Issuu

FEBRUARY 2017

2 WHAT IS LOVE? SHUBHI SAHNI

Trinity students answer the age-old question; some with more positivity than others.

4 MUST-READS ABOUT LOVE ABBY LENDVAI

Book and podcast recommendations for obnoxious lovers and single pringles alike.

5 6 SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY WHY YOU ARE SINGLE RACHEL CHEN

Tag yourselves and your friends in these memes.

ANNIE MACKILLICAN

28 MARY AINSLIE EMILY LARMAN

Reminiscing about Trinity in the 1980s with a former Female HoA.

A warning about the perils of dating someone from St. Michael’s College.

16 CONVERSAT JULIANNE DE GARA

A recap of A Night at Trin’s Landing.

7 ODE TO TC22 ELISE WAGNER

From Trin One classes to late night study sessions, a soon-to-be graduate reminisces on TC22.

8 STRACHAN HACKS ANGELA GU

Improve the Strachan experience not by getting better food but by changing your thoughts.

20 WINTER FASHION BILLIE ROSE OWEN

Combat the icy winter weather with these fire fashion tips.

SEX COLUMN ALLEGRA WIESENFELD

Are you supposed to sit with them at Strachan Brunch the next morning or not? Find the answer in this essential piece about the hookup etiquette at Trinity.

10 11 PIZZA AND TRIN BOYS

EARTH TIME WITH EMMA

EMMA NORMAN

BEST DATES ARJUN GANDHI

Get the person of your dreams to fall in love with you with these six amazing dates.

How to make Mother Nature your Valentine.

MARY DEBONO & THOMAS ROBSON

A comparison between and ranking of Strachan pizza and the Men of Trinity College.

CIGARS AT TRINITY WESTON MILLER

A study of the romance and history of stogies at Trin.

ATOM EGOYAN MADELINE TORRIE

A conversation with the Oscar-nominated filmmaker.

22 THE HOME OF TRIN’S HISTORY 32 ANTI-KLAMACTIC KLARA STRASSER & ISAAC WRIGHT

An interview with Slyvia Lassan about the new Trinity Archives.

DAMIAN KLAMBAUER

Exploring an alternate universe in which Carrie Fisher and Louis Riel find love.

13 THE 1T7 YOU SHOULD DATE 27 HISTORICAL COLUMN

33 BUTTERY SHORTCUTS

14 A BROAD IN CANADA

34 ONDIFAQ

S AVNEET SHARMA

KAITLYN SIMPSON

SaltFeed can tell you which 1T7 you should date based on your Starbucks order.

SCARLETT WATKINS

Thoughts on Trinity from the foreign exchange student you’ve never heard of.

15 ALUMNI COLUMN EMILY TSUI

Recent Trinity graduate and future UofT Law student describes her life-alterating gap year and explains why you need to take one too.

A chronology of St. Hilda’s College, as told by the experiences of unapologetic Women of College.

30 31

FOR THE NEURODIVERGENT VANESSA PERUZZA

An enlightening personal essay about dealing with psychosis.

FITTING IN AT TRINITY MILTON CHOW

A first year thanks the people of Trinity for welcoming him into the community.

ANNA TRIKAS

Get the most out of the commuter experience with these helpful tips.

ONDIEK ODUOR

The Salterrae’s Advice Columnist encourages you to celebrate 500 more days of being alone.

36 HOROSCOPES

RACHEL COPP CLARK

What do the stars have in store for you this Valentine’s Day?

February 2017

WHAT IS LOVE - Shubhi Sahni, 1T8

When you want to buy the really fancy lube for someone.

DEAD. – Dario Toman, 1T7

Love is what bonds together. How I feel about people – Jason Chan, 2T0 fries & maYonaise. Well so do ropes... – Damien Klambauer, 1T7

– Ursula Carmichael, 1T8

I DON’T THINK I HAVE EVER LOVED SOMEONE OUTSIDE OF MY FAMILY OR FRIENDS. WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, I FEEL LIKE THERE WOULD BE SOMETHING MISSING IN MY LIFE IF I DIDN’T HAVE THEM IN IT. I GENUINELY LOVE MY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS BUT I HAVE NEVER GENUINELY LOVED PEOPLE I AM ROMANTIC WITH.

– Jonah Shallit, 1T8

love is friends h i p. - Hélène Emorine, 1T8

What is love to me?

N o n exi st e n t.

– Julia Sweatman, 1T9

When you care about another person’s wellbeing just as much as your own. – Sam Slisarenko, 1T9

Oh shit... It’s a strange sensation. It’s when no matter how much you – Emma Bailey, 1T7 want to be irritated or Baby don’t hurt me, not like someone, you no more. just can’t. As much as – Katrina Li, 1T8 someone drives you inA construct of sane, you always gravi18th century tate back to them.

capitalist. – Maddy Torrie, 1T7

– Julien Ferland, 1T7

A feeling of happiness, joY and respect. – Braden Kenny, 1T8

the valentine’s issue EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Arjun Gandhi SENIOR COPY EDITOR Danielle Pal SENIOR DESIGN EDITOR Madeline Torrie DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY Sofia Jelovac DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS Avneet Sharma TREASURER Rhiannon Langford COPY EDITORS Mira Pijselman Charlie Jupp-Adams Ethan Raymond Kate Reeve Anna Trikas DESIGN EDITORS Amanda La Mantia Claire Shenstone-Harris Shubhi Sahni Kira James COLUMNISTS Rachel Copp Clark Ondiek Oduor Julianne de Gara Billie Rose Owen Angela Gu Vanessa Perruzza Damian Klambauer Kaitlyn Simpson Emily Larman Allegra Wiesenfeld Emma Norman STAFF WRITERS Rachel Chen Klara Strasser Abby Lendvai Madeline Torrie Weston Miller Isaac Wright WRITERS Milton Chow Avneet Sharma Mary Debono Anna Trikas Arjun Gandhi Emily Tsui Annie MacKillican Elise Wagner Thomas Robson Scarlett Watkins Shubhi Sahni PHOTOGRAPHERS AND ILLUSTRATORS Sydney Bradshaw Max Levy Ester Dubali Heather Nichols Kira James Clare O’Brien Pierre Kochel Alexandra Pavel Amanda La Mantia Claire Shenstone-Harris Lorne Levy

Letter from the Editor Five months ago, I was sitting in Strachan with a group of friends when casual conversation led to an age old question — what is love? “Friendship,” said one of my cheerier friends. “It’s that feeling when you enjoy doing the most mundane things with someone,” replied another. Having listened to their remarks, I took the opportunity to put forward my own one-word response. “Dead,” I quipped, causing my friends to turn to me. Seeing their concern, I continued. “Love is just the process of getting to know someone until they utterly despise you and your greatest insecurities,” I explained. “It’s a human construct developed to sell movie tickets, greeting cards and self-doubt. It’s a lie, meant to make us feel like we aren’t enough if we don’t receive love from the ones we want it from the most. Love is the best excuse when apologizing for any terrible thing you do and the ultimate boon to tease when you want to get something out of someone. If you ask me, to hell with love! Let’s live in a world where we’re free of the pressures of the New Year’s Eve kiss and the Valentine’s Day date! Let’s live in in a world where we worry only about ourselves and our own needs! Let’s live in a world free from love! Who’s with me?” Suffice it to say that my revolutionary plea didn’t gain traction among my friends, but it did spark the idea for this issue. As I calmed down from my outburst, it dawned on me that love is truly the most beautiful feeling in the world. Though it may bring you more pain than you knew you could bear, love can bring you happiness in equal measure. You know you’re in love with someone when shutting your eyes can’t dim your image of them, when you long to fill your waking hours with them, and when your feelings for them are so indescribably unique that you wonder how it could be the case that billions have had that same ineffable feeling before you. Love makes us braver and more selfless than ever before, pushes us to be the best version of ourselves, and gives us purpose. If the Salterrae’s job is to report on the condition of—as well as to entertain—the students of Trinity College, then it would be incomplete without an exploration of love, in the many forms it takes at Trinity. That’s where The Valentine’s Issue comes in. I’m going to be honest. Though I still have one issue left as Editor-in-Chief, you see before you my magnum opus. This is the issue I’ve been planning and anticipating since my election eleven months ago, and it would not have been possible without every single person listed in the masthead (on the left). There are, however, a few people whose contributions I feel I must highlight. First, I would like to extend my thanks to all of the writers! The quality of articles in this issue far exceeds that in any other issue of the Salterrae published in recent history. Thank you all for opening up so eloquently about your diverse loves, passions, and interests. One writer that I would like to single out for my thanks is Vanessa Perruzza, who has given us three incredible articles as part of her “For the Neurodivergent” column. Including this column as part of my four issues will go down as the thing I am most proud of in my work with the Salterrae. Every article tackles another mental health-related issue, and with each word she writes, Vanessa aims to rid the Trinity community of the stigma surrounding mental illness. For anyone that is struggling, Vanessa, the entire Salterrae team, and I encourage you to take the tough first step–talk to someone. No one should have to suffer alone. Next, I have to thank the design team for constantly pushing themselves creatively in order to produce a visually attractive issue. Most notably, I would like to thank Shubhi Sahni, the friend and editor who pushes me to work day and night until we’ve prepared the best Salterrae possible. I may hate you when we’re working together past 5AM, but I thank you now! Last but not least, I have to give my greatest thanks to our incredible student models, featured on this issue’s cover and back pages, and Sofia Jelovac, our ace photographer. Thank you all for your professionalism, for your grace, and for indulging my crazy idea! For those of you interested in contributing to future issues of the Salterrae, we are excited to feature your work in our final issue of the year, to be released in late March or early April. Start submitting writing pieces, photographs, and illustrations to salterrae@trinlife.com as soon as possible. Trying not to be so salty this Valentine’s Day, Arjun Gandhi

FEBRUARY 2017

The Lady Vanishes: Revisionist History, a Malcolm Gladwell Podcast In his new podcast, Malcolm Gladwell revisits often overlooked or misunderstood historical events to gain insight into their significance. During the first episode of the podcast, The Lady Vanishes, Gladwell introduces the listener to Elizabeth Thompson, the first female artist to stand for election to the Royal Academy of Arts in 1879. Unfortunately for Thompson, she lost by a narrow margin on the third and final ballot of the election. In this episode, Gladwell also discusses the triumphs and tribulations of Julia Gillard, the first female Prime Minister of Australia. With wit and depth, Gladwell takes on sexism throughout history. I, for one, believe that Valentine’s is the perfect occasion to take down the patriarchy.

Eleanor and Park, by Rainbow Rowell In Eleanor and Park, Rainbow Rowell tells the classic story of angst-filled teens finding love. But this book avoids the clichés by exploring the awkward and painful truth of high school and first loves. Rowell is a fantastic young adult author who truly gets at the heart of a maturing relationship, expertly striking a balance between the sappy and the melancholy in her writing. If you dismiss young adult books because you think you are far too advanced for them, then this book will change your mind. Heartbreaking teen romance is the perfect Valentine’s Day reading companion.

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, by Alison Bechdel Alison Bechdel is the sharp and refreshingly honest author/illustrator of this graphic memoir that explores the difficulties of the family dynamic. Bechdel recounts her youth in small-town Pennsylvania and her complex relationship with her late father. She is a frank, compassionate and insightful storyteller. Valentine’s Day is not only about romantic love; it is also a celebration of familial love. Bechdel’s memoir is a testament to the love and depth of her relationship with her father, and will inspire everyone to call their parents more often. I also highly recommend the Tony Award-winning musical adaption, Fun Home, which is currently touring the United States.

& Books Podcasts

Love

By: Abby Lendvai

The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green

Born a Crime, by Trevor Noah

Before you roll your eyes, hear me out. With sensitivity and compassion, Green takes the “teen dying of fatal illness” story and rewrites it. Inspired by the story of a 16-year old girl named Esther, Green does not skip out on the tragic reality of cancer—pain, shame, anger, and depression. It is very hard to find meaningful and philosophical conversations between two teenagers. It is also very rare to read a fictional story within a story, much less one that is even more interesting. Yet, this novel accomplishes all of these things with the perfect combination of sadness and humor.

Trevor Noah’s brilliant new memoir should be required reading. Noah was ‘born a crime’ in South Africa, as the son of a white Swiss father and a black Xhosa mother. This book details how he spent much of his adolescence running and hiding. His collection of short stories paint a vivid and poignant picture of everyday racism and the reality of the life under the apartheid in South Africa. His strong voice and keen sense of humour pepper the memoir, offering biting commentary of the appalling conditions of apartheid, and the rocky path to freedom following its end. Noah even includes anecdotes about his teenage romantic triumphs and failures. Love yourself by taking the time to read this book!

TOO SALTY FOR SUGAR why you, a trin student, are still single By: Rachel Chen “1T8s, can’t get dates!” my Salterrae editor yelled at me, over two years ago. It was the night of Saints in my first year, and her and a group of drunk fourth years had crashed (and trashed) our quiet third Massey kitchen following Fourth Year Bar. She was right of course; none of my friends had dates that night. Jokes on them, I thought – I wasn’t even going to Saints. Of course, as a 1T8, the joke was really on me. I finally decided that I had to go to Saints at least once before I graduated, so

this year I asked three different people in succession as each “date” bailed on me, one by one. Of course, I did still manage to have fun—what night that ends with your sober sober patrol friends, your drunken roommate, and 4am New Ho King isn’t? While I really wasn’t being salty just now, I have to ask—why are we like this? Then I remember—this is why no one likes us. Tag yourselves everyone, for better or worse.

SOCIAL MEDIA TROLL

PRIVATE SCHOOL PRICK

LAW SCHOOL WANNABE

- wants to be a meme queen - enjoys flame wars on the Class of 2020 page - can’t remember if they met people in real life or if they back-stalked them

- doesn’t know any lyrics from Mr. Brightside - has Trin friends because they went to high school together - just got back from Pareeeeeeee!

- ignores the Bora Laskin “law students only” rule - probably in IR or even better E, S & L - judges dates by their LinkedIn profiles

LAB NERD

LIT FRIEND

SIDE HOE

- spends more time with worms than people - thinks they’re smarter than everyone - goes to the AGO to be ~cultured~

- drunk 5/7 days of the week - has mastered the art of projectile vomiting - still makes “yo mama” jokes

- can’t get second dates - shows up late to Bubbly - wants everyone but does not like anyone

THE MESS

Despite all this, remember that if they don’t love you for the mess you are,

you don’t need them!

Don’t wait for their texts,

don’t check their horoscopes, and most importantly,

- puts vodka in her Lucky Charms for inspiration - “[her] Condé Nest meeting got pushed again!” - is a SCORPIO - is actually just me, don’t tag yourself

don ’ t tag them in any memes! FEBRUARY 2017

sleeping with the enemy St. Michael’s College.

If you

choose

to avoid

Trincest,

proceed with

CAUTION.

Three words that are guaranteed to send a chill down the spine of any Member of College. However, in a moment of weakness (or drunken confusion), even the most loyal Trinitonian can find themselves looking to expand their dating pool beyond quad walls. Whether you went looking for them or you stumbled upon them accidentally, dating a student from another college is possible, but does not come without its challenges. Especially if they come from St. Michael’s College. If you choose to avoid Trincest, proceed with caution. The following are six problems you will experience if you date a student from SMC.

You will face many issues regarding Trin events if you choose to date a student from any other college, but particularly SMC. First of all, good luck getting a guest ticket. Of course, for smaller scale events the tickets are plenty, but for Saints, Bubbly or Conversat? If you think you’ve any chance of scoring one, you’ve got another thing coming. The second issue is similar to that of the hallway encounters. All night long, you will be introducing your fellow traitor to a bunch of Trin students, who will be confused as to who let the enemy into Seeley Hall. Again, your safest bet to avoid being shunned by 230 drunk elitists is to create a false alibi.

