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JUNE 2022 | SIVAN • TAMUZ 5782

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Contents

PUBLISHERS

JUNE 2022 | SIVAN • TAMUZ 5782

Mark Edelstein and Dr. Mark Moss EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Jacqueline Bull

ASSISTANT EDITOR

Nathalie Feingold

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

Eileen Sondak

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Donna D’Angelo

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27

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SENIOR CONSULTANT

Ronnie Weisberg

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Features 24 Unlocking the Colorful and Creative Satire

in Shakespeare’s Shrew

27 Mingei International Museum:

The New Living Room of Balboa Park

30 La Jolla Playhouse’s “Lempicka”:

A Behind-The-Scenes Q & A with the Writers

34 The San Diego Symphony is Coming to your Backyard

Emily Bartell, Linda Bennett, Leorah Gavidor, Emily Gould, Judith Fein (Senior Travel Correspondent), Paul Ross (Senior Travel Photographer), Patricia Goldblatt, Pat Launer, Sharon Rosen Leib, Andrea Simantov, Marnie Macauley, Rabbi Jacob Rupp, Saul Levine, Rachael Eden, Sybil Kaplan.

ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVES

Jonathan Ableson | Senior Account Executive Alan Moss | Palm Springs EDITORIAL

editor@sdjewishjournal.com ADVERTISING

marke@sdjewishjournal.com CIRCULATION & SUBSCRIPTIONS

Columns 10 From the Editor | Investigating the Classics 16 Personal Development and Judaism | Commitment & A New Identity 18 Israeli Lifestyle | The Sacred and Profane 20 Examined Life | We Need Our Traditions 22 Religion | What’s Working For You 42 Advice | The Art of the Wedding

Departments 12 The Scene 14 What’s Up Online 36 Local Offerings 39 Food 40 Diversions COVER Art Alive, Bauman Photographers.

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ronniew@sdjewishjournal.com ART DEPARTMENT

art@sdjewishjournal.com LISTINGS & CALENDAR

assistant@sdjewishjournal.com SDJJ is published monthly by San Diego Jewish Journal, LLC. Subscription rate is $24 for one year (12 issues). Send subscription requests to SDJJ, 7742 Herschel Ave., Suite H, La Jolla, CA 92037. The San Diego Jewish Journal is a free and open forum for the expression of opinions. The opinions expressed herein are solely the opinion of the author and in no way reflect the opinions of the publishers, staff or advertisers. The San Diego Jewish Journal is not responsible for the accuracy of any and all information within advertisements. The San Diego Jewish Journal reserves the right to edit all submitted materials, including press releases, letters to the editor, articles and calendar listings for brevity and clarity. The Journal is not legally responsible for the accuracy of calendar or directory listings, nor is it responsible for possible postponements, cancellations or changes in venue. Manuscripts, letters, documents and photographs sent to the Journal become the physical property of the publication, which is not responsible for the return or loss of such material. All contents ©2022 by San Diego Jewish Journal. The San Diego Jewish Journal is a member of the American Jewish Press Association and the Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

San Diego Jewish Journal

(858) 638-9818 | fax: (858) 263-4310

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Jewish Family Service

Heart & Soul Gala Play It Forward

Together Again THANK YOU

Thank you to the community for your incredible investment in the mission of Jewish Family Service. Our annual Heart & Soul Gala raised $1.4 million, which will empower and uplift thousands of children, families, and older adults across our community. Together, we are building a stronger, healthier, more resilient San Diego.

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Investigating the Classics For the arts issue, I had the opportunity to talk to a director of one of the summer plays at the Old Globe. This was extra exciting for me because I got to dive into “Taming of the Shrew,” one of the Bard’s comedies. I’m especially partial to the comedies. The idiosyncratic language works so well for comedy in my opinion. And I don’t think we really appreciate how difficult it is to write comedy — especially fiction!

It will be blasphemous to some, but in much of my English education, I was often angered by the selection of classic authors we were asked to read. “Scarlet Letter” bored me to tears in high school and “Grapes of Wrath” made me hate the sight of apostrophes for a while. (I did however take to J.D Salinger — especially his short stories — and loved “Their Eyes Were Watching G-d,” Maya Angelou and “The Great Gatsby”). I tended to like my college writing classes better than the English ones because the reading was considerably more contemporary.

I don’t think it is too controversial to say that the classics are a bit of a mixed bag.

Sometimes it felt like a classic book was picked with purpose and passion and other times it felt like they were just expected or perhaps just part of the state curriculum. So I guess while many were absolutely vital, I have a healthy suspicion of things regarded as great because traditionally we have felt so.

I don’t have this suspicion of Shakespeare. Either myself and all the thousands of theater-goers every year have a 16th century sense of humor, or the plays can actually still make us laugh. Without getting too mired in what makes something funny or not, if we find things funny, we can understand and identify them. Things that we can’t relate to don’t usually get many laughs.

A great deal of how we look at western storytelling is based off of the mold Shakespeare created and his perspective on essential story structures that we would now call the hero’s journey, coming of age, etc. It is also interesting to think that we can still relate to these plays all these years later because we as humans have essentially the same struggles that we did in the 16th century. We still all have to grow up and change and cope with love, mortality, status and society. The pragmatist in me feels a certain amount of sorrow that we haven’t definitively solved any of these problems in 400 years, but the writer in me feels comfort that there actually are universal features of the human experience. A

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PHOTOS: ASIX IMAGERY.

The Scene

Hundreds Celebrate Israel’s 74th Birthday at House of Israel, hosted by Jewish Federation of San Diego County

by Jason Edelstein People from across San Diego joined together this weekend at the “Celebrate Israel San Diego” festival, highlighting Israel’s diversity, culture, heritage and people on its 74th birthday. The festival, held

by Jewish Federation of San Diego County in partnership with House of Israel, celebrated the theme of Israel’s human tapestry, its diverse culture, heritage and people.

“Since this celebration was in beautiful Balboa Park, so many people got to experience Israel and celebrate in ways that felt meaningful to

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them,” adds Ruth Mastron, President, House of Israel, Balboa Park. “With live entertainment, guided tours, cooking demonstrations and various activities presented by community organizations, there was something for everyone. This was truly a wonderful celebration of all facets of Israel’s diversity.”

The successful Celebrate Israel San Diego festival included a live performance by an Israeli rock band, Israeli dancing, youth performances, an Israeli cooking demonstration, a variety of vendors, delicious Israeli

food and Israeli Aroma Café. For the first time ever, a delegation of leaders from Sha’ar HaNegev, San Diego’s sister region in Israel, attended the local celebration. Prominent local officials including Councilmember Stephen Whitburn and Carolyn Ben Natan of the office of the Consulate General of Israel in Los Angeles also joined in the celebration and voiced their love and support of Israel.

