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We speak to a student who’s been in the UQ Tunnels / p. 4 Why UQ shut down an anti-sexual assault rally / p. 7
What to consider before moving into your first share house / p. 5
Edition 6, 2019. Since 1932. Free.
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Acknowledgement of Country Semper acknowledges the Turrbal and Jagera peoples as the traditional owners of the land on which this newspaper is created. We pay our respects to elders past and present.
Our Team
Editor’s Note Contents It’s a perfect time of year. With the elections right around the corner, and final exams chasing their heels, it seems like it’s just about all downhill from here. But do not fret! Those are problems for future you to consider. Right now, there is still time to sink into your hobbies, you can still meet up with your friends, and, importantly, check in with them and see if they are okay! R U OK Day is coming around this week, and while #UQLife will no doubt try to turn it into some naff festival where we are reminded that the headspace app exists, don’t lose sight of the true reason for the season. You have the power to help other people. That’s the same message we share with you on page six of every edition about intervening in sexual assault. You may not have the power to change the broad cultural issues that give rise to big problems, but you can be the first line of response when the situation presents itself. Anyway, never mind the pep talk, here’s another edition of Semper. - Rowan
News Respect Women’s Tear-out Poster Puzzles Regulars Union Pages Comedy
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Editor in Chief Rowan Evans Editors Raphael Wixted, Ruby Green, Rebecca Kilpatrick, Tim Gardner, Nilsson Jones, Thomas Wiltshire, Isabella Scattini, Tiarni Miller Art Shreyas Shet (cover), Ruby Green, Rebecca Kilpatrick (poster), Google Images -> Tools -> Usage rights -> Labeled for reuse Printer A student who offered to print stuff for us. Publisher Semper is published by the UQ Union President, Georgia Millroy, but she respects our editorial independence. With Thanks Bradley Stone, Annie Kate Bradley, Steve Dickson, and all the boys down at Runcorn 4113 (Good luck in the Grand Final this weekend, fellas!) Disclaimer
The views expressed in this publication are the personal opinions of the authors. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the editor or the views of UQU. All articles are to be considered opinionative in nature. All articles remain the intellectual property of the authors.
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Letters to the Editor On the Presence of Retraction Student Services at the Clive Hamilton Lecture
Student Services surprised attendees by providing ticketing services at the recent Clive Hamilton Lecture, held by the PPE Society. Having heard unconfirmed reports that this may have been an attempt to monitor students, or process their data, we solicited a letter to the editor from the University. The student organisers of the event had expressed concerns that the event may be over-subscribed, and they wanted to ensure that everyone that registered for the event would gain access. The scanning equipment used on the night was to ensure this, and to enable the speedy access to the venue. No student data was extracted and no student data was retained by the University.
Last week we posted a video on our Facebook page about White Guys With Guitars Playing Covers Week at UQ, where we drew attention to the University paying non-students to play music on campus. An email was sent, not to us, but to our boss, asking if we were aware that four of the performers playing last week were students. Follows is our response. Firstly, no, as Semper editors, we do not have access to enrollment records. But more importantly, there were twelve performers in total last week, and there are three universities in Brisbane. If you selected twelve random performers in the 18-25 age bracket from around Brisbane, four out of twelve performers being UQ students isn’t any better than random chance. To be absolutely clear, we apologise for any misconception that none of the performers were students. Given the current state of University life, we encourage all students to just be thankful that Student Services doesn’t actively screen out UQ students from performing.
