The Brick Magazine - October 2020

BRICK

THE

OCTOBER 2020

MAGAZINE

go blow

THE DUO THAT'S STY LING THEIR DREAMS

ANN ARBOR

S P IN N IN G T H READS I NTO

The fabric of our old lives is unraveling.

Yet, somewhere deep inside, hope whispers of new possibilities.

We’re being called upon to weave a new normal out of our old threads.

Enjoy a Complimentary Coaching Session as a gift to yourself!

Together, we can spin those threads into gold.

Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC Life Empowerment Coaching, LLC 1785 W. Stadium, Suite 104 | Ann Arbor, Mi 48103 | 734.717.7532

www.LifeEmpowermentCoaching.com

Crafting Heirlooms and Memories Since 1921

734.994.5111 | LEWISJEWELERS.COM

THE

BRICK MAGAZINE

OCTOBER 2020

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett

Managing Editor • Tanja MacKenzie

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler

Photographer • Emily Rose Imagery

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Contributors >> Marilyn Pellini Shell Phelps

Liz Crowe Jen DeGregorio Morella Devost

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Lisa Profera Maria Sylvester Marji Wisniewski

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The Brick Magazine, LLC 734.221.5767 Email: office@thebrickmagazine.com Visit us on the web at thebrickmagazine.com

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6

Sprezzatura

10

Styling Their Dream: The Mother-Daughter Duo Behind Go Blow

16

The Emotional Bank Account: Investing in Family & Friends

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CONTENTS

The Brick Magazine >>

THE BRICK MAGAZINE makes every effort to provide accurate information in advertising, editorial content and placement; however, we cannot make any claims as to the accuracy of information provided by advertisers or editorial contributors and will accept no responsibility or liability for inaccurate information or placement. No content can be duplicated without the permission of The Brick Magazine, LLC

4 | The Brick Magazine

18

For Personal & Planetary Thriving

Humanity: Family Cries that Echo in Our Bones

21

Cheering Our Sisters On

24

Love Uncanceled

26

Befriend Your Microbiome

28

New Friends, Old Friends

www.emilyroseimager y.com

Life. Business. Captured.

www.ericreativemedia.com

Welcome to Booze 101 with

Liz

Sprezzatura

by Liz Crowe

Photo by Jianxiang Wu

6 | The Brick Magazine

W

elcome back one and all to your monthly drinking advice column. This time around, instead of talking about what’s in your glass, we’re going to have a conversation about the glass itself.

Again, as with all things Liz and Boozey in BRICK, these are merely guidelines, not hard and fast (read: snotty and exclusionary) rules. Rest assured, I’ve been known to yank the almost empty bladder from the wine box and milk it into a coffee cup… more than once actually, since March of this year. So when I’m saying “you should serve X drink in a Y glass,” you’re allowed to file it away for later use as you drink your 50-year-old bourbon from a sippy cup while binge-watching Tiger King. We do what we must in the name of self-care in these troubled times.

Back to business. I discovered this super awesome word while researching Italian wine drinking habits of yore. The word “sprezzatura” first appeared in a book by Baldassare Castiglione in 1528 called The Book of the Courtier (don’t worry, I won’t quiz you on this). His definition is so eloquently Italian, I’m going to quote it directly: "a certain nonchalance, so as to conceal all art and make whatever one does or says appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it.”

It’s carefully studied nonchalance, or doing something that’s kind of hard without appearing to break a sweat. You know, like professional ice skaters, ballet dancers, or house cats.

At the time, Castiglione sought to teach men how to act at court, obvi. But this was of utmost importance — this proof to your fellow upper-class types that you could walk and chew gum at the same time, but also make it look top drawer. As part of this effort, or by way of separating the wheat from the chaff, courtier-wise, there was a wine glass that was, by design, almost impossible to drink from.

The thing could easily be mistaken for a cake plate or a shallow candy dish, but it was a wine glass meant to be held by three fingers and sipped from (carefully, but without seeming too careful). One of the many Italian Renaissance painters (sorry, my research can only stretch so far) even wrote guidelines about how to show people using it in art. A princess should be depicted “drawing warily and agreeably the little finger” from the glass, while her lady-in-waiting is “fearful of spilling, holds the glass handily, yet less agreeably than the other.”

Now when you’re worried about whether or not your German hefeweizen or your Big Fat Cabernet is in the correct container to consume from, you can at least be glad you don’t have to prove your High Class Bona Fides™ by drinking from a flat plate on a long stem. But let’s find ways to work this word into our theme, because if you think super hard about it like I’ve been for at least three hours today, one of the reasons certain alcoholic beverages are best appreciated out of certain types of glassware is all about the sensory experience you have while consuming it. So taking that to the next and possibly illogical step — the sprezzatura, if you will, of drinking booze — is putting it in the correct glass.

Since beer is sort of my thing, and I aced the section on the Cicerone exam about glassware, I’ll start there. The glasses are broken down by beer drinking country — Germany, England, Belgium. German beers have the most options/requirements.

You will best appreciate a lighter, fizzier beer by serving it in a footed pilsner glass. Similar to a flute for champagne, it allows the carbonation to shine inside the tall body, but also encourages a thick head which you should always pour onto your favorite pilsner. The “Mass” is a giant mug or stein normally associated with Oktoberfest beers or other brews less than 6% ABV, since it holds a whopping liter of liquid. A weizen vase (glass) holds a half liter of beer in comparison to its 12-ounce pilsner cousin. The shape traps the sediment that can often be found in this style. Weizen glasses are suited to, as the name implies, dunkelweizen, hefeweizen, kristalweizen, weizenbock and wheat ales.

The stange glass is actually the champagne glass of the beer world. The glass in this cylindrical container is thin, but has a heavy base and is intended to serve up a traditional Kölsch (one of my favorite styles because it’s hard to perfect, but when perfected, is delicious). It also works great for bocks, lambics, Czech pilsners, and many other light-bodied brews. In Cologne where Kölsch beers are king, they’re served in a round metal tray that has round slots for each glass called a kranz.

Finally, while in Germany, you can use the Willi Becher glass for almost any European ale. It’s the direct cousin of the American “shaker” glass and holds the same amount

October 2020 | 7

and many times sour and/or funky tasting. They can also come in pretty high ABVs, closer to wine or even some sprits, so the glassware is meant to encourage you to not slam back something that’s better appreciated by sipping.

