Spring 2018

THE

SALTERRAE Spring 2018

THE SALTERRAE Spring 2018

EDITOR IN CHIEF Anna Trikas SENIOR DESIGN EDITOR/TREASURER Sydney Bradshaw COPY EDITORS Charlie Jupp-Adams Tiffany Leung JUNIOR COPY EDITORS Alisha Deshmukh Michelle Fornasier Armin Safavi DESIGN EDITORS Mattea Powell Susha Guan Kira James

CONTRIBUTORS Columnists Neve Klassen Avneet Sharma Isaac Wright Sabryna Ekstein Mary Debono Thomas Robson Allegra Wiesenfeld Angela Gu Annie MacKillican Phil Schwarz Kate Reeve

SENIOR COPY EDITOR Ethan Raymond

Staff Writers Madeline Keizer Aisha Ryan Emily Larman Billie Rose Owen Alexandra Portoraro

ARTISTS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS Jenny Qian Alex Portoraro Clare O’Brien Abby Chase Ev Giles Emma Harasalejko Maximillian Robson

Features Anna Trikas Adam Brown Leila Martin Maddy Torrie Kendra Dempsey

From the Editors...

Members of College, It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Exams are wrapping up, essays are being returned, the snow has (hopefully) begun to melt, and bed bugs are but a distant memory. You’re in luck: any wild activities you got up to at Quad Party are sure to be forgotten by the time September rolls around. Tis’ the season for tanning in the Quad, vacationing, padding your LinkedIn profile with that awesome internship you scored for the summer, and avoiding checking ACORN at all costs. But we hope that in between doing all of these things, you take some time to read the Salterrae.

If you’re a 1T8, the end of this school year might feel a little bittersweet. In that case, Thomas Robson’s “Goodbye Trin” is sure to jerk a few tears, while A & B’s “Graduation Checklist” will prepare you for the types of people that you’ll witness at Convocation. Maybe you’re bummed to be stuck in Toronto all summer while your friends get to travel. Phil’s “FulPhiling Summer,” and Allegra’s “Bopping Around T.O.wn: Nature Edition” will give you all the information you need to know about spending your break in the city. If you’re overly keen, and want to get a head start on extracurriculars, Leila’s “Trinity College Governance: The Years in Review” is your piece.

Whether you’re relaxing on a beach in Italy, or bored during your lunch break at work, we’re sure that this issue contains at least one article that’ll entertain you. So crack open a (non alcoholic) cold one, and get reading. There’s no excuse not to, now that you can’t claim you have an essay due at midnight.

In all seriousness, we want to thank all of you for your participation and contributions to the Salterrae this year. It has been such a pleasure running this magazine, and we hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as we have.

So happy reading, friends. We wish all of you a warm and relaxing summer.

Stay Salty!

Anna, Sydney, and Ethan

IN THIS ISSUE...

Ta b l e o f C o n t e n t s

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All’s Well That Ends Well By: Neve Klassen

7

Skating to Success

A Conversation with Trinity’s Olympian, Paul Poirier By: Anna Trikas

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Goodbye Trin By: Thomas Robson

14

Salt of the Earth By: Adam Brown

15

Trinity College Governance The Years in Review By: Leila Martin

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The Myth of the Perfect Summer By: Kate Reeve

19

A Fractured Mosaic Part 4 An Appeal to Kindness By: Aisha Ryan

20

Ceiling Stains and Meditations By: Madeline Keizer

21

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Law By: Maddy Torrie

23

Strachan Hack’s Greatest Hits By: Angela Gu

25

Isaac’s Cookbook: A Front Lawn Feast By: Isaac Wright

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A Series of Un-Four-tunate Events: A Conclusion By: Thomas Robson and Mary Debono

27

Bopping Around T.O.wn: Nature Edition By: Allegra Wiesenfeld

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In The Cage: A Book Worth Remembering Sabryna’s Picks By: Sabryna Ekstein

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End of An Era By: Billie Rose Owen

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Movies to Look Out For in Summer 2018 By: Emily Larman

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TrumpdateTM: #Time’sUp By: Annie MacKillican

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Betches For Salterrae: Graduation Checklist By: A & B

35

Askneet

By: Avneet Sharma

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Your Guide to a FulPhiling Summer By: Phil Schwarz

39

Horoscopes

By: Kendra Dempsey

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All’s Well That

Ends Well By: Neve Klassen

Photographs By: Jenny Qian and Maximillian Robson Looking back as this year comes to an end, it appears as though Trinity’s events have been constantly threatened. For every article I write, I try to take an angle that raises spirits about a lost event, while also expressing a polite vexation with the whole situation.

However, the events of the past month have left me with warm, fuzzy feelings about Trinity’s impressive ability to adapt while remaining salty throughout.

Usually, I worry until the last moment that I’ll have nothing to write about. But this time around, I’ve got an abundance of riches: three whole events to review!

This last month has basically held as many events as every other month this year combined. And, Gaia willing, there has also been a Quad Party. It may have ended at 10pm, but going off of the events leading up to it, it was a banger nonetheless. There’s just something about a ~party~ in the ~quad~ that is so appealing. I guess it’s because all year, we would like to be partying in our own backyard, but are always forced back inside. Like quad party, all the events this month have had a TGIF feel to them.

There was the Frankenstein-like soiree of Bubbly + the Athletic on March 22nd, the Trinity College Art Show on March 28th, which brought the collective cultural refinement of the college up a few points, followed by the Iggies, showcasing the TCDS’s shining stars. Let’s take one last look back at the events of 2017/2018 at Trinity College.

the Bubbletic. I was interested to see how it would go, particularly because of the possibility that this type of set up could become the new norm, and so the stakes were relatively high.

Co-opted TTC buses labeled with a made-up word picked up party-goers at Trin, and returned them at the end of the night, creating field trip vibes. The destination was Wychwood Barns, which was well worth the time spent travelling.

The space was very large and accommodated our screaming hordes, but was made cozier with overhead patio lights and red decorations. The cocktail tables were well used, and classed the whole thing up. I also like how they divided the mingling space and the dance floor. Organization is key to We witnessed potentially a watershed moment in Trin events a banger! I had a blast, but I remember thinking that it resince the last issue, when the TCLI and the TCAA held our minded me of being at a new friend’s house. We’re used to first off-campus event in the wake of several cancellations: partying in Seeley, which is “home” to many of us. Suddenly being at a new location gave the event the feel of being a guest at someone else’s home. Don’t worry, it was still a messy night. Some things never change. Creds to the organizers for protesting the admin policies in such a fun and dance-y way.

Next up, a swanky, artistically enlightened event run

by Trinity students in Seeley Hall, you say? No, it’s not Bubbly, it’s the Trinity College Art Show! The Art Show is a wonderful event that showcases young artists from around Toronto, provides Trinity students with a free and fun event, and has good snacks. Allegra

“

It was still a messy night.

Some things never change.

”

Wiesenfeld, curator of the show this year, told the Salterrae that “the approach this year diverged from previous years in that we didn’t advertise a theme during our call for submissions, so we got a much more eclectic range of artwork.”

This meant that the visual tone of the show represented a “transition in colour” rather than the minimalism that junior patrons of the arts might remember from last year’s show. I loved the gradient of the colour around the room, as well as the variety in artistic styles that we got to see.

Hiba Siddiqui, who has exhibited her photography at the art show for the past two years, also appreciated the thematic broadening of scope. She remarked that the show “is inclusive to all students including recent alumni, bringing forth a wide range of mediums and talents.”

Haroun Gong, another artist in the show, is a fan of the Trinity Art Show because “it provides a stage for everyone, including those who are not in an arts major. It supports people’s dream of being an artist, and gives them the chance to express themselves to the public.” Overall, it was a very beautiful show, so congrats to Allegra Wiesenfeld and Ally Lu, who ran the event!

The Trinity College Dramatic Society has had an amazing season this year, putting on five shows in the George Ignatieff Theatre (and the Quad). Hosted by the delightful Eiléanór O’Halloran and Katerina Hatzinakos, the annual Iggies show was chock full of classic award show banter, and what I assume were some very funny inside jokes in the drama community.

The theme this year was Venetian Masquerade, because what is theatre if not a complex arrangement of people wearing masks? And what is life if not also a complex arrangement of people wearing masks? Among many awards, Best Show went to How I Learned to Drive, Best Actors west to Chrissy Voinov and Gianni Sallese, and Best Director went to Hannah Lazare.

The party continued at DKE and carried on into the wee hours, spurred on by show tunes and Shania Twain, so really, everyone who attended was a winner! Anyone who went to any of the wonderful shows was also a winner! Yay theatre!

I hope everyone was able to make it to at least a few of the events this year, whether they were covered in this column or not and whether you could enter/exit them or not - because Trinity’s student-run events are really the shining lights of this college. I have great hope for the future of the college when I look at the student agency and passion that goes into planning and executing events that bring us all together. We talk a lot about making or breaking Trin events re: alcohol, but the fact that we had events at all this year represents to me the spirit of camaraderie and togetherness that is consistently fostered by the student body. Thank you to everyone who planned or attended events this year. After all, it’s Trinity’s students that make this college so special!

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g n i t SktoaSuccess

A CONVERSATION WITH TRINITY’S OLYMPIAN, PAUL POIRIER By: Anna Trikas | Photos Courtesy of: Getty Images & Skate Canada

This year’s PyeongChang Olympic Games were exciting for Canada. Of the 225 athletes making the trip to Korea to compete in their sport, 68 were from Ontario. Among them was Trinity’s recent graduate, Paul Poirier. Having skated beautifully in the Ice Dance competition with partner Piper Gilles, the pair was able to rank 8th overall against some of the toughest opponents in the world. I had the pleasure of chatting with Paul over coffee at Future’s Bistro about his future plans, and his past experiences.

Congratulations on competing in the PyeongChang Olympics!

Did you find competing extremely stressful?

It’s funny, but I find (and other athletes I have talked to agree with me) that most of the stress of competing comes from the waiting time. On a competition day, we’ll have a practice in the morning and maybe six or seven hours before the competition. That’s when all of those negative thoughts are running through your mind. You’re thinking about what you have to do, the scores, your competitors, all of the people watching, and all of the people who have invested in your career. I find that once you’re actually on the ice you can kind of run on autopilot, because it’s something you’ve done so many times before. You know at that point that you’ve trained and practiced enough to accomplish what you want to. In the moment, it’s not actually that bad. That’s when the healthy nerves that make you step it up a little bit give you the adrenaline kick you need. Once you’re at the Olympics, you have a few days of rehearsal before you compete. That’s when you really just want to get it done, because you feel ready.

I understand that back in 2014, you competed at the Olympic Games in Vancouver. Did you feel better this time going into the games, knowing what to expect?

So much better, SO much better! I mean, the games were very different this time around, in that Vancouver was a

5

“home games” for me and Korea wasn’t. In Vancouver, I had a lot more information at my disposal because we were the host country. I had gotten to practice in the venue for years leading up to the competition. On the other hand, as much as people inform you, there’s nothing really to prepare you for the over-stimulation that is the Olympics. Everywhere you go during the games, you’re meeting new people, there are things happening, there are concerts, there are crowds, and there’s so much security. Nothing really prepares you for it until that moment.

In Korea, I knew much better what to expect. I think also because I’m older now, and have competed at the Olympic Games before, I felt much more comfortable saying no to things. In Vancouver I felt like I had to do everything, because I didn’t know if I’d ever get to experience anything like it again. This time, I really was able to take a step back and decide what was and wasn’t important for me to do. The building we stayed in was sort of like a dorm, and on the bottom floor was a lounge where there were snacks and a TV, so you could watch the other sports. Just being in that room with so many other athletes and people you didn’t really know could really be exhausting - especially if you were doing that with all of your spare time. I feel like I was much better able to just do what I needed to do to get my job done this time around, and knew when I should be resting rather than socializing.

Also, the really special thing about the Olympics is how the audience differs from a sport’s usual crowd. At most competitions, a majority of the audience is skating fans that have followed your career for a long time. They know who you are, they have a certain idea of what the rankings are going to be like, they know who are the front runners, who are the dark horses, and who are the newbies. The thing is, the Olympics are the one time every four years where people that don’t watch figure skating tune in. So a lot of the audience is made up of people who have no idea who you are and what you do, or what to expect from the competition.

