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The Northman Review:

Men are trash

BY ALEX DE VORE alex@sfreporter.com

Despite jumping on the social medias last week to bemoan my lack of interest in yet another entry in the seemingly never-ending onslaught of viking-based entertainment of late, I found myself at Violet Crown alongside the other beardos to see The Northman from The VVitch director Robert Eggers. Eggers sure makes pretty movies, and if you don’t believe that, please see The Lighthouse immediately, for it is a masterpiece. Eggers’ works are generally dense-adjacent, symbolist films wherein folks are undone by obsession and wherein toxic masculinity turns men into something inhuman while the people around them—or they themselves—suffer horrible fates. He also likes taking his sweet damn time and never shies away from ugly violence. These aren’t new concepts by any means, though the juxtaposition of gorgeous cinematography and even more gorgeous backdrops against spilled blood and the dark motivations of man don’t hurt the timeless messaging.

In The Northman, Alexander Skarsgård plays a viking—a berserker, no less (Google it)—who sets out with vengeance on his mind but then, like, also finds a little bit of love along the way. It’s a little bit Hamlet (Skarsgård’s dude’s name is even Amleth), a little bit Lez Miz-meets-Oedipus, a little bit Count of Monte Cristo and a whole lot of hard to watch. Seems Amleth’s kingly dad (Ethan Hawke) got got by his brother (Claes Bang), who also kidnapped the queen Gudrún (Nicole Kidman), leading to decades of festering resentment turned to seriously creative ideas for face-stabbing. When Amleth does indeed catch up to his dear old uncle with a little help from a Norn (a Norse fate-making witch kind of deity) played by Björk, it’s off to Iceland for clobberin’ time; a simple plan right up until he develops the hots for an enslaved Russian named Olga (the ever-impressive Anya Taylor-Joy who is in every movie ever made) and a little bit of a hallucination issue. Even so, Amleth believes himself fated to succeed, and no amount of beatings, bloodsport, cave monsters or shitty family mechanics are going to stop him.

Skarsgård feels borderline silly with his massive, hulking muscles and hunched gait and broad shoulders glistening in the overcast Icelandic wild. Taylor-Joy grounds his character in better motivations than hate, though, and she’s all about breaking men’s minds. Bang makes an imposing enough villain, though he’s really more of a presence or cipher for evil, and we don’t learn what drives him until way later. It isn’t self-generated. Kidman (who played Skarsgård’s wife in HBO’s Big Little Lies but here plays his mother because fuck Hollywood) turns in one of the better performances of her career, however, which kind of deflates the moments she isn’t onscreen, at least in the later bits wherein she emerges as a more powerful creature than seemed possible.

Moviegoers will likely take The Northman’s ending any number of ways, but hopefully realize how even getting the things over which we’ve obsessed doesn’t always mean it feels good—or is good for those around us. Someplace in there, find reasons to dislike white supremacy even more than you already should, and also some satisfying homage to other shocking films (no spoilers, though). The payoff, however, does not particularly satisfy, though that’s kind of the point.

7

+ BEAUTIFULLY

SHOT; NOT

BORING

- WE DONE WITH

VIKINGS YET?

THE NORTHMAN Directed by Eggers With Skarsgård, Kidman, Bang and Taylor-Joy Violet Crown, R, 136 min.

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE

+ EVERY PERFORMANCE; CHAOS;

MARTIAL ARTS

- COULD ALIENATE SOME

For those who’ve yet to fall under Michelle Yeoh’s spell (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, anyone?! Crazy Rich Asians?!), make it your business to head into theaters for Everything Everywhere All at Once, a brilliant sendup of the evermore commonplace concept of infinite realities—you know; the multiverse. Brought to us by the inimitably strange directing team of Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, aka Daniels (the auteurs behind the bold and beautifully bizarre Swiss Army Man), it’s the type of film that should sate the heady science nerds, the self-assigned cultural elite and those who just plain want to see a weird movie rolled up into a sci-fi/rom-com/ kung fu/family story.

