Spring 2021: The Pandemic Issue III - Trinity in Bloom

Spring 2021

Trinity In Bloom

Th e Pa n d e m i c Is s u e I I I

table of contents...

11

the colours of spring by zayd d. [photography column]

13

blooming real estate by cory b. [advice column]

3

for j. by malcolm s. [poet laureate]

15

one year ago, today by megan h. [first year column]

4

spring 2021 by maja s. [editor’s note]

17

getting ready for hot girl summer by leyla v. [fashion column]

5

virtual memories by isabella s. [staff article]

19

the trin student archetype by ani k. [music column]

7

spring vibes by samuel m. [staff article]

21

the office edit or curated memes for salty teens by jess h. [mood boards]

9

flowers are cool. explain. by jess h. [staff article]

23

what day of the week is your zodiac sign? by archana r. [horoscopes]

2

For J. Your black-grey hair like the midnight sea Reminds me of our moonlit nights As you made me scream with glee Carefree to the ghastly sight.

You, a monument, were always there Reminding me of the nature so forbidden Of this torrid, torrid, affair With love-making sessions that left me bedridden.

One day I’ll be gone, but you’ll remain Standing at bay for people to see The world has no clue what things profane Transpired during our love spree.

The day is short and I now must retire, As security drags me away from the Strachan bust, my heart still blazes afire.

By: Malcolm Standing

3

Editor’s Note Darling Trinity, We’ve all heard that April showers bring May flowers … but in the case of us bustling university students, they also bring the end of a tumultuous and blue light-filled school year. Tis but the season of pastels, peonies, and procrastination.

Staying on theme, the pages following contain commentary, reminiscence, and a few tips and tricks from your friends here at the Salterrae, all wrapped up in a colourful, flowery bow. So, folks, grab a ginger shot #wellness, a COVID-19 shot #vaccinated, and a shot of springtime with the third of our saga The Pandemic Issue III: Trinity in Bloom.

Senior Design Editor Mary Danesh

Cheers and stay salty, Maja Soltysiak Editor-in-Chief

Senior Copy Editor Nika Gottlieb Editor-in-Chief Maja Soltysiak Design Editors Nicholas Chan Victoria Fortuna Copy Editors Anika Gupta Ani Khachatrian R’na Shah Photography Zayd Diz

Treasurer Cali Sherriff Contributing Writers Cory Benson Megan Horsthuis Jess Horton Ani Khachatrian Samuel Mikhail Archana Raguparan Isabella Sell Malcolm Standing Leyla Verdier

The Team 4

5

It’s always taxing to think about what you will be doing after undergrad. After four years of constancy, thinking about upending your life and putting your roots down somewhere else is daunting. Of course, the added elements of excitement and anticipation quench this anxiety, but it exists, nonetheless. I wasn’t sure what to write about for this, my final article in the Salterrae, but I have been thinking a lot about the above recently. As such, I wanted to use this space to reflect back on my four years at Trinity.

I have been lucky enough to have been a part of the Salterrae team for 3 of my 4 years at Trin and will truly miss the opportunity to write for this publication. I cannot recommend it enough, and I hope the publication continues to move from strength to strength.

I have truly experienced the highest highs, and lowest lows at Trin, but it remains a pillar of familiarity and warmth in my life. I couldn’t tell you if I spent more time crying in TC or stressing in Graham Library, but I am sure that I spent the most time with the best people. As we know, Trin’s been there for ages, and will continue to stand strong; it’s commanding Gothic presence will continue to hold on Hoskin, as will its academic standing. Yet I am certain that when you ask the 2T1’s what their steadfast memories of Trin are, they will not point to Trin’s architecture or misinformed belief that it is notably better than other colleges. I can’t speak for my wonderful peers, but my memories of Trin are quilted, formed of

