November 2019: The Past Issue

December 2019

The Past Issue

The ‘Past’ Issue 32

table of contents...

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bellwoods park by jenny h. [poet laureate]

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corncoming by sophie s. & cory b. [events column]

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brexit by isabella s. [staff article]

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which trin daddy are you? by katie g. & vicky m. [quiz]

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TO’s hottest new startup by ryan m. [staff article]

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gap year kid by reece y. [first year column]

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vent to vicky by vicky m. [advice column]

the past issue by arunoshi s. & robin f. [editor’s note]

cold & flue strachan hacks by jess h. [food column]

bottle rolls & pelican clubs by sterling m. [history column]

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john tory interview by robin f. [feature] songs of the salterrae by ellie s. [staff article] fourth year by emily l. [staff article]

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how to make a rush video by julien s. [staff article]

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surviving grad school by sydney b. [alumna article] trincest by carol & barb [sex column]

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dorothy livesay by mila y. [criticism column]

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reading list by vikram n. [staff article]

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drunken montrealer predictions by archana r. [horoscopes]

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inside out by florian n. [short story]

jenny hui

bellwoods park

Atop buried bridges and the ghostly light of a no-longer creek, behind pearly gates wrought boldly in iron and stone: a pilgrim’s paradise ignites

the bishop’s fervour. He builds his kingdom as respite— someplace sacred the Reformists cannot bury, a bridge between earth and light.

Dreaming peaks and spires trimmed in calcite stand sentry over the knolls: No place in Canada ought remind me of Oxford as does this pilgrim’s paradise at night.

Kingdom come, kingdom go; no longer bright, fervour fades into book fairs and tennis courts, an afterthought during picnics on buried bridges. A different light

shines as I glimpse a white squirrel in flight: Here, Ashton Simmonds lays his head and his thoughts atop buried bridges. At dawn he dreams of a spotlight— sleeps fitfully as this pilgrim’s paradise ignites.

editor’s note Hello Trinity.

The snow is falling, slowly carpeting the college in white. The fireplace is lit in strachan, and a warm mug of coffee or hot chocolate is at hand. You haven’t yet recovered from Saints, exams are closing in, but take a moment to sit back and relax. The theme of this issue is Trinity’s past. Before you are caught up once more in the present, reflect upon the changing season and the end of this old semester. Appreciate what was so you can appreciate what will be. We hope you enjoy enjoy this collection of articles from our talented writers and editors, and the issue as a whole, made possible by our truly wonderful design team, illustrators, and photographer.

Good luck with exams, and Merry Christmas.

Robin Fuller & Arunoshi Singh Editors-in-Chief

the team Senior Copy Editor

Editors-in-Chief

Grace Marshall

Emily Larman

Robin Fuller Arunoshi Singh

Design Editors

Copy Editors

Senior Design Editor

Nora Moidu Mary Danesh

Photography

Katie Gaskin Elise Lafleur Maja Soltysiak Nika Gottlieb Maria Villarreal

Treasuer

Cali Sherriff

Illustration

Clare O’Brien Ellie Aston

Mary Danesh

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Enter: a student-driven, vegetable themed rager in broad daylight in the UC quad. This, my friends, is Corncoming.

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What are we? Where are we going?

A Spiritual Reflection on Corn(coming)

By Cory and Sophie

As the youthful, careless breezes of summer began to chill, and the leaves began to burst into their fiery colours and disperse amongst the earth, it was clear that autumn had finally taken its turn. The seasons change, and so as nature reflects upon itself as does the ocean upon the sky, we change too. But how do we change?

This is a question we ask ourselves, though we know no answer may ever resolve our yearning for the truth. Only through the deepest contemplation of the conscience and innermost discovery of the self may we be at peace with ourselves. How ever is this achieved? Enter: a student-driven, vegetable themed rager in broad daylight in the UC quad. This, my friends, is Corncoming.

Now, you’re probably wondering, what does this have to do with events? You’re on the right track - Corncoming is no ordinary event - in fact, it cannot even dare be degraded into that category we call “event” - because it is just so much more, perhaps beyond what the human mind can even conceive. Corncoming is a spiritual awakening, a rite of passage for students, which manifests our own desires and tribulations in the form of a poorly attended

social gathering. But look beyond the out-ofplace pancake table, the DJ booth busting out songs solely from 2009 and earlier, and even the $1000 of student funds poured into the purchase of countless cobs of corn. If you look deep enough, you’ll see that it’s all a metaphor for your harrowing undergraduate years. For those unlucky (many) of you who were unable to attend, let me attempt the impossible, and bear with me as I describe the indescribable.

Picture this: You leave the safety of your Trinity dorm and embark into the unknown, otherwise known as University College. You enter a cornfield maze of strange students from other colleges. Where are those familiar Trinity faces? This is nothing like Head’s pub! Even the sight of your HoC cooking corn behind the grill like a middle aged father at a family BBQ offers no comfort. As you hopelessly navigate through the crowd, you may as well be a scarecrow among their stalks. You scurry over to the pumpkin patch and begin to paint your fear away when suddenly, out of nowhere, a student from New compliments your stylized portrait of John Strachan. You stand there in shock, in awe really. Maybe colleges can get 6

along, you think. At that moment, Corncoming is no longer a money laundering scam between the SGRT and rural Ontario farmers. It is a symbol: that maybe next time you meet a peer in tutorial you won’t have to lie and say you are from Innis again. Maybe all colleges can co-exist. But just like eating 12 ears of corn in the span of an hour, you might regret it.

Trust me.

And so you return to your dorm, not quite sure whether or not it was all just a dream from when you passed out on the third floor of Con Hall. Nonetheless, the empty husk you carry serves as a reminder of your time of peace: far away from the warring horrors of the UofT meme page brackets. Perhaps we aren’t all as different as we think we are. Through the spirit of Corncoming, you discover that we are all just kernels of the cob of UofT, ready to get popped by our latest exam. And don’t forget, when life gives you corn, make whiskey.

XOXO Bitches of the Corn

Brexit:

what really happened and why it serves as a global lesson

By Isabella Sell 7

Let me begin by acknowledging the elephant in the room; Bella, once again, talking about England. Don’t worry, I am entirely aware this is not a personality trait, despite how much I appear to act like it is. However, my aim for this piece is to provide some informative insight into what I consider to be Britain’s biggest cock-up since Piers Morgan.

I absolutely, without a doubt, 100%, no questions asked, did not want to leave the EU. But, in all seriousness, “Brexit [apparently] means Brexit,” and we must accept it.

Back to Basics. The political portmanteau “Brexit,” is the name given to the withdrawal of the UK from the European Union. The EU is currently made up of 28 countries, and the UK would be the first member state to leave. Brexit was originally due to happen on the 29th of March 2019, two years after Theresa May triggered the formal process to leave and begin negotiations; Article 50. MPs rejected her deal, moving the withdrawal date to October 31st and now January 31st.

On the 23rd of June 2016, the Prime Minister, David Cameron, decided to hold a referendum in which the UK voted to leave the EU on the 29th of March, 2019. As a side note, this was originally designed to give Cameron more votes from right-wing parties who had put pressure on him to deliver this referendum. On going to bed, the polls stood at 51% in favour of remaining, with 49% in favour of leaving:. The following morning, my Mum came into my room with a saddened expression, explaining

the polls had flipped overnight to 48% in favour of remaining, and 52% in favour of

leaving. That’s it; we were out. Admittedly, at 6:30AM, I wasn’t too sure what this meant; and what things we had sacrificed. There was a similarly morose environment at school. To give some context, my secondary school was situated in the South-East of England, in Surrey, about 40 minutes from London; this was a leave stronghold. In fact, Nigel Farage, the then leader of UKIP (extreme right-wing), and now leader of The Brexit Party, sent both his daughters to my school, so yeah…you get it. We sat in the common room, watching David Cameron deliver his resignation speech, words escaping us. We were too young to understand the extent of the implications of this vote (we were too young to vote), yet old enough to know it would be our generation who felt the sting.

At this point, it seems coherent to state why the younger generation wanted to remain, and why the older generation believed leaving was the best way forward. As a disclaimer, I am generalising the “younger” and “older” generations, and the points that follow.

Seriously, you could read about the pros and cons of Brexit for a bloody week (and I don’t even touch on the issue of the Irish backstop!).

Of course there were abnormalities, but the younger “remain” generation consisted typically of 18-49 year-olds, while the 4965+ age range represented the older “leave” generation. There were seven main points disputed by both Remainers and Brexiteers, the 3 most contentious being the following. The Membership Fee: Brexiteers held that leaving the EU would help contribute to a more financially stable future for the UK. In 2016, the UK paid £13.1bn to the EU, and received £4.5bn worth of spending, making the UK’s net contribution £8.6bn. In defence of this point however, Remainers drew attention to the fact that the benefits of remaining in the EU, such as free trade, outweighed this steep cost. The second area of debate was Trade. The EU is a single market, in which 8

imports and exports between member states are exempt from tariffs. Brexiteers argued that the UK could establish its own trade agreements, and thus smaller firms would be able to trade freely without the regulatory burdens that come with EU membership. Remainers argued Britain would lose its negotiating power and the benefits brought by free trade, such as established relationships with other member states. The final heavily disputed point was Sovereignty. The older generation reminisced of a post-war Britain in which Churchill constructed a victorious and powerful nation.

Brexiteers disliked Britain’s reliance on the EU and believed Britain needed to re-establish itself as an independent nation and “regain control of its borders,” whereas Remainers drew attention to the changing times and the need to adapt to modern problems.

Cut to November 2019, and it is safe to say that the 3 years that have passed have provided some clarity and insight into what Brexit entails (…um…). Theresa May failed to find a solution, and it appears as if Boris Johnson, in all his “glory,” will also fail to do so (shock horror): a General Election is being held on the 12th of December. While Boris Johnson reached a withdrawal deal by the 31st of October with the EU, he failed to get support of his MPs, and as such the new withdrawal date has been set for the 31st of January.

Therefore, all that is left to ask, is what can we learn from Brexit? We have no choice but to accept it will happen, and must find some way to move on, silencing our mutters about a second referendum. The vote served to illuminate the divide bubbling below the surface of the UK. One sector of society are assuring their grandchildren that the vote was the right thing, and we “didn’t need the EU before, and we certainly don’t need it now,” whilst the other sector are making futile attempts to highlight how this is no longer 1952. In my opinion, Brexit has, ironically, functioned as a reminder of the demands of a changing world. The vote designed to recall ancient methods of ruling, has sparked action from our generation. We had no say over this vote, but we do have a say about its future and we are driven to make sure the generations to come feel part of a united and forward-looking country.

