Issuu

Does Gatton actually exist? / p. 14

Will the Schonell stay in student hands? / p. 5

Indian Feast Underpays Staff / p. 4

SEMPER

Edition 2, 2019. Since 1932. Free.

NEWS

Acknowledgement of Country Semper acknowledges the Turrbal and Jagera peoples as the traditional owners of the land on which this newspaper is created. We pay our respects to elders past and present.

Editor’s Note Contents

Our Team

Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you about what to expect from this edition. This week, we broke the news online, and also on 4ZZZ FM that Indian Feast has been underpaying their workers. The story is on page 4. You should read it, because it’s a pretty serious indictment on our university. We would have liked to break this in print, but once we had the story, we figured it would be better to release it sooner rather than later. It turns out, printing just takes time! And although our print editions are made all the better for the amazing artwork, sometimes we have to pull the trigger as soon as possible. But let me just say that The Speculator had definitely written the article at the bottom of page 14 before those bastards at The Obiter ran a similar joke! So, please enjoy our belated Week 2 edition, now fit for your consumption as we enter week four :) - Rowan

Editor in Chief Rowan Evans

News 3 Respect 6 Women’s 7 Tear-out Poster 8 Puzzles 10 Regulars 11 Union Pages 12 Comedy 14

I am the UQ Poet In my books you can trust If you love indigenous culture This book is a must Title: Indigenous Australia Author: Mark Riordan Available: amazon.com.au Please search title and author

Editors Raphael Wixted, Ruby Green, Rebecca Kilpatrick, Tim Gardner, Nilsson Jones, Thomas Wiltshire, Isabella Scattini, Tiarni Miller Art Ruby Green (cover), Rebecca Kilpatrick, Google Images -> Tools -> Usage rights -> Labeled for reuse Printer Print on Demand, UQ St Lucia Publisher Semper is published by the UQ Union President, Georgia Millroy, but she respects our editorial independence. With Thanks Amy Sienkiewicz-Grob, Josh Knights, Drew Pavlou and all the boys down at Runcorn 4113 Disclaimer The views expressed in this publication are the personal opinions of the authors. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the editor or the views of UQU. All articles are to be considered opinionative in nature. All articles remain the intellectual property of the authors.

Write for us!

Message the Semper Floreat facebook page, or drop into our offices near the Red Room

SEMPER

Letters to the Editor On Censorship RAPHAEL WIXTED - Semper Editor

On Western Civilisation

For all of Peter Høj’s recent talk about not wanting to censor student works in the new Schonell Theatre, it seems strange to me that I wasn’t able to register ‘Peter Døj and the Vice-Chancellors’ as my social sport team name for dodgeball with UQ Sport. Why is UQ Sport suppressing my free speech, and why hasn’t the Vice-Chancellor interceded after I emailed his office with a request to do so?

On the Benches PIERCE KNOBLANCHE - Contributor With the recent return of park benches to the perimeter of the Great Court, I would like to thank Semper for the opportunity to contribute an opinion piece on the matter last year. While I can’t say with confidence that my article opining that the benches needed to return was the catalyst for the decision, I have decided it is only fair for me to take full credit. I would like thank Property and Facilities from the bottom of my heart for taking the time out of their day to read Edition 10 of Semper, 2018. I hope they equally enjoy this edition, and that my upcoming plea to open the Great Court tunnels for general admission will not fall on deaf ears.

We asked Professor Jim Allan for his availability to appear in our upcoming debate about UQ entering into negotiations with the Ramsay Centre to provide a Bachelors of Western Civilisation. This was his response: Dear Editors, I am in London for half a year, and then in the US for the other half. So alas I will have to decline. Otherwise I’d be in, as to my mind there is little doubt that Western civilisation has delivered more than any other (in terms of the most scope of freedom and choice for women, in terms of technology and science, in terms of individual freedoms, in terms of medicine, in terms of democracy, the list goes on and on). Of course there’ve been lots of evils with the goods. But the young these days don’t seem to get much of the wonderful side. And if the West goes down, you can bet your mortgage that it won’t be middle-aged men like me that get hit the worst. All that said, I am of the view that were I the Ramsay Centre I wouldn’t go near an Aussie uni. I wouldn’t trust it to teach Western civilisation in a remotely positive way, which I think on balance is warranted and which was clearly the donor’s intent. So in a weird way I’m against having it come to an established Aussie uni because I think the uni would be awful. That would leave the gist of the debate in play. But I’ll be in London (one of those cities tied very closely to Western civilisation). Thanks for asking, Jim

Upcoming Events Tim Costello Talk

Ramsay Debate

Dear Editors, I work at the Multi-Faith Chaplaincy Centre and I am organising an event that may be of interest to your readers. Rev Tim Costello is giving a talk at a residential college in April. If you think it is newsworthy, any mention you can give it would be greatly appreciated, especially if you could ask students to send in questions. Thank you and a happy new year, David

On Wednesday the 27th, Semper is running a debate with the UQ Debating Society about UQ’s negotiations with the Ramsay Centre to provide a Bachelors of Western Civilisation! Come along, and partake in the discussion. You might find yourself persuaded by one side or another, or maybe you’ll get the chance to deliver an amazing takedown in our after-show Q&A? Either way, come along and enjoy a night of debate, and perhaps a drink at the Red Room afterwards to celebrate public discourse.

