February24ScoopOnlineEdtion

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 19+ Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)2916827 5 BY 8 FOOT FRESHLY CLEANED AREA RUG, PASTEL colors, wool $50 (775)901-3334 TWO GREAT ITEMS! HEAVY DUTY LEADALLWAY outboard boat motor stand carrier cart, never use $70; Petsafe ride folding pet ramp for cars, trucks, etc $65 (775)721-3346 MANUALS LANDSCAPING LAWN SERVICES - pavers, rock, retaining walls, fire pits, outdoor water feature designs, fences, turf, sod, all for a great price, you’ll be happy, Call (775)291-7499 CHÉ WHITE BOOKKEEPING & PAYROLL Services, Specializing in Small Business, Corporation, Not-for-Profit, and Personal Finance. 25+ years experience. Located in Carson Valley, CheWhiteBooks@gmail.com or (844)343-0343

CROSSMAN AIR RIFLE PUMP, 100TH ANNIVERSARY edition (800FPS21000FPS), new in the box $50 (775)2231658 ESTATE SALE.. VINTAGE PEAVEY.. MITCHELL music equipment.. reel to reels.. Princess House.. Coca-Cola..

Dolls.. Disney.. Magnavox.. Airline.. Westinghouse record players.. LPS.. too much to mention.. 20 years doing storage units.. call for appointment (775)430-0138

Jury selection...

An important and very well publicized murder trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.

One prospective juror, Dan Johnson, was called for his question session. He was asked, “Property holder?” Dan replied, “Yes, I am, Your Honor.” Then he was asked, “Married or single?” Dan responded, “Married for twenty years, Your Honor.”

Then the judge asked, “Formed or expressed an opinion?” Dan stated with certainty, “Not in twenty years, Your Honor.”

HARLEY DAVIDSON ENGINE REBUILDING, 30+ years experience, quick turn-around! Free pick–up and delivery, californiafritz.com or (530)694-2521 “Happiness is not the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.”

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Ghost Boat

Douglas County Republican Women...

will meet in Minden at Valley Christian Fellowship on February 7, 2024. We hope you will be able to join us to enjoy a delicious luncheon and listen to our guest speaker Tony Grady.

His topic will be “The History of Republicanism and the Black Community.” We hope you will be able to connect with us to learn more not only about Republicans and the Black community, but also about how you can support the Republican party this very important election year. Please RSVP no later than January 31 to Elinor Lacy at elinoralacy3@comcast.net, or call 415-9855432 for more information.

Our March meeting will also be in Minden at Valley Christian Fellowship on March 6, 2024. We hope you will be able to join us to enjoy a delicious luncheon and listen to an informative guest speaker. The guest speaker is still TBD; however, we hope you will connect with us to learn more about how you can partner with us to make a difference this very important election year. Please RSVP no later than February 28 to Elinor Lacy at elinoralacy3@comcast.net, or call 415-985-5432 for more information.

HENRY RIFLE, GOLDEN BOY, 22, BRAND NEW, still in box $550 firm, Call (775)790-3445 JR’S PAINTING, INSIDE AND OUT, 40 YEARS experience, senior discounts, locally owned and operated, serving Minden, Gardnerville, Genoa, Carson and Tahoe (775)7907425

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Buried deep in a natural harbor, lay an abandoned boat in a tributary of the Ohio River. It was discovered by three Kayakers silently gliding by when one of them spotted the watery treasure. They ventured over and discovered it was structurally sound enough to climb on board and investigate.

Nature had almost completely taken over the boat. It was abandoned, isolated, almost hidden from view, but it held out the possibilities of a great story.

Our three kayakers researched their find. They discovered that it was over one hundred years old, but at one time had been a productive and contributing member of society. After being a sightseeing boat in the New York Harbor at turn of the century, it had been commissioned to serve its country in both World War I and II. Thomas Edison used the boat for one of his experiments.

Madonna even used it for a photo shoot in one of her videos.

In the 1980s it was purchased by an individual, moved to his private land on the Ohio River, and left to the forces of nature.

I happened to find the old boat one day on the web when I was feeling just like an old ghost ship. I was thinking of my life, the family I had raised, and all the work I had done. I was wondering if my days of contributing were over and if I was dry-docked for good. The force of the river was carrying newer and sturdier boats along while I was a side-lined observer. These were my thoughts when I saw the photo of the old boat. I sat and stared at length, knowing somehow it held the answer.

Maybe it was okay to be like the old boat and allow nature to take its course. The ghost boat became my Psalm; through its unspoken message I felt understood, even appreciated.

I was the old ghost boat, past my prime, but no one could take my memories from me nor what they represented. I had lived a full life of family, friends, ministry, and global adventure.

I, like the boat, am the sum total of all my experiences. Every storm was a blow to my hull and every tempest left its mark. One could easily see this had not been an idle life, nor an easy one, but rather all the markings of one who had lived to the fullest, suffered - yes, but endured.

Even before I read of its history, the boat revealed a certain elegance of stature, a mysterious noblesse that revealed a formidable existence. When I finally did read its whole story, I was not surprised. It was all in the photo - the grandness of its bow pointing towards a glorious past, the beautiful natural grave of lush, dense woods and water, framing its future.

It was, after all, a product of this world, and to the material world it would return. Soon the earth would reclaim that which lay in its embrace. And I too, will return to star dust and earth ashes from whence I came. Our destinies were intertwining from a shared and understood present. But oh what a glorious run!

“For everything there is a season.” (by M. McLaughlin) ALMOST 5 YEAR OLD BRITTANY MALE STANDING at Stud (775)233-3580 HANDYMAN - SMALL JOBS AROUND THE house, power washing, some drywall work, pour and finished concrete, etc.

