With Love

With Love

Tatyana Green

With Love Copyright C 2022

by Tatyana Green School of Art and Design George Mason University

To God, for giving me life and for His unfailing love.

To my family, Mom, Dad, Tasha & Talya. You all are my whole heart and I love you forever.

To all my friends, mentors, professors, pastors and peers that have poured into my life over the years and helped me grow into the woman I am today.

Table of Contents Introduction 5-year-old self

1

10-year-old self

5

11-year-old self

6

12-year-old self

11

14-year-old self

13

17-year-old self

14

18-year-old self

19

22-year-old self

23

23-year-old self

25

24-year-old self

29

25-year-old self

33

26-year-old self

37

30-year-old self

39

40-year-old self & beyond

43

To You/ Conclusion

1

Introduction Upon entering my senior capstone class, I kept wondering what my final project was going to entail. I was thinking about this class for a long time and knew I wanted to do something I would be proud of and something that was personal to my life. After thinking about it a ton and talking to my professor about it, I decided to write letters to my younger and future self.

It was important for me to self-reflect upon these versions of myself and create a safe space for me to look back, express, and remember where I came from as well as who I used to be. As for my future self, I am full of hope and am excited to see the person I’ll grow into as I age.

With the season of life that I am in right now, I’ve been in a very reflective mindset. I’ve been thinking about all the past versions of myself that will cease to exist and all the future versions of myself that don’t exist yet. I wouldn’t say I would change any of the circumstances that have happened to my younger self, because I would be a different person than who I am right now. All of these moments, big or small have shaped me in some way.

The beautiful thing too is it continues to happen day by day, month by month, age by age.

I believe the experiences we go through are not only meant to craft us into a better version of ourselves but also to help others that might be facing something similar.

That is what keeps me going, knowing my life and stories can potentially help other people.

Even though these letters are written from my experiences and my life, my hope is that my words and illustrations can encourage the person reading, maybe the younger versions or future versions of yourself. I hope you can walk away from reading this feeling loved, supported, valued & encouraged in your walk of life.

With Love, Tatyana

To my 5-year-old self, Enjoy this time and this age. Let your mind wander through

your imagination and don’t stop it. Don’t stop drawing, it makes your heart smile and it will for a long time. Keep being a good kid and listening to Mom and Dad. Enjoy riding your bike until

the sun sets through the neighborhood, enjoy playing with your

stuff animals and paper people with your sisters, enjoy those

moments in Disney world with your best friend, Keira. Enjoy going to Mawmaw’s house for the weekends and watching the wizard of oz with her while you can. Enjoy it all!

With Love, Me

1

4

To my 10-year-old self, You are beautiful.

You are loved.

You are kind.

You are gentle.

You are worthy.

You are accepted.

You are compassionate.

You are patient.

You are strong.

You are brave.

You are enough.

You are courageous.

You are special.

& So much more.

T here was no mistake in how you were made and what you look like

physically. There’s no need to compare yourself to other girls, their beauty

does not take away from your own. You are unique and one of a kind. Your body is beautiful and is a precious home, don’t be mean to it. Clothes are made to fit you, not for you to fit into them.

When you look into the mirror, see the beauty that is in front of you

and within you. Embrace who you are, because there’s no one else that

can. Don’t focus so much on your appearance but focus on your heart and

the way you treat others. That will always be the most beautiful and special quality about you.

With Love, Me

5

To my 11-year-old self, May 8th 2008 is a day that you probably won’t ever forget. In the

middle of the night, it was thunder-storming loud and hard. You were sound asleep and then all of the sudden, you heard Mom scream, “TORNADO!!” loudly. You had never heard her yell so loud before.

You quickly got up fast, and instantly knew to run to the basement.

T hat night everyone sat in the basement for a while, until the

thunderstorm had calmed down enough for you guys to go back to your rooms.

That night you went to sleep filled with fear and anxiety, not knowing

what was happening or what was going to happen. The next day you,

Talya and Dad walked around the neighborhood at the time and had seen the aftermath the tornado had caused. You had never seen anything like it. You guys saw the interior of people’s houses,

because the exterior of it was completely gone. You saw very personal spaces and belongings in the middle of the street. Some areas had so much items everywhere you coudn’t even see the

sidewalk. You saw things that you were not meant to see, because of how badly the tornado had destroyed, deconstructed, and

exposed everything. This was a day that was filled with fear, loss, and grief of what once was.

