Semper 2018: The Death of Philosophy

The Ghost Theatre Haunting Sir Fred Schonell Drive / p. 5

Sexual Harrassment on Campus / p. 6

The Death of UQ’s Philosophers / p. 4

SEMPER

FREE Semester 2 planner inside!

Edition 7, 2018. Since 1932. Free.

NEWS

Acknowledgement of Country Semper acknowledges the Turrbal and Jagera peoples as the traditional owners of the land on which this newspaper is created. We pay our respects to elders past and present.

Editor’s Note Contents

Our Team

It was a day like any other. The first day of the mid-year vacation. I stood at the precipice between my bed and my computer. Waiting. Will I make today productive? Experience the world?

Or skip all that, and go back to sleep?

Then, a voice: “Ruby”, it whispered, “You are now the editor for Semper Floreat edition 7”. What, me? A mere illustrator? “Rowan is missing. He was last seen waving down a taxi and yelling ‘To Dracula’s castle!’ to the terrified driver.” It was then that I realised the responsibility lying ahead of me.

In keeping with this responsibility, I spun the finest silks, kneaded the finest dough, and caressed each pixel into the object you hold in your hands.

In the middle of your copy of Semper, you’ll find a fully-functional semester 2 calendar. Use it to plan your study, see what big events are coming up on campus, or ascertain on which days you’ll be feeling extra guilty versus regular guilty.

I thank all our contributors for their great work, and welcome our newest illustrator, Rebecca Kilpatrick, and culture writer, E. J. Silvester.

This edition asks some questions about the spaces we occupy as students.

What is the purpose of a university, and has UQ lost sight of it? (page 4). Is a library still a library if it contains no books, journals, or records? (page 13). And as some spaces die off, and others transform, might a broken-down theatre have hope for a new life? (page 5).

Ugh, so editorial. Love it.

I hope you enjoy the read.

And I hope Rowan returns from Romania safely.

- Ruby Green

Acting Editor in Chief Ruby Green Rowan Evans

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Letters 3 News 4 Sex 6 Rainbow

7 Women’s

7 Tear-out Poster 8 Puzzles 10 Regulars 11 Union Pages 12 Comedy 14

Editors Alexander Asher, Oscar Green, Xander Hayward, Amelie Lonsdale, Richard Lawson, Morgan Pendergast, Kayla Reimann, Amy Sienkiewicz-Grob, Raphael Wixted, The Love Professor (whoever they are).

Art Tessa Clarkson (cover), Ruby Green, Rebecca Kilpatrick, Google Images -> Tools -> Usage rights -> Labeled for reuse Printer Print on Demand, UQ St Lucia Publisher Semper is published by the UQ Union President, Jeremy Lwin, but he respects our editorial independence.

With Thanks E.J. Silvester, Lexi Ashby, Alex Carpenter, and all the boys down at Runcorn 4113 Disclaimer The views expressed in this publication are the personal opinions of the authors. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the editor or the views of UQU. All articles are to be considered opinionative in nature. All articles remain the intellectual property of the authors.

Write for us!

Message the Semper Floreat facebook page, or drop into our new offices near the Red Room

SEMPER

Letters to the Editor Opinions are those of the writers.

On ‘On Capitalism’ Retraction Zachary Thomas - Concerned Student

In the previous Semper, Student Action campaign manager and decade-long trained Socialist Alternative university activist, Duncan Hart, attempted to rebut my truism that ‘there is no ethical consumption under capitalism’ in defence of people with jobs not being held guilty for the crimes their firms committed 40 years before they got their jobs by sending a letter to the editor of this magazine.

This struck me as quite an odd way to engage in a debate, but not one to uproot convention I figured I’d send you a letter back and continue to make our tiff public.

Duncan tries to assert that if it’s true one cannot ethically consume then that means there can be no compromises with the system – and, supposedly in conclusion, anyone who does is equally guilty in the horrors of the system. My response is brief. One cannot live if they do not consume. Compromise is mandatory.

You must have a job to earn money, to use to eat, to continue raging against the system. I’d highlight that’s why Duncan himself compromises with the system to push trolleys for Coles – and I do not hold him culpable for the atrocity that is the “Prices are Down” jingle.

On caffeine

Emily Jitters - Student?

Dear editors, I write in response to the ridiculous suggestion by one Alexander James Asher that featured in the previous edition of Semper Floreat (p 11). The tip suggested that I should drink six shots of coffee at once. After partaking in such an endeavour during SWOTVAC, I have not slept since.

Sincerely, Emily Jitters Response: Dear Emily, I apologise for the distress our last publication has caused your body. For future reference, please note that none of our editors are medical professionals and our ‘Quick Tips for Slackers’ do not constitute medical advice. Incidentally, if you look over at page 2 under ‘disclaimer’ you will see that all articles are to be considered opinionative in nature. It is an unfortunate reality that Mr Asher holds questionable opinions.

- Ruby Green, acting Editor-in-chief P.S. Your name is a cracker. It’s almost like you’re a fictional entity created by a lonely Semper editor to fill space. I know, right? Crazy.

