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angry poodle barbecue I Know Why the Caged Dog Barks

BALLOT BOLLOX: The importance of any elected office is directly proportional to the willingness of those seeking it to lie, cheat, steal, and fight. By this measure, the Super-

intendent of County Education, perhaps the most important, least understood elected office nobody ever heard of, has finally hit the big time.

Either that or Santa Barbara is now under siege by a small but ardent right-wing conspiracy, the likes of which we haven’t seen since local members of the John Birch Society lynched in effigy the then-Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren and the then-NewsPress founder and owner T.M. Storke back in the 1960s.

And no, I am not making this up.

Those were simpler times. Back then, those citizens who were aggrieved by the creeping hand of one-world statism railed against such things as fluoride in the municipal water supply—still perhaps the single greatest public health innovation since sliced bread, though gluten-free, of course. Today, they’ve been denouncing vaccine and mask-

ing requirements as totalitarian oppression. Back then, aggrieved citizens tried to take over school boards, warning that One World Conspiracy propagandists were brainwashing our children to believe the United Nations was more important than the United States. Today, the fault line of this ideological divide is over

equity and implicit-bias training.

Sixty years later and only the names have changed.

Lying somewhere on this spectrum, we have Christy Lozano—an 18-year physical education instructor with Santa Barbara’s anything but unified school district—and the court battle to stop her from running for

County Superintendent of Schools.

On a recent social media video, Lozano—also a Christian minister, union rep, and soccer coach—comes across as a

modern-day Joan of Arc: righteous, soulful, attractive, and above all, long-suffering. At school board meetings where she speaks frequently, however, she comes off more as a gale-force wind, aggrieved that parental authority is being usurped by social activist administrators who, she contends, are forcefeeding students an agenda that leads to white

self-loathing.

At 4 p.m. on March 11, Lozano submitted papers to county elections officials to run for County Superintendent of Schools against the incumbent, Dr. Susan Salcido. That was just one hour before the filing deadline elapsed. County elections czar Joe Holland didn’t have enough time to verify that Lozano possessed all the administrative certificates needed to qualify to run for this post. With the clock ticking, Holland

greenlighted her candidacy, explaining he didn’t have the info to say no. There hasn’t been a contested race for county schools superintendent in Santa Barbara for 35 years.

It’s worth noting that Holland is now also being challenged by another spokesperson for the culturally aggrieved right, Elrawd MacLearn, who ran unsuccessfully as part of a conservative slate for the Santa Barbara school board two years ago.

To belabor an obvious point, the inflamed

right is targeting elections officers—voting rights equals election theft—and school boards throughout the nation, and, now they are doing it here.

Coming seemingly out of left field to

oppose Lozano’s candidacy—unsuccessfully—on the hyper-technical grounds that she lacks the administrative certificates required to serve was Mollie Culver, the ubiquitous campaign consultant for the so-called Democratic Machine, who has worked with

the likes of Lois Capps, Gregg Hart, Cathy Murillo, and the cannabis industry, not to mention so many school bond measures that to name them all would induce a seizure.

Representing Culver is a Sacramento law firm that frequently represents the Califor-

nia County Superintendents Educational Services Association, on the board of which incumbent Salcido sits.

Culver is also exceptionally tight with former State Assemblymember, former State Senator, and former State Superintendent of Public Instruction Jack O’Connell, who still works closely with the aforementioned statewide cabal of county superintendents. The play here looks to be that Jack called Mollie, who sued Joe to keep Christy off the ballot. Got it?

On the flip side, Lozano is represented by John Thyne III, perhaps the single most ubiquitous person in Santa Barbara. John, as he is also known, is tight with James Fenkner—who is known simply as “Fenkner,” not James, even though it’s harder to pro-

nounce—who is at the epicenter of the backlash against the sometimes excessively woke but necessary politics of inclusion roiling the school district. Fenkner, who started Fair

Education to oppose a voluntary implicitbias training program, is a likable guy and talented schemer who seems to need a good fight to keep boredom at bay.