Which Trin Daddy Are You?

2) Brunch time, what are we feeling? a) Croissant and coffee b) Pancakes c) A water and a trash bin #stillrecovering d) Eggs Benny

1) A friend wants to study away from Trin, you choose: a) Graham... Does that count?? b) Knox c) Gerstein d) Law

Edward A. Welch 4) What is your favourite Strachan meal? a) Sandwich Day b) Butter Chicken c) Meatless Monday d) Fajita Day

3) Friday night, what are you doing? a) Trying to rally your friends into hitting up the newest bar/club/party b) Studying for your finals in 6 weeks c) Kegstand at a Welch Party d) Netflix, Netflix, Netflix‌

5) What’s your favourite Trin event? a) Conversat b) Saints Ball c) Rounds d) Bubbly (rip)

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6) If you had to choose another college to be in, which would you choose?

Reginald Seeley

a) Another college????

How DARE you???? b) Victoria c) St. Mike’s d) UC

7) In 20 years, you get to put your name on a Trinity location, which would you choose?

John Strachan

a) Rename the entire college…Trinity Who?? b) TC 22/24 c) New Trinity building d) JCR

George Whitaker Below you’ll find the answer to a question you have never needed the answer to. If you got mostly…

A’s … you’re John Strachan! A natural born leader, sometimes bossy, and always looking for the next big thing - whether that is a new college to found or a new place to party tonight.

B’s … you’re George Whitaker (educator). No, seriously, that’s the name of his Wikipedia page. As the smart friend and the first Provost of Trinity College, you are ambitious and keep the rest of your squad in check.

8) Finally, which elective would you like to take? (Yes, these are all real courses at U of T)

C’s … you’re Edward A. Welch. We could not find a single thing about him on Google. His namesake house does have great fireplace rooms and a common room that used to be the life of the party (but, much like his Wikipedia page, is nowhere to be found these days).

Cheers to you!

a) Barack Obama in History b) Looking at Art c) Soccer: The History of the World’s Game d) Drugs and the Brain

D’s … you’re Reginald Seeley. You’re committed to your creed - whether that is partying 5 times a week or studying until 3am every night. You’re the type to set a goal and stick to it. We respect that!

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Tech Times Tech News

Tech Updates

Online Content

Toronto’s Hottest New Startup

By Ryan Marten

Trinity College, the longstanding institution of higher education in Canada, has recast itself as a high tech startup.

TORONTO, ONTARIO - On Monday afternoon at 3:00pm, it was made official: Trinity College, the longstanding institution of higher education in Canada, has recast itself as a high tech startup. CEO Mayo Moran issued a statement shortly after commending the Board on approving this change, calling them “visionary” and “forward thinking.”

Central to this rebranding was the unveiling of a new logo. CEO Moran said that the logo was inspired by other companies that lead the tech market. She sees Trinity College soon joining the upper echelons of tech startup fame. She says, “Trinity College™ is so fortunate to be this close to the Silic-Don Valley. We see Trinity College™ as the pioneer of this new tech hotbed.”

So far, Trinity College’s pivot seems to be paying off, and in a big way. In their Series A funding round marketed as “Living Trinity” they have received $20 million for just a 2% stake in the new company. With a $1 billion evaluation, this puts Trinity in the elite club of Canadian Unicorns (read: Narwhals) with the likes of ecommerce platform Shopify and messaging service Kik.

Because of these cash infusions, Trinity has announced some big plans. Taking a page from Google and Facebook’s book, Trinity has hired a Chief Diversity Officer, Mr. Cam McBurney. Trinity has also announced a new building complete with micro-kitchens, nap pods, green roofs, firepoles, gourmet cafeterias, and underground bike storage. CEO Moran hopes to compete for the best tech talent with these extra perks.

“Trinity College™ is so fortunate to be this close to the Silic-Don Valley. We see Trinity College™ as the pioneer of this new tech hotbed.”

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Major investors around the world have already taken notice of Trinity’s meteoric rise and are calling for the company to go public.

We reached out to CFO Jason MacIntyre for a comment, but his email indicated that he was on vacation.

“the general sentiments I’ve heard on gap years are ‘I’d like to have taken a gap year but …’”

The Existential Ramblings of a Gap Year Kid

By Reece Young Belonging is a fickle thing. Purpose is even trickier. And the fact that society and its institutions, and worst of all, our parents, expect these domineering existential aspects of life to be figured out mid-way through our first year of university is perhaps the hardest part. As the pressure mounts, we pretend we know what the fuck is going on, even though most of us (at least I hope I am not the only one) haven’t got a clue. Us first years announce our double major plans, quickly followed by our graduate study intentions with sheer intuition and blind confidence, when the truth is, we’ve got no idea where we’re going in life. And personally, I don’t think we should.

I felt the burden of this expectation mounting as acceptance letters started to arrive. I couldn’t pretend I knew who I was or where I was going anymore and announced this to the world by taking a gap year to travel after high school. The whole thing was exciting, but oddly, I didn’t feel any more confident in knowing my trajectory than anyone else coming to Trin.

I think it is tempting to see life’s journey as a linear thing. Especially for those of us, myself included, who have felt a bit too scared to step out of the line of expectation. At Trinity College, we’re a bunch of keeners, no doubt about it. And the general sentiments I’ve heard on gap years are “I’d like to have taken a gap year but …” that big ‘but’ is societal presuppositions firm poke to the abdomen saying ‘I’ve got expectations for you, and a year spent traveling the world unironically (okay, sometimes very ironically) finding

yourself is not part of the grand plan.’ I am not trying to suggest that because I took a gap year, I somehow broke the bounds of the predetermined paths for people like us, seeing as I live in the same headspace as you. I live, eat, and study in the exact same place as the rest of you. I worry about grades, love, friends, money, career, all in the same ways as

“Maybe because I was trying to superimpose a linear way of defining what was a gloriously non-linear adventure.” you do. Sometimes, I even fear that my gap year was decided by the predetermined ideas that go along with taking a gap year to travel, rather than knowing why I actually wanted to do it for myself.

Many of us first years (and presumably beyond) at Trinity are taken over by the assumption that life is a linear thing – and

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at the moment, we’re currently riding the career-path line, the ‘line’ I certainly see as a priority at this time in my life.

So, why didn’t I feel ‘ahead’ after taking the gap year? Maybe because I was trying to superimpose a linear way of defining what was a gloriously non-linear adventure. It didn’t deserve to fit into the trajectory - its enduring value is that it stood distinctly outside it.

I am still preoccupied with the path forward from here. But I am also convinced that stepping off the track every now and then is a good thing to do for its own sake. Maybe these reflections are just internal vomiting of a personal existential crisis, but who knows - maybe finals will make a couple of you as crazy as I was while writing this and it might make an inkling of sense.

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is: At Trin, it is easy to be in the thrall of our careeradvancing opportunities, our access to distinguished minds, and the ambitious, fun people around us. We worked hard to get here, after all. But there’s a concurrent risk that we are being branded with a particular idea of success, and what the fixed route to get there should be. As we finish up our first semester of university, I think it’s important to stretch ourselves on this one. Taking on a linear view of life may seem to advance ambitions, but it may also take a toll on mental health, well-being, and actual happiness.

Live a little. Step out of line. And please, next time, just leave out the ‘but’ and do something that surprises the hell out of you. You’d be surprised at the result.

Strachan Hacks: Cold and Flu Edition

By Jess Horton Everyone knows that the worst thing about midterm and exam season isn’t the long hours of seemingly endless, agonizingly pointless, studying, but the beginning of that cold-icky-sicky weather and the full weight of nearly two months worth of procrastination weighing on you. The worst part of exam season is undoubtedly the sickness, also referred to as: cold, flu, “Oh no, you got it too,” enter -- Trinfluenza.

Being sick during these critical times in our student lives really does suck, there’s no better way to say it, but even though Trinfluenza has a way of creeping into all our lives at one point or another, Strachan is here to help!

Fruits and veggies (because your parents may have been onto something) Specifically citrus fruits and green veggies which are high in vitamin C and other important, immune-boosting fun stuff. An easy way to add citrus and other fruits to your daily Strachan visits is to add some orange, grapefruit or pineapple to your breakfast, and eat some mango, blueberries or peaches for the dessert you deservingly crave at night. As for veggies, I know they can sometimes be gross, but if you mix them in with some quinoa, pasta or rice, or even dip them in salad dressing, you won’t even notice the taste! Adding spinach, tomato and some hummus (for protein!) to your sandwich can completely transform it into a yummy work of art!

This year, you’re going to beat Trinfluenza! Are you ready to walk out of this midterm and exam season feeling powerful and confident, without needing a nice, strong codeine boost? Great, so am I.

Magic veggie bowls (because that sounds better than “salad”)

Spice up your life (because the Spice Girls had it right)

You all know how powerful these little bowls of goodness can be. Bring your own bowl or be that sneaky person who grabs one of the three massive Strachan ones (RIP Marko, a.k.a., the hot don who has now transferred) and pack it with lettuce or spinach, your favourite veggies like tomatoes, cukes, and peppers, fancy add ons such as almonds, sunflower seeds, olives, or edamame, and a healthy dose of protein. If you walk out into Strachan with that masterpiece, you might as well become an Instablogger right there and then!

You knew this one was coming. According to Dr. WebMD, eating chili, ginger, horseradish, turmeric and garlic can “jazz up your immune system and possibly ease head congestion.”

If you’re the type of person who finds plain hummus jazzy enough (*cough* me *cough*), then black pepper and garlic will be just fine, too.

Smoothies (I mean who the hell doesn’t like a good smoothie?)

Drinks (because queens hydrate themselves)

They’re great! You can feel healthy and totally rad while drinking something that might actually be healthy and look totally rad. For breakfast, lunch, dinner, or dessert, these concoctions can really help you kick that flu if you pack them with the right stuff -- spinach (You won’t even taste it!), yogurt (for creaminess and probiotics), fruit (for taste and vitamins), seeds (for the heart-healthy fats), some turmeric (great for the body and brain), and you’re all set! For more info, contact Mary Danesh, the renowned smoothie connoisseur.

Herbal teas with honey! Strachan loves us very much and invested in Teavana this year (no we are not salty about the lack of Numi). Friends, let’s use what we’ve been blessed with. The best teas are arguably Chamomile, Earl Grey, Peach Ginger and Lemon. Mix these with some honey (or other vegan alternative) and enjoy a nicely soothed throat. Honestly any tea is great for soothing that throat but word to the wise: avoid dairy in your tea if you’re sick as its a phlegm producer! There are plenty of alternatives featured in the fridge next to the drink station.

