Pause for Thought

Gay Barry, Sacred Heart & St Aldhelm Church

Most of us, probably at some time or other, will have responded to a piece of news with, ‘I’m not surprised!’ or something similar. We might say this for a myriad of reasons, including having our predetermined views of others. Today, I was surprised when, while shredding old papers, I came across an account of the life of my mother’s friend from childhood. I was surprised, firstly, to find these papers and then at my own reactions to recorded experiences of WWII and the years following – the living conditions, life’s expectations and so on; all antediluvian compared with today’s lifestyles!

Reading these stories triggered in my mind the following family story: At the outbreak of WWII my mother, London born and bred and now in young adulthood, proudly announced to her mother, ‘To help the war effort, I’ve decided to join the Land Girls.’ A short, stunned, surprised silence ensued, broken by my grandmother laughing, ‘How can you possibly do that? You’re afraid of spiders!’ – immediately ending my mother’s intentions of retreating to a country lifestyle and causing her to rethink her immediate future.

My own attitudes and directions in life also have been induced by surprised reactions from others, events, or unexpected meetings. My childhood and youth in post-war London were spent happily but coloured by repeated accounts of events and outcomes of that conflict; stories told and retold, based on fact, but embellished by personal judgements regarding the praiseworthy motives and deeds of ‘our side’, or destructive motives and deeds of ‘the enemy’. Little did I realise that through listening to these stories I was also learning to trust ‘us’, presuming ‘us’ always to be ‘right’ and to despise and fear ‘the other side’, presuming ‘them’ always to be ‘wrong’.

Relatively soon after that conflict, travel across a now peaceful and generally safe Europe made it possible for me with friends to journey on a camping holiday. At campsites, we shared time with ‘strangers’ and at one a particular group made a lasting impression on me. They had heard us speaking and wanting to practice their conversational English, introduced themselves to us. Before long I realised that they were from the nation which I’d more than once been encouraged to distrust, fear and avoid. Surprisingly, while we couldn’t speak their language, they could speak ours – VERY well! Gradually, I became aware that they, nationals of that ‘fearsome country’, were just like us in age, interests, hopes and ambitions. Their hand of friendship was extended, while I was reticent. My negative attitudes, long-held prejudices, fears and distrust were a barrier, but by sharing time together these ingrained and apparently insurmountable barriers began to break down. In our encountering ‘them’ our similarities were highlighted; our common humanity was shared.

It now seems to me that while I’d journeyed geographically, another journey within was occurring – one less reliant on expectations of others and more reliant on openness to ‘them’; one where strangers or competitors became companions. That inner journey led to my belief that life is a response not to my views or expectations, but to others’ insights and to companionship offered. Maybe you too have been surprised by your journeys in life, journeys on which you can look back as positive life-changing experiences?

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