October 2017

THE

SALTERRAE Fall 2017

THE SALTERRAE Autumn 2017 EDITOR IN CHIEF Anna Trikas

SENIOR DESIGN EDITOR/TREASURER Sydney Bradshaw

SENIOR COPY EDITOR Ethan Raymond

DESIGN EDITORS Mattea Powell, Susha Guan, Kira James

Columnists Con’t Mary Debono & Thomas Robson Allegra Wiesenfeld Alex Portoraro Emily Larman Angela Gu Annie MacKillican Madeline Keizer

COPY EDITORS Charlie Jupp-Adams, Julianne de Gara, Tiffany Leung CONTRIBUTORS Columnists Billie Rose Owen, Avneet Sharma, Isaac Wright, Arjun Gandhi, Sabryna Ekstein, Neve Klassen, Julianne de Gara, Sara Sgambelluri,

Staff Writers Phil Schwartz, Aisha Ryan, Alex McKeever, Kate Reeve Art & Photography Syndi Li Walton, Alex Portoraro, Sydney Bradshaw

From the Editors...

Members of College, Bet you thought you’d seen the last of us. We’re back, and here with more salt than your doctor would advise. Better safe than too salty, right? Wrong. It may have taken a while to get the ball rolling, but this issue will serve as a much needed “Trin-dex” of how to survive at this famed institution. With the 2T1s in mind, we’ve compiled articles detailing fashion do’s and don’ts, places to hit up for food/drinks around the college, ways to spice up your (Strachan) life, and even a checklist to see just how “Trin” you are. Although you’ve barely graduated high school, we’re sure that reading through this issue will leave you feeling as nostalgic for frosh week as we are.

For you Upper Years who already know (or think you know) everything about Trinity College, we hope you get a laugh out of the articles that bring back memories - whether it be through reading anecdotes from, “Phil of Advice,” (specifically #20 poor Phil!), or Avneet Sharma’s advice column, AskNeet.

We may not have had a chance to celebrate the start of a new year together at a Buttery party, but we can certainly reminisce on all the good times we’ve had here at Trin. So here’s to all of the great friends we’ve made, Strachan food we’ve snuck out, and jokes we’ve shared. Happy reading, friends. And don’t forget to submit anything you’d like to say in the Salterrae to salterrae.trinitycollege@gmail.com

Stay Salty,

Anna, Sydney, and Ethan

IN THIS ISSUE...

Ta b l e o f C o n t e n t s

4

That’s a Wrap!

Reflecting on Orientation Week’s Trinematic Adventure

By Neve Klassen

6

Party on the Grass

O-Week 2017 from a First Year’s Perspective

By Maddi Keizer

8

Legacy is in the Eye of the Beholder In Conversation with The Honourable Michael Holcombe Wilson

By Arjun Gandhi

12

A Fractured Mosiac

By Aisha Ryan

13

20

Late Night Bites

Guide to the City Volume 1

By Allegra Wiesenfeld

21

Where to Wet Your Whistle

By Alex McKeever

22

A Guide to Collegiate Fashion

By Billie Rose Owen

24

Film Review: Dunkirk

By Emily Larman

25

Sabryna’s Picks: Sweetbitter

By Sabryna Ekstein

26

Imposter Syndrome or the Sexism of Academia?

Phil of Advice

15

Askneet

By Alumni Robin Buller

Blurred Lines

A Look at Traditions at Trinity College

By Julianne de Gara

16

Recipes

Isaac’s Cookbook & Angela’s Strachan Hacks

By Isaac Wright & Angela Gu

18

So You Decided to Grow the Heck Up A Guide to Moving Off-Res

By Kate Reeve

19

Mary and Me:

A Serious of (Ms.) Fortunate Events

By Mary & Thom

By Phil Schwartz

28

By Avneet Sharma

30

Trumpdate

By Annie MacKillican

31

How to Be a Trin Betch

By A & B

32

Trin Goes Abroad

By Various Authors

34

Horoscopes

By Sarah Sgambelluri

3

That’s a Wrap!

Reflecting on Orientation Week’s Trinematic Adventure

By Neve Klassen | Photography by Syndi Li Walton

F

orget about TIFF, the silver screen event of September happened right here, in our very own four-sided backyard (although not on the grass). Starring the fresh-faced class of 2T1, and produced by some sensational co-chairs (Cindy Wu, Jing Wang and Mitch Nader), this year’s Frosh week was a Trinematic masterpiece. The events, beautifully scored by DJ Rogerson, were star-studded, featuring sightings ranging from the incoming heads team to Adam Hogan. Trinity was also introduced to some rising stars from the class of 2T1, eager to make their mark.

Cue the flashback sequence…

party, I’d still call it a success. No fire alarms were pulled at the very least, and we had far better pizza than usual. I also didn’t hear a single crack about how Moonlight was actually the theme of the party, which was a pleasant surprise.

Da Trinci Code A new addition to the Frosh Week itinerary this year, the Da Trinci Code frosh event is, on paper, a logistical nightmare. A Toronto wide scavenger hunt when most of the participants only moved to the city four days ago? However, it was organized and executed meticulously by members

Lights, Trin, Action The curtains rose on Frosh week to a chicken nugget-fueled dance party under the simulated stars. Meanwhile, the precarious rocking back and forth of the patio lights to the rhythm of the crowd added an element of excitement (because nothing’s more exciting than imminent collapse).

For a group of people that met literally twelve hours earlier, the 2T1s certainly knew how to party together. I felt like I had witnessed beautiful friendships first blossom from behind the DJ booth. We tried to make the attendees who were homesick for high school feel at ease with the water pong tables. This one was a double feature, as the party continued in Welch - every Hollywood party comes complete with a glamorous after-party.

Shout out to everyone for not turning the Hollywood sign into the Hollyweed sign! Also for not stealing the “D”! I am so glad that a contingency plan did not have to be put into action!

City of Stars Could we really have gone this whole week without a single red carpet? No! Because you’re all stars. City of Stars was a blockbuster movie premiere, and you all rose to the sartorial occasion. It was a party in the front (Cartwright Hall), and a low-key jazz bar in the back (Melinda Seamen). While the layout of this event was a bit convoluted and we got double booked with a frat

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of the Executive, setting a high bar for all further events to come. What’s more thrilling than running around Toronto landmarks with your new friends, completing zany challenges for the glory of your Frosh group? It’s just like the movie, minus the murder and heavy religious themes.

U of T Parade This was a roller coaster. The 2T1s were hopefully oblivious to this, but the sacred Bishop’s chair was discovered missing literally three hours before the parade was supposed to start. I half hoped it had been stolen and would make a dramatic reappearance in the crowd of St. Mike’s students, but it was probably just lost in the bowels of Trinity Proper.

Without the Bishop’s chair we lose that necessary height bump, and start to ask ourselves if size really does matter, which isn’t good for morale. The protagonists of our story

were some resourceful 2T0s who constructed a new chair in what felt like five minutes, a doomsday clock ticking down all the while. I look forward to the Lifetime movie about this caper. So, with the cleverest and most cutting of cheers in our back pockets, and red lipstick smeared illegibly on our faces, our small but merry band marched over to the stadium. The next obstacles were the UTSU reps, who repeatedly ran over to us with their arms waving, attempting to silence, or at least quiet our spirited cheers. Not even the threat of permanent parade eviction was able to put a dent in our collegiate pride, for better or worse. Once we left Varsity stadium and no one could control what we were saying or doing, we really hit our stride. Energy was high, the sun was shining, and we danced to, “Hey! Baby” more times than I can count. Which is pretty high.

Matriculation Seriously though, this is the star-studded event of the week. You may never see those prestigious alumni and their funny hats again, but we did get to bask in their intense academia for a beautiful moment and eat canapés along side them. Maybe you even got a business card or handshake from one of them. And in this town, it’s all about who you know. Hollywood that is, what did you think I was talking about?

Toga All rising action in the complex narrative that is Frosh week has been

leading towards the climax that is Toga. I’m a cinema major. If City of Stars was a romance, and the Da Trinci Code was a thriller, Toga is a music video with decent, yet campy artistic direction but no plot, just dancing. It’s a party so iconic that we didn’t even bother renaming it with something cinematic, because people would just call it Toga anyway. Thankfully, it did not get rained out, because holding Toga in Strachan is against everything Toga represents - to be one with the quad while wearing a bed sheet. The 2T1s showed up in style and en masse to an event I would equate cinematically to any of the musical numbers in Mamma Mia!

It goes without saying that the true objective of this week was to mention to as many people as possible that you’re actually going to law school when they ask what you’re majoring in. However, I hope everyone learned that the real networking opportunities were the friends we made along the way. Obviously, there were a lot of events hosted throughout the week that were not mentioned in this article, so thank you to the frosh executive team for hosting those! And if you missed any of the events, do not fear! We only have a handful of venue options here, and the same songs will be played at every single Trinity party in the future. TWe hope there will be many sequels for you to catch.

Thanks for an amazing Frosh week everyone, and welcome 2T1s!

Party on the Grass O-Week 2017 From a First Year’s Perspective

By Maddi Keizer | Photography by Syndi Li Walton My O-Week story started out a lot like Trin’s favorite dance anthem. I drove in, mesmerized by everything around me, plagued with butterflies, while listening to my favorite songs. Except, instead of glancing at palm trees and people touched by Hollywood glamour like Miley, I gazed up at the grandeur of the college’s castle-like exterior and out at the overly excited orientation leaders that slowly began to surround my car.

To be honest, that morning is a bit of a blue blur, but the one thing that stood out to me more than anything was the peculiar—and frankly perplexing—desire our O-Week leaders had to carry all of my things down the stairs and into Sub-Kirkwood (an often forgotten about area of St. Hilda’s that my dad has dubbed “Churchill’s Bunker 2.0”).

They even leapt at the chance to carry my mini fridge, which unfortunately for them, was a three-person job. In the midst of the smiles, enthusiasm, and chatter (my mom to some of the guys helping us, mouthing that they were “cute” behind their backs) I just sort of stood there cringing slightly, feeling bad for these leaders as they unloaded box after box.

this all the time—get on with it). Needless to say, I had expectations. In all honestly, some of them were not positive.

As much as I was excited to be a part of the college, I had a lingering fear that there would be a large population of pretentious and self-righteous assholes, who I might greet passively in the hallways or have the occasional intellectual discussion with, but would otherwise be in their own preppy, exclusive groups (as the internet describes these so called “Trin Kids”). Interestingly though, I’ve found everyone to be genuinely nice. Instead of finding a bunch of obnoxious people who look like rejects from a Ralph Lauren fragrance ad, I found the Rory Gilmores of UofT. The people who want to be here, who care about others, who are driven, and who are authentic. Perhaps this is less of an ode to Trinity, and more so to Gilmore Girls, one of my favourite shows.

What I’m trying to say here is congratulations. You guys don’t seem so bad.

At one point, I turned to my mom and asked, “Who would want to do this job?”

“They’re contributing to their college.

You’ll want to do it next year too,” she replied, being a former student at UofT. I certainly didn’t feel confident in that assertion quite yet, but one thing was for sure - if people were willing to put all of that effort in just for the good of their college, that college must be a pretty special place. By the end of my first day at Trinity’s Orientation Week, this assumption of mine would prove to be true.

Everyone knows that objectively, Trinity is the best college.

We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t acknowledge not only its long standing traditions and prestige, but also the reputation of its students (yes, we hear

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This wasn’t the only thing I learned about Trinity on my first day, however. Aside from discovering where all the common rooms are, becoming well versed in the lingo, and experiencing Strachan food for the first time, I also learned that despite outward friendliness, most upper-years secretly liked to revel in the situations us “freshies/froshies” find ourselves in. Most notably, events like “awkward lunch.”

Yup, that’s right, I saw you—smiling your little devious and unconcealed “that-was-me-last-year” smiles. I also noted all the lies you told. That’s right, there’s been some talk amongst us first years about the so-called Titanic chandelier in Strachan. It may have taken us a few weeks to figure it out, but we know now. For the record, I no longer trust any of you. Neither does anyone else. Hence the general disbelief in your flimsy “first-years off the grass rule.”

