SHE. Magazine 01 "LET IT BLEED"

„Shameless accounts of the female experience“

HI,

our purpose is to provide a platform for sharing shameless accounts of the female experience; unapologetically.

We are in exciting times.

People are questioning themselves, others, and their surrounds.

WE AT SHE. ARE TOO. To all those who have been searching for something more, camaraderie, solace, or honest answers to the questions that have remained silenced or shamed.

SHE. IS HERE. Thank you and our fierce collaborators for your raw, untapped boldness in taking this journey with us.

Karolina Kraszynska, IG: Karolinakraszynska

IG: Elisa.Giglio

There are oceans inside of you Hurricanes and landslides Packed neatly inside your womb With more power than the moon’s sea More history than all the world’s books combined And yet They tell us to feel shame At the hot red droplets in our underwear (Oh God) The cotton cylinders tucked away in purses and lockers Wrapped in pink design and doused in floral scents They tell us we are disgusting When dams burst And red rivers stain trousers and seats (Gross) When they only lie with us at night If the tide is out They tell us we are not women without blood (Tranny) They have grown so used to battering us They cannot separate womanhood from trauma Rage from hormones – (Are you on your period?)

They hate us when we bleed They invalidate us when we don’t There is a universe inside your body Pulsating with strength Creating and destroying, simultaneously There are storms And whirlpools And entire bodies of water and blood

Let them run free.

Elisa Franceschini- Gigliotti

FACTS

breaking down menstruation 08

STORIES H.N.�s “Period Talk” & “Tales of the Taboo”

LOOK AT Melodie Hoke of “Your Favourite Story”

MARKETPLACE

Natural vs. Unnatural range of period products1

TEAM SHE. Creative Director Aimée Ramos Head of Design Alina Neukirch Editor-in-chief Tara Dartnell Photos Aimée Ramos Illustrations Karolina Kraszynska Hannah Langston Malory Torr Gabriela Choj Printer Park Communications Website shemagazine.co.uk Instagram @shemagazineuk Contact shemagazineuk @outlook.com

CURIOSITY Trans, deal with It!

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ABOUT SEX

on flo: “Riding the Crimson Wave”

AFTER ALL

there�s Menopause; and love for yourself

RELAX take it easy! We�ve got the goods

HE TALKS

a male�s perspective on periods

THANK YOU

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to the people without we wouldn�t be

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FACTS

Holy Cramp

Culturally

Ever wondered why you cramp?

Sadly across the globe there are some societies that perceive menstruation as ‘unclean’ and ‘shameful’ even so far to say menstruating women are ‘impure,’ only to impose strict rules on them during their cycle.

There are chemicals that form during menstruation in the lining of the uterus, called prostaglandins.

These chemicals not only cause muscle contractions similar to labour pains, they also contribute to nausea or diarrhoea.

What the blood Typically every 28-days (for some sooner, others later) the lining of the uterus thickens in preparation for a fertilised egg. If the egg remains unfertilised, that lining is then released from the body.

And there you have it, your monthly bleed.

This process can begin anywhere from age 10 -15 years, and last right through until 45 - 55 years, from there we move on to menopause.

On a positive note, orgasms can make your cramps subside.

Working as a natural remedy uterine contractions caused by an orgasm can release pain-fighting neurotransmitters like endorphins.

Hoorah!

Although banned, this is still relevant in Nepal through the centuries-old practice of Chhaupadi: An act where women are banished to a cowshed or makeshift hut whilst menstruating.

Chhaupadi dictates everything from where a woman can go, what she can eat, even to whom she can speak through the duration of her period.

Cry Baby During a woman’s menstrual cycle her hormone levels are up and down like a yo-yo.

Causing her to feel sick and depressed, so much so it can be hard to even get out of bed.

This hormonal roller-coaster is not only emotional, but also a complete physical drainer.

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FACTS

Foreign Objects The average woman has around 450 cycles.

Spending more than £18,000 on her period in her lifetime, which includes sanitary items, pain relief products, new underwear and a shit load of chocolate.

Non-organic pads are made up of 90% plastic!

Non-organic sanitary items are made from cotton that is sprayed with chemical pesticides.

Which destroys biodiversity, and can lead to potential pesticide poisoning.

With an average of 11,000 disposable menstrual products used in one woman’s reproductive lifetime, sanitary items generate more than 200,000 tonnes of waste yearly.

Tamp - off Tampons can leave microscopic fibres in vaginal tissue causing tiny cuts and creating a breeding ground for the bacteria that causes Toxic Shock Syndrome [TSS] a disease that can be fatal.

Tampons absorbency can cause unpleasantness as it upsets the natural pH balance of the vagina and dries it out, which leads to itchy discomfort and infections.

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Sad Truth Charity Plan International UK conducted a survey that found 1 in 10 females aged 14-21 in Britain couldn’t afford sanitary products.

For more information on natural alternatives, turn to page 16.

Disposable menstrual products are bleached white, creating chemical dioxin in the process, which is linked to immune system suppression, reproductive issues and cancer.

STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES

share “Tales of the Taboo”

STORIES

Period Talk

by H.N

A

unt Flo. Shark Week. Period. Menstruation.

Whatever you call it, it is something that most with wombs experience. It’s estimated on average a woman will menstruate for roughly 3,500 days, yet it remains a taboo in most parts of the world. I think I have heard more about the sex life of friends, and some strangers, than I have about their periods.

due to advice given by a (male) GP, which was my period will continue to change and may get better after childbirth… I had never expressed an interest in getting pregnant, or starting a family.

His advice was completely useless.

Though there are some that claim they never notice their periods (I am suspicious of these people), 91% of women experience period pain such as abdominal cramps and migraines. For most, their periods even affect their ability to work. In light of this, I cannot help but wonder how many others who suffer through menstruation, get dismissed by their GPs. It is so frustrating to

Menstruation is important to talk about, simply because it is something that affects at least half of the population. The average woman goes through 450 cycles, so it is something that we need to get more comfortable with.

Menstruation is important to talk about, simply because it is something that affects at least half of the population.

In a society where how we feel about ourselves is largely influenced by external sources, it is important that these sources portray positivity.

We have come a long way from being wary of the malevolent powers of menstruating women and their blood, but should we be happy with the attitudes towards menstruation in 2018?

have your experience not taken seriously, even more so when the person underestimating you is meant to be the professional you seek advice from.

The stigma attached to menstruation has lead to the self-regulating of women as they view themselves through a critical lens. Women tend to avoid certain activities, such as swimming and sex, or make plans around their cycle. I know lots of girls, myself included, that haven’t had a break between packs of pills so they wouldn’t bleed on a special occasion or holiday.

It sometimes feels like you’re limited to the sofa or bed, especially when your period isn’t happy like those in the adverts.

Since getting my first period in school age 10 or 11, I have always dreaded them. They have been painful beyond the strength of over-thecounter painkillers. For years I saw doctors in the hope that this could be fixed. I was eventually prescribed the pill and tried three different types over four years before making the decision to throw them in the trash, forever.

There is a lot of shame and embarrassment surrounding periods, accompanied by a list of things that women should and shouldn’t do whilst menstruating.

It is about time we broke those rules.

By age 20 I decided this was something I would just have to accept and live with. This was mostly

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STORIES

“People are perfectly happy to see women as sex objects, but the actual biology of our bodies is apparently gross and unmentionable.”

–Robin Holland

Where quite a few of us view periods as annoying inconveniences, we could instead feel pride at the functions of our body.

By knowing and understanding our bodies, we can care for them better and work to our strengths.

H

owever, it is important to remember that although over a quarter of women would prefer to never menstruate there are some women who do not have this choice.

There are a number of reasons why a woman may not menstruate, including hormonal imbalances, lifestyle, or structural problems of the reproductive organs. As menstruation is often seen as a sign of a woman’s fertility, for those suffering problematic menstruation, or none at all, it is a reminder of their inability to fulfill their so-called function as a woman, namely to be a mother, regardless of whether they intended to have children or not. Consequently, some women struggle to identify with mainstream femininity and womanhood.

There will always be an opinion on what the female body should look like. In 1995, Karen Houppert wrote an article for Village Voice, which featured photography by Robin Holland.

The photo was the side view of a woman naked from the waist with her legs slightly apart, enough to see a white string hanging next to her thigh. According to Holland, the reaction at the time was that, “People were horrified…People are perfectly happy to see women as sex objects, but the actual biology of our bodies is apparently gross and unmentionable.”

With this being said some companies are beginning to change the way we view periods through their advertisements. Bodyform recently launched a new “Blood Normal” campaign stating, “Periods are normal. Showing them should be too.” They were also the first company to advertise sanitary products using a red liquid instead of blue.

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In a world where we feel judged and pressure to meet the unattainable standards set by society and the media, we want to encourage women and girls to embrace their bodies, periods or no periods. As a result this will positively contribute to encouraging them to embrace themselves.

Let’s talk more and understand our bodies, stop trying to avoid the things we want to do and let go of any shame and embarrassment.

Periods are a natural function of the female reproductive system, there’s no point fighting against it, instead let’s work with it.

STORIES

Tales of the Taboo G.B.

T.T.

I

W

was having intense, passionate sex with my ex; when he pulled out, there was blood everywhere on the white sheets. We stared at each other in panic, staring at the blood and massive clot on the bed. He asked if I was okay, and helped me clean up. Suddenly he turned to me and screamed – it was him who was bleeding!

It turned out during sex he’d torn his frenulum of prepuce. I took him to the hospital and they said it would heal in a week or two…

Also, he got a hard-on whilst getting checked by a male nurse.

as a magical Friday night, drinks flowing, music playing, we were laughing…

One thing led to another, and we were stumbling to his bedroom. We started fooling around, and little did I know, when I looked down there was a red patch on his bright white undies. A million thoughts raced through my mind; firstly, how embarrassing, second, how would he want to see me again after this?