In a way, it’s kind of refreshing, because you have a really great chance of leaving an impression on them. On the other hand, it’s kind of strange to perform for an audience that doesn’t really know what to clap for. In Vancouver it was really overwhelming, since we got so much attention simply for being Canadian, and in Korea, it wasn’t like that.

It must’ve been a strange contrast, having competed in a home Olympics, and then being “away.”

Exactly, and so few athletes get to do a home Olympics. I know that it was a very unique experience.

Were you able to enjoy the Olympics, or were they just extremely stressful? Did you have fun?

It was certainly an enjoyable experience. The Olympic schedule kind of remains the same for almost every Olympics, and Ice Dance happens to always have a really good schedule. After Opening Ceremonies, we have about a week and a half to recover and get ready, and then we have a full week after our competition to enjoy the games and go to other events. At the venue, we only had access to about an hour or less of ice time per day, whereas at home, we train for three to four hours per day, so we ended up having very empty days with not very much to do. We were able to spend a lot of time just getting to know the other athletes, their sport, and their stories. I think that one of the most special things about the Olympics is how it’s such a great vehicle for storytelling in general. To be able to follow people’s journeys and learn what brought them to where they are…that’s really great.

Another thing we did was visit all of the other countries’ “houses,” which are essentially like little cultural centres.

They’re a place for fans from that country to go and have some familiar food. We kind of explored some of those over the course of the last few days, hung out, had a few late nights, and took in some of the things we didn’t have time to before. We went and watched some other sports, which is always fun. It’s so weird to meet these athletes in the context of hanging out in the lounge with them, and then see them doing these awesome, awesome things.

How did it feel representing our country as a skater? Was it exciting for you to represent Canada? Has this been a lifelong goal of yours?

Absolutely. I’ve been on the national team now for about thirteen years, so I have been representing Canada for a long time. But as I said, I think the thing that makes the Olympics so different is the fact that so many more people are watching and experiencing that moment with you. That’s always cool for an athlete, especially as a figure skater, where there’s an artistic component to what you’re doing. I was happy to be able to share the moment with so many more Canadians

at this event than I normally would get to – you know, I was just at the World Championships last week – but just the amount of audience and people tuning in is so different.

What was the first thing you did to celebrate after your last skate in these Olympics?

I went to see my family. My family was there to cheer me on, which I was really happy about. We celebrated by going out to Korean Barbeque. You know, it’s sort of hard at the Olympics, where the people who’ve been there the most for you during your career – your friends and family - are the people who, in a lot of ways, you can’t actually share the experience with. While you’re on the ice, you know they’re in the audience, but you don’t really see them. So I really wanted to make sure I had that day with them to debrief. To just be able to celebrate with them was special. I also had a lot of fun celebrating after returning from Korea, with friends that had been cheering me on at home and wanted to hear all about my experiences. It felt so good to know that so many people were invested in what I was doing, and wanted to be a part of it in any way that they could.

Canada had a big team of Ice Dancers going to the Olympics.

Did you make friends with the other Ice Dancers, or were you already friends with them?

The skating world is pretty small, so in terms of the competition, it’s the same people I compete against all the time.

In a Canadian context, we’re sort of the same three couples that have been in the top three for around ten years now.

We don’t train together or live in the same cities, but we’re at the same competitions, and we’ve seen each other’s ups and downs throughout our careers. We have a lot of respect for

“It’s kind of strange to perform for an audience that doesn’t really know what to clap for.”

each other, and we’ve journeyed together. We’ve also pushed each other, and we’ve made each other better athletes. So I think there’s a good sense of camaraderie between us. Of course you want to beat them, but I always say that the best competitions are the ones were everyone skates their best, and you win. You don’t actually want people to mess up.

You must have felt that way even more so when you were all competing for the same country.

Exactly. Tessa and Scott won at the event, and being able to witness that was pretty amazing. They’ve had a really long career, and they’ve accomplished so much for Ice Dancing as a sport in general. To see them win with a judging panel that was not favoured towards them – you can really tell from the way that the scoring was happening – I think to accomplish that was really awesome.

How long have you been skating with your partner, Piper Gilles?

It’s been seven years now. We teamed up in 2011, so about a

year after the Vancouver Games.

How did you meet?

Again, the skating world is very small, so we used to compete against each other. We had been on the circuit together for several years. Piper was actually coming from a year off, and I was looking for a partner. Our coaches put us in contact, and we set up a tryout.

What made you want to start skating in the first place? When did you start skating competitively?

I started when I was five. My parents were both very athletic people, and wanted me to be introduced to a whole bunch of sports. I really didn’t like team sports, so they put me in some individual things – I tried tennis and gymnastics, but I really took to skating. I liked that I was always being challenged, and there were always new skills being introduced to me. My parents kind of bribed me by saying that if I stuck to skating for a year, I’d be allowed to learn to skate without a helmet, which was a good motivator. It was a very gradual process – I don’t think I had an epiphany at any given moment where I decided to pursue skating fulltime, it just gradually took up more of my life as I did it.

harder as you age, and is a financial burden. I’m going to be taking some time away from skating now, to evaluate what it is that I want, but I won’t be stepping away from skating altogether. I think that would be a hard break for me, and there’s more that I want to explore with skating as an artist. It’s more so a matter of Piper and I deciding whether or not competitive skating – so the competition realm – is the best avenue for what we want to accomplish, and whether we want our careers at this point to be about winning things, or the art that we are creating. We’re both looking forward to taking some time away for a little bit. That separation will allow us to think more clearly. I’ve changed my mind about this fifteen times in the past few months, since part of me is ready to have some rest, and the other part of me is still really motivated – especially when I saw people doing such amazing things at the Olympic Games. Figuring out what our options are will help us make this next big decision, and It’s not a decision I’m going to make lightly.

That makes a lot of sense. What did you study during your time at Trinity?

I did a BA in Linguistics. A specialist degree, so I didn’t have any minors or anything like that.

Did you enjoy that program? Is it something you’re passionate about?

Absolutely. I liked the Linguistics department because it was small, and there was a good sense of camaraderie among faculty and students. A lot of the courses were also graduate seminars, so you had a mixing in a lot of cases between graduate students and upper years. I think as well, I felt challenged, and

“One of the most special things about the Olympics is how it’s such a great vehicle for storytelling ... to be able to follow people’s journeys and learn what brought them to where they are.”

Who was your biggest inspiration as an athlete?

Over the course of my life, I’ve met so many inspiring people through my sport. That said, when I was developing as an ice dancer, ShaeLynn Bourne and Victor Kraatz won the world championships, and they were the first North Americans to do so. I was 11 at the time, and that was a very big deal to me. It sort of made what I was trying to do more tangible. As I said though, many athletes have inspired me. Even the older kids at my skating club, that I always felt I wanted to be as good as. Again, my fellow competitors, Tessa, Scott, Kaitlyn, and Andrew have really touched me. They’ve been around for a long time and have made me better, because I’ve wanted to be better than them.

I enjoyed the subject material. It’s not something you really learn in high school, so it wasn’t even on my radar going into undergrad, rather a subject that I came to love and enjoy.

Do you plan on continuing with academia?

Yes, I’m starting a Master’s of Linguistics at UofT in September. It’s been almost three years since I graduated, but for my first two years off, I was also a research assistant in the deAre you hoping to continue competing as a skater for the time partment. I knew graduate work was something I eventually being, and perhaps compete in the next winter Olympics? wanted to do, so I wanted to stay engaged with the departI’m not really sure exactly what I want to be doing at this point. ment.

I’ve been through three Olympic cycles now. It definitely gets

“School made me a better skater, because it gave me a mental outlet.”

Keeping up with schoolwork is tough in general. How did you manage to do this while training for a majority of your day, every day?

It comes down to a few things. I’ve been skating my whole life, and so even in elementary school, I had to develop very good work habits. It’s helped that my parents have always been very strict with me when it came to school. I had to maintain a good average or they’d threaten to stop paying for my skating, which was good motivation.

I also always made sure to communicate well with my professors and teachers about my needs. I never expected free handouts from anyone, but I felt very confident coming up to my professors during the first week of classes and saying something like: “I’m going to be away at a competition the week of the second midterm. Is there a way I could write it early, or late, or do another assignment instead?” I found if I was clear and upfront about what I needed, and was willing to make up the work, professors were able to help me out. I wasn’t full full time, and that helped as well. I had to do a lot of jigging to my schedule in order to make everything fit in, and I had to make very good use of my plane rides to do readings and homework, and my subway time. Sundays, for basically my entire life, have been my homework day. But I was willing to do it for two reasons. Firstly, because I enjoyed school, and was willing to keep it up. Secondly, I felt that school made me a better skater, because it gave me a mental outlet, and something else to think about. It kept me from obsessing over skating 24/7.

I’ve had to be very creative with it all of course, but yeah, I think it’s really just putting the time aside to do the things that you have to do. I knew of my scheduling limitations, so I knew I had to make the most of the quieter moments I had. Of course, it wasn’t a typical student life. But being at home in Markham made it harder to get distracted.

Do you have any fond memories of Trinity?

What are they?

Yeah, I have a lot. I spent a lot more time at the college in my first two years, when my friends were still living in residence. I didn’t really get to participate in many parties because I was always training, but I got to go to one of each formal, and to one Quad Party (finally) in my fourth year. It was the Quad Party with torrential rain, and the tent kept coming down, which was funny.

I think a lot of the best memories come from just being around friends, and having really good heart to hearts. My friendships really shaped my university experience, and my best friendships came from Trinity. A lot of them are still in Toronto, so we get together

a couple times a year. It’s fun to talk about those times as well now, and be nostalgic.

Where was your favourite place to study on campus during your undergrad?

This has kind of changed over the years, as I evolved as a student. In first year, I studied a lot in – is it the Adams Room?

In St Hilda’s. Also, The Buttery. I always liked the idea of studying at Graham, but something about the coziness and the smell of wood would put me to sleep, and I just couldn’t do it. I began to study a lot at Gerstein in my later years. Actually during my last year I had a research fellowship at Jackman Humanities, so I had an office there. That was kind of my last study spot. I also spent some time studying in the Linguistics department. I really liked the spaces where you could be doing your own work, but you could also bounce ideas off of other people. Sometimes, you’d overhear conversations about other things that would kind of infiltrate into your research.

After finishing our coffees and chatting some more about Trinity, Paul and I wrapped up our meeting. As we cleared our table, he mentioned that he was eager to finally relax after returning two days before from the World Championships.

When I asked him what he was going to do with his free afternoon, he said that he would be spending it planning his vacation. It seems that even in his time set aside for “relaxing,” Poirier is still rather productive, and takes advantage of the “quieter moments” in life to accomplish tasks. This is only one example demonstrating his incredible work ethic.

In both his Olympic training and his academics, Paul has excelled, making him an ideal role model for young Trinity students today. If there’s one message to take away from his story, it’s that with determination and ambition (and some wicked time-management skills), you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

Tr in goodb

ye

By: Thomas Robson

Photographed By: Abby Chase

Well 1T8, this is it.

In my first year, I sat on my bed in Massey, listening as a fourth year regaled several frosh with pointers and tips on how he survived four years at Trinity. I surmised at the time that his ability to be drinking a full 26 of Kraken Dark Rum by himself helped him get through a lot.

“Well Thomas,” he paused as he took an impressive swig from his bottle. “Trinity is just like high school. Just with more booze, more sex, and now everyone lives together.”

To a bunch of first year guys, this seemed like heaven. As it turns out, Trinity (and life) is more than just that. Now, this fourth year nailed one thing on the head: Trinity is just like high school. Actually, it might be worse. We can reach levels of pettiness and gossip that I certainly didn’t encounter in high school. Furthermore, the administraIn high school, our graduations were events full of hope tion at Trinity is more involved than they were in my and fond recollection. Our graduation in June will be a high school - I liked my dean, and student events were mixture of existential dread, and relief to finally be get- promoted. When a new building was built at my high school, it was all about the students - not the donors. ting away from this wonderful, awful, glorious place.

Our crazy four years here are drawing to a close. Boy, could any other year have screwed Trinity up as much as we did? Ten of our heads have been from 1T8, and yet, we still don’t know how the administration of this place works. We ran numerous events, and still don’t understand reasonable alcohol consumption. Now, we head to the finish line - our final Quad Party. I am certain we won’t roll up in shortshorts, American flag tank tops, or shitty man buns this time around (like I did in my first year). This year, we’ll bundle up with the appropriate layers, and spend the night taking water breaks when needed, to make sure we wake up fine the next morning. Boy, do things change.

