BacchanalianSolutionsInc.
777AthensAve Everywhere,USA12345 (XXX)XXX-XXXX
WelcometoBacchanalian SolutionsIncorporated,
Wearesogladtohaveyoujointheteam!Thisintroductoryguideismeantto provideyouwiththebasicsofyournewpositionandtostartyouonthe onboardingprocesssothatyoucanreachyourfullpotentialasaMaenad Consultantandfurtherthemissionofthecompany.Youhavefoundyourplace withus!
Ourmission
BacchanalianSolutionsInc.iscommittedtofosteringanenvironmentwherewe aimtohelpourclientsandourmemberstoreachtheirfullpotentialby finding theirpassions,andgleaningskillsthattheycanlaterusetogrowournetworkof hard-workingand dedicated individuals.
Weexpectallofouremployeestoadheretothesamestandardswewilloutline furtherintotheonboardingprocess.Thisteamwillbecomelikeyourfamily.You needlooknofurtherthanyournearestcoworkerto findanyanswertoyour questions.Welcome,wecan’twaittoseewhatyoubringtothetable.
WarmestWishes,
Z.D.Ionysus Founder&CEO BacchanalianSolutionsInc.
BacchanalianSolutionsInc.
777AthensAve Everywhere,USA12345 (XXX)XXX-XXXX
ToNewRecruit,
Ifyouarereadingthismemo,congratulations!Youhavetakenthe firststepinyour journeyintoMaenadism.Wewelcomeyoutotheteamandwehopeyouwill findnotonly ahomehereatBacchanalianSolutionsInc.,butafamily.Weareatightlyknitcrewof workersbutbeyondthatweareawell-oiledmachine.Toseamlesslyintegrateyouinto beingapartofoursystemherewehaveaquestionnaireinthispacketfollowedbysome simpleonboardingtasks.Afterthesetasksarecompletedwewillmoveforwardwith finalizingyouremployment.Youwillbeissuedstandardcompanyequipment(laptop, companyphone),andgrantedaccesstoourclientdatabase.Asanemployeehereyou willberesponsibleforrecruitingmembersintothefoldandembodyingcompanyvalues inyourprofessionalcapacity.Onceaweekyouarerequiredtogooutandcanvaswith ourbrandedparaphernalia.Asyourepresentthecompanyweexpectyoutoconduct yourselfwithdecorumandprofessionalism.
AsanEntry-LevelMaenadyourresponsibilitiesare:
● MaintaininghighlevelsofObsession
● Furtheringourresearchonyourpersonalareaofinterest
● Contributingtoyourcause,whilekeepingrecordofit.
● Canvassing
● Makingcallstoprospectiveclients
● Participatinginmandatorycompanymeetings
● Offerings
● Attendingcompanyretreats
Ifyouhaveanyquestionsorconcernsaboutyournewposition,pleasedonothesitateto contactyourrecruiterand/oryourhiringmanager.
WelcomeAboard,
BacchanalianSolutionsInc.
777AthensAve Everywhere,USA12345 (XXX)XXX-XXXX
ToYou,
Whatareyoulookingfor?
Areyoulackingsomething?
Areyoulonely?
Areyoulost?
Whatareyoumissinginyourlife?
Wherehasyour firegone?
Doyouwantanswerstothesequestions?Doyouwanttobelongtosomething?Become aMaenadtoday!Wehavewhatyouneed,andyouneedus!
Contactus: thyrsus@bacc.org (xxx-xxx-xxxx)
BacchanalianSolutionsInc.
777AthensAve Everywhere,USA12345 (XXX)XXX-XXXX
AsaMaenadyoumustatalltimesfosteranObsession.Ourgloriousfounder,Z.D.
Ionysussetoutinthebeginningtocreateacompanythatwould findotherslikehim. OtherswithObsessions.Ifthereissomethingyouwantmorethananythingelseyou might findyourselfwonderingifyouhaveanObsession.AnObsessionisanimmense focusononeperson,activityorobjectandexcludingorignoringeverythingelse.