Rowan Evans - Editor in Motif

In response to some pretty full-on criticism from members of the Young National Party regarding an article about Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen in Semper 6, I would like to apologise for my reporting on the matter.

When reporting on political figures and issues, I try to remember that very deep personal feelings can get involved. I would like to make it clear that I did my absolute best to keep my personal opinion out of the matter.

And for that reason, I would like to sincerely apologise.

Because if I had known the Young Nats were going to get mad at me anyway for just publishing the facts, I would have added that I think the guy was a corrupt bastard who put the Count into Country party.

Cheers, Rowan Evans

On eSports

Drew Pavlou - Gamer

Dear editor, For too long this university has targeted gamers and oppressed them. The UQU opening an eSports room on campus is a welcome first step towards a future where gamers are accepted and valued for the unique skills and talents they bring to UQ. Thank you, Drew Pavlou Response: Here is a graphic, courtesy of Rebecca Kilpatrick., to accompany your sentiment.

Want to get published?

You can reach the editors over Facebook, or by emailing semper@uqu.com.au.

Or, you can walk straight into our offices outside the Red Room.

Send us your stories, or just let us know your opinions on the latest edition.

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NEWS

Uncritical Thinking The collapse of an academic tradition RAPHAEL WIXTED With art by Tessa Clarkson Not all academic fields were created equal. That sentiment means different things depending on what you study; maybe some fields are more difficult to learn, or more profitable to graduate from, or simply more interesting to study. Philosophy may not be any of these things - but it should be all of them. The fact that it isn’t reflects damningly upon what universities have become.

Ask any given student about philosophy, and they will either be reminded of their most hated fedora-wearing peer or a handsome Greek statue. Few will be struck by thoughts of Galileo or Newton, and very likely none will think first of Germaine Greer or Stephen Hawking. All of them however, in at least some sense, are philosophers - albeit some with a few thousand years of additional knowledge - yet our current academic sensibilities dictate otherwise. That arbitrary distinction between different modes of knowledge belies the immense value of philosophy as an academic pursuit, and risks condemning it to obscurity.

I don’t mean to suggest that we should consider all fields of study ‘philosophy’ simply because they started that way, but rather that philosophical methods and traditions should be considered within all others. That’s because what remains unique to the study of philosophy, after you’ve discounted all the other fields that it’s spawned, is the pursuit of a systematic criticism of what we think we know and why we think we know it.

The value and importance of that pursuit can’t be understated. At a time when far more modern and supposedly concrete fields such as psychology and economics are suffering massive criticisms of foundational methods and assumptions, we would do well to remember that the scientific method is an invention of philosophy. If the response to that failure only extends to a reconsideration of those conclusions which we now doubt, universities will be doing little more than patching up a broken model of academia, while preparing for another five decades of wasted endeavour. Instead, they should seek to reinvigorate the academic tradition which both developed and grew upon the scientific method.

That requires UQ and other universities to take a critical view of the content of undergraduate degrees. Adjustments to their content could vary in boldness. To simply regain what has been lost by half a century of shifting focus towards employability and profitable research, the wholesale, compulsory inclusion of fundamental philosophical concepts in undergraduate degrees is necessary. But if the objective of universities is to find the most efficient and effective way of growing human knowledge (and it really, really should be) then they should be doing more than just reviving content that’s been known for hundreds of years. Philosophy as a field in its own right must be treated by administrators as more than an idle interest of third-years seeking GPA bumps - it should be taught in sufficient detail and rigour to produce the academics who might advance it.

The fact that this is not the case currently is less an indication that we have strayed from the light by mistake and far more one that the purpose of universities in Australia has been fundamentally corrupted. Recall the earlier description of philosophy, as distinct from other, more content-based disciplines: the pursuit of a systematic criticism of what we think we know and why we think we know it. Examined on its

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own, that could very well be a one-line guide to how universities function. Or should. If universities aren’t sustaining, much less growing, the very field which makes that pursuit possible across all others, then are we really to believe that doing so is a priority, or even a minor objective, of theirs?

The policies which universities have pursued to arrive at this point are invariably ones which hand the reins of content selection to us undergraduates, arguably the worst equipped to decide what is and isn’t important to know. Enrollmentbased funding and demand-driven enrollment opportunities not only frustrate efforts to encourage students to pursue priority professions, but fundamentally undermine the value of a graduate degree, by leading great masses to study courses in which experts foresee no need for more academically inclined graduates.

Objections here that many students aren’t looking to contribute to the sum total of human knowledge miss the point - if an education is purely vocational, with no critical element, then what is the purpose of conducting them within universities? That isn’t to say they aren’t important or worthwhile (consider everything from nursing to accounting, and disciplines of all social and economic value in between), but many students currently pursuing such paths would agree that more ‘academic’ aspects of their course - research essays, closed book exams, and other unrealistic assessment modes have no discernible benefit to their careers, and deprive them of opportunities to better prepare for them.

