DIET CULTURE’S COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH BODY POSITIVITY BY MAYA BROWN
Editor's Note: Some students quoted in this article are addressed only by first name. These students spoke to us on the condition that their last names be excluded. Not a day goes by where Rebecca Danaher, a senior economics major at Stony Brook University (SBU), doesn’t track her calories, or go to the gym to lift the heaviest weights available. When she was first introduced to intermittent fasting, she would initially fast for 18 hours of the day, leaving her only a six hour window to eat her daily limit of 1,600 calories. Danaher has struggled with anorexia nervosa — an eating disorder characterized by distorted body image and a compulsive fear of being overweight — since the age of 13. She is now 22. “I am still recovering, I still feel like my worth is based around my weight, and I still feel guilty for every single thing I eat,” Danaher said. “I hate that diet culture did this to me and did this to so many people. In all honesty, I do not know if I will ever recover from my eating disorder, considering it has been etched into my brain since puberty.” Danaher said her eating disorder was exacerbated by diet culture, a system of beliefs that worships thinness and equates it to health and moral virtue. Diet culture promotes weight loss as a means of attaining higher social status and demonizes certain ways of eating while elevating others. It damages the mental and physical health of people who don't match up with its supposed picture of “health,” according to eating disorders dietitian Christy Harrison. In November 2020, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that more people are dieting now compared to 10 years ago. Diet culture can be seen in the media through “heavily photoshopped and edited posts from influencers that are body-focused,” communities that promote ‘thinspo’ and ‘fitspo,’ and “sponsored ads for diet products,” according to Ariel Beccia, a Ph.D. candidate at the University of Massachusetts Medical School whose master thesis focused on eating disorders. However, what Danaher said has helped her recover from her eating disorder — and what’s helping her to learn to fall in love with herself — is the body positivity movement. Body positivity is the belief that people deserve to embrace and accept their bodies, no matter what society and popular culture view as the ideal. The movement has been getting traction on social media, with people showing off pictures of their bodies and quotes of self love and acceptance. “Body positivity is a social movement in opposition to diet culture, one that aims to counter diet culture’s beliefs and provide an alternative ideology,” Beccia said. Negative views of one’s body also connects to eating disorders, in which people experience severe disturbances in their eating behaviors. Eating disorders include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge eating. A negative body image can cause those with eating disorders to place a high value on their body shape and weight when determining their own self-worth. Sasha, a freshman chemistry major at SBU, experienced this when she was a ballet dancer and found herself developing unhealthy eating habits due to the desire to have a "perfect" body image. “From my personal experience in ballet, many dancers that were just thinner were often preferred in social media marketing or in marketing in general over ballerinas that were more well-built,” she said. “It really didn’t matter who was more talented or who was a better dancer, it only mattered what your
weight was. Many people in ballet still try to slim down when they are actually extremely healthy.” Finding herself over-exercising, Sasha began to get muscular legs and immediately became ashamed of them. To get back to her previous shape, she would often try to go all day without consuming any food, only drinking water. “I would be frustrated with myself and I would cry and try to ask God for my thin beautiful legs again,” she said. Sasha is still recovering from body dysmorphia. “People with things like body dysmorphia often don’t recover, they just learn to cope with it,” she said. Sasha is only one of many that have struggled with body image. By age six, girls start to express concerns about their own weight or shape, and 40-60% of elementary school girls are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat, according to a National Eating Disorders Association report. Alex, a junior health science major at Stony Brook University, fell into her binge-eating disorder during her sophomore year of college when she found comfort in fitness and went on a body-builder diet. She used to binge-eat about 3,000 to 4,000 calories in one sitting. “I think we need to definitely make a distinction between diet culture and nutrition,” Alex said. “I think a lot of people, when they first get into fitness, it’s probably sparked by wanting to change how they look.” When the pandemic began and Alex lost access to fitness centers, it helped her begin to recover from her eating disorder. The diet that she relied on while she was going to the gym affected how she viewed her body. Christina Frangione, a registered dietitian and certified intuitive eating counselor based out of Centerport, says that weight loss through diet culture is idolized. “When awareness is brought to diet culture, it allows for people to get angry at something outside of themselves,” she said. “It allows people who have been fighting their bodies for most of their lives, people who have been on diets for as long as they can remember and still don’t like their bodies or still haven’t gotten to their ‘ideal’ size to finally realize that it is not their fault and it was never their fault for not achieving the promised goal.” The question is, can diets ever be body positive? Beccia wrote an article that questioned this exactly back in 2017. At the time, Beccia was a few years out from her own recovery from an eating disorder and body image issues. “The body-positive movement is rooted in ideals such as self-love and appreciation; it’s a backlash against a diet culture that defines beautiful as slim and encourages us to continually strive for ‘better bodies,’” Beccia wrote in the article. To combat the “perfect body” image that can be seen in popular culture, the Association for Size Diversity and Health created the Health at Every Size (HAES) Approach, which promotes balanced eating, life-enhancing physical activity, and respect for the diversity of body shapes and sizes. Carolina Ruiz, a junior biology major at Stony Brook, supports the HAES approach and as a Latina herself, resonates with the diversity of body shapes and sizes. “Most of the women I grew up seeing were skinny, white women,” she said. “My body physique didn’t match what I grew up seeing and thus always fed into the ideal that I needed to change. Being mindful of diversity and displaying the bodies of women from different cultures is something that could help young