Obsessionisnothingtobeashamedof.Whyshouldwedepriveourselvesofpleasure? Whatdowegainfromnotenjoyingthethingsthatmakeusfeel?Obsessionisbeautiful. It’sahotwaveofpleasurestokedbythe firesofdesire.Youwantthis.
TiredofbeingridiculedforhisownObsession,ourleaderfoundedBacchanalian Solutionssohecould findotherslikehim.Inhisquestto findtruecamaraderiehesought outguidancefromleadersinhiscommunity.Withtheirinputhewasabletorecruithis firstwaveofrecruits,bothonthebusinessandthecommunityside.Howeveryoucame tobeapartofthisorganization,wehopeyouwillupholdourvaluesasacompany.We expectyoutofurtheryourObsessionsanduseyourexperiencestorecruitothersinto ourorganization.Maenadsarethepillarsofourcompanyandattheheartofeverything wedo.YouareresponsiblefornotonlyyourselfbutyourfellowMaenads.Weexpectyou tomakemeaningfulbondswithyourfellowmembersanditisthegoalthatyouwill
eventuallycometorelyononeanotherinandoutsideoftheoffice.Obsessiondoesnot startonitsown.Youwerechosenforthis.YouareaMaenadandyouare finallyhome.
BacchanalianSolutionsInc.
777AthensAve Everywhere,USA12345 (XXX)XXX-XXXX
Overview/ExamplesofRituals
● InteractingwithorsharingyourObsessionviatheInternet.Werecommend somesortofsocialmediaplatformincludedbutnotlimitedtoTwitter, Instagram,TumblrorPinterest.
○ Minimumof5interactionsaday.Youwillbepenalizedifyoudonot meetthisquota.
● Purchasing/ContributingtoYourCause
○ MerchandiseisafundamentalpartofObsession
○ Youarerequiredtomakebi-monthlypurchasesofsomesortand providereceipts.
■ Thereisnominimumormaximumamounttospend.Thatisat yourowndiscretion.
● Promotion
○ Onceassignedtoasectoryouareresponsibleforindoctrinating engagingprospectiveclients.
■ Thisisdonebybeingactiveeitheronlineorinperson.The goalistoshareyourstoryandexperiencestoaprospect. Oncetheyarebroughtinthefoldtheybringsomeoneelsein andsoonandsoforth.Therearedifferentquotasbasedon yourspecificsector.Checkinwithyoursectionheadfor specificdetails.
● Sharing
○ Inweeklydepartmentalmeetingsyouareexpectedto,ona rotationalbasis,shareaboutyourObsession.Inaconstantly changingworldandinthisfastpacedworkenvironmentyouwillbe constantlyonthelookoutforanewObsession.Sharingyourswith yourcoworkersbenefitsnotonlyyoubutthecompanyasawhole.
○ Withinthissphereoftogethernessitisencouraged,butnotrequired togrouptogetherwiththosewhosharethesameObsessionasyou.
BacchanalianSolutionsInc.
777AthensAve Everywhere,USA12345 (XXX)XXX-XXXX
● Revelry
○ Inthespiritofourgloriousfounder,weinstitutmandatorycompany retreats,affectionatelyknownas“TheDionysianWeekend”.Onceevery quarterwegotothecompany’scompoundin TheAppalachianMountains
■ Thisisatimetoletlooseandtrulyembodythelifestyleourcompany isnamedfor.
■ Therewillbedrinking,dancingandallarounddebauchery.
■ Allarerequiredtoturninallelectronicdevicesatthestartofthe retreat,Theywillbereturnedtoyouattheconclusionoftheevent.
Ourapproachestoourdutieswillvarybetweenindividuals.Donotlosesightof whatisimportantandwhatyouareatriskfor.Ourleadertakesparticularinterestin especiallyhardworkingmembersandthechancesforupwardmobilityinthiscompany arehigherthanmost.Alternativelyourleaderfrownsuponthosewhodonottakethe workwedohereseriously.Failuretocomplywithcompanypolicywillresultinextreme sanctionsbeingtakenagainstyouandpossibledismissalfromtheorganizationasa whole.
