24 minute read
Brilliant Thoughts
• The Voice of the Village • 30 April – 7 May 2020 MONTECITO JOURNAL 23 Born London, 1933. Mother Canadian. Father a British civil servant. World War
II childhood spent mostly in Toronto and Washington, D.C. Berkeley PhD. in
American History, 1964. Living in Santa Barbara since 1973. No children. Best-known for his illustrated epigrams, called “Pot-Shots”, now a series of 10,000. Email ashleigh@west.net or visit www.ashleighbrilliant.com
by Ashleigh Brilliant
Flowers by Request Y ou’ve probably heard Ogden Nash’s immortal observation on the relative merits of two different methods of seduction: Candy is dandy, But liquor is quicker.
Unfortunately, he omitted a third well-known amatory aid, which I now offer you as a suggested last line: And FLOWERS HAVE POWERS.
I myself have never been particularly susceptible to those powers – but it is only too obvious how many people are. Remarkably, flowers are apparently appropriate for practically any occasion, from welcomes and weddings to farewells and funerals.
How did flowers become such a strong draw? So much so that today State Parks officials have had to set roadblocks to keep Instagrammers in quarantine away from the Super Bloom?
The slogan “Say it with flowers” goes back to a Boston advertising professional named Major Patrick O’Keefe, and was his very apt response, in 1917, to a request for help by the publicity chairman of the Society of American Florists. Before long, it had been adopted by the “Florists Telegraph Delivery Association,” soon to be known by its initials as the “FTD.”
But the idea of saying it with flowers had a much longer history. You may remember Ophelia’s flowery delirium in the fourth act of Hamlet, which includes her musings that Rosemary is “for remembrance,” and Pansies are “for thoughts.” By the nineteenth century such notions had crystallized into a pseudo-science called “Floriography,” whereby elaborate messages might be sent back and forth based on a choice of flower combinations, a form of sensory semaphore.
One might expect flowers to have been widely celebrated in poems – but there is only one that has achieved the status of a classic – the 1802 piece by Wordsworth which begins, “I wandered lonely as a cloud,” and is about his coming unexpectedly upon a dazzling array of daffodils.
Flowers have however been associated with all kinds of cults and movements, such as Oscar Wilde’s Aestheticism, which Gilbert and Sullivan satirized in their comic opera Patience:
Though the Philistines may jostle, you will rank as an apostle in the high aesthetic band,
If you walk down Piccadilly with a poppy or a lily in your Medieval hand.
Much later, of course, we had the hippie “Flower Children” of the 1960s, and their naïve belief (as they stuck flowers into soldiers’ rifles) that “Flower Power” could stop the Vietnam War.
But half a century earlier, at the time of World War I, some darker imagery had emerged, and that conflict will always be associated with poppies, because of a poem by John McCrea which begins:
In Flanders fields, the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row That mark our place. (Flanders was a part of Belgium in which much of the fighting took place. McCrea, a doctor with the Canadian troops, died in France in 1918, the last year of the war.)
As a result of that poem, the poppy has ever since been recognized in much of the world as the official flower of wartime remembrance – even after a second and much longer World War. I myself, as a teenager in London in the late 1940s, can remember serving as one of hundreds of volunteers standing on the street on November 11 (“Armistice Day” as it was then still known) selling red artificial poppies (made by wounded veterans, and sold for their benefit) to passers-by, who then wore them for the rest of the day.
But poppies come in a wide variety of colors, and here in California they are mainly, and appropriately “golden.” And we must not overlook one widely-publicized use of poppyseeds, as a source of various narcotics. (You may remember that drug-laced Yul Brynner film, The Poppy is Also a Flower.)
But what is it about flowers that gives them so much appeal to so many people? Is it the colors? The variety? The fragrance? Their simple innocence? One thing you can be sure of: it is not all for our benefit. In fact, it has nothing to do with us at all. It is just one of Nature’s numerous enticements for reproduction.
As for innocence, I must conclude by telling you about my own favorite flower, a beautiful life-form which has the odd capacity of being able to catch, eat, and digest flies. In other words, it is carnivorous. It is called the Venus Fly-trap – and although its lifestyle may sound as strange and exotic as Dracula’s, this flowering plant is actually native to North and South Carolina. It is also a remarkably intelligent trapper, being able to distinguish between a fly and a raindrop.
