November 2017

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 24

Seattle’sChild

November 2017 // Issue 458

“Seattle is my town. I know this city inside and out… or so I thought until I had kids.”

Seattle’s Child is your guide to getting to know your city all over again. Finding things to do, places to eat, and how to get around — it’s a whole new ballgame with kids in tow. We’re interested in how parents make homes in a space-challenged urban environment, how families create community, and what parents are talking about. Seattle’s Child reflects real Puget Sound families and their broad range of parenting experiences.

ANN BERGMAN Publisher, Founder abergman@seattleschild.com

BOO DAVIS Art Director bdavis@seattleschild.com

MAGGIE TRAPP Executive Editor mtrapp@seattleschild.com

NICOLE SANTORA Calendar Editor calendar@seattleschild.com

MIKE MAHONEY Copy Editor

JEFF LEE, MD, BECCA BERGMAN BULL Columnists

JO EIKE, REBECCA MONGRAIN, ANDIE POWERS Contributing Editors

ERIKA LEE BIGELOW, JIAYING GRYGIEL, WILL O’DONNELL, SYDNEY PARKER, RONIT FEINGLASS PLANK, SAMANTHA CLAIRE UPDEGRAVE Contributing Writers

AMY CADWELL Publisher’s Assistant

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»What Parents Are Talking About

Finding giftedness

SEATTLE PUBLIC SCHOOLS AND PARENTS WORK TOWARD MAKING ACCELERATED PROGRAMS MORE EQUITABLE

Cohort (HCC), a student needs to score in the top 2 to 3 percent on standardized tests of cognitive, reading and math skills. SPS also offers Advanced Learning (formerly known as Spectrum) for students who have been evaluated for and designated as Advanced Learners.

However, both accelerated programs overwhelmingly consist of white students. In 2015, white students made up 45.6 percent of SPS population, but were 72.3 percent of HCC-eligible students. That same

The Racial Equity in HCC Team, a network of about 100 Seattle parents, teachers, students and community members district-wide, has worked hard this year to improve the racial equity of Seattle Public CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE >

Schools’ advanced learning programs. The Seattle school district offers advanced classes “for students who have been evaluated for and designated as Highly Capable.” To place into the Highly Capable

The Racial Equity in HCC team recommends helping teachers identify gifted students and anti-bias training.

What Parents Are Talking About

< Finding giftedness CONTINUED

year, 16 percent of students in the Seattle School district were black, but only 1 percent were in Advanced Learning programs. Among SPS’s 12 percent Latino student population, only 3 percent were counted as HCC- and Advanced Learning–eligible students. This compares to data from the U.S. Department of Education from 2009 that shows black students comprising 16.7 percent of total U.S. students and 9.8 percent of students in gifted programs. Data from the USDE also shows that as of 2009 Latino students comprised 22.3 percent of students

nationally and 15.4 percent of students in gifted programs. Among the 200 biggest school districts in the U.S., Seattle has the fifth-biggest gap in achievement between black and white students. Seattle’s whiteblack gap is also the biggest in Washington. Stephen Martin, Supervisor of the Highly Capable Services and Advanced Learning Programs for SPS, says, “We have been aware of this disproportionality and have tried a laundry list of initiatives, but what’s new this year is that we now have community partners to collaborate with.”

Devin

Bruckner, a parent of a child in

WIND. M i BLOWN.

the HCC program at Thurgood Marshall Elementary School and the current chair of Racial Equity in HCC, says the district leadership should take more initiative to make this issue a priority.

“I think one reason people don’t tackle this problem in Seattle is they think it’s fundamentally too complex. They shrug their shoulders and say, ‘This is the way it is everywhere,’” says Bruckner. “But the gap for African-American and Latino students in advanced learning is bigger in Seattle than it is other places. And even if Seattle’s gap weren’t bigger, does that mean you shouldn’t try to close it? That’s just ridiculous.”

The advocacy efforts of the Racial Equity in HCC Team over the past year have already demonstrated that change is possible. SPS has been giving all second-graders in mainly Title I (lower income) schools a CogAT (Cognitive Abilities Test) “screener” to help identify more children for Advanced Learning. In past years, the universal testing alone did not result in much greater representation of students of color, but in 2016 the equity team advocated for better outreach and follow-up with families, closer collaboration with schools, and testing during the school year rather than during the summer.

The district implemented the recommendations and recorded a significant increase in newly eligible students of color from the previous year. The equity team thinks these efforts could be taken even further with universal second-grade screening at all elementary schools in the district, not just Title I schools.

This fall, Bruckner’s team has rallied people who want to see greater equity in Seattle’s Advanced Learning programs to advocate for a concrete list of changes at school board meetings. For example, since teachers often prompt parents to refer their children to the HCC program, the group recommends both better training for teachers on how to identify gifted students and anti-bias training.

Under the guidance of the equity team, Thurgood Marshall Elementary Principal Katherine May has worked with teachers at her school, helping them to recognize giftedness in kids who don’t immediately stand out.

“A kid may come to us not speaking any English at all, but he or she develops language skills very quickly,” says May. “Even though they may not be getting the highest scores on grade-level content, the fact that they are acquiring English so quickly may be a sign of giftedness and shouldn’t be overlooked.”

Some parents with students in the HCC program have expressed concern that broadening the program will make it more difficult for their child to receive the high level of academic rigor they require to stay engaged. May says that fear is misguided.

“Sometimes there is a sense that if a child qualifies for HCC, that they are part of

< Finding giftedness CONTINUED

this group that is very similar in terms of their styles of learning or their abilities,” says May. “But within a classroom there is really a range of ability levels. Whether we are thinking about social-emotional needs or academic needs, teachers have always had to differentiate their approaches within that program.”

Eighth-grade students who are enrolled in the HCC program at several Seattle middle schools are currently automatically assigned to Garfield High School. As Garfield has recently reached capacity, the district is now in the process of soliciting community feedback on the Student Assignment Plan (SAP) and developing related future high school boundaries. In early November they’ll bring the recommended SAP changes to the school board.

In the meantime, the Racial Equity in HCC team will recruit volunteers, speak out at school board meetings, conduct outreach in the community, and learn from other programs and districts that have confronted the equity-in-education gap. Bruckner is optimistic that the future will be brighter.

“With greater political will and more support from top leadership, I think we will see change,” she says.

When should parents talk about race? It’s never too early

JASEN FRELOT, EDUCATOR AND FATHER, URGES

PARENTS NOT TO SHY AWAY FROM DISCUSSIONS ABOUT RACE

BY JIAYING GRYGIEL

Jasen Frelot has worked as an educator for 15 years and leads workshops teaching parents and educators how to talk about race. He founded Kids and Race three years ago when his wife was pregnant with their first child. In addition to leading Kids and Race, he is the founding director of Columbia City Preschool. Frelot has two young children and lives with his family in Seattle.

Why do we need to talk about race?

I can tell you, as a black father, it’s an essential conversation to have with

my daughter, with my son, for their bodily safety. For white people, the future is black and brown, and we want our children to be able to exist in an increasingly diverse world.

Is race an issue in liberal Seattle?

Most definitely. Seattle is among the whitest cities in America. So it’s easy for white Seattleites to say they love black people when they don’t know any. That said, I do think there is something special and exciting about Seattle. Seattle is unique in that it acknowledges that racism is an issue. A lot of cities don’t. We’re having real conversations about how

Q&A

The Power of Childhood

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What Parents Are Talking About

race plays into our education system and our criminal justice system.

I believe the conversation about race needs to be normalized and integrated into every conversation — how we eat our food, how we go about in society, how we do our business. Race impacts all of these things.

How early should parents start talking about race?

Research says that as soon as a child can communicate, they are showing signs of racial bias. When I say it’s never too early, it is never too early. Children often demonstrate racial bias before parents are ready or think they are capable of talking about those things.

My daughter is 2½ years old. I told her I was black, and she said, “I’m not black.” Our skin is different, but in this country, I told her, “she’s black.” Now she’s excited about it. The fact that she is excited shows me that I’m doing a good job raising her to be proud of who she is.

How do parents frame that conversation for small children?

We want to teach our children to notice racial disparities. This helps them to be critical thinkers who can recognize when a person is being silenced or disrespected.

I do this with my child while reading books. I point out whether there are people of color in the books, and I ask her to observe what they are doing. If there are no people of color in a book, I point out how that doesn’t match what we see around us. You can do this with all forms of media and with different areas of your child’s environment.

Children recognize racial differences, and they assign meaning to difference. It’s best for the parent or educator to explain differences to their children. If parents don’t, the kids are going to look at the media and the world around them and come to their own conclusions.

Our job as parents is to point out how race is impacting people of color in this city, to point out how this isn’t the way things should be. A lot of parents will say that their kids don’t notice race. They do.

Color blindness makes black and brown people invisible. We want to teach our kids to see people and to have empathy for people.

q Find out more at talkingrace.org

by Jeff Lee, MD

A little encouragement from across the fence

It’s a social disease

In 1961, a Stanford University psychologist named Albert Bandura performed a series of studies that have come to be known as the Bobo doll experiment. What these experiments tell us about human nature is both illuminating and scary.

A bobo doll is one of those inflatable clown dolls that are weighted at the bottom, so that if you knock it down, it’ll bounce right up again. Bandura filmed three videos of an adult actor punching a bobo doll, shouting at it and beating it with a hammer. In one film, the actor is reprimanded and punished for his behavior, in another he is praised and rewarded, and in the third there are no consequences at all. One by one, children were shown one of the videos and sent into a room with lots of toys, including a bobo doll. Elsewhere in the room was a hammer. Not surprisingly, the children who saw the aggressive behavior rewarded were much more likely to mimic it. Those who saw the behavior ignored copied it as well. Those who saw the doll punished left it alone.

But then came the most interesting part of the study. The children who had refrained from abusing the doll were told that they themselves would not be punished for doing anything that they had seen in the videos. Immediately, most of them grabbed the hammer and started whaling away at the doll, just as the others had.

I thought of this experiment on the August night that white supremacists staged a torchlight parade in Charlottesville, Virginia. I watched news footage of hundreds of young white men — some of them little more than boys, really — chanting racist and anti-Semitic slogans, brandishing clubs and firing guns. I wondered, who are these boys? Where do they come from? Why do they think this is okay?

The next day, one of them plowed his car into a crowd of counter-protesters, killing one young woman and injuring

many others. The news coverage afterward stressed the young man’s long history of erratic and troubling behavior. The leaders of the white supremacists denied any responsibility for the murder, arguing that this was an unhinged individual acting alone. Fox News claimed that the liberal media was sensationalizing the story for political purposes. The President of the United States asserted that there was blame “on many sides.”

In America, we have always been enamored with the idea of the rugged individual. We believe in personal

In America, we have always been enamored with the idea of the rugged individual. We believe in personal responsibility and agency. Accordingly, we believe that human behavior is largely the result of an individual’s character and values. But research tells a different story.

responsibility and agency. Accordingly, we believe that human behavior is largely the result of an individual’s character and values. But research tells a different story. Study after study has shown that our behavior can be altered radically by social context. Whether we cheat, lie and steal, or selflessly come to the aid of strangers, can

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CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGE

be manipulated simply by changing the social consequences of our actions. We are, after all, social creatures — pack animals, if you will. And whether our pack condones, encourages, ignores or punishes a particular behavior has a profound effect on what we do.

After the tragedy in Charlottesville, many of the racist marchers were outed online by people who wanted to expose them for what — and who — they were. It turns out that these men were not club-wielding, swastika-wearing, white-hooded Klansmen in their everyday lives. They were seemingly normal people, with normal jobs.

„ Read all of Jeff Lee’s columns on seattleschild.com

In many cases, their co-workers and even their own families didn’t know about their racist beliefs. And only a few years ago, these young men were little children just like any others. Just like our own.

Yes, sometimes violent hate crimes are committed by the mentally ill. But there are mentally ill people all over the world, and in most places this isn’t what they’re doing. And yes, there have always been racists. But the last time mobs of them marched through the streets with torches in proud procession they were members of the Hitler Youth in prewar Germany. Violence, hatred and aggression are a part of our nature. They’ve been hardwired into our brains since the first Homo sapiens picked up rocks and brandished them against outsiders from another tribe. The limit on that aggression, and our only real protection from it, is social condemnation. And when we fail to condemn aggression, or we lift the social penalty for expressing it, we unleash a demon that we may not be able to control.

