Among Friends Magazine – Spring/Summer 2020

among friends a biannual publication for the san francisco friends school community

spring/ summer 2020

how we’re staying connected in stressful and uncertain times

graduation 2.0: celebrating the sffs class of 2020

six questions for filmmaker brown schneider ‘20

faculty friends: the 5th grade team finds a perfect fit

new columns: connections & the quaker glossary

“... I think our students will carry San Francisco Friends School with them for the rest of their lives.”

– Kathryn Ma, San Francisco Friends School Founding Trustee

among friends: spring 2020

in this issue...

CONNECT dear friends: a letter from our head of school

page 2

connections what are you reading? page 4 blue’s on fire! page 7 graduation 2.0: celebrating the class of 2020

page 8

faculty friends: a perfect fit

page 10

how we stay connected

page 12

friends forever: six questions for brown schneider ‘20

page 15

class notes / in memoriam

page 16

what it means to me / quaker glossary page 18 photo album page 20

page 1

dear friends a letter from our head of school

Dear Friends, In his essay “Goals of a Liberal Education,” educator and author William Cronon reminds readers of E. M. Forster’s injunction from Howard’s End: “Only Connect.”

Have those words and that injunction ever packed more meaning?

Cronon explains: “More than anything else, being an educated person means being able to see connections that allow one to make sense of the world and act within it in creative ways. Every one of the qualities I have described here—listening, reading, talking, writing, puzzle solving, truth-seeking, seeing through other people’s eyes, leading, working in community—is finally about connecting. A liberal education is about gaining the power and the wisdom, the generosity and the freedom to connect.”

Anyone else wondering whether William Cronon ever attended a Friends School?

among friends: spring 2020

The criteria Cronon provides resonate deeply with my experience as a student, teacher, and administrator; as a sibling, spouse, and parent; as a colleague, friend, and fellow traveler through journeys of joy and sorrow; and in the face of the extraordinary challenges we as a society face now as we grapple with both a global pandemic and ongoing racial injustice.

I connect as frequently as possible with family members and friends, and I connect with ideas, as well as individuals who inspire me, as an avid reader; in fact, reading is often what I do when I’m lonely. I look forward to reading the pages of this edition of Among Friends and to learning what my colleagues are reading. On my device and book pile today are How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi, This Is Chance by John Mooallem, The Obstacle Is the Way and Stillness Is the Key by Ryan Holiday, The Great Mental Models by Shane Parrish, and The Rules of Civility by Amor Towles (whose A Gentleman in

Moscow is the novel I recommend most highly these days).

At SFFS we will make use of books and labs, creativity and conversation—in short, all of the tools at our disposal and within us to learn, grow, and fortify our community.

We will not stop searching for the truth, the answers most meaningful and impactful, nor savoring the ways in which we share our journeys of discovery. We will collect and connect experiences, and we will ask again and again how we might bring that which we have come to know and that which we are able to do together to contribute to a more just and caring society.

And we are glad and grateful to count you among us. thinking sffs,

Mike Hanas Head of School

MIKE’S FAVORITE TITLES: How To Be An Antiracist (Ibram X. Kendi) The Obstacle is the Way and Stillness is the Key (Ryan Holiday) This Is Chance!: The Shaking of an All-American City, A Voice That Held It Together (Jon Mooallem) The Choice: Embrace the Possible (Dr. Edith Eva Eger) Good Economics for Hard Times (Abhijit V. Banerjee and Esther Duflo) The Great Mental Models (Shane Parrish and Farnam Street)

page 3

connections Before COVID-19 was in the news or our campus was forced to close, “connections” was planned as the theme of this issue, and we were excited to introduce this new column to our pages. In each future issue of Among Friends, we’ll pose a question to our community, and print as many responses as we can fit on these pages.

THIS ISSUE’S QUESTION: What books are currently stacked on your nightstand or stored in your reading device that you’d recommend to the Friends community?

Know My Name: A Memoir by Chanel Miller is extraordinarily powerful, enlightening, and beautifully written. I somewhat reluctantly started it and then ended up reading it at 2:00 a.m. under the covers with my cell phone flashlight.

The Overstory by Richard Powers. This masterpiece swept me away and reminded me of the beauty and power of trees in our everyday lives. It gave me the gift of extra-appreciating the trees in my neighborhood on our isolation walks.

