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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 14+ Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)518-1166 or (775)7828776 1977 DODGE MOTORHOME, 1,500 MILES ON NEW motor, great shape outside, needs some TLC inside $2,000 OBO (775)379-1916 IRS PROBLEMS? FEDERAL AND ALL STATES, Past years returns and audit representation, “Service you can trust, quality you can afford.”, Call James A. Farnham, enrolled agent, 20 years experience, Reasonable Rates, Income Tax Services (775)392-0321 NEW PARTS FOR 1988 FORD SUPER DUTY 7.5L/460 V-8 still in box; A1 Cardone Smog Pump [remanufactured] $40; Power Torque Clutch Kit complete fits 5 speed never used $175; Timing lite $10; Welding helmet Mig or stick welding $15; Husqvarna 460 chainsaw 24” bar, with chain, works, well maintained $175 (530)694-1879

MAINTENANCE FREE DECKS AND PATIO COVERS, knowledgeable, honest, professional service! Serving Northern Nevada for 18+ years! Free Quotes! K & C Construction, NV#0079034 (775)691-6462 D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)6710808 GET FAST INTERNET! UP TO 40 MBPS, WIRELESS! (not satellite, not DSL), Great in rural areas, www.ruralinternet.us or call Patrick (775)297-4777 HARRY’S HAULING; PIANOS, SPAS, SAFES OR anything else, serving the Carson Valley communities (775)291-6648 MOVING SALE! SATURDAY AND SUNDAY, MARCH 3rd and 4th, 8am-4pm; Antique Oak Armoire, Roll Top desk, table and chairs, baby crib, other furniture, Slot Machine, log splitter, nail gun and nails, miscellaneous tools, patio table and chairs, dishes and many other household items 921 Stoen Court, Gardnerville, off Hwy. 395 and Spring Valley Rd, near Topaz, for advance purchase call (517)575-5130

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” 10 Words That Do Not Exist But Should!

Drive-Thru Order

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, the clerk came to the window looking frustrated, and announced, “I’m having a problem. The ice keeps melting.” CONCEALED WEAPONS CLASSES NEVADA and Utah $50 each, email tacaimnv@gmail.com or (775)3605214 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Joanne, please leave clear message (775)465-9422 GOLFER’S! HOW’S YOUR GAME? WE build or repair your clubs! We can also help you with your swing! Call Tom (775)265-3257 ENVI AMERICAN MADE WALL MOUNTED heater, 220V, never used, paid $140, asking $60; Sealy double bed mattress, free (775)392-4242

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’ trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. 2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’ pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance. 3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow `remove’ all the germs. 4. ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater. 5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug. 6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the ‘open here’ spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal’ side. 7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper. 8. PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer. 9. PUPKUS (pup’ kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it. 10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away. TNT UPHOLSTERY; ANTIQUE FURNITURE, Leather work, Auto and Boats, Special on Headliners, 1482 Southgate Dr. #106, Gardnerville (775)267-5433 HANDY HAMILTONS WINTER DISCOUNT, through April 2018. Experienced Handyman, Quality work at a fair price, Free estimates, Call Mark Hamilton (775)7209595

WNC Community Education

Classes begin soon: R.I.P.P.E.D. great exercise class; Access Careers Career Development & Job Seeking Strategies; Clay Club Ceramics; and Imagine Understanding Your Medicare Insurance Options; HAM Radio; Computer Basics. To view the dates, times, class descriptions/fees, and or to register for these classes go to www.campusce.net/wnc/ or call (775)445-4423 MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627 1994 LINCOLN PARTY LIMOUSINE PARTS, pieces and interior $10-$350; cross bed steel fuel tank, 50 gallon $50; Mopar parts $10-$50 (775)265-0548

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Old Man and the Priest

An old man from way out in the boondocks made it to New York and got on the subway. He sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked the man, “Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?” The young man smiled kindly and answered, “I wear this collar because I am a Father.” The old man thought a second and responded, “Sir, I am also a father, but I wear my collar front ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?” The priest thought for a minute, and said, “I am the Father for many.” The old man quickly answered, “I too am the father of many. I have six sons, five daughters and many grandchildren. But I wear my collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?” The priest, flustered, said impatiently, “Sir, I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people.” The old man, taken aback, sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the subway car, he leaned over to the priest and said, “Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards.” BARN WOOD LINEN CABINET AND TWO barn wood sofa tables $450, email Chris, christophercodeglia123@ hotmail.com or (775)-552-5424 or (775)-782-1130

ELECTROLYSIS AND LASER FOR HAIR REMOVAL; Complimentary, confidential consultation. 33 years experience. Weekday, evening, Saturday appointments available, Sally Battista (775)782-6190

Housework

Housework was a woman’s job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished! It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, ‘Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired for romance.’ PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827 HOT TUB SERVICE AND REPAIR, WEEKLY and bi weekly service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)267-2490 PAINTER, SEMI-RETIRED WITH 40 YEARS experience in Nevada, Save Money, Get Seasonal Discount Now, inside or out, Fences (775)901-1912

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Aging...

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than ten years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m four and a half.” You’re never 36 and a half . . . You’re four and a half going on 5. You get into your teens; now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. “How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16.” You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16. Eventually. Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21 . . . Yes!! Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED! We had to throw him out. What’s wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30. Then you’re PUSHING 40 . . . stay over there. You REACH 50. You BECOME 21; you TURN 30; You’re PUSHING 40; you REACH 50; then you MAKE IT to 60. By then you’ve built up so much speed, you HIT 70. After that, it’s a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday . . . You get into your 80’s; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas. “Well, it’s an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one.” And it doesn’t end there . . . In the 90’s, you start going backwards. “I was JUST 92.” Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”

MASTER HOROLOGIST, CLOCK REPAIR, MUSEUM Quality Furniture, Chair Caning and Antique Everything Restoration, Grandfather Clock House Calls! A-1 Restorations since 1967, Larry (775)781-1616 LARGE MOVING SALE! FRIDAY, SATURDAY, Sunday, March 16th-18th, 8am-3pm; furniture, lawn items, kitchenware/small appliances, newly used clothes, tools and hardware, Trek 310 bike, John Deere gas lawn mower, 311 Valley View Dr., Dayton, Nevada

Caregivers Needed

Join our team of Caregivers and make a difference in the lives of seniors. Provide companionship and bring assisted living into their home. Full-time, part-time, days, nights, 12 hour, and 24 hour shifts available. Retired and mature adults encourage to apply. EOE Apply online eden-homecare.com (775)392-2000 HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, remodels, garages, we do it all! Free estimates, 21 years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453 COMPASSIONATE COUNSELING TO ASSIST YOU with personal issues, decision-making, and self-esteem development. Please call Elizabeth at (775)815-5431

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Is Social Media Sabotaging Real Communication?

