Among Friends: Fall / Winter 2020

among friends a biannual publication for the san francisco friends school community

fall / winter 2020

connecting through our favorite traditions

community spotlight: dine11 sf delivers for those in need

the reopening @ 250 valencia

faculty friends: bread and science

friends forever: olivia & kate

“... Now what?

What each of us can do in response to that question varies considerably, of course, and reflects how our circumstances are advantaged and disadvantaged. That each of us and all of us can take on responsibility is a privilege we share. In fact, it is one of our values, our SPICES, at Friends, where community means both opportunity and responsibility, where doing what we can to contribute to a more just and caring society is our mission. That mission calls each of us to consider what happened last night and what to do today and to be ready for—to be ready to help shape—a whole new chapter.”

– Head of School Mike Hanas, in a message sent to the SFFS community the day after the presidential election on Tuesday, November 3, 2020

among friends: fall 2020

in this issue...

COMMUNITY dear friends: a letter from our head of school

page 2

connections what is a new favorite tradition? page 4 community spotlight: coming together to deliver dine11 sf page 7 the reopening at 250 valencia page 9

faculty friends: bread and science page 11 friends forever: olivia & kate page 13 class notes

page 16

what it means to me / quaker glossary page 18 photo album page 20

page 1

dear friends a letter from our head of school

Dear Friends, My experience of living through a pandemic, challenging in numerous ways, has not been without sources of satisfaction, inspiration, even joy.

I hope the same holds for you.

I’ve experimented with time-restricted eating, for instance, and

with my son Matt, even if we sat apart—across the country—was a blast!

However, what’s been most joyful, especially when joy has been hard to find, have been conversations of connection and reconnection.

I’ve reconnected with Fr. Michael Boughton, S.J., a mentor from my

Zoom. And my daughter Kyle and I compare notes regularly on teaching, learning, leadership, human development, democracy, and social justice.

Even as I reflect on the words I’ve just typed and the moments to which they attest, I’m struck by how fortunate I have been to

“However, what’s been most joyful, especially when joy has been hard to find, have been conversations of connection and reconnection. ” have lost 15 pounds. Weight loss wasn’t my goal, but I appreciate not needing a nap each afternoon.

I’ve been writing, too, almost daily, a practice I’d tried to cultivate several times before but only over the course of the past eight months have been able to sustain and begin to enjoy. I’ve also found my way to more poetry that’s proven accessible, if not inspirational, and reconnected with music. I now have a few playlists I access on Spotify!

And watching “The Last Dance” among friends: fall 2020

college years and the priest who officiated my wife Sue’s and my wedding, and with teammates from Saymore Trophy, a Concord, NH, men’s basketball league team made up of colleagues and friends from the St. Paul’s School community.

My Chicago-based high school friends, whom many of you have heard me refer to as The Celibate Seven, have kept each other thinking, laughing, and celebrating friendships of 40+ years, even if only through text messages and

experience my heart so often full of joy fueled by so many. thinking sffs,

Mike Hanas Head of School

MIKE’S FAVORITE QUARANTINE ROUTINES AND TRADITIONS: • 15,000 + steps per day • Bike rides to and from school, through GG Park to the Pacific, and across the GG Bridge • Broken Record podcast interview with Rick Rubin, Malcolm Gladwell, and Bruce Springsteen • Making coffee with my Bialetti • Zoom reunions with college friends, former colleagues, and extended family • “Just because” check-in calls from my daughter Kyle and son Matt

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connections In each issue of Among Friends, we pose a question to our community, and print as many responses as we can fit!

THIS ISSUE’S QUESTION: What is a new favorite tradition that you and your loved ones have developed during quarantine?

Friday Night Dance Parties and Fun Snack Fridays! Every Friday we make a special trail mix with marshmallows and chocolate chips—we’ve found it’s the perfect way to wrap up the week!

– Katie Nakagawa, Current Parent

With all of the online working and schooling we are doing in the Papson-Rigby household, sometimes we don’t see each other much during the day. On the kitchen floor, I have placed a piece of blue tape that is labeled “hug spot”. Anyone who wants/needs a hug can stand there and say, “Hug please!”, and someone in the family will give them a consensual hug. It’s been a fun and easy way to slow down for a moment and connect despite our busy schedules. We highly recommend it!