But aside from just getting to know Trin, I also learned more about myself. Now, to appease the list-loving people of the Lit, here’s one outlining the little self-discoveries I made throughout the rest of O-Week: 1. I’m too punctual for this place. I showed up forty-five minutes to an hour past the posted start times thinking I was getting to events fashionably late. Yet, we were always embarrassingly early. Of course, you know this is the case when you show up and the dance floor consists of just five frosh leaders frolicking around to Mr. Brightside, pretending it’s still 2004.

2. I hate Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl.” O-Week DJ, whoever you are, I’m sure you’re really nice and everything, but you’ve stolen any sort of enjoyment I found in that song by playing it over and over again. It drove me bananas. B-A-NA-N-A-S. 3. I am no longer afraid of wasps. I mean, I can’t really afford

to be, considering we seem to have an overpopulation problem in the quad and they—along with everyone else—had an intense obsession with the cookies at lunch.

4. I’m not into the frat parties. The floors were disturbingly sticky, the drinks were sketchy and had fragments of solo cups swishing around inside, everyone was sweating, people stood uncomfortably close to my face, and I got hit on with literally the worst pick-up line I’ve ever heard: “Are those glasses prescription or were you going for the hipster vibe?”

Never again.

5. I’m mean. To be fair, the leaders did tell us the other colleges were going to be equally as hostile during the cheers, but when it turned out we were the only ones being overly competitive… I still enjoyed it. Like a lot. Oops.

6. I’m not witty enough. People banter a lot at this college, and thus far I’ve sort of been able to keep up, but the Lit debate was a real eye-opener. Call me impressed.

In conclusion, I might not have what it takes to join the ranks of Canada’s oldest debating society, or dance to early 2000s music for multiple hours, but hopefully this article was somewhat entertaining—if not exceedingly complimentary. Can you tell I really want to write for a Trin-based publication? Anyways, on behalf of all first-years, thank you to everyone for a great first week at Trinity and for coping with the worst best year ever.

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LEGACY

he t f o e y E e h t IS in

r e d l o h e B

Honourable e Th h it w n io at rs e In conv e Wilson Michael Holcomb

By Arjun Gandhi

When he picked up the phone, I knew it was him immediately. It was the confidence in his voice, the lack of tremor. I was surprised at first by how ready he was for my call, but reflecting on it further, it started to make more sense. To be able to consistently fulfill as many commitments as Chancellor Wilson does, would require an unparalleled degree of organization.

The Honourable Michael Holcombe Wilson, a Trinity alum, has worked in the financial sectors of London, New York and Toronto. He’s served as a Member of Parliament and held three significant Cabinet positions in Ottawa before serving as Canada’s Ambassador to the United States in Washington DC. He’s negotiated trade deals that have transformed Canada’s economy, and modernized our tax structure. He has also served as the Chancellor for Trinity College. Today he is serving as the Chancellor for the University of Toronto, and is involved with countless volunteer organizations, his most notable contributions being in the field of mental health advocacy.

Throughout the hour-long conversation, Chancellor Wilson spoke succinctly and directly, as if his answers were already written down. I realized quickly that he had probably been interviewed hundreds of times, and by reporters far more intimidating than I. I couldn’t stump him if I tried.

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I did not know how to begin an interview with someone who had achieved so much. So I decided to start with something I was familiar with: Trinity.

Time at Trinity After completing high school at Upper Canada College in 1955, Michael Wilson began pursuing a Bachelor of Commerce as a Trinity College student. “Trinity was a very important part of my life,” he said fondly. “I enjoyed it. Though I didn’t live there, it was basically my home at the university.

Trinity was halfway between my classes on Bloor Street and at University College, so I spent a lot of time in the Buttery, in the library, and in the locker room.”

A highlight of his undergraduate career was competing in UofT’s annual intramural rugby tournament, and winning the Mulock Cup in 1957 with Trinity. Wilson was also a member of the Kappa Alpha Society, and reminisced about his time writing for the Salterrae. “A very good friend of mine, Mr. John Jennings [who would go on to become a judge in the Ontario Court of Justice and the Superior Court of Justice], was the editor, and I guess I was his go-to guy.

The Salterrae was a newspaper at the time, which we did a couple times a month. It was only three to four pages meant to help students catch up. We put a little humour into some of the events at the College.” I couldn’t help but smile with his compliment: “It’s a much more professional document that you’re putting out now.”

Growing Interest in International Affairs The IR Program at Trinity had not begun until long after Michael Wilson had graduated, and Wilson claims that the students of Trinity in the 1950s were not as focused on international affairs and politics as they are now. So I asked him what inspired the interest in international politics that shaped most of his career. His answer was simple: reading.

“I think one of the best things that I have done over the years is just continually reading about things that are happening, issues that are developing in other countries today. I find it fascinating to see the politics of the affected leadership in the United States, Brexit in the United Kingdom, the shifts we’re seeing in Europe, what’s going on in China, and now what’s going on in North Korea. It’s a very exciting, very interesting world out there, and the more you read about it, the more you understand what’s going on and the more questions you have about why things are going the way they are.”

Wilson encourages students that are interested in pursuing a career in international relations to read as much as possible.

His second suggestion is looking out of the country for a job. “Canada looks different from outside than it does from within. And you find out what’s going on in these countries far more deeply by living there than by watching the televi-

sion and seeing the stories,” Wilson explains.

As his graduation approached in 1959, Michael Wilson grew increasingly interested in London, England. “I had read about London, and I had been talking to friends who spent summers travelling around Europe. I wanted to go and live there for a while to get a real understanding of Europe, and in particular England, and London. That was the financial centre, and I had my eye on the financial business. When I got the opportunity to work in London, I thought of it as my postgraduate training. I didn’t take a degree, but I could learn an awful lot over there.”

“Shortly after my last exam, I got on the Hail Homeric and sailed to London. I worked there for about a year-and-a-half in a merchant bank. This really was transformational for me and my thinking. I had been exposed to the financial business a little bit through summer jobs in the Toronto financial market. But the breadth and depth of the markets in London demonstrated to me that there’s a huge international market out there that I hadn’t been exposed to at all. That was a very important part of my career development.”

London also enhanced Michael Wilson’s political aspirations. “I lived in a place called London House alongside many international students embedded in the London School of Economics. This was at a time when a number of British colonies were seeking and attaining their independence. What I heard there was not what I heard around the table at Trinity. Being in the UK, I felt a part of it all rather than just watching what was going on in other countries.”

“I then worked for six months in New York, and that reinforced what I learned in London. The result is that in all of my business life or in my political life, I have always had an international orientation.”

Entering the Public Sector After his time abroad, Michael Wilson returned to Toronto and was a Bay Street investment executive for most of the 1970s. He decided to run for elected office in the 1979 general election.

“I disagreed with a number of policies of the Trudeau government, particularly the fiscal policy which I thought was too loose,” he said. “The foreign investment policy discouraged investment from outside of Canada which would have been very important to us as a country. I thought we needed a change. We had Liberal governments for a very long, for sixteen years. I just thought the country needed a Conservative government to change the tone of the government.

The opportunity came in 1979, as the Trudeau government started to get tired and the people were looking for a change. I thought this was time that I

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should try and be a part of that change.” ful and make sure the Americans understand the benefits of the agreement that The Progressive Conservative party, of both of our countries have enjoyed.” which Michael Wilson was a part, won a minority government in 1979 under Joe Wilson reflects on how close the agreeClark’s leadership, and Wilson became ment was to not being signed in the first the Member of Parliament for Etobi- place. “On the last night of the deadline coke Centre, an office he would go on to get the agreement concluded, Octoto hold for fourteen years. Though the ber 3rd, 1987, we reached a deadlock on Tories lost power in 1980 due to a vote the last issue in the Free Trade Agreeof non-confidence, they would win the ment, the dispute settlement system. largest majority government in Canadi- I discussed it with the Prime Minister an history in 1984 with Brian Mulroney who agreed with our position and asked as their leader. Wilson was appointed me to tell the US Secretary of the TreaMulroney’s Minister of Finance and sury James Baker that we had to break served in that position from 1984 to the negotiations. Jim asked us to give 1991. His major achievements included it one more try and so we did. What I tax reform that broadened the tax base, didn’t realize, however, was that the lowered tax rates and removed many Prime Minister had already called Mr. special tax provisions.

Baker and said to him, ‘Jim, if we can’t get a deal here, how are you going to exWhile Minister of Finance, Wilson also plain to the American people that you helped negotiate the Canada–US Free can make a nuclear arms deal with your Trade Agreement in 1987. He recalls worst enemy, the Russians, but you can’t that Canadians were largely divided on get a trade deal with your best friends, the issue of free trade at the time. “Peo- Canada?’ And that phone call allowed ple saw this was a way that the Ameri- us to get the negotiations done in time, cans would take advantage of us. They twenty minutes to midnight, with the saw this as a way for the Americans to dispute settlement system resolved in undermine our social policies like old a way that we could accept. And I tell age security and our health care system. you this story that we came that close to People would say to me that you’re giv- stopping the negotiation, because that ing the country away, you’re giving the is one of the items that the Americans Americans control over what do in this have put on their list of things they want country. And no matter what I said to changed in the current renegotiations. It people about what we had in mind they was absolutely critical back them and it were convinced that this was going to happen. Luckily I think those people “You find out what’s were proven wrong. The fact that today we have a Liberal government seeking going on in these counin a positive way to look for changes in tries far more deeply NAFTA and a Conservative party that is basically supportive of free trade shows by living there than by that there has been quite a change in the public debate.” watching the television

International Trade. In the latter role, he negotiated the North American Free Trade Agreement and represented Canada at the G7, IMF, World Bank, OECD, GATT, among other international organizations.

Return to Trinity Choosing not to seek re-election in 1993, Michael Wilson returned to Bay Street and started his own consulting and financial services firm. He later joined the Royal Bank of Canada, at first being responsible for RBC Financial Group’s Institutional Asset Management business and later serving as Vice-Chairman of RBC Dominion Securities. In the early 2000s, he also served as Chairman of UBS Canada.

In 2003, when asked if he would be interested in taking on the role of Chancellor of Trinity College, Michael Wilson accepted. “What better way of giving back in return for the amazing things that Trinity gave to me,” Wilson said. In this largely ceremonial role, Wilson was responsible for representing Trinity as the senior-most individual in the College’s hierarchy, hosting distinguished guests of the College and presiding over Matriculations, Convocations, and certain public meetings including those of the Corporation. Mr. Wilson would also meet regularly with then-Provost Margaret MacMillan and various committees to provide guidance or options on how to deal with issues affecting the College.

When asked how Trinity has changed since he studied there, Michael Wilson responded, “I don’t know if it’s different in terms of the atmosphere. It seems like the traditional Trinity that I knew. My sense is that people are smarter, more and seeing the stories.” serious, more committed and more forward-thinking in terms of their views of is still absolutely critical for us to get re- the world around them and the career solved in a satisfactory way.” direction they want to take.”

That 1987 agreement was “absolutely transformational in the success of our economy in the last 30 years,” according to Wilson, and he is disappointed that “we are again in a tricky period of relaCanada’s Ambassador to the tionships between the United From 1991 to 1993, Wilson served as United States States and Canada on the trade the Minister of Industry, Science and issue. We have to be very care- Technology, as well as the Minister of After completing his three-year term

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as Trinity’s Chancellor, Michael Wilson returned to public life in 2006 when Stephen Harper appointed him as Canada’s Ambassador to the United States. Serving in this position until 2009, Wilson noted “it was quite an interesting time,” particularly because he served as the Ambassador under two US Presidents.

Wilson played an integral role in maintaining the strong, positive relationship between the US and Canada when they were working together in Afghanistan and when they were implementing security and border management policies in the aftermath of 9/11. He also negotiated the softwood lumber agreement and liaised with Ottawa daily during the financial crisis in the fall of 2008 to ensure Canada avoided the same meltdown as America.

chiatry, which has become the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH).

At the time, the fundraising efforts over there were primitive, but over time they have done some great work. One of our fundraising campaigns involved us posting pictures of recognizable people who had spoken out about their mental illness. That gave a signal to people with mental illness that, ‘if it’s okay for them to talk, maybe it’s time for me to talk.’”

“...if it’s okay for them to talk, maybe it’s time for me to talk.’”

ships, the Loran Scholars Foundation, and the Canadian Coalition for Good Governance. Today, on top of his work as Chancellor of the University and his involvement with mental health advocacy groups, he continues to be a member of the Trilateral Commission, the Honorary Chair of Brain Canada, and the Chair of the Governing Council for the Canadian Institutes of Health Research.

