December25.WebEdition

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

MOVING SALE, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 6TH 9am3pm, great deals, everything under the roof must go! 700 Kathy Ave., Yerington TORO CCR2000 SNOWTHROWER 4.5HP TWO cycle single stage snow blower with manual in excellent condition, asking only $200, Contact Ray (775)265-6559 CANNON PLUMBING REPAIR - NEW FIXTURES installed, Hot water heaters, insured, licensed, bonded, local resident servicing - Minden - Airport Road, Johnson Lane, Stephanie area, Call Paul (916)717-2646 FREE USED RANCH ITEMS: MISCELLANEOUS metal, iron, farm equipment, irrigation siphons, tractor, horse corral fence with shed roof panels; more. You haul, leave message (775)782-2874 WANTED: LICENSE PLATES, OLD MOTORCYCLE Helmets, Old Pre-1970’s Levi’s, Musical instruments, Old Watches and Old Lighters, John (775)315-4930 SIG SAUER P365 X-MACRO COMP. NEW in the box with a separate Sig Romeo Red Dot sight, unmounted.

17 shot, 2 mags, holster, black. $799 new at Sportsman’s Warehouse without the red dot. $600 cash in person.

Minden, NV (775)781-0148.

CAT PLAYPEN! 3’ WIDE X 4’ HIGH, 2’ DEEP ON ROLLING wheel. Good metal with three platforms, one pad. Assembled, clean and ready to go with 2019 assembly paperwork, Made in USA, can deliver, George (775)265-5319

Always carry your spouse’s photo

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”

AN EXCELLENT PISTOL! SIG SAUER P365 XMACRO Comp and along four (4) 9mm 17 round magazines, cost $595 (775)721-3346 CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc.

Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Paraposdokians

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve. I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldn’t find any. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin. I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!” Need an ark? I Noah guy. You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example. I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand, I’m okay. Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero. Thanks for nothing!

DID YOU KNOW? Situated off the coast of Hideaway Island Resort and Marine Sanctuary is the Vanuatu Post, the world’s only under-the-sea post office. Vacationers who want to send a waterproof postcard home can snorkel or scuba dive 10 feet below the ocean’s surface. A special flag is raised above the water to indicate when postal workers are in the water.

Douglas County Republican Women.....

will meet at Valley Christian Fellowship (VCF) on December 3, 2025, for their annual Christmas celebration and special luncheon, and again on January 7, 2026 to kick-off the new year. VCF is located at 1681 Lucerne St., Minden.

Both men and women are invited to attend, and we hope you will be able to join our vibrant group to enjoy a delicious lunch and have the timely opportunity to listen to dynamic speakers especially as we prepare for the very important upcoming 2026 Nevada election year. We encourage you to connect with us to stay informed about current and relevant community concerns. Please RSVP no later than November 28th for the December 3rd meeting and January 2nd for the January 7th meeting. To RSVP or to get more information, contact Elinor Lacy at 415-985-5432 or email DCRWrsvp@ gmail.com.

PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373 KENNY AND COLLEEN’S STUMP GRINDING services, K&C stump grinding services, Call (917)362-3181 or (410)739-4052 November 27th - Thanksgiving Day

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HANDYMAN - SMALL CONCRETE WORK, REPAIRS and some overlays, Call Chuck (775)552-5151 LONG ARM QUILTER - EDGE TO EDGE QUILTING, Quick Turnaround, Tammy (925)354-1755 WALLYS DRYWALL - HANG TAPE TEXTURE/ small jobs preferred, strip wallpaper and acoustic, small paint jobs, 32 years experience, NV Lic. #20253278775 (925)766-3770 SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two story houses, based in Minden area, call John (831)801-0003

For your enjoyment!

In this month’s issue of the “Scoop” some of the “favorite” stories/jokes from the past have been included for you to share in laughter with family and friends during the holiday season.

GARAGE DOOR SERVICE. 53 YEARS EXPERIENCE. Specializing in service, spring replacement, rollers. Weatherseal. CHI Garage Doors, LIFT MASTER garage door openers. 5% discount thru October.

Jim Dyer Overhead Door (775)721-8025

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Why some men have dogs and not wives

The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. A dog’s parents never visit. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?” If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad.

They just think it’s interesting. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. And last, but not least: If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

STUCCO AND DRYWALL, PAINT SERVICES, Interior, Exterior wall repairs, cracks, peels, dents, tape texturing, wall paper, popcorn ceiling, removal and refinish, “paint”, 25 years experience, Free Estimates, Licensed and Bonded, Call Fred (775)507-6315 PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information (530)495-2700

Didn’t receive your Scoop?

Please contact your postmaster if your carrier misses delivering the Scoop to you. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen. Your postmaster will make sure your carrier delivers the Scoop to you. Thank you!