6

Thankfully, our house at the time had little destruction and

little repairs had to be fixed. As you guys helped clean up the neighborhood that day, your heart was just as shattered as the

houses as you had seen around you. You were so sad for these people and sad that this happened. At the same time, seeing the

aftermath of this tornado made you fearful for a long time this

would happen again. T his anxiety would follow you for months after this incident and you would become fearful whenever

it would thunderstorm badly. So much so, you were scared sleeping alone and had Talya move into your room with you.

The anxiousness you feel is valid. This was a traumatic event for you, as well as so many others. The anxiety you feel will

eventually go away within time. You don’t need to stay up during the night to make sure nothing happens. You don’t need to

constantly check if its going to rain everyday. You don’t need to overthink and worry yourself into hypothetical scenarios. You can rest knowing that you are protected and safe within your own home. You may never know why this happened but be reminded and comforted that after every storm, there is always a rainbow.

With Love, Me

7

To my 12-year-old self, At the end of the day, change is and will always be good. It is

uncomfortable at first, but it grows you into who you were always meant to become. It’s normal to miss how things used to be. It’s also normal to want to stay stagnant and not move because your

comfortable with where you’re at. Moving to another city is one of those things where the grass is greener on the other side, you

just don’t know it yet. It can be hard to go through at a young age, but don’t let it make you cold towards others.

T here’s people who are waiting to experience the light you bring.

T here’s this quote that says,”T here’s so many people that you haven’t met yet that you are going to love and that are going to

love you.” When you really think about it, that is so true. All that to

say, embrace the change. It’s not easy, but just as the fall season comes around, it shows us the beauty of change and the beauty of letting go of what once was. Moving to Woodbridge will be a big

blessing to you, so much so you’ll move across the street from an

art teacher who your’e going to learn so much from and grow in what you’re most passionate about.

Moving will make you realize that not everyone in your life is meant

to stay in your life, even family members. Some people are only in your life for a season, for a certain time frame and that’s okay.

It can feel bittersweet when people move on to greater things or unexpected when they leave your life suddenly. Enjoy the people

around you while they are in your proximity and appreciate their time. Learn as much as you can with the people you meet going forward and love them unconditionally; while they are in your life and when they leave.

With Love, Me

11

12

To my 14-year old self,

Starting highschool is an exciting feeling. You’re in a completely different atmosphere than middle school, with a lot more people. The next four years might seem long at first, but they will go by so fast. Don’t let

the hierarchy of upperclassmen and lowerclassmen intimidate you,

it doesn’t really matter as much as you think. In high school, we tend to get caught up a lot in how others perceive us and fitting in with

others to be accepted. Especially at this age, with such a diverse

group of people. You don’t need to feel like you have to “perform” or “fit in” with other people by any means. You will find your people, and they will accept you just as you are!

From the start of highschool to the end of it, you will be a different

person. Little by little you’re growing and you don’t even realize it until you look back and see that everything is different. Enjoy this time

being young and be present- not constantly looking ahead to the next thing. Adolescence should be fun and freeing- not in a rush to

“finally be 16, so you can learn how to drive.” Or “finally be 18 so Mom

and Dad don’t have a hold on me.” Be content being your age and not feel the need to rush “being mature.” or “adult like” because your’e not

yet and that time will come. Have fun and it’s okay to not be serious all the time. You can skip school once in a while too, Mom won’t be

mad at you. All in all, Be your quirky, weird, authentic, teenage self!

With Love, Me

13

To my 17-year old self,

This was a big year for you. You were starting to think more seriously about your future and whether or not if you wanted to go to college.

You did decide you wanted to go to college, and you had your heart

set on VCU. You imagined the next four years of your life in the city of Richmond, amongst talented artists and other like-minded creative

individuals. You were ready to grow more as a visual artist and develop

your skills and craft. You toured the school and fell in love with the city life, graffiti on the streets, the workspaces and everything the school

entailed. You bought a VCU sweatshirt and wore it so proudly. You were so committed to a school that wasn’t committed to you yet. You saw your friends getting accepted into VCU, and while you were happy

for them, you couldn’t wait for your letter so you all could celebrate

together. You spent months, preparing, working, and dedicating your time and energy to developing your portfolio- into the strong body of work

that it was. You seeked criticism and advice from your art teachers to enhance your portfolio to make it better, so you have a better chance of getting into the program.

The day comes to apply and you are filled with nervousness and

anxiety. You finally submit your application and portfolio and felt

so peaceful knowing it was finally done and over with. Months of

anticipation go by, and you receive a small letter stating: We regret to inform you have been denied acceptance into VCUarts.”