– Laura Mitic, Current Parent Winners Take All: The Elite Charade of Changing the World by Anand Giridharadas, because this is a great time to “reimagine what’s possible” in the words of Arundhati Roy. How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi because we need to constantly learn, self-examine, and understand how we can uproot racism and inequality in our society and in ourselves.

The Mirror & the Light by Hilary Mantel because it is the last of a wonderful trilogy from a literary master portraying the story of a boy from nowhere who rose to the heights of power in a time when a modern nation is making itself, illuminating the internal conflicts within a human being and the contest between the power of a privileged few and the ability to rise from nothing but individual abilities... a mouthful, but each book in the trilogy is long and complex!

– Aneesha Capur, Current Parent

among friends: spring 2020

The Soul of America (Jon Meacham), a timely reminder that the current partisan divisions are not new, and that we will find our way back to unity; Breaking Bread: A Baker’s Journey Home (Martin Philip), a beautiful memoir by King Arthur Flour’s head baker as told through the cities he’s lived in and bread recipes.

– Karena Man, Current Parent The Night Watchman by Louise Erdrich (the latest from an incredible indigenous writer!); Lost Children Archives by Valerie Luiselli (stories from the US/Mexico border); and Unfinished Business by Vivian Gornick (all about re-reading books in different times of your life).

– Frances Dickson, Current Faculty Palaces for the People: How Social Infrastructure Can Help Fight Inequality, Polarization, and the Decline of Civic Life by Eric Klinenberg (the powerful effect of the physical environment seen from a sociologist’s POV); The Meritocracy Trap: How America’s Foundational Myth Feeds Inequality, Dismantles the Middle Class, and Devours the Elite by Daniel Markovitz; The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein; The Years That Matter the Most: How College Makes or Breaks Us by Paul Tough; Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World by David Epstein; The Knowledge Gap: The Hidden Cause of America’s Broken Education System and How to Fix It by Natalie Wexler; Cultural Literacy: What Every American Needs to Know by E D Hirsch Jr; and Breaking Boundaries: Varieties of Liminality

by Agnes Horvath.

– Karen Seong, Current Parent page 5

continued from “connections” on page 5...

Braiding Sweetgrass—each chapter is a stand alone reflection on our connection (or lack of ) to the natural world. You will find yourself reading paragraphs aloud for your kids (whose eyes may glaze over, but at least they will notice when YOUR eyes well up and they will astonishingly ask, “Are you CRYING?” ) Keep it on your night stand and open it when you start to hope that the world could change for the better.

– Jen Maeder, Current Parent

I really loved Girl, Woman, Other by Bernadine Evaristo for the way it brought together so many stories of women who were both familiar and new to me at the same time. I hadn’t read many books that spoke to the different experiences of race and gender of Black women in the UK, so that was really interesting to me. Another favorite is Make it Scream, Make it Burn, which is a newish book of essays by Leslie Jamison. I also could not stop reading Hidden Valley Road, and found the balance of family story and evolving history/science of schizophrenia really fascinating if also upsetting... Finally, re-reading Fahrenheit 451 (for maybe the 20th time??) with my 8th-Graders—I always get something new from it. It’s kind of crazy how much Bradbury was able to write for our times in his times.

– Sabrina Brooks, Current Faculty & Alumni Parent

The Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler, written in 1993. It’s a powerful dystopian view of the US, set in 2024–2026 in LA and on a journey north to Mendocino. There are some truly graphic descriptions of depravity and violence, but they are in support of the story and not gratuitous. Definitely not kid-friendly, but gripping and provocative.

The Well-Tempered City: What Modern Science, Ancient Civilizations, and Human Nature Teach Us About the Future of Urban Life by Jonathan F.P. Rose. I’m about halfway through and it promises to describe a framework for what intentions we might want to have as a society as we reconsider urban life post-pandemic.

– Dave Maltz, Current and Alumni Parent

The Salt Path: A Memoir by Raynor Winn—a memoir about a couple in their mid-life losing everything, gaining inspiration, and walking the South West Coast Path in England. It sweeps you away to learn about England’s history and natural wonders and motivates you to walk with wonder no matter where you are.