WHERE CAN YOU PICK UP A COPY OF The Scoop?

A magazine rack is located in front of Sierra Scoop office at 1623 8th St. Minden (corner of 8th Street and Hwy. 395) GOAT AND SHEEP GRASS HAY FOR SALE IN GARDNERVILLE. $6/bale. Call (775)781-0205 DID YOU KNOW? Just like no two people can have the same fingerprints, the same goes for your tongue.

Research has found each individual’s “tongue print” is unique, with its own distinctive shape, size, color, and surface texture. Even identical twins have different tongues from each other.

It’s part of the game

Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much?

Play quietly like Anderson. See, he doesn’t make a sound.

Mary: Of course he doesn’t. Mom, it’s part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I’m you.

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

1988-2020 HOLIDAY BARBIE COLLECTION (34 dolls, never opened, perfect condition) $3,500, Fisher Price collector toys (14 different toys - radios, pull dogs) $400, Guardian Serviceware (32 pcs) $650, Sheffield Dinnerware “Elegance” (misc pcs) $300, Lenox Brookdale China (service for 12 and serving pieces -119 pcs) $2,000, Antique child’s rocker/high chair $150, “Grow Up Girls” porcelain figures (ages 1-18, blond and Graduation) $40, Beveled glass (2 pcs 22”w x 48”h) $100 (702)280-5795

Anesthesiology bill

Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $3,200 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation.

“Is this some kind of mistake?” Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.

“No, not at all,” the doctor said calmly.

“Well,” said Margie, “that’s awfully costly for knocking someone out.”

“Not at all,” replied the doctor. “I knock you out for free.

The $3,200 is for bringing you back around.”

ANTIQUES, COLLECTIBLES AND FINE ART, to see, call for appointment (775)901-3092

PAINTING BY ART - STAINING AND PAINTING done at affordable rates, personal service with 20 years experience, call for free estimate, Gardnerville (775)3923997 HANDYMAN SERVICES RENOVENTURES, LLC, Serving Carson Valley and beyond - No job too small, Emergency and Weekend work, Licensed & Insured (410)365-8268 PIRELLI SCORPION TIRES, 4 PIRELLI SCORPION All Terrain 265/70R17 115T Light Truck Tires almost new (50 miles) $35 each (775)309-7046 YERINGTON, NEVADA FURNISHED ROOMS available, Utilities & WiFi included, Free on site Laundry, Fully stocked Kitchens, Bathrooms with soaking large tubs, Living rooms, Gym, Pool table and darts, Lounge (385)254-1127 Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, (775)782-4520 COLLECTION OF 200 DVD’S, MANY WAR MOVIES $1 each; 80 year old Smith & Wesson handcuffs $10; Vietnam collectors inactive hand grenades $10 each; 50 caliber rounds from Vietnam $1 each; M16 Beret Bayonet, new in box $10(775)750-0816 ZENI’S CLEANING SERVICES! COMMERCIAL and Residential, licensed, affordable and friendly, family owned, 20 years experience, free estimates, Serving Douglas County and surrounding communities, zeniscleaning2022@gmail.com or (775)901-6689

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To read when you’re alone

I was 13 years old. My family had moved to Southern California from North Florida a year before. I hit adolescence with a vengeance. I was angry and rebellious, with little regard for anything my parents had to say, particularly if it had to do with me. Like so many teenagers, I struggled to escape from anything that didn’t agree with my picture of the world. A “brilliant without need of guidance” kid, I rejected any overt offering of love. In fact, I got angry at the mention of the word love.

One night, after a particularly difficult day, I stormed into my room, shut the door and got into bed. As I lay down in the privacy of my bed, my hands slipped under my pillow.

There was an envelope. I pulled it out and on the envelope it said, “To read when you’re alone.”

Since I was alone, no one would know whether I read it or not, so I opened it. It said “Mike, I know life is hard right now, I know you are frustrated and I know we don’t do everything right. I also know that I love you completely and nothing you do or say will ever change that. I am here for you if you ever need to talk, and if you don’t, that’s okay.

Just know that no matter where you go or what you do in your life, I will always love you and be proud that you are my son. I’m here for you and I love you - that will never change. Love, Mom. That was the first of several “To read when you’re alone” letters. They were never mentioned until I was an adult.

Today I travel the world helping people. I was teaching a seminar when, at the end of the day, a lady came up to me and shared the difficulty she was having with her son. We walked out to the beach, and I told her of my mom’s undying love and about the “To read when you’re alone” letters.

Several weeks later, I got a card that said she had written her first letter and left it for her son.

That night as I went to bed, I put my hands under my pillow and remembered the relief I felt every time I got a letter.

