Fall 2020: The Pandemic Issue I by Salterrae

Fall 2020

The

e d n

c i m

Issue I

table of contents...

satirical poem by malcolm s. [poet laureate]

the pandemic issue I by maja s. [editorâ€™s note]

2T3 by megan h. [first year column]

lockdown the sequel by isabella s. [staff article]

a new era of miley by ani k. [music column]

20/20 vision by zayd d. [photography column]

speakeasy by jessie w. [poem]

whitehouse correspondents by erik m. and reece y. [staff article]

cockblocks and covid by barb & carol [sex column]

styling for u of zoom by leyla v. [fashion column]

love letter to trinity by eleanor l. [staff article]

21 2

the signs catching covid by archana r. [horoscopes]

Rowdy rancor fills old Trinity with glee, Election season came early, you see! Open debate? Nay, not even campaigning is allowed! Persnickety bores with their EP1 are too proud. Evermore we are trapped, with no way to break free, Name recognition alone is what carries thee. No, it canâ€™t be, I donâ€™t believe what I see, O lark, a new candidate for Trinity! Mouth that only speaks truth with a will unbowed, Integrity and grit, they are very well endowed. Non-resident AND resident? At the same time! All that you want, together! Combined! Tough, tender, qualified, they know every student by name, In running, they never sought any fame. On guard for Trinity, they run every year. Now you may ask, what is their name, this esteemed peer? Solve this poem for the answer, my dear.

by malcolm standing

Editor’s Note Dear Trinity, I think we can all agree that this year has been far from ordinary … well, the Salterrae now included, with our first issue of 2020 arriving fashionably late. Despite the many challenges presented this year, our team has worked to produce this brilliant collection of articles for your enjoyment. This issue may be smaller than some published in the past, but let’s take this opportunity to reclaim one of Trinity’s distasteful chants and say this time, we aimed for quality over quantity. Even though the snow has already started falling, winter doesn’t technically begin until December 21st this year. So here, I present the Salterrae’s fall issue of 2020 - The Pandemic Issue I. Cuddle up with a cup of tea, slide on those blue light glasses, and procrastinate with us a little bit. Cheers and happy reading, Maja Soltysiak Editor-in-Chief

The Team Editor-in-Chief Maja Soltysiak Senior Design Editor Mary Danesh Senior Copy Editor Nika Gottlieb Design Editors Nicholas Chan Victoria Fortuna

Copy Editors Anika Gupta Ani Khachatrian R’na Shah Photography Zayd Diz Treasurer Cali Sherriff

Contributing Writers Ms. Barb Ms. Carol Megan Horsthuis Ani Khachatrian Eleanor Lee Erik Mastalerz Archana Raguparan Isabella Sell Malcolm Standing Leyla Verdier Jessie Wu Reece Young

2T3, the Last of the Free, 2T4 Knows Nothing of Before Why did we pick Trinity College? Easy: it’s stunning, tiny, and most of all, it’s not like the other colleges. We sent in our supplementary applications dreaming of black gowns and formal balls, midnight ceremonies and a secret only those of us good enough to make it here could share. We shouted in joy when we received that long-anticipated letter of acceptance because we thought it meant that we would get to attend banquets in our medieval dining hall, and parade through the streets of the city chanting lines about salt and earth and whatnot. But of course, all of that is impossible now. For those of us privileged enough to make it to campus, an empty quad and a pre-booked time slot were all we could have on the day we arrived to turn empty rooms into temporary homes. The first dinner was overshadowed by instructions about EcoTo-Go, restrained by two chairs at a massive table, and permeated by the feeling of strangeness as we formed a dinner circle in the quad, two meters apart. Surely we are certainly a cohort like no other, reaching campus with freshly cut bangs, too much knowledge about Carol Baskin, and no memory of what it feels like to sit in an actual classroom. We are experiencing a very different Trinity College than anyone else before us, and we don’t even know the extent of it. Most of us have never seen the dining hall in its former setup, or heard of Toga, or of Trinditions. We know Strachan as an empty room, and Frosh as an awkward BB-

