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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com
MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 17+ Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570 AMMO - MOST PISTOL CALIBERS. NEW, no reloads. Call for pricing. AFR (775)720-6076 REMANT SALE! ODD BOXES OF TILE transition, strips for LVP, laminates and some LVP too! CJS Floors, 1420 Hwy. 395, Gardnerville FOR SALE 2 DARK GREY LEATHER POWER recliners with USB ports, excellent condition, like new $150 each, call (310)713-4100 BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, residential and commercial, multi story specialist, mobile blind cleaning, pressure washing, awning cleaning, snow removal, Call Unlimited for a clear view! (775)883-6629 TWIN BED, ELECTRIC LIFT HEAD AND FOOT, includes mattress, foam topper. Gently used $100, Carson City (775)762-2210 S&W M&P SHIELD 380EZ WITH THUMB safety. New, in the box, unfired. 2 magazines, IWB holster, 50 rounds ammo $375 cash, Bill (775)781-0148.
“One way to find out if you’re old is to fall down in front of a lot of people. If they laugh, you’re still young. If they panic and start running to you – you’re old.” ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35 years experience (775)721-2880 AFFORDABLE NEVADA CCW CLASSES $50, tac-aimfirearmsinstruction.com or (775)360-5214
2022 Introduction to Bees and Beekeeping
Is beekeeping on your bucket list? Need help getting started. A one-day workshop for beginning beekeepers will be held on Saturday, January 22, 2022, at the Catholic Center, 311 Virginia St, Yerington, Nevada. The workshop is focused and designed for individuals with little or no beekeeping experience. Topics will include honey bee biology, hive equipment and supplies, getting bees, first year hive management, as well as an overview of a beekeeper’s year. The cost for the workshop is $60 ($70 after January 15) per adult and the student rate is $40. Lunch, snacks and book included with registration. Please visit masonvalleybeekeepers.org to register for the workshop. Like Mason Valley Beekeepers on Facebook to keep up-to-date on the latest information. email debbie@masonvalleybeekeepers.org for additional information or call (775)4632757
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” “What Teachers Make”
Teaching you....
Anything that annoys you is teaching you patience. Anyone who abandons you is teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet. Anything that angers you is teaching you forgiveness and compassion. Anything that has power over you is teaching you how to take your power back. Anything you hate is teaching you unconditional love. Anything you fear is teaching you courage to overcome your fear. Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go. ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $499, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $99, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994
That’s great son!
Matt’s dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.” “That’s great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they’ll be giving you a speaking part.” 1980 PONTIAC FIREBIRD, FORMULA 400 Chariot, 63,000 miles, no negative problems, has always been fun and beautiful, asking $18,000, Gardnerville area (775)721-3346
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In a poem, “What Teachers Make”, Taylor Mali (poet/teacher) is standing up for teachers and getting his point across about the differences teachers make in the lives of so many people. He says the problem with teachers is, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?” He reminds the other dinner guests that it’s true what they say about teachers: ‘Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.’ I decide to bite my tongue instead of his and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests that it’s also true what they say about lawyers. Because we’re eating, after all, and this is polite company. “I mean, you’re a teacher, Taylor,” he says. “Be honest. What do you make?” I wish he hadn’t done that (asked me to be honest), because, you see, I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking: if you ask for it, I have to let you have it. You want to know what I make? I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor and an A- feel like a slap in the face. How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups. No, you may not ask a question. Why won’t I let you get a drink of water? Because you’re not thirsty, you’re bored, that’s why. I make parents tremble in fear when I call home: I hope I haven’t called at a bad time, I just wanted to talk to you about something your son said today. To the biggest bully in the grade, he said, “leave the kid alone, I still cry sometimes, don’t you?” And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen. I make parents see their children for who they are and what they can be. You want to know what I make? I make kids wonder, I make them question. I make them criticize. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them write, write, write. And then I make them read. I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful over and over and over again until they will never misspell either one of those words again. I make them show all their work in math. And hide it on their final drafts in English. I make them understand that if you got this (brains) then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you give them this (the bird). Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true: Teachers make a damn difference! What about you? MOBILE EQUIPMENT REPAIR, AUTOS and small to heavy equipment, 25+ years experience, Silva and Sons jeremysilva1975@gmail.com or (707)761-0928 PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)2916827
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Happiest Hour
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: “Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t talk for an hour?” The husband replied: “Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life.” SPECIALIZING IN GARAGES, ADDITIONS, REMODELS, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, Redline Construction Inc. (775)781-3955 PAINTER, SEMI-RETIRED WITH 40+ YEARS experience in Nevada, Save Money, Get Seasonal Discount Now, inside or out, Fences (775)901-1912
ACT 2 Consignment, have you visited us?
Furniture, Home Decor, Clothing and Collectibles. Hours are flexible. 607 S. Main Street, Yerington, NV. Call Pat (408)8044010 or Toni (775)430-9936 TAKE CARE OF YOUR LOVED ONES. WILLS and Trusts. Day R. Williams, Attorney at Law, 1601 Fairview Drive, Suite C, Carson City, NV. Call Day today! (775)8858398 TRUCKING, DUMP TRUCK, BOBCAT/LOADER, Excavation and Water Truck Services, call Wade Draper - EMS Transport at (775)690-1671
PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373
The preachers visit
A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch, he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. “Mind if I have a few?” he asks. “No, not at all!” the woman replied. They chat for an hour or so and, as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. “I’m terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts. I really just meant to eat a few.” “Oh, that’s all right,” the woman says. “Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them.” FOR SALE! 2000 SUZUKI INTRUDER 1400cc; THELAN Pellet stove; 10” Radial Arm saw; truck tool box; (775)2303221 “A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25 years experience, Senior Discounts! Ken Jeter, kenjeter65@ gmail.com or (775)530-8932 “The best thing about the good old days is that we were neither good nor old.”
