September 16 Scoop Magazine

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or inhome. Dependable, affordable! Over 14 Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 COMMUNITY GARAGE SALE, FRIDAY AND Saturday, September 16th and 17th, 8am-5pm, Winhaven, Minden, Nevada, Hwy. 395 and East on Lucerne 1984 CHEVY VAN RV SUNDANCER, AS IS CONDITION, make offer; organ, 2 keyboards $60 (775)887-1163 RENNER’S TRUE VALUE HARDWARE; Plumbing, Electrical, Post and Fence, Pre-mix Cement Bags, Toys, Pet Food, Household Cleaners, We have everything you need! Smith Valley, Wellington, TRE (775)465-2217 KING SIZE BED WITH FRAME AND HEADBOARD, includes comforter and four sets of flannel sheets $200 (775)884-2961

NORTHERN NEVADA BOER GOATS, HOME of Champion Producing Sire Sudden Impact, Full Bloods Purebreds Percentages Kids available now, ichwawa395@aol.com, northernnvboergoats.com (775)781-0243 GE WHITE GAS STOVE, 4 BURNERS, OVEN and broiler, excellent condition $150 (775)782-8334 USA DRYWALL, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#59981 (775)2472539 COMMUNITY GARAGE SALE, October 15th and 16th, 8am-5pm, Carson Highlands Mobile Home Park in Moundhouse PROFESSIONAL LICENSED CAREGIVER SEEKING Employment in Minden, Gardnerville and surrounding areas. Around the clock care available! Certified in CPR, Emergency First Aid, Alzheimer’s, Dementia, Aging and Personal Care (775)901-3864

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $399, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $99, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994 WILL TEAR DOWN AND BUY OLD WOODEN Barns and Barn Wood! Insured and bonded (775)782-9192 GOT WOOD? SAMMY’S FIREWOOD, HONEST Quality Service, soft and hard wood, delivery available, located in Carson City, (775)315-0834 NEIGHBORHOOD GARAGE SALE, HOLBROOK Highlands, Saturday, August 27th 8am2pm, sporting goods, household items, furniture, Hwy. 395/208 Junction, Gardnerville

11 People On a Rope

Two Extra Things

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in his bag so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. “It’s a very handy thing,” God told them, “and I was wondering if either one of you would like that.”

When Adam saw it, he jumped up and down and begged “Oh, give that to me! I’d love to have that. It seems just the sort of thing a man should have. Please.

Please! Pleeease! Give it to me.” On and on he went like an excited little boy.

So Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee while standing up and he was so excited. He whizzed on the bark of a tree and then went off to write his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said to Eve, “Well, here’s the other thing and I guess you can have it.”

“What’s it called? Eve asked.

“Brains” God said.

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Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter--10 men and 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave; otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren’t able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

SEW-WHAT UPHOLSTERY, SPECIALIZING IN Antiques and Leather, bring the life back to which it deserves, 40+ years experience, Carson Valley, Leslie (775)901-2035 PAINTING INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR, STAINING, faux and fine finishes, free estimates, Powers Painting, NV#68615, powerspainting.org or (775)781-5531 or (775)315-5179 DASILVA’S HAULING/HANDYMAN SERVICES Cleanup, tree trimming/removal, rock and dirt removal, weed pulling, tractor service, handyman services, fence repairs and housecleaning, NV#0319423 (775)230-3436 or (775)354-3328

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WNC Motorcycle Rider Course

Motorcycle season is upon us. Learn to ride a motorcycle in 2½ days. WNC uses the Motorcycle Safety Foundation (MSF) curriculum and teaches the Basic Rider Course (BRC) and the Advanced Rider Course (ARC). The BRC is geared towards new riders and those with experience who need/want a refresher course.

The BRC is offered every weekend from April through the 1st weekend of November, excluding legal holiday weekends. WNC provides the training motorcycle 250 CC and a helmet. Cost $160. The ARC is a one-day class held on a Saturday once a month. Students must hold a Class M endorsement, bring their street legal, insured and registered motorcycle and be dressed to ride.

The ARC class is an excellent class for riders – learn smother throttle control, risk management, better tire traction, leaning and riding in pairs. Cost $85. Enjoy the feeling of riding a motorcycle while enjoying the open road and lovely weather. Check class descriptions, dates, cost and registration on line at www.campusece.net/wnc/ or call (775)445-4268 WHITE STORM DOOR WITH SCREEN, 37”x80”, very good condition $100 firm (775)265-2597

GARAGE SALE IN SMITH VALLEY, MULTIFamily Sale, Saturday, September 3rd 8am-2pm, 37 Foothill Rd. off Hwy 208 HANDYMAN FOR ALL YOUR OUTSIDE NEEDS, yard cleanup, power wash, etc, minor jobs, free estimates, NV#11376PC (775)246-9899 TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, clipper blades, clipper repair, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079 WE MEET BY ACCIDENT! ALL AUTOMOTIVE repairs with Professionalism and Customer Service Our Top Priority! Your choice for accident repair, offering rental cars and free estimates, Valley Collision, Yerington (775)463-5555 I’M A MINCHIPOO! I NEED A LOVING HOME, adult to pet and play, dog door trained, self-feeder, chipped, no shedding, no grooming except toenails (775)782-4332

Labor Day- September 5th 7

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com Isn’t it Wonderful?

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

“Miss Beatrice”, he said. “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.

“Oh, yes” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter?”

YARD/MOVING SALE, SEPTEMBER 16th, AND 17th 8am-2pm, household items including new Kitchenaid mixer, modern to antique furniture, two Harleys, 1978 FLH Shovelhead, 1988 FLHTP and riding gear, western saddle and tack, hats, fedoras, vintage china, flatware, glassware, fine art photos, 199 Artist View, Smith Valley KITCHENAID 26.7 CUBIC FEET WHITE REFRIGERATOR/Freezer side by side with water and ice maker, excellent condition $150 (775)782-8334 SHOWER/BATHTUB ENCLOSURES STARTING at $4,995, done with Sentrel Bath Systems, granite stone or marble look material. Figueroa’s Construction for your bathroom and kitchen/home improvements, Free Estimates, NV#58909, CA#678260 (775)782-3225 IN NEED OF A FENCE? WE SELL WHOLESALE to the public; Installation, Materials and Repairs.

Custom Gates, Dog Kennels, Horse Shelters and Electronic Gates. We specialize in the largest variety of fence products. Proudly serving Northern Nevada and California since 1989! 5% off with this ad! Florence Fence Inc., Minden, NV#31586B, CA#559646, Free Estimates! (775)267-9918

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” $200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, Re-roof, Repairs, Over 25 Years Experience, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” Licensed, Bonded and Insured, NV Lic.#58203; Tom Goldston Roofing, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount (775)790-2461 GOT ART? COME SEE OUR NEW SELECTION of Contemporary, Rustic frames, Lone Tree Frame Company, 1497 Hwy. 395 N., Gardnerville (775)7822522 CUSTOM HOMES AND MORE; NEW CONSTRUCTION, Remodels, Garages, Decks, Carports, Concrete, Roofs, Fencing and Interior Finish, 30+ years experience in Carson Valley! Serving Carson Valley, Wellington and Surrounding Areas. Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Booth Custom Homes, NV#057010 (775)691-3300

The Little Puppy Dog Written by Barbara in Bishop

Follow Me

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away! And let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

“OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees.

Finally, he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

“Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.

“Yes, yes, yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

“Good!” said the first bat, “Because I didn’t!”