Collaborate mixer. All of us say we want to experience the “real” Trinity, holding on to the promise of a vaccine so that we can return next year when school is “back to normal.” We want to go to the Trinity that we applied to. I think that when we got here, we discovered a whole different college, one that found a place in our hearts with much more intensity that we expected. This Trinity, the one with blue arrows taped to the floor and maximum capacities posted on the entrance to every room, has its own little traditions, and to be honest I think they’re pretty cool too. We always eat our meals in the quad, walking our containers back to the drop-off area with the friends that we made through our masks. We always stuff a towel at the foot of our dorm room door. We use Sharpies to label our solo cups, and never drink from the bottle. We order Korean food instead of going to the restaurant, and ask the Uber Eats guy to drop it off in front of St Hilda’s. We play Among Us during our Zoom lectures, and drinking games while watching the Presidential debates. When the power went out, we whispered to each other in the candlelight, and bonded over our dead phones. Oh, and if we lose our Eco-To-Go card, someone always has a second one for no reason at all. Yeah, it sucks that we have never seen the inside of the Chapel, been to a High Table, experienced a frosh event or cleaned mystery gunk off of our frat party shoes, but we still get to be a part

of one of the most accomplished, oldest, and amazing university communities in Canada, and I think that’s really cool. And there are so many things, fortunately or not, that have not changed. I’ve been subjected to Strachan’s unidentified stew and abundance of melon (I once saw a Texan cry at the sight of cold tortilla), seen weird bugs in my dorm that I really wish I hadn’t, yelled “hurrah for old Trinity” at the completely wrong time, and had awkward conversations about my potential major with other first years (spoiler alert, it’s IR). During O-Week, like the Trin kid I have become, I talked about Canadian politics in Seager over a few Palm Bays, cried over the amount of readings in Trin One, and got more than my share of Papa Ceo’s pizza at 1 a.m. These things are what have made up my past few weeks, and if they aren’t the real Trin, I don’t know what it means to go here. All I know is that regardless of whether we get the chance to sign our name in a book, we are just as much a part of this institution as the stones in the walls and the portraits in Strachan. After all, maybe we are the real Trin. By Megan Horsthuis

By Isabella Sell To put it simply, 2020 has been nothing short of a shitshow. Whilst this is a massive oversimplification, it’s hard to conjure up the correct terms to describe the highs and predominant lows this year has presented; and quite frankly, 2019 wasn’t that much of a laugh either. 2020 has turned everything on its head, from travelling to grocery shopping, and all the weird things in between. I feel as if I’m on a hamster wheel, trying desperately to keep up with the pace of the world. The rules surrounding travel changed overnight, as did our social codes; we currently exist in “bubbles”. The sheer extent of the chaos that unfolded as a result of the pandemic has often led me to question the reality around me. I remember I was flying back home to the UK in August, sitting at my gate, when

Educated by Tara Westover– This is probably one of the top 3 books I’ve ever read. And honestly, it’s very difficult to tell you why in a matter of sentences. This memoir tells the story of a young girl who, having been born into a survivalist Mormon family, strives to break away from her past through finding an education. The text has you smiling on one page, and hysterically crying on the next. This book is beyond important in 2020: not only does it invite us to question what we take for granted, but stresses the importance of understanding the world around you, in both its beauty and its ugliness. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi

the adrenaline of getting to see my family and friends was beginning to wear off, and in its place, the fear of the heavy presence of the pandemic in the UK, was beginning to rear its ugly head. After two weeks of quarantining, I was keen to get back outside. This feeling was very short lived. I was almost certain that I had hallucinated this pandemic. Masks were a rare sight to be seen, and I don’t think anyone knew how social distancing worked. And sadly, we saw instances of this happen all over the world. Unless you’re a country like New Zealand; well done, smashed it.

Books Coates – I initially read this book in first year for a class, and have always come back to it as one of my favourites. Written in the form of the letter addressed to the author’s son, this nonfiction piece is a difficult but important read. In the wake of movements demanding necessary and systemic change; books like these demonstrate the importance of educating ourselves on the reality around us and taking action. They help bring to light the shattering injustices present in our society, that demand attention and addressal. Taking Up Space: The Black Girls Manifesto for Change by Chelsea Kwakye and

What I’m trying to say (albeit I am not so sure myself ) is that what is happening in the world around us is truly incomprehensible. Our lives have become dominated by fear, which operates on every level: fear for ourselves, for our loved ones, for the public, for the immunocompromised and elderly, for our health systems, for the state of our countries and societies, for the future and everything in between. As a result, it is difficult to find enjoyment and interest in things, given that the circumstances have altered to the degree they have. However, over this last year, there have been a few things that have revealed to me the very thin silver lining of 2020. As such, I thought it may be beneficial to do a quick summary of some of the best things I’ve watched, read, and listened to this year.