moments of intense clarity and moments of blankness (alcohol is more than likely to blame). Thus, for my last article, I would like to make a compilation of all of these moments of precision that have single-handedly provided me with that essential serotonin over the last four years, in the best way I know how. Please find below a *LIST* of the memories I will carry forward with me from Trin: 1. Corinne, Paula, Zen, Peter, Hugh the Don 2. Celebratory High Tables (Christmas, Chinese New Year, Thanksgiving) 3. Fenceless quad 4. Rounds 5. Welch Christmas 6. Welch Superbowl 7. Wall ball 8. QUAD PARTY 9. First-year Massey parties 10. Boat races 11. Strachan meltdowns 12. Strachan catch-ups 13. 10PM TC grind 14. PitaQ (RIP) 15. Graham studying (specifically the Churchill room) 16. Seaman *studying* 17. The garden behind Seaman 18. E V E R Y T H I N G A B O U T FROSH WEEK – the parade takes the cake though, obviously.

19. Dipping out of Quad wedding pics 20. Ask videos 21. Rushing to sign up for tickets to events 22. SAINTS!!!!!

6

23. CONVERSAT!!!!!

24. Sandwich day 25. Hanging out in the JCR 26. Quad sitting 27. Quad drinking 28. Quad bitching 29. Quad breakdowns 30. Henderson 31. Peter’s “Hey” before you grab your parcel 32. The vending machines under Strachan that give you free drinks 33. Paula chastising me for not having my TCard 34. The rooftop garden at Stilda’s 35. Don’t Stop Believin’- Journey (seriously dance to it because you’ll be sad if a pandemic rolls around and you didn’t realise your last time to dance to it was your last time to dance to it)

By: Samuel Mikhail 7

Since spring is officially here, I thought I would compile an itinerary of the vibes for you all. Before we start, I must clarify something. To me, there are two springs: pre-spring and spring. Pre-spring is the somewhat gloomy and dark transition from winter to what I deem to be the actual spring. Unfortunately, I will only be giving you a rundown of the spring vibes without mention of the pre-spring vibes.

Regardless, I hope you can vibe with some of these spring vibes.

Now that we’re on the same page, I think spring is often forgotten or glossed-over and not enjoyed to its fullest. Students are mostly busy with exams, assignments and even the occasional heartbreak. But, this doesn’t mean that this season doesn’t have any alluring vibes to offer. Don’t believe me? Just take a stroll on campus on a spring Sunday morning. It’s calm, you can hear the birds, the air is fresh, the sun is not too bright yet bright enough to keep you warm. At first glance, it may feel like a stress-free alternate reality. Good, enjoy it. And although it may not be t-shirt weather, it’s that perfect time to break out the shorts and hoodie combo you’ve been secretly planning all winter. You’ll feel the chilly current of the wind running up your sleeves and pant leg. In some ways, it’s so refreshing. Not super convinced? Think of this as the spring equivalent of an ice-cold Coca Cola on a hot summer day.

8

Alright, enough about the absurd fashion statements and more about the vibes.

You’re probably busy right now, I know.

Whether you’re rushing into a new relationship, just got out of one, trying to keep a low profile to play it safe or all of the above, I know you have time for some spring appreciation vibes. Think of spring as that one scene of the animals and seven dwarfs dancing with Snow White.

The wind is blowing through the hanging sheets, there’s music playing, everyone is dancing in their summer clothes.

See, spring is really all about how you shape it. If when I said spring, you thought of a dark and mysterious time where the dead leaves from the fall smell bad under the snow, then you’re not setting yourself up to enjoy all the vibes that the season has to offer you. In reality, the spring itinerary is what you make of it. Instead of spending it stressed out about all that life has succumbed to in this past year, I really think you should just drink water, breathe, and enjoy your spring.

9

Dear friends and random acquain- INSULT Bouquets… aka “I hate tances, you” and “Please f ck off… but like, in a classy way” Spring is almost upon us again and Foxgloves: insincerity the thoughts of warmer weather, These ones are really cool looking so beautiful flowers and memories of I wouldn’t even mind the insult if I our beloved quad couch are on all got a bouquet of them. of our minds. We’ve been through Scarlet auricula: avarice (ruthlessthe coldest season in the crappiest ness) year and you know what? I think A great flower to tell someone they we all deserve a bouquet of flowers suck. and a pat on the back for surviving Aconite: Hatred a historical event none of us signed This one needs no further explanaup for. tion.

