Together we breathe words like air They rise from the depths of our soul only to encompass us With winds of whispers from worlds withheld Solemnly suffocating until we exhale My footsteps pound against the floor Persistent with the innocence of something more My words mean something, so please do not ignore These words fall with my blood as the ultimate metaphor As we rise, our thoughts fall The greatest tragedy of them all Losing the memories, of which we had a ball Read our writing on the wall.
~each line of this poem was written by a different member of the 2019-2020 Creative Writing Class . . . probably while drinking tea
Akira
Literary and Art Magazine 2019-2020 Published by: Saint Pius X High School Albuquerque, New Mexico
Copyright © 2020 by Saint Pius X High School
Simone Sandoval
Land of Enchantment
Copyright © 2020 by St. Pius X High School Akira is a common Japanese given name and directly translates to “bright light.” All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be used or reproduced in any matter whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Distribution of this magazine without a front cover may be unauthorized. If this magazine is coverless, it may have been reported as “ungifted or destroyed” and neither author nor dealer may have received praise for it. Sorry for the inconvenience. The text is set in Georgia, a transitional serif font designed by Matthew Carter in 1993. Although created for elegance and legibility on today’s computer screens, this relatively new font was inspired by Scotch Roman designs of the 1800s.
AMCN: 5-053-406-797 AMDN:5-058-313-131
Heart in Hands
by Kenna Roberts
hold my hand
AGAPE 7
by Cierra Sandoval 8
Just Try
by Katrina Barela 8
Among the Stars
by Isabella Clarke 9
Give Me
by Isabella Clarke 9
Premature Love Letter
by Elisa Valdez 9 Long Winding Road by Jocelyn Chavez 9
What I Hold Dear
by Amber Baker 9
For Lenore
by anonymous 10
I hope you feel the same
by Aspen Owens
11
by Geri Luchetti
11
Matthew Breathe
by Carmen Brandt 11
Don’t Let Go
by Elisa Valdez 12
Self Love
by Kristen Hall 12
Luke
by Kaeley Chavez 12
Me and My Little Marie
by Aspen Owens
13
by Kristen Hall
13
by Maria Allocca
14
by Alexandria Esparza
14
by Arden Palanza
14
To: My Friends Healing
Fairy Tale
Before the Dance 1-800
by Katrina Barela 15
Love is an Umbrella
by Kristen Hall 15
Father
by Ava Armijo
16
by Christy DeGuio
16
Breakfast
Mother Earth Transition
by Katherine Smith
Ridiculous
17
Self Portrait with Leaves
by Aaliyah Turrietta 21
Let me
by Isabella Clarke 18 by Erica Olguin 22
Two black birds sat in a tree
San Francisco de Asis
Beauty is Everywhere
To Be of the Earth
by Susanna Lanucara 18 by Vanessa Vazquez 18
Tyto Soumagnei
by Angelina Martinez 18
In Memory of You
by Camila Lujan 19
Wanderlust
by Simone Sandoval 20
in the sky
by Cierra Sandoval 20
Brave Hearts
by Ava Armijo 20
To Dream of a World Long Gone
by Isabella Clarke 21
Self Portrait in the Wilderness
by Trebor Toledo 21
by Nicholas Martinez
23
by Maria Allocca
24
by Erica Olguin
24
by Maddy Morrow
24
Rose
Sunnydayzera83 Sea Turtles
by Angelina Martinez 25
I am Afraid
by Cierra Sandoval 25
Zebra
by Darren Romero 25
JFK’s Inaugural Address (an erasure poem)
by Maria Allocca
26
by Kyra Vigil
26
Natural
Tragedy
Ghost of Artist’s Past
by Matthew Walden
Agoraphobia
27
by Katrina Barela 28
White Space Poem
by Matthew Williamson
Breathe
28
by Maria Allocca 29
The Long Walk
by Matthew Williamson
I Miss You
29
by Elisa Valdez 29
names of my soul
by Lisanna Aragon
30
by Elisa Valdez
30
by Angelina Martinez
30
by Susie Sanchez
31
by Rose Vigil
31
by Elisa Valdez
31
I Need To Move On Fragile
Poppies over Omaha Beach, Normandy Deep Darkness and Death You Prefer Blondes
Hidden
by Angelina Martinez
37
by Alexandria Esparza
38
by Angelina Martinez
38
by David Castle
38
by Ava Armijo
38
by Ryan Moya
39
by Maria Allocca
39
by Onyinye Anozie
40
by Aaliyah Turrietta
40
by Lisanna Aragon
40
by Nick Hanson
41
by Erica Olguin
41
The Apartment Guaperas
Coffee Culture We, Too
The Fair
Daylight Teacher Music my pen
No Name Demons
I’m Done, We’re Done
by Elisa Valdez
31
by Nick Hanson
31
by Anonymous
32
by Lisanna Aragon
33
by Elisa Valdez
33
by Erica Olguin
34
by Lisanna Aragon
34
by Maria Allocca
35
by Rose Vigil
35
by Kristen Hall
36
by Aspen Owens
36
Isolation
Fresh from the forge
solitary confinement I Love You?