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If all else fails (a.k.a. you messed up) Don’t worry! Trinfluenza can get to the best of us. Just remember that Strachan is here to help! A trick my Mum taught me when I was little is the BRAT diet. When you have the stomach flu and you don’t feel like eating, ask friends to bring you some Bananas, Rice, Apples and Toast. Eating these foods religiously when I was growing up and had the stomach flu always made me feel better. Other foods that are good for fighting off colds are soup (chicken noodle is the obvious go-to), garlic, coconut water, oatmeal, yogurt, avocados (a luxury at Strachan, so get them while you can), leafy greens (always in abundance), salmon, beef (great when eating Strachan sliders), sweet potatoes (perfect when paired with sandwich (or “Samich” day).

So don’t forget my friends: when you’ve got Trinfluenza or any other kind of sickness, drink some tea, get in some vitamin C and sleep as much as you can… doing these things will help you make it through exam season, hopefully in one piece!

PS. If you do get sick, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, wash your hands or use sanitizer before handing your Tcard to Paula, Zen and the other wonderful Strachan staff! They care about us and we care about them, so let’s not make our lifesavers sick!

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Ve n t w it h Vi c k y T w o : VENT HARDER Vent to me! Vent with me! Vent about me!

Hello friends, much like the Backstreet Boys, I’m back (alright!).

I know I already used this joke in my google form on Facebook. In my defense, it’s been a particularly grueling month of midterms that has left me low on humour (accurately summed up by the photo on the right.)

Lucky for you, I’m never low on advice and opinions - warranted or not! Read on for round two, because the sequel is always better than the original. (See Shrek and Princess Diaries franchises for proof).

What’s Robin’s horoscope?

What are your favourite (NON TRIN) study spots on campus??

Hey Robin! First time reading the Salterrae? Sure sounds like it!

Flip ahead towards the horoscope column where I, Capricorn Sun, Aquarius Moon and someone who is clearly not huge on astrology or anything, would recommend my readers get their advice.

Help! Who should I hookup with at Saints?

Let alcohol, friends, bad decisions, and the excitement of the night guide you. What else would you discuss the following morning at brunch while nursing a hangover and trying to consume the plate in front of you that you will most definitely be puking up later that day?

A penguin walks into Strachan Hall wearing a sombrero. What does he say?

He tells you that this is a clever interview question asked by only the most intelligent interviewers (Hi Saquib!!!!) For real, this is an actual interview question used by interviewers to determine company culture fit. Who needs Rotman when you have this column? #coffeechats #jordanbelfort #riseandGRIND

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Thank you for asking because I!! HAVE!!!! MANY!!!!!! (Finding cool study spots is my hobby because stepping into Robarts is straight up triggering at this point). My top three choices would be: 1. The Rotman patio: an outdoor patio in the Rotman MBA building.

Pros: unparalleled views of Toronto, the Exchange Cafe on the first floor has amazing food options for a quick bite or full blown meal (they literally serve steak).

Cons: Rotman students taking business calls loudly or having LinkedIn photo shoots are a common occurrence here.

2. Emmanuel College Library: in Emmanuel College, near Victoria College.

Pros: rarely crowded, beautiful, most Hogwarts-esque building on campus (and we go to Trin). Cons: Silence is not always a good thing. Hungry? The whole library just heard your stomach rumble.

Also it’s near Vic which means it is a mission to get to in the winter.

3. Nexus Lounge: 12th floor, OISE. Pros: not far from Trinity! Views = unmatched, and it’s open all year round!

Cons: sometimes closed for random events and tends to get full in the afternoon.

So what do you do if you really want to study with all your friends at the usual spot in Robarts, but there is always a risk that you will run into a major mistake you made in second-year? hint hint the mistake is a mans First of all, see above for study spots that aren’t *holds in vomit* Robarts.

Secondly, if you’re really sold on Robarts (*whispers* there are a few good spots), you have three options: 1. Facial reconstruction surgery 2. Pretend you got amnesia and forgot every human you’ve met before today 3. Pull a Keke Palmer and although you hate to say it, he could be walking down the Robarts hallways and you wouldn’t know a thing. Sorry to this man. You could also buy or DIY the t-shirt on the left because a picture is worth a thousand words and maybe mans will get the message.

Hey Vicky! I moved off residence this year and noticed how much my year seems to be losing contact with the Trin community (for better or for worse) and with each other. How do you stay in touch with your old residence friends and keep up the good ol’ Trinity spirit?

Dear Vicky, I feel like everyone around me is really successful and has their internships for the summer or has their life together and these big plans, but I don’t. I feel like im coasting and everyone else’s success makes what I’ve done feel like a failure or not good enough. Any advice?

Hey Anon! Sorry to hear that, though it’s almost inevitable as you get older and people start to move off res and frequent Strachan less. It’s ... Trinevitable. (Apologies and please bear with my word puns as I promise I’m trying to get somewhere). In my case, a good mix of my friends still live on res, so the rest of us non-res folks tend to gravitate towards Strachan for lunches or Graham for study sessions. I would recommend scheduling a meal weekly or monthly in Strachan with friends and make sure to stick to it. Since everyone’s schedules are hectic, it can even be something to look forward to! Maybe you’ll even run into someone from your year and you can reminisce about old times while using up those ten free meals, win-win! I also suggest attending big events - Saints and Conversat - where most of your year will end up anyways and you’re bound to have a good time. The good ol’ Trin spirit is often embodied in the people and the memories you have made with them, so come out to events and keep making them. Good luck, I’m rooting for you!

Hey Anon, let me be utterly unfunny but real with you. I know what you’re going through (fourth-year woes) and it’s tough. Keep in mind that people don’t boast about their failures, they boost their accomplishments. Social media is a highlight reel. Nobody is perfect and somebody will always seem to have it better than you. My advice is to stay in your lane. Focus on you. You don’t have to be incredibly successful at 18. Or at 20. Or at 25. Or even at 50. You’re allowed to fuck up the day, the week, the month or even your year - and I think that’s something we tend to forget, especially going to UofT and Trinity. We are so focused on immediate gratification that we forget the glory of making mistakes.

It’s all about how you bounce back from your failures and what you learned about yourself from going through them. Keep doing you - I’m rooting for you!

Vent to me! Vent with me! Vent about me!

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Treasures from the Archives

Bottle Rolls and Pelican Clubs: The Extinct Traditions of Trinity College

Treasures from the Archives is a College-History column, written by amateur Trinity historian Sterling Mancuso. In this edition, Sterling takes a look at some of the Trinity traditions which have gone the way of the dodo over the years.

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By Sterling Mancuso

It is something of a tradition for Trinity College to ruminate about its extinct traditions. In 1984, the Stephanos published an editorial, “The Fondly Forgotten,” discussing Trinity traditions which have been abandoned over the years. That editorial was republished in 1992 to mark the stormy debate on the role of violent or degrading traditions in the modern College. Today, I join the tradition, and take you on a guided tour of some of Trinity College’s dearly departed.

Bottle Rolls

The students of Old Trinity had a rather distinctive method for disposing of their empty bottles. Rather than simply throwing them away like normal people (or Victoria students), they would roll two bottles at high speed down the residence halls, one from either end. The trick of the thing was to have them meet in the middle, to cause the loudest crash and most complete smashing of glass. While the bowling would start as underarm, it would inevitably transition to the overarm hurling of glass bottles down the hall. In the words of a contemporary, “it was then almost certain death to venture into the corridor.” This tradition climaxed in 1914, when ambitious students broke into the medical school and substituted test tubes and retorts for beer bottles. Clouds of noxious chemicals were released into the residences, and the tradition was soon discontinued. The admin fined each involved student seven dollars.

The Pelican Club

The Pelican Club was a hazing initiation tradition, whereby first years were forced into a mandatory boxing tournament. Details are scarce, but it was banned in 1903 for its “excessively violent nature.” The student would later name their football club The Pelican in its honour

The Route

Another violent tradition from Old Trinity.

First years would be forcibly and without warning dragged from their beds early in the morning, and taken to the basement. There, they would be forced under pain of death to drink a specially prepared beverage. No recipes have survived, but one dreads to think.

expected to eject the errant worms from Strachan Hall. Late dinner was ended about a decade ago for low attendance, and with it, bun fights have stopped. That being said, Sylvia the Archivist says that one can still see buns on top of the chandeliers.

Poorings Out

Steeplechase

Often confused with Roof Walking, Steeplechase began in the earliest days of the College as an annual run to mark the feast day of St. Simon and St. Jude. The run was followed with a dinner – the forerunner (pun intended) of the Athletic Dinner. These dinners often featured heavy recourse to “liquid refreshment.” Over time, the run and refreshments began to merge, until in its final years, students would be expected to run up and down stairwells, drinking beer at either end. This tradition is occasionally resurrected during Trinditions Week, but it is a pale imitation of its former self.

Human Chess

A game played in New Trinity’s old quad.

Students would serve as chess pieces, and be directed to move in accordance with their role. According to one alumni, Provost MacMillan would dutifully play an annual match of human chess against the Heads of College. This tradition appears to have died with the renovations of the new quad.

Bun Fights

Not that long ago, there used to be formal “late dinners” every weekday. These were like high table dinners in that you wore a gown and were served food, but members of the SCR were not present. Outside of the watchful eyes of the Senior Fellows, students would get up to all sorts of mischief at these dinners. One common occurrence was a bun fight. In these scuffles, first year students would begin pelting their upper year colleagues with buns. The second years were

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Of course, we students still diligently keep alive the tradition of poorings out. But most alumni would not at all recognize our current practice. Poorings out began as another traditional element of late dinner. In previous decades, “Strachan Hall Etiquette” was enforced much more strictly. Students were expected to be gowned, and to be wearing a jacket and tie. At all times, respect must be shown to the upper years. If a student was ever found to be in violation of Etiquette (as determined by the Heads of Second Year), they would be poored out. That is to say, the student would lie on the table, and a number of upper years would attempt to forcibly drag them from Strachan Hall, whilst their table mates would try and help them stay.

In the words of one contemporary observer, it was “human tug-of-war.” If the student remained on the table for over one minute, they were granted the high honour of being able to walk out of their own volition. Inevitably, the students involved would have their gowns tear, and would begin transforming them into sashes.

In the 1990s, poorings out were banned in Strachan Hall for liability reasons, and the practice morphed into the one we know (and mostly love) today.