girls battling disorders today and allow them to see some form of reflection in themselves.” Ruiz had an eating disorder for six years, which has impacted her well being and physical health. It started with minimizing what she ate, skipping meals and constantly judging her body shape. “From the ages of 12 to 18, I couldn’t withstand strenuous physical activity and I honestly couldn’t even count up the amount of times I’ve passed out in life up to this point,” Ruiz said. She found recovery through body positivity and by picturing her future self content with who she is. Frangione uses the HAES approach when treating all of her clients. “There needs to be a detangling of the individual and their eating disorder and the person must begin to carve out a new identity for themselves separate from the eating disorder,” Frangione said. “There needs to be work on body image and acknowledgment of having a body knowing that bodies will change over time.” Mary Jelkovsky, an author and speaker on women’s self-love, is also a supporter of the HAES approach and believes that it should be a training requirement for medical professionals. “It's a gentler approach to health; it's more nuanced and it takes into account individuals,” she said. Jelkovsky had her own personal experience with diet culture that started during her middle school years when she began dance lessons and going to the gym daily. She fell into a “vicious cycle” of restrictive eating and binge-eating. Then, she entered herself into bikini fitness model competitions, which only made her eating disorder worse. After seven years, Jelkovsky has recovered and has now found freedom from her disorder. She went on to create the platform “Mary’s Cup of Tea,” which consists of self-love and healing posts, a blog, podcast and worldwide retreats. The goal of the platform is to inspire women to embrace their bodies and love themselves unconditionally. “I started the platform to provide some sort of solace to everybody going through eating disorders,” she said. She also hosted a TEDx talk about body image and self-love entitled “Our Bodies are Not an Image” in January 2020. During the talk, Jelkovsky says that the body is not an image, but rather an experience that allows people to go places, do activities and accomplish goals. She stressed that in order to heal body-image struggles and build self-confidence, individuals must cultivate unconditional self-love, which starts with appreciating the body for all it does. “Reminding myself that the body is an experience is just a good way to focus on how I'm feeling, as opposed to, ‘I think I look what I think other people think I look like,’” she said. “Body positivity has been a door to a lot of healing and personal growth.” Dara Kapoor, the digital content director at Health magazine, defines body positivity as embracing a diverse range of sizes. “The more individuals embrace their natural shapes and demand more from the fashion and media industry, the more everyone learns that there is not one size of beauty, or even health,” she said. “The truth is, anyone can be body positive as long as they're not constantly faced with judgement and criticism. It's a tall order to expect people to feel good about themselves if others continue to discriminate.” People struggling with eating disorders can call the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Hotline at 1-800-931-2237.
WHAT CAN STILL BE DONE TO EQUALLY REPRESENT THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY IN THE MILITARY BY BENJAMIN JOFFE
Benjamin Joffe is a freshman political science major. Those in positions of authority have battled LGBTQ rights and representation at every turn in American history. Whether it be to prevent equal representation in the workplace or to block adoption and marriage rights, hateful legislation passed on all levels of government demonizes and diminishes LGBTQ people. Rhetoric promoting this discrimination is still heard within the chambers of Congress. When the Equality Act, aimed at preventing discrimination based on gender orientation and identity in employment, housing and education passed in the House on Feb. 25, 206 representatives voted against the bill. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene called it “disgusting, immoral and evil” and “a direct attack against God’s creation.” Unfortunately, this type of legislative assault has been historically successful in preventing LGBTQ service in the military. LGBTQ people serving in the military display unparalleled valor, integrity and bravery, and deserve the same recognition given to straight and cisgender service members. The stigma surrounding LGBTQ military service has had a profound effect in shaping our military and we desperately need legislation to create an overhaul and promote full integration. In the LGBT Military Index, which measures levels of LGBTQ inclusion, exclusion and tolerance in militaries around the world, the United States ranks 40th, which is justified, considering the history of anti-LGBTQ policies within the U.S. military. Anti-gay laws have existed in the U.S. military since the Revolutionary War, but when the Articles of War were passed in 1916 to reform many parts of the military, they included an article that labeled homosexuality as assault and a punishable offense in a military court. Then, in 1942, the Army outlined the exclusion of homosexuality based on “psychopathic personality disorders.”
These laws set the precedent for LBGTQ exclusion in the military for decades. However in 1993, President Bill Clinton established the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, which allowed gay, lesbian and bisexual enlistment as long as sexual orientation is not discussed or openly declared. While this policy redefined the precedent, it still promoted prejudice as exclusions and dismissals were widespread. By 2008, nearly 12,000 officers were discharged due to this law. It would not be until 2011 that the law would be repealed and allow openly gay, lesbian and bisexual service members into the military. However, this did not mean full integration. In 1963, transgender military service was banned outright due to the standards of military fitness; any gender transitioned or transitioning individual was deemed unfit to serve. In 2016, this policy was repealed, but one year later, President Donald Trump announced that transgender people would not be allowed to serve. This ban would stay in effect until 2021, when President Joe Biden repealed the ban. There are many potential policies that can address these issues, and since the military has a $934 billion budget, reallocation of funding would not be a problem. For instance, transgender service members should be able to receive Medical Transition Treatment that would be covered by military health insurance. Funding should be allocated to improve education and training programs in the armed forces to instill greater values of inclusion. Improved committees and military courts would provide greater oversight in protecting LGBTQ rights. While history has shown us that progress takes time and is faced with constant resistance, now is the time to create lasting changes. President Biden can coordinate with Congress, both houses of which are controlled by a Democrat majority, to pass progressive bills for military restructure.