Barking Lot Sale!

Saturday, May 19th, 2018, 8am-3pm. Sell your “stuff” and help maintain your local dog park. 12’x12’ sales spaces available. $25 a space in advance, $30 after May 1st. Mail checks to DVDP PO Box 995, Dayton, NV 89403. Want to donate your stuff? Drop off items Friday May 18th, 4pm-6pm at Dayton Valley Dog Park, Dayton Valley Road and Como Road in Dayton. For more information contact Robin Bender at (775)2971359 or email her at rgbenderdvdp@gmail.com. Thank you for your support! GREG’S SMALL ENGINE SERVICE AND REPAIR! Lawn Mowers, Snow Blowers, Portable Generators; On Site Pick-Up and Delivery, Serving Carson City, Carson Valley, Dayton - gregtenbroeck@yahoo.com or visit us at gregsmallengine.com (775)790-0435 or (530)307-1132 PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@aol.com (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065 PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373

On a crisp Friday afternoon last October, Sharon Seline exchanged text messages with her daughter who was in college. They ‘chatted’ back and forth, mom asking how things were going and daughter answering with positive statements followed by emoticons showing smiles, b-i-g smiles and hearts. Happiness. Later that night, her daughter attempted suicide. In the days that followed, it came to light that she’d been holed up in her dorm room, crying and showing signs of depression -- a completely different reality from the one that she conveyed in texts, Facebook posts and tweets. As human beings, our only real method of connection is through authentic communication. Studies show that only 7% of communication is based on the written or verbal word. A whopping 93% is based on nonverbal body language. Indeed, it’s only when we can hear a tone of voice or look into someone’s eyes that we’re able to know when “I’m fine” doesn’t mean they’re fine at all…or when “I’m in” doesn’t mean they’re bought in at all. This is where social media gets dicey. Awash in technology, anyone can hide behind the text, the e-mail, the Facebook post or the tweet, projecting any image they want and creating an illusion of their choosing. They can be whoever they want to be. And without the ability to receive nonverbal cues, their audiences are none the wiser. This presents an unprecedented paradox. With all the powerful social technologies at our fingertips, we are more connected - and potentially more disconnected - than ever before. Every relevant metric shows that we are interacting at breakneck speed and frequency through social media. But are we really communicating? With 93% of our communication context stripped away, we are now attempting to forge relationships and make decisions based on phrases. Abbreviations. Snippets. Emoticons. Which may or may not be accurate representations of the truth. Social technologies have broken the barriers of space and time, enabling us to interact 24/7 with more people than ever before. But like any revolutionary concept, it has spawned a set of new barriers and threats. Is the focus now on communication quantity versus quality? Superficiality versus authenticity? In an ironic twist, social media has the potential to make us less social; a surrogate for the real thing. For it to be a truly effective communication vehicle, all parties bear a responsibility to be genuine, accurate, and not allow it to replace human contact altogether. In the workplace, the use of electronic communication has overtaken face-to-face and voice-to-voice communication by a wide margin. This major shift has been driven by two major forces: the speed/geographic dispersion of business, and the lack of comfort with traditional interpersonal communication among a growing segment of our employee population: Gen Y and Millennials. Studies show that these generations – which will comprise more than 50% of the workforce by 2020 – would prefer to use instant messaging or other social media than stop by an office and talk with someone. This new

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communication preference is one of the “generational gaps” plaguing organizations as Boomers try to manage to a new set of expectations and norms in their younger employees, and vice versa. (Susan Tardanico) CRAFTSMAN CONSTRUCTION LLC, Specializing in Painting, Remodels, Tile, Finish Carpentry, Decks, Home Repairs, Window and Door Replacement, Quality Workmanship with over 28 years experience, free estimates, NV Lic.60315, NVPainting Lic.82727, craftsmanconstruction.com or (775)690-1749

23’ SAILBOAT CLASSIC RANGER FIXED Keel, fully equipped with trailer, ready for a Summer on Lake Tahoe, asking $5,500 (775)465-1718 GUNS! NEVADA RESIDENT THOMPSON Center black diamond, stainless steel .50 caliber, new, cleaning kit, ammunition, pellets $250; New England firearms, 22-250, new, 309x50 scope, ammunition $350; Mossberg modified 350 scope $200; Springfield modified 87M (775)342-9718

March 11th- Daylight Savings Begins

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Working with God

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man’s work, saying, “May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!” A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it’s like a completely different place--the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. “Amazing!” the preacher says. “Look what God and you have accomplished together!” “Yes, reverend,” says the farmer, “but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!” HYDRAULIC AND PNEUMATIC AIR CYLINDERS repair and rebuild, log splitters, tractors, farm equipment, dump trucks and trailers, etc. all makes and models. Machining, welding, fabrication, design, reasonable rates! 18 years experience, Ramco Fabrication, Shawn (775)2677358 BEAUTIFUL SWEET HOME WOOD STOVE FOR sale, heats up to 1,400 square feet, burns less wood and produces more heat, good condition $200 (775)901-1912

Codependents Anonymous

CoDA “Developing Healthy Relationships” Carson City, Sparks and Kings Beach, Visit www.coda.org or call for details, Al at (775)882-0884 or Bob C. (775)720-1040 TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, clipper blades, clipper repair, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079 INCOME TAX, GEORGE HALLIFAX, CPA, EA, TAX preparation, Federal and all States, prior years, audit representation, 30 years experience, reasonable rates (775)392-0418 $69 SERVICE CALL, ACADEMY APPLIANCE Service; washers, dryers, refrigerators, ranges, dishwashers, compactors, some areas extra charge, Serving Carson Valley (775)781-4725 MINOR TO MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE REPAIRS, Tires and More! ASE Certified Master Mechanic, 35 years same location! Senior Discounts, Bobs Shell Service, Carson City (775)883-7919 GOT WOOD? SAMMY’S FIREWOOD, HONEST Quality Service, soft and hard wood, delivery available, located in Carson City, (775)315-0834

