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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 17+ Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 YARD SALE, APRIL 23RD & 24TH 9AM-2PM, ANTIQUES, baseball and football cards, Prince House Crystal, Vintage clocks, new size 4 UGGS, Vegas Collection, Disney toys, Nuwave, still in box, lots of miscellaneous items, Mason Valley Moose Lodge, 644 S. Main, Yerington. SCRAP METAL WANTED - FREE REMOVAL, can pay for large amounts (775)297-2320 IF YOU CAN’T FIND “IT” ELSEWHERE, CONTACT us at infocourthouseproducts@charter.net or (775)265-1480 “ALWAYS ON DUTY” STURDY HANDRAILS, flat or stepped areas, all metal, free standing, custom built to fit your needs, installation available, maintain independence & a healthy well being! (775)790-6445 CASIO 88 KEY DIGITAL PIANO, EXCELLENT condition with instructions $150 (775)265-1723 SWIMMING POOL SERVICE, WEEKLY or Bi-Monthly, Mountain Pool & Spa Licensed and Insured Tahoepoolboy@gmail.com or (530)318-1698

MOVING SALE, SUNDAY/MONDAY APRIL 24th & 25th, 9AM-3PM, California King bed $300; Couch hide a bed $125; Elliptical bike $150; Wood chipper $400; Piano $200; movies, bicycles, old lamps and so much more, items will be marked all negotiable, 2658 Wade Str. Minden, to view the items prior to “Moving Sale” call Alex (775)400-0741 RADIO CONTROL, 2 PLANES, OS ENGINES, SPECTRUM DX6E TX, Receivers, many accessories, electric plane accessories, like new condition $200; Ham Radio set, 2M mobile transceiver, power supply, cables and antenna, new condition $50 (775)392-4040 WOOD STOVE PELLETS, WE SELL Pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, North Idaho Energy logs by the pallet or singles, bensonfeed.com, Benson Feed, Carson City (775)882-3999

Leave a message after the beep

My mother, a master of guilt trips, showed me a photo of herself waiting by a phone that never rings. “Mom, I call all the time,” I said. “If you had an answering machine, you’d know.” Soon after, my brother installed one for her. When I called the next time, I got her machine: “If you are a salesperson, press one. If you’re a friend, press two. If you’re my daughter who never calls, press 911 because the shock will probably give me a heart attack.”

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A Mature look at Life

Northern Nevada Children’s Cancer Foundation

is in need of new washable fleece throws! (APPROX. SIZE 45-50” - Twin bed size or smaller) You can drop off your donation at: Nevada State Bank, Douglas County Library, Carson Valley Museum Kids and Horses, The Quilt House, 1328 US 395N. Ste. 105, Fabric Chicks, 1511 US 395 North, Gardnerville. Drop off thru June 30th. Any questions or pickup needed call Lion Debbie @ 775-265-1753. Carson Valley Lions Club Collection HUGE YARD SALE! SATURDAY APRIL 23rd and Sunday, April 24th, 7am-1pm. Multi-family sale off Foothill Road on Lillian Court, 2.8 miles south of Centerville, Gardnerville TRUCKING, DUMP TRUCK, BOBCAT/LOADER, Excavation and Water Truck Services, call Wade Draper - EMS Transport at (775)690-1671 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Call or text Joanne at (775)4302352

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent. From my purchase, he took off 10 percent. I asked for the cause of a lesser amount; And he answered, “It’s the Seniors Discount.” I went to McDonald’s for a burger and fries; And there, once again, got quite a surprise. The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me. He said, “For you seniors, the coffee is free.” Understand — I’m not old — I’m merely mature. But some things are changing, temporarily, I’m sure. The newspaper print gets smaller each day, And people speak softer, can’t hear what they say. My teeth are my own (I have the receipt),and my glasses identify people I meet. Oh, I’ve slowed down a bit, not a lot, I am sure. You see, I’m not old … I’m only mature. The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun. You should see all the damage that chlorine has done. Washing my hair has turned it all white, calling it blond is just about right. My car is all paid for, not a nickel is owed. Yet a kid yells, “Old duffer, get off of the road!” My car has no scratches, not even a dent. Still, I get all that guff from a punk who’s “Hellbent.” My friends all get older… much faster than me. They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see. I’ve got “character lines,” not wrinkles, for sure, But don’t call me old: just call me mature. The steps in the houses they’re building today Are so high that they take your breath all away; And the streets are much steeper than 10 years ago. That should explain why my walking is slow. I’m keeping up on what’s hip and what’s new, And I know I can still dance a mean boogaloo. I’m still in the running, in this I’m secure, I’m not really old, I’m only mature. WEEKLY LAWN CARE AND AERATION, 16+ years experience, quality service, serving Carson Valley, Carson Valley Lawn Care, Insured (775)230-2546 DAYBED - NEVER USED, PERFECT FOR YOUR spare room, beautiful wood back and sides, includes all bedding $200 775-782-4242 HOUSEHOLD ITEMS THAT NEED A NEW home: Tupperware, baking pans, many assorted oven- proof dishes, must see to select your items. Some of the cooking/baking things are old, so YOU make me an offer and I will help you pack them in a carrying container. I’ll have them all displayed in my apartment and you pick what you want. Good? Important to make an appointment first, so I can get ready. Carson City, phone (775)945-1010 or cell (775)316-2173

VFW Breakfast

Topaz VFW Post 3630 is again hosting a monthly breakfast 8:00am-9:30am at the TRE Community Center, 3939 Carter Way on the 4th Saturday of each month. The breakfast is to rally support for the TRE Veterans by bringing together families and friends for a fun event. $5 Adults, $3 Children under 10. The VFW Post 3630 has a regular meeting at 4:00pm on the 3rd Wednesday of each month. New members are always welcome!