Biden can also use executive orders and directives to change policy within the Department of Defense, as the president is also the commander-in-chief of all military branches. Trump has shown us that all it takes to challenge decades of progress are the actions of one administration, which is why it is imperative to create laws that are set in stone as legislative precedent. The Supreme Court also has a conservative majority with the recent appointment of Amy Coney Barrett, putting the future of LGBTQ military service in peril if taken to trial. If a case is taken to the Supreme Court to challenge a conservative law or order, such as the transgender military ban, it is more likely to be maintained or outright dismissed by a conservative court. This was previously seen in 2019 when the Supreme Court allowed the transgender military ban to persist. This indicates that the best way to improve military integration would be with breakthrough legislation, rather than through the courts, as reforms through court decisions could take decades. For instance, it was only in 1954 that the Supreme Court began the rollback of segregation with its ruling in Brown v. Board, 58 years after its ruling to uphold segregation in Plessy v. Ferguson. On top of legislative changes, activism and social awareness campaigns can also inform people of the history of injustices faced by LGBTQ service members. Additionally, the display of pride, whether through parades or on social media, can make all members of the LGBTQ community feel the acceptance and love they deserve. Continuing to campaign for these changes is the best way to bring them to actuality. It must be made clear that treating all of its service members with dignity is the only way that the military can uphold its own values of loyalty, respect, honor and integrity.
SELF-IMAGE DURING THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC: THE PROS AND CONS BY MELANIE NAVARRO
Melanie Navarro is a sophmore pyschology and biology double major. In the early weeks of lockdown, around March of last year, home-made whipped coffee recipes, rising TikTok stars and YouTube videos on-at-home ab workouts dominated social media. Exercise challenges like the #chloeting2weekshredchallenge received over 63 million views on TikTok, and many exercise equipment companies like Peloton have seen staggering increases in profits since the start of the pandemic. But what are the underlying reasons behind this recent emphasis on exercise? As remote work and school began consuming lives around the globe, so has our time spent in front of our screens. Research by Viren Swami, a professor at Anglia Ruskin University (ARU), found that with exacerbated anxiety and stress levels following the pandemic, many women have “felt under greater pressure to conform to traditionally feminine roles and norms” and the many harmful narratives from the media have equated that goal with wanting to be thinner. Swami noticed a similar trend among men, who — driven by “masculine body ideals” — have been placing a “greater value on the importance of being muscular.” The promotion of diet fads and unhealthy weight loss practices has created an atmosphere of body shaming and scrutiny across social media, with a particular focus on college students who have been dubbed in danger of the ‘Quarantine 15’ — yet another way to criticize someone's image. But this idea of conformity is not new, it has only been put in a brighter spotlight due to increased exposure to younger audiences. The promotion of diet fads and unhealthy weight loss practices quickly created an atmosphere of body shaming and scrutiny across social media; with a particular focus on college students who have been dubbed in danger of the ‘Quarantine 15’ — just another new way to criticize someone's image. But the changes brought on by the pandemic have magnified issues with body image, exercise and diet. A survey in the U.K. published in the “Personality and Individual Differences” journal last year found that “certain groups, such as those with pre-existing mental health difficulties, maybe especially at risk.” Trends like the #backprofilechallenge and “thinspiration” have sparked concerns among TikTok users over the promotion of eating disorders and body shaming. Many comments under videos with these subject lines share sentiments demonstrating how dangerous the ideal body image promoted by the media can be dangerous. With comments such as “that’s it, I’m not eating tonight” and “after seeing you I’m just going to eat ice” found more ubiquitously under posts of someone measuring their waistline, or a person showing a strenuous gym routine done by a professional — this mentality feeds into the pressure of maintaining a certain body type. These images of the ideal body are constantly being sold to people by fitness influencers and advertisements: ‘how to lose weight in 10 days,’ ‘detox smoothie, drink this, lose 15 pounds!’ and the problem prevails with all fad diets because they simply do not work. The problem lies with the fact that ‘detoxing the body’ with 3-day juice cleanses could show an observable weight loss in a small amount, but is just not sustainable. Strictly juicing can cause overconsumption, “But if you drink a glass of orange juice, you could be drinking the amount of sugar in four to six oranges — or more than a Coke — and you don’t feel full afterward,” Barry Popkin, a professor of nutrition at the University of North Carolina said in Vice. “Spend any time reading the weight-loss literature, and you find nearly every diet works minor miracles in the short term, especially if it involves cutting calories. (You could probably eat nothing but Big Macs for three days, and if you kept your intake to 1,300 calories, you’d lose some weight)” Markham Heid wrote in the same article. Having a strict juice cleanse for a week and then going on with life, as usual, is the cycle used to keep these trendy diets in business. “Weight Watchers and NutriSystem literally would not exist without stoking fears that the couple of extra pounds that come with disrupting normal life will transform everyone into fat, shapeless monsters,” editor Amy McCarthy wrote for Eater. Conversely, what has been done to try and combat this narrative? Many brands have recently caught wind of the body positivity movement and have become more inclusive, straying from old standards that only encouraged one body type. Stores like Aerie have created more inclusive clothing lines, displaying models with a greater range of body types, ethnicities, and physical disabilities. "But of course, progression will remain in limbo if society holds onto stigmas and outdated ideals, or with businesses using false progress for commercial gain. With public figures and celebrities celebrating body positivity, it is becoming less of a radical idea. However, that doesn’t equate to pure intentions on behalf of businesses. “Body positivity seems to now be a ‘free-for-all’ movement monetized and politicized by brands and public figures, in ways that often result in individuals above a certain size and of a certain ethnicity being excluded from the conversation — when they were the ones to effectively start it in the first place,” Stephanie Yeboah, the author of Fattily Ever After: The Fat, Black Girls' Guide to Living Life Unapologetically, wrote for Vogue last May. Even so, stepping away from old norms is eliminating the pressure of looking only one way and potentially harming oneself in the process. Yeboah highlights the essential tool for this to be one thing: allyship. She emphasizes that people who are less likely to be scrutinized need to use their platforms to pass over the mic to those more marginalized. “With their help, we can deconstruct the dangerous and harmful narratives about weight created by the media and diet industry.”