WE BUY MOBILE HOMES, PARKS OR WITH land, NV# U2175 (775)815-1214 MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, CURBING, Granite and Concrete, All Colors Available, Quality Work (775)720-1627

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There was a tiny puppy dog with a little tiny tail and he always had a little bath in a little tiny pail.

Once this little puppy dog with the little tiny tail was sent downtown to the little pet shop and there put up for sale.

One day a little sad-eyed boy came walking by the store. He saw the little puppy dog and wanted nothing more.

He stood beside the window pane his nose all flattened out; The tears ran down his rosy cheeks his lips began to pout.

Every boy and puppy dog need each other’s love.

And then he saw a man put up a printed sign above.

He looked and read and then he smiled, for this is what we see: “If a sad-eyed boy comes walking by this puppy will go FREE!” So now our little puppy dog with the little tiny tail has a friend to help him take his bath in the little tiny pail.

2002 CHRYSLER TOWN AND COUNTRY minivan, needs engine work, four new tires, rebuilt transmission $500 Gardnerville (707)498-1304 D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, snow removal, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808

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Tahoe/Douglas Elks Annual Flea Market

Friday September 30th, 7am-3pm, and October 1st, 7am-2pm, collecting GOOD quality items at the Lodge on Tuesdays & Thursdays, 9am–12pm, 1227 Kimmerling, Gardnerville Ranchos. For donations pick up call between 9am-6pm, Jim (310)874-4655, Ron (775)2671367 / (775)315-0146 or Neil (775)265-5120 TRASH/JUNK HAULING AND DUMP RUNS, SERVING Douglas County, call Rich (775)315-7737

LK TOWNE CONSTRUCTION, residential commercial, remodel kitchens and bathrooms, NV License #0042503 bonded Ken Towne owner (775)8831256 or (775)720-8286 GARAGE SALE, SEPTEMBER 9TH AND 10TH, 8am-3pm electronics, hand tools, mechanical and electrical, household, fishing gear, ski equipment, snow clothes, 1763 Mahogany Circle, Minden

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Not for Lunch

My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals.

Tired of it after several months, I said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.”

“Fair enough. From now on I’ll make my own,” he replied.

A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him afterwards.

“We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,” he suggested.

I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order.

My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Separate checks, please...”

Brain Teasers

EXPERIENCED HOT TUB REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE, monthly/bi-monthly, new custom covers available! Serving Carson Valley area, Carson Spa Care (775)230-5328

1. You are in a room that is completely bricked in on all four sides, including the ceiling and floor. You have nothing but a mirror and a wooden table in the room with you. How do you get out?

2. Three playing cards in a row. Can you name them with these clues? There is a two to the right of a king.

A diamond will be found to the left of a spade. An ace is to the left of a heart. A heart is to the left of a spade.

Now, identify all three cards.

3. Two cars were involved in an accident in the center of town. The man who was driving a little green car, had overtaken a big black car. The driver had misjudged the distance between him and the on-coming traffic and had to swerve back in, causing the black car to swerve and crash into a shop window. When the occupants of the cars were examined everyone in the green car was okay, but in the black car was one dead man. However, the driver of the green car was not charged with manslaughter, why was this so?

4. A group of campers have been on vacation so long, that they’ve forgotten the day of the week. The following conversation ensues. Darryl: What’s the day?

I dont think it is Thursday, Friday or Saturday. Tracy: Well that doesn’t narrow it down much. Yesterday was Sunday. Melissa: Yesterday wasn’t Sunday, tomorrow is Sunday. Ben: The day after tomorrow is Saturday.

Adrienne: The day before yesterday was Thursday.

Susie: Tomorrow is Saturday. David: I know that the day after tomorrow is not Friday. If only one person’s statement is true, what day of the week is it? Find the answers on a following page.

HAVING DIFFICULTIES FINDING A HOME? RENTING, buying, tired of being a landlord or looking to sell? Call Nevada Premier Properties, ask for Angie Smith (775)691-0330

HDS INSURANCE REPRESENTING NUMEROUS top companies, we do the shopping for you, right priced, right coverage, all lines of insurance (775)267-9947

QUALITY QUILTS, CREATIVE CLOTH, FREE motion custom quilting, pantographs, and line designs to enhance your own quilt tops. Quilting and sewing classes, custom orders, private lessons, find us on Facebook (775)691-0533 PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information (530)495-2700

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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com Happy 60th Mom and Dad! East Fork Gallery…

One by one each year flew by, since you both said “I do” 60 years of memories, shared by the two of you.

From big events and holidays to simple daily pleasures, some tearful times along life’s way, some joys that can’t be measured. One by one each year now gone, but still they’re yours forever, each and every memory, of sixty years together! Happy Diamond Anniversary, August 25th! Love always, Lisa COMPLETE LAWNCARE, PAVERS, RETAINING Walls and More! 30 years in Carson Valley, Senior Discounts and Free Estimates, Nevada Lawns (775)450-2156 WANNA BE FENCED? CHAIN LINK, ORNAMENTAL Iron and Wood, Post Hole Drilling, Dig and Set Posts, Redwood Decking and Tennis Courts, Serving Carson Valley since 1978, Finest Fence, NV#25928A (775)883-1117 COMPLETE QUEEN WOOD BEDROOM set with headboard, night stands and dressers, no mattress $100 (775)463-4751

in the Record Courier Center (Gardnerville) represents 40+ artists, art, photography, jewelry and cards.

Monday-Saturday, 10am-5pm (775)782-7629 TOP CASH FOR ANTIQUE MINING, RAILROAD, Indian, Cowboy, Gambling Items; Lamps, Toys, Bottles, Advertising, Costume Jewelry, Indian and Mexican Tourist Jewelry, Glass Beads, Rhinestones any condition, please call Ron (775)782-3893 HOT TUB SERVICE AND REPAIR, WEEKLY AND Bi Weekly service, Reasonable Rates, Private Homes and Vacation Rentals, Call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tub’s (775)267-2490 BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND re-colored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (530)495-1641 or (775)233- 5297 A BAD TILE JOB CAN BE LIKE A BAD HAIRCUT, but it doesn’t grow back, so don’t get hacked!

Done right the first time, Sundance Tile and Marble, NV#58795 (775)691-9954

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Parenting with Purpose

By Mary Jane Battista, Coleville, CA

Don’t Worry!

This guy comes home dead tired from working a twelve-hour day and collapses in bed.

He’s just about asleep when his wife rolls over and says, “What would you do if I told you that you had a beautiful, sexy, woman lying next to you?”

He replied. “Don’t worry honey I’d stay faithful!”

LICENSED AND BONDED ELECTRICIAN, ADDITIONS, Remodels, Extra Outlets, Switches, Light Fixtures, Ceiling Fans, Trouble Shooting and Power Panel upgrades, etc., 18 Years Experience, Free Estimates, Senior Discount, NV#52647, Degenspark Electric (775)267-4229 ELECTROLYSIS AND LASER FOR HAIR REMOVAL; Complimentary, confidential consultation. 30 years experience. Weekday, evening, Saturday appointments available, Sally Battista (775)782-6190 WE HAVE A LARGE SELECTION OF NEW AND Used RV’s and a full parts and service department, Carson City RV, 4550 North Carson Street, North Highway 395 (775)882-8335

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Erma Bombeck wrote, “When God Created Mothers.”

It is humorous with a splash of truth to it saying, “And God said, “She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 180 movable parts all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that disappears when she stands up, a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed affair and she needs six pairs of hands.” Erma also wrote a profound statement that I think pertains to all moms and hopefully dads too. When asked, “which child is your favorite?” Erma answered, “the one who needs me most at the moment.