The goblet is pretty much as it purports to be, resembling something that you’d find at the Renaissance fair. Its heavy chalice style is best suited for Trappist and Abbey ales, or maybe a Belgian pale. The Belgian tulip glass is the go-to catch-all glass that is used for everything from saisons (my fav) to blonde ales. The snifter is the smallest of the glasses. Its use is encouraged with a multitude of high-gravity beers like eisbock, barleywine, Imperial stouts, or one of the zillions of bourbon/wine/tequila barrel-aged, blow-your-mind-with-their-ABV beers that are currently popular. Mind you, they also have a French jelly glass included in their official list of glasses, which you might confuse with a restaurant iced-tea glass here in the States. It’s best used for Flanders red (a personal favorite), lambics, or Witbeirs (unfiltered beer that has a high level of wheat).

This historic item is on display in Gallery 238 of The Art Institute of Chicago. ART INSTITUTE OF CHICAGO/CC0 1.0

(16 ounces), but about two-thirds of the way up, the body tapers back inwards instead of being the straightsided style of glass used by bartenders to shake cocktails and serve beer in the U.S. English glassware consists of the following: the ubiquitous dimpled pub mug, which is suitable for most any English ale; the nonic pint, which in England is 20 (not 16) ounces and is great for IPAs and other highly aromatic brews; and the tulip pint, which is what you put your Guinness (or other stout) in, by way of reference, although Guinness has its own version of it. Some might say that while German glasses are designed to feature the best aspects of their widely varied types of beer, such as aroma, carbonation, or ingredients, English glassware is designed for efficacy of consumption. They all have wide mouths, which can allow a lot of the aroma to escape if you don’t quaff it quickly, if you get me.

Having lived in England myself, I can attest to the fact that Drinking In Quantity is a thing.

Finally, the most interesting set of beer glasses come from the monks in Belgium. Belgian beers (excluding Stella Artois, which is a decent if boring pilsner) are big, bold,

8 | The Brick Magazine

Whew. Ok, so, I can see right away that my time (a.k.a. word count) is almost all used up and I’ve thrown a lot of beer styles at you that might have you scratching your head — or worse, tuning me out. So, I’m going to propose that we break this into a second part where we deal with wine glasses (pretty simple) and cocktail options (less so), and for next time I promise to bring in Our Favorite Wine Guy from Art of the Pair, Certified Sommelier Brian Hay, to lend a bit of legit to the wine talk.

In the meantime, you can learn more about the various ins and outs of beer glassware at cicerone.org. If you don’t give a rip what you pour your next brew into as long as it’s the kind you like, then by all means pour it in the yeti or the wading pool if you like. I’m just here to lend a little sprezzatura to your month!

Cheers!

Amazon best-selling author, mom of three, brewery founder, craft beer marketing consultant, and avid sports fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate of the University of Louisville currently living in Ann Arbor.

She has decades of experience in sales, public relations, and fundraising, plus an eight-year stint as a three-continent, ex-pat trailing spouse, all of which provide ongoing idea fodder for novels and other projects. www.facebook.com/lizcroweauthor (fan page) www.twitter.com/ETLizCrowe

“it has to be more than pretty; it must be livable” REFLECT YOU R L IFE STY L E . www.birchdesignassociates.com RES I D ENTI AL • COMMERCI AL

October 2020 | 9

W

hile preparing for my interview with the mother-daughter duo that owns Go Blow, Karin and Jillian Brooks, I decided it was time to take my hair out of the bun it’s been in since March and actually blow dry and style my hair. I had time to reflect on the fact that it’s been a long time since I’ve done something for myself. In my opinion, there are few things better than someone else shampooing, drying, and styling my hair. During the interview, Karin and Jillian invited me and my daughter to experience Go Blow. Doing my research for this article will definitely have its perks!

Photo provided by Michigan Department of State.

10 | The Brick Magazine

Styling Their Dream: The MotherDaughter Duo Behind Go Blow

by Marji Wisniewski

weekly. This became something that we grew accustomed to while living in London.

Photo by Emily Rose Imagery

A BLOW DRY BAR DREAM Mom, Karin: Our family spent 12 years living in London, England. Across Europe and along the east and west coasts here in the US, blow dry bars have become very much a part of local social culture. Women will shower at home, but go to a blow dry bar to have their hair washed, dried, and styled.

No cut. No color. Just blown out. Many women do this

When we moved back to the US, we realized how fortunate we had been to have that service. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s face it: it takes a lot of time to wash, dry, and style your own hair.

And it never looks as good as the day you leave the salon, nor does it last as long! A good blowout can last about a week when properly cared for. (See the info box about blowout maintenance for more details).

Daughter, Jillian: After I finished school at the University of Michigan with a communications degree, I was thinking hard about what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I wanted to do something that stretched me creatively. I spent a few summers working in a traditional office space, and that just didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel like a good fit.

After listening to Mom and I talk round and round about the blow dry bar idea, it was my dad that encouraged us

October 2020 | 11

Photo by Emily Rose Imagery

Photo by Emily Rose Imagery

to make it a reality. Being a Michigan grad himself, the three of us agreed that Main Street, Ann Arbor was the place to set up shop. That would allow us to serve the diverse population in the city and the surrounding areas, and would also be walking distance from campus for the students. We imagined treating our guests to services on their wedding day or graduation day, or before a sorority formal or client meeting, or just a day of self-care.

We felt really good about the location and the salon itself. Bringing the dream to life became a family affair, with my other daughter sitting for hair style trials and my two sons handling a lot of the manual labor. Jillian has a creative eye; she turned Go Blow into a phenomenal place. It just feels special when you walk in the door. The navy and white décor with gold accents really makes everything pop. I like to tell people that I write the checklists, then Jillian comes in with her beautiful handwriting and makes everything look better!

Then came the name of the salon. We loved the play on words with “Go Blow” and “Go Blue,” especially since we’re avid Michigan fans.

Karin: What surprised us was how long it took from the moment we decided to just go for it to the grand opening last December. We had found the perfect space on 335 South Main Street in downtown Ann Arbor. We originally figured that we could make our renovations and open in a few months. But things like this seem to move a lot slower than your expectations or excitement.

12 | The Brick Magazine

We were fortunate to find and hire our amazing manager, Vanessa Symington. When we came up with the concept of Go Blow, we knew we were going to need an expert educated and trained in the field.

Neither my daughter nor I are trained stylists. I was actually a speech therapist in my former life. When we met Vanessa, we knew we had met the third leg to our stool.

TRANSFORMING DREAM INTO REALITY David Lewis by EmilyARose Imagery Jillian: With Vanessa’s help, we were able to hire a team of qualified stylists. Each stylist was trained to work with any hair type, texture, and length. They can do any of the styles we offer, including braids and updos, ensuring a great customer experience no matter who does their hair.

With the staff and the salon complete, we were thrilled to finally open our doors. We decided on December 6th, 2019 for our grand opening date, the same night as Downtown Ann Arbor’s Midnight Madness event.