In the midst of my turbulent teen years, the letters were the calm assurance that I could be loved in spite of me, not because of me. Just before I fell asleep I thanked God that my mom knew what I, an angry teenager, needed. Today when the seas of life get stormy, I know that just under my pillow there is that calm assurance that love - consistent, abiding, unconditional love - changes lives.

SUGAR PLUM HOUSEKEEPING - LICENSED with References. $60/hr (775)220-4252 DID YOU KNOW? If either or both spouses tied the knot in jest or as part of a dare in Delaware, the marriage can be annulled. You just need to file within 90 days of learning the nuptials weren’t on the up and up.

MOUNTAIN POOL & SPA - WE CLEAN pools and spas, monthly and bi-monthly service (530)318-1698

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Happy Birthday to you!

A wish for you on your birthday, whatever you ask may you receive, whatever you seek may you find, whatever you wish may it be fulfilled on your birthday and always! The Scoop RYAN PAINTING, INSIDE AND OUT, 40 YEARS experience, senior and military discounts, locally owned and operated, serving Minden, Gardnerville, Genoa, Carson and Tahoe (775)790-7425 KING SIZE BED FRAME. AMISH BUILT SOLID wood. Cost over $1,000 new, $200. Disassembled.

Coleville (706)587-5162

Substitute Bus Drivers Wanted

Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for Substitute School Bus Drivers, Starting Salary: $24.06/hour or up to 5 years of bus driving experience.

Varied Hours up to 40 hours a week after 40 hours of paid training at $15.83/hour. Contracted positions for permanent routes include; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave & holidays. NV PERS retirement.

Please apply online: dcsd.k12.nv.us/employment to complete an application.

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SMALL CHEST FREEZER FIVE CUBIC FOOT WITH basket $80 OBO; Frigidaire 7.5 cubic foot refrigerator/freezer $100 OBO, Call Karen (775)772-4672

The Knob

(one of the favorites) A lady in her late 40’s went to a plastic surgeon for a face lift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called “The Knob.” This small knob is planted on the back of a woman’s head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Of course, the woman wanted “The Knob.”

Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon with 2 problems. “All these years everything had been working just fine. I’ve had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I’ve loved the results. But now I’ve developed two annoying problems. First of all, I’ve got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won’t get rid of them.”

The doctor looked at her and said, “Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”

She replied, “Well, I guess that explains the goatee.”

COMPUTER PROBLEMS? DO YOU NEED help connecting your gadgets? On-site computer repair and network configurations, Honest and Affordable, justin.nelson@goowy.com (775)450-3735

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The Broken Chain

(author unknown) We didn’t know on that December day, God was going to call your name... In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone, for part of us went with you, the day God called you home. You left us wonderful memories, those will never die, and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side.

Our family chain is broken, and nothing has been the same...

But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

Love and miss you brother!

PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441

Doctor, what is it?

A man with a bad rash on his hands went to his doctor.

The doctor examined his hands carefully for some time and then consulted many large volumes of books on his shelf.

Finally, he asked the patient: “Have you had this trouble before?” He answered: “Yes.” Doctor says: “Well, You have it again.”

1981 EL CAMINO CONQUISTA, NEW V6 AUTOMATIC, front disc brakes, clean CA title, runs and drives, needs paint and interior $2,525 OBO; 1999 V5 Targa Top $250 OBO; factory Performance posi rear end in excellent condition $250 OBO; 2012-2017 Jeep 4 door JK factory Rock slider steps, excellent condition $99.95 OBO (775)990-3031

HANDRAILS: STAND ALONE CUSTOM BUILT Sturdy metal handrails for safety and assistance-most exterior doors and walkways also garage concrete steps corrections and improvements. Carson Valley and Carson City (775)790-6445

DID YOU KNOW? Broccoli is a “man-made” food.

Broccoli only came about after years and years of selective breeding between wild cabbage plants that started around the 6th century BC. In fact, the word “broccoli” comes from the Italian for “the flowering crest of a cabbage.”

MUNOZ LAWN MAINTENANCE! MOWING, TRIMMING, Aerating/dethatching Pruning, sprinkler repair and general yard cleanup, over 10 years experience, Andres (775)400-4742

PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish…

JWPetCare@aol.com or (775)781-1065

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Pocket Taser Stun Gun

50th Wedding Celebration

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

“Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all.

It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness - and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

HELP! I AM IN SEARCH OF SPECIALS FROM 195060’s American and/or European powered cars. Maybe steel, aluminum, fiberglass or combination. Cars created by enthusiast for pleasure or racing, contact (775)2916827 “A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25+ years experience, Senior Discounts! KenJeter, kenjeter65@gmail.com or (775)530-8932 SEMI-RETIRED FINISH CARPENTER Door install/ repairs, security screens, deadbolts, shelving, moldings, barn/wood plank-shiplap-beadboard wall covering and cabinet installation. Call Mark (775)782-6198 or (775)790-5927

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(one of the favorites) Last weekend I saw something at the Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 25th anniversary, and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The consequences of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse effects on her assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…. WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.