The Gown Jokes

Always a Host, Never a Guest

Trinity College has many traditions that we hold sacred. Other colleges, particularly St. Mike’s, don’t always see them in the same way that we do. Our academic gowns, for example, may be perceived to the untrained eye as “wizard robes” or other debasing attire. It gets a little annoying when you’re rushing back from a High Table to meet up with your SMC stowaway and are greeted with something along the lines of “you’re a wizard, Harry.” Sigh.

Awkward Hallway Encounters

If you live in residence, one of the most challenging parts about dating a St. Michael’s College student is sneaking them around the hallways of Trin Proper or St. Hilda’s, trying to avoid running into anyone. Of course, social encounters are inevitable, and of course, the person you encounter will introduce themselves to this “friend” of yours as they probably haven’t seen them around Trin. In preparation for this, prepare a false alibi for your St. Mike’s buddy. Safe options are as follows: “I’m a commuter,” “I’m a music student,” “I’m visiting from UBC,” and “I live in Sub-Owen” (there is no Sub-Owen). Alibis to avoid include: “I’m from SMC,” “I’m from [insert other college here],” “I’m in engineering,” and “I’m from Ryerson.”

Conflicting Spiritual Views

Regardless of your actual religious affiliation (if any), members of both Trinity College and St. Michael’s College tend to adopt their college’s religious affiliation if only satirically. For Trin students, this means exploiting Anglicism in the most sacrilegious way possible. However, across Queen’s Park, SMC students are under a somewhat enforced Catholic set of rules. These differences in denominations can get annoying, even for the most atheist of atheists. For example, St. Mike’s students often feel the need to yell “pray for us” in a sing-song manner at all hours, while Trin students prefer burning things and bowing down to bishops. After several arguments over whose religious views are better, you’ll begin to wonder if the relationship is still worth it. 6

Trinity College Events

In residence at Trinity College, we live under relatively relaxed rules, especially regarding overnight guests. At St. Michael’s College, this is far from true. Due to their restrictions regarding oppositesex guests after 11, overnight guests in general, and a strict ban on alcohol, you’ll almost always find yourself hosting your comrade from across the Park. This can cause many inconveniences on your end, so be prepared. You will have to walk down millions of flights of Trin Stairs to open the outside doors because they do not have a T8. You will have to keep your room relatively clean all the time (though this is just to be polite and not an actual requirement), you’ll have to store their cheap vodka in your fridge, and you’ll struggle to get them off Trin property before the 9am class bunch emerges from their rooms.

College Envy

This will likely be the most sensitive area of your relationship with a St. Michael’s student. Though they don’t like to admit it, most SMC students are just Trin (or sometimes Vic) rejects. It is very possible that your cohort may feel a sense of resentment or jealousy towards you upon briefly experiencing all the magic and wonders that Trinity College has to offer. We eat in a hall while they merely eat in a room. We are often provided free alcohol while theirs is taken away. Our events run from 10 till 2, while theirs run from 4 until 6. We both have chapels, but let’s face it, ours is better. Trinity College is a different world, and it’s only natural for someone to feel envy when they’re so close to the college of their dreams, and yet they know that dream will never become a reality. Again, dating a St. Michael’s College student does not come without its challenges. Lots of challenges. But hey, by avoiding Trincest, at least you know your babies won’t come out with two heads and an IR degree.

By: Annie MacKillican Illustrator: Alexandra Pavel

An Ode to TC22 By: Elise Wagner Photographer: Sofia Jelovac

nd this is where I used to get drunk every morning,” said the middle aged man who was standing in the doorway, holding his young son’s hand of his young son and slowly surveying the room. I looked up in surprise from my giant armchair in the JCR, where I was already playing catch-up on my third year readings. Only two other students were in there with me. All of us were working away on our laptops, conspicuously sober. After a long pause, the man sighed and turned away, leading the boy out of the room. I laughed to myself. Of course this sort of thing would happen at Trinity. Our ‘alcohol culture’ is hardly a new phenomenon. But how ridiculous, I thought. Out of all the places you could wistfully remember your time at Trinity, you pick a single room? Granted, the JCR is home to our famed Trinity College Literary Institute and several messy James Bond Society parties, but surely Trinity is not just about that. It’s about the overall experience.

of receiving t-shirts, we got many dressing-downs by Professor Arne Kislenko. We trudged up and down the stairs to TC22 every Tuesday for a year, and were forced to watch each other squirm under Kislenko’s weekly interrogations.

dents who you have never met will ask you if you want anything from Tim Hortons at 1:00am. On several occasions, sympathetic club executives will bring the leftover snacks from their afternoon events. The people in TC22 are good people.

This is how we learned the rules of TC22. It is a silent study space, reserved for serious academic stress. Regular users of the space have no problem silencing a gaggle of first years loudly comparing answers to their MAT135 problem sets. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve shushed someone in the room, I would be able to afford the ice bar for Conversat’s 4th Year Bar. If that didn’t work, there was always the deadly, ‘condescending stare’, often enhanced by dark under-eye circles and the blue light of a computer screen. I’ve gotten so good at it that if someone opens the door and sees me, there is a good chance they’ll quickly back out of the room, hazarding the rambunctious TC24 instead.

In third year, I was surprised that I had not become a part of the TC22 furniture. Almost every weekend was spent studying on the brown plastic chairs. The second semester of third year will go down as one of the toughest academic times in my life.

Now a year and a half later, while preparing for possible unemployment and guaranteed irrelevancy, I find myself becoming wistful. I will remember my time at Trinity College as a singular experience (except, perhaps, Quad Party 2014), but I’ve found that there are some aspects that stand out more than others.

Life in TC22 has its sweet moments. Several relationships have started in the room just below Roost. In the fall of 2014, Eimi Harris (IT7) was sitting in the JCR when Max Isakov (1T6), in a last-ditch effort to secure her affection after all his efforts failed over the previous two weeks, used his best pick up line: “I’m studying in TC later. Want to join?” Their romance unfurled in TC22 and they’ve been together ever since.

All throughout my time at Trinity, TC22 has been a constant. I was first introduced to its offcolour carpet and poorly functioning windows on my first day of Trin One. Back in my day, instead

I’ve made many friends over the course of my time in TC22. The shared experience of being stressed, tired, and over-caffeinated brings people together like no frosh week icebreaker can. Stu-

Sometimes you can only understand what it means to love something if you occasionally hate it.

After that, I hated TC22. While there are good times, the room is often a backdrop to self-loathing, exhaustion, and fear. For every exciting moment, there is one that beats you down. I’ve cried outside TC22, hopeless in the face of daunting tasks. I’ve seen people starfish in the open space between the tables and watched countless heads hit the desk in defeat. Walking up the stairs became a monumental task. The first-year spark was gone. But sometimes you can only understand what it means to love something if you occasionally hate it. I feel that way about Trinity College as well as TC22. Now in my fourth year, I’m back in TC22 on Tuesdays for a fourth-year seminar and each walk up the stairs means I’m one week closer to leaving our college. It’s a fitting end for the Trinity stereotype that I’ve happily become. I can better imagine myself becoming that man from the JCR, sentimentally looking back on the parties and the events that define the Trinity experience. There is one important difference between me and him, though: I still haven’t gotten drunk in the morning. But there’s always Quad Party 2017. February 2017

Strachan Hacks Thinking your Way to Strachan Satisfaction

By: Angela Gu Illustrator: Ester Dubali

It’s February. Your radiator may or may not be working (and may or may not be clanking as if there was a little man hammering away in the pipes), Strachan may or may not be drafty, and second semester may or may not be worse than the first. If my last article, or my current beating around the bush, was not indication enough for you, then allow me to be frank. My list of ideas is pretty much exhausted. I’ll still be offering tips on how to make Strachan food enjoyable (or at least bearable), but given that there’s not much to be done in terms of the food itself, I’ll have to do so by changing the way you think! It’s time to reignite your relationship with dear old Strachan, and stoke the embers of that dying love. This is your chance to embrace Strachan Hall again, to change things on your end, and to say “It’s not you, it’s me.” Adjusting the way you perceive food can make such a difference! I can’t promise that this is the solution for all, as I’m no relationship counsellor, but I do have some suggestions. When stuck in line at peak hours, do not be frustrated and annoyed. Instead, repeat: I am about to be served healthy and nutritious food. Not necessarily delicious, but nutritious. Yum. Think about the food in terms of the macros you need for your gains and the micronutrients for your general health and well-being. Alternatively, take this moment to meditate and be mindful. Close your eyes and focus on just being. Feel your heart rate slow. Relax a little. Feel the hum and buzz of energy around you. Feel the energy within you. Breathe out the stress. Don’t inhale any stress.

served a plate of ambiguous stew, do 1 When not question the nature of the stew. Instead,

repeat: There are starving children in the world. Whether or not you believe we all have a duty to help those starving children (I’m looking at you, Peter Singer) is unimportant. Just repeat the mantra and choke down the food.

Sharing is caring! If you got an unusually large helping of something you don’t like, ask a friend if they would like some. Preferably do so before you start eating, because I don’t eat other people’s leftovers.

thankful for one thing every meal. For 3 Beexample: “Yas! There are cookies today!” “OMG there are separate bowls of pineapple.” “Thank goodness the fish isn’t too fishy.” When you arrive in Strachan at 9:50AM: “Oh yay there’s still food!” “The hot chocolate machine didn’t splatter boiling liquid all over me” (said no one ever, but it could happen one day).

Finally, when the food at every station looks bad, think, at least I’m not eating at Vic.

It’s time to reignite your relationship with dear old Strachan, and stoke the embers of that dying love. If my last-ditch attempt at ameliorating your Strachan situation isn’t enough to mend your relationship with it, I’m afraid it’s the end. It’s time to break up. Toxic relationships are unhealthy. Look forward to the next instalment of Strachan Hacks, where I’ll be taking you all on a field trip away from Strachan in the ultimate Strachan Hack— ditching it and dining elsewhere! And if you are looking for fun food hacks that actually involve food, you should perhaps follow @ trineats on Instagram for fun food ideas, creative inspiration, and to stay up-to-date about what’s going on with projects concerning the dining hall.

The Hookup Etiquette of Trinity

The Dos and Don’ts of Desperation Season

By: Allegra Wiesenfeld Illustrator: Alexandra Pavel It’s ‘New Year, New Me’ time, right on schedule for Trinity’s annual mating season, which begins with the regret of not having a date to Conversat. That photo booth was not meant for solo pics. In an effort to help out the Single & Stressed, I hit the streets of Strachan to find out how to have a successful rendezvous with another student fee-paying pal. This is investigative journalism at its finest. Based off the incredibly scientific research procedure of asking people in my general eating vicinity what their personal college hookup tips were and assuring them that their names and law-career-worthy reputations would get nowhere near this article, comin’ atchu is a bizarrely specific, inconsistent, and questionably helpful list of Trinity after-hours rules and etiquette.

This is common sense, but lock yo’ door.

2 4 6

Wanna be a little shit? Dare the member of college you’re getting down with to go to the washroom buck-naked. It’ll scar any drowsy first year taking a late night leak.

Chart it on your hookup tree. Don’t pretend to be surprised—we all have one.

The best part about a Trin hookup is that you get to see them at brunch the next day. PSYCH! It sucks. Do you ignore each other in a haha our genitals touched last night but we’re going to pretend it never happened way? Do you make eye contact and throw up a peace sign? Do you give a half head nod (not a full one, that’s too committal) while both waiting at the waffle iron? You two sit at the same table? Have fun when someone asks where you ended up last night. No matter what, it’s gonna be the most awkward morning of your life.

Everyone should pee after sex. Donald Trump has recently given peeing a bad name, but those few extra minutes of post-coital cuddling will turn your golden showers into burning, red rain. Don’t forget kidney infections can also pop up if you’re a masochist who would rather ignore the constant need to pee and increasing pain instead of going to the doctor and getting the magic pills that make it all go away. Urinary Tract Infections really live up to their terrible sounding name, and they’ll make you really pissy for the next few days.

8 10

Leave after. While the name might be deceiving, Twin (or Trin) beds are meant for one.

So, let’s say you’re serious about this thing. You want to do something romantic, like make them breakfast. At Trin, your options are limited. There’s the trek to Owen, the grimy kitchens of St. Hildas, and not much else. Really, the only thing you can do is order them a custom omelet at the Stir Fry station. Violet will know their daily order of two-egg, mushroom, ham, no-cheese even if you don’t.

Photos from last night are up on the event page. Frantically email the photographers to take down the one of you grinding on some fourth year, because you have your grandparents on Facebook, for god’s sake! Know that at least five people have taken a screenshot of your sloppy make out pics for future blackmail purposes. Hey, if it works out you now have a photo that you can post on Insta on your anniversary.

Oh look, there’s a hickey on your neck. Good thing turtlenecks are in this season. COS sells dickey turtlenecks if the res heaters make it too hot for a full cashmere neck cover. Rumor has it that you’ll get the worst, “Here’s To” ever if you sport your blotchy purple neck too obviously. If you’re greeted with a round of applause the next day in Strachan, take a bow. If no one publically cheers for you, don’t worry—it means the concept of you having sex isn’t so shocking that people feel the need to congratulate you on such a rare achievement

If you’re a boy on a girl’s floor, PUT THE SEAT DOWN AFTER YOU PEE. If this is a foreign concept to you, please, for the good of womankind, refer to Bustle’s “7 Reasons Dudes Should Be The Ones To Put The Toilet Seat Back Down — Every. Single. Time.”

If you’re greeted with a round of applause the next day in Strachan, take a bow. If no one publically cheers for you, don’t worry—it means the concept of you having sex isn’t so shocking that people feel the need to congratulate you on such a rare achievement.

February 2017

earth time with emma how to make gaia your valentine By: Emma Norman

’ve never considered myself a religious person. As a child, I was bounced around between several different churches, each of them with different beliefs and practices, as my family tried to find a community we liked. Eventually, my parents gave up. I was probably thirteen or so at the time, and I didn’t know what to believe. I’d heard so many different ideas about what is real and true, but if all these ideas had such ardent supporters, how could any one of them actually be real and true to the exclusion of all the rest? Leaving religious things aside, I spent a significant portion of my childhood out in nature. I was raised on the edge of the Rocky Mountains, and we would spend weeks at a time tucked away at obscure campgrounds, miles away from the nearest paved road. There was no need to go to church when we spent an entire Sunday hiking; and somehow, I think those days in the forest taught me more than any church ever did. In the mountains, the wind in the trees is less of a sound and more of an emotion. It compels me to silence. It was there I first noticed the way the clouds move in the sky, swiftly from horizon to horizon. If you lay still for a while, you can fool yourself into thinking you can feel the Earth turning beneath your feet. It was only after I stopped going to church that I realized this is what spirituality should feel like. The Earth is vast, and I am small. I think I find peace when I’m in nature because I become a girl passing through, rather than a girl trying to be great. This is why it’s so difficult to see the constant headlines about climate change, carbon emissions, water pollution, the ice caps melting, coral bleaching, and the sixth mass extinction. The environment is enormous, more powerful and complex than I could ever comprehend, and yet global warming is somehow even more powerful than that. Not

to mention that the men with all the money and newly-gained political influence (you know who I’m talking about) don’t give a damn about the Earth. What am I to do but feel powerless? Well, I’m not going to give up on what I believe in, that’s for sure! We have a duty to fight for the environment; a duty to ourselves, a duty to Mother Nature, and a duty to the generations who will inherit everything we leave behind. We must clean up pollution and slow our greenhouse gas emissions. But most importantly, we must actively encourage a love and a care for the environment in ourselves and others. Not everyone grew up as close to nature as I did. If, however, every person took a moment to feel the dirt between their toes, I’m convinced that climate change would cease to be an issue in due course. I end this letter with a promise. In the words of Walt Whitman: “I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love / If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.” Whether you already have a beau or not, Gaia could use some love this Valentine’s Day! Here’s some suggestions for how to make Mother Nature your valentine:

Treat yourself to a Parks Canada Pass.

