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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
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MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 17+ Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 GARAGE SALE! FRIDAY AND SATURDAY, October 4th and 5th, 8am-4pm; tools, trees, camping gear and crafts, 1267 E. Roland Street, Carson City 2 PET FENCES 36” HIGH, THEY ARE GREAT when you go camping or just outdoors. $50 for both, Call (775)434-7176 COUPLES THERAPY GARDNERVILLE: LONGER sessions, faster results. Book a free 20-minute consultation with Margaret at drdixonpsych.com or call (775)220-8817 HELP! I AM IN SEARCH OF SPECIALS FROM 1950-60’s American and/or European powered cars. Maybe steel, aluminum, fiberglass or combination. Cars created by enthusiast for pleasure or racing, contact (775)291-6827
1971 VW SUPER BEETLE CONVERTIBLE, blue and white with white top, chrome rims, radio/CD, 2 covers, only 8,500 miles, excellent condition $13,000 OBO (775)267-3888 BATTLE BORN BLADE SHARPENING: BARBERS, Stylists and Pet Groomer Tool Sharpening, Sales and Service, Knives Sharpened and Repaired (775)2383343 15’ VALCO WITH EXTRA RIBS, 60-30 HP JOHNSON with factory Jet drive, fish finder, depth finder, Galvanized trailer and rims, new tires, electric start and tilt, great river boat, $4,500, If interested please call (775)434-7176 or (707)483-0698 LAWN MAINTENANCE SERVICE, YARD CLEANING, mowing, sprinkler repairs, thatching, tree trimming, pruning, low prices with high quality, Martin M. Maintenance Services (530)721-5350 AMMUNITION BELTS, VARIOUS SIZES, 45 CALIBER $30 each, belts with 2 holsters, 45 caliber $75 each; 3 45 caliber holsters $20 each for cowboy shooting (775)781-2659
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Best of Reno Presented by:
reno gazette journal
Duck Hunting
Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. “I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said, “I think that I will have to get a second opinion.” And of course by that time, the bird was long gone. Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. “I’ll have to do some more investigations,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape. Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity. “Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma. Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. “Go see if that was a duck, will you?”
October 14th- Columbus Day 4
PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373 FRESH ROASTED GARLIC JAM, CARROLS CORNER, South Yerington, Delivery Available, for more information (775)846-8972 or (775)463-1265 MOVING SALE! ALL HOME FURNISHINGS and outdoor stuff must go! Priced to sell! October 24th thru 28th, start 8am to finish ???pm: TV Armoire with Flat Screen TV, Pine Hutch, Tea Tray Cabinet, Oak table w/6 chairs, Tempurpedic Mechanical Qbed, Recliner Sofa and Love Seat, Fabric Chaise Lounge, Antique Cedar Chest, 2 Chair/Table patio set, Misc. pine and oak cabinets. All kinds of Kitchen Wares, Small Appliances, Cookware, Dish/Glasses sets, Lots of Home Decor, Garden Tools, Wood Trailer, Reloading Stuff, etc. The list goes on, too much to detail. Come and see!! 30 Dry Canyon Road, Coleville, CA (530)495-9302 SMITH VALLEY IRRIGATION – SERVING NEVADA and Sierra Communities for 40 Years with Ag Irrigation Systems and Parts (775)465-2316
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Accepting Applications
The Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for Swing Shift Custodian, George Whittell High School, Starting Salary: $16.69/hr., 40 hours per week / Full benefits. For more information, please contact Bill Blumenthal, Facilities Supervisor, Phone: (775)392-0745 RUSSELL’S TREE SERVICE, #1 ARTISTRY TREE Care; Shaping, Balancing, Removals, Stump Grinding, Fruit Trees, Hedges, Ornamental Pruning, now Serving your area, Licensed/Insured (775)685-0528 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Please leave clear message and phone number, Joanne (775)465-9422
A Dinner Blessing…
Wife to Husband
Wife: Did you notice how sweet our neighbor is to his wife? He kisses her all the time. Why don’t you do that? Husband: I would love to. But I don’t know her that well. ABC WINDOW CLEANERS, ROOF AND GUTTER cleaning, Re-screening, Pressure Washing and more. 30 years experience, NV#20161064184, CA#310507, Gardnerville resident (530)544-0590 ARMY VETERAN, EXCELLENT HEALTH, looking for horse, caretaker duties to live on property in my travel trailer, Wade (775)790-0510 2 ELECTRIC HOSPITAL BEDS $395/$495; NEVER used day bed $175; Giant Boyd’s Bear $175; New Rheem Furnace $195; Christmas Tree, new $100; Vintage Radio Table $195 (775)315-7977 BUY ME! BUY ME! BUY ME! COMMERCIAL/HISTORICAL, recreational, fully furnished duplex on Markleeville Creek. For sale by owners, view on airbnb.com “Miners’ Mountain Inn.” Recently reduced best offer, one of a kind - great opportunity - prime location X “3” infocourthouseproducts@charter.net or (775)265-1480
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Ed is strictly a ‘meat-and-potatoes’ man. Over the years, he’s learned to like more foods, but there are still two vegetables he won’t eat. His family likes to tease him about it. One year at a holiday gathering, Ed got the last laugh when he gave this cute tongue-in-cheek blessing: “Now we sit to eat what’s here; we pray no green stuff will appear. No Brussels sprouts or any such and asparagus, Lord, would be too much. But give us meat that’s white or red and potatoes, corn and lots of bread. Some good brown gravy wouldn’t hurt and to top it off, some pie for dessert.” HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, remodels, garages, we do it all! Free estimates, 21 years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453 DOWNSIZE SALE! OAK CHINA CABINET, Oak Queen Corral, Oak Wall Chime Clock, Upright Freezer, new Chop Saw, much more, very good prices, Minden (775)267-9391
Ever Notice...?
Have you ever noticed that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth? ESTATE SALE. OCTOBER 4TH, 5TH, 6TH, 8am3pm, Lots to see. Check it out! 1285 Hematite Ct., Wellington NV
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Facts about the Amazon Rainforest
The Amazon is the world’s biggest rainforest, larger than the next two largest rainforests — in the Congo Basin and Indonesia — combined. At 6.9 million square kilometers (2.72 million square miles), the Amazon Basin is roughly the size of the fortyeight contiguous United States and covers some 40 percent of the South American continent. The “Amazon rainforest” — which defined biogeographically includes the rainforest in the Guianas, which technically are outside the Amazon Basin — covers 7.8-8.2 million square km (3-3.2 million square mi), of which just over 80 percent is forested. The Amazon River is by far the world’s largest river by volume. It has over 1,100 tributaries, 17 of which are longer than 1000 miles. The Amazon River once flowed west-ward instead of east-ward as it does today. The rise of the Andes caused it to flow into the Atlantic Ocean. The Amazon is estimated to have 16,000 tree species and 390 billion individual trees Nearly two-thirds of the Amazon rainforest is found in Brazil. The Amazon is thought to have 2.5 million species of insects. More than half the species in the Amazon rainforest are thought to live in the canopy.
