July 2017 Scoop Online Edition by Sierra Scoop

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or inhome. Dependable, affordable! Over 14 Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 2007 WHITE MERCURY GRAND MARQUIS, 82,600 miles, 4-door, wood grain dash, leather interior, new battery, tires, aftermarket GPS, runs great, one paint chip on hood $4,500 OBO (775)410-9714 CLEAR THE CLUTTER! HARRY’S HAULING; pianos, spas, safes or anything else, serving the Carson Valley communities (775)291-6648 SUNDANCE SPA, TOP OF THE LINE, CAMEO model, 450 gallons, 8 foot square. Needs repairs and cover, chemicals included, paid $11,000, sell for $500 (775)782-4332 BENSON FEED - WE CARRY A WIDE VARIETY of pet foods and supplies. We also offer quality hay and feed for horses, as well as horse tack, etc. bensonfeed.com, Carson City (775)882-3999

BONE CHINA, 100 YEARS OLD, TEAPOT AND Saucer, made in Habsburg Austria, make offer. Johnny Appleseed 6” mug made in England, Doulton and Company COPR 1952 D3672, make offer. Tony Little’s Gazelle Edge, new $35 (775)782-5979 ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $399, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $99, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994 BROYHILL PINE DRESSER, 9 DRAWERS with mirror and matching armoire $350; Bar height kitchen table with leaf and 4 chairs, white with wood top $150 (775)267-3888 MARTIN D28 GUITAR WITH HARD CASE, absolutely mint condition, not a scratch anywhere $1,900 firm, one owner, cash only, Gene (775)287-9074 ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35 years experience (775)721-2880

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Did God Create Evil?

The university professor challenged his students with this question: “Did God create everything that exists?” A student bravely replied “Yes, he did!” “God created everything?” the professor asked. “Yes sir,” the student replied. The professor answered, “If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then God is evil.” The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth. Another student raised his hand and said, “Can I ask you a question professor?” “Of course,” replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, “Professor does cold exist?” The professor replied “Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?” The students snickered at the young man’s question. The young man replied, “In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have

or transmit energy. Absolute zero (- 460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat. Cold does not exist We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.” The student continued. “Professor, does darkness exist?” The professor responded, “Of course it does.” The student replied, “Once again you are wrong sir. Darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton’s prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn’t this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present.” Finally the young man asked the professor. “Sir, does evil exist?” Now uncertain, the professor responded, “Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.” To this the student replied, “Evil does not exist sir,

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.” The professor sat down. MATURE WORKING WOMAN IS LOOKING to lease 1,300-1,600 square foot home with garage, fenced yard and a little property for RV parking, etc in Douglas County (no tract home). Small pets okay. Excellent references. (775)720-7667 COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439 MKD CONSTRUCTION, GENERAL ENGINEERING, concrete structures, concrete flat work, grading, roadway improvements, drainage, storm drains, underground utilities (water and sewer), paving, fencing, barrier rail, environmental improvements, excellent reputation and references available, NV#50061 and CA#818376, Mike (775)246-1900 or (775)315-2416

Caregivers Needed

Join our team of Caregivers and make a difference in the lives of seniors. Provide companionship and bring assisted living into their home. Full-time, part-time, days, nights, 12 hour, and 24 hour shifts available. Retired and mature adults encourage to apply. EOE Apply online eden-homecare.com (775)392-2000 PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827 1987 MAZDA RX7 COUPE, EXCELLENT INSTALLATION of 350 Chevy engine and auto overdrive transmission, new red paint, good original grey and black interior, runs and drives excellent, stored inside $4,400 (775)217-9952

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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In My Class

WNC Community Education Classes

Recently divorced, I moved back to my home town hoping to start over again. A few weeks later, while making a dentist appointment, I was surprised to see I recognized the dentist’s name as a good looking boy from my high school 20 years ago. However, upon walking into the dentist’s office, I quickly realized he must be someone else. He was bald, had a big beer belly, and looked a lot older than me. Just to be sure though, on my way out I asked him if he went to the high school that I had attended. “Yeah”, he responded, “I graduated in 91.” “Oh my gosh”, I excitedly said “you were in my class.” “Really”, he said that’s interesting, “what class did you teach?”

Clay Club, R.I.P.P.E.D. exercise class Monday/ Wednesday’s 5:30pm-6:30pm – Check our website for additional classes, class descriptions, dates, cost, and register on line at www.campusece.net/wnc/ or call (775)445-4268.

PIANO AND ORGAN PRIVATE INSTRUCTIONS, Member of Sierra Organ Club, Call Joanne Booth in Sunridge, Carson City (775)267-2429

HIGH QUALITY CARPET CLEANING! SERVING Carson Valley 20 years! Quality customer service at a reasonable price, Kinney Carpet Care (775)884-2244 or (775)782-6590

GENEALOGY - THOROUGH RESEARCH OF FAMILY histories. A unique gift for weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays or yourself! www. PersonalPedigree.com or Lisa (775)450-3175

July 4th-Happy Birthday America!

FLEA FAIR, SATURDAY AND SUNDAY, July 8th and 9th and July 22nd and 23rd at Wa-She-Shu Casino and Travel Plaza, Hwy. 395 South, Gardnerville or for information (775)265-9567 NOW HIRING! MINDEN SUBWAY, 1680 US Hwy. 395, experience helpful but will train (775)783-8050

GUTTER AND GARAGE DOOR INSTALLATION, 10% Senior Discount, Serving Carson Valley and surrounding communities, 20+ years, Absolute Rain Gutters and Garage Doors, NV#0071909 (775)267-4422

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Bad Date

“Hi Sarah, listen I only have a minute. I’m about to get picked up for a blind date, can you call me in a half hour just in case it’s going bad? Yes? Ok, great!” Raquel gave herself a quick spray of perfume, checked herself out one more time in the mirror, and headed outside to wait for the guy. Sure enough after twenty minutes Raquel was discreetly checking her watch. After ten more long minutes her phone finally buzzed. Raquel listened for a few seconds, grimly pursed her lips, and turned to her date, “I feel terrible, but my Grandmother is terribly sick, and I must go home now.” “No problem!” Said her date with a big grin, “in a few more minutes my dog was going to get run over!” THREE 49”X79” DOUBLE PANE GLASS WINDOWS, $50 for all three or best offer (775)781-7966 CHIZEK CONCRETE PUMPING, GROUT AND 3/4 line pump; Residential and commercial, prompt, dependable service, Brad (775)721-0055 DON’T HUMP IT, PUMP IT!

Car Accident

Shame On You!

Jeff was fast asleep in his bed at 3am when he heard an urgent knocking at the door. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he made his way to the door. “Can you give me a push?”, asked the man at the door. Jeff looked at the man, thinking he looked a bit drunk, slammed the door in his face and went back to bed. “Shame on you”, said his wife Sally, when hearing the story. “You remember on our vacation how our car got stuck in the middle of the night and that man helped us, go out there and push his car.” So Jeff trudges back out of bed, opens the door, and calls out “Ok I’m here to give you a push, where are you?” “I’m over here in the back” came the voice “on the swing.” LOBO ROOFING, SINCE 1993, ROOFING INSPECTION Specialist, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Senior Citizen Discounts, Mobile Home, Residential and Commercial, Lic#K0011, NVLic#0070178 (775)342-8969 DAYCARE/OVERNIGHT PET SITTER, AVAILABLE, Nail Trimming Available, Bonded, Insured, 20 years experience, Susanne (775)265-7900 or (775)309-3707