Call Chuck (559)426-9984 CHIPPER SHREDDER 6.6HP (NEW), 3 HOUR usage, recalled by DR power equipment, for more information, call Kent (775)463-3567

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

WE’RE THE SOLUTION TO YOUR CLUTTER problems.

Put a roll-off dumpster at your home, you load, we remove, ask us about out loading assistance available (775)297-2320 “A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25+ years experience, Senior Discounts! KenJeter, kenjeter65@ gmail.com or (775)530-8932

“The Scoop”

The “Scoop” is delivered to your mailboxes EVERY OTHER MONTH. If by chance you need a copy of the Scoop, there is a magazine rack out in front of the office at 1623 8th Street, Minden. You can also visit sierrascoop.com or scan the QR CODE on a following page in to view the current online edition of the Scoop, etc.

Questions, inquiries and ad submittals for the next issue?

You can email sierrascoop@charter.net, visit sierrascoop.com or call/text 775-782-4520. Thank you so much for your support and business. Lisa Coffron/Publisher Sierra Scoop

The letter “M”

Mr. Smith had been giving his third-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time....”Class,” he said, “my name begins with the letter ‘M,’ and I pick up things....What am I?” A little boy on the front row said, “You’re a mom.”

JAPANESE SWORD WITH STAND, PURCHASED IN 1970 in Japan $50 (775)223-1658 COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439

It is very sad when members...

ADJUSTABLE POWER QUEEN BED WITH BASE and firm mattress by Easy Rest, excellent condition, originally $6,000, asking $2,150,. (775)315-9949

of the same family do not talk with each other. The children suffer for the adult ego. Children miss the wonderful opportunity to be together with family, all due to a bruised ego.

Stop getting offended. Reunite with your family members.

One day your imaginary conflict will all come to an end, with our without you. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

“The path to healing a broken family starts with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to forgive.” (Power of Positivity)

February 2nd - Groundhog Day

.30-06 AMMUNITION, 178 ROUNDS $150 (775)267-1239

STORAGE FOR RENT - 40’X8’ CONTAINER box, Call (775)781-5178

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

I’ve always loved you best

It is normal for children to want assurance that they are loved.

Having all the warmth of the Berlin Wall, I have always admired women who can reach out to pat their children and not have them flinch.

Feeling more comfortable on paper, I wrote the following for each of my children.

Dear First Born: I’ve always loved you best because you were our first miracle. You were the genesis of a marriage and the fulfillment of young love. You sustained us through the hamburger years, the first apartment, our first mode of transportation (1955 Feet), and the seven-inch TV we paid on for 36 months. You were new, had unused grandparents, and enough clothes for a set of triplets. You were the original model for a mom and dad who were trying to work the bugs out. You got the strained lamb, the open safety pins and three-hour naps. You were the beginning!

Dear Middle Born: I’ve always loved you the best because you drew a tough spot in the family and it made you stronger for it. You cried less, had more patience, wore faded hand-medowns, and never in your life did anything first. But it only made you more special. You were the one we relaxed with, who helped us realize a dog could kiss you and you wouldn’t get sick.

You could cross a street by yourself long before you were old enough to get married. And you helped us understand the world wouldn’t collapse if you went to bed with dirty feet. You were the child of our busy, ambitious years. Without you, we never could have survived the job changes and the tedium and routineness that is marriage.

To My Baby: I’ve always loved you best because while end-

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ings are generally sad, you are such a joy!! You readily accepted the mild-stained bibs, the lower bunk, the cracked baseball bat, the baby book that had nothing written in it except a recipe for graham-cracker pie crust that someone had jammed between the pages. You are the one we held on to so tightly. You darken our hair, quicken our steps, squared our shoulders, restored our vision, and give us a sense of humor that security, maturity, and durability can’t provide. When your hairline takes on the shape of Lake Erie and your own children tower over you, you will still be our baby!!! (by Erma Bombeck) SCOOP LATERAL TRAINER, LIGHTWEIGHT, under desk lateral motion exerciser at home fitness for knees, hips and lower back, asking $141 (408)270-4028 4’ SAFWAY SCAFFOLDING FOR SALE. EXCELLENT condition, used one job. 40- 6’4”×4’ frames, 80 coupling pins w/snap button, 60 cross braces 10’x4’, 75 Guard R 10’, 6 Guard R 4’, 10 Guard R post F w/GL corner $5,000 (209)331-3394 HANDYMAN PROS (NOT LICENSED) - RAPID RESPONSE, ALL Phases of Construction, New, Repair, Roofs, Bath, Kitchen, Painting, Custom, Carpentry, Landscaping, Concrete, minor Plumbing and Electrical, Tile, Granite & more, Professionally Designed Blue Prints (775)400-6822

February 10th - Chinese New Year

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

Eagles and Agriculture 2024

This event will take place February 8th-11th of 2024. Complete details and reservations are available by visiting www.carsonvalleynv.org or calling the Carson Valley Chamber of Commerce at (775) 782-8144. Tickets will be limited!

LUSTRE WARE LARGE CREAMER AND SUGAR bowl with lid $25; Crystal decanter $25 (775)392-0044 SUGAR PLUM HOUSEKEEPING - LICENSED with References, $50/hour (775)220-4252 FOR RENT - RV SPACES AVAILABLE AT IGGY and Squiggys Junction Bar, adult trailer park, no pets, large shady spaces $575 per month (775)901-1064 LAWN CARE SERVICE! MOWING, TRIMMING, Pruning, sprinkler repair and general yard cleanup, over 10 years experience, Andres (775)400-4742

Job’s Peak Veterinary Hospital Now Hiring

Reception/cleaning/animal care, full/part time Monday - Friday, apply in person, 1454 Southgate Drive, Gardnerville, Nevada “It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong.”