An Interview with Mayor John Tory, Trinity Alumnus

By Robin Fuller

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The Editors-in-Chief of the Salterrae arrive at City Hall with five minutes to spare. As we are being searched by security, we are asked: “Are you carrying anything sharp?” Arunoshi promptly replies, “I have a pen.” After a lengthy stare, the guards deem us a minimal threat, and we were happily let in to see the mayor.

The man we have come to see has served as Toronto’s mayor since 2014, when he won the election against Doug Ford. From 2004-9, he was the leader of the Progressive Conservative Party of Ontario, but is often called a “Red Tory.” He attended the University of Toronto Schools, then Trinity, and finally Osgoode Hall Law School. The Trinity archetype is before us in the flesh.

The mayor comes out himself to invite us in.

Genial and relaxed, he leads us into his inner office where floor-to-ceiling windows overlook the Toronto sign. On a desk piled with documents and memos, two whiskey tumblers rest with amber in their bottom. Decorating the coffee table is a sizable book of Grey Goose cocktails.

Good man. Have we even left Trinity?

Crossing his legs and leaning back in his chair, the mayor consents to be recorded with a quip: “Nothing is ever off the record.” We laugh. We hit record. And we dive in with our first question: “When you think of Trinity, what is the first thing that comes to mind?”

The mayor laces his fingers and smiles. “Trying to skirt all the rules you would hardly believe existed at the time regarding when you could go to visit Saint Hilda’s College,” he says. The mayor recounts needing to sign in to enter the college as a male, and the real challenge: finding creative ways to avoid the porter who would kick you out after 11 p.m., and who would come looking for you to do it. The mayor alludes to climbing through windows and other “crazy stuff.” We investigate deeper into whom the mayor may have been visiting, but while he admits he had a girlfriend he saw “very often,” he declines to name her as he “wouldn’t want to embarrass her by having her associated with me now.”

Sound like your own future?

On a more serious note, the mayor remembers “the magnificence of the small classes. The best professors in the country in these classes of forty people . . . you realize how lucky you were compared to the way things are now.”

have fun, participate in college activities, but don’t spend all your time there.” The mayor says that his “library time” was the component that was given the least attention during his undergrad. Citing “overcrowding in the library” as his well-worn excuse, used all the way through Law School, the mayor says he could only be found studying between November 15th and December 15th or, in other words, during exams. Study hard, but “time spent in the library is time not spent dealing with people.” Hear that, Trin? Noses out of your books.

In addition, the mayor encourages meeting people who are not just from the Trinity, and who even go to other colleges. Your Trinity friends “you will always see all your life,” but one should also take care to meet people from “a broader circle.”

only worn his chain of office three times in five years.

The conversation begins to move towards university politics more generally, and we ask the mayor about a shift many feel to be occurring in the university system, in which the university is run on a business rather than educational model, which, for example, leads to exploitation of international students as “cash cows.”

‘I think that’s an unfair description,” the mayor says. “Secondary and college education in Ontario is heavily subsidized by all the taxpayers.” Whether a person attends a university or not, their taxes support the education system.

“To me, the notion that if somebody comes from another country to study here, and they are charged to support what is an excellent public education system, doesn’t bother me.”

The mayor acknowledges that there is now a “dependency” on foreign students, and “if there were no more foreign students tomorrow they [universities] would be in trouble.”

However, the mayor doesn’t think the system is particularly exploitive.

The mayor says that international students are “one of our greatest strengths,” and cites the policy that allows international students “to work for two or three years on your student visa” after they complete their degree as an example of the opportunities offered by the system. “We end up with a lot of talented people” and, if they stay in Canada, “that is to our immense advantage.” The mayor says universities will take the money international students bring, but they don’t accept them for that reason alone, but more so to bring smart people to Canada.

“You’re in college.

Have fun.”

We ask the mayor if he always wished to be a politician, and what advice he would give to aspiring politicians at Trinity.

“I have been involved in politics as a volunteer since I was fourteen,” the mayor answers.

However, he says the stories about him always wanting to be a politician since he was twelve are not true. The mayor was more interested in politics “as a social activity,” and tells us that it’s much more fun to help other people to get elected than being the central politician oneself.

In terms of advice, the mayor had two points: “Don’t spend all your time hanging around at Trinity, because while that’s a great place and you meet a lot of friends . . . it’s a very insular community.” The mayor was involved in politics outside of campus. “Enjoy the Trinity part,

We ask the mayor about his favourite memory of Trinity, and he tells us it was simply sitting in The Buttery with friends, often listening to the hockey match over the radio. “If I had an hour to spare, I wouldn’t go to the library. It will never appear on your gravestone that you spent too little time in the library.”

The mayor never actually lived at Trinity, being a commuter with a treasured parking spot on Devonshire, but he remembers many of the traditions, and particularly Cake Fight as “a monumental event” due to the suspense created by rumours concerning the contents of the bilge to be poured on first years.

On the topic of traditions, the mayor admits he didn’t love having to put on a gown every time he went to lunch. He was never really one for that sort of thing, and today says he has

The conversation begins to move towards university politics more generally, and we ask the mayor about a shift many feel to be occurring in the university system, in which the university is run on a business rather than educational model, which, for example, leads to exploitation of international students as “cash cows.”

‘I think that’s an unfair description,” the mayor says. “Secondary and college education in Ontario is heavily subsidized by all the taxpayers.” Whether a person attends a university or not, their taxes support the education system. “To me, the notion that if somebody comes from another country to study here, and they are charged to support what is an excellent public education system, doesn’t bother me.” The mayor acknowledges that there is now a “dependency” on foreign students, and “if there were no more foreign students tomorrow they [universities] would be in trouble.” However, the mayor doesn’t think the system is particularly exploitive.

The mayor says that international students are “one of our greatest strengths,” and cites the policy that allows international students “to work for two or three years on your student visa” after they complete their degree as an example of the opportunities offered by the system. “We end up with a lot of talented people” and, if they stay in Canada, “that is to our immense advantage.” The mayor says universities will take the money international students bring, but they don’t accept them for that reason alone, but more so to bring smart people to Canada.

“With respect to running [universities] like a business, I sat on the Governing Council of UofT for six years . . . and I thought the university was relatively well-run.” “I can’t really comment on what goes on exactly today . . . but [universities] have to operate on a business-like model, they do have to get creative in where they get money from because, quite frankly, the governments have often not been giving them anything more than, you know, less than inflation.” If universities want to expand and increase the level of education, they have to rely increasingly on philanthropy. “I would be more critical of the government,” the mayor says, “One of the things that is key to keeping our economic success going is to fund our post-secondary education system properly because it produces all

the smart people that these companies I’m going to convince to come here want . . .

I mean, they like our way of life here, the city is very nice, but they [companies] come because there is a lot of smart people here.”

Getting unintentionally a little dystopian, “you’ve got to keep pushing them out,” the mayor says, “having them graduate with whatever skills that they’ve studied.” One might query, here, whether constant economic growth is a desirable thing. Arguably, such unending expansion is destroying our planet, and is not necessarily more conducive to happier lives.

On the theme of happier lives, we query the mayor about his opinion on the controversial Student Choice Initiative legislation that was recently implemented by the Ford government, and which may, through its defunding of clubs and initiatives, decrease the quality of campus life and engagement.

“Those things [extracurriculars] are an important part of the campus experience. You can tell by the way that I talk, I don’t believe that going to class and going to the library all the time is the way to develop yourself . . . to have an enriched experience as part of your post-secondary years, which are some of the most important years of your life, you should have those options [extracurriculars] in front of you.”

The mayor continues, saying, “I understand on the other hand that there wasn’t much accountability for that money . . . But this was

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a ham-handed way that shouldn’t have been done by the government, like it should have been done by the universities and students, to say that we believe there should be greater accountability so that people can see how their money is spent.”

The mayor asks, “What if we ran our healthcare system that way? We all pay in so that everybody who gets sick will be looked after . . . I didn’t see it [the Student Choice Initiative] as a particularly positive development and I think the clubs and their continued existence, and the newspapers and the radio stations, are a very important part of campus life.”

We agree: the cuts were not a particularly positive development. The Salterrae had a relatively good ratio of opt-ins, but our budget was still reduced by 33%. The outrage!

Your favourite publication, slashed down by a third. Seriously, however, important clubs and services, many that serve small groups and provide a path away from isolation, have been seriously impaired.

At this point in the interview, which was only supposed to run for fifteen minutes, the mayor’s assistant informs us we have time for one more question. The mayor protests, saying he’s sure we can fit in a couple more at least. He’s having fun! Who, from Trinity, does not love to talk about Trinity?

We open up another topic we believe to be relevant. What is the place, and prestige, of a liberal arts or humanities degree in a culture that expounds financial utilitarianism? Has someone ever asked of your Arts degree, “what are you going to do with that?” This question is not unfair, but it often comes without an important awareness: study of the arts creates responsible individuals integral to each field, including politics and the implementation of the sciences, and further, for the cultural creation and appreciation of beauty.

The mayor is quick to answer. “Oh, I think a liberal arts education, as they call it, has immense benefits.” The mayor continues on to say that such an education is necessary for refining one’s interests, problem solving, learning how to think, and for being able to communicate. The mayor remarks upon the route of attending a college for practical training after finishing a degree, and how this solution marries intellectual learning to practical skills.

Increasingly popular, the mayor believes this option is a good one. “When you have a BA people see that you have the discipline to see it through . . . I think you’re going to be a better person in terms of offering yourself to the work world, if that’s what you want, or figuring out what you want to do.”

he believes the greatest challenges and opportunities are for universities, and particularly UofT, today.

“Well, I think it does boil down to money.

I hate to say that. I think what we’ve got is an excellent foundation; it [UofT] is one of the most respected universities. Having now had the chance to travel on behalf of the city around the world to India, China, everybody knows the University of Toronto, and they know some of the other universities too, Ryerson [slander!] is very well known, and York too [more slander!].”

“The challenge becomes, and you hate to tie it all back to money, but money is going to determine whether you can maintain that quality, can you keep the smartest people . . is there money there for them to do their research, is there a proper building for them to have their lab or, you know, are they able to teach.”

“To maintain its [universities/UofT] excellence, the money is going to come from two places. It’s going to come from government and from philanthropy.”

“Well, I think it does boil down to money.”

A vein of utilitarianism is still evident in this answer, but perhaps it is also a responsible one. This is not the place for a personal essay on the philosophy of life, but I would posit that by only evaluating an education by its applicability to the work world, one is missing more than half the point of existing in that world at all.