Ore Ogunbiyi– This book was the first book published by Stormzy’s imprint of Penguin Books, #MerkyBooks. The authors, the latter of who I knew at school, are Cambridge University Graduates who wrote this guide, in which they discuss things such as the call for the decolonisation of curriculums, mental health and the lack of diversity in the corporate private sector. I highly recommend; a very relevant text. You can read more about the amazing work of these young women in the Guardian’s “What Cambridge University taught us about racism”.

Podcasts The Receipts Podcast (Spotify)- I have been a loyal listener of this podcast for a few years now. The podcast is led by Audrey Indome, Tolani Shoneye and Milena Sanchez, three young women from the UK who have found huge success in this unapologetically real show. They discuss everything from unadulterated girl talk, to social

movements to individual listeners concerns. The episodes vary in length, so whether you decide to listen as you get ready, or you’re stuck in a boring class, they gotchu. Beautiful Anonymous (Podcast App)Over the space of an hour, Chris Gethard chats to an anonymous person in what

Television

Schitt’s Creek - Quite frankly if you haven’t seen this show yet, I’m not sure what you’re doing. The show is Canadian born and bred: Dan Levy stars opposite his Dad, Eugene Levy, in this literal gem of a TV show. It promotes love, acceptance and understanding in the most comic of ways, always leaving you wishing the episodes were longer. The show has now sadly run its course, and you can find all seasons on Netflix.

Trudeau tweeted them, the CN Tower was lit up gold in their honour, and quite frankly this was definitely not enough. Derry Girls - Set in Londonderry in Northern Ireland during The Troubles, the show follows a group of young teenagers as they try to navigate their complex environment. The show encourages you to smile through the good times and laugh through the tough ones. The episodes

he calls a “weekly tribute to empathy, openness and honesty”. If you are a fan of “Humans of New York”, this is right up your street. The show promotes communication and understanding, something 2020 could do with a little more of.

are short so serve as a nice study breaks, although this may be a slippery slope; the episodes are dangerously bingeable. Whilst these are just suggestions, take a look and see if any of these interest you. For me, they have made 2020 a little more bearable, and I’m not sure what more I could ask for. Except wear a mask.

A New Era of Miley By Ani Khachatrian

I would be lying if I told you I could recall the last time I was afforded aux privileges. Growing up, my *quirky* taste in music was unappreciated by most in my friend group and often deemed “uncool.” Granted, you could blame me for choosing to associate myself with philistines but, given that I graduated from a small school with slim pickings and was quite simply, ~not like other girls~ there, we’re going to overlook that transgression. You can, however, imagine my excitement at the announcement of Miley Cyrus’ new album – a rock album. Cue the ménage à trois I’ve spent the better part of my adolescence waiting for: a musician adored by my generation, featuring musical darlings of generations past, releasing an album prescribing to my preferred genre of music. Cyrus’s foray into the world of rock and roll isn’t altogether surprising. The Disney Channel star turned sex icon has covered rock songs in concert for over a decade. Until recently, she has remained unjustly pigeon-holed into a glittery cubicle in the pop sphere and never given much weight as a musician outside her radio hits. But her far-reaching vocal range and natural, raspy growl reminiscent of Joan Jett – which, for most of her career as a pop star had been buried underneath the layers of studio production – radiate the raw grit of rock music. Upon writing this article, four of the fifteen tracks on Cyrus’ new album, Plastic Hearts, have been released: an original entitled “Midnight Sky,” a remix of “Midnight Sky” with Stevie Nicks’ Edge of Seventeen, and covers of Blondie’s “Heart of Glass” and The Cranberries’ “Zombie.” Attacking each track with aggressive, powerful vocals, Miley continues to prove that she is now totally in her element. The narrative of rock being dead has been pushed for longer than I’ve been alive. While it continues to be a hot topic, primarily disputed among circles of old, balding men in Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirts with laundry lists of things to complain about, the fact of the matter is that the genre has undoubtedly been pushed out of the limelight. This shift in the mainstream