Need a cheap date? Well here’s your shot! 2017 marks Canada’s 150th birthday, which means you, yes you, can get a Parks Discovery Pass for the reasonable price of $0! Of course, Trinity’s closest national park is still quite a ways away, so you might have to postpone until you have more than a weekend off from school. But how does spending reading week cross country skiing in Georgian Bay Islands National Park sound? Or what about a summer trip to Banff? That trip might not be as cheap, but a free Discovery Pass is something you don’t want to pass up!

I think I find peace when I’m in nature because I become a girl passing through, rather than a girl trying to be great. 10

Enjoy a romantic walk through one of Toronto’s many parks.

It may be chilly these days, but that’s no reason to stay inside. Places like High Park or the park at Evergreen Brickworks are great places to explore whether it’s winter or summer. Both of these parks also have outdoor ice skating rinks. Bring some friends, a beau, or even go alone for some one on one time with Mother Nature! Having chilly fingers is a great excuse to treat yourself to a hot chocolate or a coffee. Also, did I mention that entrance is free to these parks as well? What a bargain!

Take yourself on a hot date to the Allen Gardens Conservatory.

If you’re not a fan of the cold, take a trip to the Allen Gardens Conservatory to warm right up. The conservatory, which is accessible via TTC, is essentially a gigantic greenhouse wonderland. They’ve got turtles! Cactuses! Leaves as big as your head! Statues that have grass for hair! Explore the greenhouses, or just sit back on one of the many benches and take it all in. This is one spot you don’t want to miss. (Wait, admittance to the conservatory is free too? Gee, Gaia sure is an economical valentine!)

Check out one of the many winter farmer’s markets here in Toronto. Make grocery shopping an adventure at St. Lawrence Market North, the Evergreen Brick Works Farmer’s Market, or one of Toronto’s other weekly farmer markets. Many of the vendors at farmer’s markets employ sustainable practices, and it’s easy to find organic and delicious goodies. Both the St. Lawrence Market and the market at the Brick Works are open every Saturday, even during the winter! And because it’s winter, you may be able to find goods you wouldn’t be able to otherwise, like hot cider by the cup or homemade fruit preserves. Stay open minded—try a food you’ve never had before! To make the day special, pick up supplies for a meal and spend the evening with loved ones making a romantic meal with Gaia in mind. She deserves a little (or a lot of) love!

Ranking Trin Boys & Strachan Pizza By: Mary Debono & Thomas Robson

BACON PIZZA WITH WHITE CRUST: FIRST YEAR IN ROTMAN

The Bacon Pizza, like a first year Trinity student ‘enrolled’ in Rotman, is overpowering upon first taste. While having your first sample, you need not guess the flavour profile, as the bacon slaps you in the face. While having your first kiss, you need not guess what the first year student studies, as he tells you at least fourteen times.

CHEESE PIZZA WITH WHOLE WHEAT CRUST: SECOND YEAR WHO POSTS POLITICAL STATUSES

The Cheese Pizza with Whole Wheat Crust tries really hard, but just doesn’t make the cut. Yes, you’re a cheese pizza, congrats! However, your attempts at being healthy fall short—I’m eating a pizza, I don’t care. The bleh flavour profile of the whole wheat crust lends to the general opinion that this pizza has potential but ultimately falls short. The 2nd year student with strong political opinions is quite a phenomenon at Trinity College. Upon matching with him on tinder (where my bio reads “slightly interested in politics”) the 2nd year Trin Boy endeavours to demonstrate just how political he is. His bleh shared Atlantic articles and probably plagiarized opinions on Hillary Clinton lend to a general opinion that this 2nd year Trin Boy has potential but ultimately falls short.

“Yay! No meat! That’s awesome!” I proclaim as I sit down and acknowledge the cute vegetarian eating lunch across from me. In reality, however, vegetables are gross. Healthy is gross. Why anyone would try to mix healthy with pizza is beyond me! Strachan really drops the ball on this one, and it is quite obvious they use near-expired tomatoes on this sad edition of Strachan PizzaTM. The only reason I’ve ranked this pizza so high is that I think Mr. Eco Warrior is still pretty cute, despite his love of vegetables.

CHEESE WITH WHITE CRUST: CUTE, UKNOWN FOURTH YEAR

This is the Trin vanilla. While not the most attractive option in the real world, in the Strachan bubble, this pizza reigns a solid average. If you walked the three minutes to the Buttery, or the ten minutes off campus, you would find a better slice of pepperoni, but for Strachan, this is more than fine. A real world six who turns into a Trin seven-and-a-half, these boys are a dime a dozen—but for Trin, he is more than fine.

This pizza is the attractive older cousin of the cheese pizza with the whole wheat crust. I know it’s bad for me, but I love that about it. However, even something this attractive falls short, as there is too much crust and not enough cheese. Similarly, the attractive aloof fourth year – who even your Social TrinTM friend doesn’t really know – doesn’t try to be anything he’s not. I know my pursuit of him would be bad for me, which makes him even more attractive. However, I know even someone as attractive as him would be a disappointment: once I meet him he’ll probably be like every other Trin boy, and he wouldn’t be able to flirt with me to save his life has potential but ultimately falls short.

PEPPERONI WITH WHITE CRUST: KHAKI-WEARING, SPERRY-CLAD, SHIRT-IRONING AFICIONADO

VEGETABLE PIZZA: ENVIRONMENTAL WARRIOR

FLATBREAD PEPPERONI: REALLY CUTE, SOCIAL TRINTM FOURTH YEAR

This pizza is the elusive upgrade of your normal pepperoni. A lighter, easier eat than before; more refined. Despite its excellence, it doesn’t appear in Strachan often, only making itself available to be snatched up faster than chicken nuggets at the Athletic. Similarly, this fourth year boy has grown up. He has traded his basic Trin sweater for a sleek black cashmere sweater. He is not the same aloof boy that lived in the fireplace room in your first year. He has moved out of res and up in the world. He probably rarely shows up in Strachan, but when he does, I am sure to chase after him, just trying to get a taste.

FLATBREAD WITH MUSHROOM: THE ALUM THAT COMES BACK HOTTER

This pizza has evolved. You will only see it at those classy receptions in Seeley Hall and the fourth years’ going away parties. Thin crust that almost tastes like real food. They have taken the normal thin crust and added quality ingredients - cremini mushrooms, pesto, even some kale. This pizza is great - its evolved, healthy, but it won’t be here very long and only shows up on special occasions. This recent grad is still sort of around – but what a world of difference. He is at a different school, he has lost weight, and he is way more interesting. His refined tastes and worldly (read: outside of Trin) experiences make him way more appealing. You will probably only taste this once, before he takes off again to his new life. Then you go home and you have real pizza again. It makes you realize that even the best of the Strachan pizzas were only good because your taste buds have gone numb from overexposure to the other Strachan pizzas. February 2017

The Romance of Cigars at Trinity

By: Weston Miller

Sir Winston Churchill once compared smoking cigars to falling in love: “First, you are attracted by its shape; you stay for its flavour, and you must always remember never to let the flame out.” A cigar is a work of art, and cigar rollers are the artists. Cigars have captivated the hearts and minds of people throughout history, and smoking them has remained the favourite pastime of many around the world, myself included. There is a certain romance to the cigar, from the glisten of the oil on the tobacco to the intricacy of the construction. Even the complexity and beauty of the band lends itself to the romance of the cigar. Growing up I was surrounded by stogies, smoked by my father and his friends. I can remember practically growing up in Niagara-on-the-Lake’s own cigar shop, Customs House Cigars. I was taught a lot in that shop, but above all I gained an immeasurable appreciation for cigars. By the time I was six years old I could distinguish the different characteristics, and I would put that knowledge to use helping customers pick out cigars based on their appetites, whether it be a smooth mild Connecticut wrapper, or a strong delicious maduro. I knew a lot, probably too much for a child my age, and I found myself under their spell. I found out where that romance comes from when I was ten years old. My family took a vacation to the holy land of cigars, Havana. There is no doubt that the Cubans have set the benchmark for what a cigar should be. Though there are amazing cigars from Nicaragua and the Dominican Republic, nothing beats a Cuban. Perhaps it is the environment; Havana is one of the most romantic cities in the world. In the daytime, you’ll hear Cuban music filling the streets, see vintage cars cruising along the coast, and see the smiles of the Cuban people. In the evenings, Latin love fills the air. 12

A cigar is a work of art, and cigar rollers are the artists. In the heart of Havana stands the cathedral of cigars, the Partagas factory, where some of the finest cigars in the world are made. I remember first arriving at the beautiful neoclassical century building. I walked through the doors, imagining the vast array of people who had walked along it. My father was greeted by the factory’s head of security, a towering and intimidating man, who turned out to be one of the nicest people I have ever met. We were taken into the factory and approached what looked to be a wall of cigar boxes. In reality it was a secret door that led to the factory’s private smoking lounge. The overwhelming scent of cedar and cigar smoke filled the room, while men sat in big leather chairs and couches, sipping scotches and smoking stogies. Along the walls were pictures of celebrities at the lounge: Steven Spielberg, Bruce Willis, Matt Damon, Pierre Trudeau, Fidel Castro, and most surprising to me, my shirtless and tattooclad father, flexing with a stogie in his mouth. The general manager of the factory then emerged from a back room, embraced my father, and introduced himself to my mother and I. “My name is Abel, and this is for you, young man”, he said as he slipped a cigar into my shirt pocket. I was thrilled, my first ever cigar! Though I was not allowed to smoke it, I treasured it dearly. We were then given a private tour of the factory by a man named Nacho (no relation to Nacho Libre, unfortunately). On this tour I realized the delicate work that goes into making a cigar. Rows of desks filled a room three times the size of Strachan, with leaves of to-

bacco gently stacked on each. One by one, each cigar was rolled by one of Partagas’ master rollers. At the front of the room sat a man with a newspaper and a microphone, whose voice bellowed over a speaker as he read the daily news aloud to the workers. Day in and day out these artisans create the beautiful cigars that the world enjoys. It is no wonder that Trinity students took such a liking to cigars. In the late 1980s, the “Highly Respected and World Renowned Trinity College Cigar Club” was founded, comprised of a group of students who all shared a love of stogies. The club would meet regularly, usually in the JCR, to smoke and drink fine wines, ports, scotches, and armagnac. A poster stored in the archives reads “Cigars, Scotch and Poker: A Trinity of Sin and Vice,” advertising one of the club’s events where all first years would receive a free cigar. At the bottom of the poster the fine print read, “Oh, and not that we’re going to be gambling or anything but, uh, bring a few nickels”. The club would embark on an annual trip to Havana, sponsored by the Yorkville cigar emporium, Thomas Hinds. It was so popular that even Provost Robert Painter and former Bursar Geoff Seaborn were members. As Zino Davidoff famously said, “the cigar is something that commands respect. It is made for all the senses and all the pleasures; for the nose, the palate, the fingers, the eyes… A good cigar contains the promise of a totally pleasurable experience.” Much like falling in love, a cigar truly is bellissimo.

Disclaimer: Smoking cigars is injurious to health. It can cause cancers of the mouth, threat and lungs, even if the smoke is not inhaled. The executive team of the Salterrae does not encourage smoking of any kind. Please understand the health risks before engaging in any such activities. Pregnant women should not be smoking at all.

SaltFeed We know which 1T7 you should date based on your Starbucks order! Avneet Sharma SaltFeed Staff Love is extremely difficult to find—that’s not a hot take. It’s devastating when you can’t find it and you fail to become that successful single woman. I mean, we can’t all be Diane Lane in Under the Tuscan Sun. Sometimes, a charming villa doesn’t just appear while you’re on a gay tour of Italy. Coffee, meanwhile, is a helluva lot easier to find (go north on Devonshire, right on Bloor, left on Bedford). And so, why not combine the two worlds—coffee and love—into a relationship that was always meant to be? Finding your new, non-committal (1T7 is almost gone!) beau can be as easy as going to Starbucks and ordering your favourite drink.

Your order: Tall, Nonfat Latte With Caramel Drizzle, which you pre-ordered for bonus stars with your Starbucks Gold Account. What does this say about you? You are a Suburban White Mom™.

You should date: Rhiannon Langford

Your order: Grande Caramel Macchiato, into which you will definitely pour a shot of rum. What does this say about you? Go home, you’re drunk.

You should date: Luis Lopez

Your order: A Triple Red-Eye from the Secret Menu. What does this say about you? You have been awake for 72 hours working hard towards your goal of becoming a dictator. Nothing will get in your way. You’re also constantly disappointed by Julianne de Gara.

Your order: A black-and-white photograph of a tall Starbucks paper cup with no lid or sleeve on top of a rustic wooden desk. High-angle shot. Low-key lighting reminiscent of a gritty film noir produced by Warner Brothers during the Studio Era. What does this say about you? I don’t know.

You should date: Maddy Torrie

You should date: Pierre Kochel

Your order: Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte. What does this say about you? You try really hard to be a Basic White Girl, which is cute, much like watching a baby panda try to use a cellphone is cute until then they eat it, choke, and then die. Hopefully, this won’t happen to you.

Your order: Medium regular coffee. What does this say about you? Your lack of knowledge of Starbucks culture is astounding. It’s like you’re not even a person, which you’re not. You’re actually just twenty puppies in a trench coat.

You should (go on a play) date (with): Toby the Dog

You should date: Sasha Boutilier Your order: Grande Americano, no milk, no sugar What does this say about you? You like your significant others like you like your coffee: plain and bitter.

You should date: Dario Toman

February 2017

broad

CAN ADA By: Scarlett Watkins

My name is Scarlett, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t have the faintest clue who I am. You see, I was quite the social recluse in first semester. Amongst a full-throttled and fully unexpected culture shock in my first semester at UofT, my long-term boyfriend left me for another man. As such, I’m only just emerging from my cave of social hibernation. Nice to meet you all. As Trinity’s designated British exchange student, I’m obliged to share my verdict of Canada. Here is a quick character profile of yours truly so that you can contextualise said observations: I am a 20-year-old student who comes from Surrey—20 minutes away from central London by train, a pretender at ‘city life’ who actually only lives in the peripheries. I’m a poorly hit tennis shot south of Wimbledon. I study English Literature at the University of Exeter. Imagine an old people’s home full of toothless fogies—that’s Exeter. Not a lot going on, bar a whole lot of white people and ancient architecture, famed for being the affluent centre of the English wool trade. Interesting stuff! I‘m a fairly stereotypically middle class white girl who took a gap year and found herself in Thailand. I’m particularly fond of speciality teas and have a soft spot for vitamins. My weakness is chocolate-covered Brazil nuts, which is an issue considering I am lactose intolerant. Because of this and being a vegetarian for 14 years, I’m thinking of becoming a vegan. Basically, I’m basic. So, can you imagine the shock when this self-confessed basic found herself in the vibrant cultural hub that is Toronto. I was a somewhat reluctant recipient of the year abroad placement (I actually wanted UVic in BC #sorrynotsorry), but despite the challenges, I’ve really come to love Toronto. 14

1. People not liking lists. 2. People not liking irony. 3. Heartbreak. 4. Humour. Canadian humour is too intellectual. Literally nobody makes any sex jokes or innuendoes and this pains me. When I compared my wrinkly eyelids to a foreskin, I was met with a cry of outrage. Why is this? In the UK, sexual humour is where it’s at. Stop being so nice and polite. 5. Heartbreak. 6. The difference in vocabulary. I was not expecting there to be such a stark difference. When you say ‘out’ you sound either aggressively Scottish or like a demented hooting owl. Nobody knows what a Billy-no-mates or a tosser is. It’s agonising! I think my all-time favourite Canadian pronunciation is a toss-up between the small town “bagel,” pronounced “bagell”(shout out to Isaac Wright) and “vague.” Why do you pronounce it as if it is spelled the same as bag? In the words of one Donald J. Trump—WRONG! It’s a long ‘aaaaa’ godammit. 7. People at U of T are too clever and the grading system is very harsh. The Canadian system is far harder than the English one and it’s simply not fair. There are so many essays… 2 per term in Exeter compared to 10 at U of T. It’s madness. I feel very bitter about this as my grades get 10 –15 marks taken off them because they consider Canadian grading easier. They don’t know what they’re talking about. Tossers! 8. Trinity is the oddest little social bubble I’ve ever found myself in. I was utterly perplexed upon arrival. I do kind of like it now, but in my classically reluctant way. I feel as though everyone has a love/hate relationship with Trin. 9. The heartbreak continues.

