Doulas, Restaurateurs and Recess Experts
Creating Bedtime Rituals
The Way We Farm
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SUMMER 2021 | RITUAL
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FROM THE
E DI T OR
is one of my favorite Greek words. Not only is it fun to say, pronounced from the back of the throat kind of like hawking up a loogie, but it also translates to “chaos,” and describes perfectly one of my favorite Greek phenomenons: recess. At the school I taught at in Athens, when the classroom doors were flung open for that glorious 25 minutes each morning, the children loosed themselves upon the school grounds in all directions, yelling, running, climbing on everything. They were unsupervised, learning the world on their own. Still. In the wildness, there was ritual: the teachers, locking ourselves in the little office rooms, all of us together eating treats or drinking tea, while we heard the banging on the vending machine that always failed to fully deliver up the snack. “ ,” one of my coworkers would say, unbothered by it all and making no movement to change it. The windows were open; it was breezy and light and OK. In an existence unconcerned with time, she relaxed into the chaos. Everyone did. This connection between chaos and ritual interests me. Sometimes, life can seem like Greek recess where anything can happen, and the daily rituals of our lives offer order and pause, giving meaning and shape to the chaos of our world, our lives, our hearts. Other times, our lives can feel mundane, and rituals call us into the challenge of wondering anew at the mystery of the dailiness of life. What moves routine from its mundanity to the sacredness of ritual is intent. So let us be intent on our lives, offering attention to each part of it. In this issue, we enter into ritual. We think about the ritual of the body as we hear from a doula about bearing witness to
new life, from restaurateurs about nourishing others and from children about playing. Through our photo shoot, we consider the beauty, wonder and enchantment of summer traditions. And we reflect upon what the process of farming might teach us about the day-to-day of our lives. Rituals are not boring. They are not the mindless recitation of repeated habits over and over and over again. They are not dead things that cannot breathe or have life. They are not compulsory, stiff or trite. Quite the opposite. Rituals open up, they take our hand and lead us deeper into what is holy, divine. They make a way through the wilderness, and through them, we bring meaning to the ordinary, give shape to the chaos of our lives. They are constant, steadfast, faithful. They remind us of who we’ve been, show us who we are and reveal to us who we might become if only we let trust lead us. When we change, they do not. We can enter into the routine, the repetition, the longing, and rest. As the rituals of our days renew us, let it be enough, your life. And as it is enough, give yourself to it. Inhabit it. Spread out. Take up space within it. Expand to the right and to the left, making room for others. Make room for others. In your tent. They are coming, to people your deserted places, to bring back the shouts of joy and songs of jubilant triumph. Sink in your roots and open. You are not rebuked or reproached. All your places will be given over to hope. Rituals provide rhythm. This summer, dance and rest and sing in all the places. Joy, Mia 3
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I S S U E 42
EDITOR
WRITING
REACH US
Mia Pohlman Nate Gautier
Mia Pohlman Sydni Alber Nicolette Baker Emily Scifers
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Lori Vavak stands by a tree on her property outside of Gordonville. A ritual that matters to Lori is attending church with her mom each Sunday and getting breakfast afterwards. Photo by Aaron Eisenhauer
ritual
We begin in the name of mothers and of daughters and of this spirit that is holy.
Yes.
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Making Stained Glass Anna Zembsch creates BY MIA POHLMAN PHOTOS BY AARON EISENHAUER
We show up at Anna Zembsh’s home studio in Cape Girardeau, and she shows us around, introduces us to her cats Bubbles and Lil’ Craig; points out the sternum from an armadillo she found, brought home and boiled (apparently, it made the house smell awful, but it makes a cool shelf decoration now); and explains about the spikey bark from a honey locust tree she found at Duck Creek in Stoddard County and now has hanging on her wall. She tells us the story of how she met her fiancé (he was living in his truck working on a farm in Arkansas when she went out to camp for Labor Day weekend with her brother who was living in his van and working at the same farm) and talks about her love for snakes and bikes. And throughout it all, she gives us a tutorial on her process for making stained glass. It’s an art traditionally rooted in ritual and sacred worship, used in monasteries as early as the 7th Century that became especially popular
in church usage during the Middle Ages. Anna works within this traditional structure of the stained glass process to create pieces of things she finds beauty in such as June bugs, while innovating by utilizing unique materials such as snake skin, dried ferns and bike chain rings in her designs. “I needed a creative outlet at home — [making stained glass] kind of like freakin’ saved me, especially this past year, being at home all the time,” Anna says. “It gives me something to do, and it’s one of my jobs. … I love doing this. I have so much fun with it. … Stained glass is kind of endless with what you can do.” Anna grew up in Phoenix, Ariz., and moved to Cape Girardeau, where her mom is originally from, when she was 10 years old. She says the colors of the desert from her childhood and the colors of Sedona, Ariz., where she got engaged this past year, inspire her, and she often uses the varying shades of browns and yellows and reds of
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Stained glass artist Anna Zembsch stands in her sun-soaked studio space in her Cape Girardeau home. Anna made all of the stained glass pieces pictured here.