R64.3 of the UQ Union Regulations requires that Semper advise you of election dates at least five days before the opening of nominations. This notice is intended to comply with that regulation. Nominations are open 16-20 September Campaigning begins 8 October Elections take place 14-18 October See the Union Website for more details 3
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Breaking into the UQ Tunnels Have you ever daydreamed about what it would be like to sneak into the UQ tunnels? Have you ever been caught sleeping in the library by Security and wondered why they weren’t doing something better with their time? Dave* is an adventure-seeking student. But unlike the kind of adventure-seeker that gets their kicks from skiing, or parachuting, Dave gets theirs from unauthorised access to UQ buildings. This is Dave’s story about the wonders and the dangers of the world behind the scenes of UQ. And it is very dangerous, by the way, for reasons they will explain. And we’ve already told UQ Security about this story, and they’re on the case, so don’t even think about trying to copy Dave’s methods. Dave reached the tunnels by finding the entrance in the Alumni Court unlocked one day. “The thing that first strikes you as you get into the tunnels is this unearthly drumming and beating noise. And it’s terrifying, because you get about ten metres in, and then this smacking will just start up. Dave only realised later that this sound was the vent fans circulating the air. “But as you get a bit deeper, it just gets a bit more confronting. There’s just pipes and services lines laying everywhere. “Some of the fire exits from the tunnels are just clogged with stuff that doesn’t look anywhere near up to grade, and it’s just concerning to be next to,” they said. Dave says there’s been a few times where they have feared for their life, most notably in the Schonell, the off-limits areas of which they called “sketchy”. “You go up a few levels of theatre stairs and theatre ladders to get to the very top level. And then you walk out across the trusses that run above the theatre, and you come across this ladder that is zip-tied to those trusses that leads up to the roof entrance. “You go up, and from experience, I can tell that the ladder is just covered in asbestos, which is part one of the fun, and at the top, you have to stand on this rickety ladder, and push on this incredibly heavy trapdoor to get out, and I think it’s that plunging to my death aspect that is concerning at times,” they said. Dave says the most gratifying moment in their adventuring career was reaching the top of the UQ Centre after months of trying. “You’ve probably been in there before if you’re a student, maybe for an exam or a little workshop. But what you might not realise about the ceiling is that it’s a suspended ceiling. So the ceiling that you’re looking up at is not the true ceiling, it’s this piece of material that’s suspended from the true ceiling with lots of wires. “This is really common in big auditoriums because it gives you space to run facilities like power and air conditioning above the ceiling. So it’s this huge cavity. “One afternoon, myself and a friend filtered to the back of the UQ Centre and slipped through a door, and just decided to go up and see what we found.
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The tension really did build as we went up. Climbing up one set of stairs it seemed pretty fine, and then we opened into the back end of the UQ Centre. There’s lots of those small forklifts parked everywhere. It’s a very industrial feeling, which is the most terrifying to me. I’m a tiny man, so the idea of a tradie is absolutely terrifying. “We pushed through this area which was deserted, and we climbed up this second little ladder into effectively pitch darkness. We opened one door on our right which opened onto one of the smaller roofs, which of course we weren’t interested with, because it’s not the big game. And we pushed into this central door into a little atrium above the UQ Centre. You could see out, it was really cool, but what caught our attention was this glowing red staircase in the distance. The lighting’s red, so you get your night vision. “And you come up this staircase, and then you’re in the suspended ceiling. It’s genuinely a surreal feeling. It’s like a catwalk above a stage, except there’s orange subdistribution powerboxes everywhere, there’s aircon hoses running, and you can hear what’s going on in the lecture theatre below you, which is terrifying. “There was a BIOL1040 lecture going on below, so there were I think 300 undergrads down below. The temptation to spit through the holes was resisted. “So we explore this for a little while, and we decide we came here for the full monty, so we climb up the ladder to the roof hatch. “Nothing has been quite as euphoric as cracking open that hatch and seeing that incredibly bright daylight, and realising… I mean, we’d fucking done it, right? Months and months of work, months and months of planning paying off, and we were standing there on the roof, surrounded by solar panels, looking out towards the gym, and the Central Library as it’s now called. Dave says that their adventures have turned up historically valuable items as well. “The Vet School used to be over at the Seddon Building, so when it moved out to Gatton, they boarded up a lot of the old Vet School rooms. And indeed in the top floor of the Seddon Building closest to the BSL, there’s the old Vet School Library, so we’re talking about typewritten and handwritten theses from the years when the Vet School was here. “They’ll be nowhere else, and if we knock that down like we intend to, you know, they’ll just be lost to time,” they said. But Dave thinks that their time as an adventurer will come to an end soon. When we asked how many buildings Dave had accessed, they paused for thirty seconds to count. “I think the number is around 16 or 17. I think at this point I probably have hit the limit. More and more these days I come up against doors that are actually locked. “I’m now in the territory of buildings with less contractor access, so less chance to mess up. There’s also a hard limit of buildings with a roof worth getting access to as well.” Disclaimer: Neither Semper, the Union, nor Dave endorse, support, or recommend attempting to access buildings through unauthorised means. UQ Security also warns that it is a danger to your own health and safety. We accept no liability. Dave is not Dave’s real name.