Portrait of th e writer as a young m an, circa Quad Party 2015

In short, Trinity sucks.

However, there is one redeemable quality. Us. The students at Trinity are unlike any other. My undergraduate experience has been proven fun, informative, and memorable. This is because of my classmates. I have yet to find a setting where, like at Trin, I can spend the first thirty minutes at an event receiving hugs and greetings from friends ecstatic to see me. My fellow classmates are the ones who pushed me the hardest. My Trinity peers are those who provided endearing support and encouragement in life, love, education, and happiness.

So, as a salty, sappy fourth year, I’ve reached out to some of those who have crossed my path in my time at Trin. I’ve asked them to write a message that they wish they could share with their first years selves. I hope that the sappy advice of these 1T8s can provide the same wisdom I received in my first year from the sappy 1T5s. I think character Andy Bernard sums up our sentiments best in the last episode of The Office: “I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them.”

Goodbye Trinity College. Goodbye 1T8. Goodbye to our good old days.

Dear First Yea r Me,

Dear First Year

Thom,

care about e Schools don’t Relax. Graduat ur TA n for, or what yo ra u yo bs u cl what was two ur paper that thinks about yo ed to be. an it was suppos th r te or sh es pag the pert up in landing Don’t get caugh mpare rnship. Don’t co te in er m m su fect r peers. yourself to you r friends. ent. Enjoy you Enjoy the mom ize. er than you real on so er ov be It’ll Sincerely, Robson 4th Year Thom

Dear First Year

Me,

in first few low marks It gets better. A ving you from achie year won’t keep first tending your at of s al go r you head ool. Put your h sc w la ce oi ch a, and t of the dram down, stay ou venwill succeed. E work hard. You s that l make friend tually, you wil and ur strengths yo t en im pl m co eakrough your w support you th ttle. nesses. Don’t se Sincerely, sa Sectakof 4th Year Venes

You work h ard, and go out with yo exactly what ur friends, w you should b hich is e doing. How SLEEP — pre ever, GET SO ferably more ME than six hou learn to accep rs a night — t that you hav and e a limit. You important, b r grades are ut so is your very mental and p may not be se hysical healt eing an imm h. You ediate toll in long run, yo first year, bu ur body will t in the thank you.

As tempting as it may be, don’t compar ments to the e your achie successes of o veth exercise in fu ers, because it is the ultim tility. Instead ate , focus on st on the early arti side, lookin g for interest ng your papers spending mo ing opportu re time with nities, friends, or ju getting tacos st chilling ou in Kensingto t and n (always a g ood idea).

Sincerely, 4th Year Urs ula Carmich ael

Dear First Year Me, Trinity College will be a tremendous four year journey where you will experience some of your happiest and most successful moments along with your worst failures and toughest challenges. One thing to keep in mind is that positions are only one of several facets of success.

It is also important to recognise that everyone has their own set of challenges, even though it may not always seem that way. Book II of The Consolation of Philosophy expands on these and provides more pieces of advice which would serve you well during your four year memorable journey at Trinity College.

Sincerely, 4th Year Ali Asrani Dear First Year Me, Take pictures of every moment so that you can laugh at them later on. Don’t “take a short nap” during Quad Party because you will fall asleep, and not wake up until the fire alarm goes off. Finally, for the love of what was Trinity licensed events, go to that Buttery party instead of studying for your econ midterm - just fix it on the 50% final.

Sincerely, 4th Year Nish

Dear First Year Me, I hope this message finds you well! It was great catching up with you at the Catalina Wine Mixer four years ago. I tried adding you on LinkedIn, but I remembered you weren’t such a shill back then. Anyways, here’s some unsolicited foresight into what the next three years will look like: • Everyone does cocaine.

• That ‘type A’ girl who ruined your breakfast with her snarky remarks will end up being your girlfriend. I hope you like snark with those eggs.

• A powerful media mogul will use his influence to win a major election. This man is known as Lukas Weese. Oh, by the way, Donald J. Trump becomes President of the United States.

• The English Breakfast Football Club is the Trin equivalent of FIFA; a handful of men embezzle taxpayer money by taking advantage of universal love for a sport. Definitely take part in this. You will take part in this.

Dear First Year Me,

• Ignore fire alarms.

Trin and UofT bring exciting new opportunities, but don’t be involved just for involvement’s sake. Stretching yourself between every club, event, and opportunity isn’t worth it.

Find the things that really matter to you, so you can pursue them wholeheartedly.

• Becoming Head of College really just means you’re running an orphanage for fifteen Massey boys.

Sincerely, 4th Year Alex Sapp

Sincerely, 4th Year Bardia Monavari

Salt

of the

EARTH

By Adam Brown Head of Divinity 2016-2018

“Who are we? We are the Salt of the Earth!” These words have echoed through our halls for generations. At the beginning and end of each year they echo into each of our hearts. Whether you’ve just arrived at Trinity, still getting used to all of the traditions, or you’re screaming it with all your might for the very last time, these words have meaning. We are the Salt of the Earth. From the innocent darkness of mud and dirt, we are lifted into the light of a new world. We are refined by those who came before us so that we may bring new flavour, a new richness of experience, to those whom we are sent. Further, we are called to be the symbol of integrity, generosity, hospitality, and authenticity throughout our lives — in both words and action.

It’s really easy to stop there, and feel really good and comfortable with this identity. The Faculty of Divinity, however, goes further. In 2004, the Faculty was granted a coat of arms with the motto, “But if the Salt.” It is meant as a deliberate gesture to the rest of the passage, calling us to read it in full. “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trodden under foot,” (Matthew 5:13). In other words, though we may be called to bring a new richness into the world, having been brought up with the values of integrity, generosity, hospitality, and authenticity, if we do not continue to actively strive towards these values, we have lost that which makes us who we are. If we lose our saltiness, we lose our Trinity College identity, and what good are we then? This passage tells us that once the salt has lost its saltiness, it is thrown out. Perhaps this is not forever, though.

Perhaps this salt is to be re-formed, to be drawn yet again to the surface and restored.

We will all lose our saltiness at one time or another; that much is certain. But it is the act of returning to our core values and living through them that restores us. The passage continues: “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hid. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light shine before all, that they may see your good works…” (Matthew 5:14-16). We are called to be the light of the world just as much as we are called to be the salt of the earth. Just as we are called to preserve our saltiness, we are called to not hide that light which is in each of us, but to let it do the work which it is called to do. Do not hide your light, because without it, you will not see the world around you. Do not hoard your light, because without it, you will cause others to stumble. Instead, allow it to be like a city (or a College) on a hill, a home for all those around us: our family, our friends, the rich, the poor, the privileged, and the marginalized. Always strive to let all people have a home within your light, and empower others to let their light shine as well.

Darkness is destroyed in the face of light. So remember to stay salty, Trinity, because without our salt, we are not ourselves.

12

TRINITY COLLEGE GOVERNANCE

Photo by: Heather Nichols

The Years in Review By: Leila Martin

Chair of the Trinity College Meeting 2017-2018

From the integration of St. Hilda’s and Trinity to shifts in the balance of power between students and the administration, a lot has changed since Trinity was founded in 1851. As I wrap up my term as Chair of the Trinity College Meeting (TCM), I took a trip to the archives to learn more about how our governance structures have evolved.

This brief summary cannot do justice to our college’s rich history; it merely outlines some major shifts and my take on the reckonings we will face in the years to come.

History of the Trinity College Meeting

Student government has been an active force at Trinity since the late 1800s and since the founding of St. Hilda’s in 1888. Heads of College existed for Trinity and St. Hilda’s as early as 1890, where for St. Hilda’s the undergraduate with the highest academic standing was appointed to the role.

Trinity moved to its current location on the St. George campus in 1925, and St. Hilda’s in 1938, which accelerated the intermingling of the two. Democracy emerged slowly - it was only in 1946 that Year Heads obtained their positions by election. According to the 1952 Special Centennial edition of the Trinity Review, the College Meeting existed as early as 1926, and governed with other societies such as the Lit, Athletic Society, and Dramatic Society.

However, the College Meeting existed only to deal with issues not directly decided by the appointed Head of College. At this time, students put extreme pressure on first years to attend the Lit and the College Meeting, and “the habit of attending, once formed, was not soon lost” (143).

Fiscal Policy, and in 2014 was given the power to approve, reject, and amend budgets. The Constitution was overhauled in 2014, and in 2015 we underwent a shift from “Men and Women of College” to the more inclusive “Members of College,” and created Equity Committee. 2016 saw the introduction of Constitutional Review Committee and Honoraria Committee, and the addition of international student members to TCBS and Finance Committee.

Learning From Our Past

Dates and new committees are one thing, but what can we learn from Trinity’s evolution? When researching, there were three key points that emerged in my mind: integration, student power, and governance culture.

“Whether future generations agree with me or not will determine the future of the TCM.”

In 1935, Trinity saw its first instance of a delegation of power from the TCM to associated committees when the Board of Stewards (TCBS) was created. The TCBS was created to deal with the concerns of an ever expanding student body in an efficient way, and ensure that all non-resident concerns were dealt with as well. In 1971, the Joint College Meeting took over most functions of the Trinity College Meeting and the St. Hilda’s College Meeting. The TCM and SHCM were to deal only with specific residence concerns from then on.

Integration of Trinity and St. Hilda’s - Long before the official integration of residences in 2005, Trinity and St. Hilda’s were closely tied in social life and governance. Even in the early 1900s, the Lit had an annual joint meeting with St. Hilda’s, “which [turned] inevitably to the war between the sexes,” signaling the social integration between the two colleges (144).

One of my favourite findings in the Archives was a report written by the Joint College Meeting in 1986 to study the feasibility of a “co-educational living experiment,” which included summaries of academic studies on the benefits and drawbacks of men and women living in close proximity. All this goes to say that the informal integration happened long before the formal; change had been brewing for decades.

It was only in 2005 that Trinity and St. Hilda’s became fully integrated, and the modern-day TCM replaced the St. Hilda’s College Meeting and the antiquated Trinity College Meeting/Trinity College Committee. The Finance Committee was created in 2008 to enforce the College’s

Student Power - Trinity did not used to be governed by a direct democracy. In fact, students had little power in its early days, and major developments were often driven by the administration rather than students.

The Board of Stewards, for example, was created as

a liaison between the administration and students, with the Dean of Residence occupying a voting position. Over time, Trinity moved towards elected rather than appointed student leaders, and handed more power to the TCM, giving it the power to decide levies and allocate student fees.

Governance Culture: In the early days of the Trinity College Literary Institute, it was sometimes used as a forum for debating policies and issues facing the student body.

This was mostly before the TCM gained official standing, but regardless, we could certainly use more integration between our governance and our other clubs nowadays.

Where Do We Go From Here?

In recent years, there have been numerous steps to include those who may have been excluded from our governance and student life: from new non-levied clubs uniting marginalized groups to TCM subcommittees specifically created to discuss equity and inclusion. We still have a long way to go in making our direct democracy work for more students, and I think there are three themes that will define how our governance moves forward: communication, the role of direct democracy, and oversight.

Communication - In advertising student-run clubs, events, and governance meetings, we over-rely on Facebook, which privileges the involved, residence community that is most likely to be tuned in. We sorely lack representation from the non-residence and international student communities, among others. As we move towards greater transparency in how we allocate student fees, we

“I, for one, am excited to see the next leg in our college’s race forward.” need to ask ourselves: what is the burden of effort that we will place on our elected officials? At what point can we happily look at our outreach and decide that we have done enough? Substantial progress is needed on this front: our direct democracy relies on informed and engaged voters.

Exploring new channels for communication, and with it inclusion, is long overdue.