By December, there was such a buzz around town. Finally, our community could peek behind the papered windows.

The anticipation was palpable. On opening night, we served champagne, talked to customers about our services, and started our blow dry bar dream. From December until March, we worked hard and felt validated that we chose the right path. My favorite memories are from that holiday season. It felt so good knowing we could provide a service to women in the area that made them feel good about themselves.

Seeing the smiles as they walked out made it all worthwhile.

THE UNEXPECTED ROADBLOCK

COVID-19 Safety Protocols: •

All our staff are Barbicide Covid-19 certified (this certification presents the most current information regarding Barbicide Covid-19 infection control)

•

We have added a plexiglass divider to our reception area

•

We are social distancing by significantly reducing the amount of chairs/appointments we’re allowing in the salon at once (maximum of four guests at a time, six feet apart or more)

•

We thoroughly sanitize all areas (stylist stations, tools, shampoo bowls, high-traffic areas) between every guest

•

Guests will be asked to sign a health questionnaire prior to their appointment

•

We have Molekule air purifiers running continuously throughout the salon. Molekule's PECO technology destroys pollutants like viruses, bacteria, mold, and more)

something that wasn’t right for our staff or our clients. So, we waited, watched, and learned from other salons that were opening not only in our community, but around the globe.

RELAUNCHING THE DREAM Karin: We had spring weddings and graduations already booked by early March, so when we had to close our doors due to the pandemic and mandated shutdown, we felt sad and disappointed. We really missed Go Blow during those months. But that time also gave us an unexpected gift. All four of my adult children ended up back at home for a few months. We lived together like we did when they were younger. Time had slowed and almost reversed for us.

Jillian: By September, we were ready to reopen Go Blow.

All the excitement that we felt last December came rushing back. We couldn’t wait to see our guests again; even though they’re wearing masks, we can see in their eyes that they’re smiling!

We also wanted to take care of our work family during this challenging time as well. In the beginning, we were able to pay our staff 60% of their normal pay. But after we got approved for the PPP grant and EIDL loan, we were able to pay our staff full-time. We have a loyal group of stylists that wanted to stay with us and waited for the day we could open again.

Owning and operating Go Blow has been the proudest moment of my life thus far. Many people ask me what it’s like to work with my mom every day; I’d say that my mom and I really complement each other. I love to be creative and use my education in communications to share the story of Go Blow with the community. I created our brand and our logo, and I run our social media accounts. Mom is more of a listmaking numbers guru. She handles payroll and keeps us all on task. And Vanessa does everything in between!

Vanessa researched measures that we could implement in order to reopen in the safest possible way. She learned the steps we needed to take to ensure the salon was ready when the time came. In June, the governor announced that salons could begin to reopen; however, we made the conscious decision to wait. We didn’t want to rush into

We work hard together as a team, but we also really enjoy each other’s company. Mom and I pitch in wherever we’re needed. On a typical day, we might be answering phones or folding towels in the back. Days are long, sometimes from eight in the morning until eight at night. But it doesn’t feel that long, because we’ve created such a family environment.

October 2020 | 13

Photo by Emily Rose Imagery

SERVICES Signature Styles – $35 • Luxury • Nightlife •

Va Va Volume

Style Add-Ons – Fun additions to classic blowout •

Simply Straight

•

Mini-Me (10 and under)

• Curls •

Scalp Massage

• Braids

NO CUTS, NO COLOR, JUST BLOWOUTS Karin: Besides getting asked all the time what it’s like to work together as a mother-daughter duo, I’m also frequently asked, “What exactly is a blow dry bar?”

As I mentioned, blow dry bars are very much a thing in other parts of the country and the world. In simple terms, they’re a place where you go to have your hair washed, dried, and styled. Think about going to the salon for a cut, color, and style. The blowout and style is the best part! So that’s we offer at Go Blow.

We create three signature styles for $35 each — Luxury, Nightlife, and Va Va Volume (of course, my daughter came

• Top-Knot •

Express Refresh (Skip the wash, enjoy a touch-up style)

How to keep your blowout looking fabulous for days!

•

Event Style

•

•

Spray Touch-Up (Hide new growth with our matte root concealer)

At night, use a silk pillowcase to keep your hair looking sleek and smooth

•

Our J Beverly Hills Volumis root volumizing powder and our J Beverly Hills Matte texturizing spray are both great options to clear up any unwanted oils that begin to build up in the days after a blowout.

They’re also amazing volume boosters for keeping that "just blown-out" look for days to come

•

When using these products, try a bit of baccombing at the root to give you the fullness of a great blowout

Other Ways to Go Blow •

Celebrate a special occasion with friends – think “new mom night out”

•

Mommy and Me services

•

GNO (girls’ night out)

Currently, we can host 4 clients in our blow dry bar at a time. Please call to learn more.

14 | The Brick Magazine

up with the names of our styles and services). In addition, you can add on other services such as braids, curls, topknot, scalp massage, or matte root concealer. (See the info box about our services!).

We offer updos for special events, or we can just refresh your hair after a workout. Some of our clients are area business professionals who come in weekly to have their hair blown out. It’s a form of self-care that also saves a lot of time in your morning routine. And even if you aren’t going into a physical office right now, good hair shows more on a Zoom call than a new pair of shoes!

Jillian: Our personalized services are what I love about Go Blow. We work with each of our clients to provide a look that helps them feel good. Clients can either book an appointment with us online or call us, and we will walk you through the process and answer any questions you might have before your appointment. Being a family-owned business gives us the ability to interact a lot more with our clients and the community.

TRUST IN YOURSELF Karin: Our advice for other women wanting to go into business would be this: Just do it! Odds are, someone else has the same idea as you. So, take the leap. Trust in yourself and your partners. Know that you can’t control everything that will happen, so surround yourself with people who are experts in their field, those you can trust and turn things over to when needed.

Since we’ve opened, I can’t tell you how many women have said things like “Oh, I’ve thought about opening a place like this.” We’re so proud that we took this leap. It’s

A bit of background on the J Beverly Hills product line: J Beverly Hills was founded in 2004 by celebrity stylist Juan Juan. It also happens to be a familyowned business, run by a father-daughter duo. The products are made of nature's purest ingredients and organically-derived compounds.

The company controls brand quality by developing its formulations in-house and manufacturing their innovative products at their state-of-the-art industrial and environmentally responsible facility in Beverly Hills, California.

/ letsgoblow 335 S. Main Street Ann Arbor, MI 48104

734.263.7610

been a bit of an unpredictable start with the pandemic, but we’re happy to be back at it and helping women feel their best. In my life’s ups and downs, I have found the ability to focus on one success a day. You can always find one — so celebrate it! And let us help you celebrate with good hair!

