Shepherd Express - December 2020 Issue

DECEMBER 2020

The Domes MILWAUKEE’S YEAR-ROUND GREEN OASIS

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08 The Domes: Milwaukee’s Year-round Green Oasis 12 Human Trafficking in Milwaukee Part II 14 After Trump, Will Republicans Ever Be a Mainstream Party Again?

Taking Liberties 15 The Modern World 16 MPS’ Linda Langen Connects Native Americans to Their Culture Hero of the Month 18 A Big Step in Helping to Heal Our State Issue of the Month

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20 The Challenges All Arts Groups Face Off the Cuff

Photo by KatarzynaBialasiewicz/Getty Images

Photo by Coy St. Clair/Getty Images

NEWS

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24 Where to Go for Holiday Meals To-Go 28 Eldr+Rime Brings Scandinavianinspired Elegance to Wauwatosa’s Dining Scene 30 How About Chinese for Christmas?

Flash in the Pan

SPECIAL SECTION

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FOOD & DRINK

34 Holiday Gift Guide 42 Holiday Drinks | SPONSORED BY 46 New Year's Eve Guide

CULTURE 48 UPAF’s New President, Patrick Rath, on Sustaining Milwaukee’s Performing Arts in Turbulent Times

LIFESTYLE 58 Does Nice Stuff Really Make People Happier? — Out of my Mind

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60 Hemp in Wisconsin: Economic Outlook Cannabis 64 20 Holiday Hacks That Make Homes Merry and Bright — Domicile

HEAR ME OUT

SPONSORED BY

66 A Holiday Message from Ruthie Dear Ruthie 68 Home on Lockdown for the Holidays My LGBTQ POV 70 LGBTQ Progress Awards Celebrate Victory in the Struggle for Equality

ART FOR ART'S SAKE 74 From the City that Always Sweeps 4 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Cover Photo by Melissa Johnston

Photo by Claire Eymn/Getty Images

52 Luba Lukova: Designing Justice at the Jewish Museum Milwaukee

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68 PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Louis Fortis (ext. 3802) GENERAL MANAGER: Kevin Gardner (ext. 3825) MANAGING EDITOR: David Luhrssen (ext. 3804)

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STAFF WRITER/COPY EDITOR: Jean-Gabriel Fernandez (ext. 3818) ASSISTANT TO THE GENERAL MANAGER: Blaine Schultz (ext. 3813) EVENT SALES COORDINATOR: Carrie Fisher (ext. 3823)

Photo by Melissa Johnston

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ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES: Bridgette Ard (ext. 3811) EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT TO THE SALES DIRECTOR AND PUBLISHER: Jackie Butzler (ext. 3814)

Photo by Erin Bloodgood

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BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MANAGER: Chuck Hill (ext. 3822) IN MEMORY OF DUSTI FERGUSON (OCTOBER 18, 1971 – NOVEMBER 20, 2007) WEB EDITOR: Tyler Nelson (ext. 3810)

Illustration by thesomegirl/Getty Images

WEB WRITER: Allen Halas (ext. 3803) BUSINESS MANAGER: Peggy Debnam (ext. 3832) CIRCULATION COORDINATOR: Blaine Schultz (ext. 3813)

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Photos by Nathan Kirkman. Courtesy of Elder + Rime.

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DECEMBER 2020 | 5

PUBLISHER'S LETTER

NOVEMBER WAS QUITE AN

he last issue of the Shepherd Express went to press before the election, so now as the dust settles and all the lawsuits are dismissed, I think it’s fair to say the results were good but not a great. We will have a new president who respects America’s democratic traditions, which is great. However, there were few coattails and at this point, the Democrats have not taken back the Senate which means there will be more Mitch McConnell gridlock. Also, the election was much closer than most people expected, which unfortunately means that much of the lies and the misinformation was believed.

Currently, as you all know, there will be a special runoff election for two Georgia senate seats thanks to an old racist Georgia state law crafted to keep an African American from getting elected. In Georgia, a candidate must win with over 50% of the votes not just a plurality so an African American couldn’t get into the Senate with 38% of the vote in a four-way race, for example.

ELECTION RESULTS ARE NOT CHANGING Despite the demands for recounts and the dozens of Trump lawsuits, there is no evidence to change the election results as of today, November 23 the day we send the copy off to the printer. Personally, I support all the recounts candidates are willing to pay for. Our elections, especially this one, are very professionally and honestly administered so the outcome of a recount might be several hundred votes one way or the other because of some innocent mistakes. Recounts in our country only discredit those who argue our elections are rigged.

The other major concern is all these doom and fear articles even in some of the respected national magazines describing all the ways Donald Trump is going to steal back his presidency. It’s not going 6 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

to happen. On January 20, Joe Biden will become the 46th president of the United States. Unfortunately, many people are doomscrolling, a new word I just learned, which means people reading these gloom and doom articles and causing themselves more than a few sleepless nights. Trump lost, and he will be out of the White House at noon on January 20 so please rest easy.

Our collective mental health needs a rest.

IN THE MEANTIME

throughout the world must deficit spend in a crisis be it a war, a pandemic or a major recession. We are currently living through two of the three.

Without more COVID-19 relief monies, when the vaccine gets widely distributed and we return to some level of normalcy, we will be returning to a different world if our favorite coffee shops, restaurants, bars, gyms, salons, arts groups, music/entertainment venues and other small businesses are gone because our US Senators didn’t care enough to debate and pass a COVID-19 relief bill. The House of Representatives has passed a couple of COVID-19 relief bills, it’s all up to the Senators.

As we go to press on November 23, the good news is that we now have two excellent vaccines that appear to be 95% effective and should be available to the general public by late Spring. There are a couple of other vaccines in the pipeline. In the meantime, COVID-19 is raging out of control.

New cases and COVID deaths continue to rise at a record pace. The next 50 days will be rough with Mr. Trump refusing to help Biden’s transition by sharing the COVID-19 information our government has including the plans for vaccine distribution.

PLEASE BUY LOCAL WHENEVER POSSIBLE

So please hang in there and play it safe for a few more months so we can begin to slow the COVID-19 spread without having to shut down the economy. America needs another COVID relief bill. Many innocent individuals are really hurting and desperately need an unemployment compensation extension, and a moratorium on evictions and mortgage foreclosures.

Otherwise, we will have families who are now out of work being evicted in the middle of January during a pandemic.

Louis Fortis Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Finally, there is something we as individuals can do and that is increase our efforts to “Buy Local.” If you buy your case of wine, your books, your clothes or whatever you purchase from locally owned businesses, more of the money you spend will circulate through our economy and it will circulate a little longer helping all of our local businesses that employ our neighbors and possibly ourselves.

SAVING OUR SMALL BUSINESSES We also need another version of PPP monies for small businesses especially those on the verge of bankruptcy. The Federal government can afford to provide a couple of trillion dollars of stimulus to its citizens and struggling businesses. Actually, it can’t afford not to. National governments

Photo by Tyler Nelson

T

Interesting Month

NEWS MILWAUKEE SHOW DOME: POINSETTIA PROMENADE

The Domes

MILWAUKEE’S YEAR-ROUND GREEN OASIS

BY VIRGINIA SMALL

A

trio of glass domes gleams by day and by night along a bluff overlooking Milwaukee’s Menomonee Valley. The Mitchell Park Horticultural Conservatory, affectionately known as the Domes, lets visitors immerse themselves year-round within abundant plantings.

A living museum filled with plants from across the globe, the Domes offers opportunities for a “nature fix,” especially on cold days.

A landmark and source of civic pride for generations, the Domes are the world’s only coneshaped glasshouses. Milwaukeean Donald Grieb’s design was chosen in 1958 among proposals submitted by 33 architects in a national competition. Grieb’s son has said that his father awoke one day with the design in his head and proceeded to craft models with toothpicks and balsa wood.

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In 2017 the National Trust for Historic Preservation declared the Domes a “national treasure” for being “a unique engineering marvel, a nationally significant example of Midcentury Modern architecture… a center of community life and an international tourism destination for more than 50 years.”

IN 2017 THE NATIONAL TRUST FOR HISTORIC PRESERVATION DECLARED THE DOMES A “NATIONAL TREASURE” Grieb, a Milwaukee-based architect, studied other conservatories in his quest to increase access to sunlight and potential height of plants. Each dome is 140 feet in diameter and 85 feet tall. “The conoidal design was patented, and that patent has never been used, so they are unique in the world,” said Dawn McCarthy.

She is a board member of the Milwaukee Preservation Alliance, the local nonprofit leading efforts to find a long-term preservation solution for the Domes. The Cultural Landscape Foundation (TCLF), based in Washington D.C., named the Domes a “threatened cultural landscape” in its 2016 Landslide program. TCLF wrote that the

Domes “are recognized as a Modernist marvel” and compared it to the recently restored Arch in St. Louis, which opened the same year as the Domes.

A ZOO FOR PLANTS The Domes showcase diverse horticultural climates in what an avid young student called “a zoo for plants” at a hearing. The Show Dome, Tropical Dome and Desert Dome were constructed one at a time between 1959 and 1967. U.S. First Lady “Lady Bird” Johnson attended a dedication ceremony in 1965.

The Domes have received acclaim since their opening and remain a popular destination for locals and tourists, whether for education or recreation. Before a temporary pandemic-related closure this year, nearly 250,000 people visited the Domes annually. Many people have spoken publicly about the Domes’ significance to them, including as an antidote for “Seasonal Affective Disorder.” Intergenerational outings, including to enjoy seasonal holiday displays, have become traditions for many families. The Domes are a popular setting for weddings and other special events, as well as for memorable photos.

The Domes’ horticultural staff tends a collection valued in the millions, which in-

cludes thousands of plant species, as well as changing floral displays.

West Allis native and former Madison mayor Dave Cieslewicz wrote about the Domes in Madison’s Isthmus. “On cold winter Saturday afternoons when I was a kid, my dad would often take me to the Mitchell Park Domes. We’d bask in the humidity of the tropical dome or enjoy the crisp heat of the desert dome… The earthy smell of all those plants on frigid days is something that’s still with me all these years later.”

Darlene Wesenberg Rzezotarski, an artist and teacher, said, “Our children always watched for the Domes from the expressway whenever we returned from a trip.

They knew we were home again when the Domes came into view.”

DEEP LAYERS OF CIVIC HISTORY The Domes are located in Mitchell Park, one of Milwaukee’s earliest public green spaces. Mitchell Park and the Domes are economic and cultural anchors of Clarke Square, one of Milwaukee’s most diverse, storied and populous neighborhoods.

Mitchell Park originally comprised about 30 acres when created in 1890, one of seven original parks developed by Mil-

DECEMBER 2020 | 9

NEWS

waukee’s nascent park commission. It was named for John Landrum Mitchell, father of General Billy Mitchell, the namesake of Milwaukee County’s airport. A history of local parks calls the elder Mitchell “a wealthy and highly respected citizen” who was elected to local, state and national offices. The Mitchell Family donated a five-acre tract for the park.

When Mitchell Park was expanded to 61 acres, Warren Manning, a nationally renowned landscape architect, redesigned it to feature rolling hills, a scenic lagoon and a Sunken Garden with a spectacular “water mirror” reflecting pool.

Manning consulted for nearly a decade with Milwaukee’s park commission after serving on landscape architect Frederick Law Olmsted’s team when he designed three of Milwaukee’s first parks. Ultimately, Manning designed 60 public and private landscapes in Wisconsin, including several projects for the Pabst Family.

Completed in 1901, the Sunken Garden was placed on axis with a Victorian-style glass house designed by Henry C. Koch, the architect for Milwaukee’s City Hall. Mitchell Park became nicknamed “Flower Park” for its cherished indoor and outdoor horticul-

tural displays. The original conservatory was razed in 1955, after deterioration caused by neglect was aggravated by a hailstorm. The Sunken Garden was gradually removed without fanfare in the 1990s.

ADAPTING TO COVID REALITIES As with other attractions, new policies have been implemented for Domes visitors in response to the pandemic. Doris Maki, horticultural services director, said, “We are taking all necessary measures to make sure our staff and visitors are safe while visiting the Domes as we continue to face the constant evolving challenges of COVID-19. The health and safety of our community and all who visit the Domes is our top priority.”

New hours are Wednesday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Saturday, Sunday and holidays from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. The Domes are closed Monday and Tuesday.

Walk-up tickets are currently unavailable.

Advance registration is required by visiting county.milwaukee.gov/en/parks/explore/ the-domes. The adopted 2021 county budget provides funding for the Domes to remain open year-round.

Admission is free for members. “First Thursdays” free admission for Milwaukee County residents has been suspended through 2020. Adult tickets are $8; tickets

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for children 6 through 17, students and people with disabilities are $6. Milwaukee County residents receive a $1 discount.

The Domes are accessible for wheelchairs and strollers. Masks are required for everyone three years of age and older in all Domes spaces. All exhibitions are included with admission, and the gift shop is open. The education center is closed, and no guided tours or live programming are being offered.

The winter holiday show, “Poinsettia Promenade,” will be on display through January 3, 2021. While transitioning floral shows, the Show Dome is closed to the public, and the Desert and Tropical Dome remain open for visitors.

Virtual Science Live programs, offered with support from the Friends of the Domes, are available for groups up to 35 students in kindergarten through grade 6. The Friends, a nonprofit organization with 2,200 members, also developed two nature-exploration kits for students. “Backyard Bug Buddies” and “Growing with My Garden” can be purchased and either picked up or shipped. The Friends of the Domes run the facility’s gift shop, conduct educational programs and raise funds.

The Milwaukee Winter Farmers Market (MWFM) has resumed in the Greenhouse

MILWAUKEE SHOW DOME: POINSETTIA PROMENADE

Annex of Domes complex. It runs from 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. on Saturdays through March 27, 2021. Customers will find favorite farmers and producers in an environment designed to keep shoppers, vendors, volunteers and staff safe, according to organizers. Fondy Food Center (FFC), the nonprofit that operates the market, worked with Milwaukee County Parks staff to create an approved operating plan.

Farmers markets are considered essential businesses during the pandemic. FFC has successfully operated the open-air Fondy Farmers Market since May.

THE DOMES FACE CHALLENGES Long-deferred maintenance of the Domes must be addressed to ensure that the facility continues to serve as a community and educational asset. The Milwaukee County Task Force on the Mitchell Park Conservatory Domes (the “Domes Task Force”) met for three years to evaluate options for moving forward. At its final meetPhotos by Melissa Johnston

ing in August 2019, the task force endorsed the business plan and conceptual design prepared by ArtsMarket, Inc., a third-party contractor. The $66 million re-envisioning of the Domes and Mitchell Park over the next 50 years includes a multi-faceted funding structure combining federal tax credits from multiple sources, private philanthropic donations and approximately $13.5 million in County bond funding.

An additional $100,000 was allocated to the Office of the Comptroller to evaluate the feasibility and perform due diligence on the Domes Task Force plan. According to the 2021 budget summary, “the COVID-19 pandemic forced a temporary freeze on spending, and consultants to conduct that work were never hired. At this time, there have been no recent updates as to the status of the plan recommended on the Domes Task Force and no long-term plan for the Domes has been proposed.”

Also, that budget does not include any

funding to address the recommendations of the Domes Task Force. The 2021 Capital Budget does include $500,000 to address maintenance and repairs to the mesh system that installed in 2016 when the facility was closed due to spalling concrete.

Rejuvenation of the Domes and Mitchell Park will require that civic leaders and elected officials generate sufficient political will, as has been the case for funding arena, stadium and convention center projects. One woman at a Domes hearing in 2019 asked attendees to consider what it would be like to return to Milwaukee “and not finding our Domes… That would be like St. Louis without their Arch.”

Virginia Small is a veteran journalist and communications professional. The Milwaukee Press Club recently awarded her a silver medal for a story published in the Shepherd Express.

DECEMBER 2020 | 11

NEWS

CONTINUED FROM OUR NOVEMBER ISSUE

Human Trafficking in Milwaukee Part II

THE DIFFICULT REALITY OF HEALING PERSONAL TRAUMA AND ADVOCATING FOR VICTIMS

BY JEAN-GABRIEL FERNANDEZ

“

I was driving down the street and I saw a woman walking with no shoes. I approached her, using the shoes as a hook to engage conversation: ‘Do you need anything? We have shoes, we have food, we have condoms…’ We got her name, and this was the third time that we had seen her in different places in the vicinity,” says Dana World-Patterson, founder of Foundations for Freedom and chairperson of the Human Trafficking Task Force of Greater Milwaukee.

If she didn’t help that woman right away, it is due to the disheartening fact that “the life” is very hard to leave.

“A person may leave the life of human trafficking and then return five to 16 times. They have been trained not to trust. It’s like an electric fence: A dog comes too close to the edge and gets shocked, and after a while they learn not to go that far. Knowing that, a person may see the door, they may even be constantly thinking about how to exit, but it's not that easy to walk out,” World-Patterson explains. “A trauma-informed way of helping them is to say, ‘if you don't take our hand this time, we’re coming back.’ We just believe that the more we encounter the women that are working the streets, the more likely they are, eventually, to grab our

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hand back,” she continues. “We have people on our team that have been in their shoes and who can lead and guide along the way.”

Even when they reach out for help, these people have to transition away from being “a victim” through what Dana World-Patterson describes as “the survival space,” which is very insidious and dangerous. Victims might be tempted to return to their previous life for the comfort of a known evil, because they lack resources when they escape it.

Karshen: “The victims need housing, they need treatment, they need job skills” “The hardest part about cooperation from the victims is that the trafficker takes care of everything for them in their life. The trafficker provides everything for the victim: food, shelter, support, a sense of family, a sense of community, money, so for the victim to leave that life and leave essentially all of the support she has is a very diffi-

cult process,” Karshen explains. “Often, traffickers are also controlling their victims’ addictive substances. If the victim is addicted to crack or heroin, they will say, ‘You can’t have the heroin or the crack until you do $1,000.’ And so, by controlling the heroin or whatever their drug of addiction is, the withdrawal symptoms are so bad, especially from heroin, that they will do whatever the trafficker wants.”

Another challenge that stands in the way of breaking up human trafficking is the fact that sex trafficking victims can get in trouble for coming forward.

“Prostitution is still illegal, so victims can be very untrusting of the police, and it can be very difficult to have a complete interview and for victims to disclose all of the details,” Karshen adds.

LOTUS Legal Clinic provides assistance for survivors of human trafficking. “We do legal advocacy and representation inside of criminal processes, and we make sure that a victim is not treated like a perpetrator,” says Knowlton.

“There are many women who are being coerced to get other women involved.

So, when you talk about prostitution charges, many times you will find a trafficker who is making victims get other women involved as well. It’s a very

Image by golubovy/Getty Images

common ploy for traffickers to make sure that their victim has some sort of violation, because it's another way to keep them under control. We have an expungement program to make sure that survivors can have their record expunged so they can have a clean start.”

