Vol XXXV Issue III

TABLE OF CONTENTS EDITORIALS Slothie

4

News Blurbz Dancing Through the Pain Study: Philosophy Not Real

5 6 7

NEWS

FEATURES Safe Spaces

8

CULTURE Don Jon Review Rush Review Top 10 List Absurd Music Videos Nostalgia Goggles Stadiums of S%#t Comix

9 10 11 12 14 16 17

Defense of Fashion

18

Soccer Beats Albany Seawolves Best Bryant

19 20

OPINION SPORTS

THE STONY BROOK PRESS EXECUTIVE EDITOR MANAGING EDITOR ASSOCIATE EDITOR BUSINESS MANAGER ART DIRECTOR NEWS EDITOR NEWS EDITOR FEATURES EDITOR CULTURE EDITOR SPORTS EDITOR WEB EDITOR OPINION EDITOR PHOTO EDITOR COPY EDITOR COPY EDITOR MINISTER OF ARCHIVES DISTRIBUTION MANAGER OMBUDSMAN

JODIE MANN NICK BATSON REBECCA TAPIO JASMINE HAEFNER JESSE CHANG JOHN FISCHER JASMINE HAEFNER BUSHRA MOLLICK BEATRICE VANTAPOOL HOWIE NEWSBERKMAN DANIEL CASHMAR DAINE TAYLOR OLIVIA BURNE STEVEN YOUNG SEAN FISCHER GIL GAMESH ANDREW CARRIERI EVAN GOLDAPER

STAFF SURAIYA AFRINA JESSICA BEEBE TERICHI BELLINGER NICOLE BREMS SIOBHAN CASSIDY ARIELLE DOLLINGER ALEKS GILBERT-PETROVIC BRYAN GUTHY

MAGGY KILROY PRISCILA KORB DEVIN LEWIS SAMUEL LIEBRAND BRIANA LIONETTI MARK McCLEAN TEENA NAWABI

The Stony Brook Press is published fortnightly during the academic year and twice during summer session by The Stony Brook Press, a student-run non-profit organization funded by the Student Activity Fee. The opinions expressed in letters, articles and viewpoints do not necessarily reflect those of The Stony Brook Press as a whole.

Advertising policy does not necessarily reflect editorial policy.

Staff meetings are held Wednesdays at 1:00 p.m.

First copy free. For additional copies contact the Business Manager.

HAYLEY PARR CHRIS PRIORE ANDY POLHAMUS IAN SCHAFER MATT WILLEMAIN

The Stony Brook Press Suites 060&061 Student Union SUNY at Stony Brook Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200 Email: editors@sbpress.com

EDITORIALS

MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH...?

For the past decade or so, Stony Brook has not been known for it’s school spirit. The last few years however have shown an evolution from the “suitcase school” it was, to the competitive, well-rounded university Stony Brook is striving to become. While events such as concerts and comedy shows have been having attendance increases, events like homecoming remind us of how dramatically things have changed.

In 2011 Stony Brook’s homecoming game featured a firework display. Most students didn’t stay to watch, they left chanting “let’s get drunk.” A professor at the time laughed and said that was way more united than she’d seen the student body at any point in her three years there. Attendance at the game didn’t even rank in the top 20 in stadium history.

In 2012 the homecoming game shattered the Kenneth P. LaValle Stadiums attendance record. 10,278 students, alumni and community members came out to show their support for the Seawolves.

This year, the attendance record was beaten again. 11,224 fans came out for the game, according to Stony Brook Athletics’ Twitter.

4 Oct. 9 2013

The increased enthusiasm for Stony Brook athletics probably has a lot to do with the university’s improving teams, and improving reputation in general. While SBU may have been well known in the science and research communities, we’re building up our reputation in other areas too.

In the spring of 2012 the Stony Brook Baseball team made it decently far into the College World Series. One statistic being repeated over and over again read that more people watched SBU play against Louisiana during the CWS than had come been to their home games throughout the entire season.

Everything about Stony Brook is on the rise, and if school spirit is benefitting from it, all the better. Having outstanding programs in science, pre-health, journalism, engineering, and anthropology draws a lot of students to the school. Tailgating, sports and homecoming are the kinds of events that draw in even more. Having large turnouts at football games and teams who make it to major tournaments gets the Stony Brook University name out there, people talk about you when you do well.

Stony Brook is becoming somewhere students can actually be proud of, and it can only go up from here.

NEWS

NEWS BLURBZ DOES SUCCESS BREED SUCCESS? The age old question of whether one successful endeavor will lead to more in the future is about to be answered thanks to Arnout van de Rijt, associate Professor in the Department of Sociology, and the Institute for Advanced Computational Sciences. Thanks to a $275,000 grant from the National Science Foundation van de Rijt can continue research on the successbreeds-success dynamics.

Van de Rijt seeks to discover if successes achieved by an individual can be attributed to previous success rather than actual merit or quality.

“My goal is to grow this new area of sociological research, get more graduate students interested, attract more government and industry funding for it, and expand the community of scholars on campus engaged in this new, exciting field of computational social science,” said van de Rijt.