70 percent of South America’s GDP is produced in areas that receive rainfall or water from the Amazon. The Amazon influences rainfall patterns as far away as the United States. Cattle ranching accounts for roughly 70 percent of deforestation in the Amazon. Deforestation in the Amazon rainforest has been declining since 2004, mostly due to the falling deforestation rate in Brazil. There are a variety of reasons for the decline, including macroeconomic trends, new protected areas and indigenous territories, improved law enforcement, deforestation monitoring via satellite, pressure from environmental groups, and private sector initiatives. FIREWOOD, DOUGLAS FIR, BURNS CLEAN, LITTLE ASH, $335 cord, delivery available (775)2919805 or (775)309-3639 WE’LL KEEP YOU IN STITCHES, WE COVER autos, furniture and ATV’s, 47 years experience, Tweeds Upholstery, Gardnerville, tweedsupholstery@ yahoo.com or (775)782-5812 BARN SALE! FRIDAY AND SATURDAY, OCTOBER 18th and 19th, 8am-?; lots of tools and whatever, 2662 Kayne, Minden, off Johnson Lane
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Six Tips for Memoir Writers By Karen Dustman
We all have wonderful stories to tell! And memoir-writing can open up happy memories all over again -- things you maybe haven’t thought about in years. It’s so easy to say, of course, but often it’s hard to actually get started. If you have a memoir inside that’s struggling to get written, here are six tips to help get your life story down on paper: 1. Start with the easy stuff. Jot down the basics: your birth date and birth place; names of parents, grandparents, siblings. You might find stories and memories popping up as you do this— if so, great! Make a list of those stories, and just keep writing! 2. Think happy. Who was your best friend in grade school? What were your favorite foods as a kid, and who prepared them? What music did you love as a teen? Happy memories are usually a great way to get words flowing. 3. Go big-picture. Step back for a second and think about world events that have affected your life. Have you lived through wars,recessions, gas shortages? Did you watch the first man touch the moon, or the Twin Towers fall? What big-picture events happened in your lifetime, and how were you swept up in them? 4. Remember decision-points. Everyone reaches a fork in the road at some time in life. What tough decisions did
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you have to make, and how did you make them? (These stories can be some of the most fascinating parts of a memoir!) 5. Go ahead, jump around. One of the biggest traps for memoir writers is the (totally understandable) desire to write chronologically. But memory doesn’t work that way. So let your imagination jump around! Write whatever memory comes into your head and says “write me.” You can always sort the stories into better order later. That’s what word-processing (or a three-ring binder) is for! 6. Welcome writers’ block. Yes, I really said that. Writers’ block happens to us all and it can be one of the biggest gifts, if we’re able to be patient and just listen. When something is really, truly important but you haven’t quite processed it yet, your subconscious won’t let the story out onto paper. Realize when you’ve hit one of those moments. Be gentle, but keep coming back to it. If you can figure out exactly what the hang-up is (fear of failure? not knowing how to say something?), that fresh insight alone will often re-open the writing door. And if you really, truly feel uncomfortable writing some particular memory -- just leave it. Go on to the next story, the next memory, or the next decade -- something filled with memories that make you feel happy and excited to write about them. Cont. A regular writers’ group can offer important help and
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support. Or work at your own pace by looking for a “howto” book that’s written just for memoir writers, with helpful tips and prompts to keep you going. Karen Dustman’s books about local history and memoir writing are available at clairitage.com/books and Amazon.com.
LANE ROCKER BROWN RECLINER, EXTRA large, 500-pound capacity, brand new condition, paid $1,100, sell for $300 OBO, Dick (775)265-3177 WANTED: LICENSED COSMETOLOGIST FOR WALKER – Coleville area, Full or Part time, Call Jane at (760)616-4766
Flying Pig Flea Market
Our next dates will be Saturdays, October 12th and November 2nd, 8am-3pm and Sundays, October 13th and November 3rd, 9am-3pm, Fuji Park Building, Carson City. Be a vendor. Come to browse, for information call (775)882-4717 or (775)315-0008 GET FAST INTERNET! UP TO 40 MBPS, WIRELESS! (not satellite, not DSL). Great in rural areas, www.rural-internet.us or call Patrick (775)297-4777
MOUNTAIN DESERT BUILDERS: SPECIALIZING in remodels, one room to the entire home, including decks, windows, doors, siding and trim, Lic. #83159, Call Eamonn (775)781-4753
Grateful Marriage
An elderly couple, Minnie and Max, sit down to their Thanksgiving dinner. Before eating, his wife speaks up. “Can I ask you a question, Max?” “Sure Minnie,” Max says, waiting to dig into his meal. “Has our 50 years of marriage made you grateful?” “Yes, indeed!” Max replied. “For the twenty years I was a bachelor!” HOT TUB SERVICE, WEEKLY AND BIWEEKLY service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, hot tub cover sales, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)267-2490 LOCAL SPECIAL: LOOKING FOR THRILLS AND Chills? ‘Tis the season of “You Host, We Ghost!” Visit unboundunderground.com for more information. PAINTING INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR, STAINING, faux and fine finishes, free estimates, Powers Painting, NV#68615, (775)781-5531 or (775)315-5179
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Craft Fair...
Presented by Soroptimist International of The Comstock, October 5th, 9am to 3pm at the Dayton Community Center, 170 Pike St., Dayton. Come out and get that special one of a kind gift or something special for you. Items are handcrafted by local artists and crafters. OLD FORDS WANTED, DEAD OR ALIVE, FORDS 1941 to 1948 running or not with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts, will pay cash (775)841-5830 MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627
Signs of the times...