When asked why he continues to do so much, he said, “These are areas that I’m interested in. Most of these are areas where I think I can make a contribution.

And I think they are important organizations or institutions that should be supported. I grew up in a family where my parents were strong believers in the importance of volunteer support. I guess overall life has been good to me and this is a way I can give back.”

Wilson’s commitment to this field was reinforced in a significant way in 1995, when he and his wife lost their son to a suicide because of his own mental illMental Health Advocacy ness. In 2015, he was appointed Chair of When asked what the legacy of his long the Mental Health Commission of Canand illustrious career would be, Michael ada, and he continues to be part of the For his contributions to the nation, Wilson responded, “Legacy is usually Foundation Board of CAMH. Wilson was appointed an Officer of the in the eye of the beholder, so I will just Order of Canada in 2003 and was prorepeat what some people have told me. Michael Wilson has also brought his moted to Companion of the Order of They say that what I have done in the advocacy of mental health issues to his Canada in 2010. field of mental health and mental illness role as the Chancellor of the University is more important than anything that I of Toronto, a position he has held since And yes, shockingly enough, Michael have done in public life, in government, 2012. He has found that students in uni- Wilson told me that he does manage to or in the business community.” versity today are much more prone to find time away from all of his committalking about their problems than they ments for himself. “In my spare time, I Wilson noted that the discussion of once were. “Things have changed a lot, golf, I ski, I heli-ski, and from time to mental health has only hit the main- which is a good sign, but that doesn’t time I will go salmon fishing. I have a stream media recently, but he became mean we don’t have a ways to go. There great family so we have a lot of fun familiar with the topic early on in his are still people who are reluctant to talk spending time together.” He is married career, as he spoke to many people in and worry that if they do talk, it’ll af- to Margie Wilson, and they have two his constituency who were dealing with fect their friendships, it’ll affect their children and five grandchildren. tragic personal events. “Before I got into job prospects. And that’s the challenge politics, I was President of the Cancer we’re facing now.” In particular, Michael Society in Metropolitan Toronto, and Wilson mentioned that, at the university I knew that over the course of the year level, “We shouldn’t forget faculty mem45,000 people in Ontario would volun- bers. Faculty members are under a lot of teer for the Canadian Cancer Society. pressure themselves, and some of them Around the time I was leaving politics, are suffering from mental illness.”

I still didn’t know one person who had Current Projects any involvement with mental health as a volunteer, so I decided that rather than Over the last twenty years, Wilson has go back to work with the Cancer Society, been active in many organizations bewhich had all sorts of volunteer support, yond those that have already been I should get involved with something mentioned, including the NeuroScithat had almost no volunteer support. I ence Canada Partnership, the Canadistarted with the Clark Institute of Psy- an Council for Public-Private Partner-

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A Fractured Mosaic

By Aisha Ryan

Prejudice in Canada is often hidden. While occasionally

loud and proud, as exemplified by the disgusting verbal attack towards Jagmeet Singh, it is more often a snide remark, a turn of a shoulder, or a pointed comment. Canadian public figures and media juxtapose our society, political leadership, and immigration policies with those of our neighbours down South. They use these as supposedly infallible proof of our moral superiority; Canada the true North, the strong, the free, and the epitome of everything good. As a hijab-wearing Canadian Muslim, my life is a reminder that this is not always true.

Everything has a silver lining, however, and bigoted comments towards Muslims are no exception. Rather than allowing Islamophobia to fester and grow, negative interactions become beacons of opportunity to identify people that hold opinions I may be able to change. At the very least, they offer an opportunity to present these individuals with a Muslim that does not reflect the negative preconceptions that they may have: close-minded, chauvinistic, or the stereotypical worst case — a terrorist. Unfortunately, one hardlearned lesson is that education can only mitigate prejudice if the person that I am speaking to has decided to actively listen.

One of the most unnerving experiences I have had while discussing Islamist extremism was in middle school, in a karate class. I was paired up with a new student several years younger than me to teach her punches, and Malala Yousafzai had been shot a few days ago. We introduced ourselves, she asked about my dupatta, we made small talk, and with each punch she made further inquiries about my religious, cultural, and ethnic background. I was happy and impressed — the depth of her interest was something that I had not yet encountered in an elementary school student.

I stopped punching when she asked me if I supported the shooting of Malala.

Her question was shocking and horrific, and I explained that I would never do such a thing and that killing is not permitted in Islam. I explained that my family was Ahmadi Muslim, arguably the most persecuted demographic in Pakistan, and as someone that has lost family members to terrorist attacks and targeted killings from terrorists, I would never support this action. I ex-

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plained that when Malala Yousufzai was shot, I felt more scared and unsettled than I had ever felt from any other news story; this was a girl the same age as me, the same religion as me, with the same ethnic roots and the same love for education, and people were trying to kill her. The girl with whom I was practicing punches asked me again if I was sure I didn’t support the shooting, and when I reiterated my moral, religious, and every other sort of opposition to murder, she asked me one more time if I was glad that Malala Yousufzai had been shot.

Children are lauded for their propensity to say what is on their mind without any sort of veneer. When I recovered from the shock of the interaction, I was confused that such a young girl was convinced Islam equated to supporting killings and efforts to stop girls from receiving education.

Upon reflection, this conversation is even sadder. It signifies that some Canadians hold such a strong, negative belief about Muslims that they teach their young that Islam strips the good from people until they lose all humanity and are comfortable with the idea of taking someone else’s life.

It was years before another conversation got as deep under my skin as this. Canadians are many things, but impolite is not one of them, particularly with contemporary efforts to be politically correct — or in other words, respectful of one another. This push for politeness is appreciated by many, but in order to truly mitigate and mend recent rises in Islamophobia and other forms of bigotry, we need to strive for more than respect; we need to move towards understanding by education. Instead of individual people respecting my right to worship as I please, but secretly having doubts about Islam and feminism, education, and terrorism, it is my hope that more people will educate themselves by approaching me and other Muslims open to discussion. A respectful and informed society means that minorities won’t have to advocate against intolerance alone. Despite my rockier attempts to represent the true meaning of my faith, I continue to believe that education breeds inclusion, and that Canada has the capacity to be the wonderfully pluralistic society it claims to be today.

I hope that other members of the Trinity community will join me in making our college an inclusive space where we can all learn and grow without fear or prejudice.

Alumni Column:

IMPOSTER SYNDROME OR THE SEXISM OFACADEMIA?

By Robin Buller

Deciding on an Alumni Column topic was more dif-

ficult than I had expected. Numerous lousy “wisdom” ideas came to mind, each douchier and more mom-like than the next: “Explore Toronto beyond the Annex!

Order used textbooks from Amazon! Actually attend class in your second, third, and fourth years!”

Moronic.

As I ventured deeper into my self-deprecating brain, I became increasingly doubtful that I had any valuable insights to share at all. What have I experienced, really?

Two and a half decades of school? The joys of a graduate student stipend? The magic that is getting pimples and wrinkles at the same time?

The sad truth of it is that with each passing year, I find myself growing less and less sure of the validity of my opinions. I’ll admit it: I felt way more sure of myself at sixteen. Hell, I felt more sure of myself at five.

Here in the ivory dungeon of graduate school, people often reference “imposter syndrome” as a rite of passage. “Everyone feels like they know nothing,” they’ll say. “No one has a clue what they’re doing!” And it’s true. I have felt more like a fraud with every milestone that I’ve passed here in GradLand. I had no businesses defending a thesis or publishing a paper, let alone shaping young minds in the classroom!

Imposter syndrome is real. But you know what makes it more real? Being a woman. Indeed, it has become increasingly apparent to me that women are still, today, treated as impostors in academia.

And for good reason! For one thing, we’re too reactionary. I was reminded of this by an older male committee member last spring when he told me not get too upset

when I responded to one of his questions by assertively defending my point. The event was called a “defense,” but still. Silly me.

Women are also too feminine for academia. Dresses and heels, I have been told, just aren’t respected in lecture halls, and so should be avoided. Wear blazers with shoulder pads – trick them into thinking you’re not a woman, after all!

Of course, women are also not feminine enough. One of my students last semester was kind enough to point this out to me when, after having seen an old photo of me on the department website, commented that I shouldn’t have cut my hair short. Imagine if I hadn’t known!

Also, women can’t be respected as authority figures.

They’re just too much fun to poke fun at. Once, a student who refused to remove his MAGA hat in tutorials thought it would be endearing for him to call me “Scherbatsky” all semester (you know, because I’m Canadian and my name is Robin). And boy, was it! That joke was such a tickler – it never got old!

Lastly, women aren’t supposed to know about manthings, like battles and bloodshed and the like. One of my colleagues, a female military historian, was reprimanded for thinking that she could be an authority on wars. Adorable.

Fearing that this column will read as a passive-aggressive feminist rant (although, if it comes off that way, I’m not really that sorry), I will put the joking aside.

Because the fact is that the academic world remains, in many ways, unfriendly to women, and it isn’t unique to graduate programs. I have noticed it in the undergraduate courses I have taught, as well.

First-year courses are typically filled with equal

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numbers of enthusiastic female and male students. Of course, there are always shy students, but for the most part, women and men alike are vocal and opinionated.

It is the bomb (do youths still say that?). Upper-year classes, however, have a different dynamic. Female students seem more likely to preface their comments with an apologetic statement. Male students interrupt their female colleagues more often. What is up with that?

Why does the intellectual gender balance seem to tip as students get older—and therefore, hopefully, more knowledgeable? To clarify, I in no way mean to place the blame for such a dynamic solely on students.

Why do instructors, whose job it is to facilitate fair and equitable discussions, let this happen? What kind of lessons are they actually teaching?

Maybe I am becoming more sensitive to these problems because I am growing crotchety and old. Or perhaps my sexism-dar is on full blast after the results of last year’s

“I have felt more like a fraud with every milestone that I’ve passed.” election (my university happens to be in the U.S. of A.).

OR MAYBE this whole paragraph is just me being apologetic and timid, myself! Because the reality is, sexism in academia has a long history, and that past remains deeply entrenched. One need only take a stroll through Strachan Hall or the Rhodes Room to see the image of the ideal academic that continues to be displayed and idealized on Trin’s hallowed walls.

So, what is the take-away of this long-winded piece by someone that no current Salterrae reader has ever heard of? I suppose it is a few things that you all know but that can never be overstated. Be perceptive. Men and women of college alike have the responsibility of being aware that academia’s past has created an uneven present. Be critical. Traditions are important, absolutely, but so is questioning them. Be vocal. We are all so fortunate to live in a country where we

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can be outspoken about things we don’t think are right – use that privilege!

Oh, and fuck that patriarchy.

Robin Buller is a PhD Candidate in History at UNC Chapel Hill.

Blurred Lines A Look at Traditions at Trinity College

By Julianne de Gara

By

At the fundamental root of this issue is our ever-changing social context. In 2017, there is growing recognition of what is and isn’t appropriate to do or say — something that I believe is changing our society for the most part, for the better. That being said, the traditions here at Trinity are of a different time.

They were created and celebrated in an entirely different context than the one in which we now exist; a context that was dominated by able-bodied, cisgendered, During my first week as Head of Arts, I caucasian men. Thank God that is no was asked a plethora of weird and won- longer the case. derful questions — my personal favourite being about wearing Burberry to the Some traditions at Trinity have already James Bond Society (please direct all been modified to better fit the present Bond related inquiries to Jason Patrick). time. For example, Saints and Conversat However, a lot of the questions were up- Kick-Off used to be called “Rush,” where setting and confusing to say the least, the attendees were separated by gender and then asked to literally chase down including: their prospective date. Yes, it sounds utterly ridiculous now, but just a couple of “Are they going to dump a bucket of years ago, it was apparently normal to blood and feces on us?” run after someone you liked and force them to go to a social event with you “Is it true that a Trinity student got (yes, I checked — if someone chased pushed down a hill during tradi- you down, you weren’t allowed to say no). Besides the obvious creepiness astions week and died?” sociated with this practice, it was also criticized for assuming the genders and “Did it hurt when they ripped your sexualities of students.

“traditions week,” or as it is more commonly known, “initiations week.” Even the reason the name was changed displays the controversial nature of the events, “initiation” implying that the events are mandatory, despite being optional.