Shinshinim (post-high school Israeli emissaries) led an interactive program with prizes for winners.

Pickle With Kindness

PHOTOS: BAUMAN PHOTOGRAPHERS.

On May 15, guests enjoyed a casual evening of pickleball and food in Encinitas. The event benefited the Kindness Initiative. The Kindness Initiative addresses poverty in the San Diego Jewish community.

PHOTOS: VINCENT ANDRUNAS.

Art Alive

Committee members Dianne Shapp, Hilary Isakow, Kim Chesbrough (event co-chair), and Simone Abelsohn (Kindness Initiative administrative director).

by Eileen Sondak

Art Alive returned this year — and it was better than ever.

The spectacular weekend-long event challenged a select group of floral artists to interpret the masterpieces at the San Diego Museum of Art in floral arrangements. As usual, these amazing artists met the challenge with stunning and eye-popping works of living art. A massive pyramidshaped rotunda design by Britton Neubacher was one of the highlights.

Among the events included in Art Alive was an evening of festivities aptly called “Bloom Bash.” Supporters flocked to the museum to check out the magnificent collection of permanent and living art and were delighted by the creativity on display. The floral designers showed off their expertise throughout the galleries, bringing paintings and sculpture to life in complex arrangements made from flowers, tree bark and other natural materials. Jan Kugler, Jeff Fine, and Patricia Roberts were included in the large group of talented floral artists exhibiting their work.

The evening continued with a culinary experience that took over much of the outdoor space at the museum.

Some of San Diego’s finest local restaurants tempted guests with an array of appetizing dishes, desserts and floral-infused cocktails. This year’s gala marked the return of the Ferris wheel — another popular attraction at the museum. Local philanthropist Toni Bloomberg was one of principal sponsors of the premiere dinner and one of the hard-working chairs of the elegant dinner.

Pickleball players Kay and Bill Gurtin, Jeff Platt, and Cort Schultz.

Sharleen Wollach and Mark Greenberg share a friendly greeting at the start of a game.

Ana Boesky preparing to serve.

More event coverage on page 14

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WHAT’S UP

Online

HBO to produce comedy series about Hasidic rapper Nissim Black

by Caleb Guedes-Reed, JTA News Editor’s Note: See our May cover story on Nissim Black.

HBO Max is currently producing a new comedy series based on the life of former gang member-turned-Hasidicrapper Nissim Black.

Black, who lives in Israel, announced the upcoming show on Twitter on Monday, writing that he hopes “this series brings Joy, and dispells [sic] a lot of the misinformation going on out there.”

He will co-produce the show with comedian and veteran TV writer Moshe Kasher, who frequently references his Jewish identity in his work. It’s unclear if Black will star as himself in the show, according to a Deadline report.

“Motherland Bounce,” the name of the series and the name of one of Black’s

The Scene

recently released singles, tells the story of how he went from selling drugs in Seattle by age 12 to finding a spiritual home in Orthodox Judaism and moving to Jerusalem. In the song, he grapples with his many different identities.

“There’s always these questions,” he told Hey Alma in 2020. “Like, ‘Well, are you still Black? How Black are you? How does that work? But you’re also Jewish? Jews are white?’ No they’re not!”

continued

Adopt a Family Foundation Spring Boutique

by Robyn Rapoport Adopt a Family Foundation held its Spring Boutique on May 1. The event was held outdoors at the beautiful Chabad Jewish Center of Rancho Santa Fe Garden. Guests enjoyed a day of shopping from a variety of local vendors.

Children enjoyed playing with farm animals from Pam’s Petting Zoo. NEAR RIGHT: lana Gold and Dan Gold. FAR RIGHT: Carine Chitayat

(Co-Founder and CEO of Adopt a Family Foundation) with two young guests enjoying Pam’s Petting Zoo.

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Deadline reported that the series will be directed by Salli RichardsonWhitfield, an actress who has most recently directed episodes of the fantasy epic “The Wheel of Time” and the period drama “The Gilded Age.”

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PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT AND JUDAISM

THIS WAY TO EDEN

by Rachel Eden | rachel.s.eden@gmail.com

Commitment & A New Identity Highly successful visionaries and changemakers easily see where they want to go. They have an idea, a calling really, that they can’t shake. But the harder they feel they’re pushing, the more they feel in pursuit and disconnected. Sometimes, what’s required is more investment of energy, attention, time, or resources. Sometimes working on the plan instead of in the plan is key. But, the primary distinction between those who actualize what they want and those who don’t is commitment. Commitment isn’t the willingness to do. Commitment is the willingness to do whatever it takes.

Our personal realities are often fixed.

Identity, on the other hand, is malleable.

We are put on this earth for a short time to create the most happiness, the highest standard of excellence and the most fulfillment that we possibly can. We are here to become the truest and highest versions of ourselves. Identity doesn’t simply drop out of the sky and attach itself to us. Identity is what we create ourselves to be according to what we want and how willing we are to embody that. We have the power to build our own identities but we must commit to them.

Most people stop creating new experiences by the time they hit 30. They lose fascination with anything new and bond with the most familiar version of themselves. There are requirements of self expansion and they begin with stepping out of one’s comfort zone. But

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Future you isn’t afraid of the risks you take now because they know that they’re all part of your story.

what happens when what is unfamiliar rubs up against identity?

For example, you might carry an identity of competence, mastery and success. If you do, learning a new language or trying a new recipe or asking a question you don’t know the answer to could threaten your very sense of self. If fear holds you back from trying something new, you are assuming that the potential failure is an indictment on yourself. We don’t see failure as an extension on the timeline for success, but as an existential threat. So, naturally, we avoid the unfamiliar. In contrast, if we carry the identity of a learner, one who is constantly progressing and growing, then we cling to new opportunities. Failures are moments to assess and recommit or realign. Effort is the only barometer of success.

Each person is mentally wired with an identity narrative based on the past. Our unconscious mind only has access to the

past, after all. When people say “that’s not me” they mean “that’s not who I know myself to be.” But we could ask instead: What if that was me? We could untether ourselves from our pasts and surrender to the future. The future of who we can still become is boundless and the transformation can be instantaneous.

Only our future selves know how to guide us. Our past selves cannot take us further than they’ve already traveled.

If you had a time machine, would you travel back or forward in your life and why? A friend in corporate told me that everyone on a recent interview panel answered this question with the same answer: the past. This should come as no surprise, after all, we are deeply attached to our pasts. What we need to begin to develop is an even deeper attachment to our futures.

No matter your current stage of life, Future You is always around the corner.

Future You isn’t afraid of the risks you take now because they know that they’re all part of your story. Future You is able to confidently guide you because they know the vast possibilities available to you. But they require your commitment.

The more you speak to Future You, the more quickly you can become that person. Consistently, you begin to dress the part, sound the part, act the part... until you are what you desire to be.