You may not care about flowers.

They might just be pretty-Earth things you see around town. But honestly, flowers are great. They each have a meaning and those meanings can be used to tell a story.

Those stories can be used to foster love, to make someone feel better, to share with a friend, or to tell someone to f ck off. You see?? I told you flowers are great.

Here are some tips for creating the perfect flower bouquet for any occasion (or to tell any story)!

L-O-V-E Bouquets… please don’t talk to me if you don’t know this Nat King Cole song.

Red Roses: love, I love you These beauties make a classic bouquet for that special someone in your life. You can’t go wrong with a dozen roses.

Red Salvia: forever mine A great choice if you want to be a bit more original than roses, but I won’t judge you either way.

Red Camellia: my heart is on fire for you.

I would definitely give extra points just for the funky meaning behind these flowers.

Laburnum: forsaken Yellow carnation: disdain, disappointment, rejection Snapdragon: deception Tansy: hostile thoughts

GET WELL SOON… sending flowers is such a lovely thing to do for a recovering friend, but my suggestion is to send some chocolates or pastries along with them!

Sweet basil: good wishes Daisy: hope Edelweiss: courage WARNING Bouquets… this kind Goldenrod: encouragement, good of bouquet could be good if you fortune know someone’s about to be kid- Blue hyacinth: constancy (or, “I’ll napped by the mob or something; be there for you”) but if you know that’s about to happen, you should probably call the police.

So, you see? Flowers are awesome Oleander: beware (or, sh t’s gonna and can be used in so many fun go down) (and cathartic) ways. You can use White flytrap: deceit (or, “oh how flowers to tell so many different the turntables”) kinds of stories. People have been Rhododendron: danger is near (or, doing this for centuries, so who are you better watch your back) we to stop the tradition now?

Dandelion: depart (or, run boy run) Anyway, I started this piece as a SYMPATHY Bouquets letter, so I should probably finish Thrift: be assured of my sympathy it like that too. I miss you all but Red poppy: consolation hopefully we’ll be able to sit on Zinnia: thoughts of absent friends the quad couch enjoying the nice Purple hyacinth: sorrow weather again soon. Sending you White hyacinth: prayers for you all virtual bunches of daisies (hope) Gladiolus: remembrance and basil (good wishes)!

BREAKUP Bouquets… aka to send Your gal pal, to your no-longer-special-someone Jess Horton after they broke up with you be- xx cause they’re a jerk. These flowers say: your frivolity and malevolence will cause you to be forsaken by all or, as Taylor puts it: I promise that you’ll never find another like me.

London pride: frivolity Lobelia: malevolence 10

Shimmering Lake

THe COlours of Spring Photography By Zayd Diz

Egg Bouquets

11

Standing Tall

Bloom

Rising from Winter Stasis

12

13

Ahh yes, it’s finally that time of the year, my darling hes, shes, theys, and queers. The sun is starting to peak from behind those dismal grey clouds and the slush is melting away to reveal that gorgeous city sidewalk pavement. You’re ready to kiss those winter woes goodbye, but suddenly reality bitch slaps you across the face. You think spring is a time for peace, flowers, and love? WRONG – this is war. Allergies are kicking in, finals are about to kick your ass, and you’re about to get kicked out of residence. You’ve got two months to find the place of your dreams - or it’s game over.

This is life or death, ecstasy or tragedy: this is the epic highs and lows of Toronto spring real estate.

So you’re ready to make that big leap, huh? Ditch the cozy res life and get down and dirty in this metropolitan playground?

Get ready for the ride of your life: it’s time to kiss your expectations goodbye. But let’s face it, you already did. You spent a year eating in Strachan and attending this college, so actu-

ally you’re more than prepared to face mediocrity and failure.