– Katerina Papson-Rigby, Current Parent

Dance parties on Saturday nights!!!

– Menekse Gencer, Current Parent

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A family walk in the morning before school starts.

– Beth Dye, Current Parent

An end-of-week family hike/beach visit.

– Aneesha Capur, Current Parent

Family game night, family weekend movie. Wednesday adventure - an outdoors Day trip somewhere in Bay Area.

– Thaai Walker, Current Parent

We’ve become obsessed with the pangram game “Spelling Bee” in the New York Times.

We’ll write the letters out on scrap paper and compete to see who gets the most points.

We’ve learned many new (and dubious) words over the months!

– Sarah Smith, Current Parent

We are exploring the nautical, lyrical world of sea shanties! Sailors’ songs to facilitate the crew’s coordination and bring joy to hard work. We recently learned a percussive “dance” of sorts involving keg cups and a good number of family practice sessions for the song John Kanaka. We sing shanties as we bike or hike together, or to motivate the kids to get dressed / out of the house, etc. SF Maritime National Historical Park has virtual shantey sings that we’ve enjoyed. It’s been fun to tap into the nautical side of the city by the bay. Also, Angel Island is not crowded at all and the ferries are 10-minutes, fully outdoors, and often involve porpoise sightings. We’ve had a lot of fun exploring that island this Fall.

– Sarah Bertram, Current Parent

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continued from “connections” on page 5...

We take a walk every evening.

– Mina Muraki, Current Parent / Alumni, Parent / PA Co-Clerk

We play virtual trivia every Tuesday in a team with my brother and a few friends. Not only do we know we’ll get to see people every week we finally get to share all the weird and useless facts we’ve spent a lifetime accumulating.

– Emma Sonduck, Director of Annual Giving and Alumni Relations

Boogie boarding! We spend a lot more time at the beach in general...whether walking/biking great highway, beach walks, or boogie boarding and jumping waves. It brings a lot of joy to our whole family.

– Sari Bushman, Current Parent

Self-taught @home haircuts!

– Mary Beth Sheridan, Current Parent

When I come upstairs from my new home office in the garage I get to see my wife working at the dining room table, which means I can show my appreciation of her throughout the day with random kisses on the cheek, something usually not possible during the work day!

– Mark Cordes, Alumni and Current Parent

among friends: fall 2020

community spotlight: dine11 sf These family friendships, forged at SFFS, have lasted years—and grown into something even greater in the face of crisis.

by Jenny Johnston, SFFS Parent ‘28

It was March 2020, the beginning of COVID-19 shutdowns, when Nikki Pearl started firing off emails. A wellness consultant and SFFS alumni parent, Pearl and her daughter had spent time transporting meals for Dine11, an LA nonprofit that purchases meals from Los Angeles restaurants hit hard by the pandemic and delivers them to frontline health workers.

Those deliveries sparked an idea.

Why not launch a similar effort in San Francisco?

In her emails, Pearl pitched her idea, asking for help. Three people stepped up. All three—Katie Morford, Frances Sanahuja, and Lourdes Cordero—were fellow SFFS moms.

Working quickly, the four women put their backgrounds in finance, marketing, nutrition, wellness, and motherhood to work in organizing the effort. Dine11 SF would be similar to the LA model, but focus instead on feeding hungry families in at-risk neighborhoods. “We wanted to get meals into the hands page 7

down their plan to include just 10 community organizations and 10 restaurants—specifically, small neighborhood “mom and pops” owned by women and people of color. And they launched a new round of fundraising, hoping to raise $150,000 both from individual donors and from philanthropic and corporate partners. “There is so much need out there right now.

The more money we get, the more we can do,” said Morford.

Above: Dine11 SF’s efforts and accomplishments have been featured on numerous news outlets. Previous page: SFFS alumna Ella Pearl ‘15 helps out with a Dine11 delivery.

“It shows you how important San Francisco Friends School has been in our lives,” reflected Pearl. “It’s informed a lot of decisions we’ve made and cemented friendships with people who share common values.”

of our city’s most vulnerable,” explained Pearl.

The team tapped their personal networks to gather donations. They also connected with community organizations serving low-income families, identified local restaurant partners, and strummed up dozens of volunteers. Just 10 days after their first meeting, they were delivering their first meals. Said Pearl: “It all happened incredibly fast.”