It is the child who is sick, the child who is homesick, the child struggling with a difficulty.” Parents, can you relate? Now let me ask you if you can relate to another parent, Israel, otherwise known as Jacob, written about in the bible, Genesis 37:3. “Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons because he had been born to him in his old age and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him. What you have just read is a clear description of a parent’s favoritism causing jealousy. Now I want to ask you, do you show favoritism to one child above another? If you answered “yes” than let me ask another question. Do you find your kids do not like each other, pick on each other and tend to be mean to each other? Have you found that the child you favor often tattles on the others because they know you will take their side and the other child will get in trouble? If so than I would like to suggest a few things that might help to change the way you relate to each child and help you not to play favorites.

Sometimes the reason you favor a particular child is that you just plain understand them. They might react to things the way you do and it is easier to respond kindly to them. The child who is not favored may grate on your nerves and you don’t have a clue as to why.

God is calling you to find out the reason because He does not want anyone to grow up feeling rejected. Gary Chapman wrote a helpful book entitled The 5 Love Languages. He helps us to learn how each one of us responds to communication and why it is important.

Finding out what makes your child feel loved by you can make all the difference to him. Another book that might be helpful is Sometimes All a Person Needs is a Little Perspective, by Andy Andrews. For sure, looking at favoritism from a Biblical perspective, will shed light on some of the struggles you experience in your family. Since God knows more about this subject than

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anyone, He can help you to develop a correct strategy that might change the course of the way your family functions. First of all, know God’s character. Romans 2:11 says, “God does not show favoritism.” James 2:9 says, “if you show favoritism you sin.” And as we discovered from Jacob’s favoritism toward Joseph there was jealousy among his older brothers. What does jealousy produce? James 3:16. “For where you have jealousy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” Going back to the tattle tale issue I want to suggest getting to the bottom of things exposes the motivation of why one child is telling on another. If just for the sake of getting a sibling in trouble to gain your favor, you might try asking what punishment the tattling child feels the other kid deserves.

Then issue the suggested punishment to the tattle tale because his heart needs adjusting. This method works with older children above the age of 6 because they are old enough to understand why you are putting the punishment back to them. Finally, my friends, I leave you with a verse from 1 Timothy 5:21 “I charge you in the sight of God and Christ Jesus, and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.”

Parenting and Grand Parenting without favoritism is not easy but with God’s help you can accomplish the impossible!

FOOD PROCESSOR, KITCHENAID, NEVER used, complete with accessory case, blades and disks $45 (775)783-8094 C.F.I. CERTIFIED CARPET, HARDWOOD, VINYL, no charge for furniture or tear-out. Threeyear labor warranty! Residential and Commercial Competitive pricing, JS Flooring (775)267-4123

Free Makeup! What??

Ladies, let me treat you to a free lesson on makeup application and tips and tricks, by appointment please, Fridays 4pm-7pm at Beachcomber Salon, Gardnerville, Ann (530)386-1135 CUSTOM MASONRY, ONE BRICK AT A TIME, Commercial/Residential, 3+ Better Business Bureau rating, serving Carson Valley 12+ years, Free Estimates, M Sqrd Masonry, NV#200616647 and CA#924187, Marc Duryee (775)450-6219 or (775)783-4753

Grandparents Day- September 11th 15

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Mammoth Lakes Housing…

Has financing through CalHome for manufactured home purchase, rehab, or replacement in Mono County! Call (760)934-4740 PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, Lawn care, Competitive Rates and all work guaranteed (775)265-7081 PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, Remodels, New Construction, Residential and Commercial, Since 1997, Bonded and Insured.

Guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441 THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail. com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848 SCAMPER POP-UP CAMPER FOR A SHORT bed pickup cab-over, stove, refrigerator, queen bed, sleeps 4 $1,200 (775)782-2108

Hugs

A hug is such a simple thing, it costs nothing to give and can be priceless to the one receiving it.

You can give a hug to a stranger, a neighbor, a co-worker, a friend or a loved one, without offending; It can say, “Hello, I’m sorry, thanks, you’re welcome, please forgive me, I’m so glad to see you, be safe, hurry back, welcome, have a great trip, you are forgiven, my, how you’ve grown, I’m so proud of you, I love you”... and so much more! And remember, a hug is the one present that’s always worth giving!

NINE DRAWER CHEST, TWO NIGHTSTANDS, two nightstand table lamps $300 sold together; Goldtone metal headboard $50 (775)790-7728 I AM A SENIOR CITIZEN IN NEED OF WORK; I can shop for you, cook, clean your house, read to you, honest and responsible (775)291-9188 PICTURE FRAMING FOR EVERY BUDGET Let’s Make Framing Fun! No obligation design consultations. Sierra Custom Picture Framing, 1210 N. Carson Street, Carson City (775)883-5411

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It Takes a Village Music Festival

The historic town of Genoa is having its first annual Music Festival on Labor Day weekend, Saturday, September 3rd from 2pm – 7:30pm in the stockade at Mormon Station State Historic Park. This music festival will feature two stages of entertainment. Beginning on the Village Stage will be award winning Dougie L. for the National Sinatra competition singing the Great American Song Book. Bringing you the funk, rhythm and blues from the Motown era is Gruve Nation. Beginning at 5:15pm on the Grand Stage will be ROCKETMAN, an exact re-enactment of an early Elton John concert, featuring gorgeous, exact replica costumes – (many items actually worn by Elton), 100% live instruments, faster tempos and various flashy grand pianos. This is an intense, sincere and musical journey with NO cheese and NO cheap party store disco shirts. Audiences laugh, cry, sing and dance – not always in that order, whilst having a blast of energy recalling the highs and lows of Elton’s career. There are ballads and driving rock songs. It is a trip down yellow brick road. Festival Food will be a sweet & spicy barbecue rib dish and barbecued beef kabobs served

by Genoa Station Grill. Come as an obvious icon of

the 70’s (such as Elvis, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Jimi Hendrix for example) and enter the Celebrity Costume Contest, winner gets $250 cash. The Greater Genoa Business Association and several local sponsors are the hosts for this event, and they are giving 50% of the ticket sales to Family Support Council. VIP seating is $38 and General Admission tickets are $28, bring your lawn chair, (no coolers please). The Genoa Bar is hosting at the event a beer, wine and rum runner bar. Buy tickets online at ggba.tix.com, or cash/check tickets at the Family Support Council, Genoa Bar, Pink House, and Sweet Repeats in Genoa. For more information, find us on FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/ItTakesAVillageMusicFestival/ BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, Residential and Commercial, Multi Story Specialist, Mobile Blind Cleaning, Pressure Washing, Awning Cleaning, Call Unlimited for a clear view!

(775)883-6629 GENEALOGY - THOROUGH RESEARCH OF FAMILY histories. A unique gift for weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays or yourself! www.

PersonalPedigree.com or Lisa (775)450-8972

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” WNC Community Education Classes

Introduction to Western Silversmithing, Medicare: Clear Simple and Understandable, Women’s Self Defense, Voice Over, R.I.P.P.E.D. exercise class, Computer Basics, Washoe Language – Washiw itlo Gawgayay, Yoga, A Mindful Approach. Other potential classes coming for fall Finance, Basic Math and English.