Delegation & The Role of Direct Democracy - Every year the TCM Chair is faced with the question of whether or not our direct democracy is relevant. This is especially because we continue to delegate initial analysis of budgets and other proposals to Finance Committee and the Board of Stewards. I think about it with respect to the counter-

factual scenario — in the case that we did not have a direct democracy, we would have the same students in elected positions making all the decisions (take the Heads, for example). Those students, while democratically elected, cannot possibly take into account the interests of all students at the college even if they wanted to. The TCM provides a check on their power, while also serving as an ongoing referendum on the use of student fees, from non-levied club budgets to Student Capital Campaigns Committee projects. Yes, sometimes the TCM is long, frustrating, and seemingly inefficient, but I would prefer it in every circumstance to a system that gives fewer people the privilege of making decisions with less input. Whether future generations agree with me or not will determine the future of the TCM. Oversight and our relationship with the administration - As a somewhat tongue-in-cheek aside: in 1902, the Provost at the time banned alcoholic beverages, inspiring songs of protest and a satirical ‘funeral edition’ of the Trinity Review. We can’t read much out of this other than to note that, as further evidenced by this year, there will always be disagreements between the administration and students for the simple reason that we have entirely different responsibilities within Trinity. The question is not whether Trinity will change, but instead on whose terms.

As Trinity’s culture inevitably shifts, we need to unify student voices to define its path forward. This makes student governance more important than ever, from actions taken by our TCM subcommittees to actual participation in the TCM itself.

It has been an honour to serve as TCM Chair this year, and I look forward to seeing the work that future student leaders will do to make our college a more inclusive place.

The closing sentences of the 1952 Special Centennial issue of the Trinity Review struck me as being particularly poignant: “We who have graduated will have little part in this future life at Trinity. As the college enters her second hundred-year dash, we shall have to content ourselves with standing politely on the sidelines. We may judge, if we like; but we are not allowed to run” (186). I, for one, am excited to see the next leg in our college’s race forward.

A special thank you to Sylvia Lassam, our Archivist, for all her help in researching the history of the TCM! Quotations and information sourced from: Trinity Review (1952). Watson, Andrew, ed. Trinity, 1852-1952. University of Toronto Press.

The Myth of the Perfect Summer By: Kate Reeve

As summer draws tantalizingly closer, it’s especially easy to romanticize it. For university students, it’s a poignant escape from the monotony of papers and midterms. From our wintery vantage point, the long nights, warm mornings, and endless possibilities of summer coalesce into a cotton candy swirl of nostalgia. This spirit is captured in television shows, teen books about falling in love on Generic Maine Beach #356, and literally everyone’s Instagram account ever. But let’s be realistic — as amazing as summer is and can be, it’s never quite as amazing as you imagine it being in March.

“In the safe space of your own apartment, no one judges you for hoarding dishes, or washing your towels once a semester.”

For many students, the grind of classes and exams gives way to the grind of a minimum-wage job.

As a former line cook, I can attest to this. Showing up for 8am shifts in head-to-toe chef ’s whites is not the most thrilling way to spend four months. Plus, you need to be professional and put up with weird co-workers or bosses who don’t believe in oral hygiene. Or children, if you work in a summer camp. For some, summer means an internship — congratulations, comrade! You now get to spend one to four months getting intimately acquainted with menial tasks and little to no responsibility. Will you get paid? Who knows!

Will you die alone? Who knows! For others, summer is a bit more leisurely, filled with travel, sunbathing, riding on tiny scooters . . .okay, I have no shit to say about this. It sounds hella dope. But, okay, maybe Greece gets, like, kinda boring after a few weeks. Maybe the south of France is a touch too warm this year, or maybe your grandmother’s housekeeper is secretly a murderer, but makes a great lobster bisque, so he sticks around. Maybe all that scooter riding in a damp bathing suit gave you a yeast infection and you can’t figure out how to say Canesten in Italian! But what do I know?

Maybe you really do get to have an amazing, mythical summer. This is why we need a class revolution, Goddamnit!

Summer might also mean moving back home, wherever that may be. The first two weeks of your summer back are likely to be the SHIT. You get shotgun without calling it, refuse to touch a dish, eat the free food that magically appears

in your fridge, and have your mom remind you to put on sunscreen every-Jesus-Christing-time you leave the house.

But it will start to eat at you that you have to explain your actions again, and text your parents when you arrive at any destination. In the safe space of your own apartment, no one judges you for hoarding dishes, or washing your towels once a semester. But when you’re home, you’ll have a whole gallery of people to co-exist with, who owe you none of the politeness of roommate boundary weirdness. It’s a rough transition.

That’s not to mention the widening of your interactionary circle. Now you have to contend with friendly neighbours, old acquaintances, people from your high school, or other horrifying corpses from a past long buried. Personally, the crowning glory of my university experience thus far has been the extended distance from small children. For this I am incredibly grateful. But during the summer months, my neighbourhood is overrun with tiny humans, and their impressively developed vocal cords. This is why I’ve started a neighbourhood campaign to equip every child with an iPad, in order to drug them with Paw Patrol and send them into a deep, brain cell-killing quiet. Disclaimer: This is clearly a joke. I’d never waste an iPad on kid. Are you kidding me?

“Summer is magical, but in order to not be too disappointed when you get there, remember it’s conditionality.”

All that whining aside, I am a Cancer baby and I love summer. I love walking around the block at night, as the streetlights flick on and the dusk gives way to amber. I love not having to wear pants, like, ever. I love how the sun warms the grass throughout the day, and the air hums with cicadas in the afternoon. Summer is magical, but in order to not be too disappointed when you get there, remember it’s conditionality. And then throw yourself into it like you’re jumping naked into your neighbour’s pool. Byeeeee school! *splash*

16

A

F ra c t ure d

Mosai c

P art

Four:

An Appeal to Kindness By: Aisha Ryan

Days after the pitch deadline for this struck this balance by — as cheesy as article was due, I frantically mesit sounds — imbuing every question saged my friends, asking them to with kindness. suggest potential topics for my writing. After consulting peers who were The idealist in me believes that there just as stumped as I was, one of my is very little wrong of which a person closest friends respondcan be culpable if their actions are ed with a number of accompanied by the best of inten“Have admirably welltions. Well, this thought process thought out sugmay just be the result of warmI ever been gestions. She foling temperatures, the greening unintentionally lowed these up by grass, or the therapeutic effect of asking a question lambasting Canadian society in racist?” of her own: “Have the last three articles in this series.

I ever been unintenAs a hijab-wearing woman, I too have tionally racist?” Given that reached a point of frustration whereshe was raised in Oakville, and as in I was unwilling to discuss my reliwhite as they come, I would not have gion any further as a culmination of faulted her if she had unknowingly a succession of ignorant questions. said something offensive. Happily, Must it really fall on me to defend and to my slight surprise, I told her myself to individuals who could not that she was one of a small number be bothered to inform themselves of people who has never come close of the most basic facts first? Never, to encroaching on offensive territhough, have I been unwilling to tory. Given that we have had many, speak to someone who has many conversations on a variety of approached a convercontroversial topics — topics that, in sation with an open past experience, bring out the worst mind, a smile, and in people — I reflected on how this my best interests at could be. heart.

If most of my friends or acquaintances were to ask me this question, I would come to the same conclusion, but for vastly different reasons.

In most cases people avoid being offensive by aggressively avoiding a laundry list of potentially touchy topics, and this friend far from fits that model. She is straightforward, cuts to the chase, and asks questions not only without malice, but also without any attempt to tiptoe around what lays at the core of her curiosity. Following introspection, she has

amongst these interactions was the true desire of the individual to learn, and the absence of any desire to cling onto negative preconceived notions of the topic at hand.

Nowhere was there the intention to make me feel less, different, or estranged. With open eyes and a welcoming mind, the ideal exchange of ideas has been possible.

As we near the end of this tumultuous, yet also exciting academic year, I would like to encourage everyone to be like my friend, the man on the bus, and M. Tremblay. Do not shy away from those who bring something new into your life. Do not let a fear of causing offense hinder you from learning about those around you. You may not be perfectly versed in the intricacies of every nation, religion, or race that exists in the cultural mosaic that makes up Canada. No one expects you to be! While an expectation of expertise does not exist, though, what does exist is a hope.

A hope that when you come across a lived reality that differs from your own, you will take the time to delve into its intricacies with the individual that embodies this different way of life instead of basing your opinion off of the perceptions of others.

“Do not shy away from those who bring something new into your life.”

Some interactions have included sheepish questions from friends who feel a slight guilt for not being as educated as they could be. Then, there were questions about a woman’s role in Islam from a young father on a city bus in Ottawa. I also had long chats with M. Tremblay, my cherished homeroom teacher in fourth and fifth grade who had little exposure to Muslims while growing up in small-town Quebec. A commonality

Happy summer and many smiles, Aisha

Ceiling Stains and Meditations By: Madeline Keizer | Illustrated By: Clare O’Brien

The room smelled of stale Oreos and disappointment. It was uncomfortably warm, and the air was musty. In the centre of the room was a fuzzy rug which hadn’t been cleaned since September 1st. Above the rickety, half broken, and oddly small wooden desk, light up letters ironically spelling the words “joy” and “love” sat mounted on the wall, flickering on and off. In rhythm with the sighs of the resident Trinity College student, the radiator made loud, strained noises as it fought against its old age. To put it plainly, the room was a mess, just like her.

she found herself in ended, she would only be waiting in anticipation for the next beginning — and beginnings were always hard, so that made endings even harder. She further rationalized that one can only come to appreciate beginnings in retrospect. But she was forgetting a key part of this causal relation. The middle! A finger shot up in the air, as though she’d shouted, “eureka!” What an intelligent, Trin-worthy person she was. For a moment, she envisioned herself sitting at the next high table, astounding professors with her revolutionary logic.

She lay face up on her bed, staring at the grey ceiling tiles, attempting to stay as still as possible for fear that if she were to move, her mattress would produce the disturbing crunching noise that she had grown accustomed to. As she allowed her thoughts to spiral into an existential crisis and out of midterm stress, Delilah noticed a ceiling stain in the corner of her eye.

The problem was that she realized middles were mostly hard too.

After all, they were the struggle to get to the end. Dissatisfied with the path her thought process had taken, she slumped back down, and began staring at the ceiling again. But not all middles suck, she thought. Sometimes the hype’s not about the end, it’s about the middle. Just like when she’d gone to away camp as a child. She wasn’t waiting for the day she went home, she was always preoccupied with just being there with her friends. Delilah couldn’t help thinking that maybe, Trinity was a bit like summer camp.

Maybe it was the thing in the middle that she cared about more than the eventual end. The trouble was, she realized, that when you find the joy in the middle, the event always goes by a little bit faster than you wanted it to. Before you know it you’ll be at the end. But could the end also be a beginning? Her eyes fell on the stain again. Is this infinity an end to something, or a beginning?

She wondered. Could it be the beginning of my epiphany, and my journey to writing one of the best self-help books of all time?

She couldn’t decide. Instead, she concluded that she was hungry.

It was no ordinary stain. Its existence was perplexing and discomforting, and it somewhat resembled the sign for infinity. As she pushed aside the memories of math that it conjured, she laughed, which sounded like a strained wheeze. How odd, she thought.

Maybe it’s God trying to tell me something. Trying to tell me that realistically, my inability to ever know what the heck is going on, or what I should do with my life, is infinite. She laughed again, louder this time. Then, realizing she’d hit a new low, Delilah sat up, coughing as though her lungs belonged to eighty-year-old lifelong smoker. With a groan, she leaned her broken body against the bedframe and let her wisdom marinate.

Infinity. The word reminded her of The Fault in Our Stars, and the days when the only thing she had to worry about was whether Ansel Elgort was going to be a suitable casting choice for Augustus Waters.

Her thoughts drifted to Hazel Grace’s monologue about how life was full of big and small infinities… bullshit, she thought. Everything has a clear beginning and an end. No use trying to be poetic about it. There was no denying that, over the course of the semester, pessimism had slowly wrapped itself around her brain.

Despite Delilah’s conviction that Hazel Grace was wrong, this conclusion ultimately made her sad.

There weren’t a bunch of infinities, there were a series of beginnings and endings. That meant that, although it would be a relief when the crappy mood

ALUMNI COLUMN:

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Law By: Maddy Torrie, 1T7

“So how is law school?” Many of you Salterrae readers have asked me this over the course of the year. My response to your question is usually “good,” or, if I’m not in the mood: “You know that scene in the Da Vinci code where the creepy monk dude is performing ceremonial self-flagellation? It’s something like that.”

It’s a harmless, but annoying question. “How are you doing, Maddy?” would be a good substitute. I imagine your curiosity stems from the fact that there are many of you interested in masochistic pursuits such as studying law, so I’m going to do my best to answer that question as honestly as I can. Like anything we learn in law school, it all depends.