– Mary Beth Sheridan, Current Parent among friends: spring 2020

blue’s on fire! though we couldn’t physically come together, our community still manged to show up in a big way.

Like so many traditions this spring, Blue Party 2020: Friendsapalooza, was not to be. Instead, it lives on in our hearts as the greatest Friends Festival that never happened. But in true Friends fashion you came together to make what DID happen, our Blue Party Online

in the gym and lounging in the transformed Black Box theater, shelter-in-place orders necessitated we stay home and ask for your participation exclusively online. At the same time, we recognized that the economic uncertainty of these challenging times had generated greater needs in our Friends community.

Safeway Gift cards, devices for student participation in Friends@ Home, and supporting the almost-immediate increased needs in our adjustable tuition program.

You, our SFFS families (current and past), faculty and staff, trustees, grandfriends, friends, and alum-

“[In our community], there is one question I hear asked most often: ‘How can I help?’ I hear it over and over again. I heard it loudly and clearly as we reimagined our Blue Party... And I heard that question not only asked, but answered resoundingly.”

– Mike Hanas, Head of School

Auction, so much better than we could ever have imagined!

Each year, we ask for your support of the SFFS Blue Party to raise critical funds for adjustable tuition, a program that supports more than one in four Friends students. This year, rather than bidding on items in the Meeting Room, dancing

To meet these needs, we created the Emergency Relief Fund (ERF) and asked for your help.

And help you did… Your bids and donations to this year’s Blue Party, including the Emergency Relief Fund, raised more than $329,000, a school record. These funds were put to use right away, purchasing

ni, all responded to our call with heartfelt and resounding generosity, holding our community and shared values up in the process. We are deeply grateful!

page 7

graduation 2.0 the sffs class of 2020 dealt with a rollercoaster of an 8th grade spring, but they rose to the occasion with grace and wisdom beyond their years.

When students left 250 Valencia Street on Thursday, March 12, none of us could have imagined that three months later, our Class of 2020 would be graduating from Friends via Zoom. But as the weeks went on, shelter-in-place continued, and we realized that planning for a virtual ceremony would be necessary, there was considerable concern about both our students’ feelings, as well as the school’s ability to deliver a moment that was worthy of their accomplishments and contributions to our community.

As soon as the planning began, however, the Friends spirit shone through, and a wonderful program began to form: the Arts Department pulled together beautiful dramatic and musical performances from students, graduation “kits” were assembled and delivered to each 8th Grade student’s home, and cameos from old Friends were planned for the Zoom ceremony.

And on Wednesday, June 12, at 11:00 a.m., it all seemed to come together. From the opening Minecraft video created by Ryan Ancheta ‘20 that led guests through a jaw-dropping recreation of our among friends: spring 2020

SFFS campus and first-year Middle School Head Clarke Weatherspoon’s MC duties, to the moving spoken word and musical pieces from our talented 8th-Grade artists and heartfelt messages from founding Head Cathy Hunter, founding Middle School Head Andrew Salverda, and founding Middle School Music Specialist Garth Applegate, there was widespread collaboaration on what turned out to be a lovely send-off for a remarkable group of students.

As the ceremony itself came to a close, Clarke invited families, faculty and staff, and relatives dialing in from far away, to chime in with words of love and support.

Witnessing those expressions of emotion was the capstone to the whole experience, and it showed, in clear relief, the bonds that unite this San Francisco Friends School community.

This fall, the SFFS Class of 2020 will venture off on new journeys.

They’ll form new friendships, discover new mentors, continue their evolution as change-makers and citizens of the world. And we will be cheering them on all the way. Please be sure to come back

to campus, keep in touch, let us know what you’re up to. We miss you already, and are so excited for you and all that’s to come. You are on your way, and we know you will make our society more caring, more inclusive, more just.

Head of School Mike Hanas perhaps summed it up best in the closing of his graduation speech: And by the power invested in me as a Head of School who occasionally gets to do what he wants, what he believes you to have earned and the world to need I light this candle, and In the name of the Peace-Maker, I charge you to let your life speak.

In the name of the Just, I charge you to be brave.

In the name of the Steward of Community, I charge you to be kind.

In the name of the Wise, I charge you to remember what matters most.

