Whatever I Wanted by Tierra Hayes

Whatever I Wanted

by Tierra Hayes

They told me I could be whatever

I wanted the nice tall teachers in the nice building

with the books and the chairs and the hand sanitizer that smelt of alcohol and cherries

and then I wanted

and I wanted

and I wanted

but I couldn’t be

I struggled

but

but

but

you said

the words slipping from my mouth, a life of words to make me feel

important

smart

needed

middle school

high school

be what we want you to be they said

the not so tall teachers with the boards and the markers and the red ink pens

the ink flowing across my words

across the promise of being whatever I wanted

crossed out

correction fluid

until I fit in the box

of their expectations

five paragraphs

opening

body

supporting details

conclusion

good

be whatever you want to be, but do it in this box

don't color outside of the lines

we don't want that

we want nice, neat children

nice, neat names

nice, neat papers

nice, neat boxes

with less red ink

spilling across their words that are supposed to be mine

that I am supposed to want to write

because aren’t I supposed to be whatever I want to be?