It is that gap, between purported purpose and pragmatic practice, which best characterises the issue at hand. That universities across Australia have acquiesced to popular demands of politics and big business in adjusting their function isn’t indicative of a change in their purpose - it shows they never quite knew what it was.

The Semper editors would be interested in your opinion on this piece for publication in a future edition.

SEMPER

Deco to dust: the Avalon theatre ALEXIA ASHBY With art by Ruby Green

If you’ve ever been on Sir Fred Schonell Drive you may have noticed the Avalon theatre. On the ferry terminal at Guyatt park stands the Avalon theatre. The buildings looks neglected and every entrance is padlocked. It looks abandoned.But not so long ago, the Avalon used to be the home of drama students, society events, revues and film screenings for students at UQ. The Avalon started as a church hall in 1923. In world war two it became a theatre and, in 1962 it was purchased by the University of Queensland. It was in this theatre that two members of indie rock band The Go Betweens met (yes like the bridge).

They met because they were studying drama at the University of Queensland, in the theatre.

The space was in such high demand that this caused arguments between the union and the university. Eventually, UQ’s societies were allowed to use the space. Sellout shows put on by clubs, colleges and societies formed a community for the arts. Eunice Hanger a former staff member and theatre advocate remarked that “the lights were never out” at the theatre.

With the opening of the Schonell in 1970 bookings for the space dropped off, and the building became a teaching space for the growing drama department.

The lights only dimmed at the Avalon in 2004 when the university closed its doors- the theatre was in need of a renovation.

Now the theatre does nothing but collect dust . The ticket booth sits expectantly for someone to collect their tickets, the change rooms wait for eager performers and the building whispers with the echoes of performances past.

Local interest in the theatre is strong, from appreciators of the strong lines of art deco to a reddit thread discussing breaking in to see what’s there. I’m not advocating for the latter, but there’s enough interest in the theatre that could provide the university

with incentive to restore the building to working order.

UQ’s Master plan alleges to have ambitions for the Avalon theatre. However, the plans dodge the question of when and how UQ will restore the theatre. Previous plans discuss the ‘Avalon’ precinct in the context of building high risers, and a bridge to west end. The recent plan says that by 2019 the Avalon will be reopened and restored by 2019, for “University and community use.” They don’t tell us how they’re going to do this,or if they are serious.

A government examination performed in 2015 explained what needs to be done to restore the Avalon Theatre. Photos included in this plan indicate that the building is still well equipped to act as a theatre, though many of the facilities have fallen into disrepair. Between the asbestos, the critters and squatters restoring the Avalon isn’t going to be cheap or easy.

Why restore the Avalon? Who would use it? With the planned demolition of the Union complex, including the Schonell Theatre, any club that relied on it will need somewhere to go. In fact, the Avalon with its smaller seating capacity may be cheaper for these clubs in the long run.

While there is smaller seating capacity, a lot of clubs struggle to fill the schonell’s four-hundred-and-twenty seats. A smaller venue would be more likely to turn a profit. UQ has had a difficult relationship with the public and the restoration and re-opening of this building would be a gesture of good will, something overdue. There’s also a lot of profit to potentially be gained from making this space available to hire. From Drama clubs, to community events; the Avalon would make an enticing hub for community activity.

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NEWS

Love & Relationships

Get your advice at http://LoveProfessor.sarahah.com/

Help from the Love Professor & Veronica, Women’s contributor with art by Rebecca Kilpatrick Q: A question perhaps more about welfare and the etiquette around sex, rather than the action itself - in a university setting, particularly in social environments where there’s alcohol around, how do we counteract the still massive amounts of harassment going on, despite some of these events already having their own welfare teams and policies that go seemingly ignored by both perpetrators and those welfare teams?

A: This is a big question, and in truth I’m not really qualified to speak as an authority on the topic. Rather than do so, I’ll present the advice I feel qualified to give and then hand over to Semper Floreat women’s contributor Veronica.

The answer for this is going to change drastically depending on who you are. If you’re like me - a big white guy with nothing to lose - the answer is pretty simple: Call out harassment wherever you spot it. It might be socially awkward, but it’s the most direct way to affect change.

You don’t have to prolong the encounter past that - the harasser probably isn’t going to learn a life lesson from you, and

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pushing it further might start a fight, but once there’s pushback most people will retreat to the social safety of avoiding the conflict. If they don’t, and sometimes they won’t, just try to use the opportunity to get the victim to a safe place away from the harasser and alert the highest authority you can find, be it a club manager, security, or the host of a house party.

I was at a UQ event with Veronica and some hooligans were trying to feed a waitress the food she was serving. Unfortunately I froze, but I’ll hand over to Veronica so she can talk on the topic.

Veronica: The waitress was clearly embarrassed to be the recipient of this attention, but as a server she couldn’t tell the dude to go fuck himself. I felt hot and angry. I’m not a tall or imposing woman - I need help opening jars - but in that moment I heard myself bark out “She doesn’t want it, dude.”

