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issue 7
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lawful bodies
SISU Pronounced see’-soo. A Finnish term embodying the spirit of grit, guts, and perseverance. Sisu represents a human being’s ability to face any adventure riddled with hardship, hopelessness, and impossibility, yet they still choose to stay the course. It’s not a temporary state of courage, it’s a way of life. SISU MAGAZINE A collection of uninterrupted stories, brilliant photographs, and stunning art that evokes the indomitable human spirit that exists in all of us. An exploration into the experiences and perspectives about the outdoors, told by our contributing writers, photographers, and artists who represent a bold, insightful collective voice.
f r o n t a n d b ac k cov e r i l l u s t r at i o n b y m i c h a e l a m A c p h e r s o n
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@ c l ay t i t s
It can be the walk?easy to talk the talk for, upliftin Are you followin , but are you walk and payin g, checking in on g, supporting, vot ing What we sg BIPOCs? If not, , learning from/aboing intention ay AND do has all there’s a disconne ut, the value. every time c Impact ov t. . er
CONTENTS
re v is it
ing yo r e f le c u r tion
6 kid deep
Pag e 18
Moms Can & Will by Ryan Michelle Scavo
8 ask jenny
2gay2function by Jenny Bruso
62 sex is an adventure 10 an indoor girl on the outdoors Love + Light by Melanie Briggs 12 The pitch Creating Community With AdventurUs
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Women
Rajagopal-Durbin
66 Making Climbing My Own
Mental Illness by Monica Nigon
Revisiting
Your Reflection by Rachel Ricketts
70 The Trailer
20 shouting from summits what’s in her pack
72 Brand roundup 74
28 Black Lives Matter & The Outdoors Merrell Ambassadors Speak Out Getting down in the dirt
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nipplegate 2018 Olivia Fromm
Finding Truth in Nudity by
How Not To do sex education Like A Basic Bitch Where Race and Travel Intersect by Kiona
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poetry in motion Dawn by Abbey Gordon
Getting it On Outside by Meghan O’Dea Photography by Shoog McDaniel
Let’s Talk About Sex by
Erica Zazo
Filled to Train with
Erin Parisi
Heading Outside Boldly by Ali
Wines
A New
Narrative for the Trans Community with Erin Parisi
4 6 suspend
How
to Climb Responsibly by Hayden Seder
68 At Odds With Myself Traveling with a
18 soulful social justice
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Facing My Fear of Fear: Climbing with Anxiety Anxiety On and Off the Wall by Rebecca Long
14 THe Power of Affinity Spaces Healing in Affinity Spaces by Aparna
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How To Navigate
Sexual Terrain by Natasha Buffo
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selfcare ≠ selfcare Selfcare Debunked
by Samantha Romanowski
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DIY
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marketplace
86 in g Bl ack in e b is o . d ow n t as been it boils t a never h h w d n a B ut e f . ot sa urselves 88 ntry is n otect o r p o this cou t is . r n e r d a r e l o r k ha ing we mor e. W Every th o D . e t a because . Assimil t work a s Blend in n io gress ter microag Accept es Mat .” v is i it L y a k Blac ors ust the w that’s “j Outdo e h T & 8 Page 2
Natural Dyes with Seawitches by Margaret Seelie Shop It
eat, drink, + be merry
Summer
Strawberry Cobbler by Vanessa Barajas
that’s what he said
Sisu Does Satire
by Andrew Pridgen
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FROM THE EDITOR
Here we are again. Another letter beginning with the sentiment “these are unprecedented times.” As I write this, not only are we still in the middle of a global pandemic that is swallowing the United States whole, we are simultaneously navigating the greatest civil unrest we’ve seen since the civil rights movement. It’s all connected. For the first time in decades, we’re not so busy anymore. Every single inequity in this country has been exposed, revealing how most of us are just hanging by a thread. And as such, the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery are no longer blips on the evening news, but instead, the tragic catalysts that have ignited a collective demand to end police brutality, defund the police, address systemic oppression and racism, and require engagement in anti-racism work. White people have awoken from our slumber. Yet many people have struggled with the protests and the ensuing change. I wonder if the same people who cry for it to come to an end also cry for the Black, Brown, and Indigenous lives lost to police brutality, to systemic racism, to hundreds of years of oppression? I certainly hope so. We cannot advocate for an end to protesting, rioting, and looting without also demanding an end for oppression and white supremacy. We can’t hide behind lawfulness because many laws have always oppressed People of Color. We can’t fight against the violence caused by looters but then permit statesponsored violence. We can’t remain silent. Silence is oppression, it’s an act of complicity, and it allows for continued violence. That is why the theme of this issue is Lawful Bodies, and inside the pages of Sisu Magazine, we are exploring the systematic ways in which certain bodies have been deemed unlawful and unwelcome in society. Along with that, we are also celebrating these bodies and our own as we question social norms about body positivity, sexual health and intimacy, self-care, and joy. This might seem like the usual mix of topics, but one thing I took away from my conversation with Erin Parisi, the first trans woman attempting to summit the Seven Summits, is that we have to do more than share our pain and trauma. We have to share our joy and our triumphs too. We’re grateful to have partners like Merrell who helped make this issue come to life. What an honor to be able to include members of their Ambassador team—Michelle Jackson-Saulters of the Outdoor Journal Tour; Jenny Bruso, a regular Sisu contributor and founder of Unlikely Hikers; Erin Parisi, the founder of TranSending 7; Latasha Dunston, the artist otherwise known as Jitterbug Art; and runner, speaker, and author Mirna Valerio. Their personal experiences and perspectives on Black Lives Matter are an important and necessary addition to any conversation about being in the outdoors. I hope that as you flip through the pages of this issue you find reasons to be hopeful about the future and take solace in knowing that we are surrounded by people who are committed to making this world more just, equitable, and diverse. It’s going to be messy, difficult, scary, and painful, but in the end, it will be worth it. Jennifer Gurecki Editor In Chief
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FROM THE creative director The human body has been a subject for artists as far back as humans have been creating. Clothed, unclothed, partially clothed. Working, playing, sleeping, reclining, bathing. Our physical selves have long been our main muse. Art and image makers, though not wholly untouched by the forces of appropriation and contamination, have in many ways indulged in the pleasure of being inspired by the bodies presented before them. And perhaps by design or by happenstance, art makers have grasped the immense power of capturing the human body without judgment. Like landscapes or still lifes, the bodies in our artworks are often most satisfying when they are raw and unimproved, showing flaws and foibles, wrinkles, rolls, color, hair, scars, freckles, and flesh. Even when the culture around these artworks has hijacked the human body for money, currency, and control, art has repeatedly salvaged the power of the honest body, and through the lens of the muse, held it with adulation. Today as we again battle the boundaries of which bodies are “worth” saving, protecting, and acknowledging, there will always exist a sanctity in the inspiration of the physical form by an art maker, where bodies can be protected in the bell jar of artistic capture, separated from their political and societal caste, and held as sacred as the muse. In this Issue of Sisu Magazine, Lawful Bodies, we touch on myriad stories and images of the disconnect between what a body is worth or not worth to society and what it is worth to ourselves. Shoog McDaniel’s photographs in “Suspend” capture their chosen muses suspended in an underwater setting, reframing the often derided fat body in vignettes of lithe vessels, flowing and bending, matching curve and recurve. Their work “suspends” our script for the body and lets us see in honesty for maybe the first time. We have many miles to go to counteract the illegal, immoral body narrative we are bombarded with daily, whether by ideology or image. It’s of the utmost importance to reclaim our bodies and reinvigorate our reverence to them, as they are our most basic transport, our own vessels, our temples. On the journey, remember that there is a respite in self-expression. Art will always hold us where we can pause and escape judgment, indulge in adulation. Let yourself be drawn, sculpted, painted, fêted by creativity. Let yourself be a muse, be your own muse.