It also exceeded expectations. In 10 weeks, the four women raised $125,000, primarily from individual donors. They used those among friends: fall 2020

funds to purchase more than 1,000 nourishing meals per week from local restaurants, helping keep their doors open and staff employed. In total, Dine11 SF delivered 11,000 meals to grateful families experiencing hardship and hunger. “It’s not just about getting calories into people,” said Katie Morford. “It’s about caring for them.”

The Dine11 SF team hadn’t planned on operating beyond those initial 10 weeks. But COVID-19 didn’t dissipate, and the need grew more urgent. So they started attending the city’s Food Security Task Force meetings. They honed

Whatever they do, the San Francisco Friends School community will play a role in it. Many SFFS families have donated generously to Dine11 SF. Lots of SFFS students and alums—including Ella and Ruben Pearl, April Hart, Lily Daniel, Virginia and Rosie Morford, Zoe Grumbach, Andres and Rami Safa, Cristian Blake, and Antonio Sanahuja—have volunteered with the organization, delivering meals and helping with social media. Recently, another SFFS mom, Vicki Penny, signed on as Dine11 SF’s development director.

“It shows you how important San Francisco Friends School has been in our lives,” reflected Pearl. “It’s informed a lot of decisions we’ve made and cemented friendships with people who share common values.” It’s fitting, then, that the school’s Quaker testimony this year is community. “It’s been a gift to feel like we can offer up something at this really weird, tough time,” added Pearl. “We’re grateful we have that opportunity to help.”

To learn more about Dine11 SF, please visit dine11.org/sf. •

the reopening though friends opened in distance learning mode this fall, faculty, staff, and administrators had been planning our return to campus throughout the spring and summer months.

After closing our campus in March—and then finding ourselves in distance learning mode throughout the spring—San Francisco Friends School’s COVID Response Team and administration continued to plan for what school might look like once faculty, staff, and students were allowed to return to 250 Valencia Street.

From the logistics required of a new schedule that could accomodate both students @Valencia and students @Home; to the enormous technological upgrades and training required to teach across classrooms and living rooms; to the hiring of literally dozens of new staff members to facilitate these new learning practices and health guidelines; to the expanding of our facilities to include hundreds of new hand-sanitizing stations, outdoor sinks, larger learning spaces (all installed and prepared by our incomparable Facilities Team); and more, the undertaking was sizeable to say the least. page 9

Clockwise from top: 5th Grade faculty and Learning Commons coordinator Jason Stone leads students in a newly distanced Middle School classroom; Head of School Mike Hanas greets a new Kindergartner on the first day of school at Valencia; and Academic Dean Tracie Mastronicola greets students as they make their way into the building after washing their hands on the first day of in-person learning in October 2020. Previous page: A 1st Grade Friend tests out our new outdoor sink stations on the first day of in-person learning back in October.

As we’ve evolved through the numerous phases of our reopening process this fall, the changes and adaptations have continued on, much of it with parent input—via channels including online surveys and FriendsConnect Zoom discussions—in mind.

6th Grade Friends back to campus in early December, leading to more schedule shifts, the opening of new modified learning spaces (like the former Extended Day Room and Movement Room!), and new teaching aides who have joined our ranks to make it all possible.

After welcoming back our Lower School students in a staggered start and on a hybrid schedule in late October and early November, SFFS was thrilled to bring our 5th and

We are so looking forward to welcoming our 7th and 8th Grade students back to Valencia in January, when all of our students, K–8, will be back on campus for the first

among friends: fall 2020

time in 10 long months, a period of time that simultaneously feels like it’s gone by in an instant and an eternity.

It’s been a winding journey, Friends, and it isn’t yet over—but the resilience of our community has shown through because of your unwavering dedication to this school.

Friends has benefitted greatly from family partnership, feedback, and support. Thank you. •

faculty friends: bread and science

with Jennifer Stuart, Middle School Art Teacher and Academic Integration Specialist

With SFFS opening in Friends@Home mode this fall, our teachers—along with integration specialist Jennifer Stuart—developed creative ways to connect academic learning and community engagement—even at a distance.

For years, Jennifer Stuart (SFFS P’20) has opened up the minds of hundreds of our Middle School Friends, teaching her students about the impact that art has on other academic subjects and areas of our world. This long-celebrated ability to draw connections has led to an evolved role for Jennifer in the 2020–2021 school year as our integration specialist at Friends.