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great. A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed “Now cut that out! I warned you!” and threw the group out of the bar. The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, “If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!” CUSTOM MASONRY, ONE BRICK AT A TIME, Commercial/Residential, 3+ Better Business Bureau rating, serving Carson Valley 12+ years, Free Estimates, M Sqrd Masonry, NV#200616647 and CA#924187, Marc Duryee (775)450-6219 or (775)7834753
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BENELLI SUPERNOVA 12 GAUGE MAX4 COMO $595; Remington RM380 $295; Taurus PT111G2 $250; all like new with accessories, etc., call/text (775)7906432 FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)518-1166 or (775)782-8776
Life Never Gets Old
Your kids are becoming you...but your grandchildren are perfect! Going out is good... Coming home is better! You forget names...But it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you! You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything...especially golf. The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore. You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It’s called “pre-sleep”. You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch. You tend to use more 4 letter words ... “what?”...”when?”... ?? Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere. You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless.” What used to be freckles are now liver spots. Everybody whispers. You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear. But “old” is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!! HANDYMAN SERVICE – HOME REPAIRS, FENCING Repair/Replacement, Hauling, Trash Removal, Shrub and Tree Trimming and Removal, and Weed Removal, Free Estimates (775)781-1747 GRASS HAY FOR SALE IN GARDNERVILLE, $10 per bale, Call (775)781-0205
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Two Brains are Better than One
Ever wonder why you get butterflies in your stomach when you are nervous, or you experience stomach cramps when you are about to speak to an audience? This is because your nervous system (brain) is closely connected with your digestive system. Even though the two systems work independently, they are directly connected, and communicate to each other. When behavior changes in a certain way our brain sends a message that changes the bacteria in our gut causing inflammation or distress leading to increase cases of depression, fatigue, confusion, and poor memory. Our relationship with food starts with our brain. Eating is an emotional process! Emotional eating can be potentially harmful when we are upset, angry, lonely, depressed, and even happy and celebrating all which may have nothing to do with our body’s need for nutrients. Processed foods and junk foods stimulate our tastes for fat, sugar, and salt, but have no nutritional value. These depleting foods stimulate serotonin and dopamine that makes our brains want more even if we are not hungry. Chronic inflammation in the gut can progress to other organs and joints resulting in a constant state of heightened inflammation. Polyphenols are high in certain foods with strong anti-inflammatory properties including all berries, grapes, peaches, apples, pears, and plums. Vegetables
include onions, broccoli, cabbage, beans, parsley, celery, tomatoes, cloves, ginger, and turmeric. Other foods that soothe the gut include almonds, flaxseed, coconut oil, figs, burdock root, comfrey root, pumpkin, slippery elm, psyllium, licorice, and others. Practicing ‘mindful’ and ‘gentle’ eating will enhance your digestive function. Relax and enjoy your meal! Miriam is a Certified Wellness Coach and Holistic Nutrition Consultant.www.positivelywhole.com. QUALITY HOME MAINTENANCE AND IMPROVEMENTS, prompt, honest and reliable, fair pricing, all work guaranteed, call for free estimate and visit! Frank (775)309-7299 LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers/Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Free Estimates, 10+ Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585 CALLING ALL CONTRACTORS. IF YOU OWN a small construction company and are finding it hard to keep up with the bookkeeping, payroll and or taxes we’re your answer. Pro-Balanced Bookkeeping and Tax Service (775)246-3363
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Toilet-Squatting Exercise Class (Back by popular demand)
The Bottom Line
A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, “Mind if I ask why’d ya kiss your horse on the butt?” The cowboy says, “It’s ‘cause I got chapped lips.” The bartender asks, “Does manure help them heal?” Cowboy replies, “No, but it keeps me from licking them.” ASPEN ROOFING INC. FREE ESTIMATES, ALL types, Re-roofs, New and Repairs, NV#0069418, Insured and Bonded, Chris (775)230-8174 VINTAGE WEDGEWOOD GAS AND WOOD STOVE/OVEN $800 OBO; Reese 16K 5th wheel hitch (no mounting rails) $100 OBO (775)265-2059 PAINTER, SEMI-RETIRED WITH 40 YEARS experience in Nevada, Save Money, Get Seasonal Discount Now, inside or out, Fences (775)901-1912 ROOF! WE DO ROOFS FOR A LIVING, NOT FOR a hobby! High quality, economical price, call Ed (775)297-2320
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My mother was a fanatic about public toilets. As a little girl, she’d bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she’d carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she’d instruct, “Never, never sit on a public toilet seat.” And she’d demonstrate “The Stance,” which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. But by this time, I’d have wet down my leg. And we’d go home. That was a long time ago. Even now in my more mature years, The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one’s bladder is especially full. When I have to “go” in a public toilet, I find a line of women that makes me think there’s a half-price sale on Mel Gibson’s underwear in there. So, I wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling politely. And I finally get closer. I check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. Finally, a stall door opens and I dash, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. I get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter. I hang my purse on the door hook, yank down my pants and assume “The Stance.” Relief. More relief. Then my thighs begin to shake. I’d love to sit down but I certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so I hold The Stance as my thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale. To take my mind off it, I reach for the toilet paper. The toilet paper dispenser is empty. My thighs shake more. I remember the tiny tissue that I blew my nose on that’s in my purse. It would have to do. I crumble it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than my thumbnail. Someone pushes open my cubicle door because the latch doesn’t work and my purse whacks me in the head. “Occupied!” I scream as I reach out for the door, dropping my tissue in a puddle and falling backward, directly onto the toilet seat. I get up quickly, but it’s too late. My bare bottom has made contact with all the germs and life forms on the bare seat because I never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any, even if I had enough time to. And my mother would be utterly ashamed of me if she knew, because her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, “You don’t know what kind of diseases you could get.” And by this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain and then it suddenly sucks everything down with such force that I grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged to China. At that point, I give up. I’m soaked by the splashing water. Cont.
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” And God Looked Down...
Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good. So, if you find as you age that you are getting up and down more, remember it’s Gods will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath. TOP OF THE LINE SCHWINN XR7 EXERCYCLE, gold in color, mint condition $350; 1.5 feet high oriental round glass table with four seats $250 (775)4610418 AIRSTREAM, 2006, 30’ CLASSIC $46,000 (775)2673925 I’m exhausted. I try to wipe with a lolly wrapper I found in my pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. I can’t figure out how to operate the sinks with the automatic sensors, so I wipe my hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and unable to smile politely at this point. One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that I’m trailing a piece of toilet paper on my shoe as long as the Murray River! I yank the paper from my shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and say warmly, “Here. You might need this.” At this time, I see my spouse, who has entered, used and exited his toilet and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for me. “What took you so long?” he asks, annoyed. This is when I kick him sharply in the shin and go home. This is dedicated to all women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public toilet. And it finally explains to all you men what takes us so long. ALL AMERICAN OVERHEAD DOOR, NEW INSTALLATION, repairs and service, commercial/ residential, 10% discount for Spring repair, Free Estimates and Senior Discount (775)450-2156
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A Dog’s Bedtime Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep, the king sized bed is soft and deep. I sleep right in the center groove, my human beings can hardly move. I’ve trapped their legs, they’re tucked in tight, and here is where I pass the night. No one disturbs me or dares intrude, til morning comes and “I want food!” I sneak up slowly to begin, and nibble on my human’s chin. For morning’s here, it’s time to play, I always seem to get my way. So thank you Lord, for giving me, this human person that I see. The one that hugs me and holds me tight and shared their bed with me at night. Good night... BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, residential and commercial, multi-story specialist, mobile blind cleaning, pressure washing, awning cleaning, snow removal, Call Unlimited for a clear view! (775)883-6629 WANTED: LICENSE PLATES AND FRAMES, WANTED: Musical instruments, Wanted: Motorcycle helmets 1940-1980, John (775)315-4930 VOICE AND PIANO LESSONS, BEGINNER to Advanced students, experienced teacher, performer, music degree. Call The Songlady! Carolyn Lancaster (775)720-1918
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Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns
Dear Walter, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was on our living room couch, kissing the neighbor girl. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor girl is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum, he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counseling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore. Can you please help? Sincerely, Sheila Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.