Mary and Dave got along pretty well. But there was one thing that drove Mary absolutely crazy, and that was no matter how many times she told Dave how important it was to her that he come home in time for dinner, he never did. It was after one such spat that he got down on his knees and said “Mary, I promise I am turning over a new leaf. From now on I will be on time for dinner!” Well, the next day, promptly at 5 o’clock, Dave locked up his shop and headed out the door to his car. When suddenly out of nowhere a car pulled up next to his parked car and hit Dave. Dave was rushed to the hospital. Luckily they let him out after 3 hours and he walked in the door to his house at 8 o’clock. Mary was livid! “Wait I can explain” pleaded Dave, “I got run over by a car!” “REALLY!?,” screamed Mary, “IT TAKES 3 HOURS TO GET RUN OVER BY A CAR!?” ELLA K. LADEN, CPA, PROFESSIONAL, PERSONALIZED service for all of your Tax and Bookkeeping needs, reasonable rates, 25 Years Experience (775)392-0074 DO YOU LOVE YOUR DOG, BUT SOME TIMES don’t like your dog? Don’t worry, Nevada Dog Trainer can help, K.C. Carter (775)781-4742

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Flying Pig Flea Market

Be a vendor. Come to browse, July 15th 8am-4pm and July 16th, 9am-4pm, Fuji Park Building, Carson City, for information call (775)882-4717 or (775)3150008 EQ EAZ-LIFT HITCH AND SWAY CONTROL - 1,000 POUND maximum tongue weight and a 10,000 lb. maximum trailer weight, Like new, $299 OBO (775)720-7667

ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE â€“ RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest rates around, Gardnerville (775)265-4766 MOSSBERG AR STYLE 22 LR RIFLE 25 round clip, 300 rounds fired, new condition, $225, email or text original owner Jay, wmjkoenig@gmail.com or (775)267-7581

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

“No Pooh. I won’t be coming back this time.”

In his final days, Christopher Robin tries to explain to Pooh the concept of death. “You see,” began Christopher with a long sigh. “It’s like sleeping for a long, long time.” Christopher Robin was surrounded by his friends under his favorite tree. It rested on the top of a hill overlooking the entire Hundred Acre Wood. He was older now, and he knew that he didn’t have much more time left with them. “But going to sleep means that someday you’ll wake up.” Pooh said with a smile. “Precisely!” Owl exclaimed. “And we’ll be here when you do,” Kanga added. “I’ll even make you breakfast.” Christopher couldn’t help but smile. “I would very much like that. But you all have to understand that it will be a very, very long time.” “Oh ho ho! We are great at waiting a long time! Rabbit here waits every year for the carrots to grow in the garden.” Tigger chimed in. “And every year you destroy them!” Rabbit snarled. “But Christopher!” Roo interjected, jumping into Christopher’s lap. “What are we going to do when you’re gone?” “Oh I won’t be gone Roo. I’ll be right here.” Christopher placed his finger over Roo’s heart. Roo giggled and scrunched up into a ball. “We’ll be just fine,” muttered Eeyore. “I’m used to being alone anyways.” “None of you will be alone! You’re a family now, and while I’m gone you will all take care of each other.” “B-b-b-ut you will b-b-be back r-r-right Christopher?” Stuttered Piglett. Christopher let out a soft sigh and looked around at all of his friends. It was going to be difficult to help

them to understand. They probably never would… “Sometimes good things come to an end. But here’s the secret everyone - come close!” They all huddled together underneath the tree to listen to Christopher’s secret. “Memories. Are. Forever.” He whispered and tapped Pooh on the nose. “Memories?” Said Pooh. “Well I have plenty of those! Like that time we saved you from the Heffalumps!” “Or when you helped me fix my garden!” cried Rabbit. “Or when you organized my library for me!” Exclaimed Owl. “Or that time you built me a new house out of those sticks you found in the woods.” Eeyore added sullenly. “It didn’t last the night...but I remember it.” “Yes, yes! All of those are memories and you will have them forever. Just like I will have my memories of all of you.” Christopher stood up and took one last look over the Hundred Acre Wood. The sun was setting in the orange autumn sky and the trees were beginning to lose their leaves. It was time he went home. Christopher gathered all of his friends together and began walking back down the hill. They were all busy discussing the memories they had had with each other. “Christopher?” Pooh said, looking up at Christopher as they walked hand in hand. “You aren’t coming back, are you?” Christopher looked down at the ground and took a moment before he responded. “No Pooh. I won’t be coming back this time.” They walked in silence, listening to the sound of the crunching leaves underneath their feet. Pooh suddenly stopped and looked intently into the

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” SUTRO LANDSCAPING, ONE CALL DOES IT all; lawn care, aerating and thatching, sprinkler systems, sod installation and planting, clean-ups and much more, Free Estimates, Operated by owner, NV#50048 (775)246-4871 or (775)291-3095 FREE LANDSCAPING RIVER ROCK, YOU LOAD all or part, Call Jim/Minden (775)392-4001

No Bedside Manner

I’d never had surgery, and I was nervous. “This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure,” the anesthesiologist reassured me. I felt better, until… “Heck,” he continued, “you have  a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.” HUNTER’S GUN AMMO AND SPORTING Goods; Wolverine Boots, Gun Consignment and Gunsmithing, Monday-Friday 9am-6pm, Saturday 10am6pm, 400 N. Main, Suite C, Yerington (775)463-7010

ground. “I believe I am going to miss you Christopher,” he said with a soft, broken voice. Christopher leaned down and took his lifelong friend into his arms. “I will miss you too Pooh. I will miss you very, very much.” (Author unknown) “YOUR HOMETOWN HAULER SINCE 1996!” $129 a load plus dump fee, J.R.’s Hauling, Junk and Trash, Carson Valley/Carson City (775)265-6813

RELOADING COMPONENTS, EQUIPMENT, training, bulk and custom ammunition, Remember, “we are just gun food!” Open Wednesday - Saturday 10am - 6pm and Sunday Noon - 5pm, Bear Bullets, 1506 US Hwy 395 N. Gardnerville, NV (775)3923213 WE’LL KEEP YOU IN STITCHES, WE COVER autos, furniture and ATV’s, 47 years experience, Tweeds Upholstery, Gardnerville, tweedsupholstery@yahoo.com or (775)782-5812

Compulsive Eaters Anonymous

Concerned about your eating or weight? Meetings every Monday and Thursday 5:15 pm, Tuesday 10 am, 314 N. Division St. Carson City; every Sunday 5:30 pm, United Methodist Church, Gardnerville - All are welcome! ceahow.org or Sue at (775)400-0098 8’ ONE MAN INFLATABLE PONTOON FISHING boat, aluminum oars, electric motor capable $125; easy lift load leveler hitch set, 10,000 pound capacity $100 (775)265-1927 THE RUSTIC COUNTRY FURNITURE COMPANY has beautiful rustic cedar sofa tables for sale, $250 each. Support your local craftsman. Chris/ Yerington (775)782-1130 or (775)552-5424 KENMORE ELECTRIC WASHER AND DRYER, used very little $375 OBO (775)291-6628

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Things We Don’t Do Anymore Because of Technology