HOW TO ADDRESS IT There are structures in place to fight human trafficking, including the Milwaukee Joint Human Trafficking Task Force, the Wisconsin Department of Justice’s Human Trafficking Bureau and—a collaboration between the FBI and Milwaukee Police Department—the Federal Human Trafficking Task Force.

Non-profit organizations offer resources, as well. Groups like Foundations for Freedom, LOTUS Legal Clinic, but also Pathfinders, which offer shelter and advocacy, and more local organizations provide punctual help. “There is no doubt, in Milwaukee, that there's a dire need specifically for housing and for housing assistance,” says Knowlton.

World-Patterson adds: “Yes, there is absolutely a need for more housing in Milwaukee and Wisconsin.”

“The victims need housing, they need treatment, they need job skills, and we don't have all of that support for them.

It just takes a lot of money,” Karshen says. While she does believe that local, community-based organizations have been doing an “outstanding job,” she agrees that “there is a lot more that could be done. “This isn’t just a job that one entity can do. It can’t just be law

enforcement, the DA’s office, it has to be this wrap-around service for the victims. We need to approach this in a victim-centered way.”

One commonality between law enforcement, the human trafficking task force and organizations providing services to victims is the agreement that prevention is the best way to limit human trafficking in Milwaukee. Trafficking starts when a person becomes vulnerable. “Victims aren’t running to a trafficker. They’re running from something else, whether it is a drug addiction, whether it is an abusive household or something else,” Karshen says.

Knowlton adds, “Human trafficking is simply the exploitation of any vulnerability of a person, and then using that vulnerability to exploit that person. As such, the population that is most vulnerable to human trafficking is literally everyone.” And yet, “Youth who are easier and cheaper for perpetrators to get because they are looking to have their basic needs met: basic food, clothing and shelter.”

She continues: “Pay attention specifically, in six, seventh, eighth and ninth grade, where kids are very vulnerable to peer pressure and to feeling accepted in this crazy hormonal adolescence.

Those are tumultuous times, and perpetrators are masters at figuring that out. And the problem is once they’ve done one thing and it works, then you're sunk.” Among examples of hooks that

perpetrators can use, she mentions getting pornographic pictures online then demanding certain actions under the threat of publishing the pictures.

The objective is to make the victims afraid of calling for help while they can still get it.

“In terms of prevention, we must spot a vulnerability and work on correcting that vulnerability. You’re not going to catch all the traffickers, but you can make someone less vulnerable so that they can advocate for themselves and they know they have safe spaces,” Knowlton concludes.

“Traffickers are not looking for the strong, they’re looking for the weak, they’re looking for the vulnerable. That is how you prevent it. If we can build confident, strong girls, we believe that we’re extracting from that number. We believe that’s one less victim, because they’re strong. The first thing that stops human trafficking is dignity and safety,” World-Patterson asserts.

Karshen says, “It’s really hard to break that cycle, and a way to help is to just be a positive, non-judgmental, open person, so when the victim is ready to disclose, they have that person to disclose to. That can mean the world.”

Jean-Gabriel Fernandez is a French journalist and graduate from La Sorbonne University. He writes about politics, cannabis and Milwaukee’s rich culture.

Knowlton: “You’re not going to catch all the traffickers, but you can make someone less vulnerable so that they can advocate for themselves” DECEMBER 2020 | 13

NEWS TAKING LIBERTIES

AFTER TRUMP,

Will Republicans Ever Be a Mainstream Party Again?

BY JOEL MCNALLY

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hen a first-term president is run out of office after receiving the greatest number of opposition votes against a presidential candidate in American history, his defeat prompting joyful dancing in the streets, you would think the leaders of his political party would realize they’re on the wrong path and begin making drastic changes as quickly as possible.

First of all, what leaders? Second, Republicans will have another big problem after Donald Trump is finally evicted from the White House. Most Americans want to quit

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thinking about Trump every day as soon as possible. But Republicans have a very different problem: Trump was feared and loathed by the massive majority of Americans who turned out in record numbers to end his presidency, but a large majority of Republicans still embrace him. In five years, he transformed the Republican Party into the Cult of Trump.

Most of us watching from the outside could never understand how Trump did it.

We found him crude and offensive; to his supporters, that was their favorite part.

We thought they were incredibly ignorant

for believing anything Trump told them since he lied so constantly and obviously; they thought it was hilarious that fact-checkers couldn’t keep up. Rich, fat cats had always lied to people like them, but Trump was their very own lying, rich, fat cat. They loved him when he said publicly embarrassing things about injecting poisonous disinfectant to kill coronavirus and George Washington crossing the Delaware to take over all the airports. It proved he was really one of them. They couldn’t be happier all those other stuckup, lying, rich, fat cats who used the run the Republican Party didn’t like him.

Photo by ymn/Getty Images

HATRED OF THE CHANGING WORLD That wasn’t the way it was supposed to work when Richard Nixon invited white, working-class racists into the Republican Party after Democrats drove them out by supporting civil rights. Wealthy country club Republicans welcomed the votes of all those they considered riff raff. They used those votes to pass bigger tax cuts for themselves and put more of the cost of government onto the middle class. Trump did the same thing, but at least he gave lower-class white people a voice by helping to spread their visceral hatred of the changing world around them. The tail was now publicly wagging the Republican dog.

Republicans officially ceased to exist as a mainstream, conservative political party at that fake 2020 Republican National Convention televised from Trump’s White House. Remember that convention’s Republican platform? No, you don’t. There wasn’t one. Delegates passed a brief resolution declaring their only platform was to support Trump’s presidency. Historic Republican conservative principles were replaced with one of those joke T-shirts that said, “I’m With Stupid!”

ly scrambling for attention as the next Trump before the body is even cold are copycat extremists like Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton and Missouri Sen. Josh Hawley.

Republicans already know what to do to stop their party from becoming a permanently dwindling minority party in a racially diverse nation. But they don’t want to do it. Reince Priebus, as the party’s national chairman, laid it all out in 2013 in a Republican “autopsy” after President Obama defeated Mitt Romney.

“Young voters are increasingly rolling their eyes at what the party represents, and many minorities wrongly think Republicans do not like them or want them in the country,” Priebus’s report said. Latino voters “tell us our Party’s position on immigration has become a litmus test, measuring whether we are meeting them with a welcome mat or a closed door.” Four years later, Priebus was chief of staff to Trump, the most racist, anti-immigration president in modern history, who not only

slammed the door in the faces of Latinos but took their children away and jailed them in cages.

But one of the largest presidential popular vote defeats in history failed to decimate Republicans in the House and Senate as the party feared it might. Instead, Republicans gained seats in the House of Representatives and had just a net loss of one seat in the Senate to Democrats, as we wait to know the outcome of two Georgia runoff elections decided in January. Now, they’re afraid to drive away any of Trump’s supporters. But it’s long past time for Republicans to rid their party of virulent white supremacists and become a decent, mainstream, American political party.

Democrats did it 50 years ago.

Joel McNally was a critic and columnist for the Milwaukee Journal for 27 years. He has written the weekly Taking Liberties column for the Shepherd Express since 1996.

IN FIVE YEARS, HE TRANSFORMED THE REPUBLICAN PARTY INTO THE CULT OF TRUMP. The truth is that Trump has never had any clear, coherent set of conservative political principles, at least not any a legitimate American political party would ever openly adopt. He’s always believed whatever pops into his head to say next.

The more outrageous the better for attracting attention. Vile racism and sexism, self-aggrandizing lies, denigration of his imaginary enemies, hatred and suspicion of anyone “foreign,” support for crazy conspiracies alleging child molestation, murder and cannibalism by prominent Democrats, encouragement of violence by dangerous armed militias, the list goes on.

COPYCAT EXTREMISTS That’s why the candidates immediate-

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NEWS HERO OF THE MONTH

MPS’ Linda Langen

CONNECTS NATIVE AMERICANS TO THEIR CULTURE

BY ERIN BLOODGOOD

F

or many people with Native American heritage, finding a connection to their history and customs is a healing process and an identity that they can carry on from their ancestors. Linda Langen felt this way when she finally discovered her Oneida heritage as an adult. She found a support system in the Milwaukee Native community and made it her life’s work to help children and adolescents do the same. While finishing her Master’s degree in School Counseling, she worked at the First Nation’s Studies Program at Milwaukee Public Schools (MPS), helping students understand the customs and history of their

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tribes. Now a full-time school counselor in MPS, she continues to work with students to help them develop their identities.

As a child, Langen grew up with little knowledge of her Indigenous roots, and the little she knew was negative. Coming of age in the 1970s was a very different culture than what we know today. At the time, it was not widely accepted to stand out as a minority. Langen explains, “We tried to be erased, we tried to assimilate. It wasn’t a good thing to be different. You wanted to be accepted into the white majority. I wanted to be like everyone else.”

Photo by Erin Bloodgood

Langen’s father had always been a quiet man who didn’t speak to her much about their tribal background. Her grandmother, on the other hand, had issues with alcohol, which frightened her as a child. As Langen describes, there’s a historical trauma that many Indigenous people carry due to the oppression and forced assimilation they have faced in this country. That trauma is carried through generations, which contributes to the high rates of alcoholism and suicide among Native people. For Langen, the childhood experience was negative and made her distance herself from the Native culture.

Decades later, the culture in the country shifted. Being an individual and having pride in one’s diversity became more widely accepted, but Langen didn’t find her connection to her tribal

identity until her 40s. She reached out to the Southeastern Oneida Tribal Services (SEOTS) on the south end of Milwaukee with questions about her heritage. She may have been searching for answers, but she instead found a community. The people of SEOTS shared the customs, stories and history of the Oneida tribe with her, and she soon realized that her childhood experiences weren’t a reflection of all Native culture.

In her work with MPS students, she uses that experience of finding her tribal identity to help youth find theirs.

For students looking to understand more about their Native history, she will share stories of frybread, ceremonial customs, historical events and other traditions relevant to their tribes.

That understanding offers healing from historical trauma, Langen ex-

plains, and it also gives youth a culture to identify with. “It means a lot being in a group and having customs that you share,” she says.

In a country that has tried to erase Native culture and force assimilation on Indigenous people, the traditions and practices of their ancestors are vital to uphold. Langen’s work in schools and her other volunteer work in the community focuses on connecting Native people to their culture so they can build a stronger support system in the community for future generations. “We matter. We’re still here and we’re not going away. We are something else.”

Erin Bloodgood is a Milwaukee photographer and storyteller. Visit bloodgoodfoto.com to see more of her work.

DECEMBER 2020 | 17

NEWS ISSUE OF THE MONTH

A BIG STEP IN HELPING TO

Heal Our State T

here has always been a bit of a divide in our state on many issues and there probably always will be, but about 10 years ago the divide went from being a disagreement to becoming a war. It is truly toxic and it is ripping families apart, causing major rifts in extended families. Some people blame the Walker administration’s “divide and conquer” strategy, others blame the Gerrymandered legislative districts that caused legislators to worry about challengers from the extremes in their party rather than in the general elections, discouraging any kind of compromise.

Some economists will argue that the “Great Recession” of 2008 exacerbated our already very unequal distribution of wealth and economic opportunities between those with and those without a college degree. It especially decimated many rural areas. Choose your reason and there 18 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

BY LOUIS FORTIS

are many, but the reality is that currently the rural areas and those in the labor market without a college degree are being left behind in too many quality-of-life categories, and it’s just not fair.

The following is a humble and very reasonable proposal without adding any new ingredients to the policy debate that will help heal some of the divisions in our state, improve educational and business opportunities in rural areas, improve the health and well-being of those who have certain ailments, create more jobs, generate more tax revenues within our state, keep loving parents from becoming criminals and save money by avoiding silly prosecutions.

THE PROBLEM The inner-city neighborhoods of large cities were often thought of when people discussed poverty. Unfortunately, inner-city poverty still exists, but many rural

areas are now also really hurting, and the internet in some ways is making this urban-rural divide worse. As we focus more on the wonders of the internet, we see that access to reliable high-speed internet and the serious urban-rural digital divide, is leaving more and more rural schools and businesses further behind.

One major step that state government could take is to develop a public/private partnership with the major internet providers to help subsidize the building of a reliable high-speed internet network that covers our entire state. This will enable rural students who want to excel, the opportunity to access the entire world through their computers. It would also enable businesses to move to more rural areas along with their jobs because they would be able to stay reliably connected to the world economy.

Photo by Coy St. Clair/Getty Images

HOW TO PAY FOR THIS STATEWIDE HIGH-SPEED INTERNET NETWORK Yes, it will cost money at a time when state budgets are tight. So how are we supposed to pay for this? This brings up the second half of this proposal, creating a revenue source. According to the advisory referenda on the ballots in over a dozen rural counties in November 2018, 80% of the voters in rural Wisconsin, yes, four out of five rural Wisconsin voters wanted medical marijuana legalized in Wisconsin.

Currently, 36 states have legalized medical marijuana including our neighbors in Illinois, Michigan and Minnesota and the very red states of Mississippi, North Dakota and West Virginia but not our State of Wisconsin.

Right now, our state legislative leaders are making criminals out of loving parents who must smuggle laboratory-tested medical marijuana across state lines to help their children who are suffering from the various illnesses that respond to medical marijuana.

Why aren’t the legislative leaders representing the wishes of their bosses, the voters? The answer sadly is simple and basically undemocratic; they just don’t have to.

With our radically Gerrymandered districts, the Republican legislative leaders can ignore the overwhelming will of the people and only listen to their extreme right-wing check writers. If 80% of the public wants something, shouldn’t their elected representative actually represent them and follow their wishes. The tax revenue from the sales of laboratory

Cannabis Image by ime99lek/Getty. Images)

tested, medical marijuana, is not trivial as seen in other states. Rather than going into the coffers of other states, this tax revenue could be going to help develop this reliable statewide high-speed internet and create a variety of new jobs such as dispensary workers.

Wisconsin used to be considered a very smart state. We have a world class public university system and technical college network. During the Great Depression, for example, many of the programs that helped pull America out of that depression came out of the University of Wisconsin.

But over the past 10 years, we went from being a leading smart state to now being referred to as a “Flat Earth” state where our legislature ignores science and basic economics.

SO HOW DID WISCONSIN BECOME SO DUMB SO QUICKLY? Examples of our stupidity are many but some of the major ones are Wisconsin, in 2011, refused an almost $800 million dollar Federal grant to build a high-speed rail system between Milwaukee and Madison and beyond. Another big one is Wisconsin continuing to refuse to take the grant money that the Federal government offers to every state to expand Medicaid. Currently 36 states, including Vice President Mike Pence’s very conservative Indiana, happily take the Federal dollars.

The Federal expanded Medicaid monies that would have come to Wisconsin has now added up to well over a billion dollars that our brilliant legislators chose to leave in Washington. These are tax dollars from

our citizens that are going to other states.

Again, according to polls, the public strongly supports the expanded Medicaid, but the legislative leaders are listening to the out-of-state rightwing special interest groups and individuals like the Charles Koch who write the big checks. Unfortunately, Wisconsinites have died and will continue to die because they don’t have the health insurance that they would have had with the expanded Medicaid. Why don’t our legislative leaders seem to care?

This is not rocket science. We can help lower some of the tensions in our state, a large part being between rural and urban, between educated and less educated and improve the quality of life for all rural residents if we level the playing field with reliable high-speed internet available in every part of our state. Rural children could enter our universities on equal terms with our suburban students. We could provide high grade laboratory-tested medical marijuana to the patients that need it, and we could capture the tax dollars that are currently flowing to other state’s coffers.

If our current legislative leaders aren’t focused on improving the health and wellbeing of all our state citizens, why are they in these positions and why are we paying their salaries? Other than worrying that they might offend their wealthy rightwing patrons, why aren’t they doing this?

Louis Fortis is publisher of the Shepherd Express and a former state legislator and former economics professor.

DECEMBER 2020 | 19

NEWS OFF THE CUFF

THE CHALLENGES

All Arts Groups F ace

OFF THE CUFF WITH FLORENTINE OPERA’S MAGGEY OPLINGER

By David L uhrssen

O

pera is often the most lavish of the performing arts, expensive to mount and Olympian in its demands on performers. An opera company is a marker of a cosmopolitan city, along with an art museum, a repertory theater and a symphony orchestra. Since the 1930s, Milwaukee has been home to the Florentine Opera. Although opera is sometimes considered the precinct of the privileged, the Florentine has built bridges to the wider community through performances by its student interns at coffee shops and other non-traditional venues and by moving its offices-studio from Downtown to Riverwest.

Off the Cuff asked the Florentine’s General Director Maggey Oplinger about the

20 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

demands of opera and the challenges all arts groups face during the pandemic.

Tell me about your background and your years as a singer. You have a unique double career in the business of the performing arts as well as being a performer, as I recall.

Good memory! I started as a pianist but fell in love with singing in middle school.

I joined every choir and ensemble I could sink my teeth into, and I got both Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in vocal performance and opera from McGill University.

At Concordia school of business in Montreal, they were offering a graduate degree in nonprofit administration. It’s specialized and serves almost as a full MBA. I

had taken a couple of business courses in my undergrad and really enjoyed them.

This program was tough, but I loved every minute! When I wrapped up that degree, I moved overseas to Vienna, which is its own story. But during all of those years I was singing roles here and there. I specialized in angry divas! On stage only, of course.

What was your familiarity with Florentine Opera before coming on board?

Were you a fan or did you have any other role with the organization?

As a Milwaukee singer, I’ve been aware of the Florentine for a long time. My first two shows were Carmen and Tosca at the Florentine, when my high school chamber singer group came to sing before the performance and got to watch the whole opera. I was entranced. I moved away for about 14 years, but my first show back was Madama Butterfly—a beautiful production. I served for a time on the Bohème board of the Florentine, a young leaders board. I met some great people there, some of whom serve on our board today.

When did you become general director, and what were your goals at that time?

Did you imagine any changes in programming or other direction for the Florentine?

I took over as general director and CEO in March 2019. Surprisingly, my goals haven’t changed very much! I have always loved strategic assessment and innovation.

What’s intriguing about adopting a centuries-old art form to a modern audience really comes down to our assumptions versus audience preference. As passionate opera lovers, it’s easy to assume we know what a new audience member is looking for, or even what an experienced audience member loves.

One of my core goals is to continue asking for feedback from the audience and our community, so that our shows have meaning and depth beyond the art form itself.