A computational interface which will automatically allocate successes to arbitrary persons and then record how successful they are following that initial success will be used in the study.

STONY BROOK SOUTHAMPTON CELEBRATES OPENING OF STATE-OF-THEART MARINE SCIENCE CENTER Stony Brook’s School of Marine and Atmospheric sciences celebrated the opening of a new Marine Sciences Center at the Southampton campus.

The new center, which is LEED certified boasts two wet labs, an analytical lab, classrooms, a conference room and other lab and support spaces, including an outdoor tank area that will expand the lab resources outside of the building.

“The new Marine Sciences Center will play a key role in augmenting SoMAS’ ability to perform groundbreaking studies in a variety of issues facing Long Island and the world today,” said President Stanley in a press release put out by the university. “It will also enable us to offer more classes with rich experiential components. There will be cutting-edge research with important

implications for Long Island’s coastal ecosystems, including studies of harmful algal blooms, shellfish, eelgrass, fisheries, ocean acidification and aquaculture.”

The new Marine Sciences Center, which is 15,000-squarefeet, was built using money secured in the NYS budget by Senator Kenneth LaValle and Senator Kenneth P. LaValle and Assemblyman Fred W. Thiele, according to the press release.

VOL XXXV Issue 3

5

NEWS

DANCING THROUGH THE PAIN

by Ricky Patricia Soberano

April is considered crunch time in the dance world. It is when crucial competitions commence, and dance recital pieces go through intense nitpicking. For Angela Trivigno, the cofounder, director, instructor and choreographer at the North Shore Performing Arts Center and mother of two, the invigorating dance season this year became exponentially more stressful.

After suffering from headaches for nearly two years and being told it was just a sinus infection, or headaches and earaches, on April 7, Trivigno just couldn’t take any more. She went to a walk-

“We used a new type of catheter with a design that enabled me to block off her aneurysm without having to implant a seed,” said Fiorella in a Stony Brook Medicine press release. “The stability and superior navigability of a new balloon catheter aided the coiling process, which isolated the aneurysm from normal brain circulation. The procedure resulted in a complete repair of her aneurysm.”

Travingo researched possible treatments for her aneurysm

sinus infection, doctors found an aneurysm.

An aneurysm is “a weak area in a blood vessel that usually enlarges,” according to the American Stroke Association. A medium to large aneurysm may be life threatening if left untreated.

Travingo declined to have an MRI the night she was diagnosed, and went to Stony Brook University Medical Center later.

Travingo was referred to Dr. David Fiorella, a cerebrovascular specialist on staff at Stony Brook Medicine’s Cerebrovascular and Stroke Center. Fiorello determined she had a six millimeter aneurysm, and decided to use a minimally invasive procedure that few other hospitals use.

her case, she said in a phone interview.

Travingo’s operation was a complete success, and thanks to the minimal invasiveness she was able to return to her dance students and regular schedule. She was even able to watch her students compete two days after the operation, and returned to teaching in less than a week, she said.

“I have no headaches, no eye pain, and the fatigue that I felt at that time is no longer an issue,” said Travingo. “I feel great and am back to working six days a week and taking care of my two young children. Plus, I no longer have to think about the aneurysm and make a decision on what to do about it.”

6

Oct. 9 2013

“NEWS”

NEW STUDY REVEALS PHILOSOPHY NOT A REAL THING

by Alec Horvath Despite a history that goes back several millennium, a study of Stony Brook University students reveals that most undergraduate scholars believe that Philosophy— the attempt to give well-reasoned, imaginative answers to general and fundamental questions about the nature of life, the universe, and the human condition—is not a real thing.

“I mean, the sciences, I can get behind. I’m all about Playstations and corrective eye surgery,” says Bill Withers, an applied mathematics major. “Even English—someone’s gotta be a teacher, right? But philosophy? That just can’t be a real thing.”

Marsha Longbutton, a communications major, went as far as to disaccociate herself from anyone who disagrees. “I

knew a guy who did philosophy once,” recalls Longbutton. “I never spoke to him again.”

Participants in the study who agreed with the assertion that philosophy is not a real thing pointed to such evidence as “I mean really, what even is that?,” “Do they still offer that as a major? I thought that was like an 1800’s thing,” and “Sure, the pursuit of knowledge as the ultimate intrinsic good might’ve worked for some guy in Greece a million years ago, but in this economy? I don’t think so.”

Philosophy itself, when reached for comment on whether or not it was a real thing, responded with a lengthy sermon on the very nature of reality, before concluding, “No one can say for sure,” and then gazed whimsically into the night sky.

Art by Jesse Chang VOL XXXV Issue 3

7

FEATURES

SAFE SPACES

by Jessica Beebe and Rebecca Tapio After a year of progress and challenges for the civil rights of those who identify as members of the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Questioning) community, Stony Brook University is working to make the campus as welcoming and inclusive as possible for everyone.