When you start out at Trinity College, it is a common joke among upper years that all first years say that they want to specialise in international relations and go into law, but then they end up in Book and Media Studies. When you start law school there is a joke that all IL’s say “I want to go into international human rights law,” but then end up working on Bay Street.

However, as the summer went by, I felt an inkling of regret. I remembered the summer before I had started at Trinity. I had spent every waking minute poring over the Facebook group for advice, reading the student handbook cover to cover, and reading about the student blog. After all, I was about to travel across the country and live on my own for the first time, and there were more classes, clubs, and opportunities to choose from than I could ever imagine.

But last summer I looked at the start of the school year as I did about any other year of school. There was no choice in the courses I could take. I also was working as a research assistant on a history/international relations project I was passionate about. I couldn’t help but think to myself, should I be doing this instead?

School began with a two-week condensed course titled “Introduction to Legal Methods,” which was a lot of fun. We were “cold called,” so our name was drawn from a list and we had to be prepared to answer with some details about the case.

Not doing the readings was at the risk of your own embarrassment, but our discussions were philosophical and interesting, and I went into the term looking forward to learning more.

“I couldn’t help but think to myself, should I be doing this instead? ” I don’t think I bucked the trend by any fortitude on my part, but because of risk aversion and fear of change. When fourth year rolled around, the first semester went by far too fast to complete all the applications I wanted to do. I kept postponing my GRE, and by Christmas break I had already heard back from a couple of law schools. It happened that by the time I had accepted my offer to UofT, it was the path of least resistance, but was also a field I had imagined myself in for a long time.

However, the first couple weeks of the waning summer that made me feel like I was in for three years of theoretical class discussion (what truly is property?) were quickly shattered by professionalism training in late September. We were given a three-year timeline for all the major “On Campus Recruits,” or OCIs. We had barely cracked open Martin’s Annual Criminal Code when we were forced to confront that in less than ten months, we would be applying to summer jobs which could determine where we articled, and at least the first couple years of our careers. I left the session feeling confused and overwhelmed, and while I enjoyed studying law, I questioned whether I was ready to be spring boarded into a career.

Another thing we were repeatedly warned about was mental health, and the competitive environment of the law school. I

brushed off these concerns. “Pfft,” I thought, “I went to Trinity College, there is no way these people can be more competitive than the nerds there.” But in undergrad, you can escape from your peers. You can take different classes, find avenues to pursue different interests, and come back to Strachan Hall where you are appreciated just as much for your differences as for your similarities.

In law school, the grading system pits you against your new classmates in a way which can be toxic. At UofT Law, grades are assigned on a pass/fail basis, with a select percentage of the class getting Honour (H) or High Honours grade (HH).

And while we were repeatedly assured that a P (or pass) was a good grade, that was no reassurance to the student I heard crying in the washroom after receiving a P on our first Legal Research and Writing assignment.

I would compare law school to a marathon and undergrad to a series of short sprints. In undergrad, at least for my degree, which wasn’t exam intensive, I spent most of my time writing papers. It was exhausting, required Tim Hortons fuelled all-nighters in the JCR, and was stressful. However, there wasn’t “pressure” the same way there is before writing a law school exam.

the defence of necessity in criminal law, everything clicked together for me in a way that is truly satisfying, and I felt high on life after I aced my professor’s rigorous questioning while “on-call” in class. I also have found time to deal with stress by running again, which is something I haven’t had time for since high school. Finally, I was lucky enough to find a summer job at The Hague this summer. That opportunity would have been inaccessible to me if it wasn’t for UofT Law’s generous funding through their International Human Rights Program.

There have also been funny moments as well. Since I have started law school, a dental hygienist described in detail every

“It is not just what you study that will change at law school, but how you learn.”

In law school, the exams for most of your core classes are worth 100% of your grade. They take a term’s worth of review and focus to prepare for, and weeks of effort to put the material together coherently. The process for studying for the first sets of exams was simultaneously exhilarating and challenging, but was also one of the first times in my life I dealt with true stress. I had been overworked and overwhelmed before, but you have to train for a law school exam, and the emotional and physical toll was totally unfamiliar to me.

There are moments that have made everything worth it.

Once, while I was in the elevator, some tenants were gathering to protest a rent increase to their apartments, and I referred them to UofT’s pro bono legal clinic. While I was studying

scene of The Paper Chase while she was scraping the plaque off my teeth. Other students mistook me for a “Tory” in the first couple of days, and I revealed, to their disappointment, that I couldn’t help them with my connections to Bay Street.

A spin instructor asked “jokingly” if I could defend her in a criminal court. An articling student I matched with on Tinder offered to send me his 1L maps.

There are good reasons to go to law school: You want to learn how to think, how our institutions work, about the mechanics of the law, how to advocate against injustices you see in society, and how to advocate for yourself. There are also bad reasons to go to law school: your parents told you to, you got a high LSAT score, you watched Suits, you watched Legally Blonde, or you took an arts degree and think that law is a safe career path (at the end of the day we will all be replaced by AI).

It is not just what you study that will change at law school, but how you learn. Ultimately, take some time to think about it; even if you have already accepted your offer you will have a summer to consider your choice carefully, and there is always the option to defer if you feel yourself getting cold feet. It is a big decision, and not just three more years of school. I think I would have benefited from some maturity and perspective when starting law school.

You may feel old and crotchety right now at the advanced age of 21, but I can assure you that once you step out into the “real world” you will feel really young. Many people at law school have other advanced degrees and have worked other jobs before starting, and there is no rush to race from one degree to the next. You still have most of your twenties ahead of you, so take your time.

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Strachan Hacks:

GREATEST HITS By: Angela Gu | Illustrated by: Ev Giles As the year draws to an end, so does my Strachan Hacks column. I came up with the idea for this column two years ago as a space to curate my creative/weird/interesting ideas, and as an excuse for me to spend an unreasonable amounts of time playing with my food to make outrageous concoctions. I’ve had my fun, and I hope you have as well — whether by reading my column, or by trying out my recipes. I really appreciate all the suggestions friends have given me for previous articles. Thanks to those of you who were willing to taste test my creations. This final column is a recap of Strachan Hacks, comprising some of my favourites. Enjoy!

Brownie Sundae

Piping hot brownie with cold cold ice cream.

No further explanation needed.

• Place a brownie (or three) onto a plate.

• Microwave it for 15s. If it’s not hot enough, repeat for another 15s. (Caution – do not burn yourself on hot brownie). Note: the microwave is found outside the exit of the servery, near the high table.

• Scoop your favourite ice cream on top, and add your favourite toppings.

Some Flavour Options:

Recommendation: If you’re allergic to hazelnut, omit Nutella and add some extra chocolate chips!

Ice Cream Float

(pretty self-explanatory, but just a reminder that this is a possibility) • Fill up your cup with your favourite soft drink (but not all the way, because it’ll overflow when the ice cream starts melting).

There’s root beer in Strachan, which I don’t like, but some people do.

• Add a scoop or two of ice cream.

a) All chocolate everything. Chocolate ice cream, Nutella, chocolate chips.

• Grab a spoon, a straw, and some napkins. Be prepared for a mess.

b) Nanaimo bar. Chocolate ice cream, a nanaimo bar, squiggles of Nutella, some chocolate chips, and shredded coconut (lots of it)!

• Make that mess, and take a photo of for your Snapchat or Instagram story, but please remember to clean up after.

c) I’m nuts. Are you nuts? Peanut butter right on top of the brownie for ultimate meltiness, chocolate or vanilla ice cream, Nutella, almond slices, sunflower seeds, walnuts, and, if any are available, the good crunchy Kashi cereal with the almond pieces. d) Rainbow! Vanilla ice cream topped with Fruit Loops and sprinkles. e) all of the above.

Affogato

• Scoop some ice cream into a bowl. This works pretty well with any flavour but strawberry.

• Dress up your ice cream if you want to - a few chocolate chips never hurt anyone.

• Fill a mug with coffee. It’s supposed to be done with espresso, but Strachan doesn’t do espresso. They really need to get on that.

• Grab a spoon. You’d be surprised at the number of times I’ve forgotten one.

• Go back to your table, pour your hot drink over the ice cream, and enjoy!

Strachan Sunset

This pretty drink has a gradient that almost looks like a sunset, and I really like alliterations, hence the name. I guess it’s just a bastardized Shirley Temple, but it’s fruity and fun, so why not?

• Fill a glass up with ice. This will keep the colours of the drink more distinct and prevent them from mixing into each other as you pour.

• Fill it up a third of the way with cranberry juice. Strachan doesn’t have grenadine, so this will have to do.

• Top with beans and cottage cheese from the salad bar.

Cottage cheese has lots of protein which will help keep you full. Say no to fake cheese. That’s the wrong kind of goop.

• Add salsa — so much flavour, and so much health! Tomatoes are good for you, right?

Be careful with the guacamole, that stuff can be addictive.

• Optional: If you’re craving more flavour, add some jalapenos and hot sauce. Olives can be fun too, with all of their healthy fats. Corn kernels add a bit of sweetness, as do fresh baby tomatoes.

• Crush a taco shell (or some nachos) and sprinkle on top for variation in texture. Ta-da! You now have a taco-flavoured salad!

• Fill up the second third with orange juice or grapefruit juice.

• Fill up the last third with 7Up. • Garnish with a lemon wedge, if available.

Avocado Toast

...Or at least the closest you’ll get to it.

• Toast some nice whole grain bread.

• Spread it with the guacamole-resembling stuff in the salad bar. If you’re really ambitious, bring your own avocado and mash it with a fork.

• Top with some spices and some freshly ground pepper.

• Sesame seeds are an unexpected but welcome addition.

• Take a photo for Instagram. #avocadotoast

Salsa Salad

Enjoy the taco taste while feeling virtuous, like you’re some kind of Gwyneth Paltrow goop-esque magician.

This can be made when there are tacos or nachos at the Showtime Station.

• Build your base with salad leaves. They’ve got lots of fiber and necessary vitamins — spinach is high in magnesium and will make you less sad (or at least combat the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder).

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A Front Lawn Feast By: Isaac Wright Illustrated by: Emma Harasalejko

Friends! Acquaintances! Sworn enemies! It is your friendly Male Martha Stewart of College here with a fun way to spend your last few days at Trinity in the utmost style.

If you follow these instructions incorrectly, you risk being egged by a student from a different college. If you follow them to a T, however, I am sure they will throw something much heavier.

• Steal some food: Now this is a time that calls for only the best shit. Yes, I am talking about Trin One Program Luncheons on Wednesdays.

Chartwells really digs deep on these

ì

• Get dressed up: I know that we normally like to dress up as Anglidays, and that is exactly when we will can priests, but none of that today. strike. Go for the little caprese salWear a suit or some shit. ads on sticks, the fish that is actually well cooked, and if you spot some — • Shout obscenities: Remember all FRUIT. of those cheers that the Dean’s Office told us not to do, which the UAAC • Acquire some decorations: This is promptly wrote down and spread to a far harder task as we need to imthe entire student body? Yes, those. press those from lesser institutions.

Shout them all, and shout them like For this, therefore, we should go to it’s 1963. the heart of wealth and flamboyance of Trinity College.

• Have Loud Intercourse: This will really get inside the heads of the St. • RAID THE PROVOST’S LODGE: Mike’s students who all are forced to It is the moment you have all been wear chastity belts. Remember, it’s waiting for. We get to raid the Pronot holy unless you scream WHO vost’s lodge. Walk right past the ARE WE while you do it. cellar full of finely aged mayonnaise

If you follow these instructions incorrectly, you risk being egged by a student from a different college.

I know this was a lewd article — I did it late and Anna was getting mad. This is what came out.

Xoxo

ì

It is important, just once in a while, to remind ourselves that we are innately better than the members of all other Colleges, professional faculties, and ESPECIALLY theology schools. In the spirit of this utter dominance, I present to you a feast of epic proportions in order to honestly convey to the plebs of other colleges just how far behind us they are.

— keep your eye on the prize — and go for the good shit in the living room. Despite being a residence, here you will find four Group of Seven Paintings hung proudly on the wall. Oh, and there is one on a table that is used as an ashtray.

That’s what happens when you’re worth under 50K.

Your Millennial Male Martha Stewart, Isaac B.