Clockwise from top: students from Jon’s 8th Grade Drama class performed a moving spoken word piece about the experience of attending SFFS, founding Head of School Cathy Hunter made a guest experience, Middle School Head Clarke Weatherspoon handled MC duties, and Anshel Mamet (SFFS ‘20) played the school song, “Simple Joys,” for the audience.

From your final bow, to your last shot, the last time you walked out of that cloakroom, or drank from that water fountain.

But it was never just one of those It was never just one room, one hallway, or one aspect.

It was every corner, every fist bump, every laugh.

It was the big moments, But also the smallest details From the first moment I walked through those gates, To the very last, You asked me what it’s like to be a friends school student And that’s what it’s like to be home.

– excerpt from “What is it like to be a Friends School student?” a spoken word piece by Minna Lezak ‘20

page 9

faculty friends: a perfect fit

by Kelsey Barbella, 5th Grade Math Teacher and Advisor

With the possibilities opened by the schedule, the 5th Grade team joined forces for integrated learning.

When we were introduced to the new schedule for this school year, Academic Dean Tracie Mastronicola told us that there would be a transdisciplinary class, and that the current Middle School curriculum could—and absolutely would—fit into this class. Since we already had a fully integrated unit in 5th Grade on bridges, we saw an opportunity, and started our planning there. As a team, we got together to develop our bridge unit further and to discuss other topics—and transportation (which we knew we would have copious amounts of information and resources on) came up as a natural connection to bridges. The topics of bridges and transportation then naturally led us to focus on water, which all three of us felt truly passionate about, especially considering the current climate issues we face. We all brought a certain background and perspective to the topic, as well.

The three of us on the 5th Grade team—me in Math, Jenn (Rothamong friends: spring 2020

stein) in Humanities, and Rich (Oberman) in Science—all began to brainstorm what we thought was important to cover in a comprehensive, integrated unit on water. We developed a list of topics, as well as potential projects, and in the end agreed that our objectives as we constructed the unit was to ensure we covered a number of bases in our teaching and research, including: • • • •

rising sea levels/climate change water quality how people get water the fact that most of the earth’s water is salt water • an understanding of what a watershed is and differentiate between bodies of water in a watershed • the stages of the water cycle • and most importantly: an understanding that fresh water is a limited resource that we must protect Next, we came up with a more

structured outline of the best way to present these topics from beginning to end. Each week, we’d research the topic coming up next, and we were lucky that there was already so much water curriculum out there for us to learn and draw inspiration from.

While planning, we constantly talked about each of our three subjects’ role in not only the overall curricular plan, but in the day-today classroom experience. When a specific activity or project we had planned for the water unit lent itself particularly well to a concept that I was going to teach in math class, for example, we tied it in and made it work. The current schedule allowed us to do this by giving us two 80-minute planning periods per week, as well as professional development days that we put to use in our planning.

One of the first projects we did with the kids was a water taste test—this was our hook. We had

Left: In the fall, 5th-Graders worked in groups on presentations, which they made to both their classmates and their 1st Grade buddies. Right: The class continued their water unit with a visit to Ocean Beach in January, where they helped clean up and keep the beach safe for wildlife.

“While planning, we constantly talked about each of our three subjects’ role in not only the overall curricular plan, but in the day-to-day classroom experience. ”

students taste six different types of water, make observations based on the water, and graph the results.

Not only did it introduce the students to the unit and some different types of drinking water, but it was a great example of transdisciplinary work. Next, students did water quality testing on the six different types of water, and we talked about pollutants and different compounds. Afterwards, students learned about water usage by taking a survey to see how much water they use on average and dove deep into how much water is used to make food. This also led to discussions of bottled water and its

effects on the environment. About halfway through the semester, the students were assigned to plan a presentation for their 1st grade buddies on a topic of their choosing to practice their presentation skills. Our final project in school was a social justice button that they designed, created, and gave away at the craft fair. To conclude the unit, we went to Sunset Beach to do an ocean beach clean-up.

Working on this unit helped to reinforce my love of co-teaching— there is so much I learn from my partners and I’ve grown so much through collaboration with my

team. I think the students also benefit from it, and I love having the opportunity to see them in a totally different way than I see them in math class. For example, even just reading their water taste test reviews was so fun because we don’t always have many opportunities for creative writing in math.