And third, should I say anything – or just hope he doesn’t notice.

As in most awkward situations, I started laughing. It was either that, or cry. He asked what was so funny, and I told him to look down – His face said it all.

A.N.

I

used to steal my [ex] stepmother’s tampons from the drawer because I was too scared to ask her to buy me some… That, and I didn’t really like her.

A.R.

T

ampons were always a mystery to me. I remember seeing diagrams on the leaflets inside tampon boxes puzzled. That is suppose to go where?! I did not even realised that I had a vagina hole that was separate to a pee hole until I was in my twenties! I can recall the horror of getting my period whilst swimming in a Florida roadside motel’s pool during my twelfth birthday. My mum grabbed me and we ran to the poolside bathroom. The bathroom’s dispenser only sold tampons! I was deathly afraid to use one as it was such a foreign concept to me. I just remember my mum putting me in the toilet cubicle by myself, handing me a tampon under the door and said ‘Feel around down there until it tickles and then stick it in.’ Needless to say, I have never been able to use a tampon since.

T.D.

A

dolescence is a bitch. Your body changing out of your control, growing hair in strange places, funky odours, and then you literally start dripping blood. The horror of getting your period that first time is bad enough, and there I was at a family picnic in a pair of white capris. My mum told me to shove toilet paper in my undies before concealing the evidence by tying my jumper around my waist. I have since blocked the rest of that day from memory.

The carnage, the horror!

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STORIES

M

elodie Hoke, senior creative at Your Favourite Story, a London-based digital agency, along with Krish Puri wrote a female-lead short film for International Women’s Day, which pokes fun at the taboo topic of getting your period whilst at work.

The agency short was shot by Charlie Delahunt and stars comedians Natasia Demetriou and Phoebe Walsh.

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Donate: http://bit.do/charitytampontaboo

Watch: http://bit.do/yourfavvideo

The film is not only funny and relatable, but for a bloody good cause. The film was created as part of a larger campaign to raise money for Bloody Good Period, a social enterprise which fights period poverty in the UK.

REVIEW

Menstruation: connecting women on an emotional frequency that men will never quite understand.

Contraceptive Implant Erin, 27, AU

Everyone has something to say about the implant and there are always both ends of the spectrum, the horror stories and the dream scenarios. My personal experience has been both positive and negative, ultimately the positive outweighing the bad.

Please note personal experiences are exactly that and you should always consult a professional for medical advice.

I

got my first rod years ago, a combination of hating taking the pill, being in a long-term relationship and an avid traveller, not taking hormonal contraception just won’t cut it for me. I needed something that would curb the annoying monthly presence of my period, without having to remember to take a pill every day. When travelling through developing countries access to tampons can be challenging and expensive, the rod was the most inexpensive long-term solution for me.

My body at first loved the implant, I seemed less moody or ‘hormonal’ and my periods stopped altogether, the dream! Months passed and then the constant bleed began, the bleed lasted months and not your typical period. It was nasty, annoying and uncomfortable. Did I mention annoying? Underwear ruined, sex life non-existent. I got it out and decided to give up hormonal contraception, but the periods every month, weight gain and the pain was too much for me.

So I marched back to my doctor and decided to give it another

shot, I would deal with the side effects better this time.

One local anaesthetic, a 40mm bump, and a concerning bruise on my arm later, and we’re good to go. This time the experience has been mostly positive, there has definitely been the occasional irrational mood swing and I did have a light period for a month; the not knowing when it will end is truly the worst. But for me there is no point in stressing this small stuff, because overall it makes my life more manageable and I am able to mostly travel with ease. A little irregular bleeding works better overall than the full, heavy and painful periods that I used to know.

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The Coil

by H.L

A

fter my abortion the doctor spoke to me about different contraception. I had been on the pill for over five years, I didn’t want it anymore, nor did I want any hormones in me. So I chose the copper coil and signed the paperwork, happy to go through with them inserting the coil whilst I slept. When I came out, everything was fine.

Three months later, I saw my doctor and asked if I needed a follow-up on the procedure. He said if nothing seems wrong, then everything should be ok.

Great, I was enjoying not having my period. He looked surprised, if I had the copper coil, I should be having a period. Confused he looked up the records, only to tell me I didn’t have the copper coil, instead I had the hormonal one – the coil I specifically did not want!

Now, to get the coil I signed for, I would have to go through the process of having my current one removed whilst awake, and have the correct coil put in, which I really don’t want. So I think I’m just going to keep it, everything is fine, but that’s not the point. I really didn’t want any more hormones in me.

REVIEW

Looking pregnant, eating for five, hating yourself.

Is the tampon in the right fucking spot?

The Cup

A NOTE ON THE PILL

by Tara, 31, UK

I

ordered two free menstrual cups through Neon Moon, one large, one small. Technically I fit the ‘large’ vagina class as I’m over 30-years, so there I was attempting to fold and shove this silicone device inside me, my vagina not having a bar of it. I then tried the small, and BOOM! Success. Take that, ageism.