the Southwest in her stained glass work. Anna was initially inspired by stained glass as a child — she says her mom had a lot of stained glass decorating their home while Anna was growing up, and she always wondered how it was made. In 2017, she started watching YouTube videos about the process and following stained glass artists on Instagram. In 2018, she tracked down a local stained glass artist in Cape Girardeau and took a couple of classes to learn the basics. From there, she kept learning on her own, through trial and error. “If I can do it, I feel like anyone can. Don’t give up, because you are going to suck at first,” Anna says. “The first few things I made were terrible. I was really proud of them still — I was like, cool — but yeah, they weren’t good.” Still, she kept persevering and following her interest. In the small place where she
lived, she replaced her dining room table with a workbench so she could continue learning and practicing the art, before she moved into her current home with her sunroom studio. Mindful of the fact that she “still has so much to learn” with stained glass, someday, she hopes to have her own workshop so she can invite others in and teach classes while she continues to practice the art herself. For Anna, the process of making a stained glass piece is a ritual that helps her focus. First, she designs the pattern with the help of her fiancé Parker Bond, who draws the pattern on paper as she describes her vision to him. Then, she chooses the colors and cuts by holding them up to the light to see which ones she likes for a particular piece. Some of the glass she currently uses is vintage, from the 1980s and 1990s; she bought it from a stained glass artist friend in Anna, Ill.
Next, Anna retraces the pattern on paper and cuts each piece apart so she can fix each piece to the glass before cutting the glass with her cutting tool. She recently purchased a ring saw to allow her to make dramatically-curved cuts, which expands her options when creating a piece. She grinds each piece of glass with her glass grinder to smooth the edges. She says she often gets small cuts on her hands from the glass while she’s working, although they hurt less than burns she gets from cooking. Next, she wraps each piece of glass with copper foil; she says each piece of glass takes approximately 15 minutes to cut, grind and copper foil. Next, she pins the pieces together — which she says have to fit together perfectly, like a puzzle — before applying flux to clean the outer layer of copper foil so the solder flows better and sticks to it, bonding with the other metals. After soldering, she cleans and dries the
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LEFT: Anna Zembsch holds a stained glass cicada up to the light. This cicada features eyes made from snake skin sheds sandwiched between layers of clear glass. RIGHT: Anna Zembsch uses a template to carefully cut a puzzle of shapes from stained glass in her studio. This is one of the first steps in the process of creating a stained glass piece.
piece and then paints patina onto the solder, a chemical reaction that turns the solder black or copper, depending on the type of patina, a step she describes as “magical.” After the patina, she waxes the piece using car wax. After this dries, she polishes the piece. Finally, she adds hooks and a chain with which to hang the piece. A medium-sized piece takes her a couple of days to create from start to finish, she says, which is about half the time it took her when she first started working in the medium. She sells her work on Instagram and Facebook, making work that is commissioned and work she wants to make herself. “Every time I make something, it’s the same process. I take the same steps, and it’s really calming in a lot of ways, too,” Anna says. “When I solder something all together and I can hold it up in the light, it is so exciting because I have no idea what it’s going to look like half the time ‘cause it’s really hard to actually visualize all the glass together before actually putting it together. So it’s kind of a unique surprise every time I get finished with something.” Within her pieces, she is inspired by nature, incorporating elements of the things she loves: she sometimes puts snakeskin she collects from the wild between pieces of glass within her creations. She also created a piece with a pressed fern she picked up in the woods at her job at Trail of Tears State Park and has also made a piece with a chain ring from a bike, an homage to her love for riding. Going forward, she hopes to make more hanging planters to plant in. Whatever comes next in her stained glass journey, she says rather than get caught up in what others want her to do, her main goal is to continue to make the things she wants to make. It’s a plan that fits with her overall vibe and has served her well so far. “I’m not a poser,” Anna says when we ask her to stand in her sunroom for a portrait, referring to the fact that she’s usually the one taking photos rather than being in front of the camera. And she’s right, but maybe not in the way she means. After spending only an hour and a half with her, hearing about her love for catching snakes, the life stories of how she named her rescue cats, observing the patches on her denim jacket, becoming easy friends, it’s clear what she says as she smiles into the camera doing finger guns is true. Anna Mae Zembsch is a woman who pursues what she likes in life, and her art is a testament to that. Definitely not a poser. 11
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You Art for
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“Escape” soft pastels
There are many rituals we partake in every day, but one that is special to me is playing guitar. I got my first guitar for Christmas when I was 15, and ever since then, I’ve made a point to try and play every day. Music has always been my escape and is something I can do when I need to relax and have a break from the world. The challenge of learning something new and the reward of being able to play my favorite songs makes playing guitar all the more satisfying to me. Being able to learn something without the pressure of a grade or deadline is incredibly freeing, and that feeling of freedom is something music has always been able to give me. Ever since I can remember, music has been a big part of my life and is something I will always keep as a daily ritual. I hope everyone can find something they can do daily that makes them as happy as music makes me. 14
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The Ritual of the Body (You are a dignitary.)
BY MIA POHLMAN PHOTOS BY AARON EISENHAUER
Ritual unites soul with body. Through our attention to what is before us in ritual, we bring ourselves to the present moment, which we inhabit because we have a body to be physically present in. Our body is vessel, container, holding space, a tabernacle to reverence through which we experience the world. We are body and soul, both, in equal measures, in goodness. So here, we extol the body and all the ways it allows us to move about the world. We pay homage to the cycle of our bodies and the incredible bearing of life they can uniquely do through hearing from a doula who supports women in labor. We talk with restaurateurs who honor the body through feeding and serving people. And we go to recess with children to learn again how to forget ourselves fully through the art of moving our bodies as we play. May these people and their stories remind us that as we are, we are holy. And may we move through the world eating, playing, letting life in all its forms pass through us, living from this knowledge that by our very existence, we speak of the beautiful, the wonder-full, the very good.