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PAINTER, SEMI-RETIRED WITH 40+ YEARS experience in Nevada, Save Money, Get Seasonal Discount Now, inside or out, Fences (775)901-1912 MOBILE EQUIPMENT REPAIR, AUTOS and small to heavy equipment, 25+ years experience, Silva and Sons jeremysilva1975@gmail.com or (707)761-0928

I am just fine

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie...” “I didn’t ask for any details”, the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?” Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road.....” The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.” By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie”. Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. “Well as I was say-

ing, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semitruck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, “How are you feeling?” “Now what the heck would you say?” 4 GOODYEAR WRANGLER TIRES 265/75 R-16, 8 Lug Wheels with covers and lugs, 40% tread, $450, Call Bob at (775)530-5308 LARGE LOWRY ORGAN, PLAYS BEAUTIFULLY $300; Turkish wrought iron marble shelf $400, Horizontal Oak file cabinet $150 (775)350-9815 SPECIALIZING IN GARAGES, ADDITIONS, REMODELS, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, Redline Construction Inc. (775)781-3955

May 8th - Mother’s Day 5

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” SOMEDAY

Tick Season is Here!

Ticks are parasites with 8 legs, their mouths are very developed, and are strong enough to bite through skin and feed on blood. Ticks rely on a live blood supply to stay alive, and to lay eggs. Here are a few things to prevent ticks from climbing onto you or your dog. Check your dog (head to tail) daily, and after each walk outdoors. Tick Collar. Monthly Topical or Ingested Medicine (contact your veterinarian for advice on tick medications). Natural Spray (you can make a natural essential oil spray that repels ticks, this spray can be sprayed on yourself and your dog). Bug Spray (some bug/mosquito sprays also repel ticks, check the bottle, and make sure that the bug spray you are using is safe to use on dogs). After walks through the woods or grassy settings, be sure to thoroughly check your dog. If you find a tick before it has embedded into your dogs’ skin, it will be much easier to get rid of and will save you the hassle of having to pull the tick out of their skin. AMMO FOR SALE. MOST PISTOL AMMO. Call for pricing and availability. AFR (775)720-6076 YARD ENHANCEMENT SERVICES, handyman, fence repair/rebuild, tree and brush trim/removal, defensible space improvement, hauling, dump runs, Gardnerville area, Kelly (209)352-0084

SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, life will be different. The memo pad on my refrigerator door will read, “Afternoon at hairdresser,” or, “browse through art gallery,” or, “start golf lessons”… instead of, “pediatrician at 2:00,” or, “Cub Pack Meeting. SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, the house will be free of graffiti. There will be no crayoned smiley faces on the walls, no names scrawled in furniture dust, no pictures fingered on steamy windows, and no initials etched in bars of soap. SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I’ll get through a whole chapter of an engrossing book without being interrupted to sew a nose on a teddy bear, stop a toddler from eating the dog food, or rescue the cat from the toy box. SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I won’t find brown apple cores under the beds, empty spindles on the toilet paper hanger, or fuzzy caterpillars in denim jeans. And I will be able to find a pencil in the desk drawer, a slice of leftover pie in the refrigerator, and the comics still in the center of the newspaper. SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I’ll breeze right past the gumball machine in the supermarket without having to fumble for pennies; I’ll stroll freely down each aisle without fear of inadvertently passing the candy or toy sections; and I’ll choose cereal without considering what noise it makes, what prize it contains, or what color it comes in. SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I’ll prepare Quiche Loraine, or Scallops Amandine, or just plain liver and onions, and no one will say, “Yuk! I wish we were having hot dogs!” or, “Jimmy’s lucky, his Mom lets him eat chocolate bars for dinner,”; And we’ll eat by candle light, with no one trying to roast their peas and carrots over the flame to “make them taste better,” or arguing about who gets to blow out the candle when we’re done. SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, I’ll get ready for my bath without first having to remove a fleet of boats, two rubber alligators, and a soggy tennis ball from the tub. I’ll luxuriate in hot, steamy water and billows of bubbles for a whole hour, and no fists will pound on the door, no small voices will yell, “Hurry up, Mommy! I gotta go! YES, SOMEDAY, when the kids are grown, life will be different. They’ll leave our nest, and the house will be Quiet… and calm… and empty… and lonely. And I won’t like that at all! And then… I’ll spend my time, not looking forward to SOMEDAY, but looking back at YESTERDAY. (Author Unknown) WEEKLY LAWN CARE AND AERATION, 17+ years experience, quality service, serving Carson Valley, Carson Valley Lawn Care, Insured (775)230-2546 1953 DODGE M37, APART; 1984 SANTA ROSA fifth wheel 23’; 1999 Ford F250 Super Duty 2WD, AT, smokes, Al (775)434-7452 OLIVETTI ELECTRONIC COLLEGIATE TYPEWRITER. Instruction manual included, extra ink cassettes, cloth cover, extra liftoff, correction tape, carrying case $71 firm, Carson City (775)945-1010

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The Twenty and the One

The Wrong Wish

A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county. “I’ve had a pretty good life,” the twenty proclaimed. “Why I’ve been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean.””Wow!” said the one dollar bill. “You’ve really had an exciting life!” “So tell me,” says the twenty, “where have you been throughout your lifetime?” The one dollar bill replies, “Oh, I’ve been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ...” The twenty dollar bill interrupts, “What’s a church?”

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said; “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.” So the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was 90.

HELP! I AM IN SEARCH OF SPECIALS FROM 1950-60’s American and/or European powered cars. Maybe steel, aluminum, fiberglass or combination. Cars created by enthusiast for pleasure or racing, contact (775)291-6827

WANTED: LICENSE PLATES, OLD MOTORCYCLE Helmets, Old Pre-1970’s Levi’s, Musical instruments, Old Watches and Old Lighters, John (775)315-4930

FOLDING SCHWINN BICYCLE FOR SALE: 20”, GIRL’S bike (no bar) still in box, paid $200, asking $175. Sharon/ Wellington (775)781-0243 “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.”

PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441

SUMMER JOB - EASTERN SIERRA MID MAY - OCTOBER 15th, For job description go to: virginialakesresort. com/employment then phone (760)647-6484 PAINTING BY ART - STAINING AND PAINTING done at affordable rates, personal service with 20 years experience, call for free estimate, Gardnerville (775)392-3997

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Drinking Water

My thirst crept through the day. As farmers, we worked in the sun. My forebears didn’t plant trees for shade. They built houses for shade. The sun could be a bully. The hard, physical work created a ravenous thirst. We didn’t spend time looking for a safe place to drink water. We were not particularly wise to the ways of the world, but we knew where to go when thirsty. We weren’t street smart, but we were hydrated. We’d go to that old pump situated in the middle of the yard and wish for water. It wasn’t a wishing well. We just pumped like crazy and wished for water. The pump was the go-to-guy on hot days. It brought up cool water from deep in the ground. The communal, metal drinking cup, dented from experience, hung from the old pump. An old stiff, rusty wire provided a hook for the cup. The handle of the pump was exercised and water ran into a pail located under the pump’s mouth. The cup was used as a dipper. To get a drink, you dipped one out of the bucket and then hung the cup back on the wire for the next thirsty soul. Everybody drank from the same cup. My mother was not a big worrier about germs, but mothers and lawyers are required to think in terms of worst-case scenarios. My mother expressed concern about everyone drinking from a single cup. She warned me about using the same cup as men who chewed tobacco. Men wearing moustaches or beards drinking out of a communal cup bothered her. She said you never knew what might be living in all that hair, but she suspected horrible things lurked there. There are those who claimed that the cup made it possible to

pass along a cold from one person to another, but we shared contagious maladies whether we drank from the cup or not. Mom advised me to place my lips on the dipping cup as close as possible to the handle. She reasoned that fewer folks drank from that area and I’d be less likely to make contact with a germ in that vicinity. No one drinking from the cup felt compelled to point out certain critical health issues. We did dump the bucket and rinse it quickly before dipping into it. We did this to wash away any chicken feathers, bird poop, or wiggletails that were in it. There were seldom any wiggletails in the bucket. That’s because most of them were in the rain barrel that stood alongside the house. The barrel collected rainwater and wiggletails. Wiggletails are mosquito larvae and move through the water with an ungainly jerky motion. I loved that old pump and its partner, the dented cup. I would have to admit that part of the reason for my feelings were likely because that when I was at the pump, I was not working. I was a grinning boy, happy to be dragged away from productive work. I was a tall drink of water? about half-full? when I would take the thirst challenge. There were days when I would drink endless amounts of water thanks to a generous and understanding bladder. There were days when I would drink so much water that I could hear it sloshing in my body when I’d give myself a bit of a wiggle. I’d drink until my thirst was compromised. The water was free and I couldn’t get enough of it. It was my habit to take one of Mom’s delicious biscuits, poke a hole into it with a pencil and fill the roll with honey. I’d

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” What if there isn’t anymore?

One day a woman’s husband suddenly died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t “anymore.” No more hugs, no more holding hands, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more “just one minute.” Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say “I love you.” So while we have it, it’s best we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick. This is true for marriage… And old cars… And children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep – like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what. Life is important, like people we know who are special… and so, we keep them close! (Author unknown) TRAEGER SILVERTON BBQ GRILL, USED ONCE, includes 2 bags of pellets, make offer, Gardnerville (707)4991416 NEW (UNOPENED) FENIX 6 PROPREMIUN Multisport GPS watch. Only $275. Text or call 775-781-2425 or call 775267-2044 pinch the end and stuff it into my pocket. I’d ball up a bologna sandwich and shove it into another pocket. There the foodstuffs would commingle with whatever else was hiding in the deep, dark recesses of my pockets. The cold water from that old pump helped me wash such foods down. At that time, I didn’t suspect that because things were the way they were, they would not stay the way they were. The old pump is gone and it took the dented cup with it. Change is seldom easy, but not always bad. The cup was from a time when “neighbor” was both a noun and a verb. It should still be so today. Drinking from an old communal drinking cup taught us all a lesson. We’re all drinking from the same cup. (Author unknown) PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373 CARSON VALLEY ATV - JOIN US FOR ADVENTURES of a lifetime! Visit us at www.facebook.com/groups/carsonvalleyatv NDM-86 DRAGONOV COMPLETE, PLUS EXTRAS and a full case of 7N1 ammunition, Asking $11,000 or make offer, contact Pete at (775)315-4285

Bus Drivers & Substitute Bus Drivers Wanted

Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for: Contracted School Bus Drivers & Substitute School Bus Drivers, Starting Salary: $15.95/hour or based on up to 5 years of bus driving experience. Varied Hours up to 40 hours a week. Contracted positions for permanent routes include; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave & holidays. NV PERS retirement. Apply online: dcsd.k12. nv.us/employment to complete an application. $20 FIREARM TRANSFERS! GUNSMITHING, Engraving, Custom Parts, New Gun and Ammo sales. 2A Transfers & Accessories (775)783-8965 PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@aol.com (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065

Come join us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church

Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 4pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)267-9590 “A closed mouth gathers no feet.”

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HANDYMAN SERVICES, WOOD DECK repair, replace, resurface and remove, trash removal, Honey-Do’s, etc. Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235 “A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25 years experience, Senior Discounts! Ken Jeter, kenjeter65@ gmail.com or (775)530-8932 SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two story houses, based in Minden area, call John (831)801-0003

Happy Mother’s Day Mom

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for giving me life, giving me a family, for being my ‘forever’ best friend, my cheerleader, my pillar of strength, my shoulder to cry on, and my inspiration. Thank you for loving and taking such good care of dad for the past 66 years. Thank you for being selfless. Thank you for your beauty, both inside and out. Thank you for all the sacrifices you have made. Thank you for loving us and thank you for never giving up on our family. There’s so much more I could say but words alone cannot convey to you how grateful and blessed I am to be called your daughter and how fortunate I am to have you as my mom. Love you always Lisa

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” 9 dangerous words women use

Do you have a hard time starting seeds or cuttings?