Panic Attack
burning bridges To Be Alone Trapped
I’m Scared To Go To College Old Friends
Identity
Dance Saves Lives
by Charlie Woodcock
41
by Nick Hanson
42
by Nicholas Martinez
42
by Aspen Owens
42
by Cierra Sandoval
43
by Marisol Aguilar
43
by Angelina Martinez
44
by Lisanna Aragon
44
by Alexandria Esparza
44
by Aspen Owens
45
by Matthew Cornelius
45
Real ME OFF
My Fears:
Burning Bridges My First Car Self-Portrait catharsis Stability
Dark Path:
Exploding Rubik’s
COVER ARTWORK BY: Alexandria Esparza
Heart in Hands
Kenna Roberts
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.�
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
7
hold my hand
Cierra Sandoval
Hold my hand. That’s all I’ve ever asked, all I’ve ever wanted. With you, I didn’t need to ask. You took me into your arms and didn’t care who saw. You listened to me sing and you sang along. You watched me break down and cry and held tight onto me promising for better days. You didn’t judge me for being awkward and quiet you embraced it. Embraced me. So when you think that you aren’t good enough, Just take a breath and Reach for me.
Just Try
Katrina Barela
Okay, it’s happening It’s going to happen i’m going to tell you what i really feel I’m finally going to tell you that i’m so into you That i can’t imagine a second without you But, under my breath, when you’ve walked far ahead of me But it’s okay i’ll just talk louder, Louder than the roaring crowds Loud enough, the whole world will know who i am So loud, other dimensions will go woah she is making moves Maybe, but not in this life No, wait, maybe i’ll change my outlook Maybe i’ll change the world, cure cancer, compose a mean essay for world peace And i’ll get all the nations to pinky promise to never fight again Yep, after Jesus does it first But when I ask him why he made me this way Why he gave me no direction He’s like honey, you just have to try
8
Among the Stars
Give Me
I would build you a house among the stars With bricks of black matter And a roof of constellations above your head And a thousand suns in the fireplace to keep you warm. I would build you a house among the stars, my love.
Give me a heart that trusts A mouth that only speaks truth And a soul that never dies
Isabella Clarke
Isabella Clarke
Premature Love Letter
Elisa Valdez They say love is blind, I saw it coming from miles away. Once you sat in the seat next to mine I knew you were going to stay. Your eyes were as blue as the sea; I could stare at them all day. Your blonde curls are what grabbed me And kept me there to play. I fell in love in seconds, maybe three Oh, on that kindergarten day.
Long Winding Road
Jocelyn Chavez
What I hold dear
Amber Baker 9
For Lenore
anonymous
I could build my world with words; My soul in sounds measured and learned. Place my heart on sheets in verse, But it would not appeal to thee. I could paint my mental masterpiece Give hopes and dreams a sweet release. But it would not appeal to thee. I would while away the hours Giving voice to silent trees and flowers. Using all my poet’s powers. We’d feel free in fells that were only ours. But it would not appeal to thee. I could create for us a mystic sky With glit’ring shining stars on high In frozen silver by and by The night would sing her lullaby We’d be at peace, we’d laugh, we’d cry But it would not appeal to thee. In dusk, we’d watch a night reborn We’d watch a sunrise make the morn The days would form and then be torn But it would not appeal to thee. I could carry you across the sea In a magic boat and we would be Living our tale forever happily But it would not appeal to thee. Neither of us needs this poetry We don’t need the world, the stars or sea I have you and you have me. I’ve fought the fight, the war is won I have your heart, my work is done.
10
I hope you feel the same
Aspen Owens
As close as we have became You still feel far away. I wish that I could hold you When you feel sad. Or you be there for me When things are going bad. As soon as I met you You were my friend. But now that I know you I want you to be more. Wish that you knew my family And that I knew yours. For when I see that you’re gone I ask where you are. I see you in my dreams. I can spot you from afar. I hope you feel the same, Because you’re my new scheme.
Matthew
Breathe
Geri Luchetti
Carmen Brandt
This reminds me of many slow, love songs. People who fall in love deeply then lose that person who then sometimes claim that they can’t breathe. But they are still alive, are they not? What do they mean? Do they mean, “out of breath” type after you run a mile and you physically can’t breathe? In my opinion, these people say they “cannot breathe” when they lose someone they love because that person was like an organ in their body. Once that organ was taken out, how can they live? There’s a hole in your body that nothing/no one can fill. They physically and emotionally cannot function without this organ. But what these lost people don’t understand that even though this person or organ they thought they were crucial to their bodily functions, was not actually. It turns out, this organ was a kidney, spleen or appendix. An organ that can be removed without killing the person. Because although you feel that emotional pain of losing someone you love, or that physical pain of losing an organ, that pain fades over time. You can walk, and breathe normally again. All that’s left of that person you lost is memories. And all that’s left of your organ is a faded scar. (inspired by Taylor Swift’s “Breathe”) 11
Don’t Let Go
Elisa Valdez
The day that we finally let go of each other will destroy me. While my friends celebrate our end, I’ll be dying, first degree; The second I get a chance to be vulnerable, I’ll break down entirely. The day that we finally let go will be the end of part of my soul. You’ve always been there for me to fall back on, You’ve always been there for me as a shoulder to cry on, You’ve always be there for me to jump on, You’ve always been there. And I know we’ve never been official, I know we’ve never been in love But we’ve always been friends with a little bit too much, kind of. But our times sitting in your truck left me struck; All the times we’ve snuck out just to talk Or just gone out to take a walk Mean more to me than anything. The secrets told on your dark street And the songs we left on repeat Will forever be left in my mind. Now I know you’re not gone But don’t get this wrong, I never want this to end.
Self Love
Kristen Hall
you seek asylum in another searching for a place to take refuge feeling unease and emptiness before you find out the only sanctuary is yourself Luke
12
Kaeley Chavez
Me and My Little Marie
Aspen Owens
In our beginning, since we met in the sky. You’ve seen her in the scene, my sweet little Marie. We’ve lived with no thought, than to run with our horses--over on the sand sea. When we met in the sky, our horse on the sea, we played and played with fun even more Me and my little Marie. Our fun lasted until the sun set on the sea-- the children and people envied the laughs, of her and me. And then she came, and took you away from me. And that is the reason, with all the horses on the sea, I came out and left with you. Me and my little Marie. Our fun has lasted long--long after it should’ve ended. Our souls will never part, like the stars in the sky, along with our horses on the sea. My friend, my best of friends, my precious--little Marie.