In this capacity, she will focus her talents on developing collaborative projects with each Middle School teacher over the course of the year, working 1:1 on a variety of innovative and collaborative projects that will enable our students to make important connections both in their education at Friends and the world beyond.

Opening the year in remote Friends@Home mode created an

added challenge to Jennifer’s collaborative mission, but has also led to some truly remarkable and memorable results.

Among these: 7th Grade Middle School science teacher Christine Tantoco had wanted to re-write the first unit she does of the school year—the scientific method, and saw her integrative project with Jennifer as the perfect opportunity to do so. But with students at home, the question became—how?

Turns out the answer was remarkably straightforward—and COVID-ready. Baking bread is a scientific experiment that students could do in their own homes, and was actually more suited to the family kitchen, as opposed to a classroom labratory. Notes Jennifer, “They don’t have to share an oven

and space—they can do this on their own.”

First, Jennifer and Christine had students take a deep dive into the history of bread, studying the Bread Lab out of Washington State University—a collective of bakers, millers, planters, teachers, and students that claims participants across four countries. The 7th Grade tackled the challenging task of creating an affordable, accessible, nutritious, and delicious whole wheat sandwich loaf that people would love.

Math and science weigh heavily in bread-making, and after their period of research, students began to bake with a focus on the scientific method: first a loaf without yeast, and then one with. They then played with one variable in a third bake (this is where scientific page 11

To culminate this project intersecting chemistry, nutrition, economics, and community engagement, Christine’s students baked bread to donate to GLIDE Memorial Church in the Tenderloin District of San Francisco.

method came in); some changed up the amount of liquid included in their recipe, a special ingredient, etc. At this point, Jennifer and Christine involved community members Azikiwee Anderson (SFFS P’23 & ’25), owner of Rize Up Bakery, and Amanda Michael, owner of Jane The Bakery and part of the aforementioned Bread Lab Collaborative.

After the third bake, each student did a presentation on the scientific method as it related to their own bread-baking process: what their experimental question was, what their hypothesis was, and what the

among friends: fall 2020

variable in their experimental bake was.

To culminate this project intersecting chemistry, nutrition, economics, and community engagement, Christine’s students baked bread to donate to GLIDE Memorial Church in the Tenderloin District of San Francisco, particularly poignant during this time of economic crisis when tens of millions of Americans have lost jobs, and those formerly teetering on the brink have been plunged into food insecurity.

Thinking about service and how to feed those who are facing unimag-

inable challenges in the face of a pandemic became the concluding piece of this far-reaching unit.

At final count, 57 7th-Graders each donated a homemade loaf of bread to GLIDE’s Daily Free Meals Program, where Rabbi Michael Lezak (SFFS P’20), part of the leadership at GLIDE’s Center for Social Justice, received them.

To learn more about the many notable organizations mentioned in this article, please visit: thebreadlab.wsu.edu, glide.org, rizeupsourdough.com, and itsjane.com.

friends forever four questions for sffs grads olivia ‘17 & kate ‘18, founders of olivia & kate masks

As the COVID pandemic spread across the US in early spring, SFFS grads Olivia Aguirre (SFFS ‘17) and Kate Vostrejs (SFFS ‘18) came up with an idea to get masks in the hands—and on the faces—of friends and family, while also helping important organizations in their community. Since then, Olivia & Kate has taken off, and the two can barely keep up with their list of orders.

1) What was the genesis of the idea for your mask-making nonprofit? How did you come up with the idea, and how did it grow into what it is now?

Olivia & Kate started off very simply: just us making masks during our spare time during shelter in place for our family members and

people in our close communities.

Olivia was the one who initially started making masks and she eventually taught Katie how to sew them. At that point we both were just sewing a few masks at a time, and then had the hopes of donating some to a couple of local organizations, such as Family House at UCSF Benioff Children’s

Hospital. We both had loads of really beautiful and useful leftover fabric from our respective family members (grandmothers, moms, etc.), and it was then that we realized that people might want to buy them! We started making more and more masks with hopes of selling them and donating the money, and so we set up our online store page 13

and uploaded many of the masks we had made. Our moms helped get the word out amongst their friends, and people started to buy them—we were finding ourselves sewing around 30 masks per day.

