17 minute read

Transgender teacher ponders disclosing to students

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FUN&GAMES

FUN&GAMES

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a transgender educator. I am not visibly transgender, and my students refer to me with she/her pronouns, which I prefer. I was given the choice when I was hired whether or not to tell my students that I am transgender. I still have not decided. The kids are so young – third grade – and I don’t know whether or not their parents will have an issue with an openly trans teacher. Should I disclose the fact that I am trans to my students?

–TransTeacher

DEAR TRANS TEACHER: The big question for you may be what is important for your students to know about you in order for you to be effective at doing your job. It is unlikely that your trans status has anything to do with that. I imagine that they need to know that you care about them, that they are safe in your company and that you can effectively teach them the subjects that are part of your curriculum.

I point this out because cisgender teachers do not typically feel pressed to reveal anything about their gender identity – or their sexuality or relationship status, for that matter – to their students. It is often by choice as they build closeness with their students that those aspects of their lives emerge.

You may want to follow the natural course of engaging with them. Never lie. If they ask you questions about yourself and your life, answer in a manner that is appropriate to the listeners’ ages. Do not hide who you are, but do not feel the need to wave a flag either. Be you. Let them get to know you as a person. Find comfort in that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father lied about the amount of money I owe him for a surgery I had. My father told me that he

SENSE & SENSITIVITY

Harriette Cole

received a bill last year for the remainder of my copay, and I’ve been paying him once a month ever since.

Today I found out that my surgery didn’t actually cost the amount that he claimed. He was charging me almost $1,000 more for no reason. How should I move forward?

–Overcharged

DEAR OVERCHARGED: If you can get your hands on that medical bill, have it in hand when you confront your father. Calmly ask him why he inflated the cost of reimbursement for your surgery. Show him the bill and point out the discrepancy. Did he need the extra money? If so, why didn’t he say something?

Point out that you are shocked that he would overcharge you for something like this. You trusted him, and he betrayed your trust. Listen to learn if he has anything to say about why he would do such a thing. Give him the chance to make you understand his logic.

More important, stop paying him. If you have already overpaid, you can ask for the money back, but it is unlikely that he will give it to you.

What you need to do now is get your own insurance policy. This is an expensive next step, but it is the only way to keep this situation from repeating itself.

•WriteHarrietteColetoaskharriette@harriettecole.comorc/oAndrews McMeelSyndication,1130WalnutSt., KansasCity,MO64106.

Crossword

How To Play

Each row, column and set of 3-by-3 boxes must contain the numbers 1 through 9 without repetition.

Previous Solution

Mom wonders how to reveal her youngest son’s parentage

DEAR ABBY: Ihave awonderful 12-yearold son, “Oliver,” who was conceived during adate rape at aworkparty.I

DEAR ABBY

Jeanne Phillips

We divorced when Oliver was 2, and my ex had a DNA test, which, of course, proved he was not the father. Despite the findings, after Iexplained what happened, he offered to be Oliver’s “dad” because he had bonded with him –provided he would not have to pay child support. Iagreed. Ihavetwo other older sons whom he fathered.

There have been times when Oliver and his brothers have asked about his brown skin, and I have been able to dodge the question. He’s getting to an age where Idon’t think Ican hold offmuch longer. Ialways knew the time would come when he would have to know his dad is not his biological father, but I’m not sure what to tell him. Idon’t think Iwanthim to know he is aproduct of rape,nor do I want to throw myself under the bus and say I cheated on his dad. That would open up questions about who his bio dad is. Please help.

–LOOKINGFORBESTWAYINWASHINGTON

DEAR LOOKING: Ifail to understand why you would equate “rape” with “cheating.” What happened wasn’t your fault, and you should feel neither guilt nor shame that it happened. While Iunderstand your desire to protect Oliver, you should tell him the truth. When you do, be sure to emphasize how much you and your ex love him and how proud you are that he is your son.