Bus Drivers & Substitute Bus Drivers Wanted

Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for: Contracted School Bus Drivers & Substitute School Bus Drivers, Starting Salary: $22.85/hour or up to 5 years of bus driving experience. Varied Hours up to 40 hours a week.

Contracted positions for permanent routes include; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave & holidays. NV PERS retirement. Please apply online: dcsd.k12.nv.us/ employment to complete an application.

X-LARGE WIRE DOG CRATE, EXCELLENT condition, good quality 48”Lx30”Wx32”H $75 firm, pickup in Yerington (775)315-2668 POLARIS RMK144 SNOWMOBILE, 800CC, 1100 ORIGINAL miles, in storage $3,000 (775)790-6367

The penny scale...

After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.

He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results. “Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great lover!”

“Yeah,” his wife nodded, “and it has your weight wrong, too!”

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Aphorisms....

a short, pointed sentence that expresses a wise or clever observation.

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. 3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all. 4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water. 6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? 7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. 8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job. 10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car. 11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity. 12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. For example, it could be the right number. 13. No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning. 14. I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap. 15. Be careful about reading the fine print; there’s no way you’re going to like it. 16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. 17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

BOWIE KNIFE, MADE IN BOULDER, COLORADO around 1950 $50 (775)223-1658

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PIANO, GUITAR, COMPOSITION LESSONS. ALL LEVELS and ages. Experienced teachers with music degrees.

Jim and Janet, Sunridge/Carson City (415)678-0504 GRIZZLY 14” HEAVY DUTY BENCH-TOP Drill Press, excellent condition, weight 125lbs, must bring enough help to move, cash only $350 firm (775)267-3781 SILVER STATE IT - WINNERS OF BEST COMPUTER services in the Carson Valley. Business and residential computer services available in office or in home (775)200-9020

STOP! STOP!

A woman came home just in time to find her husband making out with another woman. She dragged him down the stairs to the garage and put his tally-whacker in a vise. She secured it tightly, then removed the handle from the vise.

Next, she approached him with a hacksaw. The husband, terrified, screamed, “STOP! STOP! You’re not going to... to... cut it off, are you?!!”

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, “Nope.

YOU are! I’m going to set the garage on fire.”

WOOD STOVE PELLETS, WE SELL Pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, ½ cord almond firewood, bensonfeed.com, Benson Feed, Carson City (775)882-3999

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

Beginning Watercolor Class Spring around the corner

Number jokes

ARE YOU A VACATIONER, FREQUENT TRAVELER or an absentee owner? Northern Nevada Home Watch is a licensed and bonded home watch service providing regular visual inspections of homes and properties that are unoccupied for both a short or long term. Contact us at (775)292-1272

A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, “Number twelve!” The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, “Number four!” Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.

The new guy asks his cellmate what’s going on. “Well,” says the older prisoner, “we’ve all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke.”

“When something goes wrong in your life, just say ‘PLOT TWIST’ and move on.”

SUZUKI 700 KING QUAD ASKING $4,500; bench grinder on heavy metal stand $75 (775)233-3580

Wednesdays, February 7th, 14th, 21st, and 28th at the Carson Valley Museum, Gardnerville. 9:30am. to 12:30 Call Vickie Kingman at 775-265-0320 to save a spot.

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Kitchen Refinishing Services

BY ‘CABINET GUARD’ PRODUCTS (pat. pending)

DON’T RE-FACE OR REPLACE YOUR CABINETS UNTIL YOU EVALUATE OUR REFURBISHING / SERVICES! (WE ARE 80% LESS COSTLY) We utilize exclusive Products & Processes by ‘CABINET GUARD’ (pat. pending) w/ 40 + years of development by founder & master craftsman Dana Ayler: “I will wind back the clock on your Cabinets”.

We blend over, ‘Refurbishing’ your original cabinet finish, so there is no stripping or sanding mess! We are completely dustless! Starting w/ a thorough cleaning, then rejuvenate & reluster the wood’s grain for its contribution and light color (tint) to block yellowing from the original finish, w/ 100% UV protection all with exclusive ‘CABINET GUARD’ (pat. pending) products.

Final topcoat/s, very durable, strong enough for hardwood flooring, superior ware, extreme moisture resistance, 100 % UVProtected. * Easier to clean & maintain * Spray-less & EPA –Non -Toxic * No need to empty out Cabinets * You do not lose daily function of your kitchen * Good for environment, no tree cutting * Door Sampling * Written local Client Testimonials & References * Up to 20% in discounts, inquire.

Workdays: 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Returning your kitchen back to you until 9:00 a.m. the next morning! I Dana, perform all work on job site. Questions: www.danadesignnv@hotmail. com or call: Dana, Cabinets Etc. @ (775)781-7462 or Kathy @ (775)782-7821 or visit our new website cabinetguard.net NV. Lic. #18331, CA. Lic. #310071.

MEN AND WOMEN’S SKIS ALONG WITH ALL EQUIPMENT, skis, poles, boots, helmets, goggles etc $250 (818)3983411 PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@ aol.com (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065

Does the North Star ever change?

In other words, will Polaris always be the North Star? Yes, the North Star does change, and Polaris will not always be it.

Like a top, Earth’s axis precesses; that is, it slides along the surface of an imaginary cone. The precessional motion is very slow; one complete cycle of the axis about the cone requires about 26,000 years. In the course of 26,000 years, the north celestial pole will move on the celestial sphere along a circle of approximately a 23-1/2 degree radius, centered on the pole of the ecliptic (where the perpendicular to Earth’s orbit intersects the celestial sphere). In the 20th century, the north celestial pole is very near Polaris, but in about 12,000 years, the celestial pole will be fairly close to the bright star Vega. (almanac.com) BRIDGESTONE 275/50/R22 ALMOST NEW tires, only 200 miles, best offer for all (775)720-1627 1950’S JUKE BOX $2,000; 98 NASH 5TH WHEEL 28.5, new bed, toilet, blinds $7,000 (775)560-6496

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AERATING & DETHATCHING $300 MOST Yards, Sprinkler Repair, Tree & Juniper Removal, Excavating, Earth, Turf & Timber Landscape Maintenance (775)450-1955 YARD ENHANCEMENT SERVICES, handyman, fence repair/rebuild, tree and brush trim/removal, defensible space improvement, hauling, dump runs, Serving Gardnerville, Kelly (209)352-0084 The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers.