Then on May 25, George Floyd was killed and a civil rights movement erupted across the country, and we realized we needed to shift our focus and add to our mission.

We came up with the idea for our Black Lives Matter masks and bought all the supplies/fabric we needed to make as many of them as we could... on muslin material that Christine Tantoco, a SFFS teacher, had donated to us. Honestly, our intent in the beginning was to maybe sell 40 or 50 masks to people in our close community, but we were so surprised and excited when we saw that the word was spreading... and suddenly, we were getting orders in from all over the country.

We’ve sold 460 masks ($5600) and have donated over 60 (as of August)! [Some of the] organizations we have chosen to support include: Family House, Fresh Lifelines for Youth, Campaign Zero, and The San Francisco-Marin Food Bank. * UPDATE: As of November 2020, Olivia & Kate have donated over $6,000 to nonprofits they support.

–––––––– 2) Why did you decide to donate the proceeds from your masks, and how did you pick the organizations that you are donating your proceeds to?

Going into this, we were well aware of the privilege we both have and really wanted to use our resources to help support people in our communities. So many people are facing the most challenging time of their lives, and we hoped that our donation could help—even if it was small. The four organizations we have chosen so far support families in need during COVID due among friends: fall 2020

to illness, food insecurity, and the abolishment of systemic racism.

Family House came to our attention when we were searching for an organization that needed masks.

This nonprofit is centered around providing physical and emotional comfort as it gives a home to families who are dealing with children who are hospitalized with life threatening illnesses at Mission Bay. (familyhouseinc.org) Both of us have volunteered at the SF-Marin Food Bank and we have learned that this organization has supported many people in our community. Due to COVID-19, however, so many more people are facing hunger, and the SF Marin Food Bank is putting tremendous effort into fighting hunger during COVID-19 as 1,300,000 meals per week are distributed to families. As of right now, every $1 donated provides two meals for our neighbors. (sfmfoodbank.org) Campaign Zero is a national organization whose mission has been to end police violence in Amer-

ica through ten policy solutions that range from ending the use of excessive force for non-violent crimes, training and education on unconscious bias, and increasing racial representation of local police to reflect the communities they protect, among others. (joincampaignzero.org) With current events around systemic racism, Fresh Lifelines for Youth is an extraordinary organization that is working to end racial discrimination in our society. FLY work with these youth and are trying to change the school to prison pipeline through legal education, leadership programs, and mentoring. (flyprogram.org) –––––––– 3) How has founding Olivia & Kate been rewarding and/or challenging?

This project has been very rewarding because we have provided people with masks who need them to stay safe. It’s also really fun to see the orders that come in every morning and satisfying to chart the

sales! We are also learning more about important organizations in our communities because we have been able to meet with many of them and discuss their missions as well as find out what we can do to help. Our donations can help those organizations continue their great work.

This project is definitely labor intensive and educational in a number of ways. We really didn’t expect that this many people would want to buy our masks, and it’s only the two of us making them for right now. However, we have also learned a lot about running a business, designing a website, packaging and delivering the product, and needing to keep the ideas fresh so that we can keep attracting

what they can do to help, or who want to help but are unsure of where to start?

To start, we think it’s a disappointment that wearing a mask has been politicized, as the numbers of COVID infections rise and the hard science supports protecting others and yourself through wearing a mask. What we really want to say is: Wear a mask!

We met with a few women who work at Fresh Lifelines for Youth, and we had a great discussion on what we can personally do to help change systemic obstacles that marginalized groups face in America and overwhelmingly--they said, “VOTE!” We are not yet old enough to vote but what we can do

who aren’t as informed or who maybe have dated or fixed mindsets can also be impactful and important.

Regarding helping out with communities in need right now due to COVID, we recommend volunteering at a local food bank, or donating money/resources to organizations in your personal community. Bottom line, any step in the right direction is a good one, and any small act of kindness can make a bigger difference than you might think. •

“Honestly, our intent in the beginning was to maybe sell 40 or 50 masks to people in our close community, but we were so surprised and excited when we saw that the word was spreading... and suddenly, we were getting orders in from all over the country.”

business. Our moms have definitely been supporting us through teaching us some basic business and marketing skills and we have also been able to speak with some of their friends who have special expertise in sales. We have had a lot of demand for our Black Lives Matter masks that we’re trying to keep up. But it is a good problem to have and we’re really pleased that so many people are supporting us.