What the love professor said above is true. Arseholes who harass people rely on the silence of others. When you call out harassment, you not only tell that person their behavior is unacceptable, you tell everyone that that behavior is unacceptable.

A simple “hey”, “stop that”, or “fuck off” is usually enough to get a harasser to back off. Then you can take the person who was receiving the harassment away from the situation. Make sure they’re alright. Maybe they want to be left alone, or they want to borrow your phone, or call security. If you have a friend you can trust, ask them to seek out an appropriate authority figure to report the incident to. If it happened at university event, ask to speak to the manager; if it’s on campus seek out security.

Something else that you can do is offer comfort to someone who is being harassed. This can be a number of things, from walking a person to a bus stop, contacting people close to someone who’s faced harassment to provide information and comfort to the victim. Sometimes what the person will want is for you to leave them alone, and that’s also okay. Give them a way to contact you (not for you to contact them) and say if they need anything you’re available. Then go on your merry way. If you’re at a function go on with your evening.

Chances are if they want your help, your offer is all they need to accept. This help changes based on who you are. If you’re a burly bloke and the person in need of help is a woman, you might scare her even more. Let the person you want help tell you what they want from you. If you’re a woman this situation is easier to navigate.

If the harassment in question had anything to do with race, sexuality or any marginalised group you are apart of, you can help by relating to the situation or the person. If you aren’t a part of the victim’s marginalised group, you can be an ally by being an advocate for them. If the harasser looks like you, they will associate themselves with you. So by standing up to them, the harasser know that people like them, do support harassment.

If that makes no sense let’s go with a generic example. Say you are a straight white dude, and you see someone else who appears to be like you, a straight white male shouting homophobic slurs, telling that person that that behavior is unacceptable will have an impact.

In the end being a good ally and supporter is all about listening - to the victim, to the news and to others around you.

SEMPER

A Woman’s Guide AMY SIENKIEWICZ-GROB - Women’s Editor Given the choice between an extra 30 minutes of sleep or doing your makeup, take the sleep.

I cannot stress this enough. By week 10, when your heart is pumping more coffee than blood, and your study list is longer than a 66 bus queue, you’ll have wished you slept the extra 30 minutes. Yes, even if you look like the walking dead without makeup. (And by this point, you will!)

Make yourself aware of campus Security.

This advice is applicable to everyone, but, women, be especially aware. Your first priority when beginning study here is to download the UQ SafeZone App. The app is location based and will connect you directly to Campus Security or emergency

services regardless of the situation. It’s free, so you have nothing to lose! Another tip while we’re on the topic of security -- add UQ Campus Security (3365 3333) as a contact in your phone.

Consider it added insurance in case you ever need it.

Join a Club!

More specifically join many clubs! But don’t just join any club. Make sure to look out for clubs with a female presence.

Join your faculty club. Find the women who’ll be by your side throughout your course. And if you really want to challenge yourself, join a male dominated club and build up the female representation from scratch!

A longer version of this article appeared in Edition 1, 2018.

Stop Stealing Work from Trans Actors AMELIE LONSDALE - Queer Issues Editor

In recent news filed under ‘disappointing but not surprising’, Scarlett Johansson took the role of a trans man, the late Pittsburgh gangster Dante ‘Tex’ GIll, in an upcoming biopic.

She’s since dropped the part, claiming to have learned from the backlash. If I were a cynical person I might point out that she dropped the role mere hours after Marvel confirmed a director for the Black Widow film, meaning she likely just needed to clear her schedule. It’s a good thing I’m not cynical.

To me, and most other trans people, casting Johansson to play a trans man makes about as much sense as casting her to play Gandhi. However, this has still been a controversial topic, even after Johansson dropped the part, so I’ve decided to address some of the arguments I’ve seen defending her decision to take the role in the first place.

“Well How Many Trans Actors Do You Know?”

The fact that most people don’t know any trans actors isn’t

With art by Rebecca Kilpatrick because they don’t exist. Nobody knows trans actors because trans actors can’t get any work. Very few roles exist for trans people in film and tv and, as this debacle shows, we can’t even get those roles. We’re not even allowed to audition most of the time. And we’re sure as fuck not being cast as cis characters that often either.

“It’s About Casting The Best Actor For The Part” Even if Scarlett Johansson were best actor in the world (she’s not) she’s still pretty fucking under-qualified to play any male role, and Dante Gill is no exception. Google a picture of him and you’ll see a pretty fat guy who stands in stark contrast to a petite woman like Johansson. If this were about picking the actor best suited for the role then the director would have at least chosen a cis man, if not a trans one.

“Should I boycott Jurassic World because they didn’t cast real dinosaurs?”

Trans people are fucking people, okay? Marginalised people who are sick of being misrepresented. A lot of us are actors.

We’re not garden fairies or something. Fucking hell, people.