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ISRAELI LIFESTYLE

LIVING ON THE FRONT PAGE

by Andrea Simantov | andreasimantov@gmail.com

The Sacred and Profane The world I live in is noisy. Cell phones, traffic, construction and people shouting to make their voices heard above the voices of others. I am not an innocent bystander either but rather, a guilty participant in the unceasing cacophony.

Nevertheless, I firmly believe that awareness can give birth to change because, unlike other species, humans have the freedom to choose.

I was recently sensitized to the aforementioned discussion of noisepollution when, for the third year in a row, I flew to America to visit my ailing mother. (For those who are curious, I traveled without my husband who remained in the capable hands of his daughter and grandchildren who doted on him and bathed him in nachus.) Once a year I make an appearance and pretend, at least to myself, that I’m intimately involved in her care. The fact of the matter is that my stateside siblings/ siblings-in-law have the majority of the responsibility and attend to her needs in the most loving and generous ways. I am humbled by their spiritual and literal selflessness. As the family’s representative Zionist-zealot, the 6,000 mile distance between my Jerusalem home and Rockville Maryland reduces my day-to-day involvement to little more than devoted cheerleader and grateful observer.

The work pressure before this trip did not leave enough moments to anticipate the month ahead and ready myself for an

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overload of holiday food, shopping options, visits with family members that I hadn’t seen in years and unfamiliar conversations with siblings that revealed shockingly different perspectives on our family history. All of this — combined with mom’s recent health issues — felt like too, too much. The fortnight flew by and I boarded the return flight in a daze.

It felt as though I’d left behind too much unfinished business. There had been too little laughter, too much intensity and I’d sadly felt like a stranger in the land of my birth. So what did I return to?

Fights in the Knesset, dissolving political coalitions, rioting on and around the Temple mount, Jerusalem undergoing crippling construction projects, congested roads and mounting food and utility prices.

I still was wearing my sadness and confusion upon landing but, thankfully my husband did not ask, “How was your vacation?” He instead ordered Chinese food to be delivered, put me to bed in a moderate fetal position and the next morning, announced that he was taking me away in our camper-trailer that had been stored on a nearby kibbutz for the past several months. I didn’t even

shop for food but, rather, pulled a few unidentifiable packages of wrapped somethings from the freezer, grabbed the coffee grinder and threw a bathing suit and toothbrush in a backpack.

Unpacking the suitcase from America could wait. I needed to heal and healing was waiting in my happy place on the raw Betzet Beach just beneath the border of Lebanon.

For four days and three nights I wore a bathing suit, sandals and beach robe.

We ate fish, corn on the cob and fruit; for the Sabbath, I grilled some of the mysteriously wrapped foods that I’d pulled from my home freezer. While I fired up our misshapen mangal grill, my husband drove off and purchased a few challah rolls and cheap, delicious continues on page 23 >>

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EXAMINED LIFE

OUR EMOTIONAL FOOTPRINT

by Saul Levine, M.D., Professor Emeritus in Psychiatry at UCSD

| slevine@ucsd.edu

We Need Our Traditions We humans are social beings and as such, we need our shared traditions that bring us together.

When that wonderful song “Tradition!” in the musical “Fiddler On The Roof” is sung by Tevya, the beloved and beleaguered milkman hero, it brings the house down. In that song Tevya plaintively expresses his plight to himself and to G-d. He barely ekes out a living in his village Anatevka, but it isn’t poverty which plagues him as much as trying to cope with the bewildering changes in his life.

He is beset by winds of social change which threaten his comfortable traditions: violent anti-Semitism in Russia, a daughter wanting to marry a non-Jewish Cossack, another emigrating to America. Tevya is overwhelmed. He cherishes his personal and religious traditions with reverence, but there’s a palpable desperation in his pleas: He’s holding on to them for dear life.

Traditions, it turns out, are Tevya’s lifeline, as they are ours as well.

I’m not equating our circumstances to Tevya’s, but we do lead complicated inner and outer lives and we experience challenges from family, work, social and financial pressures.

In addition, many people are feeling unsettled and anxious in the current news climate: Our political system is polarized, our health is jeopardized,

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When traditions take place on a regular basis, they bring nurturance and pleasure to our lives.

international threats abound, invective and fear permeate our lives. We try to cope by bringing a semblance of order and predictability to our existence, even pleasure or serenity, if possible. This is not an easy task, especially when our world is in turmoil.

Traditions help bring us together.

Whenever families and friends have lived in communities, they have adopted group rituals and customs which strengthen their bonds with each other.

These provide us with experiences of shared values and mutual comfort.

They offer us time for reflection and relaxation and relief from the pressures of our daily lives.

All cultures and religions have traditions which enable participants to accomplish these goals: Shabbat meals, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, Ramadan observances, Seders, Easter and

Tet celebrations, festivals, national days, festschrifts, anniversaries, graduations and countless other occasions are held regularly around the globe. These foster communality and camaraderie and enhance our quality of life.

When traditions take place on a regular basis, they bring predictability and stability, nurturance and pleasure to our lives. They help remove us, at least temporarily, from the cacophony of the outside world and we are reassured that we will indeed be alright.

Without traditions, it is difficult to fulfill our profound human needs for affiliation and communing. This is especially so in times of uncertainty and jeopardy. Since the Covid pandemic began, we have been more often alone, with increased feelings of alienation and demoralization, as well as depression in these times of uncertainty.

Tevya learned that his cultural traditions alone could not “guarantee“ paths to stability and serenity, since unpleasant realities can intervene. (“Man Tracht, un Gott Lacht”...“Man Plans, and G-d Laughs”).

But with his beliefs and rituals embracing family and friends and their cherished and shared traditions, he was better able to weather the storms of change with insight, wisdom and even, humor.

So it is with all of us... A

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RELIGION

POST-POLITICAL

by Rabbi Jacob Rupp | rabbirupp@gmail.com

What’s Working For You The natural response to resistance is to feel totally defeated. “If this doesn’t work, then my life is over!!” “I can never grow my company 10X and redefine my industry!” “I can never lose 50 lbs!”

This reaction isn’t strange because whatever you are thinking about, be it your company, your relationships, your outlook on religion, etc is a fundamental part of your life. The growth mindset is learned, the fixed mindset is inherent.

What we do and what we think is who you think you are!

Now more than ever, we crave to feel comfortable and grounded. In the old days, man used to be much more aware of his mortality. He was at risk of the elements, or to predators in the night and as such, lived a much more uncertain life. The advent of modern medicine and technology has created a reality where people are consistently taken care of and plugged in and as such, people start to forget that loneliness, uncertainty and a lack of a clear safe path is the true nature of life in the world.

Thus, when you are confronted with serious questions about life, work, relationships, etc. and these questions fundamentally challenge your deeply held positions, you become very defensive. And should a circumstance arise where your deeply held belief is shattered or shown to be no longer tenable, you feel completely off base and lost.