I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference — pretty cute, really — and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries, thinking to myself, “No possible way!”

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…..

I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, “Don’t do it, master,” reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad…. I decided to give myself a onesecond burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!

I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with

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tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face.

If you ever feel compelled to “mug” yourself with a Taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative. A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

How did they get up there???

My triceps, right thigh, was still burning and twitching.

My face felt as if it had been shot up with Novocain and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. Still in shock!

P.S. My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

THINK HOLIDAY DINING! HAVILAND CHINA, pattern: Auclair eight 7 piece settings (rimmed soup bowl, fruit/desert bowl), serving platter, two 8” oval serving bowls, coffee pot, sugar and creamer, $2,500 value, price $1,500. Blue stemmed glassware (8 water, 7 wine) free with purchase. There’s more! (sold separately) Oneida 18/8 Silverware (no polishing), Pattern: Golden Damask Rose, eight 5 piece settings, 6 serving pieces $445 value, price $250. 8 place setting holder, free with purchase.

Silverware compliments china, all gently used, if no answer, leave name and number (775)883-7181

The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers & not the publishers.

YO’ JOE’ FIX IT - HOME IMPROVEMENT PRO, Handyman $50 per hour (775)291-2998

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Christmas Fruitcake Recipe

Ingredients Needed: 4 Oz. Fruit Bits 1 Railroad Tie, Wood Saw, Large Rubber Mallet, Safety Goggles WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES. (Children: Get help from an adult!)

Cut a one-foot section from the middle of a railroad tie.

The resulting block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of bread. Then, take some fruit bits and pound them into the block with your rubber mallet. Spread the colors around, or you might wind up with an ugly fruitcake. Don’t be afraid to throw some elbow grease into that mallet! Good fruit bits should be much harder than the railroad tie, so you can’t break anything. For best results, you should pre-treat the fruit bits by setting them on top of your garage roof for a year (or by microwaving them on HIGH for 30 minutes).

Finally, cover it tightly in plastic wrap, and give your loved ones the timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake!

COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827,davenportlandscape.com or (775)2651491 or (775)721-8439

Have you been cut off from your grandchildren?

Pumpkin Smoothie recipe for the kids!

1/2 cup canned pumpkin, 3/4 cup milk or vanilla yogurt, 1/4 tsp. cinnamon, 1/8 tsp. nutmeg, 2 tsp. brown sugar, 4 ice cubes.

Combine ingredients in blender and puree until smooth.

Pour the smoothies into small glasses (this drink is rich) and garnish each with a dollop of vanilla yogurt or whipped topping. For a fun touch, add a pinch of cinnamon or a few colored sprinkles. Serves 2 or 3.

ANA’S HOUSECLEANING SERVICES; APARTMENTS, homes, studios, office, Serving Douglas County, Carson, and Dayton, Lic.#202443295503 (775)508-3267 HARLEY DAVIDSON ENGINE REBUILDING, 30+ years experience, quick turn-around! Free pick–up and delivery, californiafritz.com or (530)694-2521 GORGEOUS 6’ SOLID OAK GRANDFATHER CLOCK $2,000 OBO; Oak Antique Rocker asking $150; 2 stained glass Tiffany lamps $150 each; Hummels with display lighted cabinet (775)267-4897 FOUR PLACE SNOWMOBILE OR ATV TRAILER, approximately 20’ long, asking $1,400 (775)315-7410 December 14th - Hanukkah begins

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Alienated Grandparents Anonymous (AGA) focuses on the struggle so many grandparents have in being part of their grandchildren’s lives. AGA provides support and information, and helps validate the feelings of those suffering some degree of estrangement, alienation, or isolation. AGA serves toward bringing grandparents, parents, and grandchildren together.

For more information email the Nevada AGA Coordinator at AGA.SilverStateNV@gmail.com or visit www.alienatedgrandparentsanonymous.com. Your grandchildren are waiting to be with you!

RUGER MINI 30 MODEL 05861, NEVER FIRED, 1000 rounds ammo $1,000; Salvage 17HMR Model 93R17, never fired 4.12 Bushnell 5 boxes ammo $300; Mossberg Security $520 (775)750-0101 “YOUR HOMETOWN JUNK HAULER SINCE 1996!”