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” The Origin of High Heels
The high heel did not originate to be worn by women as they are now, but rather as a man’s shoe. They were most popular with kings and other noble and wealthy men long before they were ever adorned on women’s feet. One common theory is that high heels were developed as a method of straddling stirrups for equestrians. Cowboy boots today still have low heels allowing for better stability. In previous centuries, the heel allowed men to stand up in their stirrups and better utilize their weapons during war. Heels used for this purpose date back to the Persian Empire in the 10th century. Women did not begin wearing heels until the mid-1500’s. The first recorded high heel on a woman was worn by Catherine de Medici. Previous to this, women had only worn platform shoes. Particularly found around the Venice area of Italy, these platform shoes were called “chopines” and often, but not exclusively, worn by prostitutes. Historical accounts also place their wear and height by members of nobility with some of these platforms as high as 20 inches tall. Their purpose was born for utility, both allowing women to grow their stature as well as protect feet and hemlines from the muddy streets of Venice. King Louis XIV re-popularized the high heel during his reign in the late 1600’s and early 1700’s. He was known to wear red heeled shoes, a design feature now most well associated with and trademarked by Christian Louboutin shoes. Men wore high heels around this time not only as a wealth and status symbol but also to feel more powerful as the heels allow them to tower over others. Women in the 1700’s used high heels as a way to make their
Notice anything different?
An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, “Notice anything different, Bessie?” Bessie looks him over. “Nope.” Sam says excitedly, “Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?” Bessie looks again. “Nope.” Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different?” Bessie looks up and down and says, “Sam, what’s different? It was hanging down yesterday, it’s hanging down today and it will be hanging down tomorrow!” Furious, Sam yells, “And do you know why its hanging down, Bessie? It’s hanging down because it’s looking at my new boots!” Bessie replies, “Should’a bought a hat, Sam!” “Never put the key to your happiness in somebody else’s pocket.” PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@ aol.com (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065
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feet appear smaller. The beauty standard of the time was that women were seen as more beautiful with smaller feet. Fashion trends involved long, floor-length skirts and dresses at the time which covered most of their feet while wearing heels allowing women to appear to have smaller feet than they would while wearing flat shoes. Until the end of World War II heels were known to be chunkier. The 1940’s and 1950’s saw the increased stability of the heel. Wartime technology helped popularize the modern day stiletto heel during this time by allowing fabricators to utilize their metal in heels. The use of steel allowed the shapes of heels to change. High heels could now be thinner than they were previously, as before this time heels were generally made of wood so they could not be as thin as many of the heels we see today while still supporting the weight of a woman. CRAFTSMAN TABLE SAW COMES WITH SHOP FOX stand and upgraded fence without blade $250; Craftsman Router, very good condition $150; Located in TRE (760)4136074 INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR PAINTING, COMMERCIAL/Residential, decking and railing maintenance, pressure washing, Free Estimates. JR’S Painting, NV Lic.#20181749300, call or text (775)291-1319 or call (775)2912453 FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)518-1166 or (775)782-8776
Use these words
Children were called upon a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with the words “Defeat,” “Defense,” “Deduct,” and “Detail.” Jack stood thinking for a while, all eyes focused on him while his classmates awaited his reply. Smiling, he then proudly shouted out, “Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail.” EXTRA LARGE TWIN OAK CAPTAINS BED WITH mattress and matching 3 drawer nightstand, 6 drawers each side of bed, asking $525; Avalon Bay dual control wine cooler, holds 27 bottles, asking $115 (775)315-2536 DO YOU NEED TO REPLACE YOUR WORN out concrete driveway, patio, or walkway? We also install new patios, driveways, monolithic garage slabs, retaining walls, footings, and stemwalls. K&C Construction, NV LIC # 79034, 79237, 81038, 86464. To get a free quote call at (775)691-6462
Don’t Do It
A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer. “Don’t go,” he yelled at the screen. “Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!” His wife called from the kitchen, “What on earth are you watching?” “Our wedding video.”
February 1st - Chinese New Year 7
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
Don’t flip her the bird
I was driving to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman the bird. “Man, that guy is stupid,” I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here’s why: I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That’s 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-tobumper is on an 8 lane highway. There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day. Statistically, females drive half of these. That’s 18,000 women drivers! In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That’s 642. According to “Cosmopolitan,” 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That’s 449. According to the “National Institute of Health,” 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That’s 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That’s 33. According to the “National Rifle Association,” 8% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed. Flip her the bird? I don’t think so.