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Most people are horrified to lose the thing that identifies them. And it’s not because that’s who they are, it’s because deep down inside they know that’s not who they are.

And at that moment, you must recognize the tremendous resilient nature that is within you. You are not only able to change your life, or your health, but you can even change your mindset. You can actually rewrite your thought process. When your foundations are lost or in question, realize that your essence isn’t. You still exist, are valuable and can recreate the fixtures in your life. That awareness is extremely empowering, even if you only are aware of it for a short period of time and not 100% sold on the idea.

At the heart of this concept is an opportunity that you shouldn’t just pass over; a crisis is an opportunity, not a speed bump! “Don’t waste a crisis” as the quote goes. It is important to utilize the

time of a disruption in the order of your life to re-evaluate.

Take a minute to realize that you exist independent of everything else in your life. Who are you? The answer oftentimes is that you have no idea because you spend your time so attached to everything else.

You might think “I’m rich” “I’m smart.” “I’m a problem solver.” “My father will always be here for me.”

“Nothing I can do will make him leave me.” “I won’t lose weight.” Really?

That’s really you? The successful businessman? And if you’d lose all your money then what? Most people are horrified to lose the thing that identifies them. And it’s not because that’s who they are, it’s because deep down inside they know that’s not who they are.

Living this disconnected reality of thinking you are something outside of yourself but knowing you are not creates tension and crises.

If we didn’t have our brains, our company, our looks, our resources, who would we be? Who in our lives would move away from us? Which relationships do we have that we think are dependent on what we project to the world and which are honestly connected to who we are?

Start to take time to delve into the scary esoteric world of the spirit and religion. Meditate. There are tons of continues on next page >>

Religion

Personal Development

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books and apps out there to help you, but the first step really is to disconnect to reconnect. Really try to leave your surroundings, even if it’s for five or 10 minutes a day to connect with yourself.

You don’t even need to do anything except exist. Close your eyes, breathe deep and count your breaths; just try to stay present and focused and gently guide your mind back to counting your breaths and not running and wandering after your thoughts. Talk to what is beyond you. Ironically, G-d, Spirit, whatever you feel comfortable with knows the real us, so maybe ask for some insight. Be there for a moment — exist in the present for a second.

A major area of stress is that our minds are running everywhere. Learning to focus is key to learning about yourself.

Mark Twain famously said “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which have never happened.” Especially at the time of uncertainty, your mind has a tendency to dwell in worst case scenarios; “What if I never find another guy?” “What if my company doesn’t recover?” “What if I starve?” These are all possible, albeit unlikely situations. Up until now was this worst case scenario playing out? What would you tell yourself before you found your current job/boyfriend/wife, etc., you would say “relax, you’ll be fine!”

Dire situations become more likely to occur when you allow these negative thoughts to fester, which in turn shuts down your ability to explore and become creative. It’s important to bear in mind that the training for any professional who lives in a high pressure situation (race car driver, fighter pilot, police officer) includes how to stay calm and composed as the alternative is highly dangerous.

Once you have begun the process of relaxing and letting go and taking the time for meditation and self knowledge, ask the questions you know the answers to but were never able to be open about.

So much of your persona is based on how you want others to relate to you. If you perceive that the world wants you

continued

to be “right” you would rather cheat to get the right answer than exert the effort and risk being wrong. In my gym class I would routinely skip reps to finish first because I assumed the identity of the guy that gets through the workout the first and the best. The stupidity of this is clear: Am I at the gym to impress strangers? Or do I want to get better? But we all do it.

So imagine no one is punishing you and write down what you really want to do and would really like to do. In a professional sense, write down how much money you’d really want to make.

Or what skills you’d like to use. What things in the past did you really like to do? What inspires you? What do you enjoy? What would you talk about to someone if it were up to you?

What you begin to see is a realistic and current list of what you like/are good at/desire. It might be the same as five years ago, it might be different.

You learn about yourself over time and sometimes you add or subtract or realize what or who you thought you were really isn’t who you are anymore. As an example, sometimes more money, or more freedom become increasing needs as you age instead of what opening was available which was how you might have found your first job. Trying to match your new work situation/relationship/ worldview with your old self again will only recreate a situation where you don’t fit into your life.

This week spend time recreating a theoretical or actual “Vision Board” for your life. Get clear on what you want now. Who do you need in your life? What do you really want from your company and from the people that work for you?

Your health? Your spiritual life? A

fronts. Where did you go? What area of abundance did you access? What did you gain that you previously never thought possible? Realize your answers are as big as you allow them to be. Consider describing the extraordinary year again, this time without any inhibition. Draw a picture of those results, write them out and then study what’s missing.

Once you have a clear and vivid vision of your future, a block or gap in your identity may emerge and prevent you from reaching your vision. At this point, remember that your identity isn’t fixed at all. With commitment, that block can be dissolved; the gap can be filled. Your identity is in your hands and you can shape it at your will. A

Israeli Lifestyle

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Israeli wine. We borrowed a corkscrew from campers one site over and at the appointed time, I lit candles and brought in the Sabbath. As the flames flickered, the familiar evening prayers that my husband intoned blended harmoniously with the sounds of waves breaking against the rocks and shoreline only meters away.

The book of Ecclesiastes says, among other things, that there is a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel, I’d like to suggest that there is a time for silence as a much needed antidote to feelings of sadness, hopelessness and longing.

There is no one-size-fits-all formula for weighing the struggles that people face. But the sounds of waves, the cawcawing of seagulls and the plaintive intoning of Sabbath prayers may provide great solace and healing when a heart feels heavy. A

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James Udom and Deborah Ann Woll.

PHOTO BY JIM COX PHOTOGRAPHY.

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FEATURE

Unlocking the Colorful and Creative Satire in Shakespeare’s Shrew

by Jacqueline Bull This summer, the Old Globe is bringing Shakespeare’s comedies (“Taming of the Shrew” and “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”) to its stages. Shana Cooper is no stranger to directing the Bard and is bringing the “Shrew” into 2022 (June 5– July 10).

“I think there is a great responsibility in doing this play, but I think part of what it offers is an opportunity to look at ourselves, our society, our flaws through the lens of satire which I think is an important tool in terms of allowing ourselves to acknowledge our failings, but do it through humor and laugh at ourselves,” Shana Cooper said.

Emphasizing point of view and communicating clearly to the audience that the play is a satire and is poking fun at an absurd social structure, not condoning it are two of the big tasks of putting the play on.

It is also a “miraculous love story between these two outsiders Kate and Petrucio who opt out of [the rigid social structure], rebel against it really and through each other find the bravery and courage to embark on the really messy journey of finding a new way of living and loving in the world,” she said.