It matters when we deny that social context encourages individual acts of violence. It matters when our leaders paint entire ethnic or religious groups as rapists, murderers or terrorists. It matters when our president claims that the ranks of white supremacists are filled with “very fine people.”

There’s a man with a bobo doll. He’s screaming at it and beating it with a hammer. Our children are watching. What happens next?

Jeff Lee writes, works and (these days) worries in Seattle.

Escape from Seattle!

ALL ABOARD! AN ALL-AGES TRAIN TO THE NORTH POLE

Capture the magic of The Polar Express by hopping aboard the train in Elbe for a special trip to the “North Pole.” Wear pajamas, listen to a reading of The Polar Express while sipping hot cocoa and nibbling on cookies with entertainment by chefs, while chug, chug, chugging up the train tracks. Santa will stop by with a special treat for each child. 3 mtrainierrailroad.com/ train-excursions/polar-express

»Romp

Go big and give back

The holidays are a wonderful time to gather as a family and give back to the community. Many local organizations are looking for donations of time, money or goods at this time of year. Introducing volunteering and service to children is also a great way of getting into the season of giving. Regular volunteering imparts to children a lifelong service ethic and helps improve our community. We’ve gathered a list of organizations that can use your family’s volunteer time and skills this holiday season. Every year, the Emergency Feeding CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE >

5 SPECTACULAR LIGHT DISPLAYS

1

Ivar’s Clam Lights

Dance with the clams at Ivar’s 24th Annual Clam Light display at Gene Coulon Memorial Park in Renton. Start the season on Dec. 1 with a tree-lighting ceremony, Santa pics and an Argosy Christmas Cruise Ship float-by at around 7:05 pm.

2

Olympic Manor Neighborhood Lights

This neighborhood tradition makes for a fun evening walk. Bring a can of food for donation, and try to spot Santa along the route. Take in the dazzling lights between NW 75th & NW 100th starting after Thanksgiving.

3

Candy Cane Lane

Since 1949, Candy Cane Lane in Ravenna has been lighting up the holiday skies with their display. The street’s 23 homes are adorned with lights, inflatables and reindeer, as well as signs of peace in multiple languages. Bring a can of food to support the food bank.

4

Woodland Park Zoo’s WildLights

Woodland Park Zoo lights up with thousands of brilliant LED lights starting in late November. Get in an indoor snowball fight at the Snomazium, ride the carousel, meet Santa’s reindeer and snap a photo with Santa himself.

5

Garden d’Lights

Head to Bellevue for the Garden d’Lights, an event that transforms the Bellevue Botanical Garden into a winter wonderland. Stroll along the paths to find old favorites such as Charlotte the spider and Willie the slug, along with some new favorites.

Romp > Chomp > Shop

Maya, when she was 6, raised more than $2,000 for Wellspring Family Services.

Romp

< Go big and give back CONTINUED

Program of Seattle and King County (EFP) provides more than 420,000 meals throughout King County. Located in Renton, the EFP is always looking for volunteers of all ages to help pack food bags, provide help at distribution sites and host food drives. Additionally, food or money donations are greatly appreciated. q emergencyfeeding.org

Wellspring Family Services provides social and mental health services for vulnerable individuals and families. Wellspring’s Kids Helping Kids program is a simple way to get kids started with generosity. Kids can collect donations in a jar provided by Wellspring; they’ll receive a tour of the facilities when they

Food Lifeline accepts volunteers as young as 6 to help repackage bulk donations of food in its Shoreline food bank. Food Lifeline, which calls itself the food bank’s food bank, provides surplus food from farmers, manufacturers, grocery stores and restaurants to other food banks. q foodlifeline.org

Treehouse is dedicated to providing foster kids with basic necessities along with summer camps, educational support and more. They have multiple volunteer opportunities for kids 6 and up, or children can host a holiday donation drive to collect toys for holiday celebrations. q treehouseforkids.org

The Atlantic Street Center has helped families thrive for more than a century. Volunteer opportunities are for those 13 and up. Teens can provide homework assistance, sort baby clothes and help during Family Study Time. q atlanticstreetcenter.org

For additional volunteer opportunities, search the Doing Good Together website for family-friendly opportunities under the Big-Hearted Families section. Doing Good Together works to help families give back to their communities with free monthly listings. Age restrictions are included in each listing.

q doinggoodtogether.org

KICK OFF THE HOLIDAYS WITH THE MACY’S PARADE

Featuring 25 inflatable floats, local marching bands, professional sports teams, nearly 650 costumed characters and community drill teams, this year’s My Macy’s 27th annual Holiday Parade will spectacularly launch the holiday season. Look for Santa and his reindeer-led sleigh at his holiday post at Santaland on the third floor at Macy’s Downtown Seattle. Visiting hours begin at 11 am. Come back later for the official lighting of the famous Macy’s star at 5 pm, followed by fireworks.

Right under your nose!

Here’s Maya’s T-shirt design; she sold more than 50 shirts.

LIGHTS AND ZOO FOOD

Starting Nov. 24, the Woodland Park Zoo will be transformed once again into the magical winter wonderland experience that is WildLights. This annual winter festival features dazzling light displays of wild animals and nature, made up from more than 600,000 LED lights. Kids love participating in the indoor snowball fights

in the Snowmazium and taking a ride on the zoo’s festively decorated historic carousel. Head to the north end of the zoo to meet some special reindeer guests, and then get your photo taken with the big man in red himself. When little tummies rumble, food kiosks can be found along the zoo’s pathways, and festive snacks are available for purchase at the Pizza Corner of the Rain Forest Food Pavilion and at the Pacific Blue Chowder House (which also provides covered seating for those rainy evenings). Through Jan. 1 (closed Dec. 24 & 25), 5:308:30 pm, 5500 Phinney Ave. N, Seattle 3 zoo.org/wildlights

SEATTLE’S FAVE POPCORN

If you’re looking for a unique hostess gift this Thanksgiving, or just thinking ahead to the holidays, check out local favorite KuKuRuZa Gourmet Popcorn. Founded in Seattle in 2008, KuKuRuZa grows their corn on a local, family-owned farm and handcrafts their 16 different flavor creations right here in town. The Seattle Style (dusted

with finely ground, local Zoka espresso) and Hawaiian Salted Caramel are perennial favorites. Be sure to try some of their seasonal specials like Gingerbread Cookie and Peppermint Cocoa. If your kiddos are big Seahawks fans, the blue-and-green 12th Corn, made with real blueberry and lime, is a fun treat for game day. 215 Pike St., Seattle; 2033 Bellevue Way SE (Bellevue Square) 3 kukuruza.com

q BY JO EIKE

»Chomp

Kid-friendly coffee spots

Fall is in full swing and summer’s a distant memory. It’s time to trade the splash pools and outdoor parks for somewhere a little more roof-friendly. Enter a new trend of coffee shops, geared less toward hipsters and more toward families, offering parents a place to eat and drink while their kiddos play and stay dry. Here are some great options in Seattle and beyond.

Wunderkind, a “LEGO café” in North Seattle’s Bryant neighborhood, offers a place where kids can create and parents can unwind. Relax in one of the comfortable dining areas as your kids build creations at one of the many LEGO tables, some geared towards toddlers, others offering more complex sets for older kids. An excellent selection of food is available, and craft beer and CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE >

> Romp >> Chomp > Shop

Evie and Sam Kuo enjoy some baked goods at Honey Bear Bakery.

Chomp

< Kid-friendly coffee spots CONTINUED

wine will keep parents happy. Day passes are available for $6; monthly/annual passes are available for purchase. q 3318 NE 55th St., Seattle, wunderkindseattle.com Firehouse Coffee serves Caffé Vita coffee and a wide range of snacks and food, and offers parking in its lot (a nice bonus in busy Ballard). Kids can enjoy an entire playroom full of books and toys, and the sliding door keeps roaming tod-

•

• Experienced,

•

•

• Summer,

• Prep

dlers (and tantrums) contained. q 2622 NW Market St., Seattle Lake Forest Park’s spacious Third Place Commons is a haven for families in North Seattle and beyond. Grab a coffee and a pastry from Honey Bear Bakery, then relax as your kiddos play in the enclosed play area or with the life-size chess set. To make a day of it, enjoy lunch at one of the many eateries in the food court, browse the shelves at Third Place Books, and check out storytime at the library

downstairs. q 17171 Bothell Way NE, Lake Forest Park, honeybearbakery.com

Redmond’s SoulFood CoffeeHouse is a community-driven café frequently hosting live music, poetry readings and even the occasional drum circle. Most of their menu is organic, with plenty of gluten-free options and a special “just for kids” menu. Their play area is decked out with toys and books; follow up your visit with a walk on the neighboring Sammamish River Trail. q 15748 Redmond Way, soulfoodcoffeehouse.com

GIVING THANKS OUT

For busy parents, tackling a Thanksgiving feast can be a daunting prospect. Luckily in Seattle we have many excellent eateries offering us the chance to hang up the apron, set down the baster, and let someone else do the cooking for us. Here are some of our favorite spots for a delicious dine-out Thanksgiving.

Daniel’s Broiler offers a traditional Thanksgiving spread at all three of its Seattle and Bellevue locations, with a four-course menu showcasing high-quality Northwest fare. If you’re not in the mood for turkey, entrée options also include a delicious prime rib with horseradish, roast pork or broiled salmon. The kids’ menu is offered at a discounted rate, and little ones 5 and under eat free. Various locations, schwartzbros.com

Cafe Flora has been serving Seattleites exceptional vegetarian fare for the past 26 years, and they offer an excellent alternative for those who want to skip the turkey this year. Look for sophisticated veggie options like filo spirals filled with wilted greens, pecans, Gruyere and fontina, or roasted acorn squash with chanterelle mushrooms, autumn vegetables, pear tangerine sage chutney, smashed cauliflower and Yukon gold potato, and wild mushroom gravy. The kids’ menu includes a mini shepherd’s pie as well as a pumpkin pie that will make the whole family thankful. 2901 E. Madison St., Seattle, cafeflora.com

For a truly swanky affair, head to the Four Seasons Hotel, where they serve a traditional buffet with some show-stopping sides (including local favorite Beecher’s mac ’n’ cheese) along with a view of Elliott Bay. The photo booth and kids’ area are an added bonus. 99 Union St., Seattle, fourseasons.com/seattle

For big kids and parents who are up late, Big Mario’s Pizza offers an unconventional but delicious alternative. Starting at 8 pm, they serve pizzas made with traditional Thanksgiving ingredients. You can choose the Turkey Pie with olive oil base, shredded turkey, gravy, stuffing and cranberries. Various locations, bigmariosnypizza.com

PHOTO COURTESY OF CAFE FLORA

MONSTER CURATION

These handmade maple blocks from Red Umbrella Designs will tickle your fancy with their silly faces and whimsical colors. Kids will love crafting their own non-scary monsters over and over again. The blocks are easy to wipe clean, and are finished with a 100-percent nontoxic sealant. $32 3 redumbrelladesign.com

LIVELY AND LOCALLY MADE

q BY REBECCA MONGRAIN

»Shop

CURIOUS CUTENESS

Adorable yet functional Baby Lux Design’s Curious Bear Bib and Burp Cloth Set keeps your baby dining in style. The reversible bib provides two easy-to-clean sides and includes Velcro for easy on-

latest book, Alexander Hamilton: Revolutionary, written for the younger reader. Exploring the eventful life of one of our Founding Fathers, Brockenbrough brings Hamilton to life with detailed research and lovely illustrations that show the extraordinary passion of a flawed man. $19.99 3 martha-brockenbrough.squarespace.com

Funko inspires funatics

Funko, the bobblehead company and crafter of Pop! figurines, has opened its first retail store in the heart of downtown Everett. Funko is best known for its licensed-focused collectibles, including everything from Star Wars figurines to Harry Potter collectibles, Spider-Man and more (there are even Golden Girls figurines).

The 17,000-square-foot flagship store, which opened in September, feels more like a museum than a traditional retail location. The Funko store features immersive worlds inspired by Marvel, DC Comics and more, along with 10-foot-high, jumbo-sized figures. Princess lovers will goggle at all the Disney princesses, from CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE >

> Romp > Chomp >> Shop

Isa Salazar couldn’t be happier, thanks to ber new Baby Groot bobblehead.