14

You felt so much heartbreak and devastation. You cried for weeks

and your heart became bitter. You worked so hard and it felt like it

all amounted to nothing. You thought you weren’t good enough, that your paintings weren’t good enough, and even stopped painting for a period

of time. But it’s not that you weren’t good enough, You are enough.

Everything you are and behold is enough. There was just a greater

purpose as to why you didn’t get accepted and that was really hard for you to accept and come to terms with.

It’s so frustrating to want something so badly and for it to not go

through. Everything that you’re feeling is okay. It’s okay to be upset,

and It’s okay to even be angry. But, you will look back at this moment

in awe of God’s hand in your life and what he stopped from happening;

whatever that fully entailed is unknown. However, keep your trust in God over every decision in your life. Even when you don’t understand or when things don’t go your way or don’t make sense. It might be hard, but it will always be worth it because He knows what’s best. Keep in mind that

what is meant for you, will always be yours. You won’t have to force it or fight for it. Keep your head up and be encouraged. Where you go to school really doesn’t matter as much as you think it does. Stay

strong! Later you will go to college, just not VCU. That school will welcome you with open arms, ready to accept you.

With Love, Me

15

18

To my 18-year-old self, I wish I could go back in time and give you a hug.

Turning 18 gave you confidence. With graduting high school, and the

world in front of you, You ran with the idea of knowing that you

were legally an adult and could make your own decisions. Being

18, you thought you knew everything about life. You eventually realized that this was not the case at all and you were faced with how imperfect and flawed you really are.

T his was the year where you realized the power of decision-

making, how much of your decisions can set the direction for your

life. This was also a year you learned the power of owning your

mistakes and taking accountability for your actions. With this year

came brokenness, destruction, and emotional turmoil, but out of it came great triumph and resilience in the face of adversity.

During this time in your life, you had never felt so low before.

Everyday was a constant battle, but you fought it. You tackled this every day and God was holding your hand throughout it all. You never know God is all you need until He is all you have.

Also during this time, you learned what it means to be broken but

also learned the beauty of being built back up completely different than before. T here were moments where you would be laying in

darkness and peaks of light would shine through, reminding you that

you are still loved all the same in your weakness and imperfections.

Just know that brighter days are ahead and I am proud of you, for not giving up when everything in you wanted to.

With Love, Me

19

22

To my 22-year old self, If someone told me there would be a pandemic during this year of

my life, I would of given them the strangest look. 2020, a year where everything was cautioned and was paused.

In this year of life, you were so fearful for the state of the world

like most people were and saddened by the multitude of deaths

happening. Simultaneously, you were at peace knowing that as a whole

this was out of your control, and all you had to do was play your part

in keeping others safe and healthy as well as yourself. That’s all you could really do.

Your quarantine experience was a positive one, Being an introvert, you

didn’t mind staying home for days on end because you felt like you

did for the most part prior to the pandemic. However, you were sad

not being able to continue school in person and not be social for that period of time. Some days felt lonely, while other days weren’t so bad. This feeling will pass and is only for a moment in time.

It was a unique experience that you probably won’t ever forget. Your

months were filled with online school, educating yourself, having quality

time with your family, baking new recipes, reading books, listening to

podcasts, face-timing friends, going on walks, and painting your days away. Nonetheless, look back at these quiet months and be reminded

that while it felt scary in the moment, these months were rich in self-

reflection and self-growth. You also realized how while you may get so caught up in life, it is important to pause.

With Love, Me

23

24

To my 23-year-old self, When I think of being 23, the word “clarity” comes to mind.

This was a year where it felt like your eyes were opened to

the circumstances happening in your life. It was like putting on

prescription glasses for the first time after going so long not being able to see and everything before you was blurry.

Sometimes when your’e looking at something too close, you have to stand back farther away to get a different perspective. Ms. Johnsen taught you that when you were learning to draw. You

would be so wrapped up in a drawing, staring at it super closely, your eyes practically glued to the paper, making sure you get all

the details. She would have to remind you to look at the drawing from several steps back, because it’s there where you see the

whole picture. It’s the same with life, that’s what needed to happen for you to see everything transpiring in your life. You had to step

back and get a different perspective. You could see what was

ahead of you and the direction your life was going and chose to go on a different course than you were on before.

I am proud of you. You had a tendency to let yourself drown

and get lost in the waves of your own thoughts. You would shy

away from speaking up, and standing your ground. However, during this year you spoke up when you needed to and was bold. You

weren’t ashamed of using your voice, because you realized there’s

strength in doing so. You realized how brave and courageous you really are, after believing for so long that you weren’t. T hough it may be quiet, you found your voice and that was a victory.