Micro Greenhouse - Try soda bottle greenhouses. Cut the bottom off 2-liter soda bottles, remove the labels and place bottle over seed pot. Each seed gets its own micro greenhouse! Remove the greenhouses once the seeds have germinated and cuttings are rooted. Cardboard Seed Tubes - For an easy and green way to start seeds, save your toilet paper and paper towel tubes. Cut the tubes into 2 in. lengths and set them in a waterproof tray. Fill the tubes with potting soil and plant your seeds. When the seedlings are ready to move to the garden, plant them right in their cardboard tube. The cardboard will decompose. Be sure to keep the tube below the soil surface, so it doesn’t wick moisture away from the roots.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to be quiet. (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not a permission. Don’t Do It! (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an ass and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) (6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. (7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’). (8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying, better stop talking now, done with this conversation. (edited) (9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3. KENNY AND COLLEEN’S STUMP GRINDING services, K&C stump grinding services, Call (917)362-3181 or (410)739-4052 LIVE YOUR SUMMER DREAM! ALASKA - FSBO. 2 bedroom, 1 bath home plus guest cabin and much much more. Gulkana River riverfront property! Call Ian (775)220-7332 2011 CHEVY SUBURBAN 3RD ROW SEAT FITS 20072011, dark cloth upholstery, excellent condition $250, Tom/ Carson City (831)359-5793

Sea Sickness...

G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, General clean-up, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672

Tom had never been on a fishing boat before, and he was now thinking it was the stupidest thing he’d ever done in his life. Who would ever have believed that seasickness could be this awful? With every pitch and roll, Tom wondered how he was going to survive the remaining two hours of the trip. One of the deckhands came up to him and said, “Don’t worry, young fella. Nobody ever died of seasickness.” “You’ve just taken away my last hope for relief,” Tom said.

LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers/Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Free Estimates, 10+ Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585

PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information (530)495-2700

WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN CARSON VALLEY? Be our guest for coffee and fellowship on Fridays at 7am., C.O.D. Casino. Carson Valley Sertoma

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Doggie Contest

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” Um. I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse, was the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone. Cheese mine.”

EARLY 1920’S DODGE GRAHAM TRUCK, hydraulic ram on dump bed, all original, tires all hold air, make offer (775)465-1812

Douglas County Democrats

The Douglas County Democrats Central Committee May meeting will be held on Thursday, May 26, at 6:30 PM. For in person attendance, we will be following Covid 19 guidelines. Please bring proof of vaccination. Please check our website at www.douglasdems.org for further information and to register to join the meeting on Zoom.

KING SIZE SLEIGH BED, COMPLETE WITH HEAD and Foot Boards, side rails and slats and hardware, Dark Cherry finish, great shape $150 (209)606-9639

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Today, everyone can play a role in Suicide Prevention

ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE – RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest rates around, Gardnerville (775)2654766

Nightie

A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary, so he bought her a $100 see-through nightie. That night, she was getting ready for bed, got undressed and realized the nightie was still in its box downstairs. Walking nude through the house to get the nightie, she passed her husband who said: “Geez, for $100 they could’ve at least ironed it!” NEW (UNOPENED) OCULUS QUEST 2, 256 MB. Only $240. Text/all (775)781-2425 or (775)267-2044 PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)265-7081 AERATING & DETHATCHING $300 MOST Yards, Sprinkler Repair, Tree & Juniper Removal, Excavating, Earth, Turf & Timber Landscape Maintenance (775)450-1955 “The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.”

Call or Share this toll free number to chat with a lifeline member… 1-800-273-TALK (8255) What is the one thing most people who contemplate suicide need, more than anything else? Someone to talk to. We can all help prevent suicide. If we can’t be there for someone, especially with a trained voice of counsel, we can encourage others who need this help to call this special organization. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL) provides free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. The Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers throughout the U.S. that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They’re committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness. They understand that every struggle is different. Suicide is not inevitable for anyone. By starting the conversation, providing support, and directing help to those who need it, we can prevent suicides and save lives. Evidence shows that providing support services, talking about suicide, reducing access to means of self-harm, and following up with loved ones are just some of the actions we can all take to help others. By offering immediate counseling to everyone that may need it, local crisis centers provide invaluable support at critical times and connect individuals to local services. Know the Warning Signs - Some warning signs may help you determine if a loved one is at risk for suicide, especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss, or change. If you or someone you know exhibits any of these, seek help by calling the Lifeline: Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves. Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun. Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live. Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain. Talking about being a burden to others. Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs. Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly. Sleeping too little or too much. Withdrawing or isolating themselves. Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge. Extreme mood swings. THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848

Graduation Speech

When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from his prepared text. ‘I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life,’ he told the audience. ‘She is a shining example of parenthood, and I love her more than words could ever do justice.’ At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, ‘Sorry, but it’s somewhat difficult to read my mother’s handwriting.’

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D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808

Senior Golfers

Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.” His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.” “That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother’s a hundred and three. He can’t help.” “He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.” So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?” “Of course I did!” replies the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.” “Where did it go?” asks Arthur. “I don’t remember.”