But what you don’t possess is the strength of mind it takes to secure an apartment and come out unscathed. The problem is, you have no clue how fast you lose your grip on reality; how quickly you descend into that delirious state that says “Hey, who even needs a shower? I could survive with just my mini fridge! I’ll love sharing a bedroom with three people!” Delusional. But don’t worry, we’ve all been there, and I’m here to talk you off that ledge.

NO, you are not going to find 12 roommates to split the cost of that brick beauty in the Annex. And don’t even start romanticizing your own personal Bachelor™ scenario.

NO, just because that place is $500 a month, it doesn’t excuse your cockroach roommate. The mold does not give it a postmodern glow and the bars on the window are there for a reason. RUN.

14

NO, do not give yourself a couple days to mull that dream apartment over and let it slip through your fingers. This is Toronto babes, and listings disappear faster than my Tinder matches. And remember, you’ve got the worst competition there is: families with stable incomes.

They are a landlord’s dream!

And you, my dear, are not.

NO, don’t give it up and apply for another year on res. Know your self worth <3 (Besides, NRAC is elite.)

Take this all with a grain of salt.

After all, I’m definitely not the role model of stable housing, trust me. But when you move three times across the country in a pandemic, you learn a thing or two. That’s a story for next time, though. Until then my lovelies.

Keep that housing bubble on the rise!

Cory Benson XOXO

,

By: Megan Horsthuis 15

I think my Snapchat memories are out to get me. When I’m finally starting to get used to the abnormality of Zoom university, Kahoot socials, and staying locked in my room, my Snapchat decides to hit me with a One Year Ago, Today that sends me back into a nostalgic spiral of whipped coffee and daily neighbourhood walks. I’m starting to remember all of the little things that made Spring 2020 feel so foreign, asides from the blatantly obvious. For starters, I recently came to the realization that I have completely forgotten my bus route, the one that would take me from home to school, school to Tim Hortons, and Tim Hortons back to home at least five times per week. I have forgotten how tall my high school teachers were, and how loud the hallways were at the end of a school day. Handing in paper assignments, the sound of markers on a whiteboard, the smell of lab chemicals and Crayola chalk are all sensations that have drifted away. The realization I really came to was that high school has faded away more rapidly than I ever thought it would, and maybe this has nothing to do with the coronavirus at all. This new “first-year experience” has definitely been an experience, if

nothing else. It made us adapt to a world that we never wanted to exist within, and made us forget about life before everything happened much more quickly than we may otherwise have done.

More than anything, it also made us remember little things that we otherwise would have paid no attention to.

In the initial quarantine period, like most other people, I got heavily invested in a variety of hobbies that I will probably never pick up again. I started a herb garden the size of my backyard. I got into woodworking and ultimately produced half of a coffee table. I became a pro bread-maker, boba-cooker, read 36 novels, and even got into running at ungodly hours in the morning.

Then I got tired, and desperate for change, and eventually, I got to Trinity. The period between the beginning of spring and the end of summer probably became a crucial factor in shaping who we were when we got here, to our frosh week “Awkward Socials” and snack outings. Here, asking others about their favourite quarantine hobbies has become a standard part of introductions (along with asking if they’re applying to the IR Major, or to the IR Specialist), and everyone can bond over having

16

tried to make sourdough at least once. Our Snapchat memories from a year ago are reminding us of who we were before our curtain bangs, before we forgot what parties smelled like, and how it felt to wear lip gloss daily without worrying about staining our masks. They can be hurtful, and frustrating, and difficult to watch, but they remind me of everything that I have been able to get through in the past year, and how different my life was before Trinity became a part of it.

We should let nostalgia for old days melt away, and replace it with hope for the next ones.

Maybe in a few months, with a little luck, we’ll even be able to see the inside of a lecture hall for the first time, or even get to sit in the dining hall (even Strachan food probably tastes better when you’re eating it in a gothic hall).

It’s spring again, Trin! Let’s make this one better (and safer) than the last!

How to Get Ready for

Hot Girl Summer While Still Stuck in Quarantine

By: Leyla Verdier, the self-proclaimed “hot girl” (second only to Megan Thee Stallion) 17

The school year is almost over, vaccinations are ramping up, and the weather is getting warmer (or is already warm depending on where you are)! This means that hot girl summer is fast approaching and it’s time to get ready. The only question that comes to mind, however, is how can one get ready to look their best while still stuck at home? This is where I come in to help!