Junk and Trash, etc, Carson Valley/Carson City, $379 a load plus dump fee, J.R.’s Hauling (775)265-6813 SLOOWW COMPUTER? VIRUSES? MALWARE? Need an upgrade? Will do a complete computer maintenance: Remove Junk, Viruses, Malware. Test Hard Drive, Memory, Do updates and Print-Out. 25 Yrs+ Pro & Corp Experience $50 flat fee. Satisfaction guaranteed. I come to you! Tom (775)720-2814

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Save your Kitchen!

Cabinet Refinishing Services with Cabinet Guard products DON’T RE-FACE OR REPLACE YOUR CABINETS UNTIL YOU EVALUATE OUR REFURBISHING SERVICES! We utilize Products and processes (pat pending) exclusively owned by “Cabinet Guard”. With 46 years of development by founder and master craftsman Dana Ayler: “I will wind back the clock on your cabinets. We tint over your original cabinet finish. We are completely dustless!

Starting with a thorough cleaning, then rejuvenate & reluster the wood’s grain for maximum contribution and color (tint) blocking yellow from the original finish, w/100% UV protection. Final topcoats are very durable, strong enough for hardwood flooring. Easier to clean and maintain*EPANon-Toxic* No need to empty cabinets and you do not lose daily functioning of your kitchen.* Color Sampling Selection Program. Local client Testimonials and references. *Inquire. Yes as electives we upgrade hinges / hardware, clean and reseal Granite and/or Tile.

Workdays 9:00am to 4:00pm returning you kitchen back to you until 9:00am the next workday. I Dana, perform all work on job site, no employees. NV Lic. #18331 CA Lic. #31997 (insured) See our informative website: www. cabinetguard.net. Questions: email info@cabinetguard.net.

Text or call Dana (775)781-7462

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL

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DID YOU KNOW? Peanuts, walnuts, almonds, cashews, and pistachios aren’t nuts. They’re classed as seeds because a nut is defined as “a hard-shelled dry fruit or seed with a separable rind or shell and interior kernel.”

Wife-Taming Method

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed and say, “Hey honey, wanna fool around? ....and she’s always sound asleep.”

WANTED! COMIC BOOKS AND/OR CARDS, I can come to you (562)706-4224t

SPORTS

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WE’RE THE SOLUTION TO YOUR CLUTTER problems. Put A roll-off dumpster at your home, you load, we remove, ask us about out loading assistance available (775)297-2320 RELIABLE INTERNET FROM $65/MONTH. Upgrade to 5G (100-600Mbps) for lightning-fast speeds.

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Death preparation

Barry and Hannah, an old married couple, are sitting on the couch watching TV. On the show they were speaking about how to prepare in case of death etc.

“Honey,” says Barry, turning to his wife with a serious expression, “I want you to promise me, that if there ever comes a time that I am dependent on just machines and bottled fluid, that you will make sure to put an end to it.” “No problem hun,” said Hannah, and she promptly got up, turned off the TV, and poured his beer down the drain.

YARD ENHANCEMENT SERVICES, handyman, fence repair/rebuild, tree and brush trim/removal, defensible space improvement, hauling, dump runs, Serving Gardnerville, Kelly (209)352-0084

December 21st - First day of Winter

CASH PAID FOR VINTAGE COSTUME JEWELRY. All Types Including: Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Rings, Silver, Copper, Pot Metal, Rhinestones, Lockets, Charm Bracelets, Men’s Jewelry, Old Watches, Military Jewelry, Old Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry. Larger Quantities Preferred. Please leave phone number and clear message on my phone. I return all calls. Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352 TOOL SALE! SANDERS, SAWS, DRILLS, HAND TOOLS, call Jim (775)762-8908

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

WOOD STOVE PELLETS, WE SELL Pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, ½ cord almond firewood, bensonfeed.com, Benson Feed, Carson City (775)882-3999

Preparing for exam

(one of the favorites) A daughter who was concerned that her elderly mother hadn’t had an exam in several years persuaded her mother to let her make an appointment for an exam with her doctor.

She invited her to spend the night and offered to drive her to the appointment with lunch afterward.

On the day of the exam, they went together to the doctor’s office and while the daughter waited in the lobby the mother nervously undressed, climbed up on the table, and, with the nurse’s assistance, slid her heels into the stirrups.

The doctor came in, greeted her pleasantly, then settled onto his stool. “My aren’t we looking FANCY today!” he exclaimed as he lifted the sheet.

Shocked, she had no idea what the doctor meant. When the exam was over, she hurriedly got dressed and rushed out to meet her daughter in the waiting room.

In a panic, she repeated what the doctor said. “What in the world do you think he meant by that?” the mother asked, bewildered.

“I have no idea, Mother. What did you do to prepare for

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the exam?”

“Well, I showered, and I used some of that feminine deodorant spray in your bathroom,” the mother replied.