Go Blow is located at 335 South Main Street in Ann Arbor. They can be reached at 734-263-7610 or info@ letsgoblow.com. You can call or go online at www. letsgoblow.com to schedule your appointment.

With a passion for marketing that started as a young girl, Marji Wisniewski created her own marketing and communications organization in 2017. As owner of Blue Zebra Marketing Solutions, she helps local and regional businesses and non-profits tell their story through branding, graphic design, content creation, and PR, focusing on customized solutions for each client that are more unique than a zebra’s stripes.

A Michigan native, Marji received her bachelor's from Western Michigan University and master’s from Wayne State University.

When not working you can find her gardening, doing Pilates, listening to podcasts, and spending time with her family and two dogs.

October 2020 | 15

The Emotional Bank Account: Investing in Family & Friends

by Shell Phelps 16 | The Brick Magazine

Photo by Robert Stokoe

A

s we enter this world, our emotional bank accounts have very little available balance. The truth is, we are all dealt an unchangeable hand to start our lives. We don’t get to choose who teaches us or how we are taught love.

From the start, our caregivers teach us our first experience of love, giving us our first return on investment. This provides us with the fundamentals of giving and receiving unconditional love, which we all deserve. While some of us got lucky, others struggled with the quality of our caregivers.

When you were first shown love, it became your introduction to kindness. Being kind allows you the opportunity to share your life with someone else. Showing kindness is a gateway to inviting people into your heart.

Loving words and actions are how you make deposits into others’ emotional accounts. The more deposits there are, the more interest you compound in your emotional savings account. When you reach that state of happiness, you give and receive love in abundant amounts.

how important that relationship is to you. You set the tone and pace. If they’re good for you, see them often.

Friendships are also worth the investment. True friends are hard to come by; if you have three close friends, you’re doing great. Friendships keep you in balance because, unlike family, they choose to be in your life. It should be a give-and-take, mutually kindred connection with common ground. Friendships are built on trust and can bring closeness to your heart.

Friends are worth having. It’s wonderful to have someone by your side and know you’re not alone. Friendship is about being flexible, sharing the same interests, enjoying meaningful conversations, and just doing things together.

Sometimes friends drift apart due to distance or circumstances.

Usually, the most meaningful ones will withstand the test of time because the quality and trust remain intact. Friendships can be like the weather, so ride out the storms and the sun will rise again. Overcoming the challenges means you both grow stronger and the bond runs deeper.

This is when small reflections pay loving compound interest to the people we care about, including you. Let down all barriers to truly love unconditionally. Give love as a gift to someone deserving, with a no-refund policy.

Remove any “if” statements for love and replace them with “because” statements. “If” statements are conditional; “because” statements are unconditional. Accept all aspects of the person, not just part of them. This should be a person who makes you think to yourself, “I love this person because they make me feel alive.” Unconditional love is the best gift you can give someone, especially when you give it to yourself.

If you have any doubt that someone is truly your friend, you may already know the answer. You’ll know in your gut and heart. The right friends are worth investing in, so choose wisely and foster those friendships.

I think most of us agree that family is important, but it’s up to you to decide how important, even though we don’t get to pick them all. Don’t take the family you love for granted and expect that they’ll always be there when you’re not.

Show family love, compassion, and kindness when they need it most. There are no do-overs in life.

Shell Phelps is a SHRM-Certified Human Resources Director and co-founder of Phelps Strategies, where she is a strategic life coach. She holds a master's in counseling psychology and previously ran her own private therapy practice. As a strategic life coach, Shell focuses on solutionbased strategies to help her clients get through life’s greatest challenges and live happier, more fulfilled lives. She is the author of the popular book The Big Bliss Blueprint: 100 Little Thoughts to Build Positive Life Changes.

Family isn’t always biological. Remember that as an adult, you get to decide which family members are important in your life. Sometimes your friends will become your family and your family becomes your friends. Make sure you show them their value. You decide who your family is and

At the end of the day, life is to be shared. Experience life with others; embrace those special moments and share your happiness with family and friends. It makes life more meaningful. Spend your time with quality individuals. You get to decide who you spend your time with and for how long.

If you have good people surrounding you, your emotional savings will never be empty, and neither will theirs.

Learn more about Shell and her work at www.phelpsconsulting.net.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/phelpshelps Instagram: @phelpsstrategies

October 2020 | 17

for personal

& planetary thriving

Family Cries that Echo in Our Bones

by Morella Devost, EdM, MA

Photo by Aline deNadai

18 | The Brick Magazine

I

n July of 2016, while on my honeymoon in France, I had a surreal experience while staring at the gravesite of a woman I never met. Deep in my gut, I knew she wanted me to find her.

My new husband had wanted to visit Père Lachaise, the famous cemetery in Paris where Jim Morrison is buried.

After making what turned out to be a very anticlimactic stop at the singer’s grave, we strolled through the eerily fascinating cemetery. As we walked, a quiet thought in the back of my mind got louder and louder: my great-greatgrandmother is buried here.

“Let’s go to the office and find out where she is!” my husband proclaimed when I mentioned this. Along we went, and in very basic French I was able to explain that I was looking for an ancestor’s grave. The lady typed the name into her computer: Jeanne Du Verrue. When she turned her screen for me to read the record, I felt as if a bolt of lightning had struck me. My body tingled and tears welled in my eyes. The name stared back at me: Jeanne Verrue, Madame Mauri… my grandmother’s family name.

Map in hand, we set off to find her grave. Due to confusing directions, my rudimentary French, and the oddly laid-out sections at the old cemetery, it took us forever to find it.

I was beginning to lose hope, when finally my husband pointed and said, “It’s here!”

As I stood reading her name on the family stone, tears streamed down my face in simultaneous joy and sadness.

Here was the tomb of the woman whose death at 22 years old, shortly after giving birth to my greatgrandmother, set in motion a painful trail of events in my matrilineal history. I could feel her telling me there was some significance to my finding her. I couldn’t tell what it was, but there was a reason.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, is a serious and widespread problem.

In the United States, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime and report negative impacts such as injury, fear, concern for safety, and needing services.

Help is available at SafeHouse Center.

24-Hour Helpline - (734) 995-5444

4100 Clark Rd., Ann Arbor, MI 48105 www.safehousecenter.org longing and hopelessness that colored my life for as long as I could remember. I had also begun to recognize that the feelings went along with a deep-held belief: “My dreams never come true.”

But that winter morning, I had a profound epiphany. The depth of that pain wasn’t really mine; it was my grandmother’s and my great-grandmother’s before her. It was their grief. It was their painful longing and utter hopelessness.