Ogden Nash may have opted for sugar and alcohol, but those seeking to arouse the most genuinely passionate responses would surely favor the power of the flower. •MJ Community Giving California will be the first state to pay restaurants to feed seniors. T he pandemic has been devastating for the service industry, causing restaurants to close their doors and lay off workers. In an attempt to get restaurants rehiring workers right away, California Governor Gavin Newsom announced a new aid program in which California will team up with the federal government to pay restaurants to provide three meals a day to seniors.
The partnership between the Federal Emergency Management Agency, state, and local governments will provide eligible seniors with 21 meals a week, Newsom said. FEMA will cover 75 percent of the costs of the meals. The state will cover most of the remaining costs, and restaurants would be reimbursed at rates of $16 for breakfasts, $17 for lunches, and up to $28 for dinners. According to Newsom, the program is a first of its kind in the nation, tackling three key problems: skyrocketing unemployment, municipal budget shortfalls, and protecting seniors. “Restaurants Deliver: Home Meals for Older Californians” is a first of its kind program tackling three key problems: skyrocketing unemployment, municipal budget shortfalls, and protecting seniors.
Governor Newsom said there will be eligibility requirements for seniors, based in part on their income but also based on their risk of exposure to COVID-19 – if they have a compromised immune system or if they have been directly impacted or exposed to the coronavirus – a distinction that will be determined by local authorities. Newsom also noted that the costs of meals will generate tax revenue for local governments.
The program is called “Restaurants Deliver: Home Meals for Older Californians,” and you can find more information about it at covid19.ca.gov.
A six-year-old is running a joke stand to keep his neighbors laughing.
In Canada, a six-year-old by the name of Callaghan McLaughlin has taken to heart the old wisdom that laughter is the best medicine.
For the past week, the youngster has been running a joke stand at the end of his driveway, offering free laughs to his neighbors and passersby. Through his joke stand, Callaghan has been able to regain the joy of interacting with neighbors – something his mother says he was sorely missing. Callaghan opens his stand at 10 am and manages about an hour of wisecracks before taking a “12-minute” lunch break (his mom says it’s closer to 90 minutes). Then Callaghan comes back for a second round of yucks in the afternoon, telling one-liner jokes he memorized from a kid-friendly joke book.
Here’s a joke out of Callaghan’s catalog: “What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?” Wait for it. “Arghhh.”
Although Callaghan has been working his joke stand seven days a week, the little man thought it was important to offer his service for free. “I want people to save their money for other things,” he said. “Some people need money for groceries now instead of jokes.” •MJ
sen charities – Direct Relief, America’s Food Fund, Give Directly, and the Frontline Responders Fund.
The wine is 100 per cent pinot noir from the Willamette Valley, Oregon, with bottles averaging $25 each.
I’ll drink to that...
Virtual Virtuosos
Xavier Scordo, the perfect clothing complement
It’s the perfect blend of fashion and fabulousness.
French society crimper Xavier Scordo, who owns an eponymous salon on Coast Village Road, has become a passionate collector of face masks that match his extensive wardrobe during the COVID-19 pandemic.
And tailor Patty Moo, who owns Perfect Fit just a tiara’s toss away, has been busy making hundreds of them with many local businesses like Montecito Bank & Trust, Lucky’s, The Habit, and Mesa Produce snapping them up.
“It all started with one simple question from a friend, Kim Fregoso, who asked if I’d thought about making face masks and donating them to nurses,” says Patty. “From then on my team and I automatically got started and donated 290 masks to Ventura County Hospital with her help.
“Soon enough we decided to take it to our entire social media and my phone would not stop ringing with clients asking if we could make face masks for their entire family and employees. It was nonstop for weeks straight after that.”
Patty’s masks sell for $20 each and are made from various colorful swatches of fabric in her store.
Xavier, who used to work for the Jose Eber salon at the Biltmore, says he has a collection of nearly two dozen masks because “I love to be trendy.”