“Other Cis People Have Played Trans People So Why Can’t I?” This was Johansson’s official response to the backlash, prior to dropping the role entirely. What she didn’t realise (or conveniently ignored) is that the trans community has always been extremely vocal about cis actors playing us. Because it needs to fucking stop. Every time a cis man plays a trans woman, or a cis woman plays a trans man, it reinforces the hurtful and dangerous idea that trans people are stuck as their gender assigned at birth. These films teach young trans people that they’re just wrong or confused and can never be who they really are. And when you put that idea into the head of an impressionable trans child it can literally kill them.

Last semester I tried to write a piece about good transgender representation in mainstream media. In the end I had to scrap the idea because I just couldn’t find enough examples. And this is the reason why. Every time the opportunity comes up for trans people to be represented, to feel like we exist as normal people, some cis pricks decide that their own careers and wallets are worth more than our lives. Representation in media is crucial to feeling like you belong in society, that you have value as a person, and trans people are sick and tired of being told we’re not allowed to feel that way.

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BIG SOUND CONCERT

RECOVER FROM ALL THOSE BALLS

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DECIDE NEXT SEMESTER IS, IN FACT, WHEN IT GETS SERIOUS

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DECIDE NEXT WEEK IS WHEN IT GETS SERIOUS

CLASSES COMMENCE

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WELCOME HUB LAUNCH

TUESDAY

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Semester 2

JULY 16

MONDAY

2018

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THERE ARE FREE SANDWICHES SOMEWHERE ON CAMPUS. GO!!!

EKKA PUBLIC HOLIDAY (BRISBANE AREA)

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VOLUNTEER EXPO 2018

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AUGUST 1

STUDENT JOBS FAIR

SNOW PARTY; MARKET DAY

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SI-NET TICKET RESALES AVAILABLE @ TICKETEK

WEDNESDAY

FOOD ON FORGAN

UQ NAIDOC FEST

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AMAZING CAMPUS RACE

THURSDAY

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SECS BALL

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CENSUS DATE/LAST DATE TO GET OUT WITHOUT FINANCIAL LIABILITY

ARTS BALL

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IR BALL; UQU SEMESTER 2 VOUCHERS EXPIRE

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“I GOT FOOD POISONING AND CAN’T MAKE MY TUTE”

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DONUT-EATING COMPETITION FINALISE COURSES OR PAY $50. ALSO PAY SSAF

FRIDAY

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SEPTEMBER 1

PREMED BALL

ECONOMICS BALL

NAIDOC BALL

SATURDAY

“What fresh hell is this?” ~ Dorothy Parker

YULE BALL

SUNDAY

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ANNIVERSARY OF PETER HØJ’S VICE-CHANCELLORSHIP. CONGRATS

QUEEN’S B-DAY PUBLIC HOLIDAY

OCTOBER 1

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

PAY RESPECTS TO THE GHOST OF ELEANOR SCHONELL BRIDGE

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NATURE TELLING YOU IT’S TOO LATE.

Study ARANDA BLOOMS, THAT’S

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Break

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LOITER IN UQU PRES JEREMY LWIN’S OFFICE FOR AN HOUR

GET BACK TO WORK.

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DEADLINE TO APPLY FOR EXCHANGE IN SEMESTER 2 2019

GREAT COURT GAMES

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THAT DAY IN SWOTVAC ON WHICH YOU ACTUALLY STUDY

NOVEMBER 1

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SERIOUSLY THE LAST DATE TO WITHDRAW BUT IT’LL COST YOU

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DAREDEVIL? BURN YOUR STUDY TIMETABLE

REFEC POTATO GEMS EXTRA SOGGY TODAY

SCIENCE BALL

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MOUTH-FEED AN IBIS DAY

SECS BALL

BUSINESS BALL

ChESS BALL

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30 LAST DATE TO ESCAPE W/O ACADEMIC PENALTY

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NEWS

Cryptic Crossword Authored by White Bishop

22. “Well, Ethan am I determined to find a metallic derivative of acetic acid?” (4) 23. The capacity to bring about the potency of a drink. (13) DOWN 2. The amount of paper required to enlarge a hole. (4) 3. This firm, meant Asian propaganda announced social unrest and organic breakdown (12) 4. Keep watch where teacher’s pet should be. (2,3) 5. Big time rasp monster, I hear. (9) 6. Six geese waddle after physical education in reverse (backwards ((like this for example)). (10) 7. Excellent place for skinny dipping in Canada perhaps (5,4,4) 8. Sounds like letting things ooze out but isn’t. (13) 10. Gave interior a stir into vitality again. (12) 12. About a writer that was without an initial stance on seeking forgiveness (10) 14. Real though fools gold then sucking mite. (9) 19 I swam before a wise one. (5) 20. Bring about a boat to the sound of a jeer. (4)

ACROSS 1. Split in two a light shaken Fin Cringe beer (13) 8. Unrealistic expectation of the application of artery dyes.

(6-4) 9. All of us have shortened the knitting I hear. (4) 11. Pay a bill again, perhaps, for relocation. (12) 13. The time you ate after not such an odd turn out. (9) 15. The relationship of a direction at the centre of pleasantry (5) 16. As clumsy Sir is to esprit. (5) 17. Check if that is right, be the one to say so. (9) 18. Extra type replaces none for one with outside preference.