As with great literature, we can interpret an opera in different ways, as we experience it at different points in our lives. We can also portray it in different ways, as our audience lives different experiences off the stage. We have done a lot of research

Photos Courtesy of the Florentine Opera.

in my time here and feel a strong connection to audience and potential audience preferences. We hope that our upcoming seasons will reflect that. We strive to stay open minded and to marry tradition to fresh interpretations. We also like to have fun! Opera incorporates the orchestra, set design, lighting, singers and so many more. We tell moving stories that have stood the test of time, but we still get to dress up and sing on stage for an audience. It’s a wild ride on stage and off, and coming to a performance should always feel exhilarating and fun.

How does opera relate to contemporary society? Who is the audience here in Milwaukee nowadays?

That is a huge question, one that every opera company in the world defines for themselves and their community every season. To me, many of the stories are universal, and by presenting them in a context that has meaning to current events and our daily lives, we can escape into a story that tugs at our heart. Some of that is repertoire driven; some of it is interpretation and casting. But this art form, above all, rises above the sum of its parts.

The audience in Milwaukee is changing, and with COVID it has changed even more quickly. As we had the opportunity to hold outdoor live performances this summer, we were delighted to see many new faces.

We hope that they’ll join us on some of our virtual adventures and as we return to the theater. Our audience tends to be educated, curious about the world and passionate about living life to the fullest.

They also tend to already love classical arts and to attend many live performances in different métiers.

At least since 2000, the Florentine Opera began to increase its effort at engaging the wider Milwaukee community. How can the Florentine reach new audience without losing sight of or “watering down” the essence of opera production or the legacy of the art form?

Some think of opera is highbrow and complex, something that must be diluted for the average audience and for children in particular. This art form started as entertainment for people of all ranks and from many countries. It tells of romances, intrigue, betrayal and hijinks that end with happy couples riding into the sunset. There are love songs and battles, sibling rivalries and politics. It’s our responsibility to take a timeless plot that was written in a different era and update it for today, but that doesn’t necessarily mean reducing it to a more simplistic experience.

Frankly, in today’s world of short attention spans and frenetic visuals, opera really should be the art form of the future. We

in our team, we have chosen to offer digital versions of our shows starting over the summer and going into the fall. We are challenging ourselves to re-envision what opera can look like without the constraints of a theater and an audience. Frankly, that’s a luxury that we don’t often have, and I hope we will only have it for a short time longer!

have definitely cornered the market on “more is more!” This is particularly viable with our school audiences. The combination of costumes, classically trained voices that resonate in their gyms and amphitheaters, acting and pratfalls seems to delight every time. In fact, we’re more concerned about the adults in the room giving opera a chance than the kids themselves!

I think a modern interpretation of opera comes when really letting it breathe and be the art form as it is, without apology and without simplification.

When COVID hit in March, what was on the Florentine’s calendar, and how did you respond to the rapidly changing situation?

We found out that the Marcus Performing Arts Center would be closing its doors and

that we needed to shut down our production of Tragedy of Carmen just before a sold-out opening night. We were devastated, but we absolutely did not want to put anyone in danger… We recently announced the postponement of most of our main stage productions to next season but are still looking forward to an in-person showcase in May. Our “interlude“ season consists of shows that are flexible: We can reschedule, move outdoors, adapt and still create. Not even a pandemic can shut down the arts. We now paint chalk circles safe distance apart on gorgeous lawns, create a 20-foot barrier between our singers and the audience, answer questionnaires and take temperatures to come to rehearsal and performances, and we minimize the number of people who are allowed to come into contact with our Baumgartner studio artists. This is not our usual way of working, but it does work, and we will continue to bring music and performances to Milwaukee with safety as an absolute priority.

You have been streaming virtual performances during the pandemic. Can you describe them, how they are produced and the cost of admission? What has been the audience’s response?

With that 24-hour notice before our opening night of Tragedy of Carmen, we joined forces with the wonderful local companies Studio Gear and Kickball Media, who made it possible for us to record a live performance of that show and also to quickly record our school Cinderella production the next morning. We got lucky with great partners—experts in their own right in an area we were pretty unfamiliar with. Confident

22 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

That said, it is allowing us to stretch our wings and try some wild ideas that we hope will thrill our audience and the many people spending a lot more time at home who might need an escape. We have a multi-camera filming process with extra audio support, and we host our shows in Vimeo—but you can find them on our website. Our digital offerings range from free to $99 for a subscription. We hope everyone can find a show that fits their budget and their interest. We’ve seen a lot of interest in our school shows in particular, and in our weekly Quarantine Opera “Book Club,” where we explore the composers’ experiences around creating a work, as well as a brief discussion of an opera every week. We have a lot of regulars and always have good laughs!

What are your plans for live performances—when will the next regular Florentine season start?

Our live performances will begin again this spring, with a spotlight recital featuring Eric Ferring, as well as a song recital called “La Vie en Rose.” The showcase featuring Little Mahagonny will be our return to Uihlein Hall, should everything go well.

We are continuing to offer digital options for those who don’t yet feel comfortable returning to an audience. Our socially distant live performances this summer and fall were very popular, and we plan to bring them back next summer!

How has the Florentine Opera survived during this crisis? Were you forced to furlough staff? Have you launched any fundraising initiatives?

We’re adapting to what we can do safely and doing it well. That means smaller live performances for now when it’s feasible, and smaller-scale recorded performances.

We’re featuring our Baumgartner Studio Photos Courtesy of the Florentine Opera.

Artists, who share a house and work in the opera center. They live in a bubble, and that’s a challenge on its own! Mitigating risk for them is a top priority.

Survival is key, but for an 87-year-old company, thinking of a single season would be foolhardy. So, our focus is on stewarding our resources as best we can within a framework of the next three-tofive years, so that we can efficiently enjoy fully returning to performance as soon as is safe, but also with confidence in building seasons that delight our audience and fit their needs and numbers as we build into the future. We have dealt with furloughs and pay cuts and continue to fundraise.

Our dedicated supporters understand that learning a new method of performance and creating a new season while executing it requires resources—different work, but creating always has a cost.

We continue to execute on mission, building our virtual Bronzeville Bohème school show (now happening a year before the main stage). Our big push this year is to

offer our school program free of charge to all MPS schools—and should our fundraising go according to plan, all schools.

Students and their families need the liberation of the arts this year more than ever.

We are here and ready to support them!

We’re also exploring our talented artists’ neighborhoods as well as their instruments through our international “Voyages” series, and we are building a more robust showcase for our return to the stage in the spring. We have not stopped creating and performing, and we hope our beloved audience and donors will continue to support those efforts.

What have you learned from this crisis?

Do you think COVID will have a longterm impact on the performing arts in Milwaukee, or will we return to normal once a vaccine is widely available?

I believe audiences will return when it’s safe, but each individual at their own pace. We have all had to assess risks on a very individual level, and as we rebuild in COVID’s aftermath, I suspect it will be

a longer process than we may anticipate. We have learned that a very tradition-driven art form can be flexible and nimble, if we let it. We have confirmed that our audience thrives on live performance.

Many are exploring digital opportunities because we have no choice, but I hear often how we are all dying to get back to the real thing.

We have found new ways of connecting with our audience, and these new restrictions have pushed us to think more creatively about how we connect. Many of those lessons will inform season offerings of many kinds well beyond COVID. We hope for a robust spring and fall, and to welcome our audience back with open arms! We are doing everything possible to ensure our artistic excellence in the coming seasons, and planning for the unexpected.

David Luhrssen is Managing Editor of the Shepherd Express and taught History of Wisconsin at Milwaukee Area Technical College.

DECEMBER 2020 | 23

FOOD & DRINK

WHERE TO GO FOR

Holiday Meals To-Go

BY SHEILA JULSON

A

s an unusual year winds to a close, take a break and let our friends at Milwaukee’s local restaurants, caterers and grocers help with the cooking for your December holiday celebrations.

Whether you’re planning an intimate holiday dinner for two or a socially distanced gathering, options abound for festive heat-and-serve or to-go meals and desserts for your Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and New Year’s celebrations.

Below are just a few of the area restaurants, caterers and grocers offering to-go or heat-and-serve holiday menus.

Servings, prices and order deadlines vary; some establishments didn’t have menus and ordering details finalized by press time, so follow up with your favorite restaurant or grocer to see what they’ll have to offer.

ETHIOPIAN COTTAGE RESTAURANT 1824 N. Farwell Ave., Milwaukee ethiopiancottagerest.com Ethiopian Cottage’s Taste of Cottage Samplers, in meat or vegetarian options, are available for carryout for all holidays.

Choose from three different samplers that include beef, chicken, lamb or veggie wat (a spicy stew), yebeg alicha (a mild lamb stew), kik alicha (a split pea stew), gomen (Ethiopian-style collard greens) and difin misir (seasoned lentils).

24 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

GRANDMA’S HANDS 2721 N. Blaine Place, Milwaukee grandmahands64.wixsite.com/grandmashands Grandma’s Hands’ soul food kitchen’s holiday menu, available Nov. 26 through New Year’s Eve, features honey ham, turkey (deep fried or baked), mashed potatoes, yams, dressing, dinner rolls and your choice of green beans or corn. Prices are $14 for a single dinner; $60 for a dinner for five people; $120 for a dinner for 10. Special holiday desserts include apple pie and peach cobbler. Dinners can be ordered by calling Grandma's Hands at 414-455-3685.

HEY PUDDIN heypuddincafe.com This new dessert business has scratchmade holiday items such as pumpkin spice or eggnog pudding, in addition to main menu items like original banana pudding or custom-made pudding in flavors of your choice. Preorders are taken on the website.

HANNAH’S KITCHEN CATERING hannahskitchenmke.com Hannah Sattler started Hannah’s Kitchen five years ago. Before that, she ran her synagogue’s kitchen. For Hanukkah, Hannah’s Kitchen is offering scratchmade challah and starters such as baba ganoush; main course choices of fried chicken or honey brisket; chicken soup with matzah balls or autumn carrot and sweet

potato soup; and sides such as latkes and spinach kugel. Dessert choices include beignet-style sufganiyot (a round jelly doughnut). Order online, email or by phone

by Thursday, Dec. 10, for contactless pickup or delivery.

HONEYPIE 2643 S. Kinnickinnic Ave., Milwaukee honeypiecafe.com The Honeypie Bakeshop will offer special holiday pies and treats for preorder throughout December for pickup or delivery in the Milwaukee area.

MOVIDA AT HOTEL MADRID 600 S. Sixth St., Milwaukee hotelmadridmke.com Stand Eat Drink hospitality group’s Movida event features the chef’s holiday Beef Wellington dinner for four ($125). The meal includes whole Beef Wellington (beef tenderloin, mushroom duxelle, stone ground mustard, rosemary demi-glace); rosemary red potatoes (crispy red potatoes, rosemary, garlic, bay leaf, shallots and chives); roasted carrots (roasted baby carrots, steak seasoning and thyme); chocolate fudge cake; a bottle of hand-selected house red wine; and a $25 holiday gift card. The meal is available for preorder online at exploretock.com/hotelmadridmke. They’ll also have a New Year’s Eve takeout meal.

Image by Grandfailure/Getty Images

JACK PANDL’S WHITEFISH BAY INN 1319 E. Henry Clay St., Whitefish Bay | jackpandls.com The historic Jack Pandl’s Inn is open Christmas Eve from 11:30 a.m. to 8 p.m. and will offer carryout of its popular prime rib, broiled whitefish or schnitzel dinners. Call ahead to order for curbside pickup.

MASON STREET GRILL 425 E. Mason St., Milwaukee | masonstreetgrill.com Through Mason Street Grill’s “Christmas At Home” program, Christmas dinner carryout meals are $39 per person and include a chopped salad with tomatoes, cucumber, onions, bacon, eggs and house horseradish and mustard dressing; sea salt and herb-crusted prime rib with thyme garlic jus; roasted winter squash with walnuts, sage and goat cheese; garlic mashed potatoes; and sautéed green beans almandine. Additional sides available for purchase include truffle creamed spinach, roasted broccoli or cheddar and smoked gouda macaroni and cheese. Orders must be placed at least 48 hours in advance. Last day to order Christmas carryout is Wednesday, Dec. 23.

ODD DUCK 2352 S. Kinnickinnic Ave., Milwaukee | oddduckrestaurant.com Odd Duck will offer à la carte mix-and-match holiday meals the week of December 20-26 that will be cold upon pickup and come with assembly and reheating instructions. Additional optional entrées will also be available. In addition, they’ll offer special pickup celebration kits for New Year's Eve at various pricing levels. The holiday menu will go live in early December.

Odd Duck co-owner Melissa Buchholz emphasizes that offerings will be limited, so people should follow Odd Duck on social media and order early. (Their social media handle is OddDuckMKE).

SABROSA CAFÉ & GALLERY 3216 S. Howell Ave., Milwaukee | sabrosa.cafe Sabrosa’s Holiday Tamale Sale features scratch-made tamales and sides. Choose from pork or rajas (pickled poblano, onion, carrots and queso fresco). The tamale add-on bundle includes two Sabrosa salsas and a pint of Oaxacan black beans. Pre-order by Saturday, Dec. 12, to pick up the following weekend, Dec. 19 and 20. Call Chef Frankie at 773-485-9975 to place your order.

TROUBADOUR BAKERY 2301 S. Kinnickinnic Ave., Milwaukee | troubadourbakery.com Colectivo Coffee’s baking division will again offer scratchmade desserts for pre-order. This year, look for grasshopper pie, yule log or sweet potato galette, available for café pickup on Friday, Dec. 18, and Thursday, Dec. 24. Order deadlines are Tuesday, Dec. 15, and Monday, Dec. 21, respectively. Orders can be placed at shop.troubadourbakery.com.

WARD’S HOUSE OF PRIME 540 E. Mason St., Milwaukee | wardshouseofprime.com Ward’s House of Prime confirmed they will offer special holiday meals to-go. Full details weren’t yet available at press time; check the website for the full menu and additional information.

Vegan Options CELESTA 1978 N. Farwell Ave., Milwaukee | celesta.restaurant Celesta’s December Holiday Packs are $50 and serve two people. The meal includes fresh handmade pasta (comes frozen; drop it in boiling water for three minutes) with seitan chicken

breast and mushroom marsala sauce; buttermilk peas and baby potatoes with dill; ratatouille with zucchini, yellow squash, eggplant and bell peppers simmered in mild seasoned red sauce; caramelized acorn squash with hazelnuts and roasted lemon; and olive oil cake with mixed berry compote. Order by emailing celestacatering@gmail.com for pickup on Dec. 23.

Celesta will be closed Dec. 24-26.

TWISTED PLANTS 4905 S. Packard Ave., Cudahy | twistedplants.com At press time, Twisted Plants was working on a December holiday menu. Check the website or facebook.com/twistedplantsmke for updates.

Grocery Stores BEANS & BARLEY 1901 E. North Ave., Milwaukee | beansandbarley.com On Dec. 1, Beans & Barley will start taking orders for Christmas cookies. A holiday catering menu is also in the works.

FESTIVAL FOODS multiple locations | festfoods.com De Pere-based Festival Foods has 32 stores in Wisconsin, including one at 5600 S 108th St., Hales Corners, and a new location to open in West Allis. Heat-and-serve holiday dinners will be available from the deli department.

METCALFE’S 6700 W. State St., Wauwatosa | shopmetcalfes.com Metcalfe’s Christmas dinner menu includes precooked spiral sliced ham, creamy mashed potatoes, Brussel sprouts with bacon, gravy, cranberry range relish, rolls and an Elegant Farmer cherry pie. Servings come in single dinners ($20); 6-8 servings ($129); and 10-12 servings ($159). Additional sides by the pound include scalloped potatoes, Hungarian sausage stuffing and French onion green bean casserole. Order by Dec. 20 for contactless pickup on Dec. 24 from 6 a.m. until 3 p.m.

Closed Christmas Day. RUPENA’S FINE FOODS 7641 W. Beloit Road, West Allis | rupenas.com This 96-year-old neighborhood grocery store and butcher in West Allis offers several heat-and-serve dinner options for pre-order, such as prime rib, turkey, beef and gravy, ham, or even ham wrapped in rye dough that seals in the ham’s juices during baking. Sides such as stuffing and vegetables dishes are available as part of the meal packages or separately by the pound. On Dec. 24, they’ll do a lamb and pig roast to sell by the pound on a first-come, first-serve basis. They’re open until 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve. SENDIK’S Multiple locations | sendiks.com/holiday Sendik’s “red bag” locations will have a full winter menu of options for December. In addition, they will offer pre-made meals for two or six people, packed in reheatable containers.

Customers can start reserving holiday meals in early December at sendiks.com/holiday.

Sheila Julson writes about food and cannabis for the Shepherd Express.

FOOD & DRINK

Photo Credit Nathan Kirkman

E ldr+ Rime

BRINGS SCANDINAVIAN-INSPIRED ELEGANCE TO WAUWATOSA’S DINING SCENE

By Susan Harpt Grimes

E

ldr+Rime opened this past summer on the ground floor of the new Renaissance hotel on the corner of North Avenue and 108th Street. But make no mistake, this isn’t an average hotel restaurant. Eldr+Rime is independently owned, with a talented chef and crew in the kitchen and a creative Scandinavian inspired menu that one would more likely expect to find in a restaurant in the Third Ward or Walker’s Point area.

The well-appointed dining room is all about the clean lines of modern Scandinavian design. High ceilings, tall windows and birch trees in large planters work well

28 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

were appropriately spaced and staff were all wearing masks, a reassuring, if required, measure these days. Service was excellent, and everyone was notably attentive.

If the weather is appropriate, the cozy-chic patio is an extremely pleasant, open air space to spend a few hours nibbling on small snacks and having a cocktail with friends. During the colder months, the indoor bar area feels spacious and airy, creating easy social distancing spaces.

with the crisp appearance of the dining tables and booths. On a recent visit, diners

Happy hour (4-6 pm, Tuesday-Friday) or Hygge Time, as Eldr + Rime have named it, provides a great opportunity to sample fun small plates like the Danish Style Hot

($32), served with a cauliflower couscous. While it wasn’t tried, the impressive 32-ounce Tomahawk steak-for-two ($78), mushroom rubbed and served with sweet chilis, smoked horseradish, aged vinegar and crispy smashed fingerling potatoes would be a meal to aspire to. Seafood, chicken, pasta and beef dishes ($22-$44) round out the menu.

Dog ($5), which features a local Bunzel’s hot dog topped with a wonderful curry remoulade, apple ketchup, pickled red onion and amazing fried shallots. You can also keep it simple and have some crispy Hand Cut Fries ($5) dusted with pickled shallot powder and Icelandic sea salt.

DATE NIGHT FOR TWO Try a warm cup of Glogg ($25), a fun date night drink for two served from an intriguing contraption that heats wine, brandy and mulling spices to the perfect drinking temperature. Or go with a Reykr Old Fashioned ($16), so tasty it could sway die-hard brandy Old-Fashioned drinkers to switch to whiskey with it’s warm, smokey flavor. A respectable wine list and a solid selection of beer on draft, as well as many by the bottle, will satisfy non-cocktail drinkers.