Their pain was etched in my bones as if it were my own, and I know I wasn’t imagining this. Scientists like Bruce Lipton and countless epigeneticists have proven that emotions create a cellular fingerprint that gets passed down to the next generation along with the color of our eyes, our height, and the texture of our hair.

On a February morning about a year and a half later, I began to understand the significance. On that crisp snowy morning, I felt a familiar heaviness in my heart that was begging me to dive into it and sort it out. I made myself some tea and sat near the woodstove, journal in hand, ready for what I knew would be emotional labor.

As I journaled about the hopelessness, I wrote about the theme of heartbreak along my mother’s maternal ancestry line. Suddenly, I felt compelled to look for a picture of my grandmother’s dad. I found one online from a distant relative I’ve never met.

Over the years, I had become increasingly aware that I always carried a heavy sadness with me. It was a deep

The instant I set eyes on the sepia-toned portrait, noticing his thick hair and mustache, a deep sob emerged from the

October 2020 | 19

Mercifully, a pious couple with six children of their own felt compelled to help the kids. They brought them home and put all four kids up for adoption. The children were each sent their separate ways. My grandmother was the last one to go; she lived with the couple’s family for several years until she was finally adopted.

That cold morning in February when I sobbed, feeling intense hopelessness in every cell of my body, I knew it was my grandmother’s despair over losing both her parents and all of her siblings. It was her awareness that no matter how much she wished it, her family would never come back. I could feel my heart choking in despair.

My great-great-grandmother, Jeanne Verrue, Madame Mauri.

Portrait by Martin Tovar y Tovar, 1877

bellows of my gut. It was a cry so intense and filled with so much pain that it stunned me. I obviously never met the man who died in 1921, so how could there be so much grief over losing him?

Rather than attempt to shake it off, I allowed myself to explore this pain and wrote about how it all traced back to Jeanne, the woman buried at Père Lachaise in Paris.

I sorted out how Jeanne’s early death had left a void in the life of her daughter Nini, who ended up having a frosty relationship with her dad’s second wife. The wedge in the relationship became a complete break when Nini fell in love.

Her one and only love was Pedro Manuel, the man in the sepia picture that caused me intense grief. That grief was the pain Nini felt over losing him because he had married another woman. In soap-opera fashion, her stepmother had interfered with the relationship. Nini and Pedro Manuel had fallen deeply in love, but her family opposed the relationship and sent her to Paris. They exchanged letters for some time, but when the letters were intercepted, both lovers believed the other had moved on.

When Nini returned to Venezuela, they rekindled their relationship and had four children. My grandmother was the third. But, because Pedro Manuel never divorced his wife, Nini’s children were considered illegitimate. And then, tragically, both Nini and Pedro Manuel died, leaving the four kids orphaned. The most perplexing thing about this is that nobody from either Nini’s or Pedro Manuel’s families claimed them.

20 | The Brick Magazine

That sadness would never leave my grandmother. It was a pain that my mother also carried. And when I wrote a blog post about this, several of my cousins wrote to say they too had felt that intense, lifelong sadness.

Through the use of techniques I employ in my work, such as EFT, NLP, and energy clearings, along with some journaling and bodywork, I was able to release the intense emotions locked up in my body. As a result, the long-standing belief that my dreams never come true began to dissipate. It was my grandmother’s dream that never came true, not mine. The sadness lifted and my view on my life shifted.

In the two years since then, my life has changed dramatically in every aspect. Many of my dreams have truly started to come true. I’m convinced that if Jeanne had a mission for me that day in Paris, when she insisted from beyond that we find her grave, it was to put me on the trail to realize that I could exorcise myself. She wanted me to know that while our ancestry shapes us, it doesn’t have to define the totality of our lives.

Morella Devost is a counselor helping her clients turn their deepest challenges into their greatest source of strength. After receiving two master's degrees in counseling from Columbia University, she became a Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP facilitator, and Reiki Master. Morella is a VenezuelanVermonter working with people all over the world from her RVoffice as she travels the US with her family. She is the host of the Thrive With Morella TV-radio-podcast show. www.youtube.com/morelladevost thrivewithmorella.com www.facebook.com/ThriveWithMorella Instagram: @Morellad Facebook personal: @Morellad1 Twitter: @More_Joy

Cheering Our Sisters On

by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

Photo by Andrea Tummon

Photo by Katy Anne

October 2020 | 21

“She can’t, or she won’t. Regardless, she doesn’t.”

T

hese were the pained words my client uttered while sobbing, struggling to comprehend why her supposedly close friend of many years refused to acknowledge any of her recent accomplishments. My client was completely mystified and heartbroken. In that instant, I felt my chest ache and my breath catch. I knew and have felt similar trauma in friendship. It’s excruciating.

Women’s friendships and connections have the power to be incredibly comforting, supportive, and magical. When able to truly stand behind and celebrate each other, women create fierce forces of transformation. To have a friend who believes in you without a doubt and expresses this openly, especially when you’re experiencing success — this is a gift beyond measure. We spread our wings even farther under this kind of glow.

I believe that as women, we grow exponentially to the degree that we can ask for and receive support from others. I bet you’ll agree, dear Sisters — we all massively benefit from having special women in our lives who aren’t threatened by our victories, and who also won’t distance when we struggle.

However, as with my client above, that’s sometimes easier said than done. Sometimes, we look down from a successful mountain climb only to discover the friend we trusted, the one who would always be there rooting for us, has disappeared.

What Makes It Hard I’ve always been curious about what contributes to the difficulty for some women to acknowledge and celebrate the achievements of friends. Competition, for instance, is highly encouraged in our society, and often between women.

Magazines, media, and modern culture communicate that one “should” always reach for more — a more beautiful body, tighter skin, nicer clothes, a better relationship, or up-leveled career. As women strive toward success, culturally-driven comparisons too frequently result in feelings of insecurity, sadness, inadequacy, or low self-esteem.

For women who perceive their own cup to be half-empty, the likelihood of being able to celebrate a friend’s talent or achievement dims dramatically. From this negative vantage point, complimenting a friend’s win is much less natural.

How sad, yes? Comparing oneself to others all too often fuels feelings of dissatisfaction, jealousy, and bitterness. For there will always be someone you can find who will be — 22 | The Brick Magazine

in your opinion — doing more, creating better, producing faster, looking grander. Personal comparisons typically lead us into a shit-storm of envy and despair. So, I warn my coaching clients: don’t go there.

A second reason I believe it’s hard for certain women to recognize other women’s accomplishments has to do with what author Pat Heim termed the “power dead-even rule.”

This is a subconscious rule that, unfortunately, damages relationships, power, and self-esteem. “The self-esteem and power of one, must be, in the eyes of each woman, similar in weight to the self-esteem and power of the other,” Heim wrote. In other words, dead-even.