»Shop

< Funko CONTINUED

Belle to Elsa, featured along a large castle’s drawbridge situated in the rear of the store. There’s even a lifesize Batmobile with an Adam West look-alike in the driver’s seat for the Batman lover in all of us. Hop into the passenger seat and pose for an Instagram snap!

The Funko HQ store features a newly designed “Pop! Factory,” which enables visitors to build their own custom Pop! vinyl figures. Stop by “Funko University,” an area of the store dedicated to teaching and mentoring young students in the skills of drawing, sculpting and toy design.

Funatics, aka Funko fans, will find a large collection of licensed collectible products, including Funko Pop! vinyl figures, Dorbz, plush toys and more. Don’t miss the Loungefly handbags, backpacks and fashion accessories. After filling your cart, head next door to Karl’s Bakery & Cafe for Funkothemed cookies or larger-thanyour-head doughnuts. Visit Funko’s new location at 2802 Wetmore Ave. in Everett for an afternoon of fun! q funko.com

BOOK CLUB q BY ANDIE POWERS

Picks for feelings, connection and kindness

Tough Guys (Have Feelings Too) by

Keith Negley Flying Eye Books,

2015

Preschool-Grade 1

Did you know that ninjas, superheroes and brave knights have feelings too?

Tough Guys is a boldly colorful, minimally worded book that exposes young children to the importance of showing feelings and emotions.

Last Stop on Market Street by Matt de la Peña with illustrations by Christian Robinson G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2015

Preschool-Grade 3

Learn life lessons with little CJ as he and his Nana take an ordinary bus trip through the city to the last stop on Market Street. Winner of the 2016 Newbery Medal, this book is full of tough, real-life conversations with a backdrop of playful illustrations.

Jane, the Fox & Me by Fanny Britt with illustrations by Isabelle Arsenault Groundwood Books, 2013 11-14 years

This graphic novel, translated from the French, offers a poignant view into the world of an ostracized girl who escapes her worries through the words of Jane Eyre. A stunning reminder of the importance of connection and kindness.

Holiday book recommendations for young readers

BY REBECCA MONGRAIN

Giving a book as a gift is a wonderful way to share the love of reading with children. Local children’s book publisher Little Bigfoot, which is big on books for the younger set, shared its suggestions with Seattle’s Child. Here’s their list of the perfect books to give your little book lover this holiday season.

For the graphic novel/comic book lover: Where’s Halmoni? by Seattle author Julie Kim is a delightful picture book that follows a young Korean girl and boy as they search for their missing grandmother by following animal tracks through an unfamiliar, fantastical world. The graphic-novel-style story leads the kids into a world inspired by Korean folklore, including mischievous goblins (dokkebi), a greedy tiger, a clever rabbit and a wily fox.

For those looking for a laugh: Chibi Samurai Wants a Pet by author and illustrator Sanae Ishida shares the story of Chibi Samurai as he searches for a companion just like Little Kunoichi’s pet ninja bunny. This second addition to the LIttle Kunoichi series explores the many possibilities from Japanese culture — both real and mythical — and details how each creature might make the ideal pet. Little Kunoichi and her pet bunny cheer on Chibi Samurai as he searches high and low for his ideal companion.

For the little adventurer: Curious Kids Nature Guide by Fiona Cohen includes more than 100 full-color, scientifically accurate illustrations and fun facts, inspiring kids to discover the natural wonders of the Pacific Northwest. This nature guide is organized by habitat — forest, beach, fresh water, backyards and urban parks — and shares ecological lessons along with natural phenomena of our region. Budding nature enthusiasts will love this guide to exploring their natural world.

For the Seattle lover: Seattle ABC from Seattle author and illustrator John Skewes, the perfect companion to Larry Gets Lost in Seattle, follows Larry the pup and his owner and best friend Pete on an alphabetical journey through Seattle. They hit up all the Seattle stops from A (Seattle Aquarium) to Z (Woodland Park Zoo). Kiddos will have a blast seeing city sights as they learn their ABCs.

For the coloring book enthusiast: Drawn to Color, edited by Ben Clanton, features original artwork from more than 20 children’s book illustrators. This unique, Pacific Northwest-themed coloring book offers 50-plus pages for coloring. Coloring book lovers will find subjects ranging from the Space Needle to otters, wolves, sea serpents and even UFOs. This coloring book will appeal to both little ones and adults.

For the nature lover: If I Were a Whale, written by Shelley Gill and illustrated by Erik Brooks, is a colorful, rhyming board book featuring the whales of the Pacific, Atlantic and Arctic oceans. Toddlers will squeal with delight over the beautifully illustrated whales shown swimming in the deep blue sea. Parents will love sharing the simple whale facts, along with the whale artwork.

GROWING PAINS

As much as we love our kids, and as well as we think we know them, we all struggle at times to hear and understand what they need. Sometimes they want to be asked questions, and sometimes they want to do the asking. We need to let our kids know we’re listening to them, even when they don’t yet know what to say.

What kids want You to know

As they get older, our kids want us to hear and understand them in new ways

BY RONIT FEINGLASS PLANK

My middle schooler is trying to tell me about something that happened to her, and I immediately start asking questions. I interrupt her and offer my advice. I give her directives.

She stops mid-sentence and says, “You’re the worst person to tell things to.” My jaw drops. I can’t believe she feels this way. When I’m able to speak again I say, “Please go on. I’m sorry.” She says, “No. Ask Dad. He actually listened to the whole story.” Maybe you, like me, have found it difficult to understand what your child wants as they get older. What once might have seemed easy, like offering a hug or having a good talk, isn’t as straightforward anymore. Our growing kids seem to be trekking across uncharted lands, exploring new social and emotional territories so they CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE >

PHOTOS

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JOSHUA HUSTON

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What kids want you to know

can become the people they will be. As parents it can feel like we’re just keeping up, barely able to catch our breath.

We want to parent “right.”

We want our kids to feel good about themselves, and we want to give them the resources and support they need to succeed. But sometimes we get in their way. And sometimes we get in our own way. Of course there are beautiful moments and moments of peace, but very often being a parent can be confusing. “After ages 5 or 6,” says Carla Hershman, LICSW, a Seattle therapist, “there is more separation. We can keep [our kids] safe, but not in the same way.”

I asked boys and girls from 5 to 15 years old for advice they would give parents of kids their age. I also asked them how they want their parents to show them they care, and what they want parents to know about what it’s like being their age. I want to thank these kids for their contributions and their willingness to share their perspectives.

Kids ages 5 to 8

A 5-year-old respondent wants parents to know that kids his age need love, and he likes his parents to show him they care with nice words and hugs, while his 8-year-old brother prefers that his parents show him love by playing games with him. Older kids recall that when they were younger they wanted their parents to help them with tasks, read them books, snuggle with them, and do art with them. One 11-year-old remembers that as a kindergartner he liked

“extreme affection” and appreciated his parents “applauding everything” he did. Another writes that she liked her parents “cooking for me, hugging me.” A teenager reflects on her kindergarten years as a time when she liked “hugs and kisses and all the little things” from her parents.

Kids ages 9 to 10

This group of children was also clear about their desire to be close to their parents. Their advice for raising kids their age includes “spend lots of time with them,” “take some time off to always listen,” and “give space, but not too much.” “Don’t be too hard on us,” answers a 10-year-old boy; another notes, “We need quite a bit of attention.”

When asked how they liked their parents to show they care, a 10-year-old girl writes, “By talking

to me about life.” “Snuggling me while watching movies with me and hugging me,” a 10-year-old boy answers. These kids want parents to know that “it’s hard to fit in.” “At school,” one girl writes, “you’re with moody friends that switch between liking you and not liking you.” “Life can be tough,” a 9-year-old boy answers. “Honestly,” writes one teen, “just enjoy still having a kid, and get ready for puberty. It’s gonna be a change.”

Kids ages 11 to 12

The responses from the kids in this group show how they are beginning to ask parents for more space. Writes one kid, “I would tell [parents] not to ask so many personal questions unless the child wants them to.” “Give [us] chances,” another writes. “Don’t raise your voice immediately.”

Parents can show they really

Talking the talk

Seattle’s experts on adult-child conversations discuss their work

Growing up can be hard, and talking about growing up can be harder. For 30 years, Seattle’s Great Conversations has promoted dialogue about the hard stuff. They offer classes for

preteens and the adults they live with on topics like puberty, sexuality and decision-making. The instructors at Great Conversations allow adults and kids to come together to talk and listen, and they help make

these conversations fun, respectful, and factual. We asked co-founders Julie Giesy Metzger, RN, MN, and Robert Lehman, MD, how their work has changed and how it has changed them.

JM on the girls’ classes: The content of the classes is really driven by the questions girls ask, and over the years their questions have taught me and helped me.

care by giving kids “freedom and lots of time to hang out with friends.” One kid recommends “leaving me alone unless I ask for help” and that parents “yell as little as possible.” A 12-year-old girl offers this insight: “If we’re upset and we say it’s nothing, it’s really something. So if we tell you to go away, please come back. Even if we say ‘leave’ we want you to be there.”

“I like them to just tell me they love me,” one boy answers. Another wants “acknowledgement, love, support.” An 11-year-old boy asks for “lots of one-on-one time together,” while a 12-year-old boy suggests that parents “set up a hangout with friends or host one.”

One kid wants parents to know that “at my age I’m sort of stepping into a new world, almost. And sometimes I like my personal stuff to be personal.” “I like freedom and

It’s not a one-way thing to teach this class. I see families from all different cultures, and I get to see the way girls are taught to grow up in many different ways. The power of this, the pleasure in this — it never goes away even 30 years on. The importance of the information we cover in class has never diminished. There’s an endless hunger for this information. And it’s not just information. Parents come back because of the shared experience they have with their children. We’ve seen a mother of four return

with each of her daughters. It’s not just the information at that point; it’s the shared experience. It’s not simply a checklist of topics. It’s the moving experience of being there. If it was just information, we could give a handout to every pediatrician in the country. Rather, this is a chance to sit and laugh and cry and talk, and then you get in the car, and it just keeps going. What we do is open up the conversation.

RL on the boys’ classes: Some of what we do in class comes from prior classes. For instance, in the past

hanging out with my friends,” one boy writes. “I like [parents] to know enough to help me and comfort me. I don’t like them knowing enough that they micromanage everything I do.” One 12-year-old girl says that she sometimes feels she might be growing up too fast or choosing clothing that is too mature, and she argues with her mother about this. But she wants her mother to tell her to “slow down,” that it’s too fast. Echoing her, one boy explains, “Sometimes you get feelings you don’t know the reasons for.”

Kids ages 13 to 15

By the time kids become teenagers, parents can feel that they and their sons and daughters are speaking different languages. One 14-year-old girl writes, “Sometimes I wish they would understand that I’m in a bad mood

and need my space. They tell me that’s fine, but then get mad when I snap because I’m in a bad mood.” She adds, “This is a time for us to experiment and figure out who we are. Have guidelines, but let us make our own decisions.” “High school can feel isolating,” writes a 15-year-old boy. “If you think that your kid feels alone, make sure you give them support and activities they will feel engaged or interested in.”

They may be getting older, but these kids still need their parents. “I want to spend time with my parents, and occasionally I need a favor,” one writes. They like their parents showing they care by “talking” and “little positive comments here or there. Say when you’re proud; don’t just think it.” These kids appreciate their parents “supporting me, sympathizing, teaching me to be

a good person,” and “driving me, cooking for me, respecting my decisions.” These teenagers want parents to remember “that we all make mistakes.” They admit they are “moody” and know “it can be hard on everyone. Be patient.”

Although there is no magic potion to make parenting troublefree or easy, the good news is that the approach we take with our kids can mirror the approach we take to nurture any good relationship. We can get closer to our kids by engaging them, listening to them, respecting them, showing them we care, and meeting them on their own terms.

As kids mature, “if things are going well,” Hershman says, “they’re becoming their own person, with separate ideas and with separate experiences. We can’t be with them in the same way. For lots of parents, it can be sad or

worrisome that they’re less needed. Kids are also separating, and it’s just as scary at times for them.”

Our kids want us to understand them. They want to have a good relationship with us. But we need to give them room to be themselves, and there are ways to show them we love them, even when they don’t seem to want our kisses and hugs or input as much as they used to. Especially as children get to middle school and high school, “it’s still your job to stay authentically connected to them in an emotional way,” Hershman says. “You can tell them ‘OK, take some space, but I’m still here, and I’m still going to check on you.’”