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SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two story houses, based in Minden area, call John (831)801-0003 JUNIPER, TREE & STUMP REMOVAL, Defensible Space, Fire Breaks, Excavating, Sprinkler Repair, Earth, Turf & Timber Landscape Maintenance (775)450-1955
Bus Drivers & Substitute Bus Drivers Wanted
Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for: Contracted School Bus Drivers & Substitute School Bus Drivers, Starting Salary: $15.88/hour or based on up to 5 years of bus driving experience. Varied Hours up to 40 hours a week. Contracted positions for permanent routes include; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave & holidays. NV PERS retirement. Apply online: dcsd.k12.nv.us/ employment to complete an application. MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501 2005 21” 16 SPEED TREK 1000 ROAD BIKE $150; 2001 24” 21 speed Giant Hybrid bike $150, both in very good condition (775)790-6623
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10 Requests from a person with Dementia
1. Please be patient with me - Remember I have an organic brain disease for which I have no control. 2. Talk to me - Even though I cannot always answer you, I can hear your voice and sometimes comprehend words. 3. Be kind to me - For each day of my life is a long and desperate struggle. Your kindness may be the most special and important event of the day. 4. Consider my feelings - For they are still very much alive within me. 5. Treat me with dignity and respect - As I would have gladly treated you. 6. Remember my past - For I once was a healthy, vibrant per-
son full of life, love and laughter with abilities and intelligence. 7. Remember my present - I am a fearful person who misses my family and home very much. 8. Remember my future - Though it may seem bleak to you, I am always filled with hope for tomorrow. 9. Pray for me - For I am a person who lingers in the mist that drift between time and eternity. Your presence may do more for me than any other outreach of compassion you can extend to me. 10. Love me - The gifts of love you give will be a blessing from which will fill both our lives with light forever. (Author unknown) “A smart person knows what to say, a wise person knows whether to say it or not.”
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Remember When…?
Dream Home
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a “dream home”. Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. Joel, she said, I don’t like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath. Don’t worry. replied her husband. If the neighbors do see you, they’ll buy curtains. RUGER 1022, NEW HOGUE OVER-MOLDED STOCK, new barrel, new BX-1 trigger, 2 magazines, sling, Tasco 2.5x32 scope $250 cash, Bill (775)781-0148 PICKUP TRUCK FOR SALE, 1993 RAM 250 5.2 LITER gas engine, 5 speed manual transmission, 85,000 miles, 1 owner, runs good $5,000 (775)241-2721 “There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realize there’s so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.” PAINTING BY ART - STAINING AND PAINTING done at affordable rates, personal service with 20 years experience, call for free estimate, Gardnerville (775)392-3997
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Close your eyes and go back… Before the Internet, or the MAC… Before semi automatics and crack… Way back. I’m talkin’ ’bout… Hide and seek at dusk. Sittin’ on the porch, The Good Humor Man, and Red Light, Green Light. Chocolate milk, Lunch tickets, Penny candy in a brown paper bag. Playin’ Pinball at the corner store. Hopscotch, butterscotch, doubledutch, Jacks, kickball, dodgeball, Mother May I? Red Rover and Roly Poly. Double Dog Dares! Hula Hoops and Sunflower Seeds, Mary Janes, Banana Splits, Wax Lips and Mustaches. And running through the sprinklers. The smells of outdoors… and lickin’ salty lips. Watchin’ Saturday Morning cartoons like Fat Albert, Road Runner, HeMan, The Three Stooges, and Bugs. Or back further… listening to Superman and The Shadow on the radio. Catchin’ lightning bugs in a jar, Playin’ sling shot. Remember when around the corner seemed far away… and going downtown seemed like going somewhere? Climbing trees, an ice cream cone on a warm summer night. A cherry coke from the fountain at the drug store. A million mosquito bites, sticky fingers, Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, Sittin’ on the curb, Jumpin’ down the steps, Jumpin’ on the bed. Pillow fights, Being tickled to death, Running ’til you were out of breath, Laughing so hard your stomach hurt. Crowding in a circle around the ‘after school fight’, then running when the teacher came. Eating Kool-aid powder and sugar. Remember when there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers) and the only time you wore them at school, was for “gym”… When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up, if you had one… When nearly everyone’s mom was at home after school… When nobody owned a purebred dog… When a quarter was a decent allowance, another quarter a miracle…When milk went up one penny…When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces… When all your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done…When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time. And, you didn’t pay for air either (And, you got trading stamps to boot!)? When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box… When any parent could discipline any kid, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it… When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents… When they threatened to hold kids back a grade if they failed… and did!? When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a student at home? We were in fear for our lives, but it wasn’t because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents scared us! And some of us are still afraid of ’em! To smile and say, “Oh yeah… I remember…”Didn’t that feel good? There’s nothing like the good old days! They were good then, and they’re still good now, when we think about them. WANTED: LICENSE PLATES, OLD MOTORCYCLE Helmets, Old Pre-1970’s Levi’s, Musical instruments, Old Watches and Old Lighters, John (775)315-4930
February 2nd - Groundhog Day
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CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Call or text Joanne at (775)4302352
Cards you will never see at Hallmark
“I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “Looking back over the years we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: What was I thinking?” “As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you’re not here to ruin it for me.” “Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what evil was before this!” “Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You’ll probably need it again.” “Happy Birthday! You look great for your age… Almost Lifelike! “Congratulations on getting married! It’s not every day you decide to ruin your life!” “When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.” “Just remember… Jesus Loves You. Everyone else thinks you’re a jerk!” “I knew the day would come when you would leave with my best friend. So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.” “We have been friends for a very long time, let’s say we call it quits.” “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re here.” “If you didn’t have any money, I’d still love you. And miss you very much.” NEED MORE PARKING? GARAGE SOLUTION. Turn your 2 car garage into a 3 or 4 car garage! Call Al for details (775)781-1747 “How you treat others, is how you really feel inside.”