Deadly Golf Trap

Jim and Bob are golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine and climbs down in search of it. Jim spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Jim calls out to Bob in an agitated voice, ‘Hey Bob, I got trouble down here.’ Bob calls out, ‘What’s the matter Jim?’ Jim shouts back, ‘Throw me my 7-iron. You can’t get out of here with an 8-iron.’ RESIDENTIAL CLEANING, LICENSED, BONDED and insured with references, Free estimates, great cleaning, fair prices, Samantha (775)220-4252 WOOD STOVE PELLETS, WE SELL PACIFIC Pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, ½ cord almond firewood, Benson Feed, Carson City (775)882-3999 CASH PAID FOR BARN WOOD AND RECLAIMED lumber, Contact Chris, christophercodeglia123@hotmail. com (775)552-5424 or (775)782-1130 USA DRYWALL, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#59981 (775)247-2539

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Singing in Church

A minister decided to try something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, “Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind.” The pastor shouted out, “Cross!” Immediately the congregation started singing in unison “The Old Rugged Cross.” The pastor hollered out, “Grace!” The congregation began to sing “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.”

The pastor said, “Power!” The congregation sang “There is Power in the Blood.” The Pastor said, “Passionate love!” The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, from the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing “Precious Memories.” PIANO AND ORGAN PRIVATE INSTRUCTIONS, Member of Sierra Organ Club, Call Joanne Booth in Sunridge, Carson City (775)267-2429

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

WNC Motorcycle Rider Course

The motorcycle riding season is almost here. Registration has begun for the Basic Rider Course - $160, the NEW Basic Rider Course II - $85 and the Advanced Rider Course - $85. The BRC II is for rider who have been riding or need to update their skills. This New course is the intermediate course of the three offered at WNC. The BRC II will include an online classroom portion and MUST be completed prior to the inperson class. Check class descriptions, dates, and registration on line at www.campusece.net/wnc/ or call (775)445-4268. WINCHESTER MODEL 1892 RIFLE, ALSO KNOWN as the Fancy 92, 24” Octagon barrel, 38-40 caliber, factory checkered pistol grip stock, also take down version into two pieces, Nevada residents only and by appointment only (775)265-5961 JR POWER SPORTS! WE SERVICE AND REPAIR, ALL makes, models and years; Quads, OHV, Dirt and Street Bikes; from tune up to full rebuild. 35 years experience! Dayton, jrpowersports.com or (775)241-2530

Kids

Daughter: “Mommy, little brother just broke my doll!” Mother: “How did he do that?” Daughter: “I hit him on the head with it.” ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35 years experience (775)721-2880 MKD CONSTRUCTION, GENERAL ENGINEERING, concrete structures, concrete flat work, grading, roadway improvements, drainage, storm drains, underground utilities (water and sewer), paving, fencing, barrier rail, environmental improvements, commercial and residential snow removal, excellent reputation and references available, NV#50061 and CA#818376, Mike (775)246-1900 or (775)315-2416

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Why Do You Wear Green on St. Patrick’s Day?

On March 17th, we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, a day rich in tradition that goes way back in history. We associate the color green with this holiday, but that color has not always been the one used during these celebrations. St. Patrick’s Day was originally a Catholic holiday celebrating Ireland’s patron saint. It was only celebrated in Ireland. In the 1700s, Irish immigrants in the U.S. started the first St. Patty’s Day Parade in New York City. Blue was the color originally associated with this holiday. Ireland’s nickname is “The Emerald Isle” so because of this, green became a more popular color on this holiday. Also, the green in the flag and the clover St. Patrick used in his teachings about Catholicism played a big role in why green is the color used on this day. Some still follow the tradition in Ireland. Catholics will wear green and Protestants will wear orange. These colors are colors represented on the flag and the white in the middle represents the peace between the two. There is a legend that wearing green on this day makes you invisible and leprechauns can’t pinch you because they can’t see you. Nowadays, St. Patty’s Day is an excuse to party, drink, wear green and go around pinching people that aren’t wearing green. HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/ INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $40 per hour (775)691-5119 WILL TEAR DOWN AND BUY OLD WOODEN Barns and Barn Wood! Insured and bonded (775)782-9192

Flying Pig Flea Market

Our next dates will be March 24th, 8am-4pm and March 25th, 9am-4pm, Fuji Park Building, Carson City. Be a vendor. Come to browse, for information call (775)882-4717 or (775)315-0008 WHEELS, USED TIRES P-265 17” $250; HITACHI 16” Miter saw $275; tool box for truck $50; Hitachi air compressor $50; Coleman barbecue $100: Foundation stakes, 3’-4’ $3 each; Rebar cutter bender $175 (775)720-0793

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Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print belong to you and contain your food. The rest of the dishes belong to me and contain my food. Please note, if you put a paw print in the middle of my plate or food, that does not stake a claim for it. It is still mine. I also do not find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. NASCAR did not design the stairway. It is not a racetrack. Trying to beat me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me will not help you win because I will fall faster than you can run. A king-sized bed is the largest that is made. I cannot get anything bigger. I am sorry about this. Do not expect me to continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats are capable of curling into a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular next to each other and stretched out to the fullest extent possible. Sticking your tail out straight and hanging your tongue out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I manage to beat you there and get the door shut, it is not necessary to whine, meow, claw, try to turn to doorknob, or squeeze your paw under the door to try to pull it open. I have to exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for many years -feline or canine attendance is not required.

1972 GLASPLY BOAT, INBOARD, STERN DRIVE, 4 cylinder, needs seats and carpet $1,250 OBO (775)3921662 AFFORDABLE LAB TEST - CBC, THYROID, HORMONES, Cholesterol, Testosterone and more! No Insurance. For appointment call Millennium Medical (775)7831127 HDS INSURANCE REPRESENTING NUMEROUS top companies, we do the shopping for you, right priced, right coverage, all lines of insurance (775)267-9947

Chronic Pain/Chronic Illness Anonymous Meetings...