“YOUR HOMETOWN JUNK HAULER SINCE 1996!”

Junk and Trash, etc, Carson Valley/Carson City, $369 a load plus dump fee, J.R.’s Hauling (775)265-6813

Material damage

A yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie complained bitterly about the damage to his car.

Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beemer!

You yuppies are so materialistic, its ridiculous retorted the officer. You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off.

Oh, my God! screamed the yuppie, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. My Rolex!

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

THINKING OF CALLING CASH PAID FOR Old Costume Jewelry? This may be a good time to call. Often times, callers tell me they have seen my ad for a long time. I have advertised for over eighteen years in the Sierra Scoop. Looking forward to meeting you. message or text Joanne at (775)4302352

Gone fishing

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.

The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.

It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?”

The other guy says, “Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”

COCA-COLA MEMORABILIA FOR SALE. OLD bottles, crate, commemorative cans and bottles, clothing and a lot more. Sold as a collection not individual items. $350 OBO, Contact Pat (775)781-2273 BIRD CAGES, LARGE FOR $100; MEDIUM $75; SMALL $35; Golf clubs with pull card $40, ask for Terry (775)2671915 PIANO UPRIGHT 1924 HEINE PLUS BENCH good condition $100 (775)220-3028

10% OFF ON ANY SIZE NEW GARAGE DOOR! 50 years experience, offering Doors by CHI, Liftmaster garage door openers, spring or rollers replacement, service to most residential doors: senior, military and cash discounts. Jim Dyer Overhead Door (775)883-7740, para espanol (775)445-9448 “You never lose, either you win or you learn.”

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A Christmas to Remember

By Skip Pardee, Gardnerville, NV

NEW CONTI TERRA HD3 245/70/19.5 TRUCK TIRES. Load range H. Never been mounted $1,900 (209)331-3394 DO YOU NEED TO REPLACE YOUR WORN out concrete driveway, patio, or walkway? We also install new patios, driveways, monolithic garage slabs, retaining walls, footings, and stemwalls. K&C Construction, NV LIC # 79034, 79237, 81038, 86464. To get a free quote call at (775)691-6462

Need a raise

An employee goes to his boss and says, “I’ve been doing the work of three men for the last 5 years, I deserve a raise!”

The boss replies, “I can’t give you a raise, but if you tell me who the other two guys are I’ll fire them.”

ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $599, all vents, returns, heater and AC cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $129, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994 MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501 “It’s called a joke. We used to tell them before people became offended by everything.”

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This is the story of Skip and Veronica Pardee and their friend Margie (not her real name). Skip and Veronica have lived in Gardnerville, Nevada, for 40 years.

In the spring of 1977 Skip, having left the Air Force a year earlier, was living in a one-bedroom apartment in Southern California, unemployed, 30 years old, never been married, and had recently broken up with a girlfriend.

He met a 30 year-old woman named Margie who for all practical purposes was homeless, plus she did not speak English. She had fled her home country for fear of political persecution.

Skip started teaching her English and showing her around.

Margie was brilliant. Eventually he provided her a place to live – his apartment - where she slept on his couch. There was never any romantic involvement.

About a week after Skip met Margie, he met a gorgeous 22 year-old young lady named Veronica, and began dating her. So 30 year-old Skip was dating 22 year-old Veronica while Skip had another woman living with him. It never bothered Veronica, but her staunch Catholic parents didn’t know what to think.

In July Skip and Veronica became engaged. Margie moved from Skip’s apartment to Veronica’s, where she slept on Veronica’s couch for the next seven months until the wedding.

Skip and Veronica worked to help Margie immigrate. After the wedding Margie found a place to live, and she found work.

She eventually became a U.S. citizen. During the almost 9 months that Margie lived with Skip, and then Veronica, they never charged her any money, not even for food. They never expected anything in return. Their last contact with Margie was over 30 years ago.

In November 2023 Skip received a message that a woman named Margie was trying to contact him. He called her and they spoke for a long time. Now 77 years old, Margie said to Skip, “It’s payback time for everyone who has helped me, and you and Veronica are number one on my list.” Skip told her, “You don’t owe us a thing.” Margie replied, “I owe you my life.”

On Thursday, December 21st, Skip and Veronica received a Christmas card from Margie. In the card she thanked them for everything they had done for her. Also in the card were four checks. One was made out to their son, one to their daughter, one to Veronica, and one to Skip. The sum total of the checks was $40,000, all tax free, and all because of a simple act of kindness over 46 years ago.

What goes around comes around. It was a Christmas to remember at the Pardee household.

AFFORDABLE NEVADA CCW CLASSES $90, tac-aimfirearmsinstruction.com or (775)360-5214 FOUR 5 GALLON GLASS WATER BOTTLE $25 EACH; Hydraulic pump with motor $50; Inline liquid Flowmeter $100; Haws eyewash station $60, ask for Chuck (775)2671915

Just like dad...

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, “I’ve found a man just like Dad!” Her mother replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”

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Struggle to use a Smartphone

My son gifted me a phone, said it was very smart. He said it would ease my life, that it was a new start.

Connect to internet, search for all you want to know. No need for TV; on it, watch your favorite show.