In conjunction with the institution of a preferred name policy, and the expansion of gender-neutral bathrooms and gender-inclusive housing, the Center for Prevention and Outreach (CPO) is offering Safe Space training for students, faculty and staff free of charge. Basic training is given to all staff and faculty, but more in-depth workshops are given on a voluntary basis.

The goals of Safe Space, according to the CPO website, are to “create campus spaces where LGBTQ persons feel safe, supported and valued as members of our University or campus community” and to “expand the network of allies on campus.”

The training includes how to recognize and become sensitive to the bias that those in the LGBTQ community face every day, such as assumptions about a person’s gender identity or sexual preference.

To sophomore psychology major Melody Kneel, a safe space means comfort and happiness. As someone who became safe space trained last semester, she has described people on campus as “not really” sensitive to gender issues.

“They don’t know…and don’t know there are resources to help them know,” she said. “It can help a lot of people just feel more accepted.”

The idea of beginning safe space training came out of a campus crime survey in 2005, said Chris Tanaka, coordinator of LGBTQ Services at the CPO. The important thing, she said, curriculum that would help raise knowledge about the LGBTQ community.”

To Tanaka, the importance of voluntary training is paramount.

“If somebody’s forced to be a safe space, that’s not a guarantee that they will be,” she said.

Action have helped as resources to advertise safe space. The best way to spread information, Tanaka said, is “word of mouth” and Facebook.

“There’s always someone who doesn’t really know a lot about it, or doesn’t understand,” Tanaka said of the insensitivity she’s seen directed toward gender issues on campus. “These are things that people don’t talk about a lot, and often don’t get 8

Oct. 9 2013

information about until later in life.”

Matt Stern, a freshman and Stony Brook LGBT Alliance member, said that starting college in a safe space has been a good experience.

“Coming to school and seeing that there was an emphasis on there being a safe space made me feel more comfortable and excited,” he said.

Students can also feel more at ease in their campus environment with the spread of the preferred name policy.

Students can indicate their preferred name, which will appear on However, unless they have legally changed their name, their Student ID card will still display their given name.

Students who are transitioning can retake their ID photo for no charge with a slip from CPO. Small changes like these can have an incredible impact in the lives of those who would feel ostracized otherwise.

Caroline Propersi, a junior European history major and way I see it,” she said, “Safe space is a lifestyle.”

The LGBTA has meetings every Wednesday and Thursday at 8:30 P.M. in the Union.

People can register for safe space workshops on stonybrook. edu/cpo.

Upcoming Safe Space Foundations Workshops: Wednesday, October 9- 10AM-12PM Thursday, October 22- 10AM-12PM Friday, November 8- 12PM-2PM Monday, November 18- 4PM-6PM Tuesday, December 3- 4PM-6PM

CULTURE

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT: WINNER OF TURNING A PORN MOVIE INTO A CLASSIC

by Rachael Ellenbogen

Don Jon is one of those dramedies that’s funny, without actually having to make any jokes. Maybe it’s just the fact that the audience is watching Joseph Gordon-Levitt become a completely different person – from a scrawny, little teenager in 10 Things I Hate About You to a crazy-hot, buff, New Jersey Italian man in Don Jon. Perhaps this movie becomes humorous once it’s realized that the whole movie is an hour and a half of the same thing.

Porn, clubbing, having sex, watching porn right after sex, church and confession, working out while saying his Hail Marys and then going to his family’s house for dinner. Rinse and repeat to finish watching all the scenes from the movie.

For almost anyone but Gordon-Levitt, this simple plot might not have worked, but it did. Although this is the first time he’s written and directed a full-length feature film, Gordon-Levitt did a brilliant job. Whether he used writing a movie as a scheme to have Scarlett Johansson as his leading lady or not, the viewers can decide that for themselves. But if he did, who could really blame him? It all seemed to work out well though, for both GordonLevitt and the audience.

This movie is about an Italian porn addict in New Jersey trying to find the meaning of life sex. Jon Martello is nicknamed Don by his friends because of how much of a ladies’ man he is.

Yet, no matter how much sex he has or no matter who he has it with(even Johansson’s character, Barbara Sugarman), he still claims he likes porn more. Interesting, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, interesting.

Throughout the movie, Don Jon’s schedule is slightly altered week to week. Once a full-fledged ladies’ man on the hunt, Jon begins to settle down once he gets together with Barbara. They’ve both got the full New Jersey life down, including the accent. Jon is all about the gym, the church, the family and the sex/porn.

Barbara is all about the curve-hugging outfits, the dancing, the romantic movies and getting an education. As Jon begins to fall in love with Barbara, he begins to lose himself. She changes his

partying ways, tells him that cleaning his apartment is beneath him and to hire someone, forces him to attend a night class or deal with her withholding sex.

What at first might seem like the normal give-and-take in a new relationship quickly turns into Jon giving and Barbara repeatedly demanding. Another thing, Barbara absolutely despises porn and anyone who watches porn, while 10 times a day Jon’s life revolves around it. Jon refuses to let go of the fantasy of porn, causing it to be the only thing in his life that makes him truly lose himself. Barbara refuses to let go of the fantasy of romantic movies, causing her to believe that Jon should simply do everything she asks.