A Series of Un-four-tunate Events:

A Conclusion

By: Thomas Robson and Mary Debono | Illustrated By: Ev Giles The fictitious sexual exploits of EIGHT Year best friends, Mary and Thomas. Stories are sometimes from Tom, sometimes from Mary, and often exaggerated. Don’t forget kiddos, no matter what you’re doing, ASK FIRST. The server arrived with what I considered to be the most important part of the evening: a bowl of sorbet. I had not noticed how attractive the server was until now. Their blue eyes were like the depths of the ocean, with a glimmer like a setting sun, providing a spark that made me feel warm. I was thinking about those blue eyes as I tucked in to have my first taste of the lemon selection in the trio, but it never made it into my mouth. I watched in demoralising horror as my spoon dropped from my hand, bound for the carpet beneath our table. My eyes shifted from the catastrophe below me to my date. They had noticed. I tried a cute smile, unaware of my double chin, and started bending over to pick up what was left of my lemon sorbet. I was unaware that, simultaneously, my date was also reaching down to pick up my spoon. We knocked heads. I let out a yelp, sounding like my dog.

My date excused themselves to go to the bathroom. I guess they needed to splash water on their face. I took out my phone, desperate to share how well the date was going in my group chats. My friends provided excellent advice for what to do following the dinner. After sending the updates, naturally, I decided to stalk an ex on Instagram. I was bored, because my date was taking a while. I was four years back in their feed when the waiter startled me, and I accidentally liked an old photo. It was one of them from high school. I looked up at the cute waiter, wondering what they needed.

They had brought the cheque and the debit machine. I told them I was waiting for my date. Their response startled me.

“I saw your date leave ten minutes ago,” they said, pitifully.

I hurriedly paid for my meal and dashed out, embarrassed beyond belief.

I began wandering the streets of Toronto aimlessly. I had never been ditched before.

Both my confidence and my wallet were shaken. A familiar song was playing in a nearby bar. The lyrics to Elton John’s “Piano Man” got clearer as I approached. I had never identified with a song more. I shuffled in and sat at the bar,

deciding I was going to make love to my tonic and gin. It was a drink they called “loneliness,” and I was drinking it alone. A hand tapped me on my shoulder. It felt like death coming to get me. I turned around and choked on my drink.

It was the ex I was stalking on Instagram earlier. It was the first Tuesday of the month—I had unknowingly walked into The Madison Ave. Pub on its busiest day. I suddenly became aware that I was surrounded by many people I knew.

My ex greeted me and ordered me a drink, saying I looked sad.

I moved from the bar to their booth.

I was giggling at all of their jokes, trying to remember why I dumped them. This was turning out to be a pretty good rebound from my disastrous date earlier. I had never gone on a bad date with this one. They had always offered to pay, as well. I remembered that once, we had gone to Niagara Falls, and they had rented a room at a quaint B&B for us.

We went to the Casino and won $1800 from a slot machine.

It was truly a magical weekend. They started touching my hand, and I was immediately brought back from recollection into the present day. I wondered where the night was going.

As we walked down the pub’s stairs together, I remembered how we broke up, and it all made a lot more sense. They had dumped me, after cheating on me. That didn’t stop me, though. It was too late to change my mind. We were already on our way to Bagel House — an old tradition of ours was to carb-up before hook-ups.

As I sat in our Uber, on the way to a four cheese bagel with garlic cream cheese, I reflected on the past four years of my university love life.

These truly were an unfortunate four years of romance.

Author’s note: Thanks to Saad and Bailey for putting up with the tales we’ve written this year.

Bopping Around T.O.wn:

NATURE EDITION By: Allegra Wiesenfeld

My dudes. Spring has sprung, and it’s time to get out of the dorms and into the world. Let me guess, since the first time the temperature dropped into single digits, the only nature you’ve seen is the quad trees from the warm safety of your window. While winter makes it easy to hibernate at 6 Hoskin, when the sun shines, there is no excuse to avoid that Vitamin D. Fight the pastiness with some fun nature jaunts! There are so many possibilities: biking along the waterfront, taking a ferry to the (now not flooded) Islands, exploring the numerous Toronto beaches, snapping some pics of the Cherry Blossoms in High Park, and even indulging in some fragrant contraband in Trinity Bellwoods. The options are endless! If you’ve done all of these things, or are in the mood for some slightly more forest-y options, here’s a list. A LIST!

The Brickworks

A former brick factory, The Evergreen Brickworks are possibly the greatest escape one can get from urban life in downtown Toronto. Accessible by car, the Brickworks can also be reached on foot through forest pathways that have entrances in various residential neighborhoods around TO. These paths are an outdoorsy adventure of their own, and there’s always an abundance of doggos. The Brickworks are like this: imagine a quarry filled with trees and a pond at the bottom of it. Then, imagine the government pouring a shit ton of money into this quarry. Here, you can channel your inner Kim-Kardashian-On-A-Hike by climbing through the hilly paths, doing yoga in the sun by the water, or visiting the outdoor farmers market in the old factory shell.

Riverdale Farm

Chickens! Goats! Pigs! Cows! Horses! Animals galore! Stroll through this Cabbagetown gem and breathe in the smell of sweet, sweet manure. Riverdale farm is where every Toronto kid went on a school trip in their youth, and the memories are ones we deeply cherish. If you’re a country kid missing home, this is a small taste of agricultural heaven.

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Allen Gardens

The Allen Gardens Conservatory is one of those places that looks like it’s gonna break the bank with the entry fee, but guess what? Your cheap ass gets in for FREE. This is genuinely such a beautiful indoor oasis in Toronto, just google pics of it and you’ll be amazed. This beautiful glass greenhouse is the perfect spot for a prime tropical insta, so bring your Nikon and get snapping.

The Beltline

“What is The Beltline Trail?” you ask. It’s a walking rail trail that runs right through midtown Toronto. Think – forest pathway with glimpses of houses peeking through the folds of the leaves. The Beltline’s a great place to get your power walk on, as it’s a pretty flat 9k, and there’s no way you’re getting lost on this linear route. Branch off at different points to explore Forest Hill, Mount Pleasant Cemetery, and even the Brickworks from a secret entrance (follow the overgrown train tracks).

“When the sun shines there is no excuse to avoid that Vitamin D.” The Ravines

In my humble opinion, Toronto’s nature scene is really defined by its ravines. New York City may have Central Park, Ottawa may have their canal, but we have a complete second city underground. Called an “urban forest,” and a “forest playground,” the ravines are particularly appealing because they are largely untouched and undeveloped. While I used to use them as a shortcut on my walk to elementary school, the ravines are best for having adventures. Find an entrance, walk until you get tired or hungry, and then see where you emerge. You might find yourself in a completely different part of the city!

Sabryna’s Picks

IN THE CAGE: A Book Worth Remembering By: Sabryna Ekstein I first started reading In the Cage during a trip to Halifax during reading week. I read it in a library and on the waterfront. When I returned to Toronto, I kept it in my purse, reading it on the subway and whenever friends went to the bathroom while we were hanging out. Unfortunately, schoolwork snuck up on me, and I wasn’t able to finish the book, though I kept thinking about it. Months later I picked it up again, started from the beginning, and burned through it in 24 hours.

Kevin Hardcastle's In the Cage tells the story of ex-cage fighter Daniel as he struggles to balance work, his family, and his relationship with his problematic friend Clayton. I know little about cage fighting, but the story is written with such detail that the reader feels as if they are watching every movement. When I finished In the Cage, I felt gutted. In a little over 300 pages, I had managed to get attached to the characters, so much so that their downfalls were tough to read.

For me, the most heart-wrenching parts of the story are when Hardcastle describes the lives of the protagonist Daniel, his wife Sarah, and their twelve year old daughter Madelyn. While Daniel works construction jobs, Sarah supports their family by working at a nursing home. The jobs they work are tiresome, but they never stop putting their daughter first. The admiration Madelyn has for her dad shines brightly in the novel. She asks him questions about his fighting days, studies his actions intently, and picks a fight at school in an attempt to get her father to train her. The relationship between Sarah and Daniel

is one of mutual respect. Numerous times in the book, I expected the two to begin arguing, but they always managed to find a way to listen to each other. When Sarah gets into school, she worries about how their family will be able to afford it, but Daniel reassures her that he’ll do anything to make it possible. As a reader, you root for the family. You want them to come out victorious.

Unfortunately, the fourth and final section of the book puts their lives in jeopardy, and the content is hard to read without feeling a little winded.

Hardcastle is a UofT and Victoria College alumni.

If you check out his blog, you’ll come across a post from September that reads: “In the Cage has officially been published. A pretty good little Saturday.” This post contains pictures of him walking around Victoria College, seemingly looking back on memories from his undergrad.

He offers a brief shout-out to Trinity in the post as well, but I’ll let you take a look at it for yourself.

In the future, when I look back on my fourth and final year of university, In the Cage will most likely be one of the books that I associate with this time. While not on a single syllabus, In the Cage engaged me with its characters and storyline, making me look forward for Hardcastle’s next book.

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era

Trinity College Fashion Society:

end of an By: Billie Rose Owen

Okay Trin, listen up. You’ve heard it from the divas and the dames, the black-tie babes and the classy cocktailers, and it still breaks my fashionable heart to bid you all farewell. I’ll never forget that time Phil paraded his winter style hacks, and Aisha flaunted her Valentine’s Day finery…*sigh,* you’ve all grown so much. But hold your purses — I’m not quite finished yet. There remain a few fashionistas you’ve yet to hear from throughout the reign of the TCFS. Who’s that, you wonder? Well, pay close attention, model mentees, because this is the first and final inside scoop you’re receiving from the members of the TCFS themselves. You may not know us, but we’ve been running this beau monde since day one, and we’re about to bless you with a little fashion survival guide to keep you classy and sassy when we’re no longer around *tear.*

At this point, it’s no secret that Trinity’s aesthetics fall into two categories: formal finery and academic dress. I’ve always been a little sour that Blair Waldorf glamour hasn’t made the cut around here … but Gilmore Girls will do (and I love a good sweater vest). I must admit, you’ve all perfected the balance between elegance and ornate — Conversailles proved to be our most fitting theme yet. But when I reminisce on the daily ensembles sported around our college — well, let’s just say that right now, you’re the Laine and I’m the Rory. Thankfully, TCFS member Amanda La Mantia is here to teach you a thing or two about caj chic. Her point of advice? Blazers! And not the kind you just envisioned yourself buying at Zara (snore).

This time around, try trading in a basic cotton blazer for a textured one with a twist. Don’t get us wrong — basic blazers are cute. But nothing says power woman more than a modern touch on a timeless silhouette. Leather blazers can seem gutsy, but as Amanda demonstrates, it pays off to be a little daring. Still not feeling it? Start off with a leather jacket, and then slowly start imagining yourself ordering around your male colleagues as they bow down to your royalty. Trust me, it works.

And last but not least… here’s some advice from yours truly. Who am I? Well, that’s one secret I’ll never tell. But I’ve said this once, and I’ll say it again: with great beauty comes great responsibility. So listen closely when I say that anything goes when you pair it with unapologetic confidence. A poised and bold attitude will keep you feeling graceful no matter what you wear — and of course, a little salty too.

We can’t dismiss the importance of accessorizing, which can make or break the perfect outfit.

To get the inside scoop on this mastery we turn to Miss Portoraro, another esteemed member of the TCFS. Complimenting Amanda’s advice, Alexandra suggests playing up your garments to your heart’s desire, while always keeping the accessories traditional and classic. This is the trick to lift your outfit from a a simple ensemble to an aura. Feeling like timeless accessories are too thematic? Colour coding blends in the accessory enough to refrain from making a total statement, which we will accept for the time being. We know you have it in you!

Movies to Look Out For: Summer 18 By: Emily Larman

Summer Eighteen (I almost typed “Summer Sixteen,” and suddenly realized that nearly two years have passed since Drake released that) is the summer of sequels, because Hollywood has bled itself dry of innovation. Seriously, there are a few films to get excited for.

Consider these films as a way to pass the time over the four months we spend away from Trinity’s drama.

Solo: A Star Wars Story Release: May 25th

Starring Alden Ehrenreich as Han Solo and the multi-faceted Donald Glover (aka Childish Gambino) as Lando Calrissian, as well as Woody Harrelson and Emilia Clarke, Solo: A Star Wars Story is yet another edition to the recent Star Wars revival. Characterized as a space western, the film follows smuggler Han and his Wookie partner Chewbacca around on various adventures and encounters (such as with Lando), functioning as a prequel to the previous episodes.