Response: Thanks, David, that’ll be $50. The event will be at Duchesne College on the 5th of April, at 11:30am Tickets available on eventbrite through the link below.

NEWS

Indian Feast Underpaid Workers NILSSON JONES Industrial Relations Editor

ROWAN EVANS Editor-in-Chief

Semper has obtained documents that suggest Indian Feast at UQ’s St Lucia campus has been underpaying their employees, and that UQ knew about this. One previous employee, Prijwal*, showed Semper an envelope, ostensibly intended to be a payslip, with ‘12 x 10 = 120’ written on the front. This suggests employees who work at the UQ and Helensvale stores receive their weekly wage at least partially via cash payments, and that hourly rates could be as low as $10/hr (or $12/hr if we’re optimistic). Queensland Council of Unions (QCU) Research and Policy Officer Dr John Martin told Semper that the payslip “does not resemble such a payslip in the normal sense of the word”. The ‘payslip’ makes no mention of superannuation deposits or penalty rates. We now know that Prijwal made a formal complaint to Student Services last year regarding his low wage at Indian Feast. Prijwal was then put in contact with UQ’s Property and Facilities Division as well as ‘welcomed’ to contact SHOC if he wished to proceed with a formal investigation through Fair Work Australia. More documents obtained by Semper show a discussion between the employer at Indian Feast and UQ’s Property and Facilities Division. The employer assured UQ that Prijwal was receiving an income at the proper award rate less 50% owing to Prijwal’s failure to provide a Tax File Number (TFN). In Australia, an employee who fails to provide a TFN has 50% of their income withheld, which is intended to be a tax rate above the country’s highest tax bracket, to incentivise proper reporting. Indian Feast claims Prijwal had failed to provide his TFN after beginning work and was reminded of this after a month. Importantly, however, Prijwal’s payslips contain no mention of the 50% tax withheld, only the hourly rate between $10 and $12 per hour. Prijwal told us he was unaware of what a TFN was and how it would affect his wage. The Director of Indian Feast told Semper that he has asked for TFNs from all of his employees. Semper reached out to a current employee working at Indian Feast’s UQ outlet to discuss the nature of their employment and weekly wages. Although they wished not to be identified, the employee said “I’m not surprised by that [the suggestion a previous employee was being underpaid], the conditions here are not great”. When we asked the employee about their TFN, and whether or not they had received payments with tax withheld, they replied “I’m not sure what a TFN is”. Semper contacted the Director of Property and Facilities, Steve Dickson regarding the formal complaint made by Prijwal. Mr Dickson said “the University sought and obtained assurances from the proprietor/licensee that staff employed at the food outlet were being paid in accordance with relevant award rates and conditions prescribed under state and federal legislation. “Based on the information provided, the University is sat-

isfied that the licensee’s obligations under the terms of the Licence to Occupy have been met,” Mr Dickson said. Importantly, the same documents that ‘satisfied’ UQ that Indian Feast were upholding their License to Occupy did not satisfy QCU Research and Policy Officer Dr John Martin. One document provided by Indian Feast details the hourly rates paid to Prijwal as being $19.50 and $22.00, and despite these being almost double the rate on Prijwal’s payslip, they were still below the rate in the Fast Food Industry Award for casual workers. Dr Martin said “neither of these rates bear any resemblance to the [award rate] for the relevant period of time,” Dr Martin said. “The rate of pay for a casual adult Level 1 employee was $25.10 at the relevant time. “We are not aware of which hours were worked so we don’t know whether penalty rates or overtime would have been payable. In addition, there does not seem to be any provision for superannuation contributions,” he said. Semper asked Mr Dickson if he was aware that the assurances were lower than the award rate, to which we did not receive a response. When we asked Mr Dickson what the University’s response would look like if the licensee had not provided such assurances, he replied that “The University is unable to speculate on hypothetical scenarios.” We also asked why he had relied on Indian Feast’s assurances when they contradicted the employee’s records, but Mr Dickson said “the University has no legal authority to formally investigate… this matter”. Despite this, the owner of Indian Feast urged Semper to consider UQ’s investigation as final. Besides, even if Semper agreed that UQ would have no reason to investigate wage theft occurring on their campus, the actual pay schedule that Indian Feast used to assure UQ of their compliance actually contained hourly rates below award rate. In other words, UQ wouldn’t have had to investigate, because Indian Feast volunteered documents to UQ administration that indicated they were paying below award rate. A spokesperson for the Fair Work Ombudsman told Semper in relation to this case that “Fair Work only provides detailed information for matters that have been subject to formal enforcement action, such as litigation or an Enforceable Undertaking”. “Visa holders should be aware that, in line with an agreement with the Department of Home Affairs, they can seek assistance from the Fair Work Ombudsman without fear of their visa being cancelled,” they said. Students should also contact SHOC for advice on any employment matter. *not his real name. If you’ve experienced wage theft on campus, you can email Semper at semper@uqu.com.au. We will investigate all emails, even if you choose to remain anonymous.