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Ancient Share House Proverbs WHOLE TEAM With art by Ruby Green
With the end of year right around the corner, it’s reaching that time where students start to rethink their living situations. These are some things to keep in mind for students taking the plunge into share houses for the first time, or just looking for new housemates. These words are cultivated from the collective wisdom of your Semper editors. Enjoy! Number 1: Beware of people with dogs who live inside, unless you don’t particularly care about getting your bond back or you really like the idea of cleaning shit off a carpet. When inspecting a new house, ask if you’ll be able to lock your bedroom door. If your prospective housemates insist you won’t need a lock, try twice as hard to get a lock on your bedroom door. When your housemate says “I drank your alcohol last night, I promise to buy you some more”, this is an empty promise. If you move into an existing sharehouse, remember that the “oh don’t worry about doing the dishes/sweeping the floor/ cleaning the table, just make yourself at home” schtick only lasts for about two or three days. In my experience, the rest of the house gangs up on the person who prints off a spreadsheet with a routine for chores. Especially if no other housemates were consulted about the division of chores. What did work, in my experience, is having one person go around to everybody about once a week and say “hey, is it cool if you do [some chore] today?” Or, if someone leaves dirty dishes in the sink, consider putting them under the covers of that person’s bed. If you never heard your parents having sex, then you my be surprised just how little your housemates care whether you hear them having sex. Make sure your housemates are okay! We all end up with a
mysterious housemate at some point, but you are still the best person to notice when something’s wrong! If a housemate moves out, you should try to move out as well, because trying to find a new housemate is the worst part of any sharehouse experience. If you do decide to stay, the sooner you know about a housemate moving out, the better. Use as much time as possible to find a new housemate. You don’t want to be stuck picking someone whose personality just doesn’t click with you and your existing housemates. Actually, don’t worry too much about the personality thing, worry more about whether they can pay rent and utilities. And while you’re at it, get their name on the bills as well. Remember to offer new housemates two-to-three days grace period on doing any chores. If they don’t accept the grace period, and insist that they wash the dishes, it means they are never going to do the dishes again for the rest of the time they live with you. If your housemate advertises illegal services on Twitter, you’re probably already fucked. When moving into a new sharehouse, offer to do everyone’s dishes for the first two or three days, as a means of inspiring reciprocity. After the three days are up, never do the dishes again. When there are maggots in the bin, this is a good indicator it needs emptying. Leaving the wheelie bins on the kerb instead of bringing them in is a good way to never get into the habit of emptying the bins. The court system moves slowly, so if you have an issue with your housemate not paying their bills, it’s better to deal with those issues now than to wait the six months it takes to get them to a magistrate. Try asking them to move out instead. If you do end up in a situation where a housemate owes you a significant amount of money, familiarise yourself with the phone numbers that you need to cut off the electricity and internet to your premises. It is also pretty easy to change passwords on WiFi modems. Finally, if you throw a huge house party, remember that the only reason your housemates and neighbours get upset is because they don’t have as many friends as you. Don’t let their jealousy control your life.
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Random Acts of Respect As told to AK Bradley
So much of the conversation around sexual assault and harassment is about self-control or the victim-blamey advice on defending yourself. But it seems to us here at Semper that what’s so often misisng is the advice on how to intervene when you see it happening before your very eyes. So that’s what this column is for. We want to ask regular people how they’ve stepped in when they see something going on. We hope that these accounts of everyday heroes will embolden readers when a critical moment arises.
RACHEL My sister lives in London, and a few years ago, I was visiting her. We were like traveling around Europe for a bit, and then, I think- where were we? We caught the train one night back to where she was living in London, and it was like 1 o’clock in the morning. We were walking from the train station back to her place, and like going down a quiet street. As we were walking, we sort of saw this couple like in the distance having a bit of a verbal disagreement. It was pretty loud and stuff, but we kept walking, being a bit cautious. And then he started hitting her and pushing her to the ground. I stopped, and I was like, ‘Oh my god, I have no idea what to do in this situation.’ But my sister immediately screamed at him and ran over and threatened to call the police. He backed off a little. I followed her, and I was like ‘Ok, I-I guess that’s the right thing to do.’ But she was like straight into it. She was just like ‘HEY, that’s not ok!’ He just like ran off. And then we took that girl back to my sister’s place. She was drunk as well. We called the police, and we ended up not reporting it because she didn’t want it reported. She just stayed the night and went home the next day. It was a just a bit of a struggle because we never… We tried to communicate to her that the behaviour isn’t ok, and you know, trying to ask her if that kind of stuff had happened before. Um.. she said ‘yes.’ It was kind of one of those things where we couldn’t intervene too much because we didn’t want to report it to the police against her wishes. And, yeah. And then she went home again, and we never really got to find out what happened. Um, I’ve never really known how to feel about it. Like I love what my sister did, and I think it went so well, but I think the reason I was initially cautious about it is because you don’t know. You need to think about your own safety, and you want to be smart about it. I’m glad it went the way it did. But I don’t know what to recommend to people because I don’t want to put anyone in an unsafe situation. Calling out that behaviour when you see it is obviously so important. And intervening.