If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps. Walter PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)6901441 HANDYMAN FOR ALL YOUR OUTSIDE NEEDS, yard cleanup, power wash, fence repair, minor jobs, free estimates, NV#11376PC (775)246-9899 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: All types including Silver, Copper, Rhinestones, Old Plastics, Glass, Pot Metal, Pins, Bracelets, Rings, Necklaces, Old Watches, Lockets, larger quantities preferred, please leave phone number and clear message on home phone, I call everyone back, Joanne (775)465-9422 ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE – RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest rates around, Gardnerville (775)265-4766
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Glossary of Medical Terms, Alternative Medical Terms
Benign...What you be after you be eight. Artery...The study of paintings. Bacteria... Back door to cafeteria. Barium...What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section... A neighborhood in Rome. Cat scan...Searching for kitty. Cauterize....Made eye contact with her. Colic...A sheep dog. Coma....A punctuation mark. D & C….Where Washington is. Dilate....To live long. Enema...Not a friend. Fester....Quicker than someone else. Fibula...A small lie. Genital.... Non-Jewish person. G.I. Series....World Series of military baseball. Hangnail....What you hang your coat on. Impotent...Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain...Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff....A Doctor’s cane. Morbid....A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates....Cheaper than day rates. Node....Was aware of. Outpatient....A person who has fainted. Pelvis.... Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative....A letter carrier. Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery. Rectum....Darn near killed him. Secretion...Hiding something. Seizure.... Roman emperor. Tablet....A small table. Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the Bus Station. Tumor....More than one. Urine....Opposite of you’re out. Varicose.... Near by/ close by. Vein....Conceited.
Baptism...
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?” “I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.” “I don’t mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?” “Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.” BERETTA 96D CENTURION, .40 S&W DOUBLE action only, night sights, 4 magazines, very good condition, Nevada resident only $375, text/call (775)7817243 PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)265-7081 RENT ME FOR FALL CLEANING, PUT A roll-off dumpster at your home, you load, we remove (775)2972320
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WHITES GMT METAL DETECTOR, NEW $650; full set Pro Line left-handed golf clubs, new carry bag, Ping Putter $250; Bishop Mule Days western belt buckles, Silver and Pewter $35-$125, Charlie/Gardnerville (760)784-1072 JR POWER SPORTS! WE SERVICE AND REPAIR, ALL makes, models and years; Quads, OHV, Dirt and Street Bikes; from tune up to full rebuild. 35 years experience! Dayton, jrpowersports.com or (775)2412530 WE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR PETS IN YOUR home, all sizes, we can spoil them as you do, call for meet and greet, 10 years experience, Serving Dayton, Carson City, Douglas County, Johnnell and Al (209)986-6381 The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers. $200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461
Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Reading is for the dogs!
Hillbilly Accident
A Hillbilly was involved in an accident. The Trooper asked him, “Didn’t you see that yield sign when you were merging onto the highway?” The Hillbilly replied, “Ahh sure I did...and I did it... yup, I Yieeeld and Yieeeld at that there truck and he justa kepp on comin’!!!” G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, General clean-up, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672 CRAFTSMAN CONSTRUCTION LLC, Specializing in Painting, Remodels, Additions, Tile, Finish Carpentry, Decks, Home Repairs, Window and Door Replacement, Quality Workmanship with over 28 years experience, free estimates, NV Lic.60315, NVPainting Lic.82727 Find us on Facebook or (775)690-1749 NIKE/ADIDAS - MENS LARGE 2X, GENTLY WORN shirts and shorts, new reversible coat, others new and used, ladies’ clothes, new and used, comforter sets, household, linens, flooring, knick knacks, too much to list, call to see (775)265-7377
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October 16th- Boss’s Day
Reading is indeed fundamental, but for many, acquiring the skill is daunting. Fortunately, thanks to some innovative programs and cooperative dogs, the challenge is getting easier to meet. Across the nation, dogs are lending their ears, and thousands of children who need extra help with reading and interpersonal communication couldn’t be happier. For each session, the dog and the child-tutor settle down onto a blanket-covered pad on the floor in a corner of the school media center or in the library. Either the dog picks out a book or the child selects a picture book, brings it to the dog, holds it flat and begins to read. Though the children believe they are teaching dogs to read, in fact, with the dog as a comfortable, attentive audience (and an occasional gentle assist from the dog’s adult volunteer partner), they are actually teaching themselves. As far as the child is concerned, however, reading is about the dog, not about the child. No pressure. No embarrassment. No humiliation. Reading Education Assistance Dogs (READ) was among the first to use “reading dogs” in the classroom. The program was introduced in a Salt Lake City library (where it continues to be available to both children and adults), and a year later, successfully moved into the school system. READ dogs are trained, registered and certified therapy animals who serve as classroom reading tutors, assisting children with their quiet presence and helping them develop a love of reading. GRASS HAY FOR SALE $13 PER 3-WIRE BALE. YOU pick up. Call (775)450-8409 SPECIALIZING IN GARAGES, ADDITIONS, REMODELS, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, Redline Construction Inc. (775)781-3955
Senior Fitness at Nourished Performance
Older adults who are looking to increase cardiovascular health, build strength, and gain flexibility in a fun and welcoming environment, this is the group class for you! Whether you’re new to training or a fitness enthusiast, we will help you modify and adapt each 60-minute workout consisting of a dynamic warm up, full-body functional, strength, and aerobic training, and stretching - all with the goal to improve your health for life’s daily activities! Nourished Performance, (New Location) 1236 Baltic Ave. Gardnerville (775)771-8070 THOMASVILLE “AMERICAN OAK” BEDROOM furniture, 12 drawer dresser with tri-mirror, 2 nightstands, chest of drawers paid $4,600, now $1,550; New ‘Love Seat’, paid $430, asking $170 530-694-2557
Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com
Get out of the car!
Supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida: An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! GET OUT OF THE CAR!” The four men didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large hand-
gun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you’re going to have a senior moment...make it memorable! MAINTENANCE FREE DECKS AND PATIO COVERS, knowledgeable, honest, professional service! Serving Northern Nevada for 18+ years! Free Quotes! K & C Construction, NV#0079034 (775)691-6462 SCHWINN 7 SPEED MENS BICYCLE AND Kent Lady’s 7 speed bicycle $100 for both OBO, Marge (775)782-6519 INVEST IN YOUR OWN SELF-CARE INSURANCE- Eat Your Way To Remarkable Health! Personalized Nutrition Consulting and Wellness Coaching. Healthy weight management, lifestyle management, nutrition support for diabetes, heart condition, digestive disorders, autoimmune, Alzheimer’s, detoxification programs, meal planning, and more. Reclaim Your Health Now! Call now for complimentary consultation. www.positivelywhole.com (775)515-8580
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Retired Husband
MIKES HORSESHOEING SERVICE, 34 YEARS experience! Serving Carson Valley and surrounding areas! Mike Romine (775)350-0351
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to our local big box store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local box store: Dear Mrs. Harris: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 6. August 14: Moved a, ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called. 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, ‘Mission Impossible’ theme. 11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, ‘Madonna Look’ using different sizes of funnels. 12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’ 13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’ 14. October 23: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least: 15. October 30: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
SEW-WHAT UPHOLSTERY, CUSTOM work, leather and antiques, 40+ years experience, Carson Valley, Leslie (775)901-2035
RESIDENTIAL CLEANING, LICENSED, BONDED and insured with references, Free estimates, great cleaning, fair prices, Samantha (775)220-4252
2 Dogs and a Cat
A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died. All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in. The German shepherd says: “I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master.” “Good,” says God. “Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?” The Doberman answers: “I believe in the love, care and protection of my master.” “Ah,” said God. “You may sit to my left.” Then he looks at the cat and asks, “And what do you believe in?” The cat answers: “I believe you’re sitting in my seat.” ANSCHUTZ MODEL 153 BOLT ACTION VARMINT rifle $800; Marlin model 60 22 semi auto $ 120 (530)305-3079
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” BATTLE BORN SMALL ENGINES, LOCATED AT 5460 US Hwy 50 East in Carson City, NV. Lawn mowers, trimmers, snow blowers, chainsaws, leaf blowers, tractor repair, trailer repair, along with welding and fabrication! Please give us a call at (775)434-7028 to schedule your service or repair. Competitive rates and friendly faces. We can’t wait to meet you.
Growing Garlic
Come Join us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church
Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 5pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)267-9590 OLD MILITARY FOLDING STRETCHER $50; JEEP 1987-1994 YJ canvas top with bows, good condition, full canvas doors and frames, excellent, most hardware $380 for all (775)267-0119
Gardeners select one of two types of garlic: softneck and hardneck. There is no perfect choice. Each type has reasons you may want to pick that type and reasons not to select it. The term “neck” refers to the green stalk that grows from the garlic bulb, and whether it grows from the center or the leaves. Hardneck Garlic is a hardier version, ideal for gardeners in Northern areas. If you love garlic scapes, hardneck garlic is the best choice because a strong stalk will emerge from the ground in spring. There are three types of garlic: purple stripe, rocambole, and porcelain. Softneck Garlic is better for those who live in a mild climate. You cannot harvest scapes from Softneck garlic, so consider that. One of the benefits of growing softneck is that they mature and store better long-term than hardneck. There is one perfect time to plant garlic, but it might answer the question about maturity rates. There are two general times when you might plant garlic: the early spring or late fall into early winter. Spring planting is unpredictable because of the weather. These plantings typically produce smaller bulbs. However, a spring planting is better for those who live in a warmer climate. Spring planted garlic typically take less than eight months to mature. Planting in February or March will bring a harvest in fall, around August. It is more common for gardeners to plant garlic bulbs in the fall, around the first major frost of the year. Depending on your location, this time could fall between October and November. One thing to remember is that, while garlic is winter hardy, it can be damaged by extremely cold temperatures. Fall planted garlic takes at least eight months to mature to size. Garlic planted in October and November should be ready around May or June. PG 8’ UTILITY TRAILER MODEL 608 $1,000; Fast Eddy’s pellet cooker/smoker, model PG1000 $2,000; 36” Aerator-Core Plugger, All Attachments, etc. $1,500; Stihl BG56C blower $100 (775)790-7358 ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GREAT ESCAPE close to home? Eagle Lake, Lassen County Vacation Rentals, Trophy Trout, all water sports, furnished cabins from $60 per night or $360 per week, visit our website at eaglelakeheritage.com or (800)459-5179
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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Happy October Birthdays!
Blowing out another candle should mean that you have lived another year of joy and that you’ve made this world a better place. Make every day of your life, and every candle, count. Have a delightful birthday! GREATER HEALTH IS WITHIN YOUR REACH! Customized Wellness Coaching and Nutrition Consulting. Wellness Coaching, Whole Body Tune-up, Healthy Weight Management, Meal Planning, and more. Call now for complimentary consultation. www.positivelywhole.com (702)460-7205 “A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25 years experience, Senior Discounts! Ken Jeter, kenjeter65@gmail.com or (775)530-8932
Drivers Wanted
The Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for: Substitute School Bus Drivers, Starting Salary: $15.42/hour, Varied Hours up to 40 hours a week, Apply online: dcsd.k12.nv.us USA DRYWALL, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#59981 (775)247-2539
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HUNTERS SPECIALS! 2 WINCHESTER M70 classic stainless rifles with Boss and Burris Scopes, Belgium FN Mauser with Lyman 4X scopes, all in excellent condition (775)782-2108
Nice to Know
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, “So tell me, do I come here often?” ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $499, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $99, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994 THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)2655541 or (775)901-1848
Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com
A Childcare Provider
A willing partner for working moms, she comforts, pampers, soothes and calms. With all the love she has to share, she’s great to have when mommy can’t be there. She loves to rock a fussy child, corrects the one that gets too wild. She hears her share of tearful pleas, and comforts those with skinned up knees. With little children she plays games of peek, for bigger ones it’s hide and seek. She is an expert at each game, but somehow loses just the same. She helps them learn the alphabet and gives them hugs when they’re upset. She gently tucks them in their beds, with dreamland tales for sleepyheads. She is a true and trusted friend, who helps them learn and play pretend. Although she’s paid, it’s plain to see, she serves them with a love that’s free. (Author Unknown) SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two-story houses, based in Minden area, call John (775)267-1800 UPRIGHT PIANO WITH BENCH, BLACK PATINA, great condition $444 OBO, Marge (775)782-6519 ASPEN ROOFING INC. FREE ESTIMATES, ALL types, Re-roofs, New and Repairs, NV#0069418, Insured and Bonded, Chris (775)230-8174
Hold onto your hat
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?” “Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold on to this hat!” “But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!” MOVING SALE! COLLECTOR’S ITEMS, PET SUPPLIES, Craft supplies, books, miscellaneous household items, furniture, etc., priced at $.10 and up, Carson City, for appointment (541)707-0907 ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35 years experience (775)7212880
Thank you loyal readers and advertisers!