Perhaps nothing would have changed in their relationship if it weren’t for Esther, played by Julianne Moore, who Jon meets at his night class. She’s a lot older and gives a lot less fucks about the rules of life than everyone else Jon has met. He’s immediately confused and annoyed by Moore’s character, but soon it turns into something else, something they both need in their lives.

Why, could it be that Esther will teach Jon the true meaning of sex? Will “Don Jon” realize that porn is only a fantasy and not real?

Only Joseph Gordon-Levitt can get away with creating a movie where the audience is watching porn half the time and completely get away with it. His first time out and he writes and directs this stereotypically Italian, GTL-heavy porn flick and does it using real characters with real mindsets. Is it not tasteful to call a porn flick a possible classic? Well done, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, you turn every movie, no matter the plot, into a film with genuine characters. Now you have the world wondering: What will your next film be about and which Maxim Hot 100 woman will you enlist next as your leading lady?

VOL XXXV Issue 3

9

FEATURES

RUSH GIVES YOU A RUSH

by Rebecca Tapio

“Men love women, but even more than that, men love cars.”

It may be said instead, after watching Rush, that men—at least those competing in Formula 1 racing in the 1970s—love to win. They would sacrifice even their lives to beat out the competition.

Directed by Ron Howard, this biopic follows the rivalry between hotshot English playboy/cad James Hunt (Chris Hemsworth) and his rigid and disciplined Austrian opponent, Niki Lauda, at a time when safety rules in racing were incredibly lax and successful drivers had status akin to superstars.

The audience’s exposure to the gratuitous drinking, sex and drugs that Hunt indulges in is surprisingly minimal. Told and narrated from the conservative and focused perspective of Lauda (played by Daniel Brühl of Inglorious Basterds fame), the majority of the action is focused on the races themselves. Very tight shots of how the cars themselves are working, feet as they shift gears, and the eyes and views of racers as they careen around the track at 180 mph makes you feel like you’re the one in the driver’s seat.

The relationship between Hunt and Lauda is one of fierce competition and unending devotion to beating the other. Lauda is injured badly when his car crashed and was engulfed in flames during the 1976 Grand Prix at the Nürburgring (that was, in fact, the very last time the German race track was used for Formula 1 racing), it was partly due to the impact of Hunt’s charisma when addressing other drivers during consideration to cancel a race.

10 Oct. 9 2013

When Lauda recovers, Hunt says, “I feel responsible for what happened.”

“You should,” Lauda replied. “But trust me: watching you win those races, while I was in hospital fighting for my life, you were equally responsible for getting me back in the car.”

The movie delves deep, though not incredibly so, into the personalities and lives of each man. Certain questions remain unanswered (How did Hunt get into racing in the first place?), but for the most part the relationships of each with other key players in their lives are comfortably developed.

Howard keeps track of their journeys by creating a parallel between the events they each go through: their marriages, their racing mantras, and their personal struggles. For Hunt, it’s his struggle to grow up and take responsibility for his actions and his own safety. For Lauda, it’s his inability to form emotional bonds with others. But for both men, their obsession with racing provides both an obstacle and a catalyst to obtaining their own happiness.

“Stop thinking of it as a curse to have been given an enemy in life,” Lauda says, quoting advice he once received. For he and Hunt, life revolves around the chase and the push to do better and be faster. By the end of their journey together, they both have to decide whether competing is what will come to define their lives.

“The closer you are to death, the more alive you feel,” said Hunt. “It’s a wonderful way to live. It’s the only way to drive.”

Top Ten Things Only 90s Kids Will Understand (90 CE)

CULTURE

10. Pliny the Younger became a Praetor and we always knew he had it in him.

9. Emperor Domitian banned philosophers from Rome. Your move, Stony Brook.

8. Manius Acilius Glabrio killed a lion in an arena. He also killed my interest in any other person.

7. The Book of Revelation was written and we haven’t stopped seeing the Four Horsemen since.

6. Wang Chong died and so did our hearts.

5. Trajan was a filthy communist Emperor that made sure poor children were fed and taken care of.

4. Publius Papinius Statius went to rest up in Naples so he could help out Dante in The Divine Comedy.

3. Sextus Julius Frontinus became superintendent of the aqueducts and sexting.

2. Emperor Domitian was also murdered so perhaps we should let the philosophers stay.

1. The Arch of Titus earned the number 1 spot for hangouts after a lifetime of slavery.

VOL XXXV Issue 3

11

CULTURE

MOST ABSURD MUSIC VIDEOS OF THE YEAR

by John Fischer

You may be surprised to find that Miley Cyrus’s video for her new hit song, “Wrecking Ball” is listed at number ten on this list.

And why shouldn’t you be? The sheer stupidity and freaky nature of the video trumped her controversial 2013 VMA performance in August, a feat that many thought was impossible. But the videos that ranked higher make Cyrus’s “wreck” look like a masterpiece.

