nwht_2016-01-10

TECH SHOW

New gadgets debut for the home, family and furry friends 1•10•16

NWHerald.com

WINTERSCAPES

Perk up post-holiday mantels with DIY tips

Maximizing

THE MINIMAL Crystal Lake native and style strategist Megan Jedlinski shares secrets to a better wardrobe, a cleaner closet and a happier you in 2016

NWHerald.com • Sunday, January 10, 2016

| Style |

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Style is published each Sunday

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CELEBRATIONS

Births, engagements, weddings and anniversaries are printed every Sunday in the Style section in the Northwest Herald.

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ON THE COVER

Megan Jedlinski’s styling for Chicago healthy living expert Ashley Pettit for her upcoming media appearances and online web series.

Photo provided

AP photo

David VanderWaal, vice president of marketing for LG Electronics USA, knocks on the door of a new LG Signature refrigerator Jan. 5 during a news conference preview for CES International in Las Vegas. LG Electronics lets you peek through an opaque glass window on one of the doubledoors that lights up from the inside with a tap, saving electricity and maybe keeping you from making a poor decision about a late night snack.

Devices connect us from the crib to old age at CES gadget show

By KIMBERLY PIERCEALL The Associated Press

LAS VEGAS – Umbilical cord? These days, it’s more like a USB cord.

Whether in the womb or in one’s twilight years, our lives are becoming ever more connected. Nowhere has that been more evident than at the annual CES gadget show in Las Vegas, where everything from pregnancy tests to beds to dog bowls now come with apps at the ready, collecting valuable data along the way.

Bluetooth for babies

Until now, that three-minute wait for a home pregnancy-test result comes with no built-in distraction beyond staring at the stick to see if one line or two is fading in. No longer. First Response will start selling a Bluetooth-enabled test in the spring that links with a woman’s smartphone, recommending BuzzFeed quizzes and videos or health-related articles to pass the time while a clock ticks down the seconds to her result.

The test, which could cost $14.99 or $21.99 depending on the retailer, doesn’t stop once the test is done, as it can track a potential due date, add that to a woman’s phone calendar and offer to

MORE FROM CES Smart homes become possible now by cobbling together different tech. Page 3 share the news with selected friends and relatives via email or text.

Man’s best bluetooth-enabled friend

Call it torture or training, but the creators behind Clever Pet hope their $299 light-up dog dish can teach critical thinking to canines. The bowl dishes out portions of food if the pet paws at the correct light; if all goes well, it might eventually train them not to inhale a bowl of food all at once.

The company created several games with the lights that get progressively more difficult the better the dog gets at winning the food.

Smart fridge

No need to open the fridge door to know what’s left inside. LG Electronics will let you peek through an opaque glass window that lights up from the inside with a tap, saving electricity and possibly preventing your next poor late-

night-snack decision. With a different fridge, stocking up wouldn’t require a grocery run; one from Samsung and Mastercard comes equipped with an installed ordering app in the appliance.

Another company contends you don’t need a smart fridge to make yours a thinker. The company Smarter expects by summer to begin selling mats with sensors and in-fridge cameras that can remotely tell you what’s left in your fridge. They’ll set you back $130 to $150 each.

Big mother

The mother hub is watching. Sen.se’s Silver Mother hub, that is, which aims to help adult children or caregivers make sure an elderly person living alone takes his or her pills, drinks enough water and goes about other daily routines.

The small plastic figure resembles a Russian nesting doll that can nudge seniors with some not-so-subtle hints – the sound of running water, for instance, might remind someone it’s time to drink some water. It also can send alerts to caregivers and loved ones if something seems awry. For $290, you get the hub and four sensors you can program and monitor from an app.

By ANICK JESDANUN The Associated Press

NEW YORK – A fully automated home is still years away, but the building blocks are already here: the phone that turns on the coffee maker from the bedroom, the thermostat that controls the lights when you’re away, the window shades that lift when you say “good morning.”

Although these still aren’t items most people seek out, they’re catching on. Research firm Strategy Analytics estimates the number of U.S. households with some form of smart-home system grew 30 percent in 2015 to 27 million, or about 1 in 5.