DEAR ABBY: I’m in the process of building my first house down the street from my parents. (The lot was agood deal.) Recently, my mom told me she wants a key so she and Dad can have access to my house in case of severe weather (we live in tornado country). The layout and foundation of my house are sturdier than theirs. When Itold her Ididn’t want anyone to have akey, she got really offended. It made me feel awful, but Abby, this is my first house, and if Ihave to give akey to someone when Idon’t want to, it defeats the purpose of having my own place. Ihave been living with my parents to save up, and Mom has used guilt trips against me before. My sister and brother-in-law agree Ishouldn’t give in to her. Ifeel like ahorrible daughter for refusing because she’s not the type to snoop, but there have been instances when I’ve been in my room and she has entered without knocking. Should Istick to my guns? Am I wrong?

–DAUGHTERINDILEMMA

DEAR DAUGHTER: It strikes me as somewhat pushy that your mother would ask for akey to your home before it is even completed. What have your parents done during previous tornadoes? Because the house symbolizes your independence, Idon’t think you should hand the key over. It may make sense to have someone you trust be able to enter if you are traveling or have apet that needs to be walked while you are working. In that event, you may change your mind and see the wisdom in offering her one.

P.S. If she abuses your trust, you can always have your locks changed.

•WriteDearAbbyatwww.dearabby.comor P.O.Box69440,LosAngeles,CA90069.

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Online subscriptions:Today’s puzzle and more than 7,000past puzzles, nytimes.com/crosswords ($39.95 ayear).

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ending on Thursday May 19th 2022 @6:00pm(softclose)

Auctioneer note: Auctiongoers might remember that Jim& SallyDonahueprovided thelunchwagon to thelocal auctioneersofthisareafor 25 years. They bothenjoyed alife& pasttimeofantiquing &collectingtogether, thehouseisfullofcollectible items aswella well-maintainedlineofhouseholdgoods &furnishing.

Jim& Sally will bothbemissedbut neverforgotten.Takea look at what we found!

Watchthe websitefor updates as we continue to uncovermore.

AUCTIONWILLFEATURE: Thecontents of thehomewhich includesAntique &contemporary furniture including alg Porcelaincastironwoodburning stoveinalmostperfect condition, Lg.collectionof Sandwich Fair collectibles & memorable,which includes early1900's redglass canoe &other earlyitems olderlocal area advertising & memorablewhich includescrocks, toothpickholders,DeKalb, Troy GroveIL. Etc. Sandwich &Somonauk embossedMilk Bottles &DatedWorld Fair ruby souvenir glass, ChicagoStock yard framed Litho, Coinsinc's Morgan &Peace Silver dollars,costume jewelry, some gold &silver,extensivecollectionofgraygraniteware items like dinner bucketsdifferentsizes,berry pales, coffee pots, plates &pans,bowls,ricebowlrare! &Other utensils,Pie bird collection, collectionofglass DazeyButterchurnsthat inc'sa 1qtjar rare! Turtle spit tune,crocks& jugs, ShirleyTemple Idealdolls &other memorable, slot machine, fishinglures,lgcollectionofShaving mugs,HPhair receivers, brides'baskets,collectible smallitems,newer patiofurniture,usefulhousehold &decorativehome furnishings &related items. MANY OTHERcollectible andUSEFULitemsTOO NUMEROUSTOMENTION.

SEECATALOG openingMay 2nd,2022 andlocate“Jim& Sally Donahue Estate AUCTION” forPHOTOS &DESCRIPTION.Get REGISTERED &START BIDDING@ go2wegenerauctions.com

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Seeauction“Detail Tab” by going to websiteafter youregisterfor this auctiontoreview theterms &condition &rules on shipping,preview, pickup dates &location. Please feel free to contactusifyou haveany problems signing in forthissale, or on how to use thesignupfor pickup, previeworgeneral assistance. 18%buyer's premiumchargeINCLUDEScreditcards fees on all items.

AUCTIONEERS: ChrisWegener,SandwichIL. 815-451-2820 Seephotos& information @ go2wegenerauction.com

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