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TONI A few years ago I used to go to a lot of punk concerts and had a lot of friends in that scene and a few friends who put on shows. Yeah, and there was kind of a real boys’ club culture. Lots of like mosh pits and shoving and stuff. Women would get kind of groped and it would be seen as just boys having fun and it was pretty shitty. It kind of escalated a couple times, and so a few of us got together and had a talk about it. And the guy who was running those shows decided he had to do something about it instead of like ignoring it like everybody else does. And so he had a talk to the bank that was responsible, like one of the bank members. So he put a stop to them being invited to shows, and that created a bit of discord in the whole community because they were a popular band and everyone was pissed off. Yeah, and like the other people in the band felt like they were being punished for something he (one of the members) did. It was kind of like ‘well, there’s gotta be consequences for this.’ So that was kind of a big deal for a lot of us because it’s hard feeling safe in those spaces as a woman. So it was really nice that someone actually stood up for us and did something meaningful about it. It’s not really ‘managed’. It’s just like a small, independent thing. So I think that’s another reason why stuff goes under the rug a lot. This guy who was putting on shows, like he didn’t have to do anything about it. And he probably would’ve lost money by not putting them on. He’s a huge ally. A nice example of how people can show respect.
You can help create a positive culture of sexual conduct. Research shows that students are more likely to tell other students rather than uni administration about an incident of sexual violence, and that the attitudes they experience on first disclosure have a huge impact on how well they recover. If anyone ever discloses to you. Try to remember the following phrases: 1. “I’m sorry this happened to you” because what they hear is “I believe you” 2. “What happened is not your fault” because what they hear is “you are not to blame” 3. “I’m going to do what I can to help you with this” because what they hear is “you are no longer alone in this”
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Girls, Interrupted
AMY SIENKIEWICZ-GROB AND BELLA SCATTINI - UQU Vice Presidents Ever since the Human Rights Commission Report was released in 2017, students on campuses across the country have worked hard to demand accountability and change from their university administrations in the fight to end rape on campus. On Wednesday 21st of August, the UQU Women’s Collective and Allies organised a rally on the Grassy Knoll to highlight the failings of UQ in addressing this issue. The rally formed part of a National Day of Action calling on Australian Universities to take more effective action against sexual assault and violence on campus and between students. From the beginning, it appeared that student services approached our intention to rally as something that needed to be managed, minimised and silenced by UQ staff. Security was notified of our intention to hold the rally on the Grassy Knoll, and as far as the UQU Executive and rally organisers were aware, this was the only correspondence that had occurred between students and the university regarding the rally. However, it turns out that instead of contacting the elected student representatives and student protest organisers about their concerns, student services had reached out to a UQU staff member in an attempt to reframe the rally as an ‘event’ to be held in a low-traffic area. We believe this was an intentional and concerted effort by student services to silence student voices. It is unacceptable that they sought to contact non-political UQU staff members instead of student representatives. It is also unacceptable that they sought to distill our public, engaging rally in a high traffic area down to a stall in a corner of campus where very few students would see it. Unaware of this attempt to move the rally, we set up on the Grassy Knoll. Less than a minute into the protest, we were approached by a student services staff member, who informed us that they had already booked the Grassy Knoll for a ‘campus activation’ and that we would need to move to the area that had apparently been designated to us. We refused to move. If the university wants to set up student spaces, for students to hang out and socialise, then they cannot prevent these spaces from being used to promote and encourage discourse around difficult issues. After explaining this to UQ staff, they countered that as it was Sustainability Week, our protest could not go ahead - apparently it did not fit the ‘theme’ of their campus activation. For this reason, they claimed, we would have to move. Maybe, in order to ensure that our protest was on-brand, we should have protested the university’s extremely questionable choice of Dow Chemical as a sustainability week sponsor? Or their promotion of the pyramid scheme ‘homecube’ business on campus. Despite very strong protests from Student Services, and phone calls being made to more senior staff members, we proceeded with the Rally. UQU’s Student Rights VP Isabella Scattini spoke to the rally about the attempted silencing of the protest; “The University has informed us that our protest gets in the way of their ‘campus activation’. The funny thing is, I don’t think they want this campus activated… They don’t want us to think about the students that are forced to attend tutorials with their rapists. They don’t want us to think about the fact that they refuse to accept any responsibility for what happens in the university colleges! And if they don’t want us to think about it, they certainly don’t want us to stand up and talk about it! It is up to us to activate this
