Why Bra-rchitecture is Worth paying For

Iwas 12 when I had my first bra fitting. The condescending assistant whipped out her tape measure, pronounced I was a ‘36C’, adding, ‘That’s large,’ produced two orthopaedic-looking white bras, decided they were a ‘good enough fit’ and that was that. She never told me that my breasts would change, with every growth spurt, with monthly hormones, with the contraceptive pill, during pregnancy and childbirth…no, my bra size was set in stone at age 12 and 25 years later I was still wearing a 36C. I suffered from upper back pain and often had deep red marks on my shoulders but it was only when I visited a specialist bra shop in my thirties looking for a sports bra that a wonderful fitting assistant advised me I was wearing the wrong size. My back size needed to go down to a 30 and my cup size up to an F! The moment I donned the pretty bra she’d selected my shoulder pain all but disappeared. I also visibly shed at least half a stone in the mirror and marvelled at my new slim waist. She advised me on bra care, bra lifespan and how to recheck my size every six-12 months. I left a good deal poorer because as I learned, a good, well-fitting, supportive bra involves a lot of sophisticated engineering and workmanship and thus costs considerably more than I was used to paying.

Breasts, especially full breasts, are heavy, and we are taught to carry a heavy item by holding it close to our body, because it puts less pressure on our back. A bra should do that for your breasts. This is why the band is the most important part, because it provides 80% of the support. As the cup size increases the band needs to be wider, and the straps thicker, to redistribute the weight across your torso. If the band is too thin, it will fold and dig into your sides, while the shoulders will take too much of the weight, causing those deep red marks.

Once we have a well-fitted band, we can look at the cup. A cup formed from one solid piece of material will stretch gradually, no matter how well made. The exception to this is heat moulded lace, which some manufacturers are beginning to use because it fits well without stretching. Most cups though are seamed. They provide support via a side panel placed in such a way that it doesn’t stretch plus and a bottom panel (sometimes two panels) that provide support to the underside of the breast. The decorative top panel may or may not have some stretch to it. In addition many possess an inner sling for extra support.

All brands differ slightly, and some might suit your breast shape better than others. For example, my narrow rib cage and shoulders mean I prefer a bra where the cups are situated close together and the straps are also close set at the back. I find Fantasie full cup bras fit me best, my best friend prefers the shape Panache bras give her, and her daughter is fan of Freya balconettes, with wider set straps.

Hopefully, you now understand how much design and engineering go into a well-constructed bra, to produce lift, shape and support, as well as something beautiful to look at.

By Gemma Peters

Following on from a stellar run at Edinburgh Fringe which cemented Hal as one of the best reviewed shows of the year and a slew of top reviews, One of the UK’s best loved stand-up comedians - Hal Cruttenden - is back on tour with a brand-new show entitled ‘It’s Best You Hear It From Me’.

After 21 years and 224 days Hal's back being single. But it's all going to be fine. Instead of getting the therapy he clearly needs, he's made a cracking show about it. He's lost enough weight to almost get his wedding ring off and, while he may be flying solo, he's far from alone; he's got his grown-up daughters, his dogs and his divorce lawyer.

Hal, and his soon to be ex-wife Dawn, are part of the surge in ‘grey’ divorces. His hair certainly is and hers changes colour so often that she’s not quite sure. But this show isn’t just for those who’ve been through divorce and single people who need cheering up. It’s also for blissfully happy couples who can’t imagine that their marriage will fail, and that smug look will be wiped off their face.

This show not only makes you laugh but gives hope and a shared experience to the 42% of the population that get divorced in the UK - just don’t tell them that 60% of 2nd marriages end in divorce too!

So, make a date to see a show from a man who hasn’t had a date since 1999 when conversation revolved around the twist in ‘The Sixth Sense’, 'will the Millennium Bug kill us' and 'isn’t that Boris guy funny on ‘Have I Got New For You’.

The former Perrier awards nominee is one of the top touring stand-up comedians working in the UK and Ireland today, as well as being a highly accomplished writer, presenter and actor. He’s hosted The Rugby’s On on BT Sport with Ugo Monye. He has also made several appearances on ‘Live at the Apollo’ (BBC1 & 2), ‘Have I Got News For You’ (BBC1), ‘The Royal Variety Performance’ (ITV1), ‘Would I Lie To You’ (BBC1) ‘The One Show’ (BBC1), ‘The Great British Bake Off : An Extra Slice’ (BBC2 & Channel 4) and ‘The Apprentice: You’re Fired’ (BBC2).

TV also includes ‘Richard Osman’s House of Games’ (BBC2), ‘Mock the Week’ (BBC2), ‘Celebrity Mastermind’ (BBC1), ‘Celebrity Chase (ITV1), and ‘Celebrity Tipping Point’ (ITV1). Hal wrote and starred in his own sitcom, ‘Hal’ on Radio 4, as an actor he trained at the Central School of Speech and Drama, he has appeared in ‘Shackleton’; ‘Eastenders’; ‘Touching Evil’, ‘Bramwell’, ‘Mrs Dalloway‘, ‘Brexit’, ‘Making News’ and ‘Orwell A Celebration’.

He’s toured extensively in the UK and Ireland over the last 10 years, he has also taken shows to the Montreal, Melbourne, and New Zealand comedy festivals and he’s recorded three stand up specials ‘Tough Luvvie’ (www.amazon.co.uk), ‘Straight Outta Cruttenden’ (Amazon Prime) and ‘Chubster’ (NextUPComedy.com and Amazon Prime).

Hal is fanatical about quizzes, politics and rugby.

Coming to Colchester on:

Sun 21st

COLCHESTER – Arts Centre

Booking line: 01206 500900 colchesterartscentre.com