Fine Art Classes

East Fork Gallery, 1512 Hwy. 395, Suite 4, Gardnerville. For more details email eastforkartists@gmail.com or call (775)7827629 SAVE THE DATES - April 23, May 1, May 8 SALE* for Mother’s Day: May 3 - “Ode to Flowers” Exhibit: July 7 “Carson Valley Barns”: July 24 - Anniversary Reception 11am: September 15 - Readymade Scarecrows: October 1 - Scarecrow Festival, Heritage Park 9am-3pm: November 5 - Open House SALE* 12pm-3pm: December 4 - Christmas Reception 11am3pm.... *SALE: 20% off one $50 item. Wine walks May-October on third Thursday of each month.

HANDYMAN PROS - RAPID RESPONSE, ALL Phases of Construction, New, Repair, Roofs, Bath, Kitchen, Painting, Custom, Carpentry, Landscaping, Electrical, Concrete, Plumbing, Tile, Granite & more, Professionally Designed Blue Prints (775)400-6822

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

The now ‘Retro’ games kids used to play in the 60’s & 70’s

Once upon a time kids used to play outside, they went out in the morning and came in when the street lights or porch light came on. Before computers, X-Boxes and smartphones came along, kids played games outside and interacted with one another. Nostalgic games like kickball, tag, Red Rover, jump rope, Mother May I and the ever popular Hide-and-Seek. Neighborhood kids liked playing games such as horse basketball, hopscotch, four square ball, hot potato or red light-green light. My cousins and I used to play statue tag, when the person who is ‘it’ swings each player one at a time and you have to freeze after you are released. Even a sprinkler could make a sunny, hot afternoon fun when all the kids would run through the water to cool down. Hula hoops and roller skates were popular with kids of all ages. We also used to play badminton when all of my cousins were together in the summer months and go fishing or swimming at the lake. Some kids played croquet or Frisbee when it was warm out. In the winter months, sleds were always the choice of outdoor play! If the lakes or ponds were frozen, ice skating or hockey was a fun option. Or just building a snowman and making snow angels were fun winter activities. But I have to admit that building a snow fort and throwing snowballs was my favorite after school activity with my friends. Of course, riding bikes was the number one fun thing to do with friends after school. Racing home and grabbing a snack

then out the door to jump on our bikes and see who could get up the steepest hill the quickest or try to do some crazy stunts like mini Evel Knievel’s. Sometimes we hung out at the park and played on the swings or teeter-totters, slides and merry-go-round. Or doing our acrobatic best on the monkey bars, trying to imitate gymnasts like Nadia Comăneci. If it happened to rain, playing games inside like Monopoly or Yahtzee made the time go by faster and much funner! We also used to play games like Battleship, Clue, Operation, The Game of Life or Stratego. Before all of the technology, there was simply playing and being active outside with friends. Be it climbing a tree or running around for no reason other than you were young and full of energy, those days were golden. Fresh air, exercise and interacting is now a retro pastime, what a concept! Let’s bring back those days of yore! (Author unknown) PIANO, GUITAR, COMPOSITION LESSONS. ALL LEVELS and ages. Experienced teachers with music degrees. Jim and Janet, Sunridge/Carson City (415)678-0504 JAMES THE TECH GUY, IN-HOME services at a fair price, setup TV’s, computers, internet, security cameras, computer lessons (775)515-2316 The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers.

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Kitchen Refinishing Services

BY ‘CABINET GUARD’ PRODUCTS (pat. pending) Don’t re-face with new doors & water borne paint or replace your cabinets until you evaluate our refurbishing/refinishing services! (we are 70% less costly) We utilize exclusive Products & Processes by ‘CABINET GUARD’ (pat. pending) w/ 40 + years of development by founder & master craftsman Dana Ayler: “I will wind back the clock on your Cabinets”. We blend over your original cabinet finish, so there is no stripping or sanding down mess! We are completely dustless! Starting w/ a thorough cleaning, then rejuvenate & feed the wood’s grain for its contribution, then lightly custom color (tint) to enhance and block yellowing from the original finish, w/ 100% UV protection. Final topcoat/s, durable for decades, strong enough for hardwood flooring, absolutely superior; high moisture resistance, 100 % UV-Protection, non-yellowing, extreme ware protection! * Easier to clean & maintain * Spray-less & EPA – Non -Toxic * No need to empty out Cabinets * You do not lose daily function of your kitchen * New Knob H.W. of your choice * 3 year – one time – free touch-up! * Good for environment, no tree cutting * Door Sampling *Written client testimonials, References. Workdays: 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (Cleaned). Returning your kitchen back to your until 9:00 a.m. the next morning! I Dana, perform all work on job site. Questions: www.danadesignnv@hotmail.com Or call: Dana, Cabinets Etc. @ (775)781-7462 or Kathy @ (775)782-7821. NV. Lic. #18331, Ca. Lic. #310071.

How to have fun with telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Alternately, you can tell them, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...” When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems. 3. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. 4. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. 5. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. 6. Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up. MINOR TO MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE REPAIRS, Tires and More! ASE Certified Master Mechanic, 40+ years same location! Senior Discounts, Bobs Shell Service, Carson City (775)883-7919 2018 21’ LOCKWOOD MINI LITE TRAVEL trailer, power awning, one slide out plus many other features, must see to appreciate, minimum use, like new throughout $20,000 OBO (775)267-3888

SUTRO LANDSCAPING, ONE CALL DOES IT all; lawn care, aerating and thatching, sprinkler systems, sod installation and planting, clean-ups and much more, Free Estimates, Operated by owner, NV#50048 (775)246-4871 or (775)291-3095 PALMETTO STATE ARMORY 5.56/223 COMPLETE upper 10.5 carbine length, new in box, never been fired $375, Bill (775)220-0492 AIR COMPRESSOR,, MODEL #Y5B-60 #072783142, class F, voltage 110 or 220 $450, Call (775)265-2578

Fashion Greeting

Frank hadn’t been to a class reunion in decades. When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting, saying, “You look like Helen Brown!” “Well,” the woman snapped back, “you don’t look so great in blue, either!” ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35 years experience (775)721-2880 “Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the nose.”