Thankfully, “Rush” now titled “Ask,” has been modified to be accepting of all students while still keeping its original spirit. Honestly, most people don’t care about the tradition, but rather the fact that they get two parties instead of just one, which was preserved despite changing the original purpose of the event.

So, Trinity College, I can present to you no solution to this ever-growing problem — only my conviction that traditions are able to change and adapt to suit the needs of the context in which they are found. As this new class of first years makes the college their home, we have only to wait and see if and how these traditions continue to adapt.

the time you’ll be reading this, freshly printed in the first issue of the Salterrae this year, the rituals of orientation and traditions week will be distant memories. Life will have fallen into its usual routine, not punctuated by formal dinners with Margaret MacMillan and parades across the city. Even still, I think it’s important to talk about the traditions we have — the good and the bad — and their colourful history at Trinity.

gown off you?”

Fortunately, the only thing remotely resembling these scenarios was when Avneet broke his foot on the Buttery stairs in October 2015, and yes, the gown ripping hurt like hell. Though the answers to these questions are straightforward, the very fact that they are inquiries shows the underlying controversy surrounding the traditions embedded However, some traditions still remain contentious amongst students and staff. in the rich history of the college.

One of the most prominent of these is

Where issues lie is in the diversity of opinions at the college. Many of us believe that some gentle teasing and chastising is fundamental, not only to the university experience, but to the unique experience of Trinity College. Others, however, would call it hazing or humiliating to first years, and one of the reasons that many students are driven away from the college very early on. This divisive line is very clear from any perspective, and one I don’t think any of us expect to change overnight.

Unfortunately, there is no easily recognized boundary where tradition ends and humiliation begins. Some things have occurred over the past few weeks that I myself have not agreed with, and have even been shocked to hear about.

By that same token, it was these same events that many of us, first years and upper years alike, were eager to participate in.

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RECIPES This Issue: Beverages

Isaac’s Cookbook: Mulled Wine for the Cheap Strachan Hermit

that you cannot get from Trinity, legally or otherwise. I pride myself in leaving Trinity College as little as possible, and therefore I will make this as easy as possible for any similarly inclined people.

product that is shitty citrus.

1/4 cup brandy (optional): Back to the SCR! I would try this on a Sunday afternoon, when they go down for their naps.

Poor little fellows are tuckered out from

By Isaac Wright chapel and their Sunday paper, and just 1 (750 ml) bottle of dry red wine: If you need a break. You know what they say, riends! Acquaintances! Sworn ene- attend a high table, simply wait until the “Finders are keepers, losers are highly mies! It is your friendly Male-Martha decorated Order of Canada academics Stewart of College here with a cheap, acthat sit in the SCR and drink cessibleTM fall specialty; mulled wine. brandy all day.”

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If you are also an alcoholic who enjoys wearing sweaters, then this is the season for you. There is nothing like curling up with a good 1000 pages of unbearable 1950s philosophy jargon in the quad, watching the trees change colours, and listening to the sounds of the season as Paula continues to yell at first years who forgot their T-Cards. It is the season of cute autumn walks around the quad or, if you are feeling adventurous, Philosopher’s walk. It is the season of Netflix marathons in Strachan (what, do you think I actually do work in there?). It is the season of getting fatter and fatter, and hoping that hibernation will carry what is left of my soul past midterms and through exams, with occasional fellows of the SCR go to have their dinmoments of consciousness for Saints (if ner. There should be a half decent bottle I make it this year) and Bubbly. of red left, so sneak in the back entrance and borrow some. They are up to their Now for the magic recipe of the coming ears in brandy and Beowulf, and will fall season — mulled wine. First invent- not notice the difference. Think of it as ed in the steam tunnels by former Pro- saving them from liver failure. It’s your vost Andy Orchard (and definitely not public duty, if you think about it. invented in 2nd century Rome) during a particularly depraved bender, it has 1 orange, sliced into rounds: This is easy been a staple for cheap her- if you can get your lazy ass out of bed mits ever since. For this recipe in time for Strachan to carry the luxury you should not need anything

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1/4 cup honey or sugar: Strachan coffee station. Done.

8 whole cloves: Fuck this unless you are adventurous enough to walk to G’s Fine Foods.

2 cinnamon sticks: Steal that tub of cinnamon that they put out with the porridge on weekends. Pour the whole fucker in. Close enough.

2 star anise: Too fancy for G’s or Bloor Street to have, and are you really going to walk to Whole Foods? Gross. F this too.

If you make this right, and drink it fast enough, it should get you pretty drunk.

If all goes well, I will see you in Ramata’s office the next morning.

Happy drinking!

Your Millennial Male Martha Stewart, Isaac B.

Strachan Hacks: Four DIY Drinks in Strachan Hall

Chai Frapp adine, so this will have to do.

The chai flavour is delicate in this recipe, and not as robust as it is in average 3. Fill up another third with orange or steeped chai. grapefruit juice.

By Angela Gu

Feel free to substitute chai with any oth- 4. Finish off with 7up. er kind of tea. The apple-cinnamon or ell, it’s been over two months since orange tea would be good as well. I have 5. Garnish with a lemon wedge, if Straschool started, and you’ve probably al- not tried this with milk substitutes. If it chan has them. ready gotten used to the rotations of works, please let me know. mediocre Strachan food and drinks. But the mornings are crisp, and leaves are Instructions: changing colour, transforming campus 1. Make a half or quarter-cup of chai. views into gorgeous scenes. Fall is in the (Please don’t say “chai tea” — it’s redunair! You know what else is in the air? The dant). smell of Pumpkin Spice Lattes, which I absolutely despise. If you want your PSL, 2. In the blender cup, combine: go to Starbucks— I don’t invent recipes - One scoop of vanilla ice cream (or with pumpkin spice. If you’re not willmore, if you want it creamier) ing to make the short trek to Starbs, go - Half a cup of ice online and buy your own Starbucks VIA - Some milk, or milk substitute: Instant® Pumpkin Spice Latte and make about a quarter cup (add a little one in your room. first, you can always add more later)

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That aside, this edition of Strachan Hacks explores fun drink options to make out of the boring ingredients at your disposal. Be your own barista and try some!

Tea Latte Tip: If you bring your own Earl Grey tea, you can make wonderful London Fogs.

Instructions: 1. Steep tea as usual.

2. Instead of pouring milk in your mug, put it in the blender.

3. Add some hot tea – the heat will change the structure of the milk proteins so that the foam stays foamy. Strachan doesn’t have steamed milk or milk frothers, so we’ll have to make do with what we have.

4. Pulse the mixture at intervals, for a few seconds each time. Check on the progress after three or four pulses. If you over-do it, the froth will be too stiff.

- Chai - Any kind of sweetener (I don’t like Illustration by Alex Portoraro my drinks too sweet, so I don’t add any, but if you have a sweet tooth, Watermelon Juice go ahead and dump in some sugar). This one only works during breakfast hours, when there is watermelon in the 3. Blend until there are no more huge fruit bar. It’s so simple! chunks of ice. If the frapp is too thick and stops blending, add some more Instructions: milk. Feel free to play with proportions. 1. Remove watermelon from rind, reI like to make mine with more ice and move seeds if there are any. less ice cream.

2. Blend.

For those of you hanging on to the last dredges of sunshine and summer, here Some of these are my recipes, and others are some drinks for you: were invented by the wonderful people I dine with (credit goes to Vivian Cheng, Strachan Sunset Dasara Gashi, and compliant taste-tesThis pretty drink has a gradient that al- ter Ishani Ranjan). Credit must be given most looks like a sunset. I guess it’s just where credit is due. Remember that, and a bastardized Shirley Temple, but it’s don’t plagiarize — it’s a serious academfruity and fun so why not? ic offence.

Instructions: Now make that drink and get back to 1. Fill a glass up with ice. This will keep studying! the colours of the drink more distinct, and prevent them from mixing into each other as you pour.

5. Add the frothy milk to your tea and 2. Fill it up a third of the way with cranenjoy! berry juice. Strachan doesn’t have gren-

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So You Decided to Grow the Heck Up A Guide to Moving Off Res

By Kate Reeve

T

rinity is relatively unique in its persistent physical presence in the lives of its students. Friends and family are usually bemused upon learning that most students continue to live on residence well past their first year, especially when they hear how expensive it is. Nevertheless, living on res is an important part of Trin life — dark corridors, occasional infestations, and chronic lack of privacy included. If you’re head over heels for Paula, too lazy to walk longer than ten minutes to any class, prefer your meals monochromatic, or are plagued by FOMO, staying on res is likely the right fit for you. But if — and this is a very large if — you are ready to bust this $14,000 chrysalis, I’m here to walk you through it.

Step One: The Set-Up Now, unless you are especially well-endowed (financially), you’ll likely need some roommates. Choose wisely. Just because someone is your best friend does not mean they’ll make a great roommate. Case in point: I sublet my apartment over the summer to an old friend, and she literally refused to leave. She also broke my French press, which was very offensive. Good qualities in a roommate include: cleanliness, awareness of social cues, general respect for others’ property, and a healthy fear of authority. You do not want to be sharing your space with a rogue agent who doesn’t give a damn about your damage deposit or the antique quilt holder your dead grandma bequeathed to you.

Step Two: The Hunt I’ll be honest — this part really blows. The best time to look for a place, if you intend to rent through the summer, is around the same time as final exams. House hunting is not as glamourous as HGTV makes it appear, and is actually incredibly time consuming. Websites like Padmapper and Zumper are good resources, but don’t discount the OGs: Kijii, Craigslist, word of mouth, and literally walking through an area you like. Do your research and keep an open mind, but remember that it’s also important to be very critical.

Don’t wave away a thirty-minute commute because a place has a breakfast nook or assume you can handle sleeping in a converted walk-in closet for a year. These things will eat at you. For Trin students, the Annex is the obvious choice, but other neighbourhoods within walking distance include: Yorkville (yeah right), Christie

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Pits/Bloor West, Cabbagetown (a bit of a hike), and Chinatown (can’t beat the price of produce). Now go forth and be beaten into submission by Toronto real estate.

Step Three: The Move Again, this seems pretty straightforward. Well, think again, young adult with a cleaning lady. As it turns out, you need a lot more shit for a household than a dorm room. Dividing who brings what (and then who takes what back) between roommates can be contentious, especially if you are in slightly different financial positions. The best thing to do is to be as transparent as possible - and to mooch off your family for the old crap they’re too lazy to bring up to the cottage. Enlist as many people as you can to help transport your stuff, and bring an obscene amount of cleaning supplies. For example, I didn’t realize that walls had to be washed until I moved off res (apparently the past tenants never clued in).

Furnishing a new place is very exciting, but also stupidly expensive. Buy furniture used, and keep an eye out on garbage day. I kid you not, I literally rolled our kitchen table down Spadina in pieces, but it was free! And genuine oak! This is another example of the importance of some solid, child-killing household chemicals. Fuck you, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Step Four: Welcome to the Other Side So now you’ve got to do all the grown-up stuff that makes adults boring, like grocery shopping and figuring out WiFi. Sit down with your parents and make a solid, realistic budget. If you’re serious about sticking with it, take that amount out in cash every week and leave your cards at home. You really notice those five-dollar coffees when you have to count out the coins for them. In terms of social life, it is tough to suddenly have a few kilometres between you and your friends when they used to be just down the hall. You’ll both need to put in the effort here, but bear in mind that you’ll be on campus pretty much everyday, so there will be plenty of time to see them. As for Trin life, take advantage of that sick NRAC set-up, go to events, play intramurals, and join some clubs. Basically, do all the shit everyone tells first-years to do. On the other hand, take advantage of this independence.

Finally, you can walk around naked, shower barefoot, eat foods of your choosing, and bring people home to something other than a dorm room. Enjoy it!

Look, living on res is a luxury that not everyone can afford.

That said, I recognize the draw of the Trinity community and the overall simplicity of living on campus. I’m sure I’ll have moments of jealousy, like when I’m trekking home in a sudden downpour, or get a sudden craving for cantaloupe.

But more than anything, I already relish coming home to an empty apartment and a couch that hasn’t supported the asses of generations. Also, my WiFi fucking rocks.

Mary and Me

A Series of (Ms.) Fortunate Events Chapter 1: Thirty, Flirty and….Farting?