The biggest challenge was creating curriculum from scratch, and it was also hard sometimes to be truly fair about balancing all the subjects.

But we did it, truly enjoyed it, and I know there’s more collaboration and integration to come...

page 11

how we stay connected in the midst of distance learning and particularly stressful circumstances (like a global pandemic, shelter-in-place orders, and social unrest), how has our friends community remained connected?

It wasn’t easy and it challenged us in ways unimaginable before midMarch, but as of Tuesday, June 9, when we closed out our school year with a virtual Zoom End of Year Celebration, the community of San Francisco Friends School had completed over 12 weeks of distancing learning (or as we called it, Friends@Home).

The Spring of 2020 is one we will never forget. And for a school like Friends, where community is at the heart of everything, we had to truly reimagine how we might connect and engage with one another in our new normal. In the pages to follow, members of our faculty and staff reflect on how they managed to maintain connection, both to among friends: spring 2020

one another and to students, at a time when stresses were often at an all-time high and we were all trying to learn how to teach and learn in entirely new ways. Their insights will help us move forward and also learn from what we’ve experienced.

As always, we remain grateful for everyone in this community, and we so look forward to the day we will once again be able to gather at 250 Valencia.

–––––––––– I feel like the 8th Grade team has done a great job of staying connected—and we prioritize it. We start every meeting with a checkin: How are you doing today? Is there something fun you did with your

family? Was today tough? How was your class today? It’s been a great way to be honest with ourselves about how hard this is (and see that it’s hard for everyone—I always see connection signs!), and it’s also become a way to celebrate the small victories.

– Sara Melman, 8th Grade Science Teacher –––––––––– I’ve been reminded about how important it is to see everyone’s faces and smile. I’ve never been a phone call person, and Zoom has been so helpful in seeing colleagues regularly and sharing and laughing with the Kindergarteners. Connec-

tion involves being with people, and I have gained a greater appreciation of how much we gain by being in others’ physical presence. I look forward to the day when hugs are part of the world again.

– Nick McGrane, Kindergarten Lead Teacher –––––––––– As soon as we headed into a “distant learning” mode this spring, my focus shifted almost immediately to the work we would be called to do to support parents, especially those of our youngest students. While partnership at Friends has always been a value, this was going to take us to new levels. When school is not school, and home is not school, we needed to be there for parents as they tried to sustain connection and engagement in a highly compromised and often digital format.

We started daily Friends Connect parent events right away as a community space for parent support.

We navigated all kinds of questions of how to sustain learning from home for students who have not been exposed to much technology, and who still rely on regular adult, peer and hands on interaction in order to learn. In Friends Connect we covered topics from child development, work load, screen time, program objectives, individual needs, and social emotional learning. It was hard, and I often felt ineffective. However, there has been a shining silver lining for me, and I think, for this community. By force of nature, and lots of listening, I experienced a sense of connection and empathy for so many, and came to know many parents I had not enough occasion to know, much more deeply and better. Many reached out in support, in struggle, and also in solidarity, to link arms and muddle through together, even when they

knew we couldn’t possibly have a complete solution for them.

At our best, our home/school partnership is much more than a transactional one; our work on behalf of children and learning is a community endeavor that helps us all live our values and be models for our children. Some conversations we have had because of Friends Connect remind me of those messy and first founding days of Friends—the ones that forged so many incredible connections and gave birth to this school.

Experiencing successes is easy to absorb, but muddling through the tough stuff and coming out the other side, more connected and driven by our shared mission, is a true measure of a learning community. That pioneering spirit is alive and well in so many—and in some ways it makes my connection to this place even more durable.

– Jennifer Arnest, Lower School Head page 13

The great bread yeast shortage of 2020 has made my sourdough starter very popular. Several of my advisees are making bread and I’ve offered to go on sojourns to their neighborhoods to bring them some of my sourdough starter. It’s been a good excuse for me to get out and go on long urban hikes with a sense of purpose and a destination.

Visiting with the students briefly

hi-five the Kindergarteners or sit on the yard for lunch with colleagues. Faculty meetings, committee meetings, and grade level sessions are all invaluable in how they give some insight into what others are up to. I love being around people, and I look forward to days of walking down the hallways and meeting with students and families in my office. Until then, I

During Shelter-in-Place, we have been connecting over Zoom Tea Time, sharing our gratitude while catching up.