Check class descriptions, dates, cost and registration on line at www.campusece.net/wnc/ or call (775)4454268 SCI GRADING EXCAVATING ROAD WORK, House Pads, Drainage and Erosion Control, Septic Systems and Pumping, Wet and Dry Utilities, Demolition, Water and Dump Truck Service, NV#076958, CA#954210, Erik Viksna (530)306-2647 or (775)6299000 NEED FABRIC? LARGEST FABRIC SELECTION in northern Nevada; upholstery, drapery, awning, vinyl, outdoor fabrics, custom bedding, area rugs, drapery hardware and full upholstery workroom, Acanthus Fabrics and Upholstery, 2562B Silver State Pkwy, Minden, Acanthusfabrics.com (775)267-1300

Christian Home

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny cried all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

HARDWOOD FLOORING WAREHOUSE CLEARANCE! Also Laminate, Vinyl Plank and Carpet at 20% - 50% off, Specials starting from .50 per square foot, Rogers Carpet One (775)267-2555 GREG’S SMALL ENGINE SERVICE AND REPAIR! All Lawn Mowers, Snow Blowers, Portable Generators, Tillers, Shredders; On Site Pick-Up and Delivery, Serving Carson City, Carson Valley, Dayton, Alpine County, Virginia City - gregtenbroeck@yahoo.com or visit us at gregsmallengine. com (775)790-0435 or (530)307-1132 ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE – RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest rates around, Gardnerville (775)265-4766

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Kiss

I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. “Are you wiping off my kiss?”, I asked her.

“No”, she smartly replied, “I’m just rubbing it in!”

JR’S POWER SPORTS! WE SERVICE, ALL Quads, Dirt, Street Bikes, Chainsaws, Snowmobiles, Generators, any gas powered machines, 30 years experience! Dayton, jrpowersports.com or (775)241-2530 POWERHOUSE PH3100 RI GENERATOR, electric start, less than 20 hours, tool kit included, wheels and handle for roll-around $895 OBO (775)450-0028 RENEE’S UPHOLSTERY, FORMERLY OF SARAH’S, specializing in Motorcycle Seats, Furniture, Marine, Automotive, 20 years experience, rquell@ sbcglobal.net or (775)530-3941

Patriot Day- September 11th

Wife’s Name

A man asked an American Indian what was his wife’s name.

He replied, “She called Four Horse”.

The man said, “That’s an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?”

The Old Indian answered, “It old Indian name. It mean, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!” ELLA K. LADEN, CPA, PROFESSIONAL, PERSONALIZED Service for all of your Tax and Bookkeeping needs, Reasonable Rates, 25 Years Experience (775)392-0074 PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, References available, Boarding offered or visit your home; Horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@aol.com (775)7821212 or (775)781-1065 MINOR TO MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE REPAIRS, Tires and More! ASE Certified Master Mechanic, 35 years same location! Senior Discounts, Bobs Shell Service, Carson City (775)883-7919

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Would You??

Wife: “Would you get a girlfriend again if I died?”

Husband: “Of course not.”

Wife: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?”

Husband: “Ok, I would marry again.” (annoyed) Wife: “Oh...” (sad) Husband: -silenceWife: “Would you live in our house?”

Husband: “Sure, it’s a great house.”

Wife: “Would you two sleep in our bed?”

Husband: “Where else would we sleep?”

Wife: “Would you let her drive my car?”

Husband: “I guess I would, it’s almost new.”

Wife: “Would she use my golf clubs, too?”

Husband: “No, she’s left handed.”

Wife: -silence-

WANTED LICENSE PLATES, AUTO AND MOTORCYCLE, Motorcycle helmets 1940’s-70’s, Old signs and mining photos (775)315-4930 VOICE AND PIANO LESSONS, BEGINNER to Advanced students, experienced teacher, performer, music degree. Call The Songlady! Carolyn Lancaster (775)720-1918 or (775)267-2582

Settle Down

This guy comes blasting into the doctor’s office and exclaims, excitedly, “Doctor, I think I’m shrinking! I think I’m shrinking!”

“Ok, just settle down sir,” the doctor says. “You’re just going to have to be a little patient.”

RUPERT’S GEMCUTTING AND JEWELRYUNIQUE Gifts, Custom Designing, Repairs. Specializing in Natural Stones and Precious Gemstone Jewelry, Carson City (775)882-5988 JOB FAIRS! INTERVIEWS! Are you prepared?

A great resume is your key to success. Military discount. (DD214 required) Call The Resume Business now! (775)267-2711 PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827

Visit us online: sierrascoop.com 20

MKD CONSTRUCTION, GENERAL ENGINEERING, concrete structures, concrete flat work, grading, roadway improvements, drainage, storm drains, underground utilities (water and sewer), paving, fencing, barrier rail, environmental improvements, Commercial and Residential Snow Removal, Excellent Reputation and References Available, NV#50061 and CA#818376, Mike (775)246-1900 or (775)315-2416

Codependents Anonymous

CoDA “Developing Healthy Relationships” Carson City, Sparks and Kings Beach, Visit www.coda. org or call for details, Al at (775)882-0884 or Bob C. (775)720-1040 CHIZEK CONCRETE PUMPING, GROUT AND 3/4-line pump; Residential and commercial, prompt, dependable service, Brad (775)721-0055 DON’T HUMP IT, PUMP IT! PREFINISHED OAK HARDWOOD FLOOR, 510.4 square feet, 3/4”x3¼” planks, 29 boxes at 17.6 square feet per box, Purchased for home we no longer own, $1,500 OBO (775)745-7139

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

21

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” The Henpecked Husband

Pit Bulls Spayed/Neutered Only $25

After a particularly rousing session at his self-help group for henpecked husbands, a married man decided that enough is enough and that the little lady is not going to tell him what to do that weekend. He sent her an SMS on Friday evening that he was going out with the boys and not to expect him back until Sunday evening.

They went bowling that Friday, followed by fishing on Saturday and a few rounds of miniature golf on Sunday. And during all that time, everybody was impressed that his wife did not even dare to call or SMS him. It was probably because his phone was switched off, but he didn’t tell them that.

On Sunday evening, the man finally walked in the front door of his house. His wife was sitting on the couch waiting for him, and she calmly motioned to him to take a seat.

His wife said, “You have not seen me for the past three days. Were you happy during the three days?”

The man decided that honesty was the best policy and he replied, “Yes, I was.”

“I understand that sometimes a man needs time for himself,” the wife continued. “Would you rather that you don’t see me for the next few days?”

The husband couldn’t believe this new and improved wife that was talking to him then. All the fibers of his being told him that something was not right and that he’d better get down on his knees and start groveling, but the new man in him decided that it was time he took charge.

“I think that would be nice,” he replied.

He didn’t see his wife for the rest of that Sunday evening.

Monday came and went, and the man didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday came, and then it went, and the man still didn’t see his wife.

Wednesday passed, and his wife was still nowhere in sight.

Finally, on Thursday, the swelling went down a little and he could just see her out of the corner of his left eye.

WE’RE EASY TO GET A LAWN WITH! YARD clean up, weekly mowing, sprinkler repair and much more, HIM Quality Lawns (775)229-3018

COMPLETE LANDSCAPING AND SNOW REMOVAL, RESIDENTIAL and Commercial, Weekly Maintenance, Tree Trimming, Emergency Repairs, Sprinklers/Drip, Pavers, Patios, Retaining Walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, www.davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439

Brain

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

WOOD STOVES - PELLET STOVES New/Reconditioned starting at $800 while supplies last. Showroom hours 9am to 4pm Monday thru Friday, 63 Laxalt Dr. Mound House, NV, www.bbqsandfireplaces.com or (775)241-2609 THE PURPLE AVOCADO GREAT GIFTS! Come see why we’re voted #1 Best Gift Shop! 904 N. Curry Street, Carson City or visit our website at thepurpleavocado.com or (775)883-6233

DAWG has funds available for a low cost Pit bull/PB Mix Spay/Neuter program. Proof of Douglas County, NV residency required. For more information, call (775)392-2295

22

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

23

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Happy Anniversary Nick and Nova!