Let’s have a look: 10. “Wrecking Ball” - Miley Cyrus In the last year, Cyrus has made every attempt to ditch the Hannah Montana image, and what better way than to swing away naked on a wrecking ball. I also thought the oral pleasure to the sledgehammer was a nice touch along with pretending to have an orgasm while rolling around on her back on the pieces of concrete.

I have to say, I’m disappointed by Cyrus and her desperation to escape her wholesome country girl Disney image. I’m even more upset that she doesn’t even realize that she already has.

Miley, Hannah Montana is gone. You can drop the act.

9. “Lolly” – Maejor Ali feat. Justin Bieber & Juicy J Sorry Bieber fans, but “Lolly” is not so sweet and way too sticky for my taste. Bieber looks clueless throughout the video, and his awkward dance moves only expose this. Juicy J. Ali looks focused and ready to go, but the video is overall tacky with the backup dancers performing the same dance moves, and girls holding up and licking lollipops every now and then. Such a cliché. All I can say is, great song, terrible video.

12 Oct. 9 2013

8. “Come & Get It” – Selena Gomez This video just makes no sense to me whatsoever. Forgive me if I’m being ignorant, but what the hell is she doing? Is she a witch trying to cast some spell on someone? Then again, it would make sense. She had plenty of practice as a wizard on Disney. Ok, my cover’s been blown. I actually just like making fun of Disney stars. But still, this video is ridiculous if she thinks it makes her look sexy. I think the words, “sad” and possibly, “delusional” are a better fit.

7. “Ascension Millennium” – Corey Feldman I love The Lost Boys. Corey Feldman is phenomenal and definitely has made a name for himself as an actor, but who would have thought he’s a musician too, and one with such a kick-ass music video. The video features Feldman dressed as an 80s bad boy wearing a black leather jacket and performing a variety of stereotypes associated with that era, including dancing like Michael Jackson, playing in a rock band and chilling at a pool party (a common feature in movies from the 70s and 80s). Yep, “Ascension Millennium” is proof that the 80s never really died, and Feldman still looks as good as he did back in the day.

6. “Stonehenge” – Ylvis Again, I have to hand it to Ylvis brothers. I think my favorite scene of all is when the girl is going down on Vegard, and he pulls out a popup book of Stonehenge while singing the line, “all I think of is Stonehenge?” But what I love most is how Ylvis is able to take a dull and rarely thought of subject like Stonehenge (how

CULTURE long can you actually talk about a pile of rocks set up in a circle) and make fun of it to the point where it’s on your mind all day everyday.

5. “Badman” – DJ Humility Feat. Suga Boiz Okay, this video is ridiculous…ridiculously awesome. A combination of street dancing, action and rhythm, the video’s lyrics and content depict a fearless, tough nature in the characters.

I also love how the singers Nigerian accents, which along with the background in the video, create a distinction from American street life and hip hop.

4. Stupid People – Peter Prins I just want to give a big shout out to this video, THANK YOU. Finally, something that successfully communicates what mankind has been trying to convey since the dawn of time. A creepy-looking puppet talking about just how stupid people really are. Who could ask for a better device to get the message across?

Yes, the song is lame but it has an important message. If you’re too much of a dumbass to realize what it is, just look at the title.

3. “Magic Clap” – The Coup You know a video’s going to be downright hilarious (and intentionally idiotic) when it features comedian Patton Oswalt in it. But “Magic Clap” ups the ante with Oswalt performing body signals while anti-government lyrics appear around him to clarify

the symbolism of his motions. The song is the leading track to the political hip hop group’s album, Sorry to bother You, according to The Huffington Post.

2. “I Need You” – My Perfect Melody Technically, this is not an official music video, but I just had to include it. This guy is a great actor and should be in movies…as the weirdo on the trains that everyone avoids. Also, I love videos where people terribly act out lyrics from the song. It’s bad enough that the song is horrible, but combined with poor acting, the whole video is twice as excruciating. But I feel so bad for this guy for some reason (no idea why? maybe we’re kindred spirits) that I just can’t help but find this video overall funny and amusing… out of pity.

1. “The Fox (What Does the Fox Say)” – Ylvis What I love most about this video is its purpose: stupidity.

And boy is Ylvis, a Norwegian band made up by comedy duo Bård and Vegard Ylvisåker, serious about that purpose. The video features a group of dancers performing in the woods with Bård dressed as a fox and making weird noises like Joff-Tchoff (I’m sure you can guess from the name what the noises answer).The cherry on top though is the fact that some are calling it the new “Harlem Shake,” the original of which has been tainted by people jumping up and down and doing it all wrong while thinking they’re doing it right.

VOL XXXV Issue 3

13

CULTURE

Contributors: Nick Batson Charlie Spitzner

I leave this here as a warning. A warning to all who have heard the tales, to those who have shaken the hand of prosperity or greed, and attempted to make their own way to the promised land.