Saturdays in Carson City at noon. For more information and details call Roberta at (775)885-7096 SEARS CRAFSTMAN METAL LATHE MODEL #10121400, Serial #0200964, includes thread cutting gear set, thread indicator dial, milling attachment, steady rest, face plate, several size drill chucks, etc. $500, Don (775)7825901 BARN WOOD FURNITURE; CABINET AND Sofa Tables, excellent condition $450 (775)552-5424 or (775)7821130

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From Ordinary to Extraordinary…

When we try to imagine the limits, or the power of the Human Mind, we can easily begin to ponder when and if “we” have stretched our own capabilities to those limits. What that would be like??? Most individuals do have the ability to expand the capacity of their own mind in ways that allows them to experience phenomena that actually lie “outside” the natural five (5) senses. Which of the Following phenomena have YOU experienced? Intuition – A gut feeling that defies logic. Prophecy / Premonitions – knowing something is going to happen before it actually does. ESP Extra Sensory Perception – Did you ever know who was calling on the phone without seeing who it is by caller id? Do you sometimes know the thoughts of another individual (like your spouse) without either of you verbalizing them? Dreams – A message brought to you through subtle symbols, and images or recurrent themes – What do they represent? Is it possible that your subconscious can connect to the spirit world through dreaming? Faith Healing – All healing is faith healing! When when we take a pill, we have faith or expect results, right? Or can healing be due to the power prayer or a supernatural touch when all odds are stacked against the ailing individual for recovery. Near Death Experiences – People that actually die, but are brought back to tell about their experience. Psychometry – You know, we are not made up of just physical elements, we are made up of energy particles – Can our energy connect with other

sources of energy? Do you like to walk through nature because it makes you feel so peaceful, so free? Is it possible that your vibrational energy is connecting to the vibrations of nature? Channeling – Not many of us are Mediums, but have you ever felt the presence of a departed loved one? Isn’t that a form of channeling? Are you curious to know more about this? Clairvoyance / Clairaudience – Simply means clear sight, clear hearing. When you are in silent thought, can you actually have a conversation (or feel thoughts transmitted to you) from a loved one who has passed on? Could this feeling be outside the natural five (5) senses? I’m willing to bet that it could be. So, What has been your experience? I know these are just some of the phenomena that we can experience, but if you would like to attend a free discussion group at a private residence in Gardnerville, then please contact Carol Breiling at 775-392-3306 or text to 707-365-8008. Brought to you with passion about the oddities of life! Respectfully, The Mind ReAligned. G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, General clean-up, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672 WANTED: KNIVES – FOLDING, HUNTING; MILITARY, New or used, any quantity. Wanted: Tobacco Pipes – Used or new, any quantity Jeff (775)720-2577

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“...help each other more.” By Holly Butcher

It’s a strange thing to realize and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts. That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right. I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy…I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands. I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to its inevitability… Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us…That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bull$#!+. I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course, it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most! Those times you are whining about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively affect other people’s days. Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe. You might have got caught in bad traffic today or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling. Let all that $#!+ go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more. I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them. I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Continued on next page..

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it. Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body… work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realize just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is... While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling $#!+ about yourself. Friend or not... Be ruthless for your own well-being. Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or

a sprained ankle, accept it is $#!+ but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away. Whine less, people!... And help each other more. Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people. It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end... when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives. Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewelry for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them. Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are $#!+ at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister. This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves… strange! It might seem lame, but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on. Use your money on experiences... Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material $#!+. Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water. Get amongst nature. Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo…enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else. Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and makeup each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females. Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colors the sun makes as it rises. Cotinued on next page...

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” each person can have and the process really is so simple. Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life....’Til we meet again. Hol Xoxo Holly left this world on January 4th, 2018 and had written the above words for her family to post after her death. samanthawillsfoundation.org Many thanks and much respect to Holly’s family & loved ones for sharing her words. HANDYMAN FOR ALL YOUR OUTSIDE NEEDS, yard cleanup, power wash, fence repair, minor jobs, free estimates, NV#11376PC (775)246-9899 2006 TOYOTA COROLLA CE, 5 SPEED, TAN COLOR, 158,000 MILES, one owner, near new tires, excellent condition $4,000 cash, days call John (775)465-2811 RUSSELL’S TREE SERVICE, SPECIALIZING IN Difficult Trees, Artistry in Tree Care, Stump Grinding, Fruit Trees, Licensed/Insured (775)685-0528 NEW AIR CONDITIONER FOR RV, 13,500 BTU’S, dometic tested but never used, best offer (530)208-6163

Listen to music... really listen. Music is therapy. Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that. Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay? Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not. Work to live, don’t live to work. Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy. Eat the cake. Zero guilt. Say no to things you really don’t want to do. Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life... you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay. Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have. Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true. Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind! Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact

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Come Join us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church

Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 5pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)2679590 $200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461

SMITH VALLEY IRRIGATION – SERVING NEVADA and Sierra Communities for 40 Years with Ag Irrigation Systems and Parts (775)465-2316 TOW BAR FOR CJ7 OR EARLIER JEEPS, FITS 2” ball $100, Gardnerville (818)384-5478 CASH PAID FOR VINTAGE COSTUME JEWERLY. All Types Including: Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Rings, Silver, Copper, Pot Metal, Rhinestones, Lockets, Charm Bracelets, Men’s Jewelry, Old Watches, Military Jewelry, Old Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry. Larger Quantities Preferred. Please leave clear message on this home phone. I return all calls. Call Joanne at (775)465-9422

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Thoughts to Ponder!

The reason women over 50 don’t have babies is because we would put them down and forget where we put them. It’s time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and starting your pants on fire. Skinny people bug me. They say things like, “Sometimes I forget to eat.” Now, I’ve forgotten my keys, my glasses, my address and my mother’s maiden name but I have never forgotten to eat! You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat! What is the best way to forget your troubles? Wear tight clothes. Why is it harder to lose weight as you get older? Because by that time your body and your fat have become really good friends. My mind doesn’t wander, it leaves completely. What happens when you leave an outfit hanging in your closet for a while? It shrinks two sizes. It’s nice to live in a small town, because if you don’t know what you are doing, someone else does. I read some article which said that the symptoms of stress are impulse buying, eating too much and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s what I call a perfect day. FIREWOOD, SEASONED, SPLIT, ALMOND ONLY $420 a cord, cut to size, under 16”, 16”-18”, 18”-22”, delivery available, Jon (775)246-7186