All was running smoothly, until I needed to pee.

There was a strange pressure, allowing me to know I had somehow fucked this up. I took it out, washed it off, and went in for the kill (again) this didn’t bother me, as it was the most action I had experienced in months. Now here I sit, a few hours later, comfortable, and having since peed successfully. So far, so good…

It was easy to judge when it was time to take it out; that familiar feeling from years of wearing tampons, when your body finally realises a foreign object is inside of it. I went to the bathroom and pulled the tab – which made it easy to remove – it came out in a mostly clean way, just a couple drops on the seat and on my thigh.

My friend in high school lost his sister due to a deadly combination of a medicated version of the contraceptive pill (one with a female’s name), and an acne medication. A side effect of combining the two medications was a blood clot that ultimately led to her untimely death. When I found out I was left wondering, how can this happen?

We need to hear these stories to make our own choices, as I truly believe not enough people understand exactly what they’re putting into their bodies. We put so much trust into professionals, with the simple thought ‘those side-effects won’t happen to me’.

I had felt a bit dry when removing the cup, which just meant I wasn’t bleeding much for the moment – my period is frustratingly inconsistent – otherwise no problems. I tipped the little pool of blood that had been collected into the toilet, and stood watching a minute as it swam about like a sea creature. Once again finding myself fascinated by what our bodies can do.

Verdict? I can get used to this, and will definitely be using the cup more frequently. With a bit more practise, and a little bag to store it, I see no problems with using this product no matter where you are. Plus it’s saving me money, better for the environment, and now I know my vagina is young at heart. www.neonmoon.co

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Alternative options, sea sponge. Thoughts..?

“There was nothing more liberating than to be able to feel the fabric of my boxers against my skin instead of a panty liner…”

CURIOSITY

Trans, deal with it!

by R.A.

It was sometime in middle school when it first showed up, much like a scary, sewer-dwelling clown. I was petrified when I looked down at my stained underwear in the bathroom, I did not want this.

I knew it was inevitable, but that didn’t make it any easier. I swiped a pad from my sister’s stash, and later tried to flush it. I didn�t want anyone to know I had gotten my period. But of course, when your mother does your laundry, there�s no hiding.

I grew up the youngest in a Catholic household with Baby Boomer parents in the suburbs of Ohio. Things involving

decades); and testing tampons in cups of water while the boys would stick maxi pads to unsuspecting classmates.

Needless to say, we didn�t learn much.

I only grew more increasingly aware of how uncomfortable it made me. And when my mom poked her head in my bedroom one day and said, ‘I see you got your period’, my introverted and (unbeknownst at the time) dysphoric self said “Yep” flatly in return. “Sucks, doesn’t it?”

“Yep, I don’t have to worry about that anymore, I got a hysterectomy after I had you.“ With that she shut the door, and it was never spoken about again.

But of course, when your mother does your laundry, there’s no hiding. sex, bodily changes and everything in between were never talked about. My parents would just silently sign the consent forms teachers had sent home with us so we could ‘learn about the birds and the bees.’

All I remember from those classes was being separated from the boys and watching ´after-school-special´ videos about puberty; seeing a film from the 70s featuring a dark-haired woman breastfeeding her baby at a kitchen table while her porn-stached husband gazed on (a scene that has seared my brain for three

Pads were bought without asking, Midol was downed without question, and cramps were dealt with quietly. I had to ask my best friend in high school how to use a tampon when we went camping and there was a pool. I did it wrong. That shit hurt.

But that�s just how it was, ‘you�re a girl, deal with it.’ Fast forward to age 36, I’m still dealing with it. Today I awkwardly purchased a box of cheap, plastic applicator tampons, fiancé and 8-year-old daughter in tow.

I transitioned a few years ago.

I was a late bloomer in that respect.

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CURIOSITY

I always knew something was different, but when you grow up in a place with more corn than people, anything other than cisgendered heteronormativity is just not something you�re exposed to. And because of that, any signs — and my god there were signs — were quietly shoved under the bed in my brain.

I didn’t want to be Indiana Jones; I just thought he was cool. I didn�t prefer pretending to be Ken when my friends and I played with Barbie dolls; they just thought I was the best at it. And I was, that was it. The dreams I would have at night about being a man; just dreams. When I told friends in high school I was a gay man trapped in a straight woman’s body, I was just joking, a really long running gag.

Over thirty years of gender dysphoria can really take its toll on a person, especially when they don’t know what it is or why it�s happening. It�s different for everyone, but for me it manifested in deep depression and an eating disorder that caused me to drop 40lbs in a very short time. Everyone thought I looked great, but I couldn’t handle it. The curves I was born into, I thought if I could just get rid of them I’d be happy. It wasn’t the case.

I�d think about that filmstrip from fourth grade.

I did not want an infant latched on my

Anything involving the female body made me feel dirty and wrong. chest. I didn�t even want a chest! I didn�t want pregnancy, certainly not a period.