My name is Elliot and hard times had found their way to my farm in Illinois. I knew the risk but couldn’t stand to see my family (my loving wife Joanne and our three gorgeous, gorgeous children) go so thin and pale like those I’d seen lining gutters in the streets of town, all hope a passing shade lost in those drooping eyes. I simply couldn’t allow such a fate then, but now… now I only wish I could be offered such a gracious opportunity.

My eldest, Jane, fell overboard when we tried to forge a river, her slim body unable to fight the tide. Dear Henry fell poisoned with a snakebite inflicted upon him while he stood leaning against the side of our own wagon. And Edward, little Edward, barely of age to take four of his own steps unaided, went quiet with the same disease that felled his own mother; the same disease that I know grips my innards and coats them with the blood trying to push itself through my veins like our deceased oxen did against these satanic winds.

It is here with my last fleeting bits of strength that I cast warning to all those who think that they seek opportunity on this: beware of the Oregon Trail. Beware its liquid chasms lined with the bones of many a family trying to forge their way. Beware every breathing and non-breathing thing that might exist in between each grain and speck of sand. Beware Mother Nature, for she is never your friend. Jump on every nerve of caution that passes through your mind. Take every precaution imaginable. Please.

Do not do it for me. Do it for yourselves. Do it for my Joanne, my Jane, my Henry and Edward, and the countless others I know have faced the same fate. And now… I think… I-, IYOU HAVE DIED OF DYSENTERY.

14 Oct. 9 2013

Earlier this week I decided to take a trip down internet-memorylane and visit a website which used to account for 95 percent of my internet bandwidth. Homestar Runner.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Homestar Runner, it’s have seen some of your classmates sporting their t-shirts.

The site, to my surprise, still had the same design that it did back in 2005, eight years ago. Initially I thought this was a bad sign. To my delight I found most of the new cartoons to be on par with the ones I grew up with. I quickly found myself laughing along to Strong-Bad emails and wondering why I had ever stopped visiting the site in the To be honest, I was very impressed that the creators of the site were able to continue making cartoons for so long and were able to maintain the high quality they always had. If you were ever a fan of the Homestar Runner cartoons, check out the current state of the site.

You won’t be disappointed.

CULTURE

STADIUMS OF SHIT

Contributors: Daniel Cashmar and Tom Johnson Union basement

Psych A First Floor bathroom In what can only be described as my most quirky and funny bathroom experience outside of hearing a one-armed woman with a very raspy voice perform fellatio in the stall next to me at the Smith Haven Mall, I have experienced that which is the Psych A first floor bathroom. Upon entering the bathroom, you’re immediately met by a metal wall, which you must walk around. My eyes immediately spotted a plant in a vase at the counter and I found it to be very endearing for some reason. I like to imagine the plant trying its best to somehow make the bathroom a pleasantly-smelling area like the cute little plant it is.

I then sat down on the toilet in the stall to the left, which was low enough to not give you hemorrhoids but high enough to not be the ideal height. On the door was a handle which I then placed my backpack onto and was very appreciative for. To my right, I then found the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in a bathroom on campus. There’s a white panel with writing all over it. The writing includes but is in no way limited to: random poetry, wondering what’s behind the panel, a poop sign-in sheet and a list of movies that describe your poop. It was truly a magical experience and I left that bathroom a happier man.

16 Oct. 9 2013

Tucked away in the Union basement between Club Alley and the bi-level is a place that can only be accurately described as a sin against man and nature.

As far as the facilities are concerned, this bathroom is nothing special in the least. One handicapped stall, one standard urinal and one childsized urinal are all you got for your excretions. There are also three sinks, in the rare event that all three people utilizing the bathroom need to simultaneously wash up.

When you’re done washing up, you are given the option to either dry off with some paper towels like a fucking human being, or use the arcane hand blower on the wall that, if I had to guess, was a package deal and came with the building when it was first erected back all those years ago.

I’ve had to utilize this restroom several times out of necessity over the last few weeks, due to a condition caused by eating far too many of Starbucks’ new pastries. Every time I rushed in to take my shit (which has consistently been so urgent that I can only describe each and every one as being a “photo finish,” if you would.) the room reeked of shit. Honestly, that’s not the biggest deal. I mean, it happens. People shit there. Whatevs.

What makes this bathroom a slight against all that is good in the world is a combination of how fucking packed it’s been every time I’ve gone and the type of crowd that frequents it.

For starters, there was an unnerving amount (said amount being any number exceeding one) of people wearing Tripp pants. You know the look, the one that your shitty cousin who was way into Slipknot or the Insane Clown Posse wore in high school, complete with colorful stitching, chains and a style that says “Come on down to my basement. We’ll chill out, smoke weed and watch Fist of the North Star before my mom gets home.” Basically, the worst people.

On top of that, the place is always jam packed with a bunch of Chatty Cathys, which is unacceptable.

Oh yeah, the stall door also likes to, you know, not lock, so there’s that too.

Go find a better bathroom. I suggest the one two floors up by the Interfaith Center that we reviewed last year.