“

Thoughts on Trinity from the foreign exchange student you haven’t heard of...

“

Ain

Here’s the challenges...

But lo and behold! After months of resenting Canada as an unfortunate consequence of being dumped for another man, I am now happy. Though I am a proud Brit—fond of tea and with a general resentment of everything not British—the Canadian obsession with maple syrup, the Blue Jays and the general kindness of Canadians have won me round. I just do not know how you have the energy to be so nice all the time. It’s sickening. I realise, despite my supposed “love” for Canada, that the tone of this article is extremely negative. Canada, you are stunningly beautiful. You have amazing scenery and awesome people. You’re bloody challenging academically, but despite this you have a place in my heart. I am a very stubborn person, and this piece is tainted by the ghost of my past woes. As such, my love for Canada is a very recent development, only realized when ice skating before the Christmas break under the beautiful decorations in Nathan Phillips Square. Yes, maybe I was with an attractive boy, maybe he did look just like my ex, maybe I am fickle and morally questionable for this—but I love Canada. You get to -40ºC and you freeze bogies, but you’re bloody amazing. In Britain we get to -4ºC and the country grinds to a halt. Toronto is a friendly, fun, buzzing, and eclectic hub of cultural diversity and cool people. I leave you with this revelation to acknowledge that this is indeed an article in the Salterrae’s Valentine’s Day issue: Fall in love with a place, like Canada, rather than a person. Canada won’t leave me for a man. Or, alternatively, buy yourself a cat.

by the name of Robert Austin once told me, “life is more interesting from a one-star hotel.” When the idea of spending four more years in a library within a few months’ time became unpalatably unappealng, I decided to take up his advice. I defered studying law across Philosopher’s Walk, and swapped my vegan rucksack loaded with books and a laptop for a dirt-stained 65L backpack filled with a tent, sleeping bag, and a couple changes of clothes. The plan: a road trip from Argentina to Alaska. wise man

This journey of a lifetime will span from February to August 2017. I will be travelling with my partner, whom I met in Azerbaijan last year, from the southernmost town in Argentina (Ushuaia), to the ice fields of Patagonia, and on a boat down the Amazon River from the Atlantic coast of Brazil to Peru. We will island-hop from Colombia to Panama and hitchhike to Inca Ruins. In North America, we will buy a car and visit Yosemite National Park, as well as the national parks in BC and Alberta. We will end at the continent’s tallest mountain in Denali National Park. From the bottom of the world to the top, we hope to meet the people and see the sights that make life worth living. My parents put up a spirited protest after I announced my decision, since they were understandably afraid that after travelling, I wouldn’t want to return to school. But they couldn’t see that my travels always made me more curious about the world around me. My travels abroad have opened my eyes to a wide range of social issues. What I’ve seen and learned has strengthened, not weakened, my resolve to go to law school and to be an advocate. And even if that was not sufficient, I knew I couldn’t begin my next degree without a break after almost two decades of sitting in classrooms. In any case, I already had my mind made up.

In the months leading up to my departure, I picked up any odd jobs I could find to save up for the trip. I started learning how to cook (4 years of residence will only give you the most marginal of life skills), learning how to speak Spanish (una cerveza grande y fría, por favor), and polishing my Couchsurfing profile (LinkedIn means nothing when you travel). I took up additional opportunities to spend time away from Toronto by going to Austria, Germany, Yellowknife, the Netherlands, China, Rwanda, and Uganda. Despite being “on vacation” for a year, there was no way I would squander a second of it. By the time you read this, I will have just arrived in South America, so I can’t tell you just yet how the peace deal with the FARC is being played out on the ground in Colombia, what climate change has done to the Amazon rainforest, and what Trump’s fence along the Mexican border looks like. (If you’re curious, though, check out my blog at www. fromargentinatoalaska.com.) But there is at least one thing I can report on from my travels so far: there simply isn’t a better way to restore your optimism for the years ahead than by travelling. The shadow cast by the events of 2016 makes it easy to lose faith in humanity and be bitter about the future. However, learning from people in various corners of the world and witnessing the beauty the world has to offer will only strengthen your conviction to work towards a better world for everyone.

A last word for those who don’t have a clear plan that begins immediately after undergrad, and even more for those who believe they do: take the time off to go travel abroad. Firstly, there isn’t a better time than after graduation to do so. The gap between the end of one chapter and the beginning of the next is the perfect time for you to discover what exactly you want for your future. Secondly, while you’re still young, you don’t have the extra responsibilities that will come with starting and having a new family (if that’s the path you wish to take). Thirdly, if you are healthy now, don’t take for granted that you will be healthy in the future. And lastly, borders across the world are closing rapidly as the trend to renounce globalization starts to have a real effect. Transiting through countries, especially in the developing world, was way easier fifty years ago than it is now. While we can hope this path will be reversed in the future, if you wish to see the world, this is not a gamble you want to make. Simply put, there is little to lose and everything to gain by travelling. So, if you find yourself looking up flights to far flung places when you’re supposed to be writing a paper, you’re forgiven. Wherever you go, you’ll certainly become a better dinner guest than those who collected as many letters after their names as possible after graduation. ¡Vamos!

For those who don’t have a clear plan that begins immediately after undergrad,

and even more for those who believe they do:

TAKE THE TIME OFF TO GO TRAVEL ABROAD. FEBRUARY 2017

A NIGHT AT

TRINS LANDING By: Julianne de Gara

t’s the morning

after Conversat. Your phone is full of photos you don’t remember taking, your $300 repurposed prom dress is in a crumpled heap on your sticky 3rd Kirkwood floor, and there’s probably pizza in your hair. You’re half excited for Pierre’s candid dancefloor photography, and half terrified that your raunchy dance floor hook up will be the first photo of the event album. (Don’t worry, only God can judge you. Hopefully). Or, if you’re me, you’re once again writing a Salterrae article 24 hours before the due date and wondering what exactly you’re doing with your life. It isn’t my fault that Trinity’s social calendar and the Salterrae publication schedule don’t line up! I’m just the events columnist! None of this is my fault! This time last year, I had just finished my time as one of the first year representatives for the 133rd Conversazione. If you read my Saints article, you would know that I tied balloons until my fingers 16

bled, got stuck on coat check for my entire life, and generally partook in the slave labour expected of first years. Then Saints came along, and I partook in the slave labour also expected of co-chairs. (Shout out to Abby Lendvai for being the best slave partner I could have asked for). More than just bragging about my many accomplishments, I’m bringing this up because this Conversat was the first major Trin event that I hadn’t helped plan in some capacity in over a year. (Yeah, no, definitely still bragging a bit. Sorry). When I told people this, the obvious response was, “That’s great; you’ll actually get to enjoy yourself for once!” I was skeptical of this. Me? Have fun? Me? Not be running around like a chicken with its head cut off? Me? Not being yelled at for ticket sales? Me??? Quite frankly, this was inconceivable. Impossible. But then I was informed that there would be hus-

ky puppies-- I mean direwolves-- in the quad, and I reconsidered. Maybe I could roll with this. And thus began the week of events leading up to A Night at Trin’s Landing-- not all of which I can claim to have been to, but can assure you were fantastic regardless. Kick-Off, or A Gala of Fire and Ice, was exactly what you would expect; the essence of a Buttery party, but in Seeley hall, and with slightly nicer outfits. Everyone was incredibly happy about this, however, because it almost was a Buttery party (thanks Admin). On a backdrop of pillars, laurel wreaths and tapestries, Trin got down (sadly not to Cotton Eyed Joe), presumably some people (?) were asked to Conversat, and I almost flashed both of breasts to everyone at the College (you’re welcome). Sunday boasted a Game of Thrones Marathon, which I did not attend; Grayden ate popcorn, it

was an excellent excuse to avoid doing readings. Direwolves joined us in the quad on Monday, giving us all ample opportunity for that perfect Insta (hit me up @juliannedegara). Tuesday had options for the athletes and artists of College alike - archery dodgeball or calligraphy with Emily Brade. If you had never heard of archery dodgeball until this point, you’re not alone! From the snapchats, instagram stories, and photos, both events seemed to bring out the best Game of Thrones characters in all of us. Wednesday boasted the Red Wedding high table dinner, where guests were entertained by the acting prowess of Ethan, Rory, Neve, Graydon, and Nadim (spoiler warning: some people got stabbed). After somehow reviving themselves, they brought us to the JCR where some of us (not me) attempted to win a free ticket by trying to guess the ingredients of the cocktails, and others of us (me) just drank the cocktails and called it a night. Future co-chairs: please do this every year. Trinity College thanks you. Soon after, the Conversat Debate followed, where members of college told us exactly how much they love their sisters, and I won a fanfiction reading contest by reading something so graphic that it cannot be printed in the Salterrae and probably should never be typed at all. (Message me privately if you’d like to read it for yourself).

co-chairs Hannah and Molly, for their amazing hard work, and for taking all of us on a journey through the world of Game of Thrones. It’s fair to say I’m now fully capable of enjoying events I didn’t plan myself - and that I’m looking forward to the events I won’t be planning in the future. As we continue on in the semester, painstakingly counting down the days until quad party, just remember: When you play a Game of Thrones, you win or you die. Chances are you died.

Finally, the main event arrived: A Night at Trin’s Landing. Through pillars guests walked, marveling at the ice sculptures, tapestries, and what I can only imagine was an exact fucking replica of the Iron Throne. Strachan Hall was transformed into Westeros, and this is coming from someone who had to google that to make sure it was the right name - but undeniably, we were all transported to the world in A Song of Ice and Fire. Overall, the 134th Conversazione showed us that even though winter has already arrived, there is still a bright light shining at Trinity College. Thank you to the Executive Team, including

It’s fair to say I’m now fully capable of enjoying events I didn’t plan myself and that I’m looking forward to the events I won’t be planning in the future.

“

Seeley was transformed into Ye Olde Bishop’s Tavern, where members of college showed off their musical talents and others ate the incredible bacon-wrapped scallops. Friday had the Heads-run Night Out and Night In; the blenders of college could be heard from across the quad as milkshakes were crafted by Basil, and a little later on, members of college tried their hands at arcade games at Tilt. Saturday morning arrived much too soon for most, as the women of College took the fields for the Conversat bowl - unsurprisingly, the upper years took the prize, but only by a margin of 21 points (at least according to the first years I ran into shortly afterwards). You’ll get there one day, first year gals!

Photographers: Sydney Bradshaw & Pierre Kochel February 2017

Falling in Love in

The ix By: Arjun Gandhi

So you’ve finally mustered the courage to ask out the person of your dreams. Now what do you do? You could invite them to your dorm room and hope they fall in love with you over Netflix-and-Chill. (The fact that you are watching The Crown does not make this any classier.) Or you could show your partner that you actually care by planning dates that will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Call me a romantic, but I’m a proponent for the latter.

Figuring out what to do on a date can be daunting, but thankfully we live in one of the most beautiful and diverse cities in the world. The T-Dot has endless potential date places that would impress even those who are most cynical of love. So, this Valentine’s Day, sweep your crush off their feet by checking out one of these tried-and-tested dates.

A Downtown Stroll

Love is not stagnant; it is a constantly growing, changing and moving force. As an apt metaphor for this, I always encourage first dates that involve a lot of movement, especially if it’s around the city. Toronto is an incredible city to explore by foot, and starting from Trinity gives you access to just about anything you’d like to see downtown. The route I recommend begins southbound on Spadina. This one street allows you to explore one of Toronto’s most recognizable cultural districts, Chinatown, as well as the hipster scene as you pass by Kensington. Once you hit the Queens Quay, turn eastbound for a stunning view of Lake Ontario and the greenery that trims the urban megacentre. To conclude the date, walk back to campus up Bay Street. Paying tribute to the 6ix’s shining Entertainment and Financial Districts is the best way to summarize the city’s Work Hard, Play Hard attitude. Pro Tip: Do some research about the city and its attractions before you begin your stroll. Being able to drop fun and relevant facts will ensure that your date is free of perilous awkward silences.

Laugh & Play to your Heart’s Content

No one in history has ever returned from a date and complained that they laughed too much. That is why this one works so well. To start off this date, head to Yuk Yuk’s Toronto Comedy Club, at Richmond & University, to hear from some of the funniest people in the country. The food and drinks are reasonably-priced and perfectly compliment a night of heavy laughter. But don’t end the date there. While you’re both still giddy, head north on Spadina and hit up a board game cafe. I prefer Castle Board Game to Snakes & Lattes, but it depends on what vibe you’re looking for. The former is smaller, more cozy, and has fewer games, which is a strength if you’re particularly indecisive. The latter, though, has larger tables, more game selection, and is licensed. Regardless of where you go, pick an easy-to-play game, and the conversation will flow smoothly. Warning: Make sure that the competition remains friendly. Throwing around accusations of cheating during a rousing game of Candyland usually doesn’t scream romance.

Reconnect with Each Other & Nature

This one is for the outdoorsy couples and those looking for a quick escape from city life. In East York, a subway and bus ride away from Trinity is a picturesque trail, perfect for an autumn hike. If you’re really adventurous, you can even whiz through the bumpy trails on your bikes. The forest, a designated Environmentally Significant Area, includes a wide variety of trees, many of which are more than a century old, over twenty-six identified bird species, and approximately ten kilometres of natural surface trails. The lack of cell reception in the forest is one of the greatest strengths of this date, as it forces you to just talk, play and reconnect with your crush.

Brunch Like You’re in a Movie

Every Toronto film buff loves that so many movies are filmed in the city but hates that most of these movies don’t acknowledge it. Toronto is constantly a stand-in for New York and Chicago when producers want the big-city atmosphere without paying big-city taxes. The F Word, starring Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan, is a must-watch for any Torontonian, because it is unabashedly Canadian. The film is noticeably shot in many beautiful-but-lesser-known Toronto attractions, and one of its best-known scenes takes place in the pictured George Street Diner. Watch the hilarious and incredibly relatable rom-com with bae in the evening, and then surprise them in the morning by recreating this scene at the George Street Diner, at the intersection of Queen & Jarvis. The pancakes are to die for, and the lovely service will have you returning over and over again.