Why was this something I had to deal with? I took birth control for a time, but

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hated going to the ‘groinacologist,’ as my father once eloquently put it. I despised every time I had to walk into the feminine hygiene aisle to sneak a box of supplies into my cart, without anyone catching a glimpse.

I married a man, but I rejected intimacy so much that he claimed I should stop taking the pill because “we�d have to be having sex” for me to be on it. I would stay up late, long after the rest of the house slept, sobbing silently and wondering what was wrong with me. Why I felt so uncomfortable with long hair; why I hated the idea of wearing a skirt for more than five seconds.

Finally I thought, maybe I�m gay. That�s why I�m so upset all the time. That�s why I�m unhappy. It would also explain all the times I identified with guys. It made sense at the time. A big light bulb turned on over my head, I was gay. I got divorced; found a girlfriend; I was happy, or so I thought. The divorce was messy; I had no feelings for the girl; I still hated my body and everything associated with it; I had a complete mental breakdown.

It turned out that I needed to turn that light bulb into a torch, and excavate the pile of suppressed thoughts in that brain of mine. In a way I did become Indiana Jones, because it was quite the archeological dig. And when I finally figured out what I was, it really was like finding the Holy Grail.

The coming months were a whirlwind of ups and downs, simultaneously dragging on and taking no time at all. From finding a therapist who confirmed in one hour what took me years, to a hormone replacement therapy [HRT] doctor whose nurses

CURIOSITY

Why have we let the topic of menstruation and everything associated with it continue to be so taboo? – It’s 2018.

kept making me pee in cups to ensure I wasn�t pregnant. While there are some trans guys who decide to carry children, I am definitely not one of them.

While starting testosterone injections and enjoying my newfound chia pet-like fuzziness, but having panic attacks over voluntarily stabbing myself in the leg with a needle to administer the drug (I found an alternative in a topical gel), I fell in love and got engaged to a wonderful man.

I was out to friends, family, and work, but kept a low profile with people I didn’t know. I happened to be transitioning around the time of the great bathroom debate, which didn�t make things easier.

Never had I seen so many people polarized over whether or not I could use the bathroom I wanted, which was already hard enough to do. And every time I posted something about said debate online, dysphoria would kick in when I checked, finding people would ask horribly invasive questions; Are you going to get surgery?

Can I see it when it�s done? Do you still have your period?

The answers to these questions was no.

That shit was my business. People would always say “I just want to get educated,” and I�d think, I�m not going to tell you every single detail about my life and my body. I just want to live my life and go about my days blending in with people around me. The fear of someone finding out I was trans and reacting violently was a big one. This fear lessened when I stop-

ped having to carry pads and tampons around. My testosterone levels were high enough to knock that sucker out within seven months. There was nothing more liberating than to be able to feel the fabric of my boxers against my skin instead of a panty liner. That was until I finally got top surgery.

It was a struggle to find a doctor who took my insurance, but when I did, I was ecstatic; the last of the curves would be gone! I was told by my HRT doctor I should pause using testosterone for about ten days during the surgery, which was fine since I wouldn�t be able to move much to apply it anyway. I had time off work approved, the spare bedroom at my parents’ house set up for recovery, and I was ready for my procedure. I was not ready for what happened afterwards.

I had a full year without periods until this point. Less than two weeks into recovery and there it was, staring me in the face in the bathroom late one night. Like my body decided, “you got rid of your chest so I thought I�d bring this back.”

Apparently I had been off my gel just long enough for my hormones to level out and start the cycle again. But this time I didn�t have my older sister�s stash to use. It was after midnight in my aging parents’ golf community home. I could barely lift my arms over my head, let alone drive to the nearest 24-hour store. Thankfully I had an old, beat-up pad in the bottom of my workbag that held out until the next day.

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CURIOSITY

So there I was, 35-years-old and once — there does need to be more visibility so again having my mother buy me supplies. it’s easier. How much better would it be She did so without question. Consideif a young kid questioning their identity, ring everything I had been through up to could buy what they needed without feenow, we were at least a bit more open, ling uncomfortable. Without getting staalthough still awkward. Once again I was res as they headed towards the restroom of smuggling tampons into the men�s room. their choice. Why have we let the topic It is amazing how easily one can forget of menstruation and everything associated periods are a regular thing, as I had with it continue to be so taboo? It�s 2018. more than one instance of being unprepared whilst at work. It wasn’t easy for Maybe I wouldn�t have had to spend 30 me to ask for a spare pad when I was years suppressing everything that made living as a woman, it was even harder to me, me. do so now.

If people could be more I still feel awkward as I accepting and more open I was hoping that the gel approach the feminine hyabout what happens to would kill the cycle again. giene aisle, my partner asSurely in a month or two bodies on every part of the suring me no one will care. gender spectrum it would be gone, right?