COMIX

VOL XXXV Issue 3

17

OPINION

IN DEFENSE OF FASHION

by Anne Marie Greco

Fashion is no frivolous endeavor. Just think back to the last time someone complimented how you looked or what you were wearing. Clothing may have started as a way to protect ourselves from the elements, but since ancient times the fabrics used and accessories worn have shown wealth and class. Not only did class distinction become important, but it aimed to show the current vision of perfect beauty and health, however healthy that image may in truth be. In modern times, with the introduction of mass-production, the lines indicative of social status have blurred. Thus, the focus on beauty has come to the forefront of concerns of fashion, but just as putting on make-up is known also as “painting the face,” fashion too has become an art.

The mockery of fashion in our culture stems from the fundamental misunderstanding of the medium and a growing disdain for commercialism and commercial waste. There is no denying that the fashion industry is a commercial monster, but it also permits every common person to be an artist in their own right. While the designers are the Van Goghs and Monets of the art of dressing, we each are the lesser known artists and incorporate their work into our own styles, perhaps to impress those around us or even just to express our sensibilities, aesthetics and opinions. Even those who claim to have no concern for fashion do the same, and by their decision to ignore the popular image they cry out against the problems of fashion, a clear meaning to those who, like an art critic, have a trained eye in the examination of the medium.

The problems of fashion are indeed many. The peddling of new clothes and new styles each season encourages a gross amount of consumerism, and many clothes have been made in unsafe and unhealthy work environments. The ads and magazines wherein the clothes are advertised often cause poor body image. Even the runway models offer an unrealistic example of beauty. This is not left unrecognized in the industry, however. Magazines give guides for dressing for your body type, and though the given types poorly reflect the wide variety of body types, that is a step in the right direction. Some designers, such as Vivviene Westwood, are activists for various social problems including poverty and the ecosystem. Westwood, in almost every interview she is in, denounces commercialism and encourages people to wear clothes until they are no longer wearable. While it may seem hypocritical as a part of the machine responsible for such excess, her designs are all created in a way so that she can use the entirety of the fabric section in 18 Oct. 9 2013

her garments. It fits in with her punk couture design style, which started with designs made for the Sex Pistols, and has always worked towards expressing and forcefully bringing people to see the problems inherent in the society she designs for, and has continued to evolve to protest the newly arising issues as older ones have been addressed.

Commercialism, excess and other economically driven concerns, including the impossible standards of beauty, are separate from the art of fashion and mostly encouraged by the media which reports on fashion. “But what about the garments shown on runways? No one would ever wear that on the street!” is the attitude of statements concerning fashion heard many times. True, the runways of Fashion Week and some of the outrageous outfits that can be found there are ridiculous and frivolous in appearance, but only seeing these designs as clothes to be worn is, again, a misunderstanding of those who fail to see fashion as a form of art. The runway is a gallery of motion that is as vital to the pieces as proper lighting is to the works of the classical painting masters. Designers themselves do not expect the actual outfits of this form to be worn, but are instead showcasing art they have worked on for months. Those outfits are however the inspiration for the ‘ready-to-wear’ clothes – or the kinds of clothes the consumer would buy to wear on a daily basis or even for more formal events. These ready-to-wear styles may have their own shows or be found as a part of the same show and collection as the outfits mocked. These styles are further simplified into clothes anyone can buy at the designer’s store and then further inspire the clothes found in department stores and other smaller stores. If you have ever bought clothes, you have bought into fashion.

You do not need to be skilled to doodle, and you do not need skill to pick out something to wear in the morning. However, the people that do pay careful attention to how they dress and selectively choose clothes to buy are exercising an artistic talent in the same way that others practice their sketching, painting, singing, acting, or any other art. Every outfit says something about the person wearing it, just as doodles in a notebook can reflect a person’s thoughts and interests. It is something anyone can choose to pay little attention to, just as someone might not have interest in drawing, playing an instrument, acting, or even playing and watching sports or exploring scientific inquiry, but to consider the art of fashion shallow and a frivolous waste of time is just as narrow-minded as to degrade someone who spends their time in any of these other endeavors.

SPORTS

GIORDANO STRIKE LEADS SEAWOLVES PAST ALBANY IN OVERTIME

PHOTOS BY REBECCA TAPIO

PHOTO BY REBECCA TAPIO/THE PRESS

The Stony Brook men’s soccer team topped Albany 1-0 in overtime on Friday night at LaValle Stadium, in their first America East Conference game of the season.

Both teams failed to score at the end of regulation, taking the game into overtime.

However, the Seawolves broke the deadlock in the last minute when sophomore midfielder Martin Giordano powered in a strike to the top shelf of the net from a cross off the boot of sophomore defender Mario Mesen.

The Seawolves controlled the tempo of the game for most of the 97 minutes of play, but struggled to capitalize on the chances they had in front of goal during regulation.

“We want to get better in front of goal, we want to become more deadly in the final third,” said Stony Brook Coach Ryan Anatol.

Stony Brook’s top scorer, senior forward Will Casey, who has scored four goals in the season, including a pair of game winners, was non-existent during Friday night’s match. Casey played all 97 minutes but had zero shots all night.