STUDENTS HELP REDEFINE THE DEFINITION OF BEAUTY THROUGH THE BODY POSITIVITY MOVEMENT BY NIKI NASSIRI
The online body positivity movement is changing the way Stony Brook University students view and treat their bodies through mental and physical health. The body positivity movement celebrates body diversity, along with combating the stigma around fatness. The movement challenges unrealistic beauty standards that favor skinny bodies and Eurocentric features. The term body positivity was coined by psychotherapist Elizabeth Scott and eating disorder survivor Connie Sobczak in 1996. They founded the website thebodypositive.org, which at the time focused on denouncing unhealthy weight loss fads and educating about body acceptance instead. The website now offers training to universities and secondary schools to change body culture amongst their students. Planned Parenthood Generation Action at Stony Brook, a Planned Parenthood university club, is dedicated to changing the rhetoric around body image. The club promotes body self-care as one of its goals. The club is currently planning an open mic night dedicated to body positivity in April. Chapter President Lorena Garcia, a junior biology major, attributes her own success with body positivity to being a “plant parent,” or someone who takes care of many potted plants.
“As a plant parent, once I started viewing my body similarly as a plant, the way I treated it changed,” Garcia said about her own experience with body positivity. “The thought process naturally switched to paying attention to what my body asked me for versus what others around me looked like or desired.” Social media has played a big role in the body positivity movement. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, researchers found that #fitspo, a hashtag that is intended to inspire people to lose weight and become “fit,” led to greater self-objectification amongst young women and promoted thin ideals. And while clothing brands have begun to start showing body diversity in online advertising campaigns, complaints on social media show that fashion companies like ASOS and Target are not designing clothes for larger bodies. But social media also has proved advantageous for body positivity awareness. Recent trends on TikTok show people showing off tummy rolls, cellulite and stretch marks with confidence. Notably, singer Lizzo inspires her fans through TikTok and asks them to embrace “body normativity.” Dara Kapoor, the digital content director at Health magazine, believes embracing all body shapes and sizes, as well as demanding more from the fashion industry, will expand the definition of beauty and health.
“The truth is, anyone can be body positive as long as they’re not constantly faced with judgment and criticism,” she said. “It’s a tall order to expect people to feel good about themselves if others continue to discriminate.” Naila Ali, a sophomore health science major, has used body positivity to battle her body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia, an anxiety disorder, causes people to become compulsive over perceived flaws. Ali said body positivity was easy to accept until it came to applying it to herself. “I think I’ve learned how to be more lenient on myself,” Ali said. She also avoids criticizing things that are out of her control, like weight or how she looks in certain clothes. “Every day has its own challenges. Some days I’m comfortable in my own skin and other days I’ll do anything to crawl out of it.” Erica Blaney, a junior history major, hopes that body positivity teaches people to love themselves and understand that society’s standards do not define one’s own beauty. Social media inspired Blaney to start bodybuilding, but she learned that the photos she saw were “not a good goal to chase” because of angles and filters that don’t exist in real life. “I hope body positivity teaches everyone to give themselves a ginormous hug and say to themselves, I love you just the way you are,” she said. “You are beautiful to me.””
SELF-ACCEPTANCE IS REQUIRED FOR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS BY FANNI FRANKL
Fanni Frankl, assistant opinions editor, is a junior journalism and political science dual major. In a society that relies on human connection and relationships, it is vital for people to create deep bonds with one another. Unfortunately, many cannot develop healthy relationships because of childhood traumas that adversely affect their self-esteem and self-acceptance. Childhood trauma often causes individuals to wind up in destructive relationships that could end up reverting to the same abusive patterns of their adolescence, such as recurrent physical violence or belittling verbal abuse. They often seek people who have also experienced trauma, so they can relate to them. In empathizing with them, they end up trying to “rescue” or “fix” their partners, causing even more harm to their mental health. Working to develop self-love and acceptance of oneself is essential before getting into relationships in order to avoid further abuse. This can also help one escape the feeling of responsibility for their partner’s happiness. Feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred are often consequences of an abusive past that directly correlate with the ability to create healthy relationships in the future. Having healthy, supportive relationships with friends and significant others depends on how supportive their family was growing up. People with low self-esteem might underestimate their partners’ love due to their low self-esteem.