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A Real Man
A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible. No wait... sorry... I’m thinking of wine. Never mind... PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” This magazine will not knowingly accept any advertisement for real estate which is a violation of the law; our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this publication are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain of discrimination call HUD toll-free.
Refurbish / Re-luster Kitchen Cabinetry
Refurbish / Re-luster Kitchen & Bathroom Cabinetry. Don’t repaint your cabinets @ 4 X times the expense, until you call us! Our process is less intrusive & far less costly. We enhance & renew wood Cabinets. Extreme UV damage in the Sierra’s high elevation & our dry climate damages wood, thus damaging all lacquer top-coats within 10 to 15 years. We rejuvenate with our exclusive & custom products, with 40 + years experience. Our process starts with priority cleaning products and ends with a 4-step topcoat to a UV resistant beautiful finish! Our products are hand-applied, dustless & EPA compliant. You do not have to remove interior contents or move out of your kitchen. I work 9:00 to 4:00 and clean-up every afternoon. Refurbishing takes 2-3 days. Licensed & Insured since 1976. Photos & Customer References listed under Cabinets Etc. By Design, Gardnerville, Nv. @www.houzz.com Email: danakathy-pc@hotmail.com Nv. Lic. #18331 /Calif. Lic. #310071. Call: Dana (775)782-7821 or (775)781-7462. HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/ INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $40 per hour (775)691-5119 BEST QUALITY REPAIR OF CRACKS BY USING stucco and painting, Leon (775)790-0069
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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com
CHAR-BROIL TWO BURNER NATURAL GAS BBQ $100; three section wood bookcase/writing desk ten bookshelves, two lower cabinets each section 30”x74” $75, pictures e-mailed on request (775)762-2220
The Rock
There was a man who had a dream. He heard God speaking to him: “Press hard against the large rock.” He did not understand this until the morning. He looked out from his hut and saw a huge rock that had rolled down the hillside. He began to push and push, but he could not move the rock. Throughout the day he had several attempts, but he could not move it. Convinced that God had spoken to him, he made a mission of this task and for weeks he spent some hours every day but he could not budge the rock. A traveler came by and asked him what he was doing. “God told me to move this rock” he replied. The traveler laughed and said, “You must be mistaken. You will never move a rock that large.” Still the man continued his attempts to move the rock without success. Another traveler came by some weeks later and asked what he was doing. “God told me to move this rock” he replied. The traveler scorned him and said, “Your God is stupid to ask such a thing. It is impossible. Give up.” That night the man turned to God in his prayer: “Lord,
I have done what you asked, but the task is impossible and it seems you have made fun of me. The travelers have mocked me for believing that I could move the rock as you asked me to do.” Then God spoke gently to him:”My son. Look at your strong arms and legs; look at the rippling muscles in your back; look at the tanned hardness of your skin. Look at your increased strength. Look what has happened to you. You are a different man! I asked you to press against the rock and this you have done. I never told you to move it!” Everything God asks us to do is for our own good. Even if at the time we do not see it. WILL TEAR DOWN AND BUY OLD WOODEN Barns and Barn Wood! Insured and bonded (775)7829192 WANTED – NEW OR USED: KNIVES – FOLDING, Hunting, Military; Tobacco Pipes, Old Coleman Lanterns, Old Backpacking Stoves, Jeff (775)720-2577
Annual Craft Fair
Carson City Emblem Club’s Annual Craft Fair, October 19th, 2019, 9am to 3pm at Carson City Elks Lodge, 515 N. Nevada, Carson City.
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
God and Grass – Isn’t THIS the truth!
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles. ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers “weeds” and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. GOD: Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? ST. FRANCIS : Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it
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grows a little, they cut it - sometimes twice a week. GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir. GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life. Continued...
Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. GOD: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose? ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. GOD: And where do they get this mulch? ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? ST. CATHERINE: “Dumb and Dumber”, Lord. It’s a story about.... GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis. HYDRAULIC CYLINDER REPAIR AND REBUILD, All makes models and year, Commercial Equipment, Tractors, Log splitters, Farm equipment, Dump Trucks and Trailers, Boats and RVs, Welding and Machining, Ramco Fabrication, shawn@ramcofab.com or (775)267-7358
HANDYMAN SERVICES, WOOD DECK RESURFACING and repair, interior doors, windows and interior/exterior trim, Honey-Do’s, etc. Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235
Berean Bible Church, Christ Alone!
Introducing Pastor Luke Wartgow - Sunday Worship Service 9:30am; Children’s Sunday School provided. Women’s Bible Study –Friday’s 8am; Men’s Bible Study – Fridays 8am; CoEd Bible Study – Tuesdays 5pm. 1516 Hwy. 395, Gardnerville (in the HAAS Center) bereanbible.church or call (775)782-3931 WINCHESTER PRE 1964 MODEL 70, FEATHER weight, caliber 30/06, includes factory butt plate, folding rear sight, hood on front sight, German 4 power scope with Post Reticle, 3 boxes ammunition with Nosler bullets, reloading dies, 1 pound powder, primers, Sierra and Nosler bullets, cleaning rod and trigger lock; note: return callers, please slowly give your name and correct phone number (775)265-5961 GENEALOGY - THOROUGH RESEARCH OF FAMILY histories. A unique gift for weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays or yourself! www.PersonalPedigree.com or Lisa (775)450-3175
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
So Why DID the Chicken Cross the Road?