Dinner (Tuesday-Saturday) at Eldr+Rime is a lovely experience. Every plate is beautiful and tastefully arranged. Start with something from the raw bar like the Hawaiian Grilled Prawns ($16), a generous portion of perfectly grilled prawns topped with a smoked tomato vinaigrette and grated fresh horseradish. Another delicious option is the Salmon Three Ways ($18), cold smoked, hot smoked and beet cured salmon served with a charred scallion spread and a yummy Norwegian mustard sauce, as well as fresh baked Danish rye bread. Other starters ($8-$22) and salads ($10-$13) round out delicious ways to begin your meal.

There’s a little something for everyone looking for an inventive entrée at Eldr+Rime. Some standouts include the E+R Burger ($16), which is topped with creamy butterkase, smoked onion jam and house pickle, or enjoy the Seared Sea Scallops Photos Courtesy of Eldr + Rime

If Sunday brunch is more your style, Eldr+Rime has you covered. The Spiked Mimosa ($11) and the Eldr+Rime Bloody ($15) are great ways to begin your brunch experience. An excellent meal choice is the Swedish Brined Beef Hash ($16), which includes smashed fingerling potatoes, pickled chilies, onion jam and a smoked tomato vinaigrette, then topped with two eggs. Also

fantastic is the King Crab Benedict ($23), which pairs the classic bearnaise sauce, English muffin and poached eggs with a mound of king crab and white asparagus.

Whenever you choose to visit, it’s recommended that you make reservations, as there are limits on seating due to current dining regulations.

ELDR+RIME 2300 N. Mayfair Road, Wauwatosa 414-867-9200 | eldrandrime.com Handicaped accessible: Yes $$-$$$ Susan Harpt Grimes is a long-time restaurant and features writer for the Shepherd Express.

FOOD & DRINK FLASH IN THE PAN

How About Chinese FOR CHRISTMAS?

By Ari LeVaux

30 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

The Jewish American tradition of eating Chinese food at Christmas is rooted in pragmatism and loneliness. In the mid-1900s, America’s two largest non-Christian immigrant populations shared the experience of watching the world grind to a standstill each December as their friends and neighbors vanished into their extended families, leaving behind empty cities where everything was closed, except the Chinese restaurants.

On a windy Christmas night in Albuquerque, I took a walk in the footsteps of my East Coast immigrant Jewish forefathers and took my two little boys out for Chinese food. My wife isn’t of the tribe, but she works on Christmas like a good Jewish American, making it easier for observant coworkers to take the day off. Like the trailblazers who started the tradition, we had nowhere to go and not much else to do.

I was the restaurant critic of record for the local paper, and I had been in every Chinese restaurant of note, so I knew exactly where I wanted to go for Chinese Christmas: a strip mall gem set between a dollar store and an accountant’s office run by a Taiwanese-born couple who opened the restaurant because Hsia, the husband, was turned down for a job at Panda Express. In the dining room, his wife, Elsa, cheerfully calls him “Panda Express reject.”

Elsa helped us craft a meal in the spirit of our trailblazing Chinese food-eating Jews, many of whom took advantage of the pleasures of those non-Kosher kitchens.

We ate mapo tofu, aka “grandma’s bean curd,” in honor of those Jews who sought out pork on the sly. It doesn’t look like it has pork, just a plate of tofu with this really tasty, chunky sauce. And we smacked down an order of dong po pork, braised pork belly in a dark thin sauce, to commemorate those times when an errant forefather might have had the opportunity to dine alone and eat glorious pork in full view.

Before leaving, we placed an order for my wife—a veggievore—who was slaving away for that holiday pay. The vegetable entrées include heaping oblong plates piled high with lightly seasoned Asian greens, such as pea tips, sweet potato leaves and hollow heart spinach.

Photograph by thesomegirl/Getty Images Background Image by chanuth/Getty Imamges

I reached out to Elsa recently in search of guidance for another Chinese Jewish American Christmas. Specifically, I wanted to know about greens cooked qing chao-style, which means “clear stir-fry.” It’s a simple, subtle recipe that doesn’t even have soy sauce, and it focuses the eater’s attention squarely on the vegetable itself.

But despite being simple, Elsa cautioned, it’s not necessarily recommended for civilians to try at home. “It needs a very high temperature stove and a high-powered exhaust,” she said.

I had heard her warnings before. And sure, she was right about the gooey oyster and bean sprout omelet thing on the secret menu. Still, I was glad to have at least tried that omelet and tested my limits, and I was ready to try qing chao stir-fry. Following Elsa’s instructions, I did just that and inhaled my work. I then went on a bit of a qing chao rampage, making it with any greens I could get my hands on, including spinach, bok choy and even peeled celery. It was fantastic every time I made it, with every green I tried, different types of broth and every variation Elsa suggested.

The technique begins with a puddle of hot oil in a wok or pan, into which you add either garlic, shallots or Sichuan peppercorns, then briefly fry at high heat. The most interesting flavor comes from Sichuan peppercorns (no relation to black pepper). Known as huajiao in Mandarin, these pink seeds have an otherworldly tingly and piney taste that’s as much a feeling in your mouth as a flavor. Tossed in a mound of spinach, the Sichuan peppercorns give the arrangement a taste that’s hard to pin down, a look of mistletoe.

Ari LeVaux has written about food for The Atlantic Online, Outside Online and Alternet.

DECEMBER 2020 | 31

FOOD & DRINK FLASH IN THE PAN

QING CHAO SPINACH I leave spinach leaves whole, even big ones. Other greens, like bok choy, should be chopped or they will be too tough to chew through.

Serves 2 1 tablespoon peanut oil 1 tablespoon toasted sesame oil 1 teaspoon Sichuan peppercorns (or substitute one clove minced garlic) 1 pound spinach ½ cup broth (chicken or clam) ½ cup rice wine ½ teaspoon white pepper Salt to taste Heat the oil on high in a wok or heavy pan. Add the Sichuan peppercorns and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Add the spinach, broth and wine, in that order.

Stir it around quickly, cooking everything evenly. Add the white pepper.

Stir fry one minute at high heat so the sauce starts to thicken but doesn’t completely evaporate. Season with salt and serve.

DONG PO PORK Translates loosely to “What the Rabbi eats when travelling.” Don’t panic at the quantity of soy sauce and sugar. Most of it stays in the braising liquid.

Serves 4 1 lb. pork belly, cut into square pieces, about 1 ½ inches on a side 1 bunch scallions, roots trimmed, cut into thirds 1 thumb-sized piece of ginger, peeled and sliced lengthwise into thin sheets ½ teaspoon five spice powder 1 cup brown sugar 1 ¼ cup soy sauce 1 cup rice wine Optional: Sichuan chili peppers, or similar small, thin-skinned hotties Boil a large pot of salted water. Add the pork and simmer for 5 minutes.

Remove and drain.

Add the scallions, ginger, five spice, chili peppers (if using) and sugar to a clay pot or any pan that has a tight, heavy lid. Add the chunks of pork, skin sides down. Pour in the soy sauce and wine, and add enough water to just cover the pork. Cook for two hours on low with the lid on, turning the pieces after an hour. Thicken some gravy if you wish with cornstarch or simmering.

Serve hot, drenched in the sauce.

32 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Background Image by chanuth/Getty Imamges

SPECIAL HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

2020

HOLIDAY

Gift Guide ALLWRITERS’ WORKPLACE & WORKSHOP LLC

BBC LIGHTING

(262) 446-0284 | WWW.ALLWRITERSWORKSHOP.COM

2015 W. ST. PAUL AVE., MILWAUKEE (414) 933-0808 | SHOPBBCLIGHTING.COM Boasting Wisconsin’s largest lighting showroom, you’re sure to find the right piece that fits your style. Wander the aisles and you’ll discover fun, quirky items that are unique to BBC, from vintage neon signs to antique copper diving helmets! The friendly sales staff are readily available for answers to all your lighting questions. A merry-go-round and free popcorn make this a family destination.

ART*BAR

BREW CITY BRAND

722 E. BURLEIGH ST., MILWAUKEE (414) 372-7880 | FACEBOOK.COM/ARTBARMKE/

WWW.BREWCITYONLINE.COM

Give the gift of art this Christmas. “MINI” TINY ART @ TINY PRICES, is the largest small art show of its kind. Over 150 juried local artists have created small art pieces (under 8” x 8”) and everything is priced under $100. With over 700 pieces on display and 1,500 items in back-up stock, the show is replenished daily and has something for everyone. A good time to shop is weekdays at 3pm and weekends at noon when it opens. Masks are required. The show runs until December 31.

34 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Brew City Brand is the Original Milwaukee Store! Established in 1986 and family-owned, they create Incredibly Local Milwaukee products from their Third Ward print shop— creating, designing and printing by hand. Their hometown clothing is guaranteed to be “Tavern-Tested,” straight from The Good Land. They have locations at the Milwaukee Public Market, Mitchell International Airport and their website.

Cheers from Brew City!

Illustrations by T. A. McKay/Getty Images

So, you’re giving the writer on your Christmas list another inspirational notebook. And you’re sticking a new pen in that stocking. Really? How about giving your writer the gift of community? Or guidance from working writers. Support and education! A gift certificate from AllWriters’ Workplace & Workshop is what every writer wants, whether they’re on their first page or publishing their fourth book. Call or log on to our website to purchase your gift certificate!

SPECIAL HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

C3 DESIGNS 2110 10TH AVE., SOUTH MILWAUKEE (414) 764-3892 | C3-DESIGNS.COM A fabulous jewelry store located in South Milwaukee where you can find that one-of-a-kind bauble your heart desires. Store owner, Chris Jensen, has won numerous local and national design awards for his unique jewelry creations. His expert staff will put you at ease as they assist you in creating a special jewelry piece that you can treasure for a lifetime.

CLOCKTOWER ANTIQUES 1134 S. 1ST ST., MILWAUKEE (414) 252-0011 | CLOCKTOWERANTIQUES.COM Where can you find Milwaukee’s newest antique destination?

Clocktower Antiques is in the heart of Walker’s Point under the shadow of the iconic Allen Bradley clocktower. The unique shop offers a wide variety of Mid-Century furniture, lighting, artwork, decor, vintage jewelry, clothing and Christmas decorations; along with an impressive vinyl LP selection. Not to mention glassware, barware, breweriana and other curiosities. Find a treasure for yourself or anyone on your holiday gift list! Check out their website!

COMMUNITY BAKERS COMMUNITY-BAKERS@ATT.NET Gluten-Free Baking Mixes!

Made in Riverwest, baked in your kitchen: Deep Chocolate Mocha Crinkle Cookie Mix, Sunrise Lemon Cranberry Muffin Mix, Tuscan Rosemary Focaccia Mix, Northwoods Skillet Cornbread Mix, Carrot Cake. Community Bakers is your home for practical, tasty and creative gluten-free baking mixes. All their fine, gluten-free mixes are manufactured in their own, State-licensed, gluten, soy, dairy and nut free facility. Visit their website to order and schedule a pick-up.

in our hometown doing what we love.

Stop in our shoppe for daily specials, consultations, free samples, and more!

Above the clouds quality and down to earth pricing.

FISCHBERGER’S VARIETY 2445 N. HOLTON ST. MILWAUKEE (414) 263-1991 FISCHBERGERS.COM Fischberger's Variety is your place for unique gifts including toys, books, home goods, accessories, yarn and fabric--cool stuff guaranteed! Three ways to stay safe and shop this year: in-store hours (4 shoppers at a time,) call for your own personal shopping time or shop online at FISCHBERGERS.COM.

GALLERY 218 207 E. BUFFALO ST., STE. 218, MILWAUKEE (414) 643-1732 | GALLERY218.COM Gallery 218, celebrating 30 years, is showcasing its award-winning artists.

Purchase art and support local artists this holiday season. Christmas in the Ward Hours: December 5, 6, 12, 13, 19, and 20. Fridays 4-8pm and Saturdays 11am-6pm. Masks required. Live jazz by Elevator Trio. Inquire about renting the gallery for a small holiday gathering. Visit www.gallery218.com, call 414-643-1732 for details.

DISCOUNT LIQUOR 5031 W. OKLAHOMA AVE., MILWAUKEE (414) 545-2175 | DISCOUNTLIQUORINC.COM

GLEECBD

919 N. BARSTOW AVE., WAUKESHA 262-547-7525 | DISCOUNTLIQUORINC.COM Shop Discount Liquor for the largest variety of Holiday Spirits, Wines and Ales. Check out gift ideas that include Holiday Glassware and Accessories and seasonal food items like liquor filled chocolates, Usinger’s sausage, edible chocolate cups.

Celebrating 60 Years of serving Milwaukee!

Milwaukee based GleeCBD sources locally grown hemp to make the finest CBD products. What better gift for the Holiday Season than the gift of relaxation? GleeCBD has put together a LIMITED TIME package perfect for everyone on your shopping list – yes, even grandma and the in-laws! Shop the curated package or the individual products at gleecbd.com.

Spread joy and happiness this holiday season with GleeCBD.

FEEL GOOD ALTERNATIVES

THE JEWELERS GUILD

5832 W BLUEMOUND RD., MILWAUKEE (262) 385-0201 | WWW.FEELGOODALTERNATIVES.COM

2408 E. ST. FRANCIS AVE., ST. FRANCIS (414) 488-2727 | JEWELERSGUILD.BIZ

Feel Good Alternatives is your Wisconsin based brand and supply of premium hemp and CBD products. We bring experience from the West Coast and the Rocky Mountains back into the heart of Milwaukee. Collectively, our team has been in the cannabis industry for decades and are happy to be back

36 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

(414) 367-8433 | GLEECBD.COM

Located in South Bay View just off KK on St, Francis Ave., The Jewelers Guild does custom design, repairs, appraisals, as well as very special Make Your Own Wedding Rings along with classes and workbench rentals. Offering a selection of beautiful bespoke jewelry. More information and pix on their IG @jewelersguild, online or phone.

DECEMBER 2020 | 37

SPECIAL HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

KNUCKLEHEADS

LOST ALLEY CIDER ANNEX

2949 N. OAKLAND AVE., MILWAUKEE (414) 962-3052 | KNUCKLEHEADSCBD.COM

408 W. FLORIDA ST., MILWAUKEE LOSTVALLEY.COM

Stop by Knuckleheads and check out their large variety of CBD Wellness products! An updated product menu is available on their website. Visit on a Saturday or Sunday and enjoy discounted CBD products! Discover why Knuckleheads was voted “Best of Milwaukee” Best Head Shop, Vape Shop and CBD Shop in 2019!

The Lost Valley Cider Co. you know and love is doing a winter pop-up bar, Lost Alley Cider Annex. Stop by their new space to have a drink or order ahead to pick up a cider growler to-go.

Their gift cards are a perfect stocking stuffer and are available to use in both locations.

MKB JEWELRY LAKE GENEVA ZIPLINES & ADVENTURES N3232 CO RD H, LAKE GENEVA (262) 248-9271 LAKEGENEVAADVENTURES.COM Lake Geneva Ziplines & Adventures offers a world of outdoor adventure less than an hour from Milwaukee. Our zipline tours offer a fully guided experience with 9 ziplines, 5 skybridges and 4 spiral staircases that traverses the treetop canopy of our 100-acre property. For a more physically challenging experience you can head into the trees on our 16 element high ropes course. We also offer 12 miles of single-track mountain biking/hiking trails.

W63N671 WASHINGTON AVE., CEDARBURG (262) 352-5661 | MKBDIAMONDS.COM MATTHEW@MKBDIAMONDS.COM MKB believes shopping for jewelry should be fun, comfortable, and honest. Our award-winning design team is passionate about creating custom made fine jewelry tailored to your specific needs. MKB specializes in diamonds and gemstones, offering decades of experience, and competitive pricing so you can find the perfect piece for all of life's special moments.

Contact us today to set up a free consultation and let us make your jewelry dreams a reality.

MILWAUKEE REPERTORY THEATER

OUTPOST NATURAL FOODS

108 E. WELLS ST., MILWAUKEE (414) 224-9490 | MILWAUKEEREP.COM

OUTSPOST.COOP LOCATIONS IN BAY VIEW, MEQUON, MILWAUKEE & WAUWATOSA

Enjoy Milwaukee Rep’s virtual productions of “A Christmas Carol” and “Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol,” available to stream through December 24. Passes for the 4-show 2021 Reset Season now on sale (choose in person or virtual tickets). Plus, Gift Certificates available in any amount – valid for 5 years. More info on all gift options at www.MilwaukeeRep.com or 414-224-9490.

MUSEUM OF WISCONSIN ART 205 VETERANS AVENUE, WEST BEND (262) 334-9638 | WISCONSINART.ORG Art makes everything better! This holiday season give someone a year of free access to MOWA, a safe place to bond and find joy. Membership also includes participation in programming and our friendly Community Discount Program, art insights through a quarterly newsletter, and a place to get involved and be heard. Give reprieve, give reflection this holiday season.

Remind someone that art makes everything better! For details visit wisconsinart.org/join.

This year give the gift of Outpost Natural Foods with our Holiday Gift Card Bonus promotion. Buy a $100 gift card and get a $5 gift card - FREE! Visit our website for details. www.outpost.coop.

PIZZA MAN PIZZAMANWI.COM LOCATIONS IN MILWAUKEE, MEQUON, OAK CREEK & WAUWATOSA Santa is not the only one who delivers! Pizza Man knows that a pizza is on everyone's list. This year give the ones you love a Pizza Man pizza! For every $50 in Pizza Man gift cards you purchase during December, you get a $10 holiday bonus coupon! Keep it for your own stocking or give it to someone else!

Happy holidays from Pizza Man!

SPECIAL HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

SPARROW COLLECTIVE

VERDANT

2224 S. KINNICKINNIC AVE., BAY VIEW (414) 747-9229 | SPARROWCOLLECTIVE.COM

2680 S. KINNICKINNIC AVE., MILWAUKEE (414) 763-3762 | VERDANTCBD.COM

SPARROW BOUTIQUE

Founded by a family with an extensive background in the Health Care Industry, Verdant CBD is dedicated to providing only the highest quality CBD products for health and wellness on the market. Each of our hemp-based CBD products undergo stringent testing for quality, so you can be assured that you’re buying products you can trust. As CBD is awaiting FDA approval, many reputable clinical publications have published findings that indicate CBD relieves pain, combats anxiety and depression, alleviates cancer-related symptoms, reduce risk of diabetes, treats sleep issues, has anti-seizure properties, lowers blood pressure, and has anti-inflammatory properties. There’s no better time than now to try CBD! Free shipping always when you visit us 24/7 at VERDANTCBD.com.