Parental neglect and abuse may fuel this, which leads to self-blame and believing they are unworthy of love and that they deserve the abuse they are receiving. This conviction then follows them into interpersonal relationships with significant others and friends. Self-love and self-acceptance are vital to healing feelings of inadequacy that are ingrained in the mind at a young age. Once individuals can be at peace with their flaws and let go of the ghosts of past criticisms, they are able to accept the happiness that they believe they are worthy of. Coming to terms with the past and recognizing that the abuse experienced was not justified eases the path to self-acceptance. Only then, people with abusive pasts can acknowledge that a parent should not punish their child for things out of their control, like looks, intelligence or personality. In this way, victims of abuse can also be less reliant on their partners to fulfill their happiness and heal their emotional scars. Self-acceptance is a journey that asks for a space that is devoted to self-reflection — it should not be the responsibility of someone else to provide it. By taking the time to work on self-esteem, partners can feel content with their interpersonal relationships instead of feeling a constant sense of anxiety, depression or codependence. While it is undoubtedly difficult to go from selfloathing to self-love, it is important to highlight that this is a process that will take time.
As someone who went through some hardships that led me to be clingy in my relationships, I can confidently say that I have become more attuned and more accepting of myself. While before, I completely depended on my friends and boyfriend for my happiness and self-esteem that my family did not provide, I now create that happiness within myself. Reminding myself often of my positive attributes like my diligence, loyalty and perseverance, despite my mental struggles was a crucial step in recognizing my self-worth and eradicating consistent negative thoughts. As hard as it was, spending less time with my friends and boyfriend has also taught me how to create my happiness and be my own person instead of being defined by those around me. I am comfortable being alone and consistently remind myself that I do not deserve to be unhappy. Enjoying hobbies by myself, like reading and watching movies, made me realize that there is beauty in gaining insight from stories. These activities helped me to focus on myself and understand that I am the only one who can heal myself, allowing me to feel more at ease with who I am. Although I'm still working on my self-esteem, little moves like these are key to getting there. Victims of abuse must recognize that they do not have to remain victims for the rest of their lives and that they can regain the trust and satisfaction that they were denied as children.
WE ASKED AND STUDENTS ANSWERED: THE 2021 STATESMAN SEX SURVEY RESULTS BY THE STATESMAN
For The Statesman’s 2021 Sex and Relationships issue, we asked readers to spill their guts and partake in an anonymous sex survey. This has become a Statesman tradition, but this year there is a COVID-19 twist on it. Sixty-one of you rose to the occasion. Here are the results you have all been waiting for. Demographics: Our respondents were roughly about 71% female and 30% male. About 43% of our respondents were juniors, 30% were seniors, 18% were sophomores and 2% were freshman. The remaining 7% were a mix of graduate students and alumni. The majority of our respondents identified themselves as heterosexual, coming in at about 83%. Around 5% identified as bisexual and 3% identified as asexual. About 3% identified as gay and 2% as lesbian. The remaining 2% identify as pansexual. Virginity: The median age our respondents had sex for the first time was 17. About 26% of you have not lost your virginity — be patient, everything comes to you at the right moment! And if you’re just not into sex, that’s okay too. Body Count: Of course body count doesn’t matter, but let’s look at how active or inactive our respondents have been. On average, our respondents had around seven sexual partners. One of you reported 50 sexual partners and another 60 plus (hurd you both and congrats on the sex). Sex Positions: Respondents enjoy some unique sex positons and acts, including ones like “clamshell” and “lotus.” We also had about 6% of respondents say “all” (we always love variation). However, a majority of our respondents prefer the classics. About seven of our respondents favored doggy style and 12 favored missionary. The cowgirl is the fan favorite with 14 votes. Sex Locations: Now, we know you all can get a little freaky on campus. The vast majority of you, 13 of our respondents, have kept it vanilla with sex in dorm rooms. Four of you have done the deed in the parking lot. Some have even gotten down and dirty in lecture halls, including Frey Hall and the new Computer Science Building! Another respondent said that the craziest place they’ve had sex was in the Rec Center– we guess the gym goers are not the only ones steaming up the place. Other respondents answered: “woods,” “on the track field at night” and “my RA’s bed” (let’s hope their RA never found out — unless … ). One respondent said that the craziest place that they’ve had sex on campus was — dare we say it — on a bus! Kinks: As far as kinks go, many of you have provided a diverse range of answers. “BDSM” and “choking” were the top kinks, with over a quarter of the responses. Some other popular kinks include “hair pulling” and “tying/ tied up.” Here were some of our favorite responses: “Playful biting” “Being called baby girl” “Nipple play” “I like being called a dirty whore and slut during sex” “69” “Eye contact” “Older women” “Big boobs” “Feeling love and affection” “Rough sex” “Idk, book porn?” “Tied up in Christmas Lights” Talk to Me Sexy: Some sexual partners are chatty, while others may be more on the silent side. About four of our respondents said that there is usually silence. But then there are moments when we ask ourselves, “What did they just say?” Here were some of the craziest things that someone has said during sex: “I love you.” “I’m gonna fill your pussy up with cum.” “Spit on me.” “Pull out the backbreaker.” “I hope someone walks in.” “Oh my god. We are having sex.” “Meow” “You made the tent move” “I want you to use me like your pretty little cum dumpster.” “Can I eat your ass?” “You look like a Roblox character.” “Get me pregnant.”