Sarah Palin: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick! Barack Obama: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period. John McCain: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. Hillary Clinton: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road? George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here. Dick Cheney: Where’s my gun? Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with that chicken. Al Gore: I invented the chicken ... and the road. Al Sharpton: Why are all the chickens white? Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems. Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. Martha Stewart: No one called to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. Dr Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
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crossed I’ve not been told. Ernest Hemingway: Why did the chicken cross the road? To die in the rain, alone. Grandpa: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Donald Trump: We should build a wall so the chicken can’t cross the road. Barbara Walters: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot. Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one? HANDY HAMILTONS HANDYMAN SERVICES, Experienced Handyman, Quality work at a fair price, Free estimates, Call Mark Hamilton (775)720-9595 SIX PERSON HOT TUB, WATKINS CLASSIC, convertible 115 or 230 volt, always under cover $500, Carson City (530)410-8650
New Music Store
The Lizard Lounge Music and Shoppe. Repairs, Consignment, Lessons, Official Whites Metal Detectors Dealer, Metal Detecting Lessons and Field Trips, Follow us on Facebook, 1302 Langley Drive Suite #1, Gardnerville Ranchos (775)392-4321 PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@aol.com (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065
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One Flaw in Women
Women have strengths that amaze men..... They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in.. They stand up to injustice. They don’t take “no” for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideas. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.. However, if there is one flaw in women, it is that they forget their worth. HANDCRAFTED MARKERS AND MONUMENTS, Granite and Bronze. Large Selection of colors and designs, special orders welcome! 15 years experience, call Cornerstone Monument for appointment (775)2671958 YARD ENHANCEMENT SERVICES, handyman, fence repair/rebuild, tree and brush trim/removal, defensible space improvement, hauling, dump runs, Carson Valley area, Kelly (209)352-0084 MINOR TO MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE REPAIRS, Tires and More! ASE Certified Master Mechanic, 40 years same location! Senior Discounts, Bobs Shell Service, Carson City (775)883-7919 NEVADA CCW CLASSES $50, EMAIL tacaimnv@ gmail or call (775)360-5214 BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND recolored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (775)233- 5297 DINING ROOM TABLE FOR 6, 2 LEAVES, MATCHING china cabinet; Tempurpedic two twin long mattresses, with complete bedroom set; Elvis collection, Vintage Jerry Cans, stereos (774)430-1380
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Was growing up in the 1960s and 70s really better?
Six Attitude Stories
1. Once all the villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella. That’s FAITH 2. When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her. That’s TRUST 3. Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next morning but still we set the alarms to wake up. That’s HOPE 4. We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future. That’s CONFIDENCE 5. We see the world suffering, but still we get married and have children. That’s LOVE 6. On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence ‘I am not 80 years old....I am sweet 16 with 64 years experience’ That’s ATTITUDE J’S HANDYMAN SERVICE, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR, Landscape, Experienced, Quality Work, Free Estimates, call or text owner/operator Jeremy Rickerson (775)901-3069 FORD 20” RIMS WITH GOODYEAR WRANGLER SR-A TIRES, off a 2018 F150, Tires have lots of tread left, Tire size is 275/60R-20. 33” diameter, 10-3/4” width, 6-1/2: sidewall, Includes chrome lug nuts, Tires and rims $700, Frank (707)489-9569
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As a kid, I was, what I consider to be fabulously lucky to grow up in the 1960s and ‘70s in Christchurch. I was a baby of the ‘50s, a child of the ‘60s and a teenager in the ‘70s. Life was pretty free and easy for kids back then, even though times were changing. Hits and protest songs played all day on the transistor radio in the ‘60s, the “flower power” years. We had a wringer washing machine, free milk, and apples in primary school to address hungry kids, until the mid 1960s. We all rode bikes - without helmets or knee pads, there were no video games, computers or iPods and phone numbers only had five digits. There were coin-operated, ice cold Coca Cola fridges in garages. There were school bullies. We played outside, had Matchbox cars and board games like ludo and snakes and ladders, and a Scalextric slot car set. We got one of the first TVs. It only went for a few hours a day and was black and white. The Lucy Show and Casey Jones and the like were what we watched – fantastic, clean viewing. Our parents would not let us watch willy nilly! We wandered everywhere in complete safety. There was a gasworks, and everything bustled. Friday night traffic was bedlam but little on the weekends because nothing was open. There were anti-Vietnam war protests and casual racism was everywhere. A small number of hippies were about, scruffily dressed, dirty and smelling of weed. Decimal conversion in 1967 caused recession! No-one had any money and there were quite a few bikie gangs. Summer Fun - We kids went all over town - to the movies, the gardens, museum and all manner of places. Life rolled gloriously and innocently into the ‘70s - the end of the flower power movement. The Vietnam war was still going on and I went off to intermediate school. Music began changing – fewer protest songs and more commercial pop. As teens, we lived near the beach and all the summer fun that came with it. We rode bikes, played ball in the street and wandered the sand hills. Ah, those long, hot, hazy summer holidays. High School, school certificate, driver’s license - in that order. School came and went. The usual bullies came and went and school life was awkward as we made our way through the minefields of growing up. Working Life - Time to get a job. I bought a Morris Minor and got a job as a store man. I worked through that summer, then found an apprenticeship as an engineer. The oil shocks arrived causing carless days. I had a motorbike and a car. People had discovered credit. Pay was very low and you couldn’t really buy what you wanted without paying it off. Contact between teens was real, not virtual. Continued...
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The Vietnam war finished in 1975. When our soldiers came home, they were spat on and called “baby killers”. There were all kinds of drugs, booze and wild parties. ‘70s music was great. I rode motorcycles all through the ‘70s. Calculators and walkmans appeared, but still no computers, or “i” anythings! Most people smoked – it was considered cool. Those decades were a little slower, with fewer toys, and we all felt a little more secure as kids, but not necessarily as adults. Same stuff, different time. But were they better? In a few ways, maybe as a child, but the more you think about it, the more they seem no different than today. There was something back there – something innocent – something with a real feel which is missed deeply by all of us who grew up back then. Was it good or bad? I have no idea. All I know is it was real and impossible to find again. (Author unknown) $69 SERVICE CALL, ACADEMY APPLIANCE Service; washers, dryers, refrigerators, ranges, dishwashers, compactors, some areas extra charge, Serving Carson Valley (775)781-4725 D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)6710808
Heavenly Holiday Faire
Saturday, November 2, 2019 Carson Valley United Methodist Church. Plan a fun day with handmade gifts, Thanksgiving and Christmas décor, home baked goodies, Silent Auction, Kids’ Only Market, Basket Raffles and visit Santa at the “Heavenly Holiday Faire” Saturday, November 2nd from 9am – 4pm at 1375 Centerville Rd. Gardnerville. Enjoy a chili lunch and shop for the holidays. www.carsonvalleyumc.com COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic. #0074827, davenportlandscape.com or (775)2651491 or (775)721-8439 LARGE THETFORD SMART PORTABLE WASTE tank for RVers, has 4 wheels and handle to pull it, great for dry camping, never used, $75 Call (775)434-7176 INCOME TAX, GEORGE HALLIFAX, CPA, EA, TAX preparation, Federal and all States, prior years, audit representation, 30 years experience, reasonable rates (775)392-0418
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Cowboy Rules for the Wild West
The Speed of Light
My new father-in-law is a research engineer. He contends that people would better understand the speed of light if it were broken down into smaller increments. Traditionally it has been taught that light travels 186 million miles per second. He feels that people could more easily relate to light traveling 10.8 inches per nanosecond, which is approximately one-billionth of a second. He says, “If you still have trouble relating to the speed of light in terms of nanoseconds, just think of the time it takes for the car behind you to honk its horn after the light turns green. That’s a nanosecond!” 18 GALLON SADDLE GAS TANK AND ALL parts $75; Air conditioner out of 1970 ford pickup truck and all mounting brackets plus pump $20 304-886-9299 WOOD STOVE PELLETS, WE SELL Pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, ½ cord almond firewood, bensonfeed.com, Benson Feed, Carson City (775)882-3999 1997 HONDA CIVIC LX SEDAN 162,000 MILES, runs good body in great shape, $2,500 OBO (775)7907655
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1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap around, your head ain’t crooked. 3. Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ No matter how slow you drive, you’re gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 4. They are cattle. That’s why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one. 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin’ in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. 8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop. 9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 10. We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women, regardless of age. 11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey. 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don’t care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!! 13. You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better know how to shoot and drive a truck. 14. College and High School Football is more important than the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks all combined, and a dang site more fun to watch. 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish. 16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1! A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won’t get it, but we’re friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what life in the real West is all about!!! GUNS FOR SALE! LAMA .22 PISTOL, 12 GAUGE Winchester shot gun, 30.06 semi automatic, Remington Rifle, (775)221-2900 Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, (775)782-4520
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19 Things to Remember
Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon - and some days you’re the statue! Always keep your words soft and sweet - just in case you have to eat them. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. Drive carefully - it’s not just cars that can be recalled by their Maker. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Never buy a car you can’t push. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late. The second mouse gets the cheese. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors - but they all have to live in the same box. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. Know that someone has thought about you today.