With Love, Me

25

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To my 24-year-old self, As I approach graduating college, the upcoming senior art show, and

post-grad life, I can’t help but to feel so excited to all that is to come

in this year of my life. All along I knew it was coming and now that the season is here, it feels so surreal. When I look back at my time in

college, there were countless times where I questioned why I was still holding on as opposed to not finishing. T here were countless times

where I doubted myself and didn’t think I was good enough. There were

also times where I considered changing my major to something more practical instead of the creative arts. I am so happy I pushed through all of the obstacles rather than giving up entirely. Being close to graduating

has made me realize that this is not just a piece of paper that gives

me a title, but that it is a visual symbol of strength and perseverance that is within me and has been within me this whole time. Nevertheless, I am thankful to God for bringing me to college and guiding me through it all. I am excited to see how this degree will be used in my life.

Not only have I been reflective in my academic life but also my

personal life as well. In this time of my life with being single, I am

learning what it means to pour into myself and tend my own garden.

I am learning what it means to feel lonely but simultaneously know

that I’m never alone. I am learning to love the parts of myself that I

depended on others to love. I know I will look back and be greatful for this time I took to water myself and I will smile with joy. I am proud of the woman I am becoming and blossoming into.

With Love, Me

29

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To my 25-year-old self, In this next year of your life, everything is going to look different.

You’ve graduated college and are no longer in school. You are starting your

first year into working full-time and what that looks like for you. You will probably feel the societal pressures of “needing to have your life together

by 25.” Which is simply not true. You are on a completely different path and that is OKAY. You aren’t married at 25 and that is OKAY. You don’t

have kids at 25 and that is OKAY. You don’t have your own place at 25 and that is OKAY. Wherever you are at this moment in time, is okay. Your path is yours, and there’s so much ahead of you; with these things included.

Embrace the uncertainty that is before you and trust that God isn’t going to

lead you where you were never meant to be. Walking into the unknown can

be daunting but know you have so much to look forward to within it. Things you may not even know. Even though you can’t see it yet, doesn’t mean good isn’t coming. Go into the unknown and go in it gladly!

With Love, Me

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To my 26-year-old self, I hope you are even stronger and bolder in who you are and how

you carry yourself. I know two years from now will look completely different, so I hope you are embracing where you are, what is

happening, and what is ahead of you. I hope you carry and embody peace. No matter what your life looks like. I hope you don’t find

yourself in situations where it’s hard for you to stick up for yourself

anymore, but when you are you would do so with boldness and grace.

I hope you are continuing to pour into yourself, to others, and you

continue to pursue what God wants for your life. (I also hope you finally have a cat by now.)

With Love, Me

37

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To my 30-year-old self, It’s hard to imagine where I’ll be when I turn 30. Most importantly, I hope that I am in a good place financially, mentally, and emotionally. I hope

that I am enjoying my life and I am passionate about the job I have.

I also hope that I am continuing to nurture the relationships with the people around me.

Turning 30 tends to mean different things to different people. To some, they dread it. To others, they are excited. I hope when I’m 30, I am able to reflect back on my 20’s with admiration. I want to view turning 30

through a positive and optimistic lens. I hope I can celebrate 30 as the

beginning of a new era of me, as opposed to grieving my 20’s or wishing I was still in my 20’s. I hope I can remind myself that I did the best I

could with what I knew in my 20’s. I also hope I can remind myself that

mistakes are lessons and that they don’t define who I am as a person.

You learn and grow and that’s the cycle going forward! I know my 30’s will embody new beginnings and new adventures.

With Love, Me

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To my 40-year-old self and beyond, I hope you are happy and thriving in your life. I hope you’re still painting your days away while sipping coffee. I hope you are being kind to

yourself. I hope when you think about all the experiences you’ve had up until this point, you can look back at them and smile-recognizing that all of it was purposeful. Even the most painful ones, because it wasn’t

for nothing. Everything serves a purpose and there’s so much more purpose to be discovered still!

With Love, Me

43

To You, I hope when you look back on the past versions of yourself,

you are kind to yourself. Your mistakes do not define you, they

help you grow into the wonderful human being that you are. You are

special and a world without you would be different, no matter how you see it. Every existence holds importance, both big and small. I am so happy your’e here and exist.

As for your future self, I hope and pray blessings over your life.

Wherever you are, whatever stage of life your’e in. There is so much ahead of you, so much love and joy to be experienced, shared and

found. You are loved, valued, cared for, and seen. Your life matters and has so much purpose.

Thank you so much for reading,

With Love, Tatyana