Proximate human connection is real. The tools we have at our disposal to create connection satisfies me like a light summer meal; it is delicious and satisfying in the moment, and when reflecting on

“Connection involves being with people, and I have gained a greater appreciation of how much we gain by being in others’ physical presence. I look forward to the day when hugs are part of the world again.”

on their stoops has been a joy.

Mind you, we’ve been keeping a safe distance. Just to see students in person, rather than via Zoom has provided me a sense of connection that I cherish. If anyone needs sourdough starter, let me know and I’ll schedule a hike!

may have to further cultivate my telepathic faculties and learn how to keep pigeons.

– Jeff Porter, 6th Grade Science Teacher

Zoom art classes have been a source of joy, the place/space where we can see each other. I particularly enjoy being with all of our young artists while they are crafting artwork in real time. Seeing what children create right after they have committed their ideas to paper mimics the studio classroom in a palpable way. For the last five minutes of class, I turn off the mute feature so that we can all talk over each other, sharing ideas and news. This happy cacophony of sound connects our voices in a way that is true to the studio classroom, and I miss it.

–––––––––– Staying connected to Friends is an important and ongoing element of my work. I’m using all means of communication: phone, email, text, FaceTime, Zoom, Google Meet—all except telepathy and carrier pigeon. Joining this school community was about connection for me. Embracing Quaker values, honoring our students and families, learning new lessons. Being out of the building has required more effort to be connected and I’m happy that I’ve been able to see people in new ways. I’m also saddened by the fact that I can’t among friends: spring 2020

– Clarke Weatherspoon, Middle School Head ––––––––––

I connect with colleagues similarly. On campus, Ester and I have neighboring classrooms.

the experience I am hungry, wanting more. I miss the proximate affection of the children I work with. Seeing them and hearing them is connective. The relationships we have now were built on a foundation of time, thought, energy, and love at 250 Valencia Street.

– Caren Andrews, Lower School Art Teacher

friends forever six questions for recent sffs grad brown caruso schneider ‘20

Earlier this year, Brown Caruso Schneider ‘20 made his first short documentary film about a client of the Meals on Wheels program in San Francisco—and then promptly won an award for his work from the Bridge Film Festival, held by the Brooklyn Friends School in New York.

What inspired you to make Meals for Kurt? Have you been interested in filmmaking for awhile?

A couple years ago, I was helping my mom make a promo for Meals on Wheels for her job as a professional photographer. She invited me to help her for the day and take portraits of homebound seniors who are clients of this program. I jumped at this opportunity knowing that it would be a great experience to learn and have a dif-

ferent perspective of what it’s like to live in San Francisco.

How did you find Kurt, the subject of your film? He’s such a compelling character!

We visited three clients, and the one who stood out to me the most was a man named Kurt who lives in the Mission District. For the next six months after meeting Kurt, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I wanted to take Kurt’s story and my

Still from Brown Schneider’s film, Meals for Kurt. Photo courtesy of Maren Caruso.

love of media and film to make a documentary about him.

How long did you work on this film? Were you always planning on entering it in the Bridge Film Festival?

This video took three months to film, edit, and direct, and after a couple setbacks, I am pleased with the final cut. After mentioning my project to a teacher at Friends, she continued on page 18... page 15

class notes Do you have news to share in Class Notes? This is a place to catch up with SFFS alumni, faculty, staff, and former faculty and staff—and we want to hear from you (as do all of your friends)! Email Alissa at akinney-moe@sffriendsschool.org. Thank you!

class of 2013: Liam Thor went golfing with some of his SFFS buddies over the Winter Break, all from the Class of 2013: James Hill, Stephen Ciulla, and Spencer Small.

––––––––––

class of 2015: Nan Alamilla Boyd writes: “Max Buenviaje-Boyd (SFFS ’15) is finishing his first year at Pomona College after attending the Ruth Asawa School of the Arts (art discipline Architecture & Design).”

––––––––––

class of 2016: Robert Ciulla planned to hold his computer science camp, SF among friends: spring 2020

Coding Camp, for the second year this summer (either by Zoom or distanced and in person) after graduating from the Urban School.

Nick Hoffner graduated from Lick-Wilmerding this spring, as his younger sister Kate (SFFS ‘19) wrapped up her 9th Grade year.