PETS & PLANTS OFFERS EXPERT CARE FOR ALL of your living things while you’re away, including horses and other livestock. Experienced and responsible, references available, Serving Carson Valley, Tracey (775)721-7570 FIREWOOD, SEASONED, SPLIT, ALMOND ONLY $400 a cord, cut to size, under 16”, 16”-18”, 18”-22”, delivery available, Jon (775)246-7186
Douglas Democrats Monthly Meetings…
Thursdays, September 22nd and October 24th from 6:30pm to 8:30pm at their headquarters 1758 US-395 N, Unit K, (Ironwood Center), Minden. Presentation and discussion. Gather and chat 6:30pm, meeting starts at 7:00pm sharp, www.douglasdems.org or (775)783-1903 CASH PAID FOR VINTAGE COSTUME JEWERLY. All Types Including: Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Rings, Silver, Copper, Pot Metal, Rhinestones, Lockets, Charm Bracelets, Men’s Jewelry, Old Watches, Military Jewelry, Old Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry. Larger Quantities Preferred. Please leave phone number and clear message on this home phone. I return all calls. Call Joanne at (775)465-9422
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Paraprosdokians
Where there’s a will, I want to be in it. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. They begin the evening news with “Good Evening,” then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.” I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure. You’re never too old to learn something stupid. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
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whatever you hit the target. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Where there’s a will, there are relatives. A BAD TILE JOB CAN BE LIKE A BAD HAIRCUT, but it doesn’t grow back, so don’t get hacked! Done right the first time, Sundance Tile and Marble, NV#58795 (775)691-9954 PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827 “YOUR HOMETOWN JUNK HAULER SINCE 1996!” Junk and Trash, etc., Carson Valley/Carson City, $179 a load plus dump fee, J.R.’s Hauling (775)265-6813 BLACK HIGH BACK EXECUTIVE OFFICE CHAIR, roll around, swivel, adjustable height, good condition $60 (775)762-2220
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501 CUSTOM CANVAS WORK! REPAIR, RE-STITCH, Replace; Boat Covers, Cockpit and Bow Covers, Snaps, Grommets, Velcro, Zippers, Reinforcements, Jim/Minden (775)267-4434 or (775)230-8706
Grandma Moses - An Inspiration
Baby Boomer Lyrics Revised
The baby boomer Rock stars revised their hits with new lyrics. They include: Bobby Darin’s: “Splish, Splash, I Am Having A Flash!” Herman’s Hermits: “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker!” Ringo Starr: “I Get By With A Little Help From Depends!” The Bee Gees: “How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?” Roberta Flack: “The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face!” Johnny Nash: “I Can’t See Clearly Now! Paul Simon: “Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver” The Commodores: “Once, Twice, Three times To The Bathroom!” Procol Harem: “A Whiter Shade Of Hair!” Leo Sayer: “You Make Me Feel Like Napping!” The Temptations: “Papa’s Got A Kidney Stone!” Abba: “Denture Queen!” Tony Orlando: “Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall!” Helen Reddy: “I Am Woman; Hear Me Snore!” The Beatles: “I Get By with a Little Help From Depends” Steely Dan: “Rikki Don’t Lose Your Car Keys” The Rolling Stones: “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want” Credence Clearwater Revival: “Bad Prune Rising” The Who: “Talkin’ ‘Bout My Medication” The Troggs: “Bald Thing” And, last, but NOT least, Leslie Gore: “It’s My Procedure, and I’ll Cry If I Want To!”
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October 31st- Happy Halloween!
In her late 70s and struggling with severe arthritis, a farmer’s widow from Eagle Bridge, NY loved to do needlework, but her fingers no longer were as nimble for the small detail work of embroidery. The elderly woman found she could hold a small paintbrush much easier than a needle and tried her hand at painting. She thought her farm and country scenes were good enough to show at the fair, but she only won prizes for her preserves and canned fruit. Then one day an art collector noticed several of her paintings on display in the window of a local drug store. He bought them all. When he showed them to his friends in the art circles of New York city, they were more curious about the painter. Soon, “Grandma Moses” gained an international reputation. Her widely-collected works of art were featured on calendars, greeting cards and in exhibitions in the leading galleries, including the Modern Museum of Art in New York City. Even more amazing, it’s reported that twenty-five percent of her more than 1,500 paintings were done after she had turned 100! Isn’t it time you got started? ¾ DRIVE TORQUE WRENCH, HEAVY DUTY, Cromwell brand, call Bob (818)359-5164 GOT WOOD? SAMMY’S FIREWOOD, HONEST Quality Service, soft and hard wood, delivery available, located in Carson City (775)315-0834 TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, clipper blades, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079 SHOTGUN SALE! 2 WINCHESTER, 1 STEVENS shotguns, various other firearms available (775)7822108 Have something to sell or something to say? Put it in The Scoop today! We are located at 1623 8th Street in Minden. Call us at 775-782-7520 or visit with us online at SierraScoop.com
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
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