Shana’s “Shrew” draws inspiration from modern day Italy and in particular the flamboyant men’s fashion.

“It feels kind of perfect for this play particularly because for the men it is very colorful. The status quo of this play is a man’s world. We really enjoyed how colorful and almost like peacocks the actual contemporary research of Italian masculinity was,” she said.

Costume designer Ásta Hostetter and Shana put special emphasis on the clothes as an important world-building tool and something pivotal to the tone of the play.

“Because this play is about artifice and the ways in which the presentation and clothes actually determine so much about what we say to the world — about who we are in terms of gender, wealth, status all those things — the clothes are quite pivotal to the point of view of the production,” she said.

Shana explained that with putting on Shakespeare’s plays there is a level of dramaturgy in the design process where you are asked to create a whole world, whereas contemporary playwrights spell out the design in the text.

“The way many of Shakespeare’s plays work — this one included — the world of the play is really another character...

What your point of view is about choices you make about that world determines so much about the production and I think the world of these plays is often an important obstacle for the protagonist,” she said.

Padua is the setting for “Shrew” which is a satire of a “status quo capitalist society” where clothes make the man, women are made to be married and everything runs on money and status.

“How you set that world is part of Kate and Petruchio’s obstacle. What they manage to do in the play is that much more miraculous because that is the world that they are born into and that is the world they are trying to overcome. So I think us as a creative team making that

world as vivid and visceral as possible gives them one more really critical character and obstacle to fight against as well as delightful for an audience because a lot of those choices are really colorful and fun and flamboyant and all of that,” she said.

“I feel really grateful to be at the Old Globe where their production shops are some of the best in the country. You really get to see those ideas manifest in an extraordinary way,” she added.

Another key point in Shana’s staging is the choreography.

“It is an extremely physical play and I think [choreographer] Tiffany and I have made it more physical so they’ve been working their butts off and I really believe with these plays there is something spectacular about muscular language with muscular physicality, so the storytelling is really firing on all cylinders,” she said.

This emphasis on physicality she remarks is part of her personal aesthetic directing generally, not just with Shakespeare.

“I do tend to explore a visceral physicality within the plays in part because we as human beings receive story in so many different ways and sometimes there are aspects of story that you can feel in the body. I love a moment on stage that takes your breath away where you can’t think for a moment... what the human body is capable of is really extraordinary and theater feels like one of the places where you can really engage the mind, the heart, the body of an audience.” A

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Directed by HUNTER BROWN Adapted for the Stage by JOHN GLORE Based on the Book by JON SCIESZKA and LANE SMITH TICKETS $16-$18 Call 619-239-8355 or visit JuniorTheatre.com 26

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PHOTOS COURTESY OF MINGEI INTERNATIONAL MUSEUM.

FEATURE

Mingei International Museum: The New Living Room of Balboa Park

by Nathalie Feingold What started as a simple $5 million plan to replace the Mingei International Museum’s wood floors and light fixtures transmuted over the last seven years into a $55 million full-scale renovation that sealed the museum’s place as a warm and welcoming fixture of San Diego culture for years to come.

“We’re a museum of art of the people, from all countries of the world. So we want to make sure that our look — the way we come across — is seen as a place that belongs to the public. The whole reason we exist is for the public. This belongs to all San Diegans and anybody else who wants to visit and we wanted that to come across very clearly,” Mingei CEO Rob Sidner said.

The museum gained 15,000 square feet and it’s intentionally designed to

welcome and invite people of all walks of life into the museum.

“It really has become a living room for the park,” Rob said.

It seems to be working, too. Since the museum’s re-opening, Rob said that membership and paid attendance numbers have both grown considerably.

“We liked that we could let the renovation be an expression of our museum’s mission, especially in our use of materials and all the details of the museum and excellent craftsmanship.

It’s really exciting to show people that and hope that people discover it on their own, too,” Rob said.

The culmination of the renovation coincides with Rob’s retirement as CEO on June 30. Rob has worked with Mingei for nearly 30 years, spending

the last 16 as executive director and CEO. Throughout his time with Mingei, Rob has been able to observe and nurture the museum as it has grown and transformed. He will retire seeing the mission that he holds so dear — the mission of appreciating the innate and timeless beauty of everyday objects — being fully realized through the newly-renovated and thriving Mingei building.

Rob is leaving the Museum with a powerful message through his final curatorial work, called: “Humble Spirit/ Priceless Art.” The exhibition is on view through July 4.

“It’s my attempt to say some of my strongest held convictions about what Mingei is about and its importance. It’s continues on next page >>

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Mingei

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LEFT: Humble Spirit/Priceless Art. BELOW: Fold, Twist, Tie: Paper bag

hats by moses.

especially about how we value things.

Basically, I’m saying that money, how much something costs, is usually the least valuable way of determining how important something is,” Rob explained, “So, in this exhibition I’ve shown some of the things in our collection that are made with the most common of materials that cost very little or nothing– like straw, clay and paper– yet in my estimation, they are not only very beautiful, but full of spirit.”

To emphasize his message, Rob then quoted Shōji Hamada — one of the founders of the Mingei movement of Japan who inspired the founding of

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the Mingei International Museum in San Diego.

“He always used to say, ‘one should never speak of money and art in the same sentence,’ True art is not about money, it’s about some of the deepest things that touch our whole persons, our minds, our imaginations, our bodies, our spirits,” Rob said.

Rob deliberately curated this exhibition as an attempt to break through many viewer’s deep-rooted, conditioned way of equating an object’s worth with its monetary value. He provided an example of wooden milk jugs from Kenya featured in the collection.

They are made from ordinary materials and are designed for everyday use, yet when you view them with an artistic lens, they transform into contemporary, minimalist sculptures of faces. When the viewer looks for the spirit beneath these ordinary objects, it provides them with a greater sense of appreciation for the objects they use every day.

Rob also highlighted an exhibition called “Fold, Twist, Tie: Paper bag hats by moses,” moses was a culturally Jewish artist who worked as a designer for the toy company Mattel before becoming an artist. His innovative exhibition is now on view until Oct. 2.

“He dropped out of society, moved to Hawaii, put on flip flops, shorts and a t-shirt and made a paper bag hat. Then that started him making 250 paper bag hats that are the most inventive things you can imagine,” Rob continued, “He used hundreds and hundreds of bags; he cadged all the paper bags from grocery store owners and made them all in the craft room of his local library. It’s really a school of design.”

Rob then highlighted an upcoming exhibition called, “THIS IS OUR STORY: American Vernacular Art from the Kaplan Collection.” This collection will feature the Kaplan’s outsider art that was part of their estate. Some of the pieces in the collection were actually featured in Mingei’s inaugural exhibition when the museum first moved to Balboa Park in 1996. To Rob, this exhibition feels much like a fullcircle home coming. It opens July 23 and will run through Feb. 26 of 2023.