Important Details Fair Work Ombudsman: 13 13 94 fairwork.gov.au Student Help on Campus (SHOC): 3377 2200 www.uqu.com.au/student-support

SEMPER

Much Ado About Schonell ROWAN EVANS Editor-in-Chief The recent reappearance of the Schonell Theatre in news headlines seemed to present an unmissable opportunity for us to wax lyrical about the building, and to remind readers why it’s important that performing arts stays in student hands. When UQ students built the Schonell Theatre in 1970, Queensland was two years into what would become the brutal nineteen-year reign of Premier Joh Bjelke-Peterson. Brisbane at the time was thick with corruption, police brutality, and midnight demolitions of National Trust listed buildings (like the original Cloudland, may it rest in peace). But Schonell’s independence, and its situation on a university campus, made it a safe haven for political discussion and the kind of creative works that could never have been expressed on the street or in the open. This radically independent attitude found the theatre strong allies in 4ZZZ, the community radio station which formed five years later, and a long-running student newspaper called Semper Floreat (maybe you’ve heard of it). We lost 4ZZZ in 1990, meaning that Schonell and Semper have served for the past 29 years as the last two venues on this campus that bolster student creativity (and I won’t qualify that statement until the Art Museum starts showcasing real student work for a change). It is against this backdrop of historic resistance that, in the past few years, UQ has blundered into a plan to demolish the UQ Union Complex, which houses the Schonell. UQ’s 2018 Site Development Plan detailed that the Complex was to be replaced with a new $250 million building, but it was silent as to what might happen to theatre on campus. It seemed as if the Schonell would simply be bulldozed and forgotten. And really, when they announced they were going to knock down the spiritual home of radical protests in Brisbane, what did they think would happen? What ended up happening was that students fought back. At the end of last year, the UQ Union presented the Vice-Chancellor with a petition of 8,000 signatures calling on him to ‘Save Schonell’. To commence this year, Vice-Chancellor Peter Høj emailed all students regarding the demolition of the Union Complex. In that email, he conceded that “the new student complex would need to replace the existing student complex and Schonell Theatre”. This email was sent as dozens of past and current students gathered

outside the Union Complex to protest its demolition. Within two hours, UQU President Georgia Millroy hit back at the Vice-Chancellor with a statement of her own. “The University of Queensland Union can only support the replacement of the Schonell Theatre on the condition that the new performing arts space is operated by UQ Union,” Ms Millroy said. “The Union fears that UQ does not share our willingness to engage the student body in discussions around controversial topics, like the Taiwanese Film Festival that we facilitate. “Even if UQ were willing to showcase critical and independent material, we fear that a donor or external interest who disagrees with a production could pressure UQ to shut it down,” she said. Hours later, the Vice-Chancellor appeared on drive time radio, explaining the University’s revised position on Schonell. There he insisted that detractors of the demolition were mostly nostalgic, and that his vision was the one that would be right for students in fifty years’ time. He also rejected the claim that he had any reason to censor the student body (and to his credit, he hasn’t come after this publication yet). But Professor Høj, though he may wield some mystical powers, can’t predict what the University will look like in fifty years’ time — after all, it seems reasonable to predict that he would retire from the position of Vice-Chancellor before his 112th birthday in 2069. So how can students rely on his promise? We think that building a new theatre in the University’s control strengthens the position of future Vice-Chancellors, not future students. And by the way, censorship doesn’t necessarily come in the form of a notice not to perform something. Anyone who has had to deal with UQ Sport or central room bookings knows how migraine-inducing it is to book spaces at UQ. Students may just find one day that the theatre is booked for the entire year. In fact, that’s exactly what happened to the ‘Cement Box’ theatre under Schonell, which was renamed for a distinguished alumni (whose name we have no disagreement with being stricken from campus). That theatre, which was once controlled by UQU, was ceded to the University when the Union was in financial trouble, and is now constantly booked out by the Drama school. For now, discussions will continue around who operates the future Schonell - if the original gets demolished at all. To their credit, both Høj and Millroy gave lip service to working together on this issue when they appeared on the radio. And the University may have to give more than they get on this one: the omnipresent threat of Schonell becoming heritage listed lurks in the background of any discussion about the $250 million redevelopment of the UQ Union complex. For now, UQ students would do well to pause a while within Schonell Theatre, listening for the quiet pulse of history that permeates its walls.