(12) 21. Who claimed native title (4)

Easier Clues ACROSS 1. Light split in two (13) 8. Unrealistic expectation. (6-4) 9. Plural ownership. (4) 11. Relocation. (12) 13. Come on in the end (9) 15. Relationship (5) 16. Clumsy (5) 17. One who gives a deposition. (9) 18. Being more concerned with what is outside. (12) 21. Girl’s name (4) 22. A metallic derivative of acetic acid (10) 23. The potency of a drink. (13) DOWN 2. Amount of paper. (4) 3. Organic breakdown (12)

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Bring a completed copy of this crossword to the Semper office, and enter the draw to win a $5 UQU voucher!

The same crossword made simpler.

4. Keep watch. (2,3) 5. Importance. (9) 6. Extra text added to explain a word or term. (10) 7. Body of water in Canada (5,4,4) 8. Characterized by a lack of openness (13) 10. Impart vitality again. (12) 12. Remorse for your past conduct (10) 14. Real (9) 19. Wise one. (5) 20. Bring about a boat (4)

Edition 6 Solution: ACROSS 1 classicism. 6 arum. 9 restaurant. 10 bell.

12 reassignment. 15 operation. 17 meter. 18 blade. 19 plenteous. 20 oscilloscope. 24 dank.

25 vituperate. 26 deed. 27 unapparent.

DOWN 1 card. 2 shamefacedly. 4 curbs. 5 sentience. 7 re-election. 8 militarism. 11 onomatopoeia. 13 hot-blooded. 14 renascence. 16 implosion. 21 chump. 22 babe. 23 beat.

SEMPER

Sudoku

Hard

Easy

Quick Tips For Slackers ALEXANDER ASHER Semper editor with the secret to eternal cirrhosis

Low on cash and bad at budgeting? Get your drinks on an empty stomach so you don’t need to spend as much.

Sustainability Walk: a comic by Ruby Green

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NEWS

President’s Report Jeremy Lwin - Focus

Hello new and old students alike, welcome to Semester 2! For those of you picking up your very first issue of Semper today, this is the StuPol Report segment of your Student Union’s newspaper. The UQU is responsible for running many of your day-to-day amenities including majority of the food outlets and the Red Room, funds your clubs and societies, and advocates on your behalf against real student issues.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about what we’ve been up to. Over the semester break a team of us were tasked and funded by the University itself to report on how it can better model itself to resemble universities in the United Kingdom. With many members

of UQ staff having been educated in the UK, a big point of interest from the University’s perspective is replicating the same sense of scale with regards to the student experience. This is something which UQ has been failing in abysmally – scoring below less reputable universities such as QUT, USC and Bond. It goes without saying that this needs to change.

Some of the universities we spoke with include the University of London and its federated colleges; including academic giants like UCL, Kings’ College, and LSE, as well as Leeds and Manchester. However, majority of our time was spent consulting with Loughborough University - which

in recent years skyrocketed on The Guardian’s eponymous UK University Leagues Table from 11th place in 2013 to 6th today, and frequently scores first in Times Higher Education Student Experience rankings.

Among our findings on this trip include how possible reforms to council structure may allow better representation from the student body, the importance of university bars in promoting campus culture, and the importance of union services in improving the student experience.

Our findings will be presented to the University in the coming weeks, so watch this space for more info.

JL.

Opposition Leader’s Report Duncan Hart - Student Action

In late June, the Turnbull Liberal National government secured the support it needs in the Senate to lower the HECS repayment threshold to $45 000 a year. On July 1, penalty rates were cut again for retail and hospitality workers. Young people are being locked out of the housing market.

Environmental catastrophe is looming.

Abortion remains illegal in Queensland.

Given how bad things are, it would be right for students to expect action from their representatives in the UQ Union.

Disastrously, many of the incumbents within the UQ Union are aligned with the Liberal National Party. They actively support policies that hurt students.

This explains why their office

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bearers holding positions in student rights, gender and sexuality and the environment have across the board done absolutely nothing for the year even as they have pocketed student money and taken university-funded junkets to the United Kingdom over the mid-year break. In fact, the Right has done worse than nothing: they have prevented every progressive motion proposed by Student Action from passing in the Council, from opposing funding cuts to universities to standing in solidarity with the family of Tamil refugees from Biloela facing deportation.

Student Action, despite having only three unpaid activists in the Union, organised protests in Semester 1 directed

against the government’s changes to student loans and planned funding cuts to universities, stood in solidarity with our lecturers in their dispute with UQ management for a pay rise above inflation, campaigned against the Adani coal mine and for legalising abortion, and have lobbied the university to implement scholarships for refugee students. These are basic actions that any organisation purporting to advocate for students’ interests should engage in. So long as the Union continues to be in the hands of right-wing conservatives, these campaigns will be hamstrung.