Lauren Bello Okerman Creative Director
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Kid Deep One mom’s story of how recreating with children is not only possible, but so worth the effort Ryan Michelle Scavo | @ryoutside
I remember the moment I realized my life was about to change in ways I knew I didn’t understand. I was seven months pregnant with my first child, skiing into the southern San Juan backcountry for a weekend hut trip. I had a constant urge to pee, my feet throbbed, and a persistent back-of-my-mind voice wouldn’t let up. I thought to myself, What am I doing and why am I doing it? Maybe it was the need to prove––to others and myself––that just because I was pregnant and just because I was about to have a baby, I was not going to slow down. But, even as I would repeatedly attempt to convince others of my goals––i.e., to stay active, no matter the challenges of motherhood––I was told horror stories of once-active women just “giving up.” As the stories went, the kid(s) demanded too much time, too much energy, and too much selflessness on 6
the mother’s part. So they broke down and dropped their dreams of summiting mountains, biking long trails, or completing multi-day ski trips. I knew difficult days would come. I also knew myself, my body, and where my mental clarity was/is found: in outdoor pursuits. I responded to the naysayers with logical explanations as to the how and the why related to my activity level and adventuring expectations as a mother, all while listening to their cautionary tales… but still received countless “Oh, just wait” responses. (Insert eye-roll here.) Fast forward nearly two years to a gorgeous early winter morning in southern Colorado. With countless road trips, trail hikes, and Rio Grande river floats under our belts, two more backcountry ski hut trips and dozens of baby-towing ski tours, we were ready for our first bikepacking trip as a family of three. It
was unseasonably warm, I was getting antsy for activity, and while, on a typical year, I would have spent that morning loading up our skis, my persistent restlessness instead resulted in releasing our bikes from their winter hibernation. If Mother Nature was giving snow chasers a big, stanky-sour middle finger, you better believe we made some slightly-tangy lemonade with it that day. If I’m being honest, I’d also tell you that this trip had another purpose. We wanted a second child and I was ready for a new me: stronger, fiercer, and ready to take on any challenge by bike, ski, or other—with an 18+-month-old in tow. In an attempt to fulfill my personal fitness goals and clear my head of still-not-pregnant
disappointment, I loaded up our Burley trailer with a mix of camping gear, cold weather layers, and comfort camp food and we headed for the national forest.
Self-doubt and those allt oo - c o m m o n q u e s t i o n s when things get tough crept right back into my mind—what am I doing here and why am I doing this? As I pedaled into the mid-day sun, the sweat poured down my face and back. I struggled with the “Why am I not pregnant yet” question… and the steepness of the terrain. My bike was over-packed, my son was asking “Are we there yet?” and my hunger level was rising. Self-doubt and those all-too-common questions when things get tough crept right back into my mind––what am I doing here and why am I doing this? Adventure is a funny thing. It calls to me in ways I don’t always know how to answer. I knew then and still know now that chasing outdoor pursuits with my family is critical to my existence. That’s a big statement, I know. I also know, thanks to life experiences and myriad “failed” and successful outdoor adventures, it is without a shred of doubt who I am and it has become who we, as a family, are.
Today, I’m two kids deep––a four year old and an 18+-month-old––and we chase adventures daily. Depending on the terrain and location, we load up either the single or the double Burley trailer and embrace whatever comes next. We cross-country ski, ride our fat bikes, take on bike fishing and backpacking excursions, and make time for daily jaunts around our neighborhood. If there is one thing I learned by continuing to physically push myself after bringing two humans into this world it’s that persistence is the key. I must continually ask myself hard questions. If you don’t ask yourself––and the world around you––those hard questions, you will never know the answers. Can I tow my kid and overnight gear 20 miles today in the snow, rain, and wind? Yes. Yes, I can and I will. This piece was made possible by Burley, who puts their heart and soul into every bike trailer they make. Give them a follow on Insta at @burleydesign.