The fictitious sexual exploits of EIGHT Year best friends, Mary and Thomas. Stories are sometimes

from Tom, sometimes from Mary, and often exaggerated. Don’t forget kiddos, no matter what you’re doing, ASK FIRST. My palms are sweaty. Hell, everything’s sweaty. I really didn’t dress according to the weather. My mother’s voice rings in the back of my head, “Don’t you think it’s a bit hot out for that?” Fuck mom. Why are you always right? I glance at my watch. My date’s five minutes late. That wouldn’t bother me if I hadn’t shown up twenty minutes early.

I pull out my phone to check the time, forgetting that I just checked my watch. The shot I’ve just taken is wearing off. How will I be social now? As I sit on Queen West, the sun beating down on me, I start to worry about every possible way this date could go wrong.

It can’t possibly be worse than the white bread incident. I mean, everything worked out just fine for me. But boy was my date upset that I ditched after dinner to go eat bread. In hindsight, it was really good bread. No regrets.

Now, it definitely won’t be worse than the LinkedIn date. They checked my profile every day for two weeks until I messaged them. It started fine. I mean, the food was decent. They picked a good wine. They were just awful at conversation. The only time they got excited was when — out of desperation — I brought up my resume. That date couldn’t end soon enough. Then again, I did get good tips for my next job interview.

Hopefully I don’t run into my sister again. Nothing could be more awkward than the time she didn’t realize I was on a date, and started talking about my profuse sweating and the subsequent rashes I get from it. In the moment, I thought there might still be a chance for a second date. They were laughing. They never spoke to me again.

My date arrives, saving me from going down the rabbit hole of bad memories. They apologize for running late. I think I say, “No worries!” but I’m sure it came out as, “No warts!” They ignore it, so I do too. They say something they’ve heard about the restaurant. I don’t hear it. I’m wondering why they’re ignoring my question about warts.

They open the door for me, and I walk into the restaurant ahead of them. I fart.

This is already going so well.

Get the next issue of the Salterrae to see how this truly awful date goes.

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your drunken eats, know that you’ll always have McDicks to catch you.

LATE NIGHT BITES Guide to the City Vo l u m e

I

By Allegra Wisenfeld

The Safe Bets These 24-hour joints are the most reliable of the bunch, close and open whenever.

Fran’s, 20 College St. This classic diner is just a stroll down University and one left turn onto College. It’s impossible to miss the neon lights of the 50’s style sign, a remaining vestige of the Old Toronto that was Honest Ed’s. Fran’s always has its full menu on offer, but we recommend you don’t stray far from the classic diner dishes. With options from grilled cheese to chocolate chip pancakes (the best dishes on the menu – trust), you can choose whether you want 4:00 AM. to be a late-night snack time or an early breakfast.

7West, 7 Charles St. West.

Despite its location in the sweaty armpit that is the corner of Yonge and Charles, 7West offers the most aesthetically pleasing 24/7 option on the market. Wedged in-between a massage parlor and Ravi Soups, its deceptively small storefront is easy to miss. Show your Buttery hookup you care with this slightly overpriced, candlelit post-party spot. Despite being three floors and a patio, the incredibly dim lighting and tiny tables give the illusion of an intimate place.

McDonald’s, 675 Yonge St. Y’all know Mickey D’s is a classic all-day, all-night spot.

It’s a bit of a trek, especially in the winter, but it’s worth it for that twenty-pack of nugs. It is located two steps away from 7West, so if you get all the way there and realize candlelight is too precious for

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High Performers The most popular girls in school.

Pita Q, 750 Spadina Ave. Garlic fries. That’s all you need to know. Don’t even look at the menu. Basically the perfect midnight place, and with all the other Trin people you’ll bump into while ordering, you can start up the party again. There’s one catch ­– you gotta hurry up Cinderella, because after 1:00 AM, this glass slipper of a chip shop locks up.

New Generation Sushi, 493 Bloor St. West.

From when Sushi on Bloor shuts its doors at 11:30PM, New Gen takes the prize for best cheap and slightly sketchy sush in the Annex. Every meal comes with a bonus free miso soup, salad and a scoop of ice cream to finish off (choice of mango, green tea and red bean).

That Spadina Stretch Open until 4:00 AM, and they deliver too!

New Ho King, 410 Spadina Ave. New Ho is home of the nicest interior of the unassuming Chinese restaurants on the Spadina strip. Despite popular misconception, it is in fact open more than three times a year. You can even get fried rice served in a pineapple, for that tropical-grunge ‘gram. Author’s choice of dish is chicken fried rice (no veg).

Canton Chili, 418 Spadina Ave. Some call it the poor man’s New Ho. Others call it a fluorescent beacon of greasy hope at the end of a rough night on the town. Google calls it a “no-frills nook,” which very much sums it up. The tablecloths made out of white garbage bags and the unforgiving light are both worth it at 3:30 AM, when you get a yeasty order of “cold tea.”

I Would Walk 500 Miles…

A trek and a half, but it’s worth it.

The Lakeview Diner, 1132 Dundas West.

All the way on Dundas West, this diner’s vibe is as if Fran’s and 7West had a baby. Homier than the former, and less like an Abercrombie & Fitch store than the latter. They’ve got good manmosa deals, and my personal goal is to try the deep fried Reese’s cups. Ultimately, The Lakeview doesn’t flaunt the best location, but it’s worth the walk south if you’re searching for food after an inevitable Track & Field birthday party.

Where to Wet Your Whistle A Pub Goer’s Guide to Bars Near Campus

By Alex McKeever

When the thirst strikes you — be it a night of pints with

friends, or one of boisterous revelry — you will find yourself quite pleased that Trinity and the UofT campus as a whole are conveniently surrounded by watering holes. If you’re new to the scene or just trying to get out of a rut, take this as my personal overview of a few of the pubs within reasonable walking distance of the College that may tickle your fancy. I must emphasize that this will not be a comprehensive survey, and it is strongly encouraged that you adventure beyond the bubble. Without further ado, let us begin our two part safari in the Annex.

Bloor Street Venturing up to Bedford, you will find the Duke of York: a staple among Trinitrons, and for good reason. The Duke is great for all occasions, but most commonly for when you didn’t get enough beer at the Lit. Here, you can enjoy great brews, lenient servers, solid deals on wine, a conjoined basement pub with 24oz pints, and a patio that will only be enjoyable for a couple of weeks this semester. Across the street is the Bedford Academy, which I can only say is notable for being exceptionally dimly lit. Give this one a go when you get sick of the Duke, but don’t want to walk further.

Wandering west, you will encounter the Fox and the Fiddle. This place is a typical dive through and through, but its x-factor is nightly karaoke and some endearing regulars. As long as you manage not to kill your wallet in the process, a night at the Fox is a tremendous time.

Continuing to our next stop is the Madison Avenue pub.

If not for the warm atmosphere, the dance floor, the pool tables, or the live performances, visit the Maddy for its architecture. Be careful not to lose your friends (or yourself, because the Maddy is labyrinthine and always packed).

If you want loud but simple, check out El Furniture Warehouse a little further down. Across the street from this is the Lab, but more importantly so is the Green Room. The Green Room is reasonable in terms of prices and its level of dank, but it’s not the haven for first-year folk it once was.

For a more respectable time, travel westward on Bloor until you get to Insomnia. Insomnia is a good place to either start

a night off or take things easy. With affordable drinks, a chill mood, and things that are not alcohol to put in your belly (because that’s important sometimes), you’ll get to recuperate from a miserable week of classes and get out of the dorm.

Now, on the south side of campus is College Street, home to many noteworthy pubs.

College Street Starting easternmost, you have the oft-overlooked O’Grady’s.

This place is almost always empty – luckily for you. I have yet to discern a good reason why this is. O’Grady’s has a respectable selection of beer and an above average selection of affordable cocktails, plus a half-decent kitchen. Prices are generally Ontario average, but servers aren’t concerned with documentation. For a minor detour, mosey down McCaul to find the pairing of the Village Idiot and Sin & Redemption across from the AGO. Each is largely similar to the Prenup, so let’s stumble back to College and westward. The Prenup is a classy establishment with easily the most diverse and plentiful bouquet of beers anywhere. Aside from the Prenup’s stellar atmosphere and service, this pub is great for coming to try something new every time you visit.

While this pub tends also to be easy on the young’uns, our next stop is the opposite. Einstein Pub is a dank basement dive and fittingly attracts the nocturnal beasts that are the engineers (who also go to class across the street, not so coincidentally). In contrast to most of the establishments hitherto mentioned, Einstein is dim, a little smelly, and relatively cheap (see Toonie Tuesdays). The house beer is dirt-cheap and tastes like dirt, but hits the spot when it needs to. Despite the derision, this bar has a lot of character and can be a great time, with food good enough to justify going for lunch.

To wrap up this nonlinear tour, we’re going to hang a left down Spadina all the way into Chinatown. Our last stop is Grossman’s Tavern. This place is a tad trashy, I won’t lie to you, but the prices are low and there’s live music every night.

Grossman’s is another bar that’s cheap and dirty, but guaranteed for a good time. Maybe have a few drinks first.

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Q&A With Trinity’s Finest A Guide to Collegiate Fashion

Dear Class of 2021, Now that the excitement of O-week has settled and you’ve finally fallen into your academic routine, I’m sure you’ve clued into what’s really most important around this college – fashion. Some of you may be picking up the Gilmore Girls aesthetic like a natural, while some of you may still be ask-

sweatshirt, and those 4+-year-old Wal-Mart sweatpants your mom bought for your brother. F*ck it.

What’s a go-to fashion accessory when you’ve just pulled 3 all-nighters, but still need to play it cool?

Esme: Red lipstick. Red lipstick. Red lipstick. People think I wear red lipstick to showcase my “Parisian Style”, but do not be fooled, I am only trying to distract people from the dark circles that have accumulated under my eyes after four all-nighter streaks in TC. Phoebe: I have to agree; red lipstick means that you can wear virtually no other makeup and still look like your life is ~together~. Win/Win. What are the best, “lounging in the quad” looks? What are the worst?

Esme: The best lounging in the quad look? Anything, as long as coffee and a cigarette accompany it.

Phoebe: Worst? Wedding dresses.

ing yourselves “Am I supposed to be wearing heels?” “Is this blazer too much?” or, “How do I look cute but still chill in Graham?” Don’t panic – us upper years have had similar sentiments. So, to make sure you stay on track and don’t get too influenced by our hipster neighbours down at Vic, TCFS has provided you with a little Q&A to get you started. Think this may be unnecessary, and that you nailed your perfect Trin look at Matriculation? Think again. Frosh week is forgiving, and trust me – you’ve got a long four years ahead of you. So tune in, 2T1, to all the tips and tricks that the fashionable upper years have to offer you. After following this short guide to collegiate fashion, you’ll be a natural Trin socialite faster than Zara picks up Chanel.

Ask Phoebe & Esme When you’re five essays deep, two midterms to go, online quiz in process and 32 readings behind, how does one stay looking chic?

Esme: The best shot you’ve got to looking somewhat alive and well is to find a way to distract people from your zombie-like appearance. I would recommend wearing bright colours. My favourite item of clothing that also happens to be a great distraction tool is my bright yellow rain coat. If you wear something so bright that it blinds people, they won’t be able to tell you are dead inside.

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Phoebe: You can really never go wrong with jeans and a T-shirt- Add a leather jacket and you’re golden. A TC22-friendly version of this is your biggest

Ask Katrina Li As NRAC Queen bee, you’re the busiest of them all. So tell us, what keeps one’s look on fleek when life is always on the go?

Kat: Anastasia Beverley Hills Dip Brow in dark brown!! If your eyebrow game is strong, so too will your motivation be to make it through a jam-packed day. Oh, and spanx.

Weekend attire: what to wear when you’re hung-over AF studying in Strachan on a lazy Sunday?

Kat: When in doubt, wear a turtleneck. Never trust anyone who doesn’t own a turtleneck.

When getting ready to go to class in your favourite outfit, can you describe your creative process to provide our froshies with a little inspo?

Theo: Dress for the night you want. Do you want to study hard and get some sleep or stumble back at 4AM? Frat boy look all the way.

Ted: Break out your salmon-coloured shorts and Vineyard Vines fleece vest because it’s frat boy or nothing.

Ask Erin Ross What’s the best go-to-outfit for a Buttery party? Any must have accessories?