Art by Ruby Green

NEWS

Random Acts of Respect As told to AK Bradley So much of the conversation around sexual assault and harassment is about self-control or the victim-blamey advice on defending yourself. But it seems to us here at Semper that what’s so often misisng is the advice on how to intervene when you see it happening before your very eyes. So that’s what this column is for. We want to ask regular people how they’ve stepped in when they see something going on. We hope that these accounts of everyday heroes will embolden readers when a critical moment arises.

SELINA So my story was that I was on a bus, and there was someone sitting across the aisle from me who was on the bus and was just sort of yelling and me and making gross comments, trying to get my attention, just bothering me the entire bus trip. And then a maybe 50 year old man who was sitting at the back of the bus came up and sat next to me, and was like “Hey, I know you’re feeling uncomfortable, I’m just going to sit in between you and this guy.” And then just glared at him the entire time so that he backed off and stopped bothering me. It’s quite easy to just not do anything and be a bit awkward and say “oh it’s not really my place to step in.” But it’s not really anyone’s place, it’s an easy thing that you can do, and it really does like make someone’s day a lot better. Firstly like even if it does stop the harassment, that’s great. But even if it doesn’t, just knowing that someone else knows that it’s not ok and it there to support you.

MYSTERY MAN IN THE RED ROOM Alright so I was at the stock exchange, on a Sunday (only time it goes off), and I was chilling at this table, by myself, was there by myself. Chick in from of me at the end of the table to me left, this bloke walks up just like grabs her by the throat, like proper solid, I thought he was going to kill her so I fucking smacked him in the face cause I was blind so I was like “fuck it, Ima a get in the cunt’s face before he does anything worse.” Anyways, yeah so, he fuckin backed off real quick and I said “If you don’t fuck off right- if you don’t fuck off right now,” and I threatened him, right, cause I don’t like that shit. And he was like “fuck you man,” so I was like “fucking come on then,” and he was like “alright,” and then he fucked off. And then his Sheila was like “you didn’t have to do that, it’s just something he does.” And I was like “no I don’t fucking stand for that shit.” And she’s like “it’s just something he does.” And I’m like “It’s not fucking funny, it’s not fun and games that shit, it could escalate.” And that was pretty much the end of it. I didn’t speak to her after that, I just fucked off because I was really mad so I went home. Stand up for what you think is right. You’re just enabling the abuse really if you don’t do anything. Even if going and telling someone else what’s going on. Don’t just be like “oh it’s probably normal” and shit like that. For all I know, that was probably a normal thing, like that was kinky for them. But like I’m not going to stand by and let someone grab someone like that. Especially not in public. So yeah, if you see something speak up. Because yeah, you never know what’s going on.

NIAZ NABAVI Once, I was at an airport with my family. We were in- I think we were in Dubai, and we were catching the plane to Australia, and there was this girl, like this woman, who came from the same country we were in, so we were transferring flights. And there were these guys, she was alone, and there were these guys from our flight that kept, like, following her and like harassing her. Like they kept saying “Ohh, like where do we go?” Like you know what I mean. They just kept like trying to talk to her but she was just ignoring them. And, they kept like harassing her, and there was no one really that was doing anything. Everyone was just looking on. And so, I turned to the guy and I was like “Just leave her alone, like she doesn’t want to talk to you guys.” And they turned back to me, and they didn’t see my dad, but they were like “Oh, so we’re going to follow you now too, right?” And then they saw my dad behind us, and they were like “Oh um, sorry sir, like whatever,” as soon as they saw him, which was sorta weird to me. They didn’t listen though. The girl was like further in front of us, and they went after her again, and I went up to her, and I was like “Oh don’t worry, just ignore them. Don’t listen to them.” And then I turned back to them again, and I was like “Come on, you’re going to have to like just leave her alone or I’m going to have to tell my dad to like confront you or whatever.” And then I was like “Oh just leave her alone.” And then they were like “Fine.” They didn’t really say much but they just left, so I guess I sorta helped her. I think that everyone should step in and help that person out because they obviously want help if they’re alone, and they’re probably scared. So whenever you see another woman, because it could be you in that situation you know, and you want someone to help you. So my advice is if you ever see anything happening, definitely step in, and let the person know that you’re with them.