New Recruit
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter’s office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. “Oh, come on, quit joking,” snickered one. “You didn’t really do that, did you?” “You would never get through basic training,” scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, “Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?” TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” WE ARE CONSTRUCTION BOOKKEEPING SPECIALISTS – Serving both general and specialty contractors with 30+ years of bookkeeping, payroll and tax experience. If you can’t keep up with your workload give us a call ProBalanced Bookkeeping & Tax Service (775)246-3363
A man’s age determined by a trip to Home Depot
VFW Breakfast January 22nd to October 22nd
Topaz VFW Post 3630 is again hosting a monthly breakfast 8:00am-9:30am at the TRE Community Center, 3939 Carter Way on the 4th Saturday of each month. The breakfast is to rally support for the TRE Veterans by bringing together families and friends for a fun event. $5 Adults, $3 Children under 10. The VFW Post 3630 has a regular meeting at 4:00pm on the 3rd Wednesday of each month. New members are always welcome! NEW CA. KING FLANNEL SHEET SET, many beautiful pieces of jewelry, New Keurig coffee maker, New, Dennis Basso Faux Mink coat; beautiful Christmas decor and many other gift ideas, call for more details (775)782-8211 PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information (530)495-2700 HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, remodels, garages, we do it all! Free estimates, 21 years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453
February 12th - Lincoln’s Birthday 12
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house - Mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit — shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following… In your 20’s: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register. In your 30’s: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with. In your 40’s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut Cologne is almost empty so you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy. In your 50’s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dog crap in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba’s Bait & Beer Bar and it says, ‘I Got Worms” LOL LOL In your 60’s: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50’s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don’t have your glasses on so you are not sure. In your 70’s: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don’t even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your testicle is hanging out the hole in your crotch. In your 80’s: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop
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again. Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door. In your 90’s & beyond: What’s a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I share this? Did you? Who farted? NDM-86 DRAGONOV COMPLETE, PLUS EXTRAS and a full case of 7N1 ammunition, Asking $11,000 or make offer, contact Pete at (775)315-4285 BELGIUM BROWNING AUTO 5 SHOTGUN, 2 and 3/4” chamber, almost excellent condition, about 1965 date serial number, asking $700 (775)463-3595 PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)265-7081 “Instead of saying “have a nice a day” I think I’ll start saying “have the day you deserve. You know, let karma sort that crud out.” ACME BOAT & RV STORAGE – RESIDENT MANAGER, fenced, lighted, lowest r ates around, Gardnerville (775)2654766
God’s Cake
Do you sometimes wonder, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why did this to happen to me?” A daughter comes home from school. “Mom, everything is going wrong. I’m failing algebra, my boyfriend broke up with me, and Tammy is moving away. She’s my best friend. Why me?” Meanwhile, her Mother starts baking a cake. She asks her daughter if she would like a snack. “Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.” “Here, have some cooking oil,” her Mother offers. “Yuck” says her daughter. “How about a couple raw eggs?” “Gross, Mom!” “Would you like some flour? Or maybe baking soda?” “Mom, those are all yucky!” The mother replies, “Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But, when they are put together in the right way, they make wonderfully delicious cake!” Life works the same way. We all go through yucky times. When we look back, yucky times always presented opportunities for growth. We just have to trust. Eventually, everything can become something wonderful! AR15, 5.56, 16” BARREL, NEW, $700; AR15 Pistol, 5.56, 7.5” or 10.5” barrel, new, $670/ea.; FN High Power HP35, 5” barrel, like new, $850; AR10, 308/762,16” barrel, side charging, $1,050; AFR (775)720-6076
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848
President’s Day
A child’s honesty...
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said” Bobby, when I was a child I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that”. Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Miss Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.” “Sometimes we have to remove people without warning them that we’re getting too old to be explaining what they already know they’re doing wrong.”
Presidents’ Day is a federal holiday celebrated on the third Monday in February; Presidents’ Day 2022 will occur on Monday, February 21. Originally established in 1885 in recognition of President George Washington, the holiday became popularly known as Presidents’ Day after it was moved as part of 1971’s Uniform Monday Holiday Act, an attempt to create more threeday weekends for the nation’s workers. While several states still have individual holidays honoring the birthdays of Washington, Abraham Lincoln and other figures, Presidents’ Day is now popularly viewed as a day to celebrate all U.S. presidents, past and present. The story of Presidents’ Day date begins in 1800. Following the death of George Washington in 1799, his February 22 birthday became a perennial day of remembrance. At the time, Washington was venerated as the most important figure in American history, and events like the 1832 centennial of his birth and the start of construction of the Washington Monument in 1848 were cause for national celebration. While Washington’s Birthday was an unofficial observance for most of the 1800s, it was not until the late 1870s that it became a federal holiday. Senator Stephen Wallace Dorsey of Arkansas was the first to propose the measure, and in 1879 President Rutherford B. Hayes signed it into law. The holiday initially only applied to the District of Columbia, but in 1885 it was expanded to the whole country. At the time, Washington’s Birthday joined four other nationally recognized federal bank holidays—Christmas Day, New Year’s Day, the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving—and was the first to celebrate the life of an individual American. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, signed into law in 1983, was the second. (history.com) TWO BMW K75S MOTORCYCLES, GOOD RUNNING condition, many spare parts and accessories, service records, manuals, some gear, Nevada titles $5,000 text/call (775)7817243 LARGE QUANTITY OF IRRIGATION fittings $390 OBO; five tie down chains and binders $350 OBO; 12’X24’ mesh tarp $70 OBO (775)265-6798 “ALWAYS ON DUTY” STURDY HANDRAILS, flat or stepped areas, all metal, free standing, custom built to fit your needs, installation available, “Make the call, Don’t fall” (775)790-6445