Here we follow Evelyn (Yeoh) and Waymond Wang (Ke Huy Quan of Goonies and Temple of Doom fame), a long-married couple who live above the middling laundromat they run together. As the Wangs face an IRS audit from a seemingly heartless agent (Jamie Lee Curtis, who gets gloriously weird), Waymond wants a divorce, and their daughter Joy (Stephanie Hsu) isn’t helping so much as she seems hellbent on using her girlfriend to freak out her folks. It’s a bit of a humdrum life until an alternate-universe Waymond appears, kung fu fanny pack in hand, to inform Evelyn she’s the last hope in facing a threat to the infinitely layered universes that make up reality. A dark presence called Jobu Tupaki is killing Wangs and anyone else they encounter across timelines. Using tech to take over the consciousnesses of their multiverse counterparts, Waymond and Evelyn can instantly learn the skills of their other life versions, and that’s precisely how a middle-aged laundromat owner becomes a master of martial arts, a flawless singer, a talented movie star and, ultimately, learns acceptance.

Yeoh is absolutely riveting as the dissatisfied mother, and whereas her kung fu skills have always been apparent, here she shows off her acting chops. It’s a pleasant surprise to learn she’s a secret goofball, and her journey feels reminiscent of Jennifer Lawrence’s in Aranofsky’s Mother!, only more focused and relatable. In the quieter moments, even the very funny ones, Yeoh’s range feels unmatched. Quan, meanwhile, steals the show often, and his presence as the all-important jester archetype softens Yeoh’s character, which is not to say he isn’t a badass in his own right. Hsu might be the true breakout, though, pulling double duty as the chaotic daughter and the even more chaotic villain. Of course, nothing is simple in Daniels’ vision—and three cheers to Jamie Lee for nailing emotional scenes with literal hot dog fingers.

The humor cuts the tension while helping to make sense of the converging timelines, though it might help to have read comic books one’s whole life. Even still, one needn’t have a physics degree to get into why Everything Everywhere All at Once is so fun. It begs for repeated viewings, not least of which for Yeoh’s career-defining performance. People will talk about this one for years to come, and it’s likely to inspire a whole new generation of filmmakers. Rarely does something so weird make its way into the mainstream, but thank goodness it did. (ADV) Center for Contemporary Arts, Violet Crown, R, 139 min.

WE’RE ALL GOING TO THE WORLD’S FAIR

5+ FREAKY SET-UP - BECOMES MONOTONOUS

You know at least one person who’s going to watch We’re All Going to the World’s Fair and then describe it as a brilliant commentary on people who live online. “It’s a little rough around the edges,” they’ll say, “but brilliant nonetheless.” Then there’s everyone else who’ll be left perplexed by director Jane Schoenbrun’s first full-length narrative film. Slow and methodical horror is an incredibly difficult genre to pull off successfully, but it’s still clear we’ve got a divisive film on our hands.

Casey (Anna Cobb, in an excellent debut performance) would like nothing more than to live inside a horror movie. In the film’s 10-minute single-shot opening, she stares into her webcam and declares, “I want to go to the World’s Fair,” over and over again. The fictional online roleplaying world where people live in a horror-movie like environment has a tendency to turn users into something strange—people who have an inability to feel pain, who develop strange scabs or even get pulled inside their computers. Do you know about the online Creepypasta stuff? That would be a good primer to help viewers understand. It’s meant to be fun, but as Casey is initiated into the game, an older man named JLB (Michael J. Rogers) takes a special interest in her well-being, and her dark thoughts begin revealing themselves.

World’s Fair’s atmosphere is tense and creepy, its silence completely mesmerizing. It’s so uncomfortably isolating you can’t help but feel sad for Casey’s life at its outset as it’s like an isolation that reflects a quiet inner terror inspired by the conditions of the world around her. Cobb’s superb performance adds to the film’s intriguing set-up, yet its commentary isn’t as clear as it ought to be. After so long in this relatively short film, one wishes we could just get on with it.

Despite a tense start, we aren’t granted any kind of satisfying payoff. Listen, we know young people are more reliant on the internet in a way that seems to baffle older generations, and they use it to build connections lacking from their personal lives. Actually, that might be a more universal thing. Even so, a more steadily building energy, even a slight one, would have worked wonders. Schoenbrun certainly knows how to kick off a story, but there are near-constant “this is my first feature,” vibes. The more studied horror geeks might find World’s Fair riveting, and if you’re one of them it’s worth a shot. As a whole, however, it flounders, even if there’s no denying how absolutely creepy the whole thing gets. (Riley Gardner) Center for Contemporary Arts, NR, 86 min.

JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

“Lex and Balances”—another themeless puzzle!

by Matt Jones

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1 British comedian who plays

Ivan on “Our Flag Means

Death” 8 Lake rental 15 Post-1968 tennis period 16 City with a SUNY school 17 Wool extract 18 Mark of shame that can be

“hit” or “reached” 19 “Piece of cake” 21 Pre-packaged meals and desserts for a speedy checkout 22 Pogues bassist (and former spouse of Elvis Costello)

O’Riordan 24 Nearly 20-year-old OutKast hit 25 NASCAR Cup Series champ of 2015 and 2019 29 4:00 function 30 Respectful act 31 Symbols of September 35 Frisbee sport 38 Brisbane bouncer 41 Prepared in advance 43 Frere’s sibling 45 Bachelor chaser? 46 City dweller 48 Up and running, like a credit card reader 52 Original and influential 53 Tries to whack 54 Like some hobbitses 55 Auricular 56 Lyricist who wrote “Ain’t We

Got Fun?” and “Makin’

Whoopee” 57 Basketball players Broyles and Benjamin (but not Wade) DOWN

1 Use sparingly, with “on” 2 In a tough jam 3 Emmy-winning “Euphoria” star 4 Bumpy, like tires 5 Capital near Yellowstone 6 “Single Ladies (Put ___ On

It)” 7 Title hunter of a 1922 film (whose real name was

Allakariallak) 8 2013 hit that mentions a tiger 9 “Step ___ pets” (palindrome that’s good advice) 10 Hall of Fame NFL coach

Ewbank 11 “Dumb & Dumber” hairstyles 12 Rented out 13 Science that deals with nuclear energy 14 Spotted, Tweety-style 20 Pumped 23 Iron Maiden’s “Hallowed Be ___ Name” 26 Law, in Lyon 27 Slov.’s setting 28 ___-Z (rapper who played

Freda Gatz on “Empire”) 31 Certain ally 32 Schumer of “Life & Beth” 33 Jim’s love on “The Office” 34 Local fundraising gp. 35 Ultravox leader Midge 36 It got its current half-oval shape in 1629 37 Japanese floor mats 38 Gets control of, as spending 39 Slip-up left off 40 Euripides protagonist 42 Set the DVR back to 0%, say 43 Weaving of “Bill & Ted Face the Music” 44 Characteristic of low-quality

TP 47 Club regulation 49 ___ Paqcha (Peruvian mountain) 50 Rhymester Ogden 51 Novelist Elinor who coined the “It girl” nickname for