For our last question, we ask the mayor what

“The more alumni you have and the better they do, the more they’re able to give. We’re getting into more of a tradition of doing that in this country which we didn’t have before; in the U.S. they have a much more developed tradition of supporting your Alma Mater.

And then the government comes in, and this

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is why it comes back in the end to, you know, government deciding this is the best investment we can make in the people of Ontario.”

“The smarter the people are that come out, the more of them there are, the more they establish themselves in positions throughout society, the more that’s building for a great society . . . so I just think its the money.”

“American’s don’t understand the concept of an entirely public system of education, and they sort of thing it must be second-rate, and I say ‘no no,’ UofT is routinely ranked as one of the best universities in the world . . . and it’s in an entirely public system of education. This is a huge calling card for Canada to say, ‘That’s how we think here.’”

The mayor ends off with a lingering question, a query to the future, about the future: “Do we continue to fund these places properly?”

Hear that, Trinity archetypes? Let’s see it happen.

Our fifteen minutes has been stretched to half an hour, and time is up. We shake hands, and the mayor offers one last piece of advice with a smile.

“You’re in college. Have fun.”

The smile is returned. He is right. The purpose of an education of any sort, of a career along any path, is presumably in service of an enjoyable life. This issue of the Salterrae is concerned with the past, which has shaped us as we are, but now we look to the present.

This moment is vital and, as for the future, it will come, and we need not hasten its arrival with more attention than it is due.

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus, members of college.

Spotify has been curating some pretty great playlists recently, but we have created one that defies all categories. Salterrae 2019 is a collection of music beloved by your very own Salterrae staff, and collaboratively compiled for your listening pleasure. Who is shocked there is a lot of indie music on this playlist? No one.

But hold your judgements until the end, the Salterrae’s music tastes are anything but uniform. Yes, yes, of course we’ll give you the artsy slow jams you came for, but be prepared to hear some classic rock, hip-hop, pop, and well… there are conflicting opinions about country. Also, if you’re sick of listening to the same old tunes and want to try venturing away from the mainstream, our Salterrae playlist definitely has some underrated artists you need to listen to!

indie folk/rock vibes? Try Sons of the East, the Mountain Goats, or Hippo Campus. For all the Ed Sheeran lovers out there, Foy Vance might just be the next artist for you. Start with his tunes like “She Burns” or “Burden,” and you might just want more! If you still can’t get enough of sweet Irish and Scottish voices, listen to Tom Brennan or Lewis Capaldi. For stoner pop appeal, go with King Princess. Also, make sure to check out their recent Rolling Stone feature!

For a song with a great music video, look up Gunship’s electronic synth rock song “Tech Noir.” It’s 80’s inspired aesthetic involves VHS tapes where they don’t belong.

Now, we come to the guilty pleasure songs. They may be cliched or over-

nisce about Frosh or Welch Christmas.

Here are some more targeted musical suggestions from the Salterae staff. Are you a dad at heart sporting oversized flannels with a thing for 60’s and 70’s hits? Try listening to Bruce Cockburn, Gordon Lightfoot, or Crosby Stills and Nash. Do you like the familiarity of radio pop? Feel the need to scream the lyrics to any song you know? Blasting Calvin Harris, Chance the Rapper, Post Malone, or Kanye West should help with that. exploring electronic pop, go a little less mainstream with Lauv, Odesza, Alesso, and Tame Impala. Lastly, I don’t know what the heck 90’s basement pop is, but if that floats your boat, listen to the Hails.

Songs of the Salterrae: What We’re Listening To (And You Should Be Too)

By Ellie Schoeffel

Of course, I have to give you an overview of this playlist, because though it seems like a random assortment, it appeals to many different tastes. If you’re looking for a sound that fluctuates between upbeat pop, introspective folk, and hyperactive rock and roll, listen to the Canadian band, The Burning Hell. Their song “Fuck the Government, I Love You” comes highly recommended. For more genre blending, listen to singersongwriter Two Feet for moody, soulful electric guitar and intense bass.

The Salterrae, following our indie pop trend, also seems to love Bastille. Give their songs “Another Place” and “Pompeii” a listen. Looking for more earthy

played, but damn, they fire you up! Taylor Swift is an obvious representative of this group, and there are enough white girls at Trin to make her presence on our playlist statistically inevitable. However, I encourage you to channel your inner tween girl and listen (secretly) to “You Belong with Me” or “Style,” or go ham on Hannah Montana with “He Could Be the One.” Go back to the golden age of awkward bar mitzvahs and middle school dances while listening to Pitbull’s “Hotel Room Service,” or stay current with “Sweet But Pyscho.” But why go back to middle school dances when you can be at a Trin party? Or is the leap really not that big? Turn on “Party in the USA”, “Don’t Stop Believing,” “American Boy,” or “Baby’s On Fire” to remi-

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A final note on music: fitting songs into categories and artists into types is always an oversimplification. I’m just spinning my wheels here. Sometimes you like a song that defies all category and reason, a song that your mom may think sounds like incoherent screaming. Music is one of the things in life that is highly mood dependent, personal, and transient. This article and playlist showcase the variety of musical genres and artists loved by the Salterrae staff. Download it, cherry pick songs for your own playlists, or just pop in some Airpods and give it a listen.

Thank us later. Enjoy!

Kill Our Way to Heaven - Michl How This All Ends - Bad Books The Hype - Twenty One Pilots Long Tall Sally (The Thing) - Little Richard Cigarette Daydreams - Cage The Elephant A Change Is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke Passenger - Hippo Campus Always - Tor Miller My Heart’s Always Yours - Arkells Stay - The Hails RACECAR (feat. Clairo, Coco & Clair Clair) - Deaton Chris Anthony Peach Scone - Hobo Johnson Wait - M83 New Person, Same Old Mistakes - Tame Impala Eyes Be Closed - Washed Out Void - The Neighbourhood Beth/Rest - Bon Iver Mombasa - 2CELLOS Hold Me While You Wait - Lewis Capaldi Down To The Honkytonk - Jake Owen ...

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The Trials and Tribulations of a 4th-Year Arts Student

By Emily Larman

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It’s the Winter semester of my first-year and I’m sitting on my bed, stone-faced, tears spilling over my cheeks, stained with mascara and paralyzed with existential dread. Who the fuck am I? I should’ve seen this coming, I wrote my entrance essay on Kierkegaard after all.

Flashforward, it’s my fourth and final year, my hair is shorter, the air is colder, and any shred of nescient idealism I had about university has been thrown to the wayside. I feel the exact same as I did in first-year, only magnified and more muddled. A reflection of the days I spent sitting, waiting, and wishing instead of doing, feeling, and embracing a radical acceptance of reality; of accepting and sitting uncomfortably with the truth. Not a profound truth, but the awareness that the need for external validation that Trinity promulgates is but an extension of the sheltered existence that a small, fiercely competitive institution provides, so far removed from the reality of professional, post-grad life.

First-years, any fanciful notion that you’ll figure it out in the next four years is a mirage.

Heed Reece’s advice because the reality is that you won’t know any better when you’re in my position (or maybe you will, and honestly all power to you). I’m not saying this to scare you, but to propel you to embrace what you really, truly desire above all else - to switch majors, programs, hell even schools. Drop out if you have to. Move off of residence (unlike me who lamentably stayed for four years)! Maturity is about growing into a latitude where external judgment ceases to matter anymore, which is nearly impossible in an environment like Trinity, but you must resist the inclination to care. Lose yourself in friendships and romance, but not to the point that you lose sight

Why are you here anyways? To make ten million dollars, invest it, thwart corporate taxation, only to retire at 50 to golf at the country club and vacation in the Exumas?

of who you are entirely. Maintain a semblance of your identity and a sense of self at all costs, and don’t let the lust for anyone take that from you. And if you don’t know what that looks like yet, then embrace breathless and impulsive decisions, space in the spontaneity, and moments of reckless abandon that make you feel utterly and completely alive.

To be a Humanities student at Trinity, let alone in Cinema Studies, can appear a contradiction at such a high-brow institution that unironically spits out future JD/MD’s.

“Oh so you’re going to work at Starbucks?”

The condemnatory “I admire your courage to follow your passion, I could never do that.”

“Oh so what do you actually study?” “It must be nice to sit around and watch movies.”

“Where are the facts, like what’s the scientific basis?” “Yeah, but like, what can you actually do with your degree?” There is the constant insinuation that they know better than you; are smarter than you. I mean, what is analytical thinking anyways? I have come to question the viability of my own major, falling prey to the cavalier presumption customary of the masses - that there is one right path, or any path at all. Although we exist under the capitalistic moniker of a singular institution, the incessant need to standardize and define our aspirations only continues to hinder our individual and diversified capacity for success.

One may question why an Arts student would dabble at Trinity at all, running with the ranks of PCJ, IR, and IMM students who all took Trin One and subtly imply the superiority of their program and their impending futures comparative to what, oh, an Arts degree? Laughable. I have often pondered the motivations of my peers pursuing particular professional paths - what would their futures look like without the encumbrance of external influences and societal pressures? Imagine letting your internal locus of control - your innate, intrinsic desires - decide. We work for money, power, success, but to what end? It is crucial to strike a balance, but to ultimately go to bed at night with moral conviction and a smile on your face, giddy to get up and go to work again the next day. Ultimate and total fulfillment. Not settling for just happiness, but fundamental purpose. Why are you here anyways? To make ten million dollars, invest it, thwart corporate taxation, only to retire at 50 to golf at the country club and vacation in the Exumas?

Maturity is about growing into a latitude where external judgment ceases to matter anymore, which is nearly impossible in an environment like Trinity, but you must resist the inclination to care.

I’ll let you in on a secret, if it’s not clear by now, I have no idea what I’m doing next year.

And I feel judged for that everyday, whether you admit to it or not, because Trinity is a place that irrefutably discriminates against anyone who deviates from the traditional standard of success. I’m seen as intellectually inferior, indulgent, even hedonistic. As much as I yearn for the security of graduate school, and will likely attend in the next few years, I am resisting throwing money at my burgeoning instability and propelling myself into the unknown. Maybe I’ll join the Peace Corps to teach English, move back to Southern California to produce television, or even go to law school. The reality is that for the first time in my life, I am forced to find solace in uncertainty, but the beauty in the decision is that it is mine without impediment. We get to university only to realize the decisions we grappled long and hard with at the end of high school are not over, and after four years we are met with even more, crippling (sorry, endless) opportunity. No matter the insurmountable amount of fear you face, don’t spend the rest of your life yearning for the potential of an unpathed path, an unmet passion. Carpe fucking diem.