It’s time to throw out your ancient alarm clock. You can shop for anything, from a ship to a sock.

You can find every address with the hi-tech map. You can get rid of the wrinkles on your photo with an app.

You can pay your bills online with a single click. You can order a meal, with just a finger-flick.

Now you can chat and tweet from your armchair. Photos of your grandkids you can see and share.

You have the world at your fingertips now, said he, But I struggle to make a simple call, Stupid Old Me! I wanted to send a message to my oldest friend. For dear, I typed dead and then pressed send.

I tried to watch a movie, but it made my eyes spin. How to see those mini-figures on a tiny screen.

I tried to use the calculator; it took me an hour to find. I could have added up the numbers faster in my mind.

Things get opened and switched on without my will. I break into a sweat at the thought of my data bill.

Stop sending me “Good day texts” for goodness sake. Those pings and rings give me a blasting headache.

So, for others, a smart phone may be trendy and hot. For me, it’s useless; as it’s smart, but I am not.

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MONTH

HEAVY DUTY HUSQVARNA MODEL 61 CHAIN saw, like new, just serviced and sharpened, extra chains and service manuaL $300; Husqvarna string trimmer (weed eater) $100 (775)720-7580 PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)265-7081

Stopped for speeding

A man is driving and is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place . . . The man says, ‘What’s the problem, Officer?’

Officer: ‘You were going at least 75 in a 55-zone.’ Man: ‘No Sir, I was going 65.’ Wife: ‘Oh, Harry, you were going 80.’ (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Officer: ‘I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.’ Man: ‘Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!’ Wife: ‘Oh, Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.’ (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)

Officer: ‘I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt.’ Man: ‘Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.’ Wife: ‘Oh, Harry, you never wear your seatbelt.’ The man turns to his wife and yells, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!’ The Officer turns to the woman and asks, ‘Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?’ The wife says, ‘No, only when he’s been drinking!!!’

13

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

My favorite teacher gift

By Robert Falk, Carson City

I was a teacher for 42 years. I received my favorite teacher gift when I had been teaching for only 4 months. It cost a quarter, and it was handed to me dirty and unwrapped, but it has always meant the world to me.

My first teaching job was in Sterling, Illinois, The Hardware Capital of the US, about 100 miles due west of Chicago. Sterling had a population of 15,000, many of whom were employed by the local steel mill or by the factories which turned the steel into nails, barbed wire, or cabinet hardware. Many of the factory workers were Mexican Americans whose families had come to Sterling during WWII to replace the men who had been drafted.

Of the six elementary schools in town, I taught sixth grade at the one closest to the mill and with the highest percentage of Mexican-American kids. To augment my $5200/year salary I agreed to be the lunchtime playground monitor.

Each day I’d quickly eat my lunch in the windowless, deafening, basement lunchroom, then go outside to walk a circuit around the block-long playground. Since I loved the charming little kindergartners and first graders, I soon developed an entourage of ten to twenty kids who would walk along with me. They’d never heard the name “Falk” so --despite my corrections-- some called me “Mr. Fox” and the rest called me “Mr. Frog”. As we walked they would teach me Spanish words, games, and songs.

If I needed to stop a fight, take an injured kid to the office, or arbitrate a disagreement, they would follow along, stand respectfully silent while I took care of the problem, and then come to life again. I loved their big smiles and sparkling dark eyes.

Tagging along with the little kids was a very sad fifth-grader named Mary Lou Van Horn. She was terribly skinny and had very thin curly red hair which was never combed. Her clothes were tattered hand-me-downs. Her black winter coat had no buttons; its matted faux-fur collar was hanging by threads.

Mary Lou looked like the starving Appalachian or dust bowl kids seen in old photographs. Her affect was that of a person who’d never seen how human beings move and speak. Her voice was too loud and her laughter was forced. She suffered from such acute embarrassment that she spun, bobbed, weaved, pulled her hair, and covered her face with her hands when she spoke to adults. Other kids wanted nothing to do with her. She was very happy to have me to talk to at lunch time.

Mary Lou’s family lived in a wooden shack near the steel

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mill and on the edge of the town dump where Mary Lou and her siblings regularly went picking through the trash looking for useful items. Their house was almost devoid of possessions. Mr. Van Horn looked on the verge of death and could not work. He spent his time stretched out on the living room sofa staring at the ceiling or --if the weather was nice-- on a cushionless sofa on the front porch. Mary Lou did washing and ironing for people to make money to help the family.

The day after Thanksgiving vacation Mary Lou excitedly ran up to me on the playground, twisted back and forth with her hands thrust deep in her coat pockets, and loudly proclaimed, “I got you a Christmas gift and you don’t know what it is. It’s right here in my pocket. I can feel it.”

She was very excited about my gift and couldn’t stop talking about it. This message was restated in every possible way, numerous times per day, every day until the day before Christmas break.

On that day Mary Lou ran up to me, faced away from me, and said “Here!” She pulled her hand out of her pocket and thrust it back at me. In her fist was a once-white handkerchief, now gray from her clutching it every day for the past month. Bits of lint and crumbs clung to it. When she finally got the courage to face me she had a big smile on her face. She kept jumping up and down and shouting “It’s a handkerchief ! I got it myself ! It’s for you!”

No other student has ever been so excited about giving me a gift. Nor has any other student sacrificed so much to buy one for me. I interpreted her pleasure in giving it as a sign that by talking to her every day on the playground I had brought some happiness to her life. I wish that she could know that she has brought 60 years of happiness to mine.

D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808 THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848 “Some people play victims of crimes they committed.”

But God...

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.. She even has someone come in and change her hair color.

She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hosp ital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”

God replies, “Sorry...I didn’t recognize you.”

BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND re-colored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (775)233- 5297 2006 HARLEY DAVIDSON 1200 SPORTSTER. EXCELLENT condition with 5,800 miles $6,200 OBO, Contact Pat (775)781-2273 ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE – RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest rates around, Gardnerville (775)2654766

HOT TUB SERVICE, WEEKLY AND BI WEEKLY service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, hot tub cover sales, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)267-2490 DECKS! RESURFACE, REPAIR, REPLACED AND trash removal, Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235

VFW ATTENTION VFW Breakfast for 2024

January to October - 8:00am to 9:30am. Topaz VFW Post 3630 is again hosting a monthly breakfast at the TRE Community Center 3939 Carter Way on the 4th Saturday of each month.

The breakfast is to rally support for TRE Veterans by bringing together families and friends for a fun event.

The VFW Post 3630 has a regular meeting at 4:00pm on the 3rd Wednesday every month. New members are always welcome.

WANTED, OLD CARS, COLLECTOR CARS, MUSCLE cars, non running or no title okay, private collector, give me a call (775)315-8265 WILL PAY CASH FOR CADILLAC PICK UP TRUCK, MUST be in good condition (775)790-6367 “Strong women are often perceived as cold and mean simply because they refuse to be disrespected, mistreated or taken for granted.”

15

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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17

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Sleeping in church

Ham sandwich with mustard...

A man who went to Church with his wife fell asleep often during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out ...” and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th?” she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed “Good God all mighty.”

The minister said “That’s right, that’s right” and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath, and later began to doze off again when the minister got to ...” and who died on the cross to save us from our sins?” the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted “Jesus.” The Minister said “That’s right, that’s Right” and went on with his sermon.

The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to ...” and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?” the wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said, “If you stick that darn thing in me again I’ll break it off.”

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife who suddenly appeared at my side.

“Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,” she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich, when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was NOT mustard! No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later my wife said, “Now you know why they call that mustard ‘Poupon.’”

COWBOY PARALEGAL - RESEARCH, INVESTIGATION, Law, Civil Procedure. I also do knife sharpening, contact Michael McConnell cowboygrandpa10@gmail.com or (406)749-0901

CUJO’S HOG HOUSE! V-TWIN Motorcycle repair, maintenance and accessories, also sales and service of Frankenstein Trike conversions, Factory Trained PHD and ASE Certified, 1430 Industrial Way, Unit C (in the back) (775)782-6051

NEW SNOW CHAINS NEVER BEEN USED. FITS 245/70/19.5 dual wheels. Cam lock. Made in USA alloy steel square link pair $650 (209)331-3394

SEMI-RETIRED FINISH CARPENTER Door install/repairs, security screens, deadbolts, shelving, moldings, barn/ wood plank-shiplap-beadboard wall covering and cabinet installation. Call Mark (775)782-6198 or (775)790-5927

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USA DRYWALL LLC, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#88940 (775)247-2539 C-THRU WINDOW CLEANING, “WINDOW CLEANING at its finest”, Call Casey (775)350-8021 GREEN MASTER LANDSCAPE & MAINTENANCE, residential & commercial, lawn care, sprinkler repairs, cleanups, dethatching, aeration, pruning, tree trimming, 7am 6pm, NV License 20222534179 (775)297-5742 WANTED! COMIC BOOKS AND/OR SPORTS CARDS, I can come to you (562)706-4224

Happy February/March Birthdays!

A wish for you on your birthday, whatever you ask may you receive, whatever you seek may you find, whatever you wish may it be fulfilled on your birthday and always. Happy birthday!

ARE WHITE, WALK-IN CAMPERSHELL, FITS 6’4” 2010-2023 Dodge Crewcab truck only, has all upgrades to include roof rack mounts, great shape, asking $2,200; 4 Chrome Ford 20” rims in great shape $350 or best offer, Call (775)781-4963 “There is no wifi in the forest, but I promise you will find a better connection.”

Just as Skilled

A woman surgeon was disturbed about the high cost of her car repair. “This is ridiculous!” she said, “charging me eighteen hundred dollars to grind the valves and put in new piston rings.”

“Not really, just think about it. You are a surgeon and should know that an automobile engine is just as complicated as a human body. The mechanic who serviced your car is just as skilled as you are.”

“Is that so? Well, let me see him grind valves while the engine is running.”

February 14th - Valentines Day

19

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” HIS and HERS road trip

HERS: Pulls off at wrong exit, opens window asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer. Short time later arrives at destination.

HIS: Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it’s the correct one. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he’s right.

Drives an extra 5 miles just in case. Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air. Pulls up to a 7 -11. Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway. Gets back into car.

Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.

Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was. Almost hits a deer. Curses the night. Curses you. Curses the large slurpee.

Drives and fiddles with radio. Yells at you for suggesting the map again. Admits he didn’t want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister’s anyway. He hates your sister. Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel. He had to look up pernicious. Couldn’t find a dictionary. Finally found a dictionary. Couldn’t spell pernicious.

Seethes at the memory of it all. But she is laughing inside... And of course you’re still lost.

WE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR PETS IN YOUR home, all sizes, we WILL spoil them as you do, call for meet and greet, 12+ years experience, housekeeping available too, Serving Carson City, Douglas County, Johnnell and Al (209)986-6381

HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? INTERIOR remodels, kitchens, bathrooms and more, Free estimates, 25+ years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453 LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers/Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Free Estimates, 10+ Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585

Come join us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church

Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 4pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)267-9590 TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079 PINENUT FARMING HAS HAY FOR SALE! ALFALFA/ grass mix $18/bale, Orchard grass at $23/bale. Steam baled, clean hay! Call for prices, www.pinenutfarming.com, Call or Text Woodirae (775)901-3213 “There are 3 kinds of people in the world. People who make things happen. People who watch things happen and people who say - What happened?”

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21

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Where does the word “Hello” come from?