Testimonial Name Correction
In the November issue of Sierra Scoop a name was spelled incorrectly in a testimonial ad provided by a local resident. We do apologize for the error and have corrected the last name in the information below. Thank you Kriss BACHOFNER and Mind Body Spirit Healing Energies for opening doors to healing that we never knew existed. With lots of love from the “Teacher’s Pets”
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Disinfect / Re-luster/ Refurbish / Your Kitchen Cabinets
Don’t paint-out, Reface or Replace your Cabinetry until you evaluate our Services. The Great Basin has the Highest UV rays and Driest Climate in the USA, damaging your Cabinets finish from the Indirect light waves, containing UV! We have concepts, w/ years of experience developed for Nevada’s dry climate! Exclusive processes & products to Enhance, Renew and Refurbish over your Cabinets Original Finish! If you have original lacquered Cabinets that are 20 years or older, don’t wait or it may be too late! Less intrusive, less costly than Painting, Refacing or Replacing! You don’t have to empty-out your Cabinetry, and you don’t lose the function of your Kitchen! No dust & No chemical sprays and EPA Compliant! We work 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m., clean-up & Sanitize by 4:30 p.m., returning your kitchen to you until 9:00 a.m. the next morning! Yellowing? We have Options like Color Tinting and Color Glazing! Our Top-Coat is 100% UV Resistant, Chemical & Water Resistant! All products are Hand Rubbed, and completely Dustless! For Sampling, Client Testimonials, References & written Covid-19 Sanitizing Program or Questions; E-mail: danadesignnv@hotmail.com Or Text Dana, ‘CABINETS ETC.’ @ (775)781-7462 or Call Kathy @ (775)782-7821. NV. Lic. #18331, CA. Lic. #310071. I Dana, perform all work on site. TOPAZ LAKE SHORT TERM RV SPACES AVAILABLE, dry camping - $50 per night - contact Pat at (775)781-2273 WEEKLY LAWN CARE AND AERATION, 16+ years experience, quality service, serving Carson Valley, Carson Valley Lawn Care, Insured (775)230-2546
Good news, bad news
One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” The Lord said. Adam looked at The Lord and said, “Well, give me the good news first.” Smiling, The Lord explained, “I’ve got two new body parts for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other body part I have for you is called male genitalia. It will give you physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this body part to give her children.” Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?” The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time.” SWIMMING POOL SERVICE, WEEKLY or Bi-Monthly, Mountain Pool & Spa Licensed and Insured Tahoepoolboy@gmail.com or (530)318-1698 Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to say I LOVE YOU grandson, 365 days a year. Happy Valentine’s “Theo”! Hugs and kisses, Grandmaweesa
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Facebook Addiction Department (FAD)
Police Quotes
“The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?” “Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?” “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.” “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?” “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.” “Life’s tough, it’s tougher if you’re stupid.” “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.” “Just how big were those two beers? LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers/Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Free Estimates, 10+ Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585 CUSTOM .375 H&H SAKO, MANLICHER STOCK, 20” barrel, highly figured wood, 3 Leupold scope, Brownell’s sling $3,200, possible trade with cash for low mileage 4x4 quad, (775)781-7243
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A 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department. She passed signs for the “Heroin Addiction Department (HAD),” the “Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)” and the “Bingo Addiction Department (BAD).” Then she spotted the department she was looking for: “Facebook Addiction Department (FAD).” It was the busiest department in the clinic, with about three dozen people filling the waiting room, most of them staring blankly into their Androids and iPhones. A middle-aged man with unkempt hair was pacing the room, muttering, “I need to milk my cows. I need to milk my cows.” A twenty-something man was prone on the floor, his face buried in his hands, while a curly-haired woman comforted him. “Don’t worry. It’ll be all right.” “I just don’t understand it. I thought my update was LOL-worthy, but none of my friends even clicked the ‘like’ button.” “How long has it been?” “Almost five minutes. That’s like five months in the real world.” The 76-year-old woman waited until her name was called, then followed the receptionist into the office of Alfred Zulu, Facebook Addiction Counselor. “Please have a seat, Edna,” he said with a warm smile. “And tell me how it all started.” “Well, it’s all my grandson’s fault. He sent me an invitation to join Facebook. I had never heard of Facebook before, but I thought it was something for me, because I usually have my face in a book.” “How soon were you hooked?” “Faster than you can say ‘create a profile.’ I found myself on Facebook at least eight times each day -- and more times at night. Sometimes I’d wake up in the middle of the night to check it, just in case there was an update from one of my new friends in India . My husband didn’t like that. He said that friendship is a precious thing and should never be outsourced.” “What do you like most about Facebook?” “It makes me feel like I have a life. In the real world, I have only five or six friends, but on Facebook, I have 674. I’m even friends with Juan Carlos Montoya.” “Who’s he?” “I don’t know, but he’s got 4,000 friends, so he must be famous.” “Facebook has helped you make some connections, I see.” “Oh yes. I’ve even connected with some of the gals from high school -- I still call them ‘gals.’ I hadn’t heard from some of them in ages, so it was exciting to look at their profiles and figure out who’s retired, who’s still working, and who’s had some work done. I love browsing their photos and reading their updates. I know where they’ve been on vacation, which movies they’ve watched, and whether they hang their toilet paper over or under. I’ve also been playing a game with some of them.” “Let me guess. Farmville?” “No, Mafia Wars. I’m a Hitman. No one messes with Edna.” “Wouldn’t you rather meet some of your friends in person?” “No, not really. It’s so much easier on Facebook. We don’t need to gussy ourselves up. We don’t need to take baths or wear perfume or use mouthwash. That’s the best thing about Facebook -- you can’t smell anyone. Everyone is attractive, because everyone has picked a good profile pic. One of the gals is using a profile pic that was taken, I’m pretty certain, during the Eisenhower Administration. “ “What pic are you using?” “Well, I spent five hours searching for a profile pic, but couldn’t find one I really liked. So I decided to visit the local beauty salon.” “To make yourself look prettier?” “No, to take a pic of one of the young ladies there. That’s