With the backing of big names such as Samsung, Apple and Nest, a sister company of Google’s, smarthome functionality is slowly creeping into everyday homes. Even Amazon is getting involved with its Echo speaker that can respond to voice commands. At the CES gadget show in Las Vegas, the scheduled topic of a Samsung keynote Thursday was the smart home of today – not tomorrow or five years from now.

Here’s how you might start building your own smart home:

Gadgets first, connectivity later

Drop the notion that you have to rewire your entire home and replace all your lights and appliances.

Nest, a maker of smarthome products, says it doesn’t market its camera, smoke alarm and thermostat as smart-home products, but as products that happen to tap the Internet for increased functionality. From there, gadgets can start talking to each other, whether they’re made by the same manufacturer or by third parties.

Andrew Brooks, co-founder of Samsung’s smart-home business, SmartThings, said households often start with security-related products, such as locks and garage

AP photos

FROM TOP: A Nest Learning Thermostat at Nest Labs in Palo Alto, Calif., recognizes when no one is home and turns itself down. The Nest Cam is a home security camera that can stream video to a laptop or mobile device. doors, and evolve from there.

Samsung’s new smart TVs will have built-in smarthome capabilities, negating the need to buy a hub to get started.

What about your existing lights, TVs and coffee makers? You can buy smart plugs; with a voice command or tap of an app, you then can turn devices on or off once you’ve plugged them in.

What you can do with it

During a trip over the holidays, I was able to check my Nest camera through an app to confirm the lights were off. If they weren’t, Siri could have turned them off, since my lights are connected to an iDevices smart plug synced with Apple’s HomeKit system – and thus with Siri.

Motion sensors synced with a SmartThings hub can tell me whether anyone, such as my

See SMART HOME, page 4

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| Style | Sunday, January 10, 2016 • NWHerald.com

Smart homes possible now

NWHerald.com • Sunday, January 10, 2016

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Upgrades warrant security concerns • SMART HOME

Continued from page 3 super, has been in my apartment. A Mr. Coffee machine can start brewing with a tap of the phone, thanks to integration with Belkin’s WeMo system.

When home, I can group products such that the TV and main lights turn off and a night light comes on when I say, “good night.”

It’s relatively straightforward to add components as time and budgets permit.

With smart locks, doors automatically lock when you leave. Smart appliances, such as the Nest thermostat, also can help save energy. Smarthome systems also can incorporate window shades and irrigation systems – perhaps the sprinklers briefly turn off as you walk by.

The smart home divided

Though apps try to make the setup easy, there’s still a lot to think about. To get the most out of a smart home, you need to assign lights and appliances to specific rooms on the app. Then you need to enable automation through the app – figuring out which devices do what when you say “good morning” or “good night.” It isn’t too difficult for tech enthusiasts to figure out, but it could be challenging for folks who want things that “just work.”

Within days, I noticed some quirks in my setup.

Because my main lights are connected to a smart plug, voice commands and the smartphone app effectively take control, meaning I actually can’t use the wall switch to turn the lights back on. It takes a few extra seconds to activate Siri and tell her what to do.

In theory, I could just have the lights come on automatically when I open the front door, which has a motion sen-

sor attached. But that sensor is tied to Samsung’s system, while the lights are with Apple’s. And that coffee maker?

Samsung’s system works with some WeMo devices, but the coffee maker isn’t listed. The best I could do is attach a coffee maker to a Samsung smart plug, so a bedroom motion sensor triggers coffee in the morning.

Besides Samsung, Apple, Nest, Amazon and WeMo, there also are smaller systems from the likes of Lowes and Insteon. Some systems work with others, at least in some respects, but it’s far from guaranteed. Most people won’t be trying out competing systems the way I do, but my example does illustrate how your first smart device might lock you into an “ecosystem” controlled by a single company.

Other considerations

It’s comforting to know whether your toaster oven is off, but then you run the risk of accidentally issuing a command to turn it on.

I briefly attached a space heater to a smart plug to turn on when I say “good night.”

I then quickly disconnected that, lest I start a fire. There are some safety mechanisms; a smart oven from Whirlpool ships without the ability to turn it on remotely (though you could decide to activate that function). You need to be aware of safety hazards – and ask.