September 2 - On this Anniversary, the day you both were wed comes a wish for more happiness in the years that lie ahead. Happy Anniversary Dear Son and Daughter-In-Law, I love you, Mom $119 A LOAD PLUS DUMP FEE, J.R.’S HAULING, Junk and Trash, “Your Hometown Hauler Since 1996!” Carson Valley/Carson City (775)2656813 HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, Remodels, Garages, We Do It All! Free Estimates, 21 Years Experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453

Doctor, Doctor!

Come Join us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church

Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 5pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)267-9590 IS WINDOW CLEANING A PAIN? 40 YEARS EXPERIENCE, licensed and insured, Dave Adams Window Cleaning call for an over the phone price!

“The science of perfection” (775)241-2318 FITNESS EQUIPMENT, WEIDER POWER Tower, strengthen muscles, resistance, flexibility, cable and pulley system #99712, new $180, sell $100 OBO (775)265-3654 WE’LL KEEP YOU IN STITCHES, WE COVER autos, furniture and ATV’s, 47 years experience, Tweeds Upholstery, Gardnerville, tweedsupholstery@yahoo.com or (775)782-5812 VEGETABLE CHOPPER, KING KUTTER, never used, complete with cutting cones $45 (775)783-8094

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A man was walking into the hospital for a routine examination the other day. Just as he reached the main entrance, another man, who had just exited the hospital, keeled over on the sidewalk. The first man ran towards the second and noticed that he was obviously dead.

The man rushed into the hospital, grabbed the first doctor that he could find, and screamed, “Doctor, Doctor!! A man just walked out of the hospital and dropped dead on the sidewalk!! What should I do?”

The doctor thought about this dilemma for a few moments, then suggested, “Spin him around. Make it look like he was coming in.”

1967 16’ VINTAGE TRAILER, FIELD AND STREAM, inside fixed up really cute, solar panel to run large fan and lights, completely furnished, extras $2,500 (775)267-5964 WEEKLY LAWN CARE, DETHATCHING AND AERATION, 13+ years experience, reliable, quality service, serving Carson Valley, Carson Valley Lawn Care, Insured (775)230-2546

Caregivers Needed

Join our team of Caregivers and make a difference in the lives of seniors. Provide companionship and bring assisted living into their home. Full-time, part-time, days, nights, 12 hour, and 24 hour shifts available.

Retired and mature adults encourage to apply. EOE Apply online eden-homecare.com (775)392-2000 1993 CAMARO PARTS CAR call with offers ready, phone or text is fine at any time (775)309-7900

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

ROAD TORSION BAR SUSPENSION TRAILER for portable welding machine, 150-400amp, gas or diesel engine drive welding machine, new tires, new $1,200, asking $600 firm, no credit cards or checks, cash only or will trade for? Call Bob (775)265-4587

Golf Tournament...

to Benefit the Southwest Stem Cell, Transplant Fund, Help Hope Live For DeAnna Lopes, Saturday, September 24th, 2016, Register 7am, shotgun starts 8am, Registration deadline September, 16th, Carson Valley Golf Course, 1027 Riverview Dr. Gardnerville, NV. To register or sponsor a hole visit, https://helphopelive.org/event/3903/view?next=/campaign/9793 or contact DeAnna 775-690-8604

PIANO LESSONS, ALL AGES WELCOMED, Carson and Carson Valley, doriopianolessons.weebly.com or email pianolessons@gmx.com (775)8856903 GOT DIRTY WINDOWS? ABC WINDOW CLEANERS, Mirrors, Gutters, Re-screening, Pressure Washing, 30 Years Experience, Serving Gardnerville Area, NV#20161064184, CA#310507 (530)544-0590

IN DYER NEED OF AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE? For a good, honest mechanic, call Brian Dyer, 12+ years serving Dayton area! Dayton Valley Service (775)246-7661 GUNSMITHING SERVICES, CLEANING, REPAIR, Customizing, Federal Nevada License, Thom’s Gun Shop, Wellington (775)266-3136

25

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Best Friend

talk.

It’s no coincidence that man’s best friend cannot

WANTED, WATER SKI VEST, OUTBOARD motors, wet suits, Hobie Cat parts and accessories, 16” tires with or without rims for Ford Taurus (775)7823070 MARY’S CAT CARE, I CLEAN CAT BOXES, FEED cats, take cats to the vet, whatever cat care you desire, Flexible daily/weekly rates, Gardnerville (775)782-6131 BUY DIRECT! DECORATIVE ROCK, SAND, GRAVEL, D.G., Topsoil, Bark and Boulders, yard pick-up or delivery, Cinderlite, Serving all of Northern Nevada, Cinderlite.com or (775)882-4483 IS YOUR LIVING ROOM LOOKING DARK AND Dreary? Doreen with Lofty Expressions offers Drapery and Blinds, Custom Wallpaper and Faux finishes, 36 Years Experience, loftyexpressions.com or to schedule consultation (775)885-2444

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Poor Husband

Sally walked in to the Dentist office to make an appointment. “How much do you charge to pull out a tooth?” She asked.” “It’s $130”, was the prompt reply. “$130!” gasped Sally, “that’s ridiculous! There must be a way for you to go cheaper.”

“Well,” said the Dentist thoughtfully, I suppose if we don’t numb it, we could knock off $30.”

“Only $30?” countered Sally, “that’s still $100, you’ve got to make it cheaper.”

“Well,” said the Dentist after a long pause, “I suppose if we take it out with a wrench we could knock it down to $50.”

“Perfect”, said Sally happily. “I would like to make an appointment for next Tuesday, for my husband Jack.”

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GREAT ESCAPE close to home? Eagle Lake, Lassen County Vacation Rentals, Trophy Trout, All Water Sports, Furnished Cabins from $60 per night or $360 per week, visit our website at eaglelakeheritage.com or (800)4595179

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com Carson City Soroptimist…

Stroke to Help Fundraising Golf Tournament: Saturday, August 27th, Silver Oak GC, 8am Shotgun, $100/ player includes breakfast and lunch. Sponsorships available. Information: www.sicarsoncity.org or call (775)882-3051

GENERATOR SERVICE, REPAIR, SALES AND Rentals, Generac Authorized Dealer Residential, Commercial and Industrial, experienced in major makes and models from 1KW – 2MW, Alltech Services, alltechservicesnv.com (775)331-5900 WANTED: KNIVES, I WANT TO BUY POCKET, Folding, Hunting and Military Knives, Bayonets and Swords, interested in any Quantity, I pay in cash, Jeff (775)720-2577 REASONABLE RATES FOR INTERIOR/EXTERIOR painting, Done By The Best! Wood Staining and Finishing, 30+ years experience, Free Estimates, Senior Discounts, serving Douglas County and surrounding communities, Graham Painting, NV#0079484, Kim (775)721-4491

Son-in-law

Sam was the owner of a worldwide branch of stores and a multi-millionaire. When his daughter Sandy got engaged to a very religious young man he called the future groom into his office. “So tell me,” said Sam, sitting the young man down. “What are your plans for the future?”

“Well”, said the groom. “I plan on studying holy works all of my life.”