To: My Friends
Kristen Hall
the undemanding days when we’d go outside to play or when we’d get so excited over missing school because of a snow day you and I would talk and color together in class and when I look back at it, I wonder how all this time has passed we grew out of that, and it turned into walking to class together or calling on the phone because we couldn’t drive in the weather going out on weekends and seeing each other every day how could we have known that these were the good days? we grew out of that, and it turned into occasional calls and texts and we knew that a college, career, and family were next we got too busy to see each other, but yeah it’s fine I understand life got in the way, but please know that you’re still my best friend and I’m tired of wondering when or how I’m going to see you again I don’t care for a job and marriage like most do because I know that the person I want to grow old with is you
13
Healing
Maria Allocca
There’s something about recovery, And that’s that lingers like a scar in the back of your head. It’s in the urge you get to not eat, Or not speak. But there also remains the gentleness you’ve been slowly learning, It’s in quiet cups of tea and the book you’ve been wanting to read, The giving yourself little pats on the back Here and there, To say “hey, It’s okay. I understand, And maybe this will help. It will pass, And you will feel happiness again, You will eat, Fairy Tale And you will speak, I’ll take care of you, darling” It’ll be okay.
Alexandria Esparza
I could be everything you want me to be, I’ll give you anything, What’s left of me. This is where her story begins, If only she knew what was ahead, She could have learned what true love is. She thought it would be a love story, A fairy tale with a forever ending , She wanted him to be the man she would marry . But as they grew older, And the days seemed longer, His lies only began to get colder. Was this the fairy tale she thought her relationship would be? Maybe this was all just a bad dream, She knew he would never actually leave . As their fairy tale they lived Started to float away in the wind She only wanted a peace of mind He was gone by the evening Her cheeks were stained with tears She thought she would never handle him leaving
Before the Dance
Arden Palanza
But she didn’t know how strong she truly was As time went on She stopped having the withdrawals She was happier than ever She was free to do whatever Maybe she never had to give him anything.
14
1-800
Katrina Barela
1-800-273-8255 I love you I love you Stop Can you hear me I love you It’s not your time Can you not feel me In the trees, the wind, the flowers In the cold at night, even the sky scraping towers I’m here for you In every good memory and bad In the small smiles and in every hug you have ever had I know you are hurting But take me along Give me your pains Your tears, cuts and heart aches I’ll keep them all Cuz God knows, seeing you unhappy is the worst of all
Love is an Umbrella
Kristen Hall
love is an umbrella under it holds so many diverse forms of how to love a person or an object or any noun for that matter it can almost apply to everything you do but this one specific form is how i feel about you it takes over my body, exhausting every physical part while my body struggles to keep up with the rhythm of my heart i don’t get nervous or anxious and i don’t get butterflies but yet this specific love gives me a specific high im not emotionally driven i feel calm and at home it’s as if that’s the way my soul reminds me that im not alone this type of love i cant put my finger on it surpasses all other forms is what im sure on it cant be surfaced with the term romantic and yet i know that the way i love you is not platonic and i can’t explain how this love refreshes my heart and makes me feel anew but i know that this form of love is what eclipses my heart when i think of you 15
Father
Ava Armijo
He had waited twenty years to return it, the very thing that constantly lingered in his mind day after day, the thing that kept him up each night. He had felt so robbed of it, yet he persisted each day as he progressed. He learned to forgive his father over time; indeed a lengthy and emotionally draining process for the young man. Over time, the adult he grew into could no longer hold onto this dreadful anger his father left him with. He knew it caused him no benefit to hold onto it; rather, he decided to simply return it to his father--the very pathetic man who struck him with such powerful and painful anger. Once he let go, the young man blossomed into a kind-hearted and caring individual. He learned to love greatly, fiercely, without hatred. He grew to realize that anger is not a form of love; his father never truly loved him, the mere possibility was quite impossible. His eyes were opened, although his father excused striking him from a place of love, the boy knew this could never be. Why then, why would his father hurt his own blood, his very own son--someone he claimed to love. Tell me why then, just why his father felt the need to hold such great power, such a necessity of the sensation to be in control; that it never occurred to this ostensible man the great pain he was inflicting.
Breakfast
Christy DeGuio
I like to have a breakfast of pancakes It is a lot of work but I will do what it takes I get up early, ready to eat! Jump out of bed to land on my two feet A beeline I make to the kitchen But it is not pancakes my mom is fixin’ She beat me to the punch and now I have a strange hunch It is not pancakes, eggs, or bacon, or cereal or toast But rather it is waffles which I love the most
16
Transition
Katherine Smith
“The Light lives in all places . . . In all things . . . you can block it . . . Even try to trap it . . . but the Light always finds its way.� ~The Speaker 17
Ridiculous
Isabella Clarke
Why does it all have to mean something? Why does what I say have to be brilliant or honest or oh, so so true? Why can’t I scream or howl or wail or cry And can’t it mean nothing? Why can’t it be ridiculous, Be absurd, Be so laughably untrue that you come apart at the seams? Why does what I say have to be artistic or wise? I am seldom brilliant or honest or clever, So why should my words be?
Two black birds sat in a tree
Susanna Lanucara
Two black birds sat in a tree One flew up and spoke to me Said “Count the birds before your eyes: Is peace ahead or troubled skies?”