In addition, you’ll have to trust that these systems are secure. Apple, for instance, requires that HomeKit devices use chips it approves for security, but there might be other vulnerable points once data leave the HomeKit environment. Other companies make similar promises on security. But even with a strong password, I often turn the Nest camera around to face the wall when I’m home – just in case.

Big Brothers Big Sisters of McHenry County www.bbbsmchenry.org • 815-385-3855

5 | Style | Sunday, January 10, 2016 • NWHerald.com

WEARING

WELL

CL native and style strategist says for 2016, cut down on clothes, clutter

By LINDSAY WEBER I editorial@nwherald.com

I

t can be very intimidating: a big, empty garbage bag that needs to be filled with clothes that don’t fit your body or lifestyle and literally don’t fit in your closet. Many haven’t been worn in years or may never be, but they’re still here.

“It was expensive. What if it comes back in style?”

“Just 10 more pounds and I can wear it again.”

That’s where wardrobe editor and style strategist Megan Jedlinski of Chicago, formerly of Crystal Lake, steps in to hold you to your discards, and to hold your hand. Jedlinski focuses on helping her clients edit their wardrobes by minimizing quantity while maximizing quality and versatility.

She’ll take a closet from an overflowing eyesore to a wardrobe’s best friend. She knows from personal experience the pain and anxiety that stem from paring down, because her first project was her own closet.

“I got rid of 80 percent of my wardrobe,” said Jedlinski, nee Campbell, who graduated from Crystal Lake Central High School in 2003. “It was definitely scary. I was afraid I wouldn’t be stylish or relevant, or that I would have nothing to wear. I had all of these fears that never came true. I found my signature look, and once I decided I wasn’t going to try and keep up with the Jones, so to speak, I was content.”

• Continued on page 6

Megan Jedlinski, Chicago wardrobe editor and style strategist Photo provided

| Style | NWHerald.com • Sunday, January 10, 2016

• Continued from page 5 The former fashion blogger of Stylish and Scatterbrained read Marie Kondo’s “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing,” and not only changed her life, but also her career.

“Being a fashion blogger, I had so much access to clothes, shoes and accessories, but it was overwhelming and expensive to try and keep up on trends that seemed to be changing by the minute. I realized I didn’t want to promote things that people don’t need and don’t need to be spending money on. I didn’t need 70 pairs of shoes,” Jedlinski said.

A graduate of the University of Illinois’s business management program, Jedlinski went straight into the working world but eventually quit her corporate job to work at a nonprofit to raise awareness for eating disorders.

There, she developed a strong desire to do something that encouraged men and women to have a good body image. Jedlinski loved to put outfits together and noticed a trend of fashion blogging and decided to make a go of it.

Jedlinski said her parents, Leann and Alex Campbell of Crystal Lake, offered unconditional support for her to go after her dream.

“It’s amazing to have that type of encouragement,” Jedlinski said. “I quit this very secure job to start my own business, and my whole family was nothing by supportive. I don’t take that for granted.”

Then she discovered Kondo’s book. Jedlinski enrolled in a few online courses geared toward organization and was inspired by other minimalist blogs.

“I noticed a definite shift in where my passion was being directed. My personal posts seemed to flow out much more freely than if I were blogging about an outfit,” Jedlinski said. “I wanted to put more out into the world, and I lacked passion when it came to writing about what I was wearing.”

Jedlinski said she was inspired by her artist and fashion designer twin sister, Kristine, who led her down the creative path, and her older sister, Erin, opened her closet to Jedlinski when she first started.

Since opening her business in Chicago in 2013, Jedlinski continues to build her clientèle with a less is more kind of attitude.

“We start with a questionnaire. Why are you doing this and why now? Then we take everything out,” Jedlinski said. “We organize and decide on other pieces that can be brought in to maximize your wardrobe. From there, we shop and figure out what works best for your style and develop habits to achieve this.”

Jedlinski admits that one of her hardest tasks when helping someone do a closet edit is not giving in to them.

“I understand there are sentimental pieces, but it’s important to not give in when I know that keeping certain pieces won’t benefit them. I ask them, ‘do you love it? Does it make you happy?

Would you buy it today?’ I take all of the discard items with me that day to keep them from diving back in to save anything,” Jedlinski said.

Jedlinski believes there are no negatives to simplifying, and her repeat client, Angela Smalley, agrees.