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an indoor girl on the outdoors MELANIE BRIGGS
love & light Love and light. Love and light? How dare you. That isn’t addressed to anyone particular, though you could also argue that it’s addressed to everyone. To everyone who is responsible for creating the centuries-long pandemic of oppression and to the person who had the audacity to coin that phrase, as though there could ever be love and light when our endoskeleton is built on hate. And to the rest of us who have had a hand in propping it up, knowingly or unknowingly, since… basically ever. How dare any of us ever use that phrase, when it is so flagrantly blind to all the hate that brought us the land we live on, the education we thrive on, and the jobs we depend on. Knowingly or unknowingly. Love and light indeed. All these righteous words and half-jokes. The combined anger and impotence of White Lady Rage tends to manifest like this. So many statements of solidarity that we put on any platform we can reach through an Internet connection to decry injustice that is neither new nor different, thinking that we’re taking a stand or making a difference. Are we, fellow White Ladies? What is the value of our Status Update Rage? What are the consequences?
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You are either actively working against racism or standing by and letting the system go on unchecked. You are Status Update Becky or you are Trojan Becky. Do the work. Read all the books. Write the checks. I’ve discovered over the last decade or so that men, and frankly most humans, are like dogs. They don’t understand words when you scold them. They just hear a harsh tone, their name every now and again, and are praying to get the hell out of the room as soon as possible. But consequences? That’s something they understand. You misbehave, you go outside. You cheat on me, you lose me. You vote for a man whose administration has enacted more than a dozen policies that actively endanger the LGBTQIA+ community? You don’t get my friendship. Your company puts up an all-black profile picture on Black Out Tuesday, but doesn’t put forward a company-wide racial justice plan? You don’t get my money. Consequences. Maybe Status Update Rage starts a fight with our Racist UncleTM that ends with the heart and mind of approximately no one being changed. Maybe we figure out who we should have defriended years ago (see above re: consequences). We have a fraught legacy to contend with, White Ladies, and it also has consequences. We are a product of a system that oppresses pretty much everyone, no matter how much we claim to be “not racist.” We can denounce it and decry it, but we can’t disown it, and that has to be part of the rage. Consider this:
“For decades, Black men were lynched, often for allegedly looking at a white woman. Our mothers’ mothers cut the Black bodies of their sons and husbands down from the trees. But we Black women did something we didn’t have to do before we buried them. First, we washed their bodies.”1 That is part of our legacy. It also describes a devastating act of love. Look at both of those things under bright fluorescent lights and don’t look away. We carry that with us in our backpacks of privilege whether we like it or not. Make this part of your daily practice. Make it part of your rage. Become a Trojan Becky. Weaponize your whiteness by rolling into white spaces with compassion, self-awareness, and a commitment to having uncomfortable conversations about race. There is no such thing as being “not racist.” The opposite of racist is anti-racist.2 You are either actively working against racism or standing by and letting the system go on unchecked. You are Status Update Becky or you are Trojan Becky. Do the work. Read all the books. Watch all documentaries. Write the checks. Have the conversations. And don’t let anything slide. And don’t ever love and light me again.
i 1 2
Lewis, Jenifer (2017). The Mother of Black Hollywood: A Memoir. Amistad. Kendi, I. X. (2019). How to Be an Antiracist. First Edition. New York: One World. 11
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The Power Affinity Spaces Of
Aparna Rajagopal-durbin | TheAvarnaGroup.com and PGMONE.org
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10 Reasons Why We Need More Affinity Spaces Last summer I was invited to the AdventurUs Women’s Bend Escape to learn outdoor and adventure skills from and with other women. Given the long history of women’s spaces not being intersectional and my previous experiences as a Woman of Color in mostly white spaces, I was hesitant at first. Imagine my relief when I arrived to discover I was not the only chocolate chip in the cookie. Over the course of the weekend, my skepticism gave way to relief, and ultimately, a profound feeling of connectedness with this diverse community that had been built in just three days. Affinity spaces have served as vital crucibles for communities with marginalized identities to heal, celebrate, collaborate, and mobilize. As a co-founder of the PGM ONE Summit, which convenes Black, Indigenous, and People of Color who live, work, or organize in connection with the environment, I’ve seen firsthand the profound impact these spaces have on the psyche. And in the months since the onset of the COVID-19 crisis, I’ve seen virtual gatherings hosted by the disability justice community, conservationists of color, and Indigenous women to have conversations about the disproportionate impact the pandemic is having on Black, Brown, poor, disabled, and older folks.
Photos courtesy of AdventurUs Women
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soulful social justice
Revisiting Your Reflection: The Inner Work Required for Radical Racial Justice
RACHEL RICKETTS | @iamrachelricketts
There’s been a major awakening
in the collective consciousness as of late. For the first time in history white folks are truly leaning into and holding space for the impact of racism and the experiences of People of Color (POC). And it’s about damn time! Conversely POC, particularly Black and Indigenous womxn, are doing what we’ve done for centuries—rally, educate, voice our pain and triumphs, and caretake for our communities. The difference now is the increased appetite for hearing what we have to say and seeking to engage. But the question that undoubtedly still arises is: How?
The Lowdown What I see time and time again, are well intentioned hue-mans (usually the fair skinned folks) who seek to engage in racial justice by addressing the oppression they see “out there.” And this is where we fuck it up. Because real talk— creating racial justice starts as an inside job. It begins with you taking a long look in the mirror at all the parts of yourself and the ways you may be (and likely are) perpetuating the problem. No matter your race, shade, or origin, white supremacist patriarchy harms everyone. Not equally and no one more than Black + Indigenous womxn. Still, it is one of, if not the, greatest forms of social trauma be it historical or present day. This is why bringing about racial justice starts within.
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Real Race Talk To all my white folks—you belong to the construct of whiteness, benefit from white privilege ,and uphold white supremacy. That’s not a personal attack for the record, it is simply a fact. The status quo is white supremacist patriarchy. It’s a truth that most POC have had no choice but to contend with as we’ve been battling whiteness our entire lives. White supremacy is the air we all breathe and white folks are just beginning to notice its stench. Being anti-racist means acknowledging and owning the racism, intentional or otherwise, inherent in you and ALL white folks. Then, committing to the active, daily, lifelong work of causing the least amount of harm moving forward. You cannot BE an ally, but you can work your hardest to partake in allyship as often as possible. For my fellow folks of color—our racial justice work is to unearth and address our internalized oppression, meaning the ways in which we have bought into a corrupt system that works damn hard to keep us small and powerless. I, for one, spent much of my life believing I was unworthy. That I was too loud, too emotional or too extra. That my requests to be seen, heard, and supported as my bold Black self must be invalid. I was subjected to gaslighting, spiritual bypassing, daily micro-aggressions, and an onslaught of emotional violence; I was made to believe that I was the problem. Well, no more! We deserve to prioritize our needs and desires. To stand unapologetically in all that we are and refrain from constantly ensuring white people’s comfort to the detriment of our own.