campus and stand up for the rights of students.” Shortly after this speech, our speaker was mysteriously unplugged. On a phone call with UQU Gender and Sexuality VP, Amy Sienkiewicz-Grob, a senior staff member of Student Services expressed her concern that the UQ Union was trying to create the impression that the University was trying to silence free speech on campus. In our opinion, if they want to avoid creating that impression, they should stop trying to silence free speech on campus. The thing is, sustainability is important, and (done properly) it has an important message to promote. However, we believe that the right of students to feel safe on campus is more important than the corporate, PR-centric brand of “sustainability” that the University was pushing during sustainability week. Is it sustainable that since the Human Rights Commission Report highlighted massive failings in university responses to sexual violence, UQ has refused to acknowledge it’s responsibility for what happens to college students while they are living on campus? Is it sustainable that students who are assaulted off campus have no grounds to request action by the university, under their current policies and practices? Is it sustainable that due to UQ’s refusal to take action, survivors drop out or fail their classes because they do not feel safe coming to campus? The UQ Union has received numerous reports from students claiming that their request to change tutorials to avoid their attackers were denied. Students have been told to make a police complaint before the university would take their allegations seriously, and have been informed that the fact that they were assaulted ‘off-campus’ means that the university will not be able to take action against the attacker (even if they are also a UQ student). We have even become aware that a student who is credibly accused of multiple serious acts of sexual violence has been hired as a tutor by the University. UQ Union, and the Women’s Collective commends the efforts of UQ staff who have passionately fought for student’s safety on campus. However, without an organisation-wide attitude for change, their work will always be lost in the noise of denial and ignorance. Editor’s note: We understand that Opposition Leader Tori Holliday was also present at the event, and though she enthusiastically supported this article, was unavailable for comment before deadline.
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Cryptic Crossword Authored by White Bishop
with loud milk-trucks. (8) 25. The part of a weapon, like ‘ole in mine hole. (4) 26. The sublime emotion of a former lover unwell before a quantum over time. (10) 27. One of 23 that sounds like a weather forecast for a partner. (8) 28. Unknown lesson sounds of intimidation (6) DOWN 2. Do 1a without the slip or less false. (5) 3. First grade deduction made for what’s on. (9) 4. Andhra Pradesh drives a ute with lug tyre. (6) 5. Prophet grog yeah! One who studies pl earth ants. (15) 6. Z N Z N n u n u down a hill or on a list. (8) 7. Not now like 13 or 8. but now. (5) 8. Part of a cell made by listening to lead musical instrument for Macpherson. (9) 14. Count out items on a menu fit for a queen to have eaten. (9) 16. XXXXXXXX Clue Redacted (3-6) 17. * See nose. (5-3) 20. 15 15 15 especially for graves (6) 22. x should be b + y, then h + y – n + d, then y. Find y (5) 24. Season without a reaction that eliminates water. (5)
ACROSS 1. Affirm in the slips perhaps. (6) 5. Game that is a quiet scream and a startle (8) 9. L.R. Peel. (5,5) 10. Caprine stew attire. (4) 11. Played quickly and heard on a Londoner’s instrument and young bird, with me in debt. (8) 12. Take a left and a right and up and across. Be vocal about it. (6) 13. 14 or 15 (4) 15. Build a bathroom wall straight up. (8) 18. Prince in the making of a full orb gone first. (8) 19. Request circus performer to start quietly. (4) 21. Edi’s lapel. (6) 23. Relent in promotion for something that has a lot in common
Easier Clues ACROSS 1. Affirm. (6) 5. Baby’s Game (8) 9. Peel. (5,5) 10. Roman attire. (4) 11. Played quickly (music). (8) 12. Contains vocal cords. (6) 13. Immediately following (4) 15. Capable of being raised to an upright position. (8) 18. Amphibian. (8) 19. Request. (4) 21. Inside of lapel. (6) 23. Be-horned. (8) 25. The part of a weapon. (4) 26. Sublime emotion. (10) 27. One of 23a (8) 28. Intimidation (6)
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Bring a completed copy of this crossword to the UQU Reception, and enter the draw to win a $5 UQU voucher!