“I love my simplified wardrobe. Besides organizing, Megan has helped me feel confident in styles I never thought I could wear, like skinny jeans. Being an uncommon size at 4 [feet] 11 [inches] definitely makes shopping for me more challenging, but with Megan it’s never been an issue,” Smalley said.

“She knows which brands, styles and cuts will suit me best, so we hit the ground running. I’m sure it goes without saying that I appreciate that Megan works within my budget and helps me prioritize which pieces will give me the most bang for my buck.”

The 37-year-old Smalley is readying for a trip to Thailand and is working with Megan on a capsule wardrobe for the trip.

A capsule wardrobe is a simplified wardrobe made up of really versatile pieces that Smalley loves to wear.

“It is so much easier to keep things organized now. Every

Pro style

Megan Jedlinski works individually with clients to declutter their closets, uncover their unique style and streamline their existing wardrobe.

Photos provided

piece has a place, and I know where that is. Now I buy pieces that speak to my overall style, and I know the difference between quality vs. quantity,” Smalley said.

With a growing list of satisfied clients under her belt, Jedlinski looks to the future. She is gearing up to expand on her media presence in 2016 and is working on downloadable e-guides for clients as well as looking to implement an online series, where she will be answering questions from clients and readers of her site, www.meganjedlinski.com.

Her larger online presence will not be keeping her out of your closet, and because her parents still live in the area, she continues to offer her service in McHenry County.

“People don’t realize the effect that having an excess of clothes and clutter has on your life. Coming out on the other side, I feel so free,” Jedlinski said. “I have my mornings back since I’m not trying to figure out what to wear. You’re still going to have your style, in fact, you’re going to have more of a style. I’ve increased my confidence because I know that what I have in my closet fits well, is made well and is versatile. If you have an overflowing closet, take a pause. The benefits outweigh the negative, and there is no negative to simplifying.”

Info: To get started, visit www.meganjedlinski.com or email hello@meganjedlinski. com.

Quick Qs

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Editing etiquette BEFORE

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AFTER

Photos provided

Reporter Lindsay Weber picks Megan Jedlinski’s brain about wardrobe editing.

FROM LEFT: Pre-wardrobe edit, style strategist Megan Jedlinski and her client discussed current goals and lifestyle before diving in. After meeting, Jedlinski helped her client uncover her signature style and enhance her closet organization.

Weber: How many pieces make up a perfect wardrobe?

Jedlinski: Don’t put a number on it. Everyone’s lifestyle varies.

Someone working from home won’t have the same needs as someone in the corporate world. The perfect closet is one you can walk into and see everything. It is filled with versatile pieces that work well with others and is filled with things you wear 90 percent of the time that you can be rotated in on a daily basis.

Jedlinski’s tips for simplifying your closet in the new year

W

ardrobe editor and style strategist Megan Jedlinski recently was featured on WGN News and Windy City Live! to offer tips on simplifying your lifestyle after she undertook the transformation herself. “I was struggling with depression and anxiety and had trouble focusing. I was struggling with eating and exercising, and nothing seemed to be working,” Jedlinski said.

“Once I did my own personal edit, it trickled into other areas of my life. It freed up so much more time, energy and money. I can live life more every day because I’m not being consumed by the material things that I have.” A wardrobe is a great starting point. As you embark on the New Year, this Crystal Lake native has six helpful hints on how to simplify your style and your life:

Weber: What would you consider staple pieces?

Jedlinski: A go-to pair of jeans is a must. Invest in them. You want them to stand the test of time. Also, a pair of everyday shoes that can go with almost everything in your closet. And it’s always good to have a top you love.

Weber: What’s your everyday outfit?

Jedlinski: For winter: black jeans, sneakers, a collared top and a sweater. For summer: jean shorts, sneakers and an over-sized top.

Weber: What do you consider your personal style?

Jedlinski: Minimalist. I used to be all over the place. I was like a chameleon. Now, I keep it simple.

Weber: Should your clients do any prep work before their edit?

Jedlinski: Don’t try and clean up your closet before I come.

Time: Packages range from five to nine hours. Allow a minimum of five hours for wardrobe edit.

I’ve seen it all, and it’s best that I see how you’re utilizing your closet every day.

Weber: What are some helpful hints when trying to edit your wardrobe?

