Building and Maintaining Relationships Through the Bars

By:Danielle Steele, Founder of For the Lives of Prison Wives

On March 2005, my life changed in a way I never expected. At the time, I was pregnant with my son and I had a daughter that was 2 1/2 years old. I received a collect call from the Montgomery County Jail. I immediately knew that my fiancé had messed up drastically!! See, I was in the courtroom with my fiancé when the judge advised him not to mess up again. The judge informed him that if he appeared in his courtroom again that he would receive a minimum of 10 years in prison. That day, I knew that my fiancé heard the judge, but I knew his soul was tied to the streets and he more than likely would be back before the judge soon.

Well, soon came in March of 2005 and he was sentenced to 22.5 years in prison for money laundering, conspiracy to distribute, and gun charges. Now I was faced with a decision, do I wait, or do I go? Yes, I know, the average female would have run for her life but not me. I prayed and asked God to guide me. I made one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made and decided to wait for my fiancé.

I had no idea of what prison life was like nor had I thought about the hardships families face when they have a loved one incarcerated. I just knew they missed their loved one and that was an adjustment for families. I soon learned of the hardships of incarceration and the criminal justice system. Criminal justice reform has been a hot topic for years, but very seldom do we hear about the struggles of the families of incarceration such as the financial burden, visit or lack thereof, grief, limited communication, etc.

As I waited for my fiancé, I had the support of my family, but I still felt alone. I searched for people that were in my situation and had no luck. I did find women going through the same thing online but no real support or guidance as to how to navigate this journey. I began my search in my 11th year of the wait. I found a website where a young lady named Danielle like me talked about her journey. I was teaching at the time and couldn’t wait to read her story about her and her loved one. She also was a teacher like me. We both taught school and wanted so much more for our students than they wanted for themselves. I think by having loved ones in prison, we felt an extra special connection to the kids that were labeled “at-risk” because we knew that they could very easily follow the path that our loved ones chose. Long story short, I rushed home one day to go to the website, and it was no longer there. At this point, I believed I had enough experience to give the help that I knew I needed on the Prison Wife journey. Yes, we eventually got married in prison.

I stepped out on faith and shared our story and eventually started For the Lives of Prison Wives. From stepping out on faith, a criminal justice reform organization, FAMM (Families Against Mandatory Minimums) reached out to us and wanted to share our story. They also invited my children and myself to Washington D.C. to lobby for and share our story in support of the First Step Act which eventually passed in December 2018. After sharing our story on my blog forthelivesofprisonwives.com, I started a Facebook Group for Prison Wives and began offering the support I longed for. Since then, I started subscription boxes for wives and children, I have published three books, Prayers of a Prison Wife, Prison Marriage Bootcamp Workbook for Him, and Prison Marriage Bootcamp Workbook for Her. I also have an online course that goes along with the workbooks. Prison Marriage Bootcamp focuses on building and maintaining relationships through the bars and is based on biblical principles. It lays the foundation for the couple while the loved one is on the inside as well as when they reenter society.

These resources are significant since one out of two people have been impacted by incarceration in the United States. The U.S. has the highest incarceration rate, and the impact is the greatest in the African American community. Most incarcerated loved ones will return home. Therefore, it’s imperative that they return to society with a state of mind that will keep them from returning to prison and allow them to support themselves and their family in a healthy manner that will be beneficial to everyone. The most important person that can make the most impactful difference is the companion of the incarcerated/returning citizen’s life. The recidivism (reoffending) rate decreases if the returning citizen has the proper support. This is the purpose of For the Lives of Prison Wives. I had no idea that listening and obeying God would take me down this much needed path. But I can honestly say the wait was not in vain. My husband came home six years early and is so driven, laser focused, and continues to reach his goals. As I’m typing, he has just received news of a second promotion within a month’s time at a Fortune 500 company. Our family was able to maintain and build bonds and make new memories, our children are in college and doing well, and I continue to support others that were in our situation. If you’d like to help the families of incarceration visit our gofundme:

Danielle Steele Williams, Founder of For the Lives of Prison Wives. Prison Marriage Coach. Certified Biblical Counselor. Certified Kingdom Marriage Christian Coach. BS Biology. MS Counseling Psychology.

By: Ms. Alexandria Forsh