A Bad Wish

Two happily married 60-year-old’s were on vacation when they came across a magic lamp. They rubbed it three times and a Genie came out. The Genie was willing to grant each person a single wish. The wife wished to travel around the world. Then “poof” a bunch of airline tickets showed up in her hands. The man thought about what he wanted to wish for. He said to the Genie, “I wish my wife was thirty years younger than me.” Then “poof” he turned into a 90-year-old man. What’s the moral of the story? Be careful what you wish for. SCI GRADING EXCAVATING ROAD WORK, house pads, drainage and erosion control, septic systems and pumping, wet and dry utilities, demolition, water and dump truck service, Erik Viksna NV#076958, CA#954210, (530)306-2647 or (775)629-9000 GROOMER IN TRAINING, CAN DO CERTAIN types of dogs, call to see if yours is one, in Gardnerville, Denise (775)720-1184 HIGH ROLLERS PAINTING FOR ALL YOUR PAINTING needs! Competitive rates and quality workmanship, bonded and insured, NV#44048, highrollerspainting.net or (775)267-2534

ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE – RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest rates around, Gardnerville (775)265-4766 ROLL AROUND TOOL CHEST; TRAY, 6 DRAWERS and bin, good condition, will negotiate on individual contents if desired $250, Carson City (775)762-2220

Special Birthday Wishes for Lisa

My birthday wish for you: I hope you never stop enjoying the small things in life. Because that’s what makes life worth living. I hope you take time to enjoy the present while working for a better future. I hope your year is full of memories, happiness, and adventure. Happy Birthday Lisa! Huggies, Megan HANDYMAN, EXPERIENCED IN MOST HOME Improvements or Repairs, Quality Workmanship, Insured, NV#20101037419 (775)781-5531 or (775)315-5179 ELLA K LADEN, CPA, PC - PROFESSIONAL, personalized Tax and Accounting services. Offices in Gardnerville and Stateline, NV. Contact Ella K Laden CPA or Steve McVicar CPA at (775)588-2555 HANDCRAFTED MARKERS AND MONUMENTS, Granite and Bronze. Large Selection of colors and designs, special orders welcome! 15 years experience, call Cornerstone Monument for appointment (775)267-1958

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It Wasn’t Always Called Jubilee Ranch By Karen Dustman, Woodfords, CA

The iconic old barn on Foothill Road has “Jubilee Ranch” emblazoned on the side. If you’re like me, you’ve driven by it hundreds of times. And if you’re also like me, every time you’ve gone by, you wished you knew its tale! So, who built this great old barn, and when? And what’s the backstory to the name “Jubilee”? We did a bit of digging -- here’s the story! Yes, it turns out, it’s an old-old ranch -- one of the very first ranch claims in Carson Valley. Some sources suggest this ranch was originally owned by settler John Cary in the early 1850s. Sometime after Cary, the property was acquired by soon-to-be Senator J.W. Haines and was known as the “Old Haines Ranch.” And around 1857 (even before the Comstock Lode boomed), Haines sold the ranch to Peter Van Sickle. Born in New Jersey, Peter was the younger brother of Henry Van Sickle. And Henry, as you’ll recall, was the early pioneer who ran the famous “Van Sickle Station” hotel and stage stop just up the road. Peter, like his brother, was considered a “thrifty Dutchman” and, like Henry, was skilled as a blacksmith. In addition to this prosperous hay and dairy ranch (620 acres of it, by 1881!), Peter also operated a blacksmith shop in Genoa at the northwest corner of Main and Nixon Street. Peter and his wife, Lillies, lived in a small house near the church just up the street from his blacksmith shop. Peter eventually grew tired the blacksmith trade; in 1888 he placed an ad in the paper, trying to sell his shop and other holdings. It seems he wasn’t successful at finding a buyer, however; in 1892, his Genoa blacksmith shop had been leased out to W.J. Armstrong, another blacksmith. As for the giant barn at his ranch south of town, Peter is said to have built the current structure about 1900. And it’s a giant indeed: some 65 x 100 feet in size. Built using a “peg-and-groove” technique, Peter’s barn resembles that of his brother Henry Van Sickle’s barn up the street. Unlike Henry’s barn, however, Peter’s lacks windows. The lower floor of the Jubilee barn was once used for dairy cows, and loose hay was stored in its 13,000-sq.ft. secondfloor loft. Although today the Jubilee Ranch barn is all on a single level, some say it originally was built into the hillside (a style called “bank-a-hill”), so hay could be loaded into the hayloft without requiring a hoist. (To us it seems more likely that this actually describes Henry Van Sickle’s red barn slightly farther to the north, however, which clearly follows the descending contour of the hillside). In addition to his dairy ranch, Peter Van Sickle also engaged in the meat business, and by 1883 was running two meat wagons to supply local demand. Not all Peter Van Sickle’s customers were happy ones, however. Alpine mining mogul Lewis Chalmers wrote him a snippy letter in 1879, complaining: “The beef you are now sending me is not of the same quality as you sent me at first, and not such as I intend to pay for.” Leander Hawkins, too, had unhappy memories of working for Van Sickle as his first job at the tender age of 10. When

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Bottle of Wine

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. ‘Whats in bag?’ asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, ‘It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.’ The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, ‘Good trade.’

Leander finally requested the heifer that had been promised to him after a full year’s work, Van Sickle reportedly refused to pay him. Still, Van Sickle evidently had a generous side too. In 1895, Peter and his wife adopted a little two-year-old boy whose mother had died. They renamed him Oscar Van Sickle and Oscar became part of the family, along with the other four Van Sickle children. Peter Van Sickle died in 1908 at the age of 77. He and Lillies had just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary the previous year. Adopted son Oscar continued to run the Peter Van Sickle Ranch until 1927, when it was sold to Thomas Summers, becoming known as the “Summers Ranch.” In 1951, a young entrepreneur named Ted Bacon bought the ranch. At the time, Summers was using the ranch to raise pigs. Rather than rename it after himself as the “Bacon Ranch” (a rather humorous name for a hog farm), Ted decided to name it after a memory from a recent trip he had taken to England, when a “jubilee” had been held to celebrate the crowing of the queen. Bacon decided to rename his property the “Jubilee Ranch.” It was, he said, a “happy name.” And there you have it -- the fascinating story of this historic ranch, and the way it got its “Jubilee” name! Karen Dustman is an author and local historian. You can find her online at www.clairitage.com.