Jedlinski: Don’t overthink it. If it doesn’t make you happy, don’t keep it. And don’t hang on to pieces that are too small.

Some people like to have goal clothes, but they tend to taunt you in the closet. Keep clothes that work for your body, not vice versa.

Cost: Wardrobe edit packages range from $350 to $650, depending on time required. Personal shopping is $300 for the first three hours and $75 for each additional hour.

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Get clear on your goals. Create a vision board or make a list and detail the goals for this year and up to five years.

Unsubscribe from any retailers that send you email notifications. Oftentimes you don’t know you want something until it shows up in your inbox. Out of sight, out of mind.

Go through your closet and do a simple glance. Take out pieces you haven’t worn in a long time or you wouldn’t buy today. If it doesn’t spark joy, get rid of it. If you’re having a hard time parting with a piece, ask yourself if you’ve worn it in the past year. If not, you probably won’t wear it next year either.

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Develop a “uniform.” Don’t worry about being a repeat offender when it comes to your wardrobe.

Get rid of clothing you know doesn’t fit. You should be comfortable in your clothes, and they shouldn’t taunt you.

Collect inspiration by looking through magazines or pin things on Pinterest – clothes, colors, scenery, anything that inspires you to inspire your style. You’ll start to see a pattern or theme unveil itself to help find your personal style.

Shop strategically. Don’t shop based on sales and discounts. You’ll end up buying things you kind of like instead of saving money to buy something you truly like.

Sometimes it can be easier said than done, but Jedlinski encourages people to keep pushing if they’re running into a block. “Be patient with yourself,” Jedlinski said. “There is no right or wrong way to do this. You don’t need a specific number of pieces in your closet. Do a happy dance when you get through some to keep that energy or momentum going and refer back to your goals. It pays off in the end.”

– Lindsay Weber

NWHerald.com • Sunday, January 10, 2016

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Northwest Herald, call

815-459-8118

Jennifer Schorsch

Questions? Call 815-334-4510

Cervical cancer preventable, and testing saves lives

January is Cervical Cancer Awareness Month, and according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, cervical cancer affects about 12,000 women in the U.S. each year and will claim the lives of about 4,000.

All women are at risk for cervical cancer, but it most often occurs in women older than 30. The main cause of cervical cancer is the human papilloma virus (HPV). HPV is a common virus that at least half of sexually active people will have had at some point in their lives. Fortunately, the majority of women with HPV do not develop cervical cancer, and the infection clears on its own. However, for those women whose HPV infection is persistent, it can cause changes in the cells of the cervix that may develop into cervical cancer over time.

In addition to having HPV, other factors may increase a woman’s risk of cervical cancer. The Illinois State Cancer Registry shows women who smoke have double the risk of developing cervical cancer because chemicals found in tobacco can be carried through a woman’s body to the linings of the cervix. Additional risk factors include having HIV, using birth control pills for five or more years, having given birth to three or more children and having multiple sexual partners.

Early on, cervical cancer may not cause any signs or symptoms. Advanced cervical cancer can cause vaginal bleeding, discharge or bleeding after sex. If you are having any new symptoms that are not normal for you, make an appointment right away.

Symptoms may be caused by something other than cancer,

but the only way to know for sure is to see your doctor.

Fortunately cervical cancer is preventable, and a regular Pap test can detect early cell changes and allow for successful treatment. In addition to a Pap test, your doctor also may recommend an HPV test to determine the presence of HPV infection.

The McHenry County Department of Health encourages women to complete their cervical cancer screenings and offers the Illinois Breast and Cervical Cancer Program (IBCCP) to individuals without health insurance.

Funded through the Illinois Department of Public Health and in partnership with area health care providers, IBCCP provides free screenings to detect breast and cervical cancer among underserved McHenry County women.

Services are free of charge to eligible women at participating facilities within McHenry County and can include: • office visit for breast and/ or pelvic exam • Pap test and HPV test • screening mammogram • diagnostic workup for abnormal screening results.

The program also may be able to provide appointment scheduling assistance for newly insured women whose plan is accepted by IBCCP providers. For information about IBCCP or to find out if you qualify, call MCDH at 815334-0232, the Illinois Women’s Health-Line at 888-522-1282 or visit www.cancerscreening. illinois.gov.