BacchanalianSolutionsInc.
777AthensAve Everywhere,USA12345 (XXX)XXX-XXXX
The finalstepintheonboardingprocessisquitesimpleandtakesnotimeatallto complete.
Acceptance.
Youhavejoinedaferventteamofindividualsfromaroundtheworld.Peoplejustlikeyou whowereseekingoutsomethingbeyondthemselves.Peoplewhoneededsomewhere tobelong.Youhavefoundit.YouareaMaenad,afrenzied,ravingentity.Youarenot aloneandyouneverwillbeagain.EmploymentwithBacchanalianSolutionsisalifetime commitmentandwethankyouforallowingusintoyourlife.Restassuredthatyouare whereyouaremeanttobeandknowthis:
BacchanalianSolutionsInc.
777AthensAve Everywhere,USA12345 (XXX)XXX-XXXX
To:[Audience]
From:[zdion@bacc.org]
Date:[25DecemberXXXX]
Subject:[FurtheringtheMission]
Greetingsall,
Iamwritingtoyoutoinformyouthatournumbersthisquarterareexcellent.Excellentenough infact,thatwecanbreakgroundonPhaseTwoofourmission.Wewillgathertheboardand beginputtingourplansintoaction.Thetimehascometomakeourmove.
Donotfailme.Youknowtheconsequencesofyourshortcomings.
-Z.D.Ionysus
ZagreusDionysus
GodofMadness
Whatyoujustreadwasafictionalscenariowhereinacompanyexistsnamed“Bacchanalian SolutionsInc.Icreatedthislittleuniversetoillustratemyperceptionofwhatitmeanstobe obsessedwithsomething.ItookinspirationfromreligionandcorporatecultureandImelded themtogetherinacrossbetweenajobandacult.TheillustriousleaderofthiscompanyisZ.D. Ionysus,akatheGreekgodDionysus.Dionysusismostknownasthegodofwinebutheisalso thegodoffertility,theater,ecstasy,insanityandritualmadness.Heismostoftenassociatedwith creaturesofGreekmythologylikesatyrsandmostimportantlyhewasthepatronofagroupof womenknownastheMaenads.InclassicalmythologytheMaenadswerefollowersofDionysus. Sometimesknownasthe“ravingwomen''theyweretheoneswholetgocompletelyandlost themselvesinfrenzieddebaucheryatthebehestoftheirpatrongod.Iwantedtoshowthe relationshipbetweenpleasuresandmadnessandalltheinbetween.Pleasureandthepursuitofit hasdrivenpeopletodomanydifferentthingsthroughouthistory.Thepleasureofconqueringa nation,ofsubjugatingitspeopleandpulverizingitslandshasfallenuponmanyaworldleader. Thepleasureinbeinglovedandadoredbymillionsofpeoplefuelsthemindsofcelebritiesall over.Thehedonisticrushofbeingthesmartestormostpowerfulintheworldfuelspoliticians anddoctorsalike.Constantlyseekingoutthispleasureleadstoobsession.Peoplewilldo anythingandeverythingtogetwhattheywant.Theywillpullstrings,manipulateandmaneuver togettotheendtheywant.
Pleasureisseenaswrong.Somepeoplewouldsaywearenotmeanttobesoselfish,to seekwhatwewouldwantaboveall.Somereligionsaskyoutoforsakeeverythingelseandlivea piouslifeinordertogetagrandreward.Somereligionsaskyoutogiveanddevoteyourselfto oneomnipotentbeingandlivethewaytheywantyouto.Chasingafterpleasureisseenas hedonisticandpunishable.Thepursuitofpleasureisnotwhatshouldbevilifiedbutthepleasures themselves.Itisnotwrongtowantbutitmaybethedownfallofusall.