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40 Old-Fashioned skills for kids to know today!

How to write a letter. How to make a phone call. How to take a message. How to get to know an older person. How to play with a baby. How to sew on a button. How to make a genuine apology. How to read slowly. How to hammer a nail. How to shake hands. How to introduce yourself. How to take notice of needs around you. How to make scrambled eggs. How to balance a checkbook. How to see a job through completion. How to write a thank-you note. How to do laundry. How to take care of a garden. How to fix something instead of replace it. How to plan a healthy meal. How to hang a picture. How to wash dishes. How to make a budget. How to wait and save for something. How to check tire pressure. How to ask questions to get to know someone better. How to read a map. How to find a book in the library. How to seek counsel from someone more experienced. How to care for a pet. How to select a gift that the receiver will appreciate. How to admit a mistake. How to set the table. How to iron a shirt. How to give someone the benefit of the doubt. How to weigh out the pro’s and con’s of a decision. How to have good table manners. How to read a recipe. How to attend a concert or a performance. How to do something well, even if no one is watching. How to be KIND! (Author unknown) COMPLETE HOMEMADE WINE MAKING equipment and all supplies used – very good, asking $1,900, call for more details (775)265-9159

1997 FORD 1 TON FLAT BED DUALLY, 7.3 TURBO, 5th wheel hitch, extra 42 gallon tank and more, 122,500 miles, asking $14,500 (775)463-7838

Your Mother is always with you

She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street. She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well. She’s your breath in the air on a cold winters’ day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow. She is Christmas morning. Your mother lives inside your laughter. She’s the place you come from, your first home. She’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy. But nothing on Earth can separate you. Not time. Not space. Not even death. (D. Culver)

HYDRAULIC CYLINDER REPAIR AND REBUILD, All makes models and year, Commercial Equipment, Tractors, Fork Lifts, Log splitters, Farm equipment, Dump Trucks and Trailers, Boats and RVs, Welding and Machining, Ramco Fabrication, shawn@ramcofab.com or (775)267-7358 STANDARD FLAG GRAVEL, R&J TRUCKING delivers, 25 years experience, call Roger (775)233-7337

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Act 2 Looking for you to view

2000 sq. ft. of gently used merchandise, reasonably priced for your Springtime shopping, 607 S. Main St. Yerington, hours are flexible call Pat Riley (408)804-4010 or Toni Harrisson (775)781-6487 MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501 DO YOU NEED TO REPLACE YOUR WORN out concrete driveway, patio, or walkway? We also install new patios, driveways, monolithic garage slabs, retaining walls, footings, and stemwalls. K&C Construction, NV LIC # 79034, 79237, 81038, 86464. To get a free quote call at (775)691-6462 HOT TUB SERVICE, WEEKLY AND BI WEEKLY service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, hot tub cover sales, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)267-2490

Happy May Birthdays!

You’re another year older! Your birthday is a perfect occasion to pause, reflect and promise yourself another great year full of adventure. Wishing you a wonderful year ahead! Happy Birthday!

AFTER MARKET FENDERS FOR FORD 1942-1947 FORD pickups, asking $600 (775)463-4016 HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $40 per hour (775)6915119

Romance, senior-style

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: “Then you use to kiss me.” Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek, and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: Then you use to bite my neck” Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked. “To get my teeth!” ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $599, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $129, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994 AFFORDABLE NEVADA CCW CLASSES $50, tac-aimfirearmsinstruction.com or (775)360-5214

A Dogs Purpose

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Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-yearold Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker‘s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.” Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live. He said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The Six-year-old continued, “Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.” GET FAST INTERNET! UP TO 40 MBPS, WIRELESS! (not satellite, not DSL). Great in rural areas, www.ruralinternet.us or call Patrick (775)297-4777 ROTOTILLER TROY BILT, ‘HORSE’ KOHLER 8 horse power motor, heavy duty till, very good condition, tines all good $1,800 OBO (775)267-9042

No cause for alarm

After my wife accidentally swallowed my prostate medication, our daughter called a pharmacist to ask whether there was any cause for alarm. He replied, “Only if she starts hanging out at hardware stores and buys a lot of power tools.” BROWNING SILVER 3½” 12 GAUGE 28” BARREL, FULL-MOD-IC Matte Black and Mossy Oak Shadow Grass in excellent condition $800 firm, NV License (775)843-6192 INTERIOR AND CIAL/Residential, pressure washing, Lic.#20181749300, (775)291-2453

EXTERIOR PAINTING, COMMERdecking and railing maintenance, Free Estimates. JR’S Painting, NV call or text (775)291-1319 or call

JIM DYER OVERHEAD DOOR, DOORS AND OPENERS, Wholesale and Resale, 10% Senior and Military Discounts, 30+ years experience, Specializing in Spring Replacement, NV#41095666 (775)721-8025

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Canonical list of PCisms

Vertically challenged - short; horizontally gifted - fat; horizontally challenged - thin; chronologically gifted - old; morally (ethically) challenged - a crook; morally handicapped - someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zone; folically independent - bald; musically delayed - tone deaf; codependent - finger-pointer; in denial - unaware that forgetting something obviously proves it happened; constructivist feminist psychotherapy - psychobabble; economically disadvantaged - welfare bum; target equity group - vocal minority. Sanitation engineer - garbage man’ ontologically challenged - fictional or mythological, the absolute root of all evil known in the multidimensional; people of height - too tall; gravitationally challenged - fat; chronologically gifted - old; other aged - too old/young (dual purpose); Nitpicklike — humor challenged; motivationally challenged - lazy; outdoor urban dwellers - homeless; nasally gifted - runny nose; maintenance hole - man-hole; socially challenged - geek, nerd, whatever…; Microslothicly Challenged - Windows user; aquatically challenged - drowning; nasally disadvantaged - really BIG nose; nasally gifted - large nose; grammatically challenged - one who has difficulties with grammar or (by extension) punctuation or spelling; differently organized - messy; energy-efficient - off; creatively re-dyed - stained; petroleum transfer technician - gas station attendant; amphibian American — frog; persons of large stature - NY Giants; bovine control officers - Dallas Cowboys; residentially flexible - homeless; uniquely coordinated - clumsy; mechanically challenged - broken down automobile