I’m proud to say I might have learned something from the kids I surveyed. The other evening my daughter came up to my room where I was reading. She sat by me on my bed and began telling me about her plans for the next day. I put my book down and remembered to listen, truly listen. I didn’t interrupt this time. I chimed in only after she was finished talking. A moment or two passed, and I asked her if she wanted me to come downstairs with her. She leaned back into my propped-up legs and said, “No, I like being up here with you.”

When parents are patient and understanding, kids respond. Kids appreciate when we listen to them and show them we respect their opinions, when we gather clues about their state of mind and what’s important to them. Letting them know we care is essential; they need to feel that from us. They want to hear that we love them — even in those moments when they might be scowling at us.

Ronit Feinglass Plank is a mother, writer and teacher who has led Program for Early Parent Support (PEPS) groups in the Seattle area.

I’d point to a penis on an anatomical poster and ask, what is this called? No response. I realized many were freaked out at the thought of saying that word aloud before strangers, so I asked the whole class to yell PENIS! three times. They all laughed. End of problem. It’s amazing how much has not changed since the early ‘90s. The boys still ask terse, pithy, often misspelled questions about mechanics. But there have been a couple of big changes. Sexual orientation rarely came up as a question in the early years. Then parents began asking how they could tell if their son was gay.

Then came questions from boys about what it means to be gay. Several years ago we changed our curriculum to include sexual orientation in every class. A realization came early on for me that this was not primarily for the boys. I had to talk to them in language they’d understand, but the message is really for the grown-ups — to model how to talk to their boys on these topics, to make it easier by speaking in a relaxed and frequently humorous way, and by throwing a lot of topics out there that are sometimes new territory for them. q www.greatconversations.com

Dr. Rob Lehman and Julie Metzger co-founded Great Conversations, the go-to program on puberty and sex ed for Seattle area families.

Do what you do and not what I say

BY WILL O’DONNELL

“Hey!” I yell to my 12-year-old. “RIDE STRAIGHT!”

He wobbles across the width of the bike lane, bored with the task of merely making his way to our destination while I huff and puff from the last minor incline. Traffic is steady, and passing cars repeatedly swerve into the opposite lane to avoid him.

Every few feet of the not-very-long bike ride from the house to the grocery store, he’s been bouncing off curbs, swerving around manhole covers, jumping potholes or bunny-hopping storm drains.

“Cars aren’t watching out for you. You have to watch out for them.”

“Sorry, Dad,” he says with no trace of remorse, accepting my admonishment and then speeding ahead, not the least bit bothered by my obvious frustration.

Who taught him to ride a bike like that? The kid’s gonna get killed if he keeps that up.

The truth is, my 12-year-old boy knows how to ride a bike much better than I do. He’s ridden farther, faster and harder than I ever have. He’s ridden long-distance routes with his mother, and he’s ridden up and down and around muddy foothills with a recreational mountain bike team. He has better balance and stamina than I

do. He has better hearing, vision and confidence than I do. He rides 2 miles to school and back nearly every day, up and down a not-insubstantial hill. My son is not a daredevil. He is, instead, merely naturally confident.

When he was young, he liked to fry eggs. At 4, my little towhead would stand on his stool next to the stove. He would crack eggs on the side of the cast-iron pan and pry them open with his thumbs, hoping the hot butter didn’t splash back toward him as the egg and a bit of shell splooshed into the pan. After a few minutes, a few questions and lots of commentary, he’d attempt to flip the eggs with the stainless-steel spatula. I’d stand next to him, sipping coffee, chatting amiably, keeping a close eye and a free hand ready, hoping to minimize the risk of burns and trying to help him contain the mess. Cracked eggs would often end up spilled under the pan instead of into it. Flipped eggs could meet the same fate or find the floor instead. It was all in good fun, though. He was so little and eager and agreeable. The only thing I didn’t want to do was make him anxious or afraid. That would come later.

I cannot ride near him now without feeling anxious. I suppose riding with him has always been this way since he first learned at 5. I’m just surprised I still feel the way I do. I thought it would pass now that he’s so capable. It hasn’t.

The other day we rode down the hill from his mother’s house where we’d stopped so he could pick up his violin to busk downtown. He plays his violin on the street corners of our town. After school and on weekends since the age of 10 his mother has let him ride, on his own, the half-mile from her house to the downtown shopping district with a violin strapped to his back. One Christmas Eve he dressed up as an elf and made $60 in 15 minutes. In the rain.

He’s a cute kid. Not quite as cute at lightly pimpled 12 as he was at 10 in an elf suit, but his playing is better now. When the two of us make it to the bottom of the hill, I ask where he’s going to set up, and he points to a spot across the street in front of an ornate Victorian building. We’re standing next to the bike rack, getting ready to part ways, when I notice he doesn’t have his lock.

his

Enrolling Preschool - Grade 8

GROWING PAINS

< Do what you do and not

“Dude, where’s your lock?”

He’d just gotten a new, almost fancy bike for Christmas. Why didn’t he have the cable lock wrapped around his seatpost where it was supposed to be?

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, Dad.”

Instead of leaving them in the rack, we walk our bikes across the street to his favorite spot. It’s shady there, cold without the sun on a Tuesday mid-afternoon in March. Not many people are out. I want to tell him he should set up somewhere else, or that maybe he should wait until Saturday when more people would be out. And if he does insist on busking, I want to tell him that he should use the money he was going to make to buy a lock. I also want to tell him he needs to be more careful, that people aren’t bad, necessarily, but they’re stupid, or if not stupid, then distracted, and anyway, his bike was expensive, and maybe be careful talking to certain strangers, and...

For the past few years I’ve been sleeping in more when my kids are with me. I have a daughter too. She’s 9. My ex and I each take the kids half the week. I can sleep in now because the kids feed themselves breakfast.

end not on a little plate as I do, but right back down on the counter, maybe right in the smear of raw egg.

“Put some spinach in the pan with the eggs, buddy,” I say. And then baby spinach is pulled out of the fridge and onto the raw-egg–smeared counter, which is opposite the stove. Baby spinach leaves spill onto the counter, then the floor, and again the stovetop as he carries a loose handful across to the pan.

It’s often at this point that I’ll dismiss him and finish making breakfast on my own, no longer able to bite my tongue and stand by silently witnessing the pandemonium. Other times I’m worse, chastising him for each misstep, each gaffe.

“Dude, get a plate.” “In the pan, kid, eggs go in the pan.” “You can’t just put the dirty spatula down there!” “You’re burning them, dude, you can’t read and cook. Put the book away. Aargh, I’ll do it. Go pack your bag.”

I think about this after leaving him to busk. All of my close-watching, nagging corrections and concerns aren’t really helping him figure things out. In fact, I think he’s more likely to make a mess or ride like an idiot when I’m with him. I think my anxiety makes him more... anxious.

I leave him alone to busk and head to the café to work. An hour later he comes inside to meet me, carrying a wrapped present. He’d bought it for his sister — her birthday was the next day — with the money he’d made busking.

“It’s pretty nice out,” he says. “I think I might go back and make some money for myself this time.”

They even prefer it. They’ll get up, my son fries eggs while my daughter makes toast, and the two of them read their books and eat breakfast slowly. Maybe afterward they’ll do something amazing like play with LEGOs together for an hour without bickering. I get up later and find them constructing spaceships while an audiobook they’ve listened to 5 times already plays in the background. I check that all is good, and it is. I make my way to the kitchen to start some coffee, thinking proudly of my resourceful and good-natured kids.

On the mornings where instead we all rush to get ready for school and out the door, and I ask my son to make some eggs while I get lunches ready or help my daughter with her latest wardrobe crisis, the scene is less idyllic. On those mornings I might make sandwiches a foot away from him while he cracks eggs into a bowl to scramble. I’m horrified by how much raw egg he spills and then smears across the counter, the floor, and the stovetop. I’m annoyed when he uses the stick of butter to grease the hot pan, which I also do, and then places the melted, unwrapped

As a dad, I want to make things go right for my son the first time. But if I’m gonna help him be the strong, independent, capable person I want him to be, that he wants to be, I need to rein in my tendency to point out all the ways he might mess up. Once my son started to bike more often on his own, he didn’t get hurt or lost. He didn’t start hanging out with the kids who smoked near the brokendown dock. In fact, he only became more responsible as he grew more independent. I need to do precisely what my son has silently been telling me he wants me to do. I need to let him go, on his own, out into the world. I need to let him try.

This is what I’ve come to understand: I’m afraid of the larger world that will envelop my growing son, but he can’t wait to meet it. I know I’m not entirely wrong to fear all the dangers, and he’s not wrong to be excited about the opportunities. It’s my job as a parent to keep warning him about life’s hazards, and it’s even my job sometimes to let him know when I think he’s doing things the wrong way. Luckily, my son keeps reminding me without ever actually saying it that we succeed by being open, and we learn by making mistakes. Without trying to, he’s teaching me how to raise him. The real question is not so much if he’ll listen to what I have to say, but if I’ll be willing to really hear him.

Will O’Donnell is a father of two and lives in Port Townsend.

Arguing in a wetsuit

What our kids can teach us if we’re ready to learn

BY SAMANTHA CLAIRE UPDEGRAVE

Arguing with your kid while standing in a wetsuit is like dumping 39 years’ worth of dirty laundry onto a boat ramp for a bunch of tanned, twentysomething marine biology students to witness.

My 8-year-old son and I are suited up. His narrow body moves comfortably, while the neoprene rubber gathers my rounded belly and shapely bits into pillowed lumps, my arms slightly aloft where the stiff material webs at my armpits. The students, just in from a swim, stretch out on towels, apply sunblock to their tanned skin, and look down or to the side, anywhere but the scene of the fight.

My boyfriend Josh and his two kids are already in the water off Southern California’s Catalina Island. His kids are plopped facedown, exploring, their snorkels cutting the surface, while my kid sets his heels into the shore, folds his arms, cries and yells, and flares

his nostrils like a bull.

“Just let him stay. He’s fine,” Josh calls from the water. He moves farther out and waves me in with both hands.

I turn to my son again.

“Last chance.”

I set my jaw, close my eyes, and inhale through my nose. My stomach muscles contract. Huff out the exhale.

“We’ll be together. You can hold my hand the whole time. I won’t let go,” I say with the exhaustion of repetition. I’m trying to be more patient. Even though his dad and I divorced when my son was still an infant, he’d always stayed with him a couple of times a month until the beginning of this year when his dad moved out of state without telling anyone, carving a

The author and her son on terra firma.

GROWING PAINS

< Arguing in a wetsuit CONTINUED

hole in the cavity of our son’s chest.

My son throws down his mask, hugs his arms tighter, raises his right leg and stomps.

After a rushed round of mindful breathing, I walk backward by inches. The warm ocean water laps over the heel of my flippers and flitters around my toes, the soles of my rough feet. Without my glasses on, the rocks and my son and the sunbathing students blur to indiscriminate shapes, just as the concrete ramp seems to soften as it turns slick from strands of green algae. The ocean rushes in through an undetected tear across the left knee of my borrowed suit, filling it with water and air bubbles as I adjust my mask, insert the snorkel’s plastic mouthpiece, and flip onto my belly.

My face breaks the surface, and I know why my son is afraid. During those first few underwater breaths, when the pressure rearranges in my chest and head and the sound of my own breath through the spiral tube fills my ears, I experience something akin to panic, my body and mind uncertain and afraid. I talk myself through it, push past the decades of failures and anxieties that flood my mind. As I float, prostrate and gazing around, I ease into a different view. In the vastness of the ocean, even in this protected cove, my presence is small. And if I’ve learned nothing else from raising a kid, from the past 7½ years of single parenting, it’s that life is made up of the small, ordinary things that are easy to miss. I settle into the rhythm of my breathing and wish my son were next to me. I want him to know he’ll always be more than the ache that’s eddying inside his small body.

And it’s not just the strange breathing. I know the other reason he’s afraid, why his heels are dug into the land, why he’ll stand in one place looking out the entire time, his eyes scanning the surface and trained on my bobbing rubber form, watching me with his arms folded. A few strong outbound strokes, now 20 feet from the shore and still in shallow water, I spot the first shark. Then another and another and another, until it seems the entire shiver, as they’re collectively called, is switching back and forth in an elongated series of “S” shapes above the width of the submerged boat ramp, their tawny, spotted, seven-finned bodies taking a sharp, hooked turn at the edge where concrete meets seabed.