2260 KINNICKINNIC AVE., BAY VIEW SPARROWBOUTIQUEMKE.COM Brick-and-mortar boutique and gift shops featuring contemporary clothing and artisan goods. Their local gallery sells handcrafted items such as printed tees, jewelry, accessories, bath and home goods, candles, gifts and so much more.

THE TOOL SHED: AN EROTIC BOUTIQUE 2427 N. MURRAY AVE., MILWAUKEE (414) 906-5304 | TOOLSHEDTOYS.COM The Tool Shed believes that loving our bodies is a revolutionary act, and that sexuality, pleasure, and intimacy are central to human well-being and health. Our shop offers a curated selection of quality sex toys, lubes, body products, books, and gifts in a welcoming atmosphere. Questions?

Our friendly staff of sexuality educators is available to help.

Staying safer at home? We ship and offer curbside pickup at toolshedtoys.com!

TRALEE IRISH IMPORTS 5423 W. VLIET ST., MILWAUKEE (414) 940-8070 | TRALEEIRISHIMPORTS.COM Located just West of Wauwatosa on Vliet Street, Tralee brings you every food item from the Emerald Isle and the United Kingdom that you’ll ever want. From candy and potato chips to sausage and breads, Tralee offers the widest selection of Irish foods in Wisconsin. In addition, Tralee offers a selection of gifts. From pottery and music books to birdhouses and artwork. Stop in today for the leprechaun on your list or just treat yourself to the many selections of candy!

WINTER WONDERS BOERNER BOTANICAL GARDENS IN WHITNALL PARK 6751 S. 92ND ST., FRANKLIN WINTERWONDERS.ORG Gather your family and friends to celebrate the wonders of the season with light! This spectacular drive-through holiday lights display is back for its second year. The show has been re-imagined by theatrical lighting designer “Laser Bob” Mullins and his talented team. Enjoy a variety of dramatic lighting techniques and new displays throughout the forests and fields of the Boerner Arboretum and Whitnall Park. Best Part? It’s COVID-19 safe—you can enjoy it all from the comfort and safety of your own car! November 20-January 3, 2021.

WONDERLAND OF LIGHTS AT RACINE ZOO 200 GOOLD ST., RACINE RACINEZOO.ORG Wonderland of Lights is happening at the Racine Zoo through January 3! Marvel at the sight of dazzling illuminations from the safety and comfort of your own vehicle! Drive through enchanting light displays with holiday charms perfect for guests of all ages. Only $5 per person and free for ages 2 years and younger at the gate only. Open Wednesdays through Sundays, 5pm to 9pm. Open Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. Learn more at racinezoo.org!

SPECIAL HOLIDAY DRINKS SPONSORED BY DISCOUNT LIQUOR

A TRIO OF NEW

Celebrating our 60 th Year

Holiday Cocktails

BY GAETANO MARANGELLI

H

oliday cocktails are a species in the genus of winter cocktails, drinks we mix from the end of October until the end of February. They include toddies, mulled wines, and eggnogs and cocktails made with rums and whiskies, liqueurs and cordials, and brown and orange spices.

Holiday cocktails are with us for less than six weeks—in with Thanksgiving, on through Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s, out with the Epiphany. Their days are few, but they’re among the year’s most beautiful.

Days where we raise a glass to the love of family, friends, and community.

“This year more than ever, cocktails can help make the holidays more festive,” says the writer and cookbook author Valerie Peterson, whose Peterson’s Holiday Helper: Festive Pick-Me-Ups, Calm-Me-Downs and Handy Hints

to Keep You in Good Spirits is the definitive guide on the subject. “While in years past we’d be gathering over that steaming pot of mulled cider with the family or sharing a spiked punch with colleagues, this year will be different for many of us. Toasting the season across the miles on Zoom with a well-crafted, seasonal cocktail can help bring us together.”

Here’s a trio of new cocktails as beautiful as the season.

A trio of new classics to see us through the holidays. A trio of new evergreens to savor every holiday season.

Gaetano Marangelli is a sommelier and playwright. He was the managing director of a wine import and distribution company in New York and beverage director for restaurants and retailers in New York and Chicago before moving to Wauwatosa.

The

Lucialini VALERIE PETERSON, ADAPTED FROM PETERSON’S HOLIDAY HELPER: FESTIVE PICK-ME-UPS, CALM-ME-DOWNS AND HANDY HINTS TO KEEP YOU IN GOOD SPIRITS BY VALERIE PETERSON. “Like me, the Lucialini combines Swedish and Italian ingredients, and is named after a saint important to both traditions. My dad always talks about the orange his brothers and sisters and he would get in their stocking every year, so there’s a hint of that, too.

“A Sicilian Catholic martyr, Santa Lucia appeared in Sweden in the midst of famine, bringing light and food. There has been speculation that the Swedes were already a little ‘lit’ when they saw the vision, but no matter. On the Feast of Saint Lucy, December 13, stave off the winter darkness in her honor with a bright sparkler made with Swedish lingonberries and Italian Prosecco.”

INGREDIENTS

METHOD

¾ ounces lingonberry syrup / concentrate (such as Hafi or IKEA’s Dryck Lingon)

• Pour the lingonberry syrup into a Champagne flute.

3 dashes orange bitters (such as Fee’s or Regan’s)

• Add the bitters.

5 ounces Prosecco

• Fill the flute with Prosecco and garnish with the orange peel.

Strip of orange peel for garnish

• Sip and see the light.

Illustrations by Melissa Johnston

42 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Rye Not? JOE SOLUS, BARTENDER, HARBOR HOUSE, 550 N. HARBOR DRIVE “The flavors of winter inspired this cocktail. The spiciness of rye reminds me of the holidays, and it balances beautifully with the blackberry liqueur and lemon juice. The basil garnish imparts the cocktail with a hint of anise.”

INGREDIENTS

METHOD

2 ounces rye

• Combine ingredients.

1 ounce

• Serve on the rocks.

½ ounce lemon juice

• Garnish with fresh basil leaf. (Slap the leaf in your palm to release its aromas and flavors.)

¼ ounce simple syrup

The

Sinterklaas DAVE CORNILS, BARTENDER, BRYANT’S COCKTAIL LOUNGE, 1579 S. NINTH ST. “The Sinterklaas was created for the holiday's here at Bryant’s back in 2014 and has been refined several times to become a favorite for events here around the holidays, as well as for at-home holiday imbibing. It’s far closer to the realm of the Negroni as opposed to eggnogs and mulled wines. What really makes it stand out is the Cranberry Shrub.”

INGREDIENTS

METHOD

2 ounces Bols Genever (or a gin of your choice)

• Combine ingredients.

1 ounce Cranberry Shrub ¼ ounce Campari

• Stir to chill.

• Strain into your choice of cocktail glass.

• Garnish with orange zest and cinnamon stick.

INGREDIENTS FOR CRANBERRY SHRUB

METHOD

12 ounces cranberries, fresh or frozen

• Rinse and drain cranberries, removing any bad berries.

2 cups sugar

• Combine all ingredients in a pot and bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring to dissolve the sugar.

2 cups water 1 and ½cups red wine vinegar Zest and juice of 1 lemon

• Allow to boil for about five minutes.

• Remove from heat and cool.

• Double strain and refrigerate.

Yields about one quart. Lasts up to three months refrigerated.

DECEMBER 2020 | 43

SPECIAL HOLIDAY DRINKS SPONSORED BY DISCOUNT LIQUOR

Celebrating our 60 th Year

QUALITY NON-ALCOHOLIC

Cocktail Kits MADE IN WISCONSIN

BY SHEILA JULSON

U

of Siren Shrub; two eight-ounce bottles of Tapped Maple Syrup (one infused, one pure); two four packs of Top Note Tonics (one flavored, one club); and a recipe card.

Zero-Proof Cocktail Kits are the brainchild of Top Note Tonic, makers of craft sparkling mixers; Siren Shrub Co.—shrubs being sipping vinegars made from apple cider vinegar, sugar, fresh fruits, roots and herbs; and Tapped Maple Syrup, producers of craft-infused, barrel-aged maple syrup.

The kits each contain one 16-ounce bottle

The flavor combinations for the inaugural launch include Kit #1, featuring basil flavored Siren Shrub, Tapped Hops Infused Maple Syrup and Top Note’s craft tonic water. Kit #2 highlights the flavors of Siren Shrub Maple Ginger, Tapped Cardamom Infused Maple Syrup and Top Note’s Grapefruit Soda. Kit #3 Includes Rhubarb Siren Shrub, Tapped Espresso Infused Maple Syrup and Top Note’s Ginger Beer.

Fruit lovers will enjoy the tangy blend of Kit

ntil recently, non-drinkers and the sober curious had few options for quality cocktail kits to mix classy concoctions sans booze. To meet this need, three Wisconsin-based start-up food and beverage companies joined forces to create Zero-Proof Cocktail Kits.

44 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

#4 , with Tart Cherry Siren Shrub, Tapped Hibiscus Infused Maple Syrup and Top Note’s Bitter Lemon.

The kits are $64 each and can be purchased online for shipping within the continental U.S. Siren Shrub Co. is carrying all four selections. Tapped Maple Syrup and Top Note are currently carrying Kit #1, with plans to rotate in a new kit each season. Mary Pellettieri of Top Note says she will be adding to Top Note’s selection a yet-undecided fall/winter box.

“We wanted to create unique combinations that people may not have considered pair-

ing on their own,” says Siren Shrub co-founder Layne Cozzolino.

“Each of our companies offer unique and complex craft ingredients, so my business partner and I started by imagining what might taste good together, and then we mixed them up until we hit the right ratios. Of course, since people’s taste preferences differ, the great thing about the kits is that people have all those ingredients in their control; the ratios can be tweaked to their liking, whether that’s sweeter or more bitter.”

SOBER CURIOUS A GROWING TREND Cozzolino realizes that a zero-proof cocktail kit may seem out of the norm for Wisconsin culture, but it’s becoming a trend as more bars and restaurants add mocktails to their menus.

“We've been listening to the sober community and they want to experience the same imaginative, delicious drinks as alcohol drinkers. There are vast reasons why people don’t drink, yet for too long the notion has carried a negative stigma. People have made assumptions or questioned the decision not to drink. We want to see that change.”

Pellettieri notes there’s still ample room for growth as the sober community looks to having an inclusive, non-judgmental drinking culture as a key factor when choosing where to frequent, and people also seem willingness to pay a premium for drinks crafted with the same attention to detail as their alcoholic counterparts. As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to affect bars, sober curious consumers are seeking the opportunity to create fantastic tasting, adult-styled beverages in their own homes. The trio of business owners hope to offer the kits for retail distribution before the holidays.

For more information visit topnotetonic.com, sirenshrubs.com and tappedmaplesyrup.com.

Sheila Julson is a freelance writer who enjoys capturing the stories behind Milwaukee’s food, beverage and urban farming scenes. She also pens articles about holistic health, green living, sustainability and human-interest features.

Photos by Claire Elizabeth Creative Studio Illustration by yuliash/Getty Images

SPECIAL NEW YEAR'S EVE GUIDE

NEW YEAR’S EVE

Night Life NYE 2021 at RedBar If you’re looking to simply drink 2020 away with live entertainment, RedBar (2245 E. St. Francis Ave.) will be hosting a party for the end of this horrific year, complete with music from Mike Tischer. As per usual, the atmosphere at RedBar will take center stage, and we can all watch this dreaded year go down the drain. Visit Facebook.com/ RedBarMKE for more information.

New Year’s Eve at Blu Ring in the New Year in style at Blu, The Pfister Hotel's signature cocktail lounge on the 23rd floor. Patrons can also get cozy around the fire in The Pfister Lobby Lounge, expertly decorated for the season. With safety in mind, time slots including pre-dinner seatings from 5-7 p.m. or reserved evening seating with bottle service starting at 8:30 p.m. are available.

Live music will soundtrack the evening at the high-rise bar as well.

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IHH NYE 2020: An AntiMasquerade Party If masking up is a requirement, you can do that with elegance at the Iron Horse Hotel’s annual New Year’s Eve party. Music from DJ Zerocool will set the tone for the evening, which also includes a champagne toast, balloon drop, and an airing of 2020 grievances complete with a custom fire pit in the hotel’s parking loop. Details on all-inclusive tickets can be found at TheIronHorseHotel.com

New Year’s Eve with Cork N’ Classics at Moose Lodge On Milwaukee’s South Side, Cork N Classics will deliver the music for the evening at Moose Lodge (5476 S. 13th St.) Food, drinks, music and dancing will be the plan for the evening, as lodge members and guests ring in the new year.

Arts At Large Livestream In cooperation with 88Nine Radio Milwaukee, Walker’s Point art gallery Arts At Large will be raising funds for their program with a special live streaming event. Local artists will perform intimate sets that you can enjoy from the comfort of home, all while supporting a good cause heading into 2021. Keep things low-key this year by checking out their stream, with more information available at Facebook. com/ArtsAtLarge

Family Activities Skating @ Red Arrow Park, 8 a.m.

Due to COVID-19, skating at Red Arrow Park will be open on a reservation basis. Reserve your 90-minute timeslot online, grab your skates and mask, and head to the rink. Downtown Milwaukee’s outdoor ice rink is free to use when you bring your own skates. Affordable skate rentals are also available.

Link here https://county.milwaukee. gov/EN/Parks/Explore/Slice-of-Ice

Winter Wonders @ Boerner Botanical Gardens (9400 Boerner Drive, Hales Corners) Enjoy the Holiday Lights from your car through Jan. 3, 2021. Gather your family and friends to celebrate the wonders of the season with light.

This spectacular drive-through holiday lights display is back for its second year! The show has been re-imagined by theatrical lighting designer “Laser Bob” Mullins and his talented team. Enjoy a variety of dramatic lighting techniques and new displays throughout the forests and fields of the Boerner Arboretum and Whitnall Park.

Link here https://www.winterwonders.org/

Background Image by risImages/Getty Images

M

ost years be safe on New Year’s Eve meant stick to one drink and drive defensively. This year it has an entirely different meaning. 2020 has been a year none of us will forget and the end brings hope and uncertainty; the uncertainty extends to the New Year’s Eve celebration. The Domes won’t be open, most music clubs will be dark and even the Harlem Globetrotters have cancelled. For any of the in-person events listed below, check ahead before making plans.

Guide 2021

CULTURE | SPONSORED BY THE MILWAUKEE ART MUSEUM

UPAF’S NEW PRESIDENT,

Patrick Rath,

ON SUSTAINING MILWAUKEE’S PERFORMING ARTS IN TURBULENT TIMES

By Jean-Gabriel Fernandez 48 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

For obvious reasons, 2020 was not the best year for the performing arts in Milwaukee.

Beyond the risk of COVID-19 infections for audience members, staff and performers, such gatherings go against instructions from Gov. Tony Evers. By August, 33.9% of Wisconsinites working in the arts, entertainment and recreation had filed for unemployment, according to data from the Wisconsin Department of Workforce Development. This is a challenge; working to overcome it is the United Performing Arts Fund (UPAF) that supports some of the biggest names in local entertainment through fundraising. At its helm is Patrick Rath, its new president named in October 2020.

The organization raised and allocated more than $8.6 million in 2019 to its member groups. For the 2020-2021 season, UPAF raised more than $8.4 million, a slight dip due to a decrease in donations this year, they recently announced. A total of $7.17 million, or about 85% of the allocation, will be distributed to six of UPAF’s 14 member groups: Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra, Milwaukee Repertory Theater, Milwaukee Ballet, First Stage, Florentine Opera Company and Skylight Music Theatre.

UPAF receives no government funding,” and as its literature explains, “Generous individuals, companies and foundations contribute to all dollars raised.”

As the pandemic unfolded and performing arts communities lost all ticket revenue, companies had to either find new forms of revenue or reduce expenses, eventually leading to the staggering unemployment numbers seen in the sector.

RATH: “IF OUR ARTISTS LEAVE, IT WILL BE A GREAT LOSS” “Our arts community is one of the finest in the country, and this pandemic has put it under attack. Venues have closed down from day one, which means that the artists, both onstage and offstage, have been unable to perform their craft.

Illustrations by Ali Bachmann

The longer this pandemic continues, with effectively no performance opportunities, the greater the risk that we will not retain the talent pool in our communities to come back strong,” says UPAF President Patrick Rath. “Everything that we are doing, it is to maintain this talent pool. These people are not part of a singular organization; they are a fabric, a network of artists in our community who add vibrancy in our lives.”

Rath, who has more than 40 years of experience and appreciation for our arts community, has worked with the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra and was a member of the United Performing Arts Fund’s team 15 years ago.

“Because of those experiences, I have a really wide overview of all the efforts and the incredible work and talent that exist within our performing arts community,” he says.

WHAT TO EXPECT GOING FORWARD? The next few months or years will require choices.

“Difficult choices,” Rath says. “Those choices require a lot of

revenue to maintain payroll and to keep people whole. But the challenge with this is that all of our arts organizations rely on an earned revenue stream, and that earned revenue stream has not been duplicated yet. For now, they are relying on the goodwill of contributions, which is not sustainable,” and even with UPAF’s support, “it is still not the full amount.”

One suggestion that emanated from the local performing arts community is the possibility of reviewing a venue’s reopening plan before determining the maximum number of people who can safely gather.

“We align ourselves with our member groups. They each want a safe environment for performers, their staff and anybody who attends”, Rath says. “The performing arts need to have a seat at the table to have a discussion about how we can safely open, just like we have some conversations around how to safely open bars, restaurants and other things.”

Another option that many are exploring to compensate for the unprecedented loss of revenue is to create shows without being physically present. First Stage, for instance, created an entire

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CULTURE | SPONSORED BY THE MILWAUKEE ART MUSEUM

Rath: “ The arts inspire us, the arts move us, the arts help us think differently, and it is such an essential piece of who we are. They are what make Milwaukee and all of E astern Wisconsin very unique.”

virtual season of plays, and Skylight launched a feature-length virtual musical, Being Earnest, that anyone can stream from home.

“What many are trying to do is virtual activities,” Rath continues. “They are working with us to connect with our various community partners and school systems to ensure that the artistic experiences are still present. Each of the arts organizations are continuing to have their value demonstrated through their efforts at this time.If our artists leave, it will be a great loss.”

By participating to the funding effort to keep our arts community whole, UPAF engages itself not only to keep our artists employed and our culture vibrant, but also to maintain the economic ecosystem that surrounds the cultural and touristic sectors in southeastern Wisconsin. In 2017, the U.S. Department of Commerce reported that arts and cultural production added a value of more than $10 billion.