WHEEL LINE FOR SALE, QUARTER MILE, 5 INCH with extra 40 foot sections $5,000, Bob/Wellington (775)7810244 SINGER ZIG ZAG SEWING MACHINE MODEL 538 with 10 embroidery discs and extension arm, in original box, great condition $75 (775)225-7492 BEAUTIFUL FIGURINE COLLECTION OF “JUST the Right Show” by Raine and 3 wall display glass cases 2’x2’, all in pristine condition $500 OBO (775)843-6192

Custodian Job Opening

Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for Custodian; Jacks Valley Elementary & Pinon Hills Elementary (30 hours per week) & George Whittell High (40 hours per week) Starting Salary: $17.25/hr. or up to 5 years of experience; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave, vacation & holidays. NV PERS retirement. For more information, please contact Bill Blumenthal, Facilities Supervisor at wblument@dcsd.k12.nv. us or visit our website at dcsd.k12.nv.us/employment to complete an application. NEED MORE PARKING? GARAGE SOLUTION. Turn your 2 car garage into a 3 or 4 car garage! Call Al for details (775)781-1747

FOR SALE - BURIAL PLOT LOCATED IN MOUNTAIN View Cemetery (Caesars Garden), Reno, reasonable offers considered (775)445-9052 “YOUR HOMETOWN JUNK HAULER SINCE 1996!” Junk and Trash, etc, Carson Valley/Carson City, $299 a load plus dump fee, J.R.’s Hauling (775)265-6813 BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND re-colored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (775)233- 5297 WANTED!! OLD PARK BENCHES, ANY SHAPE or style, Carson City (408)270-4028 RUSSELL’S TREE SERVICE, #1 ARTISTRY IN TREE Care; Shaping, Balancing, Removals, Stump Grinding, Fruit Trees, Hedges, Ornamental Pruning, Serving your area, Licensed/Insured (775)685-0528 FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)518-1166 or (775)782-8776 HARLEY DAVIDSON ENGINE REBUILDING, 30+ years experience, quick turn-around! Free pick–up and delivery, parts in one day! californiafritz.com or (530)694-2521 “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”

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Douglas County Republican Women...

will be meeting on May 4, 2022 at 11:30 AM at Valley Christian Fellowship, 1681 Lucerne Street, Minden. Cost of the lunch is $15.00 each. Our speakers will be Clerk/Treasurer candidates --Incumbent Amy Burgans and challenger Heather MacDonnell as well as County Commissioners candidates for District 4-- Incumbent Wes Rice and challengers Janet Murphy and Natalie Yanish. If you have questions you would like to submit for the candidates, please send them to: bjr463@charter.net. For lunch reservations please contact Linda at lrcal1@aol. com or 775-782-5338, prior to April 30, 2022.

May 30th - Memorial Day

CHÉ WHITE BOOKKEEPING & PAYROLL Services, Specializing in Small Business, Corporation, Not-for-Profit, and Personal Finance. Located in Carson Valley, 25+ years experience. CheWhiteBooks@gmail.com or (844)343-0343 NEW RIFLES AND SHOTGUNS: TWO HOWA M1500 rifles, bolt action, 6.5 Creedmoor with 4.16x44 scope $1,679 each; Also two semi auto new Pointer Field 12 gauge shotguns $450 each, Call (775)721-3346 BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, residential and commercial, multi story specialist, mobile blind cleaning, pressure washing, awning cleaning, snow removal, Call Unlimited for a clear view! (775)883-6629

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Dirt Roads

COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439

That’s once

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well,” explained the husband, “it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.” “We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead.” “I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’” “There will always be people in your life that treat you wrong. Make sure you thank them for making you strong.”

What’s mainly wrong with society today is that too many Dirt Roads have been paved. There’s not a problem in America today, crime, drugs, education, divorce, delinquency that wouldn’t be remedied, if we just had more Dirt Roads, because Dirt Roads give character. People that live at the end of Dirt Roads learn early on that life is a bumpy ride. That it can jar you right down to your teeth sometimes, but it’s worth it, if at the end is home...a loving spouse, happy kids and a dog. We wouldn’t have near the trouble with our educational system if our kids got their exercise walking a Dirt Road with other kids, from whom they learn how to get along. There was less crime in our streets before they were paved. Criminals didn’t walk two dusty miles to rob or rape, if they knew they’d be welcomed by 5 barking dogs and a double barrel shotgun. And there were no drive by shootings. Our values were better when our roads were worse! People did not worship their cars more than their kids, and motorists were more courteous, they didn’t tailgate by riding the bumper or the guy in front would choke you with dust and bust your windshield with rocks. Dirt Roads taught patience. Dirt Roads were environmentally friendly. You didn’t hop in your car for a quart of milk, you walked to the barn for your milk. For your mail, you walked to the mail box. What if it rained and the Dirt Road got washed out? That was the best part, then you stayed home and had some family time, roasted marshmallows and popped popcorn and pony rode on Daddy’s shoulders and learned how to make prettier quilts than anybody. At the end of Dirt Roads, you soon learned that bad words tasted like soap. Most paved roads lead to trouble, Dirt Roads more likely lead to a fishing creek or a swimming hole. At the end of a Dirt Road, the only time we even locked our car was in August, because if we didn’t some neighbor would fill it with too much zucchini. At the end of a Dirt Road, there was always extra springtime income, from when city dudes would get stuck, you’d have to hitch up a team and pull them out. Usually you got a dollar... always you got a new friend...at the end of a Dirt Road! PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827 HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, remodels, garages, we do it all! Free estimates, 21 years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: All types including Silver, Copper, Rhinestones, Old Plastics, Glass, Pot Metal, Pins, Bracelets, Rings, Necklaces, Old Watches, Lockets, larger quantities preferred, please leave phone number and clear message on my NEW phone number, I call everyone back, Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@ charter.net, (775)782-4520 CUJO’S HOG HOUSE! V-TWIN Motorcycle repair, Maintenance and accessories, also sales and service of Frankenstein Trike conversions, Factory Trained PHD and ASE Certified, 1430 Industrial Way, Unit C (in the back) (775)782-6051