I’d swum through this formation earlier in the summer when I was here without my son. I’d even Wiki-verified that the leopard shark is harmless to humans, with only one known attack on a man in 1955 that resulted in a bloody nose, and that they forage the sandy bottom for clams and rays and fat innkeeper worms. But they look like… sharks. Slender-bodied and finned, round-snouted, glassy-eyed, primitive, predatory beings that evolved before the dinosaurs and existed on earth before the first insects. The reptilian part of my brain quakes and shudders.

On the other side of the sharks, Josh waits. I paddle over. He takes my hand. Relief buoys me as much as the suit’s pockets of nitrogen

gas do. His kids kick their legs and swim toward me. They point to fish, hold my arm, and hitch a ride over to the seagrass. The water is warm, sparkling, crystalline. Kelp reaches skyward and sways with the waves, an anemone clings to the submerged walls of a cave, sea hares graze on the ocean floor, and in deeper water a bat ray rests on the sandy bottom, the tips of its wings curling as it takes flight and glides toward me.

Heading back to land, I have to cross the shark patrol line again. I know they’ll swing their tails and scatter, giving me a wide berth, but I stop paddling my arms. The wetsuit holds me at the surface. My body gently rocks with the waves. I let go. Mothers. We think our bodies will keep our babies safe from the world at large — from heartbreak, violence, forgetting a favorite toy on a ferryboat. But life is on the move. There are things that are lost and parents who leave; there are sharks at the shoreline.

I emerge. The students are gone. Water drips from the cuffs of my wetsuit. I kiss the top of my son’s sun-warm head, and salt-tangled strands of my hair land across his ear and cheek. He’s so small, 8 years old and barely 50 pounds. Had I accepted his change of heart once we got to the water’s edge, instead of digging in his heels in anger he would’ve happily played among the rocks and budding marine biologists, chatting about the crabs in the small tide pools while sometimes singing Beauty and the Beast songs to himself. Like most parents, I want my kid to be happy, to move through life knowing he’s supported and loved. I thought if he could face this particular fear with me at his side, he’d know how brave he can be. But sometimes what I want for him isn’t about him at all; it’s about me. I want to be the cool parent who takes him on adventures, who shows him the world. And I also want my new partner, who’s brought us to this amazing place, to love us — as if my son’s willingness or unwillingness to enter the water is a measure of our collective worth or my lovability.

These selfless and selfish motivations got all knotted up as we stood on the shore locked in our ongoing battle of wills. All I saw was what I wanted for us both. What I didn’t see was my son. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t need to slip on a mask and suck life-sustaining oxygen from a tube poking above the waterline while facing the animal he’s most afraid of. He’s still trying to feel secure where he is. My son. He can’t lose me. Not to my romantic love or to my expectations. And especially not to sharks.

Samantha Claire Updegrave is a Seattle-based writer. Her work appears in Ghosts of Seattle Past: An Anthology of Lost Seattle Places, Brain Child, The Rumpus, High Country News, Bitch, Crosscut, Literary Mama and Hip Mama. By day she is an urban planner. She teaches writing at the Hugo House and is a cofounder of the Looseleaf Reading Series. Find her online: chwpress.com

LOCAL RESOURCES FOR BUSY PARENTS: Find classes, plan birthday parties and more with our constantly updated online directory of family-friendly businesses » seattleschild.com/directories

q BY ANDIE POWERS @ANDIEGWPOWERS

>>MakingHome

Making a mom cave

THIS NORTH SEATTLE MOTHER OF TWO HAS AN ORGANIZED SPACE TO CREATE AND WRITE, AWAY FROM THE CHAOS

“Things that belonged to the girls, teaching materials and activities I had created for the children, old memorabilia, LIVING LARGE IN SMALL AND UNIQUE SPACES

The idea of a man cave may elicit a few eye rolls, but what would you think of a mom cave? Megan Jepsen imagined just that, and with the help of Rachel Corwin of Spruce with Rachel, she was able to put together a creative and workable space

from which her entire family benefits. Megan, her husband, Marshall Balick, and their two daughters, Coco, 5, and Pearl, 3, live in an 1,800-square-foot home between Loyal Heights and Sunset Hill. For the the past few years Megan has used her

Montessori education background to run a small playgroup out of their basement — a program she’s now working toward licensing as an in-home toddler Montessori school (hopefully up and running in January of 2018). The mom cave, a 150-squarefoot office adjacent to the play area, had long been used as a dumping ground for unorganized items, as it was easy to hide things behind a closed door.

Megan Jepsen holds court in her reimagined space.

MakingHome

< Creating a mom cave CONTINUED

books, toys, old clothes, unorganized art supplies and a variety of other items were all over the place,” says Megan.

She craved a space where she could organize her materials, create personal art and write. Enter Rachel. The duo got to work mapping out the necessities for creating a truly organized and joyful space for Megan. The focal point of the room became a huge, Pinterest-worthy pegboard that is a station for all things creative and has a unique spot for each craft item, tool or utensil.

“The girls will say they want to paint or create a lemonade stand, and I have all the items at my fingertips to be able to create that world with them,” says Megan. “If my husband needs permanent markers, I know exactly where to find them.”

Along with being a station for play supplies, puzzles and toys, the mom cave also serves as an office space and quiet getaway from the chaos of life. “The momcave space is more a platform for me to be the leader or ground control, where I can help facilitate a home that is organized and

„ Is your family living large in a small space? We want to know! Email us at makinghome@seattleschild.com

Igniting a

less chaotic,” says Megan. As well as her Montessori items, all of Megan’s personal materials are accessible, which eliminates any scrambling for items when she does have time for herself. The new desk area — pieced together from another of Rachel’s clients — allows her to print, create and

finish projects.

“I love my family and all the joy and chaos they bring,” says Megan. “But I also crave having a place I can escape to and be calm and collect my thoughts. They know it’s a special place for me.”

q For more photos, see sprucewithrachel.com

BY

PHOTO

JOSHUA HUSTON

A pegboard station has a unique spot for each craft item, tool or utensil.

Erika's picks for November

Nov. 4

Green Seattle Day

Make like the Lorax and speak for the trees this Saturday! Come join hundreds of volunteers in 22 parks throughout Seattle and plant new saplings. Tools, snacks, lunch and instruction provided.

Nov. 12

Bunka no Hi Japanese Culture Day

A free festival at the ID’s Japanese Cultural & Community Center showcasing taiko drumming, traditional tea ceremonies, live music, dancing, food, martial arts, games and crafts.

Nov. 18

Free Planetarium Show

Head to Bellevue College’s Geer Planetarium for a free 45-minute show, including a screening of Secret Lives of Stars, followed by a live look at the brightest stars and constellations of the night.

Nov. 19

Green Lake Gobble & Mashed Potato Munch Off

Work up an appetite with a 5K or 10K run around Green Lake, then fill up on comfort food at a mashed-potatoeating competition. Free Tiny Turkey Trot for 12 and younger.

Nov. 30

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Experience your childhood all over again with a liveaction adaptation of the classic Peanuts holiday movie at Greenwood’s Taproot Theatre. Pay-whatyou-can preview Nov. 30. Through Dec. 27.

»Calendar

11/17

Wednesday, November 1

NORTH SOUND

Into the Woods. This award-winning musical follows some of the original Grimm fairy-tale characters with a twist. Recommended for ages 10 and older; see online for Preview Guide. 7:30 pm tonight and various times through Nov. 19. $$$. Everett Performing Arts Center. www.villagetheatre.org

Thursday, November 2

SEATTLE AREA

Family Nature Class: Mushroom Mania. Kids ages 2 to 5 and their families can learn about mushrooms. This drop-in series features indoor and outdoor learning with a hike, games, and storytime. 9:30 to 10:30 am today through Sat. $$. Pre-register. UW Botanic Gardens at Washington Park Arboretum, Montlake. www.botanicgardens.uw.edu

MathFest. Kids ages 3 to 11 can build confidence and enthusiasm for math by playing carnival-style math games for prizes. 5 to 7:30 pm. FREE, pre-register. Rainier Community Center, Seattle (Rainier Valley). www.zenomath.org

Go, Dog. Go! See a stage adap-

tation of the popular book of the same title presented by Seattle Children’s Theatre. Recommended for ages 3 and older. 7 pm tonight; various times through Nov. 26. $$$. Seattle Children’s Theatre, Seattle (Lower Queen Anne). www.sct.org

NORTH SOUND

KIDSTAGE’s Oliver! Awardwinning musical based on classic Dickens novel presented by all-youth performers. 7:30 pm tonight through Sat. and 2 pm Sun. $$. Cope Gillette Theatre, Everett. www.villagetheatre.org

SOUTH SOUND

Late Play Date. On the first Thursday of every month, free admission and activities perfect for families with children ages 3 to 12. 6 to 8 pm. FREE. White River Valley Museum, Auburn. www.wrvmuseum.org

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Friday, November 3

SEATTLE AREA

Hansel and Gretel and Scaredy Squirrel. Enjoy a 45-minute theater show created just for little ones. Part of the Theater for Young Audiences series. 11:15 am today at Belltown Community Center, Belltown and Nov. 17 at Loyal Heights Community Center, Loyal Heights. www.seattle.gov/parks

Family Fun Night. Families are invited to enjoy indoor fun with bouncy houses, tumbling mats and more. 6 to 7:30 pm. $. Magnolia Community Center, Magnolia. www.seattle.gov/parks

Small Frye: Storytelling + Art. Kids ages 3 to 5 and their caregivers are invited to see a dramatic story reading by Seattle Children’s Theatre. This month’s book is Mo Willems’ Should I Share My Ice Cream? Then participate in an optional, hands-on art class related to the story (11:15 am). Pre-register for the art class. 10:30 am. FREE. Frye Art Museum, First Hill. www.fryemuseum.org

EASTSIDE

Preschool Pony Playdate. Enjoy ponythemed activities followed by a pony ride. 10:30 am and 11:15 am. $$$. Pre-register. Farrel-McWhirter Farm Park, Redmond. www.redmond.gov/parks

The Pied Piper of Hamelin. Performed by Bellevue Youth Theatre, this show follows the story of a town overrun with rats and a bad mayor. 7 pm tonight; and various times through Sun. $$. Bellevue Youth Theatre, Bellevue. www.parks.bellevuewa.gov

SOUTH SOUND

Free Friday Night. Enjoy free museum admission and autumn-themed activities, including making wood cookie necklaces, foraging in the garden, and creating autumn-inspired works of art. 5 to 9 pm. FREE. Hands On Children’s Museum, Olympia. www.hocm.org

Saturday, November 4

SEATTLE AREA

Short Run Comix & Arts Festival. This 7th annual festival brings together over 270 comic artists from all over the world, with an emphasis on the local scene. Also enjoy art demos, a bake sale and live performances. 11 am to 6 pm. FREE. Fisher Pavilion and the Vera Project at Seattle Center, Lower Queen Anne. www.shortrun.org

Halloween Candy Buy Back. Sell excess Halloween candy back at $1 per pound (maximum 5 pounds). The candy will then be included in care packages for troops serving overseas. 11 am to 2 pm. FREE. Tully’s Coffee, Capitol Hill. www.drkeithbwongseattle.com

Green Seattle Day. Join hundreds of volunteers in 22 parks all over Seattle to plant trees.