Both siblings were kind enough to stop by school a few weeks before campus closed to share what it was about attending SFFS that they were grateful for and how being Friends School grads has impacted their lives. Nick is heading to Tufts University in the fall.

Katie Cleary graduated this spring from International High School with her IB diploma, and will attend Smith College in the Fall,

Clockwise from left: Members of the Class of 2013, Nick ‘16 & Kate Hoffner ‘19, & Katie Cleary ‘16.

where she plans to study history, classics, linguistics, and theater. __________

classes 2014–2019: Several alums, including Lily ‘15 and Clementine ‘17 Daniel, Ella ‘15 and Ruben ‘19 Pearl, Rosie Morford ‘14, and Andres and Rami ‘21 Safa have pitched in to help deliver meals through SFDine11, a nonprofit in the Bay Area founded by SFFS parents Nikki Pearl, Katie Morford, Lourdes Cordero, and Tida Beattie.

in memoriam: Jose Azucena We were broken-hearted to learn that Jose Azucena, a beloved member of the SFFS professional community, passed away from complications related to COVID-19 on May 2.

Head of School Mike Hanas shared some wonderful memories of Jose in a letter to our current families, faculty, and staff: “As many of you know, Jose was part of our Facilities team, and could often be spotted around campus tending to light fixtures, hanging pictures, and helping to ensure that our beloved 250 Valencia looked its best. “Sure thing” was the response many of us became accustomed to hear from him in response to a request for help, and “80%... and that’s pretty good” was his regular response to “How are you?” Jose was quiet, warm, and was proud to be part of our school; he was also a very enthusiastic fan of the European Premier League; a celebrant of numerous places he lived, including his native El Salvador (I was touched when he gifted me a figurine of an ocelot, which can be found in the forests of that country); and palpably devoted to his family.”

We will miss Jose and the light he brought to our SFFS community.

–––––––––– Randy Milden

by Kathryn

Ma, Founding Clerk of the Board of Trustees (2001–2006) In the early years of Friends, there was much debate around how to create a community committed to our Quaker school mission. Interest in admissions to Friends was building, with prospective parents

calling every day, and often we (trustees and staff) told ourselves that we were looking for families who “shared our values.” Then Randy Milden challenged us with a question: Might we try to find families who were drawn to our values, or who were curious about our values, rather than those who already “shared” them (or professed to?) It was a brilliant remark, offered gently and firmly in Randy’s characteristic style, and one of the innumerable ways in which Randy’s wise counsel shaped the founding of Friends.

On March 10, 2020, Randy passed away from cancer, peacefully, at home, surrounded by her family, and the SFFS community lost a founder, collaborator and friend.

When Randy joined the Founding Board in 2001, the small group of start-up trustees counted our lucky stars. Randy had served as Dean of the College at Haverford College, where she taught Psychology and Feminist and Gender Studies. She brought to our new endeavor her deep experience in Quaker education, along with her great listening skills, generous spirit, and an irresistible sense of fun.

At the start, Randy and fellow trustee Mary Hossfeld directed a nationwide search for a Head of School, a mighty effort which brought us Cathy Hunter. Randy

went on to serve on every committee, and, at a point of major transition, she served as Clerk of the Board of Trustees, leading us through two critical years of construction on 250 Valencia. She always kept us looking forward.

When we moved into our new home in 2008, she spoke eloquently of the generations to come.

Cathy and others share indelible memories of Randy clerking long board meetings with her glasses perched on her nose and her knitting needles flashing. If you were quiet, a glance over the glasses would invite you to speak up. If you were talking too much, you’d get a cautionary look. She cooked for us, calmed us, cajoled us to consensus. She made us T-shirts that reminded us, “Life is a bowl of queries.” As Cathy says, she had an “utterly disarming desire to CARE for us all,” as well as wit, grace and so much integrity that you wanted to do well for her. Randy drew us in and made us curious to ask: how best can we serve our students, faculty and staff? And, from there, how best to serve the world?

We mourn our loss, and send our deepest sympathy to her husband, Steve, and their children, Emily and Adam. May her memory be a blessing.

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continued from friends forever on page 11... encouraged me to submit it to the Bridge Film Festival.

