LEILANI BOWERS

Every week, I get to share the story of a woman who’s crushing goals, thriving, and bringing others along with her We learn of the different struggles and successes that helped mold her Sometimes the traumas that are revealed are hard, but there’s a story of healing behind every feature I’ve written This week, I bring you my story

I’m a Southern Cali native, born and raised Growing up without my father, I was very close to my mom and in many ways, she was my entire foundation of love in the home. She made sure I knew from a young age that I was loved unconditionally, and what that meant. And even as I got older, the bond we shared was unmatched. However, the void left by my father was one she couldn’t fill.

By the age of 9, I was being sexually abused by a family member and when I told my mom a couple of years later, he was arrested. Growing up, I was able to make friends easily and used my sense of humor to cover whatever pain I was feeling on the inside. This is also when I found my love for reading. I would spend hours at the library reading fiction novels because it provided an escape from my reality Eventually, they let me volunteer after school and this became a safe haven for me

At 19, I married my high school sweetheart and we moved to Illinois It didn’t take too long before things became physically abusive, but I did exactly what I was taught to do, FIGHT BACK! But I knew that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life fighting in my household with the very person I trusted with my life. And at 21, I packed whatever I could fit into a suitcase and moved out. At that time, I was certain I had hit rock bottom, but it’s what I had to do to get out of where I was at

It would be another 2 years before I’d move back to Cali, but I was happy to be back around the love and support I desperately needed. I began working for a company that provided treatment and rehabilitation for female parolees and I got to meet women who had gone through the same things I had But I was able to see that change is possible. Many of these women had lost their kids to the system. They had a long history of substance abuse and a colorful criminal record. I got to witness these women completely turn their own lives around and get back on their feet I couldn’t be more inspired.

I eventually married again and at 30, I had my first child. My life was finally “on track”, or so I thought There have been a few defining moments, but the one that humbled me the most was realizing that I couldn’t change anybody, even if it was intended with love Once again, I found myself trying to change my partner into what I needed him to be, but this time it was different, I had kids! It was in 2019 when I finally accepted the fact that the only thing I could change was my circumstance, so I filed for divorce and moved me and the girls to Arizona.

I don’t think I ever had a real appreciation for single moms until I was one. Having to learn how to juggle everything at once has not only tested my sanity, it’s tested my faith. But with the love and support from friends and family, I know this is exactly where God wants me to be

The healing process can be slow, but I’ve grown to learn that it’s more beneficial to change things about myself that I don’t like, rather than change anybody else This has also forced me into a space where I have to learn to love myself again, unconditionally I’ve had to learn how to allow myself the same grace I extend for others But most of all, I’ve had to demonstrate what that looks like for my girls.

My healing is still a current journey, but I know that I’m not alone. I’m able to lean into my support when I need to, which allows me to be the added support that someone else may need. Practicing gratitude has been a major part of my healing as well. Learning to be intentionally grateful for everything around me makes it possible for me to appreciate sisterhood and community so much more I’m reminded that even as an adult, loving someone else comes second to loving myself and that change should always start with me

You can check Leilani out on IG: @shestoriesphx

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