i am a poet.

i am a poet.

A poetry book written by youth benefitting from services at the San Diego Center for Children

about the center As San Diego’s oldest children’s nonprofit, the San Diego Center for Children provides a range of therapeutic services for children and families struggling with mental, emotional and behavioral health challenges.

With 8 program sites and in hundreds of homes, schools and communities throughout the region, the Center empowers over 1,000 children and families every day.

mission Protect the Joy of Childhood.

Prevent Emotional Suffering.

Incite Change.

vision Inspire a world where all children and families live joyful and healthy lives.

foreword I am a Poet was developed due to a special need for more creative after-school activities for our residential youth. The Clark Adolescent Program was the first to promote these activities through the recreation program at our main campus.

Of course, I accepted the challenge and was pleasantly surprised to find out that a few of the kids kept journals already, and they liked to write down their own thoughts and feelings. The rest was easy. It provided an opportunity for me to guide them to new pathways of creative expression.

We know that the spoken word, like music, can create moments of wellness and self-healing in individuals. The “I am a Poet” program is a powerful tool for self-healing and individual growth. Tearful at times, supportive, kind and loving. For me, the experience has been powerfully moving.

Please enjoy our first edition poetry book. You will find their words moving, inspirational and uplifting as they rise above adversity and their individual pain.

Sincerely,

Sundiata Kata Music and Performing Arts Director San Diego Center for Children

special message Today more than ever our community needs to hear and understand the plight and suffering of the many youth and families in need of mental health care in our community.

We are so very grateful to our brave and talented youth, “our poets”, for being a voice for their struggling peers. As you read their words in this book you will feel their pain and will applaud their resilience to find hope with the help of our dedicated staff.

We owe it to our brave poets to magnify their message so that the silenced children and families who are still suffering can hear that they are not alone. They have us to support them in their journey to healing and finding joy.

Sincerely, Moisés Barón, Ph.D. President and CEO San Diego Center for Children

the pain.

behind the mask Hiding the hurt, hiding the pain Hiding the tears that fall like rain Saying I’m fine when I’m anything but, This ache in my soul rips out my gut My skin is on fire, I burn within The calm on my face is an ongoing sin The world must stay out, I’ve built up a wall My fragile lie will lie should it ever fall Loneliness consumes me, it eats Away the years Until my life is swallowed by unending fears Waiting for someone to see I wear a mask And care enough to remove it Is that too much to ask?

nobody wants Have you ever been in a place where nobody cares?

Nobody wants you, nobody’s there?

They try to be nice but they’re so mean They bully you and beat you up Like you’re just a chewed bean that nobody wants About to go somewhere you hate You feel like you weren’t meant to be brought into the world You were just a mistake

the bridge She stood on the bridge In silence and fear For the demons of darkness Had driven her here They cut her heart Right out of her chest Making her believe That the demons knew best They were always there Sometimes just out of sight Waiting in the background Till the time was right These demons were destructive Knocking down the life she knew Hating everything about her She hated herself too

These demons can’t be seen But they’re far from fairytales They live inside your mind Their evilness prevails So on the bridge she stood About to end the fight Then she stopped and thought I’ll fight them one more night

scars Here on my arm lies a mark that I made When I was low, I cut with a blade To punish my body for being a mess Though here is my testament I must confess That seeing these scars left on my arm, legs and chest Makes me realize I was in a place of no rest I feel guilty inside for leaving this token Now I will see and remember I was so broken

trapped Trapped in your own mind Refusing to let anyone in It’s only when you become so lonely you try…failure Trying to connect but the connections lost…signal broken The darkness becomes your friend Only to leave you too Feeling like you don’t belong You’re a puzzle piece from a different puzzle That random knick knack in a drawer A cord you know has a plug, but can’t find You long for that missing piece Waiting, looking to see when they’ll come Well here I am, can’t you see, I’m your other half Together we’ll be a whole But you don’t see me You don’t realize I’m right next to you I wait for the day you open your eyes, open your mind And see me standing there, waiting for you

who are you Who are you to tell me my pain is irrelevant I’ve been through hella shit and I wanna quit How can you ask me to fight When I never asked for this to keep going I do nothing but mask this See this pain it goes deeper than a cut or bruise It’s a fight against my body; I’m gonna lose I live every day in pain so it’s no use I think I’m gonna cut the cord and say goodbye to you I’m tired of fighting, tired of trying Tired of crying, I feel like I’m dying and it’s terrifying I wanna start flying please God take this pain away.

the journey.

leaving us without a word Leaving us without a word, nothing left to say Mom and me are never going to forget that day Something must have hurt so bad And I simply turned my back There’s so many things I want to say But it seems the right words I lack I never got to say goodbye or tell you that I care You must have felt all alone, desperate, hurt and scared I wonder why you felt so bad that your pain engulfed your life I wonder if you thought of us, your daughter and your wife If I could go back in time and try to ease your pain I would dry all your tears that fell like rain It must have been a place so dark that you could not see the light But here I am, your pain I feel, I cry myself to sleep at night So daddy please forgive me, I was only 15 at the time I didn’t realize how lucky I was that you were all mine

perspective of a teenage girl Why is it that people are sooo focused on what’s wrong and what’s right, have you ever thought of the in between?