away from rock could be attributed to myriad reasons. Rock was the counterculture of the past, making it attractive to the youth of the time. Today it is perceived by many as the foundation of the establishment, another pane in the glass ceiling that must be shattered. Kids today no longer view rock as the beacon of rebellion, but rather the remnants of a time rife with bigotry and prejudice that must be left to rot and decay. Although this depiction of the genre could not be further from the truth, it is far from the only problem rock faces in the modern age. Shifts in the music industry caused by the introduction of streaming services and new production technologies have made commercial success as a rock band virtually impossible. It’s much easier for record companies to profit off a pretty face they’ve molded into a popstar with the help of top-tier songwriters and producers, than to sign a four-piece band and relinquish creative control. And so, while rock may not be altogether dead since musicians from its dozens of sub-genres continue to create music (often independently) and gain popularity within their niche fanbases, its future seems shaky. There has been no notable innovation in rock’n’roll as of late – no evolution to hint at a direction for the future of the genre. The question thus becomes not a matter of whether rock is dead now, but if there is any conceivable future for it. A future in which rock stars are once again considered the pinnacle of cool, not walking, coke snorting corpses of days long gone. Is there any hope for rock to return to the mainstream and reclaim its slot at the top of the charts? My speculations are about as futile as those of the balding Skynyrd fans but allow me to entertain the topic anyways. Miley Cyrus, the very personification of cool, has certainly proven that rock’n’roll has the potential to be perceived as “cool” again. The massive buzz generated by the announcement of her new album is demonstrative of the ability of her fanbase to support her and appreciate whatever creative

change she deemed necessary to make. Unlike Ashley-O fans in Black Mirror: Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too starring Miley Cyrus, who bailed on the pop-singer as soon as they heard the opening chords of Nine Inch Nails’ “Head Like a Hole” (possibly my all-time favourite of Miley’s covers), Cyrus’ fans are sticking by her. Not only that, but they’re eager to hear more of this “new” sound of hers. Fortunately, we as a society are not far gone enough to turn our backs on a talent like Miley. Perhaps she will be the saviour of rock’n’roll. The barrier breaking Rockstar our generation needs. Only then may the industry assess its shortcomings and evolve to accommodate a rock resurgence and a reintroduction of rock into the tops of mainstream charts. Plastic Hearts is set to release on November 27th, and dang flabbit Ticketmaster better figure this corona thing out because I am beyond desperate to see Miley Cyrus live in concert touring this album. (You didn’t think I’d devote an entire article to Miley and not slip in a Hannah Montana reference, did you?)

20/20

VISION

Photography by Zayd Diz

speakeasy. speak easy. breathe. gently, now. take this glass and drink. let the words flow from your lips, all the stories you’ve told of your kin, bullets ricocheting in the floodlight, earthy skin and heavy eyes, the splash of rain on zip ties, the taste of iron, the stares, probing and hostile, searching for things you do not have within you things arbitrary and unrelenting to give. and the stories you have yet to tell: they’ll come slowly at first, each syllable hushed and faltering, the indistinct chatter of tired songbirds, muted colors of the night after three AM, dark magenta, faded specks in an endless expanse of black above. you wonder, how many stars does it take to replace every injustice? at midnight you rise, chest heaving, heart pulsing, veins alive, and you wish you could shut off your mind, give yourself over to the tiny pricks of light in the sky. you don’t want to remember the way your brother was shot in the back of his ribs, but you will never forget the way he bled into your white t-shirt, your fingers slippery and trembling, your breath coming in short bursts of color. fast-forward two hours, he’s dead. you couldn’t tell where his blood went amidst police sirens, senseless ammunition

s p e a k e a s y By Jessie Wu

your eyes squeezed shut so tightly even the touch of sunlight will never heal you. after your return you were incoherent, i remember. you feared sunrise would scald you and when it rained you crouched in the corner of your kitchen eyes wide open, unseeing, hands clenched rigidly over your ears as if it would deafen the noise, the rhythm of life. you must persevere, see light and let it enter your body, traverse the rivers in your veins, the cosmos in your skull. you are alive. you carry with you the weight of breath, not air. so, now, take this glass and drink. gently, now. breathe. speak easy. speakeasy.

Path to the Presidency for RON? Leading up to this year’s American presidential election, pollsters had focused on the Democratic Party’s nominee, Joe Biden, and impotent president Donald Trump. However, it appears they may have overlooked an unlikely third option. Following a petition from Trinity College International Relations students, RON was added to the United States’s official election ballot just before the deadline. Read our exclusive report to understand RON’s unlikely path to the presidency. The Salterrae has just learned that late exit polls coming in on election night show more and more critical swing states coming in for RON. According to leaked documents by someone close to the RON campaign, both former Vice-President Joe Biden Jr. and President Donald J. Trump were formerly affiliated with the Episkopon, putting their campaigns in a tailspin. Unlike many rivals, both candidates had somehow emerged unscathed from the Trin 2T3 Facebook group, though it seems their luck has run short on the eve of election night.