If this balance shifts — for instance, with one person rising in career status — then other women may belittle, ghost, or ostracize the rising star. This behavior is an invisible process many are unaware of, yet deeply hurt by. It’s dysfunctional behavior aimed at trying to maintain one’s sense of equilibrium and “OK-ness.” Instead, previously healthy, strong, significant relationships can be destroyed by this.

“Fill your life with women that empower you, that help you believe in your magic and aid them to believe in their own exceptional power and their incredible magic too. Women that believe in each other can survive anything. Women who believe in each other create armies that will win kingdoms and wars.” ~Nikita Gill

Empowering Yourself and Your Friends There are a multitude of ways we can support and champion ourselves and our female friends. If comparing has been your game and nemesis, why not instead of pitting yourself against another friend’s brilliance, compare who you were yesterday to who you are today. Challenge yourself a bit each day to step further into the direction you wish to grow. Move toward your vision from the inside out. Focus on yourself. Put your attention there.

Walk those couple extra blocks, read that next chapter, listen to a new self-development podcast, create that next masterpiece! Turn your sweet, nurturing energy, first and foremost, onto you own glorious evolution.

There is no need to measure our worth against others.

Absolutely nothing good comes from this. Instead, stay

the path, love yourself, and celebrate heading more and more in the direction of your highest purpose and biggest dream. When we can cheer ourselves on, we are more filled up, internally satisfied — and then, of course, better able to cheer on our friends as well.

Rooting for our friends then becomes infectious, with the benefits of offering genuine support multiplying tenfold.

When you believe in and care about a friend’s progress, you are letting them know that you truly see them, wish them well, and want them to rise. And it’s a funny thing: when others triumph, so do you!

The law of attraction kicks into full gear, drawing into our own lives that which we carry in thought. Think and feel loving and supportive of a friend’s success and prosperity, and surprise-of-surprises, watch your own achievements grow as well. That’s not even to mention the heart expansion and powerful feelings of connection that manifest when we witness and truly celebrate a friend’s positive outcome. Even the most accomplished of women you know — those friends who appear to have it all figured out — even these brilliant, sweet souls need your support, and deeply appreciate it.

Deeper Bonds and Unexpected Riches

bond. Lasting friendships are built on trust and the feeling of truly being seen, known, and understood. When you witness a friend’s thriving, you honor them. Their crown shines brighter, and so does yours!

Generosity of spirit is a compelling force, and always raises our energetic frequency and ability to have incredible impact in the world. A woman who can powerfully honor, love, and support another in her full glory is a strong woman. So, why not be the kind of woman who offers this beautiful gift to a friend? For another woman’s happiness, beauty, or success cannot, in any way, dilute your own — unless you let it. Attitude is everything. Go big, not small, in the cheering section. Watch your friendships, and yourself, thrive there!

Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world.

She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence! www.lifeempowermentcoaching.com

The process of recognizing a friend’s superstar moment can’t help but nourish the relationship and depth of your

Instagram: @life_coach_maria Facebook: www.facebook.com/LifeEmpowermentCoaching

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October 2020 | 23

Love Uncanceled

by Jen DeGregorio Photo by Emma Dee Photography

A

s COVID-19 began to creep into our lives shortly after the new year, I and so many others felt a sense of loss and uncertainty. The number of victims who suffered from the virus itself was overwhelming and scary. Then I began to hear stories of those affected in other ways, like small business owners who couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t financially survive the shutdown. The hospitality industry, for instance, was completely shattered,

24 | The Brick Magazine

and friends who just weeks before had enjoyed workplace success and job security began to get laid off. With little to be excited for, the future seemed a bit dim and depressing.

Then, I met Hannahâ&#x20AC;Ś While intercepting a message for The Beer Grotto, for whom I manage social media, I learned of a young bride

who was determined to share vows with her fiancé on the date that they had set nearly two years before. Because the hospitality industry had been shaken to its core, all of the countless hours Hannah had put into planning her wedding came crumbling down. Still, she was sweet and positive about her situation, and simply wanted to marry the love of her life in spite of 2020’s continuous hurdles.

Hannah met Jacob when they were in high school. Hannah, a Dexter High School alum, was working at the Portage Yacht Club in Pinckney while Jacob bussed tables. They developed a quick and easy friendship as Jacob prepared to go to college at MSU. He returned home every summer and finally, after two years, worked up the courage to ask Hannah out on a date.

The couple’s relationship continued to flourish as Jacob studied physics and Hannah pursued a degree in social work. In 2018, the two moved in together. One afternoon in March, after Jacob called Hannah into the bedroom to come look at something funny on TV, she rounded the corner to find her boyfriend down on one knee with a tiny box in hand. The two decided they would get married once they had completed graduate school and set a date of Saturday, August 8, 2020.

After untold hours of thinking through every last detail, the couple decided on a traditional wedding at Crystal Gardens in Howell. Hannah envisioned sharing vows with her love in the venue’s beautiful open-air chapel, followed by a formal ballroom reception complete with dancing, tearful speeches, and all of the things little girls dream of.

By December, all of the pieces had fallen into place, and after trying on countless dresses Hannah finally found the perfect gown. But 2020 had different plans for all of us.

As the pandemic continued to wreak havoc on everyone’s lives, Hannah was still optimistic about her impending nuptials. She had just started a new job as a social worker for Dexter Community Schools, and even in March when Michigan schools closed for the rest of the academic year, Hannah remained hopeful. But as weeks turned into months, she and Jacob began to realize that they were going to have to reimagine their special day.

Once the couple realized they would have to cancel their dream honeymoon to Maui due to travel restrictions, they finally made the decision to cancel the wedding they had spent so much time planning.

“We tried to hold out hope as long as possible, but we ultimately decided to keep our loved ones as safe as possible,” said Hannah.

Still, Jacob and Hannah were determined to get married on their originally set date, so they started to think outside the box. Having grown up in Dexter, Hannah knew she wanted to exchange vows in her special town and use as many local vendors as possible. She called the city to inquire about getting a permit for the gazebo on Main Street. Suddenly everything felt easy, and her reimagined wedding started to take shape.

About four weeks before the wedding day, I met with Hannah to discuss plans for a small reception of twenty of their closest friends and family. After learning of her story via email, I was expecting Hannah to be dejected and stressed.

But when she came to check out the newly-renovated Beer Grotto, she was all smiles and full of excitement. We planned to host their group of twenty inside the bar in a spaced-out, socially-distanced setup, but 2020 had one more curveball.

Just days before the wedding, Governor Whitmer placed an order barring groups of more than 10 to gather indoors.