ROOF! WE DO ROOFS FOR A LIVING, NOT FOR a hobby! High quality, economical price, call Ed (775)2972320

The Stormy Sea

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?” One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.” “Good,” said the captain, “You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We’re one short.” TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079 PALMETTO STATE ARMORY (PSA), AR10, 308/762, 16”BBL, Scope, $1300. PSA AR15, 16”BBL, 556/223, sights, $675. PSA AR15 pistol, 556/223, 10.5”BBL, Ripbrace, $650. FN HiPower, 9mm, 4.9”BBL, $850. Sig Sauer, P365, 9mm, 3.5”BBL, $675. Walther, P22, 22LR, $400. All new. AFR (775)720-6076 CASH PAID FOR VINTAGE COSTUME JEWELRY. All Types Including: Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Rings, Silver, Copper, Pot Metal, Rhinestones, Lockets, Charm Bracelets, Men’s Jewelry, Old Watches, Military Jewelry, Old Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry. Larger Quantities Preferred. Please leave phone number and clear message on my phone. I return all calls. Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

Is anybody out there?

The aliens landed in Washington, DC, where they were given a hero’s welcome. They were honored at a banquet at the White House and treated to a tour of the capitol. After a day and a night of talking with politicians and the press, the aliens returned to their home planet. “Bad news,” said the returning alien leader to his boss. “We wasted all that time and we still don’t know if there is intelligent life on Earth.” RENT ME FOR SPRING CLEANING, PUT A roll-off dumpster at your home, you load or, we remove, ask us about out loading assistance available (775)297-2320 C-THRU WINDOW CLEANING, “WINDOW CLEANING at its finest”, Call Casey (775)350-8021 TAKE CARE OF YOUR LOVED ONES. WILLS and Trusts. Day R. Williams, Attorney at Law, 1601 Fairview Drive, Suite C, Carson City, NV. Call Day today! (775)8858398 $200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461

Jerusalem Marketplace Vacation Bible School

A summer family event called “Jerusalem Marketplace: Where Jesus Walked to the Cross” will be hosted at Shadow Mountain Church from June 20th to June 24th, 2022. Children step back in time at Jerusalem Marketplace, exploring traditions, food, and activities. Kids participate in the marketplace, sing catchy songs, play teamwork-building games, dig into Bible-times snacks, visit the Synagogue School, and collect Bible Memory Makers to remind them of God’s Word. Plus, everyone learns to look for evidence of God all around them through something called God Sightings. Each day concludes at Celebration—a time of upbeat worship that gets everyone involved. Jerusalem Marketplace will run from 9:00 to 12:00 each day. For more information, call (775)782-5513. 2003 JEEP WRANGLER - INLINE 6 4.0 ENGINE, only 105K miles! All upgrades professionally installed: Lift Kit Rubicon Express 4 1/2inch. Rear diff. Yukon gears. 33Inch SST Cooper Tires. New Sound System. Hardtop. 7-Inch Fenders. 33 inch Spare tire. Well serviced! Asking $15,000, (775)600-5920 USA DRYWALL, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#59981 (775)247-2539 “Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.”

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A Memorial Day Prayer

Gracious God, on this Memorial Day, we pray for those who courageously laid down their lives for the cause of freedom. May the examples of their sacrifice inspire in us the selfless love of Your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. Bless the families of our fallen troops, and fill their homes and their lives with Your strength and peace. In union with people of goodwill of every nation, embolden us to answer the call to work for peace and justice, and thus, seek an end to violence and conflict around the globe. We ask this through your name, Amen. ANTIQUE TIGER STRIPE OAK DRESSER with mirror, great condition paid $795, best price of $200 takes it (775)782-3770 GUNS FOR SALE 22. LR RIFLE, 15 ROUND SLIDE clip, Sportmaster $150 22. LR Ruger pistol with western leather holster $350 Ruger SP101 357 magnum with tactical holster $250 Ruger 22-250 Rifle wit Nikon scope $500 Made in USA 410 single level shotgun $100 (775)721-4451 RETIRED MACHINIST WITH QUALITY HAND TOOLS at low prices, Micrometers one inch to sixteen inches, depth mikes, calipers, etc. Call Kim (775)265-7259 WANTED! COMIC BOOKS AND/OR SPORTS CARDS, I can come to you (562)706-4224

Old is when...

Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make out,’ and you answer, ‘Honey, I can’t do both!’ Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot. A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along. You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. ‘Getting a little action’ means, ‘I don’t need to take any fiber today.’ ‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot. You start saying things like, ‘Gee, this sebaceous cyst is killing me!’ Someone mistakes you for a sun-dried tomato while you’re shopping at the grocery store. An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to pee! MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627 CONSTRUCTION TOOLS. RETIRED BUILDING Contractor selling tools. Table saw and other tools of the trade. Call Pete (775)267-0227 SEMI-RETIRED FINISH CARPENTER- DOOR install/ repairs, security screens, deadbolts, shelving, molding and general carpentry repairs. Call Mark (775) 782-6198 or (775)790-5927 “Sometimes when I close my eyes I can’t see anything.”

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”