evaluate his writing, which, for the most part, is very good. Not only is he an asset in the classroom, but also an asset to the school; for in his free time he devotes himself to ceramics and the ever-popular literary club here at school, BARK. Steven is creative, caring, and enthusiastic, and his enthusiasm is unsurpassed; for he runs on NoDoz. Steven has a small circle of close friends who value hitn highly. Some of Steven's friend are rather interesting; however, I am convinced that they are good boys. The

faculty says, for the most part, good things.

His academic record shows his ability to achieve. Steven always attends lunch and is known to eat very nutritious lunches. Most of the time he eats enchiladas, which reflects his open-mindedness about ethnic groups in Texas, okra, which reflects his daring side, and he drinks milk for his allAmerican good looks. All things considered, I would recommend Steven for your institution.

PEER RECOMMENDATION Dear Dean, I have known Steven for three years and feel lucky that I know him. He is a nice guy.

Often we go to movies together (we both think that Liquid Sky is good), and we have double dated in the past. We also go to the same church; last year we worked together on the Food Drive. Throughout the course of the program, we distributed 3204 bags of Food and Cheze to elderly and underprivileged humans. It was a very fulfilling experience for both of us.

We also worked at the bakery for two summers. Steven was especially good at preparing Chezecake. (Emily does not take responsibility, or blame, for this sentence, for she really hates this slapstick type of humor. Thank you.) (Jamie does not take responsibility, or blame, for this sentence, for he really hates this slapstick type of humor. Thank you.) While working at the bakery, Steven was almost always on time.

One time he was late because his friend, Joe, had swallowed a pickle. Another time Steven was late because he overslept.

Another time he was late because he forgot.

But do not be mislead; Steven is always on time for lunch. Steven always attends lunch and is known to eat very nutritious lunches. Most of the time he eats enchiladas, which reflects his openmindedness about ethnic groups in Texas, okra, which reflects his daring side, and he drinks milk for his all-American good looks.

Steven has contributed to his fellow man, his school, and his community, and he is a nice guy.

December 1984

6

The Review

Christmas Shopping by the Junior faction

least a week. Along with make-up you could throw in a Fun Time Sewing Kit for Surely among the stress of exams, the raising those hems that don't quite show horror of college applications, and the din enough thigh. The enterprising young Middle School lad will, for sure, want a pair of of parental admonitions, none of you has had time to even remotely consider what parachute pants, for those long, unsafe your pals at good old SJS would like to get hours of air travel over the holidays. If for this holiday season. So, being the guy none of these gifts seem quite the thing, you that I am, I thought I'd offer a little help. are always safe buying the newest album to Ah ... the delights of Lower School are hit the pop charts: Hany Khalil Sings Burl great, but just imagine the look of sheer Ives Greatest Hits.

For those poor unfortunate scapegoats of pleasure on that Lower Schooler in your life as he opens up a new Smurfette, or a T-shirt all too much ugly humor, the Freshman Class, the gifts are all too numerous to with his name on it and a picture of some great, masculine hero of the 80's such as name here. The ultimate gift for any Michael Jackson on the front. And for Freshman guy would be Upper Classman those more intelligent lads on your list, how . Status. about a He-Man Masters of the Universe As a whole, those poor deprived Play Set. This will certainly aid them in set- Freshman boys, who just can't seem to hold ting realistic goals. The Lower School girls, the attention of the obviously more mature and grown-up Freshman girls, should proof course, will want that all time favorite of young girls around the world, a Jean-Pierre bably invest in the comfort of their own Baizan Limited Edition Poster (autographblow-up doll.

The Sophomores, on the other hand, ed and with a personal message on the have a whole different set of needs. After back).

Ah ... the false security of Middle School all, how can Susie Georges possibly survive is grand, but just imagine the security your if she doesn't get another new Mercedes, favorite gal would obtain from a lifetime since hers was recently annihilated by a supply of make-up. It would have to last at- poor, unsuspecting, lowly Pontiac

Safe Rides To Begin in January The Safe Rides Program. Yes, it still exists; in fact, the student response on the interest indicator sent out in advisory last month was truly overwhelming. As a result, training is being planned for January, and the program will hopefully start in early February.