The same crossword made simpler.
DOWN 2. Less false. (5) 3. Relating to severe atmospheric conditions. (9) 4. Member of the people in south-eastern India (Andhra Pradesh) (6) 5. Studier of plants around the world (15) 6. Registered formally as a participant or member (8) 7. Subsequent. (5) 8. Part of a cell. (9) 14. Count out. (9) 16. The highest official level of classification (3-6) 17. Convergent strabismus. (5-3) 20. Gravestones (6) 22. Consumed (5) 24. A reaction that eliminates water. (5)
Previous Solution: ACROSS 1 backpack. 5 immure. 8 nincompoop. 9 rich. 10 epidemiologist. 11 sheathe. 13 optimal. 15 freeman. 18 surplus. 21 monopolization. 22 iamb. 23 everywhere. 24 recede. 25 grayness. DOWN 1 bonkers. 2 centipede. 3 project. 4 capsize. 5 impromptu. 6 martini. 7 ricotta. 12 headpiece. 14 millipede. 16 rummage. 17 ennoble. 18 stirrer. 19 roadway. 20 sinless.
Sudoku Easy
SEMPER
Hard
In case you missed it the first time. R64.3 of the UQ Union Regulations requires that Semper advise you of election dates at least five days before the opening of nominations. This notice is intended to comply with that regulation. Nominations are open 16-20 September Campaigning begins 8 October Elections take place 14-18 October See the Union Website for more details 11
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President’s Report GEORGIA MILLROY - FOCUS UQ is a strange beast. For those of you who somehow missed the University’s latest Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat offering, allow me to describe the six-second video that left me rather confused. UQ’s latest ad campaign opens to the Forgan Smith Lawns, lit up in purple lights (because, of course, if it’s not purple-tinged it couldn’t be UQ). Fireworks go off in the background, and a group of what appears to be students are dancing in front of the building with glowing orbs. The caption for the video read ‘with over 200 social clubs on offer, UQ has something for everyone.’ As your Union President, this video troubled me for a few reasons. First, because this was the first I’d heard of UQ Union’s clubs and societies being used in a UQ recruitment campaign, and it would have been cool for UQ’s Marketing Team to utilise the Union’s open-door policy to chat about the idea. Second, because the ad depicted a fictional event that bears no resemblance to an event that a club or society has hosted in the 100 years they’ve existed. There are over 220 student-run organisations affiliated to our student union. Our clubs range from the Beer and Rum Society to the Refugee Tutoring Club to the UQ Business Association to the Harry Potter Alliance. Each of them serve a unique interest and builds a sense of belonging within different sectors of our wonderful student body. Every year, the organisations host over 1000 events across St Lucia, Gatton, Herston and wider Brisbane. We have everything from glamorous balls attended by anywhere between 250 to 1200 beautifully dressed UQ students, professional networking nights with huge industry sponsors, lovely cultural events, yoga classes, games nights and so much more. Our clubs are full of passionate, engaged and hard working students who voluntarily donate hundreds of hours of their lives to build the UQ community. Why didn’t UQ just speak to a student who created the culture you are capitalising on? Any person involved with a club could you why UQ’s thriving clubs and societies network makes UQ a lucrative first preference for any school leaver. Maybe it was easier to just pay QUT Acting graduates to star in the recruitment campaign. The caption for one image from the campaign says, ‘Life at UQ is more than just study. Join a university with over 200 clubs and societies. Discover a club for you.’ There is then a link to a future students website
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about the degrees UQ offers! Would it absolutely kill the marketing team to link to the UQ Union website? There is an entire page devoted to our clubs and societies, with biographies, FAQs, links to their Facebooks, Instagrams, sign up forms and more. To UQ’s Office of Marketing and Communication - if you’re reading this - I’d love to talk. I want to tell you more about how clubs and societies are a highly successful program which empower and support thousands of students at UQ, create friendship groups and professional networks that last for years, generate millions of dollars of revenue, enable students to learn unparalleled extra and co-curricular skills, and more. I’d be delighted to show you our vibrant clubs and societies room, which is full of students planning fantastic events and building crucial teamwork skills. I’d love to invite you to our end of year Clubs and Societies Gala, which recognises charitable endeavours, showcases incredible performances and celebrates some of UQ’s best and brightest students. Most of all, I’d like you to know that students involved in clubs and societies are capable of so much more than dancing with glowing orbs on the Great Court. N.B.: At the time of publication, UQ’s Director of Marketing and Communications had responded to Georgia’s friendly email regarding this issue, and discussions around UQ Union’s involvement in marketing campaigns are ongoing.