SEATTLE GIRLS’ CHOIR

Tools, snacks, lunch and instruction provided. See details online. FREE. Various parks throughout Seattle. www.greenseattle.org

The Fluffy Tale of Adventure. Part of the Theatre for Young Audiences Series, this is the story of a kid, a sheep and a half-squirrel, halfwolf creature called ‘The Squolf’. All ages; special showings for ages 4 and younger on Sundays. 1 and 3 pm today; weekends through Nov. 12. $ to $$. Second Story Repertory, Redmond. www.secondstoryrep.org

Diwali Family Festival. Celebrate Diwali, the Festival of Lights with dance performances, hands-on art activities, a fashion show and traditional music. 11 am to 2 pm. FREE. Seattle Art Museum, Downtown Seattle. www.seattleartmuseum.org

Día de los Muertos Festival. Neighborhood procession at 4 pm, followed by a festival featuring music, dance, crafts, a community altar, sugar skull decorating, festive food and beverages, and more. 4 to 7 pm. FREE. Phinney Center, Seattle (Phinney Ridge). www.phinneycenter.org

Hmong New Year Celebration. Experience the food, traditional dances, cultural shows and music of the Hmong, people from the highlands of China, Laos and Thailand. 10 am to 6 pm. FREE. Seattle Center Armory, Lower Queen Anne. www.seattlecenter.com

The Tortoise and the Hare. A musical adaptation of the classic tale presented by StoryBook Theater. Best for ages 3 to 10. 11 am today, Shoreline Conference Center; various dates and locations through Nov. 26. $$. www.storybooktheater.org

NORTH SOUND

Trash Your Costume Trail Run. Runners and walkers on this mud- and obstacle-laden course are encouraged to wear Halloween costumes or dress-up clothes. Proceeds support Camp Fire youth programs. 10 am to 1 pm. $$$. Pre-register. Camp Killoqua, Stanwood. www.campfiresnoco.org

SOUTH SOUND

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Mark Twain’s classic story comes to life in this live musical adaptation. 11 am and 2 pm today, 2 pm Sun. $$. Tacoma Musical Playhouse, Tacoma. www.tmp.org

Tales Told In Ten. Olympia Family Theater hosts a 10-minute-play festival featuring six family-friendly plays. 7 pm tonight, 2 pm and 5 pm Sun. $$. www.olyft.org

Family Nature Walk. Explore a naturalistled walk through the park and learn how plants and animals adapt to the seasons. Ages 3 and older, no strollers please. 10 to 11 am. FREE. Pre-register. Wapato Hills Park, Tacoma. www.metroparkstacoma.org

Jet City Comic Show. Comics vendors, guest speakers, costume contest, gaming and more.

10 am to 5 pm through Sun. $$, free ages 10 and younger with paid adult. Tacoma Convention and Trade Center, Tacoma. www.jetcitycomicshow.com

Totally Kids Only Race. Kids ages 14 and younger (no adults!) can choose a 1- or 2-mile run. 9 am 1-mile, 9:30 am 2-mile. $ to $$. Wapato Park, Tacoma. www.metroparkstacoma.org

FARTHER AFIELD

KiDiMu Masters: Family Fun Day. The entire museum will be transformed into an 18-hole miniature golf course. 10 am to 4 pm. $$, $ ages 1 to 12, free 12 months and younger. Kids Discovery Museum, Bainbridge Island.

Sunday, November 5

EASTSIDE

Pineapple Classic 5K. 5K obstacle race for teams of two or more, followed by a luau. Wear a costume and bring a change of clothing and shoes — you’ll get dirty. Ages 8 to adult. 9 am. $$$. Benefits Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Marymoor Park, Redmond. www.llswa.org

SOUTH SOUND

Día de los Muertos. Community celebration of Day of the Dead. Art-making, performances, food, face painting, and exhibitions of a tapete (sand painting) and community altars. 10 am to 4 pm. FREE. Tacoma Art Museum, Tacoma. www.tacomaartmuseum.org

Monday, November 6

SOUTH SOUND

Little Red Hen. See the classic tale of the hardworking hen with fair-weather friends. This show is part of the “Let’s Play” series featuring short, interactive shows for kids ages 5 and younger. 10 am today, Thu. through Sat, and 11:30 am Fri. $. Olympia Family Theater, Olympia. www.olyft.org

Wednesday, November 8

SOUTH SOUND

Story Hour. Enjoy storytime inside the Conservatory followed by a craft activity. This month’s story is The Curious Garden by Peter Brown. 11 am to noon. $. W.W. Seymour Conservatory in Wright Park, Tacoma. www.metroparkstacoma.org

Thursday, November 9

SEATTLE AREA

Mr. Popper’s Penguins. Enjoy a fun musical about an English couple who invite Antarctic penguins to live with them. 7 pm tonight; various times through Dec. 31. $$$. Seattle Children’s Theatre, Lower Queen Anne. www.sct.org

Seattle International Auto Show. See hundreds of new cars, including exotic and alternative-fuel vehicles, plus kids ages 3 to 7

can drive small electric cars. 2 to 9 pm today, noon to 9 pm Fri., 9 am to 9 pm Sat., 9 am to 6 pm Sun. $$, free ages 12 and younger with adult. CenturyLink Field Event Center, Downtown Seattle. www.seattleautoshow.com

NORTH SOUND

Disney on Ice: Follow Your Heart. See popular Disney characters skating to their greatest hits. $$ to $$$. 7 pm tonight; various times through Sun. www.xfinityarenaeverett.com

Friday, November 10

SEATTLE AREA

Acro-Biographies: Flipping the Page. Cirrus Circus’ latest show will feature all-new original numbers on trapeze, aerial fabric, and Chinese pole, as well as contortion, club juggling, unicycle, clowning and more. $$ to $$$. 7 pm tonight; various times through Nov. 18. Broadway Performance Hall, Capitol Hill. www.brownpapertickets.com

Discover Science Weekend. Aquarium scientists and visiting scientists share their research through exciting, interactive experiments and presentations. 9:30 am to 5 pm through Sun. Included with admission. $$ to $$$, free ages 3 and younger. Seattle Aquarium, Downtown Seattle. www.seattleaquarium.org

Global Party. High-energy performance of cultural and contemporary dance and music, featuring young local performers. 7:30 pm, doors open 6:30. $$. Moore Theatre, Downtown Seattle. www.stgpresents.org

EASTSIDE

As You Like It. See Shakespeare’s classic comedy presented by Bellevue Youth Theatre. Recommended for ages 8 and older. 7 pm tonight; various times through Nov. 19. $$. Bellevue Youth Theatre, Bellevue. www.parks.bellevuewa.gov

SOUTH SOUND

Sea Critter Story Time. Enjoy story time and

visit with sea stars, snails and hermit crabs. 10:30 to 11:30 am. FREE. Woodmont Library, Des Moines. www.mast.highline.edu

The Jungle Book. See an all-youth ensemble perform a stage version of the popular story. 7 pm tonight and Sat., 3 pm Sun. $$. Tacoma Youth Theatre, Tacoma. www.tacomayouththeatre.org

Saturday, November 11

Veterans Day

SEATTLE AREA

Autism Early Open. Families affected by autism spectrum disorder are invited to explore Pacific Science Center during a special free morning visit before the doors are open to the public. Lights, sounds and visual stimulation will be toned down for a comfortable experience. 8 to 10 am. FREE. Pacific Science Center, Lower Queen Anne. www.pacificsciencecenter.org

Discover Dance. See more than 700 elementary and junior high school students perform original works created with their peers and Pacific Northwest Ballet teaching artists. 2 pm. $$. McCaw Hall, Lower Queen Anne. www.pnb.org

Free State Parks Days. Enjoy free admission to one of 140 beautiful state parks, including Mount Rainier. Day use only, overnight stays require additional fees. Today and Nov. 24. Various parks throughout the state of Washington. www.discoverpass.wa.gov

Veterans Day Program. All veterans of a U.S. military branch are invited, along with the public, to a short program in their honor. Refreshments to follow. 2 pm. FREE. Shoreline City Hall, Shoreline. www.shorelinewa.gov

Veterans Day Discount. Woodland Park Zoo honors active duty and retired military and their spouses with FREE admission today. Must present valid military ID; cannot be combined with other offers or discounts. 9:30 am to 4 pm. Woodland Park Zoo, Seattle (Phinney Ridge). www.zoo.org

Better Book Sale. Friends of Seattle Public Library hosts a one-day sale of like-new books, CDs, DVDs and art. Prices start at $3. No phones or scanners allowed. 9 am to 5 pm. FREE. North Seattle College, Seattle (Northgate). www.friendsofspl.org

EASTSIDE

Wetland Waddlers: Track Detectives. Preschoolers and their caregivers are invited to explore the Mercer Slough with art, play and storytime. Today, kids will learn about animal tracks, and looking for the signs animals leave behind. 9:30 to 11:30 am. $$$. Mercer Slough Nature Park, Bellevue. www.pacificsciencecenter.org

Swim to Spawn. Learn about the epic journey that salmon take from the Pacific Ocean to the Mercer Slough. 2 to 3:30 pm. FREE. Pre-register. www.bellevue.gov

Snoqualmie Ridge Turkey Trot. 5K run and 1K kids’ run. 7 am registration, 9 am kids’ run, 9:15 am 5K. $$ to $$$. Cascade View Elementary School, Snoqualmie. www.runsnoqualmie.com

Reindeer Festival. Visit with real reindeer, see a model train village, and take a photo in a sleigh. 9 am to 6 pm, today through Dec. 24. Swansons Nursery (Fremont). www.swansons.org

NORTH SOUND

Mill Creek Veterans Day Parade. This parade, honoring those who have served in the U.S. Armed Forces, features floats, bands, drill teams, equestrian teams and more. 11 am to 12:30 pm. FREE. Main Street, Mill Creek. www.snohomish.org

Rock and Gem Show. Rock hounds of all ages are welcome at this annual show with displays, demonstrations and a kids’ beading table. 9 am to 5 pm today, 10 am to 5 pm Sun. FREE. Maplewood Rock and Gem Club, Edmonds. www.maplewoodrockclub.com

Pineapple Classic 5K

Calendar

Wall of Thanks Veterans Day Tribute. Design a brick to add to the Wall of Thanks. At noon, Everett High School NJROTC will present our nation’s colors. 10 am to 4 pm. Included with admission. $$, free ages 12 months and younger, FREE admission today for all veterans. Imagine Children’s Museum, Everett. www.imaginecm.org

SOUTH SOUND

Veterans’ Appreciation Days. In honor of Veterans Day, all currently serving or honorably discharged military personnel receive FREE admission, with half-price admission for immediate family members. Valid ID required. 9:30 am to 3 pm through Sun. Northwest Trek Wildlife Park, Eatonville. www.nwtrek.org Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Tacoma. www.pdza.org

Veterans Day Parade. Mile-long parade includes marching bands, honor guards, drill teams, veterans’ units and more. 11 am. FREE. West Main Street, Auburn. www.auburnwa.gov

Great Train Show. Model train layouts, vendors, kids’ activities and more. 10 am to 4 pm through Sun. $$, free ages 11 and younger. Free parking. Washington State Fairgrounds, Puyallup. www.trainshow.com

Sunday, November 12

SEATTLE AREA

Seattle Family Dance. Kids ages 10 and younger, along with their families, are invited to dance. This American folk dance is led by a caller who will teach easy-to-learn dance moves, accompanied by a live fiddler. 2:30 to 4:30 pm. $$. Phinney Neighborhood Center, Phinney Ridge. www.seattledance.org/family Cowabunga USA Family Brunch. The last day of this 3-day “festival of beef” is family-friendly. Enjoy brunch with tastings from 10 local restaurants, followed by carnival games, live music, ice cream making, calf-roping demos and more. 11 am to 2 pm. $$$, free ages 5 and younger. Troy Block, South Lake Union. www.cowabungausa.com

Bunka no Hi Japanese Culture Day. Japanese groups and organizations showcase their cultural traditions, including taiko drums, a tea ceremony, music, dancing, food (cash only), martial arts, games, crafts and more. 11 am to 4 pm. FREE. Japanese Cultural & Community Center of Washington, Seattle (International District). www.jcccw.org

Amazing Animals. See, touch and learn about the museum’s extraordinary collection of mammals and bugs. Meet live ponies, play animal-themed games, see a bug-cooking demo and enjoy other interactive activities. 10 am to 5 pm. Included with admission. $ to $$, free ages 4 and younger. Burke Museum, Seattle (U District). www.burkemuseum.org

EASTSIDE

Plant a Tree. Learn to identify trees with a Park Ranger on a short walk through the park. Each kid will plant a willow tree. Recommended for ages 5 to 10. 2:30 to 3:30 pm today, and Nov. 18 and 26. FREE. Pre-register. Lewis Creek Park Visitor Center, Bellevue. www.parks.bellevuewa.gov

Thursday, November 16

SEATTLE AREA

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets with the Seattle Symphony. See the famous movie based on the book series by J.K. Rowling with the score performed live by the Seattle Symphony. 7:30 pm tonight, 8 pm Fri. and Sat. $$$. Benaroya Hall, Downtown Seattle. www.seattlesymphony.org

Friday, November 17

SEATTLE AREA

Seattle Reptile Guy. Meet reptiles and amphibians, including snakes, geckos, turtles and more. 6:30 to 7:30 pm. $. Ravenna-Eckstein Community Center. www.seattle.gov/parks