Unlike in my previous columns where I recommended various staple pieces, “hot girl” style is not made up of fashion items that can be quickly invested in. Being a hot girl is not about the type of clothes you wear, but rather, how you wear them and what vibe you exude. It’s all about unapologetically being your true self and owning your style.

Since I’m feeling rather generous, I will share some of the tips that I, as a hot girl, recommend to ramp up your quarantine glow up and get you ready for hot girl summer:

1

Chin up, mask up! Confidence is one of the most important elements that every hot girl must possess. Get comfortable looking confident and sexy. It is also important to determine what makes you feel your personal best (be it the dress you recently found online or your favourite colour) and flaunt it! Also, don’t forget your mask (still in style and required by law in most countries).

Pro tip: Match your masks to your outfits. Invest in matching colours and prints, or, if you are too lazy, buy a nude mask that matches your skin tone (this looks super chic and put together). There are lots of masks on the market, so you can definitely find “the one” for you.

5

2

Don’t be afraid to switch things up and take risks! This includes experimenting with bright colours and risqué pieces and prints.

3

Pamper up! Summer is all about that dewy skin and effortless look.

That’s why I recommend investing in a liquid highlighter, sunscreen and a Fenty lip gloss (it’s bomb, you can thank me later).

4

Invest in yourself! As I mentioned, being a hot girl comes from within!

Therefore, it is important to invest in your body to make you feel your personal best. Do some self-care, drink that water, and try (key word here is try) to eat healthy and make yourself feel good! Being a hot girl is all about being comfortable in your own skin!

Show off your statement pieces – like Beyoncé once said, “If you got it, flaunt it”. Choose your “go-to” accessory or a clothing piece that you absolutely love (be it a brightly coloured mask or a nice pair of sunnies) and show them off by incorporating them into your outfits! This will help you feel like the true hottie that you are.

There you have it, salty babes! Here are the tips to get you hot girl summer ready!

Now go embrace your inner hottie!

18

The Trin Student Archetype:

A Playlist By: Ani Khachatrian

The start of this school year was … strange, to say the least. And to us first years, it was most certainly scary. Leading up to September, we were graced with an introduction to Trinity College group chats and the seemingly oundless drama therein. Once the semester began, chalk full of preconceptions, some of us had the good fortune to come to Trin and find out what’s what for ourselves. Others have yet to step foot on campus, and don’t know what to think of the community, nor how we might fit into it. Despite not living in residence, I had the privilege of visiting our college a handful of times throughout the year, learning bit by bit what Trinity is (at least from whatever parts were available to me). Some of these preconceptions were immediately waived, others lingered, and a few solidified. Still, I find it amusing that I was fed such a questionably negative narrative by upper years in the first place. And so, I’ve put together a playlist that fits the vibe of what was described to me as the “Trin student archetype”.

Disclaimer: This article does not reflect my honest view of Trinity’s students #notalltrinkids.

“Bad Decisions” – The Strokes In the context of the song, the bad decision was the band’s departure from their sound to appease their record label and fall in line with the rest of the music industry. At Trin the *LIST* of bad decisions would be far too long, but succumbing to herd mentality would definitely be up there.

“Short People” – Randy Newman A satire, written from the point of view of an ignorant individual who is prejudiced against short people, got Newman “cancelled” in the late 70s for hating the vertically challenged: “Short people got no reason / To live”. Call me crazy but this sounds like something straight out of the minutes from the Lit. “A Simple Desultory Philippic (Or How I Was Robert McNamara’d Into Submission)” – Simon & Garfunkel A parody of Bob Dylan’s writing style at the time when he released “Subterranean Homesick Blues”. It’s top tier satire. Paul Simon was definitely projecting though. Sound familiar?