SEMPER

Campus Culture Vice President’s Report Paige Howard

There’s a small part of me that wishes researching snow means I’ll be jumping on a plane to south NZ, but rather than gracing your instagram feed with cute pics of me shredding pow, I’m bringing the adventure to you.

If you haven’t heard yet, I don’t blame you, the last thing I want to think about over the break is what’s happening after it, but this is the one event you do not want to miss. Haven’t seen snow?

Haven’t made a snowman (much harder than it sounds btw), haven’t thrown a snowball in the face of your least productive group assignment member*?

And for that small, weird, part of the

population that aren’t ready for winter to be over? We’re giving you one chance to live out your dreams.

Whether your preference is to sip a hot choccie and bask in the winter air or groove under falling snowflakes til dawn**, UQU has you covered. Don’t forget to register for your Free ticket before you get to the party gates on Market Day! *** World Cup is a trending topic and something I know a lot of you follow (not me soz). In celebration of sports and friendly competition we’re hosting the first ever UQU C&S World Cup. Whether you’re competing on behalf of

your club, or just watching on to see if UQ SPIA can claim this trophy too, the day is sure to be a big one. The first game kicks off at 10am Aug 2nd (week 2).

Finally, for anyone that has felt slightly socially isolated over the break, C&S launch parties are coming. Get out that costume box, you’re going to need it. *pls no snow to faces **you can groove at kickons til dawn, no word on snow at kickons ***This is no RE snow (foam) party.

I can confirm the appearance of REAL snow.

Student Rights Vice President’s Report (Welfare) Paul Taylor

Hello to those of you that have read this far in to OB reports! It’s been a big month here at the Student Rights Collective, where we’ve jumped straight into preparing for semester 2 after finishing up the exam support stalls – we hope the free sweets, pancakes, noodles plus discounted coffee helped you with your studies! With the proposed UQ Union Complex redevelopment reaching closer,

I’ve had the honour of traveling to the UK recently to learn about services, programs and facilities that we can replicate in the new building plus find ways to improve the student experience. You can read more about what we learned in the President’s report. For now, we’re undertaking a revamp of the Student Rights Room and Union Hub, the latter of which now has a soundproof karaoke

booth! Yesterday, I had a meeting with Properties and Facilities to confirm that in the wake of the Better Buses Now campaign last semester, we’ve secured $15 million worth of new articulated buses to service the busiest routes and times when students are traveling to and from UQ! However, the next half of the battle for later service times continues in semester 2. See you at Market Day!

Disappearing Act E.J. SILVESTER Culture Writer

It is no secret that reading is knowledge and knowledge is power. So when reports of books mysteriously going missing from the Dorothy Hill Engineering and Sciences library arise, it is a cause of concern. What is happening to the thousands of books the library houses, and what will the implications be for students?

A reliable library source, who wishes to remain anonymous, can reveal why books are rapidly disappearing from our library shelves. Apparently, as part of the extensive renovations to the historic library, orders have been given to ‘weed out’ the mammoth book collection.

It is reported that 55,000 books from the Dorothy Hill library have been transported to an ‘active’ warehouse at Gatton. The rule of thumb for the books that were decommissioned were any books older than five years old that had also not been borrowed in over five years. Now, I know a lot can happen in half a decade but c’mon, I still have pairs of shoes I wear that are close to 10 years old!

These books are now considered ‘closed stack’ and can only be accessed by authorised staff, although students are still eligible to borrow the condemned books. Students will have to place a hold on the titles via the online UQ library search. To add insult to injury, the borrower will have to wait up to 4-5 business days for the books to be delivered from the warehouse.

But there is a method to the library’s madness. It is understood

that the university has listened to students feedback and are now converting the library floor into 24/7 student study space, with new tables and chairs replacing the now bare shelves.

Word on the street is, in time all books will be housed in just one library on campus while all the other buildings will become exclusive study spaces.

So would Dorothy Hill be rolling over in her grave if she knew the library to which she bequeathed millions in her will is now a negligible resource to UQ? I guess there is no denying that with the changing times towards online resources, print is becoming redundant among the university students of today. But taking away our prized books is a disruption to our learning.

Fellow Semper contributor Lexie Ashby exclaims her detest for digital fatigue and how ironic the transition to paperless study is. “I actually need those books to study!” She continues, “I like being able to read pieces of paper because I am no good at reading off a screen.”

Only time will tell if the new study space at Dorothy Hill library will be of more benefit to students than the old-school way of paperback studying. Call me old fashioned, but I just can’t go past being able to hold and read a real book. And let’s face it, you can’t snuggle up to your computer or iPad the way you can with a good novel!

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COMEDY

St Lucia

Speculator UQ’s other news source since 1933

UQ Reaches Crisis Point as Line for the 66 Now Longer Than the Actual Bus Route Campus staff are reeling as the line for bus route 66, which leaves from UQ Lakes and ferries students through West End and the city centre, has grown to the point where it is longer than the distance the bus carries its passengers. The line, which has been growing steadily since June 2015, now stretches over seventeen kilometres and has necessitated at least four emergency road closures in the St Lucia area over the past six months as overpasses were built to accomodate for the additional foot traffic.