“The arts inspire us, the arts move us, the arts help us think differently, and it is such an essential piece of who we are. They are what make Milwaukee and all of Eastern Wisconsin very unique.” Rath joined UPAF in the middle of a crisis, but he says, “I have to dive in and jump in. It's been a passion of mine for many years, and I want to do whatever is necessary to help create a strong future for our arts community.”

Jean-Gabriel Fernandez is a French jour-nalist and graduate from La Sorbonne University. He writes about politics, cannabis and Milwaukee’s rich culture.

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Illustrations by Ali Bachmann

CULTURE | SPONSORED BY THE MILWAUKEE ART MUSEUM

Luba Lukova: Designing Justice AT THE JEWISH MUSEUM MILWAUKEE

BY SHANE MCADAMS

“L

ess is more” may be the First Commandment of modern design. Coined by the legendary German architect Ludwig Mies van der Rohe in 1947, the maxim is itself a shining example of efficiency and clarity; a metaphor as well as a mandate that has fittingly become a guiding tenet in art and design classrooms ever since. I first heard it as a design student decades ago and last heard it pouring from my own lips last week, when, somewhat ironically, I was forced to repeat it several times to my students. Repetition that was necessary because, for all its wisdom, the idea of reducing a visual idea to its most essential qualities feels counterintuitive to young designers. A quick pivot into the mindset of an audience is all it takes to confirm the value of lessness, but quick pivots to another’s mindset aren’t a natural impulse for youngsters… or oldsters, for that matter.

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Lucky for me, an effective and socially engaged example of the power of Mies van der Rohe-ian visual communication is currently on display at the Jewish Museum Milwaukee in an exhibition of 34 posters by designer Luba Lukova. “Designing Justice,” which runs through January 31, 2021, offers an ample sampling of the Bulgarian-born, New York-based designer’s brilliant graphic encapsulations of weighty social and political issues, delivered with wallops of symbolic efficiency.

Her posters dig deep into the most pressing social justice issues, picking at America’s scabs and exposing her bruises, but with a design sensibility that softens the examination like the most sensitive general practitioner. Her poster Health Coverage, from her Social Justice series, might not strike the average viewer as being extraordinarily provocative at first, because it’s not… in a

Hollywood-climax sort of way. It is static and straightforward rather than narrative.

Still, her clear articulation of the concept will leave the viewer with a searingly precise message, which is of course her preference.

The poster was designed as Barack Obama was taking office in 2008, as a call to action about the importance of universal health care. On a deep blue background—a color associated with trust and care—the stripped graphic frame of a black umbrella bears a handle made from the universal Caduceus symbol of two serpents wrapped around a staff. It’s a clear and powerful message about America’s health care vulnerabilities. So powerfully clear, it’s easy to forget for a moment how rancorous this issue was—or is.

BODY POLITICS Around the corner in the same gallery, a piece entitled Body Politics, first published

(Left) Health Coverage, 2008, Luba Lukova. (Middle) Immigrant, 2008, Luba Lukova.

(Right) LIC Blues(Gentrification 2), 2016, Luba Lukova. All photos courtesy of The Jewish Museum Milwaukee.

in the American Prospect’s issue on abortion rights, women’s health and religion, presents another embittering issue with soothing simplicity. A simple coat hanger fashioned into a cross sits daringly on a red background, with its hook end ominously exposed on the right. It doesn’t take an expert code reader to interpret the statement about the ongoing conflict between religion and female reproductive rights in the United States. But even in its severity, the simplicity and restraint of the design, a foreign language as it were, sidesteps toxic and familiar rhetoric, allowing the message time to land.

WE NEED A LOT OF CHANGE IN AMERICA, BUT IT SEEMS WE MIGHT NEED NEW LANGUAGES FIRST JUST TO BROACH THE ISSUES. Social justice is a tougher sell than commerce. It requires different strategies because of this. It’s far easier to attract and seduce the casual eyeball with sneakers and phones than with warnings of inequality, increasing incivility or loss of rights. The good news is that, while the ad pitches for iPhones and energy drinks continue to light up America’s frontal lobes like pinball machines, it’s clear there is potential for healthy communication within

the excess. This is the territory Lukova’s work probes and maximizes in its restraint.

Take another image from the “Social Justice” series entitled Income Gap, which makes a powerful point with a spoonfulof-sugar-type strategy. It features a whole pie with six forks stabbed into a single slice on the far side, and one large fork stabbed in the larger portion. As with her other images, this exacting design reduces a thorny and complex social problem to an essence of visual narrative, ducking the most politicized biases around the issue in the process. The work is so clear and simple, it almost seems simplistic. Except for the fact that the viewer will leave fully aware of the product, the idea—unlike many a cinematic car or chip commercial featured during a Super Bowl when one is excited by the commercial only to forget the product. This underscores the fact that, when the vehicle of communication is too powerful, the passengers often end up lost. Still, gas beats brakes when you’re behind the wheel. “Less is more” often seems less than exhilarating from a producer’s standpoint, which is why many of my students have such a difficult time embracing it. To privilege the message over the messenger takes a certain amount of social awareness and self-restraint—a tough pill to swallow when one is bent on demonstrating his own individual majesty.

HOLDING A MIRROR Like certain modes of comedy, literature and animation, Lukova’s sensibilities possess a rare and uncanny ability to hold a mirror up to the inadequacies of society without automatically alienating viewers. Almost certainly, any of the messages at the heart of Lukova’s posters in this exhibition

would lead to shouting matches if they were reinterpreted and presented at the average Thanksgiving dinner as a verbal salvo. It’s fair to say that Lukova’s image of a cut tree propagating new human limbs in Immigrant is naturally less divisive than a free-for-all at an office party: “Topic: ‘immigration…’ GO!” With most social issues in America having been politicized and woven completely into tribal identities, alternative languages are more necessary than ever to deliver nuanced positions.

2020 has seen the best and the worst of social activism over issues as poisonous as police brutality and as symbolic as mask-wearing. Traditional methods of amped-up vocal protest and spectacular displays of dissent only seem to have set off feedback loops of alienation and indignation. We need a lot of change in America, but it seems we might need new languages first just to broach the issues.

In 2020, “less is more” suggests more than simply designing without visual superfluity.

It implies visual connectivity rather than manipulation. Clarity isn’t merely a propriety in 2020, it’s a moral proposition.

Luba Lukova’s self-possessed work is a crystalline example of how seemingly formal operations like balance, simplicity, clarity and restraint have the potential to escape Plato’s cave and mix up the real world. “Designing Justice” presents the full cast of vexing social issues confronting America and the world over the past few decades, from racism to gentrification, and in its crisp, pointed and measured visual treatment, she lets pictures do the talking for a world increasingly paralyzed by talking. In the process of designing justice, Lukova ultimately proves the potential of what might be considered the Second Commandment of modern design: “show, don’t tell.”

Shane McAdams is an artist whose work has been exhibited in New York, Portland and elsewhere. He has written for The Daily Beast and the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and was an adjunct professor at the Rhode Island School of Design and the Pratt Institute.

UpwardMobility, 2016, Luba Lukova. Photo courtesy of The Jewish Museum Milwaukee.

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CULTURE | SPONSORED BY THE MILWAUKEE ART MUSEUM

Illustration by Scott Radke

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CULTURE | SPONSORED BY THE MILWAUKEE ART MUSEUM

This Month in Milwaukee

10 THINGS TO DO FROM DECEMBER 2 THROUGH JANUARY 5

BY HARRY CHERKINIAN, ALLEN HALAS, DAVID LUHRSSEN, SHANE MCADAMS AND BLAINE SCHULTZ ACA MUSIC & ENTERTAINMENT’S TUESDAY NIGHT JAZZ (TUESDAYS, 7 P.M. ON FACEBOOK) Emanating from the North Coast Center for the Arts performance space, ACA Music & Entertainment have been producing regular weekly live streams to keep jazz artists playing during the pandemic. All of the proceeds from the shows benefit the artists. December highlights include a music and art show from Gabriel Sanchez, as well as special holiday jazz programming. Get full details on ACA Music & Entertainment’s Facebook page.

LIVE TUNES THURSDAY WITH POCKET CHANGE AT SNIFTERS TAPAS & SPIRITS If you’re craving live music, nu-jazz band Pocket Change brings a lively atmosphere to a hidden gem at Snifters Tapas & Spirits in Walker’s Point. Every Thursday, beginning at 8 p.m., the band takes the stage area for a display of technical musicianship with weekly featured guest performers. More information about Live Tunes Thursday, including event listings and featured acts, can be found at facebook.com/sniftersmke.

CACTUS CLUB’S DIGITAL DREAM (SATURDAY NIGHTS ON VIMEO) In an effort to keep providing Milwaukee with great local music, Cactus Club has shifted programming online in addition to regular carryout orders from their Bay View location.

Digital Dream is an online streaming series featuring performances from Milwaukee artists on a weekly basis. The club streams four days per week on average right now, including concerts on the weekends and ReachOut Radio DJ sets on Friday nights.

You can get the full schedule of digital programming at cactusclubmilwaukee.com.

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DECEMBER 4-6 A CHRISTMAS STORY, WEST PERFORMING ARTS CENTER If you’re looking for a familiar live holiday show this season, you might not find the one you’re looking for in Milwaukee, but you could drive out to West Bend for a two-day performance of Philip Grecian’s A Christmas Story. Based on the popular 1983 movie, which was based in turn on Jean Shepherd’s stories, the play retells the charming and funny tale of Ralph Parker. He remembers the holiday when he was 9 years old—and the one item he hopes to find under the tree. Since this is Christmas during the Great Depression, it’s not a video game but a Red Ryder BB gun. The organizers of the show promise “social distancing and safety precautions in place for audience and performers alike.” Showtime is 7 p.m. Friday and Saturday, December 4-5 and 2 p.m.

Sunday, December 6. For more information, visit nbexcellence.org.

STREAMING DECEMBER 4-20 RENAISSANCE THEATERWORKS, BELONGING Renaissance Theaterworks’ Founder and Artistic Director Suzan Fete is giving viewers— via Zoom—three different perspectives on who belongs and where we fit in Belonging. The 70-minute production of three short plays also connect in others ways, given the choice of

playwrights and techniques used. “All three are written by playwrights of color, and all three playwrights use magical realism to tell their stories,” Fete explains. RTW is collaborating with the Outer Loop Theater Experience, which will create special and mixed reality effects for the series. Belonging features live Zoom performances on December 4, 5 and 6. In addition, the production will be available on demand through December 20. For tickets visit r-t-w.com.

THROUGH DECEMBER 23 LYNDEN SCULPTURE GARDEN, “ARIANA VAETH: NEW WORK” Constructed of private spaces, filled with friends captured in the midst of private activities and thoughts, Ariana Vaeth’s paintings are enthusiastic dedications to interiority. Her works have a knack for taking what might be voyeuristic documents and projecting them outward in paint as open invitations; inside jokes that we want to join. And we can, simply by looking closely. It is not easy to make such private experiences universally accessible, but she does so effortlessly through tubeloads of color and observational candor, which is on full display by appointment in a suite of new works at the Lynden Sculpture Garden’s gallery by appointment only, lyndensculpturegarden.org.

DECEMBER 5 DARKEST HOUR AND MISERY SIGNALS, LIVE STREAM BENEFITING X-RAY ARCADE On Saturday, Dec. 5, metalcore acts Darkest Hour and Milwaukee’s own Misery Signals will be streaming a joint concert to benefit concert venues all over the country, including Cudahy’s X-Ray Arcade. Darkest Hour will feature an encore performance of their Live at the Black Cat stream from earlier this year, while Misery Signals’ set will be unique for just this streaming event. You can purchase tickets for the stream access at xrayarcade.com.

DECEMBER 9 BOSWELL BOOK CO., “READINGS FROM OCONOMOWAUKEE” Collaboration has become more usual in recent years, especially in creative endeavors, and it is more essential than ever in the face of COVID. Boswell Book Company on Milwaukee’s East Side and Books & Company in Oconomowoc have launched a series of collaborative Zoom discussions featuring Boswell’s Daniel Goldin and Books’ Lisa Baudoin speaking with writers in lieu of live readings by authors. This month, they will talk with Lily King, whose latest novel, Writers & Lovers, was called “wonderful” and “witty” by the Washington Post.

THROUGH JANUARY 3 WONDERLAND OF LIGHTS, RACINE ZOO With the holiday season upon us, the Racine Zoo is offering a safe, family friendly way to enjoy their Wonderland of Lights. Take in the dazzling display from the safety and comfort of your own vehicle; drive through the enchanting light displays of delightfully decorated trees and charming characters, and enjoy a 96-foot tunnel with an incredible show of dynamic designs. Perfect for guests of all ages, this is a drive-through only experience, no walking allowed. Masks are not required for this event. For more information visit racinezoo.org.

DECEMBER 12-24 MILWAUKEE BALLET, THE NUTCRACKER Filled with color, motion and music, Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker is a lovely way to spend a winter’s evening. The Nutcracker has created magical memories for Milwaukee for more than 40 years,” says Milwaukee Ballet Artistic Director Michael Pink. “This year, rather than focusing on what we cannot do, we are focusing on what we can. We will present a specially devised ‘short and sweet’ version of The Nutcracker, in person, at the Baumgartner Center for Dance. You will also be able to access that performance online through pay-per-view.

To add to the festive season, we will be releasing a free, behind-the-scenes look at The Nutcracker available online only. This will be a unique perspective highlighting the many artists who participate in creating The Nutcracker we know and love.”

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Does Nice Stuff

REALLY MAKE PEOPLE HAPPIER?

BY PHILIP CHARD Like most of us this holiday season, you’ll likely presume you’re making someone feel good by giving them a gift, or maybe several. Whether you do so out of love, friendship, obligation or even guilt, the psychological equation at work here remains essentially the same: “Nice stuff makes people happier.”

But it just ain’t so. In fact, multiple studies show this equation is so fundamentally flawed we can only wonder why we cling to it, let alone make it the main act of our holiday season. Except in special circumstances, things don’t make us happy, at least not for long. Even big-ticket items like expensive jewelry, room-eating TVs or a sparkling new smartphone provide only a short burst of good feelings, soon followed by a return to one’s pre-gift level of life satisfaction. In neuroscience, it’s called “habituation.” The brain rapidly acclimates to new things, so that initial burst of pleasure soon dissipates.

Don’t buy it (pun intended)? Well, there is plenty of research to back me up, but let’s consider one particularly fascinating study in this regard. The National Lottery in Great Britain commissioned research to assess the impact of winning the big prize on the recipient’s degree of happiness.

Using a life satisfaction scale from the University of Illinois, the study compared lottery winners with a control group of non-winners. They determined that while the folks in the winners’ group were, in fact, a tad happier, this was not derived from the stuff they bought with their monetary largesse. Instead, it came from the freedom the money afforded them to spend more time doing things they enjoyed.

Illustrations by ArdeaA/Getty Images

COST-FREE PLEASURES So, what did these instantly wealthy people like doing with their newfound free time? Very simple pursuits—listening to music, playing a game with the kids, a hot bath, a stroll in the park, gardening, volunteering, learning a new hobby—experiences that don’t require much money or stuff. In fact, the authors of this research referred to these activities as “cost-free pleasures.” A tad ironic, I’d say. Lottery winners, flush with cash, were more satisfied when doing things that didn’t require moolah.

In contrast, the lottery winners who used their winnings to purchase all manner of toys and treats, including lavish vacations, new homes and flashy cars, were less happy than their counterparts who simply spent more time doing everyday activities. So, when it comes to life satisfaction, it isn’t what you’ve got that matters: it’s what you do.

What’s more, there is additional research showing that giving of one’s time and energy, as opposed to gifting stuff, is associated with an elevated sense of personal fulfillment. Even donating money or materials to a benevolent cause or purpose does not generate as strong an impact on mental well-being as extend-

ing one’s time and energy. We call it “the season of giving,” but the emphasis should be on giving happiness, not gifts.

LASTING POSITIVE CHANGE There are some notable exceptions.

When the gift we give is one we crafted ourselves, we enjoy greater satisfaction than from simply purchasing it. Also, if the gift, whether made or purchased, meets a pressing need for the recipient, creating a palpable and lasting positive change in their life, that enhances one’s gratification, as well.

Absent these exceptions, when you give of yourself, rather than just gifting objects or money, your life and the lives of those you touch grow in goodness. Combine this— giving of self—with time spent in enjoyable, cost-free or inexpensive pursuits, and you have a behavioral formula that consistently yields greater life satisfaction.

What all this tells us about the holidays is that heartfelt moments built around simple pleasures easily eclipse gifts as sources of joy, and that true giving is really about extending your person more than your wallet. Happiness isn’t found under the Christmas tree. Seek it elsewhere.

For more, visit philipchard.com.

Philip Chard is a psychotherapist and author with a focus on lasting behavior change, emotional healing and adaptation to health challenges.

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LIFESTYLE CANNABIS

HEMP IN WISCONSIN:

Economic Outlook

THREE YEARS LATER, WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT THE HEMP INDUSTRY?

BY JEAN-GABRIEL FERNANDEZ

I

f there is one thing that the coronavirus taught us about marijuana, it’s that cannabis is recession-proof. Some legal dispensaries were declared essential businesses, but even the ones that weren’t benefited from booming business.

Nationally, the cannabis industry supports about 250,000 jobs, according to industry expert Leafly. They estimate that marijuana sales totaled nearly $11 billion last year in legal dispensaries across the United States. That’s not all: real estate, IT, accounting, energy, banking… Many distinct sectors benefit from the patronage of marijuana businesses, as well as the taxes paid by these businesses and their employees. By taking this into account in its Business Factbook, Marijuana Business Daily estimates that the industry was worth at least $37.8 billion in 2019 if you include the ripples it created.

Wisconsin, despite being surrounded on all sides by legal cannabis, still digs its heels and avoids reform. As such, the Badger State has not taken a slice of this billion-dollar pie. However, hemp—federally legal cannabis with low psychoactive effects—

is legal here and has been for nearly three years. Hemp is not as profitable as the full range of cannabis products available in Illinois, for instance, but we have been able to create a smaller industry based on the growth, processing and sale of cannabis since our state’s hemp pilot research program started in March 2018.

The cannabis industry has been the nation’s fastest-growing economic powerhouse for the past several years; how is it impacting Wisconsin, a state that has refused to enact any meaningful cannabis reform?

WHAT DATA TELLS US Hemp is a large market in and of itself, although it does not even begin to compare with marijuana. Canada, China and the European Union have been leading that global market for decades, with the United States only dipping its toes into global leadership since 2016. “The Global State of Hemp: 2019 Industry Outlook,” a study

by New Frontier Data, estimates that the U.S. accounted for up to 28% of the $3.7 billion global hemp market in 2017. In 2020, the study estimates the hemp market to be worth north of $5 billion, with the U.S. buying hemp products disproportionally compared to its national production.