Beauty is Everywhere
Vanessa Vazquez
And then I saw the plumes of white Contrasted with the quills of night A magpie rhyme raced through my head I knew I would not sleep abed They say one bird is sorrow, see And one flew up and spoke to me And yet there was another nearPerhaps the words meant joy, not fear “Please,” said I, “Good bird, do tell: Do you bring good news or fell?” He looked at me, black eyes agleam And questioned me: “What does it seem? One for sorrow, two for joy.” I scolded him: “Now don’t be coy!” One wing lifted in a bird’s shrug Two birds lifted and flew above I watched them go, then sat and waited My life to be enjoyed or hated. 18
Tyto Soumagnei
Angelina Martinez
In Memory of You
Camila Lujan
When we were children, you and I used to run down to the river. Do you remember all of the times that
we would sit and simply watch as the fish swam by? You used to tell me that those enormous multicolored trout that swam by stood for something, memories. You said that the spirits of the dead passed into the afterlife in the forms of those fish. When one would find itself stranded, you would carry it as carefully as you could and place it back into the water, watching with the largest smile on your face as it swam away. You were always such a happy person. Now I am left with only the memory of your laughter to keep me through the day. I continue to drive down to the river, to our spot. The fish swim by as I watch, always remembering the empty space beside me that you no longer fill. When one finds itself stuck on the shore, I’m careful to gently pick it up and carry it to the water’s surface. Hesitating for a moment, I constantly find myself wondering if you are among these creatures, or if it is you I’m holding in my arms. It’s difficult, not knowing if you are here, or have already passed. The distant memory of the last time we spoke plays and replays in my head. I was so angry at you, most likely about something stupid. I knew at that time the argument wouldn’t matter in the future, so I allowed myself to scream at you until my voice was hoarse. You left as you learned to to allow me to blow off some steam. I said that I was glad to see you go. Now I wish I had made you stay. The police refused to disclose any information on what happened to him, the paramedics as well. When I stood at in the hospital, demanding that I see you, they told me you wanted only family with you. They didn’t realize that you were the brother I never had, and would never have again. Your parents were angry at me, for obvious reasons. I had been the one to convince you to sneak out that night, but if I could only go back… Once again, I wish I had made you stay. You were out of the hospital by the next morning. None of the doctors recognized your name, and your parents were nowhere to be seen. Weeks passed, then months, now a year, and still no sign of you nor your parents. But to be honest, I’ve stopped looking. It’s not that I’ve lost hope, but it’s futile to look for someone who won’t be found. I’m writing this to tell you goodbye. I’ve started a new life, one where I have no need to worry about the past. No one knows me here, and I can live the life that we had always fantasized about, so you don’t need to worry about me any longer, if you have been. I can never forget you, but I’m afraid that it’s time for me to let you go. So farewell my friend, until we meet again. 19
Wanderlust
in the sky
Simone Sandoval
Cierra Sandoval
I’ve always found comfort in the sky the colors reflecting my thoughts into the sky slate my favorite color reflected in the storm the rain and thunder calling to me with each drip on my window the sunset orange bringing serenity to the worst days I heard something once It said that when an artist dies God lets them paint a sunrise If only the end could always be that beautiful
Brave Hearts
Ava Armijo
Brave hearts set away Overseas they spend their day Cast away from all Time spent without their loved ones Yet God is always present 20
To Dream of a World Long Gone
Isabella Clarke
I dream of empty libraries with great big windows to let the light through And hallways where our laughter can echo long after we are gone, And sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool, not needing to come up for air. I dream of my mother’s garden, Of apple trees and strawberries in the morning mist, Of wet concrete and scabbed knees and rolly-pollys. I dream of my middle school art room, Paint and crayons and colored pencils scattered everywhere. I dream of my brothers’ smiles, bright and happy and carefree. I dream of my father’s arms, strong and solid, and he would never let me fall. I dream of places where I am safe, Where I can speak and the words don’t hold my tongue hostage, Where I can sleep without waking in the middle of the night. I dream of places the world has left behind, Places where the clock on the wall has stopped ticking, Where everything is frozen, and yet, so much more alive than before. I dream of a world long gone.
Self Portrait in the Wilderness
Trebor Toledo
Self Portrait with Leaves
Aaliyah Turrietta
21
Let me
Erica Olguin Let me…
let me breathe,
let me live,
let me be me,
let me hope,
let me love,
let me dream,
let me be happy, SET ME FREE! Let nothing stop me! Not you or him nor I. I will run and see what will make me into a REAL PERSON, NOT some stationary being. I do not wish to be stuck,
To be nobody, I dream to make something of myself. To have purpose, to LIVE. I want to live & YOU SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF ME! I thought it was me
.
My mind has always told me no, That I was not good enough, But NO that was you! YOU held me down, YOU called me names, YOU told me I had no worth, YOU showed me no respect, and YOU treated me like I was not human. YOU not ME and I WILL NO LONGER LET YOU! I am standing and I am walking away, You Are TOXIC. How was I ever able to call YOU my Friend. You are not a friend. No friend would ever make me feel like I do not DESERVE TO LIVE. My Life, My Happiness, It Starts Now And it’s because I realized I do not need you. You have NO power over me. So let me be free of YOU!
22
San Francisco de Asis
Nicholas Martinez 23
To Be of the Earth
Maria Allocca
The trees whisper with the breath of gods sighing, They bend with the forces of will alone. One thinks of the end of times In the earth that quakes beneath our feet. In truth, the earth shakes only in fear for the ones who trod with too much haste. Fall quickly into earth until it throws up the roots of winter burdens, Pray that the trees will spin their boughs around your wrists, That the gods will murmur secrets into your ears Until you know the soil that chokes you so well you could shift it Without thinking. In truth, the earth moves only for powers beyond yourself; The trees move only when they are breathed upon by gods.