I grab the ones with the instead of silently signing Nope. Over a year later applicators and a pack of consent forms, nobody and I was still ‘dealing with liners, tossing them into the would have to feel weird. it.’ Having to remind myself basket before promptly to pack tampons, asking my fiancé to buy pain meds. Having inexplicable mood swings and debilitating cramps.

After some routine blood work, I found out my testosterone levels were way too low. My dosage had been adjusted the year before as my levels were too high (over 1400 nanograms, opposed to the preferred 800-1000), but doing so had dropped it to just 147. That caused the cycle to start up, and has kept it going ever since.

I’m still uncomfortable buying what I need. But it’s just something I have to do. Whilst I know some companies have sprouted up that help trans and other gender nonconforming people with period-related products, I haven’t looked into them; usually because I forget they exist until after the fact. That�s the problem

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exiting.

That wasn�t so bad. But as I pay for the supplies, I wish that my recently upped testosterone dosage would knock the cycle out once more. Despite that, I really am content with where I am in my life. I treat myself to coffee, because caffeine helps with the cramps and I’ve forgotten to buy Midol.

I’ll just deal with it.

Riding the Crimson Wave,

by T.D.

W

e had known each other for several months, played the back and forth, put in the groundwork. The chemistry was there since first contact, I knew it, he knew, even our friends knew it. We needed to fuck; it was destiny.

The build up had been the perfect foreplay, and finally we were going to rip each other’s clothes off and get down. Well at least, that was how it happened in my mind. The reality however, as we made out on his couch and his hand slid down, was that I was wet, too wet. His eyes drifted down, and his fingers slid out, I was mortified. There she was in full force, with that distinct metallic scent. An untimely visitor – a week in advance – Aunt Flo was in town; and she was one heavy bitch.

At the time I was in my mid-twenties, never having been intimate on my period before, it was just one of those things – dirty, disgusting, shameful – there was no positive adjective that came with it. Even boyfriends of the past, always a firm no on riding the crimson wave; yet there I was as a woman, hornier than ever, shamelessly rubbing one out in the shower. And there, the first time with him, and he’s talking me off the edge. Assuring me not only should I not be embarrassed, but also, it’s actually kind of hot. Yep, the dude was into it.

“If we are capable of being grown ups that bang, we are capable of not making a big deal out of natural human attributes that may come with it.”

He grabbed a towel and threw it on the couch like it was no big deal, and reflecting back on the scenario, it wasn’t. We fucked on the couch, coffee table, kitchen counter – kitchen floor – against the bathroom mirror, and in the shower. There was blood, but this guy just wiped it on his chest like he didn’t give a fuck, because he didn’t, and it was hot. Legitimately some of the best sex I have had, humans are primal creatures after all.

To put things in perspective, women have dudes jizzing (literally) all over them, and are left waiting for the fucking toilet paper, but you don’t see us making a fuss over it. Yet the meremention of menstrual blood, and

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that is nasty girl stuff, yuck, gross… No. If we are capable of being grown ups that bang, we are capable of not making a big deal out of natural human attributes that may come with it.

After all, your girl is at her most animalistic ready-to-fucking-go states when on her period.

Why not utilise that? It’s time to grow up, and grab your board – let’s ride this wave together.

www.gabchoj.com, IG: thunderc_nt

MENOPAUSE

– Betrayal.

My Menopause, Ruth Dartnell

enopause, apparently the cause is declining levels of estrogens and sister hormone progesterone. Normally they go up and down like a seesaw, but by age 35, ovulation slows and hormonal burnout begins. It can wreak havoc on your female metabolism.

Mothers, daughters, sisters can all be different. How long does it last – how long is a piece of string.

Menopause can last weeks, months, or years. I read it can last for up to 10 years. This of course is only a guide; every woman is different, with different triggers.

For some a nightmare; the hot flushes can range from a slight blush, to a raging bushfire. Triggered by spicy food, alcohol, coffee, weather, and medication… I become more carbohydrates sensitive and very stress reactive. It can creep up slow then hit you like a ton of bricks.

On fire from the top of your head to your toes, severe enough to wake you from a sound sleep. The weight piles on – especially around your stomach – you eat less, exercise more. Nothing helps.

Your mood changes, as your body doesn‘t feel like your own.

It’s as though you are being betrayed. You try different things: dressing in layers; practice deep breathing; try not to get stressed. Continuously remind yourself this can’t last forever.

I am in my seventh year, and still trying to find a cure.

There are books and medications out there that are supposed to help and reduce symptoms. But all you can really hope for is that it finishes soon. You never know when it’s going to happen, until suddenly it appears.

So sit back, relax and take it on as best you can.

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Confusing. Frustrating. Moody. Weight-gain.

M

MENOPAUSE

“What is happening to me!”

Menopause: Curse or blessing?

Anna Davies

F

or some women menopause signifies the demise of their femininity, the loss of physical attributes and sexuality that once defined their prime years.

I’m sure you’ve heard harrowing accounts of the dreaded hot flushes, mood swings, and loss of libido. There’s no denying that many women experience these distressing symptoms, but not all suffer this frightening plethora of afflictions at the same time or to the same degree. It is a unique and personal experience for every woman.

