Short Story

BANK HOLIDAY

Mark Milbank, Sherborne Scribblers

As long as you have a bit of capital it is easy to start a safari company in Africa. Buy a couple of Land Rovers, a lorry, some tents, light moveable furniture for the tents etc. etc. Call the company ‘Rhino Safaris’, or something like that, and you are ready to go. Did I say, ‘a bit of capital’? Amend that to a lot because all of that is just a start. Where are all the clients coming from? They have never heard of some aspiring ‘White Hunter’ who is about to charge them through the nose for the pleasure of taking them out into the African bush. So a vast amount of advertising is necessary – not to mention word-of-mouth recommendations.

I did have a bit of capital and thought that I was God’s gift to any American who had enough money to pay for my priceless services. Also I did genuinely love the African bush and newly independent Zimbabwe was as good as anywhere to give it a go.

I duly spent all my capital on the above equipment, put an ad in a couple of geographical magazines in America and waited for the flood of bookings. Nothing happened.

Then one day, as I hopefully opened my post, I got a letter from an old school mate who lived in New York. He had seen one of my ads.

‘Great idea!’ he enthused. ‘If you can fit them in, my cousin would love to do an African safari with his family – he was talking about making plans when I last saw him so, unless he has booked with someone else, I think I can persuade him to come with your outfit.’

I wrote back immediately (no e-mails in those days!), outlining a possible itinerary and asking who his cousin was and how many of the family would be coming.

I got a reply by return. My friend’s cousin was probably one of the ten richest men in America – Philip Pillsbury of Pillsbury Flour. A total of four of them would like to come and would I send the cost.

To my delight my quote in US dollars [not the suspect Zimbabwe dollar] was accepted and dates soon booked.

I planned to take them camping on the banks of the Zambezi River, then to the luxury Bumi Hills Lodge on Lake Kariba, onto Victoria Falls, Hwange National Park and end up with more camping in the lowveld. Three weeks in all with a pretty hefty bill attached. To my further delight they accepted this and I asked my friend when I could expect payment, which I needed in advance, as because being an unknown tour operator in Zimbabwe, all accommodation in the luxury lodges expected payment up front.

My friend replied saying that on no account must I press Mr Pillsbury for payment as this was the one thing that really annoyed him. He had accepted my price without a quibble and certainly would pay in full.

But when?

I took my friend’s letter to my bank together with the planned itinerary and cost. I explained that I had to pay a lot of this cost up front so could I have an overdraft to do so?

My Bank Manager hummed and hawed for a long time, but even he had heard of Philip Pillsbury, and finally agreed to the substantial loan required on condition that I paid in Pillsbury’s US dollar cheque as soon as I received it – i.e. presumably before the start of the safari. Failure to do this would result in dishonoured cheques.

The Pillsbury party duly arrived and I booked them in to a couple of suites in Harare’ s Meikles Hotel before starting on the 3 week safari the following morning.

No sign of any cheque though, so I told my wife to pay for each lodge just before we got there in the hope that the much needed cheque would be forthcoming sooner rather than later and just hoped the bank would continue to honour these payments.

The actual safari went off really well. We saw the ‘Big Five’, caught tiger fish in the Zambezi, wondered at the magnificence of Victoria Falls, saw a kill in Hwange and walked in the lowveld bush. All four Pillsburys appeared to thoroughly enjoy it all and Philip was utterly charming.

But still no cheque.

I was really worried by now, but as we were about to shake hands and say good bye he suddenly reached into his pocket and produced a cheque saying, ‘Oh! You gave me an invoice before we started, I have added a bit to it as thanks for a great trip. See you in the ‘States sometime. Bye.’

And he was gone. I glanced at the cheque. It was at least 10% more than I had billed him for. But could I pay it in to my suffering bank account before they bounced all the cheques that I written during the last 3 weeks, in anticipation of this vital payment, and so ruin my reputation as a tour operator before it really got started?

I rushed to the bank as soon as I could on that Tuesday morning clutching the precious cheque but fearing the worst. Surely some of those cheques that I had written before the safari even started would have bounced at the start of a new week, yesterday.

There was a long queue in front of all three tellers and I chaffed at this extra delay. At last I was able to hand the cheque to a smiling lady teller.

‘Sorry to have been so slow this morning,’ she said, ‘all due to yesterday’s Bank Holiday, I suppose.’

‘You mean, the bank was shut yesterday?’ I stammered stupidly.

‘Yes, of course, it was a Bank Holiday.’ ‘Please give me a print out of my account and pay this US dollar cheque in at today’s rate – what is it by the way?’

‘Oh! You are in luck. Where have you been? Hadn’t you heard? The Government devalued the Zimbabwe dollar by 25% yesterday so your US dollar cheque is worth 25% more today than it would have been if you had paid it in yesterday!’

Thank goodness for Bank Holidays.