I read the legal briefs of both sides. It was “How many angels can dance on a head of a pin?” versus “How many ways can you cut a baby in half?” Both sides agreed Lozano

is not presently qualified to serve because she has never held the requisite administrative posts. But if she won the election, Thyne argued with ingenious circularity, Lozano would then have the administrative position needed to allow her to be qualified to run. In the end, Judge Colleen Sterne explained she didn’t want to block the people from choosing.

Lozano will be on the ballot.

The moral of the story, of course, is that we always go crazy when we talk about race. And

in America, everything is about race. Why else would you lynch Earl Warren in effigy? —Nick Welsh

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Cross at Your Own Risk

While driving toward the Mesa past the freeway on Carrillo Street this afternoon, I saw that the new crosswalk warning lights had been activated. I was in the right lane, and I stopped to let two little girls cross in front of me. These girls were so small that they weren’t as tall as the hood of my car.

Imagine my horror as a gray sedan shot past me full speed ahead on my left as the girls were in front of my vehicle. A few seconds later and I would have been witness to an unspeakable spectacle.

I don’t know who to blame for this situation. I will certainly think twice before driving through there in the right lane again. Do the planners really think that drivers will suddenly stop halfway up the hill where there has never been a crosswalk before just because a yellow light is flashing?

I have always considered the “run for your life” crosswalk on De la Vina Street where cars are turning off of State Street to be the most ill-conceived crosswalk in town. Not anymore. —Steve Thompson, S.B.

The Impacts of Commuting

The evening commute on Highway 1 shows the heavy traffic of people heading back to Lompoc at the end of a Santa Barbara workday. A story published in February on the council’s discussions on city growth made it clear they did not share a common vision of the problem or how it should be addressed. Some expressed the urgency of housing for those who make the city’s existence possible: educators; childcare, health care, and elderly care workers; gardeners and painters; house and office cleaners; cooks and waiters, etc. Despite their great contribution to the city, they are forced to spend more than half their income on rent, or else commute back and forth.

Mayor Randy Rowse expressed his refusal to “sacrifice” what makes Santa Barbara “something special.” Was the mayor referring to the many one-bedroom apartments inhabited by more than one family of children and adults sharing a small space? What about the impact of commuting on air quality?

Santa Barbara is not isolated from its surroundings. Whatever is done here has had and continues to have impacts on the broader region.

In the several debates about urban planning, as long ago as 2015, the city commissioned a leading group of academics and activists to help formulate an urban development plan and zoning for housing. Their conclusion was similar to the mayor’s comment: Growth would sacrifice what makes Santa Barbara “special.”

The result in other cities undergoing the same evolution is similar Santa Barbara’s: The cities grew, their economy diversified and expanded, and more people were employed in thriving industries, particularly in higher education and research, technology, tourism, and services. Yet we suffer from the same problems: a city that mistreats its inhabitants, those who keep it thriving, for whom living here means an enormous sacrifice.

It is imponderable to think of our urban future as something more just and inclusive but also one that incorporates in its planning agreements with neighboring communities where a substantial part of those who care for our children, our elderly, and our sick; those who educate them; those who keep our gardens beautiful and paint our homes and businesses, also reside. Our city will be even more beautiful when it has the capacity to accommodate all those who, in one way or another, make Santa Barbara possible every day. —Hugo Santos-Gomez, Lompoc

Ukrainian Reparations

It is clear that war crimes have been and continue to be committed by Russia in its prosecution of an illegal war. NATO and the overwhelming majority of the nations of the world have condemned Russia’s actions as horrific. The time will come when it will be possible for the international community to hold Russia accountable for its barbaric behavior.

The financial sanctions imposed on Russia include freezing hundreds of billions of dollars of Russia’s reserve currency and gold held by non-Russian institutions. Coordinated international action should be taken to direct the payment of these assets to the people of Ukraine and its government as a reparation for the damages done by Russia. Actions have consequences; Russia must be held accountable. —Phil McKenna, S.B. 3317A State St., Loreto Plaza • 805.568.5402 Mon-Sat 10am- 5pm

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