For those readers who are not aware of the Safe Rides Program, or its purpose, a brief summary follows. The basic concept is to alleviate the potential danger of students driving while intoxicated. In other words, if a student feels that he or she is not capable of driving home some weekend night, or his or her ride is not in the proper "condition" to drive, all he or she has to do is dial the Safe Rides phone number (1M-FRIED) and they can receive a free confidential ride home, given by a fellow student.

Of course the program is a little more complicated than that (in fact, it is a lot more complicated than that), but space December 1984

does not allow at this time. However, a large majority of the upper school knows about the program, and would probably be more than willing to explain it to anyone who asks. Also, the training program for prospective members will probably answer all questions.

If you are one of the students who did sign up to participate on the program either at an advisory home meeting, or in advisory at school - you are probably wondering what kind of training is involved, and how much time it will take. Don't worry. It's all relatively simple. In fact, you even get to go out on weeknights to participate in the training sessions.

The program, as it is now planned, will consist of the following: January 21 - Basic overview of the program, questions/ answers, we also hope to have someone

(Ugh ... not an American-made car). The president of the class, that colorful, wacky guy Chap Attwell, could probably use some brighter clothes. The token liberal of the Sophomore class, Leon Dow, needs to find some way to get rid of his Mondale-Ferraro buttons. One of the newest members of the Sophomore class, who is eager to fit into the St. John's mold, Tom Rexford, would be very pleased if he could receive an American Express Gold Card this holiday season. (That way, he would never have to go home.)

Moving along to the illustrious Senior Class (also known as the NO FUN faction) there are many people whose needs are just insatiable. For example, take Alex Neidell, who needs both a new hairdresser, and a new wristband.

That illustrious and loveable guy Dave Glasscock ('85) needs an electrified fence on top of the line. Among all the other things he needs, Brady could use a whole new set of Prefects, and two new advisors. Among the faculty, Mrs. Childress could really use a new car. The "omniscient" administration needs to get viable reasons to override SAC a few more times. SAC, on the other hand, needs a reason to exist.

Did I forget someone? Oh, how could I forget the Juniors? The only gift they'll ever need is a new hotel. from the Highland Park program present to help out. Also explanation of insurance system.

January 28 - Basic first-aid, and questions and answers with the "authorities" (HPD).

February 4 - Instruction on how to use the radio systems to communicate with the base (insurance requirement).

Hopefully, the program will go into effect on the following weekend in February (8&9).

Finally, many of you who signed up to work on the program have probably received a letter about the program. In the letter is a sheet of paper that you must sign and return to Mrs. Clare's desk before school gets out if you wish to participate; it is important that we receive this information because we are having identification cards printed.

7

The Review

How to Look Great Without Really Trying

December 1984

The Review The Review reviews

River Oaks Deli

8 RIVER OAKS DELI Westheimer at Bammel

by Trina and Nelle Very conveniently located, this place is great for lunch, especially for St. John's seniors. The sandwiches are made to order in a jiffy, with all of the usual deli meat - even if your taste buds desire pastrami, lox, herring, or liverwurst.

Now we should talk about the breads; they have a great selection, depending on what they have available at the time.

The bagels were yummy, though; they are even heated before they are served.

Besides good sandwiches, Rod serves, like all of the other restaurants we have reviewed, a wide variey of salads (some of which can be put on sandwiches). Their desserts consist of every imaginable type of cheesecake and, sometimes homemade pies. But seriously, the sandwiches and the cheesecake are delicious.

As far as atmosphere is concerned, the food is better.

While you sit in the rolling vinyl chairs and your elbows stick to the plastic tablecloth, you can enjoy as your centerpiece an ashtray from the previous ownership, La Niche. Tables are available for outside dining, but, unfortunately, there are no chairs. To add to the elegant ambiance, there are Peperidge Farm bread loaves sitting on a rack for no apparent reason. Actually the food preparation areas and the tables are very clean - Marvin Zindler would approve. The service is fast and friendly. Fairly low prices. Rating: 7.25.

Quote-of-the-Month "Gosh, I haven't read anything."

Jason Lindsey, 11:10 p.m.

"I know, and I've read even less."

Educational Center

Will Fitzgibbon, 11:22 p.m.

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December 1984