See if this sounds familiar: You’re not sure where your U.S. road atlas is or if you even own one. It’s been so long since you licked a stamp, you’ve forgotten what it tastes like. You’ve seen more scrumptious twominute videos in the past week than you’ve consulted a cookbook in the past year. We all know technology is making things easier and less time-consuming, but it’s hard to believe how much our devices have transformed the way we live. Tasks and tools that once seemed routine now seem hopelessly out of date, and in only a few short years. Here are some of those rituals that are no longer necessary in high-tech households. Teenagers may shrug, but if you’re 20 years or older, you’ll probably smile with nostalgia. Memorize a phone number. Pop quiz: How many phone numbers do you know by heart? Some people don’t even know their spouse’s numbers. Before our smart phones automatically stored our friends’ contact information, we resorted to cocktail napkins to scrawl down numbers, for fear we wouldn’t find that listing in the phone book. How times have changed. Use a phone book to find a company to do work around your house. Once upon a time, we felt perfectly comfortable flipping through the Yellow Pages and randomly calling a plumbing company to fix our pipes. Maybe we’d consult friends for a recommendation, but we often relied on trial-and-error. But consumer services like Angie’s List and Yelp have changed this game entirely. You can quickly read reviews of a local business, and if you like what you read, you can tap their number and automatically dial. Figure out math in your head. Calculators have been around for a long time now, but few of us ever carried calculators with us to the grocery store. In contrast, pretty much everyone with a smart phone has it available to do double-digit multiplication, no matter where or when we need it. In fact, there’s even an app called PhotoMath that can solve any equation just by taking a picture with your smartphone’s camera. Call a family member to ask where they are. Find My Friends is a radical app that helps family members and close friends pinpoint each other’s precise location. Note that these people have to sign up for the service, but customers can decide who can know where they are located. Telling time by hands on a clock. Like cursive writing, analog clocks are teetering on extinction. Few people with smartphones bother with watches anymore, unless they’re fashion statements or fitness trackers. With

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

digital clocks dominating our computers and hardware, those 12-numeral timepieces may become pure novelties. Even your trusted alarm clock has received tech makeover. Make photo albums. Purists still love their dark rooms, because chemicals and photo paper can be so rewarding for the patient photographer. But few people pine for the days of dropping off rolls of film at a onehour photo shop. Instead of pasting five-by-seven snapshots into your faux-leather album, most people will prefer the ease of photo-sharing services like Flickr and Amazon Cloud. Have a CD or record collection. Wasn’t it cool, back in the day, to walk into a shabby apartment and see those shelves of CDs? Wasn’t it a joy, to flip through boxes of vinyl records? Well, the new technology has transferred all those songs to a digital index. Turntables have seen a resurgence in popularity, but it’s hard to imagine CDs making a comeback. Make mix tapes. There was something so personal about a mix tape. We spent hours finding the right song, then lining up two cassettes in order to copy a song. So many lovers cemented their relationships using a blank tape and a few dozen favorite albums. Now, you can throw together a digital playlist in seconds.

Call a theater to get movie times. Millions of people would rather buy a hit new movie on iTunes before it’s even finished in theaters. But if we do decide to drive all the way to cinema and fork over $40 for two tickets and popcorn, there’s no need to call ahead and find out what time a movie is playing. The Internet has everything we need. In Google, you can often just type “movie times” and the search engine will list films based on your location. Record your favorite programs on tape. All year, we’d wait for “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “The Wizard of Oz” to pop up on TV. When they did, we’d push a VHS tape into the machine and wait until the proper moment to press “record.” When TiVo emerged, it streamlined this process by making scheduled recordings even simpler. Now, with streaming services, web archives, and easy-to-purchase downloads, the timing of a broadcast barely matters anymore. Watch shows when they are broadcast live. In the same vein, we rarely have to sit in front of the television, eagerly waiting for a “major network event.” Services like Hulu and YouTube convert a huge amount of national television into a digital format, and local news stations log most of their important segments onto their websites.

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com Run to the store for a last minute gift. Curses! You forgot a Mother’s Day gift! Should you change your whole schedule so you can rush to the store and hurriedly pick something out? If you have Amazon Prime and live in an Amazon hub, there’s no need. You can order same-day delivery and have that gift curried to your front door. It’s just one of the many benefits you probably didn’t know Amazon offers. Cut things out of the newspaper. Many grandparents still love to buy newspapers, and when they find an article they like, they snip it out, put it in an envelope, and send that little slip of newsprint to a relative. “Thought you might find this interesting!” reads an accompanying note. But most of us don’t waste our time. Nearly every article in every major newspaper is archived online and can be instantly shared by email, social media, and even text message. Send a handwritten letter. Don’t get me wrong: It’s still wonderful to receive a postcard from faraway places. You might say that email, texting and Skype conversations have made handwritten letters even more special. But no one is forced to transcribe their thoughts by hand and drop those letters in a mailbox. Looking up the spelling of words in the dictionary. Spellcheck is nearly as old as word processors, and

many of us have grown up expecting Microsoft Word to underline our mistakes in red squiggles. But autocorrect takes this concept a step further, guessing what we actually intended to write and correcting our mistakes. This can be handy for clumsy thumbs, but it can be embarrassing when autocorrect guesses wrong. Use a phone booth. Phone booths are so rare nowadays that you’d probably have an easier time just buying and activating a cheap cellphone. The last holdout may be your local airport, but even international travelers can usually nab a SIM card the moment they step off the plane. Carry enough change to make a phone call. I remember my dad telling me, “Always carry a quarter because you never know when you’ll need it.” In a world of debit cards and Apple Pay, shoppers rarely have to carry cash anymore. So what happens when your phone is dead, there’s no one around and all you have is a phone booth? Luckily, most public phones in the U.S. are outfitted with credit card strips. Use a travel agent. Travel agents can be essential for elaborate vacations, but for generic flights, services like Kayak and CheapFlights have completely transformed how we book our passage. You can compare hundreds of airlines and agencies in seconds for the best deal. Get-

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

ting your old checks back from the bank every month. Oh, people still write checks, and physical paychecks are still routine methods of payment, but I doubt this antiquated practice will last much longer. Even depositing checks has become digitized, thanks to ATMs that scan the piece of paper and print a facsimile on your receipt. Gone are the days of banks sending you old checks to jam into a filing cabinet. Thank goodness for that!

CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Joanne, please leave clear message (775)4659422

Submit your ad by calling (775)782-4520

MASTER HOROLOGIST, CLOCK REPAIR, MUSEUM Quality Furniture, Chair Caning and Antique Everything Restoration, Grandfather Clock House Calls! A-1 Restorations since 1967, Larry (775)782-2422 HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, remodels, garages, we do it all! Free estimates, 21 years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453 VACATION/EXECUTIVE FURNISHED RENTAL, available soon. 3 bedroom, 2 bath, Sunrise Pass/ East Valley area, Minden, everything included, Call Mac for details (775)781-0841 TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, clipper blades, clipper repair, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079 UNDERCOVER TONNEAU COVER FITS CHEVY 2500, years 2007-2014, $250 OBO, Text (775)720-1990 PROPERTY CARETAKER(S) NEEDED: ACCOMMODATIONS included in trade for maintenance and handyman work. Property on Walker River, leave contact information (775)745-0612

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Rest Stop

I was coming back from visiting my son in Miami and I stopped at a rest stop to use the bathroom. I just sat down on the toilet when I heard a voice coming from the stall next to mine, “Hey! How’s it going?” Although I was quite surprised, and I wasn’t in the habit of conversing to the people next to me in the stall, I nevertheless answered him, “I’m fine” I said “thanks for asking.” “What are you doing?” Asked the same voice. To be honest I was a bit taken aback by the brazenness of this fellow, but I would never ignore anyone so I calmly answered, “I’m relieving myself.” Then I heard the same voice again, “I’m going to have to call you back, some smart-aleck is answering all of my questions.” BASKETBALL BACKBOARD PORTABLE adjustable height system, very good condition, you pick up, first $75 gets it (775)782-2937 IS WINDOW CLEANING A PAIN? 41 YEARS EXPERIENCE, licensed and insured, Dave Adams Window Cleaning- call for an over the phone price! “The science of perfection” (775)241-2318