“Patty asked if I’d like one when she started and it has snowballed from there. It is a good advertisement for her and a total fashion statement for me.”
Dr. Pierre Nizet, former medical director at Casa Dorinda, with son and granddaughter
Just in time for the coronavirus lockdown, Belgian-born Pierre Nizet, the first medical director of Casa Dorinda, has come up with a series of fiendishly difficult cryptic clues to while away the stultifying boredom.
Each clue has two parts, one a normal definition of the answer, the other an additional hint using wordplay.
“During my travels I created scores of cryptic clues and had stored them in boxes with a vague idea of publishing them in my old age,” says Pierre, a graduate of the University of Liege, who founded the Montecito Geriatric Medical Group on Coast Village Road. “I rediscovered them in my garage recently and thought they could provide some gentle brain tickling during these anxious times.”
If you want to participate, Pierre, who retired in 1988 and lived for a short time in Europe before returning to our Eden by the Beach, can be contacted at pmnizet@gmail.com.
Be warned, they are not for the faint hearted.
Quarantine Wine
Carpinteria actor Ashton Kutcher and wife actress Mila Kunis have come up with a way of mixing their love for wine and giving back.
The dynamic duo have announced they’re marketing their own wine with 100 percent of proceeds donated to charities helping amid the COVID19 crisis.
They’ve paired with Nocking Point Wines to produce their own Quarantine Wine. All proceeds will be split evenly and donated to four cho
Scott Reed announces Remote Learning Institute
The Music Academy of the West, whose 73rd annual summer festival was due to kick off on June 15 until July 10, is launching the Music Academy Remote Learning Institute to connect with audiences online during the lockdown.
“Our hope is to bring the faculty and fellows to Santa Barbara and enjoy music together with all of you,” says president Scott Reed.
Around May 15 plans will be announced for the remainder if the summer, with the Remote Learning Institute extended if necessary.
“In this unprecedented time, the world is looking for artists to flourish in new ways,” adds Scott. “It is essential we provide a supportive environment for young classical musicians to develop their artistry.”
The academy’s opening night gala has also been postponed...
Happy Birthday, Anne!
The late Hollywood icon Kirk Douglas’s widow, Anne, has celebrated her 101st birthday, just two months after Kirk, a longtime Montecito resident, died at 103.
Grandson Cameron Douglas, 41, documented the happy occasion as he stopped by the former actress-producer’s home to wish her Happy Birthday with Anne wearing a tailored purple suit and pearls in a wheelchair, with a face mask.
Cameron, son of Oscar winner Michael Douglas and his ex-wife Diandra, shot video footage from his car with partner, Viviane Thibes, and their daughter Lua, 2.
Ty Warner launches new Beanie Baby bear Hope
up New York frontline workers free of charge at his five-star Four Seasons Hotel in Manhattan, as I have chronicled in this illustrious organ.
The new Beanie rainbow colored bear, dubbed Hope, is kneeling and has its hands together as if in prayer.
“The world needs hope, and this little bear just might bring the smile we need right now,” says Ty, 75.
All proceeds from the new bear, which will be available at drug and grocery stores, will go to United Way to help with the recovery efforts from the pandemic.
Going Gray
Montecito actor Rob Lowe is letting his true colors shine as the quarantine continues.
The 56-year-old TV star’s hair was significantly more grey when he shared a video announcing an upcoming reunion of his hit show Parks and Recreation.
Longtime friend jeweler Loree Rodkin wrote: “Keep the grey @rob lowe!!!!”
The show airs Thursday, a fundraiser for the Feeding America COVID-19 Relief Fund.
Cleese’s Crude Cameos
Former Montecito comedian John Cleese is charging fans $307 for fourminute-long video “shouts outs.”
The Monty Python star, 80, is recording rude messages on the website Cameo, which allows celebrities to connect with fans via personalized messages.
Introducing himself on the site he jokes he used to be John Cleese “before I died” and says he could send nice messages, but he charges more for them because they’re “so f---ing boring.”
“Since my death I’ve received no honest work at all so I’ve been reduced to doing these shout-outs. I can send messages to your loved ones.
“I can be sweet and loving and sympathetic if that’s what you really want, but I charge more for that.”