Go Underwater at Ripley’s

In the winter time, you’re going to want to move most of your dates indoors, and luckily, the city has you covered. In just a few years, Ripley’s Aquarium has easily become the top date location in the city and for good reason. You and your date become kids again, as you freak out about and touch the gorgeous sea creatures. I highly encourage you check out their calendar and attend when they’re having their Friday Night Jazz or Sharks After Darks events. The dim lighting during these events ensures you can get that perfect silhouette picture for your Insta, and the music does wonders to set the mood.

Creative Tours of the City

If there’s anything to take from this article, it’s that a little creativity can go a long way when it comes to impressing someone with your date plans. And you don’t have to break the bank. For this last date suggestion, you can show how much you care by taking your significant other on a creative and personalized tour of the city. For example, if you and bae have a sweet tooth, go desserthopping. Find a street with a lot of bakeries and cafes (Queen Street works), and share a dessert at five of them. Or if your date believes that law is their one true passion, why not take them for a walk to check out the seven top law firms in the city. The sky is the limit in the 6ix! Have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

February 2017

By: Billie Rose Owen Photographers: Max & Lorne Levy

ith the arrival of each winter season, the struggle to part with our

favourite fall apparel returns. From trench coats to turtlenecks and colourful scarves, nothing says urban-glam- but-comfy-student more than walking to class in a stylish fall get up, Starbucks (or Strachan) coffee in hand. So when the snow begins to fall and Toronto’s usual -40 degree weather sets in, Trinity students must rise to the challenge and maintain our fashionista status amidst Toronto’s perpetual snowstorms; for with great beauty comes great responsibility. While most resolve to replace leather jackets and sweater vests with parkas and Sorrels, it is time to face facts; snowsuit-inspired attire is no longer cutting it. So as February fades into March and we enjoy our last few months of winter, here are a few winter style hacks that can allow you to make the most of the remaining season—and find the necessary medium between comfort and style.

colours & accessories Bright layers and cute accessories are a quick fix to any lousy mood on a dreary winter day. From a striped textured button down to a chunky knit sweater and a brightly coloured jacket—this is colour blocking at its finest. Choosing an unfamiliar winter colour as a staple item in your seasonal wardrobe allows you to bring any simple outfit to a vibrant state of cool. In the sea of black and grey bombers that constitutes U of T fashion, you will effortlessly stand out while still keeping cozy as you bike against the winter winds. Apart from staple pieces of winter attire, accessories can be equally as effective in elevating an outfit. A little something extra goes a long way amidst a season that can be summed up by the word “grey”. Following on Emmy’s sassy yellow gloves, Phil’s HBC striped socks are an easy way to sneak in a sense of personal style within the limited opportunities that icy temperatures permit. Subtle accessories such as these in various patterns and colours allow the chance for just a little more creativity each morning, setting the tone for a day that has a touch more positive eccentricity to it. So despite black slush and hair-freezing temperatures, chic winter fashion is not as unattainable as it may seem. The most important aspects of this season are simplicity and warmth, and these quick wardrobe tricks are a few ways in which one can put the fun into functional—bringing this winter season from bleak to radiant in the blink of an eye.

knEE SoCKS While knee socks are often seen as the perfect addition to summer dress shorts or a fall sweater dress, it would be a mistake to dismiss them in building your winter wardrobe. Far too often, dresses and skirts are thrown in the back of closets with the thought that nylon tights are useless against winter weather. However, cotton or woollen knee socks are the perfect fix! Mix matching neutral coloured socks with a pair of previously ineffective nylons creates an outfit that meshes the best of both worlds—warmth on a chilly day and elegant style. Even if black socks seem unnoticeable, they add a subtle touch that radiates a sophisticated look. In this case, less really is more, and subtlety adds a sense of mystery that is often much more alluring than overt schoolgirlesque accessories.

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scarves Come winter, any scarf you’ll find in department stores throughout Toronto will most likely be able to double as your summer picnic blanket—talk about excessive. Yet now is the time to take advantage of that length and bundle up as much as you can! Think of this as a recreation of an LL bean turtleneck from your childhood, but in a much more fashionable sense that still creates a perfectly cute and carefree look. As shown off by your fashionable peer Emmy, bundling up this much is a win-win. You’ll be suitably shielded from our favourite wind tunnel on Bloor, while your chosen accessories of the day will be effectively accented.

the home of

â€œThere are likely thousands of little known facts hidden down in the archives.â€? 22

By: Isaac Wright & Klara Strasser Photographer: Heather Nichols Special Thanks to: Sylvia Lassam

have not always been as organized and efficient as they are today. In fact, prior to 1963, they did not exist at all. Before then, the records and historical artifacts of Trinity were scattered throughout various rooms in the basement of Trin Proper. In 1963, Dr. George Spragge, retired Provincial Archivist of Ontario and a Trinity graduate, was asked by Provost Owen to begin efforts to consolidate the historical materials and amass a well organized inventory. Spragge continued as Archivist until 1969, by which time Henri Pilon, of the Canadian Encyclopedia of History, had joined the effort. He ended up staying approximately 40 years, until an endowed position was established. A woman by the name of Ruth Bell donated money in honour of her husband, Professor William Rolph (4T0), and his uncle, Dr. Frederick Rolph, a graduate of the Trinity Medical College. This created the current endowed position, the Rolph-Bell Archivist. he trinity archives

The current Rolph-Bell Archivist is Sylvia Lassam, who has held the position since 2008. Though many students may not know Sylvia, those of us who have had the pleasure are constantly reminded of the wealth of knowledge that she has of Trinity. For such a small college, Trinity has a substantial collection of records, documents, artifacts, and art. It is Sylvia’s job to care for, organize, and research all of these items. She does this job with the utmost respect for every piece of history that is kept in the archives; each playing a role in Trinity’s culture. Despite the importance of all of this history, the current location is not up to today’s standards for archival work. The archives are contained in two separate storage rooms; there are no reading rooms and no proper archivist’s office. The system for maintaining temperature and humidity is also below standard. In order to maintain Trinity’s history, an upgrade was deemed necessary. This need was first recognized by Provost Orchard, who was an archivist at Cambridge before arriving at the University of Toronto in 2000, and becoming Trinity’s 14th Provost from 2007 to 2013. Alongside Henri Pilon, who lobbied for new archives for many years, he decided to make it his legacy to start the plans for the new archives of the college. His affinity inspired Donna Haley (5T1) to donate generously towards the realisation of the expansive project. In addition to Ms Haley, the College thanks Virginia and Peter McLaughlin, the Friends of the Library, Donald Ross, anonymous donors, alumni, as well as the SCCC for their contributions to the project. Construction began more than a year ago and came to an end earlier this year, hopefully allowing the relocation process to begin shortly. The new facility is to provide an office space for Sylvia, reading rooms, a consultation and processing area, and a display area (a case is reserved for student curators). In Sylvia’s words, “the most exciting thing about the new archives

is having a display area, the public face of the archives, because there are wonderful things in archives but when you walk into an archive storage vault, all you see is a sea of grey boxes. So having those exhibit cases is wonderful because we’ll be able to put a public face on the kinds of things we have. That will be really good for the college, for the sense of pride and the sense of our history and identity. It will be a great place to showcase that”. The new archives will be a welcome new home for Trinity’s history. It will also help to solidify the place of history in Trinity’s unique culture. Some of the magic of the archives, as Sylvia told us, is the sheer amount of documents in the collection and that you never know what you will stumble upon. For example, it is not well known that Trinity sold a plot of land to Ed Mirvish, on which he would establish Honest Ed’s. There are likely thousands of little known—or not yet discovered—facts hidden down in the archives. This is what draws us to them and what puts the skip in Sylvia’s step. The archives are not only a house of a physical history, but also a reflection of Trinity’s culture, which is distinct in its reverence for history. When we asked Sylvia about this, she emphasised Trinity’s unique independence and tightknit community. So much of Trinity’s historical interests, she argued, is because students here feel themselves to be an intimate part of the long history of Trinity College. The role of the Provosts, who are approachable because of our small population, and often accessible; attending musical events in the Provost’s lodge today, or—in the days of Provost Orchard—attending “Beer and Beowulf ”. It is not often that you can have such open access to the head of your college. As Sylvia said, “It’s not just a figurehead on the website, it’s someone you know”. A fiercely

Sylvia Lassam, the Rolph-Bell Archivist at Trinity, in front of the new archives vault area.

independent community is important, and Sylvia noted that despite joining the University of Toronto in the early 20th century, we did not join the Faculty of Arts and Sciences until 1974, maintaining our own private professors and classes until then. While today we are more connected with the wider U of T community, it is clear that we are still distinct, and more recognized as a community than any other college. It is not a coincidence, and Sylvia believes that “it’s something about the ongoing traditions here; something that Vic and UC do not have. You make it clear to people, in frosh, that they are part of something”. Our traditions, and our history in general, are an integral part of what makes Trinity so distinct. The new Archives’ relocation has not yet occurred, but as soon as it does, we highly encourage anyone (students, alumni, and visitors) interested in the college’s rich history to make their way down to catch a glimpse into what it is Trinity has to offer.

Sylvia shows us the Charter that established Trinity College in 1851. The green box pictured originally contained Queen Victoria’s seal; at some point the wax melted, destroying the seal, but the charter is still intact.

February 2017

In Conversation with Academy-Award Nominated Director Atom Egoyan

about Film,

Politics, &

Trinity College

By: Madeline Torrie

I met Atom Egoyan in the Hart House lobby, he suggested we sit outside of the café downstairs. It was an unusually warm November afternoon, and students and cars hummed around King’s College Circle. At the heart of the university, Egoyan appeared comfortable and relaxed outside the very space that gave him the opportunity to explore his filmmaking interests. hen

Initially we had planned to conduct the interview over phone, given that it was hard to catch Egoyan while he was in Toronto, but after a brief conversation he offered to come by the University while he was working nearby. “I find that I have to be careful because some people take what I say really seriously,” he explained his reasoning for an in-person interview. I assured him that Trinity students reading this will take his advice to heart but not literally.

short film, and that film launched my career. It won Best Short at the CNE’s Student Film Festival. It was weird, I wasn’t taking any film courses, but I knew that’s what I wanted to do.” Initial disappointment would lead to an illustrious career as a writer, director, producer, and actor for Egoyan. His works would go on to win awards at the Cannes Film Festival, the Toronto International Film Festival, and the Genie awards, (now known as the Canadian Screen Awards). For his film The Sweet Hereafter, he was nominated for two Academy Awards, one for best director. His acclaim would put him on the map as one of the most celebrated international filmmakers and a Canadian icon. This illustrious career began at Trinity College. “I had no idea [what to expect], it was a complete

surprise,” he remarked, adding, “because I am a huge George Orwell fan, I’d read about his experiences growing up in the Public School system in England so I could relate to a lot of it. I understood the faux Oxbridge types. There were a lot of those at the time, I don’t know if there still are. The people who really took the gowning in very seriously and took everything very, very seriously.” I mentioned some of Egoyan’s classmates who likely shared his experience of this new, perplexing environment at Trinity College: former-CEO of RIM Jim Balsillie, Stephen Harper’s former chiefof-staff Nigel Wright, and the writer, Malcolm Gladwell. Egoyan chuckles, “Nigel was talking about being my chief financial officer for all my movies and devote himself to budgeting my films, and Malcolm was going to work on the scripts. And you know, surprise surprise, they all reneged and

Egoyan was drawn to Trinity College because it would allow him to get a degree and pursue his passions through the Trinity College Dramatic Society (TCDS).“My day job would be a diplomat and I would be solving international crises, stopping wars, and then I would be writing plays. So I thought Trinity College would make sense because I would be able to get a degree, and I noticed there was a dramatic society, the TCDS, where I could do my plays.” In his first few weeks of school, when Egoyan found that his play idea had been rejected by the TCDS, he ran to the quad and shouted: “God where are you?” Fortunately, he received an answer. “I migrated to the Hart House Film Board and took this pitch for a play and made it into a 24

The Sweet Hereafter won three awards at the 1997 Cannes Film Festival, including the Grand Prix. It also earned Egoyan two Academy Award nominations, one of which was for Best Director.

Ararat, starring Christopher Plummer, won five awards at the 2003 Genie Awards, including Best Motion Picture

Starring Julianne Moore, Liam Neeson and Amanda Seyfried, Chloe, released in 2009, is Egoyan’s most commercially successful film.

“

If you want to be an artist,

you have to first feel like you have something that is really original, like in terms of what you want to say,

a burning story,

a burning narrative,

”

and you have to figure out a way that is going to tell it that is going to be UNUSUAL. That will make a mark.

had their own careers which still makes me really upset.” Andrew Coyne, the journalist, was also in this cohort. Egoyan recalls, “I did a couple of films for the student administrative council and Andrew was an actor in one of those films. He was doing a comedy revue—a sketch—when he was at Trinity as well, called ‘Nasty, Brutish, and Short.’” Among his other video projects, Egoyan mentioned some of his more secretive works, which he assured me are kept under lock and key. These were the first video projects for Episkopon, which were produced by Egoyan. “We made films for Episkopon, but they were shot on Super 8, they were projected and you know you could never have synchronized sound. The sound would be coming from a separate tape recorder, like a ghetto blaster. We are talking like ancient technology.” He adds, “Episkopon was a lot of fun. But when it was held to task years after I graduated, we all got why. All the reasons that were pointed out all made perfect sense. It was a boorish and indulgent sort of activity and always was. When you look at the old Episkopon books, they are quite magnificent. There was a time when it was done with a lot of respect and care. I think by the mid 1970s, mid 1980s, it just lapsed into a drunken brawl. That is not to say we didn’t enjoy just parading to Trinity Bellwoods. I don’t know if you still do that?” Trinity then, as now, was a place of social change and progress that also held dear traditions. “There were other issues in the forefront, in the late 1970s it was very much about Gay Rights, [there was this] whole idea of whether a same sex couple could go to Conversat [together].” I am incredulous. “That was completely a debate,” he confirmed, “like that was considered shocking.” Egoyan adjusts his glasses, and pauses before reflecting, “I just think the danger of a place like Trinity College is that you get completely enamored by its own tradition and structures. But let’s remember that it was always considered to be a place where there would be debate and where there would be all type of different opinions. It was meant to be a space where all of that could be celebrated. It was never meant to be a state organization even though that is how it somehow comes off.”

“You know [the cheer] ‘We are the Salt of the Earth, so give ear to us. No new ideas shall ever come near to us?’” I confirmed that we still chanted it during Orientation Week. “That is a pretty damning thing to chant,” he said. I replied that I hoped it was done ironically. “I think it is,” he mused, “but I think there are some people who take it a little too seriously.” However, for Egoyan, these concerns are outweighed by the positive aspects of being at a place like Trinity. “The other thing is,” he said, stirring his coffee, “I think that it is unique to be surrounded by people who are smarter than you are, have more talent than you. And to feel that the bar is pretty high—I think at times that can be pretty humbling, but that is okay. If you have a clear sense of what you are destined to do, and why you need to be doing that, it is wonderful to be able to use those minds to inspire your focus and draw from it. I think that is a really essential thing; is how to find and fuel that sense of drive. It really does help if you have a narrative that you feel is unique to yourself.” When I asked him what he would never change about the college, he responded, “I just think it was this incredible contact with people. I was in Ottawa and I met these people from Trinity who I hadn’t seen for a very long time. It was this level of humour and understanding, you can let your wit run wild and you wouldn’t have to apologize and make excuses for that kind of intellectual exuberance,” as an afterthought, he adds, “There were also these incredible moments when people didn’t get the humour, and that was also hilarious.”