Ocean’s Eight Release: June 8th

It is high-time for this gender-reversed addition to the Ocean’s Eleven series to be released. Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, and Anne Hathaway serve in place of the original trio of George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon. Also rounding out the cast includes Mindy Kaling, Sarah Paulson, Helena Bonham Carter, Rihanna and Awkwafina. The infamous group plan a heist of the highly-publicized Met Gala, which is fated to go awry in this anticipated regeneration.

Sicario 2: Soldado Release: June 29th

I almost walked out of the beginning of the first Sicario film, and surely did not expect there to be a sequel. Its graphic depictions of the FBI exposing Mexican drug cartels proved a fascinating concept, especially coupled with Jóhann Jóhannson’s flamenco-driven score, but the sequel has a lot to live up to. Often cited as a visionary, Sicario’s original director Denis Villeneueve will not be returning and neither will the enigmatic lead, Emily Blunt. Benicio del Toro, Josh Brolin, and Jeffrey Donovan return, however, in what will likely be an account of morally compromised government officials trying to fight for justice at the Mexican border.

The HustLe

Release: June 29th The Hustle is yet another female-centric remake of a classic film, in this case 1988’s Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

The comedy stars Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson and was originally entitled Nasty Women, as an homage to the coined political phrase we all know too well.

It deals with the lives of sophisticated con artists who go head to head, and little else is known about its release.

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again Release: July 20th

This film acts as both a prequel and sequel to the original film, Mamma Mia!, which was released ten years ago (which I am sure we all just remembered, and then suddenly appreciated that that was actually ten years ago). Amanda Seyfried returns, and Lily James poses as a young Meryl Streep, with Cher as Meryl’s mother. The film is sure to be filled with another ABBA-approved soundtrack that follows a young Donna on her romantic endeavors with Sophie’s potential fathers.

This soundtrack could also very well serve as the songs of the summer. I am not mad about it in the sightest.

Mission: Impossible – Fallout Release: July 27th

A 6th Mission: Impossible? Really? This series is almost getting as drawn out as Fast & Furious, but maybe Tom Cruise will prove that MI is worth continuing. Most of the cast is returning from Rogue Nation (MI5) including Simon Pegg, Rebecca Ferguson, Sean Harris, and Alec Baldwin. Henry Cavill and Angela Bassett join the cast when a mission goes bad, and Cruise’s Ethan Hunt’s loyalties are questioned by the CIA. Let’s be real, even Paul Thomas Anderson loves Mission: Impossible, so don’t deny that you are excited.

Crazy Rich Asians Release: August 17th

Based on Kevin Kwan’s 2013 novel of the same name, Crazy Rich Asians stars Constance Wu from Fresh Off the Boat, Henry Golding, and Michelle Yeoh. Entertainment Weekly describes the film as daring and dashing, and after the wildly successful release of the book and its sequel, it is a destined hit. Rachel, a college professor, is traveling to Singapore for a lavish wedding and to meet her boyfriend Henry’s family for the first time. The film tackles cultural clashes, but with comedic effect, and will likely appeal to a variety of audiences for its extravagant plotline.

TRUMPDATETM: #Time’sUp By: Annie MacKillican

Well, Trinity College, we have somehow survived a year of Donald Trump. Was it because we aren’t actually in the United States? Probably. Even so, I’m certain that I’m not alone in feeling somewhat discouraged because, let’s be honest, things are looking grim. What better way to feel less terrible about the state of the union than to poke some fun at America’s most parodied president?

Here goes nothing…

JANUARY Vice-President Mike Pence states that he has not and will not be reading Fire and Fury by Michael Wolff. Insiders speculate that the vice-president has chosen not to read the account as it would go against his political views, religion, and his reading level. Too many big words!

A district judge rules that DACA must remain in place while litigation takes place after President Trump’s decision to end the program. After the ruling, the President calls the American justice system “unfair and broken.” Finally, we are all on the same page!

FEBRUARY President Trump declassifies the Nunes memo against the advice of the entire planet. The memo states that the FBI may have had political motivations in seeking a warrant for the Trump campaign in October of 2016. Many saw this as a politically immature move coming from the world’s most mature political leader.

A number of Democrat senators and congressmen do not clap for President Trump’s State of the Union Address. The President calls them “un-American and treasonous” and calls for their removal from the government. Unfortunately, Donald, I don’t think the left-wing democrats will be the next impeachment in the House.

The government shut down. Again. This time, however, the president only waited approximately one round of golf to get it back up and running.

President Trump’s lawyer confirms that the President paid Stormy Daniels with his own money and was not reimbursed by the Trump Organization or by the Trump campaign. But he President Trump calls Haiti and African countries “shithole also denies that there was any affair and that money was paid to countries,” and says that the U.S. prefers immigrants from Nor- an adult film star and that there was signing of a non-disclosure way. Haiti and the entire African continent release a joint pro- agreement. posal to erase the US from the world map and replace it with an actual shithole. Norway laughs and rolls around in their free Vice-President Mike Pence calls President Trump, “the most pro-life president of all times.” I would more likely refer to Presuniversal healthcare and post-secondary education. ident Trump as the most pro-golf president of all times, above The President’s lawyer, Michael Cohen, pays Stormy Daniels all else. $130,000 to sign a non-disclosure agreement about an affair with the President in 2006, while also denying the affair in ques- When meeting with survivors of the Parkdale shooting, Prestion. When Daniels was asked about the affair in an interview ident Trump is photographed holding cue cards with talking with Jimmy Kimmel, she stated that she could not disclose the points including “What can we do to help you feel safe?” and “I existence of a non-disclosure agreement, as doing so would be hear you.” The fact that the leader of the free world needs to be in violation of her non-disclosure agreement. It’s complicated reminded to tell trauma victims that he hears them points to the crumbling of democracy in the United States. stuff, folks.

If I may, Trinity College, I would like to end the year on a somewhat serious note. In 2018, we have already seen countless men being held accountable for the abuse towards hundreds of women, men, and children. Actors, doctors, and politicians have all begun to fall. So I ask you this. How many more women need to step forward with allegations against the President of the United The one-year anniversary of the Trump Presidency on January States before someone holds him accountable? This just won’t 20th is celebrated appropriately with a government shutdown. fly anymore. I will be a happy girl if, come September, there is no longer a need for this column. Time’s up, President Trump.

Senior White House staff do not consider this as a bad sign.

President Trump attends the World Economic Forum in Swit- Adios, bad hombre. zerland. He is the first president since Bill Clinton to attend the forum in person. Unrelatedly, Bill Clinton was the last Until next time (or never), this has been a Trumpdate™. president to be impeached.

The President announces the winners of the Fake News Awards, which were created and voted on by him and him alone, despite the strong objection of every advisor in the White House.

Insultingly, this column was not recognized for the prestigious honour.

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Betches for Salterrae:

Graduation Checklist By : A & B | Illu strated by : Clare O'Br ien

Ugh, hi. I guess this is it, assholes. It’s the final stretch, the last rodeo, the curtain call... We’re peacing out, and we can honestly say we will not miss you. Soon, you’ll get a dose of being in Con Hall with a thousand other degenerates just looking to make it in this rough ‘n tough world. Enjoy the rest of your sweet time as young, insignificant specks of dust within the walls of this bitchfest arena. Not that you’ll be a “someone” when you leave this place, unless your wallet is thiccc (678-999-8212). Anyhow, here’s a pertinent checklist for our fellow graduates, and a premature and presumptuous one for the young'uns out there.

The kinds of people you will encounter at graduation: oThe one wearing sneakers (don’t freaking talk to me)

o(Hopefully) someone’s drunk parent to cause a scene

oThe one you were friends with, and then no more (#sad)

o(Hopefully) drunk us

oThe one we all thought wouldn’t make it

oThe one who will take ages to get up to the front after being called (HURRY UP THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF US)

oThe ones you know have accomplished a lot of shit, and you happen to be the one seated next to them (High Distinction, Distinction, and you are the Third Estate) oThe one whose diploma reveals that, no sir, you did not have a 4.0 GPA, but thank you for lying to me all these years and assuming that I gave a shit oThe one who makes a stupid face after receiving his degree

oThe one who is going to grad school at UofT, but is still crying oThe one who ugly cries oThe one who never accomplished their goal of “doing it” in the stacks at ‘Barts oThe one who’s done it everywhere

oThe one who cannot walk in heels

oThe one who says “Awh! I’m gonna miss you so much!” and doesn’t even know if you’re a scorpio or not

oThe person who begs to take group photos (still a better love story than the Welch Calendar)

oThe one who got all dolled up for this - hair, makeup nails, boobs - oops!

oThe one who will show up 45 minutes late from a hangover oThe one who will laugh too loud at the Provost’s jokes

oThe one(s) who’ll go backpacking through Europe/Asia to “find themselves.” You say hostel, I say syphilis!

oThe one trying to hide four different hickies (scarf in June? Who do you think you’re fooling?)

oThe one who says they are like, so happy to be free from such a toxic environment, but has lived on residence for four years

oThe one who won’t stop talking about their summer plans

oThe ones who will try to be the change they wish to see in the world and realize that direct democracy doesn’t exist

oThe third and second years who sit at the fourth-year table oMr. Episk oMrs. Opon

oThat one, overly keen Trin kid wearing his gown oThe loser who brought this checklist along

That’s all, folks. This is our swan song. Hold the applause, better people have congratulated us. Please do not contact us - consider us dead after this. We will not leave a forwarding address. We do not want to talk to you. This fling has been flung. It’s called a breakup because it can’t be fixed. Your lives are sad and ours are not, so don’t punish us for it.

Bisou, bisou!

Successful Woman A and Successful Woman B

ASKNEET

What is Wrong With People at Trinity College?

By: Avneet Sharma

I don’t want to do this anymore. Giving people advice is a dreadful business because, in doing so, you’re giving away a piece of yourself. Though I don’t mind giving away a piece of myself, I can’t help but wonder… if I give away every piece of myself, what do I have left for me? And then I realized that I’m empty, a person without substance. I no longer have goals nor do I have ambitions. In fact, this is the last edition of “AskNeet” you’ll ever see, for I am done with this chapter of my life.

Anna Trikas, if you’re reading this, here is my letter of resignation. As you are reading this, I have already dropped out of school, moved to a penthouse in the Upper East Side where I hang out with Old Money and am perpetually high on a combination of Adderall, Valium, and sparkling rosé. I’m smoking menthols and looking over Central Park, contemplating the phoniness of American society. The Cookie Monster was a symbol of gluttony known to virtually all our children, but we still haven’t quenched our own gluttony. If we can not achieve this, how are we to achieve anything? I don’t know.

Here is some advice for you, kiddos.

Dear Avnerd, Is it in bad taste to wear a fur coat around trin? I know that people have fur on their Canada Goose jackets and don’t get paint thrown on them, but I want to know what the line for bougie/extra-ness is here.

-Conflicted Fashionista Dear Conflicted Fashionista, If wearing fur is something that you want to do with conviction, you would do it whether or not you get paint thrown at you. One time, someone wore the equivalent of an entire polar bear to Quad Party. I think the worst that happened was that they got beer spilled on them, but that might have just happened because it was Quad Party.

PETA be damned.

-Avneet

Dear Avril Lavigne,

Dear soon-to-be unemployed homosexual,

I’m applying for summer jobs and I’m struggling to make my degree (double major in Gay Shit and eating bread) sound marketable to employers. I want to work at the Senate but there are currently no gay senators, nor are there any senators affiliated with the Wheat Farmers of Canada.

How can I get a job?

Stop being so passive. Stomp your way into the Office of the Senate (is that how politics work?) and yell, “CAN I SPEAK TO THE MANAGER?”

-A soon-to-be unemployed homosexual

-Avneet

And if they say no, just yell it even louder. Eventually you’ll come across someone who sees you for your fierceness and tenacity, and they’ll either: a) marry you; or b) give you a summer job. And honestly, whichever thing happens, at least you’ll be in a better place than before.

Dear Avenue Road,

Dear Avneet Shawarma,

I’m bad with money. Really bad. I blew through my OSAP money and my part-time job money. I am so broke, what do I do?

Although I am crazy ready for summer to come, I am also scared of having four months off. That means four months of not seeing all the new friends I’ve made and boys I’ve hooked up with. I guess I’m just worried that these relationships will change since we won’t see each other as often, and I’m seeking some upper year advice on how to handle these relationships over the summer.