One of the strengths of hemp is its versatility. It is mainly used for fiber or to extract cannabinoids, the chemical components of cannabis, in particular the popular cannabidiol (CBD). CBD is then infused into other products: In Wisconsin alone, we produce CBD-infused water, sweets, alcohol, as well as more traditional products

Illustrations by Tess Brzycki

geared towards CBD, like beauty and well-being products.

Determining the economic impact of hemp quickly becomes a tricky question because of the vast array of businesses that can incorporate it to their products without being hemp businesses. The Shepherd Express lists 85 CBD shops in the Milwaukee area alone. Google’s database lists at least 221 CBD shops that self-identify as such in the entire state. That does not include online-only operations, businesses that include CBD as just one of several offerings or businesses that handle CBD without selling it directly to the public.

To better grasp the scope of hemp in Wisconsin, we can turn to data from the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection (DATCP).

“In 2020, the Wisconsin hemp pilot research program issued 1,295 hemp grower licenses and 636 hemp processor licenses,” according to DATCP. A grower license allows you to grow hemp, a processor license lets you store, handle, process and sell hemp (especially CBD) products. If a business grows and sells their own products, they only need a grower license, not a processor one.

As one license covers a whole business operation—employees of a licensed business do not need to be licensed themselves—we can say that there up to 1,295 farming operations growing hemp and 636 businesses processing and selling it in Wisconsin in the current year. That means that there are more active hemp companies than cinemas in Wisconsin.

We also know the place reserved for hemp in our farmland: During the 2020 growing DECEMBER 2020 | 61

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year, 2,487 distinct locations throughout Wisconsin have been declared to be used to grow hemp, covering a surface of 14,256 acres. Given that the total agricultural capacity of the Badger State is 14 million acres, one out of every 1,000 acres of Wisconsin farmland is dedicated to legal cannabis plants. The counties with the most cannabis acreage are Rock County (with 1,480 acres) and Dane County (with 953 acres). In Wisconsin, cannabis covers 20% of the acreage reserved for potatoes; more farmland is dedicated to cannabis than to barley, carrots and cherries combined. It might be surprising, given the Halloween season when pumpkins seemed ubiquitous, but the federal Department of Agriculture reports that the acreage dedicated to pumpkins is almost identical to acreage for hemp nationally. Despite its relative novelty, hemp already made a significant imprint on the American agricultural landscape.

WHAT DATA CANNOT TELL US, AND WHY In terms of money and jobs, how much is all of this hemp worth? One acre of hemp can yield up to 1,500 pounds of cannabis flower and extract up to 200 pounds of CBD oil, according to Michigan-based Precision Extraction Solutions, which sells cannabis extraction equipment. However, the amount of hemp plants that one acre can yield, as well as the amount of cannabinoids obtained per plant, varies wildly depending on a large amount of factors.

The Brightfield Group, a Chicago-based cannabis research firm, estimates the price of crude CBD biomass to be $8.10 per pound in April 2020. Taking into account only hemp that was reported planted to DATCP and assuming that all of the hemp was successfully grown and sold wholesale for the prices listed above, we could theoretically say that Wisconsin’s hemp production is worth more than $8.8 million in a year.

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The problem resides in the fact that the industry is not actually worth $8.8 million. It could be a lot less or a lot more.

Farmers do not successfully harvest every plant, some crops must be destroyed for being more psychoactive than state law allows, the cannabinoid composition of each plant is different, not every batch sells for the same price—and the same batch can sell for a different price if bought in bulk. There are too many factors to determine the actual worth of this million-dollar industry without an indepth study of it. Such a study does not exist for Wisconsin’s industry.

When contacted for this article, the state’s Department of Agriculture and Department of Revenue both revealed that they do not keep track of the revenue or jobs in the hemp industry. None of the relevant organizations contacted by the Shepherd Express, including the Wisconsin Hemp Alliance, track this information either.

Unlike so-called “normal” businesses, cannabis businesses are not clearly classified in the eyes of government agencies.

NAICS codes, used by the Census Bureau to classify businesses and workers, do not recognize growing or handling cannabis or hemp as legitimate things one can do for a living. A Wisconsinite growing or handling hemp could fall under a number of NAICS identifiers. Most importantly, they do not have a dedicated category; we could find the number of farmers who grow crops (except mushrooms) under protective cover, but it would then be impossible to distinguish ginseng farmers from escarole farmers from cannabis farmers, as they are all identified by the NAICS number 111419. Also, cannabis farmers who grow their crops in an open field are not included in the mixed-bag of farmers under 111419, but they are counted—along with alfalfa and jojoba farmers—under the NAICS number 111998. Cannabis merchants (some, not all of them), under the number 424590, are lumped in with businesses selling live chicks and bovine semen. Similarly, the Census does not distinguish between flag, candle, police supplies and marijuana stores. The Census

does not recognize either hemp or CBD as being distinct products.

The reason behind the lack of data regarding hemp and CBD—and cannabis in general—might be that cannabis is still federally illegal, as a Schedule I controlled substance. It could also be that hemp has been legal since 2018, and the authorities haven’t had time to adjust to a new market yet. Regardless, it forces us to advance with blinders on when discussing the nature of our hemp industry, as we lack data that is vital to a good understanding of Wisconsin’s limited legal cannabis economy.

We can know for sure that Wisconsin’s hemp industry supports nearly 2,000 jobs if each licensed hemp company is a one-person enterprise. If the average company in this sector is composed of the founder plus one employee, it supports about 4,000 jobs. If the average company employs five people, the industry supports 10,000 jobs, etc. We can also know that thousands of acres of hemp are cultivated in the state. If all plantations wielded a “perfect” harvest, Wisconsin would produce significantly more than eight million pounds of hemp every year, but we do not know the reality of this production.

So, how much is Wisconsin’s hemp industry worth? How much revenue do we earn from it? How many jobs does it sustain?

The only answer is: Nobody knows. What we do know is that, in less than three years, hemp has gone from an illegal plant to a crop of great importance for our farmers and small businesses.

Jean-Gabriel Fernandez is a French journalist and graduate from La Sorbonne University. He writes about politics, cannabis and Milwaukee’s rich culture.

Illustrations by Tess Brzycki

LIFESTYLE DOMICILE

20 Holiday Hacks

THAT MAKE HOMES MERRY AND BRIGHT DAVID CARUSO OFFERS HIS SECRETS TO A STYLISH, LOW-STRESS HOLIDAY

BY MARK HAGEN

When it comes to the holidays, everyone wants to make the most of their time, impress the gang and create heartfelt memories… all without going into meltdown mode. As such, I enlisted the help of Milwaukee event-planner extraordinaire and owner of Dynamic Events of David, David Caruso. Together, we’ve come up with a few ways to help you deck the halls with yuletide flair. So, put on your ugliest Christmas sweater, and let’s turn your home into a holiday showplace!

WELCOME HOME. Like most homeowners, David believes first impressions are key. “Dress your front door with a themed wreath,” he says. David and I agree that a wreath instantly sets a mood with little work.

Round out the look with a cute doormat.

SET UP A DECORATION STATION. Each Christmas, I set a card table in my living room.

I pile on scissors, tape, ornament hangers, extension cords, extra bulbs for holiday lights and other hardware needs. This saves me from running around the house grabbing materials every time I decorate. When all my holiday décor is up, I take down “decoration station” and enjoy my holiday home.

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CUE THE CHRISTMAS CAROLS. Instantly add magic to your abode with holiday music. “Whether opening presents, resting by the fireplace or playing games with the family, Christmas music adds cheer to any scene,” David explains. “I think the ‘Christmas Pop’ playlist on Spotify is perfect background music.”

ADORN WITH ORNAMENTS. Give new life to chandeliers by hanging ornaments from them and other light fixtures such as sconces. Hang a single ornament in a door frame or suspend plastic ball ornaments at various lengths in front of the shower curtain.

CREATE CUTE CABINETS. Tack wide, brightly colored ribbon to the outside of cabinet doors. Secure holidays cards to the ribbon for a pretty display that fills out as cards arrive.

ENGAGE THE SENSES. If you don’t have the energy to decorate this year, David suggest appeasing your senses throughout your home. “The sounds, aromas and textures of the season will get your family in a festive spirit,” he says. Complement a crackling fire when you set thick, cozy blankets near the fireplace. Use essential oils to fill your home with the scent of evergreen, peppermint or gingerbread.

Photo by KatarzynaBialasiewicz/Getty Images

DAVID CARUSO’S

TOP 3 HOSTING HINTS

WIN WITH OUTDOOR WHIMSY. Whether you’re feeling pressure to keep up with the neighbors or simply want to dress up your porch, save time with a quick trip to the garden center, nursery or grocery store. My supermarket, for instance, sells seasonal planters out front. Each year, I purchase a few of these arrangements and set them on my porch, and my outdoor decorating is done.

GET THE KIDS INVOLVED. When I was just starting out, I didn’t have many ornaments for my tree. I invited my young nephew and niece over to make popcorn balls. I wrapped the balls in red cellophane, and we placed them on the tree.

Not only did I have a great one-of-a-kind Christmas tree that year, but the kids went home with gifts for their parents, and we made some great memories, too.

REPURPOSE PURPOSELY. Decorating your home for the holidays doesn’t have to be expensive. “Look at what you might already have in your pantry, cabinets and storage spaces,” David says, “Use items in your current household inventory to spruce up your mantle, end tables and other spots.”

STICK TO SINGULAR. If you’re just starting to amass your holiday décor, deck the tree in basic ball ornaments of one color. Not only are these ornaments economical, but you can pick them up just about anywhere in bulk. Best of all, because the ornaments are uniform in color, shape and size, trimming the tree becomes slightly easier.

TOP THE TABLE. Never underestimate the power of a great centerpiece. A smart table topper instantly dresses up any room, so feel free to get creative. “Use ornaments in jars with battery-operated string lights to create a simple DIY centerpiece,” David suggests.

Photo by FamVeld/Getty Images

DRESS NAKED WALLS. Ask the family to trace their handprints onto construction paper. Cut out the handprints and tape them, upside down, in the shape of an evergreen on a large blank wall. The more handprints, the more impressive your “tree” will be.

ILLUMINATE THE NIGHT. Everyone has a few stands of tangled outdoor holiday lights. Set the ball of jumbled lights into the bottom of a planter. Stand red dogwood branches into lights and plug it all in for an illuminated outdoor feature.

MAKE IT EARLY. Determine which holiday foods can be prepped early on and keep the ingredients on hand. “Nothing’s better than an affordable, easy meal that can be prepared the day before,” David offers.

“My favorite menu is cranberry almond broccoli salad, roasted beef tenderloin and cornbread stuffing followed by a caramel-apple danish for dessert.”

TIE IT BACK. Use your favorite necklaces and beaded garlands to create festive tie backs for curtains. Do this in every room, and your holiday decorating will be done in no time!

DECORATE THE DOORS. Wreaths aren’t just for the front door. Hang a wreath on the bedroom or bathroom door for a fast and festive touch.

REMEMBER FLOWER POWER. If there’s no time to haul out the holly, pick up a few poinsettias. These bright, cheery flowers bring color and texture to everything from dark corners and bookshelves to tabletops and stair landings.

Mark Hagen is an award-winning gardener, former caterer and Milwaukee lover. His work has appeared in Fresh Home, Birds & Blooms and Your Family magazines.

Here are my favorite ideas for stressfree fun this season: • PLAN AHEAD. I keep small get-togethers seamless and fun by creating a simple plan for the night. From the time my guests arrive to when dessert is served, I feel better if I plan ahead and stick to the schedule.

• CLEAR THE KITCHEN. If you serve all the food from the kitchen, people will congregate there. Instead, set up small food stations. For the best flow, place appetizers in different locations, forcing people to move around the house.

• LEAVE AN IMPRESSION. Keep to-go containers on hand so guests can take a few leftovers.

Offer coffee in cups with lids for the ride home. Say “goodnight” to friends and family by handing them tokens of holiday cheer such as Christmas cookies or small boxes of chocolates.

David Caruso is a celebrated event planner and designer, producing events from Wisconsin to the West Indies. Owner of Dynamic Events of David, he can be seen on the segment Entertaining in Style with David Caruso on WTMJ’s “The Morning Blend.” Don’t miss his own his virtual series, “David Caruso LIVE,” via his Dynamic Events by David Caruso Facebook and YouTube pages, and be sure to check out his line of tableware and more at signaturestylebydavidcaruso.com.

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DEAR RUTHIE A Holiday Message from Ruthie

DEAR READER, How about that? I’m writing you a letter for a change! Why? Because you all deserve it, my little sugar cookies. This year has been one helluva pain in the keester. It’s time to give it a kick in the dangly bits, shove it out the door and usher in a New Year. Hopefully, it will be a year of hope, healing and happiness.

I wanted to take this opportunity to wish you and yours the merriest of merry… and with all the Marys I know, that’s saying a lot. Thank you for your friendship, support and the overall joy you’ve given me during this trying year. Whether you sought advice on sleeping with your ex, telling off your boss or questioning your girlfriend’s hygiene (shave those legs, girl!), you’ve filled my year with humor and delight… not to mention some much-needed distraction from worldly events.

If I could give you all a gift I would, but I can’t, so let’s not go there. Instead, I’m offering an extra-large social calendar this month, loaded with safe ideas to celebrate the season. You’ll find weekly updates to this calendar via my online column at shepherdexpress.com, so check it out when looking for new ideas to enjoy this special time of year.

I’ll be back next month with advice for the lovelorn, guidance for those feeling lost and more, so keep those emails coming (dearruthie@shepex.com).

Until then, have a helluva holiday!

XXOO

Ruthie Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her?

Contact Ruthie at dearruthie@shepex.com.

Follow her on social media, too!

Facebook: Dear Ruthie Instagram: RuthieKeester Twitter: @DearRuthie.

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DEAR RUTHIE BROUGHT TO YOU BY

DECEMBER 3

Ruthie’s Social Calendar

2020 LGBTQ PROGRESS AWARDS: Join Shepherd Express and Cream City Foundation during this virtual award show honoring those making a difference in our community. Hosted by Judge Brett Blomme and yours truly, the 7 p.m. event is free to all, but donations are gladly accepted to benefit Courage, FORGE and the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center. Visit shepherdexpress.com to enjoy the festivities.

DECEMBER 4 VIRTUAL HOLIDAY MOVIE COCKTAILS & CHOCOLATE PAIRING: Indulgence Chocolatiers sweetens your holiday with a Christmas class that pairs chocolate and cocktails alongside festive films. Call 414-223-0123 to reserve your $50 cocktail kit and receive the login information for the fun-filled class.

DECEMBER 5 WOMEN OF BROADWAY: VANESSA WILLIAMS: The Marcus Performing Arts Center livens up the month with the final installment of this incredible online series.

The incomparable Vanessa Williams takes the virtual stage for a 7 p.m. concert you won’t want to miss. Get your $30 ticket to the livestream event at marcuscenter.org.

DECEMBER 6 OPENING NIGHT “THE GOLDEN GIRLS CHRISTMAS SHOW: A DRAG PARODY” AT HAMBURGER MARY’S (730 S. FIFTH ST.): Join Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia for an all-new show, written by local playwright Anthony Torti and produced

by Purse String Productions. Your $41 ticket includes dinner, dessert and the show. See goldengirlsmke.brownpapertickets.com, and nab your table early as seating is particularly limited. Can’t make it for opening night? The production runs through December 23.

merce wants to get to know while celebrating the season. Join the online happy hour from 4-5 p.m. See wislgbtchamber. com for the free registration and login options.

DECEMBER 22

CHAMPAGNE BRUNCH AT SAINT KATE (139 E. KILBOURN AVE.): Whether celebrating the season, ringing in the New Year or simply saying “Bon Voyage” to 2020, celebrate in style at Saint Kate—The Arts Hotel.

Every Saturday and Sunday this month, the posh hotel hosts this 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. event featuring specially crafted mimosa flights, food and more.

WINTER WONDERS DRIVE-THRU AT BOERNER BOTANICAL GARDENS (9400 BOERNER DRIVE, HALES CORNERS): See all the holiday lights your heart can handle with this drive-thru delight.

Open at 5 p.m. through January 3, the jaw-dropping light show promises to bring out the kid in even the biggest Grinch. Stop by winterwonders.org for tickets which are available in a range of prices.

DECEMBER 13

DECEMBER 23

DONUTS WITH SANTA AT STORY HILL FIREHOUSE (407 N. HAWLEY ROAD): Treat the little ones to a snack with Santa during this family friendly, 9-11 a.m. delight. Get your $10 tickets at eventbrite.com, and enjoy donuts, coffee, milk and safe 6-feet selfies with the man in red.

MARY CHRISTMAS POP-UP BAR AT MARY’S ARCADE (734 S. FIFTH ST.): Open at 4 p.m., Wednesday through Sunday, this tacky take on the holidays must be seen to be believed! The gang at Hamburger Mary’s turned their arcade bar into a glittery gallery of Christmas glitz, and they tossed in mulled wine and drink specials. Start your celebration here, and you’ll be in for a “Mary” Christmas for sure.

DECEMBER 12

DECEMBER 16 VIRTUAL CHAMBER ON TAP HOLIDAY EDITION: The Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce wants to get to know while celebrating the season. Join the online happy hour from 4-5 p.m. See wislgbtchamber.com for the free registration and login options.

DECEMBER 19 WINTER FARMERS MARKET AT MITCHELL PARK DOMES (524 S. LAYTON BLVD.): The Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Com-

DECEMBER 31 ANTI-2020 MASQUERADE NYE PARTY AT THE IRON HORSE HOTEL (500 W. FLORIDA ST.):

Tell 2020 to suck it when you kiss it goodbye during this New Year bash. The fun starts at 9 p.m. and includes an open bar, food stations, dancing, a midnight balloon drop, a fire pit and more. Tickets range from $150 to $500, so visit theironhorsehotel.com to learn more.

HEAR ME OUT | SPONSORED BY UW CREDIT UNION

Home on Lockdown for the Holidays

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SHIFTING TO INCLUSION As LGBTQ acceptance grew over time, some religions shifted towards inclusion of those they had previously rejected.

However, this was often a conditional love, in some ways mirroring the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” brand of tolerance. Some religious communities remained obstinately homophobic. Others split on the matter.

A Methodist schism anticipated this year has been postponed, like everything else, due to COVID-19 that canceled this year’s quadrennial General Conference.

Of course, even without the drama of dogmatic conflicts, the Catholic clergy abuse scandal that broke in 2002 ended any tentative move by the greater Catholic body towards embracing LGBTQs. In fact, it resulted in an assault on progressives within the Church and a complete rejection of any spiritual accommodation for its non-straight congregants. Ironically, Pope Francis I recently suggested an acceptance of same-sex civil unions. Perhaps a formal declaration is in the offing.