Tahoe/Douglas Elks Annual Flea Market

Friday, September 15th 7am-3pm and Saturday, September 16th 7am-2pm, collecting GOOD quality items at the Lodge on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Now until September 7th 9am–12pm, 1227 Kimmerling, Gardnerville Ranchos. For donations pick up call between 9am-6pm, Jim (310)874-4655, Ron (775)267-1367 / (775)315-0146 or Neil (775)265-5120 LANCASTER CONSTRUCTION, WE SPECIALIZE in Re-leveling Mobile Homes, also replacing old metal exterior doors with new residential doors. Give Phil Lancaster a call to schedule an appointment (775)720-4319 or (775)782-8785 PAINTER, SEMI-RETIRED WITH 40 YEARS experience in Nevada, save money, get seasonal discount now, inside or out, fences (775)901-1912 IRS PROBLEMS? FEDERAL AND ALL STATES, Past years returns and audit representation, “Service you can trust, quality you can afford.”, Call James A. Farnham, enrolled agent, 20 years experience, Reasonable Rates, Income Tax Services (775)392-0321

ASPEN ROOFING INC. FREE ESTIMATES, ALL types, Re-roofs, New and Repairs, NV#0069418, Insured and Bonded, Chris (775)230-8174

First Time Parents

“Honey!” screamed my wife, running outside to my bike once again, “did you double check that Mikey’s seat is attached securely?!” “Yeah let me check that just one more time” I muttered, checking the seat for what must have been the tenth time. “OK”, I said nervously, to my two year old Herby, “are you ready for your first bike ride?” “Let me just check your helmet again…perfect ...now your knee pads…good… now your elbow pads…perfect.” And with that, I lifted my foot to get on top of the bike, and nailed my two year old smack in the jaw! D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808 RUPERT’S GEMCUTTING AND JEWELRYUNIQUE gifts, custom designing, repairs, specializing in natural stones and precious gemstone jewelry, Carson City (775)882-5988

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$200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461 WANTED: NEW AND USED KNIVES WANTED and tobacco pipes; folding, hunting, military knives, Jeff (775)720-2577 LOVE BAGS? WANT TO HOST A FUN GIRLS night party? Thirty One Gifts has your stylish, personalized totes, purses, bags, jewelry and more! Contact Michele at www.mythirtyone.com/sierranevadabags RENNER’S TRUE VALUE HARDWARE - FOR ALL YOUR hardware, household, automotive and gardening needs and much more now available online at truevalue.com, ship orders to store for free, call Megan or Chris for details (775)465-2217, press 1 for parts, 2289 Hwy. 208, Smith, NV

Codependents Anonymous

CoDA “Developing Healthy Relationships” Carson City, Sparks and Kings Beach, visit www.coda. org or call for details, Al at (775)882-0884 or Bob C. (775)720-1040 MAINTENANCE FREE DECKS AND PATIO COVERS, knowledgeable, honest, professional service! Serving Northern Nevada for 18+ years! Free Quotes! K & C Construction, NV#0079034 (775)6916462 MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627 2 PERSON DELUXE INFRARED SAUNA, MP3 Player AM/FM Model DLX-200, $1,000 OBO, Text (775)720-1990 LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers, Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Small Paint Jobs, Free Estimates, Senior Discounts, 10 Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

WNC Driver Education

WNC offers a 30 Hour New Driver Education classes throughout the Summer of 2017. In person class fee is $100. All in person class times are 8:30am-4:30pm with a 30 minute lunch break. Also included in our in person classes are guest speakers, when available, - law enforcement, insurance agents, DMV, and a tire representative. Two things to remember all new drivers under the age of 18 MUST take a 30-Hour New Driver Education class to obtain a Nevada Driver’s License and most insurance companies will offer a discount upon successful completion of our nationally recognized Drive Right program. Carson City – July 10-13, 24-27, August 7-10 and 14-17, 2017. Douglas – June 12-15, July 17-20, and August 7-10, 2017. Fallon – July 17-20, and August 7-10, 2017. Fernley – July 17-20, and August 21-24, 2017. WNC continues to offer an on-line 30-Hour New Driver Education course. Cost $90 and students have up to 60 days to complete the course. Register at www. campusce.net/wnc/ or call (775)445-4463. CAMPER SHELL, FITS FULL SIZE 1/2 OR 3/4 ton pickup trucks with 8’ bed, white, like new, $50 (775)465-1718

ACME HEATING AND AIR CONDITIONING Specializing in mobile homes; Emergency repairs, Sales, Service, Replacements, all makes and models, Free estimates on replacement furnaces and air conditioners, NV LIC#014612 (775)883-3220, Emergency (775)691-3185 SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two story houses, based in Minden area, call John (775)267-1800 BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, residential and commercial, multi story specialist, mobile blind cleaning, pressure washing, awning cleaning, Call Unlimited for a clear view! (775)8836629 FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)5181166 or (775)782-8776 MIKES HORSESHOEING SERVICE, 30 + YEARS experience! Serving Carson Valley and surrounding areas! Mike Romine (775)350-0351

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The Deteriorating Work Ethic

Back in the days of the mega ranches and cattle drives, one of the highest compliments you could pay a cowboy was to say, “He rides for the brand” meaning that this individual was a company man, devoted to his job and gave his all to see that the cattle were taken care of and willing to face down rustlers, predators or whatever else threatened the herd or the brand (ranch) he worked for. It meant he was loyal and could be depended on to turn stampedes, doctor sick cows, stay out in any kind of weather and withstand whatever hardship came his way in the performance of his duties. I wasn’t raised in cattle country, but I remember, and have worked with, men with that same work ethic, that same devotion to their job. These were men who would crawl under a truck in the log woods in cold mud to repair whatever breakdown that needed fixing, men who got up at two o’clock in the morning to remove a barn full of flu cured tobacco just to spend the day harvesting the tobacco leaves and filling the barn back up again. I once saw a man snaking logs out of the woods go back to work minutes after he had been bent over in pain from being kicked in the stomach by a mule.

Back in the seventies when the CDB finished a tour on the west coast, one of our drivers drove from San Francisco to Nashville with only fuel stops just to get a homesick band home for Christmas. I’ve seen it with road managers who get out of their bunks in the wee hours of the morning to arrange transportation when a bus breaks down and a road crew that hustles to make up a couple of hours when they’re running late so the show can start on time. I’ve seen it with our office staff who never turn loose until every number balances, every “T” is crossed, every “I” dotted, every hotel reservation confirmed and every travel arrangement made. The willingness to be the first one to get there and the last one to leave, the meticulous attention to detail, the ability to make autonomous decisions and act upon them in a timely fashion, to accept responsibility and the capability to act on a situation with authority and competence, the assurance that when a task is given to you it can be considered done, that’s what makes a valuable employee. The prevailing mentality of the last couple of decades seems to have deteriorated to an “I’ll do enough to get by but no more” or “until they pay me more I’ll just do as little as I can get by with” type of attitude.

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” responsibility, type of attitude. Saddle up, trot up, cowboy up and ride for the brand. (Written by Charlie Daniels, Legendary American Singer) PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441 WNC HAS AN OPENING FOR A MOTORCYCLE Mechanic – part-time temporary position. If interested contact Linda at linda.whitehill@wnc.edu or (775)445-4268 CURT Q-16 FIFTH WHEEL HITCH, LIKE new, $250 OBO, Text (775)720-1990 HANDYMAN SERVICES, WOOD DECK RESURFACING and repair, interior doors, windows and interior/exterior trim, Honey-Do’s, etc. Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235