Hello! There’s a good chance you’ve used this word at least once today. You probably said it to your neighbor in the elevator, to the barista before ordering, or maybe to your coworkers when you came into work. There’s a reason why “hello” is the first word you learn when studying a new language: With it, you can introduce yourself, get someone’s attention, and signal that you’re friendly.

Despite the word’s popularity, though, you probably don’t know where “hello” actually comes from. Has it always been a greeting? Was another word used in its place before? Who even came up with it—and why?

Well, if you’ve ever been curious about the origin of “hello,” we have some answers for you. This might come as a bit of a surprise considering how much people use it every day, but the word “hello” has only been around for about 150 years. The first record of the word goes back to the 1800s, when it was used less as a greeting and more as an expression of surprise.

But what were people saying before the 1800s to greet each other? A common word people used all the way from the Middle Ages through Shakespeare’s time was “hail.” It carried a rather benevolent undertone, as it was related to words like “health” and “whole.” We may not be using it as a greeting in the 21st century, but we still use a variation of it in our daily language: “holler.”

The widespread use of “hello” as a greeting is thanks to Thomas Edison. After Alexander Graham Bell invented the tele-

Things that make you go hmmmmmm...

How come wrong numbers are never busy? Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’? Does killing time damage eternity? Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why is it that night falls but day breaks? Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop? Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as ‘4’s’? Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How can there be self-help ‘groups’?

HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $40 per hour (775)6915119 COLLECTOR/ANTIQUES: 1988-2020 HOLIDAY Barbie Collection (34 dolls) $3,500; Fisher Price Toys ( radios, pull dogs) $400; Guardian Serviceware (32 pcs) $650; Sheffield Dinnerware “Elegance” (misc pcs) $300; Lenox Brookdale China (Service for 12 and serving - 119 pcs) $2,000; Kirby Vacuum and Accessories $150; Antique child’s rocker/high chair $150; “Grow Up Girls” porcelain figures (age 1 - 18 and Graduation) $40; Beveled Glass, Two panels (22”w x 48”h) $100 (702)280-5795

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phone in the late 1800s, people needed a way to answer the new device, and Edison took it upon himself to come up with a salutation. When he did, The New York Times recalls that he wrote an enthusiastic letter to a friend named Mr. David on August 15, 1877, explaining his solution.

“Friend David,” wrote Edison, “I don’t think we shall need a call bell as Hello! can be heard 10 to 20 feet away. What do you think? EDISON.” Graham Bell did not like Edison’s idea one bit. He preferred the word “ahoy,” which came from the Dutch greeting word “hoi.” (Yes, it was mostly a nautical term back then, too.) And yet, when the first telephone exchanges equipped by Edison were set up all across the United States, the operating manuals that came with them included two greeting options: “Hello” or “What is wanted?” Likely because “What is wanted?” is quite lengthy, by the 1880s, “hello” was the common and preferred greeting.

Next time someone asks you about the origin of “hello,” you can explain to them that it goes all the way back to Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Edison (and that “ahoy” almost ended up being the de facto greeting—yikes).

HUSBAND’S TOOLS FOR SALE: AIR Compressor, Pancake style, air compressor plus 20ft hose $47; Ryobi 8cm electric leaf blower $58; Black Decker Bench top workmate 16” vise $25 with manuals; for photos and information text (775)762-2210 “Sing like no one’s listening, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching, and live like it’s heaven on earth.”

February 14th - Ash Wednesday

CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Call or text Joanne at (775)4302352

23

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

A Barbie Doll

One day a fella was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and *shock* he hadn’t bought her anything. Out of the corner of his eye he notices a shopping mall. Knowing that it was ‘now or never’, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking spot and runs into the mall.

After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of the shop assistant. When asked what he’d like, he simply says: “a Barbie Doll”.

The shop assistant looks at him in a condescending manner and asks, “So Sir, which Barbie would that be?”

The man looks surprised so the assistant continues, “We have Barbie Goes To the Ball at $19.99, Barbie goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie goes Clubbing at $19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99 and Divorced Barbie at $249.99.”

The man can’t help himself and asks, “why is Divorced Barbie $249.99 when all those other Barbies are selling for $19.99???”

“Well Sir, that’s quite obvious!” says the assistant, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s furniture ....

HIGH QUALITY DOG RAMPS, SMALL OR LARGE BREED, 130 lb capacity couch ramp $120; bed ramp $140 firm, pickup in Yerington (775)315-2668 ONE HORSE 4 WHEEL BUGGY, NEW UPHOLSTERY, excellent condition asking $2,500 (209)769-1832

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COLT, LAWMAN MARK III, 357 MAG, 2” BBL, $1,050; Ruger, 10-22, 22LR, 10rd mag, $410; Rossi, Gallery, Pump/Slide, 22LR, 10rd tube, $300; Palmetto State, AR15, 5.56/.223, 30rd, Parkerized, $550, Lee (775)720-6076 SPECIALIZING IN GARAGES, ADDITIONS, REMODELS, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, Redline Construction Inc. (775)781-3955

Sorry about the delay

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

“Reverend,” said the young man, “I’m so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”

The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”

BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, residential and commercial, multi story specialist, mobile blind cleaning, pressure washing, awning cleaning, snow removal, Call Unlimited for a clear view! (775)883-6629 MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, EADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

Preparing for Ski season...

Ski season is almost here! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared: 16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walkin freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 12. Throw away a hundred dollar billnow. 11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 8. Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. 7. Go to McDonald’s and insist on paying $11.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. 6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it’s in a snowstorm and you’re following an 18-wheeler. 4.

Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. 3. Dress up in as many clothes as you

can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don’t go see a doctor. 1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it’s time for the real thing!