To find out its impact, the Salterrae interviewed an anonymous former Trump supporter to identify what changed their mind. This is what they had to say: “Up until this point I was able to look past Trump’s unholy and nogood behavior, but his ties to the Mr. Episk-opan are too far. I have no choice but to vote RON!” The voter then proceeded to make a face which resembles this >:^( In an exclusive interview concerning the allegations, Mr. R. Biden responded saying “we is are a battle for soul nation, unity, 200 thousand million cases of coronavirus dead.” We are unsure what to make from these remarks but our fact checkers have found them mostly true or false? Upon further review, election officials found that neither candidate made a statement regarding their involvement in the Episkopon in submitted position papers. It is unclear if this discrepancy will delegitimize their candidacy, or if the electoral-corruption of the Episkopon knows no bounds.

“This recent development has sparked uproar among the American populace” says an anonymous source from the American populace. Members of the RON camp are feeling very confident that mail-in ballots will push them over the edge in key states such as Alaska, East Carolina, and Transylvania after these recent developments. Neither Biden nor Trump have conceded the election, but RON looks well on the way to becoming the 46th President of the United States. Pundits are scratching their heads as to why RON would vacate his cushy job as Sub-Cosgrave Curator, though the highest office in the whole simulation land appears to have tempted another accomplished business leader from their life of luxury.

From the Desk of The Salt’s Whitehouse Correspondents, Erik and Reece

~fin~

BREAKING NEWS 14

Corona the Cockblock *Disclaimer - the information in the following article is not peer reviewed in the slightest. We are not professionals. We need professionals. Do not take this advice seriously (unless you want some seriously good sexxxxxxxx.)*

What’s up bitches, it’s your favourite housewives, back for one last quickie before we move on to hotter, wetter, and better things. Let’s be real, coronavirus is the biggest cockblock we’ve ever seen, even more than your friend at Conversat when you’re trying to get with that hot upper year you’ve been eyeing in the quad. In line with the recommendations provided to us all by the Government of Canada and Trudaddy himself, all we can say at this point (and something we’ve long been fans of ) is: Gloryholes! The bigger the hole, the bigger the risk of corona, so we recommend you keep it tight (as tight as us after those heavily discounted vagacial specials).

Truth be told, coronavirus has us feeling drier than the sahara desert: not only have we been forced to limit the size of our rosters, but we’ve been stuck with the same genitalia (both ours and theirs) for eight. Damn. Months. But fear not, our lovely, dry, sad wormies Auntie Barb and Carol are here to save your sex lives, and to serve up some chaos. May we present, without further ado, our top eight tips for keeping it crazy during covid:

and How to Keep it Crazy During Covid 15

1. Halloween in Quarantine

2. Is This Safe to Put Inside Me?

Nothing’s sexier than a new persona after spending 8 months with the same person. Buy some wigs, buy some costumes, and get working on your alter ego. If you squint hard enough you won’t even be able to tell that you’ve already been there, done that. If you’re really in the mood to be chaotic, make them dress up as all of the Members of College or Professors that were on your list this year.

Anything can be a sex toy if you try hard enough (or if it’s hard enough). We wouldn’t recommend food (trust us, UTIs are NOT fun), or using any family heirlooms (those are really fucking hard to replace). Otherwise, get creative and get chaotic. Our recommendation for if you want to keep it festive: small pumpkins (they’re great for kegels), or a christmas ornament (not the glass kind more like a wooden santa ;) ).

3. Throuple … or Nah?

Finally, a dream come true - you can safely have sex in one of the most iconic spaces at the University of Toronto, without fear of being seen and heard by everyone in Whit, Welch, Cos, and Macklem. A stray member of college might just catch you in the heat of things, but that’s never been a problem - ask them to join in on the fun! Don’t forget to capture the moment and use the hashtag #realhousewivesoftc for us to follow you back.

4. Quad Sex (in the Quad… with a Quad…)

Tired of your partner? Getting bored of the routine you guys have fallen into? Spice it up by including a plus one in your bubble, and in your bedroom. Bonus points if you end up trading your current partner for your new friend by the end of quarantine!

5. Home Trotter

6. “Six Feet Apart” Sex

Sad of looking through old vacation photos? Desperate to have that sun-kissed glow? Missing the never ending all you can drink cocktails? Same. All we can recommend is downing a bottle of Bacardi (#sponsored #ad), and then loving yourself and your partner(s) in every single room of the house. Bonus points if you speak a different language and do it in a different position in each room (Eiffel tower anybody?)