Rose
Erica Olguin
I was a rose. I was vibrant and full of life. I was never hurt because I had thorns to protect me. Protect they did‌ Until time passed I began to wilt I was no longer strong Enough to hold myself up! Though I was still a rose‌ Still beautiful, vibrant, and sweet Just with the weight of time Upon Me. Winter came and washed my hues away. My color gone but I was a rose. Then one day a predator came. Plucked I was My thorns no longer true A rose no longer strong wilted away, With color gone and I was drawn Then fingers came and took my life away My petals grabbed! I had been had; so dry and dull I am no longer a rose. 24
Sunnydayzera83
Maddy Morrow
Angelina Martinez
Sea Turtles
I am Afraid
Cierra Sandoval
I’m afraid. Afraid of everything Everyone thinks I am brave Yet all I see is weakness I’m scared of graduating growing up driving leaving Not because I don’t think I can take care of myself I feel like I’m perfectly capable of that. I’m scared of failing... What if I don’t do great things? What if I’m not a success? What if I don’t make my family proud?
Zebra
God, I hear the murmurs of judgment... Their poisonous tongues demeaning every move. Watching waiting for the slightest misstep Darren Romero So tell me why I should not fear the future when all that is there is ridicule and disappointment? 25
JFK’S Inaugural Address (an erasure poem)
Maria Allocca
We observe today a victory of freedom symbolizing an end. Almighty God is different now for man holds the power to abolish all beliefs around the globe— We forget friend and foe alike, in this century, unwilling to witness the undoing of today and the world. Old allies pledge little For we split asunder those new States of the free; We have passed away our own freedom to mass misery Because we seek progress— Free governments of hope become prey to hostile powers, All our neighbors join with aggression To remain the master of an age in which writ may run; We offer all humanity self destruction But take comfort from mankind’s weakness And fear to negotiate. Problems unite us, Those problems which divide us. For the first time all nations seek to invoke terrors, Heavy burdens, And a new world of law where the strong are secure and preserved.
26
Natural
Kyra Vigil
Ghost of Artist’s Past
Matthew Walden
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”
~Plato 27
Agoraphobia
Katrina Barela
Blood thicker than water school days constantly get darker With a warm drink in hand the night begins Running out of my mind into an internal cave Held by my bloody, gruesome imagination The dreary night turns my happy demeanor into a haunting daunting scene Made of towering trees and buildings Skewing street lanes and crowded hallways Crowds of people everywhere, pushing and pulling The people seem familiar but they have no face, not eyes not lips just skin My unfamiliar friends start picking up speed The cluster gets faster Everything once held for comfort is gone The cluster gets higher As if im swimming in a raging ocean Smacks of the waves hitting my face from all angles I’m just trying to stay afloat The cold salty sea fills my eyes mixing with my tears All my cries engulfed by the tumultus tides Faint voices call out I’ll be fine This is supposed to be hard You’ll think about this later and laugh Maybe I am okay Maybe I will be fine Maybe I am the cause of my own downfall Maybe I won’t make it out Maybe I just give up and end it here
White Space Poem
28
Matthew Williamson
Breathe
Maria Allocca
The air is dry here, Something like the cold hand of another lonely night. It tastes like empty words, Half hearted hellos, and goodbyes in the same sentence.
I Miss Us
Elisa Valdez
Why did things go wrong? Even if it was for the best I’m still left in a mess When I listen to our song.
When did things go bad? It feels like not long ago
The Long Walk
Matthew Williamson
Erasure Poem from: I HAVE A DREAM by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I am battered by suffering. Let us wallow in despair. I say difficulties have deeply rooted this nation and created slaves. I will be judged by character… I have a situation where every valley will be made crooked. This is hope.
We were above, not below, Everything else we had.
Where did the time go? I want more laughs and kisses; I just wanted to be your Mrs. Not now, but later you know?
What did we think we had? It seemed better than the rest But then it all headed west. Now I miss you and I’m sad.
This is despair. This faith will transform brotherhood to struggle. This will be sweet liberty of pride from freedom.
Who did we think we were? Living life on impulse Thinking nothing was false, Now it all feels like a blur.
29
names of my soul
I Need To Move On
Lisanna Aragon
Elisa Valdez
And I still wear the shirt That smells like your cologne And although I’m not hurt It makes me feel less alone.
I am lost in my life--let me explore I am lost in my mind--let me explore I learn the different names of my soul ... she is called Darkness Only i can see through her. she scares everyone away, But i find comfort in her. she isn’t all that bad, but i got lost in her... No one could find me Oh sweet darkness. ... I met Pain She is a metaphor for beautyWe became very close. She stayed by my side Especially when no one else was there she doesn’t know how to love Her grip on my heartIt made me forget how to love too… she will always be with me. ... Into the cobwebbed crevassesI met Deceit She is cautious and concealed And she showed me some tricks Her voice is powerfulBut her promises were empty. Her home is my heart is really quite large I don’t really like that part of me. … Darkness, Pain, Deceit These are the toxic parts of me But they hold me closer than my loved ones They seem to understand I am lost in my mindThey guide me
And I still like wasting time Wrapped up in the blankets Zoned out, drawing lines Just hoping you can make it. And I still look for your face Everytime you might be around And I think I made a mistake Leaving you, feeling down.
Fragile 30
Angelina Martinez
You Prefer Blondes
Elisa Valdez It’s funny that you told her you like blondes But from right then and there it dawned On me: when we met my hair was dark, And as it got lighter, we began to part. But guess what? I dyed my hair black
Susie Sanchez
And I just hope it can bring you back.