Manage your rush videos

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How to Make a Rush Video: A Guide by Julien Smit

Now that the Saint’s season is coming to an end, if you’re like me you’ve already thought: “Alright.

What is my best Rush video idea for next year”? Well fret not, I have compiled a definitive guide about how to craft the perfect Rush video. You may be thinking to yourself, does this just involve taking all of my clothes off and doing as many random activities as I can?

Well, yes and no. Although that is always an option, and as someone who has lived in Welch since firstyear, I will defend that as a concept, but it may not necessarily yield the results that you want. Below is the definitive guide that is sure to get you a date next year.

1. Talk as much as you can.

This is it. This is your platform.

Finally, everyone is going to hear what you have to say. This is the opportunity for you to never stop talking. Everyone knows that videos can only be funny if there is someone telling jokes directly to the camera. You won’t even need a laugh track because people will be laughing at your jokes anyways. I believe you definitely have a new take on a fart joke, or your sex life (or likely lack thereof ). Remember, nothing lands better than inside jokes.

2. There is no such thing as a dated reference.

If you have ever heard the expression “you’re beating a dead horse” that does not apply to comedy.

Beat that horse as much as you can.

Did you find Kanye’s interruption of Taylor Swift’s Grammy acceptance funny? “Imma let you finish, but I am the greatest Saint’s date of all time.” Want to make a spoof of the Budweiser “WASSSAAAA” ad? Go for it, that ad boosted sales baby. What’s the deal with airline food? How about that crazy new thing called the automobile? Lol you think there is land on the other side of the ocean? Idiot, it’s obviously just a sheer cliff that you would fall off of, right into space.

The older the reference the better, there’s less chance people remember that you’re ripping something off.

3. Subtlety is king.

Make jokes that people really have to think about. A Rush video isn’t meant to spell out every joke for the audience, but evoke thought. If you make everything in the video obvious, no one has to put in any effort. That isn’t fun for the viewer. The video shouldn’t be fun for the viewer. It should be work. The video should be subtle enough that some people aren’t even sure that they are watching a Rush video.

The more meta the merrier.

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4. It’s never too late.

Did you forget to post your video for kickoff? Weren’t done filming by the day of Saint’s? Never had an idea in the first place? Well don’t worry, although Drake said “better late than never, but never late is better,” that guy is a total wastemans so why should you care what he thinks? You know what would really set you apart from the rest of the crowd? Posting the video over Winter break. Better yet, post the video during Summer break. This way you not only have time to think of a good idea, but also you can solicit a date for next year’s Saint’s. Maybe even a 2T4.

Here are some more specific tips if you really want to get your video to the next

level.

For the Lads: Everyone wants to see how fast you can drink alcohol. Shotgun a beer, boat race your friend, funnel an original Four Loko. No matter what it is, everyone needs to be able to see that you can drink faster than them. They need to see that you won’t be holding them up when it’s time to leave the pre.

Show off the muscles. Tarps. off. bois. Everyone needs to see that.

Bonus points if you take your shirt off on camera.

For the Ladies: Serious concepts only. All business. This video is meant to be art. Treat it that way. Also. Long sweeping shots following someone down the hallway. That sells.

Bonus points if more than 50% of your video is following people down the hallway.

Follow this guide to the litter, and you are sure to have a date in no time. After all of these steps, if you still don’t have a date I don’t know what to say. There’s proof of it working in the past. Maybe just post some old Snapchat videos of you with the title “Rush ____.” Maybe that’ll work.

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It was the winter semester of my first year at Trinity when I first encountered the Facebook posts. The snow hadn’t yet melted, and the 1T5’s, who I saw as so put-together, mature, and miles ahead of me in every way, had started to announce their fancy plans for the coming year. I scrolled through their posts, a sense of dread growing stronger and stronger.

As more posts popped up (each with at least 200 likes, duh), I came to a bleak realization – there are only three options after graduation: law school, medical school, or an exorbitantly expensive and obscure graduate degree from a school in England. Of course, these all had to come in tandem with impressive-sounding scholarships, awards, and/or summer internship and travel plans. I remember lying in bed that night, thinking about my mixed bag of grades, my mediocre extracurricular involvement, and all of the other things that weren’t perfect in my own life. Wow, I remember thinking, I’m already not good enough for this.

Four years later, I was a student in one of the most competitive graduate programs at the University of Cambridge, and I was still thinking the exact same thoughts.

I want to give an accurate version of what it’s actually like to do a one-year degree abroad, beyond the beautiful Instagram posts and LinkedIn updates. It’s easy to pretend that all of this was something I had planned out, some exceptional destiny that appeared to me because of how special and important I am, but that’s not the case. I’ve failed many, many times, I’ve made stupid mistakes, I’ve struggled. I spent all of last year ecstatic, terrified, lonely, excited, miserable, inspired and, above all else, overwhelmed. If you do something similar to what I did, you probably will too.

My hope is that my advice will make the growing pains a little easier, and make you feel a little less alone. So here, without further ado, are the things I learned while pursuing a graduate degree abroad.

1. There are a lot of reasons to do grad school, and a lot of reasons not to.

Valid reasons: You are passionate about the subject matter and want to enter academia.

Your desired career requires a postgraduate degree. You studied something in undergrad that didn’t lead directly to a career and want to supplement that with something practical to enter a certain industry (eg I majored in Cinema Studies and pursued an MPhil in Business Management because I want to be a producer or project manager in the gaming industry).

The school is a good fit for who you are and what you are passionate about, and you can see

yourself enjoying living there.

Not valid reasons: You have no idea what you want to do with your life. Everyone else seems to be doing it. It’ll make you look impressive.

It’ll give you the external validation you’ve been chasing for years (it absolutely won’t).

2. It’s easier than it looks.

I didn’t graduate undergrad with a 4.0 GPA. I had B’s on my transcript. I didn’t get any cool internships or jobs during the four years of my degree, despite sending out literally hundreds of applications. I ran for multiple leadership positions at Trin that I desperately wanted and lost nearly every time. Despite all of this, I managed to get into Cambridge.

Bottom line: you don’t need to be perfect to get into a good graduate school. Your grades only matter after a certain threshold – even for the most competitive schools, a 3.7 GPA is usually “good enough” (check the grades of the current class of the program you are interested in; they are often available online). Try your best to get involved where you can on campus and be creative. Passion is much more important than perfection!

3. It’s harder than it looks.

If grades only need to hit a certain threshold, you have to do other stuff to make sure you stand out. From an academic standpoint, get involved in research, get some scholarships or grants (in-course scholarships are great, they don’t have to be incredibly prestigious), and foster a great rapport with as many profs as possible for reference letters. Outside of school, get involved on campus, particularly in groups relevant to your potential postgrad degree. Volunteer if that’s your thing. If possible, get a work-study position on campus that you can leverage in your application - there are tons on the career learning network that aren’t cookie-cutter customer service jobs. Above all else, do what feels right to you and learn how to spin your experiences in a way that is relevant. You are far more impressive than you give yourself credit for.

4. It’s super, super, super pricey.

Its insanely expensive, and you will have to figure out what makes the most sense for your personal situation. Whether through loans, scholarships, help from family or a combination thereof, you will have to take a frank look at your finances and make a decision that you won’t regret in twenty years. It sucks, but it’s manageable.

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5. You will, at best, feel like an imposter. At worst, you’ll feel like a failure.

My year at Cambridge was the best and hardest year of my life. No exaggeration. Going from an undergrad in the Arts with lots of essays and creative projects to a degree based primarily in applied math and objectivity was incredibly difficult. There were many winefuelled nights in which I stared up at ancient ivied buildings, wondering why on earth anyone thought I belonged there.

Despite those thoughts, however, I also had moments of triumph. I discovered a passion for subjects I hadn’t considered. I connected with classmates and professors. I excelled in my extracurriculars. Your experience as a postgrad will fluctuate day by day, and you can’t allow specific difficult moments to colour everything else.

6. Take care of yourself.

My last piece of advice may seem pedestrian, but it’s the single best thing you can do for yourself. Like I said before, you will undoubtedly have hard times if you decide to do a hard degree in a foreign country. The nearly ten months I spent in England were incredibly difficult, in and out of academia. I failed on several occasions and often felt lonely. By the time my final semester rolled around, I was dealing with anxiety so severe I had to postpone an exam.

This probably won’t happen to you, so don’t panic! My point that you need to take the time to make sure you’re doing ok. I definitely didn’t do that enough, and I paid for it. Make sure life is more than libraries, coffee, and staring at the blue-light of a computer screen until dawn. Force yourself to be social, get involved in at least one extracurricular (no matter how casual), and explore the place you are now calling home. If I hadn’t travelled, spent time with new friends, explored the town, and most importantly, played on the women’s rugby team, I genuinely think I wouldn’t have been able to push through my mental health challenges.

Practicing necessary selfishness made me a better person in the long run.

For those of you who are applying to grad school abroad, hang in there. No matter what happens, you and your dignity will survive. If you have any more questions about the process, or just want some advice, I’m always happy to chat! Hit me up on Facebook or email me at sydneybradshaw96@gmail.com and I can try my best to help you out.

Good luck!

Sydney Bradshaw

“You have no idea what you want to do with your life.

Everyone else seems to be doing it. It’ll make you look impressive. It’ll give you the external validation you’ve been chasing for years.”

Surviving a One Year Graduate Program

2

To All the Ones We’ve Fucked Before

Our Experiences with Trincest

By Carol and Barb

31

an outside observer, Trincest has table“Asof contents... always fascinated me. Maybe somedesperate and drunk by jess h. day I’ll get to try 17 it for myself.” [food column] - Isaac Wright, 1T9 the real-real the comeback issue

3

chrysalis by isabella s. [poet laureate]

4

by arunoshi s. & robin f. [editor’s note]

Hey worms, it’s us again, the hottest MILFs in the Quad, the tightest asses in Strachan, the realest housewives of Trinity College. Barb and Carol, back at it again!