Instead, he says, he’d rather send messages to your “unloved ones.”
“I can send them threats and
For those looking forward
736TORO.COM NEW LISTING | 1639FERNALDPOINT.COM 770LADERA.COM 165MIDDLEROAD.COM
Enchanting Scandinavian Estate MONTECITO | $10,000,000 Kristi Curtis 805.886.6135
Fernald Point Lane MONTECITO | 6BD/5BA/1HBA | $9,900,000 Dusty Baker 805.570.0102
2079BIRNAMWOOD.COM 438ELCIELITORD.COM
Barton Myers Work of Art MONTECITO | 3BD/3BA/1HBA | $7,500,000 V. Leebosh, C. Santandrea 805.452.0212
Landmark Character Estate MONTECITO | 6BD/7BA | $6,780,000 B. Fields, J. McCorkell 805.455.7019
415MEADOWBROOKENNISBROOK.COM 540ELBOSQUE.COM
Birnam Wood Estate MONTECITO | 3BD/3BA/1HBA | $4,395,000 Jason Siemens 805.455.1165
740SKYVIEWDRIVE.COM
Panoramic Ocean View Estate SANTA BARBARA | 4BD/4BA/1HBA | $3,975,000 Michelle Gauthier 805.722.4456
Mountain View Parcel SANTA BARBARA | $3,400,000 Wes St. Clair 805.886.6741
655COYOTE.COM 1510SANLEANDROLANE.COM
Montecito Farmhouse MONTECITO | 5BD/4BA | $2,495,000 Marie Larkin 805.680.2525
NEW LISTING | 650ROCKWOOD.COM
Montecito Pool Home MONTECITO | 3BD/2BA/1HBA | $2,295,000 Linda Borkowski 805.252.7305
“Casa Bella Monte” MONTECITO | 3BD/2BA/1HBA | $2,250,000 Fred Bradley 805.689.8612
Montecito Buildable Parcel MONTECITO | $1,450,000 Sandy Stahl 805.689.1602
Serene Cielito Escape SANTA BARBARA | $799,000 Dusty Baker 805.570.0102
It’s a place where people show up. Where we try to lift each other up. I will never forget how, after the debris flow, when our family (like so many) were displaced for months, Audrey Tognotti, a new friend (a fellow MUS and Middle School parent) whom we did not know well, offered to do our family’s laundry – something she did for many families. (And better than I ever could.) This is a place where, through thick and thin, rain or shine, fire or debris flow or pandemic, we put on our boots and get to work to help each other make it through the tough times, so that we can all be here to enjoy the beautiful times – of which we are blessed to have many. And we will again.
It is in this spirit and in response to the economic crisis caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, that the Montecito Journal, in collaboration with the 93108Fund, the Coast Village Association, and the Montecito Association have planned… EDITORIAL (Continued from page 5)
MONTECITO’S MAY DAY VIRTUAL CASH MOB: FRIDAY, MAY 1, THROUGH SUNDAY, MAY 3
Help us bring instant economic relief to your favorite establishments on Coast Village Road and in the Upper Village of Montecito – restaurants, boutiques, galleries or, hopefully, all of the above. The way you can do this is by purchasing GIFT CARDS from our local independent merchants, which we’ll facilitate, so that these businesses can stay afloat as they await the greenlight to re-open their doors to once again serve our community.
I think it’s so important for us to support local business not only because we love these businesses, but because they help give our town its flavor; and a big part of that flavor is engaged local merchants, rather than the impersonal nature of most chain style establishments and franchises with little vested interest in our community.
Our celebratory Cash Mob spending weekend will culminate with… a Montecito Community Zoom Happy Hourat 7 pm on Sunday, May 3. A Zoom invitation can be found at www.93108fund.org. And if you spend $500 or more, your name will automatically be entered in our raffle to win prizes from your favorite local merchants. Join us, your friends and neighbors, and perhaps a celebrity guest or two, as we step up to help breathe energy and much needed cash flow into our local economy. If you’re entered into the raffle, just
TO PARTICIPATE, PLEASE VISIT: WWW.93108FUND.ORG BEGINNING FRIDAY, MAY 1
On www.93108fund.org you will find a list of participating Cash Mob merchants; it will be an easy process to choose your gift cards and check out, all in one central place. Monies received will go directly to
the business owners, who will contact you directly to issue you your gift card.