Annual St. Gall Rummage Sale…

This attitude is fallacious, however, because as long as you do just enough to get by you will stay at the most menial job available and will probably be among the first to go when a round of layoffs come around. The reason is because you’re not valuable to your employer, you’re just a place keeper, a person easily replaced who brings no unique talent or innovation to the job. And you probably spend a lot of your time complaining and sewing discord among other employees about how unfairly you’re being treated and how unhappy you are. If this is you, prepare for a mediocre work life at best. You will never even be considered for advancement and will only receive whatever automatic raises your job provides. What it comes down to is this, you’re just not worth much to any employer. The law of reciprocity catches up with you. You become known as a person who can’t be depended on to take the time and effort to do a good job, and you probably drift from job to job, always experiencing the same thing. Well folks, take it from somebody who knows. It doesn’t have to be that way if you’re willing to develop a new attitude, an extra mile, midnight oil, let me do it, sure I’ll stay after hours to get it done, I can accept

is scheduled for August 4th, 7am-5pm and August 5th, 7am-3pm. This is our BIG ONE! We have something for everyone. St. Gall, 1343 Centerville Lane, Gardnerville (775)782-2852 JANS TROPICS AND ELEGANT POOCH, 50 YEARS serving Carson! dog and cat grooming, pet supplies and tropical fish, 1000 Corbett St., Carson City (775)882-5659 or (775)882-4928 ELECTROLYSIS AND LASER FOR HAIR REMOVAL; Complimentary, confidential consultation. 33 years experience. Weekday, evening, Saturday appointments available, Sally Battista (775)782-6190 ROCKS FOR LANDSCAPING, EACH APPROXIMATELY 15” across by 10” high, 65 plus of them, make offer, all or part (530)694-2557 FIREWOOD, HARDWOOD MIXED, SEASONED, split, $380 a cord, Almond only $420 a cord, Oak $460 a cord, delivery available, Jon (775)246-7186 INCOME TAX, GEORGE HALLIFAX, CPA, EA, TAX preparation, Federal and all States, prior years, audit representation, 30 years experience, reasonable rates (775)392-0418

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Hospital Bed

Playing Hooky

There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a flat tire. That’s fine the teacher said much to the students relief. But there was an oral test this morning which you boys have to make up, so please have a seat and take out a piece of paper. “Now for the first question, which tire was flat!” REFURBISHED MOBILE HOMES LOOKING FOR Good Tenants! 1 and 2 Bedroom for rent, payment starting from $565 plus all utilities, no pets please, available now in, Silver Springs and Yerington (775)316-0634 HOT TUB SERVICE AND REPAIR, WEEKLY and bi weekly service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)267-2490 MERIT FITNESS ELLIPTICAL $100; NEXT Shocker bike $100; Petmate collapsible kennel $25, Genoa (775)782-8789

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days, weeks and months passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.’

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Misunderstanding

Jim was in a bad mood, and anyone who got in is way was going to regret it. Jim walked into his favorite restaurant and plopped himself down on a chair. “Get me a steak well done with mashed potatoes.” Ten minutes later when his order came, Jim screamed “DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME SAY WELL DONE?!” “Why thank you sir” the waitress smiled, “that’s the first compliment I’ve received all day!” ALL AMERICAN OVERHEAD DOOR, NEW INSTALLATION, repairs and service, commercial/ residential, 10% discount for spring repair, Free Estimates and Senior Discount (775)450-2156 BUY DIRECT! DECORATIVE ROCK, SAND, GRAVEL, D.G., Topsoil, Bark and Boulders, yard pick-up or delivery, Cinderlite, Serving all of Northern Nevada, Cinderlite.com or (775)882-4483 A BAD TILE JOB CAN BE LIKE A BAD HAIRCUT, but it doesn’t grow back, so don’t get hacked! Done right the first time, Sundance Tile and Marble, NV#58795 (775)691-9954

PORTABLE SWAMP COOLER, LIKE NEW, remote control $100; Boat ladder, bilge, aerator pumps, new $50 for all; Pompanette portable fish fighting chair, good condition $100; 151 quart cooler, Cushion $100 (775)342-9718 $100 OFF CLUTCH OR TRANSMISSION REPLACEMENT! New, used and rebuilds, up to 3 year, 100,000 mile warranty, Double J Auto, 1475 Southgate Drive, Gardnerville (775)782-8592 GOLF AND TENNIS MEMBERSHIP, GENOA LAKES AND Ranch, discounts in shops and restaurant, club storage, lockers and driving range, Resalable $5,400 OBO (775)781-4296 CHIROPRACTOR IN COLEVILLE, CA, treats a wide range of neurologic and metabolic conditions, nutrition, head to toe analysis, 40 years experience, Dr. Stan Jones (530)577-2225 GOT DIRTY WINDOWS? ABC WINDOW CLEANERS, mirrors, gutter cleaning, re-screening, pressure washing, 30 years experience, NV#20161064184, CA#310507, Gardnerville resident (530)544-0590

FIREARMS WANTED! ESTATE COLLECTIONS or single items: Winchester, Colts, Smith and Wesson, Luger’s and others. Appraisals upon request, Licensed Gary (775)267-2045 or (775)671-0563

Coffee Shop Spelling!

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark. MINOR TO MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE REPAIRS, Tires and More! ASE Certified Master Mechanic, 35 years same location! Senior Discounts, Bobs Shell Service, Carson City (775)883-7919 VOICE AND PIANO LESSONS, BEGINNER to Advanced students, experienced teacher, performer, music degree. Call The Songlady! Carolyn Lancaster (775)720-1918 or (775)267-2582 SCI GRADING EXCAVATING ROAD WORK, house pads, drainage and erosion control, septic systems and pumping, wet and dry utilities, demolition, water and dump truck service, Erik Viksna NV#076958, CA#954210, (530)306-2647 or (775)6299000

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China Builds Artificial Islands

For those wondering what an artificial island is made of, the answer is the same thing most islands are made of: sand. The process for building these islands is remarkably simple, although the technology involved is imposing. The first requirement for an island is a base to build on. Naturally formed islands don’t float in the water; rather, an island is simply the top, visible part of a land mass that is mostly underwater. To construct its artificial islands, China builds atop already existing, islands, rocks, and even coral reefs. Building an island that can support airstrips and other military installations requires a lot of sand, however. To gather it, China uses a fleet of dredgers, ships designed to pick up and move materials from the seafloor. These dredgers use large tubes with cutting attachments at the end to grind up material on the seafloor and suck it up. From there, the material is carried through pipes or hoses and dumped on top of reefs, rocks, and other existing formations. Once the islands are large and stable enough, China can then lay down cement and build structures on them. The extent of the changes can be striking. For example, below is Fiery Cross Reef in 2006. What’s the point? China’s island-building efforts require a heavy investment in engineering and infrastructure, so why is the country going to all this trouble? Perhaps the prime motivation is to reinforce China’s claim over the region. The Spratly Islands and other nearby chains lack indigenous populations. As such, they are claimed by the various neighboring nations. Vietnam, the Philippines, Malaysia, and China all claim portions of the South China Sea, but China’s claim is extraordinary. Dubbed the “nine-dash line,” China’s claim (as presented to the United Nations in 2009) covers most of the sea, extending down to the coast of Malaysia. Naturally, this has proven contentious, prompting the Philippines - located very close to the Spratlys, which China includes in its claims - to bring a case against China in international court. By transforming reefs and cays into military installations, China is extending its military capabilities in the South China Sea. Airstrips, radar arrays, and all such buildings give China the ability to project force throughout the region. THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Inferiority Complex

Harry was thrilled. After seeing a psychologist for over three years, he was finally pronounced free to go. “Wow this is so exciting you mean I am finally cured?!” Questioned Harry excitedly, “You mean I no longer have an inferiority complex!” “Well” said the psychologist slowly, “to be perfectly honest with you I don’t think you ever had an inferiority complex. After much thought I have come to a conclusion. I think you really are inferior!” HANDCRAFTED MARKERS AND MONUMENTS, Granite and Bronze. Large Selection of colors and designs, special orders welcome! 15 years experience, call Cornerstone Monument for appointment (775)267-1958 WE HAVE A LARGE SELECTION OF NEW AND Used RV’s and a full parts and service department, Carson City RV, 4550 North Carson Street, North Highway 395 (775)882-8335 ROASTED GARLIC JAM, SOLD AT SCOLARI’S Market, Carrols Corner, South Yerington, call for more information (775)846-8972 or (775)463-1265

Come Join Us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church

Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 5pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)267-9590 LARRY’S TRACTOR SERVICE, CLEANUP WORK, rototilling, backhoe, box scraper, dump trailer, rake, hole drilling, affordable rates (775)2672245 or (775)690-4632. GRASS-FED BEEF, ALL LOCALLY GROWN, $4.25 per pound hanging weight, works out to about $6 per pound cut and wrapped (775)721-1574 JOB HUNTING? CHANGING CAREERS? SEEKING a promotion? Re-entering the job market? Beat the competition with a professional resume created by The Resume Business (775)267-2711 EXPERIENCED HOT TUB REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE, monthly/bi-monthly, new custom covers available! Serving Carson Valley area, Carson Spa Care (775)230-5328

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Parenting Is Easy - I Swear!