“And how exactly do you plan on supporting my daughter if you are studying all day?” questioned Sam. “I am sure The Lord will provide.” Answered the young man. “And what about your kids? How do you plan on supporting them?” “The Lord will provide” answered the young man again.

“How did it go?” asked Sam’s wife after they finished talking. “It went great” Sam replied. “I had just met the young fellow and already he thinks I’m the Lord!”

HAVING A SPECIAL EVENT OR BENEFIT? Like high energy piano? I’m your man! Listen live at randyidemusic.net, negotiable pricing (775)8486118

27

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Four Little Animals

A teacher asked her class, “What do you want out of life?” A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, “All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says”.

The teacher asked, “Really and what four little animals would that be?” The little girl said, “A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and a donkey to pay for all of it.”

The teacher got a coughing fit and had to leave the room.

HANDYMAN SERVICES, WOOD DECK RESURFACING and repair, interior doors, windows and interior/exterior trim, Honey-Do’s, etc. Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235 PIANO AND ORGAN PRIVATE INSTRUCTIONS, Member of Sierra Organ Club, Call Joanne Booth in Sunridge, Carson City (775)267-2429

Car Accident

Compulsive Eaters Anonymous

A program to address compulsive eating; ALL are welcome. Mondays 5:15pm, Tuesdays 10am and Thursdays 5:15pm at St. Peter’s Episcopal Church, 314 N. Division St. Carson City. Contact (775)400-0098.

REDUCE YOUR ENERGY COST! ATTIC blown in insulation, Residential and Commercial, licensed and bonded, 27 years experience, For your free estimate call BGS NV#58410, NV#58411 (775)782-9192 PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, Emergency Services, Fair Prices, Dependable Quick Service, Quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373 ASPHALT AND CONCRETE DRIVEWAYS, GRADING and Utility Work in the Carson Valley, 30 years in business, Free Estimates, BR Constructors, NV#28567/NV#31076 (775)782-4477 or (775)690-8593

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While driving down a country road I noticed a car smashed into a pole. I quickly pulled over and rushed over to the traumatized women asking her if she was ok. “I’ll let you know after I talk to my lawyer” was her reply. $69 SERVICE CALL, ACADEMY APPLIANCE Service; Washers, Dryers, Refrigerators, Ranges, Dishwashers, Compactors, some areas extra charge, Serving Carson Valley (775)781-4725 WE DO MORE THAN MOW, BLOW AND GO! All your lawn care and yard maintenance needs.

For a free estimate James at Gardnerville Green, gardnervillegreen@gmail.com or (775)450-0082

Remain Independent – Remain at Home

The “little things” may become increasingly difficult as we age, but this doesn’t mean it’s time to surrender. We provide affordable, non-medical assistance for seniors at home. Light housekeeping, meal prep, bathing/grooming, companionship, family relief, and incidental transportation to appointments. A few hours to 24/7 care. Eden Home Care, eden-homecare.com (775)392-2000 SMITH VALLEY IRRIGATION – SERVING NEVADA and Sierra Communities for 38 Years with Ag Irrigation Systems and Parts (775)465-2316

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

Male Vs. Female

NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the fu-

ture until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Have something to sell or something to say? Put it in The Scoop today! (775)782-4520

29

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35 years experience (775)721-2880 CUSTOM LEATHER WORK, AUTO’S, BOAT’S and Furniture, come in for a free estimate, TNT Upholstery, 1482 Southgate Dr., #106, Gardnerville (775)267-5433

Flea Fair....

at Washeshu Travel Plaza, August 27th and 28th and September 10th and 11th, 9am - 3pm, Hwy. 395 South, Gardnerville, for information call (775)265-9567 WE KEEP YOUR HOME COMFORTABLE! Fast 24 Hour 7 Day Emergency Service! Plumbing, Heating and Air Conditioning, Residential and Commercial. Serving Douglas County and surrounding communities, 18+ years experience, Mention this ad for 5% discount on service call, Riley Plumbing and Heating, Nevada Licensed (775)265-1765 IT’S GREAT TO BE KNEADED, ONE HOUR MASSAGE $30 by Spring Ranch Spa, extra fee for mobile service, Donna/Coleville, CA#63979, NVMT7284 (760)616-4091

A Word from the Wise

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure…”

“Look in your underwear, Grandma,” he advised, “mine says I’m 4 to 6.”

CLEAR THE CLUTTER! HARRY’S HAULING; pianos, spas, safes or anything else, serving the Carson Valley communities (775)291-6648

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CUSTOM CABINETRY, FROM DESIGN TO BUILD, Finish and Installation, One-on-One attention, over 20 years experience, family owned and operated, WesternWoodworking.net or (775)2674910 PLUMBER, SAY GOOD-BYE TO ALL PLUMBING issues! Absolute lowest rates, fully insured, serving Carson Valley and surrounding communities, NV#0072549, Jim (775)220-2341 LOBO ROOFING, SERVING NORTHERN NEVADA since 1993, Financing Available! Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Senior Citizen Discounts, Mobile Home, Residential and Commercial, Lic#K0011, NVLic#0070178 (775)342-8969

Swimming Pool

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

FIREWOOD, ALMOND, CHERRY AND WALNUT, mixed, seasoned, split, $380 a cord, Almond only $425 a cord, delivery available, Jon (775)2467186 MASTER HOROLOGIST, CLOCK REPAIR, MUSEUM Quality Furniture, Chair Caning and Antique Everything Restoration, Grandfather Clock House Calls! A-1 Restorations since 1967, Larry (775)782-2422 DECKS, REMODELS, ADDITIONS, GARAGES! free estimates, Redline Construction, Inc., NV#0080432, garyedmunds15@gmail.com or call (775)781-3955

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” HANDCRAFTED MARKERS AND MONUMENTS, Granite and Bronze. Large Selection of colors and designs, special orders welcome! 15 years experience, call Cornerstone Monument for appointment (775)267-1958

Jake and Bessie

Memory Problems

A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time. One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.

“Really?”, one of the men said, “what’s it called?”

After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, “what are those good smelling flowers called again?”

“Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.

“Yes that’s it,” he exclaimed. Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?”

HIGH ROLLERS PAINTING FOR ALL YOUR PAINTING needs and drywall repairs!

Competitive rates and quality workmanship, bonded and insured, NV#44048, highrollerspainting.net or (775)267-2534 MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley over 26 years! (775)265-0501

Divorce

A judge was trying to convince a woman filing for divorce to change her mind “you’re 92 he said, your husband’s 94 you’ve been married for 73 years, why give up now?”

“Our marriage has been on the rocks for quite a while” the woman explained “but we decided to wait until the children died.”

LET US UNLOAD ON YOU! TOP SOIL, ROCK, DG, etc. Tight time line? We’re really fast! 30+ years experience, serving Carson and surrounding communities, Nevada Organics (775)882-9500

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Jake and Bessie found each other in their old age. He was 92, she was 89. They decided to get married and they were so excited. One day the engaged couple went to a local pharmacy.

Jake ran into the owner and said, “Pardon me, sir, are you the owner of this establishment?”

“Yes I am,” said the man.

“Well I was wondering if you sell heart medication here?”

“Yes sir, we do.”

“And how about medication for arthritis, parkinson’s and jaundice?”

“Yes, we sell those too.”

“And do you also sell Geritol, Dentucream, and reading glasses?”

“Yes sir, we sell all that stuff.”

“And how about wheel chairs, canes, and walkers, do you sell those too?”

“Yes sir, we sell all those things and more.”