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Witnessing to labor Marian Johnston, doula
When Marian Johnston gave birth to her two sons, the hospital where she delivered them in Texas offered free doula services. With the support of a doula, Marian delivered quickly without the use of pain medication; the birth of her second son was medically induced. She describes her sons’ births as “magical” and “wonderful.” But as a hairdresser, these weren’t the adjectives she heard many of her clients using to describe their own childbirth experiences. She says many women who told her their own stories were slightly traumatized from giving birth and had often had unpleasant childbirth experiences. When Marian and her husband, Nick Johnston, moved to Cape Girardeau with their sons, she decided to become a stay-at-home mother. It was during this time she began thinking about what else she might like to do. She kept coming back to the desire to create pleasant childbirth experiences for other women like she’d experienced, and she decided to become a doula. In 2018, she got trained and certified through a three-day program with Doulas of North America (DONA) in St. Louis. “It’s kind of tribal, sometimes. It is,” Marian says of being a doula. “It is so wonderful to be in a room with the laboring mom and her husband and her mother and her sister, because then she truly has her tribe around her, and everyone is like, ‘Go, you can do it, there’s your baby, I can see it, don’t give up.’ And she really has a team of people behind her, helping her through it. It’s incredible. It really is.” As a doula, Marian gives support emotionally and physically before, during and after a woman gives birth. She does this through meeting with the woman and her partner beforehand to help them make educated decisions and create a birth plan, which is the mother’s idea of what a perfect day would look like while she is giving birth. When the woman goes into labor, Marian stays in the room with her and her partner for the duration of the birth, supporting them by creating a calm atmosphere in which they can get into meditation if they so choose, through the use of lighting, music, aroma therapy, massage therapy and any other items addressed
in the birth plan. She also helps the woman stay cool and hydrated and get in comfortable positions throughout the birthing process. She encourages the woman and her partner throughout the labor and mediates between the couple and professional medical staff to ensure the birth plan is carried out. A doula doesn’t give medical advice, administer medication or deliver babies. They can work at hospital or home births. Research has shown women who have doulas present during their labor are less likely to request medication for pain and are therefore in labor for a shorter amount of time. They are also less likely to need a Caesarean section. Marian says approximately half of her clients seek unmedicated births, and half of her clients deliver with the usage of pain medication. Either way, Marian says the process is a beautiful one, and it is her role to support women in whatever decisions they make for the birth of their child. “Giving birth is a ritual within itself,” Marian says. “You’re really going to see a lot more intention put into birth when there’s less pain medication, letting your body go into labor on its own. Sometimes, that can’t be done, but letting your body go into labor on its own and really focusing [can help] mentally, because you can [sometimes] block yourself from progressing in birth. You can get scared, and you can get stuck. You can get uncomfortable, and you can get stuck, and your body won’t let go to open up and deliver this child. I’ve seen that happen a lot towards the end — it’s hard not to be scared. That’s why it’s important to be there with people and just keep reminding them they’re doing a good job.” During delivery, she encourages women to break the stereotypical roles they’ve often been socialized into. “A lot of women, especially heavy thinkers, have a tendency to get kind of embarrassed about the things that are happening [while they’re in labor], whether it’s the sounds they’re making or whether or not they’re positioned to where their bottom is sticking up in the air and things like that, but just assuring them that those loud sounds, that’s normal,
and it’s natural, and it’s good. Like, you want to vibrate in your throat, and you want your body to let go of all your inhibitions, just really let it out,” Marian says. “It’s really the best thing you can do.” After the baby is born, Marian is available to help the mother with breastfeeding if she chooses, and she also checks in on the family a couple of days later to answer their questions and make sure they are adjusting well to their new phase of life. It’s an adjustment Marian says she remembers as very challenging. She says while she was prepared to give birth and felt “amazing” after it, she was “blindsided” by how hard the first few months of having her newborn would be, and she often felt like everything she did was an “epic fail.” “It seems like you just have these really long days, but it’s so short. It really doesn’t last very long in the grand scheme of things,” Marian says. “You know, you rest when you can rest — it’s not important to take care of all the other things that you are going to want to take care of. Like, you’re going to want to get up and do your dishes, or you’re going to want to get your house cleaned up because your mother-in-law is coming over, and those kinds of things just aren’t important. What’s important, especially for new moms who are nursing, is to hold your baby. Put your baby skin to skin, and put their little bare chest on your bare chest — that is going to really strengthen that relationship and really just help with bonding. And so just sit still and just breathe it in. It’s okay if you haven’t had a shower. It’s okay if your house isn’t clean. ‘Cause eventually, you’re going to get up and do it, but you don’t have to right now.” For Marian, it all comes back to creating an environment where women feel supported and comfortable to let their bodies do what they were made to do. “When women are in labor, they’re very vulnerable, but they’re also very powerful. It’s incredible to witness,” Marian says. “I’m just in awe of women. I’m just in awe. They’re so incredible. I’ve never left a birth without just beaming with pride for the woman that I just saw do that.”