The biggest change after having kids was putting a swear jar in the house. Whenever I say a bad word, I have to put a dollar in the jar, and at the end of every month, I take all that money and buy myself a nice steak for being such a cool dad. GREG’S SMALL ENGINE SERVICE AND REPAIR! Lawn Mowers, Snow Blowers, Portable Generators, Tillers, Shredders, Pressure Washers; On Site Pick-Up And Delivery, Serving Carson City, Carson Valley, Dayton - gregtenbroeck@yahoo.com or visit us at gregsmallengine.com (775)790-0435 or (530)307-1132 ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GREAT ESCAPE close to home? Eagle Lake, Lassen County Vacation Rentals, Trophy Trout, all water sports, furnished cabins from $60 per night or $360 per week, visit our website at eaglelakeheritage.com or (800)459-5179 MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501 HIGH ROLLERS PAINTING FOR ALL YOUR PAINTING needs and drywall repairs! Competitive rates and quality workmanship, bonded and insured, NV#44048, highrollerspainting.net or (775)267-2534 CUSTOM CANVAS WORK! REPAIR, RESTITCH, Replace; Boat Covers, Cockpit and Bow Covers, Spa Sun Covers and Patio Shade; Snaps, Grommets, Velcro, Zippers, Reinforcements, Jim/ Minden (775)267-4434 or (775)230-8706 RENT ME FOR SUMMER CLEANING, PUT A roll-off dumpster at your home, you load, we remove (775)297-2320 GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO OWN THE LARGEST firewood yard in Carson City, 11 years in business, retiring, over 100 loyal customers, call Ed (775)297-2320 COMPLETE LAWNCARE, PAVERS, RETAINING walls and more! 30 years in Carson Valley, Senior Discounts And Free Estimates, Nevada Lawns (775)450-2156

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” You CAN Take It With You?

When Siri Slips

After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.” Here’s what Siri sent: “You need to get back to work now; you have a has-been to support.” PARENT/CHILD EARLY CHILDHOOD MUSIC classes now in several locations in Douglas County. For location and price call Maureen (602)820-1900 1959 PLYMOUTH FURY, TWO DOOR HARD TOP, V8, complete, body restored (775)782-2422 PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)265-7081 PAINTING INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR, STAINING, faux and fine finishes, free estimates, Powers Painting, NV#68615, powerspainting.org or (775)781-5531 or (775)315-5179

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.” The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here!” But the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.” St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, “You brought pavement?!!!” HIGH DESERT BARNS, CUSTOM STEEL BUILDINGS, Horse Shelters, Quality Barns built with 25 years of experience, highdesertbarns.com or (775)246-3004 NOW HIRING! EXPERIENCED PREP AND TRIM painters, Wages depend on experience, Call Kevin (775)450-3305 WE KEEP YOUR HOME COMFORTABLE! Plumbing, Heating and Air Conditioning, Residential and Commercial. Serving Douglas County and surrounding communities, 20+ years experience, Mention this ad for 5% discount on service call, Riley Plumbing and Heating, Nevada Licensed (775)265-1765 LOCKHEED SKUNKWORKS - LOCKHEED Skunkworks; Buying Photos, Mementos, Autographs, Books. Especially Blackbird, Jamie, integrity@prodigy.net or (775)720-2829

July 23rd- Parents’ Day

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” The ABC’s of Marriage

After being married for 25 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her carefully, then said, ‘You are A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.’ ‘What does that mean?’ she asked suspiciously. He said, ‘Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and Hot!’ She beamed at him happily and said: ‘Oh, that’s so lovely! But what about I, J and K?’ ‘I’m Just Kidding!’ (The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctors are fairly optimistic about saving his privates). WILL TEAR DOWN AND BUY OLD WOODEN Barns and Barn Wood! Insured and bonded (775)782-9192 PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373 GUNSMITHING SERVICES, CLEANING, REPAIR, Customizing, Federal Nevada License, Thom’s Gun Shop, Wellington (775)266-3136

Annoying Dishes

I’d rather spend ten minutes rearranging the dishwasher to accommodate something than spend 30 seconds washing it by hand. USA DRYWALL, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#59981 (775)2472539 GOT WOOD? SAMMY’S FIREWOOD, HONEST Quality Service, soft and hard wood, delivery available, located in Carson City, (775)315-0834 PFALTZGRAFF DISHES, ROSE PATTERN; Plates, Cups, Bowls, Pitcher, Shakers, Coasters, Platter, new over $200, sell $135, Yerington (775)9349688 TOP CASH FOR PRE WWII SILVER INDIAN JEWELRY, postcards, bottles, mining, swords, advertising, books, guns, badges, toys, lamps, railroad, military, documents, Indian and gambling items, any condition, please call Ron (775)782-3893

Looking for Unique, One of a Kind Jewelry?

Come shop in my workshop! Specializing in Copper, Steampunk, and special orders, right here in Gardnerville. Credit cards accepted. By appointment only. Sue Bennett, founder of A Touch of Class Craft Show (775)265-1097 or atouchofclassnv.org. LONGARM QUILTING; CUSTOM-FREEHAND or computerized, custom order quilts from scratch; T-shirt, baby clothes, nursery, decor, etc., Stacy www.seedandmountain.com or (530)314-0910 HARLEY DAVIDSON ENGINE REBUILDING, 30 years experience, quick turn-around! Free pick –up and delivery; parts in one day! californiafritz.com or (530)694-2521 HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $35 per hour (775)691-5119 MOVING? WE DO CLEAN OUTS, SO YOU can move on. We have 10 years professional cleaning experience! (775)315-4177

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Immaculate Miracle?

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and she is sick most mornings.” The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant--about four months would be my guess.” The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?” Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!” The doctor walked over to the window and stared outside. About five minutes passed before the mother said, “Is there something wrong out there, doctor?” The doctor replied, “No, not at it. It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’m not going to miss it this time around!” DOG CRATES, ALL SIZES, VERY GOOD condition at very reasonable prices (775)782-2937

Remain Independent, Remain at Home

The “little things” may become increasingly difficult as we age, but this doesn’t mean it’s time to surrender. We provide affordable, non-medical assistance for seniors at home. Light housekeeping, meal prep, bathing/ grooming, companionship, family relief, and incidental transportation to appointments. A few hours to 24/7 care. Eden Home Care, eden-health.com (775)3922000 DASILVA’S HAULING/HANDYMAN SERVICES Cleanup, tree trimming/removal, rock and dirt removal, weed pulling, tractor service, handyman services, fence repairs and housecleaning, NV#0319423 (775)230-3436 or (775)354-3328 CASH PAID FOR YOUR UNUSED DIABETIC TEST strips (775)200-6769 LICENSED AND BONDED ELECTRICIAN, ADDITIONS, remodels, extra outlets, switches, light fixtures, ceiling fans, trouble shooting and power panel upgrades, etc., 18 years experience, Free Estimates, Senior Discount, Degenspark Electric NV#52647 (775)267-4229

BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND recolored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (530)495-1641 or (775)233- 5297 HARDWOOD FLOORING WAREHOUSE CLEARANCE! Also Laminate, Vinyl Plank and Carpet at 20% - 50% off, Specials starting from .50 per square foot, Rogers Carpet One (775)267-2555 1919 BUICK, ALL ORIGINAL MINDEN ranch car, runs and drives, extra parts $8,500; 5,000 Onan generator, never ran, 220 Volt older compressor $150 (775)265-0829 G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, summer cleanup, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672 HYDRAULIC AND PNEUMATIC AIR CYLINDERS repair and rebuild, log splitters, tractors, farm equipment, dump trucks and trailers, etc. all makes and models. Machining, welding, fabrication, design, reasonable rates! 18 years experience, Ramco Fabrication, Shawn (775)267-7358

Visit us online: sierrascoop.com

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” 1995 25’ SUNDOWNER 3 HORSE SLANT trailer, all aluminum, fully loaded, kitchen, eating area, sleeping area, cabinets, separate rear tack area, generator $7,000 OBO, Yerington (775)463-1713 BOOKKEEPING, PAYROLL, INCOME TAX PREPARATION, we do it all! 22+ years experience; Professional, reliable quality work personalized for your small business or personal situation. Pro-Balanced Bookkeeping (775)246-3363 PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@aol.com (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065 JR’S POWER SPORTS! WE SERVICE, ALL quads, dirt, street bikes, chainsaws, snowmobiles, generators, any gas powered machines, 30 years experience! Dayton, jrpowersports.com or (775)2412530 WE BUY MOBILE HOMES, PARKS OR WITH land, NV# U2175 (775)815-1214

Douglas Democrats Annual Barbecue

Tri-tip steak will be barbecued to perfection at the Douglas County Democrats’ Annual Barbecue and Picnic at Genoa’s Mormon Station Saturday, July 29th from 1 pm – 4 pm. Turkey hot dogs, beans, bread, salad and watermelon round out the menu. Spend the afternoon with Nevada Democratic leaders and meet elected officials and candidates. Cost is $20 for adults, children 7 and under, free. The meal ticket includes one bottle of water. A no-host wine, beer and sodas bar will be available. Gift baskets will be available via silent auction. Join us for Food, Fun and Friends. RSVPs to Katherine Winans, jkw@gbis.com or (775)267-0539 will be appreciated. Funds raised to benefit the Douglas Democrats. KENMORE DRYER $125; HOTSY STEAM CLEANER $750; Ford Mustang V6 Engine and Transmission (775)782-2422 REDLINE CONSTRUCTION, INC., SPECIALIZING in garages, additions, remodels, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, (775)781-3955

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Circle of Flies....

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, ‘Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?’ The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, ‘Well yeah, if that’s what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.’ So the farmer says, ‘Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.’ The trooper says, ‘Oh,’ and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, ‘Hey... wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse’s butt?’ The farmer says, ‘Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s butt.’ The trooper says, ‘Well, that’s a good thing,’ and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, ‘Hard to fool

them flies though...’ OUR BUSINESS IS GROWING! IRRIGATION, water-based feeding, tree trimming, cleanup, hauling, leafing! Pyramid Lawn Service Inc. Residential Lawn Care, Licensed and Bonded, Owned by Ruben Vargas (775)450-1197 or (775)220-8578 REDUCE YOUR ENERGY COST! ATTIC blown in insulation, Residential and Commercial, licensed and bonded, 27 years experience, for your Free Estimate call BGS NV#58410, NV#58411 (775)782-9192 RESIDENTIAL CLEANING, LICENSED, BONDED and insured with references, Free estimates, great cleaning, fair prices (775)220-4252 PUPPY LOVE, PERSONALIZED GROOMING BY Auntie Dollie, 40 years experience, Monday through Saturday by appointment, TRE (775)2663574 PHOTOGRAPHERS, MICROTEK SCANMAKER 8700 42 Bit scanner, with manual, plus related software, $50 OBO, Shirley (775)783-7248

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” 5 Common Myths About Cows

Aiding the Injured

While driving down a country road I noticed a car smashed into a pole. I quickly pulled over and rushed over to the traumatized woman asking her if she was okay. “I’ll let you know after I talk to my lawyer” was her reply. CUSTOM MASONRY, ONE BRICK AT A TIME, Commercial/Residential, 3+ Better Business Bureau rating, serving Carson Valley 12+ years, Free Estimates, M Sqrd Masonry, NV#200616647 and CA#924187, Marc Duryee (775)450-6219 or (775)783-4753 SIX GUN LOCKING CABINET, 2 GUN WALL rack $50; T/C black diamond, black powder 50 caliber, extras $300; XXL waders, new $40; larger spinner fishing gear, new $100; 1950’s four ton jack $50 (775)342-9718 TNT UPHOLSTERY, CUSTOM AUTOS, BOATS, furniture and leather work, free estimates, 1482 Southgate Dr., #106, Gardnerville (775)267-5433

Myth 1: Cows Have 4 Stomachs. This is one of the most common myths about cows of all time. We all grew up believing that cows had 4 stomachs and loved impressing people with that fact. But sadly, it’s not true. Cows actually have one stomach with 4 compartments. They belong to a group of animals called ruminants– animals who have 4 stomach compartments. Each compartment has a different purpose for the cow’s digestive system. Here’s a breakdown of these compartments: The Rumen: This is the largest compartment, and it’s where the cow digests her feed. It’s also where nutrients are broken down and fermented, converting into energy. The Reticulum: When the cow’s food gets here next, it gets filtered so that anything the cow wasn’t supposed to eat doesn’t make it any further. For example, she could have accidentally eaten a piece of wire or a rock. Cud is formed here, too.The Omasum: Here, the food is filtered and broken down. Water is squeezed out, and cud is broken down. The Abomasum: This is the final stage. Nutrients found from breaking down the food are either sent into the cow’s bloodstream or her intestines. Myth 2: Cows Don’t Sweat. This myth is a little more complicated than a “yes” or “no” answer. Technically, cows don’t sweat in the same way that other mammals do. They don’t have the same type of sweat glands that other animals have. But cows do technically sweat. It’s done through a natural heat evaporation system in the body. Heat evaporates out of their body when they’re too hot, but it happens so fast you may not have noticed any damp skin. So, while they may not be panting or visibly sweating like other animals, they are definitely managing the heat. They also deal with heat through their respiratory glands. When it gets too hot, a cow’s body will naturally begin to store and reduce use of water, like urinating less, to prevent dehydration. Myth 3: Cows Hate The Color Red. People believe this because matadors in bullfights use red flags to trigger the bull’s attention. But the truth is that cows actually can’t see the color red. They are red-green colorblind. This means that they see every shade of red and green as a shade of black and grey. But they don’t see entirely black and white! They can also see shades of yellow and blue. So why do matadors always use red flags in their bullfights? It’s the movement of the flag that catches the bull’s attention, not the color of the flag. So the red flag is simply more of a tradition and part of the costume. You’d probably be angry, too, if you had a flag being waved in your face! Myth 4: Cows Sleep Standing Up. As a child, we

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group large hoofed animals together in the same categories and believe that they are all similar. That’s why many people believe cows sleep standing up- because horses do. But here’s a fun cattle fact: cows actually sleep laying down, and they lay down for about 10 to 12 hours a day. They actually sleep for about 4 hours a day, and spend the rest of that time just resting. So you can put the cow tipping myth to rest. Cow tipping isn’t actually a real thing. People don’t sneak into pastures to tip cows over while they sleep, since they’re not actually standing up. It would also take way too many people to tip a cow over, since they can weigh over 1,000 pounds! That’s two myths busted in one fun fact! Myth 5: Only Male Cows Have Horns. When we see an animal with horns, sometimes we automatically assume it’s a male. But did you know that cows are all born with horn nubs, regardless of gender? That’s because horns are genetically equipped with horns to protect themselves from danger in the wild. Therefore, all cows are born with the potential to grow horns. But on dairy farms, vets remove the horns when the cow is born. This is for the cow’s own health and safety. Horns simply aren’t necessary on the farm, and they pose a danger to the other cows when everyone is in the field together.