Erin: Whatever you wear to the Buttery will inevitably end up smelling like sweat, stale pizza, and that more-vodkathan-cran you spilled on yourself. So don’t wear nice things to the buttery. Or do, and revel in your short-lived status by flaunting that you don’t care what you ruin. Live your best life. And honestly, dress/accessorize on theme. You’re really not too cool for it, I promise.

Where does one draw the line between classy cocktail and cliché at Trinity semi- formals?

Erin: Dare to be different darlings.

High table: what’s the deal? How bad is it to wear flats?

Erin: Some double-x-chromosed creatures are tall and worry about the fragility of the male ego; try not to let this

Kat: When I get dressed, I think of the Kardashian family in a different universe, where they’re all university professors who speak critically of historical bias and interpolated identities. Thots in Academia. But if I’m late, I always throw on a pair of joggers with a Uniqlo shirt. Black on black with no makeup conveys that my suffering is palpably unique.

Ask Theo & Ted What’s a rookie mistake a first year can make when assembling their Conversat tux?

Theo: Bad bowtie game. If you can’t tie it, own up to it and either get a friend to tie it (thanks Isaac) or wear something else. A poorly tied bowtie ruins the look.

Lets talk about the Trin wardrobe staples. Are Sperries a win or a faux pas?

Theo: Fashion is a great way to express yourself. Sperries are a great way to say “I’m a fuckboy”. So if you’re at Trin, they’re a fashion win.

Ted: Honestly, I went out and bought a pair of Sperrys before my first year at Trin just to fit in. I wore them out once and got roasted for a solid hour by literally everyone I talked to.

Haven’t worn them since. I’m going to have to disagree with Theo on this one and call them a faux pas (unless your name is Thomas Robson, in which case they’re a win).

Academic dress or frat boy caj?

dictate your footwear choices. But if the prospect of maintaining balance with a few extra inches seems too daunting, nice flats do exist.

So there you have it, froshies! All the best advice from some of Trin’s elderly crème de la crème. We know school is tough, so just remember that smarts always come second to looks. Oh, and to thank us when you land your sugar daddy/ mama four years from now.

Yours Truly, TCFS

Reviews This Issue: Dunkirk and Sweetbitter

A Commentary on Dunkirk:

An Homage to Christopher Nolan & Hans Zimmer

By Emily Larman As a self-professed cinephile (one who, by the very use of the phrase divests herself of all claims to that title), I have long been a fan of Christopher Nolan’s oeuvre.

Perhaps the chemical undeniability between Nolan’s executed on-screen vision, coupled with his composing partner Hans Zimmer’s ability to sonically relay the agonizing subtleties of war is why their recent film, Dunkirk, was such a success.

This article is not intended to lionize the virtues of Nolan’s talent, but rather aims to provide contributing commentary on why the film was (and was not) a success.

“This is a film centered around unease, intended to make one feel jolted out of reality itself.”

Dunkirk was a divergence for Nolan, in that it was a retelling of a prominent historical occurrence as opposed to an original narrative, which usually defines his features. However, several icons of Nolan-esque style still remain, from the ensemble cast, to the ambitious lack of a green screen in order establish a sense of authenticity absent in the majority of contemporary depictions of war.

The story itself details the trapping of Allied troops on the famed titular beach in France as Germany descended upon them rapidly. Over 300,000 soldiers were confined with no means of escape as

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troops were precariously but systemati- tested and met with great surprise. More cally evacuated by the collective navy and critically, I found the hype surrounding air force. his arrival to vastly overshadow the more crucial cinematic elements and historical The real critique of the portrayal, how- accounts that the film had to offer. Proever, remains in how it was chosen to be motion for the film consisted primarily of executed. Nolan, being English by heri- Styles and fellow lead, Fionn Whitehead, tage, focused on an Anglo-centric expe- who was sidelined as the media chose to rience, ignoring a mass of ethnicities and hone in on the inauthentic darling that affected groups of soldiers from Central Styles has become. Nolan vehemently deAsia, and barely giving a brief nod to the fended his casting decision but was met French. Notwithstanding this historical- with some level of contempt for choosing ly significant and wholesale disregard of such an untested candidate. these prominent groups, Dunkirk is nonetheless compelling and significant. The blatant exclusion of people of color whitewashes the film and advertently introduces his own personal bias, unearthing the flaws of the depiction.

Nolan himself is unapologetic in saying that this was simply a vignette of the complex ongoings of what went on at Dunkirk. While watching, it is crucial that one identifies the cultural context in which it is presented.

Nolan has a dedicated troupe of actors that can be spotted throughout his filmography, ranging from Tom Hardy to Cillian Murphy (both of which are present in Dunkirk). However, Dunkirk’s deviation again remains with its introduction of numerous intertwining plotlines, consisting of newcomers such as Harry Styles, former band member of One Direction. The use of Harry Styles within the film was both heavily con-

On the other hand, the new audience that casting Styles would introduce to the genre of war cinema was perhaps an astute choice on behalf of the casting department. Upon seeing the film, I came

to believe that he redeemed himself in the scant time he spent gracing the screen, but I still object to how the film chose to advertise the subject as a whole.

year in New York. There, she learns about working in the fast-paced restaurant industry and discovers what it is she wants out of Dunkirk’s subtle genius lies in its use her life. of score, executed masterfully by Hans Zimmer. The sound of a ticking clock The novel takes place alis interspersed into jerky, ominous yet most entirely in the restaumelodic notes to establish tension in its rant where Tess works as a most basic form: fresh agony and unre- backwaiter. Danler plunges lenting anxiety. This is a film centered the reader into this world around unease, intended to make one feel by using expressions that jolted out of reality itself and to feel the one probably would not grip of distress. Dunkirk’s desire to pres- understand unless they had ent an “unglorified” depiction of war is spent time in a similar envisuccessful on the grounds that it doesn’t ronment. By the end of the focus on story as its primary mechanism novel, Tess has outgrown of telling, but fails in its inclination to be her job and is ready for a a spectacle of effort that people will mar- new challenge in her work vel at. Nolan wanted people to talk about environment. Similarly, by Dunkirk’s grand scale and feats of indus- the final pages of Sweetbittry which in part takes away from its in- ter, the reader has gained tegrity as a historical picture. Despite its the knowledge needed to faults, I believe you should see Dunkirk translate the staff ’s shortbecause of what it introduced to the con- hand, creating a sense of versation regarding the depiction of race accomplishment. relations in a war context. Cultural relevancy prevails.

What Sweetbitter does well is describe the sense of loneliness that one might feel, even when surrounded by others — a feeling many students can relate to during the first few months of university. Though Tess spends most of her days and nights with her co-workers, she expresses that none of them really know each other. For Tess, this world and its friendships are temporary, because in a job driven by the next seating or the end of shift drink, she finds there is not much time to build lasting connections.

By Sabryna Ekstein

Sabryna's Picks

Sweet Senses: A Review of Sweetbitter

by Stephanie Danler

end. Tess lies about being an artist, but in actuality she wants to tell him the truth: that the restaurant is all she has, and she enjoys it. “I wanted to say, My life is full. I chose this life because it’s a constant assault of color and taste and light and it’s raw and ugly and fast and it’s mine. And you’ll never understand. Until you live it, you don’t know.”

(163). How many of us have been asked what we’ll do after graduation and have given the answer we think the other person would approve more of, instead of our own truth?

Sweetbitter is told through snippets of the Between finding classes, making friends, shifts Tess works, often unclear whether these events are happening on different days, or all at once. Similarly, throughout the novel Danler has composed fragments of conversations, often going on for over a page, allowing the reader to infuse their own meanings into the conversations they have been presented with. What makes Sweetbitter special is that it accurately describes the and attempting to figure out the future, uni- feeling of a year: the seasons slowly blending versity can be overwhelming. One may feel into one another, collections of small events like they are a cog in a machine. Some peo- that will be forgotten with age, and the slow ple will try to break free from this feeling. progression of growing up. Whether one has Others, like Tess, might relish this feeling. worked in the restaurant industry or not, Sweetbitter is meant to be enjoyed slowly.

One afternoon during a shift, Tess runs into Give yourself time to meet the characters Twenty-two-year-old Tess drives into New a man she knew from college, and he prods in the same progression as Tess – York City looking for a change in her life. her for information about her life beyond moving from distinguishing charSweetbitter follows Tess during her first the restaurant, assuming it is a means to an acteristics to names.

It can sometimes be hard to find the time to scout out a good read - we’re all busy students, so reading something not school related isn’t really top priority. That’s why Sabryna’s Picks strives to do all the research for you when it comes to looking for a book.

This month, it’s all about Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler, published in 2016. The narrative is intertwined with livid descriptions of senses such as taste and smell, giving readers a new look into how one can view their food. Sweetbitter focuses on the idea of mapping out one’s career goals, and through the main character of Tess, Danler suggests that having a plan is not always necessary.

“Sweetbitter [describes] the sense of loneliness that one might feel, even when surrounded by others.”

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Written by Phil Schwartz

P hil

Illustrated by Alex Portoraro

OF ADVICE

and a bunch of other fun places throughout campus. The Sexual Education Centre provides the UofT community with these goodies for no charge, so take advantage of it if free things are your kink too.

7. No romantic relationship you initiate in first year will survive in its original form.

8. There are very rarely ever any absolutes in life. Life is full of spectrums. Be respectful and open-minded.

9. You can’t spell spectrum without rectum.

10. I don’t want to hear any talk about what you think you’re

going to be doing three degrees down the road when you haven’t even declared your majors yet. Live your lives and buckle up for what will likely be the messiest year of your lives thus far.

It’s September of 2014. Chokers are dusty relics from your mum’s 90s grunge phase, Obama is still President of the United States, and Taylor Swift is set to release her newest groundbreaking “1989” album, which would only become the soundtrack of the year.

11.Surround

Enter Phil: your bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, vodka-soaked leading lover-boy. This category five tropical storm of an impressionable, impulsive gayby is set to explore the limitations of his earthly being and make his mark on Trinity College. Along the way he lived, he laughed, he loved, he puked, and he made friends. These are his nuggets of wisdom.

12. Relax. Nobody knows what they’re doing, they’re just pretending that they do.

1. Never do anything you’re not comfortable with, but always say yes to new experiences.

2. Tallying the number of shots you’ve done on your wrist

yourself with people who inspire you. From cracking-down on chip consumption to changing the world with your smartphone, Trinity College is a community of emboldening innovators who will inspire the next generation of global leaders.

13. Having a healthy relationship with food is very import-

to be, so don’t hold back and ride the wave.

ant. Don’t forget to eat and don’t skip out on meals. Just because the TCES may have convinced you to try veganism for a month does not mean that you can survive on Strachan’s reconstituted powdered hummus forever. Find a nutritious balance that works for your lifestyle.

4.

14. It is a proven fact that the easiest way to make friends is by

5. If your friends are concerned about you hooking up with that person, it’s probably coming from a well-intentioned place.

Does that mean they have any say in your romantic life? Absolutely not. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. Should you do it?

Only you can decide. Will you regret it? There’s only one way to find out. Emerge from your chrysalis of chastity as the newly born sexual butterfly that you are! And remember: consent is key.

15. Unpopular opinion ahead: Strachan’s oatmeal-raisin cookies are the safest bet when evaluating your cookie options because they’re the only consistently soft cookie and always in abundant supply.

doesn’t work when you constantly black out.

3. First year is a time to explore who you are and who you want Even though your relationships might fluctuate over the course of the next four years, it is okay. Personal growth and experimentation are what university is all about! Just be a pal.

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6. Free condoms and lube, among other fun sex-positive doodads, can be found in Trin common rooms

bringing a plateful of assorted Strachan cookies to your table. If there’s something people hate, it’s getting up for food. It doesn’t matter how many of them you will inevitably eat, the intention was still there.

16. To non-resident students and fellow kleptos: Pinching food from Strachan is among the ultimate challenges in stealth.

As tempting as it may be to march in and test your abilities, it’s just as easy to ask a friend to nab you something. Follow the four

Cs — clean, contained, concealable, chipmunk — and don’t ruin this for the rest of us. (Note: Theft is abhorrent and inexcusable conduct at Trinity College. Except when it comes to Strachan food. Somebody has to eat it.)

17. Pop the Trin Bubble early. Go out and explore the city before second semester rolls around and you still don’t know which way Bloor Street is.

18.