Poppies over Omaha Beach, Normandy
Deep Darkness and Death
Rose Vigil
Deep darkness and death Is all that crosses my mind today. Love is patient, love is kind. Love is hurting me today. Rock imbeds itself into my skin. The rough pebbles making My cuts sting. Blood coats the stones. Oh how I wish I had believed the truth, Cuz maybe if I had, I wouldn’t be living proof.
Isolation
I’m Done, We’re Done
Elisa Valdez
And now I hear that you’re gone; You’re not the boy I knew. But I don’t regret moving on From every time you said, “we’re through!” And now I hear you’re ignoring the pain That you’re swimming way too far, But this time I’m not at the end of the lane Making you feel like an all-star. And now I hear your life is different. You’re breaking laws “just because” Now, you don’t play so innocent; I don’t know what the act was. And now I hear you’ve switch roles with me, You’re being broken, you’re being used. But how does it feel to be stranded in a sea Of being shattered and abused? And now I hear you can’t let me go; I still got a hand on your heart. But I just want you to know We are never going back to the start.
Nick Hanson
When I feel the lowest of the low I feel the demon in me grow I see the world as it would with the people as the problem and destruction as the solution when I’m happy as can be it’s just an act for you to see and when I ask for company I just want for you to leave me be, taste the salt of my tears on my tongue as I race my fears through my multitude of memories as a great calamity rears its head in the back of my mind searching for the sun in this pretentious reality thinking if I die today it’s surely not in vain life can be insane but simply can’t contain my dream.
31
Fresh from the forge
Anonymous
His eyes are sharp. Not just intelligent, or aware but sharp. Like a knife or a pin. They are weaponized, dangerous. They see everything. He’s leaning against the wall, that calculated smile on his face, and his eyes are watching me. He watches everything, he sees everything. Watching him in a restaurant or party is like watching a flood flow through a street. He reaches out and touches everything with his eyes, analyzing, categorizing, dissecting. I realize now what his eyes remind me of. Scalpels. They are sharp, threatening and penetrating. He learns from every encounter, like a supercomputer and performs hundreds of calculations at every moment. He takes a new piece of info, breaks it down, digests it and assimilates it. He has a plan, and butchers every piece of news. He removes the outer layer, cuts away the waste and puts the valuable pieces of life into himself like a jeweler placing a gem into a socket. He’s moving towards me now. I’ve been staring for too long. “Hey!” He grins. Typical, bright bubbly and artificial. “How’s your day going?” This is also typical, He always puts so much emphasis on YOU; making YOU smile, talking to YOU finding out how YOUR day is going. Everyone likes him because of this they all feel so special. No one seems to think when everyone feels special it devalues the whole experience. I sound like syndrome, my God what have I come to. “It was good,” I say. It wasn’t. “Glad to hear it!” He laughs. His lips smile warmly, blindingly white teeth, but his eyes are still cold and dark. He’s watching and recording my reaction, every muscle, every twitch is recorded somewhere in his massive databank We make small talk. Then he’s off, the weight of his personality drawing the loose drifters of the school down towards him. They orbit him as he travels, chattering away. I pity him, often. He’s a stranger amongst his own friends, a tin man in a world of scarecrows. He may have a heart, I can’t tell. He certainly has a brain, he uses it often, to push others away. I’ve seen so many relationships and friendships break on the bulwark of his amiable stoicism, I’ve lost track. I wonder if he likes his self imposed solitude. There is a certain romance in that, I suppose; living your life in an art gallery. An observer to so much beauty that he can see but never touch. I imagine it gets a little suffocating, living in his world. He does truly seem content with his lot, most of the time. He plays the part well, the jolly specter at a sorrowful feast. On certain days though, days like today, when the sky is low and grey and the world feels a little gloomier than usual, on these days he seems contemplative. His smile is unassailable, but when he doesn’t think anyone’s watching, I see the way he stares out a window, or at the dark skeletal trees. His smile slips and his sharp eyes dull, as they focus on a time and place that has ceased to exist, or maybe never existed at all. He watches wistfully out the window, a caged bird yearning to be free. When he believes no one is watching and he takes his mask off, I wonder what secret tragedy is weighing on him. For what forgotten dreamer or past life does he mourn? The tin man may have a heart, after all, perhaps it’s broken, but I see the way he pines after the sky; the soul of a pilgrim is implanted in his breast. He’s not broken, not some charismatic automation, he’s a banker, who lent out his heart long ago, a loan that has yet to be repaid.
32
solitary confinement
I Love You?
i. My body is a prison. My heart in maximum security My soul in isolation ii. Hands behind my back--I lower to my knees You squeeze my wrists Like stainless steel bars You spit on me as I plot my escape. iii. I eat your lies like a prison meal Three times a day. iv. I lie awake at night, listening to the sobs of my fellow inmates. They are innocent but received a life sentence. I am now their home. v. It gets lonely in this body. My prison. Speak softly to me, and I will let you come Inside vi. Solitary confinement. I spend my days alone Surrounded by my thoughts and my deepest fears. The voices in my head never shut up. SHUT UP. Drug me… they will fall asleep. vii. Torture is a funny thing. Strangle and drown me as a punishment and I’ll pretend I’m not having a great time You think I don’t want to die viii. I write on my jail cell walls Poetry with a shiv. ix. I accept my life sentence In this rotting body This decaying prison It’s home. x. Commit murder and be with me. Rob a bank or steal my heart But join me in this prison Keep me company.
I Love You?