“What is your favorite Drake and Josh episode?” “Who’s your daddy?” Meeting Sexual Partners During the Pandemic: The pandemic has plunged us into a new virtual world, so we asked what dating apps you all prefer to use to meet potential sexual partners. The answers surprised us — 46% of our respondents didn’t use any online dating app during the pandemic. About 27% of our respondents preferred using Tinder, 14% preferred Hinge, 5% preferred Bumble and 5% preferred social media DMs. There’s a mask mandate in New York, but what about in the bedroom? About 50% of you said you took precautions (good work on staying safe). About 31% took some precautions and 20% took none. Dating App Chatter: There’s no experience quite like meeting new people on dating apps. There’s few social consequences for saying what’s on your mind — which means, sometimes people say some wild shit. Here are some of the craziest things people have said to our respondents: “Sit on my face and tell me I'm garbage” “He’d like to permanently tape his face to my ass and be my personal cushion” “They could fit 6 hotdogs all the way in their mouth.” “They told me they would break my back like a glow stick. I left them on read.” “Asking me to play fuck, marry, kill with Pixar characters” “They gave me a whole paragraph saying that the stars aligned for us to talk. Or they asked for feet pictures.” “I came to America as a J1 student and my visa is ending so I will say directly if you wanna have sex I’ll be here till the end of august” “I look like I’d make a great single mom” Our survey takers aren’t entirely innocent either. Here’s some of the weirdest things they’ve said to people on dating apps: “I confessed feelings for my current partner on Discord.” “James Buchanan was actually the first gay president“ “I met my current girlfriend by telling her a joke about jet skis.” “To, respectfully, ruin my life” “I’ll eat you out even on your period” Sex and Relationships During the Pandemic: Some of you found love in a hopeless place while some of you dated yourselves. About 24 of our respondents got into a relationship over the pandemic, while 13 remained single. The pandemic changed a lot in our lives — including our sex lives. Like one of our respondents said, some “can’t get jiggy with it,” while some of your sex lives “have increased.” Here were some of the ways that pandemic has affected your sex lives: “It actually boosted mine LOL.” “Made it harder to meet people.” “It made it non existent.” “Increased body count.” “Reduced it to ZILCH.” “Dealing with all this change was really tough in the beginning ... it still kinda is. But there seems to be a need to feel wanted or someone's company again. Maybe people realize they may have taken for granted the freedom of being around people or meeting new people.” “I got into a relationship and now actually have more and consistent sex.” “Sex has been moved to cars.” “I had sex less with strangers, but then got a boyfriend and had sex more with him exclusively.” “Would not be a virgin right now.” Keeping up with your significant other: The pandemic shuttered bars, restaurants, movie theaters and basically everything fun. So how do you go on dates, when you’re stuck at home? Most of our respondents watched movies or went on hikes with their partners, while some exchanged gifts in the mail (y’all cute). Here are some of the ways people kept it spicy: “We have movie nights with just the two of us, we have ordered out from small food businesses, and we have taken road trips together.” “A LOT more fooling around.” “Netflix parties (the chrome extension), learning to cook, exploring parks nearby.” “We weren’t able to be creative, hence the reason it had to end.” “I didn't have one during pandemic. Pain.” “We would drive around in a car, listen to music, even have written and put out songs of our own. We would get takeout and eat in our cars. Plenty of FaceTime calls were made in order to keep in touch. Also, packages were sent back and forth to one another of things that we loved!” “AirBnB”
QUEER LOVE IS IMPORTANT TO SEE ON THE BIG SCREEN BY LAJIERE BLAKE
Lajiere Blake, arts and culture editor, is a senior journalism major with a minor in filmmaking. Films showcasing queer relationships are thriving. They’re loved by many people outside of the communities they are meant to represent. Finding representation through our media is an initiative that has gained traction over the years. Marginalized groups are given the opportunity to accurately tell their stories with characters that look like them. These films are necessary, but representation is only a fraction of the work society must do. It’s important to ensure changes translate over to the real world and aren’t just relegated to a screen. “Call Me By Your Name” is based on a novel by André Aciman and starred Armie Hammer and Timothée Chalamet. The film steadily explores the relationship between the two characters and highlights the often complicated journey of discovering love. The film was released in 2017 with a budget of $3.5 million and made $41.9 million at the box office worldwide. The infamous peach scene is an integral example of exploration in the film. It showed the visceral desire between Elio and Oliver as well as the clear need they had for each other. “The film does this all the time. It takes a very physical, almost lusty moment, and finds its emotional equivalent right away so that it never allows you to dwell on the physical without ever giving you also the emotional counterpoint to it,” Aciman said. Lust and love are often intertwined and the film shows the very real emotional battle between the two. No matter the reaction to the scene, from being grossed out or utterly captivated, it’s a moment that resonates. Desire is a huge aspect of any relationship and it’s vital that these films hold no bars when it comes to showcasing it. Queer love is important to see; it’s a clear push against the harmful stereotype of promiscuity among the LGBTQ+ community. Although societal acceptance isn’t the goal, the normalization of these relationships lead to wider understanding of LGBTQ people. “Portrait of a Lady on Fire” is a French romantic drama that showcases a similar concept. The film is directed by Céline Sciamma and won the award for Best Screenplay at the 2017 Cannes Film Festival. The film merges art and love in a way that entraps you. It speaks of love gently and shows the natural progression of desire. From the first scene, we get a taste of desire between characters Marianne and Héloïse. Marianne is asked about a
portrait of a woman during her art class and through a flashback, we are introduced to the relationship. “The film is a love story, but it’s also about creating. That’s why I decided to depart from the biopic dynamic, which is always about this strong portrait of a strong woman and I think this is politically not good,” Sciamma said in an interview with Vox. The trust the women build is shown through the progression of Marianne’s portrait of Héloïse. The level of intimacy the pair achieves is evident through the art. It’s a powerful vessel for storytelling. The film not only provides space to tell the story of two women in love, but it also brings visibility to abortion. “Call Me by Your Name” and “Portrait of a Lady on Fire” are meaningful films with a leading cast of white characters. This doesn’t detract from their importance, but it’s essential to recognize that people of color can also exist in these moments. It is critical to highlight films that feature queer people of color. Their love is just as important to show, and just as powerful and endearing as heterosexual relationships or queer relationships with white counterparts. “Pariah” is a coming of age film that provides representation for young lesbian Black women. It’s directed by Dee Rees and highlights the struggle of identifying oneself, which can be especially hard when there are so many messages that attempt to decide for you. The main character, Alike, is told by her parents that she can’t be gay and told by her community what kind of gay she is allowed to be. Alike embarks on the dubious task of fighting these messages while attempting to stay authentic to herself. The film includes aspects that are based on the director’s real life. “Like Alike, my struggle was understanding that there’s a range of gender identity and that you don’t have to check a box,” Rees said. Every part of the film is executed with purpose and Rees does an excellent job of exploring a universal problem. Alike’s desires are shown beautifully and realistically, and reminds viewers that we don’t always get what we want. Each of these films does the necessary task of telling a story. Queer people need desire and everyday occurrences to be shown on the big screen. Not only for the sake of representation, but for the sake of good art.