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Feeding people
Gracie Aguirre, Laly Martinez and Gabby Rodriguez, restaurateurs It started with three sisters searching for authentic Mexican food in Cape Girardeau, the kind they were used to cooking at home. They wanted to serve people — and eat for theirselves — homey, “normal” food that would comfort them. Lola was a certified public accountant and knew numbers. Julia knew how to cook. Gracie was good at public relations. So, they began making tamales. They sold the tamales from their home and then bought a concession trailer and started selling their tamales at fairs and flea markets. In 2007, Gracie opened a brick and mortar Muy Bueno restaurant location in the plaza off of Independence Street in Cape Girardeau. Four years later, as she was driving to buy corn tortillas, she noticed the building that formerly housed Show Me’s was for rent. She rented it, and, with the help of her family members, cleaned it up and moved her restaurant there. Now, Gracie runs the restaurant with her two oldest daughters, Gabby Rodriguez and Laly Martinez; her youngest daughter, Lillie Aguirre, works there as a server. “What I like is we see customers — it’s kind of like a family now,” Gracie says. “Like, they know us, we know them. So it’s like a big family, and that’s what I like.” Gracie grew up in Durango, Mexico, and moved to Orange County, Cali., when she was 18. She worked there for two days in the fields — “It was not for me at all,” she says — and then for a couple of months in a tortilla factory before moving to Chicago to be with her sister. There, she worked with several companies for years before moving back to Orange County to work as a financial coordinator at a children’s hospital. From there, she moved to Anna, Ill., and then to Cape Girardeau. In 2008, Laly moved to Cape from California, as well, and Gabby was right behind her, moving to Cape in 2010. “My mother moved to the Midwest, and my mother is a magnet,” Laly says. “My mom was the catalyst for all of us moving here. You just kind of want to be around Mom; you have her, and she’s the one that’s really behind the restaurant at all. She’s the one that really started everything, and so we just kind of came to help her.” At Muy Bueno, Gracie is in charge of the kitchen, cooking, ordering and buying groceries and making sure the restaurant is running smoothly. Laly handles paperwork and social media. Gabby heads up the front of the restaurant, serving customers as well as leading the serving staff. Although all three women say it was an adjustment
learning to work with their family members and that they annoy each other at times, they have learned how to communicate with one another and have realized how much they love being around each other, living in the same town and working at the same place. They work to ensure each of their customers who patronize the restaurant feel nourished with that love expressed through food and service, too. Serving at Muy Bueno for the past 11 years is the first time Gabby has worked as a server. As the manager, her joy is apparent through her actions and words: She loves what she does. “For me, I’m happy. This is like the best job I’ve had, being a server. I don’t see it as a lower job. I just see it like another job. Because you’re serving people. And sometimes, people can be rude, and sometimes, people can be cool — it just depends on the server, how you’re going to end that relationship with your customer,” Gabby says. “A server is giving an experience, because you learn everything new every day. Nothing is the same every day. It’s a different pattern, and it’s different people who come.” She says when she can see one of her customers is having a hard day, even though she doesn’t necessarily know their problem, she prays for them and says something to them to try to help them feel better. She sees each interaction with a customer as a challenge to rise to — especially when they tell her they came because they heard Muy Bueno is the best. She wants each person who eats at the restaurant to feel like they have a place there. It is this sense of belonging that cultivates the ritual of family, the ritual of food, the ritual of eating out at Muy Bueno. “We know a lot of our customers by name, we know their stories, and it’s something nice to be able to feed them, too, and have them come back for that nourishment,” Laly says. “Sharing a meal is so important. We love this spot because people come here with their children, and people come here with family members and grandparents — this is like their spot to stay. Just having that ability to unite around food is so important. People forget the conversation that is part of sharing a meal. … Here, it’s that one spot that you’re going to be nourished with good food and good ambience that makes you happy — you can leave comforted after you go.”
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Playing
Second and third grade students at Trinity Lutheran School, recess experts When I sit in the Burrito-Ville drive-through line at lunch — which happens a lot — I look straight ahead and see recess. It happens at Trinity Lutheran School, students running all over the playground, three or four of them at the fence waving to cars, others falling down and helping each other up, climbing on the jungle gym, playing whiffle ball, playing basketball, running, running, running. And screaming. They are so loud, and it is beautiful, this cacophony of delight. It is chaotic. It is wild. It is good and right. When I honk one day at the small group of students standing by the chain-link fence waving and they cheer, I decide I have to learn from these kids. What I want to learn about is wonder and awe and exhaustion, the all-out endeavor of giving all of one’s self in pursuit of an activity with no motivation other than the sake of doing the activity. But these are preconceived ideas, my own way of thinking about the world I am hoping to find affirmed through these young people. As Annie Dillard writes, “The world is wilder than that in all directions, more dangerous and bitter, more extravagant and bright.” Wonder and awe and exhaustion are my priorities, hopes, assumptions; what I learn instead as I play and talk with the second and third grade students at the school is about treating people with kindness and goodness and inclusion, despite what we may want, and risking for what is worthy. These are the things the students talk about. “You have to make sure, even if you don’t like that person, you’ve still got to play with them,” Aria Hammonds tells me when I ask what wisdom she wants to share about recess. “Like, if someone asked you, ‘Can I play with you?,’ don’t say no, even if you don’t want them to play with you — still say yes,” Addison Bartlett adds. “It’s recess. Everyone gets to play with each other,” Joda Grace Bess says. They say some of their favorite activities at recess include dancing, playing kickball with their class and swinging on the monkey bars. Even though some of the students say their least favorite part of recess is when they fall and get hurt, they don’t let that stop them from playing all-out. They tell me that when they do fall, they are taken care of: their teacher gets them a Band-Aid, or they go to the office for help. Addison says even though getting hurt is a possibility, the risk of participating is worth it. “Don’t just sit out to be safe; like, you can still play games and stuff, just don’t play something that’s going to put anyone in danger or hurt someone, hurt you or hurt someone’s feelings,” she says. “I think my