-The Girl in the Green Scarf Dear The Girl in the Green Scarf, Managing money is a life skill and it’s one that’s new to many people when they get to university.

Truth be told, I didn’t have it completely figured out until this year. Life gets weird when you suddenly have financial responsibilities.

Keep a journal. Note your purchases and budget yourself for the weeks to come. Be honest with yourself - you’re not going to not spend money on going out and getting a drink with your friends.

You’re absolutely going to do that. Just go for the cider over the top-shelf content.

There isn’t a lot I can say. Last year, I had to blow my OSAP money on a new laptop because my old one broke and it sucks. You’ll get through it. If you find that you really need help and you have friends or relatives who can support you, even just a little bit, don’t be afraid to ask. The first step to overcoming an obstacle is asking for help.

-Avneet

Thanks for the advice (hopefully, as long as it doesn’t suck).

-BoiBlower4000 Dear BoiBlower4000, Don’t worry about the new friends you’ve made and the boys you’ve hooked up with. They’ll all still be here come September.

Except for the 1T8s but we’ll survive without them. I’m not going to lie, relationships will change since you won’t see each other as often, but you’re going to have so much time in the Fall to catch up and get back on track. Plus, you’ll quickly discover that there are some people you were only friends with because you saw each other every day, and those aren’t friendships that are going to last very long anyway.

Honestly, just enjoy your summer. A four month break from this place is a really good palate cleanser and can be really enjoyable after election season. Don’t sweat it.

-Avneet

Dear Avatar: The Last Airbender, I am currently struggling to maintain my friendship with someone who was once a close friend. This friend and I have a lot in common, but throughout our friendship I have realized that they are narcissistic and don’t seem to care about people other than themselves. They constantly want to talk about their own problems, but never ask about mine or even dismiss them when I bring them up. I know that other friends of ours have had similar experiences with this person. Recently this friend has stated that they “don’t need to change” because they “accept themself.” I’m completely in favour of self love, but how do I convince my friend that it is not mutually exclusive with self-improvement?

Dear Fed-Up Friend,

-Fed-Up Friend

I’m not going to lie, I’ve definitely been in your friend’s position before (except for the part where they “accept themself” because while this was going on, I definitely did not accept myself). Speaking from experience, it seems like your friend might be going through a lot and isn’t able to provide support. Some people are just awful at trying to support others. It’s like that scene from 30 Rock where Liz is crying over the toilet and Jack picks up a broom to rub on her shoulders while saying, “There, there.”

You know what GIF I’m talking about.

Maybe going to them with your problems isn’t the best idea currently, but if that’s a deal breaker for you, it’s totally understandable. This is one of those situations where I feel I can’t really suggest any specifics. Just understand that friendships aren’t necessarily transactional, but whatever you’re feeling is still valid. I don’t necessarily think this is the end of your friendship, but a place where you can reevaluate just how close you are with this person. I do hope your friend realizes that, no matter what’s going on, there’s always room for self-improvement and making a suggestion like this is not a scathing indictment of them as a person.

I’ve had friends who were much better at being second-tier friends rather than close, best friends. There’s nothing wrong with that.

-Avneet

Dear Avatar: The Legend of Korra, I’m a girl and recently started dating a girl in secret because I didn’t want to come out to my friends and roommates. I introduced her to them as my “new friend” but I think it kind of backfired because I don’t think they like her. Now I’m panicking about coming out AND about what they think of her. I know I should probably tell them but it seems like a lot of hassle for someone who isn’t even my girlfriend yet. It doesn’t seem worth it to come out if I could just get ghosted a week later. But I know it’ll get messier the longer I wait and keep lying. What should I do?

-Anonymous Dear Anonymous, Your coming out experience does not hinge on someone else being in the picture. It’s about you being open about yourself and giving your friends and roommates the privilege of knowing who you are. If they don’t accept it, then too bad for them.

You don’t need people in your life who are only going to get in the way.

I know that’s easier said than done but think of it this way: in my experience, no one I’ve ever known who has come out has regretted it. Even if things didn’t go perfectly, they didn’t regret it. It’s stressful and a little bit unfair, but the feeling of satisfaction you get when you’re on the other side of that bridge is amazing. Trust me. The only people who deserve your company are the ones who won’t judge you for something as minor as sexual orientation.

The only word of caution is that if you have reason to believe that your roommates are homophobic and may present a source of discomfort or danger to you, I would wait until your living situation changes. Otherwise, if they seem fine with non-majority sexualities in general, it shouldn’t be a problem.

-Avneet

Dear Avy the Vampire Slayer, Before I get downvoted, I am in Trin too...but a lot of my friends are in other colleges like UC, New, Innis, etc. I’m in a bunch of the college Facebook groups, and most of them seem pretty chill or just advertisements, except Trin for some reason has a weird obsession I feel with like, being gay (nothing wrong with it), sexuality, political correctness and so on.

Recently there was a post about having a screening of a drag queen pageant or something? Why? I also feel like the Trin social group just jerks each other off liking each others’ comments, because I feel when a random Trin member asks a question or makes a comment, nobody pays attention, but if one of the heads or social kids say something (not even funny or witty) they just circle jerk each other up.

Point is, what’s wrong with Trin? What’s with their weird obsession with being “different” from other uoft students who are just there for their degree? When do these kids have time to foam from the mouth about social justice and sexuality?

Don’t they have assignments and midterms?

-Someone Who Copied and Pasted This Onto the AskNeet Google Form Dear Someone Who Copied and Pasted This Onto the AskNeet Google Form, Who did this?

Dear Avneet, I love you.

-Alex Forgay Dear Alex Forgay, I know.

-Avneet

-Avneet

A Quick Guide to A

FulPhiling Summer By: Phil Schwarz

Illustrations by: Emma Hasaralejko

So you’ve decided to stay here because “Toronto’s the best in the summer!” If this is your first rodeo, saddle up. There’s nothing like summer in the city; someone in a rush next to someone looking pretty. But without much structure, the world seems to burn. Whether you’re in the mood for a scorcher or not, here are some rough guidelines so that you can maximize your summer mood and minimize your life dissolving into complete chaos.

1. First thing’s first: rally up your summer squad. Find out which of your friends are spending the summer in the city, and gang up for a wild ride.

2. If you don’t already have a bicycle, get one for the summer. Biking in the city is not as intimidating as it sounds. It’s great exercise, good for the environment, and excellent for circumventing sidewalk small-talk.

3. Find a recent tragedy in your life and use it as an excuse to buy your newest, hottest, summer accessory. Whether it’s those chic sunglasses you’ve been eyeing, or that cute bathing suit you’re totally going to use for all the times you plan on going to the islands this summer, just get ‘em. This summer is yours, so you might as well look good.

4. Now that you’re looking good and feeling gorgeous, it’s your time to explore the city! Maybe you’ve still only made it as far as Koreatown for hot pot, or Uber-ed to The Ossington that one time you decided to switch it up and go somewhere new. I’d tell you my favourite hidden gems, but this isn’t a blogTO article. Find you own damn patios!

5. Sunscreen is an essential tool in your arsenal against aging and melanoma. As much as you might have conditioned yourself to hate it, think of your future face and overall skin health.

6. Hydration is key and summers make Torontonians exceptionally thirsty. I find that something about the tall buildings and the heavy scent of gasoline in the air can really make certain folks seem much more appealing as potential sexual partners. Don’t forget to drink tons of water, be safe, and have Solange’s empowering ballads remind you to respect yourself.

Note: Wine and other forms of alcohol are not a substitute for nutrition. As fun of a time as it is to have a crisp Chablis coursing through your veins, it is still important to eat.

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Horoscopes Aries

Taurus

Activator Mars, your ruler, is in Sagittarius, igniting your ninth house of grand possibilities and expansion. This could mean that your month will be full of travel, entrepreneurial opportunities, and excitement. Wouldn’t that be nice? Lol, who are we kidding, Gossip Girl is back on Netflix. Buy a Costco sized bag of Cheetos and settle in for an extended hibernation.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Personally, I would recommend checking out the Colosseum and taking a tour of the Vatican. You can get flights starting at $749 round trip from Redtag.ca. Take advantage of this deal, flights are going quickly! By this, I mean that Mercury is in retrograde and no one you know will want to be around you, so please leave.

(March 21 - April 20)

Lucky numbers: 13, 14, 99 Most compatible dog breeds: Jack Russell Terrier, Schnauzer

Leo

(April 21 - May 20)

Lucky Numbers: 1, 10, 88 Most compatible dog breeds: Scottish Terrier, St. Bernard

Virgo

(July 21 - August 21)

(August 22 - September 22)

The sun is in your eighth house of intimacy, so you should probably bury yourself in King’s College Circle for the remainder of the school year, just to protect yourself. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. It’s not yours, but it’s still there. Don’t forget to call your mom!

Get in touch with your emotional side, Virgo. Specifically, listen to any playlist you made in 2009. This cruel world may not understand you, but the All American Rejects do. “Gives You Hell” still holds up. Try not to shop online this month.

If you do, someone will steal your credit card information.

Lucky numbers: 77, 14, 5 Most compatible dog breeds: Rottweiler, German Shepherd

Lucky numbers: 17, 23, 27 Most compatible dog breeds: Beagle, Bloodhound

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Just when things are getting you down in the dumps, you will find an extra spring roll in your Chinese takeout. However, the age of this springroll is unknown, so proceed with caution. Try something new this month, like yoga, or cannibalism. Keep life spicy!

Tomorrow will be a high of -3 degrees with a mix of sun and clouds. Sudden winds may pick up in afternoon. Temperatures will dip overnight, but a warm front will roll in starting Thursday, bringing warmer temperatures and a chance of meatballs.

You will experience this month the same way a middle-child experiences life: in the shadows of their siblings. Good luck!

(November 23 - December 20)

Lucky Numbers: 11, 16, 57 Most compatible dog breeds: Greyhound, Border Collie

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(December 21 - January 19)

Lucky numbers: 44, 72, 9 Most compatible dog breeds: Dalmatian, Boxer

Astrological Interpretations by

Kendra Dempsey

(Sage Astrologist & Canine Expert)

Gemini

Cancer

Believe in love at first sight. Don’t blink for the entire month, just in case you miss it. Your crush will be sure to notice the maniacal look on your face. Try not to let this affect your professional or academic endeavours — nobody cares that your eyes hurt.

The sun is shining over you Cancer, and it shows no signs of leaving you alone. You know what that means — time for a change! Switch majors. Actually, no. Drop out. Burn bridges.

Move to a different country. Go undercover and never speak to your loved ones again. It’s time to be the truest true you, Cancer. Get to it!

(May 21- June 20)

Lucky numbers: 65, 72, 79 Most compatible dog breeds: Labrador, Golden Retriever

Libra

(June 21 - July 20)

Lucky numbers: 92, 82, 34 Most compatible dog breeds: Pomeranian, Chihuahua

Scorpio

(September 23 - October 22)

(October 23 - November 22)

AVOID THE STRACHAN SMOOTHIE STATION.

Mars is racing through your second house of work, money, and security, so you know what that means! It’s finally time.

You saved up, you’ve done your research… it’s finally time to buy that goldfish. Don’t eat it, though. People will frown upon that.

Lucky numbers: 666 Most compatible dog breeds: Whippet, Irish Setter

Lucky numbers: 2, 6, 18 Most compatible dog breeds: Great Pyrenees, Portuguese Water Dog

Aquarius

Pisces

(January 20 - February 18)

(February 19 - March 20)

This year has been off to a whirlwind start for you, Aquarius, what with its eclipses and supermoons… Makes it a little hard to feel like the world is real. Squeeze some lime juice in your eyes just to feel alive again. Tell your middle school crush their hair looks sexy pushed back. You will regret these actions, but they will bring joy to those around you.

Well Pisces, the next few months will see both Jupiter in retrograde in your visionary ninth house of travel, risk-taking, entrepreneurship, and Mercury in retrograde! So basically, you could go on a fun vacation, go skydiving, and start a new job… however, this could all end with you stranded in a foreign land with no health insurance for your skydiving injuries, and your new job may actually be a part of the underground Jingle-Jangle drug trade.

Lucky numbers: 8, 92, 3 Most compatible dog breeds: Alaskan Malamute, Rhodesian Ridgeback

Lucky numbers: 25, 9, 6 Most compatible dog breeds: Papillon, Pug

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