4) What message would you like to send to people who are wondering

is support and encourage eligible voters in our community to go out and elect the change we want to see in our government. Also in the age we live in, it is no longer acceptable to be uneducated about systemic racism in America when literally all the information you could possibly want to know is sitting in your pocket (or on your cell phone!).

Being informed and educated is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your community. Bringing that knowledge and sharing it with people

In each issue of Among Friends, we’ll catch up with a Friends alum (or two) in this column.

Do you know a graduate of SFFS we should talk to?

Please email Alissa at akinney-moe @sffriendsschool.org!

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class notes Do you have news to share in Class Notes? This is a place to catch up with SFFS alumni, faculty, staff, and former faculty and staff—and we want to hear from you (as do all of your friends)! Email Alissa at akinney-moe@sffriendsschool.org. Thank you!

This page; clockwise from left: Robert Emery ‘11, Asher Etlin ‘16, and Jameson McQueen ‘11. Opposite page; clockwise from left: Sophia Burnett ‘18, Alexander Hirji ‘18, and Zoe ‘17 and Olive ‘21 Mogannam.

class of 2011: Robert Emery signed with the San Francisco Giants over the summer, describing the accomplishment as a “literal dream come true” for the dedicated catcher, who guesses he’s attended about 500 Giants games over the years. Robert has played in San Francisco since his Little League days, going on to Saint Ignatius High School, and then to USF—and now, the Giants. Says Robert: “I just tried to work hard, and play well wherever I was at. And I figured if I did my best, good things would happen.”

among friends: fall 2020

Jameson McQueen returned to 250 Valencia this fall as a teaching aide in the Middle School, after spending years in Florianopolis, Brazil.

We are so excited to have him back on campus helping out with our 5th-Graders!

––––––––––

class of 2016: Accomplished musician Asher Etlin released his debut album, Antiquities, this summer, and you can listen to the original jazz tracks on Apple Music.

Asher described the music as a “thank you letter to all the music that I’ve

listened to in my first 18 years... My ear has been inherently shaped by everything it has heard, and it was important to me to create an album that pays homage to the musical influences on my life so far.”

Over the summer, Yudi Feng took part in a protest at the gates of San Quentin State Prison, where inmates were suffering from an outbreak of COVID-19. Yudi and four of her classmates from the Urban School, who had all participated in a class called “Voices of Incarceration” and had volunteered at the prison, organized an online petition that had

garnered more than 2,200 signatures to ask that San Quentin’s population be immediately reduced in a bid to curb the outbreak there and save lives. Their efforts were documented in the San Francisco Chronicle. __________

class of 2017: SFFS siblings Zoe Mogannam ’17 and sister Olive Mogannam ’21 were spotted passing out water to demonstrators as they marched through San Francisco on June 3 to protest widespread and systemic racial injustice across our nation as part of the Black Lives Matter movement.

––––––––––

class of 2018: Sophia Burnett and two other Bay Area high-schoolers recently founded a nonprofit called STEMpowered, which connects low-income students with high school tutors who can help them stay on top of their schoolwork while schools are closed due to the pandemic. Sophia recently spoke with our 7th-Graders about the experience, and STEMpowered was also the recipient of the 2020 SFFS Faculty/ Staff Gift, which is bestowed each winter to a nonprofit that is recognized for its important work in our region and nominated by members of the professional community.

Alexander Hirji was a big hit with our 6th-Graders when he Zoomed in

to talk with them about his involvement with the San Francisco Youth Commission. Alexander encouraged our students to “participate in democracy even if they can’t [yet] vote,” and our Friends left the conversation inspired about ways they can get involved in their community.

––––––––––

class of 2020: The 8th Grade Co-Clerks of our recently graduated Class of 2020— Maya Jain, Samara Bainton, Ben Chung, and Erez Aidlin—spent much of their time in quarantine this spring trying to make a positive impact in the community, tackling challenges ranging from food insecurity to pollution to gentrification and homelessness. Their efforts were part of the National Network of Schools in Partnership’s (NNSP) program, called the Student Task Force for Community Engagement. One of the

big take-aways, according to Maya: “If you believe in something strongly enough, then you have the power to convince the world.”