***

of Atom Egoyan’s commercially successful films: Exotica, The Sweet Hereafter and Chloe. “The only one which I expected to be commercially successful was Chloe. It was a sex erotic thriller with Julianne Moore and Liam Neeson and it was sort of designed to be successful. The other ones were surprises to me.” When we discussed Ararat, the film which he is most proud of, his eyes lit up. “Ararat was a film I made about the Armenian genocide. I don’t think it was, in any way, my most technically e discussed three

perfect film. It got mixed reviews at the time, but it is a film that continues to be talked about fifteen years after it has been made.”

Ararat, which won Best Motion Picture at the Canadian Genie Awards, was about a film crew who was working on a movie about the 1915 Defense of Van during the Armenian genocide. It combines the story of a widow whose husband attempted to assassinate a Turkish ambassador with the filmmaker trying to capture the genocide. “In the film, you are really dealing with the denial of the Armenian Genocide, and you see this is something that has been obsessing me ever since I was at Trinity. When I was raised in Victoria, there were no other Armenians. Mine was the only Armenian family there. No one knew what an Armenian was; people thought I was Jewish or Arabic, or Italian. But I came to Toronto, and suddenly there was an Armenian Students Association, there were other Armenians.” It was at Trinity that Egoyan also met the Chaplain, Harold Nahabedian, who was formative to the development of his Armenian identity. “Our Chaplain was Armenian-Anglican. He studied to be an Armenian priest but ended up being [Anglican] because the liturgies are very similar. All this was mind blowing. I learnt the language, I relearned how to read and write Armenian. I started getting really involved in the Armenian cause.” This newfound interest in his heritage also informed Egoyan’s academic interest in the international relations program. “My undergraduate thesis was about the Armenian question at the Paris Peace Conference, and my whole thesis was a comparison between Woodrow Wilson and Lenin’s views about the question of national self-determination […] these two polar opposites ideologically had one idea that they shared which was the legitimacy of national self determination, and they both used Armenia as a model for what that meant.” While in the midst of studying his Armenian heritage, and later working it into film, Egoyan reported tensions within his rediscovered Armenian community. “You have to remember that in the late seventies there were these extraordinary Armenian February 2017

“By the time I graduated I had a body of short films, and I was able to start making my first features. I made my first feature when I was 23, and that went really well. It is interesting and I never felt I was in the wrong place at Trinity College. I certainly felt by the time I knew I wanted to make films, that I needed to find other kids that were doing that so I ventured off of UofT and I went to Ryerson and met a group of students there, who ended up being my collaborators on my first films.”

terrorist attacks happening at Turkish embassies. I was in the midst of all that with the student association. They were very volatile times. Being in the Armenian question politically and writing about it academically led towards this film, Ararat, where it is actually discussed in a cinematic way.” “It was a combination of my own aspirations which began at Trinity College. I don’t think it would have happened if I wasn’t at a place like Trinity. That Chaplain, Harold Nahabedian, changed my life. He was someone who just taught the Armenian lessons, at Trinity College, of all places. Can you imagine? It’s odd. That could only happen at Trinity College. Think about that. […] The college is small enough to allow that type of relationship to emerge.” ***

four years at Trinity College on residence, but during his fourth, he admitted that having different dreams and ambitions from his peers became difficult. “We were all very free thinking, but I saw that they were very serious about pursuing what they needed to do to get into law school, or to get into Foreign Affairs, and many of them have become diplomats. I realized that we were going on separate tracks at that point. It feels a bit lonely, because there weren’t other people doing what I wanted to do at Trinity at that point in my fourth year. Still, these were great friends, and we stayed friends, but they were in a very different space than I was.” He adds a caveat relatable to some of Trinity’s crumblier upperyears, “It was a mistake to stay in residence in my fourth year.” goyan spent his

This uncertainty after graduation had its ups and downs for Egoyan, but he never wavered in his commitment to becoming an artist. “It sounds hilarious, but my first job was working at the porter at Massey College, and then I was in the playwright’s unit at Tarragon theater. I put on a play with TCDS in my last year, and the artistic directors at prominent theaters in Toronto, I don’t know why they would come to a student production, but they did. And I was invited on the basis of this play to be at the Tarragon theater in residence as a playwright. That was thrilling. It wasn’t a lot of money but it was an incredible affirmation of my [potential].” He concludes, “Whatever I was doing work-wise it was to give myself space to be able to pursue my creative activities. So that was a very perilous moment, living on an apartment on Spadina on Thompson and Baldwin with my future brother-inlaw […] and we were both just very committed to being artists. The scariest time is when you graduate and you are just sort of saying ‘this is what you need to do.’”

***

tom Egoyan’s career has certainly come a long way since those early days after Trinity College, and his interests have expanded across almost every type of art form. “One of the things, as I said, I was very involved in theater, but I gave up theater to be obviously making films. But then in 1996 the Canadian Opera Company invited me to direct Salome, and I went back into theater through opera. That was an incredible moment. I really devoted myself to Opera. I have other projects I am doing right here. Right now there is a major art installation of mine which is at the Mackenzie Gallery, called Steenbeckett. I’m working on two projects, one is a feature film—maybe shot in China—and the other is a TV series.”

used those to subsidize my filmmaking,” He adds, “but if I was in my early twenties now, I would take TV a lot more seriously than I did then. It is obviously the medium that everyone is watching.” I replied that I had casually noticed the shift, with some of my favorite shows, such as Westworld and Game of Thrones, having the budget of many feature length films. Egoyan nodded in agreement, “Absolutely, it is huge chunks. Westworld is great, but for me things began to change when I watched stuff like, well it started with Twin Peaks, and then obviously The Sopranos, The Wire, In and Out, and The Affair. I find it totally fascinating. All these things that were exclusively the domain of feature film are now part of the television language, and that has been a huge revolution.” When I mentioned that I would rather have a ten-hour season, instead of an hour-and-a-half film, he shook his head incredulously, “Absolutely, I don’t know what that does to your student life.” It was getting dark outside Hart House, and our coffee was finished, but Atom Egoyan had one last piece of advice to give to the aspiring creative at Trinity College. “If you want to be an artist, you have to first feel like you have something that is really original, like in terms of what you want to say, a burning story, a burning narrative, and you have to figure out a way that is going to tell it that is going to be unusual. That will make a mark. You have to be able to think about who it is that might want to see that work and what is the best way to get it to them.” Trinity College, his studies, his art, and his friends were not separate worlds for Atom Egoyan, but were mutually inclusive. Egoyan and I agreed that Trinity students now are not so different to how they were then. You can be humourous and serious; an artist and an IR major. Reflecting on his time at the college, Egoyan concludes, “I think there are people who think it is just not right for them, and leave. I didn’t for one moment.”

“My first gigs were as a director for hire. I did episodes of Twilight Zone and Alfred Hitchcock Presents in my twenties, and I

Trinity students now

are not so different to how they were then.

You can be humorous and serious; an artist and an IR major.

Posters for two films and a TCDS play directed by Egoyan during his days at Trinity

St. Hilda’s College

A chronology of the experiences of unapologetic women of college By: Kaitlyn Simpson Photographs from: Sanctam Hildam Canimus: A Collection of Reminiscences

a co-ed hang-out spot and residence building was once a poised space, reserved exclusively for the women of Trinity College. Primarily segregated from Trinity Proper and the corresponding Men of College, the women of St. Hilda’s have just as many hilarious, heartfelt, and inspiring stories from their time at Trin. hat is now

The Inception of St. Hilda’s and the Early Days

Trinity College accepted its first female student in 1884—33 years after its creation. Four years later, it was decided that Trinity needed a separate space made specifically for female students. Named after the Christian Saint Hilda of Whitby, St. Hilda’s was established with a mere two resident students and their Principal, Miss Ellen Patteson. Initially opening on Euclid Avenue (now a senior’s centre), St. Hilda’s underwent five different location changes before settling on the current location on Devonshire Place. In the early days of St. Hilda’s, nearly everything was separate from Trinity College. St. Hilda’s had its own traditions and college institutions, including College Meetings, a Literary Society (half of which was a dramatic society, the other half a debating society), chapel services, and Episkopon activities. Of course, male and female students were also intensely segregated. Men of Trinity could only go on second and third floors of St. Hilda’s during “sherry parties” (a fancy term for ‘Pre’) before official events. In addition, women had to receive special permission to stay out later than 11pm. “Leaves” were granted on special occasions if women wanted to stay out to 12:30am; and a “12:30-Plus” leave allowed women to stay out until 2:30am, however, this was rarely granted. Notably, in the first era of St. Hilda’s there was a

“different kind of feminism”, says Noami Kuhn, speaking of the time when her mother attended St. Hilda’s, wherein female-students were considered “equal but separate in some ways”. The separate institutions and practices were considered to be “very valuable...they gave women opportunities to develop in ways they might not have if they were merely part of a male-dominated whole,” according to Kuhn.

Mid-20th Century Shenanigans

Initiation rituals and teasing incoming “freshies” were common throughout the 20th century at St. Hilda’s. For the entirety of frosh week, for example, incoming students had to wear “haloes,” which were essentially paper and coat-hanger signs, complete with bells and ribbons. 5T7 student Barbara Sutton explains “our social lives were, of course, at that point, of paramount importance”, she continued, “and an incredible amount of time and energy were spent on Machiavellian strategies employed on acquiring dates for the Athletic, the Saints’, the SJS, and the Conversat. Or just for Friday or Saturday night.” Sound familiar, anyone? Reminiscing on her school years, 6T0 student Sandy Brown told us about her experience of one of the biggest social events of the year: “‘Stop the car, I’m going to be sick!’ This was the end to my first Conversat. It was also the end to that particular romance!” Today, many Trin students still find this relatable. However, it wasn’t all fun and games for St. Hilda’s women at this time. As Brown notes, schooling and education for women were seen as important, but by no means practical in terms of finding an enjoyable career. She writes, “…for many of the women undergraduates, our future was marriage.”

Men of Trinity could only go on second and third floors of St. Hilda’s during “sherry parties” (a fancy term for ‘Pre’) before official events.

Not So Long Ago

As decades passed, St. Hilda’s gradually merged more with Trinity College and its students. The physical building itself also saw some expansions. The year 1986 proved significant for women at St. Hilda’s when Elizabeth Elbourne became St. Hilda’s first-ever Rhodes Scholar and Kathryn Stoner was elected as the first female speaker of the Lit. Another interesting moment in St. Hilda’s history happened in May 1985. Dean Elizabeth Rowlinson writes, “I noted that the ceiling of the Kirkwood common room had fallen down, fortunately at a time when no one was there.” With regards to social life, well, some of 7T9 student Rosalie Rufelds’s college-highlights sum up this period pretty well: “Kidnapping and blindfolding the illustrious and revered Karen McRae, transporting her in Julia Cowan’s huge car to a dungeon-like bar, buying her a beer and leaving her there (very first-year!)” “Walking by the Group of Seven [a clique of stylish, attractive 7T8 women who intimidated both men and women of college with their sophistication and selfconfidence]” “Fully participating in the incredible traumas and triumphs that accompany the Athletic-Saints’-Conversat cycle”

Yesterday, Today, Looking Forward

In 2006, St. Hilda’s residence opened as an allgendered living space. Now, all of St. Hilda’s original groups have merged with their Trinity counterparts to become co-ed. The Annual Saints’ Charity Ball has stood the test of time and is still one of Trinity’s biggest events of the year. Rich in history and tradition, St. Hilda’s has been integral for female Trinity students throughout time. FEBRUARY 2017

get out of your COMFORT ZONE

An Interview with Trinity College Graduate and former HoA Mary Ainslie By: Emily Larman

’m sitting at a small table in my favorite coffee shop awaiting Trinity College 8T7 graduate Mary Ainslie, Q.C. A contemporary of my father’s who routinely argues cases against him in the Court of Appeal, I had learned of Mary through stories of her fierce legal record and her praise of Trinity College when she learned I’d be attending. Mary spots my table and heads over, arms filled with yearbooks and Trinsight newspapers from the ‘80s. She sits down in a flurry, apologizing for her tardiness, and— after pleasantries—shows me black-andwhite images of herself and friends from her college days. Mary was prominent on the Trinity College scene from her enrollment in 1984. She hails from Toronto and had numerous family members at college at the same time. Mary cites her desire to attend Trinity stemmed from the proximity to her home but also to remain in line with the family tradition. As Mary begins to reminisce on her days back at Trinity College, in which she served as the Female Head of Arts from 1986 to 1987, she explains that perhaps the biggest difference from the Trinity of the ‘80s to the Trinity of today is the lack of gender segregation. She recalls the former Dean of Women for St. Hilda’s, Elizabeth Rowlinson, “feeling strongly that the college residences should be segregated by gender,” in order to nurture an environment in which young women could feel empowered by sharing their unique perspectives and mentorship. The politics were centric

to the then all-female St.Hilda’s and allmale Trinity Proper residences and didn’t often veer into co-ed territory. When asked about her fondest memories from her days back at Trin, she speaks of her keen involvement in the Trinity College Dramatic Society, where she “met a group of amazing, intelligent, creative, and fun people. We were given what felt like complete freedom and were able to take charge of our own productions.” She reminisces on a soap opera entitled “Terra Nova” as well as a production she directed of “The Front Page,” which was a glorified indictment of journalism. A group of “very talented Trinity actors” even put on their own professional show one summer aptly named “Nasty, Brutish and Short” as an homage to Hobbes. Many of her days were spent smoking and drinking coffee in the quad, playing Galaga on her video game console, hanging out in Owen House “where a group of intelligent, creative and artistic young men lived,” and studying in the Rigby Room while working to get her BA in English and Film. Her favorite classes were her film lectures at Innis College taught by Bart Testa as well as her TA, Charlie Keil, who went on to head the Cinema Studies Institute and is now Principal at Innis. At Trinity, Professor Helen Hardy taught her philosophy, a class she calls inspiring. She decided to pursue the position of Head of Arts in 1986 because she was wanted “to try to contribute something to the community.” She fondly remembers the other execu-

tives, the “sweetest Heads of College Adrian Cloete and Jane Lister, as well as the Head of NonRes Jill MacDonald.” Mary appreciated the college system at UofT because it allowed her to find friends within Trinity, but also the ability to find people from other colleges and classes outside of the bubble. “The great thing about UofT is that you are able to have people with the same interests at your college but when that expanded outside into the university you got the experience of all different academic aptitudes and that is really enriching.” While she has nothing but favourable memories for her time at Trinity and for the college itself, her impression is that it may still “take itself too seriously as it is often renowned for,” which is certainly in keeping with its reputation today. The conversation then veers to one of Trinity’s favorite topics: traditions. “Conversat was always the best. So was the Lit, it was always really entertaining!” In hindsight, she didn’t realize then how much free time they had as students. Much like today, there were always free-flowing beverages, and an atmosphere of reckless abandon and freedom that pervaded everyday life. She says, “We always

had money for beer, and not much else.” Her favorite tradition was the “March” to Trinity Bellwoods down Queen Street West, “We would sing in our gowns with candles as we marched to the site of our conception.” She also relays a slightly more controversial affair, another one of Trinity’s favorite conventions, which won’t be named. “What was the point anyways? Fun? It really had the express purpose of collegiality.” Mary’s time at the University of Toronto was centered around the liberal arts, and she was thankful for the ability to “speak freely and speak your mind without censorship or political correctness. There was really so much freedom.” Though she had always intended some sort of career in drama or film, it was only when she decided to move to Vancouver, feeling the need for a more drastic change, that she realized there might not be a future for her in the entertainment world. That’s when she was lucky enough to get into UBC’s law school and chose to attend so as to have something more going for her, despite being apprehensive. It was there that she fell in love with criminal law, as well as Vancouver, and embarked on a highly successful career. Though she had never intended a future in law, she says that she “was lucky.