No matter your race, shade, or origin, white supremacist patriarchy harms everyone.
We need ALL hands on deck to achieve this mission. White folks need to lead the charge in doing the internal work to unplug from the matrix that is white supremacy, and POCs need brave, sacred spaces to heal from the grief and trauma of oppression.
Some Tools for Reflection My guess is by now many of you are thinking “Ok but, how the heck do I do this!?” Below are some initial prompts for a deep dive within: #1 Embrace Vulnerability Embracing vulnerability means trying with the knowing that you may get it wrong. It means dropping your defenses and accepting things as they truly are. It means sitting in your discomfort so you can learn why it’s there and using that information to create deep and meaningful change. #2 Get Honest The need to be good and right often trumps any chance at meaningful change. We need to lay down these patriarchal “needs” so we can create the groundwork for action. For my POCs, let’s get honest about the harms we’ve caused ourselves or other POC by internalizing white supremacy. For white folks, get honest by owning your racism + whatever harms you’ve undoubtedly caused People of Color.
#3 Acknowledge Your Anger Many of us were made to feel ashamed or guilty for expressing anger. Anger arrives to inform us that something is wrong and needs changing, which is pretty helpful. Righteous anger has and continues to be at the forefront of many leading social justice revolutions so we need to learn how to embrace and channel it for good. #4 Stand in Integrity It can be easy to talk the talk, but are you walking the walk? Are you following, supporting, voting for, uplifting, checking in on, learning from/about, and paying BIPOCs? If not, there’s a disconnect. What we say AND do has all the value. Impact over intention every time. #5 Accept AND Act Feeling guilt, grief, or shame is part of the process of stepping into the truth. But if we get stuck there we won’t keep growing and flowing and engaging in this fight. Accept what needs accepting, and then get the eff to werrrrrk. Practice loving kindness towards ourselves for what we did not know AND do better. Each and every one of us is needed to bring about racial justice. Your best chance at making meaningful change and sticking up for social justice is by continuing to do the inner work and commit to leading from and with compassion.
Now get to it! Reprinted from Issue 1 of Sisu Magazine
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How the Transending 7 founder is creating a new narrative for the Trans community JENNIFER GURECKI | @yogurecki
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Photography by B Davis courtesy of Merrell
It’s
a story that you don’t hear told too often: a story of triumph, of joy, and of resilience in relation to the experience of the transgender community. But for Erin Parisi, the founder of the nonprofit TranSending 7, who is on a mission to summit the seven highest peaks in the world, that’s the only narrative she’s willing to accept. When Parisi confirmed her gender, she expected to lose everything. Surprisingly, she didn’t. She emerged on the other side of one of the most terrifying and validating decisions she’s ever had to make with a perspective that is so radically positive. It challenges nearly everything that the mainstream media and society at large portray about the trans community. And while the important facts of murder and sex trafficking and unemployment and tragic loss are real and acknowledged fully by Parisi, she wanted to create a new narrative so that people like her had a story of success to look toward. “I spent decades weighed down by the narratives that were handed to me. I didn’t have that narrative that was in front of me—I couldn’t be it because I couldn’t see it.” Parisi’s mission is to humanize the trans story, to go from being all of the things that society tells them who they are to being like “other people” with dreams and goals. She’s done with the marginalized narrative about people like her. And she’s chosen to challenge it through the outdoors.
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Climbing
the Seven Summits was a way for Parisi to literally and metaphorically climb out of that shadowy narrative that the world tried to put on her and instead climb to a place where shadows can’t be cast upon her. She succeeded in summiting four of the seven peaks: Kosciuszko, Kilimanjaro, Elbrus, and Aconcagua. COVID-19 has put a halt to any further summits in the near future. In the meantime, she’s training and mentally preparing for what will be the most difficult summit, Everest. But for Parisi, bagging these peaks has less to do with her and more to do with her community. “I want to be screaming from the top of the world, ‘Here I am and you can’t hold my voice down.’ The world has forced trans people to be silent and tried hard to say we don’t exist. In a lot of ways, this is my way of saying ‘You can’t say I don’t exist.’” Parisi believes, and with good reason, that a lot of what happens to the trans community happens because of the lack of trans voices or trans ally voices. Like when men attack
women for being weaker or not being able to keep up. Or that for-some-reason-still-justified locker room talk where men are told not to cry like girls or be pussies. And even from socalled feminists who proclaim to be saving women’s sport by forcefully advocating for the exclusion of trans women.
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“
I want to be screaming from the top of the world, ‘Here I am and you can’t hold my voice down.’ The world has forced trans people to be silent and tried hard to say we don’t exist. In a lot of ways, this is my way of saying ‘You can’t say I don’t exist.’” The irony in the latter, Parisi points out, is that “It’s not that far of a cry when you start attacking trans women, you are attacking all women.” Parisi is well aware of the microaggressions against trans people that occur when she’s not in the room. “I was at the water cooler before I came out—I know what is said… I’m well aware of how strong those voices are and silence is just as strong as the people who say things… What people need to do is to stick up for us.” In sum? Your silence is heard.
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What
does the outdoors and the Black Lives
Matter movement have to do with one another?
Everything. From safety while recreating to representation to accessibility and accountability, we know that we cannot proclaim that the “outdoors is for everyone� without taking a critical look at the systems and structures that have silenced and sidelined communities of color. We teamed up with Merrell to share the perspectives of their Ambassador Team to bring more awareness to issues of race that require our attention and action today and tomorrow.