After watching all of you perverts ignore our advice from the first article, we realized that you need to be taught that your actions have consequences. Otherwise, before you know it, you’ll be one Welch man away from committing a truly atrocious crime: Trincest. That’s right, we see and hear everything, and WE KNOW that all of you nasty sex-addicts are getting desperate enough to hook up with your fellow members of college. Don’t worry wormies, we’ve been there too. That’s why we thought we would share some of our illustrious experiences with you all, hoping that they will serve as a warning of the dangers that Trinity College holds. If our stories prove unsuccessful in preventing further Trincest, we hope that when you get that 50% discount for the Trinity Chapel for your wedding, you’ll at least have the decency to invite us to the open bar reception. Buckle up bitches, this is one dirty look back at our Trincest-uous pasts:

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by carol & barb [sex column]

2) Getting to know your Frosh Partner… dale. They don’t call us the real housewives for in Bed: Yeah, you read that correctly. Nothing nothing, you know! to be ashamed about here. It’s the Head Frosh’s own fault they paired up two 10’s. What did they think was going to happen? Really, the Head Frosh should just say thank you that we waited until the night of Luau to consummate our new ‘friendship,’ and by consummate, I mean drunkenly try to have sex; and by drunkenly having sex, I mean try to put the thing into the other thing, and by putting the thing into the other thing, I mean try to avoid the ass. But sometimes, shit happens.

3) The Trin Alum who Cums Back for Seconds: I’m not even sure this one needs to be

explained, but I know you’re all thirsty for some dirt on us, so get comfy... We met at a ConnecTRIN event (the only thing it was useful for), and a few alcoholic beverages later, this Trin alum’s white hair and wrinkles disappeared, as did my inhibitions. Next thing you know, we’re in his Yorkville apartment, he is balls deep, and I have my summer internship secured. Can you say speed-networking?

5) The Stride of Pride: Also known as the

Post-Coitus Catwalk. The Victory Lap. The After-Sex Saunter. The Booty Call Bounce.

The Trek of Triumph. It’s that walk I did, strutting my stuff, knowing full well I would never speak to my one-night stand again. Even when I stood behind them in line for the omelets: not a word. Even when we tried to do our laundry at the same time with only one working laundry machine: not a word. Even when we were forced into the same room during a res party shut-down: Not. A. Word. Is it still considered ghosting if you sit beside them in ECO101?

So, there you have it little worms. We told you our Trincestuous pasts so that you might avoid creating one of your own. To all the ones we’ve fucked before, you’re welcome, and to all the ones we’ve yet to fuck: @realhousewivesoftc.

You know where to find us.

Good luck out there, Trinity College. And remember, always wrap it before you tap it!

1) The Upper-Year Hook-up During Frosh: 4) The Long-term Committed Trincest That’s right babies, I broke a fourth-year’s con- Relationship: Yes, that’s right. Even we, the Xoxox tract. Nothing is more exciting than sneaking an upper-year (on the Exec, might I add) into your freshly decorated Whit room during a res party, on the third night of frosh. The secrecy really gets the juices flowing. Now that’s how to properly christen your res room, ruin your sheets and secure a fuck-buddy.

real housewives of Trinity College, are capable of committing to a singular person (except for when we go to Miami Beach, that doesn’t count). To be fair, I wouldn’t have committed had I not known: a) he was on the path to law school, b) his parents have a membership to the coveted Toronto country clubs, and c) he grew up attending a private school in Rose32

Barb and Carol

Dorothy Livesay:

Activism or Appropration?

By Mila Yarovaya Whose stories do we get to tell?

As a struggling writer and compelled participant in modern society, I come in contact with this dilemma on a more frequent basis, such as now. I have been assigned to profile Dorothy Livesay - a Canadian poet, writer, and journalist with a speckled biography.

Ms. Livesay was born in Winnipeg in 1909, later moving to Toronto with her family and obtaining a BA from Trinity College, University of Toronto, coming back to obtain a degree in social work after completing her studies in the illustrious Sorbonne. She spent her early years as a social worker in various locales, then spent the post-war era as a correspondent for various outlets, such as CBC Radio, shuttling all over Europe.

This background, as well as her involvement with the Marxist movement in her university years - take heed to not fall into the same revolutionary trap as Ms. Livesay, my fellow Trin delinquents - provided her with a strong sense

of social justice and awareness of the issues facing the society of her time. Poignant and powerful, Dorothy’s poetry is rightfully lauded, and she continues to be one of the most decorated and recognized writers in the Canadian canon - listing off all her accolades would be cumbersome and unnecessary for the reader but trust me, there are a lot. Although many do not recognize her name, her prowess and prominence are undeniable and it’s not up to me, a sophomore with an over-active opinion, to question or criticize her.

Except it is.

For all the disdain and condescension that the English program at UofT faces from adherents to other majors who think us superfluous - and even from its own followers who, let’s be honest, harbour inferiority complexes in the face of the righteousness of engineers or surety of future IR diplomats - it has its undeniable worth and merits. One such is the exposure to various forms and styles of writing by a plethora of authors in the span of one term. That’s 33

how I first came in contact with Dorothy Livesay and immediately asked the question: why in the world we are still studying her and, most importantly, why no one is questioning her intentions or validity?

“Although many do not recognize her name, her prowess and prominence are undeniable and it’s not for me, a sophomore with an overactive opinion to question or criticize her. Except it is.”

“I can’t help but think how much more powerful this could’ve been if it was written by someone who didn’t have a merely passing contact with the experience. Of how much more powerful it would be coming from someone who was able to actually own the story.”

Her work of documentary poetry, Call My People Home, depicts Japanese internment during the Second World War. The collection starts with Livesay recounting her family’s experience of fostering a Japanese girl for a year during internment. She goes into detail about how she consulted a variety of documentary sources in order to understand the issue fully - an effort which should be recognized. The poems go on to depict, in various compelling styles and voices, the experience of internment and its aftermath. The stories are heartbreaking, the writing exquisite, and the sentiment genuine. And yet, a disconcerting feeling nagged at me as I scrutinized the work. Yes, the poetry was powerful and moving, but how well could she speak to the experiences of the people who she was trying to represent? How did she feel the right to tell these stories? And how could she lift her pen to write something which effectively stripped the Japanese population of the agency that she was accusing the Canadian government of taking?

rative of a fundamentally Japanese experience was written by a white, middle class woman who never faced restriction of movement. Maybe she was trying to bring to light social injustice and bring about change, but I can’t help but think how much more powerful this could’ve been if it was written by someone who was able to actually own the story.

I’m not bringing this up because I think that I have more credibility to talk about appropriation than the next person or trying to make myself a saviour. I’m bringing this up because no one was talking about it, because this is being taught unquestioningly in one of the country’s most accredited universities, because there’s a fine line between activism and appropriation.

I’m bringing this up because I believe that we must question everyone and everything, especially those who wield as strong a weapon as literature.

But no, I thought, this is the point, there is a lesson that must be learned from this. There was not. We talked about everything from the genre that Dorothy Livesay was writing in to the semantics of her work to close reading certain lines within an inch of their lives but no one, not even my woke professor or equally socially conscious classmates, brought up the fact that this nar34

Inside-Out.

A Short Story in Four Parts. Part Two.

The wind howled around him. He vaguely recognized the drooping, weedy undergrowth. Calvin looked up at a ragged path winding up a hill colored by long evening shadows. Had he been here before? The feeling of déjà vu passed, and he started up the hill, moving with a will that didn’t feel like his own. He climbed along the path and soon saw a gated garden up ahead.

A siren’s call led him forward and a golden light beckoned. It was value and goodness; beautiful yet incomprehensible. The light danced before his eyes but as soon as he approached the gate, a heavy figure dislodged itself from the gate and blocked his way.

Calvin hesitated, unsure of how to respond. The figure didn’t move, but its two hazy eyes stared back at him, unwavering. Calvin tried to think of words to say but frustration boiled up in him. “Get out of the way, move!” he yelled as a rage took control of him, dispelling all other competing emo-

tions. At that moment, the call from the garden withered away and his mind was filled with cold bitterness.

He couldn’t think about that beauty anymore, reaching it was entirely secondary. What mattered was this evil, contemptuous figure. It snatched up everything good, kept it for itself, and shared it with no one.

The figure bowed its head in seeming disappointment and muttered, “a young man’s anger burns in your eyes.” Calvin lunged, but as soon as he had taken a step forward his gaze was met by the strangers’. His knees gave way and he crumpled to the floor only to wake up with a start and realize that he was late for class.

The semester was coming to an end and Calvin realized he had done well in a particularly interesting class. He had studied for the final with a classmate who he had known for a while, 35

By Florian Naggy

Ellie. He had learned a lot from her and enjoyed spending time together.

He could forget the apparent chaos of the world around him and just focus on talking about ideas and thoughts he found interesting, and which she seemed eager to share.

Little sparks of joy ran through him whenever someone asked him something about the class material and he was able to explain difficult concepts to them. Calvin felt as if he understood everything and could take on the world—provided he had learned the content, of course. Thus, it was always such a jarring thrust back into reality when he failed at achieving what he wanted to do or becoming who he wanted to be. That happened often, as it does to everyone, but did little to daunt the pride that thrived just under the surface of his awareness.

He was sitting in a café with Ellie when a tendril of that pride bubbled up from the sea of his subconscious and poked through into his thoughts. He was thinking about a recent success. He felt like that was the way things were supposed to be. “Well of course this is who I am. I would always be attaining this if it weren’t for all these damn roadblocks I have to constantly stumble over. If I could just pursue what I wanted, what I found interesting, then I’d do great in school, I’d do a bunch of cool things outside of school, and I wouldn’t always be held back by work, my annoying roommates, and… Yeah I’d be better than so many people in my classes…” he was thinking as he met Ellie’s eyes. She was in his class. At times she’d benefit from his help. Was he really better than her? Did it matter?

He had just been talking about how despite the things he seemed to get right, he just never did enough—his wants always outgrew reality. If he managed to be like one person he envied, he immediately wanted to be like someone else. Someone who had even more or was even better. Ellie laughed and shook her head, “you know you’ll never get where you’re going like that, right? How can you ever be who you want to be? There’s always going to be people above you; are you always going to be envious that there’s a few above you, when there’s so many more who you don’t envy in that way?”

sionate—definitely not someone to be looked down on.

Some hours later he was walking down the last busy street to Ellie’s place, getting ready to part ways when he noticed Mustapha coming up the street in the opposite direction. His eyes were fixed downwards, and he was trembling. A wave of unease passed through Calvin and he stepped aside and engaged him. “Hey man, are you ok? I heard you missed your shift this morning, the boss was pretty pissed.”

“Yeah, yeah I talked to him.” Mustapha’s eyes glistened with threatening tears. “Man, I messed up so bad. I got a call from my Dad last night. Apparently he’s been fighting an uphill battle with cancer these past months. He says he realized for the first time that he’s going to die. Like that’s it, game over.

And he’s sorry for what happened between us when my mom left with me.