I moved to Vancouver because I needed a break and ended up finding a career that I love.” She was appointed as Queen’s Counsel in BC in 2012. Her friend Gillian from Trinity has the same job with the Ontario prosecution office and they have ended up on cases in the Supreme Court together. As our meeting draws a close and our coffees are reduced to grounds on the bottom of our mugs, I ask Mary what advice she has for current students. “I cannot express this enough, but get out of your comfort zone! Meet as many different people as you possibly can because everyone has something to share and teach you.” We also discussed whether there is such a thing as an allencompassing Pre-Law stream. Mary felt that her liberal arts education, and in particular numerous insightful professors, taught her analytical skills that were beneficial, although she stresses that there isn’t much to prepare you for what law will really be like. Mary continues to flip through her yearbooks, pointing to pictures in which she’s featured serving on an editorial board with Malcolm Gladwell and many other now prominent writers and scholars. Trinity College, quirks and all, clearly makes a lasting impact on those who are lucky enough to experience it firsthand. February 2017

For the Neurodivergent “I’m a Psychotic, Not a Psycho”

By: Vanessa Perruzza Illustrator: Amanda La Mantia

“I’m – uh, into murders and executions mostly.” –Patrick Bateman, American Psycho “I’m – uh, into female-centric erotica mostly.” –Vanessa Perruzza, Canadian Person

Strachan’s Sex Pistols, the hot new strip-club in town where the main event is the unveiling of my brain, in all its booty-shaking glory. You’ve heard about my bipolar disorder, and all about my misadventures in misdiagnosis, but are you ready for the psychedelic third-part to this story? Cause it’s about to go down. elcome back to

It seems to me that society’s conversation around mental health has stagnated. As our understanding and openness about mental illness evolves in the medical field, the public is lagging behind in its discussion. Depression and anxiety have shifted out of their centuries-old “taboo” labels into a new, modern understanding of illness. But it always seems to stop there, doesn’t it? Nobody wants to talk about the parts of mental illness that are less relatable, and perhaps even frightening. Nobody wants to talk about being “crazy.” Nobody wants to talk about psychosis. But this is the exact reason why I started writing this column. Because if we don’t talk openly and honestly about mental illness, then ignorance and misinformation will continue to destroy the lives of those affected by it. That’s why I’m not afraid to say I have bipolar disorder and, that because of my illness, I have experienced incredibly damaging episodes of psychosis. The experiences that define psychosis are outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as: delusions, hallucinations, disorganized thinking, abnormal motor behaviour, and negative symptoms. Let’s break down what delusions and hallucinations actually are before I share my experiences with them. Delusions are “fixed beliefs” that can’t be changed despite evidence to the contrary. Like, I believe that Shia LaBeouf is a hero and an artistic genius, and no number of DUIs will change my mind about him. Delusions become distressing when they are damaging, like a person believing they are invincible, or that the FBI is trying to kill them. Hallucinations are perceptions that

EVERYTHING

you think about being psychotic is

WRONG

occur without stimulus. If I see, hear, feel, smell or taste something that isn’t actually there, I may be experiencing a hallucination. Many people take hallucinogenic drugs for fun, so you might have an idea what this is like. Back in first year, I was put on an antidepressant called Cipralex by my general practitioner, who was convinced that I had chronic depression. Because I am bipolar 1, and therefore lean towards the manic episodes of the mood disorder, being on an antidepressant was very dangerous. Once it started working, it didn’t just bring me out of a depression, it launched me so far into a manic episode that it was months before I could escape, with the help of therapy and mood-stabilizing anti-psychotic medications. During this months-long mania, I experienced manic-induced psychosis. Discussing my psychosis is really difficult, and I’m worried that those reading this article may misconstrue my experiences. I’ll start by saying that everything you think about being psychotic is wrong. When people think about psychosis, their minds tend to jump to the word ‘psychopath’. This misconception is damaging because ‘psychopaths’ and people with psychosis disorders are different. In fact, psychopathy isn’t a condition. Psychopathy is defined through various traits categorized as Antisocial Personality Disorder. So I’m probably not a serial killer. If I’m going to be honest, there are times when my psychosis has led me to self-inflicted violence. Sometimes, I am convinced that the people around me are plotting to kill me. Sometimes, I believe that I have to smash my head into things to “kill” a part of my brain. Sometimes, I feel things on my body that aren’t there, like bugs crawling under my skin, or people touching me. Sometimes, I disconnect from parts of my body and struggle to believe that they belong to me at all. Sometimes I see things that aren’t happening. And all of that is okay. When I become distressed, my brain struggles to cope. Because I also suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I tend to be hyper-vigilant, and can break down if I feel unsafe. It is during these moments that my psychosis comes back to haunt me, because when I panic so fiercely, I can lose touch

with reality. But none of that is my fault, and I’ve learned to live with it in a healthy way. Sometimes, I can even laugh at some of my worst moments! In winter of first year, I was in the midst of a bad episode while walking through Queens Park with a friend. I was very touch-sensitive and had a lot of trouble wearing clothes at the time, so I wasn’t dressed very warmly, aside from my jacket. As we walked, a small feather started poking out of my winter coat, and tickled my skin. In my fragile state, I suddenly became convinced that there were bugs trying to eat through my skin, and I began to panic. In the very middle of Queens park, I unzipped my coat and threw it to the ground, screaming and crying. And then, in a moment of Hulk-like rage, took my tiny tank top in my hands and ripped it in half, leaving me very naked in the snow. Don’t worry, you have permision to laugh. It was certainly a shining moment in my life. I was very lucky to have an incredible support system. Someone who loved me very deeply took care of me, and made sure I was safe, and as healthy as I could be. But some people aren’t like me. Hollywood director Paul Dalio has bipolar 1 as well, and he, like me, experienced psychosis. Unfortunately, he ended up in jail because of it. Can you imagine being so sick and so scared, but because our judicial system is so unaware/unequipped in regards to mental illness, you are incarcerated instead of given the care you need? His story ends happily, however, and he went on to make a movie about having bipolar disorder called Touched by Fire. My experiences don’t touch upon more severe forms of psychosis disorder, like Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective Disorder, but hopefully they can help you understand that people like me aren’t dangerous or crazy. We’re just people. We have passions and fears and we take Ubers and eat brunch, just like everyone else. So next time you want to call your ex a “psycho”, pause and reconsider. I mean, I’m sure they didn’t rip their clothes to shreds in the middle of a public park. As always, if you have questions to ask me, just send me an email at vanessa.perruzza@mail.utoronto. ca and we can talk. And thank you for reading this article and engaging in a conversation that I believe can change lives.

thank you An Awkward, Self Confessing Love Letter to Trinity

Dearest Trinity,

last exam on December 7, only to find that many of my friends were leaving just the day after. I wouldn’t leave town for Vancouver until the 21st, which meant I had two weeks to kick back and relax. Well, not really—I needed to do research for an essay due in February and study for an exam in early January, but it was still a welcome break. Finding myself with nothing to do, I ended up returning to my anime to-watch list, and picked out the one show that had sparked my curiosity a while ago—Hyouka. finished my

The premise of the show is simple: Four first-year students with very different personalities, go out of their way to solve mysteries. The show provides a slice-of-life picture of high school, and fans have responded well to its naturalistic approach to storytelling. As a result of its limited scale, the show is able to delve deeply into character development and play out the interactions between the distinctive personalities of its protagonists. Perhaps most importantly, the show is able to illustrate how the varied passions (or lack thereof) of its characters inform their school lives. Watching this show, I found myself reflecting on the few months that I’ve spent here. How have my passions informed my life as a student and member of college? As a first-year, how have I managed to fit in with the community of Trinity College and the many aspects of its student life? At first glance, it may seem like I’m doing just fine. I mingle with students across all years during meals at Strachan, participate in my Trin One classes, and regularly attend high table dinners, parties and the Lit. That said, there’s still a great deal that makes me feel unsuited for the environment in which I find myself. I never seem to fit in with any group of people that I join—if I’m even able to in the first place—and my introverted personality leaves me unable to initate meaningful interaction. The humour in my Lit speeches always seems to fall flat, and I’ve almost never stayed beyond two hours at a party. I’ve never seen an episode of Gilmore Girls (and don’t intend to), and anime isn’t something that many people in the college seem to have an interest in, like I do. In a college with such a varied range of student activities and personalities, I still find that my awkward social nature and bookishness make me stand out and not in a good way. All this has left me with one thing to say to you, Trinity. Thank you. Thank you for your kindness, patience and warm attempts at making me feel like I do belong. Thank you for your guidance and enlightenment while I’ve found my place in the college community. Thank you for letting me refine and change as a person. Thank you for letting me discover my own avenues for growth and improvement. Even though I’ve been at odds with many of the people here over preferences and tastes, hobbies and activities, habits and prospects, these last few months have probably been the best in my life so far. I have become more independent and open-minded in almost all aspects of my daily life and personality. Maybe I’ll have to make this a little more personal to make the picture a little more well-rounded. I did not fit in well with others in my younger years, especially in middle and high school. I was not only practically inept at meaningful social conversation outside my close friends and family due to low self-esteem, but I was also embarrassingly assertive, oftentimes irrationally

so. This would cause me to draw myself into highly defensive and tearful shouting matches with others when they didn’t deserve it. Not helping my self-assessed worth was my poor physique, which resulted from bad eating, lack of exercise, and a surgery that impaired my flexibility and still does. The fact that I had few people to relate to and lean on didn’t help matters either—not even fictional characters would do me justice. Perhaps I’m still that same kid, but I feel I’ve been improving. This process begain even before I left Hong Kong for Canada, in my last years at high school, I had made efforts to interact more with others, keeping my head up rather than down, and balancing out a newfound confidence with a cooler temperament. I worked on my physique by joining and training with the school’s cross-country and track and field teams, I discovered mindfulness and meditation, and used that as a means of feeling more in touch with myself. And while I can’t say it has all fully worked out for me, I look back and see significant and positive changes in myself. And Trin has only improved this growth. As a community with a more diverse background than any I’ve ever encountered, Trinity provides a wealth of viewpoints. Despite the occasional objection I may have to a questionable practice in the student body, this community has allowed me to find a niche that others will appreciate. Likewise, I can recognize and respect the many other groups that make up the community. My interest in anime has grown since coming to Trinity, and I cannot express enough appreciation for the fact that this unique interest of mine has actually helped me in meaningful, personal, face-to-face conversation with others rather than divided me. Perhaps what what has mattered most to me at Trinity College is my my character development. I am the run-of-the-mill archetypical male protagonist, in my late teens yet still possessing a mentality of at least a couple years below my age. Around me are people of all walks of life who nonetheless have an undeniable influence on me, even if sometimes only in the most mundane of ways, reinforcing and refining my personality into one that I can proudly call my own. So where do I go now? Since the new term began, I’ve started to go out a lot more, loosened up, explored new modes of discussion, and found myself more thoroughly involved in club and extracurricular activities than before. It’s not the end of my character arc just yet, but I think I’ve hit a major milestone and will reach another one soon enough. And it’s all thanks to the writers and guides who led me along to this. Thank you for bringing true light into my Trin life and taking me down this way. Whatever you’ve done, know that I’m thankful for you and that this is my love letter to you. To: Aceel, Alec, Alex, Amr, Andrew, Andy, Anthony, Arjun, Aryaman, Avneet, Basil, Bill, Buster, Buzz, Carter, Charlie, Chris, David, Debby, Edie, Emily, Ernest, Fares, Gabe, Grace, Haris, Harry, Henry, Hunter, Isaac, Ivan, Jack, Jane, Jason, Jason, Jing, Jonathan, Julia, Jury, Katie, Katrina, Leila, Lisa, Louis, Luis, Lukas, Maclean, Marcus, Maria-Alba, Mario, Marissa, Mark, Mark, Marley, Micaela, Michael, Mike, Nadim, Nick, Nick, Nish, Noah, Pierre, Ruth, Sabrina, Sam, Sam, Sarah, Simon, Tom, Ursula, Victoria, Weston, and Zach.

From Milton Chow February 2017

When

Carrie met Louis... By: Damian Klambauer Illustrator: Clare O’Brien

Oh joyous day! An evening soirée with bae! But what to wear, what to wear?!

his attention to picking out the perfect gift to prove his love to Carrie.

Louis Riel paced the floors of his Front Street condo, half-assembled outfits strewn about his feet. He had to get this exactly right. Much like leading a resistance movement against the newly-constructed Canadian government, you only get one chance to make a great second impression. When he first met Carrie at a Hillary victory party, she took his breath away. His one ambition now was to win her love and become Louis David Fisher-Riel. He knew that she was into him too, for they immediately clicked and she invited him to her post-inauguration cocktail party tonight.

“Siri AdSuggest™, show me kinky valentine’s gift suggestions,” he declared in a thick, sensuous bass voice that rumbled like the sea, shaking windows and causing knees to wobble for miles around.

Things seemed to be falling into place for Louis Riel. Justin was Prime Minister and had made many promises about finally treating Riel’s people justly; America had looked a xenophobic, misogynist, racist, climate-denying, angry cheeto in the eye and soundly rejected him, choosing instead the most qualified woman to ever run for president; and now Louis was in love with a princess from beyond the stars.

“I see. I found three Valentine’s gift suggestions. I will list them now:

After much searching he found the right outfit—a three-piece wool ensemble with a starched collar—and he began applying essential oils to his majestic moustache; oils that, with any luck, would be messily smudged off by the end of the night. With his sartorial search complete, Louis turned

“Okay, I found these dinky violet Heinz suggestions.” The robotic tones that issued forth sounded hollow and unfeeling, nothing at all like his memory of Carrie’s melodious purr. “Would you like to browse them?” “No, I said VAL-EN-TINE’s gift suggestions,” the Daddy of Manitoba repeated.

“LoveMate Suction-Cup Shower Handles and Footrests. Scrub those hard to reach places in comfort and safety! With LoveMate, you’ll experience just the right amount of friction, no matter the steaminess!” “His and Her “Lasertag Style” Paintball Guns. The competition will never see it coming! Splatter your enemies with ultraviolet reflective paint. Their lasers can’t touch you, but your Jackson Pollock-esque paintball skills will colour your date impressed.” “YumCo Edible Beef Jerky Underwear. My love for you is savoury, my sweet. Slip these

silky smooth briefs on your lover and eat your way to a salty surprise. 1 pack included. Avoid skin contact with the silica gel pack.” “Ugh that’s enough, Siri, I think I’ve got the idea.” Bummed out by the crass salacious banality of these suggestions, Louis became woke and realized for the first time the soulcrushing weight of capitalism upon the human psyche. He became overcome with the desire to regress to a simpler, more magical time; a time of childish wonder and glee, divorced from the sort of hollow consumerism that uses four layers of indestructible plastic as the disposable packaging for a novelty pair of meat-panties that will be thrown out and picked-over by raccoons with no self-respect before morning. He wanted Christmas. Louis strode across his spacious condo, pressed play on a pointlessly overpriced stereo system, and sat down on his couch to listen to Mariah Carey’s masterpiece “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” whereupon he came to an epiphany. The diva’s voice echoed uncomfortably off the cathedral ceilings of his penthouse, the sound quality mangled by tiny speakers that somehow manage to introduce 15 millisecond delays randomly throughout the recording. Louis realized that spending money on something doesn’t make it real and that maybe the real gift is himself. He resolved to better himself so that he might be more deserving of Carrie’s love. He then proceeded to lock himself in the bathroom and start manscaping.

anti klamactic

Buttery Shortcuts Tips for Trinity's Commuters

By: Anna Trikas Illustrator: Kira James

at Trinity can seem inconvenient at times. While res students complain about the quality of Strachan food, we’re all just dying for another fifteen free meals – at least it’s not another bowl of cereal, right? Not to mention that if you plan on visiting the gym, a nice restaurant, or a high table after class, you’d better be prepared to cart a bunch of luggage around with you all day. This mission could prove quite challenging if you’re as forgetful as I am, which is why I’ve come up with the following tips and tricks to make even the most stressful commute a little more bearable. eing a commuter

1. Pack your lunch the night before It’s easy to forget to pack a lunch on a Monday morning. But by packing the night before, you have absolutely no excuse to waste another Strachan meal. We only get fifteen, so use them wisely. Technically, you’re getting the most “bang for your buck” if you save your freebies for high tables and dinners when you are extremely hungry, so it’s best to brown bag it, unless you’re planning on feasting. Which brings us to the next tip….