least favorite part about recess is probably the fact that I get so tired after running around. I’m just worn out, but I don’t want to sit out because then I’m going to miss out on games and stuff, so I choose to just keep playing.” Addison says she always feels excited for recess and looks forward to it because she doesn’t get to talk with her friends throughout the day. Joda Grace says she feels happy at recess “because she gets to run around.” Aria says after recess, she feels exhausted and wants to lay on the floor and go to sleep. “Even if it’s been 40 minutes, it feels like it’s only been 10 because I’m just running around, and so I don’t even think to look at the time or anything,” Addison says. This is the experience of unselfconscious timelessness we all want to get back to. That way of being in the world when something is so a part of us we don’t realize it. That feeling of being so engaged that when some external source tells us time is up, it comes as a surprise that time is even a concept at all, much less that we ourselves might be subject to it. Play. And play. And play. While we’re on the playground, one child reminds me children can be cruel, parroting some version of bias, I imagine, they have picked up from the adult world, and I remember we each carry our burdens with us wherever we go. Children on the playground, like adults in the world outside of that safe, fenced-in space, are no different. But, like the world outside those fences, the playground is also a place where deep goodness can be found in the hearts and actions of the people playing there, and every one of the students at some point demonstrates kindness and love to each other and to me. One of the teachers tells me she teaches her students to treat others the way they want to be treated, and it’s beautiful — when I speak with a few of the students after recess, one of them says she tries to do just that while she’s on the playground. Just before it’s time to go inside, I am invited by some of the children to go down the slide. Actually, I get double dared. I feel a little silly, self-conscious, and need their help of encouragement to get on the jungle gym and slide down. I need to make sure they really want me to do this, that I will be cheered on and not come down the slide unnoticed. They do. Encourage me and cheer me on. And they do that for each other, too. What many of the students tell me they love most about recess is playing and talking with their friends. Maybe, in that, is the wisdom, after all. This abandonment of ourselves to each other, with each other, for each other. Let us find ways to again be childlike.
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There is space for it. Right here. Right now. This moment. Where you are. However you feel. Whatever you’re carrying. Let it drop; soften. Recognize the presence around you. Recognize the presence within you. Breathe in, slowly. Breathe out, slowly. Now again. And again, for however long you need. Notice the miracle you are; breathe.
Breathe.
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s p a rk photographs by aaron eisenhauer words by mia pohlman
there is a girl who writes stories. she lives i n the forest, at the deserted sea, on the deepest level of the hi ghest mou ntai n sha ped like hope. whatever she writes, a ppears. stars, dark ness, ti ny balls of li ght stru n g on stri n gs across trees. did you pay attention i n fourth grade, do you k now how electricity lets us see?
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me, either. except to say for a nythi n g to li ght up, two ha nds ha ve to touch. 29
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look, i’ll show you. there, the wires stru n g all across the la nd, poles that sta nd a part from the next one, pla nted like garden flowers — they bri n g us power, con nection. (they are the proof we all still wa nt each other.) 30
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to bri n g me to you: a power li ne threaded across the ocea n (they du g deep i nto the sa nd below the water, cut the tallest trees i nto poles that would reach hi gh above the seas), across the shores (mi ne a nd yours), throu gh the ju n gles where they built arou nd every ti ny obstacle so they would n’t ha ve to cut dow n (remember, even the a nt hill matters to the a nt), set the poles next to each other like little hairs i n your pretty eyebrows (small touch, small touch, small touch, those fi ne follicles all i n a row make up how you show what you’re feeli n g so I ca n k now), worki n g, worki n g (that crew of women a nd men i n sweat-stai ned shirts worki n g), throu gh the trees, over the plai ns, i nto your mi nd across my heart, two blocks dow n the street. brri n g, brrri n g. the phone ri n gs. the phone si n gs. your gra nd mother’s bi n go friend’s fa vorite artist’s pet parrot a nswers, yes, from mexico — hello. it is me. did n’t k now this conversation would get to be. a nyway, whoever you are, wherever you are, i a m just calli n g to say, everythi n g will be okay. now you, call the person you’re thi n ki n g about. she writes these thi n gs, a nd as she writes, they a ppear. she is a magicien ne, a world, a woma n, a girl. abracadabra, a li ght, mari narasa uceri no, i n the dark. she does n’t always k now the ri ght word to use, but a nyway, she chooses. maybe this is how electricity works.
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look, she is free. she is open. she waits, a nd her desires she’s spoken. go, tell her a story. maybe she will write it dow n. (maybe it’s ti me you wear your crow n.) maybe it, too, will be. come. true.
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BEAUTY
Unwind
Let’s talk about nightly bedtime rituals BY NICOLETTE BAKER COLLAGES BY MERCI GREEN
The punch of a timeclock. An evening commute. Shutting off a Mac. The physical transition from workday to something more comfortable signals a shift in thinking, especially when working from home. I love utilizing this time to create boundaries between work and relaxation, honoring my physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. In this way, creating a nighttime ritual is central to acknowledging the day’s stresses and revitalizing your body and soul for tomorrow. I honor my routine by sneaking little luxuries, like warm vanilla candles and soft, fluffy slippers, into my everyday. When slipping into a hot shower at the end of the workday, I find joy in a calming playlist and lush shower products. Dove is my go-to. While their body washes can be found at any drugstore, I find the moisturizing element and scent to be so luxurious. Finding products you enjoy — at any price point — can help to
create a long-lasting ritual. My nightly skincare routine is, personally, extremely vital. I believe an important facet of self-care is nourishing your body every day and making steps towards a better you. While you might not see immediate results from a skincare regime, it’s an act of caring for your future self. After removing the day’s makeup and cleansing my face with a moisturizing wash, I’ll reach for a toner. I swear by Target’s store brand salicylic acid — it leaves a clean, refreshing feel — and retinol serum from The Ordinary. Personally, I find tactile experiences — such as the cooling rush of cold water splashed on my face or a fluffy postshower towel — to be the most grounding. In my experience, those feelings are associated with comfort and reduced stress. Incorporating other senses, such as the smell of body spray or lavender candles, helps to
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Thinking of creating a ritual of your own? In creating my own nightly relaxation routine, I’ve found a few things to be helpful: • Gravitate towards what honors your body, mind and soul. Incorporate things you love into your routine, and don’t force anything that doesn’t feel natural. • Find what truly sparks joy, Marie Kondo style. Whether it’s a certain type of body lotion or a particular skincare serum, incorporate your favorite self-care products into your everyday routine. • Build a ritual and stick with it. A ritual is created through daily consistency — once you find a routine that you enjoy, make it a priority.