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I have a confession to make. I used to say “All Lives Matter.” Cringe. Let me explain. I’m biracial. My Mom is German (read: white) and my Dad is Black. To add an additional layer to the mix, my Dad was in the Army and I grew up in Germany on a military base with other soldiers and their families. I grew up in a bubble, to say the least. Honestly, when I think about it—it’s probably not much different than white folks in this country—a mostly untouched bubble where race isn’t a part of daily life. So, when I said “All Lives Matter,” I thought I was defending my Mom and my Oma and Opa, whom I am very close to. I thought saying “Black Lives Matter” meant that theirs didn’t—and in turn, mine didn’t either. God was I so wrong. Not growing up in this country put me at a disadvantage. Racism is different in Germany, even on a military base. It absolutely exists, but surprisingly, it’s not systematic. It’s not ingrained in the culture the same way it is in the US. As a kid running around on base with my friends, I never—NEVER—thought about being Black, or feared the MPs (Military Police). So, when I moved to the States solo at 17 years old to go to college, I had serious culture shock. I didn’t understand that the system was stacked against me because I was Black, which I didn’t even identify as, by the way. Back then I identified as biracial because again, my Mom, my Oma, my Opa—they were such an important part of who I was. In my mind, identifying as Black meant I erased them. Wrong again. This country doesn’t give a shit about my family or where I am from. When I walk into a room, I walk in as a Black woman. Period. My skin, my hair, my features, my curves. When I naively denied that, I unknowingly abandoned who I am. I fell into the same trap of white supremacy that I fight against today. I didn’t understand that then. For me, it was about my family and my experience. I didn’t consider the 400+ years of oppression that tainted this country—or my ancestors that I’m connected to regardless of my maternal lineage, which is a whole other rabbit hole to go down. We are not educated about this country’s true history. In first grade, we learn a catchy song about Christopher Columbus sailing the ocean blue, not about the disease and despair that he brought to the Indigenous people or the death and destruction of the African Slaves that followed.
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PC: Alonso Talbert For merrell
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This shit runs deep. After more than two decades of living in this country, I’ve learned some things that I wish were not a reality. But what it boils down to is being Black in this country is not safe and never has been. Everything we learn is to protect ourselves. Blend in. Assimilate. Do more. Work harder. Accept microaggressions at work because that’s “just the way it is.” Text your wife if you get pulled over by the cops because you never know. If you see other Black or Brown folks pulled over by cops, stop and wait to make sure they get out of there alive. Avoid areas with confederate flags and pickup trucks. Don’t be offended when people ask how your hair “got that way.” Smile, nod, don’t draw attention to yourself. Fuck. That. I am a Black woman who happens to be mixed. I say Black Lives Matter loud and proud and stand behind everything it means because in this country, being Black has meant that our lives don’t matter. And in order for all lives to matter, Black and Brown lives have to matter as well, not just the white and white-passing ones. So until little Black boys and girls can play with theirs toys at the park, or walk home in the dark, or Black men and women can be pulled over by cops, go to a grocery store, or go for a fucking run without being assaulted or murdered, don’t you dare fix your lips to talk about “All Lives” because it’s the Black and Brown ones that this country has tossed aside. We must stand behind Black Lives Matter. We all deserve to be safe, seen, heard, and protected. I wish this wasn’t the world we live in. I wish Emmett, Trayvon, Riah, and so many more could have lived in safe bubbles, where their skin didn’t make them a target. They deserved so much more than what the world gave them. What I learned is that BLM does not negate my family, nor does it negate anyone else. From the perspective of our society, their lives already matter, it’s mine that is disposable. They benefit from their white skin whether they want to or not. I don’t have that privilege. Period. This was a disheartening lesson to learn, but I hope that my overdue epiphany hits home for someone else out there. Be proud of who you are, but we can’t afford to walk through this world ignorantly. Everyone should be screaming BLACK LIVES MATTER because all lives matter and those that are disproportionately affected by police brutality and systematic racism need the support in order to dismantle the system and make real change.
Michelle D. Jackson-Saulters Co-Founder of the Outdoor Journal Tour and We Hike To Heal Movement
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“The most painful changes
in our
lives often take uncomfortable introspection and a profound commitment to slow and deliberate work. That couldn’t be truer than now, as we face the absolute and undeniable evidence that racially unjust systems are violently killing our black community members, including dozens of black trans women. We must respond urgently and upend these systems with a force greater than the inertia that has kept them systems in place generationally. Doing any less proves our complacence.�
erin parisi Founder of TranSending 7
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“Silence
is a big indicator of complicity and violence.
There’s no way we can be silent right now; even businesses can't be. Social justice should be on-brand. We can’t disconnect ourselves from what is happening in society. Everything is connected. I personally cannot separate any parts of my life from what I see happening in the world at large and American culture. I have a responsibility to speak up and acknowledge the things that are wrong in the world. Now’s the time to use
PC: courtesy of merrell
our voices.”
Jenny Bruso Founder of Unlikely Hikers
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I have always been my own unique shade of Black—
breaking the rules and crashing the barriers that society has tried to box me into. It has been such a journey to accepting my reality that I am “other”—a bright, strong, Black woman. The type that you can’t help but stare at in awe because I am doing all the things that history has tried to claim are not for me, even down to the man I love. My shade of Black is doused in desert dirt and wildflowers. I find pride in my strong connection to nature and plants. I am unique in my shade of Black but I am fully aware that there are so many others just like me: a different, special shade of Black. I hope to encourage and redefine what it means to be a Woman of Color in America today. You do not have to color inside of the lines or fit any definition someone else has made for you. There is a lot of room for correction to the image that is portrayed of us. I go and explore in the outdoors for the younger version of myself that had no idea those wild spaces existed. Nor did I believe that it was something that I could attain. I would love for my younger sister (pictured in the illustration) to see that there is a much bigger world out there, just waiting for her to take up that space. My dream for her is that she paints her shade of Black all over this world—for her to find passion and share it with others. I wear my shade of Black with pride, dignity, and honor. No need to code-switch, no need to hide. Be the biggest, best version of you that you can be.