When you decide to leave the quadrangle for a fun, debaucherous night out in the big city, be prepared. Have a buddy, make sure your phone is charged, your cards are secured, and you’ve got some cash on you. If not, you will either lose a tooth or a homeless man will put you in a cab when you’ve decided to walk home and, instead, bolt in the opposite direction.

19. Don’t forget to thank your buddy after they hunt you down by tracking your location, pick you up off the street corner, transport your puking corpse on the subway, put you in bed, find you after you’ve escaped your room once — maybe twice — and then sleep in your bed while you hug a wonderfully chill porcelain bowl to sleep. Thanks 1T8. I wouldn’t be here without you.

20. Oh yeah, and beware of stairs. Or something along those lines.

21. To all males at Trinity College: Always lift the seat up before you pee in any toilette. No excuses. Everybody thinks it’s gross. Nobody wants to find your pee flecks on the seat.

22.

Shawarma is simply the best drunk food this city has to offer. Scrap the fast-food burgers and greasy Chinese you passed on the way back from the club and opt for late-night Pita Q or Ghazale. Ask for extra garlic sauce.

23. Physical activity is important. Included in your student fees are memberships to all three fitness centres on campus: Goldring, Hart House, and the Athletic Centre. However, if you don’t have enough time to make it to the gym, most Trinity College students alternatively find climbing the social ladder — or at least trying to — exhausting enough.

biological child. Purify your room of the airborne toxins let-off by your dank roomie, nurture your aesthetic, and give some life to the soulless abyss that will likely be your home come November all at the same time! Caution: do not pull a Leila Martin and steam your succulent to death above the radiator, in front of the window intentionally left open over the winter break.

28. For my sleepy and commuting members of college: Anywhere can be a bed if you don’t try hard enough.

29. Enjoy the novelty of university life and Trinity College while it lasts. It can be a wonderful community, but the morning-after headaches get worse with age. Relish your youth.

30. Your immature but fermenting bodies will soon learn that

an eight-hour sleep is requisite to properly function as a human being. As soon as you begin to listen to that urge, your body will thank you.

31. If you’re a first year who ‘just doesn’t like the taste of beer’ or would prefer a Somersby instead - honey, you’ve got a big storm comin’.

32. Every friend group needs a gossip magnet. Find yourself a reliable and trustworthy friend you can count on when you feel like you’ve been too absent around college and are yearning for a good dish.

33.

There is a time and a place for $13 double bottles of pinot grigio, and that is when you think you’ve moved on from vodka shots and the bottle comes with a free selfie stick. (Thanks Jackson-Triggs!) Just know that there are wines that exist that actually taste good on their own, otherwise why bother subjecting yourself to such discomfort when you can just make sangria instead?

34.

Never look at the calories in alcohol and operate under the pretext that, if you dance hard enough the entire night, it’ll all balance out in the end.

35.

You are No1 and you ultimately come first. As soon as you stop giving a shit about what you think others think about you, life gets exponentially better. Just don’t forget to be kind and respectful because, as easy as it is to make mistakes, we’re all really here to sing our hearts out to the pop hits of the early 2000s. And really, who can blame us?

24. Bikes are hands-down the best mode of transportation in the city. More effective than both walking and driving, more environmentally friendly, less costly, and an easy way to excuse not going to the gym.

25. Confidence is important, especially when you put a bunch of white folk in one room together with a DJ. Why else do you think Trinity College events are licensed?

26.

Familiarize yourself with Facebook’s “unfollow” feature early. It’s a great way to declutter your dashboard and improve your mental health. Don’t get me wrong; I’m so happy for you and your summer-after-summer of unpaid internships, your totally-normal-and-not-at-all-homoerotic relationships with your fellow frat bros, and your obsession with matcha lattés.

This just might not be the daily content I want to focus on at the moment, and trust me when I say it’s better for the both of us.

27. PLANT PLANTS. Or buy them. Plants are a fantastic way

to fill the void of your absent pet or your non-existent future

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ASKNEET

Look What You Just Made Me Do

By Avneet Sharma

“Should you really be giving advice to people?” a friend asked me while I was in the middle of an existential crisis, puking up an Absolut cocktail in a second Kirkwood bathroom toilet. My answer is a troubling and not-at-all-reassuring “maybe?” So, here I am, responding to the many questions and concerns of students at the University of Trinity College at the University of Toronto. I’ll try my best.

Dear Avneet,

Dear Well-Intentioned Second Year,

Didn’t you run to be Editor-in-Chief of the Salterrae last year?

Sorry, the old Avneet can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Because she’s dead.

-Well-Intentioned Second Year

-Avneet

Dear Av Neat, So I just got into Trinity College, but for some reason the room they gave me is Henderson 526, with a five star view of the Faculty of Law. Everyday I am preoccupied with existential dread as I gaze across Philosopher’s Walk at the newly-renovated, gleaming, brutalist prism that represents all of my hopes and dreams. My current fixation on a singular career and/or professional and/or lifestyle objective has reached the point of obsession, and I am afraid it is getting in the way of my social and/or professional life. For some reason people don’t want to be my friend when I try to fit in Logic problems between shotgunning Smirnoff Ice. So I guess what I am trying to ask is: how do I request to move into that Rowlinson room with a view of Innis?

-Not Maddy Torrie Dear Not Maddy Torrie, You don’t want a Rowlinson room with a view of Innis.

Deep down, this is what you want. Law school doesn’t have to be a singular lifestyle that gets in the way of your social life. Just look at Elle Woods. She’s cute, confident, marches to the beat of her own drum, and valedictorian at Harvard Law School.

Also, the reason people probably don’t want to be your friend is that you shotgun Smirnoff Ice, not that you try to fit in Logic problems. This is a college of nerds. You’ll fit right in.

-Avneet

Dear Avneet Shawarma, WWAD? What would Avneet do if... I find Katy Perry and Taylor Swift to be incredibly problematic people, but I can’t resist their boppin’ jams! How do I reconcile my feelings for these strange and morally disappointing women?

Also, you know who ISN’T problematic? Kesha Rose Sebert. Buy Rainbow on iTunes now.

-Listless Listener Dear Listless Listener, I don’t mean to blow my WWAD all over the place, but I usually just forget that some artists are people who do bad things and enjoy the art for itself. That’s how I got through six seasons of the critically-acclaimed HBO series Girls.

You know who also isn’t problematic? Carly Rae Jepsen. Buy E•MO•TION on iTunes now.

-Avneet

Dear Sarah’s Shawarma, Immediately upon registering at this fine university I took advantage of Apple Music’s student plan for $5 a month (personally I find Spotify’s colour scheme confusing and disorienting). I noticed recently, a young woman going by the name “Taylor Swift” released a new song called, “Look What You Made Me Do.” I checked it once, checked it twice, and immediately had to fight the urge to throw myself out of a 20 story window and fall to a tragic, grisly death. Then, I listened to it again and was like, “Eh, this is alright.” Now, I can’t stop listening to it. This song is taking over my life.

Whose name is in red underlined? Who would lock a door and throw a feast? Who is the old Taylor and why is she dead? Please answer my questions, you are my only hope.

-Tswizzlefangurl1989 Dear Tswizzlefangurl1989, First of all, I stand for Spotify so… how dare you come to my column and disrespect me like this. Honestly, I find “Look What You Made Me Do” to be an okay song. However, we do need to accept that “Blank Space” is peak Taylor Swift and it’s never getting better than that.

In red underlined is the media. The media is the reason the old Taylor is dead. For a better representation of how the media has affected Taylor watch the “Blank Space” music video. Here is a hyperlink to the video, which should appear perfectly on this print publication: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ORhEE9VVg

-Avneet

Dear Avneet,

Dear Anonymous,

I lost a friend this summer. We knew each other throughout high school, and then became closer in university. We were there for each other through the rough times. At the end of this summer, I slowly became distant to this friend due to their tendency to police my behaviour, or the way that I spoke. However, it all came from a place of love. I let my passivity take over and did not say anything.

First of all, you’re not a horrible human being. University can be an extremely taxing time and it is often difficult to find support networks. Perhaps your friend needed your friendship more than she wanted it. My understanding is that she was in a place where she needed specific support or wanted her friends to fit in a specific mould. In my opinion, that’s not the formula for a healthy, mutually beneficial friendship.

She constantly told me that I was her closest friend, and that I needed to be there for her more. I always felt pressured to be her best friend, which actually stunted my ability to be there for her since I felt more needed than wanted (I don’t know if that’s a bad thing).

She told me one last time that I needed to be more present and should message her, and then pointed out my outings with other people, to prove that I had time for her. I finally texted her my side in a very passive but long text, and she said she’d be willing to communicate. I didn’t reply for a week because I genuinely didn’t know what to say. She then finally messaged me calling me trash, shit, and an asshole. I just agreed, because I didn’t feel it was my place to defend myself.

I left it on a horribly bitter note, and I feel terrible for hurting her.

That was never my intention, and I let my passivity and anxiety get the best of me. I’m sad that she was insecure about the relationship, but I’m also upset that I lost a good friend and could have prevented it. Am I a horrible human being?

-Anonymous

In reality, we can only rely on ourselves for our own happiness.

Other people are there just to make us happier, but in order for friendships to work, we need a substantial base of confidence and self-respect.

My advice is to move on. I understand that you’ve known this friend for a long time, but it truly doesn’t matter. This is a time in your life where you’re just figuring yourself out, and you need friends who will facilitate that journey rather than hold you back, or make you feel bad about yourself. I wouldn’t dwell too much on who was responsible for this falling out, or if you could have prevented it, but rather come to the honest conclusion that it was just a mismatch.

Cheer up. You’re surrounded by likeminded people who would love and appreciate your friendship.

-Avneet

T h e

Trumpdate™ S u m m e r

O F

T r u m p

By Annie MacKillican Ah, summer. A season for relaxing, spending time with loved ones, and soaking up some well-needed Vitamin D (especially after a long UofT winter). For most, summer is a carefree time. For others, it is an opportunity to explore. For one, it was four months of complete political embarrassment. In case you missed it, the following is a recount of the summertime blunders of one Donald Johnald Trump.

MAY

The senate reveals President Trump’s secret healthcare bill, which would exclude millions of Americans with pre-existing conditions from receiving health coverage. Such conditions include acne, fathering a child, coughing that one time, and not expressing the desire to sleep with your daughter.

President Trump fires James Comey, director of the FBI. The White House releases a statement that the decision was made on the recommendation of the Deputy Attorney General and Attorney General Sessions. However, Trump later tweets that he made the decision alone because “[he] is a big boy,” and that he fired Comey because of the director’s refusal to call former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton a “doodyhead.”

Prior to James Comey’s testimony in a hearing relating to the Russia investigation, President Trump releases a series of tweets warning Comey not to share any recordings of their conversations that he may have. Comey responds while under oath: “Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless they’re shared with everyone.”

In another series of Tweets, President Trump reveals that he believes he has the right to share classified "The Democratic Party information with Russia for the of counter-terrorism. would like to thank purposes Meanwhile, Russian President President Trump for Vladimir Putin is heard saying POTUS: “вернись в постель, every minority vote in to дорогая” (Translation: “Come America come 2020." back to bed, dear”).

JUNE

While on his first international tour as President of the United States, Trump attends a private meeting with Pope Francis in Vatican City.

Photographs of their meeting may suggest that the Pope fabricated an intestinal-related emergency in order to cut the meeting short, as sources cite having overheard Pope Francis saying that any shit is better than At the G7 Summit in Italy, Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau and German Chancellor Merkel hold a private meeting, the topic of which is allegedly President Trump’s administration. Later that evening, President Trump is overheard on a private phone call to his wife Melania, crying that, “Lady Hitler and Old Man Harry Styles weren’t letting [him] play with [them]”.

In an official press release, Press Secretary Sean Spicer urges the media and the American public to consider President

30

Trump’s tweets official White House statements. Breaking news from the White House: “covfefe.”

JULY

At the G20 Summit in Germany, President Trump and Russian President Putin hold a private meeting with the goal of improving USRussia relations. The two were said to have entered the meeting giving each other the silent treatment, but left holding hands. Witnesses reported seeing a Russian flag hanging out of President Trump’s back pocket on his way out.

President Trump and wife Melania visit Emmanuel Macron in Paris for Bastille Day, the celebration of French Federation. Upon returning from France, President Trump states that he found the climate in Paris to be “just fine,” thus reassuring himself and the American public that refusing to sign the Paris Agreement was the right decision.