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solidify the goal: relaxing. The word “ritual” has such varied meanings across cultures, languages, locations and time. As a word, it carries the weight as something sacred. It might point to religious observations, family traditions or treasured cultural holidays. Whatever the definition, the word may also be applied to a nightly routine of self-care and self-reflection. After getting squeaky clean, I make journaling a priority. I’ve found it’s helpful to be utterly honest in my musings, especially if I’m the only one reading them. It’s difficult to develop as an individual without consistent and genuine work. Growth is slow, difficult, necessary. I’ve found others enjoy meditation as part of their daily routine — personally, it’s something I’ve never tried. Rituals are deeply personal and
shouldn’t ever feel uncomfortable or forced. They’re also different for each person; if meditation or guided imagery is your thing, great! I would recommend including some form of self-reflection in your nightly ritual, however you do it. After taking that time for self-growth, I devote the rest of the night to connecting with others or enjoying a movie. I might throw on an exfoliating face mask while video chatting with my significant other or stream “Lady Bird” for the millionth time before falling asleep. Developing a nightly ritual is central to caring for yourself, and in turn, caring for others. It’s an overused saying, but I strongly believe you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking some time each night to honor your body and all the amazing things it does isn’t selfish; it’s essential.
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Cape Girardeau CONSERVATION NATURE CENTER
• Explore two miles of winding nature trails. • Enjoy wildlife-viewing areas with lush native plants. • Encounter nature’s wonders through hands-on exhibits, a children’s play area, and freshwater aquariums. • Visit interactive exhibits featuring habitats found in southeastern Missouri. • And learn where to go for your own adventure!
Located in Cape County Park North • Open Tuesday – Saturday, 8 a.m. – 5 p.m. Register for free programs – mdc.mo.gov/southeastevents
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SOMETHING FROM A NEW EXPERIENCE
Gather Happiness Here This is your summer memory board.
It’s summertime, that space of living when golden light lasts forever, time feels a little slower, and you can stand and be. Let’s let our souls free. Throughout the summer, collect artifacts from moments that matter to you and paste them to this page. At the end, you’ll have a collage of life from the past four months, momentos from scavenger hunting your way through the summer. Happy living — we love you.
SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
A SWIPE OF YOUR FAVORITE LIPSTICK/CHAPSTICK/LOTION
A RECEIPT
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SOMETHING FROM FOOD YOU ATE OR A FOOD EXPERIENCE
A TICKET STUB
SOMETHING IN A COLOR YOU LOVE TO WEAR
A FLOWER
A POSTCARD FROM A PLACE YOU LOVE
A STICKER THAT MAKES YOUR SOUL SING
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Part of the Process The way we farm matters.
B Y E M I LY S C I F E R S PHOTOS BY AARON EISENHAUER
As dawn starts to creep over the horizon, I pull my aching body out of bed. Yesterday’s planting took a toll. I tell myself not to skip my morning walk around the field. It loosens me up before I really get to work. Spring training on the farm is real. It takes a couple weeks for my body to adjust to the movements of planting, loading wheelbarrows of compost and hoeing, until I can hop out of bed and not feel the previous day in my joints. Today is going to be busy. I will be racing the rain, which is motivating and stressful at the same time. The goal is to get as much planted before the rain comes. It will all be worth it. There is nothing more satisfying than planting right before a rain comes. The plants love it! I go out to the field to pick greens for my morning smoothie. Kale and spinach are the only survivors from the previous season’s planting. They are my favorites and always amaze me. I admire their ability to survive all winter after dealing with the onslaught of pests in the late summer and fall. Their flavor in the winter and early spring is so different than in the heat of the summer. After a couple frosts, they are sweet. After breakfast, I head back out to the field to start planting. Rather than tilling the beds, we cover them with giant billboard tarps like the ones you see from the highway. In the spring when I take the tarps off, mice start to scurry. They do a lot of work during the winter months, tilling and burrowing through the soil. The real champs, however, are the earthworms. They spend the winter chowing down on all the previous year’s debris of stalks and roots, leaving behind a nice, tilthy soil filled with
their castings. The worms are my livestock. I feed them cardboard and newspaper, layering it in the walking paths or on beds I won’t need for a few weeks. They go wild breaking it down and leave behind a farmer’s dream soil. My goal is to not have to work the soil with a hoe. I want to be able to unearth the bed, lay compost, rake it and plant. Today I am lucky — two beds that I will be planting are just right. The race is on. I plant kale, cabbage, spinach and lettuce mix. I find myself thinking about the people who love to eat these vegetables and come to the market looking for them. Growing food is hard work, but I picture these people in my mind and recall conversations we have had at the farmer’s market about the flavor of our food. It makes it all worth it. When I am having a hard day in the field or I am burned out, I remind myself of this and why I continue to do it. Food has the power to build community and bring people together. I love being a part of that. Now, it’s after lunch, and I have just one more bed to plant. I am tired, but I tell myself I can take it easier tomorrow since rain is coming. As I look out over the field, it is mostly brown with a little bit of green. In six weeks, the field will be lush, covered with many hues of greens with a pop of red here and there. Then harvest begins, the reward for planting. I am laying in bed listening to the rain and reflecting on what the season may bring. There will be many more races, but ultimately, Mother Nature wins. Throughout the years, she has taught me to be humble and often reminds me that I am not in control. No matter what she throws at me, I just need to tough it out and roll with the punches. I drift easily into a hard sleep, ready to wake up and do it all over again.