LAtasha dunston artist
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Jasmyne by LATASHA DUNSTON | @jitterbug_art 37
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One
gorgeous but very hot Sunday morning in May of 2015, I was completing a 16 mile long run on the road where my house was in Rabun Gap, situated in the North Georgia Mountains. The road overlooked the beautiful and lush Wolffork Valley, where the local lore is that people still find old Cherokee arrowheads. I was running down a hill in white capris, a bright pink top, a hydration vest, a running cap, sunglasses, and with a carved walking stick to fend away the aggressive, roaming dogs. As I neared the bottom of the hill, a white SUV driving in the opposite direction slowed down to a complete stop and the driver, a white woman, took out her phone and spoke to whomever she was speaking to while glancing up at me several times. When she was done, she drove slowly in my direction, staring at me the entire way, passing me. I smiled, and even waved, because that’s what you do in the South, and also that’s what you do to send the message that you’re friendly and nonthreatening. A few minutes later, a police officer drove in my direction from the north, slowed down, and took a good look at me. I smiled, waved. Not even five minutes later, another police officer drove in from the other direction, slowed down, took a good look at me, and then drove off. I smiled, waved. And wondered what I had done, while running, that caused a woman with outof-state plates to call the police on me. Later when I told some friends what had happened, most sympathized, but some remarked that maybe my walking stick frightened her. You see, the problem of racism is not in the running industry itself, it is in the larger society that cannot envision black people in certain spaces, even on the streets where we happen to live. I kept running on the road, almost every Sunday, venturing further and further away from my house, with various iterations of a runnerly outfit—bright colors, race shirts, running tights or shorts or skirts. You could NOT MISTAKE ME for another kind of athlete. My activity was unmistakable, or so I thought.
mirna valerio Runner, Speaker, & Author
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Getting down in the dirt How sex in the outdoors can feel expansive and even spiritual
Meghan O’Dea | @live.true.stories
S
ure, sex in a bed is great, but have you ever felt your bare ass slide against silky tactical nylon as you kick your sweaty undergarments into the brush, the scent of woodsmoke and hair oil radiating from your partner’s body as you turn an ENO Double Nest hammock into a backcountry sex-swing and stretch your trail-tired body into thrilling new positions? It’s true that I’d never felt less sexy in my life than the second date I’d spent trudging out of a gorge on a trail far beyond my capabilities in rural Tennessee. I was mosquito-bitten, sweaty, and chafed, carrying a pack laden with an unnecessarily wide assortment of meats, bagels, and canned goods which I’d curated in hopes of impressing my incredibly hot AF, experienced wilderness partner. It grew dark and we realized we were nowhere near the site we’d hoped to reach. I bit back tears
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as we made camp, convinced this whole thrilling romantic enterprise was going to end in my untimely demise. But while dusk dipped into a late spring blue hour, the bourbon started to warm my aching limbs. My date’s dark brown eyes locked with mine from across the crackling campfire and, oh. It was on. For the rest of our relationship, my former partner and I loved to hike and camp together. When the opportunity arose, we also loved to drop trou and grind it out. We had sex against boulders that perfectly fit my lower back and left flecks of lichen clinging to my salt-crusted skin after a midtrail quickie. We fucked in, and used, hammocks, tents, and trees. We came up with creative new ways to defile our well-worn sleeping bags by the dying embers of our campfires and in the mornings when dew was still dripping off the humid grass like, well, you know.
Though I still rarely feel sexy when I’m sucking serious wind at the top of a ragged series of mountain switchbacks, my hair stuck to the back of my neck and musky pheromones wafting from my pits and nethers, I have come to realize that few settings are quite so alluring or primal as the great outdoors when it comes to getting down, whether with a partner or the tender touch of my own right hand as I wind down—and rev up—to the song of tent-side tree frogs and babbling brooks that gently mask and harmonize with all the usual gasps and moans.
deep in the present moment.
I’m definitely not alone. As the outdoor industry diversifies, so does outdoor sex. And as everyone from BIPOC to LGBTQIA+ to the disabled break barriers outdoors, barriers are falling, too, for talking about the myriad ways we can fuck outside and really, really enjoy the experience.
That opportunistic use of the landscape to enhance the sexual experience is one of the most thrilling parts of backcountry hanky panky for many participants. When you find a spot that looks like it has the right blend of privacy, comfort, height, angles, curves, or textures, all you need is consent and an amorous mood to make the most of your surroundings.
“S
“The sex I have outdoors is usually spontaneous —like when we found a secluded cedar grove with a fallen log in the middle that was the perfect height to bend over or ended up on the rocky beach by an alpine lake that happened not to have any other visitors that day—and so I don’t worry about being ‘properly prepared’ or having the ‘right supplies,’” Lacey explained, who identifies as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community.
ex outside is FUN! It adds a level of excitement that can make an orgasm last longer or increase intensity, and who doesn’t want that?” May, a 34-year-old outdoor enthusiast, said. Making time to please your partner or yourself can even enhance the activities you’re ostensibly heading outdoors for, upping your endorphins and helping with recovery, both for your body and your mind after an especially big challenge. “Full days on a bike can leave you fatigued, chaffed, and inflamed,” cyclist Jen Engers said. “But there is no better place for sex than under the stars, or in a tent if privacy is an issue. Having your partner go down on you at the end of a long day of riding feels like a sexy, soothing, orgasmic trip to the spa.” After all, so much of heading outside is about discovering the awesome things you can do with your body, whether it’s about getting on top of a mountain, working your fingers into a tight crack on a challenging climbing pitch, or finding the right rhythm for your paddle stroke as you flow down white water. Having sex outside can be equally full of physical and emotional discovery, helping you and/or your partner get more creative, in tune, and
“My story is rooted in trusting your mind as you learn to trust your body,” Laura West said. She describes an adrenaline-fueled round of sex after completing an early climb, in a shady gully with a view down the wash. “My fingers scraped the rock and my feet held. Just as they did on the wall, now as he held me angled on the uphill face. We rocked gently together, my legs strong in their shake. My climb and sex instincts mirrored… to move as I could, and trust my body.”