“Miss Misery” – Eliot Smith Most commonly recognized from the Good Will Hunting soundtrack (filmed at UofT!), this track perfectly fits our universal depressive state. Drinking at 2 in the afternoon just to make the day slightly more bearable? Yea, me neither. Let’s call it sad boi hours pt. 1.

“Unloveable” – The Smiths If “pick me” boys had an anthem, it would be this. Listening to Morrisey drown in despair – “I don’t have much in my life but take it - it’s yours” – you can’t help but take pity on their breed. This shall be sad boi hours pt. 2.

“Boys Don’t Cry” – The Cure Very similar tone to “Unloveable,” but more upbeat and with an extra dash of pride and ego, as well as a stronger victim complex. And so, this track is sad boi hours pt. 3.

“Baby Bitch” – Ween Aimed at one of the band members’ ex-girlfriends who moved back into his area, the scathing lyrics of this otherwise beautifully produced song – “Baby, Baby, Baby Bitch / Fuck you, you stinkin’ ass ho” – are perfect to hum as you pass by your ex at Trin. Mildly embarrassing?

Perhaps. But you already committed Trincest; what do you have left to lose? Also: Sad boi hours pt. 4.

“Pon de Replay” – Rihanna Rihanna’s first ever single and an undeniable hit. This song has tons of merit as a dancehall staple; also I fucking hate those guys.

19

“Run” – Daughter This track tells the story of a woman unwilling to break off her toxic relationship for fear of being alone. Also, the boyfriend is addicted to cocaine, so there’s that.

“Money” – Pink Floyd Listen on vinyl to fit in with actual Trin WASPs. You’ll still be dirt poor but at least now you’ve entered the “listening to generic classic rock to feel unique/different/indie” phase.

“Yesterday’s Papers” – The Rolling Stones Mick Jagger went through women like none other. This song is misogyny made dreamy and smooth as hell. Glorified hook-up culture gives off severe Trin vibes.

“Where Is My Mind?” – Pixies If you had this song in your music library before Tik Tok exhumed its opening “Ooh”’s for Gen Z, sit back in your lush velvet armchair and pour yourself a glass of Cognac as you listen to the Pixies and exult at your esoteric taste.

“I Feel Like I’m Fixin to Die Rag” – Country Joe McDonald A protest song against the Vietnam War, infused with dark humor and satire. What’s not to love? Reading between the lines, the take home message is: War bad! Peace good! You can skip your next IR class. You’re welcome.

“Creep” – Radiohead The band hated it because it was a departure from their typical sound but became the song that they were most known for. If Radiohead was Trinity College, “Creep” would be Social Trin.

“Imagine” – John Lennon Painfully hypocritical, as we were so unfortunately reminded by the cover version released by celebrities just over a year ago.

It gives me the same energy as the mental health emails we receive periodically from admin.

“Smells Like Teen Spirit” – Nirvana The band hated it once it defined the mainstream musical movement of their era. If Nirvana was Trinity College instead of Radiohead, and “Creep” wasn’t already Social Trin, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” would be Social Trin.

“City of Stars” – Justin Hurwitz This song was performed by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone in La La Land. It’s a love letter to Hollywood, and just as Hollywood loves Hollywood, Trin loves Trin.

“Rät” – Penelope Scott Apparently, Elon Musk obsessions go crazy here at Trin. This track is a self-proclaimed breakup letter to Silicon Valley and the tech cults therein. A few listens might do the lot of you some good.

“Date Rape” – Sublime The wry and shocking tale of a man date raping a woman, getting convicted, and subsequently sentenced to 25 years in prison, where he, in turn, is raped. *Cue devil’s advocate argument about why you’re not entitled to feel offended by this song*

“A Change is Gonna Come” – Greta Van Fleet White boys (Greta Van Fleet) covered a song by a black man (Sam Cooke) about the oppression he’s faced, in the style of an older band of white boys (Led Zeppelin) who ripped off every black blues artist under the sun. Nice.

“Revolution 9” – The Beatles An eight and a half minute long “sound collage”. Is it an avant-garde magnum opus? A self-indulgent disaster? Let’s catalog it under pretentious music you don’t actually like but say you do to sound erudite.