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Build your own organic raised-bed garden 1. In a sunny location where you want your garden bed to be, put down a couple of layers of cardboard. 2. On top of the cardboard, lay a four-sided box built out of cedar or untreated lumber. Make sure the cardboard extends beyond the base of the box so weeds don’t grow around the outside of the box. 3. After the box is secured, fill it with a mixture of garden soil and compost. Rake it out flat for planting. 4. Plant with your favorite vegetable crops. 5. After your crop is done producing, cut it back just below the soil surface. (Earthworms love to eat decomposing plant roots.) Add a thin layer of compost before replanting. 6. When your bed is finished for the season, cover it with cardboard and mulch. 7. The following spring, uncover the bed, add a layer of compost, and plant.
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ISSUE 42
Things to Love
Pulse Fitness and Nutrition West Em Medical Spa Wish Boutique
Little Silhouetto Belladona Salon & Spa + Boutique Jackson KC Hall
Callie Bollinger - Ritter Real Estate The Tote by Flourish Shelter Insurance - Stephanie Ogle
Design Exclusive, LLC Fresh Baked Websites The Thank You 45
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Things to Love
PULSE FITNESS AND NUTRITION Pulse Fitness and Nutrition is a local meal prep company that delivers healthy meals to your door. As a certified trainer, I also provide group training to help you achieve your health and fitness goals. At Pulse, I am committed to healthy eating and supporting the local community. I locally source as many ingredients as possible, down to herbs. While keeping each week’s menu healthy is my top priority, I work hard to create meals packed with flavor and use ingredients to help keep you full and fuel your body. To order your meals, visit facebook.com/ pulsefitnessandnutrition and comment on the latest menu post. A new menu is added every Monday and includes all macros and ingredients. Find us on Facebook and Instagram at facebook.com/pulsefitnessandnutrition and @pulse.fitness.nutrition. First responders, military and veterans receive 20% off every order. If you have any questions, call Tyler at (573) 987-8296.
WEST EM MEDICAL SPA EmSculpt Neo is the first and only non-invasive body shaping procedure that provides simultaneous fat elimination and muscle building in a combined 30-minute session. Emitting both radio frequency and high-intensity electromagnetic energies, the end result is more fat reduction and muscle growth. Clinical studies show customers see an average of 30% fat reduction and 25% growth in muscle volume after completing their EmSculpt Neo sessions. West Em Medical Spa is excited to bring this service to you, just in time for summer! You can book your session online at westemspa.com, or call us at (573) 803-4321.
WISH BOUTIQUE Wish Boutique offers beautiful, quality clothing. But, Wish Boutique is more than that. Wish loves supporting young entrepreneurs and especially entrepreneurs with disabilities. We love finding talented entrepreneurs with disabilities who create goods that mesh with our store’s aesthetic. Shop with us now for all-natural handmade soap, gorgeous hand-strung bracelets and simply-stated greeting cards that happen to be printed in Braille, as well. Stop by our store at 213 S. Broadview in Cape (beside Trees N Trends) to shop our beautiful collections by young entrepreneurs, alongside our classic clothing lines such as Pendleton, Tyler Boe, Liverpool Jeans, Free People and more. Here at Wish, we have something for everyone!
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Things to Love
LITTLE SILHOUETTO Little Silhouetto, a personalized silhouette portrait shop, came to life in 2018 when Lacey Kluesner found herself obsessing over a cowlick curl on her 8-month-old’s head. Fast forward to the present time: Little Silhouetto is now dedicated to capturing the tiny and fleeting details of your precious littles. All portraits and handmade jewelry pieces are handcrafted with the same love and precision as Lacey had when making her daughter’s first portraits, and she considers it a true honor to be entrusted with capturing the features of your children in their own silhouettes.
BELLADONA SALON & SPA + B BOUTIQUE Dual Tone: A pop of color, a punch of fragrance. Our Dual Tone Collection is a no-brainer summer must-have! The collection features three different colorways and fragrances in Volcano, Coconut Santal and our newest fragrance, Pineapple Flower! 2505 Tanner Dr., Suite 101 201 S. Mt. Auburn Rd., Suite F Cape Girardeau belladonasalons.com (573) 335-6033
JACKSON KC HALL Are you looking for the perfect smokefree place to host your reception or group event? The KC facilities in Jackson, located at 3305 N. High St. in Jackson, include two large banquet halls; the upper hall seats 450 people, and the lower hall seats 250 people. Both offer a full bar and dance floor, reasonable rental rate, great food with on-site catering and plenty of paved parking. In addition, the hall has easy access off I-55 with plenty of lodging close by. To reserve, contact David at (573) 2435464 or email kchalljacksonmo@att.net.