Anyway, for those so inclined, the LGBT Community Center’s website “Resource” section lists nearly three dozen affirming congregations on its Religion and Spirituality page.

Most importantly, in the giving spirit of the season, despite Covid’s constraints, don’t forget to donate generously to the LGBTQ charity or organization of your choice. I recommend Diverse & Resilient and Pathfinders, but there are many to choose from.

However, we celebrate, ultimately, it’s all about family, biological or logical. Happy Holidays to All! Paul Masterson is an LGBTQ activist and writer and has served on the boards of the Milwaukee Gay Arts Center, Milwaukee Pride, GAMMA and other organizations.

Illustration by Volodymyr Kotoshchuk/Getty Images

With the Diwali and Thanksgiving holiday season launch and the first days of Advent behind us (I’m sure some of you are anticipating opening the next door of your special edition “Vintage Wine” Advent Calendar), the next big date is December 6, St. Nicholas Day. To celebrate, it only takes a random act of chocolate presented to a friend, stranger or family member.

Next comes Chanukah. This year, it begins on December 10 and ends on December 18. If you’re bi- or poly-ritual, this allows for a seamless shift into high gear for Wiccan Yule, celebrating the Winter Solstice on December 21, when we pass from the darkening times to the days of greater light. A Festivus for the rest of us follows, falling on December 23. Then come Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Following that, Boxing Day, on December 26, is conveniently also the first day of Kwanzaa.

Then prepare your parsnips and potatoes, for last, but not least, comes Hogmanay, the last day of the year, December 31.

Wear a mask if you intend to first-foot.

Obviously, as the culmination of the year, the holiday season has always been traditionally marked with religious rituals. That provides many an awkward moment for those in the LGBTQ community for whom organized religion became an adversary rather than a safe and compassionate spiritual redoubt. The rejection of LGBTQs in such mainstream congregations across the religious spectrum led to either complete alienation, closeted participation or in the founding of community specific houses of worship. Founded in 1968, the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) was among the first to fill the spiritual void for those who could not find acceptance among their heterosexual brethren. Its local congregation, established in 1978, offers Milwaukeeans a welcoming Christian-based alternative still today.

Photo by monkeybusinessimages/Getty Images

W

ell, here we go. As if we didn’t have reason to celebrate, we now have an official month of holidays to buttress our high hopes for the future and end a year of infamy on a positive note.

BY PAUL MASTERSON

HEAR ME OUT | SPONSORED BY UW CREDIT UNION

CELEBRATE VICTORY

IN THE STRUGGLE FOR EQUALITY You can join in as the Shepherd Express and Cream City Foundation celebrate LGBTQ progress in Milwaukee on Thursday, Dec. 3, from the comfort of your home. We have been proud to host the LGBTQ Progress Awards for the past six years. This year, we were ready for an in-person event, but unfortunately, as the COVID-19 pandemic continues to affect people around the world, including here in Milwaukee, we decided to make the hard decision to move the Progress Awards online. We are committed to keeping our community safe and we feel that this is the best decision. To view this year’s virtual celebration, visit: shepherdexpress.com/shepherdevents/lgbtq-progress-awards.

The 2020 list of winner reflects decades of cumulative (and often unsung) activism, leadership and commitment to the betterment of Milwaukee’s LGBTQ community and, by extension, the greater community at large. The 2020 Progress Awards committee, comprised of Shepherd Express staff and LGBTQ community members, including previous award recipients, chose eight awardees from a field of several dozen nominees.

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LGBTQ PROGRESS IN ACTIVISM Sponsored by Dr. Stephanie Murphy, DDS

Ellen Kozel

By Paul Masterson

Ellen Kozel served in the U.S. Navy from 1966 to 1972 and in the U.S. Army from 1976 to 1987. Later, as a civilian, at the request of the Veterans Administration (VA), she built a website to help LGBTQ veterans lose their fear of the VA and help them access its services. The site was so successful that she turned it into an organization called Vets Do Ask Do Tell. Beyond directly serving the mental and physical health needs of LGBTQ veterans, the organization also raised broader community awareness of LGBTQ military service by creating a Color Guard to present the nation’s flag, carried alongside the State and Rainbow flags, at PrideFest, the Milwaukee Pride Parade and other community events.

After the Obama Administration rescinded the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy, the organization became Veterans for Diversity. It continues its mission today. Kozel has also spent over a dozen years working to help veterans with PTSD and military sexual trauma (MST) through the Healing Warrior Hearts program.

Building on her experience working within the LGBTQ veterans’ community, Kozel continues her advocacy as founder and Chairwoman of the Board of No Veteran Left Behind USA. This new organization extends help to all veterans, family of veterans and gold star families. Kozel’s work in helping fellow veterans is to honor the memory of a civilian shipyard worker who was killed in an explosion aboard a navy vessel undergoing maintenance.

for fulfilling Walt Whitman’s prophesy of “poets and orators to come.” Many agreed with Ginsberg’s assessment. In 1985, the Walt Whitman Association presented Antler with the Whitman Prize for revealing “the continuing presence” of the visionary 19th century poet in contemporary poetry.

Other prizes and honors followed.

Antler was Milwaukee’s poet laureate in 2002-2003 and continues to be published. In the tradition of American poets from the 19th century who unfavorably compared the soot of city life to the sublimity of nature, Antler’s work is concerned with the natural environment while also, as a Shepherd Express columnist once put it, “exploring the emotional arch of male-male love most would find too intimate to express.” The legacy of Whitman and Ginsberg continues in Antler’s poetry.

LGBTQ PROGRESS IN BUSINESS Sponsored by Diverse & Resilient.

The Tool Shed

By Paul Masterson

The Tool Shed Erotic Boutique is a sex toy store nationally recognized for celebrating healthy sexuality and as a gender-positive educational resource. Located on the city’s upper East Side, it has served as a safe and welcoming space for anyone exploring their sexuality since 2003.

By David Luhrssen

Originally opened by two women on a mission to bring honesty to the conversation about sex and sexuality, the Tool Shed broke both taboos as well as the male-centric sex shop mold by appealing to all genders. Since 2008, new owner, community activist and sex educator Laura Anne Haave, continued that mission. Over the years, the Tool Shed has become known as much for its array of high-quality, safe sex products, literature and accessories as it has for its focus on healthy sex instruction. It offered Sexy Summer School sessions and a full calendar of workshops and classes. It also became the go-to referral for doctors advising patients about related support.

Born in Wauwatosa as Brad Burdick, Antler has achieved as high a degree of national acclaim for his poetry as any living Milwaukeean. He gained attention well beyond his hometown in 1980 when Lawrence Ferlinghetti’s seminal City Lights Bookstore published Antler’s poem Factory. A vivid meditation on the routinization and mechanization of modern life, Factory was drawn from Antler’s experience of working factory jobs in Milwaukee to support his vocation as a writer. Afterward, the living poet whose example is best reflected in Antler’s verse, Allen Ginsberg, lauded him

Particular and unique emphasis is placed on addressing the specialized needs of the LGBTQ community, and in particular the needs of transgender men and women, as well as gender non-conforming individuals. To that end, the Tool Shed offers a specific curated line of relevant products and works closely with local organizations, like FORGE, to provide its transgender clientele with professional, informed and non-judgmental service. The Tool Shed provides Milwaukeeans of all sexual and gender identities an oasis of resources for their most personal and intimate needs.

LGBTQ PROGRESS IN ARTS AND CULTURE Sponsored by Marcus Performing Arts Center

Antler

DECEMBER 2020 | 71

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LGBTQ PROGRESS IN HEALTH AND HIV AWARENESS Sponsored by Vivent Health

CommonGround Ministry-Elena’s House

By Paul Masterson

Founded in 2000 by individuals associated with the St. Camillus HIV/AIDS Ministry, CommonGround Ministry-Elena’s House provides a transitional and end-of-life home for people living with HIV/AIDS. Its faith-based range of supportive services offers physical, familial, social and spiritual care in a non-judgmental and dignified environment. Its peer-based programs, ACAL (Another Chance at Life) and WOW (Women of Worth), provide motivating support for those with HIV/AIDS living independently in the community.

Elena’s House provides a safe, dignified and loving space for both full-time live-in residents and drop-in individuals. All participate in a broad range of supportive healing activities and specialized services. Many of those are provided free of charge or at a reduced fee. They include social groups, medical and financial assistance counseling and transportation.

Whether as an interim to end-of-life hospice care or a transition to return to independent living, Elena’s House offers 24-hour staff support, nutrition and drug-regimen compliance in a health-conscious environment. Supported by volunteers, Elena’s House caregivers afford a level of compassionate yet professional interaction most other larger facilities are unable to provide.

Elena’s House is currently “home” to four to five full-time residents.

In a given year, with some moving back to independence, the number of individuals served is significantly higher. Elena’s House is not only a resource for health needs but also a respite to combat the isolation and loneliness for people living with HIV/AIDS.

LGBTQ PROGRESS IN PHILANTHROPY Sponsored by Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin

Milmaids Bowling Tournament

By Paul Masterson

Wisconsin’s cultural heritage can be defined not only by its industry and agriculture but also by its leisure. With bowling synonymous with Wisconsin, it was naturally embraced by local LGBTQs as they evolved into a community. When AIDS struck, it was also natural for Milwaukee and Madison LGBTQ bowlers to rise to the occasion and, through charity events, provide financial support for those affected by the HIV/AIDS pandemic.

72 | SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Celebrating 35 years of fundraising, Milmaids is a grassroots, annual charity 9-pin bowling tournament that alternates between Madison and Milwaukee. Since 1985, Milmaids has raised over $250,000. Each tournament donates proceeds raised to AIDS organizations in the host city. Past recipients have included ARCW, New Harvest Foundation and Rodney Scheel House, among many others.

Milmaids is run entirely by volunteers and subsidized exclusively through donations. Each year’s tournament brings in a cadre of businesses and individuals who generously contribute to the cause, donating raffle prizes and other amenities to maximize its fundraising efforts. Not surprisingly, as with many who have been instrumental in bringing about our LGBTQ progress, Milmaids’ organizers have remained largely anonymous, going about their task motivated solely by the satisfaction of helping the less fortunate of their community.

PIONEER OF LGBTQ PROGRESS Sponsored by Milwaukee Gay Sports Network

Miss B.J. Daniels

By Paul Masterson

In the pantheon of Milwaukee drag, Miss B.J. Daniels (aka Bjorn Nasett) ranks in the highest tier. Beginning in the early 1980s at Club 219, Daniels has pursued her career as an iconic star of the Milwaukee drag stage and tireless advocate for LGBTQ rights. Today, after nearly 40 years, she continues to perform in both roles.

Her early history conjures memories of old Milwaukee gay life.

She once appeared in a Wreck Room production of Dames at Sea and hosted at PrideFest from 1991 to 1995. Daniels took a 17-year hiatus but returned in 2012 to the glitter and glamour, producing the B.J. Daniels PrideFest Revue and appearing as a performer and director for Hamburger Mary’s Dining with the Divas. In 2019 she consulted for a mainstream theater’s staging of a contemporary play about drag queens. Of her comeback, Daniels says, “I felt the scene needed me, and people of my generation needed to see we were still a vital part of the LGBTQ community.”

Her many historic performances, however, are matched by her activism. “As far as fundraisers go, there were so many in the late ’80s and early ’90s that I cannot possibly name them,” she says, summing up her career by adding, “Don’t underestimate marginalized populations putting in the work to help others. Drag is about so much more than just putting on a show. Drag gave me that opportunity and the confidence to know I could succeed in whatever I wanted to do and be. It has always had a heart full of hope!”

THANK YOU!

TO ALL THE SPONSORS OF THIS YEARS LGBTQ PROGRESS AWARDS!

You help shine a light on the amazing community we have here in Milwaukee.

LGBTQ PROGRESS IN THE STRUGGLE FOR EQUALITY

LGBTQ PROGRESS IN YOUTH ACTIVISM

Sponsored by UW Credit Union

Sponsored by Courage MKE

Milwaukee PFLAG

Diverse & Resilient

For over three decades, Milwaukee PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) has provided support for LGBTQ individuals and their families. Through education and advocacy, it promotes the respect of diversity within our community to end discrimination and secure equal civil rights.

For a quarter-century, Diverse & Resilient has focused on the physical and mental health needs of LGBTQ youth, inspiring youth to activism. Beginning with a 1996 LGBT Youth Conference, D&R has expanded the empowerment of our youth through its LGBT Youth Leadership Advisory Council and other programs including Community Health Promoters (CHPs), Wisconsin Youth Great O.U.T (Outreach, Understanding, Teaching) Doors Institute and the Rainbow Alliance for Youth in Wisconsin (RAY).

By Paul Masterson

PFLAG has made a significant mark on Milwaukee. Its leadership shares common threads as parents of LGBTQ children. In the process of forming a LGBTQ identity, the realization that one’s sexual attraction is different from what is considered the norm comes at an early age. That critical moment can be traumatic and requires a parental support network to provide a safe emotional passage. Often, that network is absent. PFLAG understood that reality and embraced the mission to deliver the message to other parents. Through meetings, participation on educational panels at local schools and health facilities, as well as its help line, PFLAG reaches a broad, self-perpetuating audience—there are always new parents seeking help, and those who have already received help support the newcomers.

PFLAG’s public activism is familiar to thousands of PrideFest patrons who have entered through the event’s main gate.

There, since 2005, in response to the bigoted protestors intending to intimidate and harass PrideFest attendees, PFLAG members form the Unofficial PrideFest Welcoming Committee.

Carrying signs delivering positive and affirming messages, the PFLAG gatekeepers are the first to greet the festival’s guests.

The PFLAG mantra is “to love no matter what.” As a result of their decades-long efforts, today more parents accept their LGBTQ children.

By Paul Masterson

LGBTQ and allied youth make up the Community Heath Promoters. Through their engagement and care for the community, they support D&R’s mission to achieve health equity and improve the well-being of Wisconsin’s LGBTQ population. CHPs develop leadership skills through both recreational and educational activities addressing sexual health, substance abuse awareness, healthy relationships and social justice, among other issues affecting their community.

D&R’s Wisconsin Youth Great O.U.T. (Outreach, Understanding, Teaching) Doors Institute is a weekend program for Wisconsin LGBTQ and allied youth. It encourages ideas and best practices for participants to take back to their communities. To cultivate future LGBTQ leaders, D&R established the Rainbow Alliance for Youth in Wisconsin (RAY).

Additionally, D&R’s annual LGBTQ Summit engages youth in the event’s planning and staffing. Over the years, these unique programs have provided LGBTQ youth with critical skills and insights, as well as a foundation for future leadership in a broad spectrum of health and public service roles.

DECEMBER 2020 | 73

ART FOR ART'S SAKE

From The City That Always Sweeps

BY ART KUMBALEK

You betcha, ABB is the shop that answers this question: Why not give everyone on your goddamn list the gift of laughter ’cause it’s a gift that won’t cost you a focking dime? You can then use those savings on a big ol’ bottle of holiday cheer all for yourself and drown your seasonal depression like a bag of cats over the bridge.

What follows are a couple, three items that may interest you. Feel free to stroll around the page and choose whatever catches your eye.

So it’s springtime and the young bear comes out of his cave. His knees are knockin’ and he’s a wreck—just skin and bones with deep, dark circles under his eyes.

His mother says, “Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were supposed to?”

And Junior the bear says, “HIBERNATE??!?

Cripes Ma, I thought you said masturbate!”

Ba-ding!

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And you yourself might even get a good laugh if you stick around the shindig long enough, because by then, after a tubful of hot focking toddies, this life-of-the-party jackass will really be on a roll, and the punch line will have evolved into near firehis-ass gibberish: “HIBERVENTILATE??!? You got to be jerking my beefaroni, Ma. I thought you said you wanted me to spank my monkey!” Wait, wait. It gets better. So the mother bear says,“What monkey?” The monkey looks at her and says,“Organ grinder? What do I need an organ grinder for when I’ve got a right paw?” And the bear says to the monkey, “So, I guess you don’t come here just for the hunting, do you?”

What, wild animals engaged in the art of self-administered sexual satisfaction is not exactly the seasonal material you’re looking for?

OK, try this one: In a recent ruling, the divorce court judge said, “Mr. Krockakowsky, I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I’ve decided to give your wife $275 a week.” The husband rose and said to the judge, “That’s very fair, your honor. And every now and then, I’ll

try to send a few bucks myself.” Ba-ding!

Got one more, here in the showroom. Cookies. That’s seasonal, ain’a?

A very old man. There he is upstairs, lying in his bed at death’s door—he’s ready to kick—and he smells the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up from the kitchen. With all the strength he has left, he pulls himself out of bed, leans against the wall and slowly makes his way out of the bedroom to the stairs, grips the railing with both hands and somehow makes his way downstairs. He’s weakened and exhausted, but he’s got to make it to the kitchen where that delicious smell is coming from. So, he gets on his hands and knees and crawls all the way down the hall to the kitchen, where he sees a sight that—if he wasn’t still breathing—he would’ve sworn he was in Heaven. There on the table, all spread out on waxed paper, are literally hundreds of those chocolate chip cookies, obviously one final act of love from his devoted wife; so that he would die surely a happy man. He painfully pulls himself across the kitchen floor to the table, his lips parched and parted; the wondrous taste of a chocolate chip cookie already in his mouth seemingly bringing him back to life. His aged and withered hand trembles as he reaches for a cookie at the edge of the table. WHACK! He takes a wooden spatula right across the knuckles and the wife says,“Stay out of those, mister!

They’re for the funeral.” Ba-ding!

Okey-dokey, time to close up shop. Hope you found something you liked, you cheap bastards, and happy holidays to you’s ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

Photo by Deagreez/Getty Images

But regardless, it is the holiday season, so I hear what you hear. And so, it’s that time of year once again to fling the doors open to Art’s Ba-ding! Boutique for those of you struck dumb by your Christmas shopping monetary obligations.

Alright already, yeah, it’s not the best joke in the world so sue me, but I bet you a buck two-eighty there will be at least one knobshine at the socially distanced Zoom office party who will swear it’s the funniest focking joke he’s ever heard and then proceed to completely screw it up in retelling it to everyone by trying to jazz up the punch line, as in “HIBERNATE??!? Cripes Ma, I thought you told me to jack off!”

Illustration by pleshko74/Getty Images

I

’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, I’ve been checking my list and checking it twice, and yes, indeed, this here December appears to be the very last month concluding the worst 12 months since one of those plague years back during the olden times before the flush toilet was discovered, or perhaps that year when our jackass Supreme Court handed the Oval Office over to the most not-gifted George W. Bush, what the fock.