Jake said, “Good, because I am going to marry this lovely lady here and we would like to register to get our wedding gifts here.”

ONE CALL AND YOUR PREFABRICATED GRANITE Counter/Tile installation issues are history! Quality Installation, Reasonable Prices, Bonded/Licensed, CV Tile and Stone, James (775)2206287 HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $35 per hour (775)691-5119

Happy Birthday Megan!

No birthday gift is enough to match the gift you gave me - the gift of your friendship! Thank you. I hope you have an exciting, flamboyant, splendid, joyous, bright and magnificent birthday lady! Love ya, Lisa NEW HOT TUB COVER 7’ DIAMETER, 4” SKIRT, Tan/Brown, paid $500, sell for $250 OBO, ordered wrong size; Paramount Blade Edger with Blade Brake $25; Dayton (775)461-0488

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

33

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Lucky for Him

On her golden wedding anniversary, my grandmother revealed the secret of her long and happy marriage.

“On my wedding day, I decided to choose ten of my husband’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook,” she explained. A guest asked her to name some of the faults. “To tell the truth,” she replied, “I never did get around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, ‘Lucky for him that’s one of the ten.’”

CUSTOM CANVAS WORK! REPAIR, RESTITCH, Replace; Boat Covers, Cockpit and Bow Covers, Spa Sun Covers and Patio Shade; Snaps, Grommets, Velcro, Zippers, Reinforcements, Jim/ Minden (775)267-4434 or (775)230-8706 IRS PROBLEMS? FEDERAL AND ALL STATES, Past years returns and audit representation, “Service you can trust, quality you can afford.”, Call James A. Farnham, enrolled agent, 20 years experience, Reasonable Rates, Income Tax Services (775)392-0321

Restaurant Special!

Fun Fit...

starts again September 12th, 4pm MONDAYS at the Dayton Community Center on Pike Street. Dollar Drop-in! Gentle moves to music from 60’s to now. Information Sheila (775)721-2874 DOING SUMMER CLEANING? FREE DROP OFF of Appliances, Unwanted Scrap, Hot Water Heaters, Etc. Free Abandoned Vehicle Removal, Licensed/Bonded, D&L Dismantlers (775)246-3444 INCOME TAX, GEORGE HALLIFAX, CPA, EA, TAX Preparation, Federal and all States, Prior Years, Audit Representation, 30 Years Experience, Reasonable Rates (775)392-0418 ASPEN ROOFING INC. FREE ESTIMATES, ALL types, Re-roofs, New and Repairs, NV#0069418, Insured and Bonded, Chris (775)230-8174 BACKHOE, BOBCAT RENTAL, DECORATIVE rock and boulders at discount prices including Lodi gold, Snowflake, Santa Rosa Plum, all sizes (775)690-5078

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John was starving!! He was stuck in a small hick town, lost and hungry. He was happy when he saw a small restaurant coming up on his right. John quickly pulled over, parked his car, and walked inside. John noticed a blackboard with a sign written in yellow chalk, “Today’s Special: Vegetable Soup with Fried Chicken and Grilled Vegetables.” “I’ll take the special”, said John to the waiter when he came to take his order.

A few minutes after receiving his order John called over the waiter, he was fuming mad. “IS THIS THE SPECIAL!? It says vegetable soup, BUT THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES! It says grilled vegetables, BUT THEY AREN’T GRILLED THEY ARE BAKED!?

And it says fried chicken, AND THE CHICKEN ISN’T FRIED!?

The waiter was not used to city folks and their attitudes and frankly he was not going to put up with this behavior. “My dear man,” said the waiter looking down at John over his glasses, “that is what makes it so special!!!”

SPIRITUAL CLUB DISCUSSION GROUP, DREAM Study, Book Reviews, Metaphysics, Meditation, Astrology and Health Subjects, No Sales!

Saturday’s 1pm, Andy (775)266-3955

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

35

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Did you know?

Americans make up only 4.5% of the world’s population and yet consume nearly 20% of its energy! In fact, on average, every time an American spends a dollar, the energy equivalent of a cup of oil is used to produce what that dollar buys.

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Erma on Grandmothers

“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.”

“A grandmother will put a sweater on you when she is cold, feed you when she is hungry, and put you to bed when she is tired.”

“When a grandchild says, ‘Grandma, how come you didn’t have any children,’ a grandparent holds back tears.”

“Grandma would always take the news of a death very hard with a gasp of, “My God, I don’t have a thing to wear.” Then we would go out and get a new hat and we were off.”

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Constitution Day- September 16th 36

What is Digital Eye Strain?

On average, nearly nine in ten adults (88 percent) spend more than two hours each day using a digital device, with one in 10 people spending at least threefourths of their waking hours on a digital device. This constant exposure to technology is a shock to our eyes with 65 percent of Americans reporting symptoms of digital eye strain, such as dry, irritated, eyes, blurred vision, eye fatigue, neck and back pain and headaches.

Digital eye strain is the physical discomfort felt after prolonged exposure to digital screen and is associated with the close to mid-range distance of digital screens, including desktop and laptop computers, tablets, ereaders and cell phones. It is not uncommon to start experiencing symptoms after spending two or more hours staring at a device, or more realistically, multiple devices. In fact, on average, 75 percent of people who use two or more devices simultaneously report experiencing symptoms of eye strain compared to only 53 percent of people who use just one device at a time.

Tools are available to help technology users alleviate the discomfort of digital eye strain, minimize vision problems and prevent further eye discomfort. When used in tandem with practical “eye-gonomic” health tips, lenses tailored for digital screen use (computer eyewear) can reduce or even prevent digital eye strain.

Consult your eye doctor.

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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com Brain Teaser Answers

RETIRED ELECTRICIAN, TO MY LOYAL CLIENTS; Recovering from shoulder surgery but will return. Meanwhile, please call with questions, John (775)781-7606 The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers.

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1. You look in the mirror you see what you saw, you take the saw and you cut the table in half, two halves make a whole, and you climb out the hole.

2. Ace of Diamonds, King of Hearts, Two of Spades.

3. The black car was a hearse and was on its way to a funeral.

4. It is Wednesday. If it was any other day of the week, more than one statement would be true. To solve the riddle, evaluate each person’s statement and write down what day it could be according to the statement.

David’s statement indicates it could be any day of the week except for Wednesday. When you list the days that it could be according to everyone’s statement, it turns out Wednesday is the day mentioned only one time. Darryl: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday Tracy: Monday Melissa: Saturday Ben: Thursday Adrienne: Saturday Susie: Friday David: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Dad’s Basic Rules

Flying Pig Flea Market

Be a vendor, come to browse, September 10th, October 15th, November 12th, December 10th, 8:00am3:00pm, Fuji Park Building, Carson City, for information call (775)882-4717 or (775)315-0008 HANDYMAN SERVICE – HOME REPAIRS, FENCING Repair/Replacement, Hauling, Trash Removal, Shrub and Tree Trimming and Removal, and Weed Removal, Free Estimates (775)781-1747 Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free personal ads, published as space permits. These articles, letters, comments DO NOT necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, Phone/ Fax (775)782-4520 LANCASTER CONSTRUCTION, WE SPECIALIZE in Re-leveling Mobile Homes, also replacing old metal exterior doors with new residential doors.

Give Phil Lancaster a call to schedule an appointment (775)720-4319 or (775)782-8785

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When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend’s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter’s chest. He would open the door and immediately affect my good naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.

Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter’s suitors feel even worse. My motto: wilt them in the living room and they’ll stay wilted all night.