Find Little Silhouetto at the Cape Girardeau Riverfront Market or online at etsy.com/shop/littlesilhouettoshop.
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Things to Love
CALLIE BOLLINGER RITTER REAL ESTATE My home is one of my favorite places. The living room is where I spend time with my husband and puppies. My kitchen is where I prepare my family’s favorite dishes. Our deck is a sunny place where we make memories with friends. Because of this, real estate is so much more to me than helping families buy and sell houses — it’s about Connecting Hearts and Homes. My mission is to help families find the home of their dreams. Reach out to me at (573) 238-5751 so we can work together to find your place in the world where love and laughter can be shared and a lifetime of memories made. CallieBollinger.com Ritter Real Estate Office: (573) 803-3880
THE TOTE BY FLOURISH Unpack the tote bag: Our sisters who are local entrepreneurs are sharing with us the beauty of their newest products, as well as tips for living a full and true life. It’s all in The Tote by flourish, a new monthly email featuring curated lifestyle content plus featured products and services from local businesses. Sign up to join our flourish community in the delight of discovering new lovely little things at flourishwomen.io or semissourian.com/flourish.
SHELTER INSURANCE — STEPHANIE OGLE I’ve served local Shelter Insurance customers for 13 years and helped generations of families. I am a wife and mother of four who enjoys family time, running/fitness, concerts and ice hockey. I love being a part of our community and helping others live their lives worry-free so they can focus on what they enjoy, too. To help you with this, we can insure your autos, homes, boats, ATVs, campers, businesses, farms and much more. I can also help you plan and make sure your future is secure with life insurance. Reach out to me at sogle@ shelterinsurance.com or call me at (573) 243-3722 to find the right coverage for you. My clients know I can be reached at any time. Let us SHELTER what matters most to you!
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Things to Love
THANK YOU
DESIGN EXCLUSIVE, LLC Design Exclusive, LLC principal designer, stylist, florist and owner Linda McKinnis has been named a 2021 “Best of Weddings” wedding planner and company by The Knot, a leading wedding planning and registry brand and app. By being honored with this accolade, Linda represents the highest-rated and most-rated wedding professionals as reviewed by real couples, their families and wedding guests on The Knot. From floor plans, lighting and draping, to beautiful floral artistry and linens, plus access to the Design Exclusive sought-after in-house inventory, Linda and her team would love to help you create the wedding you’ve always imagined.
FRESH BAKED WEBSITES Do you need a website for your business? Andrew Schmid, owner of Fresh Baked Websites, is a Southeast Missouri native with more than 10 years of web design experience as a web specialist at Southeast Missouri State University and project manager at Element 74. His clients include everyone from individuals such as Ella Rose Originals to small businesses like Cakes Reanimated to corporations like Dexter Ag. Get in touch with Andrew at (573) 290-2367 to schedule a free consultation or planning session so he can help you start your next project. It’s website design that’s so fast and affordable, it’s easy as pie.
www.designexclusivellc.com (573) 275-6722 Weddings | Events | Planning | Floral Artistry
Freshbakedwebsites.com
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Mollie's Gifts in Cape Girardeau for the magenta dress featured on the cover and page 29.
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Pastimes Antiques in Cape Girardeau for the gold chair featured on the cover and pages 31 and 34.
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Vintage '99 in Cape Girardeau for the rust-colored jumpsuit featured on pages 26, 28 and 31, and for the floral dress featured on pages 5, 28, 31, and 34.
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Leigh Anne's Loft in Sikeston, Mo., for the yellow dress featured on page 28 and the floral dress on pages 30 and 34.
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Wish Boutique in Cape Girardeau for the dress featured on page 32.
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Leslie Marmon Silko for writing the lines "Ts’its’tsi’nako, Thought– Woman, / is sitting in her room / and whatever she thinks about appears // … She is sitting in her room / thinking of a story now // I’m telling you the story / she is thinking" in the novel "Ceremony," which inspired the story on pages 26-34.
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Summer 2021 models Layla Bouzihay on the cover; Lori Vavak on pages 5, 28, 31 and 34; Tori Mincemeyer on pages 26, 28, 31, and 32; and Naiah Carothers on pages 28, 30, and 34.
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H E Y, C O N T R IB U TO RS:
When do you feel most free?
I feel the most free when I have wrapped up a farm season and I am celebrating by sitting on a beach somewhere. EMILY SCIFERS
When do I feel most free? Whenever I look back at where I started and recognize growth in myself and others. I feel freedom in knowing God is making things new.
I feel the most free when I'm with my friends and can relax and be myself. SYDNI ALBER
MERCI GREEN
ON THE COVER
Doulas, Restaurateurs and Recess Experts
Creating Beadtime Rituals
The Way We Farm
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SUMMER 2021 | RITUAL
Layla Bouzihay’s favorite piece of art is a hand-sewn
I feel most free when exploring a new place. Traveling always seems to hold new, exciting possibilities for growth. NICOLETTE BAKER
When I’m in a kayak on still water, the reflection of the sky is below me, and I’m floating through it.
basket her grandmother made from recycled plastic
AARON EISENHAUER
To read more about our Summer 2021 models’ favorite
bags and other plastic material. She loves that her grandmother created new life out of something others don’t think twice about throwing away.
rituals and things that matter to them, as well as see more photos from our photo shoots, visit flourishwomen.io and follow us on Instagram at @my_flourish.
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2020
Beauty • Lifestyle • Home • Gifts
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PRSRT STD U.S. POSTAGE PAID Permit #699 Cape Girardeau, MO
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