You can help create a positive culture of sexual conduct. Research shows that students are more likely to tell other students rather than uni administration about an incident of sexual violence, and that the attitudes they experience on first disclosure have a huge impact on how well they recover. If anyone ever discloses to you. Try to remember the following phrases: 1. “I’m sorry this happened to you” because what they hear is “I believe you” 2. “What happened is not your fault” because what they hear is “you are not to blame” 3. “I’m going to do what I can to help you with this” because what they hear is “you are no longer alone in this”

SEMPER

Holding the Man - A Review of Schonell’s Latest Show Keen readers of our back page ads will recall that last edition, we promoted Underground Productions’ first show for the year, Holding the Man. This edition, we are including a review of that production. Since the play is about the experience of a gay man, we asked a queer reviewer to attend and give us their thoughts. We’re proud to present this honest review, but we think it’s important to note that we did receive money from Underground to run the ad, and that the reviewer attended the show for free.

WOLFRAM-JAYMES VON KEESING Holding the Man is the story of Tim and John: two rough schoolboys of 1970s Melbourne who fall in love. Together they navigate the trials of adolescence and family disapproval, landing firmly in a new world rocked by gay liberation, poverty, and pre-AIDS free love. Yet the two men eventually meet tragedy as the virus takes root here in Australia, and it’s Tim who has to watch his lover die knowing it was his own selfishness that infected them. Underground Productions did an excellent job of lightening this otherwise dark tragedy - an autobiography written in the last days of Tim Connigrave’s life. They added their own little humours and produces a fresh set that was easily moulded into different scenes. Nobody can hate a disco ball, right? Yet ultimately this focus on comedy left me feeling a little... angry? There were aspects I couldn’t help but laugh over, like the circle jerk or the gay nightclub lingo. But then there were moments I felt shouldn’t be laughed at - like the part where John’s body is failing because he’s dying of AIDS. To be frank, I felt it was exactly the kind of production I should have expected from a group of twenty-year-old students: insensitive, unresearched, and unengaged. But that’s another reason to save the Schonnel: teaching sensitivity of subject. We can put this down to the fact that their supervisor is too busy trying to save the theatre to direct their research into the AIDS crisis. Had they more time and more direction, I feel this play could have been amazing. For now, however, I think they’ve a lot of work to do.

Photos by Amy Holley

We’ll give the best entry a $5 UQ Union voucher. Submit your entries to UQ Union Reception. We’ll announce the winner and feature their entry in our next edition.

Peter Høj Colouring-In Competition

NEWS

Cryptic Crossword Authored by White Bishop

ACROSS 1. Handful of sound set of books (4-6) 6. Biggest fan of The Monkeys (initially a very entertaining troop) (1,3) 9. Like the confusion when the origin of Uranus is limited. (10) 10. Hopper that can flog the right way (4) 12. Aquarium seat built for not quite semi-professional (5,7) 15. The sound of new clear hole-less round body of protein. (9) 17. Irish gorse given when you are asleep between iron walls. (5) 18. The gene, man holds within, is a royal flush. (5) 19. Uphold stern endless leather work (9) 20. I heard his sister wrecked me to perform surgery on a woman. (12) 24. Big boy whose heart belongs to the people of Nigeria (4) 25. Turned over piece loved by early rider. (10) 26. Flowery turn on skis in a boat (4)

Easier Clues

ACROSS 1. Set of books (4-6) 6. Animal doctor (1,3) 9. Similarity in appearance between persons or things (10) 10. Amphibian (4) 12. Somewhat semi-professional (5,7) 15. A small round body of protein. (9) 17. Irish gorse. (5) 18. An injection of a liquid through the anus. (5) 19. Leather work (9) 20. Surgical removal of the uterus (12) 24. A member of the largest ethnic group in south-eastern Nigeria (4) 25. Any of several early bicycles with pedals on the front wheel. (10) 26. The form of a word after all affixes are removed (4)

27. Bring tamed characters of Harry Pot for example. (10) DOWN 1. Agitation of loud puss. (4) 2. Seduction of a short bloodsucker. (4) 3. Return value made by the first victorious fliers of eastern Africa (7,5) 4. Lefthanded hits into parts or segments. (5) 5. Harass mad confused type of college. (9) 7. The tails of beaver, coyote, cobra and malaute create a new type of animal (10) 8. G or medical condition where organ has striped colours. (5,5) 11. Clambering a 45-degree incline. (4-8) 13. Though it sounds like they are against the singers it is a place for them. (10) 14. The classic bee can be approachable. (10) 16. Contemptuous person by name forms an insect repellent. (5,4) 21. During the last holidays, there were some classical Greek buildings to visit. (5) 22. Very short dog though barks in the best condition. (4) 23. Packet lost power but held on. (4)

Bring a completed copy of this crossword to the UQ, and enter the draw to win a $5 UQU voucher!

The same crossword made simpler.