“So,” I’ll call out jovially. “I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you’re dumb, or did you merely want to APPEAR dumb?”

As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.

Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow,

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with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.

My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.

Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.

Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her Adam’s apple.

Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.

Hockey games are okay.

My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory. I’d be embarrassed too as there are only eight of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I’d have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn’t remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.)

I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate ink washes off and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative.

One time, when my wife caught me having one of my daughter’s would be suitors practice pulling into the driveway, get out of the car, and go up to knock on the front door (he had violated rule number one, so I figured he needed to run through the drill a few dozen times) she asked me why I was being so hard on the boy. “Don’t you remember being that age?” she challenged.

Of course I remember. Why do you think I came up with the eight simple rules?

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” The Carson Valley Community Theatre...

GREAT HAIR DOESN’T HAPPEN BY CHANCE. It happens by appointment! Hair by Candi at C and Company, Minden, try something new, call now (775)434-4921 PASTURE BOARDING! 25 ACRES, SAFE FENCING, running water, horse shed, checked daily $130/ month, near Faye Luther Canyon Trail, Gardnerville (775)265-5557

Sunday Dinner

The young couple invited their aged pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. “Goat,” the little boy replied.

“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?”

“Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Pa say to Ma, ‘Might as well have the old goat for dinner tonight.’”

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will be performing The Savannah Sipping Society, a Jones, Hope, Wooten comedy about four unique Southern women who have nothing in common except each is starting over in life. Brought together by fate - and an impromptu happy hour - they bond and become fast friends through laughter and attempts to reinvent themselves, along with the occasional liquid refreshment.

Randa, a perfectionist and workaholic, is struggling to cope with a surprise career derailment. Dot, is reeling from her husband’s recent demise and the loss of their plans for an idyllic retirement, and faces the unsettling prospect of starting a new life from scratch— and alone. Earthy and boisterous Marlafaye has blasted into Savannah in the wake of losing her husband to a twenty-three-year-old dental hygienist. Jinx, spunky and outwardly self-confident, offers her services as a life coach for these women, and finds they can help her as much as she can help them. Together, they discover lasting friendships and a renewed determination to live in the moment—and realize it’s never too late to make new, old friends. Performances will be September 23, 24, 25, and 30 and October 1 and 2. Friday and Saturday evening shows begin at 7:30pm. Saturday and Sunday matinees start at 2pm. Tickets are $13 for students and seniors in advance, and $15 for general admission and at the door. Contact the box office at (775)2920939 or buy tickets at showtix4u.com.

G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, Prune, Fertilize, Aerate, Sprinklers, Summer Cleanup, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Old Wind Up Watches and Watch Parts, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Joanne, please leave clear message (775)4659422

Happy September Birthdays!

We hope that your special day is full of fun, happiness and everything that you enjoy. Happy Birthday!

FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)5181166 or (775)782-8776

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A Little History About Native American Day

Native Americans are considered to be the first Americans to live in and populate the United States. By the time the first explorers and settlers arrived from Europe, Native Americans had populated the entire North American continent, from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and from the Gulf of Mexico all the way to the northern reaches of Canada.

In 1968, Governor Ronald Reagan signed a resolution calling for a holiday called “American Indian Day”, to be held the Fourth Friday in September. In 1998, the California Assembly declared “Native American Day” as an official state holiday, observed annually on the fourth Friday in September in the state of California.

In South Dakota (1989), the South Dakota legislature unanimously passed legislation proposed by Governor George S. Mickelson to proclaim 1990 as the “Year of Reconciliation” between Native Americans and white population, to change Columbus Day to Native American Day. Since 1990, the second Monday in October has been celebrated as Native American Day in South Dakota.

South Dakota is the only state to practice the non-ob-

HIGH DESERT BARNS, CUSTOM STEEL BUILDINGS, Horse Shelters, Quality Barns built with 25 years of experience, highdesertbarns.com or (775)246-3004 HERBALIFE ISN’T JUST FOR LOOSING WEIGHT! We can work on maintaining or gaining weight too. Also ask about our 7 day Results Skin Care trial! All products are Paraben free. Call or text (775)790-9149 PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” This magazine will not knowingly accept any advertisement for real estate which is a violation of the law; our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this publication are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain of discrimination call HUD tollfree.

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servance of the federal holiday of Columbus Day by recognizing Native American Day. Today, both California and South Dakota refer to the holiday as Native American Day 2016.

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WNC Driver Education

WNC offers a 30 Hour New Driver Education classes throughout the fall of 2016. In person class fee is $100.

Fall in-person classes run four Saturdays in a row, extending an additional Saturday if one of the Saturdays falls on a legal holiday. All in person class times are 8:30am-4:30pm with a 30-minute lunch break. Also included in our classes are guest speakers, when available are - law enforcement, insurance agents, DMV and sometimes a tire representative. Two things to remember all new drivers under the age of 18 MUST take a 30-Hour New Driver Education class to obtain a Nevada Driver’s License and most insurance companies will offer a discount upon successful completion of our nationally recognized Drive Right program.

Carson City - class dates to be determined but we will offer a class in September, October and November.

Possible a Christmas Tuesday - Friday schedule.

Douglas - mid September and October. Fallon - mid September and Fernley - mid October.

WNC continues to offer an on-line 30-Hour New Driver Education course. Cost $90 and students have up to 60 days to complete the course. Register at www. campusce.net/wnc/ or call (775)445-4463 KOHLER MEAN MACHINE LOG SPLITTER $100; Kirby upright vacuum with attachments $100; Oreck steamer and carpet cleaner $75 (775)266-1199

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” The Nation’s Worst Bullies

Dear Politicians, for your information our children are watching your behavior, and since they aren’t allowed to call each other names or tell lies ... politicians that do, really shouldn’t be allowed to either. It should be the law!

There is no excuse for name calling nor bad mouthing. We hold children accountable for their every “gesture, written, verbal or physical act or electronic communication,” yet we aren’t willing to even discuss holding ourselves accountable.

Our children deserve to look upon us with admiration as we/you factually debate the issues facing our nation.

You can help us to build a better future for all our children, a future where hatred and distrust no longer distort the mind or harden the heart. A future where what we have in common is far more important than what divides us.”

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Signs of Fall

Every season has its special beauty and autumn is no exception. Watching the trees turn from a uniform green to all varieties of gold, yellow and red is a spectacular experience. One can almost be blinded by the fiery brilliance. How can it be that all this beauty is sign of death and decay? With all this beauty there is a certain sadness in knowing that the changing colors foreshadow the arrival of a long cold winter.

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JOHN DEERE AND NEW HOLLAND TRACTORS and Mowers, Visit us at www.rennerequipment.com or call for prices (775)465-2217 10” COMET TABLE SAW, 5’ X 4’ VINYL windows $75 each (775)309-3639 PROFESSIONAL LICENSED CAREGIVER SEEKING Employment in Minden, Gardnerville and surrounding areas. Around the clock care available! Certified in CPR, Emergency First Aid, Alzheimer’s, Dementia, Aging and Personal Care (775)901-386 MAAX WHIRLPOOL BATHTUB, 60”X32”X 24”D, paid $4,000, selling because of health, used four times, asking $1,500 (775)267-1770 “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” –Amelia Earhart 1986 SILVERCREST MANUFACTURED HOME on 2.58 acres in TRE, 14’x66’, 2 bedroom, 2 bath, carport, deck and 12’x15’ storage shed $160,000 OBO (775)790-0451

First Day of Fall- September 22nd

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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