Lisanna Aragon
Elisa Valdez
I love you I love you I love you Wait, no I don’t. I can’t love you We aren’t meant to be There’s way too much history. But every time we talk There’s way too much chemistry. I love you I love you I love you But it’s not our time. You have her, I have him, But they’ll never be us. We’re closer than them Even though we haven’t talked in ages; But we’re still better than them. So, I love you I love you I love you But I’m tired of waiting The timing is always off. So, I’ll let you go Like all the other times. But just remember: I love you I love you I love you Wait, just kidding I don’t.
33
Panic Attack
Erica Olguin
Stop. How can I stop the lingering anxiety, that lays under my chest, In the pits of my stomach, And within my mind? Stop, please it all needs to STOP… But it can’t it’s now part of who I am… How can I stop the things that run rampage in my mind? I don’t think I can. Breathe….. That’s what people what people tell me to do. But how can I…. I HYPERVENTILATE I g a s p & c h o k e on the very b r e a t h they are telling me to take… Breath seems IMPOSSIBLE . Why I ATTACKED my mind. am being by own Why do I do this to myself? Why can I not breathe?!?!?!?! Can I even inhale?..... 1…..2…..3…..4…..5…..6…..7…..8….. Exhale? Why are these even questions I have to ask myself? Normal people do not need to count their breaths to be able to breathe. But how else can I survive? 1…...2…...3…..4…..5…...6…...7…...8 Inhale and hold that breath. How can I hold my breath when I don’t even have hold on my own mind? My Life Is On Hold, I think as tears slip past my cheeks. I wish I was in control. I find the rhythm…… Inhale, hold, Exhale, repeat. Finally I can breath.
burning bridges to everything -no going there are no more 34
i set fire
Lisanna Aragon i leave behind. back in timebridges left to climb
To Be Alone
Maria Allocca
We call it moonlight But it is really just the street lamps shining in through the windows of my car. I tell them I am sorry it is so cold, But they tell me “I’m never cold with you” So I huddle under the blanket in silence And feed off of their warmth. “What does God think?” My voice sounds like crying, And hope, Because I know we both wish for that little thing called heaven, But our hearts are still aching, And my words are directed at a sky That I wonder might be listening, but— “I don’t know. I’m sorry.” And everything falls to my feet, Which are wound around their ankles, And their voice crackles Like a withered old tree which has been struck Again and again by lightning from above. The moonlight hides their silhouette in darkness. But I don’t need to see their expression To know what kind of pain is held there. I only need to lay my head against their shoulder. “That’s okay.” I don’t know either.
Trapped
Rose Vigil
Trapped in a dark room, rock scraping my skin Haven’t seen the sun in days, sand sticks on my skin My mouth tastes like blood, maybe I’ll get a roll Only good girls get rolls, often fuzzy ones My friend lays on the ground, flys loving the rotting flesh Footsteps on the creaky wood stairs pain my heart Because I know what those steps mean Yesterday’s cuts are only now beginning to stop Only now do my bruises not hurt like hell And I can feel my soul breaking once more
pouring
red 35
I’m Scared To Go To College
Kristen Hall
i missed you today and i wasnt sad because i missed you i was sad because every bone in my body ached without you here My world was altered and felt alone And it wasnt just that you were gone for a day It was that I know that soon I will have to be deprived of you everyday for months at a time Maybe even years And you’d think your presence and your touch made me feel better But my skin burned each time yours met mine And of course I want you around me But I know that soon I wont feel your skin anymore And the only communication we’ll have is a text or a call when we’re not busy And what happens when that fades? When you and I get married to other people and become busy with our own families When our jobs are so demanding of our limited time here on this planet So please dont let me lose you And please dont let this distance be an issue please, I want you to be in my life until we move onto the next
Old Friends
Aspen Owens
Old friends never seem to leave. They stick around for the best of times, but seem to disappear in the worst. “Always there” they say “Never leaving your side” As long as I live, I will never hear anything more wrong and selfish than those four words.
36
Hidden
Angelina Martinez
“Our identities are always changing and growing, they’re not meant to be pinned down. Our histories are never all good or all bad, and running from the past is the surest way to be defined by it. That’s when it owns us. The key is bringing light to the darkness-developing awareness and understanding.”
-Brené Brown 37
The Apartment
Alexandria Esparza
The city was loud and obnoxious, The apartment was quiet and desolate, The noisy beeping cars and roaring angry people, Were the only sounds to fill the silent apartment. These noisy sounds made it feel not so lonely, Every little thing placed perfectly, So clean but yet stale. It smelt like cigarettes and old booze, With a hint of expensive perfume. The sunlight beating on the bright walls, Enough furniture for everyone to sit, But somehow it did not fill the void. Pinks and yellows were happily radiant, But they were not enough to take away the melancholic feeling, It was not enough to not make you feel all alone. Guaperas
Angelina Martinez
Coffee Culture
We, Too
David Castle Ava Armijo
We, too, are American. The citizens of this country, Enemies pitted against one another, Instead of love, we resort to resentment Our goodness unrecognized-Only gnawing at flaws within, The spite, animosity, and hatred prevail. One day, we’ll live among one anotherAffable towards our neighbor, Acknowledging them for their virtues, No judgement passed, One day, soon. We, the American people, We ought to seek union, Some day.
38
The Fair
Daylight
Ryan Moya
Maria Allocca
The sun dips her toes below the vastness of the horizon, And perches herself on the edge of the earth; She is every lost moment, Every broken thought That never made it past the break between night and day; She is a fading piece of melody, With fingers that play music in the swirling stars, Letting them take her place, Letting them see her slip into the boundlessness of the growing night— She lives to leave Just because to stay is only half of her existence. The sun dips her toes into the edge of consciousness: to escape the ending of the day, To escape herself.