Rob wants to invite San Diego residents and visitors alike to discover the wonders of the Mingei museum. He hopes that they enter through one of the museum’s seven doors — guided by their own strong sense of curiosity and that they leave with a newfound sense of inspiration.

“I want them to leave feeling like they’ve seen something unexpected, something that pricked their curiosity and their imaginations and something that stimulated their own expression of creativity,” Rob concluded. A

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La Jolla Playhouse’s “Lempicka”:

A Behind-The-Scenes Q & A with the Writers

by Nathalie Feingold The La Jolla Playhouse is presenting “Lempicka,” an original and stirring musical about a young painter named Tamara de Lempicka, set against the brutality and disarray of the Russian Revolution.

Tamara and her aristocratic husband are forced to flee their upper-echelon lifestyle to seek security and anonymity in the city of Paris. From there, Tamara climbs the ranks of Parisian society; starting as a refugee with few resources to becoming a highly sought-after portraitist. She then meets a free-spirited woman from the slums of Paris named Rafaela. Rafaela becomes the painter’s muse and opens her eyes to a completely new world. ◆ This is an exclusive interview with Carson Kreitzer and Matt Gould, the writers who brought “Lempicka” to life. ◆ “Lempicka” is showing at the Mandell Weiss Theatre June 14 through July 24.

Q: Can you start by providing some backstory on Lempicka? What first inspired you to create the concept behind this musical?

CARSON: I’ve spent most of my life as a playwright telling the stories of women I wish I’d known about growing up — iconoclasts, women who refuse to “behave,” who will not stay within the bounds society imposes on them.

A friend encouraged me to check out Tamara, saying, “You’re gonna love her, she’s one of Your Women!” And indeed, I found the Taschen art book and there she was — knotty, complicated, maddening, glorious. I was instantly pulled in by her work and then as I learned more, equally compelled by her wild, tumultuous life.

I knew I could write a play about her, but that seemed... too small to contain her. There’s something so extreme,

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so grand, about her work — it’s larger than life and it felt like the truth of this story was demanding music! But what music? I took the songwriting workshop, telling myself, “Now, don’t expect to find a composer, this is just to start learning about the form, meeting people and getting a sense of what I should be looking for.” Then I met Matt, and I knew what the musical should sound like.

MATT: We’d written a killer song together about something totally unrelated to art, but Carson tackled me at the end of the workshop and asked me to meet her at a diner on 42nd St. So at the diner, I’m eating matzoh ball soup and she starts waving the Taschen art book in my face that highlights the work of Lempicka, and I was like, “This art sings! It’s a musical!’ Not all stories make good musicals. But I heard music the minute I saw the art.

Q: What are the major themes of the production?

MATT: The themes in the show that most stand out to me are related to the battles that we all face between choosing love or security; art or fame.

It feels relevant in a world so obsessed with image and the curated versions of ourselves we share on social media.

It is a show about a woman whose story — whose art — isn’t celebrated in the same ways as her male contemporaries because she’s a woman.

It taps into the ways that, throughout history, those in power hold their power by dividing and conquering those without power — women, queer people, people of color, poor people, etc.

CARSON: Yes, yes, all of that! For me, there’s also the core story of a woman finding her true self. Tamara was raised

FEATURE

Carson Kreitzer, Book, Lyrics and Original Concept for La Jolla Playhouse’s production of LEMPICKA Matt Gould, Book and Music for La Jolla Playhouse’s production of LEMPICKA (PHOTO BY NATHAN JOHNSON)

Rachel Chavkin, Director of La Jolla Playhouse’s production of LEMPICKA (PHOTO BY ERIK TANNER)

Raja Feather Kelly, Choreographer for La Jolla Playhouse’s production of LEMPICKA (PHOTO BY KATE ENMAN)

in privilege and was expected only to marry well and be a society wife. And she did marry well — in Russia, just before the Bolshevik Revolution. She and her husband were forced to flee, to become refugees in Paris. She had to learn how to survive, how to work, and found her true, powerful self through upheaval, through losing everything. If not for revolution and exile, she would never have become a painter. She would never have become Lempicka.

CARSON: [Being Jewish] was already something to be “kept quiet” in wealthy Russian society, and became far more dangerous. I do think it helped her see what was happening in Europe, and take the threat seriously. She got her family out, ahead of the worst, as so many around her still believed it couldn’t happen. Not in Paris. Not here.

Q: Can you describe the Jewish angle of “Lempicka” ?

MATT: Both Carson and I come from Jewish households. I went to Hebrew School and was bar mitzvahed in my hometown, Santa Clarita, CA. Certainly, I think that both of us are the products of parents who consciously or subconsciously taught us about the finiteness and ephemerality of safety and life. I think those ideas figure prominently into how Tamara

MATT: Well. Tamara’s father was Jewish — a fact which, certainly in our story, she denies as a way to survive a world that is intolerant of Jews. Nevertheless, her lineage was a ticking time bomb against the backdrop of a world racing towards fascism and Nazism.

Q: How have your Jewish backgrounds influenced this musical?

navigates through the circumstances of her life.

CARSON: Matt’s much more “Jewish” than I am. We weren’t a particularly religious household in any way, but I’m definitely culturally Jewish, especially in terms of an obsession with close readings of text and humor as a necessary survival mechanism.

Q: So far, what has been the most rewarding part of the production process?

What has been the most challenging aspect?

MATT: We’ve been working on this show for 12 years. Some of the most fun moments happened early in our writing process–the two of us locked in a basement in New Haven or a rehearsal room in New York starting to continues on next page >>

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‘Lempicka’

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write songs; and thinking, “Oh my God! That’s gonna be great! Someday when somebody performs this it’s gonna be epic!” I don’t think either of us thought it would take this long to bring it to life. But every day in rehearsal now is like a new gift that we left ourselves years ago. It’s very satisfying and deeply emotional.

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MATT: I hope that the audience falls in love with the complicated, hard, wonderful, awful, beautiful mess that is this stunning artist. And I hope that we all walk out of the theater thinking about how the historical backdrop of her story is scarily similar to what we are living through now; and how our individual choices will play a role in determining whether we wind up in war or peace.

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Q: What are the biggest takeaways that you want the audience to leave with?

CARSON: Yes, as we’ve worked on “Lempicka,” it has felt increasingly relevant to the times we’re living in. But I don’t think we were prepared for how startling and terrifying the parallels have become. Our characters are living their lives in the shadow of impending fascism. Which felt significantly more historical when we began. Now, I keep finding myself thinking, “Is this what it felt like, just before?”

I also want people to think about their own lives, and whether they are being lived as fully and as bravely as they can be. This is the gift Tamara has been for me, all these years working on the show.