There was a slight pause as she looked her mother in the eye. “I don’t HAVE any feminine deodorant spray, Mother.”

“Yes you do-that tall pink-and-gold can.”

“Mother! That’s not deodorant. That’s gold glitter hairspray!”

JUNIPER, TREE & STUMP REMOVAL, Defensible Space, Fire Breaks, Excavating, Sprinkler Repair, Earth, Turf & Timber Landscape Maintenance (775)450-1955 TRACTOR WORK: CLEANING YARDS, roof shingle repairs, exterior house painting, sagebrush removal, RV pad, etc., Call Florencio (775)771-7640 2021 YAMAHA GENERATOR, MODEL #EF6300isde, electric start, about 20 hours run time, excellent condition, asking $2,500 (775)530-1030 HANDYMAN PROS (NOT LICENSED) - RAPID RESPONSE, ALL Phases of Construction, New, Repair, Roofs, Bath, Kitchen, Painting, Custom, Carpentry, Landscaping, Concrete, minor Plumbing and Electrical, Tile, Granite & more, Professionally Designed Blue Prints (775)400-6822

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

17

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Diary of a snow shoveler

ATTITUDE

By Charles Swindoll “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes”

I&S EXCAVATION LLC SINCE 1984, ALL RESIDENTIAL site work including: sewer, septic, water, electric.

Free estimates. NV#0045556A Contacts: Keith three10ers@frontier.com or (775)690-5165, Tim iands46@ yahoo.com or (775)690-5164 PROFORM STATIONARY BIKE, ASKING $254; five drawer filing cabinet for sale, for more details call Russ (408)270-4028

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(one of the favorites) December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had.

I shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again!

What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow.

Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. l don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man - I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8” last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell.

The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14” of stupid snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That stupid snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the restroom. By the time I got undressed, went and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a

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19

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23: Only 2” of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24: 6” today. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at about 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that stupid snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

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December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in.

THAT WOMAN is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9” predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

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Come join us at Johnson Lane Baptist Church

Bible Believing, Gospel Preaching, Christ Loving Church, Sunday, 9:45am Sunday School, 11am Sunday Service, 3pm Evening Service, 1581 Johnson Lane, Minden (775)267-9590 PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)265-7081 RUGER M77 .270CAL MARK II WITH BUSHNELL 3x-9x-32 scope and 50 rounds $950; New England 20 gauge Pardner Model SB1 w/150 rounds of birds hot $175; Norinco Chinese Mak90 7.62x39 with leapers 4x32 scope, 11 Thirty Round magazines, 1 Ten round mag, bi-pod and 1280 rounds of ammo $1,500, CCW required (775)461-6687

95 YEAR OLD SENIOR MALE LOOKING FOR ONE bedroom or studio apartment for lease on ground level in Minden or Gardnerville. Am in good health, no smoking, no alcohol, very clean person (980)413-7288 CHAMPION 37 TON WOOD SPLITTER $875: Chainsaws. Husqvarna 572 Pro. 72CC. 1 year old. Husky 28” bar. Stihl lightweight 28”, 32” bars, chains. Bar wrench, manual. $895; Echo CS 620P Pro. 62cc. Like new. 27” bar, chains. Bar wrench, manual $250 (775)790-4136

21

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Santa Lives for a Long Time

USA DRYWALL LLC, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#88940 (775)247-2539

Looking for a card

Sarah, a sales associate at a local store, notices a man in the card section. She continues on her way. Later on when she walks by again she sees him still there. She walks over to see if she can help. “Can I help you?” she asks. “Well I don’t know” the man responds “I’m having a problem, I can’t find anything that my wife would believe!”

PREMIUM HAY FOR SALE – DELIVERED & Stacked Steam-baled Alfalfa & Orchard Mix. Lab-tested, clean, nutritious. Reliable service. www.pinenutfarming.com Woodirae (775)901-3213 DID YOU KNOW? A person will sleep an average of 25 years in their lifetime. The average time a person sleeps at night is around 8 hours. People also spend an average of 7 years trying to go to sleep.

MONTANA CANVAS TENT 16’ X 20’, NEW CONDITION, includes: wood stove, stove pipe, floor, aluminum frame, steel stakes, 5 gallon water tank, asking $4,000, Minden (775)781-0665

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By Erma Bombeck This column is directed toward a very special group of children. It is for those who have been told Santa does not exist. He doesn’t - at least not in the sense that you want him to BE. You see, a hundred or so plus years ago, someone noticed that people acted differently at Christmas. They smiled for no reason. They gave one another presents. Sometimes during the holiday season, people would reach out to strangers and touch their lives. It was such a wonderful feeling that they looked for some way to share it with their small children. So a spirit was created. It had the twinkling eyes of a mother, which sparkled with love and danced with anticipation as she baked and wrapped for Christmas. These were put in a large frame modeled after a father who could hoist a big tree in the living room or illuminate the sky with lights on the chimney. A white beard from a grandfather was added because it suggested an ageless quality. Besides, it would be wonderful for children to bury their heads into and listen to stories. And from a grandmother came the lap that children have found comfort in for centuries.