Listen. I know what you’re thinking. “This is unsafe and unsanitary on so many levels! These housewives are superspreaders.” You’re not too wrong, but you can make having sex with strangers safe. Let me paint you a little picture: Masks. Gloves. (Protection, duh). Sanitizer (for lubrication and sanitation). Reverse cowgirl. Park. Need I say more?

8. Mutual Masturbation Marathon

7. Flirtatious Feet (The Moneymaker)

We’ve all been there. The walls are so thin that it’s impossible NOT to hear your roommate fuck the brains out of someone they just met. Honestly, at this point it’s just easier for you to listen than it is not to. Schedule a time with all of your roomies where you either masturbate or have sex (either in your respective rooms or not) - this way the wifi won’t be slowed down by anyone streaming porn since you can all just listen to each other!

When a certain someone asked one of the housewives for a picture of her Rosh Hashanah dinner and her feet, we just couldn’t resist. Paint those toes, put on some feet moisturizer, and snap away. For some extra chaos, charge them for each toe. Just don’t forget to thank us (we accept e-transfer) for all that extra dough in your bank account.

Wormies, don’t forget to let us know which tips work best for you. We need some entertainment now that our Strachan sitting days are officially over. Follow us on instagram @realhousewivesoftc and dm us your shenanigans. For now we’ll be sitting at home, in our luxurious Toronto apartment, finding men on the internet to catfish, and setting up our rosters for when they finally set us free into the world. The Housewives of Trinity College never rest, and neither should you. Xoxo, Barb and Carol

Styling for U of Zoom (How to Pull Yourself Together in

Under 10 Minutes)

By: Leyla Verdier, the self-proclaimed fashion connoisseur

Monday - Staple Matching Set Despite not being able to see our friends and missing out on the latest gossip in Strachan, online school does have its perks: extra time to sleep, not getting stuck on the TTC, getting to binge-watch your favourite shows, catching up on your readings (in case you’re chasing that 4.0 GPA). At the same time, however, with these perks come the “I don’t know what to wear for my Zoom call” panic. More often than not we are torn between wearing pyjamas all day (kind of demotivating) or putting on a pair of jeans (completely unnecessary and uncomfortable). Unlike Beyoncé, sadly, none of us “wake up like this” and we often feel the need to pull ourselves together. Without further ado, here are some of my top outfit picks for every day of the week to hopefully help you embrace the whole work from home lifestyle, and not compromise your sense of style!

It’s the start of the week, so cool loungewear is definitely a great way to beat the Monday blues in style. Loungewear is also an outfit choice that screams “I’m staying at home and so should you.” Try out some tye dye sweats, a major trend this year, or stick with neutrals like white, grey and black all so timeless and tres chic. On the contrary, bright neon colours are a fantastic choice if you’re in the mood to be bold and wanna have fun.

Tuesday - Trinity College Crewneck Want to casually show that you’re a Trinity student on Zoom? The Trinity College Crewneck is your answer. This comfy, baggy sweater is also the perfect choice to hide that Quarantine 15 and the fact that you haven’t hit up the gym in a hot minute. Even better, you can style the crewneck with a pair of cozy leggings or even some biker shorts for an even more styled look. 17

Wednesday –A Cute Teddy Pullover

Friday – Comfy Robe

With quarantine, teddy coats are trending more than ever and they’re definitely a worthwhile investment for your loungewear wardrobe! Pair this coat with pretty much anything and you’ll be looking fresh and stylish as ever. Try it with leggings, jeans, skirts or even nothing at all. No one can tell if you’re wearing pants anyway.

It’s the end of the week and all you want to do is start the weekend. This throw-on piece is the best choice to prioritize cozy over chic. Does a better outfit exist to help you unwind from an exhausting week?

Thursday – Cozy jumpsuit This option is easy, breezy, and beautiful. A comfy jumpsuit will make you feel put together all the while comfortable and cozy.