Would you like to continue making films (documentaries, specifically)?

I would like to look into media and film during high school, and it seems like something I might want to pursue.

What were the best parts of the experience of making Meals for Kurt? What were the most challenging?

Although there were a few setbacks in the making of this video, the majority of the experience was very rewarding. Interacting with new people and learning new skills was also another amazing aspect of this video.

the purpose of getting the message out there. It was really surprising to win my first film submission and exciting to get feedback and to hear what the judges had to say.

What ran through your head when you found out you’d won the documentary category of the Bridge Film Festival and read judges’ glowing reviews?!

In each issue of Among Friends, we’ll catch up with a Friends alum in this column. Do you know a graduate of SFFS we should talk to? Please email Alissa at akinney-moe @sffriendsschool.org!

When I submitted my video I definitely didn’t expect to win anything. I was solely doing it for

the quaker glossary Wondering what your kids are talking about when they come home with new Quaker lingo? We’re here to help!

The Testimonies: The testimonies are commonly shared and valued behaviors within the Quaker community. At Friends, we often focus on a subset of testimonies called the SPICES: Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality, and Stewardship.

However, these are not the only testimonies (and in Quaker history, the SPICES are a relatively recent invention).

among friends: spring 2020

As Amabelle Sze, one of our lead 4th Grade teachers, has noted when speaking on the testimonies in the past: Traditionally, Quaker testimonies have the following characteristics: 1. A testimony is something we are called or led to—not something we choose to do on our own. It arises from a relationship with our Inner Light (also known to many Lower-Schoolers as that small, still voice

we listen for during Meeting for Worship).

2. A testimony must be something you can testify to; a public behavior.

3. A testimony must be representative of our entire community (something that all Quakers generally agree upon).

4, A testimony must be “a cross to the conscience,” something that calls on us to act outside our comfort zone.

testimony: integrity The testimony for the 2019–2020 school year at SFFS is integrity, and we’ve asked members of our community to share their thoughts. In each issue of Among Friends, we’ll share one Friend’s take...

“Right words, right action.” In this instance of Quaker speak, “right” does not mean “correct,” but suggests integrity. For me, integrity means to have the courage to listen carefully to others, to the “still small voice” within us and to speak truth, even when it’s hard.

I’m not sure there’s a value I hold more deeply. It is one of the reasons that the practice of Meetings for Business is so central at Friends, as it can be a tool to help us mine for integrity.

As an example, in the Lower School Meetings for Business this past year we discussed the school rule ‘You Can’t Say You Can’t Play.’ (This “rule” comes from a book of the same title by Vivian Paley, and is dedicated to discussion about inclusion and school communities.) At first, the Lower School students at SFFS generally felt this rule seemed simple. Of course! If someone asks to play you have to let them in! The students collectively patted themselves on the backs and reflected back the moral code: Isn’t that already a rule at our school, that you just can’t exclude, and everyone is friendly?

Then, the complexity emerged, and a still small voice spoke up and said “But... what if you need alone time?” And then another: “What if you need some 1-1 time with a friend?” And another: “What if the game gets too big and you need

Class representatives in the Lower School remind the group of their values and guidelines for discussion during Meeting for Business this past fall.

small group time?” Good, honest questions—without easy answers.

When these truths emerge, we know we are about to have a long and honest conversation.

It takes courage and integrity to address the tough stuff, and the “continuing revelation of truth” emerges the deeper we dive—and I love that about Friends. Even our youngest learners can begin to hold that there are no easy answers. Two things can be true at the same time; inclusion in school is a value, and also, sometimes it is hard. If that is so, then, how do I decide what to do and what guides me? Integrity

leads us to recognize our inner voice, all the while reflecting and taking others perspectives as well.

When we choose to act, we do so guided by a process of reflection, discernment, kindness, and respect for others. Meeting for Business gives us space to practice this hard complex, courageous, lifelong work, of listening, speaking, and acting with integrity.

– Jennifer Arnest, Lower School Head

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photo album

among friends: spring 2020

photos from the past few months at sffs that capture our theme in this issue: stay connected

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san francisco friends school 250 valencia street san francisco, ca 94103 have any questions or requests regarding among friends magazine? please contact sffs director of communications alissa moe at akinney-moe@sffriendsschool.org.