$69 SERVICE CALL, ACADEMY APPLIANCE Service; washers, dryers, refrigerators, ranges, dishwashers, compactors, some areas extra charge, Serving Carson Valley (775)781-4725 REFRIGERATOR, LIKE NEW CONDITION, TOP FREEZER, slightly used, works great $150 (775)266-4740

Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 3630

It’s breakfast at the TRE Community Center! The VFW members of Post 3630 are proud to put on this event, the 4th Saturday of each month, 8:30am-10:00am. The breakfast is intended to provide a sense of community outreach to Veterans, their families and especially to the people living in TRE and surrounding areas. For more information contact Commander Tom Hodge, 3919 Carter Drive (775)266-3612 LOCAL HONEY, JAM AND ORGANIC OLIVE Oil Soaps Just Fabulous Repurposed Furniture is your One-Stop-Shop for Shabby Chic Furniture, Antiques and Rusty Gold. Come see what we do! 1432A Industrial Way, Gardnerville, justfabuloustreasures.com or (775)392-3322

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Not Tonight, Adam

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, “It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.” Adam answered, “Yes, Lord, but what is a ‘kiss’?” The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who then took Eve by the hand and led her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, “Thank you, Lord. That was enjoyable.” And the Lord replied, “Yes, Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now I’d like you to caress Eve.” And Adam said, “What is ‘caress’?” So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, “Lord, that was even better than the kiss!” And the Lord said, “You’ve done well, Adam. Now I want you to procreate with Eve.” And Adam asked, “What is procreate Lord?” So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds. And Adam said, “Lord, what is a ‘headache’?”

July 30th- International Friendship Day

BRASS CHANDELIER WITH 5 FROSTED GLOBES, 24 inches in diameter, great condition $175; 48” Round Pedestal Oak table with 18” leaf, great condition $190; 48” Round Pedestal Oak table $150; Six Oak and Raffia chairs $20 each (805)7227667 ELECTRICAL PROBLEMS? MAKE THEM GO away! No job too small! New construction, remodels, service and repair, Pigman Electric, NV#73243, CA#610417 (775)721-9491

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WNC Motorcycle Rider Course

Registration for the 2017 Motorcycle season is open, Basic Rider Course - $160, the NEW Basic Rider Course II - $85 and the Advanced Rider Course - $85. The BRC II is for riders who have been riding or need to update their skills. This New course is the intermediate course of the three motorcycle classes offered at WNC. The BRC II will include an online classroom portion and MUST be completed prior to the in person class. Check class descriptions, dates, and registration on line at www.campusece.net/wnc/ or call (775)4454268. RENEE’S UPHOLSTERY, FORMERLY OF SARAH’S, specializing in motorcycle seats, furniture, marine, automotive, 20 years experience, rquell@ sbcglobal.net or (775)530-3941 HEXAGON GREEN FELT POKER TABLE, CHIP pockets and eight folding chairs $150 (775)445-0608 WEEKLY LAWN CARE, DETHATCHING AND AERATION, 13+ years experience, quality service, serving Carson Valley, Carson Valley Lawn Care, Insured (775)230-2546

Happy July Birthdays!

May this birthday be filled with lots of happy hours and also your life with many happy birthdays, that are yet to come. Happy birthday! C.F.I. CERTIFIED CARPET, HARDWOOD, VINYL, no charge for furniture. Three year labor warranty! Residential and Commercial, Competitive pricing, JS Flooring (775)267-4123 Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, Phone/Fax (775)782-4520 HANDYMAN SERVICE – HOME REPAIRS, FENCING Repair/Replacement, Hauling, Trash Removal, Shrub and Tree Trimming and Removal, and Weed Removal, Free Estimates (775)781-1747 REFRIGERANT R12, 30 POUNDS, $25 PER POUND, Onnie (775)883-8073

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Smith Valley Volunteer Fire BBQ and Dance Fundraiser

All of the Smith Valley Volunteer Fire Rescue members would like to cordially welcome and invite everyone to our 63rd Annual Steak BBQ and Dance Fundraiser on Saturday, July 8th starting at 5pm at our main fire station at 1 Hardie Lane, just outside of downtown Smith in Smith Valley. A raffle will be conducted during the event to support our annual Smith Valley High School College Scholarship Program. Music will provided by the Gruve Nation. As always, tickets will be sold at the door. Adult tickets are $25 and children 12 years and under are $13. For more information please call (775)465-2577 ONE HOUR MASSAGE $30 BY SPRING RANCH Spa, cupping massage available, extra fee for mobile service, Donna/Coleville, CA#63979 (760)616-4091 BRANDED KIDS WEAR AT THE LOWEST POSSIBLE prices. All your favorite brands under one roof. Use special discount code DS11616 at www. opamrkt.com

Sweetwater Christian Fellowship…

invites you to worship with us Cowboy style, Sunday July 9th, 10am at Dressler Park in Wellington, NV. BBQ to follow. We are a non-denomination cowboy church. PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” This magazine will not knowingly accept any advertisement for real estate which is a violation of the law; our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this publication are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain of discrimination call HUD tollfree. LET US UNLOAD ON YOU! TOP SOIL, ROCK, DG, worm castings etc. Tight time line? We’re really fast! 30+ years experience, serving Carson and surrounding communities, Nevada Organics (775)8829500

PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information (530)495-2700 PORSCHE 911 OR 912 WANTED, NEEDED! IF you have one that is taking up space and you would like to move it to a new home, have cash and a trailer (775)291-6827 HOME CLEANING, RELIABLE, REASONABLE Rates, References, openings available weekly or bimonthly or just one-time, Kathy (775)884-1546 The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers. SMITH VALLEY IRRIGATION – SERVING NEVADA and Sierra Communities for 38 Years with Ag Irrigation Systems and Parts (775)465-2316 INSTANT BARBIE DOLL COLLECTION, MOSTLY brand names, limited editions, special editions, 80 dolls $2,000 OBO (775)720-3978

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Independence Day Prayer

Lord, we stand today as our forefathers have stood before You in times gone by, Celebrating our history and reveling in all the great things that our country has achieved. On this day we rejoice in the favor You have graciously given us. We thank You for the blessings of liberty, for this generation and for the generations to come. We thank You for our independence, peace and for all those who have bravely given their lives in the defense of freedom and justice. We thank You that Your gracious and provident hand has given us so much. Yet as a nation and people we have not always chosen the right way. We ask You to forgive us for these times. On this day we commit ourselves to wholeheartedly honoring and serving You. With everything that we are, we lay our lives before You. Make us a generous people, A holy nation, A people set aside to love You forever, For the sake of the land of the brave and free, And the peoples and nations of this world. Today, we do not presume Your grace for our coun-

try. Our land is in need of You, Our people are in need of You, Our industry and business is in need of You. May we look only to You This Independence Day, dependent on You. Please come now by Your glorious Holy Spirit, Breathe new life into the sinews of this nation. May peace & justice flow like rivers, And righteousness like a never failing stream, Until the whole of our country is covered with Your glory, As the waters cover the sea. We ask all this in the wonderful name of Jesus, Who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit. One God, now and for all eternity. Amen. (Author Unknown) APPLIANCE REPAIR, FREE ESTIMATES ON CARRY in with this ad, Appliance repair in your home 50% off service call if we do the repair. Appliance repair senior discounts 20%, Since 1960 Sam’s TV/Appliance (775)885-1939 “A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25 years experience, Senior Discounts! Ken Jeter, kenjeter@sbcglobal.net or (775)530-8932 or (775)884-3906

Thank you to our loyal readers!

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