Where to shop for loungewear essentials: Nordstrom, American Eagle, Lululemon, Aritzia and the Bay have endless options. Do beware, online shopping can be a dangerous game ;)

There you have it! Stuck on quarantine outfits to make you look stylish and feel comfy at the same time? Your answer is here. Stay salty babes, go rock that quarantine fit! 18

It is 11 am. The soft, yellow sunlight filters hazily through my rain-streaked window and nuzzles my face. My sleep-laden eyes open slowly, not yet accustomed to daylight or even reality for that matter. I yawn and sit up in my bed, blinking the last dregs of sleep away. I sigh and smile contentedly. “G’morning, Whitaker House. It is a fantastic day to be your Duchess today!” I exclaim cheerfully to no apparent person, as I stare dreamily out the window and into the quad. OMG, I can’t wait to DIY my own sandwich for lunch at Strachan today, I think excitedly to myself. Yeah, this never happened, obviously, but in my mind, it might as well have. My FOMO rages so rampantly these days that my mind seems to have conjured up the wide assortment of memories I have of Trin with a rose-tinted filter seamlessly slipped over top. As you no doubt have figured out by now, my parents took COVID as a fantastic opportunity to save a couple hundred bucks on a plane ticket for me to return to my beloved Trinity College. I thought I was going to be fine. Really, I did. My initial reaction was indifference, truly, because after two whole years of being attached to Trin at the hip (not that that was what I was going for, honestly), I was seriously ready for a break. I told myself to treat this like a semester abroad...at home...in Vancouver. Yay exchange! That mentality did not last very long. These days, I find myself obsessively wondering what I am missing at Trin. I am aware that nothing is the same and that, truthfully, the things I miss are things that nobody is getting to experience right now. Similar to the past experiences of every other member of Trin, the long, frigid days of winter seemed to thaw only with the abundance of gossip that was readily available to me in seemingly every nook and cranny of our great college. I simply had to leave my room and would then be bombarded with a briefing of the scandals of the day. (This is an exaggeration, and I would like to make it clear that if I have, at any time, discussed your life without you present, it was because I desperately needed to escape my own. You were simply collateral damage, and for that, I sincerely apologize.) Presently, my only

source for that sort of inconsequential, useless information is FaceTime calls my Trin friends make to me when they are drunk (with their housemates -- not at parties). I miss aggressively speed-walking past the admin offices with my head down. I miss forgetting to put on perfume after smoking a cigarette and walking into Strachan, only to have Paula wrinkle her nose as I walk up close, telling me once again how much of a “bad girl” I am. I miss “forgetting” to return my ice cream spoons and bowls and then throwing them away in the garbage cans in the quad (sorry). I miss waking up at 5 am, when the only students awake are the ones pulling delirious all-nighters in TC and the small, egg-shaped girls who work at Starbucks (that’s me). I miss being excited for 4 pm on a weekday, because that’s when Peter starts his shift. I miss people randomly bursting through my door to see me in my fourth floor room (it was an honour to have people walking up FOUR flights of stairs for me). I miss pressing the orange juice button and getting orange-flavoured water. I miss being asked if the person always blasting One Direction in the shower is me. I miss being paranoid that Kevin is going to catch me doing something I shouldn’t be doing in the quad. I miss sweet-talking my way out of being in trouble with Kevin by simply asking how he is, because nobody else gives him the time of day. I miss scoffing and turning my nose up at people taking wedding photos in the quad (I hate happy people). I miss shamefully making a super guilt-ridden trip to the vending machine under Strachan late at night, because I stupidly forgot to go to Shoppers for snacks earlier that day. I even miss being berated by my friends for not changing my sheets often enough. I just really, really miss you guys. I think my pain stems from not being able to say goodbye properly. The last few snapshot memories I have of Trinity are lonely ones. By the time I moved out, everyone was pretty much gone. I remember sitting alone on a bench outside Whit with all the evidence that I’d ever lived there thrown hastily into flimsy cardboard boxes that broke immediately as I lifted them. I sat there for so long that my tears froze to my face. I did not want to go home. Not like

this, at least. I remember lugging all my belongings across the quad for the last time, and there was nobody to say goodbye to. We all have, and still are, experiencing some variation of the emotions I have articulated messily here. Nobody is the same person they were in March. Everyone is aching. Everyone is suffocating. I never thought I would so desperately miss the little things about being at Trin. I want to run barefoot and sobbing from Hart House back to Trin in the middle of winter, because a boy from Vic just broke my heart, and I subsequently got too drunk at Conversat. I want to marvel, half sober but fully aware, at how pretty my friends are. I want to quad-sit and get zero work done. Most of all, I want to hug my friends. And when I finally get to, I am never letting go. G’morning, LNR

A Love Letter to Trinity College and the Things I Never Thought I Would Miss About It

How your Zodiac Sign Would ~~HYPOTHETICALLY~~ Catch COVID Cancer (Jun. 21 22):

Dear Salts, It is with deep despair that I must inform you of this bad news: our world is full of idiots. If you had not noticed yet, there are a bunch of truly fascinating people in Ontario who are adamant about swapping germs with random people for no good reason at all. And unfortunately, all of those people, like the rest of us, belong to the zodiac. While I know that my fellow Salts would never be so inconsiderate, I feel obliged to warn you: if you ever find yourself in a situation nearing any that I have described below… RUN! Don’t catch COVID you’re so sexy aha.