According to researchers, Wallace and Kelsey, women are destined to undergo menopause between ages 38- 60, and will have around 295,000 immature egg-containing follicles present at birth per ovary. Generally, one follicle per month will mature and expel an egg (ovum) for an average of 450 ovulatory cycles during a woman’s reproductive years. As women get older, the number of follicles progressively decline and by age 50-51 approximately 1,000 follicles remain, followed by disintegration of the remaining, and menopause.

There’s a complicated interplay of reproductive hormones that regulate our bodies during our fertile years, but simply stated, it is primarily the ovaries and ovarian follicles that produce estrogen and progesterone. Estrogen provides us with the physical characteristics that make us uniquely female: breasts, curves, voice, childbearing… It regulates our menstrual cycles, lubricates and provides elasticity to the

vaginal walls and thickens the lining of the uterus. Whilst progesterone prepares the lining of the uterus for receiving a fertilized bundle of joy and maintaining its viability until a growing placenta begins to produce its own progesterone. To a lesser degree, the ovaries also produce testosterone, which enhances sexual drive, maintains bone and muscle mass, and provides energy and a sense of well-being.

One can see why the gradual degeneration of follicles and ovaries and the consequent attrition of their magical hormones can create havoc in a woman’s body.

Most commonly between the ages of 45-55 women progress through a natural transition termed perimenopause; fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone cause menstrual periods to become longer or shorter, heavier or lighter, more or less frequent, until the ovaries cease producing eggs and periods end.

Much has been written about the symptoms associated with perimenopause, but some researchers concede that it is hard to distinguish between symptoms that are clearly associated, from those due to natural aging or caused by domino effect. For example, vaginal irritation can certainly affect one’s sex drive, and nighttime hot flashes may be a factor in insomnia with subsequent fatigue and irritability during the day.

Hot flashes, night sweats, sleep disturbances and vaginal dryness –

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have definitive ties to the menopausal transition, but it’s the internal furnace that is most exasperating.

I once read about a woman who worked at a butcher shop and thought nothing of spending time in the cooler amongst the hanging carcasses.

Other symptoms, such as depression, mood swings, headaches, difficulty concentrating, poor memory, dry skin and eyes, palpitations, have not been definitively associated with hormonal changes during perimenopause.

Symptoms related to hormone depletion can last a total of 7.4 years. The final stage, menopause, begins after a woman has gone through 12 consecutive months without a period.

So, there you have it. Before you look in the mirror and imagine yourself in Fruit of the Looms and elastic-waist pants, tweezers in hand searching for goat hairs, know that it’s every woman’s destiny and you’re not alone. For the first time in your life, without the worries of periods and pregnancy, you’ll be free to enjoy wanton sex. Or not. Remember the vaginal changes and the loss of libido? Well, men’s testosterone levels also decline with age leading to the same lower sex drive and problems with erection.

We’re all in the same boat, so just enjoy the cruise. Relish your youth and choose to accept your changing body and to age gracefully. And if you ever find yourself in an ice storage surrounded by carcasses, know that this too, shall pass.

RELAX

– Let it bleed.

RELAX

Mix at home!

Mix it up!

Sometimes a tea won’t quite cut it, for that we have Mr Lyan.

NT's Bar in Hackney, the perfect ambience to switch off to any stress. Grab a cocktail and take a seat amongst the plants, all that's left to do is relax and let the good times roll.

With a small yet delightful palette of flavours available, it will leave you refreshed and proper ready to grab your book and chill the fuck out.

ntbar.co.uk

www.mrlyan.com

Easy, for when Flo’s in town!

Mug-o-Vegan

Chokky Cake 60 ml

pure maple syrup

or light brown sugar

60 ml

flour

60 ml

oat milk

1⁄4 tsp

bicarbonate of soda

1⁄4 tsp

pure vanilla extract

1⁄ 8 tsp

sea salt

3 ⁄4 tsp

white vinegar

1⁄ 2 tbs

olive oil

1⁄ 2 tbs

unsweetened

HOW TO Mix dry ingredients together in a large coffee cup.

Add wet ingredients and mix well with a fork.

Microwave at a conventional wattage for 3 minutes.

– Now settle in with a film, and let them eat cake!

Serves: 1 big ass coffee mug of cake Time: 2 minutes prep, 3 minutes to cook

cocoa powder

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RELAX

Book Club Review “ Moody Bitches” The Truth About the Drugs You‘re Taking, the Sleep You‘re Missing, the Sex You‘re Not Having and What‘s Really Making You Crazy…By. Julie Holland, MD

L

ike most, I was immediately attracted to the title when I saw this book amongst the endless tables at The Strand Bookstore, New York City. I had a right chuckle when I noticed it peeking out.

– But are women one-size-fits-all?

I found it refreshing to read from a medical professional, “We dream of being perfect; we even try to make it look effortless, but we were never meant to be so static. We are designed by nature to be dynamic, cyclical, and, yes, moody. We are moody bitches, and that is a strength - not a weakness.”