• Jennifer Schorsch is the McHenry County Department of Health program coordinator for the Illinois Breast and Cervical Cancer program.

Contact her at 815-334-0232.

| Style | Sunday, January 10, 2016 • NWHerald.com

HealthTalk

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NWHerald.com • Sunday, January 10, 2016

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Post-holiday mantel still can be cheerful

By MELISSA RAYWORTH The Associated Press

When January arrives, even Christmas-loving homeowners might be happy to put away Santa and his reindeer. But the post-holiday mantel and fireplace can look strangely bare.

The days are still short and the weather chilly, so “the key word after the holidays is cozy,” said Pittsburghbased interior designer Cathy Davin.

A well-decorated fireplace – even without a wood-burning fire inside – can be the perfect source of cheerful style and warm glow throughout the first weeks of the new year.

Here, Davin and two other designers – HGTV stylist Meg Allan Cole and Atlanta-based interior designer Mallory Mathison – offer four ideas for making the most of your mantel and fireplace throughout the postholiday season:

Keep the winter theme

Davin believes in celebrating winter even after the holidays are over. She removes red poinsettias but keeps white ones and white cyclamen around her fireplace. And she continues lighting white and gold candles

on the mantel.

She also encourages clients to keep tiny white lights in their living space for a warm glow throughout January.

Alongside traditional lights, Cole recommends using LED copper strips on the mantel. “Copper is really on-trend right now,” Cole said. And these strips of lights are battery-operated, so there are no wires snaking away.

Layer your favorites

A clean, classic mantel with just a pair of vases or hurricane lamps flanking one large painting can look lovely year-round. It’s the perfect way to highlight a piece of art, and this sparse approach can be a nice break after busy holiday decorations.

Another approach “is to layer pieces on a mantel by propping up different sizes of art, mirrors and objects” in an asymmetrical arrangement, Mathison said.

This casual look is a great way to display a collection of items – perhaps small, framed prints in various sizes, Mathison said, or a collection of tea cups. This vibrant approach can make a post-holiday mantel seem

AP photo

In this image provided by Meg Allan Cole Crafts, the designer Cole shows you how to transform simple cardboard cones into an illuminated forest or mountainscape for a modern winter mantle. a little less stark and empty.

To keep the winter vibe going on a layered mantel, Cole suggests using a collection of small animal figurines such as deer and other woodland animals. Paint them silver or gold, she said, then drape tiny white lights around them and perhaps even add little wreaths around their necks.

Get crafty

Your mantel is the perfect place to get creative. Davin suggests exploring Pinterest for DIY mantel decorations. You’ll also find ideas on Cole’s

Youtube channel.

One favorite of hers: Buy inexpensive cardboard cones that look like little mountains, then spray paint them in a mix of pastels with a bit of gold or white. Cluster them together with white lights, and then top them with a glass dome.

“A glass dome over anything screams design,” Cole said, and it can cost as little as $10 at a craft store.

Cole also suggests seeking out craft projects that use votive candles (she offers some ideas at hgtv.com).

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Jeanne Phillips

Questions? Visit dearabby.com

Daughter pays price for living on parents’ dole Dear Abby: I recently graduated from college and moved out of my parents’ house and in with my fiancé.

My parents have assumed most of the cost of our upcoming wedding after insisting we have a big formal one.

I’m also still on their cellphone plan and car and health insurance policies.

I do not agree with my parents’ religious or political views, and they know that. However, my mother insists on connecting with me on social media and regularly sends me texts criticizing me for responding to family members’ negative comments about my very general and inoffensive status updates. She says she’s “disappointed,” and then she and Dad threaten to not pay for the wedding.

After a recent argument, she threatened to drop me from their health and

car insurance.

Abby, I’m tired of them holding these things over my head. Visiting has become awkward because of their threats. It feels like I’m not welcome in my own family. When I offer to take care of these things myself, my parents act as though I’m being ridiculous and retract their threats.

I have threatened to elope with my fiancé to alleviate these issues.

I don’t want to be estranged from my parents, but I can’t change who I am as a person and what I believe.

How can I deal with this in a way that doesn’t make me as childish as they are? – I Am Who I Am In Minnesota Dear Are Who You Are: I often have said women should not marry until they are independent and can support themselves, because one day they

may have to. Your parents treat you like a child they still can control because, financially, you are dependent.