Not, like, a nice gift. An intense, difficult, important gift. As is only fitting, from Tamara.” A

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CARSON: The reward is being in this glorious room, watching our show come to life. Watching [Director] Rachel and [Choreographer] Raja work their magic, listening to these gorgeous voices living in this music.

And I’d say the most challenging aspect has been Covid — mostly in the enforced two-year pause, while our

entire industry was basically unplugged from the wall. We’re all being very careful, testing constantly, masking, so it feels manageable right now. But it’s not something you can just forget about.

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FEATURE

The San Diego Symphony is Coming to your Backyard

by Nathalie Feingold

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he San Diego Symphony will be bringing its classical music straight to their audiences this summer, making their 2022-23 Jacobs Masterworks Season one of their most accessible to date. This season’s performances, which kicks off with Verdi’s Requiem at the Rady Shell on Oct. 1, will be the last chance for audiences to witness the traveling orchestra before they resettle in their permanent home downtown.

“ It is not often that any American Symphony Orchestra has an opportunity to tour its county for an entire season.”

“This will be our final season before returning to our renovated home at Jacobs Music Center and another chance for us to meet our audiences in their own backyards and hopefully

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introduce our music to many new faces, as well,” Kristen Turner, Director of Communications, Content and Digital Strategies at the Symphony, said.

Kristen said that audiences are particularly excited for the rare and unique opportunity to listen to the orchestra perform as they travel throughout the county this season — harkening modern day troubadours.

“Audience members are most looking forward to hearing the San Diego Symphony perform in different performing spaces throughout the county. It is not often that any American Symphony Orchestra has an opportunity to tour its county for an entire season,” Kristen said.

The Jacobs Music Center, the iconic home of the San Diego Symphony, is undergoing a massive renovation that intends to honor the history of the Center’s 1929 building, while also significantly enhancing the musical and performance experience for both artists and audiences. The $125 million

renovation includes a full transformation of Copley Symphony Hall.

During the renovation, The San Diego Symphony will be performing in six different venues throughout the county; the Civic Theatre, the California Center for the Arts, the Conrad Prebys Performing Arts Center, Southwestern College, The Village Church and the Rady Shell at Jacobs Park.

Highlights of this Jacobs Masterworks season include; eight concerts led by beloved Music Director Rafael Payare, San Diego Symphony debuts of 10 soloists and conductors and performances by internationally-renowned talent, like Alisa Weilerstein, Emanuel Ax, Edo de Waart and more.

Kristen believes that there is truly something for everyone performed at every San Diego Symphony concert.

Music is a very personal experience and each classical piece affects every audience member differently. This is why the San Diego Symphony performs works from a vast range of genres

Clockwise from top: Accessible balcony view (PHOTO: SAN DIEGO SYMPHONY AND HGA), cellist Alisa Weilerstein (PHOTO: PAUL STUART), pianist Benjamin Grosvenor (PHOTO: ANDREJ GRILC), conductor Elena Schwarz (PHOTO: PRISKA KETTERER), conductor Robert Spano (PHOTO: JASON THRASHER).

and eras; they want everyone to leave their performances feeling moved and inspired in some way.

“Classical music can give so much to modern audiences. Music in general is a connector and something that we all have an innate appreciation for. Classical music can transport you to a world of the past and at the same time, beautifully illustrate the current world around us,” Kristen explained.

Kristen said that the key to a touching and memorable classical performance is crafting an experience that is special through-and-through.

“It is important to provide audiences with a truly unique experience every time they step foot into the concert hall. This overall experience includes everything from the way the music is played to the amazing cocktails and food available pre-concert and at intermission. Every touch point with an audience member is an opportunity to remind them why attending a concert presented by the San Diego Symphony is special and unique,” Kristen said. A

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Local Offerings All events are now in-person unless specified otherwise.

Lamb’s Players Theatre All content is available at lambsplayers.org ONGOING: Million Dollar Quartet Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, Carl Perkins and Jerry Lee Lewis make up a star-studded quartet.

All content is available at cygnettheatre.com THRU JUNE 19: Mud Row This is a portrait of a family legacy of two generations of sisters in Pennsylvania’s “Mud Row.”

North Coast Repertory Theatre All content is available at northcoastrep.org.

JUNE 8-JULY 3: The Outgoing Tide This is the West Coast premiere of a story of aging, family and choice.

Coronado Playhouse All content is available at coronadoplayhouse.org THRU JUNE 19: Ain’t Misbehavin’: The Fats Waller Musical Show This is a swing revue of the music of Fats Waller.

▲ Arturo Sandoval at LJMS.

La Jolla Music Society All content is available at ljms.org JUNE 3, 7 P.M.: Arturo Sandoval Part of their Jazz series, Arturo Sandoval is bringing his myriad of talents to LJMS. He is trained on trumpet and flugelhorn, as well as a renowned classical artist, pianist and composer.

San Diego Museum of Art All content is available at sdmart.org JUNE 11, 10 A.M.: Layered Traditions: Exhibiting South Asia in a Gallery of the Islamic World This talk will explore “The British Museum’s reconceived display of South Asian Islamic art and material culture.” ▲

Cygnet Theatre

Page from a Hamzanama (Adventures of Hamza) at SDMA.

San Diego Natural History Museum All content is available at sdnhm.org ONGOING: Nature Hikes June hikes are in order: Palomar Mountain State Park, Azalea Community Park, Cleveland National Forest, Dos Picos County Park and Cuyamaca Rancho State Park.

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JUNE 24, 4 P.M.: Expressions of Pride This is an interdisciplinary celebration of pride with performances by DISCO RIOT, Gilbert Castellanos and San Diego Shakespeare Society. There will also be local LGBTQ+ artists curated by Art of Pride and a community mural.

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AM ISRAEL MORTUARY We Are San Diego’s ONLY All-Jewish Mortuary Serving the community for over 38 years.

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| SDJEWISHJOURNAL.COM June 2022

Food

by Micah Siva

noshwithmicah.com

Vegan Cashew Halvah Cheesecake Celebrate Shavuot by tucking into a rich and creamy cheesecake — with a twist! Unlike most Shavuot recipes, this cheesecake is completely non-dairy, no-bake and absolutely delicious. Nutty tahini, sweet cashews and an unexpected base of crushed waffle cones make this halvah inspired dessert irresistible!

SERVES 8–10 CRUST:

PREPARATION:

• 2 cups waffle cones, crushed into crumbs

1.

Line a 9-inch springform pan with baking paper.

2.

In a medium bowl, combine waffle cone crumbs, cinnamon and coconut oil. Press into the springform pan. Place in the fridge to set.

3.

• 1 ½ cups cashews, soaked overnight, drained

Meanwhile, combine cashews, lemon juice, coconut oil, 2 tbsp. tahini, coconut milk, ½ cup halvah, maple syrup, vanilla and sea salt in a blender until smooth.

4.