2. Store your lunch in the NRAC fridge Having to carry your lunch box around with you all day can be a huge chore. Using the fridge in the NRAC common room is especially handy, since there’s a microwave nearby, as well as tea and snacks available to everyone who visits! Just make sure you don’t forget food in there… it really starts to stink after a while.

3. Wear your high table outfit all day Okay, so for this one I don’t mean that you should attend your classes and tutorials in heels and a fancy dress. However, a trick that the Female Head of NRAC uses herself is to wear a high table outfit underneath a knit sweater during the day. That way, when it’s time to get fancy, the only thing required is taking off the sweater and throwing on a pair of nice shoes. Voila!

4. Always bring your own tea with you This tip isn’t exactly Trin specific, but it’s one that you can use at all times. Every commuting student knows that the $1.50 here and there spent on coffee and teas can easily add up. Since most coffee shops will give you a cup of hot water for free, you can easily avoid wasting cash that could otherwise be spent on subway fare.

5. When in doubt, visit the Porters If you find yourself in a situation where you really have far too many things to carry, you can always ask the porters to hold on to something for you. This can come in handy when a gym bag or an extra pair of shoes is necessary for your day plans.

6. When you do need to buy food... Of course, even the most diligent planners will eventually either forget their lunch or, at the very least, be hungry for an extra snack. This is when the Buttery’s food stations come in handy. Toast

If you plan on visiting the gym,

a nice restaurant, or a high table after class,

you’d better be

prepared to cart a bunch of luggage

around with you all day.

costs a mere $0.60, and there is a jar of peanut butter in the NRAC common room bought specifically for toast-buyers. This makes for a perfect inexpensive snack, or even lunch. Unfortunately, for those of us who are allergic to peanuts, this isn’t an option. (Please get Sunbutter, NRAC!)

7. Almost everything you could ever need or want for your student apartment is available at Dollarama This tip can be accredited to Yours Truly, Liz Gross. Need a garbage bin? Dollarama. Want some cute storage buckets? Dollarama. Cute, potted fake plants? You guessed it, Dollarama. In fact, the only thing Liz says you shouldn’t try getting from Dollarama is hummus. Unless unrefrigerated concrete is your thing.

9. Resist the temptation to Uber Staying at the library until late on a cold night can make calling an Uber all the more tempting (I’m looking at you Gigi!). Instead of Ubering home, walk or subway. I know it’s a pain, but think of all the mulla you’re saving. The walk can be nice if you plug your earphones in and tune right out.

10. Sometimes, being a hobbit is your best bet Lastly, there are some nights/days where you just want to go home after class. Even though you know you’d probably be more productive at Robarts, who really hates themselves enough (other than Amanda La Mantia) to try studying there anyways? These kinds of days are when hobbiting is the answer. Just go home, take off your shoes, put on your pjs, and study away. Or if you’re like me and Liz (the expert hobbits), watch some Gossip Girl and The Office. Meme making is also an option, but I’d recommend against it unless your memes are super dank.

FEBRUARY 2017

ondifaq 500 MORE DAYS OF BEING ALONE

By: Ondiek Oduor Illustrator: Claire Shenstone-Harris Hey soul sister, ain’t that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo The way you move ain’t fair you know Hey soul sister, I don’t wanna miss a single thing you do tonight Admit it. While reading those words, you sang it in your head. Fucking Train. Usually you (yes, YOU) cringe when you hear that song anywhere. Partly because it reminds you of those dreary weekday mornings, when you’d always be running ten minutes late to your independent co-ed day school. It would always be because of this, excuse my language, G-DAMN song. These men never failed to convince your mom that preparing another one of her “special” morning punches for the road was a good idea. I mean, she’d always say that there’s no real officers out and about in the morning. She’d tell you that she didn’t know that she raised a fucking narc. Martha, the crossing guard – were you gonna rat to her? Unlikely, bitch. “Have you seen my keys,” echoes endlessly in your head as you continue to think about Train. Until it stops, because oh yeah - you also hate that song because it makes you remember that another Valentine’s Day is on its merry fucking way. Unlike Madonna, you’re not a virgin, but like her, you will die alone because everyone dies alone. Marilyn Monroe, Rihanna, Jesus himself – these are just a couple of people who have and will die alone. “Sunny days, everybody loves them. Tell me baby, can you stand the rain?” your mom whispers to you as she empties your leftover scrambled eggs into the family’s new Pottery Barn pottery-influenced, barn-styled garbage can. On that note, welcome to the Valentine’s issue of OndiFAQ. Drinking and driving is not okay, and please remember that drinking spirits during pregnancy can, in fact, harm your children. Pour yourself some Arbor Mist, and take my hand spinster grandma because... “We’re going on a Journey…” – Snoop Dogg (California Gurls, 2010)

Q: Dear ON/OFF, I hope you’re feeling better. At least I think that’s what I should say? I don’t know – your web content really confuses me. I mean, like I laugh, but at the same time, like, I don’t know whether I was just meant to laugh, or if I should be messaging to ask if you’re okay? Why do you keep sharing links to songs by the Smiths? Should I be attaching the Kids Help Phone number to our conversation? Okay, onto my actual question! Okay, so me and my girlfriend Veronica just became Vine official today after months of birthday cake vodka hook-ups. Up until that point, we’d been good, but after about 30 seconds of trying to learn more about each other, I learned that she was a Taurus. This put me in a terrible predicament. I’m an air sign. Not just any air sign either – both my moon and sun are Gemini rising. Listen man, I know that you’re a Taurus, because you’ve made that exceedingly clear with your paradoxical need for both routine validation and for self-destructive behaviours. What am I supposed to do in this situation? How would you feel if you found out your One and Only was a Gemini? I keep texting the bae whenever I finish daily tasks on my list of daily tasks that need to be taken care of like brushing my teeth and putting my contacts in. She doesn’t have read receipts turned on, and she sometimes takes twelve minutes to respond to my daily check-ins. Should I break up with her? Yours truly, Lov3rBoi1999 A: Hi Lov3rBoi1999, To respond to the first half of your letter, thank you very much for the number and your good wishes. I send my deepest condolences to you. It’s difficult being a Gemini, and while some ignorant people might say it’s a lifestyle choice, I know that you were born this way. Hate the sin, love the person. That’s how I connect with air signs. Being a Gemini, you should probably accept that, while Veronica has her faults, she’s probably the best you’ll ever have. The vitriol Geminis receive sucks, but it’s understandable since you guys are mostly garbage humans. Snakes with human traits. Please understand that she will routinely answer text messages three days later with a, “sorry lol I was asleep good how are u?” It’s just in the Taurus’ blood to be this way. We’re like regular people except our phones are on airplane mode 24/7 unless we need something. Also, we’ll spend our last $37 on a tall can and a cute clearance shirt from TopShop instead of buying groceries. Food’s great, but it becomes poop in the end. Cute Kanye peasant shirts are forever. She doesn’t need to change because this is perfectly normal human behaviour. Instead, I think you need to start working on your toxic Gemini tendencies. Always remember that not everything has to be a production. Life is not a one-man production of Funny Girl, Rachel Berry, so please turn that knob back to simmer. Basically, stop being annoying dude. Fermer ta bouche. That’s my advice. Best, Ondi

Q: Dear Ondoody, I’m such a huge fan of your column! I love how you always make a strong case for young people in their early twenties to prioritize themselves before anything else. Why sift through horse shit to find a ring, right? I can buy a cubic zirconia at Shoppers Drug Mart AND get optimum points for it. I love myself so, so much. I know that’s dumb to say, but your genuine and kind words have taught me that I have to love myself first. How the hell are you going to love somebody else if you can’t love yourself ? There’s so much truth to that.

Q: Dear Ondo Calrissian, Can you survive on farts alone? Seriously, Gas Giant Frosh

I don’t know, I just feel so free. I even, on a whim, bought a bra online. I didn’t even try it on! So, I guess my question for you is: What is your favourite Degrassi episode? Mine was the episode where Manny got the abobo! Please let me know as soon as possible, Holly J. Frosh

A: Hi Holly J. Frosh, Thank you so very much for your beautiful words. If my writing can save even one person from experiencing the Canadian equivalent of middle American life, then I can die happy. Alone but happy. Getting Optimum points is truly the most ideal method through which you can liberate yourself from life’s perpetual hardships. The feeling of getting Optimum points gives me the same tingling sensation that I get from listening to a really good Will Smith song while pre-ing with friends. Don’t ever stop, Holly J. Anyway, I think my favourite episode of Degrassi is the episode where Emma Nelson dealt with the aftermath of Rick’s school shooting by giving Jay blowjays down by the ravine. In the episode, she earned a jelly bracelet for every time she would go down on Jay, but every other girl in school knew what those bracelets meant. They didn’t even have Twitter back then. I really like the episode because Emma catches gonorrhea and shouts at Jay for giving her a “social disease.” Yeah, that’s my favourite episode. I never liked Emma as a character, but her willingness to hide the fact that she has gonorrhea from her kissing partner in the school play really took this episode to new heights. Besides, I just love the jelly bracelet aesthetic. Best, Ondi

A: Hi Gas Giant Frosh, Yes. Best,

Ondi

February 2017

LEO

With the shit show going on in the stars right now, Aquarians will feel a little out of sorts this month. You may be stressed, which is unusual because you are usually pretty laid-back. Maybe it’s all the midterms you have coming up, or all the obnoxious heart-shaped capitalist bullshit you see everywhere. If you’re sad being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember no one loves you on any other day of the year either.

Jul 23 - Aug 22

Jan 20 - Feb 18

AQUARIUS

HOROSCOPES VIRGO

Aug 23 - Sep 22

PISCES

Feb 19 - Mar 20

LIBRA

Sep 23 - Oct 22

ARIES

Mar 21 - Apr 20

Perfect V-Day Date: Babysitting Toby the Dog Famous Pisces: Ethan Raymond, Davis Haugen Happy Valentine’s Day, Aries! I hope your day is solidly above average. Your stars say that you may be feeling discouraged about your love life, but there is still hope! Even though literally every single celebrity couple broke up in 2016, Miley and Liam got back together, so true love really must exist. Let’s just hope that you have more luck this year than Brangelina did.

Saturn is fighting with Aries this month, so the stars are going to make your life unnecessarily difficult. Kind of like that feeling where someone makes you move your stuff to sit beside you in class even though there are literally so many other seats that they could sit in. So that sucks. Perfect V-Day Date: Watching Tasty Videos Together Famous Cancer: Arielle Zhivko, Ernest Leung, Elise Wagner

The Sun is moving through your house of Venus, which means that life might give you a tough time for the next couple of weeks. But try not to let life get you down. Every time you fall, it’s important to be able to pick yourself back up again. This includes falling on your face at quad party. Perfect V-Day Date: Buying Calculators for Each Other at the U of T Bookstore Famous Libra: Erin Ross, Don Ian

How are your New Year’s resolutions going, Sagittarius? Hahaha just kidding. We both know that you gave those up by 2pm on January 1st. I’m not judging you though, doing healthy and responsible stuff is so hard and eating Strachan hash browns is so easy. Take the day off to watch Netflix and eat chocolates that are the shape of your non-existent heart.

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Oct 23 - Nov 21

SCORPIO

CANCER

Jun 21 - Jul 22

Perfect V-Day Date: Arguing at the TCM Famous Gemini: Tyler Rogerson, Lauren Woolfrey, Hunter Peebles, Sam Kokonis, Phil Schwarz

Perfect V-Day Date: Buying Discounted Chocolate on February 15th Famous Virgo: Molly Cong, Danielle Pal, Alex Smith, Mary Debono, Scarlett Watkins, Milton Chow

Saturn is moving into your Mercury this month, meaning that you are in for a rude awakening. But seriously, stop falling asleep in the JCR because security will catch you and wake you up and that isn’t fun for anyone. Get yourself together Scorpio, goddammit.

Dec 22 - Jan 19

GEMINI

Perfect V-Day Date: Trip to Paris (**hint hint**) Famous Taurus: Me, Billie Rose Owen, Graydon Kelch

Surprise! You might actually have a decent month, Virgo. Reading week is coming up, Kim Kardashian is back on Instagram, and all is good in the world. Try not to take it for granted though, because Mercury goes into retrograde in April and we all know what that means.

CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS

As a Gemini, you are probably one of those people who complains about how Valentine’s Day is a capitalist scam made up by advertisers to try to pressure people into buying stuff they don’t need under the false pretenses of ‘love’ and ‘romance’. And you are correct. However, it is a perfect excuse to express how much you love yourself through retail therapy. Your bank account may scream no, but your heart is screaming yes, and that’s all that matters! Treat yo self.

TAURUS

Apr 21 - May 21

May 22 - Jun 20

Perfect V-Day Date: Watching Netflix Alone Famous Aries: Emma Dennis, Olivia Moon, Edward Sulitzer Hey Taurus! This month is going to be full of surprises and discovering new things. Unfortunately, this isn’t good news in terms of self-discovery. Even when you thought that there was nothing else you could fail at, you will find out that there’s another skill that you don’t possess. Yay!

Leo, roses are red Violets are blue You stole my heart There is a map in your room It leads to the treasure You have 2 hours

Perfect V-Day Date: Starting a Flame War in the 2020 Facebook Group Famous Leo: Sarah Ingle,

Perfect V-Day Date: Romantic Dinner in Strachan Famous Aquarius: Jason Patrick, Amy Cao, Neve Klassen Pisces, this month is full of annoying responsibilities and other things you hate. To avoid going completely crazy, make sure you still have some time to relax. This may mean telling your TA you had an ‘emergency’ that made you miss tutorial when really you were watching Netflix in bed, but hey—an occasional white lie doesn’t hurt. And if someone calls you out on lying, just say you are presenting alternative facts.

By: Rachel Copp Clark

Perfect V-Day Date: Romantic Trip to New Ho King Famous Scorpio: Hannah Cho, Grace Marshall, Ally Lu, Fares Kardous, Emma Bailey

Perfect V-Day Date: Hiding from your Problems Famous Sagittarius: Toby the Dog, Sam Howard, Jing Wang With Venus entering your Capricorn, you may be feeling a little down. This isn’t surprising, as 2016 seems like it was the most garbage year ever. Cheer up though, because things aren’t as bad as they seem! 2016 definitely wasn’t as bad as the years 1346-1353 where literally everyone got the plague and died. I should be a motivational speaker, I know. Perfect V-Day Date: Start Preparing for Quad party Sign-up Famous Capricorn: Emily Chu, Simon Broer, Haris Raheel, Eiléanór O’Halloran, Michael Switzer