If you didn’t want a big, expensive wedding, you should never have agreed to one. It would not be childish for you to find a job (if you don’t already have one) and buy your own health and car insurance.

It also is time for you and your fiancé to tell your parents – in the most loving way possible – that while you are deeply grateful they want to give you a big, expensive wedding, the two of you have decided to scale it back to something you can manage on your own. And this time, don’t make it a threat. Act on it. If you do, you will then be free to think and say whatever you please.

Dear Abby: I have started seeing

StraightTalk Rick Atwater

this guy who doesn’t want me to join the police force. I know he cares, but my dream has always been to be a part of the justice system. On the other hand, I don’t want to lose a great guy over this one decision.

Do I choose the dream or the guy? –

Dreamer In The USA Dear Dreamer: You are jumping

the gun in thinking you must make a choice right now. You haven’t mentioned whether you have the qualifications to join law enforcement. If you do, then for you to sacrifice your dream for someone you have only started seeing would be a huge mistake, and I urge you not to do it.

• Write Dear Abby at www. dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Questions? Visit northwestcommunitycounseling.com

Anxiety takes toll despite therapy, medication “Ellen” had been to at least three therapists over the course of the past five years. Each time, her complaint was anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed.

Each time, a period of talk therapy “helped a little.”

Ellen learned how to better manage negative self-talk, how to use the concept of mindfulness to stop worry about the future, breathing techniques to short circuit the anxiety cycle and a number of other extremely helpful techniques.

Each time Ellen would apply the techniques, their value would fade and she would start medication.

Medication also was helpful to break the cycle, but over time she would feel better and use that to justify stopping the meds.

Usually within six to nine months, she was back in the anxiety cycle. She dreaded going back into therapy as she felt like she had shared every shred of her childhood, including details about her abusive, alcoholic mother she had never shared with anyone.

However, there were two problems. First, she never was able to let go of her anger and fear and stayed in a victim role, dying of self-righteous anger. Second, she had become a secret and heavy drinker.

In her shame about knowing better because of her mother, she hid her drinking from everyone, including her therapists. Her drinking, she rationalized, helped her anxiety and also helped her sleep.

What she didn’t understand

was alcohol – and keeping the secret about it – shortcircuited the talk therapy as well as the efficacy of the medication.

Scared, overwhelmed and sleepless, she decided to give therapy one more try. This time, she thought, she’d give it her all. She admitted to the therapist that she “had a little wine at night” to help her sleep.

To Ellen’s relief, the therapist didn’t ask too many more questions about the drinking except to offer the admonishment that alcohol and meds didn’t mix and that what she was doing was “self-medicating.” The therapist suggested Ellen avoid alcohol while in therapy and on medication; a wise and prudent piece of advice for a normal drinker.

Ellen’s attempt to stop

resulted in a series of binges.

Two weeks later, having called into work one time too often, Ellen, to her surprise, was terminated from her responsible position with a bank. A week after that, her sister, who had been worried and knew something more was wrong, stopped by her house to check on her. She found Ellen unconscious in the bathroom, reeking of alcohol and with an egg-sized knot on her forehead where she had hit the toilet when she passed out.

Little by little, from the trip to the emergency room through the admission process, talks with the ER nurses and doctors and a visit from the substance abuse evaluator, the tearful story came out. Ellen started rehab within the week.

Big Brothers Big Sisters of McHenry County www.bbbsmchenry.org • 815-385-3855

Over time, Ellen’s anxiety has improved. All the tools she learned were now more effective, and the old feeling of being overwhelmed has been absent most of the time.

She no longer keeps secrets or needs to lie. She is free of the shame and acknowledges she needs help.

Between her therapist and her AA friends, she has made progress on freeing herself from her self-righteous anger through accepting her own disease.

• Rick Atwater is a licensed clinical professional counselor. He hosts the weekly radio show Straight Stuff on Addictions at recoveryinternetradio.com. He can reached by email at rickatwater@northwestcommunitycounseling.com.

| Style | Sunday, January 10, 2016 • NWHerald.com

DearAbby

NWHerald.com • Sunday, January 10, 2016

| Style |

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