Knowing all that the couple had already gone through, it crushed me to deliver the news, but once again Hannah surprised me with her upbeat outlook. “We’ll just have the reception outside and take our chances with the weather,” she calmly responded.

On the day of the wedding, it seemed as if all of the positive energy Hannah and Jacob had been putting into the universe was flowing back to reward them. While Phil Blass, the Beer Grotto GM, and I pushed tables together to accommodate their group, we watched the beaming couple share their vows under a beautiful, cloudless sky. After a lovely gazebo ceremony, the party made their way to the Beer Grotto, where they enjoyed a barbeque dinner provided by Hotel Hickman. Passerbys honked and waved, excited to witness the pure joy and energy that radiated from the newly married couple. Other patrons seemed happier, reveling in the reminder that some things, like love and friendship, can never be canceled or interrupted.

On July 31, 2021, just days before their first wedding anniversary, Jacob and Hannah will renew their vows at their originally chosen venue in front of nearly 200 of their friends and family.

In addition to serving The ChadTough Foundation as the Director of Communications, Jen DeGregorio manages PR/marketing and events for several non-profits across Washtenaw County. She began her career in newspapers in 1995 as a means to cover college expenses. After completing her degree at the University of Michigan-Dearborn in English, she continued to build a career in advertising with the Ann Arbor News.

She splits her time between her home in Dexter, MI and an apartment in NYC where her husband has worked for almost a decade.

October 2020 | 25

Befriend Your Microbiome

by Lisa Profera MD

O

ur microbiome is a complex colony of bacteria that reside in our gastrointestinal tract. These living organisms outnumber our own cells by 10:1. Let that sink in a minute. There’s a lot of medical evidence that shows that our microbiome can impact every aspect of our overall health.

The good bacteria in our gut help us digest food, make key vitamins, and support our immune system. Bad bacteria make us sick and susceptible to dysfunction. Our microbiome can contain tens of thousands of strains of bacteria and weigh up to six pounds in sheer biomass.

26 | The Brick Magazine

Photo by Jannes Jacobs

It’s vital to be “friends” with your microbiome. In the November 2018 issue of BRICK, I wrote: “You can decide if you want to be friends or enemies with your gut guests.” Their composition and function (or dysfunction) are up to you. What you choose to eat, your lifestyle, your stress, and your previous medical history all have a direct effect on the gut.

It all started at birth. The species and strains of your gut bacteria depend upon so many factors: vaginal delivery vs.

C-section, breastfed vs. formula fed, your mother’s flora and her overall health, early exposure to antibiotics, etc.

Throughout life, your previous illnesses, travel history, and local environment all influence your microbiome.

There’s a myriad of factors that can lead to an unhealthy gut and consequently many diseases, including indigestion, irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel disease, diverticulitis, autoimmune disorders, cancer, chronic inflammation, type II diabetes, and obesity. Gut dysfunction in the form of increased permeability has been linked to the development of autoimmune disorders and other chronic diseases. In the world of functional medicine, it’s a common practice to “fix the gut first.”

As evidenced by the many TV commercials for various pharmaceuticals to help combat digestive issues, bowel dysfunction is very common. 10-15% of Americans experience irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), making it one of the most frequently diagnosed bowel dysfunction conditions. It’s often ill-defined and a diagnosis of exclusion. Poor food choices, stress, toxins, disruption of the microbiome, and other lifestyle factors can trigger IBS. Disruption of our healthy bacterial balance can be restored with proper probiotic supplementation. Certain species can also help correct leaky gut. For example, the patented probiotic Lactobacillus salivarius UCC118™ strain, found in Metagenics UltraFlora® Integrity, has been shown in preclinical studies to help strengthen tight junctions between intestinal cells, thus reducing abnormal immune cell signaling processes which may play a role in the development of autoimmune conditions.

Our endocannabinoid system, which I’ve discussed in past articles, plays an important role in modulating GI function. CB2 receptors are highly concentrated in our gut; some CB1 receptors are present as well. The theory of endocannabinoid deficiency in people suffering from migraines, fibromyalgia, and irritable bowel syndrome was first postulated by Dr. Ethan Russo in 2001. This is a fascinating topic to me, and may be the subject of a more in-depth article in the future. In his article entitled Clinical Endocannabinoid Deficiency Reconsidered: Current Research Supports the Theory in Migraine, Fibromyalgia, Irritable Bowel, and Other Treatment-Resistant Syndromes, published in 2016, Dr. Russo writes: “The interplay of the microbiome-gut-brain axis in IBS is underscored by the recent finding that THC altered the microfloral balance in diet-induced obese mice,

affecting the Firmicutes:Bacteroidetes ratio (p = 0.021) and preventing its increase or weight gain despite a high-fat diet. Thus, optimal gut health without pain and with maintenance of appropriate body weight seems to require a complex interplay between diet, enteric flora, and endocannabinoid balance.” (Learn more at https://www. liebertpub.com/doi/pdfplus/10.1089/can.2016.0009) We know that certain species of gut flora help our GI tract function better, but there are also species that support weight loss, immune health, and urogenital health.

Modulation of the endocannabinoid system or replacement of deficit cannabinoids with medical marijuana has helped many people improve their symptoms. In fact, the State of Michigan recognizes the benefits of cannabis for people with inflammatory bowel disease.

Research of the microbiome has become quite sophisticated. There is no longer a “one-size-fits-all” approach to probiotic supplementation. Different species are ideal for different ages and different conditions. For example, a woman who struggles with frequent urinary tract infections or vaginal yeast infections may benefit from a mixture of certain species that is quite different than what would be recommended for a man or a child.

With regard to obesity, there is evidence that shifting the microbiome can help people lose weight. The predominant species in the probiotic product Metagenics UltraFlora® Control is, according to Metagenics, designed to “support body weight regulation by delivering targeted probiotic support as Bifidobacterium lactis B-420™ which has been shown to help control body fat and body weight (in clinical trials).”

Get your gut buddies to work better for you. Be friends, not enemies. If you would like more information on which types of probiotics can help you, or if you would like to order Metagenics products (only available for purchase through a health professional), feel free to contact me.

Owner and Founder of PROJUVU MD; Aesthetics and Lifestyle Medicine in Ann Arbor, MI; Expert Injector, Medical Director; Facial Innovations Medi-spa, Ann Arbor; Medical Director, Northville Beauty Spa; Certified Medical Marijuana Doctor; Certified doTERRA Essential Oils Expert; BEMER Independent Distributor; CrossFit® Level 1 Trainer www.projuvu.com • 1-844-PROJUVU • drprofera@gmail.com

Disclaimer: Please note that the information in this article has been designed to help educate the reader regarding the subject matter covered. This information is provided with the understanding that the author and any other entity referenced here are not liable for the misconception or misuse of the information provided. It is not provided to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, illness, or injured condition of the body. The provider of this information shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity concerning any loss, damage, or injury caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by this information. The information presented is in no way intended as a substitute for medical counseling or care. Anyone suffering from any disease, illness, or injury should consult a qualified healthcare professional. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.