Pour over the crust. Top with remaining ⅓ cup halvah.

• 1 lemon, juiced

5.

Refrigerate for 6 hours or until set.

• ¼ coconut oil, melted

6.

Slice and enjoy!

• 1 tsp. cinnamon • ¼ cup coconut oil, melted FILLING:

• 2 tbsp. tahini + 1 tbsp. to top • ⅔ cup coconut milk (canned) • ½ cup vanilla halvah, crumbled + ⅓ cup to garnish • 2 tbsp. maple syrup • 1 tsp. vanilla extract • Pinch sea salt Sivan–Tamuz 5782

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DIVERSIONS

Spanish Jews take the spotlight in ‘Heirs to the Land,’ a Netflix series set pre-Inquisition

by Cnaan Liphshiz, JTA News The series “Heirs to the Land” that dropped on Netflix, at first glance, like just another installment in the fastgrowing genre of Spanish period dramas.

In some ways it is, featuring the familiar mix of romance, violence and a liberal dramatization of key historical events in medieval Spain that have made international hits out of several recent Spanish productions such as “Isabel” and “El Cid.” But “Heirs to the Land” also takes a deep dive into what it meant to live as a Jew in Spain at the time, when the strictly Catholic country began its descent into organized persecution

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of minorities that culminated with the Inquisition.

The series reflects a growing appetite in Spain for exploring local history in general, especially its oft-overlooked Jewish chapters.

“There’s a growing realization in Spain that Sephardic history isn’t about ‘them’ but about ‘us,’” said David Hatchwell Altaras, a former president of the Jewish Community of Madrid and one of the co-founders of the city’s planned Jewish museum.

The show’s creators said they wanted to go beyond the dramatic scenes of execution and violence that have

been typical of Spanish productions dramatizing Sephardic Jewish history.

“You have multiple references to the Inquisition and to antisemitism in recent historical production, but I wanted to go beyond and show the texture of life for a Jew in Spain just before the expulsion,” said executive producer Jordi Frades, who is not Jewish.

Possibly the most heavily Jewish production of its kind in Spain, the 8-episode second season of “Heirs to the Land,” based on a novel by Ildefonso Falcones, follows the life of Hugo Llor, a fictional character born in 14th-century Barcelona. A

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ADVICE

ASK MARNIE

by Marnie Macauley, M.S.

| marniemacauley@gmail.com

The Art of the Wedding To Wed or Not To Wed — Strategies That Work Dear Marnie: My fiancée and I are to be wed soon. She is a wonderful lady with a teenage son. I also have a (young) son. We’ve been together for six years and five break ups. We’re planning on blending our households into one home. Though I love her with all my heart, I foresee many obstacles, primarily her 17-year-old. He’s spoiled, rude, lazy and disrespectful to his mother, but if I jump in — I’m the bad guy. In the past I’ve had to pull him off of a much younger boy and was reprimanded (which led to one of our break-ups). I fear if I step in and there is constant friction, my son and I will be on the streets. I’ve shared these fears and was assured that would never happen. In my heart I know it would — our history dictates it so. So, 1) do I proceed with the wedding and hope for the best? 2) go our separate ways with minimal damage to both families? Please advise!

– Attorney, Torn MARNIE SAYS: Sweetheart: Go to a realtor. Move out of the zip code. Leave no forwarding address. Oh, he’s a problem, but not your Big Problem. No. Your Big Problem is the fact that you and this lovely lady are still debating and arguing over the boy, not to mention your fear that a wrong move will move you to a shopping cart.

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Getting It! Your Personal Wedding Strategy: The SRT way (Strategic Relationship Thinking) requires we think correctly.

Rather than hope, or desperate wishes, our thinking is based on reality that comes from proof. Apart from the staggering pull at your heartstring, ask yourself what’s changed in six years of back-and-forth? Let’s look. Get a pencil and legal pad, counselor and write... reality. a) She has Damian the Omen for a son, with her feet planted firmly on yours, thereby polluting your own son with his madness. b) We keep breaking up and nothing gets solved. There is no magic genie to shake her head and boom! All is calm and bright. If two reasonably intelligent adults can’t make your five time college try a winner, whether you’ve seen a counselor or not, sadly you’ve got powerful proof that one or both cannot or will not change. c) Ask yourself, is a man about to get married to his beloved and still worried about being tossed out like yesterday’s meat making a wise move, based on trust and empathy? d) Should the “feeling” of love trump the reality of enough unresolved baggage to sink a Navy destroyer?

See it? The reality, the evidence, is the likelihood of this working is less than Putin air lifting caviar to Chernihiv. But you already knew all of this, didn’t you?

Dear Marnie: I’m getting married on June 30. I’m having a small to medium-size traditional wedding (75 people) and only two attendants — a matron and maid of honor. My problem is, I’m only having two attendants, which means that I’m not returning the favor to the several women who have made me their bridesmaids.

I know they will be hurt. Is there any way I can do this without causing them pain?

– Bride in Conflict.

MARNIE SAYS: You are so sweet, but watch making incorrect presumptions.

(Hold it. I’m smiling.)

Getting It! Your Personal Wedding Strategy: 1) PRESUMPTION:

Of course, sweetie you presume they will be hurt. Personally, if I weren’t asked, I’d be gesticulating wildly to Aretha Franklin! OK, I’ll be good. True, standing up for a dear pal is a supreme pleasure, but as with most pleasures, there’s a continues on next page >>

Advice

continued

downside. The arrangements. The showers. The money.

The time. And those dresses. (Please tell me they’re wearing something they can use for other things besides herding sheep?) OK, enough ribbing. Let’s start by being honest with them.

2) STRATEGY:

Tell the ladies — in advance. Don’t keep them expecting, wondering, or scouting fuchsia velvet. a) Call each and explain as follows: “Janet, Becky, Rhonda, I adore and value you. As you know, the wedding’s small, so I’m only having two attendants. Family loyalty demands I ask my sister, Bella and my cousin, Rhoda. If it were a different affair, you’d be up there with me. As one of my most trusted pals, I know you’ll understand and of course you will have a place of honor...” Boom. b) Finding a special role for them. Ushers don’t have to be guys any more than toasters have to be gifts. Invite your favorite girlfriends to do some honors for example, make a toast, announce something (the cake, the cake), sit at a favored table nearby or play observer to insure Loony Uncle Lester doesn’t get looped. c) Consider finding a way to acknowledge them. If you say something public, include them in your list of tag-team wonders who have been with you through zits and thin.

Perhaps even include a small “attendants” gift — “just because.”

If they’re true blue, they’ll be thrilled for you — and get to wear something they can actually use again in non-agrarian functions. A

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Contact us for a free consultation To advertise in the 2022 edition, contact Mark Edelstein at (858) 638-9818 or marke@sdjewishjournal.com

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