March 17th- Saint Patrick’s Day! 24

PATIO FURNITURE WITH GLASS TOP AND FOUR chairs $150; Kenmore freezer, excellent condition $150; Grundig short wave radio $75; Pocket Rocket 24V mini bike $110; Tricycle with cart $110 (775)301-8954 GRASS-FED BEEF, ALL LOCALLY GROWN, $4.25 per pound hanging weight, works out to about $6 per pound cut and wrapped (775)721-1574

Seen and Done It All!

A 93-year old woman decided that she’d seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn’t certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple. So, she shot herself in the left kneecap. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GREAT ESCAPE close to home? Eagle Lake, Lassen County Vacation Rentals, Trophy Trout, all water sports, furnished cabins from $60 per night or $360 per week, visit our website at eaglelakeheritage.com or (800)459-5179 FRESH BATCH, NEW CROP! ROASTED GARLIC Jam, Sold at Scolari’s Market, Carrols Corner, South Yerington, for more information (775)846-8972 or (775)4631265

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PHOTOGRAPHIC EQUIPMENT, Bogen/Manfroto 8’, 3 section tripods, Adorama Boom Arms, Multi color Reflector Umbrella’s/Reflector Panels, Tri-Pod/Boom Arm 360 degree Angle Mounts, Adjustable Umbrella/Flash/Strobe Tri Pod Mounts, Miscellaneous equipment mounts, Bogen Heavy Duty/Padded 44” Tri-Pod bag, all in excellent condition, $400 takes it all or can be sold separately, Ralph (775)782-3818 FOR SALE: UNDERGROUND PRIMARY WATER rights, Smith Valley, Bob (775)781-0244

The First Stone

Jesus was standing on a hill talking to his people. “He who hath not sinned, cast the first stone.” Just then a stone came flying from the back of the crowd and hit him hard on the head. “Ouch, Dad! I hate when you do that!” PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)2657081

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Watering Houseplants

Little Faith in Minden

The Carson Valley Arts Council will present Little Faith in concert at CVIC Hall, on Friday, March 9th, 2018. Join us for a night of inspirational music. Tickets are $24 in advance; $28 at the door; kids under 18 are free. For information or to purchase tickets visit www.cvartscouncil.com or call (775)782-8207. Listen to their music at www.littlefaithmusic.com. THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848 MIKES HORSESHOEING SERVICE, 30 + YEARS experience! Serving Carson Valley and surrounding areas! Mike Romine (775)350-0351 JOB FAIRS! INTERVIEWS! ARE YOU PREPARED? A great resume is your key to success. Military discount. (DD214 required) Call The Resume Business now! (775)267-2711 RENT ME FOR WINTER CLEANING, PUT A roll-off dumpster at your home, you load, we remove (775)2972320

Over watering is one of the greatest killers of house plants. The most common questions home gardeners ask is, “How often should I water my houseplants?” There is no absolute answer to this question. It is impossible to set a time schedule for watering plants. In general, it is a sound practice for most house plants to let the soil dry out somewhat between watering. To determine if a plant needs water, test the soil by poking your finger about half an inch down into it; you will be able to feel how wet or dry it is. Also look at the soil; it normally will be lighter in color when dry. If you have real difficulty in determining if your plants are too wet or too dry, soil moisture indicators can be purchased. These are very useful in getting to know the water needs of your plants The next question to answer is: “How much water should be applied?” The general rule is to add enough water so that a small amount runs out of the drain hole in the bottom of the pot. This guarantees that all the roots get properly watered. It also washes some of the excess salts (fertilizer residues) out of the pot. Pots without holes need a longer period between watering since there is no outlet for excess water to drain through. When you water apply just enough to wet the soil to the bottom of the container. Be careful not to over water. Remember there is no place for the extra water to go. It is difficult to grow plants in pots without drainage holes. When watering your plants, the water temperature is particularly significant. Don’t use ice cold water, especially on tropical plants. The water should be at room temperature and applied in the morning whenever possible. Allowing tap water to warm up to room temperature also allows water additives to evaporate or settle out in the water. These additives can cause the browning of plant leaf tips. The prolonged use of water from a softener usually results in poor plant growth. LUXURY APARTMENT, 2 BEDROOM, 2 full BATHs, personal laundry room, furnished or unfurnished, electric/water/internet, trash and DirecTV included, nonsmoker, no pets, $1,000 plus propane, Smith Valley Tony (530)318-6345, Judy (818)398-3411 ASHFORD TABLE LOOM 32”, 4 SHAFT WITH stand with 4 Treddles, has 10 Dent Reed, 12 Dent Reed, 2 Lei Sticks, Shuttles, Bobbins, complete instructions to fold Loom, Extra Texsolv Heddles $285 (775)782-3818 SEW-WHAT UPHOLSTERY, CUSTOM work, leather and antiques, 40+ years experience, Carson Valley, Leslie (775)901-2035 ALL AMERICAN OVERHEAD DOOR, NEW INSTALLATION, repairs and service, commercial/residential, 10% discount for spring repair, Free Estimates and Senior Discount (775)450-2156

March 20th- First Day of Spring!!!!!

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Don’t Tell Me!

Phil asks his son, now aged 13, if he knows about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong. “Oh dad,” he sobbed, “at age six I got the ‘there’s no Santa’ speech. At age seven I got the ‘there’s no Easter bunny’ speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the ‘there’s no tooth fairy’ speech! If you’re going to tell me now that grown-ups don’t really make whoopee, I’ve got nothing left to look forward to!” SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two-story houses, based in Minden area, call John (775)267-1800 STUDDED SNOW TIRES (4) 195/70R14 Arctic Claw, excellent condition, used one season while at UNR $250 (775)265-5191 WINTER SPECIALS! CUSTOM CANVAS WORK! Repair, Re-Stitch, Replace; Boat Covers, Cockpit and Bow Covers, Spa Sun Covers and Patio Shade; Snaps, Grommets, Velcro, Zippers, Reinforcements, Jim/Minden (775)267-4434 or (775)230-8706

March 25th- Palm Sunday Texan in Australia

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.” Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.” The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, “And what are those?” The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?” COMPLETE LAWNCARE, PAVERS, RETAINING walls and more! 30 years in Carson Valley, Senior Discounts and Free Estimates, Nevada Lawns (775)450-2156 CARIBOU 1994 TRUCK CAMPER LONG BED, all appliances work well, inside clean and good condition, outside fair, sleeps 4-5, $2,500 OBO, Yerington (775)315-6540 GENEALOGY - THOROUGH RESEARCH OF FAMILY histories. A unique gift for weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays or yourself! www.PersonalPedigree. com or Lisa (775)450-3175