SOUTH SOUND

The Polar Express Train. Wear your pajamas and ride a historic train as you enjoy storytime, treats and a gift from Santa. 3:30, 5:30 and 7:30 pm tonight, various dates and times through Dec. 31. $$$, free younger than age 2. Pre-purchase recommended. Mount Rainier Scenic Railroad, Elbe. www.mtrainierrailroad.com

Saturday, November 18

SEATTLE AREA

Quilled Snowflake Workshop. Learn how to create snowflakes from rolled strips of paper, just in time for holiday decorating. Ages 10 and older. 2 to 4 pm. FREE. Lake Forest Park Library, Lake Forest Park. www.kcls.org

Johnny Bregar. The Kids Rock Series is back and kicks off with local favorite family-friendly musician Johnny Bregar. 10:30 am. $$. Mount Baker Community Clubhouse, Mount Baker. www. brownpapertickets.com

Turkey Toss. Watch as the zoo’s carnivores get a raw, store-prepared turkey to feast on today. 10 am to 2 pm. Included with admission. $ to $$, free ages 2 and younger. Woodland Park Zoo, Seattle (Phinney Ridge). www.zoo.org

Yulefest. Enjoy a Nordic holiday marketplace with craft booths, authentic food, music and dance, Santa, and kids’ craft activities. 10 am to 5 pm through Sun. $, free ages 12 and younger. Nordic Heritage Museum, Seattle (Ballard). www. nordicmuseum.org

Saturday Family Concerts: DE CAJóN Project. Enjoy bright and animated performances that center on the syncopated sounds of the cajón (a Peruvian box drum). 11 am. $, free kids with adult. Royal Room, Seattle (Columbia City). www.townhallseattle.org

EASTSIDE

Visions of Sugarplums. Kids ages 2 to 5 can sing songs, dance, and create mini gingerbread houses. 10 to 11:30 am. $$$. Pre-register. Northwest Arts Center, Bellevue. www.parks.bellevuewa.gov

Free Planetarium Show. See a 45-minute show, which includes a screening of Secret Lives of Stars followed by a live look at the brightest stars and constellations of the night. 6, 7, and 8 pm. FREE. Pre-registration begins Nov. 11. Geer Planetarium at Bellevue College, Bellevue. www. brownpapertickets.com

NORTH SOUND

Oddmall: Emporium of the Weird. Unusual arts and crafts, performances, kids’ area and more. 10 am to 6 pm today, 11 am to 5 pm Sun. FREE. Everett Community College, Everett. www.oddmall.co

Gingerbread House Workshops. Make your own gingerbread house with all supplies provided, either to take home or leave on display for a chance at the People’s Choice award. 11 am, 1 and 3 pm through Sun. $$$. Space is limited, pre-register. Country Village, Bothell. www.countryvillagebothell.com

SOUTH SOUND

Crafty Saturday: Weaving. Learn all about weaving, meet local weavers, see their looms in action, and create a woven craft to take home. 1 to 4 pm. Donations accepted. Job Carr Museum, Tacoma. www.jobcarrmuseum.org

FARTHER AFIELD

The Misadventures of Cap’n Arrr. In this interactive, family-friendly show, a pirate tells tales, and teaches the audience how to talk, walk and laugh like a pirate. Pirate costumes encouraged. 10:30 am to noon. $ to $$. Vashon Center for the Arts, Vashon Island. www.vashoncenterforthearts.org

Sunday, November 19

SEATTLE AREA

Green Lake Gobble & Mashed Potato Munch Off. 10K, 5K and free Tiny Turkey Trot for ages 12 and younger, followed by mashed-potato eating competition. 8 am registration, 9:10 am Tiny Turkey Trot, 9:30 am 10K and 5K. $$$. Green Lake Park, Seattle (Green Lake). www.promotionevents.com

Piper’s Creek Salmon Celebration. See chum and coho salmon return to Piper’s Creek at Carkeek Park; enjoy food, hot drinks, music and activities throughout the park. Salmon Stewards will be on hand to answer questions. 11 am to 2 pm. FREE. Carkeek Park, Seattle (Broadview). www.govlink.org

Festival of Trees Celebration. View designerdecorated trees, visit Santa, enjoy music, cookies, cocoa, shopping and more. Proceeds benefit Seattle Children’s Hospital. 1 to 4 pm. FREE, fee for some activities. Fairmont Olympic Hotel, Downtown Seattle. www.seattlefestivaloftrees.com

BY RYAN

PHOTO

HAWK

WildLights at Woodland Park Zoo

EASTSIDE

Turkey Trot. 5K fun run/walk benefits Hopelink. Strollers and leashed dogs welcome. Post-race party with family fun. 9 am registration, 10 am start. $$$. Marina Park, Kirkland. www.hopelink.org

SOUTH SOUND

Tacoma Youth Symphony Concert. Hear classical music from talented young musicians. 3 pm. $$ to $$$. Rialto Theater, Tacoma. www.tysamusic.org

Fantasy Lights Walk. Walk through 2.5 miles of animated displays at Spanaway Park before it becomes a drive-through-only event Nov. 23. Bring flashlights. No dogs, scooters, bikes or skates, but strollers, wagons or wheelchairs are welcome. 5 to 8 pm. $, free ages 3 and younger. Spanaway Lake Park, Spanaway. www.co.pierce.wa.us

Thursday, November 23

Thanksgiving

SEATTLE AREA

Teddy Bear Suite. Visit a festively decorated suite filled with teddy bears of all sizes. Admission by donation, benefiting Seattle Children’s Hospital. 11 am to 6 pm daily through Dec. 26. Fairmont Olympic Hotel, Downtown Seattle. www.fairmont.com

Thanksgiving Day Run. Magnuson Series fun runs including 5K, 10K and Kids Dash. Kids Dash at 9:45 am, 5K and 10K at 10 am. $ to $$$. Magnuson Park, Seattle (Sand Point). www.magnusonseries.org

Seattle Turkey Trot. Annual 5K run/walk benefits Ballard Food Bank. Strollers, dogs on 6’ or shorter leash welcome. 9 am. $$ to $$$. NW 85th Street and 32nd Avenue NW, Seattle. www.seattleturkeytrot.org

EASTSIDE

Beat the Bird. 5K fun run/walk and 1K kids’ dash. 8 am registration, 9 am start. $$ to $$$. Shoes-n-Feet Running at Kelsey Creek Center, Bellevue. www.greatestgoalministries.org

Turkey Day 5K and 5-Mile Fun Run. Dress up your “turkey legs” and see how fast they carry you through the 5-mile or 5K fun run. No dogs. 8:15 am registration, 9 am start. $$ to $$$ plus canned food donation. Redmond Watershed Preserve, Redmond. www.finishstrongevents.com

Issaquah Turkey Trot. 5K run/walk benefits Issaquah Food and Clothing Bank. Costumes encouraged. 9 am. $$ to $$$. Issaquah Community Center, Issaquah. www.issaquahturkeytrot.org

NORTH SOUND

Lynnwood Turkey Trot. 5K run/walk benefits Lynnwood Food Bank. Nonperishable food donations encouraged. 8 am. $$ to $$$. Bibs are limited, pre-register. Lynnwood Transit Center, Lynnwood. www.eventbrite.com

SOUTH SOUND

Norpoint Turkey Trot. 5K run, 2-mile run/walk and kids’ trot (ages 3 to 10, followed by crafts and games). Strollers and leashed dogs welcome. 7 am registration, 9 am start. $$ to $$$. Center at Norpoint, Tacoma. www.metroparkstacoma.org

Tacoma City Turkey Trot. 5K fun run and 1K kids’ run. Strollers welcome, no dogs. 7 am registration, 9 am 5K, 10:15 am kids’ run. $$ to $$$. Fleet Feet, Tacoma. www.tacomacityturkeytrot.com

Oly Trot. Four-mile fun run for all ages through the heart of Olympia and the State Capitol Campus, plus a free half-mile Tot Trot for ages 8 and younger. 7:30 am registration, 8:30 am Tot Trot, 9 am start. $$$. Pre-register. Please bring two nonperishable

Preschool to 12th

food donations. Heritage Park, Olympia. www.olytrot.com

Gig Harbor Turkey Trot. 5K or 10K benefits Gig Harbor Peninsula FISH Food Bank. 8 am. $$ plus canned food donation, free ages 12 and younger. Gig Harbor Post Office, Gig Harbor. www.gigharborturkeytrot.com

Fantasy Lights. Drive through 2.5 miles of animated displays at Spanaway Park. Tune your radio to FM 95.3 to hear holiday music performed by a local high school band. 5:30 to 9 pm through Jan. 1. $$, half-price on Nov. 28-30 and Dec. 5-7. Spanaway Park, Spanaway. www.co.pierce.wa.us

Friday, November 24

SEATTLE AREA

Macy’s Holiday Parade. More than 20 inflatable floats, high school marching bands, 650 costumed characters, drill teams and Santa Claus. 9 am. FREE. Parade starts at Seventh Avenue and Pine Street, turns south on Fifth Avenue to University Street, then west to Fourth Avenue and north to Macy’s, Downtown Seattle. www.macys.com

Native Holiday Gift Fair. Shop from native artisans for crafts, jewelry, cards, clothing, fine art, food and more. 10 am to 4 pm through Sun. FREE. Duwamish Longhouse, West Seattle. www.facebook.com

Seattle Center Winterfest. Connect to the spirit of the season with activities and entertainment through Dec. 31 including Winter Train and Village (10 am to 6 pm daily, closes 4 pm Dec. 24, closed Dec. 25), performances, ice skating (through Jan. 2), and more. See online for schedule. FREE, fee for ice skating. Seattle Center Armory and Fisher Pavilion, Lower Queen Anne. www.seattlecenter.com/winterfest

A Christmas Carol. A Seattle tradition, Charles

Dickens’ classic returns to ACT Theatre. Ages 5 and older (no babes in arms). 7:30 pm tonight, various dates and times through Dec. 28. $$$. ACT’s Allen Theatre, Downtown Seattle. www.acttheatre.org

George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker. Pacific Northwest Ballet presents this new production of the Tchaikovsky classic, featuring costumes and sets designed by author/illustrator Ian Falconer (Olivia the Pig). Best for school age and older. 7:30 pm tonight; various dates and times through Dec. 28. $$$. McCaw Hall, Seattle

available weekly. Call

(Lower Queen Anne). www.pnb.org

A(n Improvised) Christmas Carol. Charles Dickens’ Christmas classic with a twist; improv comedians from Unexpected Productions use audience suggestions to tell the tale. All ages. 8:30 pm tonight; various dates and times through Dec. 23. $$. Market Theater, Downtown Seattle. www.unexpectedproductions.org

EASTSIDE

The Nutcracker. Evergreen City Ballet

Gingerbread Workshop at KidsQuest Museum

presents the Balanchine classic accompanied by the Heritage Symphony Orchestra for select performances (tonight, Sun.). Choose the full 2-hour version, or a kid-friendly 1-hour performance. See schedule online. Dancers available after shows to meet and take photos. 7 pm tonight at Meydenbauer Center in Bellevue and various times and locations through Dec. 17. www.evergreencityballet.org

KidsQuest Family Gingerbread House Workshops. Make and take home a gingerbread house, with all materials provided. Up to six people may work on a house. Noon to 2 and 5 to 7 pm today, 10 am to noon and 2 to 4 pm. Sat. $$$. Space is limited, pre-register. Hyatt Regency, Bellevue. www.kidsquestmuseum.org

Snowflake Lane. It snows nightly on a parade of live toy soldiers and other characters, music and a light show. 7 pm daily through Dec. 24. FREE. Sidewalks of Bellevue Way and Northeast Eighth Street, Bellevue. www.snowflakelane.com

’Twas the Night Before Christmas. Christmas is the backdrop for the classic story of Clement C. Moore, his family and the beloved poem. This show is filled with traditional Christmas carols. 7 pm tonight; various times through Dec. 3. $$. Bellevue Youth Theatre, Bellevue. www.bellevuewa.gov

SOUTH SOUND

The Polar Express Train. Wear your pajamas and ride a historic train as you enjoy storytime, treats and a gift from Santa. 5, 7 and 9 pm tonight, various dates and times through Dec. 17. $$$, free ages 2 and younger in an adult’s lap. Pre-register. Chehalis-Centralia Railroad, Chehalis. www.steamtrainride.com