The spirit had to have joy, so the laughter of a million children was added. The reindeer in the forest would carry this mystical presence throughout the world. And his “helpers” would be made up of the thousands of compassionate people who gave of themselves during the season.

When the spirit was assembled, something was missing.

The innocence to believe that could come only from the infant baby Jesus. When that was in place, anything was possible. The gift to the children of the world was complete.

It was wrapped in a bright red suit.

After five or six years of believing in this spirit, a child either hangs on to it or discards it. But think about it. Your father will put together a bicycle from instructions written in Japanese. Your mother will eat a plateful of cookies you leave out for Santa when she is on Jenny Craig’s diet. Your grandma and grandpa will leave a warm home to climb on a plane to be with you.

I am older than you, but at Christmas I hear reindeer on my roof and sleigh bells in the darkness. When I put my head out the door, I even feel snow. Santa Claus may not exist anymore at the North Pole. He just finds new places in which to live. I hope he lives within you!

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What is petrichor?

Petrichor is the earthy scent that can be detected after it rains. It’s not the smell of rain itself but an odor that is released when rain droplets fall on warm, dry earth.

More specifically, the petrichor smell is emitted by a chemical called geosmin, produced by soil microbes such as the bacteria streptomyces. The human nose can detect even the tiniest amounts of geosmin, at concentrations of just 5 parts per trillion. When rain hits the ground, plant oils in the soil mix with geosmin and shoot into the air like an aerosol spray, therefore blending with ozone to create that lovely signature scent.

MANUELS LANDSCAPING SERVICES - FIRE Pits, Pavers, Fences, Rocks, Sprinklers, Artificial Turf, Retaining Walls, Water Features, Spring and Fall Clean Ups, Lawn Care Service - Aerating, Thatching, Mowing, all for a great price, you’ll be happy, NV#20222462146, Castaneda Landscaping LLC (775)291-7499 AFFORDABLE NEVADA CCW CLASSES $90, tacaimfirearmsinstruction.com or (775)360-5214 ANTIQUES - 1800’S HARDWOOD ROCKER, AMERICAN chair wicker rocker, all original in great condition; 2 ornate screen doors from 1800’s, call Jim (775)762-8908

Jesus and Satan…..

got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them. They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner. Well, they both got right down to business, and wrote lines and lines and lines of code. But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickered, the power faltered, and both computer screens went dead. When power was restored, God declared that time was up and asked to see the results of their work. Jesus flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound and pictures -- all kinds of bells and whistles.

God asked Satan what he had created, but Satan said, “I’ve got nothing, absolutely nothing. My program was twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power went out. Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such a great program?” God replied, “Everybody knows -- Jesus Saves.”

D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)6710808

23

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

24

Visit us at www.SierraScoop.com

25

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” Life Sentence

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, and he appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

What’s the matter dear?, she whispers as she steps into the room. Why are you sitting down here this time of the night? The husband looks up from his coffee, Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16? he asks solemnly. Yes, I do she replies.

The husband paused, the words were not coming easily.

Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?. Yes I remember, said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. Do you remember when he shoved the double barrel shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years.” Yes I remember that too. She whispered softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, “I would be getting out today”! (Author Unknown)

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HOME WATCH SERVICES, NORTHERN NEVADA Home Watch is a licensed and bonded home watch service. If you are an absentee owner, frequent traveler, or just want peace of mind while away on an extended vacation. We provide regular visual inspections of your home when you can’t. For more information visit nvhomewatch.com or contact us at (775)292-1272 WANTED, OLD CARS, COLLECTOR CARS, MUSCLE cars, non running or no title okay, private collector, give me a call (775)315-8265

Remarks at a Funeral

3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?

The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”

The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say ...

Look, He’s Moving!

BUYING CASINO CHIPS, OLD POSTCARDS, ADVERTISING signs, coins, old Nevada match book collections, old scrapbooks, old Nevada telephone books, old bottles, confederate money, letters, etc. - Terry (775)7823904

December 25th - Christmas Day 26

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Crumpled up

I had been thinking about coloring my hair. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband, “How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles?”

He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. “Just great, hon.”

DID YOU KNOW? As long as honey is sealed and stored properly, it can last an eternity. This is because the combo of honey’s low water content, high acidity, and antibacterial properties keep it from spoiling.