WANTED: LICENSE PLATES, OLD MOTORCYCLE Helmets, Old Pre-1970’s Levi’s, Musical instruments, Old Watches and Old Lighters, John (775)315-4930 PAINTING BY ART - STAINING AND PAINTING done at affordable rates, personal service with 20 years experience, call for free estimate, Gardnerville (775)392-3997 CUBI PEDDLER - OFFERS AN AEROBIC WORKOUT from the comfort of your desk, couch, or chair, asking $136 (408)270-4028 TRUCKING, DUMP TRUCK, BOBCAT/LOADER, Excavation and Water Truck Services, call Wade Draper - EMS Transport at (775)690-1671 WANTED! KITCHEN HELPER! NEED SOMEONE local to come to my downtown Minden home to make 2 meals on Wednesday and Thursdays for 2 elderly people who are on a Keto Carnivore diet (775)309-8472 “We like it when other people agree with us, which is why we rarely say what we are thinking.”

25

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Deep Thoughts

Custodian Job Opening

1. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 2. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

3. There is a great need for a sarcasm font. 4. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it. 5.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 6. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 7. Was learning to write in cursive really necessary? 8. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 9. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said? 10. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

11. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5.

Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 12. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 13. Bad decisions make good stories. 14. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day. 15. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection. 16. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away? 17. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for Custodians; various positions & sites (40 hours per week) Starting Salary: $20.22//hour or up to 5 years of experience; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave, vacation & holidays. NV PERS retirement

STUCCO AND DRYWALL, PAINT SERVICES, Interior, Exterior wall repairs, cracks, peels, dents, tape texturing, wall paper, popcorn ceiling, removal and refinish, “paint”, 25 years experience, Free Estimates, Licensed and Bonded, Call Fred (775)507-6315

$200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461

GENTLY USED RUGER M77 7MM MAG WITH Tasco 3X9 scope $500; Harrington & Richardson Greenwing Special 20 gauge single shot top break, never fired $350 (775)233-3580

COMPUTER PROBLEMS? DO YOU NEED help connecting your gadgets? On-site computer repair and network configurations, Honest and Affordable, justin.nelson@goowy. com (775)450-3735 5 BY 8 FOOT FRESHLY CLEANED AREA RUG, PASTEL colors, wool $50 (775)901-3334 PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information (530)495-2700

February 19th - President’s Day 26

HANDYMAN - SMALL CONCRETE WORK, REPAIRS and some overlays, Chuck (775)552-5151 PEDEGO ELECTRIC BIKE with basket, used twice, like new, paid $2,000, sell for $1,200 (818)398-3411 PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” To complain of discrimination call HUD toll-free.

SALT WATER SWIMMING POOL SERVICE, Mountain Pool & Spa (530)318-1698

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27

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Seems God was just about...

done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in his bag so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. “It’s a very handy thing,” God told them, “and I was wondering if either one of you would like that.”

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged “Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that. It seems just the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me.” On and on he went like an excited little boy.

So Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee while standing up and he was so excited. He wee-ed on the bark of a tree and then went off to write his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said to Eve, “Well, here’s the other thing and I guess you can have it.”

“What’s it called? Eve asked. “Brains” God said.

Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides.

These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, (775)782-4520

March 10th - Daylight Savings 28

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I’m Just Me

I’m not perfect. I’m me. I’ve made bad decisions and wrong choices, but I’m me. I’ve said the wrong the things, I’ve said the right things, because I’m me. I don’t like everything I’ve done, but I did it because I’m me. I’ve love the wrong people and I’m still me. If I had a chance to start again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Why? Because I’m me.

There are a lot of good things about me; you just need to look past the imperfections to see what’s right. If you can’t do that then it’s your loss. I am the best I can be. I am me. (Pinterest) 2013 HONDA GOLDWING F6B WITH CUSTOM Corbin heated seat, 36,000 miles, great condition $8,000 (775)3095214 WHITE PVC FENCING FOR SALE: APPROXIMATELY 180 feet, posts and 16 foot rails with new white PVC Arch way. Older, but in good shape, was a riding arena. $2,500, Bob (775)781-0244

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Do You Know Me?

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.”

At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!”

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March 17th - St. Patrick’s Day 29

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Happy Birthday Dad Prayer

“Dear God, thank you for the life of our dad and for the love and sacrifices he has made throughout the years. On his birthday, we ask for your blessings to be upon him. May he be surrounded by love and joy and good health. We ask that Dad’s heart be filled with love and his mind with peace. May he find joy in the small things in life and always remember that he is loved and appreciated. Amen And Dad, may the time come soon when you can sit in your leather chair with a book in one hand and your coffee in the other sipping the best of life, your wife and family. Happy birthday, Dad! Love, your daughters KENNY AND COLLEEN’S STUMP GRINDING services, K&C stump grinding services, Call (917)362-3181 or (410)739-4052 PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373 WHIRLPOOL ELECTRIC WASHER AND DRYER, good condition $100 for both 775-392-2318 MOBILE HOME, 26’X60’, FOR SALE IN Hawkeye Senior Park, Yerington, NV. 3 bedroom, 2 bath full freezer, sauna, custom shed, Asking $165,000 for appt. call Mark (775)5525937

Birds and the Bees

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the garage. “Daddy, what is sex?”

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the ‘birds and the bees’. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

“Why did you ask that question, honey?”

“Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”

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Junk and Trash, etc, Carson Valley/Carson City, $369 a load plus dump fee, J.R.’s Hauling (775)265-6813 AUSSIEDOODLES READY FOR THEIR FOREVER home: Family raised, vet checked, tails doc, dewormed, 2 rounds vac. Males and females. Fallon, NV (209)712-9477 POWER LIFT RECLINER CHAIR MANUFACTURED by Best, camel fabric, excellent condition $285 (775)315-9949

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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