– Kudos to the marketing team, you caught my eye!

What I thought was merely a gimmick to sell books to bored, alienated housewives, turned out to be a fascinating, witty, and informative read. Though the book has come under scrutiny for minimising the female experience to the simplest form, and for providing women with mixed messages about what to do with their bodies.

Although I agree Dr. Holland is preaching to the choir, we do need to stop overdosing on pharmaceuticals, eat better to make our bodies function on a higher level, exercise regularly, rest, and take long walks on the beach. You should still give this book a go, even if the messages are mixed about handling your body’s hormonal functions, you will take something away, even if it´s just a good laugh.

Julie Holland, MD, psychopharmacologist, psychiatrist, and author of Ecstasy: The Complete Guide, The Pot Book: A Complete Guide to Cannabis, and Weekends at Bellevue: Nine Years on the Night Shift at the Psych. ER has provided an easily digestible, yet medically comprehensive guide to female hormones.

– Aimée Ramos

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RELAX

Film Club Review “ Red Tent” is a two-part miniseries based upon the novel by Anita Diamant.

The story follows Dinah, a Biblical character in the Book of Genesis’ tale of Jacob – Aimée Ramos

L

ike one of the cornerstones of Moody Bitches, I am an insomniac – like most overworked women. So being part of the demographic that Netflix is making a killing off, I stumbled upon this title when I went through all of the crappy cooking shows that were available.

and practice their own style of spirituality.

The concept of a tent where women go to menstruate is found in several different cultures and is also known as a moon lodge, menstrual hut or dark moon meeting. This was the perfect story for me to watch during the process of creating SHE. as it defined to me the special synergy that happens amongst a group of women.

…As a former art fag film student, I recently came to the sad conclusion that most people’s awareness of films are now solely based on what is currently available on Netflix. UGH…

After the book was released many women’s groups formed in the UK to bring back this type of gathering to find the same sort of female empowered solace as the characters in The Red Tent experienced.

The Red Tent is a two-part miniseries based upon the novel by Anita Diamant. The story follows Dinah, a Biblical character in the Book of Genesis’ tale of Jacob and his dozen sons. The red tent in the story is a place where Dinah, her mother, and female family members find refuge whilst menstruating.

As a place that was originally meant to segregate and control women, the red tent symbolised the strength of the female experience as it was a place for the female characters to tell stories, practice self-care, give birth,

If you can get past the overacting, and Rebecca Ferguson’s occasional eye wandering, you might be moved by the overall strength of Dinah, and feel inspired by the resounding intimate sense of sisterhood amongst these Biblical female characters.

But I’m sure the book is better than the miniseries.

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INTERVIEW

He talks: Interviewee: Ben, 23, UK

What does menstruation mean to you?

Firstly it makes me feel lucky I don’t have to go through it every month.

Although men can get hormone surges too, it’s nowhere near as extreme.

There is still stigma around it, especially from men, and I think a lot of that is fear of the unknown. Until you talk about it openly and ask questions it will seem weird. The thing that shocked me is the physical side of it. I’ve seen girls in so much pain that they can’t stand up, and there’s not much you can do to help. It’s hard to fathom just how intense the whole thing is, mentally or physically, and I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand what it’s like. I just need to try and be less annoying and more supportive when it comes!

Do you ever find yourself feeling strangely emotional when your partner is on her period?

In any relationship emotions rub off on you, especially when you’re really close to your partner. Mostly I try and act normal through it and not make a thing out of it. I like to think I’m quite helpful if she needs anything from medicine, food or just comfort, but it’s probably best to ask her!

Have you ever been curious about period products?

I’ve grown up with a mum and sister, so I’ve always been around period products and I can remember asking my mum a lot of questions about them when I was younger. It’s interesting to learn how the body works.

Do you know how they work?

I know how most of them work I think, but I’m sure there is still quite a bit I don’t understand. I prefer to know about the different products for when I need to buy them; otherwise it can be a bit awkward!

How do you feel about period blood?

I’m not bothered by it to be honest. My mum has always talked about her cycle growing up and that’s helped me see it from a female viewpoint.

It�s just blood at the end of the day – no matter where it comes from.

So, sex when your girl is menstruating, yay or nay?

Definitely yay.

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We are grateful to everyone involved with this first issue: Karolina, Malory, Elisa, HN, GB, TT, Hannah, Erin, Lily, RA, Gabriela, Ruth, Anna, Ben, Your Favourite Story, Bloody Good Period, OHNE, Mooncup, Thinx, Mr Lyan, Ash Robinson, Jade Rumbelow at JDA, Simon-Dylan, Phoebe and the team at NT‘s Bar, and Anna and the team at Park Communications.

Last but not least, thank you to all those that identify as or with females for being a constant inspiration, and for never settling on anything less than we deserve.

Let it bleed, ladies!

With Love, Team SHE. AimĂŠe, Alina and Tara