Jokes Corner

In Demand

Jacob walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of negotiating the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Jacob happily gets up to leave. “By the way,” asks the boss as Jacob is getting up, “which three companies are after you?” “The electric company, water company, and phone company,” Jacob replied.

Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.

Early Bird

It is late December and the correctional court judge is in a good mood. He asks the defendant: “What are you accused of?” The defendant replies “I am accused of having done my Christmas shopping too early!” The judge says, “But that’s not a crime.” “Well, it was before the store opened...”

The Will Reading

A lawyer was reading out the will of a wealthy man to his family and everyone mentioned in the document.

“To my loving wife Mary, my rock and without whom my life would have been very different, I leave the mansion in BelAir and $20 million,” the lawyer read out loud.

He paused momentarily for his audience to digest this information and then he continued reading.

“To my darling daughter Louisa who supported me so much when my health began to fail and never once complained, I leave my business, my yacht and $1 million,” said the lawyer. Again he paused momentarily to allow this information to sink in.

The lawyer then continued reading the final section of the will, “And to my brother Neville who argued with me constantly, hated my guts and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Neville!”

Source:http://www.jokes4us.com, Julian Carter and Bruce Jackson

Riddle Two: Throw the ball straight up in the air. Riddle One: Pour some water into the pipe so that the ball swims up on the surface. Answers