YOU. YES, YOU
BY CATALINA BENAVIDES Catalina Benavides is a first semester graduate student in the Master of Arts in Teaching English program. Benavides wrote a love letter to herself in the form of a poem. You’ve been through it. You’ve seen it all at this point. You’ve built yourself up from the shattered pieces of a painful past. You’ve pushed yourself forward despite all odds. You’ve embraced every part of your uniqueness because we call nothing a flaw, honey. Your mind is as sharp as the glass ceilings you have and will shatter. You’ve triumphed over unimaginable challenges. You’ve fought for your dreams day in and day out because no one can steal those from you. You’ve accomplished goals that have made your ancestors proud. Your smile is as bright as the morning sun that wakes everyone up to a new beginning. At this very moment in time, you are the best version of yourself. Yourself. Look at yourself. Really look at yourself. I see you now. Before, I saw someone I didn’t know.
HOOKUP CULTURE LIBERATES US IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE BY XENIA GONIKBERG
Xenia Gonikberg is a sophomore journalism and sociology double major. Thanks to more relaxed attitudes toward sex and sexuality, "hook-up culture" — casual sex without emotional intimacy — has become more common among teens and young adults. This cultural shift reflects a change in priorities, as young people nowadays get married and “settle down” later in life than previous generations. The rise of sexual freedom in the U.S. has liberated us from outdated ideals of love. It has encouraged people to settle down when they are ready, rather than conforming to traditional societal expectations. The increased portrayal of sex in the media has also normalized hookup culture. According to one study, 60-80% of college students have reported having had some sort of hookup experience. These statistics might be attributed to the fact that sexual expression has been monetized through music videos, movies and dating apps. Popular culture has had a tremendous impact on reshaping our collective attitudes towards dating and sex. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The popularity of apps like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and Grindr have reimagined what dating looks like. Originally, dating apps were common among queer communities, but the rise of Tinder in 2012 helped bring dating apps to mainstream media. The rise of dating apps has since helped to lessen the stigma associated with samesex dating and non-heteronormative relationships, allowing LGBTQ people to express themselves in ways they couldn't before. Part of the reason Tinder became so popular is that it helped fill a specific
need — the options in the dating scene weren’t too vast, and Tinder helps match people who wouldn’t have otherwise crossed paths. The concept of casually hooking up with someone has been around for a long time, but it feels like it gets more accepted in our society with time. Promiscuity and sleeping around can still have derogatory connotations, but these are social stereotypes that connect sex to guilt rather than equality. Hookup culture destigmatizes the idea of sex, especially since chastity has historically been so closely tied to upholding religious beliefs and purity. By separating sex from the private sphere and tying it more to pleasure, it can liberate us from the regressive thinking of previous generations and allows us to pursue our sexual desires without fear of judgment. Individuals are able to be more autonomous when they enter a longterm relationship because of this change in dating norms. Hookup culture has shifted the emphasis of a relationship to equal cooperation rather than conformity with social standards. From my experience, it has also become more okay to not be in a relationship at all. While some people might choose to focus on themselves, others simply do not have the desire to be in a romantic or sexual relationship at all. Overall, “hookup culture” has helped encourage people to talk more openly about sex and intimacy in a liberating way.Young folks especially feel more comfortable exploring our sexual interests, so by the time we decide to enter committed relationships, we confidently know what we want.
Hear yourself. Really hear yourself. I’m listening now because before, the sound of my faint voice was unfamiliar. Love yourself — every line, curve, the surface area of your sacred temple. Really love yourself — you’re the only person who can love you best. I need you to say this with me — you are: Linda. Beautiful. Fuerte. Strong. Única. Unique. You. Inspire me.