Zoolights. See nearly 600,000 holiday lights, including depictions of animals and local landmarks. Warm up in the steamy aquarium, ride a camel ($) or the antique carousel ($). 5 to 9 pm through Jan. 1 (closed Dec. 24). $ to $$, free ages 2 and younger. Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Tacoma. www.pdza.org

Saturday, November 25

SEATTLE AREA

Seattle Children’s Kids Marathon. Children in grades K through 8 complete the final 1.2 miles of the annual marathon today. 10 am. $$$. Seattle Center Memorial Stadium (lower Queen Anne). www.seattlemarathon.org

Greet the Season. Enjoy festive music, dance workshops, crafts and family activities at MOHAI, The Center for Wooden Boats and the Historic Ships Wharf. 10 am to 5 pm. FREE outdoor activities, $$ entrance to MOHAI. Lake Union Park, Seattle (South Lake Union). www.mohai.org

Magic in the Market. Enjoy family-friendly holiday fun, live music, and watch as Santa leads a countdown to the tree lighting at 5 pm. Noon to 5 pm. FREE. Pike Place Market, Downtown Seattle. www.pikeplacemarket.org

EASTSIDE

’Twas the Night. Family musical comedy loosely based on the famous holiday poem. Recommend for ages 4 and older. 11 am, 2 and 5 pm, weekends through Dec. 17. $$. Studio East, Kirkland. www.studio-east.org

Santa Train. Board the Snoqualmie Valley Railroad at the decorated depot in North Bend and ride to the Snoqualmie depot for a Santa visit and refreshments, then return to North Bend. Trains depart hourly starting at 9 am with last departure at 3 pm. Weekends through Dec. 17, plus Dec. 15. $$$, free younger than age 2, pre-register, space is limited and trains sell out. North Bend Depot, North Bend. www.trainmuseum.org

Kirkland Winterfest. Performances, bonfires, games, kids’ activities, food, Santa,

Calendar

and a tree lighting (5 pm). 3:30 to 6 pm. FREE. Peter Kirk Park, Kirkland. www.kirklanddowntown. org/kirkland-winterfest/ Garden D’Lights. Stroll a winter garden with more than 500,000 mini-lights in three-dimensional plant and critter shapes. No pets. 4:30 to 9 pm through Dec. 31. $, free ages 10 and younger, tickets available online (pre-purchase recommended). FREE nights are Nov. 27-30 and Dec. 4-7 (first come, first served). Bellevue Botanical Garden, Bellevue. www.gardendlights.com

SOUTH SOUND

It’s a Wonderful Life. Enjoy a live-action musical adaptation of the classic film. 7 pm tonight; various times through Dec. 16. $$ to $$$. ManeStage Theatre Company, Sumner. www.manestagetheatre.org

Cirque-tacular’s Snowkus Pocus. See a holiday story brought to life with cirque, ballet and incredible acrobatics. 3 pm. $$ to $$$. Pantages Theatre, Tacoma. www.broadwaycenter.org

Gingerbread Jamboree. Create your own gingerbread house. Sponsored by Children’s Museum of Tacoma. 10 am to noon or 1:30 to 3:30 pm through Sun. $$$. Pre-register. Hotel Murano, Tacoma. www.playtacoma.org

Tacoma Tree Lighting. Carols, Santa photos, and a tree lighting ceremony. 5 pm. FREE. Pantages Theater, Tacoma. www.broadwaycenter.org

Sing-Along Annie. Sing along to the 1982 movie; the words will be shown at the bottom of

the screen. Everyone receives a goody bag, and costumes are encouraged. 5 pm. $$ to $$$. Washington Center for the Performing Arts, Olympia. www.washingtoncenter.org

Sunday, November 26

NORTH SOUND

Music for the Imagination! Everett Philharmonic Orchestra presents a family-friendly concert filled with familiar songs. Afterward, meet the musicians and check out their instruments. 3 pm. $$. Everett Civic Auditorium, Everett. www.everettphil.org

Monday, November 27

SEATTLE AREA

Christmas Carnival. Come see designerdecorated trees, plus enjoy live performances, carnival games, crafts, marketplace, Santa photos and more. 3 to 7 pm. FREE, fee for some activities. The Westin Hotel, Downtown Seattle. www.washington.providence.org

Wednesday, November 29

SEATTLE AREA

Preschool Family Play Lab. Preschoolers and their caregivers are invited to learn about science through hands-on exploration. Each session is a different theme; today is all about magnets. 2 to 3:30 pm. $$$. Pre-register. Pacific Science Center, Lower Queen Anne. www.pacificsciencecenter.org

NORTH SOUND

Festival of Trees Open House. See beautifully decorated trees before they’re auctioned off, plus enjoy refreshments, performances and kids’ activities. 1 to 6 pm. FREE. Tulalip Resort, Tulalip. www.washington.providence.org

SOUTH SOUND

A Victorian Country Christmas Festival. Victorian marketplace, live entertainment, a living Nativity, kids’ activities and more. 10 am to 8 pm through Thu., 10 am to 9 pm Fri. and Sat., 10 am to 6 pm Sun. $ to $$. Washington State Fair Events Center, Puyallup. www.avictoriancountrychristmas.com

Thursday, November 30

SEATTLE AREA

A Charlie Brown Christmas. See a live-action adaptation of the classic Peanuts holiday movie. Tonight is a pay-what-you-can preview. Tickets available in person beginning at 5 pm. 7 pm tonight and various times through Dec. 27. Taproot Theatre, Greenwood. www.taproottheatre.org

NORTH SOUND

Wintertide. Enjoy train rides, crafts, entertainment, giant gingerbread-house decorating, hot cocoa and cider by a bonfire, and Santa’s arrival (5:30 pm). 4 to 7 pm. FREE. Everett Performing Arts Center, Everett. www.everettwa.gov

NOVEMBER SCHOOL OPEN HOUSES

Nov. 2

St. Thomas School 8300 NE 12th St. Medina, WA 98039 425-454-5880, admissions@ stthomasschool.org stthomasschool.org

GRADES: PRESCHOOL-8

Lake Washington Girls Middle School 810 18th Ave. Seattle, WA 98122 206-709-3800, info@lwgms.org lwgms.org | @lwgms GRADES: 6-8

Shoreline Christian School 2400 NE 147th St. Shoreline, WA 98155 206-364-7777, office@shorelinechristian.org shorelinechristian.org

GRADES: PRESCHOOL-12

Nov. 4

The Bear Creek School 8905 208th Ave. NE Redmond, WA 98053 425-898-1720, admissions@tbcs.org tbcs.org GRADES: PRESCHOOL-12

Puget Sound Community School 660 S Dearborn St. Seattle, WA 98134 206-324-4350 sieglinde@pscs.org pscs.org GRADES: 6-12

Nov. 6

St. Joseph School 700 18th Ave. E Seattle, WA 98112 206-329-3260, ext. 243, sabner@stjosephsea.org stjosephsea.org GRADES: K-8

Nov. 7

AssumptionSt. Bridget School 6220 32nd Ave. NE Seattle, WA 98115 206-524-7452 info@asbschool.org asbschool.org

GRADES: PRE-K-8

Woodinville Montessori School 19102 North Creek Pkwy. Bothell, WA 98011 425-420-9712, info@woodinvillemontessori.org woodinvillemontessori.org

GRADES: PRESCHOOL-12

Nov. 8

The Meridian School 4649 Sunnyside Ave. N, Suite 242 Seattle, WA 98103

206-632-7154, admissions@ meridianschool.edu meridianschool.edu

GRADES: K-5

Nov. 9

Billings Middle School 7217 Woodlawn Ave. NE Seattle, WA 98115 206-547-4614, info@billings middleschool.org billingsmiddleschool.org

GRADES: 6-8

Nov. 11

Seattle Academy Middle School: 10:30 am Open House 1432 15th Ave. Seattle, WA 98122

Upper School: 2 pm Open House 1201 E Union St. Seattle, WA 98122 206-324-7227, admissions@ seattleacademy.org seattleacademy.org

GRADES: 6-12

Nov. 12

Seattle Jewish Community School 12351 8th Ave. NE Seattle, WA 98125 206-522-5212, admissions@sjcs.net sjcs.net

GRADES: K-5

Nov. 14

North Seattle French School 12351 8th Ave. NE Seattle, WA 98125 206-403-0781, office@north seattlefrenchschool.com northseattlefrenchschool.com

GRADES: PRESCHOOL-5

Nov. 15

Lake Washington Girls Middle School 810 18th Ave., Seattle, WA 98122 206-709-3800 info@lwgms.org lwgms.org | @lwgms

GRADES: 6-8

Eastside Catholic 232 228th Ave. SE Sammamish, WA 98074 425-295-3017 jward@eastsidecatholic.org eastsidecatholic.org

GRADES: 6-12

The Overlake School 20301 NE 108th St. Redmond, WA 98053 425-868-6191, ext. 617 admission@overlake.org overlake.org

GRADES: 5-12

Nov. 16

St. Catherine of Siena School 8524 8th Ave. NE Seattle, WA 98115 206-525-0581 klitke@stcatherineschool.net stcatherineschool.net

GRADES: PRESCHOOL-8

University Prep 8000 25th Ave. NE Seattle, WA 98115 206-523-6407, admission office@universityprep.org universityprep.org GRADES: 6-12

Nov. 30

Epiphany School 3611 E Denny Way Seattle, WA 98122 206-323-9011 gjones@epiphanyschool.org epiphanyschool.org

GRADES: PRE-K-5

NewMomDispatch

by Becca Bergman Bull

Doubling down

At a certain point — sometime around your kid’s first birthday, definitely by the second — people start asking if you’re ready for another baby. It’s not a crazy question; I ask it too. But I do wonder what kind of crazy people unequivocally say yes. OK, crazy might be too strong. But it does seem to require a bit of temporary insanity to confidently say, yes, we’re maxing out our time, energy, love, money and space on one little person, but sure, let’s double down and just hope it works out for the best.

When I think about having a second, a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald drifts to mind: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” It’s not so much that babies and toddlers are in opposition — at least hopefully not (though I think of a friend who recently reported that things were improving because now her son actually tells her when he’s going to hit the baby before doing it). But their needs are both great and entirely different, and when I try to imagine caring for a baby and a toddler simultaneously, my mind stops functioning a little bit.

Don’t get me wrong: my husband and I definitely want two kids, maybe three. We both come from big families and love and value our siblings and how they’ve shaped us. And it’s impossible to overstate how much joy, fun and fulfillment 2-year-old Fiona has brought into our lives. She’s the best part of our every day. But maybe that’s just it: deep down I can’t help but feel that when you’ve been blessed with one amazing child, it seems almost greedy to expect another. Or somehow slightly reckless — as in, let’s take our happy little family, roll the dice and just cross our fingers we get so lucky again.

I’m guessing most parents feel this way, along the lines of the age-old question: When your heart is so full with one

child, how can it fit another? And the answer, as I’ve often heard, is that it just does — the heart can infinitely expand. As can, presumably, one’s patience, energy and equanimity. (Or you just go a little crazier, but it doesn’t last forever.)

And bearing that in mind, I guess all that’s left to do is close our eyes and take the leap. Which, dear readers, we’ve done. If all works out, baby #2, another little girl, is heading our way in late February.

We felt jolted by excitement upon first learning the news in June (not to mention a funny sense of déjà vu). Then for a few nights I could hardly sleep, thinking about how we were going to fit two kids into our small apartment and whether I was crazy to be starting graduate school in the fall. And then there’s the fact that I’d always pictured us moving closer to my family for kid #2, but that’s not currently in the cards. These worries are still present — it’s safe to say the second pregnancy is more pragmatism, less magic — but burning lower. Talking to experienced parents helps, as does the knowledge that we’ve figured out a version of this before. This time, the great unknown is much less so.

And what I keep reminding myself is that, as with the first time, all we can do in the face of great change — be it a second child or anything else — is have faith in the process. In the fact that countless notcrazy parents have done this before. That Fiona will come to appreciate her sibling even if she doesn’t at first (though I think she, who hugs even the mailman, will). That the initial adjustment will probably be bumpy but will smooth out eventually. That I’ll figure out a balance with school somehow. That our families will show up like they always do. That we can get lucky twice. And that we will find the space in our home and, undoubtedly, in our hearts.

Born and raised in Seattle, Becca Bergman Bull is a writer, editor and new mom in Brooklyn.