Gemini (May 21 - Jun. 20): Geminis have been meditating and thriving in quarantine, they live for the chaos. So much so that they had a tiny voice in their head telling them that now is a great time to move to a new apartment, merely a fun adventure. But upon several trips up and down the stairwells awkwardly trying to carry furniture there was bound to be a run in with a far too chatty neighbour whose spit flew everywhere like shrapnel.

Let’s just say that Aries folks are not having the greatest time staying home, namely, because Taurus they are no longer able to easily cheat on their (Apr. 20 - May partners :( So after turning to the dating apps just 20): to feel some excitement again, an Aries in a moBound to forget about a Zoom meeting or ment of weakness may choose to believe their two, Taureans may become frustrated and reBumble match when they say they’ve alize that they despise doing anything remotely. “been totally safe.” With a head full of steam, a Taurus would storm down to Con Hall in protest, and being the only one to go near there in months, run into a local COVID-carrying racoon who has inhabited the space.

Jul.

Cancers are insanely persuasive this Scorpio season, knowing this a Cancer may choose to take on the ultimate challenge, having a productive conversation with Melania Trump about marital betrayal in the interest of saving the world. But given that the entire White House is coated in COVID, that would not go well for more than one reason.

***If you’re not a returning reader of the Salterrae, allow me to introduce myself! My name is Archana, I’m a 2T1 and I like to pretend that I know shit-all about astrology when I actually don’t and don’t care enough to learn. Please enjoy my entirely fake horoscopes for the rest of the year but also don’t question me because I’m an Aries, and therefore, I am God.***

Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19):

(Jul.

Leo 23 22):

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21):

Aug.

After feeling stressed just doing a grocery run, Leo’s may get distracted while walking home by a mirror left outside after a TikTok mirror challenge. But the sweet relief that staring at their reflection brings them may also put them at risk of being bumped into by someone on the sidewalk not wearing a mask.

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sep. 22): Virgos will be extremely productive no matter what life endlessly throws at them. Then while bragging about all the things they’ve accomplished today unprovoked, their Uber eats driver (a Scorpio) may feel the burning desire to spit in their food.

Poor Sagittarians hate staying home and not being able to travel, but this will not stop them from seeking out an amazing love story. While pretending they’re country-hopping around Europe, a Sag would misconstrue a literal car almost crashing into them as a sign of fate that their true love has arrived and jump into the arms of their almostmurdrer.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19): Capricorns are undoubtedly the Karens of the zodiac. One bad customer service experience and social distancing goes out the window. Sure, it might start with a couple passive-aggressive emails insinuating that the establishment is poorly managed but soon enough: fight club.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18): Libra (Sep. 23 - Oct. 22): Libras, thinking they are the best friends to ever exist, will be disappointed to find out that they aren’t part of everyone’s social bubbles. In an effort to make new friends, Libras might cause a scene, for example, setting their dumpster on fire to meet the local firemen and women. Unfortunately COVID is exploding just as much as the dumpster fire, even the heroes of our communities can have it.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21): This is your time to shine: Scorpio season. But what to do when you can’t have a raging birthday party? Roam the streets completely wasted yelling at people to sing to you. Scorpios can’t be trusted when they’re drunk, or really ever at all since they’re highly unpredictable creatures.

While buying masks in every bright colour and wacky pattern possible, an Aquarius would feel extremely offended by the COVID Alert app potentially tracking their private information like what grocery store they go to (terrifying). But in an attempt to throw the government off by walking around their neighborhood in perplexing patterns, ironically, the Aquarian walks into a cloud of COVID germs that the app could have warned them about.

Pisces (Feb. 19th - Mar. 18): What do you mean a Pisces can’t physically go to their therapist’s office to cry a thousand tears right now? A quick solution: showing up to the therapist’s house in order to bribe them with a bottle of wine. Unfortunately, 500 tears in you’re both drinking from the same bottle.

Stay sanitizing, my Salts. With love, Archana