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Opposition Leader’s Report TORI HOLLIDAY - MOMENTUM The Union council met last Wednesday. It has become glaringly obvious to members of Momentum and other independents, that there is a lack of accountability for our current serving union executive. Of the union executive, 7 portfolios are paid positions, either full or part-time. There are no accountability mechanisms in place to ensure that these students, who are paid for through your SSAF fees, are held to account. And frankly, considering the dismal state of culture on campus, we call on the UQU executive to do better. This is why Momentum will be calling on the UQU to provide their time records at each council meeting. In addition to this, we will be calling on the executive to provide business plans for their proposed events at council. The only time we become aware of the Union running events at a financial loss, is at Union Council. This is far too late. By requiring mandatory business reports, the executive will not only be fulfilling their responsibilities, but students will be able to pinpoint where the financial cost of certain events could have been reduced, or more of the budget could have been allocated to ensuring that students get the most out of their time at UQ. On a more pressing note, Queensland’s production of waste outstrips its current population growth.
During this climate emergency, we will also be requesting that the Union include an Environmental Impact Statement for each event it hosts to highlight what measures they are taking to reduce waste production on campus. As far as I am aware, we will be the first student union in the Southern Hemisphere to do this. And I believe that as one of the largest Student Unions in Australia, we need to lead from the front when it comes to the environment on campus. Momentum believe in fairness for all. But most importantly, we believe in paving the way for Student Unionism on campus; not sitting back on our laurels and enjoying the student dollars that sustain the incomes. To be elected to the UQU executive is a privilege - one that ought not to be taken for granted.
Crossbencher Report PRIYA DE - STUDENT ACTION Extinction Rebellion have arrived at UQ. The first week of September has seen fires in the Arctic and Amazon, a hurricane that has killed at least 43 people in the Bahamas and 35 degree heatwaves in Brisbane. The climate crisis isn’t pending: it has arrived. It’s too late for placing hopes in coal loving politicians. We need mass civil disobedience to fight the climate emergency. Business as usual is killing the planet. I was proud to have been arrested on August 6 alongside 72 other Extinction Rebellion activists. We put our bodies on the line to fight for the environment - which means fighting for Aboriginal land rights, fighting inequality, and really taking on the whole system of profit and greed. Subsequently, the Palaszczuk government has tried
to criminalize civil disobedience and environmental activism. Using parliamentary privilege - where politicians can say unsubstantiated lies without penalty - the Premier invented fantasies of Extinction Rebellion tying themselves to explosive cylinders to endanger the police. She accused us of being extremist terrorists, to justify increased jail time for blocking roads. These are the words of someone in bed with the mining giants who wants to smash up opposition by taking us back to the anti protest Joh days. To fight this shameless repression, we need a bigger and louder response. Student Action calls for all students to save time to participate in the Spring Rebellion, starting October 7. How would you act if the truth was real?
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Speculator
St Lucia
UQ’s other news source since 1933
Peter Høj on who really controls the University PETER HØJ, AC - Vice-Chancellor and President of UQ Dozens of students have asked me recently whether the University of Queensland is fully compliant with the Foreign Influence Transparency Scheme, and while I have maintained that we are compliant, these loud calls for transparency have not gone unheard. Even if you knew the truth about who really runs this University, however, I’m not entirely sure that you would believe me. Now, I’d like to believe that the pages of this magazine are widely read, but it is only because I know that my superiors are unlikely to read it that I will confide this in you. Make sure, though, that you do not tell anyone about the coded message that I am about to give you. Accept these terms, and we can all go about our merry day pretending that there is no code, and you have no idea about foreign influence at this University. Rankings of this University depend on you keeping this a secret, okay? Keep even the existence of this code a secret, or you will jeopardise yourself, and everyone else who has read the first letter of every paragraph.