Clara Bow 52 Brit. money abbr., once

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): I recommend you adopt a limitation that will enable you to claim more freedom. For example, you could de-emphasize your involvement with a lukewarm dream so as to liberate time and energy for a passionate dream. Or you could minimize your fascination with a certain negative emotion to make more room for invigorating emotions. Any other ideas? You’re in a phase when increased discipline and discernment can be liberating. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Imagining anything is the first step toward creating it,” wrote author and activist Gloria Steinem. “Believing in a true self is what allows a true self to be born,” she added. Those are excellent meditations for you to focus on right now, Taurus. The time is ripe for you to envision in detail a specific new situation or adventure you would like to manifest in the future. It’s also a perfect moment to picture a truer, deeper, more robust version of your beautiful self—an expanded version of your identity that you hope to give birth to in the coming months. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Gemini author William Butler Yeats won a Nobel Prize for Literature, so I conclude he had considerable talent and wisdom. But he cultivated interests and ideas that were at variance with most other literary figures. For example, he believed fairies are real. He was a student of occult magic. Two of his books were dictated by spirits during séances. In the coming weeks, I invite you to draw inspiration from his versatile repertoire. Welcome knowledge in whatever unusual ways it might materialize. Be eager to accept power and inspiration wherever they are offered. For inspiration, here’s a Yeats’ quote: “I have observed dreams and visions very carefully, and am certain that the imagination has some way of lighting on the truth that reason has not, and that its commandments, delivered when the body is still and the reason silent, are the most binding we can ever know.” CANCER (June 21-July 22): You know what’s always good for your well-being? Helping people who are less fortunate and less privileged than you. To enhance your health, you can also fight bigotry, campaign against the abuse of animals, and remedy damage to the natural world. If you carry out tasks like these in the coming weeks, you will boost your vigor and vitality even more than usual. You may be amazed at the power of your compassion to generate selfish benefits for yourself. Working in behalf of others will uplift and nurture you. To further motivate you, here are inspirational words from designer Santiago Bautista: “I am in love with all the gifts of the world, and especially those destined for others to enjoy.” LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “There is a moment in each day that Satan cannot find,” wrote author and artist William Blake. Here’s how I interpret his poetic words: On a regular basis, you become relatively immune from the debilitating effects of melancholy, apathy, and fear. At those times, you are blessed with the freedom to be exactly who you want to be. You can satisfy your soul completely. In the next six weeks, I suspect there will be more of these interludes for you than usual. How do you plan to use your exalted respite from Satan’s nagging? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Poet Louis Little Coon Oliver (1904–1991) was a member of the indigenous Mvskoke people. He declared, “I do not waste what is wild.” That might mean something different for him than what it would mean for you, but it’s an excellent principle for you to work with in the coming weeks. You will have more access than usual to wildness, and you might be tempted to use it casually or recklessly. I hope that instead you harness all that raw mojo with precision and grace. Amazingly, being disciplined in your use of the wildness will ensure that it enriches you to the max and generates potent transformative energy. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I suspect you will have the skills of an acrobat in the coming weeks—at least metaphorically. You will be psychically nimble. Your soul will have an exceptional ability to carry out spry maneuvers that keep you sane and sound. Even more than usual, you will have the power to adjust on the fly and adapt to shifting circumstances. People you know may marvel at your lithe flexibility. They will compliment you for your classiness under pressure. But I suspect the feats you accomplish may feel surprisingly easy and breezy! SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A Tumblr blogger named Af-70 gives copious advice. From his wide selection of wise counsel, I have selected six tips that are right for your needs in the coming weeks. Please study the following counsel. 1. “Real feelings don’t change fast.” 2. “Connect deeply or not at all.” 3. “Build a relationship in which you and your ally can be active in each other’s growth.” 4. “Sometimes what you get is better than what you wanted.” 5. “Enjoy the space between where you are and where you are going.” 6. “Keep it real with me even if it makes us tremble and shimmer.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Consider putting a sign on your door or a message on your social media that says something like the following: “I’ve still got some healing to do. While I’m making progress, I’m only partway there. Am open to your suggestions, practical tips, and suggestions for cures I don’t know about.” Though the process is as yet incomplete, Sagittarius, I am proud of how diligent and resourceful you have been in seeking corrections and fixes. My only suggestions: 1. Be bold about seeking help and support. 2. Be aggressive about accessing your creativity. Expand your imagination about what might be therapeutic. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “To uncover what is hidden in my soul might take me a week or two,” my friend Allie told me. I told her she would be lucky if her brave and challenging exploration required such a short time. In contrast, some people I know have spent years trying to find what is buried and lost in their souls: me, for instance. There was one period of my life when I sought for over a decade to find and identify the missing treasure. According to my astrological analysis, you will soon enjoy multiple discoveries and revelations that will be more like Allie’s timeline than mine: relatively rapid and complete. Get ready! Be alert! AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A Thai cook named Nattapong Kaweenuntawong has a unique method for cooking the soup served in his Bangkok restaurant. At the end of each night, he saves the broth for use the next day. He has been doing that daily for 45 years. Theoretically, there may be molecules of noodles that were originally thrown in the pot back in 1977. In accordance with current astrological omens, I urge you to dream up a new tradition that borrows from his approach. What experience could you begin soon that would benefit you for years to come? PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Pisces-born Casimir Pulaski (1745–1779) was a Polish nobleman and military commander. As a young man, he fought unsuccessfully to free Poland from Russian domination. Driven into exile, he fled to America, arriving during the Revolutionary War with Britain in 1777. General George Washington was impressed with Pulaski’s skills, making the immigrant a brigadier general. He distinguished himself as a leader of American forces, exhibiting brilliance and bravery. For that excellence, he has been honored. But now, over two centuries later, his identity is in flux. DNA analyses of Pulaski’s remains suggest he was an intersex person with both male and female qualities. (Read more: tinyurl.com/PulaskiSmithsonian.) I bring this to your attention, Pisces, because the coming months will be a favorable time to question and revise your understanding of your identity. May you be inspired by Pulaski’s evolving distinctiveness.

Homework: Make a guess about when you will fulfill your next sweet ambition. Newsletter.FreeWillAstrology.com

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