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what I’m using.” “Didn’t your friends notice that you look different?” “Some of them did, but I just told them I’ve been doing lots of yoga.” “When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?” “I realized it last Sunday night, when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband: ‘I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.’” “What did you do?” “What else? I unfriended him of course!” HYDRAULIC CYLINDER REPAIR AND REBUILD, All makes models and year, Commercial Equipment, Tractors, Fork Lifts, Log splitters, Farm equipment, Dump Trucks and Trailers, Boats and RVs, Welding and Machining, Ramco Fabrication, shawn@ramcofab.com or (775)267-7358 ACE HARDWARE STYLE POPCORN MACHINE with popcorn $600; 5 drawer file cabinet $25, Carson City (408)270-4028 CUJO’S HOG HOUSE! V-TWIN Motorcycle repair, Maintenance and accessories, also sales and service of Frankenstein Trike conversions, Factory Trained PHD and ASE Certified, 1430 Industrial Way, Unit C (in the back) (775)782-6051 G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, General clean-up, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672
D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808 MOTOR GUIDE TROLLING MOTOR $300, 4 DRAWER file cabinet $25; 2 drawer lateral file cabinet $50; Snapper 30” snow blower with electric starter $200; small microwave $25, Call Dave (530)333-7048
Swimming the English Channel
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a bleached blonde. After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the bleached blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, “I don’t want to sound like I’m a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms...” YARD ENHANCEMENT SERVICES, handyman, fence repair/rebuild, tree and brush trim/removal, defensible space improvement, hauling, dump runs, Gardnerville area, Kelly (209)352-0084
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
The best way to raise a delinquent
Some time ago, after making a study of juvenile delinquency, the police department of Houston, Texas, issued a leaflet containing 12 rules on “How to Raise a Juvenile Delinquent.” They are: 1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living. 2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. 3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 and then let him decide for himself. 4. Avoid the use of the word “wrong”. It may develop in the child a “guilt complex.” This will prepare him to believe that when he is punished later for stealing cars or assaulting women, society is “against him” and that he is being persecuted. 5. Pick up everything after him: his shoes, his books, his clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing his responsibilities on others. 6. Let him read anything he wants. Have no concern whatever for what goes into his mind. Be careful that the silver and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage. 7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your child. Then he will not be shocked if the home is broken up later. 8. Give a child all the spending money he wants; never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them? 9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. See
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that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration. 10. Take his part against policemen, teachers, and neighbors. They are all prejudiced against your child. 11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him.” 12. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be likely to have it. (snopes.com) MINOR TO MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE REPAIRS, Tires and More! ASE Certified Master Mechanic, 40+ years same location! Senior Discounts, Bobs Shell Service, Carson City (775)883-7919 HANDYMAN SERVICES, WOOD DECK repair, replace, resurface and remove, trash removal, Honey-Do’s, etc. Serving Carson Valley (775)315-2235 “Some days I amaze myself. Other days I look for my phone while I’m talking on it.”
Spelling mistake
One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add ‘e’ at the end of a word... “I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her...”
sierrascoop.com
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Some facts about Groundhogs
The groundhog, also known as the woodchuck or the mouse bear (because it looks like a miniature bear when sitting upright), first won its reputation as a weather prognosticator in 1886, when the editor of western Pennsylvania’s Punxsutawney Spirit newspaper, one Clymer Freas, published a report that local groundhogs had not seen their shadows that day, signaling an early spring. Groundhogs are among the few animals that are true hibernators, fattening up in the warm seasons and snoozing for most of three months during the chill times. While hibernating, a woodchuck’s body temperature can drop from about 99 degrees to as low as 37 (Humans go into mild hypothermia when their body temperature drops a mere 3 degrees, lose consciousness at 82 degrees and face death below 70 degrees). The heart rate of a hibernating woodchuck slows from about 80 beats per minute to 5. Breathing slows from around 16 breaths per minute to as few as 2. During hibernation—150 days without eating—a woodchuck will lose no more than a fourth of its body weight thanks to all the energy saved by the lower metabolism. During warm seasons, a groundhog may pack in more than a pound of vegetation at one sitting, which is much like a 150pound man scarfing down a 15-pound steak. To accommodate its bodacious appetite, woodchucks grow upper and lower incisors that can withstand wear and tear because they grow about a sixteenth of an inch each week. If prop-
erly aligned, woodchuck upper and lower incisors grind away at each other with every bite, keeping suitably short; when not in good order, they may miss one another and just keep growing until they look like the tusks on a wild boar; if too long, a woodchuck’s upper incisors can impale the lower jaw, with fatal results. Woodchuck burrows, which the animals dig as much as 6 feet deep, can meander underground for 20 feet or more, usually with two entrances but in some cases with nearly a dozen. Burrows provide groundhogs with their chief means of evading enemies, because the rotund little guys (just before hibernation, a hefty woodchuck may tip the scales at 14 pounds) are too slow to escape most predators in a dead heat: the rodents have a top speed of only 8 mph, while a hungry fox may hit 25 mph. (National Wildlife Federation) ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GREAT ESCAPE close to home? Eagle Lake, Lassen County Vacation Rentals, Trophy Trout, all water sports, furnished cabins from $60 per night or $360 per week, visit our website at eaglelakeheritage.com or (800)459-5179 “You know you’re an adult when you get excited to just go home.”
Happy Birthday Dad!
