On Marriage and Loyalty

On Marriage and Loyalty by Sant Ajaib Singh Ji

This a talk given by Sant Ajaib Singh Ji on his first world tour, after a ceremony in which eleven couples were married at the Sant Bani Ashram in Sanborton, NH, USA, on August 20, 1977.

Edited by The Sant Ajaib Singh Satsang ajaib.singh.satsang@gmail.com June 18, 2015

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First of all I thank that Almighty Beloved Kirpal Who has given us the opportunity to get together here and Who has given us the opportunity to remember Him. After that, I give my blessings and best wishes to the newly wedded couples and after that I thank David Teed [who conducted the wedding ceremony], and I give my best wishes to him. He worked here without taking anything from the newly wedded couples; in that way he has done a good service to them.

In India, the people are married when the pundits are present, or the bhais or the “bishops,” or if they are Muslim they are kazis, those who are present and who do all the wedding ceremonies. So Guru Nanak has written about them in His Bani: “One cannot get married without the ceremonies done by the pundits, and they have kept their fees, and they ask for the money if they are going to wed anybody”. That is not good.

That is why Master Sawan and Master Kirpal, both of Them used to say that there should be someone from the Sangat who can read the promises or who could do the wedding ceremonies, and in that way it is very good. So we should learn from this, and it is very good that we have a Satsangi “bishop” here. [laughter] I would like to tell you something about the tradition of marriage: what it used to be in the olden days, and what is happening now. If everybody will listen to that carefully and understand that — those who will live up to that — I hope it will be good for them.

Traditionally the woman has full freedom to choose her husband or choose her companion. King Janak was a perfect saint and a great meditator. He gave full freedom to his daughter Sita to marry anybody she liked. And in front of everyone she chose Lord Rama as her companion and she garlanded him. After that, because she had made the promise in 3

front of many people that is why she kept her promise even though she was kidnapped by Lord Rama’s enemy Ravana, but still she maintained loyalty to her husband. And Lord Rama also sacrificed everything — his heart, his body, his being — everything to get Sita released from the clutches of Ravana.

In the same way, King Drupad gave full freedom to his daughter Draupadi to marry anyone she liked, and in front of all the people she chose the Pandavas as her husbands.* After that, because the Pandavas and the Korovas (who were cousins) fought with each other, the Pandavas risked their kingdom in that war and even lost Draupadi in that gamble.

Duryodan, the eldest of the Korovas, wanted to insult Draupadi in the court. He started to take off her dresses (her sari). But because she was very much loyal to her husband, that is why Lord Krishna appeared there and he gave her (extra) cloth, and in that way she was not [dishonored]. This was only because she maintained the loyalty for her husband.

In the same way, when King Damun gave full freedom to his daughter Damyenti to choose her companion, at that time many gods from the heavens carne onto this earth to marry Damyenti because she was very beautiful. But Damyenti didn’t choose any god, instead she chose King Nala in front of all the people, and even in front of the gods.

When she married King Nala, the Negative Power didn’t like that; Damyenti had displeased the Negative Power because those gods were incarnations of the Negative Power. So after the marriage the Negative Power started giving a hard time to Queen Damyenti and her husband King Nala. All their kingdom was taken away, and such a hard time carne upon Queen Damyenti that she had to go and work in the fields and collect wheat seeds. But still in that time of crisis when she was having a very hard time, she didn’t break the marriage with King Nala, and still she maintained that.

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The meaning of saying this is that when the women were given so much freedom to choose and they chose their own companions, afterwards they maintained that — only death would cause their separation, otherwise they always lived together.

Tulsi Das Ji used to say that if the husband and wife both are loyal to each other, without meditation they can reach to the heavens.

While here on the Tour, I have I seen — because many people are coming to talk to me — many of them are suffering from this — they are marrying here, and the next day they are breaking their marriage. When they sleep together, at that time they are married, and when they get up they are separated. In that way people are spoiling their lives.

So when the people are free to choose their own companions, and when they are doing that according to their own wishes, after that they should maintain this. This is not a good thing, to break the marriage. When we are taking the promises in front of our God, and in front of all the people, then we should maintain that. It is not a good thing to do the marriage here and next day go and break the marriage. And after that also our mind is not satisfied, again we go and search for some other companion, and in that way it is not good. It is only because of the mind that we break the marriages, and many faults come in us.

So now that we have chosen our companion by our own wish, we should always be careful not to allow that fault to come within us that may become the cause of our separation. And always we should try to maintain this marriage. Master used to say that a good marriage is a blessing. So we should maintain our marriage throughout our lifetime, and only death should separate us.

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Whether pain comes or happiness comes, the husband and wife should always help each other, and they should always live with each other. The meaning of marriage is to help each other and to travel in this worldly life happily.