“No Compassion” – Talking Heads Serving as a commentary on people who do nothing about their problems but complain – “What are you, in love with your problems?” – this track goes out to all you crazy kids endlessly bitching and moaning in the quad, as well as everyone desperately holding in the urge to tell you to shut up.

“Don’t Speak“ – No Doubt A phenomenal breakup song. But more importantly, the song title provides the best advice you will ever receive.

“Fuck you” – Lily Allen What was originally intended as a hit piece on President G.W. Bush has evolved into an eternal mood, and the one common sentiment among all Trin students: “do you get a little kick out of being small minded?”.

“You Oughta Know” – Alanis Morrissette Another quintessential bad breakup song. And on the first few listens it’s mega cool and totally empowering. Give it some time though and you’ll find that the whiny vocals grow increasingly obnoxious and annoying.

“Trinity” – Paper Tongues No snarky comments with this one. Just a good song with a fitting name.

20

Spring Mood Boards: The Office Edit Or, Curated Memes for Sad Teens

“What e n i t n a r qua ” . e k i l s l fee

“Online sc hool during a pandemic. ”

21

“Trinity su mmed up into on e mood boar d, à la

“How I ng pri S t u o b feel a

By: Jess Horton 22

Hello again Salts, I know that you have flipped to this page because you never knew you needed to know this, but talk about essential work, I’m here to give it to you. In all honesty, while this incoming spring has brought me some sunshine, it has also brought on a seasonal allergy to doing any amount of hard work. So, for this third article of the Salterrae, I thought I would cut the fluff and give it to you straight. You know my Aries tendencies to be brutally, painfully, torturously, creating a need for therapy levels honest with you all, but this time we’re adding a twist. I’m going to determine what day of the week you are based solely on ~~vibes~~ making it nearly impossible to explicate or argue. So, please apply the 48 hour rule your TA employs when they don’t want to face your wrath over the bad grade they gave you, and really think your horoscope over. I think you’ll find that I am in fact always right. Finally, a warning: I will be matching the vibes of the days of the week to the vibes of your zodiac sign, and much like this pandemic year, nothing here is based in reality. So, if you get Monday, it’s not because I hate you, and if you get Sunday, it’s not because you’re godly. Have an open mind and prepare to be confused. You get what you get, and you don’t get upset.

Hang in there kids!

Love, Archana xoxo

Aries gives me very middle of the week vibes, but not right in the middle, so either a Tuesday or a Thursday. The best, kindest, funniest Ariens miiiight be a Friday, but most of us are pretty awful in the eyes of others, so I would stick with Tuesday or Thursday.

Taurus is definitely Thursday; there’s a slight alliteration there so it makes sense.

Gemini has super Wednesday vibes. Right in the middle because they love having the choice to be whatever they want: the end of the hard-working part of the week, or the beginning of the drinking at noon part of the week.

23

I think Cancers are either Saturdays or Mondays and nothing in between. Yes, I know that’s very confusing, but that’s what they are!

Tuesday = lion. Nothing to argue here.

Thursday or Saturday? Maybe just Thursday because that’s cleaning day, you know?

Friday for sure. I only know one Libra and it’s my dad and if he isn’t Friday, and if you’re not my dad, then who is?

Weekend vibes here for sure. You have no idea what you’re going to get with a Scorpio; a fun club weekend and a mild hangover, or a mental breakdown and sleep for 30 hours straight. (And yes, 30 is a Scorpio-vibes number, in case you were wondering.)

Is it possible for Sags to be three days? Well, I make the rules, so yes. Although I don’t want to inflate their egos even more, they are in fact Monday, Tuesday, and Friday.

Capricorns are definitely a Monday. Purely Monday vibes (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; let’s not stereotype days of the week guys, they’re all very complex and misunderstood *sigh*).

Friday, but like a long weekend Friday where you have the day off so it kinda screws with your perception of the week.

*British accent* Thursday I reckon m8? The British accent really nails Pisceans’ Thursday vibes.

24