“Wishing you a day filled with happiness and a year filled with joy.” I love you dad! Lisa
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Valentine Roses
WOOD STOVE PELLETS, WE SELL Pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, North Idaho Energy logs by the pallet or singles, bensonfeed.com, Benson Feed, Carson City (775)882-3999
Douglas County Democrats
The Douglas County Democrats Central Committee is happy to return to its regular meeting schedule in the new year. Our February meeting will be held on Thursday, February 24 at 6:30 PM. Join us to stay informed of our exciting schedule of activities for 2022. Please check our website at www.douglasdems. org for further information. SEMI-RETIRED FINISH CARPENTER- DOOR install/ repairs, security screens, deadbolts, shelving, molding and general carpentry repairs. Call Mark (775)782-6198 or (775)790-5927 RETRO ENTERTAINMENT CENTER, METAL COFFEE and end tables, replaceable slate tops; gray leather chair, 4 dining room table chairs, all like new, call for more details (775)266-4032 HANDYMAN PROS - RAPID RESPONSE, ALL Phases of Construction, New, Repair, Roofs, Bath, Kitchen, Painting, Custom, Carpentry, Landscaping, Electrical, Concrete, Plumbing, Tile, Granite & more, Professionally Designed Blue Prints (775)400-6822
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Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose. And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows. The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door. The card said, “Be my Valentine,” like all the years before. Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say, “I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.” “My love for you will always grow, with every passing year.” She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear. She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day. Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away. He always liked to do things early, way before the time. Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine. She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase. Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face. She would sit for hours, in her husband’s favorite chair. While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there. A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate. With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate. Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before, The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door. She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock. Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop. The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain, Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain? “I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,” The owner said, “I knew you’d call, and you would want to know.” “The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.” “Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.” “There is a standing order, that I have on file down here, And he has paid, well in advance, you’ll get them every year. There also is another thing, that I think you should know, He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago.” “Then, should ever, I find out that he’s no longer here, That’s the card... that should be sent, to you the following year.” She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard. Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card. Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note. Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote... “Hello my love, I know it’s been a year since I’ve been gone, I hope it hasn’t been too hard for you to overcome.” “I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real. For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel. The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life. I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.” “You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need. I know it’s only been a year, but please try not to grieve. I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears. That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.” “When you get these roses, think of all the happiness, that we had together, and how both of us were blessed. I have always loved you and I know I always will. But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.” “Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days. I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways. The roses will come every year, and they will only stop, When your door’s not answered, when the florist stops to knock.” “He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out. But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt, To take the roses to the place, where I’ve instructed him, And place the roses where we are, together once again.” (author unknown)
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441
Hide & Seek Crisis
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek... Do they automatically lose because they can’t find themselves? HOT TUB SERVICE, WEEKLY AND BI WEEKLY service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, hot tub cover sales, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)267-2490 Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!” SUGAR PLUM HOUSEKEEPING, LICENSED, Bonded and insured with references, Free estimates, great cleaning, fair prices, Samantha (775)220-4252 STANDARD FLAG GRAVEL, R&J TRUCKING delivers, 25 years experience, call Roger (775)233-7337 HANDCRAFTED MARKERS AND MONUMENTS, Granite and Bronze. Large Selection of colors and designs, special orders welcome! 15 years experience, call Cornerstone Monument for appointment (775)267-1958
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Did God make us?
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “He sure did honey, a long time ago,” replies her grandpa. “Well, did God make me?” asks the little girl. “Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago,” answers her grandpa. “Boy,” says the little girl, “He’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t He?” RENT ME FOR WINTER CLEANING, PUT A roll-off dumpster at your home, you load, we remove (775)297-2320 BOAT STORAGE ON TOPAZ LAKE - $75 A MONTH LAKE access available - contact Pat at (775)781-2273
Best Diet Ever
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet... It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean! The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers.
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100% Polar Bear
One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his son polar bear were sitting in the snow. The son polar bear turned to his father and asked, “Dad, am I 100% polar bear?” “Of course, son, you’re 100% polar bear.” A few minutes pass, and the son polar bear turns to his father again and says, “Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I 100% polar bear? No brown bear or panda bear or grizzly bear?” “Son, I’m 100% polar bear and your mother is 100% polar bear, so you’re certainly 100% polar bear.” A few more minutes pass, and the son polar bear again turns to his father and says, “Dad, don’t think your sparing my feelings if it’s not true. I really need to know... am I really 100% polar bear?” Distressed by this continued questioning, the father polar bear finally asked his son, “Why do you keep asking if you’re 100% polar bear?” “Because I’m freezing to death out here!” SKUTT AUTOMATIC KILN, MODEL KM818 $1,500; Spray Tech airless paint sprayer $300; Egg type BBQ $150; Belsaw HD Planer $150; Craftsman 10” radial arm saw $100; Craftsman 6” Jointer $100; Country wood stove $50 (530)333-7048 SUTRO LANDSCAPING, ONE CALL DOES IT all; lawn care, aerating and thatching, sprinkler systems, sod installation and planting, clean-ups and much more, Free Estimates, Operated by owner, NV#50048 (775)246-4871 or (775)2913095
GET FAST INTERNET! UP TO 40 MBPS, WIRELESS! (not satellite, not DSL). Great in rural areas, www.ruralinternet.us or call Patrick (775)297-4777 HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $40 per hour (775)6915119
Professional worrier
David had been extremely anxious for years. It got to the point where his compulsive worrying was ruining his life, so he went to a psychiatrist, who recommended that David hire a professional worrier. After he’d been working with the specialist for a few months, David’s friend John noticed a change. “What happened?” John asked. “You don’t worry about anything anymore.” “I hired a professional worrier!” David answered. “That must cost a fortune,” John said. “Yes, he charges $3,000 a month,” David said sheepishly. “Three thousand dollars! How can you ever afford to pay him?” John exclaimed. “I don’t know,” David said. “That’s his worry, not mine.” Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. 775-782-4520
Eliminate Stubborn Fat
FREEZE THAT FAT AWAY!