Man it was so long ago, and I’ve been holding this grudge for so long. I compartmentalized my life and thought I could get by just on my own, that I didn’t need him.”

Calvin shifted his weight uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. Mustapha exhaled, shifted his gaze sideways and continued, “I should’ve taken that burden on while I still could. Its not too late now, but I just wasted so much time. That need for revenge did nothing good for me man, it was revenge on me just as much as him. I deprived “I don’t know, why should I be happy him of a son, but I deprived myself of to be less than others? If I work harder, a father as well. I’m sorry Calvin, I’ve it isn’t fair that others get a head start.” gotta go, I have to sort this out before And there he realized that he did think I lose what little is left.” of himself as better. He thought of himself as better for trying harder, for Calvin looked at Ellie and recounted being more capable. Only because oth- how Mustapha seemed to him to be ers had been born higher up in life had one of the bravest souls he’d met. So, they gotten further. But Ellie was per- in the end, life’s fulfilment slipped fectly reasonable, smart, and compas- through even Mustapha’s fingers.

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And… it had been his own fault? What a weird thought. The brutal situation that Mustapha found himself in was all the result of a stupid system that didn’t care about those as the bottom!

But, what just happened to him was own his own doing? He could’ve laid his grudge aside long ago and tried to reconcile himself with his father as best he could, but he didn’t. Holding firm to himself and his autonomy was more valuable to him than compromising, growing, and getting back even a tenth of a father. He couldn’t accept receiving anything less than a total apology and compensation for what happened fifteen years ago.

Ellie answered with a pithy, “That’s so rough, I would hate to be in his position.” After walking her home Calvin thought to himself, “Yeah, I would hate to be in his position…”

“Am I?”

To be continued...

A Look at Some Books: Trinity Admin’s Reading List for Fall 2019

By Vikram Nijhawan With winter creeping just around the corner, there are few activities a bibliophile would care to engage in other than cozying up next to a fireplace (in Graham, preferably), while venturing into a good book. Avid reader or not, we could all afford to unwind from monotonous textbooks and find some good reading material in time for the holidays. As always, Trinity’s got you covered. Here are a few book recommendations from the staff at the college …

Provost Mayo Moran Genre(s): Historical fiction Mayo has two excellent choices, both works centered in England.

Fingersmith by Sarah Walters is a Victorian-era crime novel that channels Oliver Twist, with dark intrigues, mysteries, and plot twists. Walters is a gifted wordsmith who was recently awarded the OBE. Warlight by Michael Ondatjee is another darkly mysterious work set in England during WWII, and written by one of Canada’s most beloved authors.

Adam Hogan

Assistant Dean of Students

Genre(s): Nonfiction, music history All the previously-mentioned books are evidently fiction, but Adam has some fantastic nonfiction options to share, particularly for music-lovers.

Perfect Youth by Sam Sutherland provides a little-known, sublime history of Canada’s punk rock scene, spanning both the major and minor cities and how each influenced the genre. It’s the perfect read for anyone interested in music, geography, pop culture history, or all of the above.

Andrea Baker’s The Great Music City explores the sociology of the most prominent music capitals of the world -- Melbourne, Austin, Berlin, and New York -- through academic discourse.

In that same vein, Soft City by David Sim approaches the challenge of optimizing urban life, in an informative and cogent text.

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Jerome Chang

Ramata Tarawally

Associate Registrar

Associate Director of Community Wellness

Genre(s): Graphic novels, coming-of-age

Genre(s): Mystery, Can-Lit

Jerome’s recommendations address a modern authorial trend: spinning the traditional female representational representation in literature.

In the mood for a gripping, brain-teaser narrative?

Or simply wish to support a prominent Canadian author? Either way, Ramata has some content for you.

The Problem of Susan and Other Stories by Neil Gaiman examines Susan Pevensie from C.S. Lewis’ Narnia series with an archetypal lens.

The Handmaid’s Tale and The Testaments, both by Margaret Atwood, have drawn international acclaim, the latter winning the 2019 Man Booker Prize.

Alena by Kim W. Anderson, on the other hand, is a violent depiction of the lives of teenage girls, containing strokes of Stephen King’s Carrie.

The Cormoran Strike and Inspector Rebus series are great examples of mystery done well, written by the esoteric Robert Galbraith (a.k.a. the pseudonym of J.K. Rowling). There is certainly no dearth of riveting material being written by female authors.

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, which immerses readers in the lives of four men, and presents the group’s evolving friendship from college to adulthood, in a raw yet rich story.

Cameron McBurney

Assistant Dean of Student Life Genre(s): Science fiction

If you’re a fan of graphic fiction, chances are you also enjoy sci-fi. Cameron does, and he has some great choices from classic authors of the genre.

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep by Phillip K. Dick (better known by the film adaptation’s title Blade Runner) is a seminal sci-fi work, perhaps the bedrock of cyberpunk.

The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams has the acerbic wit one expects from the legendary author.

Topping it off is the entertaining space opera series Hyperion Cantos by Dan Simmons.

Overall, whether you’re a reader of fiction or nonfiction, fantasy or family drama, novels or graphic novels, there’s something for everyone among these suggestions. So what are you waiting for? Once those midterms stop piling on, grab yourself a steaming cup of cocoa, find a comfy nook in Trin or elsewhere, and flip open the first page of one of these amazing books.

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Horoscopes: Drunken Montrealer predictions

By Archana Raguparan

Hello again, my lovely Salts I come to you quite inebriated, in Montreal, visiting my twin brother who knows nothing about astrology. Therefore, if your horoscope is not accurate this time, then I give you permission to do like Jamie Foxx and “blame it on the a-a-alcohol,” or blame it on my brother, or blame it on the fact that astrology isn’t real, whichever you prefer.

I also need to warn you that, me and my twin are some fiery Aries, and that alone requires an apology. Sorry if we’re mean, but at least we’re honest.

Aries (March 21st - April 19th)

Taurus (April 20th - May 20th)

Be nice for once, think of others, and avoid depressants such as alcohol and Strachan meals. Don’t claim the Christmas season as your property like fellow Aries, Mariah Carey. Here’s an idea for your birthday which we know you are already planning: have everyone stay awake for 24 hours to see who your real friends are.

You will unexpectedly get arrested soon, and when you do, be sure to tell the authorities that you can’t possibly fall asleep in a jail cell because you are far too precious. Also consider making less money so the rest of us can catch up; take a few days off work and see how crazy it drives you. The good kind of crazy.

Notable Trin Aries: Me, bitch! Christine Sutcliffe, Cory Benson, Sophie Berkowitz

Notable Trin Tauruses: Armin Safavi

Gemini (May 21st - June 20th)

Cancer (June 21st - July 22nd)

Don’t let fear stop you from having fun with friends and meeting new people, but don’t feel like you have to be social all the time - no one is going to miss you if you bail. Stop flirting with everyone, unless of course, it works. Your conflicts will be minimal this year so ride the wave instead of creating drama out of nothing.

Change is on the horizon but calm the fuck down you will be fine. I am warning you now, so you don’t have an emotional breakdown while cooking a massive Christmas dinner for all your friends including the really toxic ones (who you haven’t yet and probably will never let go of ).

Notable Trin Cancers: Foti Vito, Ernest Leung, Lucy Cunningham

Notable Trin Geminis: Mayo Moran, Eleanor Lee, Nicholas Ferreira, Elise Lafleur

Leo (July 23rd - August 22nd)

Virgo (August 23rd - September 22nd)

Honestly, Leos, we love your narcissistic, toxic tendency to exaggerate your stories. But you don’t need to lie to sound more interesting, you are already plenty captivating all on your own. Also, you are going to need a punching bag soon, and do not use your friends as such.

You’re doing great sweetie, just some nice encouragement for you emotionally fragile queens. Also, cuffing season will be real for you so don’t get too greedy about the many people who have their eye on you - pick one and have fun.

Notable Trin Virgos: Jess Hugh, Katie Bray Kingissepp, Zeus Eden, Ruth Magee

Notable Trin Leos: Valerio Greganti, Nika Gottlieb, the Adolphes

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Libra (September 23rd - October 22nd)

Scorpio (October 23rd - November 21st)

Okay, this may sound weird, but you Libras are about to get wifed up, every single one of you. This is a totally accurate horoscope. But don’t freak out, it’s just an unexpected finding of your soulmate, no big deal, not life-altering at all, no need to overanalyze anything.

It’s money season for Scorpios. Indulge, my friends! Be the baddest, bougiest bitch you have ever been because, apparently, you are going to make it all back so I say buy a bunch of scratchlottery cards, take up sex work, and start filling out your Bachelor bracket for pilot Pete’s season because you are going to win big.

Notable Trin Libras: Emily Larman, Isabella O’Hara, Heather Nichols

Notable Trin Scorpios: Mattea Roach, Anjali Gandhi

Sagittarius (November 22nd - December 21st)

Capricorn (December 22nd - January 19th)

We’ll miss you Nicki Minaj, fellow Sagittarius. We must celebrate all Sagittarians this birthday season but also celebrate the career of a cultural icon who named herself Queen. But like Nicki, you will be able to focus on your new goals this year, so do that instead of focusing on the drama or you will get a shoe thrown at you.

Focus. You are very pretty, Capricorns, we know, but this season will bring fun times and challenges so don’t stop to look at yourself in the mirror too much unless you are about to give yourself a Shia LaBeouf level pep talk.

Notable Trin Capricorns: Maddy Bauer, Emily Chu, Danté Wong, Anya Kanyuka

Notable Trin Sagittarians: Riaz Lokhandwala, Julien Smit

Aquarius (January 20th - February 18th)

Pisces (February 19th - March 18th)

It’s drama season for you, water signs. In order to avoid this headache, keep your head in the books, ace those exams, and don’t even look at your friends, significant others, or family members because shit will go down and you can’t have that derail you. Perhaps get yourself canceled, so no one will want to talk to you for a few weeks, but don’t worry, it never lasts.

Take a page out of Justin Bieber’s book (aka the Bible) and go celibate for a little while. Not only God, but Jesus will reward you. Avoid stairs, they’ll remind you of the emotional ups and downs you face on the daily. Try an elevator and see if it makes you successful.

Notable Trin Pisces: Kat Yampolsky, Carley Moore, Ryan Marten, Robin Fuller, Arunoshi Singh, Mary Danesh, Angie Luo

Notable Trin Aquarians: Sanaya Rau, Keenan Krause, Cali Sheriff, Tegan Hore-Kelman

Until next time my star babies, 40

Cheers!

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