When asked about the performance of his senior striker, Coach Anatol said, “teams are preparing for him.”

The Great Danes of Albany came into Friday’s match with only one win in nine games this season and falling in every game against the Seawolves since 2007 (5-0-2), but the Danes managed to take Stony Brook the distance in a match the Seawolves were expected to win.

“They do a good job of defending, they get a lot of numbers

behind the ball, you look at their results they’re always low scoring games and we expected that coming in,” said Anatol.

One of the main reasons for the Great Danes’ resilience were the constant substitutions by Albany to keep fresh rested legs on the field. Albany made ten substitutions throughout the game while Stony Brook only made two, one in each period.

In his second start of the season, senior goalie Carlos Villa recorded his second win and shutout this Fall. Villa was not spectacular but got the job done, making two saves that day, including a stop on a late scare by Albany after freshman defender Rodrigo Uriarte turned the ball over on the left wing inside Stony Brook’s half.

Other than one miscue on defense, the Seawolves’ back line was solid. Stony Brook’s starting defense includes three freshmen: Rodrigo Uriarte, Kofi Osei-Tutu and Tavares Thompson. The three freshman defenders are part of the seven underclassmen starting for the Seawolves.

Up next for this young team (5-4-0) is West Virginia (5-5-2) on Tuesday, October 8.

VOL XXXV Issue 3

19

PHOTOS BY REBECCA TAPIO/THE PRESS

SEAWOLVES HOLD OFF BRYANT, AS RECORD CROWD WATCHES by Jael Henry Stony Brook football snapped their three-game losing streak on Saturday night, with a 21-13 win over the Bryant Bulldogs in the Seawolves’ homecoming game.

The Seawolves established their passing game early. Four of the six plays that Stony Brook ran on offense in the first drive of the game were pass plays. Senior quarterback Lyle Negron passed for 62-yards in the drive, which was capped off by an 8-yard rushing touchdown by freshman running back Tyler Fredericks.

The Bulldogs ran a 13-play drive starting at their own 9-yard line, which ended with a two-yard touchdown pass from quarterback Mike Westerhaus to tight end Ryan Barrett, tying the game at 7-7.

The Seawolves responded on their next drive. Quarterback Lyle Negron led Stony Brook on a two-play drive down the field, starting with a 15-yard pass to senior wide receiver Malcolm Eugene. He connected with junior wide receiver Adrian Coxson for a 63-yard catch and run for the Seawolves’ second touchdown of the day and a 14-7 lead.

Both teams failed to put up points in the second and third quarters of the game, which made it a one-touchdown game going into the fourth quarter.

Bryant started off their first possession of the fourth quarter with a 31-yard run by running back Paul Canevari. The Bulldog’s quarterback Mike Westerhaus broke a couple tackles to run in a 13-yard touchdown.

Stony Brook had a one-point lead after the drive thanks to a missed PAT (point after touchdown) by Bryant kicker Tom Alberti.

The Seawolves responded to the Bulldog touchdown on their next drive, as they did all night. Negron and senior wide receiver Devante Wheeler linked up on a 41-yard touchdown

pass to give the Seawolves a 21-13 lead.

Stony Brook’s defense held off Bryant on the next drive, highlighted by a sack by senior defensive end Leston Simpson.

After getting the ball back the Seawolves held onto the ball for a 21-13 win over the Bulldogs.

“I thought we finished the game, which is important in the fourth quarter, we had two games which we didn’t finish,” said Head Coach Chuck Priore. “Good team win, excited about the W.” Stony Brook’s home opener against Towson last week was one of the games the Seawolves didn’t finish. It was a onetouchdown game going into the final minute when quarterback Lyle Negron coughed up a fumble that was returned for a touchdown Negron, who hasn’t practiced for two weeks due to injury, was the best player on either team on Saturday night. He was 16-22 for 260 yards and two touchdowns, including a 41-yard pass to Wheeler that solidified the win for Stony Brook.

“I try to play the same way every week,” Negron said. “I love playing in an atmosphere like this.”

The atmosphere was a huge factor in the Seawolves win.

A record crowd of 11,224 people was in attendance for the homecoming game, with only standing room left inside LaValle Stadium.

The Seawolves hope to ride the momentum from Saturday night’s win when they go back on the road to face Colgate on Saturday, October 12.

AA E-ZINE

About TAP Than the ‘Experts’ in Financial Aid?

University’s compliance with TAP, the Tuition Assistance

When pressed, the Registrar’s Office said I had two I wasn’t an isolated incident.

The Registrar’s Office told me there was no appeals

situation. Professor Kelly’s solution was their TAP back? Why isn’t an all out effort

AA E-ZINE

they might lose their aid. I read it and thought, ‘Okay, I have over 12 credits so I’m fine because I’m full time.’ second chance because they believed the Registrar’s Rather than gunning down each student’s TAP application

student’s fault for not going to advising.

what ways TAP can be covered so they don’t give students

system. Why didn’t the University do the same thing for