27. A shortened version of a written work. (10) DOWN 1. Agitation. (4) 2. Seduction or piece (something old) with a new part. (4) 3. Birds of eastern Africa (7,5) 4. Parts or segments. (5) 5. Arabic word for any type of educational institution. (9) 7. An animal having a bony or cartilaginous skeleton (10) 8. Medical condition where organ has yellow stripes. (5,5) 11. Clambering plant. (4-8) 13. A place set aside for the singer in a church. (10) 14. Approachable. (10)

16. Insect repellent for the hair. (5,4) 21. Classical Greek buildings. (5) 22. Shorted form of the name of a Chinese breed dogs (4) 23. Not violated or disregarded (4)

Previous Solution: ACROSS 1 retiree. 5 nine-pin. 9 quintuple. 10 vrouw. 11 eniac. 12 apprehend. 14 unintelligibly. 17 representation. 21 moth-eaten. 23 purge. 24 evade. 25 evidently. 26 elegant. 27 eastern. DOWN 1 Raquel. 2 tuition. 3 reticence. 4 emplacement. 5 nĂŠe. 6 novae. 7 proverb. 8 nowadays. 13 pilot engine. 15 go to press. 16 premiere. 18 pottage. 19 Ovrette. 20 Kenyan. 22 edema. 25 eft.

SEMPER

Sudoku Easy

Hard

QUGS Queensland University Games Society

♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠

Weekly Game Nights 5pm-9pm Mondays Games for all experience levels Collection of 50+ unique games QUGS Magic: The Gathering subgroup Discounts at local gaming retailers

Find us online ♠ qugs.org.au ♠ facebook.com/groups/QUBGS ♠ discord.gg/b6HndRm

NEWS

President’s Report Georgia Millroy - FOCUS February was an incredible month for the Union! One of the most visible achievements was our Toga Party in the Great Court UQ’s biggest O-week party in recent memory! We sold over 5100 tickets and the event went off without any problems. Our marketing team and Campus Culture VP did a phenomenal job at managing the largest event UQU has ever hosted - I can’t wait to see Toga become bigger and better in 2020. During O-week, we also launched our Volunteer Action Network, and 220 students have already signed up to be volunteers with UQU. It was lovely to see so many students getting out and volunteering to help UQU during O-week. Most of UQU’s volunteers are international students who want to make friends while building up some soft work skills for their resume, and we’re glad to be providing them with this opportunity. The network has been off to an excellent start - our Student Rights VP Bella and Volunteer Co-ordinator Sarah should be very proud. In amongst O-week, I have been dealing with UQ in regards to the Schonell Theatre and the Ramsay Centre - two very controversial topics. In regards to Schonell, the Union welcomed the Vice-Chancellor’s statement that he would be building a replacement performing arts space on campus as part of the $300 million Union Complex redevelopment. However, I have made it clear that in order to ensure that any new theatre is independent and student-focused, the student union must run it, as we have done so with Schonell for the last 50 years. Regarding Ramsay, I have been in continuous discussion with the Pro Vice-Chancellor and Dean of the HASS Faculty about the potential introduction of a major in Western Civilisation to the Advanced Humanities degree. My key concerns within these meetings were, first, the mes-

sage it sends about university funding if private institutions can ‘buy’ their way into UQ’s teaching space with courses that present a very specific and problematic worldview. Second, I flagged my concern that should the major be implemented, the scholarships on offer by the Ramsay Centre may only go to students who achieved high scores in inner-city Brisbane private schools. Last Wednesday, the Union Council resolved to condemn the Ramsay Centre at UQ and to protest its implementation on campus. If UQ does agree to implement the major, it is unlikely to occur until 2021, but I will keep students updated. The Union has also been focusing on Gatton and the work we can do to build more community there. This year, we received feedback that students wanted more My UQU Rewards card deals for Gatton students and in response we introduced 10 more card deals for the Gatton and Toowoomba area. We’re also hosting a Tiki Party out there on Thursday night - the first of its kind! There is still heaps to be done to make sure Gatton students feel like part of the UQ community, but we’ve made huge inroads so far. Last Friday was International Womens Day and UQU is lucky enough to have Nina Funnell as a keynote speaker. Nina wrote the groundbreaking Red Zone Report into sexual assault on campus and in colleges, and has won a Walkley award for her journalism. Nina generously agreed to run a Sex, Safety and Respect workshop for all of our club executives on Thursday. The Union is focused on running safe and incident-free club events and we are grateful for Nina’s support in this area. Overall, it’s been a big start to the year, and there’s still so much to come!