“It is a bit long,” said first year social science student James Blake as he waited in the line, “but I checked gmaps and the 66 is ten minutes faster than the 169, so I reckon the difference will cancel out. Plus there’s no way I’m catching the 412; coronation drive gets absolutely chockers in the afternoon.”

“I’ve given up hope on ever getting on the bus,” admitted third year psychology student Sam Brown standing over the garbage can fire he shared with several other ragged looking line dwellers. “I’m just not sure I can hack life on the outside anymore. I feel bad for the first years though; most of them don’t make it through the winter.”

“I want to go home,” said an unidentified female student,

staring vacantly into the sun as her feet marched her steadily down the line in a manner eerily reminiscent of the walking dead. “I want to go home.”

Several solutions to the line problem have been suggested, such as increasing the frequency of buses, encouraging alternative forms of transportation, or reminding students headed to Park Road that the 29 exists; however, these solutions have been rejected by the University on the grounds of being simply too reasonable for consideration. More as the situation develops.

All Pretence Gone: Time Wasting On Campus Now Official Union Policy After a shock announcement from the Union’s Director of SSAF Dole Bludging, Jim Boyce, UQU will finally be entering 2013 with a newly announced eSports program.

Mr Boyce denies multiple allegations that the new eSports room is a front for more bitcoin mining.

“UQU would never blatantly profiteer off the student body which it constitutes. Not with an eSports room membership fee for the low price of $35 per semester - or $30 if you have the MyUQ Rewards Card. Not with $15 UQU eSports mugs, nor $25 UQU eSports shirts, and certainly not with $50 UQU eSports essay-writing services.”

UQ Biostatistics Associate Professor Manuel CortezBarry raised concerns with the Speculator that the ecological dangers of an eSports room should not be overlooked for short term profits.

“Eh, the new eSports room will lead to a mass migration of nerds to the Union Complex. Wherever they go, they will bring with them unsightliness, toxic masculinity and body odour. Our models predict that these new inhabitants will

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make the Complex uninhabitable after only three weeks.

“Eh, think of how the Dorothy Hill Engineering Library is now after many years of chronic exposure.”

The Speculator reached out to Boyce for further comment, however he was preoccupied pitching a chewable “not a stim toy” fidget spinner to the Union’s business department.

“It’s not a stim toy”.

- Jim Boyce

SPECULATOR

INVESTIGATION: Griffith University at the centre of Satanic Cult Researchers from The Speculator have made the not-soshocking discovery that Griffith University’s Nathan Campus is at the epicentre of the return of the Antichrist himself.

“This should really come as a surprise to no-one,” quoted lead researcher Skeeter Hej, “It truly is a wretched hive of scum and villainy.”

Methodology involved multivariate statistical analysis via multidimensional scaling and cluster analysis of key antisocial behaviours overlayed on a map of South-East Queensland.

Antisocial behavioural pockets which were deemed to have insignificantly different Bray-Curtis distances were omitted, leaving five key locations. At the geometric mean of the pentagram intersect lies Griffith University, statistically proving what we have theorised for so long.

“This discovery is really important to the broader scientific community. We expect to win a sixth grade science fair for our efforts.”

Appendices submitted but not included.

Beenleigh Train Station Aspley Acres Caravan Park Wynnum Dept. of Transport Service centre

BREAKING: “Unanticipated demand” crashes website designed literally just for this

At the disappointment of many this morning, Sinet finally became a real student and gave up for a day.

Students preparing for the 108th Annual Signon Games found their efforts were in vain, as Sinet crashed for the sixth consecutive semester. This comes less than a month after ‘not final’ final grades for Semester 1 were leaked four days before official release. The latest crash, which resulted in Sinet continually requesting for students to log in, had many students questioning not only if their credentials were correct, but also the life choices which led to them waking up before 9am for the first time in over six months.

Sam Googy, a spokesperson for ITS, defended the team’s inability to correct the fault in a timely manner.

“After the seventeenth crash – or was it the eighteenth – we decided to send an expedition team into the server farm to try and isolate the cause. The University can now say with absolute certainty that the cause of last week’s Sinet failure

Wolston Correctional Centre Jimboomba X Stadium Griffith University

was in fact not due to the diversion of ITS department funds into O-Week advertising. Rather, it appears that a rogue ibis entered the facility and mistook the mainframe for a trash can.

“Any reports of the smell of burning feathers are purely incidental. One of our technicians accidentally spilled some Indian Feast on the carpet this morning.”

Editors from the speculator approached Vice Chancellor Peter Høj for comment on when UQ will address this issue: “Sometimes in life, you’ve just got to take an L. I am not risking the personal safety of my staff for what for many is a minor inconvenience. You’ve seen those fuckers with their huge ass beaks. That shit keeps me up at night. Besides, it’s not like UQ is the only university with widespread system failures.”

National Broadband Network Sues UQ Union Over Copyright Infringement

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