STAFF STORIES: WHAT IT MEANS TO “SELF LOVE” BY
STEVEN
KEEHNER,
CINDY MIZAKU, FANNI FRANKL
Steven Keehner, assistant opinions editor, is a junior journalism major with a minor in history. For a long time, I thought that self-love was something you “uncovered” and that it would always be there. I'm finding that — like so many other aspects of adulthood — it's not as simple as that. I want to believe that I can easily use words to convey an emotion or a thought, but I'm realizing that love is something I'll never truly grasp. I've realized though, that if I can't love myself, then I'm doing a disservice to other relationships in my life. I believed that the people around me were going to compensate for my flaws and that I would instinctively love myself because of their compassion. I was wrong. Eventually, I realized this: our family, friends and partners should add to us, not just tick off our unchecked boxes. They may sound similar, but they are completely different in practice. I like to think of the people in my life in a similar vein to using different colors while painting. While it’s easy to want every color at your fingertips, there’s something to be appreciated in working with what you have and seeing the value within it. Only after you've realized this, should you expand your palette. When you apply this in your day-to-day life, you're not just learning to love and value yourself, but you're also encouraging other loved ones around you to do the same — making everyones’ paintings ever more beautiful. Cindy Mizaku, opinions editor, is a senior journalism and English dual major with a minor in gender studies. My path to self-love, a concept that I stubbornly rejected for far too long, has been jarring, yet undeniably gratifying. My journey started, as cliche as it may sound, in the same manner as Joan Didion’s essay: “On Keeping a Notebook.” I first learned the values behind the written word when I took a creative writing course during my last year of high school. My teacher, — whose passion for writing was so strong that he couldn’t sit still when discussing pieces like Marcel Proust’s “Swann’s Way” and W.G. Sebald’s “The Rings of Saturn” — asked the class to keep a notebook with us at all times. “You will never know what you remember unless you write it down,” I can hear him saying. So I carried a beaten-up notebook with torn-out pages of doodles I drew when I got bored almost everywhere I went. I jotted down what seemed like meaningless memories, quoted both the powerful and mediocre words of those around me, and listed my streams of consciousness in bullet-point form. Eventually warming up to the idea that I could write longer stories, I tied my notes and reflections of day-to-day life into essay form. To say that I was taken aback by all that I’ve absorbed when tracing the progress of my notebook entries is an understatement. There is nothing more fulfilling than flipping through pages of documented moments in my life that would have otherwise been forgotten. Writing solely for yourself is no small task. You are faced with insecurities about the quality of your work and it can also be discomforting to uncover certain truths about yourself. You may not even see the point of it all. Though, after moving past those feelings of unease and doubt, you get to the real and, at times, frustrating work of sitting down alone with your thoughts. Once there, allow yourself to be one with the freedom of your mind, the pen you hold and the paper you write on. Your words are no one’s but your own, and there’s a certain beauty to that. While unpacking and exploring the self in-between the lines of my notebook, I have found that my writing knows more about me than I claim to know.
SAM
LAURIA
AND
There is more work to be done on this journey we call “self-discovery,” but I can say that I come closer to it while practicing self-love through the intimate moments I share with my notebook. Sam Lauria, assistant opinions editor, is a sophomore journalism/political science major with a minor in philosophy. Self-love is a concept that many people, myself included, have a hard time understanding. I have often found it difficult to love myself for who I am. In fact, I resented myself for most of my life. My flaws and bad habits were constantly at the forefront of my mind, taking over every aspect of understanding who I was. Any good thing that happened to me or any praise I received seemed superficial and temporary. I truly believed that I was undeserving of love. That mindset almost destroyed me. That toxic mentality ate away at me until it drove me crazy. It took me a while to conclude that I am a much better person than I made myself out to be. I made necessary changes to my life that made me much more content with who I was. Removing myself from negative environments that kept me from seeing the wonderful qualities of myself and cutting off relations with individuals who made me feel worthless helped me become a stronger person. It was a long journey, but I eventually realized that I’m doing pretty well for myself. My advice to you all is to realize your own potential. If someone or something is eating away at you, remove yourself from that situation as soon as you can. Surround yourself with positivity. Appreciate the small things in life like the weather on a nice day or going on a walk. Your journey to self-love starts with you and you alone. I’ll admit, I’m still on the journey to self-love. There will be bad days, but there will also be good days. Try your best to get through the bad days by appreciating every second of the good ones. Self-love can be tricky, but I’m sure that anyone can be capable of achieving it with a few adjustments in everyday life. Fanni Frankl, assistant opinions editor, is a junior journalism and political science dual major. You often hear phrases such as “you can’t love someone else unless you love yourself ” or “be yourself ” thrown around as if it's a switch that can be turned on in the brain. Truthfully, the path to self-love is a long-winding journey that could take months, even years to achieve, with no credit that could be given to the measly cliches that society often worships. My journey to self-love came with the realization that happiness truly stems from myself. People, places and even job positions may be temporary and, as depressing as it sounds, nothing is constant. This is why relying on your selflove and happiness becomes as crucial as ever; since it forces you to realize that other people and things should not be the ultimate reason for your happiness. It was difficult for me to come to terms with it as somebody who only believed other people’s compliments, but somehow still felt like I was not good enough. I learned that becoming at one with who you are is truly the first step in achieving this inner peace, especially as happiness and love for yourself are often hard to find when negative thoughts plague the brain. It is exponentially easier to nitpick at how you can be better, how you are not good enough and wishing you were somebody else. Challenge yourself to think the opposite. Whenever these negative thoughts inundate your brain, say something positive even if you may not believe it yet. Repeat these every day and you will find that these affirmations, as cheesy as they sound, may change your entire outlook on yourself. I started this affirmation journey a few months ago, and I can honestly say that my self-love has greatly increased as these positive aspects of myself have become more apparent. The more you say something, the more likely you are to believe it, so choose a loving route and compliment yourself every day. You’ll thank yourself later. I know I did.