Opposition Leader’s Report Maddie Cunnington - Momentum Welcome to the beginning of semester! I hope you’ve enjoyed (or at least attended) your first week of classes, made some new friends and caught up with old ones, and joined a few clubs on Market Day. The first ordinary UQ Union Council meeting of the year took place last Wednesday night. Union Council keeps the Union executive accountable, and also provides students with the opportunity to engage in the political process. If you’re interested in taking part, all students are able to attend, ask questions during Question Time, and put up motions to call upon the Union to take action on a wide range of issues. We encourage you to do so if you’re keen! At Wednesday’s meeting, Momentum was hoping to engage with other councillors from all sides in the spirit of crosspartisanship. We believe that is the best way to truly represent student interests. One of the most important actions that we took was to call on the Union to provide a strong policy response to sexual assault on campus. It was encouraging that Focus councillors voted for this motion, and we welcome a policy response to this issue, especially given the inaction of last year’s Focus executive. However, it was disappointing to find that only 60% of UQ Colleges attended consent training. It’s very clear that more needs to be done in this area, and Momentum will continue to hold the Union accountable - students deserve nothing less. Momentum also moved a motion calling upon the Union to oppose the Ramsay Centre. Focus councillors were split on this

issue, and UQ Union President Georgia Millroy was very vague in her statements on the issue. This has so far demonstrated a disappointing unwillingness by the current Union executive to take up this issue; moreover, we don’t think that the role of the Student Union is to justify actions taken by the corporate administration. We will continue to campaign against the Centre, and hold the Union accountable. The National Tertiary Education Union (NTEU) recently held a protest against the Ramsay Centre and proposed major in Western Civilisation outside the UQ Senate meeting. It was well attended and we commend the Union councillors who spoke at the protest. However, it was disappointing that Georgia Millroy didn’t make an appearance at the protest. We believe that that would have demonstrated a concrete commitment by the Union to oppose this policy. Finally, it was great to see the motion to support the Student Strike for Climate, moved by Student Action, passed unanimously. We hope that it will be backed up by a push for divestment from fossil fuels, and sustainability within union outlets. We encourage students to attend the protest at 1pm on Friday 15 March at Queen’s Gardens in the City. If there are any issues affecting students which you believe Momentum should bring to Council, please message our Facebook page, Momentum for UQU. We’d love to hear from you!

SEMPER

Cross Bench Reports Priya De - Student Action

The the first day of class was fun for activists. Students and staff gathered for two campus protests. At midday, we protested UQ’s proposal to demolish the student union complex. This would physically sever links between the current student union and its history of radical struggle. Vice-Chancellor Hoj and his goons want the current union to throw some parties, organise some clubs; not be a centre of protests against the powerful - around everything from indigenous land rights, civil liberties, to free education - as was once typical. In the afternoon, we protested UQ’s negotiations with the Ramsay Centre for Western Civilisation to establish a major in its name. This whole shebang is monstrous; UQ is inviting a right-wing think tank to spread propaganda on campus. Having millionaires decide what students learn, and what staff teach, is a threat to academic freedom and integrity. To top it off, it’s gov-

erned by a deeply racist ideology, which says ‘Western’ (read: white) history, culture and politics is superior to all else. The UQ student council voted to oppose the Ramsay centre and campaign against it, so watch this space for details of future campus action.

Kurt Tucker - Smokers’ Rights I have had the pleasure of being elected Chairman of the University of Queensland Union Council. This means that as presiding officer of Council meetings, I must remain impartial and only vote in the case of a tie. In my opinion, the requirement to remain impartial does not stop me from being a fierce advocate for students’ rights on campus. I will continue to push for the unfair smoking and vaping ban to be overturned on campus, as well as other pressing issues. I have already used my casting vote to stop attempts to censor free speech in UQ Union Collectives, and look forward to having the opportunity to support other causes where I can, such as my firm belief that the Ramsay Centre should and will

become a treasured part of our university’s academic landscape. I’d like to again thank all of you out there that voted for the Smokers Rights Party, as well as those councillors from Focus and Team Rocket that supported my bid for Council Chair, regardless of external political affiliation.

Campbell ‘Tinker’ Ray - Team Rocket Gosh, student politics is wonderful. A dude crossed the street to spit on me and call me a f****t and I didn’t even have to pay him any money, or pretend to find him interesting over dinner? This is amazing! As far as I can tell he was a little bit mad I’d earlier put forward the idea we should have more LGBT people and women involved in positions of responsibility: after all, it’s important to be intersectional. Maybe it would be safer to argue for more disabled transgender women of colour piloting the predator drones we’ll inevitably need to obtain to deal with all the QUT stalkerspace 2.0 refugees, lest I magically “acquire” a concussion and end up in hospital. (Again.) A motion was raised in opposition to plastic straws. We argued against this, because we’re Saturday morning cartoon villains and not because we’re concerned about the impact a lack of plastic straws might have on anyone who has mobility issues with drinking and requires straws to consume beverages, as might anyone with serious dental issues who can’t drink things straight from the cup: as someone much more knowledgeable pointed out, for people who can barely lift a cup near their mouth, using a “reusable” metal straw just isn’t going to cut it.

