Lauralee Weinland, Definition of a Christian

Chris·tian /krisCHən/ adjective 1. relating to or professing Christianity or its teachings. “the Christian Church”

i always liked the way the rainbows of the stained glass windows reflected in your eyes. a ballet of shimmering hues parading through the streets of deep brown. i liked to listen to your heart beat along to the choir song, a powerful force and a hymn of its own. i felt the Holy Spirit when you looked at me, my white skin bloomed a blood red under your touch. i’d give my life for you, nails in hands and thorns in hair, share my body for your consumption, dipped in the sweetest grape juice. you were my congregation, voice singing my praise when our lips met. my pontius pilate, take my life reveal to me what I wanted so desperately to conceal in a great flood of destruction, water screaming the words of Leviticus.

noun 1. a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Christianity.

After June of 2015, I wanted to be Lauren Daigle. I wanted cute instagram stories,

coffee dates, chacos, calligraphy, and clothes adorned in chevron and crosses. I wanted to weep on “cry nights,” to profess to the stars above that am a Believer in the Holy God Almighty, to hear the echo from the Mountains telling me I am clean.

I wanted to dream of my perfect Christian husband, tell my friends about how I can’t wait to move back to the south, to have a golden retriever, a beach themed bathroom, a private school picked out for my kids, a Kendra Scott set, to live in suburbia, to find my perfect Church home.

I needed to hear my mother tell me she was proud, that I am good enough for her and for You. I wanted to hear her whispers praying for my health, not my forgiveness. I wanted my dad to stop using the word fag, queer, Godless, worthless.

I wanted to pass judgments on the sinners down below. I wanted to be able to sit still when we read in a service “man shall not lie with man…” I wanted to forget you ever happened. and be a true, homophobic, mean-spirited, Christ loving Christian.

Structure inspiration: Works Cited

Eileen Hujang. “Six Definitions for American.” The Best Teen Writing of 2018,

Scholastic Art and Writing Awards, Scholastic.

Tone and content inspiration:

Neelam Bohra. “Terrorist.” The Best Teen Writing of 2018, Scholastic Art and

Writing Awards, Scholastic.