39
Teacher
Onyinye Anozie
How are you? The ambiguous question hangs in the air Thickening the atmosphere Stuffy as a crowded minivan On a sultry summer day Oh, splendid! We respond Flailing those two thumbs up in their faces Good job Just an eternity longer Grey’s forgotten about you, a complete loser Nyte doesn’t care And Flora-Wait Come on, Flora doesn’t matter I’m hooked Hurry up Wait Ugh, you moron As they turn Downcast Downtrodden The auburn locks The golden curls The caramel plaits You’re almost sorry You almost feel guilty We’re making progress You know, I’m proud of you My cracked lips pull into a forced smile You’re right I haven’t heard that one in years Thanks, ol’ pal Anytime, ol’ chum
Music
my pen
Aaliyah Turrietta
Lisanna Aragon
fingertips glide over my paper my pen flows freely having a mind of its own ~the ambition of my pen tears swim across my paper staining and smearing the remaining ink a damp letter of goodbyes ~the broken heart of my pen gunshots ring at the crinkle of my paper stabbing and slicing letters like a knife inscribing the words I HATE YOU ~the torment of my pen sweaty palms grasp my paper shakey and scribbled sonnets a reminder of self doubt ~the anxiety of my pen
40
No Name
Nick Hanson I dream of a better place, can’t look me in the face Can’t run this rat race, Can’t stay in this desolate place, They said this would be a phase Look around the world feeling outta place
Erica Olguin
Talk in whispers but the screams, they continue. Why? Why is it that only I can hear? The screams say they know me no one knows me. Whisper to me, tell me your truth, so I can find mine. No that is not me, my reflection yells at me. It’s ugly! It’s a demon, I’m that demon. The screams are me… I don’t want to, I don’t want to hurt me. Whisper, please, whisper my head hurts. I’ve been running from myself. But in reality I am no demon so why do people see me as one?
Charlie Woodcock
Sink to the ground Feel more lost than found Bound for space and beyond Didn’t leave a trace Pull the ace drop the race Hit first base Called me a nut case Said look me in the face Tell me not to graze Leave in a haste Couldn’t bear the taste Couldn’t bear the praise Eyes hold my gaze Mine empty and glazed Questions raised Better devils and better days Had a lot to say Lost my way Don’t play these games Never on da same page.
Demons
Dance Saves Lives
41
Real ME
Nick Hanson You’ll never see the real me Get to know the dead me A shadow in your eyes Get to know the light Guess that’s the real fight Never reach my height It fills you with fright It gives me the might to do what’s right Never been one to slight Fly my kite Don’t want the drugs High as a kite What a sight You were never bright Watch your back Friends with knives God’s bout to smite Wasn’t gonna bite Read your rights Give last rites Six feet deep I lost my light Nicholas Martinez
OFF
My Fears:
42
Aspen Owens
I hold in my tears I ignore my fears Never have I been so scared Only when I had the dream You left me You hurt me You said you loved me But this conflict inside me Makes me think you were playing a game How should I respond When you say my name How should I react When you break the bond I die a little every day Because everytime I see your face I remember when you destroyed my base No apology can be heard Because I can not speak a word
Burning Bridges
Cierra Sandoval
My mother tells me not to burn bridges but I think she is wrong. Why should I allow someone to hurt me over and over? Make it my fault for allowing them back. She forgives easily Sometimes I think she is strong for being able to do that. But when the past repeats itself she always seems to be surprised As if this was so unexpected But mother people don’t change So I’m sorry but I am not as strong as you, I can’t be stabbed twice and survive. So, mother, I will carry my torch with pride and burn down the pain and regret until all that’s left is me.
My First Car
Marisol Aguilar
43
Self-Portrait
catharsis
Angelina Martinez
Lisanna Aragon
purify my conscience & set me free purify my spirit & let me breathe it hasn’t always been this hard take me back to the start. take me back to before i knew your name since then, life has never been the same it was simpler then, back when i was sane revive me clear my mind of every memory we share any links left tied to you, i can no longer bear you didn’t break me you rearranged me broken bones and broken hearts always heal but you did not break mine I’ll fix it myself, it’s just lost pieces I need to find cleanse me ...of you.
Stability do you ever talk to yourself & just laugh & feel you are nothing but crazy.
Alexandria Esparza
that you do not matter that you are not as important or as loved as everyone else in your life. then it’s time to start talking to yourself as if you were talking to one of those important and loved people. Loving yourself is not insanity it is stability
44
Dark Path:
Aspen Owens
Walking down a dark path. I hear the trees rustle around me, the fog is closing in. Suddenly I can’t breathe. It feels as if someone is holding my throat closed. “Turn to the Lord” they say, “He will protect you from the demons.” Someone hold my hand! But I am alone . . . I want to cry, but my tears are stopped by my mind.“Don’t cry you fool, only the weak cry for no reason. I AM NOT SCARED!” I wished I believed myself. Soon enough I feel a presence, breathing down my neck. I start to run my footsteps pounding against the floor, my heartbeat, perfectly timed with it. Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Like the drums of war. The drums of demons. Chasing and chasing. Running and running, Faster and faster……..Until I…...FALL! I jump and rolled over. All but to find the one person I’m truly afraid of…. Myself.
Exploding Rubik’s
Matthew Cornelius
45
Akira Staff
photo by Jose Samora
Front to back, left to right: Piper Amaya, Alexandria Esparza, Katrina Barela, Rose Vigil, Matthew Williamson, Kristen Hall, Lisanna Aragon, Isabella Clarke, Erica Olguin, Carmen Brandt, Ava Armijo, Cierra Sandoval, Elisa Valdez, Maria Allocca, Avery Garcia, Nicholas Hanson, Aspen Owens. Faculty Moderator: Jennifer Hillsey
Akira Editors
Alexandria Esparza
Isabella Clarke