Computing Society to become Pizza Society
“Now our events will be 100% eating of pizza, instead of 50% listening to a presentation on blockchain and pretending it is relevant to the technology industry.”
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Having ordered over 1024 pizzas from the St. Lucia Dominoes in the past 12 months, the University of Queensland Computing Society is planning on renaming itself to the University of Queensland Pizza Society. “It’s time to drop the pretence that we’re focused on computing, when we’re so clearly focused on pizza”, says club spokesperson James Cornicione. “Pretending blockchain is relevant to the technology industry will be a thing of the past.” “Besides, we wanted to differentiate ourselves from the UQ Cheer Squad, the UQ Chinese Scholars, the UQ Cocaine Syndicate and the UQ Christian Students with a unique acronym.” This change needs to be passed by special resolution at the society’s Annual General Meeting in October. James predicts that the motion will pass unanimously, though UQ Security will be in attendance to ensure the following Hawaiian pizza plebiscite doesn’t come to blows. For more information, please visit uqcs.org.au
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Reminder: Accepting Chill Campus Vibes Is A Condition of Your Enrolment JOANNE WRIGHT - Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Academic) of UQ Dear students, It has come to my attention that many of you have been shirking your duties in paying homage to the chill vibes that have been emanating from campus hotspots for the past week. We work very hard to bring white men with guitars on to campus. For you to simply go about your daily business without prostrating yourself in veneration of these men is nothing short of insulting. What’s worse is that, in behaviour that is unbecoming of University of Queensland students, I have heard troubling reports of students openly and shamelessly wearing noise-cancelling headphones while walking past some of these campus hotspots. I should not need to remind you students that accepting these chill campus vibes is a condition of your enrollment. I have advised Campus Security to bring me the name of anyone caught playing on their phone, talking, or being otherwise distracted in the presence of a John Mayer impersonator. You can expect to be brought before the Disciplinary Board, where I will not only be advocating for your expulsion, but for the resumption of capital punishment in this country. If any of the troubling behaviours I have described above sound like you or someone you know, I would strongly urge you to meet with someone at the Multi-Faith Chaplaincy Centre, because the mark of the devil is upon ye, and ye shall perish unless ye repent of thy wicked ways. To the vast majority of you who are accepting these vibes, I must say thank you. You have shown yourselves to be upstanding UQ students, and I will personally sign a recommendation letter for any unpaid internship you wish to apply for. I will also recommend you to the landlord of any Dow Chemical HomeCube™, of the <10sqm variety, like the kind we had on display at Sustainability Week. I make these offers because I want to give back to all students who are supporting our mental health initiative, Project Bandaid Fix. I want you all to remember that the longer you take your eyes off the systemic issues behind mental health problems among youths, the longer we can keep pumping money into turning superficial aspects of the University into something resembling an island resort. I must also take this opportunity to congratulate the University of Queensland Synchronised Orbing team who have recently qualified for the Olympics.
Orbing, as you all know, is a real dance technique that people are definitely dancing with not only here, but at other universities, and in other countries. Sychronised Orbing is much like the dancing that you young people will all remember having done at a youth gathering recently, except there are two or more people doing the Orbing at one time. Unfortunately, we do not have any photos of our Sychronised Orbing team to print in this magazine, because our photos are all still getting developed at the photo shop. And we couldn’t prepare any interviews with the team either, because they were all busy in class or something. And all their girlfriends go to universities on the Gold Coast, so you wouldn’t know them either. As you are no doubt aware, questioning the existence of Synchronised Orbing or the popularity of Orbing generally are both against the University Code of Conduct. In other news, we currently need a few more volunteers to assist in our program to paint the Forgan Smith buildilng purple. The current sandstone architecture is significantly outdated, and needs to be brought in line with our current branding. If you or anyone you know is skilled with a paint brush, please do not hesitate to contact my office. Stay groovy and keep orbing, my fellow youths! - Joanne “J.W.” Wright
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