Why is it that the news is always so focused on the bad; the HATE. Why’s there so much hate in this world?

Why does nobody want to talk about racism? “Oh, it’s too harsh of a topic,” or are they just afraid to open their eyes and see the bigger picture? No matter if you’re White, Black, Asian or a damn alien! You are human, we are all humans! So stop hating on your own kind. Put the guns, knives, words, and fists down. And take a moment to just look at each other and you will see the many similarities you have.

Stop the hatred. See the bigger picture, see the beauty in one another, God put us on this earth to love one another.

Not to hate, kill torture one another, but to love yourself and others.

my nightmare I open my eyes To see a hooded creature Standing before me I am drawn to it Like a magnet I try to run But it pulls me closer I get up and walk closer Now curious to see what it is That draws me to it I see under the hood I see my worst fear You could even call it a nightmare For under the hood is me Then my pain becomes poison Racing through my veins My blood stops flowing So my heart stops beating I am dead I’m cold and sitting in dirt

Frozen in time I watch the season go by I wonder why I’m stone cold Then it comes to me You create your own demons Which means they are A part of you But you can chose to let them go All my worries are lifted Because I truly choose To be free with no fears And live in soulful luxury

the lesson Hurt and Pain There’s so much to gain Peace and love It’s all the same Confusion and doubt We’re not without We weep, we cry We plead, we try We laugh, we smile Only to be hurt By one last trial Life is a lesson So learn it well Maybe one day You can tell it’s a tale.

the one You had me think that you were the one I thought you would be proud to call me your son But now you want to leave me Put me in someone else’s hands You made me feel alone like a team without fans I had already been through so much hell And now you just want to put that aside and say, “oh well” It’s just not fair, I know I say it a lot But it’s true, it’s not just a thought in my head But you know I’ll fight to the end Because I’m here now in a room full of people I can now call friends

finding hope.

a woman You are a woman You stand tall even if you don’t feel like it Act tough but have a gentle touch Smile when you’re sad Laugh when you’re mad Cry when you’re happy To others you make no sense But to you it couldn’t seem clearer You see the positive in all the negative You notice everything around you But you’re blind to one thing You don’t see the beauty in yourself And I’m here to tell you, you’re everything and more The street is your runway And you’re the model in every single way So pick up your crown my queen And stand tall Stand proud And stand loud Because you are a woman

beautifully crazy I am beautiful but crazy. My feelings are like a rollercoaster of emotions. I run through the night. I capture the stars. I embrace the sun. I smile when I’m mad, I cry when I feel joy. Nobody understands how fiercely strong I am. I am a sophisticated mess. I am Beautifully Crazy.

friendship Friendship shine together friends. The glue that holds me together. They pick me up when we get knocked down.

They stick with us through smiles and frowns. They embrace our flaws and quirks; they are what make me work. Together we shine, alone I’m not fine. You made me better. Your support is the light at the end of a dark tunnel. I’m a better person because of you, and I know we will make it through. I’ve got you and you’ve got me too.

Friendships are diamonds and I am so grateful we have each other.

hope You may now think that there’s no hope You can sit there all day and just mope Or you can stand up and fight the day Who cares if they don’t like you or what they say They won’t be there when you’re a success You’ll overcome anything life throws at you If you fall get back up And no more will others say it was luck Life is a game you have to play All you can do is deal with it and success will find its way Be strong during these times And I promise it will get better Just take this poem to heart

love yourself Sometimes life can be hard Days can get you down Sometimes you need extra support Sometimes you need your eyes opened to the truth And sometimes you need to take the time to realize your needs Your values are just as important as anyone else’s You’re a good person going through bad things sometimes You’re beautiful with ugly thoughts of yourself Your life is extravagant with bad moments When you see yourself only so negatively you will not be able to grow Around every corner you will not be able to see the good if you only have negative core beliefs Out in the world people struggle Adults, kids, and even the elders of time Going through life with the concept I can’t when we need to believe that I can Know that our thoughts, our actions, and our opinions Speak more about us than we could ever express

Sometimes the only good representation of life is to think of it like a flower You are the center with petals surrounding you showing who you truly are on the inside You are love You are happiness You are life You are your self You are your own friend You are beauty And don’t let yourself be dragged down Let yourself be the best form of yourself And even when you look in the mirror and only see the bad You need to remember to love yourself like someone you have loved and will always continue to love

kindness A smile. A compliment. A simple conversation. You never know the effect your actions will have on someone. Hurtful words act like a smooth cut on a soul.

Violence act like a weapon on love can end. Strength is the power of kindness and compassion. Love has the power to save lives. Be kind, for you never know the damage you can heal, the pain you can end and the love you can create.

thank you The creation of I am a Poet was made possible because of the youth under our care that have used the spoken word as a way to process pain and document their daily struggles with mental health challenges. It is through their words that we have a window to their pain and can share in their journey on a path that leads to hope.

Thank you to the following poets for sharing their personal stories of strength and resilience.

Jalen

Layla

Karrolyn

Maddie

Sammy

Sophie

Alexandra

Neveah

Cassie

Mariah

Dani

Sienna

Journey

Kara

Destiny

Becca

Gabby

Mikali

Mark

Alex

Emily

Mary

Brandon

Natalie Jordan