We can do this! We can help our local businesses survive so that once again we will be able to stroll through the Upper Village or down Coast Village Road and enjoy the lovingly curated boutiques and restaurants that make Montecito not just one of the greatest places to visit, but one of the best places on earth to call home.
It takes a village to save a village. And save this village we shall!
In the meantime, we hope to see you at 7 pm on Sunday night at our MONTECITO MAY DAY CASH
MOB ZOOM PARTY!
NOW FOR THE RESULTS OF THE MONTECITO JOURNAL THOM STEINBECK CREATIVE WRITING CONTEST: THE LIMERICK EDITION
Call it a cop-out, but we’ve decided to punt on this one and leave the decision to you. We received almost 70 limericks. A few didn’t follow the rules and those were disqualified. But we were so entertained by these submissions that we wanted to share them with you and give you a chance to weigh in on choosing the winners. We will award three prizes (gift certificates to local restaurants for take-out). Please enjoy these limerick submissions and write to us at letters@MontecitoJournal. net to vote for a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place choice. We will announce the winners next week!
There once was a frightening flu, That left us with nothing to do. So we filled up the cupboard, And packed on the blubber, And now we’re all sick with Type 2
by Alan Hurst
There is a virus pandemic It could be a panicdemic Montecito is taking the virus in stride A mudslide prepared us for a bad ride We will pass this epidemic
by Bill Loomis
What is your favorite island little girl? Her eyes twinkled and she turned her head with a twirl, Santa Rosa, Sant Cruz, San Miguel she thought, And the last one is more like a rock, Ahh Anacapa is the one- with it’s waves all a curl.
by Alexis Dougherty
One day a young lady went out walking Intent on being seen without talking. On dressing forgot to check, Left barefoot up to the neck. Only to pass onlookers found gawking.
by Brian MacDonald
There was an old man that was bald Who said what shall I be called? I don’t like Chuck Certainly not Shmuck So Charlie I shall be called
by Charles Walworth
A surprisingly clamorous din For the anti malarial chloroquin But lo and behold Now the truth has been told You’re better off sticking with gin
by Chris Stocking
There was a fine doctor named Fauci, At press briefings he never was grouchy. He spoke common sense On the pandemic immense, SCIENCE guides him, without any doubt-ci !
by Cliff Ghersen
Santa Barbara have several young folk Who believe quarantines are a joke. HEY! In stores wear a mask! It’s not much to ask. Don’t act the cov-idiot bloke.
by Dana Crampton
Ah, Corona you’ve taught us to cope. Number one rule, don’t run out of soap. The future looks hazy. Family’s driving you crazy. But there’s always a reason to hope!
by Debra Cochrane
There was an old town by the beach Whose people remembered, History had something to teach Surviving fires and a flood Built upon ashes and mud A Virus not Russian Collusion became reason to impeach
by Dermott Down
On the morning rounds to the bells of songbird sounds out from a perch on the branch of a birch the song of an oriole resounds
by Erin Lamb
• The Voice of the Village • 30 April – 7 May 2020 MONTECITO JOURNAL 27 There was a young lass named Ramona Who was sure she had caught the corona But the virus said, “Ick! She’s making US sick!” And found was the cure for corona.
by Hugh Ransom
Our town’s in the grip of a virus Feared by all, even Billy Ray Cyrus. We will face it with class; Doubt not -- this will pass And COVID-19 will no longer mire us.
by Joel Nelson
There once was a dog from Montecito Who wanted to be incognito. But his Mom learned to Zoom In the Corona flu Gloom, And now he’s in hat and tuxedo.
by Joy duMay
There once was a town by the seas Whose peeps fought the dreaded disease They all wore their masks Locked down ‘til it passed They knew TP and Zoom are the keys
by Justine Sutton
There once was a lady with gray, The roots her salon took away. But sheltered in place, Two-toned she embraced, And inside her home she did stay.