TAHOE WOMEN’S CARE Saturday treatment days available! FREE Consultation. Email or call us today!
TahoeWomensCare.com
manager@TahoeWomensCare.com
(775)267-6700 25
“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Pocket Taser Stun Gun (Back by popular demand)
Kitchen & Bath Remodel Design
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Last weekend I saw something at the Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 25th anniversary, and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The consequences of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse effects on her assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…. WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference — pretty cute, really — and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries, thinking to myself, “No possible way!” What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best….. I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, “Don’t do it, master,” reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad…. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!! I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face. If you ever feel compelled to “mug” yourself with a Taser,
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative. A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh, was still burning and twitching. My face felt as if it had been shot up with Novocain and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. Still in shock! P.S. My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it! COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439 ANTIQUE GOLD POCKET WATCH WITH original box $450; plastic storage boxes with lids $8 each; Budweiser ‘After The Hunt’ bar light $50 Carson City (408)270-4028 USA DRYWALL, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#59981 (775)247-2539
ELECTRIC SHREDDER ¾” GOOD FOR SMALL projects $20; 36” Sony flat screen TV, 2 years old $30, Gardnerville (707)499-1416 OLD WEDGEWOOD STOVE 3 BURNERS WITH oven, great condition, classic antique $400 (775)721-1818 KENNY AND COLLEEN’S STUMP GRINDING services, K&C stump grinding services, Call (917)362-3181 or (410)739-4052 “I look at people sometimes and think …really? That’s the pollywog that won?!” PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” This magazine will not knowingly accept any advertisement for real estate which is a violation of the law; our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this publication are available on an equal opportunity basis.
Happy February Birthdays!
May you have such an incredibly special birthday that every day afterward starts and ends with joy, love, laughter and peace of mind. Have a very Happy Birthday! ANTIQUE CLAWFOOT TUB $400; TWO vintage washers with ringers $200 each; call Sandra/Walker, CA (916)3968292 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: All types including Silver, Copper, Rhinestones, Old Plastics, Glass, Pot Metal, Pins, Bracelets, Rings, Necklaces, Old Watches, Lockets, larger quantities preferred, please leave phone number and clear message on my NEW phone number, I call everyone back, Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352
February 14th - Valentine’s Day 28
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Chinese New Year of the Tiger
(February 1st) This important date on the Chinese calendar has been celebrated for many centuries. During the festivities ancestors are honored and traditional ceremonies are held where people get together and welcome the new year with customs that shall bring good luck, good fortune, wealth, prosperity and happiness. The spring festival festivities for the new year take 15 days in most countries. The new year is often celebrated with dragon dances, lion dances, gift exchanging and fireworks. It ends typically with lantern festivals on the 15th day of the first calendar month. The Chinese calendar is about one month behind our (so called Gregorian) calendar as it has between 30 and 50 more days per year. And the Chinese zodiac calendar has a cycle of 12 years. The calendar was started on astronomical observations of the moon’s phases. Each year a Chinese zodiac animal is the symbol for the year. The 12 Chinese zodiac animals are: rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog, and pig. CASH PAID FOR – KNIVES; LANTERNS; Camp Stoves; Hunting; Shooting; Decoys; Fishing; Tobacco Pipes; Lighters, Jeff (775)720-2577 BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND re-colored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (775)233- 5297 HELP! I AM IN SEARCH OF SPECIALS FROM 1950-60’s American and/or European powered cars. Maybe steel, aluminum, fiberglass or combination. Cars created by enthusiast for pleasure or racing, contact (775)291-6827 JAMES THE TECH GUY, IN-HOME services at a fair price, setup TV’s, computers, internet, security cameras, computer lessons (775)515-2316 FORD 4 WHEEL DRIVE 11 PASSENGER VAN, ORIGINAL OWNER; 1 vintage Steinway piano; washer/dryer; upright refrigerator/freezer; mining ore car on narrow gauge track; two man logging saw; wood and glass display counters; floral items, Call for details (775)265-1480 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKAELA AND MARLIES, Love Gommy and Poppy
Successful marriage
The couple had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage. The husband was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation. “It’s simple,” he said. “Division of labor. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on.” “And you?” “I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if the United States should declare war on China, if Congress should appropriate money for a manned expedition to Mars, and so on.”
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” A Prayer upon waking
Dear God, so far today, I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped, and I haven’t lost my temper. I haven’t been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I’m really glad of that! But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on, I’m probably going to need a lot of help. Thank you! Amen. HOSPITAL BED, ELECTRIC LIFT HEAD AND foot, clean mattress, foam topper, Gently used $100 Carson City, Call (775)762-2210 MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, HEADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627 “If your cup is only half full, you probably need a different bra.” CASH PAID FOR VINTAGE COSTUME JEWELRY. All Types Including: Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Rings, Silver, Copper, Pot Metal, Rhinestones, Lockets, Charm Bracelets, Men’s Jewelry, Old Watches, Military Jewelry, Old Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry. Larger Quantities Preferred. Please leave phone number and clear message on my phone. I return all calls. Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352
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Guess Who?
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’” “But why?” asks the man. “I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man said. JR POWER SPORTS! WE SERVICE AND REPAIR, ALL makes, models and years; Quads, OHV, Dirt and Street Bikes; from tune up to full rebuild. 35 years experience! Dayton, jrpowersports.com or (775)241-2530 3006 AMMO 150 ROUNDS, DIFFERENT TYPES OF bullets $125, John (775)267-1239 $200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461
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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”
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