October 2020 | 27

New Friends, Old Friends

by Marilyn A. Pellini

Photo by Rene Asmusse

28 | The Brick Magazine

I

can still picture my childhood friends as if I had left them just yesterday.

The little boy who lived downstairs in our tenement house, Johnny, had red hair and a face full of freckles. Although he was two years younger than I, he was very fond of me and often invited me down to his flat to watch Howdy Doody (whom he resembled quite a bit). His family had the first television set in the neighborhood, so it was a great thrill and privilege to be Johnny’s friend.

Anne lived just up a small hill across the street from me, and had two younger sisters. The entire neighborhood of kids loved Anne, as her father sold sporting goods, but of course he had no sons. He outfitted Anne with enough equipment for us to play baseball all summer long with whoever showed up for a game. There were a number of bats, plenty of balls, and even bases. Boys especially came from all around the area to play with us, even though we were “only” girls.

And then there was Ginny! Every winter, the kids on my block and those on the next street had a snowball fight. We worked the whole day before the big challenge to build a wall we could hide behind when the first barrage came. As the temperature began to fall and evening approached, we would pour water on this wall so it would freeze solid enough to afford us some protection from the volley of snowballs. One time, my dad brought home some ice cream scoops from his pharmacy, as a few scoops needed to be repaired. I begged my mother to let me take one outside the morning of the fight to help my team make snowballs faster and easier. She agreed, but insisted that I was to be the only one to use the scoop. For the first time ever, we were beginning to have the advantage, when suddenly Ginny appeared on the other side of the street and yelled for someone to “cross her over” because she wanted to come and play with the ice cream scoop. That was the end of our snow wars. Now everyone knew, and all the kids wanted snowballs made with the scoop.

It instead became a contest for who could throw snowballs the farthest, and to bombard the fortifications and break them down. Although I was not too happy with Ginny for spoiling our winter snowball competition, she and I became fast friends. We went all through school together until we split up at college age, but since we both attended universities in the same state we were able to continue seeing each other. We remain dear friends to this day.

Anna and I met in the fourth grade and became especially close because our families had summer cottages in the same area, and it was not difficult for us to visit back and

forth. Little did we know during our high school years together that we were destined to have our friendship turn into a family relationship. After nursing school, Anna met the man of her dreams and was planning a summer wedding. Since I was going into teaching, I had that whole summer free and was thinking of taking a job at a resort many miles away. I had no serious boyfriend at the time and thought this might be an opportunity to meet some new and interesting people my own age. Anna was very upset when she heard that I might not be able to attend her wedding. With that somewhat in mind, I changed plans and decided to attend an extensive education program at the local teacher’s college. Since I had not been an education major, I thought this could be helpful when I began teaching kindergarten in the fall.

I took a male friend with me to Anna’s wedding. After the beautiful ceremony, delicious dinner, and dancing, all the guests were invited back to the bride’s parents’ home.

My date had to attend a family function that evening, so I went to the after-wedding party alone. Most of the other guests were relatives, so I hung out with Anna’s brother, Al, who was two years younger than me. Now that we were both out of college, he didn’t seem that much younger anymore.

October 2020 | 29

My newest friends are a couple I met down in Florida while I was stuck there during the outbreak of the coronavirus.

Most people had gone home; there were only a total of seven left in the four buildings, mostly those with health issues. One day, I was alone in the pool area with this couple I had never seen before. I introduced myself, but explained that I couldn’t chat for long because I needed to call my son.

We chatted well into the night, and I was bemoaning the fact that his sister was my last female friend in our summer colony who had still been single. Perhaps feeling sorry for me, Al offered to go to the beach at the lake with me the next day. I now decided that not only was he not too young, but he was really fun and quite cute too.

The following day was spent swimming and sunning; we later went home, changed our clothes, went out to dinner and took in a movie. We saw each other every day during his sister’s honeymoon. We were both a bit afraid to tell her that we were obviously dating. There was no need to worry, however, as both she and her new husband were very thrilled for us. Not many months passed before we knew that we were also on our way to the altar. Anna and I then became sisters-in-law.

I made some wonderful new friends during my teaching career, too. On the day before school was to open that first fall, there was a meeting for all new teachers. Most of these gals had gone to the local teacher’s college together and knew each other well. When I entered the meeting I didn’t want to sit among them, but neither did I want to sit too far away. I didn’t want to sit in the first seat along the aisle either, because then it would be obvious I was there alone. Suddenly, another woman came up and asked if the seat beside me was taken. I was so happy to have someone to sit and talk with. She too was to be a kindergarten teacher, and at the very same school. Neither of us could believe that coincidence. We became such dear friends, and even our parents got to know each other well and would often go out to dinner together. Never did a Christmas go by that we didn’t catch up in our holiday card, although we lived on opposite sides of the country once we had both married.

30 | The Brick Magazine

I was beginning to run out of money and my bank didn’t have a branch in that area, so I needed a suggestion from my son. If I ever had one of those cards for the ATM, I now couldn’t find it. The front desk would only cash a check for $50 or less, and I only had three checks left. This would not buy very many groceries; though I was lucky enough to have some young people who were willing to go to the supermarket for me, I would need to reimburse them.

As I told the couple this saga, the gentleman pulled out his wallet and fished around a bit. He held up a crisp $100 bill and said, “Will this help you out?” I actually felt my eyes well up with tears. We made arrangements to meet in the lobby of my building, where I handed him one of my three checks in exchange for the money. He had actually gone out somewhere and gotten the $100 changed into five $20 bills, as he thought that might be easier for me to manage.

New friends, old friends, and our relatives too are such an intricate and important part of our existence. They weave into and out of our lives unpredictably and serendipitously.

Whatever you need — whether it’s a snowball fight ally or a sister-in-law or a companion during a pandemic — somebody is there for you. What we would we ever do without them!

Marilyn Pellini has recently published a grief book titled Dear Al, A Widow’s Struggles and Remembrances. Her other credits as a writer include recent articles in Brick Magazine titled “Memories in My Button Jar” and “Restructuring My World,” pieces in Westchester Parent Magazine, Bay State Parent Magazine, On The Water, Balanced Rock, and others.

In May 2018, she took the first place prize in the NY State Federation of Women’s Clubs writing contest.

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32 | The Brick Magazine