–––––––––– We would like to acknowledge in these pages the recent loss of two beloved members of our San Francisco Friends community: Stephen Lessard, father of Anemo, previously in our Class of 2021 and husband of Suzanne Geller, our Lower School librarian; and Haruwn Wesley, father of Simone (SFFS ’18), stepfather to Cosmo (SFFS ’13), and husband of Margaret Coles.

Our hearts go out to these families, our dear Friends, and we will continue to hold them in the light.

page 17

testimony: community The testimony for the 2020–2021 school year at SFFS is community, and we’ve asked Director of Community Engagement Guybe Slangen to share his thoughts on this important element of our Quaker philosophy and what it means to him.

THE ME AND THE WE

by Guybe Slangen One of the biggest takeaways for me from this absolutely crazy year is the combination of individual actions leading to collective impact, or as neurobiologist and author Dr. Dan Siegel frames it, the ME and the WE connection.

He argues that “... While we are individuals with our own experiences and perspectives, our brains are built and function on the interconnections of a larger, symbiotic world. Who you are is both an internal (Me) and an interconnected (We) self that shapes your identity and sense of belonging.”

This ME-WE relationship is what community means to me, and it also makes me think of two of my favorite quotes.

1) “You must be the change you want to see in the world.”

– Mahatma Gandhi among friends: fall 2020

To me this speaks to the need for individual responsibility in communities. It also reminds me of something my mom used to tell me as a kid. I was big into saving the planet, recycling, all that, and she used to say if I wanted a cleaner environment I should start by cleaning my room! Little did I know at the time that she was delivering Gandhi’s message, albeit in a much more direct, demanding way. And there’s so much truth to this. A kinder, greener, more equitable world starts with us as individuals. What am I willing to do, to say, to give or give up, to question or challenge within myself as an individual to work towards the community, city, country, or world we need? Problems don’t solve themselves, and require each of us to act—whether it’s wearing a mask or casting a ballot or cleaning

our rooms. This is why two of our three community queries this year focus on the ME: • How am I taking care of myself so I can better help others in my communities?

• How am I called to action by my communities - great and small?

–––––––––––––––– 2) “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

– Hellen Keller But individuals alone can’t make a difference on a large scale. Not to say those actions don’t matter, they do indeed. However, the problems we face today—the pandemic, racial injustice, climate change, to name a few—impact us all and can

only be solved by the combined actions of all. These shared problems require all of us to do our individual parts, contributing (and benefitting) from the efforts of many to make a difference. Helen Keller sums up the power of collective action leading to collective impact. Hence our third query this year focusing on the WE: • How do we nurture and expand the diversity of our communities?

Communities are made of and made better by individuals doing their part and working together towards a shared goal or purpose.

This focus on both the ME and the WE is when big, enduring change happens.

And we’ve seen it in so many amazing ways throughout 2020!

From thanking front line workers to looking out for our neighbors, and from social distancing to social

justice marches, each of these require individuals to participate but it takes a larger number of people (a community!) to make a real difference. It’s inspiring, and I’m grateful to both contribute to and benefit from these individual and community wide efforts. •

the quaker glossary Wondering what your kids are talking about when they come home with new Quaker lingo? We’re here to help!

The Peace Table:

the Front Yard.

Ah, The Peace Table—that fabled place that Lower-Schoolers often heartily embrace and rely upon at the start of their journey at San Francisco Friends School.

The Peace Table is introduced to our Friends by their teachers as a place to resolve conflicts in a thoughtful and manner in which all voices are heard and respected.

They also learn about sentence starters that can come in handy when working out their differences, including: • “When you.....”

• “I feel......”

• “I need....”

In non-COVID times, it has been located under the central first floor stairwell, across from the Kindergarten classrooms. You can often walk by to find animated conversations taking place among our young Friends as they work out the differences that can often arise in a Lower School classroom or on

philosophy, and at the Peace Table, students learn to use “I” statements and assertive language with the support of their teachers and peers.

Though the physical table is on hiatus for the time being, the values that surround its use continue to be emphasized in our classrooms, both in-person and virtual. •

Peaceful problem-solving is an important element of the Quaker page 19

photo album

among friends: fall 2020

photos from the past few months at sffs that capture our theme in this issue: community

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san francisco friends school 250 valencia street san francisco, ca 94103 have any questions or requests regarding among friends magazine? please contact sffs director of communications alissa moe at akinney-moe@sffriendsschool.org.