Once King Bathari was talking about one sati — in the olden days when a husband would leave the body, the loyal wives would burn themselves on the funeral pyre of their husbands and they were called satis. So King Bathari was talking with his wife about that sati, and he was saying, “She was a very great sati because she burned herself on the funeral pyre of her husband.” His wife replied, “She was not a sati, because she waited to burn herself until the funeral pyre was lighted, and she burned herself with the dead body of her husband. I don’t think she was very great. If she was great, she would have left the body as soon as she heard the news that her husband had left the body.”

When King Bathari heard this from the mouth of his wife, he thought, “This woman is saying very high words; let me see how much truth she has within her. Let me see whether she can do that thing, or if she is just saying that.” So after a few days, when King Bathari went hunting, he sent his clothes back with a servant, and they were covered with blood. He told his servant to go and tell his wife that the king had been killed by some animal, just because he wanted to see what would be the reaction of his wife. So as soon as that news carne to King Bathari’s wife she became unconscious and she left the body.

When King Bathari carne back to the palace and he saw that his wife had left the body, he repented very much, because he had done that only to see what she was going to do — what her reaction would be. But he was not expecting that she would die when she received that message.

After a few days, again the king’s mind had a very strong desire for a woman — because just now I told you that mind is 6

never satisfied, and once we are separated from one woman, after that we want another woman, and we search again. So King Bathari remarried, but this time the wife he got was not very loyal to him. Even though she became the queen, still she was in love with the mayor of the town. And that mayor was not satisfied with the queen and he used to go to a prostitute.

It so happened that a person in the kingdom of King Bathari got a special fruit, the fruit of immortality, and someone told him that whoever will eat this fruit will become immortal. So he thought, “I am a poor man and if I will eat this fruit I will become immortal, and always this poverty will remain over me. So it is not good. King Bathari is a just king and he is doing good to many people. I should give this fruit to him, and when he will eat this, he can do good for many other people.”

So with that intention in mind he carne to King Bathari and gave him that fruit of immortality.

The king had the impression that his new wife was just like his first wife; he thought, “She is very loyal to me.” When he got that fruit he thought, “I am not going to live forever in this world, and what is the use of living in this world, I should give this fruit to my wife so she can become immortal.” So he passed that fruit of immortality to his wife. But his wife thought, “I should give this fruit of immortality to the mayor, because he is very young, and in that way he may always remain young.” Since she was in love with the mayor, she gave him the fruit. When the fruit carne to the mayor, he thought, “I am just the mayor of this town, and I should not eat this fruit, I am not the best person. I should give this to my beloved.” So he passed that along to his lover, the prostitute. So when the prostitute got that fruit, she thought, “I have been doing this bad work for many years, and if I will eat this, I will have to do this bad work for all my lifetime, and that is not good for me.

King Bathari is a very just king, and I should give this fruit to him.”

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So after going to many places, the same fruit carne back to King Bathari. He was very surprised to see the prostitute coming with that fruit. He asked her, “Where did you get this?”

At first she hesitated, but after King Bathari frightened her, she said, “I got it from the mayor of the town.” So the king called the mayor and asked him, “Where did you get this fruit?” At first the mayor said, “I was going here and I got it. . .” and in that way he was trying to hide the truth. But the king said, “No, tell me the truth!” When the king frightened him by saying, “If you do not tell me the truth I will punish you,” then the mayor admitted that he got that fruit from the queen. So then the queen was called, and when the king asked her about the fruit, at first she didn’t admit it, but afterwards she said, “I gave this fruit to the mayor because I love him very much.”

When the king saw this condition of the queen, whom he was understanding as being very loyal to him, he felt very sad, and he said, “Curse on me, who left his very loyal wife only for the sake of death, and curse on this woman, who is not satisfied with the king and is indulging with the servant.” And then he said, “Curse on that mayor who is not satisfied with the queen, the empress of the kingdom, and he is going to the prostitute.”

In that way, he became so detached that he left all his kingdom and everything, and then he became a renunciate sadhu.

So the meaning of saying all this is that just as that loyal woman, King Bathari’s wife, left her body because she had promised, and because she couldn’t bare the separation, in the same way, when we have got together here, we should also maintain our marriage throughout our lifetime, and only at the time of death should we be separated, otherwise we should always live together.

By breaking our marriages we are not only creating unrest for ourselves, but we are making the situation worse for our children and for the coming generation. Because when we will 8

set this bad example, what will they learn? The children always copy their parents, and when they will see us doing this thing, they will think, “If my father did this, why shouldn’t I do this thing?” And he will also do that. So by breaking the marriages, we are not only bringing unrest into our life, but we are spoiling the life of the coming generation also.

Master Sawan Singh Ji used to say, “As are the parents, so are the children.” He used to say that the children are affected very much by their parents. Master Kirpal Singh also used to say that those who want to make their children good, first of all they should be good.

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