"Scaramucci should be careful what he posts on Twitter, as the internet is

forever."

President Trump hires Anthony Scaramucci as Director of Communications for the White House. After just 10 days, Scaramucci hands in his resignation. President Trump tweets that Scaramucci should be careful with what he posts on Twitter, as the internet is forever.

AUGUST

Press Secretary Sean Spicer announces that he will resign from his post effective at the end of the month. In an exclusive interview with CNN, Spicer reveals he felt the resignation was appropriate because, “apparently they don’t like it when you call them ‘Holocaust centres.’”

President Trump threatens North Korea with “fire and fury” if they continue with their opposition to the United Nations. Analysts believe that the President’s military lingo may have been inspired by the 1990’s miniature wartime board game, Fire and Fury.

Following the white supremacist rallies and alt-right violence in Charlottesville, Virginia, President Trump denounces the violence on “both sides,” and states that mistakes were made by some “very fine people.” He also addresses the white supremacists as “us” and “we.”

The Democratic Party would like to thank President Trump for every minority vote in America come 2020.

So that’s what you missed. Maybe it’s better that you spent four months on your yacht.

Until next time, this has been a Trumpdate™.

Betches for Salterrae:

How to Be a Trin Betch

By A & B Illustrations by Alex Por toraro

Hey Trin! You’ve never met us, but we’ve been here all along. Who are we, and what can we offer? Don’t ask us questions, losers. We’re kicking off this issue with a question you’ll probably ask yourself at some point during your time at good ol’ Trinity College: are you a true Trin Betch? If you’re returning here, you’re definitely all too familiar with the term, “Trin Betch.” But if you’re new here - well, this will prepare you for high school, because honey, you may think you’ve left it, but the truth is that you've only just begun. Get ready to relive your glory days sans an overhyped prom - we have conversat instead. Sorry if you liked prom. Jk, we never apologize. So, pay close attention. Are you a real Trin Betch or not? Get your pens out frenemies, because you’re about to read the most important checklist around: How to be a Trin Betch: ☐☐ Don’t.

If you like really need to be a Trin Betch because...well, you're like that: ☐☐ Constantly complain about the quality of Strachan food when people all over the world are starving, but still go back for seconds. Or thirds. ☐☐ Replace oxygen with Trin Facebook groups. ☐☐ Agree with people when they say “Trin is too much, people are gossiping snakes askfjfsaij,” and then apply for residence again. ☐☐ Brand your graduating class on your forehead. And your mom’s. And your ass. And your mom’s. ☐☐ Post a quad pic on social media with a caption about it being another quad pic. You’ll get likes and follows a-plenty, and comments and retweets galore! “You’ve got one like? I’VE GOT TWENTY!” ☐☐ Know that you’re better than the rest of UofT, even if you don’t remember why. ☐☐ Lie about your GPA constantly. Lie about it to your bestie. Lie about it to Paula. Lie, lie, lie. ☐☐ Someone disagrees with you? Don’t sweat it. If daddy says you’re right, you’re right, right?

☐☐ Laugh at an upper year’s boring joke. No one gives a flying fig about you if you don’t kiss ass. So kiss ass, betch. ☐☐ Speaking of jokes, learn about all of the funny shit that happened before your time at Trin. It makes you seem important and in the know. ☐☐ Keep your ambitions in the Trin community hush-hush because if you don’t, people talk, and it truly matters what they think. ☐☐ Interrupt anyone when saying anything, and then proceed to talk about yourself immediately. Do not delay.

Example: “Hey how are you toda-”

“I have a 4.0 GPA”

“Hey I like your outfi-”

“I like, cannot wait to go to Harvard law lolz.” Because what you have to say is more important than anything,

obvi! ☐☐ Lol so like, pick a side about Episkish*t, because why waste mental energy on, idk curing cancer? ☐☐ Don’t learn how to laugh at yourself. Ever.

So, how many checks are on your list? Did you check them all? Or are you just sugar, spice, and everything nice?

We’re sure you’ll fit in somewhere! Ignore what people say - it’s a coincidence that Trin Betch sounds like tretch, which sounds like wretch. And if you didn’t get that many checks on your list? Well don’t sweat it, because it’s never too late to start trying too hard.

Ta ta for now!

XOXO, A&B

31

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MILTON CHOW

I spent three weeks in Harbin, a large city in northeastern China, for an internship researching Unit 731 and the Japanese biological weapons program from the Second World War. This was a cooperative venture with the Unit 731 Museum in Harbin and local NGO ALPHA Education, whom I came in contact with through their local chapter when I learned about the opportunity. Although I had a fair bit of prior knowledge of Unit 731 before arriving, the three weeks that I spent were an incredibly immersive experience that overshadowed everything I had known, showcasing the full scale of human rights abuses, war crimes, and overall depravity of such an inhumane program. At the same time, encountering the diverse cultural breadths of a city at a cultural as well as literal crossroad was a unique experience that highlighted the diversity and richness of a hidden gem of an astoundingly large and lesser-trekked part of the world.

This summer Town, South I went to Cape A HIV research frica to perform . Academical was a great ex ly, it p the most fu erience, but I had n Town and se exploring Cape eing all the nature by the sea. It is most beautifu truly one of the l places on ea rth!

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As an incoming to embark on myfourth year, I figured that this su spent 6 amazing weGrand Tour. After saving all year,mmer was high time in Dublin and Ed eks exploring Northwest Europe in July and August, I to the University inburgh with my boyfriend, an . I began with ten days met up with my Mof Oxford for a study abroad progd then travelled alone on my own. I ca om in London and Paris, and ve ram. On weekends, I umbrellas, and a me back with over 10,000 photogrntured to Amsterdam passion for tradit ional english brea aphs, 50 postcards, 2 kfasts.

HOROSCOPES VIRGO

LEO

(July 23 - August 22) (August 23 - September 22)

Libra is the Elle Woods of the zodiac because (1) you think “cute” is a lifestyle, not just an aesthetic, and (2) you’re a lover of all things just and balanced. September was a whirlwind for you. You booked your LSAT. Two years in advance. Mars moves into Libra on the 22nd, bringing love directly to you and your personal copy of the 2017 Criminal Code. You’ll be burning the midnight oil in TC24, refining your interpretation of R. v. Oakes when she’ll reach over and graze your hand. “I submit that our love would be more salutary than deleterious.” Justice will be served. Hot.

SCORPIO

(April 20 - May 20)

CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS

(June 21 - July 22)

On October 11th, your health planet will jump from Libra and into Scorpio, so you’re additionally sensitive, Sweet Crab. You have a lot of E MO TIONs. Under that rock-hard exterior is a sensitive bean with a lot of Boy Problems. Your Type is that boy who is really good at Making the Most of the Night, but he doesn’t seem All That interested to Run Away With [You]. Surround yourself with nice things; wear your Favourite Colour. If a friend has a Black Heart, let them go. Pro Tip: The empty and perpetually unlocked storage room in Angel’s Roost is a good spot to cry on campus.

GEMINI

(May 21 - June 20)

Gemini, you are represented by the twins. Specifically, Beyoncé’s twins.

You are the master of duality, and that has been reflected by 2017.

Pre-October, your major planets were in retrograde and one of your girlfriends/boyfriends had the gall to cheat on you. Now, however, 60% of the planets are in your 5th house. You’re more social than you are normally, even by Gemini standards. You find yourself posting articles, podcasts, and even Tastemade videos to the Trinity College Current Affairs Society Facebook page, just to solicit a response. You’re not playing devil’s advocate in the digital void, you’re just experimenting with duality.

CANCER

The Venus solstice from the 16th to the 19th and the Mars solstice from the 23rd to the 30th are interruptions, but these pauses aren’t necessarily a bad thing. You like logic, refuting other people’s unfounded arguments in your PHL275 tutorial, and would totally pick Erudite if you were the protagonist in the critically acclaimed Divergent series by Veronica Roth. Take these pauses as an opportunity to rest and restore the mind. Relax with some light reading, such as “Infinite Jest” by David Foster Wallace, literally anything by Judith Butler, or daddyseeker1996’s “Kim Possible x Shego Fan Fiction.”

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(December 22 - January 19) (November 22 - December 21)

ARIES

You feel as if everyone and everything, including Jupiter (your money planet), is working against you. It’s not your fault that they’re jealous of your unrelenting stubbornness, and desire to go to bed before 8:30pm.

Your 6th House is powerful this month. “No New Friends” is the motto, and several different remixes to “Marvin’s Room” is the Big Mood .

Consider unfriending people from your high school who think “Straight Pride” should be a thing. Don’t trust anyone. The stars elude me, but I can confirm Aries is plotting against you.

(March 21 - April 19)

Often, Aries is recognized as the “babygirl” to its Capricorn “daddy”.

You’re in a better space this month as Mars moves into your 7th House on the 22nd, so it’s time to try some new things such as: (1) experimenting with emojis when emailing professors, (2) venturing outside of the Trin-Bubble, and (3) applying Heidegger’s concept of “Dasein” to Strachan-sitting because that is the only occasion in which you attain authentic selfhood. It’s a month of selflessness, too. I know that it’s hard for you, but try planning a thoughtful surprise for your Taurus friend.

34

Your love planet, Uranus, is in retrograde, and no, Basil, I am not going to make a “back that ass up” joke. This is SERIOUS astrology. In September, people were intrigued by your presence. Now, your roar has quieted to a soft squeak. The stars are telling you to focus on the domestic, so become the Fairy Squad Mother you were destined to be. Practice how to boil water, learn to subsist solely on undercooked pasta, and fight with your roommate as to whether al dente pasta is an authentic Italian experience (It’s not).

LIBRA

Jupiter will be in Scorpio on the 11th, the sign that rules elimination (lol).

Cut the excess from your life so you can focus on what’s important. Extracurriculars that won’t make it to the CV? Gone! Carbs after 2pm? Out! Standing in Queen’s Park, chanting Latin phrases in the dark? Not today!

You want to Tender Moments™ and Chill this month, so link up with some fellow water signs (Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio) and discuss how badly you want to be Katara. You technically get along well with Scorpios, but that’s your call, not mine. They’re bloodbender

TAURUS

PISCES

(February 19 - March 20)

(January 20 - February 18)

AQUARIUS

On the 11th, Jupiter crosses the Mid-heaven and enters your 10th house, the domain responsible for your career. Everywhere you look, people are throwing money at you. Link your Venmo to your Tinder/ Grindr/PoF/Seeking Arrangement/2007 Runescape and watch the money pile up. Re: the online opportunities, you’re unsure if you’re commandeering femininity in the wake of the hegemonic, late-stage capitalism, or merely feeding into the dialectical loop that satiates your own oppression. But, you’re not one to dwell on things. Monetize that shit, girl.

(October 23-November 21) (September 23 - October 22)

ASTROLLOGICAL INTERPRETATIONS by SARAH SGAMBELLURI

At the expense of everyone else, it’s a very prosperous October for you, Scorp. Finally, a break from ruminating over trust issues, am I right?

September was rough on you (as were the preceding 18-22 years of your life) because you needed to actively earn people’s trust. The planetary power is now at its maximum Eastern position and the Sun will slide into your 1st House’s DMs on the 23rd. It’s a month of charm and intrigue. You’ll stride into the warmth of 2nd Massey on a chilly autumn night. All eyes are on you when you ask “¿dónde está la cerveza?” No big deal. Just a little Duolingo here and there.

While Mars is, proverbially, back on its bullshit, it’s important to focus on your health. When the boys ask if you want to “crack open a cold one” on a Saturday evening, assume that they’re talking about a nice, chilled kombucha. If Kylie Jenner can give up dairy, then so can you! My atlas is telling me that around the 8th of the month, socializing and fitness will become aligned. How am I to interpret this, who knows? Perhaps that guy who is always yelling as he lifts in the Trin gym is really just practicing for the rager. Go join in!

Capricorn is the Rotman Commerce student of the signs. You like order, structure, and mapping your Tinder Plus successes and deficiencies on Microsoft Excel. Career is the main headline of this month.

So, despite what people are telling you, continue wearing your full suit to lecture. In order to increase synergy, I have surmised the following list for you pertaining to your astrological outlook for Q4. Regards, S. Jupiter moves from your 10th house into your 11th house. Over the course of the next 12 months, you will experience major changes in your romantic partner, friend circle, and/or earning potential. After the 17th, consider supplementing your fitness regime.

S