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The 29th Annual Kids’ Fishing Derby

This year’s derby will be held June 3th and 4th, 2018 at Lampe Park in Gardnerville; hosting all children ages 3-12. Tickets to attend this volunteer run event are free; however, you must pre-register to receive a free session ticket. Derby hats, t-shirts and other resale items will be available for purchase. Raffle tickets are available for $1 each or 6 for $5. Registration forms, for mail-in only, are available at the Douglas County Parks and Recreation Department; located on Waterloo Lane in Gardnerville. Registration and volunteer sign-ups will begin on April 1st and will continue every Saturday through the month of May from 10am-1pm at the Gardnerville Walgreens. Volunteers are needed to help set up, tear down, register, river help, fish cleaning and more. If you are interested in becoming a volunteer, please pick up a volunteer form at the Parks/Recreation Department and mail it in or stop by Walgreens starting April 1st. For further information, please contact Laura Ramirez (775)430-0592, Heather Gertsch (775)684-9018, Tiffany Ellis (775)782-2182 or (KFDVolunteers@aol.com) VOICE AND PIANO LESSONS, BEGINNER to Advanced students, experienced teacher, performer, music degree. Call The Songlady! Carolyn Lancaster (775)7201918 or (775)267-2582

HANDYMAN SERVICES, WOOD DECK RESURFACING and repair, interior doors, windows and interior/ exterior trim, Honey-Do’s, etc. Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235 MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501

Happy March Birthdays!

Wishing you all the great things in life, hope this day will bring you an extra share of all that makes you happiest. Have a wonderful birthday! ELECTRICAL PROBLEMS? MAKE THEM GO away! No job too small! New construction, remodels, service and repair, Pigman Electric, NV#73243, CA#610417 (775)721-9491 HIGH DESERT BARNS, CUSTOM STEEL BUILDINGS, Horse Shelters, Quality Barns built with 25 years of experience, highdesertbarns.com or (775)246-3004 PUPPY LOVE, PERSONALIZED GROOMING BY Auntie Dollie, 40 years experience, Monday through Saturday by appointment, TRE (775)266-3574

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439

Calling All Nevada Native American Artists

Reno, Nevada – USDA’s Natural Resources Conservation Service (NRCS) in Nevada is conducting a contest for the national 2018 American Indian/Alaska Native Heritage Month Poster. The winning artist will be awarded $2,000 and the poster will be displayed in NRCS offices throughout the nation to celebrate American Indian Heritage Month during November. The submission deadline is May 11. American Indian artists from Nevada tribes are invited to create an original painting that reflects the artist’s interpretation of American Indian culture and heritage with the title: “Mountain Islands and Sagebrush Seas,” and the theme: “Creating resilient landscapes through an understanding of heritage, culture and conservation.” For information contact Patti Novak, (775) 857-8500 X142 or patti.novak@nv.usda.gov or visit www.nv.nrcs.usda.gov HOT SPOT SX HOT TUB FOR SALE - LIKE NEW, selling for $2,500 OBO, you are responsible for pickup, serious inquiries only (775)267-2152

Artificial Wombs - The Coming Era of Motherless Births?

An artificial uterus (or artificial womb) is a future device that would allow for external pregnancy by growing a fetus outside the body of an organism that would normally carry the fetus to term. To date, no artificial uterus has created a pregnancy from implantation An artificial uterus, as a replacement organ, would have many applications. It could be used to assist male or female couples in the development of a fetus. This can potentially be performed as a switch from a natural uterus to an artificial uterus, thereby moving the threshold of fetal viability to a much earlier stage of pregnancy. In this sense, it can be regarded as a neonatal incubator with very extended functions. Also, it can potentially be used for initiation of fetal development. Furthermore, it could avail for performing, for example, fetal surgery procedures at an early stage instead of having to postpone them until term of pregnancy. In 2017, fetal researchers at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia published a study showing they had grown premature lamb fetuses for four weeks in an extra-uterine life support system. APPLIANCE REPAIR! SAVE $25 ON YOUR NEXT in home appliance repair, with this ad! Serving Carson City, Dayton, Minden for over 30 years. New and Used Sales, Sams TV and Appliance, 1501 Fairview (775)885-1939

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Snakes Solve Problem

I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain. Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine. What! You’ve never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers? LET US UNLOAD ON YOU! TOP SOIL, ROCK, DG, worm castings etc. Tight time line? We’re really fast! 30+ years experience, serving Carson and surrounding communities, Nevada Organics (775)882-9500 The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers. 1988 SUZUKI SAMURAI, VERY GOOD CONDITION, hard top, always garaged, custom front bumper and set up to be towed, have all maintenance records $5,700 (775)465-2359

Remote Control

The clerk asked me, “Cash, check or charge?” after ringing up my purchase. As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse. “Do you always carry your TV remote when you go shopping?” she asked. “No,” I replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the best way to get even with him!” WE’LL KEEP YOU IN STITCHES, WE COVER autos, furniture and ATV’s, 47 years experience, Tweeds Upholstery, Gardnerville, tweedsupholstery@yahoo.com or (775)782-5812 BOOKKEEPING, PAYROLL, INCOME TAX PREPARATION, we do it all! 22+ years experience; Professional, reliable quality work personalized for your small business or personal situation. Pro-Balanced Bookkeeping (775)246-3363 ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $499, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $99, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Remain Independent – Remain at Home

The “little things” may become increasingly difficult as we age, but this doesn’t mean it’s time to surrender. We provide affordable, non-medical assistance for seniors at home. Light housekeeping, meal prep, bathing/grooming, companionship, family relief, and incidental transportation to appointments. A few hours to 24/7 care. Eden Home Care, eden-health.com (775)392-2000 ANTIQUE HAY FORK – 6 FORKS $600 OBO; Carter Kart side by side seating, $1,700 new, asking $1,000 OBO; 1972 Chevy pickup chrome rear bumper $75 OBO; Hydraulic lift gate, fits pickup or one ton truck $600 OBO (775)315-0303 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: All types including Silver, Copper, Rhinestones, Old Plastics, Glass, Pot Metal, Pins, Bracelets, Rings, Necklaces, Old Watches, Lockets, larger quantities preferred, please leave clear message on home phone, I call everyone back, Joanne (775)465-9422 PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441