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To Friends and Family

Christmas isn’t just a season, it’s a feeling. It’s in the laughter shared around the table, the silent prayers whispered in gratitude, and the joy that comes from giving without expecting anything in return. I hope this season wraps you in all the love you deserve. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all! Lisa

27

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

DR. FIX IT HOME REPAIR PRO, ANY OUTSIDE/ INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $40 per hour (775)691-5119 PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches 1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827

Senior Texting

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low, GHA Got Heartburn Again, HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement, IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?, HTP - Have To Poop, LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out, LOL - Living On Lipitor, LWO - Lawrence Welk’s On, OMMR - On My Massage Recliner, OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas. ROFL...CGU - Rolling On The Floor, Laughing...Can’t Get Up! TTYL - Talk To You Louder, WAIT - Who Am I Talking To? WTFA - Wet The Furniture Again WTP Where’re The Prunes? WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil, GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In!

In this life I’m a woman

In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

ANTIQUES, COLLECTIBLES AND FINE ART, to see, call for appointment (775)901-3092 C-THRU WINDOW CLEANING, AND GENERAL maintenance, Call Casey (775)350-8021

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THINK HOLIDAY DINING AGAIN! FRANCISCAN china, pattern: Midnight mist, seven 5 piece settings, serving platter, serving bowl, pedestal gravy boat $1,390 value, price $1,000. Crystal, platinum rim stemware (8 water, 7 wine) free with purchase. There’s more! (sold separately) Yamazaki 18/8 silverware (no polishing) pattern: Ramona black/gold, twelve 5 piece settings , 9 serving plates $860 value, price $500; 12 coordinated napkin rings, 8 name place holders, walnut silverware chest, free with purchase; silverware compliments china, gently used or never used, if no answer, leave name and number (775)883-7181

Bad day at work!

A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. “My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?”

“It was terrible,” her husband said. “The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking.”

WILL TEAR DOWN AND BUY OLD WOODEN Barns and Barn Wood! Insured and bonded (775)782-9192 MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, EADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627 DID YOU KNOW? When you wake up in the morning, you’re about one centimeter taller. That’s because at night when you’re lying down, the spine stretches and decompresses. But throughout the day, the soft cartilage between your bones gets squashed and compressed SPECIALIZING IN GARAGES, ADDITIONS, REMODELS, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, Redline Construction Inc. (775)781-3955

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For Women Only

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only”.

Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.” So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here are tall and plain.” They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are tall and handsome.”

The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left.

Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.”

January 1st - New Year 2026

12’ STEP LADDER $175; CATERPILLAR PALLET jack $250; 4 Michelin tires with rims for Winter, 225/60/ R16 $400, call Jim (775)720-4634 VINTAGE OR ANTIQUE SAFE. MEASURES 30”LX 30”WX48½”H on metal wheels, very heavy. I have a way to load it; after that you’re on your own. Has a smaller safe inside. Have both combinations, asking $1,200 (775)233-3580

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor” True meaning of the holidays

Dear Lord, As we gather to celebrate the holidays, help us to reflect on their true meaning.

May we embrace love, gratitude, and togetherness, cherishing the moments spent with family and friends. Guide our hearts to share kindness and compassion, reminding us of the blessings we hold.

Let this season inspire us to spread joy and hope to those in need. Amen. $200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461 We sold our camper to a couple from Yerington. Thank you, Sierra Scoop! That is the only ad we ran. No Craigslist or Facebook even. You can put a SOLD banner across the ad if you’d like. Thank you so much for your help!

600 TO 800 FEET OF 1” AND 1 1/4” GALVANIZED tubing and pipe, random lengths, includes brackets, bolts, and nuts $200 (661)317-2508

COSTUME JEWELRY: ALL TYPES INCLUDING vintage rhinestones, lockets, charm bracelets, rings, necklaces, tourist Indian jewelry, wind up watches, men’s jewelry, old pocket knives, old lighters, military jewelry, vintage jewelry type items, fountain pens, old service pins, badges. Interesting bits and pieces. larger quantities preferred. I return all calls. I drive to you.

Call or text Joanne at (775)430-2352

A Dieter’s Psalm

Strict is my diet. I must not want. It maketh me to lie down at night hungry. It leadeth me past the confectioners. It trieth my willpower. It leadeth me in the paths of alteration for my figure’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the aisles of the pastry department, I will buy no sweet rolls for they are fattening.

The cakes and the pies, they tempt me. Before me is a table set with green beans and lettuce. I filleth my stomach with liquids; my day’s quota runneth over.

Surely calorie and weight charts will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the fear of scales forever SEMI RETIRED GENTLEMAN LOOKING FOR WORK on and around a farm or ranch to help with horse, farm animals, etc., willing to work for room. cowboygrandpa10@gmail.com or (406)749-0901

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“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

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