“What ’s most important for me to enjoy sexy activities outside is to get comfortable with the uncomfortable...” 41
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Suspend Photography and Words by SHOOG MCDANIEL | @shooglet
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Shoog McDaniel is a southern, queer, non-binary, fat photographer and artist living in Tallahassee, Florida. Their latest project is conducting photoshoots of folks that are in quarantine using technology such as Zoom, capturing different angles of their body and exploring how we can continue to document through this really hard time where we’re all being made to stay apart from each other. “It’s really fun to see how adaptable and vibrant our communities can stay even through the worst shit.” Learn more about Shoog’s work at shoogmcdaniel.com and follow them on Instagram at @shooglet.
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“Eventually, doctors will find a coronavirus vaccine, but black people will continue to wait, despite the futility of hope, for a cure for racism.� - Roxane Gay American Writer, Professor, Editor, and Social Commentator 46 Years Old
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Let’s Talk About S ex
4 Sexual Health Brands We All Need (and Deserve) to Know ERICA ZAZO | @onecurioustrvlr
Let’s face it: Most times you can’t have sex with-
out stigma.
Social pressures and judgments falsely dictate how much sex we should (or shouldn’t) have. Political governance limits where and how we consume information on sexual intimacy. And we certainly aren’t supposed to talk about our sex lives around the dinner table. But even more so, the unwritten societal censorship of sex has limited our ability to access accurate, helpful, and, above all, relevant insight on how to have safe and pleasurable sex. That rings even more true for non-white and non-cisgender folks. Young, Black, Latinx, LGBTQIA+, non-binary, women, disabled, poor, and other under-resourced people are, yet again, pushed to the fringe when it comes to sexual health—from disproportionate health disparities to a lack of reproductive rights. Miss Grass MissGrass.com
“The War on Drugs has disproportionately affected the lives of People of Color,” Co-founder Kate Miller said. “And that history is still very present today. There are over 40,000 people in prison for nonviolent cannabis crimes and so many others who are prohibited from working in the legal industry due to their records. It’s imperative the industry only moves forward in an equitable and reparative way.”
What’s better than good weed? Good weed and good sex. Miss Grass knows both. Their cannabis product marketplace and online magazines make cannabis consumption more conscious by helping connect people with the best weed products possible. Through actual product testing, company vetting, and putting an emphasis on culture and diversity, Miss Grass enables people to vote with their dollar when buying cannabis products. Their top-selling, sexual health-focused product combines cannabis and pleasure. The Miss Grass Sex Kit—a starter kit for anyone wanting to incorporate CBD into their sex life—includes Foria’s Awaken CBD lubricant, a Miss Grass rose gold lighter case, Dame’s Kip vibrator and a Boy Smells candle. The brand also curates a Sex Shop online which features the top sexual wellness products across the Miss Grass catalog. On diversity, Miss Grass admits the cannabis industry has deep racist roots, but that is exactly why the company focuses on pushing forward initiatives around social equity and criminal justice reform. 72
b condoms bcondoms.com When b condoms founder Jason Panda was growing up, he didn’t see faces that looked like his in TV commercials and certainly not in condom ads. This is true across many industries, where marketing budgets and brands consistently ignore communities of color. Later in life, after influences from his mother who ran a detox and transitional care facility supporting many
people impacted by HIV/AIDs and teenage pregnancy, and as a patent lawyer for HIV biopharmaceutical drugs, he found his calling: creating the first and only Black-owned condom company in the nation. b condoms zeros in on promoting sexual health while also reducing health disparities, particularly in African American communities. The company makes organic, vegan, and lubricant-safe condoms, while also operating on a strong social mission to support and connect with African American communities addressing sex trafficking, HIV/AIDS prevention, teen pregnancy, and sexual health. “By marketing in a culturally represented way, and focusing on education where other companies aren’t investing, we’re able to build real partnerships in communities that aren’t paid attention to,” Panda said. “From prioritizing donations to tens of thousands of local non-profits to partnering with organizations that are not heavily capitalized—we’re making sure that condoms are available in areas where they’re not easily accessible.”
“For many years we’ve hosted regular classes by a rotating and ever-changing mix of sex educators, sex therapists, authors, researchers, and intimacy coaches, on topics ranging from sex and medicine to specific sex skills to healing after trauma to navigating non-monogamy and more,” Gretchen Leigh, She Bop’s education coordinator, said. She Bop also frequently partners with Portland’s feminist and LGBTQIA+ organizations, low-cost health clinics, non-profits, and college campuses for education purposes and fundraisers. “When we say that She Bop is a small business, we truly mean it. We have two storefront locations and a staff of about 13 folks at most, including the owners. We do everything ourselves, with management working alongside staff members in shipping, on the sales floor, and in our classes. Cheesy though it may be, I think that love for each other, what we do, and who we serve is what makes us different!”
MiddlesexMD MiddlesexMD.com MiddlesexMD, and founder Dr. Barb Depree, M.D., serves as a resource for sex life questions after 40—specifically for women looking for knowledge about safe, healthy sex during and beyond menopause. As a gynecologist and women’s health provider for almost 30 years and a menopause care specialist for over a decade, Dr. Barb focuses on what’s rarely discussed among health care providers and the media: that all individuals deserve to enjoy their sexuality for their whole lives. She Bop SheBopTheShop.com When She Bop founders Evy Cowan and Jeneen Doumitt opened their store in 2009, boutique adult sex shops—let alone those specializing in safe and inclusive products—were few and far between. Today, their small business in Portland, OR sells sensuality products, vagina-friendly lubricants, sex-positive books, and inclusive toys for all folks on the sexual spectrum. It also serves as a safe space and sex-ed resource for people of all genders, ages, backgrounds, and experiences.
“Menopause in particular wreaks havoc on sexual function and many women didn’t anticipate this or know how to navigate these changes,” Dr. Barb said. “What is unique about the women we work with is that we’re able to address questions and concerns about sex during menopause that arise as a result of the physiologic changes experienced when women lose their source of estrogen. Sexuality and sexual health is a universally human aspect of existence—it doesn’t discriminate. All individuals deserve to enjoy their sexual selves and in order to optimize this, it requires self-care.”