We can lessen our impact by preferring alternatives, but we still need to have straws available for those who need them! Before next meeting we’re going to go through the regulations and request a lot of small changes, quality of life things, things that were snuck in over the past few years that haven’t been that workable in practice. We’re confident of getting those things through, given they’re relatively small and obvious. Alles gute kommt von oben – Bombe Harris kam geflogen! -dread unicorn tinks”

R 13

COMEDY

Speculator

St Lucia

UQ’s other news source since 1933

Peter Høj on Existence of Gatton Campus PETER HØJ, AC - Vice-Chancellor and President of UQ

It has always baffled me that the students to whom we deliver a high quality education have gone on with their lives believing that a UQ Campus could exist at Gatton, despite none of them nor anyone that they know ever having been to that campus. When I first arrived at the University of Queensland, I recognised something that set this university apart from many of the other institutions ranked in the Global Top 50 University Rankings. As recently as a decade ago, the University of Queensland had only one campus, whereas great universities like the University of California, for instance, have entire systems of campuses. Almost immediately upon taking up the role of Vice-Chancellor at this university, I set about setting this issue right. Due to budget constraints, we could not afford to build an entirely new campus. Instead, I posited that it might be more cost-effective to invent a fictional campus, and spread rumours about that campus among the St Lucia population. Within one generation of students, I believe we successfully convinced 50,000 people that not only is there a Gatton Campus, but that there had always been a Gatton Campus. For this, I have to thank the dedicated team of librarians who painstakingly constructed convincing images for our archives. It is a wonder what magic can be achieved through sepia-toned aerial images of a few blocks of land with scattered buildings on it. But none of this would have been possible without the brilliant minds in our marketing department who realised that ‘Agricultural Science’ and ‘Veterinary Science’, while obviously fake, sound just real enough to city-based students who have never been to the regions.

Vice-Chancellor and President, Professor Peter Høj, AC (MSc, PhD, Hon.DUniv Copenhagen, Hon.DUniv S.Aust., FNAI, FTSE)

Eager Student Ejected From Professional Networking Evening For Repeatedly Interrupting Enjoyment Of Free Booze A UQ student has been asked to leave a JACS Professional Networking Evening this week after repeatedly asking for career advice from a young professional who was peacefully sipping on their fifth pint of the night. “This kind of behaviour is just totally outside of the expected etiquette at these sorts of events,” explained Lachlan Grant, organiser of the PNE. “We pay a lot of money to get the second-best in the business to these events, and for a student to distract these professionals from getting roaringly drunk is the utmost disrespect. “We have conveyed our sincerest apologies to the professional in question. “We have taken steps to deal with this, and want all B-List journalists to know that they will be welcome at the next event to get totalled and chat amongst themeslves,” Mr Grant said. The Speculator understands that the professional will not be suing the student or Mr Grant after a confidential agreement with the organisers of the event. The student has been banned from attending any future Clubs and Societies events at UQ.

COMEDY

UQ Life is Stranger than Fiction

Where we question the recent expenditure of our SSAF rivals Spring Festival UQ Life went with the title ‘Spring Festival’ for what they admitted was a Chinese New Year Festival organised a bit too late. Scientists have recently discovered that in the Southern Hemisphere, Spring occurs in the second half of the year. In fact, given that we are currently in Autumn, we are about as far from the previous first week of spring as the next. Critics typically appraise this sort of thing as being “impossible to be more wrong”. We originally thought that this mix-up of the seasons was just extremely low-hanging fruit to run with on this article, but it turns out the event was also intended to celebrate the invention of the slinky.

The Choo-Choo Train For some baffling reason, Student Services arranged for a big fuck-off choo-choo train to come driving around campus to conduct a tour on the first day of classes. The most curious part of this endeavour was that this tour was limited to only the parts of the campus where there are no daycare centres, meaning that the key demographic for this kind of service was nowhere to be seen. To their credit, though, they did manage to pull together a trainload of people to drive through all the most important areas where students of a similar age once used to protest apartheid and corrupt state governments. But at least they didn’t infantilise students at the next event...

The Stand Up Comedy Night By far, the most bizarre choice of event so far this year was the Stand Up Comedy Night that took place on the 7th March. Although they didn’t treat students at this event like they were under 12, they did, for some reason contract Sit-Down Comedy Club to provide all the comedians. If you haven’t heard of Sit Down Comedy Club, it’s basically aimed at the key demographic of white office-workers aged 30+ who’ve been engaged for the past seven years. Now, you would think that this publication would get around a good comedy night, and you’d be exactly right. We frequently do get around good comedy. But we have a lot of questions about a comedy night on a uni campus headlined by the new host of Triple M Breakfast Radio. Then again, the same department that would unironically write “UQ’s first Stand Up Comedy night will have you LOLing and ROFLing” in an event description could probably convince themselves that uni students also still listen to breakfast radio. On the plus side, at least they haven’t literally erected a LOWD billboard on campus yet.

UQU

30 APRIL TH

11am - 3pm

Live Music, Performances & International Foods

Forgan Smith Front Lawns