Divorced

When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome. As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL calls me handsome. Every time I have some money, she says, “HANDSOME OVER.” FIREARMS WANTED! ESTATE COLLECTIONS or single items: Winchester, Colts, Smith and Wesson, Luger’s and others. Appraisals upon request, Licensed Gary (775)267-2045 or (775)671-0563 BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND recolored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (775)233- 5297 Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, (775)782-4520 PAINTING INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR, STAINING, faux and fine finishes, free estimates, Powers Painting, NV#68615, powerspainting.org or (775)781-5531 or (775)315-5179

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Gates of Heaven

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her - “Hello!” “How are you? We’ve been waiting for you!” “Good to see you!” When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, “This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?” “You have to spell a word,” Saint Peter told her. “Which word?” the woman asked. “Love.” The woman correctly spelled “Love” and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. “I’m surprised to see you,” the woman said. “How have you been?” “Oh, I’ve been doing pretty well since you died,” her husband told her. “I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski

hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?” “You have to spell a word,” the woman told him. “Which word?” her husband asked. “Czechoslovakia.” RENNER’S TRUE VALUE HARDWARE - FOR ALL YOUR hardware, household, automotive and gardening needs and much more now available online at truevalue. com, ship orders to store for free, call Robert or Megan for details (775)465-2217, press 1 for parts, 2289 Hwy. 208, Smith, NV ANTIQUE IRON DOUBLE BED WITH NEW mattress set $300 OBO 775-241-7065 HANDYMAN SERVICE – HOME REPAIRS, FENCING Repair/Replacement, Hauling, Trash Removal, Shrub and Tree Trimming and Removal, and Weed Removal, Free Estimates (775)781-1747 C.F.I. CERTIFIED CARPET, HARDWOOD, VINYL, no charge for furniture. Three-year labor warranty! Residential and Commercial, Competitive pricing, JS Flooring (775)267-4123 KNEE SCOOTER, USED ONLY INDOORS for 3 months, only, like new $125, Gardnerville 818-384-5478

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WNC Driver Education

WNC offers a 30 Hour New Driver Education classes throughout the winter and spring of 2018. In person, class fee is $100. Spring break classes will be Monday-Thursday. All in-person class times are 8:30am-4:30pm with a 30-minute lunch break. Also included in our in-person classes are guest speakers, when available, - law enforcement, insurance agents, DMV and sometimes a tire representative. Two things to remember all new drivers under the age of 18 MUST take a 30-Hour New Driver Education class to obtain a Nevada Driver’s License and most insurance companies will offer a discount upon successful completion of our nationally recognized Drive Right program. Carson City - Saturdays; February 3rd-March 3rd, April 7th-28th and May 5th-June 2nd; Monday-Thursday; March 26th-29th. Douglas -Tuesday - Thursday; February 20th-23rd; April 17th-20th, 2018 Fernley -Saturdays; February 24th-March17th, March 24th-April 21st, May 5th-June 2nd, 2018 Can you teach? Would you like to earn up to $1,000 and teach the driver education program? We have the curriculum. Call (775)445-4423 for more details. WNC continues to offer an on-line 30-Hour New Driver Education course. Cost is $90 and students have up to 60 days to complete the course. Register at www.campusce.net/ wnc/ or call (775)445-4463.

15” UNIVERSAL WHEELS WITH RADIAL spiked snow tires, set of 4, used 2 seasons, P205/70R15 $300, Gardnerville 818-419-2534 “A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25 years experience, Senior Discounts! Ken Jeter, kenjeter@sbcglobal.net or (775)530-8932 or (775)884-3906 PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” This magazine will not knowingly accept any advertisement for real estate which is a violation of the law; our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this publication are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain of discrimination call HUD toll-free. BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, residential and commercial, multi-story specialist, mobile blind cleaning, pressure washing, awning cleaning, Call Unlimited for a clear view! (775)883-6629

March 30th- Good Friday

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” An Old Irish Blessing

May love and laughter light your days, and warm your heart and home. May good and faithful friends be yours, wherever you may roam. May peace and plenty bless your world with joy that long endures. May all life’s passing seasons bring the best to you and yours! FENDER STARCASTER GUITAR, NEW, 2AMPS, 2 cases, stand, strap, headphones, tuner $300; Harmony, Honer heater with cases $50 each, music books included, extra large waders with booties, new $40; fishing gear, water skis with ropes (775)342-9718 HELP! I AM IN SEARCH OF SPECIALS FROM 195060’s American and/or European powered cars. Maybe steel, aluminum, fiberglass or combination. Cars created by enthusiast for pleasure or racing, contact (775)2916827 MERCURY MARINER OUTBOARD MOTOR 2 stroke, 30HP excellent condition picture available (775)315-0303 REDLINE CONSTRUCTION, INC., SPECIALIZING in garages, additions, remodels, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, (775)781-3955

Thank you loyal readers and advertisers! ASPEN ROOFING INC. FREE ESTIMATES, ALL types, Re-roofs, New and Repairs, NV#0069418, Insured and Bonded, Chris (775)230-8174 TROYBILT 8HP ROTOTILLER, CHIPPER/Shredder/ Mulcher 5HP, Stihl Trimmer Brush Cutter (775)465-2090 LICENSED AND BONDED ELECTRICIAN, ADDITIONS, remodels, extra outlets, switches, light fixtures, ceiling fans, trouble shooting and power panel upgrades, etc., 18 years experience, Free Estimates, Senior Discount, Degenspark Electric NV#52647 (775)267-4229 COMPUTER PROBLEMS? ON SITE REPAIR and training, PC/network configuration, virus/spyware removal, serving Dayton and Carson, justin.nelson@goowy. com Justin (775)450-3735 IMPEX PHC740 WORKOUT BENCH $150; Reebok 8000ES treadmill $100 775-465-2520 CUSTOM MASONRY, ONE BRICK AT A TIME, Commercial/Residential, 3+ Better Business Bureau rating, serving Carson Valley 12+ years, Free Estimates, M Sqrd Masonry, NV#200616647 and CA#924187, Marc Duryee (775)450-6219 or (775)783-4753

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”