by Kate Ford
I once knew an actress named Annie Who was concerned with the size of her Fanny She spoke with her mom who said let’s be calm We both got our fannies from Grannie
by Katherine Steele
This virus is getting us down Santa Barbara is like a ghost town It’s really not funny the stores need the money to get rid of the shop keeper’s frowns
by Larry Bond
There was once a mother in S.B. Who sought alcohol wipes and T.P. Juggling meeting IDs Amongst Instacart fees Times she walked the dog? 903.
by Lesley Hetrick
There once was the land Montecito Where everyone lived in high Splendito A virus most foul Caused Oprah to howl And we all hunkered down to Finito
by Linda Marie Prince
Debbie B’s Senior Fit class kept us lean, As we ROTATEd from machine to machine. COVID-19 ended that! Now we’re all growing fat! So, I long for the old Y team, as I pray for a COVID vaccine.
by Louise MacKenzie
the covid alarmed an old poet he took pen to paper to show it it may be the way that nature conveys the end of the world as we know it”
by Marc Cronin
Blue Agave have pointy teeth, like the Cacti, Aloe and Heath. but Bougainvillea flowers, and night Jasmine towers, put the Butterfly in sharp relief.
by Mark McKeefry
Cyrus was tending to his Iris When he suddenly felt desirous So he hopped on his bike And he went for a hike And became quite antivirus
by Marlene Vitanza
When corona hit some weeks ago, I said to my daughter, “Oh, no!” She drove me here from L.A. In her house I must stay. Now, how can I bump into Rob Lowe?
by Marsha Miller
Covid or not, we’re here to inform ya There’s a ‘hood in California Up and down the coast SB really is the most It’s where waves rival Bora Bora
by Megan McMills
There was an old man from Montecito. Who had a king-size libido. Then Covid came along And no one would join him in song, So, he quarantined at home alone wearing a speedo!
by Michael Edwards
There is a reporter quite extraordinary Who some say has “palms that are hairy “ His reports on Covid one nine Help keep all in line In a way that is never too scary
by Michael Sjollema
Maybe I’ll just clean house And do it in an old blouse Make everything shine Get rid of the grime I’d rather be outside free as mouse
by Mildred Brombai
‘Got 56 rolls of TP Facebook the sun and the sea A good song to sing Plus Quibi and Sling And no sign of having CV
by Molly Ann Leikin
There once was a city called Santa Barbara. They were going through a lot of drama. When Covid-19 struck, My playdates were out of luck, At least I didn’t have to stand six feet from my mama!
by Natalie Klan, 9 years old
There once was a doctor named Fauci Whose resume proved he’s no slouchy. He speaketh the truth, And was never uncouth, Which tended to make some people grouchy.
by Patty Schmidt
There was a couple confined for months to one room They exclaimed, “Hope we are allowed out of here soon!” Both took classes online ordered take-out to dine Danced to virtual events and were grateful for Zoom
by Raven Wylde
There once was an artist from Santa Barbara. She fell in love with a handsome candelabra. Every night they would sit, Pour a glass and get lit, And entertain thoughts most macabre.
by Rebecca Clark
It’s Complicated, Unorthodox, quite dour. I’m a Fleabag in need of a shower. The Office is closed, Stranger Things have transposed. Enthusiasm curbed by the hour.
by Stacie Hirsch
While searching for toilet paper, I thought to check with my neighbor. The hat on his head, “Trump 2020,” it read. So I just peed in his bushes later.
by SK Brooke
There was a young lad from Damasque Who had the onerous task Of containing his germs While coming to terms With romancing his gal through a mask.
by Steve Pollock
They say that it’s soon going to end As long as the road doesn’t bend But twisties and turnies Fill life’s average journeys The language they need to amend
by Susan Price
The horrors of Covid-19, Hand wipes were nowhere to be seen. I searched for TP, It wasn’t to be, ‘Cause hoarders had picked the shelves clean.
by Thomas Rogers
Aguy hears a knock at his front door. He opens the door and doesn’t see anyone, then looks down and sees a snail. So the guy kneels down, picks up the snail and tosses it across the street. One year later the same guy hears another knock at his door. It’s the snail who says, “What the hell was that all about?!”