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poetry in motion Words and Art by:
abBEY gordon | @abbeygordonart Dawn You know that feeling when you wake up in a tent? And the air is dry, and sort of warm, and it smells like your favorite sleeping bag, but also of the sea. And also of dust. And you zip open the door, and the sky is still dark, but not quite dark. Most of the sky is night, and there are small little patterns of stars. But then in that other small shoulder of the sky, it is dawn. And over the dusty, sandy, cactus-filled hills, It is dawn. And I think to myself‌ What could be more perfect than this? This moment of waking up. Reentering the world, and realizing that everything I love is right in my hands. In my nose. In my lungs. Under my dry, dusty, salty toes. Running the length of my body as it slips through the clear, warm, sea. And that this moment is just the beginning of the day. Because in the shoulder of the sky, it is dawn.
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selfcare ≠ #selfcare SAMANTHA ROMANOWSKI | @smilingsamantha Artwork by Olivia Chase |
I really dislike the term “self-care.” It’s become a buzzword. It’s trendy. The meaning has become diluted. Green juice. Moon juice. Massage. Facial. Retreat. Crystals. #selfcare #wellness #ugh What does it mean to be well in 2020? What does it mean to practice “self-care”? Self-care is really about making conscious choices that nurture your body, mind, and spirit. It’s about loving the way that certain activities make you feel. And if you go deeper, it’s self-love. The catch? It’s a daily practice, not something you do to escape your stress or your life. Do you drink enough water? Are you getting enough sleep? Is there self-judgment or negative self-talk in your mental space? Do you make time for hobbies and social interaction? The small things you do to take care of your health (physical and mental) are self-care. And more importantly, it’s time to recognize that self-care is a part of your health care. Taking care of your health is a continuous process of proactively considering and tending to your needs. It’s about making the most caring choice you can make for yourself in a situation. It includes making small, sustainable changes in your life, that you can commit to keeping up. It’s maintaining your physical and mental health in ways that don’t add stress to your life but are a reflection of what you actually need to be healthy and well. It’s vital to start considering the WHY behind the choices we make. When you take the time to reflect on why you do certain things (and how you take care of yourself), it can reveal a deeper understanding about your intentions. Do you want to be distracted? Do you need a sense of control or accomplishment? Do you desire to feel more alive or connected? 78
@oliviachasedesigns We make countless decisions during the course of a day and when you uncover why you make certain decisions, you can begin to adjust the things that don’t serve you, that don’t make you feel good, and that don’t contribute positively to your health. It’s essential to view our self-care practices as part of our health care because they give us ownership over our health. When you view the small, daily (self-care) habits you do as part of your overall health care, you begin to recognize that you have the opportunity to change how you feel, both physically and mentally. Let’s be real—I’m not suggesting that you can use positive affirmations to pull yourself out of a funk. Or that eight hours of sleep is going to magically change your life. But maybe these are small steps that lead to larger gains that cause a real shift in the way you feel. Reflecting on why you do certain things, then making adjustments along with setting an intention to foster self-compassion, nonjudgment, and acceptance through your daily self-care practices will help you feel better. Go deeper and you’ll understand that true care for oneself is an act of self-love. And self-love is as fundamental to your health as food, water, and shelter. When you practice self-love, you increase your feelings of selfworth and foster growth within yourself and throughout your life. So let me ask you again—what do you do for self-care? Can you begin to shift your thinking around your daily (self-care) habits? Can you think of those things you do to take care of yourself as part of your health care? Can you take ownership of your health? That’s the most radical act of self-love I can think of.
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Marketplace
The Honey Pot Co TheHoneyPot.co The Honey Pot Co is the first complete vaginal care system that cleanses, protects, and balances your vagina. Founder Bea Dixon started The Honey Pot Co because she was suffering from bacterial vaginosis for months and couldn’t get relief. One night, an ancestor visited her in a dream and gifted her with a vision to heal herself. With her help, she created the Honey Pot Co to solve what other brands wouldn’t, using the power of herbs.
Momotaro MomotaroApotheca.com The vagina is complex and that’s why Momotaro keeps it simple. Momotaro is a pH balanced vaginal care line that believes that when it comes to vaginal wellness, clean is an adjective, not a verb. Inspired by their own experiences, they’ve created products that safely support the vagina’s natural ability to relieve symptoms associated with uncomfortable and unexpected issues like infection and itching stemming from yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, pH imbalance, and general irritation from sex, clothing, and exercise, without disturbing friendly bacteria.
BLK + GRN BlkGrn.com. The BLK + GRN marketplace connects Black people with natural lifestyles to high-quality, toxic-free brands that share in our mission of health, wellness, and community cultivation. All of their Black artisans are carefully chosen by Black health experts who know what an all-natural product truly looks like.
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golde Golde.co Golde is an independent, Brooklyn-born brand centered on making superfood-boosted essentials for health and beauty. At Golde, they believe that being well should feel good. That means products that look good, taste good, and help you feel like your best self. Trinity Mouzon Wofford co-founded Golde with her partner Issey Kobori in 2017 with the mission of bringing good vibes to the wellness industry. Their products are always natural, easy, and (most importantly) fun.
GoDeep GoDeep.live GoDeep brings you badass blends of adaptogenic herbs, mushrooms, and collagen for enhanced energy, focus, and sleep. Founder Dana Knowles Licko founded GoDeep to help her take back power, and have control over her health and wellness. Each one of GoDeep’s blends is carefully crafted by Dana to ensure that everyone who tries them receives the same benefits that she has. At GoDeep they are all about keeping it simple, letting go of what no longer serves you, learning how to care for yourself first before you can take care of anyone else.
Ivy’s Tea IvysTea.com
Ivy’s Tea Co. is owned and operated by first-generation herbalist and Tea Bae, Shanae. The decision to study herbalism came when she decided to learn more about living off the land and using the land for healing. She launched Ivy’s Tea Co. in November 2016 and since then, the brand has transformed into a Hip-Hop inspired tea company. Through Ivy’s Tea Co., Shanae hopes to change the way you see tea drinkers and introduce more African holistic health remedies into the holistic health industry. The goal is to make the industry as inclusive and reflective and accepting of all cultures as Hip-Hop.
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